Do It Because It’s Right. Not So They’ll Like You

We’ve talked a lot recently about the importance of not making yourself a slave to outside approval. Because it’s not something you control. Because your own standards should be so high that you already have plenty to worry about. Still, there is so much more to be said about this very human desire for external validation. Indeed, it is a timeless and universal problem. Marcus Aurelius, like us, wanted to be liked—by his imperial staff, by the Senate, by the citizens he met in the street, by history--but he also always tried to really think about why he wanted to be liked. He wanted to get his mind wrapped around it, so he knew what was driving him and he could neutralize its power. “You want praise from people who kick themselves every fifteen minutes,” he asks rhetorically in Meditations, “the approval of people who despise themselves?”It’s such a great point. Being liked seems important...for some it can seem like the most important thing in the world. Until you start to consider the people we seem to be so desperate to impress. Until you think about the silly things they are impressed by, and the amazing things they don’t “get.” Until you realize that they don’t even respect themselves. Then all of the sudden being liked feels almost...juvenile. To be clear, the point of freeing yourself from this external burden isn’t to make it easier for you to be a selfish jerk. On the contrary, it’s to free you up to do the right things for the right reasons. Not to pursue virtue for praise, but for its own sake with no regard for whether we take heat for it later. Many great decisions are not popular, many brilliant innovations (and creative people) are poorly understood. Should they change for the sake of people who kick themselves? Or don’t understand themselves? No. And neither should you. Do right—do your best—because it’s who you are. The rest doesn’t matter. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at DailyStoic.com. Do it because it's right, not so they'll like you. We've talked a lot recently about the importance of not making yourself a slave to outside approval, because it's not something you control, because your own standards should be so high that it gives you plenty to worry about. There is so much more to be said about this, because it is a timeless and universal

• 0:51Ryan Holiday?

  problem. Marcus Aurelius, like us, wanted to be liked by his imperial staff, by the senate, by the citizens he met in the street, by history. But at the same time, he tried to always follow the exercise of really thinking about this object of desire. He wanted to get his mind wrapped around it, so he knew what it was. And, like we will find when we really think about the outside approval we crave, Marcus Aurelius was able to see through it. "You want praise from people who kick themselves every 15 minutes?" he asked rhetorically in meditations. "The approval of people who despise themselves?" It's such a great point. Being liked seems important until we consider the people who

• 1:36Ryan Holiday?

  we seem to be so desperate to impress, until we think about the silly things they are impressed by, and the amazing things they don't get, until we realize that they don't even respect themselves. None of this is done as an excuse to justify bad deeds or being a jerk. On the contrary, it's done to free us up to do the right things for the right reasons. We're not going to do it for praise, and we're not going to mind if we take heat for it either. Many great decisions are not popular. Many brilliant innovations and creative people are poorly understood. Should they be changed for the sake of people? Should they change for the sake of people who kick themselves, who don't understand themselves? No, and neither should you.

• 2:23Ryan Holiday?

  Do right, do your best, because it's who you are. The rest doesn't matter.

• 2:35Ryan Holiday?

  You