Revisit: Surviving Holiday Travel with Kids

Traveling with kids can make a vacation feel… not so much like a vacation. In this revisit of one of our favorite holiday episodes, Dr. Becky talks through how to handle sleeping in new places, airplane meltdowns, and backseat showdowns, so you can feel a little more prepared heading into holiday travel.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  After my first baby was born, I treated my own recovery like a complete afterthought. If the baby needed something, I showed up immediately. If I needed something, well, it would wait. But research shows that when parents have the support they need, they're better able to care for their children. Taking care of yourself isn't separate from parenting. It's a huge part of parenting. That's why I love Frida's mission to prepare women for the realities of pregnancy, postpartum, recovery, and feeding. Frida creates solutions for the moments that often catch moms off guard. The Postpartum Essentials Kit and Breastfeeding Survival Kit help women feel more prepared for those early weeks of motherhood. Be motherhood prepared and shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today.

• 0:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I remember the first time I got on a plane with two kids under the age of four, and nobody told me what I think I probably needed to hear to be a little bit more prepared. And I think one of the reasons nobody told me is I was one of the first ones of my group of friends to have kids. And so actually, people were saying, "Oh, it's gonna be amazing. They're gonna love the plane." Like, all these things that I would seriously never say to someone. And I went in with the best intentions. I mean, my snack box that I packed, my coloring books, my removable stickers. I was like, "This is going to be four hours of fun."

• 1:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's not what happened. It's definitely not what happened. And I think part of the reason that first flight was, I don't even know how to say it in a better way, just so awful, okay, was how different the reality was from my expectations. I mean, there might have been a moment of fun. I mean, I can't remember it. Maybe there was one spark of a moment of that. But mostly, it was difficult and totally different from flying without children.

• 2:06Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Today I want to talk about traveling with kids because it's something that a lot of us do. And while it is so challenging, there also are some things we can do to just make it a little bit easier. And that's what I want to make sure I give you today. I'm Dr. Becky and this is Good Inside. We'll be back right after this.

• 2:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the make your own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves,

• 3:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only. I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I'm ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean.

• 4:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host.

• 4:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  All right. So today, we're going to talk about travel. And this is a topic that I received so many questions about, so many great questions. So I'm going to go through three of them. And let's start by jumping into the first. Okay. I'm feeling pretty nervous about our upcoming trip. It'll be our first time flying with kids who are two and four. They do okay on car rides, but the idea of being on a plane stresses me out, especially when I think about having meltdowns in the airport and during the flight and the reactions of other passengers. Do you have any advice? How can I travel with my kids without all this stress? Okay. Here's the first thing I want to say.

• 5:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And to me, this extends so beyond travel. We set ourselves up for more stress when we ask ourselves any question that has this formula. How can I do X without Y? How can I travel without stress? How can I travel with my girlfriends without my kids without feeling guilt? Whatever it is, how can I do X without Y? How can I go on a flight with my kids without them having a meltdown? As an example, right? And actually, the most powerful intervention is to just ask ourselves a different question.

• 6:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Whenever we feel really stressed, a big reason is we are asking ourselves the wrong questions. We're asking ourselves impossible questions that no one has the answer to. So I want to do something that I often do with parents. I call upgrading the question. Okay, I'm going to upgrade this question. How can I travel with my kids without stress? Watch this upgrade. How can I travel with my kids and manage my stress? So instead of how do I go on a flight with my kids without them having a meltdown? How can I go on a flight with my kids and do whatever I can to reduce the likelihood of meltdowns while also being prepared for the inevitable meltdowns that will happen?

• 6:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  If you notice these shifts, instead of feeling, I know for me, kind of constricted and I'm like racking my brain, they really get me back in touch with my capability. On second, I'm an adult, I felt stress a million times in my life. Why do I have to not feel stress on the airplane? I'm gonna feel stress. Maybe I don't have to be scared of that. I can think about how to manage it. Wait, my kids have had meltdowns most days of their toddler lives. That's normal. Instead of crossing my fingers and hoping they don't have a meltdown on a plane, maybe there's a few things I can do to reduce the likelihood. But also maybe I can prepare myself to be the sturdiest leader I can be when my kids

• 7:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  have a meltdown during the flight. Two things are true. We don't have to do one thing without another thing. This mindset is so important to shift. So let's talk about those meltdowns on the plane. First of all, it's always helpful to tell kids what to expect. To some degree, kids meltdown because they're like, what's happening to me? Where am I? Where am I going? I mean, think about that. Think about someone dragging you to an airport and putting you on a plane and buckling you in and you having no idea what's happening. I don't know about you, I would have a meltdown. I mean, I would feel like I was under threat. And if someone said, why are you freaking out? I'd say, why am I freaking out? I am trying to survive here.

• 8:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What are you doing to me? So talk to your kids about what's going to happen. That is so important.

• 8:35Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Second, what do I do if my kid has a meltdown? Look, the truth is, we don't end meltdowns for our kids. That's like someone saying, if there's a tornado, how can I end it as quickly as possible? What would you tell your friend? I think I'd tell my friend, I feel like we're asking the wrong question. What is your job during a tornado? Okay, and then they'd be like, oh, I probably have to get somewhere safe. Okay, what is your job during a tantrum? Your job is never to end a tantrum or meltdown. Your job is to keep your body as calm as possible and to keep your kid safe. That means you stop them from kicking a seat, you stop them from scratching the passenger next to them, but it's gonna happen. And that's okay. Here's the last thing I want to leave you with.

• 9:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know, sometimes I think about the Good Inside community, and I actually do imagine that strangers surrounding me in a public situation are actually all either, you know, Good Inside members, they're Good Inside kind of, you know, movement makers, but they're kind of part of the Good Inside world. And so they kind of get what's happening. And I almost imagine that if my kid's having a hard time, they're looking at me and just saying, I get it. Don't worry, do your thing. We've all been there. Don't worry about us, right? Every person remembers, I hope at least, the first time they took their kids on a

• 10:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  plane, right? And it was hard. It's new, it's different, it's stressful. I think if you shift from, oh my goodness, is everyone judging me? Which is just a fear, it's not a fact, to, oh my goodness, maybe everyone understands, you're going to be able to better manage your stress. Okay, next question. My five-year-old never sleeps anytime we leave the house. Whether we're traveling to family we visit, or staying in a new place, sleep becomes such a problem. And when he doesn't sleep, then there's more meltdowns, or so much crankiness, and then I don't sleep. Any tips? Okay, first, I just want to say...

• 10:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  This stinks. Like when our kids aren't sleeping, which maybe some of you are thinking, my kid just doesn't sleep separate from travel. So this is just a chronic problem. Sleep struggles, I just think for me at least, they were some of the worst struggles because I was just exhausted. So any tank I had to manage the day to day of parenting life, it was just always lower because I wasn't sleeping, right? And then you travel. Maybe you're visiting family and you want to have a good time with them. Maybe you're like paying for somewhere to stay. And you're thinking, oh, my goodness, I'm paying and now I'm like up with my kid. It stinks. I just want to validate it stinks. Why do kids have such a hard time sleeping in new places? This is actually the essence of what I want to explain

• 11:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  because it'll help so much to understand it. Sleep struggles are not unique struggles. They're not like their own category of struggles. Sleep struggles are anxiety and separation struggles. Because during sleep, your kids separate from you. We don't think about it that way. We often think about separation as like I'm dropping my kid at daycare, right? But if you think about daycare, okay, well, I'm dropping my kid at daycare with other adults, with other kids in a room with toys and it's bright. Now I'm thinking about separating from my kid at night. They're in a room, maybe staying somewhere they've never been. They're alone, without an adult, without other kids, in the dark. And by the way, instead of daycare, which is, I don't know, four hours, eight hours, sleep is like 12 hours. It's also longer.

• 12:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It's major separation. And kids have anxiety about that. They get nervous. Now, to be clear, kids at night don't say, hey, Mom, I'm feeling a little nervous sleeping in a new room. No. Kids say, I need another book. Wait, I'm still hungry. Wait, you can't leave my room. Wait, I feel like we have to, I feel like we have to make an appointment at the dentist. Wait a second, I don't think I checked my rock collection. Like, they will say anything. Those kids are smart. But really, what's happening? Is they're feeling anxious. So what can we do? One big thing we can do is very similar to the guidance I gave in the first question. We have to prepare our kid.

• 12:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Try to get a picture of the room your kid is sleeping in before they get there. Look at it together. Talk about it. You can even make a guessing game. Oh, I wonder what color the wall is gonna be? Oh, do you think there'll be one pillow on the bed or two pillows? Okay, think about that. Now your kid gets to this room. And instead of it being new, it's familiar. And there's play around it. Oh, Mom, you thought there was one pillow. There's two pillows. I was right. Oh, we thought there would be a blue wall. It's actually a red wall, whatever it is. My kid's now engaging in their space. So when they do go to bed, instead of it feeling completely new and unexpected, it feels familiar, which always feels more comfortable.

• 13:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list

• 14:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 15:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "Make Your Own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only. Ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 15:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay, next question. We're traveling to a family member's house for the holidays, and I am dreading the car ride. I have two kids, five and eight. There are always so many fights. "He's touching me." This is the best one, right? I love what the parent wrote. "She's looking out my window. Tell her to stop. It drives me and my husband crazy. How do I make this stop?" Okay. This is honestly one of the most common things I hear with siblings. It's like, yeah, sibling arguments are kind of an issue, but the stuff in the car is like out of control. Like, how do I manage when my kids even get physical, when they're screaming, when they're talking about what feels like nonsense to me, looking out my window?

• 16:34Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Like, what are you even talking about when I'm trying to drive a car? First thing I want to say is I have been there myself. It's just a good time to remind you all that like I, I play a good game as Dr. Becky. Okay. Like as Dr. Becky, I feel like I have a lot of, you know, fairly intelligent things to say. Dr. Becky does not parent my kid. I would not wish that on my kids. My kids have Becky. I am a normal parent. I truly do have to like, take some of my own advice, do some of my own workshops sometimes because I forget, because I get triggered. And I know for me, the stuff in the car, it's so infuriating. And I just want us to understand that together first, because I think understanding our own triggers is helpful in staying grounded. So we can even use the new

• 17:17Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  strategies we learn. I think it's so triggering, honestly, because we feel so helpless. Like in the day to day of our lives outside the car, our kids are arguing, we can jump in there. We can separate. We can do a lot of things. When you're driving, you're like, I literally am not there. Plus, it's like getting my way of focus. And I drive to pull over to the side of the road. And then we tell ourselves, like in this situation, well, my kids are five and eight. I can't even drive somewhere. And then we fast forward, make up a whole story. My kids are never going to be able to function as adults and I have the worst kids in the world. Okay. My kids, when they were five and eight, still argued in the car. I mean, my kids are seven and nine and 12 right now. And there are still some moments when I have to pull over the car.

• 18:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Definitely way less. But this is part of family life. And I just really want you to know that. So at least you can tell yourself the story the next time. Wait, I'm not alone. I don't have awful kids. I'm not a failing parent. Everyone goes through this. I can do this. The other thing I want to say about this is, again, I think sometimes we ask ourselves questions that set ourselves up for failure and to feel awful. Dr. Becky, when my kids are hitting each other in the car and I'm driving, what can I do to make it stop? My honest answer, like, not much. But, but I have more to say. Okay? Not much. It's like saying, I remember this other question I got recently.

• 18:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I have three kids and the other day I was alone with all of them. And my baby was crawling and I feel like, like about to fall off a couch. And my other kid had a Sharpie near the wall. And my other kid was screaming from the other side of the house. What would you do? I was like, I, I literally don't know. I don't know. I just tried to survive that moment. Like, there is no magic we have. In a way, what we're saying is we're on a road. And we get to some point where there's like a cliff. And we're saying, how do I not fall off the cliff?

• 19:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Well, when you're teetering on the cliff, like, there's not much you can do. You cross your fingers, right? Here's a better question. How can I get on a road that doesn't end in a cliff? And how can I start to recognize that I'm on a road that leads to a cliff? And like, exit before I get there? That is the type of question we have to ask with car travel. What do I mean? Instead of, what do I do when my kids are fighting like crazy? Let's ask a different question. That's really a different road that has a different destination. What can I do before my next car ride? To build certain skills and have certain practice that my kids generally struggle with? So there's less of a chance of that explosive argument.

• 19:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Now, I know, I honestly like roll my eyes a little bit. Like, what, I have to do something in advance? I don't have time. I don't have time. But if I think about the literal time it takes to pull over every two minutes, to feel like you're not being safe, where you then yell at your kids, you make some threat, you don't follow through, you feel awful, you repair. I just think we forget, that's a lot of time. It's just, it's just how we're used to spending our time. But I promise you, it's actually more time. So what might I do? Hey, we have a car ride next week, and it's a long one. Let's be honest. Car rides can be really hard. And I think one of the reasons they're hard is just, it's a little boring. You're in each other's space.

• 20:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  We're probably also just used to like this kind of nature of an argument. I want to do this car ride differently, and I believe we can. I believe in myself that I can stay calmer. And that's when I look both of my kids in the eye and it's saying, and I believe in each of you. I believe you can keep your bodies to yourself. I believe we can even think of things that could be fun. And I believe we can figure out when things are starting to get hard, but don't get to the point where we're screaming. We're a team. Let's do this together. And then what would I do from there? Like, I'd brainstorm things. Okay, well, what could be fun? Kids, when they're brought in as a teammate instead of as an enemy, you better not do that in the car ride, right?

• 21:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  When you're brought in as a teammate, kids generally want to be part of the conversation. They actually have good ideas. They're willing to brainstorm. They almost feel honored that you like brought them to the table in this way. Right? Again, picture your boss saying, "In the meetings, you've been really disruptive. If you do that again, I'm not paying for your lunch next week." Okay? Versus thinking about your boss saying, "There's been a lot of disruptions in the meeting, but look, we're on the same team. Let's talk for five minutes and just brainstorm how to work together so the meetings can run a little bit more smoothly." I mean, we'd all respond and actually probably have ideas. We even would get to the bottom of like, why we were being disruptive in the first place. What might that mean? Well, you know, what's really interesting is this episode came right after

• 22:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  one of maybe the longest thread in our kind of Good Inside community, the private community within our membership. And there are so many great ideas there. And I just want to read you a response because there we had a question that was basically the same as this question, where was there's always pinching, hitting in the car. This was with twins, right? But, but very, very similar. What do I do? And I just want to read you one of the responses. I'm going to read part of it. And I think every parent just first said, "This is so tough and I've been there." This is exactly what I would say too. So two things that came up over and over. Okay, is when the disruptive behavior begins first. This is key. First, this is when it's at a two out of 10. That's my area.

• 22:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You have to intervene then. We can't wait and ignore it because in a way a kid's saying, "Is there a limit around here? Is anyone noticing? Do things have to escalate to further get my parents' attention?" Intervene then. And this woman wrote, "Channel your sturdy pilot, just like a sturdy pilot. There's the beginning of turbulence. And in that moment, pull to the side of the road." I know this sounds counterintuitive. I'm trying not to pull to the side of the road, but we actually want to get out of the habit of my kids get to a 10 out of 10 and then they get my attention by pulling to the side of the road. That's not what we want. Pull to the side of the road then.

• 23:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And this is what someone wrote that I thought was brilliant.

• 23:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I did this in silence for 30 seconds. There wasn't such intense arguing, so it wasn't dangerous. I didn't have to get to the backseat. I just pulled to the side of the road and sat in silence for 30 seconds. I breathed. I kind of said a mantra to myself. And the kids got quiet. Before getting back on the road, turn to your kids and just say, I know car rides can be boring. Let's get back on track, okay? Again, same team. So different, I know, from what I usually do. But other people were saying, wow, I'm going to really try that. The next thing is just try to be preemptive.

• 24:21Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Explain to your kid, driving is a full-time job. You know how I always say my number one job is to keep you safe? Well, that's really relevant in the car. Driving is a job that takes your full attention to keep everyone safe in the car. And so what that means is for me to be safe, there has to be calm energy in the back. Again, doing this preemptively, explaining it to your kid rather than reacting to your kid, especially as if you've done what we talked about earlier. See what your kids want to do. Maybe they do want like a coloring book, or they want something to hear for music, or a certain podcast to listen to.

• 25:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Now, all of a sudden, I'm getting ahead of things. I'm making sure I'm on a road more toward peace than toward the cliff of really intense sibling arguments. All right, everyone. I would just want to end by reminding you, travel's tricky with kids. This isn't a reason that you shouldn't travel. In fact, so many areas of parenting are tricky and we do it anyway. Having reasonable expectations, preparing your kids so they're not surprised, giving them, what we always talk about at Good Inside, the most generous interpretation, and intervening with struggles early before they get to a 10 out of 10, that seems to be the theme of what's really helpful.

• 25:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I wish you all the luck in the world and all the joy and all the calm and all the sturdiness in your holiday travel ahead.

• 26:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Thank you for listening. To share a story or ask me a question, go to goodinside.com/podcast, or you could write me at [email protected]. Parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world, and you deserve resources and support so you feel empowered and confident for this very important job you hold. I'm so excited to share Good Inside membership. It's the first platform that brings together content and experts you trust with a global community of like valued parents. It's game changing and built for a busy parent who wants to make the most out of the few minutes they have. One last thing before I let you go.

• 26:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves, even as I struggle and even as I have a hard time on the outside, I remain good inside.

• 27:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know, parents carry a lot. In fact, data show that most parents spend every waking hour caring for someone else. So if you feel exhausted and stretched thin, you're not alone, and that makes sense. And look, I also know from experience what a relief it is to find caregiving support. Finding a babysitter you trust and your kids will have fun with, that makes it so much easier to go back to work or travel, or yeah, even go on one date with your partner. Care.com makes it easier to find trusted, background-checked caregivers with search and hiring tools you won't find on social media. Whether you need full-time help or just part-time help with morning drop-off

• 27:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  or after-school care, Care.com can help you find nannies, sitters, and daycares. And you can find the expertise that matters to you. Think homework help, CPR training, or experience with multiple kids. And if you're considering daycare, you can search, compare, and request tours and could even get a discount on daycare tuition as a Care.com member. If you need more support, Care.com can help. For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com membership. When it's not you, it's Care.com.

• 28:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know that feeling when your brain is at full capacity, right? I mean, you have a reminder from the dentist in your email, a birthday party invitation on the fridge, and your kid just texted you about a soccer game they forgot to mention until that moment, and you just cannot remember one more thing.

• 28:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's where Skylight Calendar comes in. It's an all-in-one digital smart calendar that syncs with Google, Apple, and Outlook to help your whole family see the days and weeks ahead. And I really love the Tasks feature, which is designed to help your kid build routines around things like homework and chores. And when your kid can do those things independently, it's a huge win for everyone in the family. Skylight Calendar is so much more than just a calendar. It's something you can add to your routine to help your family work together. And right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com/becky.

• 29:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T.com/becky for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. myskylight.com/becky.