Stalked & Murdered by Her Own BF?! The Devastating Murder of Lilie James

In October 2023, 21-year-old student Lillie James was killed by her ex-boyfriend, Paul Thijssen. He couldn't bear with the fact that she had just broken up with him, and he wanted revenge. Security cameras captured James going into their school bathroom with Thijssen following behind shortly after. She was never seen alive again, and Thijssen disposed of a hammer in a nearby garbage can. Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/ Celeste Manno's case https://open.spotify.com/episode/7jUGc9xBFrKMGaojscTyEp?si=b1624b69077d48db This episode is sponsored by: Whatnot https://www.whatnot.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoq1uYlW8JI9eBoFdzCEFgn271d9B3Tqp59BoMtbN0ALUZxbn08F Kindred Bravely http://KindredBravely.com/TCKR Perelel http://perelelhealth.com - promo code: TCKR Toups http://toupsandco.com/KENDALL - Ready to give Toups a try? Get 25% off your first order by going to http://toupsandco.com/KENDALL, and use code KENDALL for 25% off your first order. Rocket Money http://rocketmoney.com/KENDALLRAE — Check out my foundation: Higher Hope Foundation: https://www.higherhope.org/ Watch my documentaries: 530 Days: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjUWkmOjNLk Apartment 801: https://bit.ly/2RJ9XXr True Crime with Kendall Rae podcast: Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3rks84oSpotify: https://spoti.fi/3jC66pr Shop my Merch! https://kendallrae.shop Check out my other podcasts: Mile Higher (True Crime) @milehigherpod YouTube: https://bit.ly/2ROzJcw Instagram: http://instagram.com/milehigherpod The Sesh (Current events, a little true crime, pop culture, and commentary) https://bit.ly/3Mtoz4X @the_seshpodcast Instagram: https://bit.ly/3a9t6Xr *Follow My Social!* @KendallRaeOnyt Instagram: http://instagram.com/kendallraeonyt Facebook: https://bit.ly/3kar4NK True Crime TikTok: https://bit.ly/3VDbc77 Personal TikTok: https://bit.ly/41hmRKg REQUESTS: General case suggestion form: https://zfrmz.com/yg9cuiWjUe2QY3hSC2V0 Form for people directly related/close to the victim: https://zfrmz.com/HGu2hZso42aHxARt1i67 Join my discord to chat with other viewers about this video, it’s free! https://discord.com/invite/an4stY9BCN C O N T A C T: For Business Inquiries - [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Send me mail: Kendall Rae 8547 E Arapahoe Rd Ste J #233 Greenwood Village, CO 80112

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:49Kendall Rae?

  Well, hello, everybody. If you are seeing this episode right now, that means that I either just had a baby or I'm about to have a baby. I'm sure I'll post something to social media, Instagram, if you want to check in on me and where I'm at. But this feels very strange. Hello from the past, really, because this is the earliest I've ever pre-recorded an episode. I am recording this in February of 2025. And there's a good chance that it has been a year since I've recorded this. By the time you're seeing it, it is probably 2026 at this point. And I hope things are good. How's the future?

• 1:31Kendall Rae?

  This feels so weird, I've got to say. But basically, I, at this point, I am not pregnant right now. And I want to have another baby, but I'm unsure of when that is going to happen, of course, as you cannot plan these things. But I wanted to start pre-recording some episodes for you guys while I'm on maternity leave, so I can leave you with as much pre-recorded content as possible. And I thought, why not start when I'm not pregnant and I'm not feeling, you know, pregnant and awful? Because that's how it was last time. So I thought I'd give myself a real head start. But yeah, all the content that you're going to see from me during my maternity leave has obviously been pre-recorded. And I'm going to try To do as much of it as I can so I can leave you guys with as many episodes as possible.

• 2:13Kendall Rae?

  Although I do know you guys understand and are very supportive of when I need to take time off and just supportive of me in general and I am very, very grateful. So, thank you for that. But today I'm going to be covering a case out of Australia, actually, and I've gotten a lot of requests to cover this. We're going to be talking about 21-year-old Lily James and the completely unnecessary devastating way that her life was stolen from her. Now, I got a lot of requests to cover this case after I covered Celeste Manno and I, you know, once I heard the details of this one, I think there's a lot of conversation, important conversation that needs to be had when it comes to how this all happened. But let's

• 2:57Kendall Rae?

  go ahead and jump in and as always, I want to start out by telling you more about Lily and who she was. So Lily Anne James was born on May 21st, 2002 to her parents Peta and Jamie, and she also had one brother named Max and they lived just south of Sydney in a suburb called Sansoussi. Now, compared to Sydney, which is obviously one of the biggest cities in Australia, the capital, Sansoussi is quite small with a population of less than 10,000 people. And if you're watching this episode, you can see that it is absolutely stunning, like most of Australia is, and it would make for an incredible place to grow up. And from everything that I've read, it seems like Lily had a fantastic childhood. She was always

• 3:38Kendall Rae?

  a very energetic kid with a very vibrant personality and her parents said that she lived every day to the fullest. She was especially close with her grandma Barbara and she says that Lily was a very special person. Her loved ones also describe her as loyal, beautiful, kind to everyone, and that she always went out of her way to make people's day better. Lily's mom, Peta, says that she was even a little bit nosey, which I'm sure a lot of us can relate to. Now, in terms of her education, Lily actually went to an all-girls school just down the road from where she lived called Dane Bank. And after graduating in 2020, she went on to study sports business at the University of Technology in Sydney. And Lily was definitely a naturally ambitious

• 4:20Kendall Rae?

  Person. So while she was in school, she also was doing a lot of things in her free time on the side. And some of her biggest passions were dancing and swimming, both of which she did competitively as a teenager. And swimming was actually something that she ended up turning into a job. Well, kind of. In 2023, while she was in school, Lily got a part-time job as a water polo coach for the St. Andrews Cathedral School, which, for context, is only about 25-ish minutes north of San Souci. Water polo was really something that she loved. And honestly, coaching just came naturally to her. As you can imagine, Lily was very busy. I mean, she was a full-time student, and then she's also spending a lot of time coaching part-time. And from what I've gathered, that wasn't a

• 5:05Kendall Rae?

  big deal for her. Lily seemed to be someone who did very well with a lot of things on her plate and could just time manage and juggle a lot of things. But even though she was so busy, she still made time to try and date, which brings me to Paul Tyson. Now, Paul Tyson was also a coach at St. Andrews. And before I get into the situation with him and Lily, I want to tell you a little bit more about him. So Paul was born in 1999 in the Netherlands, and he was the only child to his parents, Steph and Esther. Not much has been reported about his early, early life, but we do know that in 2015, his dad got a job in Australia, and that's where he and his parents relocated for the time being. And St. Andrews Cathedral

• 5:49Kendall Rae?

  School happened to be where Paul was enrolled for grades 10 through 12. He became a sports captain and part of their leadership team, and he was pretty well-known around the campus. And after graduating in 2017, he decided to stick around for a paid role helping out the sports department. However, that wasn't something that he ended up doing very long, because he ended up moving back to the Netherlands with his parents sometime in 2018. But then in 2020, he ended up returning to Sydney. Now, obviously, 2020, the pandemic hits, and everything was put on hold. But eventually, he got a job once again at St. Andrews as the coach of the cricket and hockey teams. And he also worked there as an after-hours coordinator

• 6:29Kendall Rae?

  while simultaneously studying for his master's in teaching. Now, as for who Paul was as a person, I guess it sort of depends on who you ask. If you asked his roommates, they would say that he was polite for the most part, and that he wasn't around much. And if you ask people that he went to school with, He just was not very well-liked, it seemed. I mean, at least amongst the guys. Paul was known as being super arrogant and pompous. And when it came to women, he could be very objectifying. Paul seemed to be that type of person, and I'm sure we all know someone like this in our lives, who is able to sort of mask their true colors until you get to know them more, and then he shows you exactly who he is.

• 7:13Kendall Rae?

  And this is how a lot of people described him, which made it easy for him to flirt his way into being liked by girls. And that was something that sort of stuck out to me is that a lot of guys, like most guys who speak on who Paul was, didn't seem to like him or have many good things to say about him, while girls, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind him, most girls, let me be clear. And I think that's probably because he sort of kept this mask on, played out a facade when he was around women to, you know, win them over. And then when he was around guys, he was sort of, you know, one of the boys and would really reveal who he was. And other guys didn't like it.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.

• 8:13Speaker 04

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic, in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  So join us and hear their stories and more, because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat, it's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast, on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today.

• 8:55Speaker 06

  ChatGPT for Teens is designed to help teens learn, think critically, and grow their skills. ChatGPT for Teens supports active learning by breaking concepts down. Rather than giving teens the answer, study mode helps teens work through problems, and interactive quizzes test their knowledge and provide immediate feedback. Safety protections are on by default, and parental controls offer families additional options, like setting study hours and quiet hours. Visit chatgpt.comPARENTS to learn more.

• 9:23Speaker 01

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• 9:57Kendall Rae?

  And so when he met Lily at St. Andrews, she, at that point, just wasn't aware of his reputation. After all, I mean, she started working there in 2023, which is the same year that everything happened. So it's not like she had all this time where she was getting to know him, you know? And to be very clear, when Lily and Paul started their relationship, it wasn't very serious. And, you know, I put that in quotations because it wasn't much of a relationship. It was supposed to be very casual. In fact, when she told her mom about him, she explained to her that her and Paul both agreed that this wasn't going to be anything serious, sort of, you know, something they were doing for fun. And then when the fun was over, they'd go their separate ways.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  I had a conversation with her and I said, so you're going out? And she said, yeah. She said, and I said, so is it, is it anything that you think will be something serious? And she said, mom, she goes, We both sat down at the start of the relationship and decided that neither of us wanted anything serious. We just wanted some fun. And once it had run its course, you know, we would, we would go our separate ways.

• 11:06Kendall Rae?

  Even Lily's friends say that it was never something that she wanted to put an official label on. And you have to remember that she was only 21 years old, a full-time student and working part-time, and she probably just didn't have time for anything more serious than it already was. And even if it could have gotten serious, they weren't together long enough for it to reach that level. They started dating in September of 2023, and it only lasted a total of five weeks before Lily was the one who called it off. And not to mention, in those five weeks, they sort of kept all this under wraps. And I'm guessing that's probably because they were both faculty at the same school, and they didn't want people to find out for that reason, potentially. But yeah, only really her close friends and family even knew about it. And I will say that in

• 11:49Kendall Rae?

  those five short weeks, there weren't any major red flags, or really red flags at all. I mean, at least not that her friends and family saw. Of course, we can't ask Lily now if she had seen any red flags, but for the most part, people didn't, you know, think anything was wrong in this very short relationship. Her friends thought that Paul seemed like a totally normal, talkative guy, and considering Lily was a talkative girl, they could sort of understand what she saw in him. Just a very like chatty guy. She always liked people who talked a lot, because she talks a lot. Just very nice. He was always very helpful. They'd work together and they'd help each other out. Two weeks before she passed, they came over together, and that's when I met him

• 12:34Kendall Rae?

  for the first time. But he was well-mannered, composed. He was just a normal, normal guy. However, only one week after visiting that friend, the relationship, if you can even call it that, was over. Now, I've seen it reported that Lily ended it with him, and I also have seen it reported that the decision was mutual, but the majority of sources say that she dumped him, which makes sense considering what happened only three So that brings me to October 25th and it was a day that really started like any other. Lily's dad Jamie said that he watched her eat her Vegemite toast and there was nothing about her demeanor that gave him any cause for concern.

• 13:15Kendall Rae?

  He said that she was just kind of off in her own little world and it was just a very normal day. But later that night, something really strange happened. Around 8:30 PM, her father received a text from Lily, or I should say, from Lily's phone, asking to be picked up from school. It said something along the lines of, "Don't ask why or call. Please come to the school now and pick me up." And when he responded, asking if she was okay, the reply was something like, "All good, just come, trouble."

• 13:44Speaker 07

  I was sitting in the lounge room, watching her eat a toast. She eats it in a funny way, her Vegemite toast.

• 13:52Speaker 07

  I'm looking at the clock because the train's going to come shortly. She's off in her own little world, but she didn't seem agitated. She didn't seem frightened, nothing. It was just a normal, normal Wednesday.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:08Speaker 07

  And I could still picture her in the kitchen that morning. And then that text message just changed everything. About 8:30 that night.

• 14:24Speaker 07

  And

• 14:25Speaker 05

  What was the text message?

• 14:28Speaker 07

  Come to school, trouble.

• 14:32Speaker 07

  Then I responded with a text, "Are you okay?" Said, "Yes."

• 14:39Speaker 05

  And you'd come to me and you said, "I've just got this text from Lily." And I said, "Well, you've got to go." You know what I mean? Like, you don't leave your child. You don't go. No, get your own way home, you know? Like, she asked him to come, so he had to, he had to go. I said, "At least if you go, then we'll know she's safe."

• 15:00Kendall Rae?

  But Lily wasn't safe. And when her dad got there, she was nowhere to be seen, which was very strange considering how urgent those texts had seemed. So he texts her again, asking her this time to pick Up the phone and he never got a reply. And that's when he decided to go to her desk area, you know, just hoping that maybe she was there just wrapping something up. But besides her bag and some personal belongings, Lily wasn't there. And this is very chilling in hindsight, but Jamie then decided to walk into the school gym. But when he didn't see her right away, he turned around. And honestly, I'm so thankful that he didn't go any further because no father should have to see their child in the way that his daughter was found. And within the same timeframe that Jamie was at St. Andrews,

• 15:45Kendall Rae?

  a swarm of police officers and ambulances pulled up and they beelined for the gym bathroom. And that's where they found Lily's body. And this is just horrific to say, but she had been bludgeoned to death with a hammer and her injuries were so significant that she was actually unrecognizable. Jamie was then immediately taken to the police station where he was told what happened. And he says that he will never forget the moment where he had to go home and tell his wife and son. And by the way, while Jamie was at St. Andrews looking for Lily, her mom, Peta, had been texting her friends and even texted Paul to see if maybe he knew where she was. This is actually her text to Paul. It reads, "Hi, Paul. It's Peta James here, Lily's mom.

• 16:29Kendall Rae?

  You wouldn't know where she is or able to get in contact with her." And the second message said, "Hey, Paul, any chance you've seen Lily tonight?" And both of these text messages went unanswered. And when Jamie got home and was able to tell Peta the news, which I can't imagine getting news like that, but at that moment, it made sense why. Nobody had seen Lily because someone had killed her. So you're at the school looking for Lily. Did you get anywhere near the gym?

• 17:01Speaker 07

  We went up to her desk and her bag was still there. Her purse was still there. We had a quick, quick look around.

• 17:10Speaker 07

  I did enter the doors that were close to the gym,

• 17:15Speaker 07

  stood there and then walked, walked back out. So I'm glad that I didn't. Go a little bit further, but just couldn't find her. Couldn't find her.

• 17:30Speaker 07

  And it was getting late and couldn't, couldn't track it down. I had a bag at this stage. I had a pass and all of a sudden, police came, ambulance came. You start getting the pieces of information, you start showing photos to police.

• 17:49Speaker 07

  And then they take me back to the police station. So it's just, you know, you're not thinking that way, but you know, that's not, not, not right. And then, yeah.

• 18:08Speaker 07

  Said it was her.

• 18:11Speaker 07

  But I had to come home.

• 18:14Speaker 07

  Tell Peter and Max.

• 18:22Speaker 07

  I feel so bad.

• 18:31Speaker 07

  Play those moments every day, every day.

• 18:39Speaker 07

  Feel like I let her down.

• 18:44Speaker 05

  I'll never forget, I'll never forget it. I'll never forget that one moment in time.

• 18:51Speaker 05

  When the realisation that she'll never walk through that door again.

• 18:59Speaker 05

  Who will haunt me for the rest of my life?

• 19:02Kendall Rae?

  And God seeing the pain in her parents' eyes. It's just really something no one should have to experience and that no one can prepare for. They had no idea that their daughter was in danger. And quite honestly, I don't think Lily even knew that she was in danger. And I don't think it'll come as a surprise to any of you, based on how I've been talking about Paul. But turns out Paul was responsible. Now, that same night, shortly before midnight, an anonymous caller reported. That a body could be found in the women's bathroom of the St. Andrews Gym, which is why those police officers showed up in such a hurry. I have seen it reported that Jamie and Peta also called to report her missing before that, but it wasn't until this anonymous call came in that it was taken seriously.

• 19:46Kendall Rae?

  And of course, it was definitely taken seriously as soon as they confirmed that there was, in fact, a body in the bathroom. And like I said, Lily was beaten to the point where she was unrecognizable, but they were confident that this was her. And they were also pretty damn confident that Paul was responsible, not only because the two had just broken up, but because that anonymous call was traced to a location where he was later identified as being. And then there was also this. In the gym, there were security cameras which captured Lily entering that bathroom around 7:00 PM, and following closely behind her was Paul. He walked in carrying a backpack, and an hour later, around 8:00 PM, he was seen leaving with that backpack in hand. And Lily, on the other hand, of course, never made it out of the bathroom at all.

• 20:31Kendall Rae?

  So that alone tells you that Paul was almost certainly responsible. So everyone figured that out very early on. And it also tells us that Lily was not the one who was texting her dad. As I explained earlier, that text came in around 8:30 PM, but we now know that she died sometime between 7:00 and 8:00. So this sick freak bludgeoned her to death and then picked up her phone and texted her father pretending to be her, which makes no sense. I'm sure you're wondering, why would anyone do that? And the truth is, no one knows exactly why he decided to do that. But one criminologist speculated that this was either so that her dad would be the one to find her, which is just disgusting,

• 21:13Kendall Rae?

  or to try and alter the time when police believe she died. And I'm not sure the latter really makes a whole lot of sense, though, considering the evidence pointed to Paul regardless of what time he killed her. Although, I definitely don't think anyone is equating Paul to be a very logical person. So, yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 03

  Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.

• 22:04Speaker 05

  One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  So join us and hear their stories and more, because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today.

• 22:30Speaker 06

  ChatGPT for teens is designed to help teens learn, think critically, and grow their skills. ChatGPT for teens supports active learning by breaking concepts down rather than giving teens the answer. Study mode helps teens work through problems, and interactive quizzes test their knowledge and provide immediate feedback. Safety protections are on by default, and parental controls offer families additional options like setting study hours and quiet hours. Visit chatgpt.com/parents to learn more. OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team, or bridging cash flow gaps, OnDeck's loans up to $400,000 help make it happen fast. Rated A+ by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five-star TrustPilot reviews,

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• 23:31Kendall Rae?

  But I think that leaves us with the idea that he probably did this so that her dad would be the one to find her. Anyway, though, at this point, investigators are on a full-on manhunt to try and find Paul. And they were worried that he had plenty of time to get away because he likely killed Lily between 7:00 and 8:00 PM, and that anonymous call didn't come in until almost midnight. So that would give him at least four hours to try and get as far away as possible. But here's the interesting thing, he didn't go that far at all. When investigators traced the call, it led investigators to an area called Vaucluse, which is roughly 20 minutes east of the school. Specifically, the caller, who was now known to be Paul, was along the

• 24:12Kendall Rae?

  Diamond Bay Reserve, which is a stunning cliff top that people often refer to as the Gap. And you'll know what I'm talking about if you're watching this episode, but if you're listening, it's basically a massive rocky cliff that overlooks the ocean. And it's actually known as a place where people have gone to take their lives. So naturally, their concern was that maybe Paul had taken his. And that concern only grew when they got there and Paul was nowhere to be found. They did know that he had to have been there at some point because there was a security camera on a house that showed him walking around on the night that Lily was killed. And what's crazy is that the camera where the footage was pulled from actually belonged to a friend of Lily's. She just happened to live right

• 24:55Kendall Rae?

  along the reserve. And when police came to her house at around 2:00 AM and woke her up to ask her about her security camera, I don't think she ever could have imagined that it was her friend's murder that they were investigating. And what's also wild is she was able to identify Paul as the person seen on camera. It turns out Lily and Paul had actually been over to her house two weeks prior to all of this, so she recognized him immediately. And it also signaled to police that this wasn't a totally random area to him, that he'd been there before and he had to at least be somewhat familiar with it. So let's go over what exactly they saw in the footage. So at 8:47 PM, which was approximately 45 minutes after Paul left St. Andrews, he was seen

• 25:39Kendall Rae?

  Parking a Lexus along the curb right outside of Lily's friend's house. Then at 9:04, he gets out of the car and starts walking west. And by all accounts, he seems calm. Definitely not the way that you would expect someone to be acting when they have just committed a horribly violent murder. And it's kind of hard to tell in the footage, but he's also carrying that bag that I mentioned earlier. And then eight minutes later, he appears on the camera again, heading back towards the car. And now the bag was missing. He then sits in the Lexus for an additional 36 minutes before finally driving off at 9:49 PM. And keep in mind that the anonymous call to authorities came in just a little bit before midnight. So that means he waited about two hours before calling.

• 26:21Kendall Rae?

  And they don't know what exactly he did during this time, but I can tell you that the car he was seen driving was found the next morning in a nearby car park. And I should also mention that this car he was driving, this Lexus, wasn't even his. It was a car that he had rented that day. And also that day, he stopped by a hardware store where he purchased, you guessed it, a hammer. However, they actually don't believe that that was the hammer that Paul used to kill Lily. Because they ended up finding another hammer that they traced to a storage closet at the school that they found elsewhere, and I'll explain that in a moment. But still, buying any hammer and renting that car looked a hell of a lot like premeditation.

• 27:03Kendall Rae?

  And I'll be touching more on that later, but for now, let's continue on this Paul manhunt. So they didn't end up finding him on the 26th, but search efforts were in full swing. They did happen to find his backpack, though, which had been thrown away in a trash can, which was not far from Lily's friend's house. And the hammer that they believed he used to kill her from the school's storage closet was in that bag, which only added to their certainty that he was responsible. And thankfully, it wasn't much longer until he was found. In fact, it was the next morning. Around 8:00 AM on October 27th, some tradesmen who were working in a construction area right along the cliff's edge spotted what looked like a body at the bottom of the rocks. And by 9:00 AM, a helicopter and rescue boats were out there trying to recover him.

• 27:47Kendall Rae?

  It was an incredibly windy and Wavy day, so it wasn't easy by any means. But that afternoon, they were able to recover Paul's remains. And because of the damage from the fall and also the damage from the water, he was nearly unrecognizable. But through his fingerprints, they were able to confirm that this was 24-year-old Paul Tyson. And in addition to his body, they also found his AirPods on a nearby rock, somewhat close to the edge of the cliff. And God, when I heard this, I was so pissed off, as I always am when people take the cowardly way out. And I'm sure you guys feel the exact same way. And it's actually not entirely known if Paul had planned to take his own life that night, or if it was some spontaneous act after realizing what he'd done.

• 28:30Kendall Rae?

  The only thing we do know for a fact is that he definitely did plan to take Lily's life. I was listening to an interview with a forensic psychologist, and he said that this was not a spur-of-the-moment murder. This was premeditated, and it was the result of Paul's narcissistic personality disorder. The psychologist explained that Lily's rejection caused him to suffer what is called a narcissistic injury, which led him to feel so humiliated that he was filled with rage. And over the course of the three days between the breakup and the murder, Paul took steps to plot Lily's death, including renting that car and going to the hardware store, even if he didn't use that specific hammer.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.

• 29:26Speaker 04

  People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic, in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.

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• 30:41Kendall Rae?

  And this same psychologist is also under the belief that Paul taking his own life was spontaneous, that it was almost like, once the rage settled down and reality set in about what he had just done, he jumped because he couldn't live with what he had done, or, you know, maybe he was thinking about the ramifications and what was coming next, the punishment he was going to have to face and facing all of her friends and family, and he didn't want to have to do that. Which, like I said, I believe that that is the cowardly way out. And I know a lot of other people feel that way. And so do Lily's parents. Not that they really expected much from Paul. They didn't expect him to really tell them why he did this, but they at least wanted the opportunity to ask him.

• 31:25Kendall Rae?

  And because he's such a coward, that opportunity and the opportunity for justice is gone.

• 31:30Speaker 05

  On that awful Wednesday night, after dumping potential evidence, Paul Tyson sat in his car for two hours. In that time, he made an anonymous call to police to tell them they would find Lily's body in the gymnasium at the St. Andrew's Cathedral School. His body would not be found until Friday morning. The disturbed 24 year old's death, leaving Lily's parents, Jamie and Peter, forever at a loss. What is your view of him taking his own life?

• 32:07Speaker 05

  You're left with questions that we could have asked him. Like, I'm not saying that he would have answered it, but we could have asked him some things that happened that night that, you know, only he knows.

• 32:22Speaker 05

  But none of it's going to bring her back. So, you know, there's no happy ending to this for us. It's, yeah, it'll affect us for the rest of our lives.

• 32:35Kendall Rae?

  Lily's death not only impacted her friends and family, but it also really impacted the whole community. I mean, to say that they mourned for her and were devastated is an understatement. Around 4:30 a.m. on the 26th, just a few hours after her remains were recovered, St. Andrews Cathedral School sent out an email to parents, letting them know that classes would be canceled through the end of the week. They even provided free counseling services to students, parents and teachers. And there were exams going on at the time and they were moved to a different building. But besides that, everything else was shut down for several days. And in those days, a makeshift memorial was created right in front of the school, where staff, students, parents and community members as well

• 33:19Kendall Rae?

  gathered to lay flowers in her memory. Several notes were also left for her, one of which reads, "Lily, those we love never truly leave us. They live with us forever in our hearts and memories." And that was just one of many. And keep in mind, Lily had only been working at the school for like a year. And that just shows you what a massive impact she made in such a short period of time. A mother of one of the students there actually shared that Lily was the type of coach who took the time to write personalized notes to all of her students and said that her energy was bright like the sun, which seemed to be a sentiment that was shared by so many people who came across her in life and especially from those who really knew and loved her.

• 34:02Kendall Rae?

  In the wake of her death, people are remembering Lily for her vibrant personality, her outgoing nature, and for the love that she had for her family and friends. Her grandma, who, as I mentioned earlier, was very close with Lily, That she had recently befriended a new girl at school despite pressure from others not to. And I'm not sure the reasons behind that, but I think that's a great example of just how big of a heart Lily had. Lily had time and space for everyone, no matter who they were. And I loved this, but her grandma actually said in a joking way that Lily would have loved the attention that she was getting from all of this. And I think, you know, everyone has such a different way of coping with something as traumatic as this.

• 34:45Kendall Rae?

  And if you can find a sliver of positivity or laughter in a sea of, you know, something just so terrible. I, I think that's completely fine and honestly, very healing for a lot of people. And their community also really helped provide some support and comfort during this horrible time. Not only did they raise over $20,000 for their family in the span of just a few days, but they also showed up in big numbers at a candlelight vigil that took place on the 28th. And then St. Andrews also built a permanent memorial to be displayed at the school, which was actually made up of the ribbons that were attached to flowers outside the school in the days following her death. And then in mid-November, a celebration of life was held where loved ones gathered at Dane Bank,

• 35:28Kendall Rae?

  which is an all-girls school that she went to to honor her 21 short years of life. And some people actually showed up wearing bright colors because it was much more representative of who Lily was than wearing black. Jamie shared that his daughter was a hard worker, independent, and someone who was always on the go. But no matter how busy her schedule was, she always made time for the important people in her life, including her brother Max, her parents and her friends. He thanked the community for their thoughts, prayers and generosity. And he also thanked Lily for the jam-packed years that they did get to spend together. And I hate even having to turn the focus back to Paul, but there are a few things about him that I need to share. For starters, the opinion of the public.

• 36:10Kendall Rae?

  For the most part, a lot of people seem surprised that Paul was capable of even doing something like this. You know, just based on the guy that he presented himself to be. I mean, as I mentioned earlier, he sort of masked his true colors and he was looked at. As someone with a lot of potential, whatever that means. Very few people actually got to see who he really was. This obsessive, egotistical and narcissistic side that he had. But it's believed that Lily was someone who did. And that's why she wanted out of this relationship only five weeks after it started. It's also believed that his ex-girlfriend saw that side of him too. And her identity has remained anonymous, probably for safety reasons.

• 36:51Kendall Rae?

  But when she learned about what had happened to Lily immediately after it happened, she knew that Paul was responsible. And she even said that what happened to Lily could have happened to her. And sadly, I don't doubt that because when girls broke up with Paul, it seemed like he could not take no for an answer. He begged her to keep dating him. And when she said no, he ended up punching a tree. And when she asked him, why did you just punch that tree? He said, because I can't punch the one thing I want to. And after that, she ended up literally running away from him because she was fearful for her safety. And I can see why, because the next two mornings in a row, Paul could be seen waiting outside the fence of her house.

• 37:35Kendall Rae?

  Her dad actually chased him down the street at one point, which was the only way that they were able to get rid of him. And before he chased him off, when he was still just standing outside the fence, they said that he looked deranged, almost like he was having some sort of episode. So I definitely don't think she's wrong when she said that this could have been her. It very well could have. And Paul is a danger to society, especially a danger to women. And in the aftermath of all this, there have been some very important conversations around the epidemic of domestic violence. I mean, as we all know, violence against women is rampant worldwide. But if we talk about New South Wales alone, Lily was the fourth woman killed in a 10-day span in some kind of domestic dispute.

• 38:18Kendall Rae?

  And in 2023 alone, she was one of 58 women who were victims of domestic homicide in New South Wales, according to a study that was done by the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet, which has sparked the question, what is Australia doing to protect women? And according to many, they're not doing enough. Which again, makes me think of Celeste Manno's case and how she was completely failed by the system. I mean, her death was 100% preventable. And God, it's just so frustrating to think about. And I'll have that episode linked below if you haven't seen it, but. Yeah, just a complete and total failure of the government. And of course, I'm not just coming for Australia. I mean, this is happening all over the world. Systems are failing women left and right.

• 39:03Kendall Rae?

  And it's especially bad here in America. But looking at Australia specifically, despite the efforts to implement prevention plans and resources to victims of domestic violence, the rate of violence against women remains high. In 2022, a national plan to end violence against women and children was introduced into the government with plans on improving police responses, creating more emergency housing, increasing trauma support, and more. However, women continue to die at the hands of men like Paul. And I wish that this was something that I had the answers to. You know, the solution, and I most certainly don't. But I just don't get why it is so hard to protect women. One thing that I personally feel is not working is the idea that women need to be taught how to protect themselves, which obviously I'm all for.

• 39:48Kendall Rae?

  I think it is a very important life skill for anyone to learn how to protect themselves. But what's frustrating is why isn't the emphasis put on the perpetrator? Why is it, "Don't get killed," not "Don't kill"? And one thing that Lily's dad has been vocal about is he wants to put an emphasis on ending the narrative that domestic violence is complicated. He says that we need to uncomplicate it for people because using that term can really discourage people from learning and understanding its true dangers. Now, as for Lily's mom, she thinks it's important that children are taught how to handle rejection, and I couldn't agree with her more. I mean, life does not always go your way.

• 40:29Kendall Rae?

  You can't force people to remain in relationships with you or have a friendship with you or whatever it is. I mean, disappointment and rejection is a part of life, and kids need to learn that very early on. This was so heartbreaking to me, but Lily's mom, Peta, still spends almost every day in her room, and they've kept it just the way that she left it. And that's something that I see a lot of parents do in cases where their children are murdered. And it's heartbreaking, but it's also very beautiful in a way that they're preserving her space. And this also broke my heart, but she says one of the things that she misses most is hearing her daughter's voice. I just can't imagine never hearing my own daughter's voice ever again. I guess they don't have that many recordings of her talking, and that's something that

• 41:14Kendall Rae?

  has been really difficult for them. Ah, just...

• 41:19Kendall Rae?

  Heartbreaking and devastating just doesn't even begin to describe that kind of pain. And understandably, she and Jamie both feel that they are not able to forgive Paul. And I know everyone approaches these situations so differently. I know there are many people who have found healing through forgiveness, but I completely understand them not being able to offer that forgiveness to him. I mean, what he did is disgusting, it's incomprehensible, and they think of him as a monster. Just the fact alone that he picked up her phone and pretended to be her texting her father is so sick and cruel, I don't even have words for it. And they also believe that he did that so that Jamie would be the one to find her,

• 42:04Kendall Rae?

  which just adds another layer of evil on top of everything else. So yeah, they're extremely angry and they have every right to be. And they are also looking to sue St. Andrews for gross negligence and breaching their duty of care when it came to Lily. They believe that the school should have had measures in place to protect staff and students after hours, especially given how much money intuition they're bringing in yearly. There is no reason to not have nighttime security in place, so that is something that they're looking for the school to implement. And there's also one more thing that the school did that I definitely wanted to bring up because it really pissed me off and it upset a lot of people. And I guess I should say it's something that the principal did. Shortly after Lily's death, he wrote a newsletter to the school community,

• 42:47Kendall Rae?

  which reads in part, "He was not a monster. Rather, in the last five hours of his life, he committed a monstrous act, which was in complete contradiction to what everyone who knew him observed in the rest of his short life." And then he also said, "The young man concerned was, in everybody's estimation, an absolute delight." I could not believe that someone would actually have the nerve to not only say something like that, but to send it out in a newsletter to the entire community. I mean, what a slap in the face. That is disgusting, in my opinion. And a lot of people felt the same way. I mean, they were just so angry that he seemed to be making excuses for Paul and...

• 43:28Kendall Rae?

  Trying to offer sympathy to him and who he was as a person and just wrong time, wrong place, wrong person to be writing that about. For him to be using this tone of kind of like, he wasn't a bad kid. He just did a bad thing is so mind blowing and so out of place. Did you forget what happened in your school? He bludgeoned her to death in the bathroom to the point where she was unrecognizable. And that's someone that you felt like you should describe as an absolute delight? You're out of your mind. And not only that, you guys, he also took the time to theorize about what happened as if his opinion even matters or is needed in any way. And he said, was it a psychotic episode which was deeply out of character?

• 44:11Kendall Rae?

  The literature on pornography for boys and young men says that many see this kind of appalling sexualized violence on the screen, which some amidst the greatest of tragedy act out in real life. Does any of this apply to him? We will never know. Which is infuriating and absurd on every level. I mean, how does porn have anything to do with this situation? Why did you feel like you needed to give your two cents? When you clearly have nothing important to say? And people were rightfully super pissed about this because it highlights that idea that boys are constantly protected from the consequences of their action. Almost like blame the porn, not the boy. And you know, we often see this with video games as well.

• 44:56Kendall Rae?

  The only person to blame here is the person who committed this heinous murder. And I don't understand why this principal was trying to weirdly minimize it in any way. Now, this principal did issue an apology and said that the context of his words were important. And of course, yeah, context is important, but I don't know how you could take the context of what he was saying in any other way. I mean, just the timing of it alone. And regarding this issue, if you want to talk about You know, the dangers of porn and the effects on young men. Time and place, completely different situation. Do not relate it to Paul or to Lily's murder. I will say on a positive note, they did have that bathroom completely torn down,

• 45:37Kendall Rae?

  which is a start, but more needs to be done to protect future students and staff so that they can feel safe in the school. But one thing that I think that we can all take away from this episode and from Lily's story is that she did not deserve what happened to her. And not being able to get the closure or justice is enraging. The monster who killed her clearly could not handle rejection and couldn't handle losing control. So he did the most vile thing a person could do, which is taking the life of another. And there's just zero excuse for that. Her friends have even said that they personally feel scared to date now because they're afraid of ending up in a situation like this, which is heartbreaking.

• 46:17Kendall Rae?

  Dating and exploring, meeting other people is such a huge part of development and growing up and being afraid to do that is just so unfair. But I don't blame them at all. I would probably feel the same way if someone that I was close with was killed in that way by someone that she only dated for five weeks. And I really wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, you know, her friends and women all across the world, most women who fear for their safety on a daily basis. I mean, I myself constantly feel fearful, even, you know, at place, even during the day, like out on a run or at the gas station, especially though at night because of, you know, all the cases I've covered.

• 47:01Kendall Rae?

  And, and we've all heard these stories, no matter where you live or who you know, or if you've been directly related to a situation like this, we all carry that fear. And I know there are probably so many of you out there watching this episode who have either experienced domestic violence, know someone who has experienced domestic violence or is experiencing it right now, or you yourself are in a dangerous situation right now. And as always, in any episode that I discuss domestic violence, I will be putting resources in the show notes. This case is so frustrating. It's overwhelmingly heartbreaking beyond words. And I just want to express my deepest condolences to everyone who knew and loved Lily.

• 47:44Kendall Rae?

  She seemed like such a fun, kind, driven person that was going to do amazing things in her life. And for that to have all been taken away is... It's so unfair. That doesn't even feel like a good enough word to describe how

• 48:01Kendall Rae?

  it's just devastating. It's devastating. And I can confidently say that just from the little I've learned about her, that the world is dimmer without her light. But that is all I have for you guys today on this case. I definitely want to hear your thoughts in the comments about not only Lily's case, but some of the topics that we're discussing around violence against women and domestic violence. So please, I want to hear from you. But that is going to be it for me today. I'm not sure what my uploading schedule is going to be like while I'm on maternity leave. I highly doubt I'm going to be able to pull off an episode every week. We'll see. I'm going to try to do as many as I can. And also, my husband Josh has offered to record some for me as well.

• 48:41Kendall Rae?

  It's pretty hard to add in a bunch of extra pre-recorded episodes on top of my daily or weekly schedule where I record three shows a week. It's just a lot to fit it all in. But especially during pregnancy, which I don't know how that's going to be for me and how much energy I'll have. I'm always hoping for one of those pregnancies where people are just thriving and living life just as normal. So maybe, maybe I'll be able to do more. I'm going to do my best. And again, thank you guys for the support.

• 49:18Kendall Rae?

  That is going to be it for me today, guys. Thank you for joining me for another episode. And make sure you follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. It really does help me out. If you want to watch the video version of this show, you can find it on my YouTube channel, which will be linked, or you can just search Kendall Rae. I will be back with another episode soon. But until then, stay safe out there.

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