Andrew Huberman: You Must Control Your Dopamine! The Shocking Truth About Cold Showers!

Your brain shapes your reality, and your reality shapes your life. World famous neuroscientist Andrew Huberman gives you the brain hacks to take control of your reality and life. Andrew Huberman is a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at the Stanford University School of Medicine and host of the health and science podcast, ‘Huberman Lab’. In this conversation, Andrew and Steven discuss topics such as, how to break bad habits, the impact of pornography on the brain, how to increase dopamine levels quickly, and the best way to cure burnout. (00:00) Intro (01:41) What Is Your Mission In Life? (04:55) How Andrew Huberman Became The Expert We Know Today (28:06) Unlocking High Performance By Loving What You Do (33:17) The Powerful Letter I Sent To My Parents (37:35) What It Takes To Make A Big Life Change (41:07) Neuroplasticity: How To Change Your Brain At Any Age (50:20) How To Break A Bad Habit For Good (59:44) Does Manifesting Actually Work? (01:07:06) Can Competition Be Destructive To Your Growth? (01:13:19) Understanding The Dopamine Loops In The Brain (01:19:13) How Our Body’s Dynamic Systems Help Us Overcome Challenges (01:25:09) Why More Is Not Always Better (01:31:20) How To Raise Your Baseline Dopamine Levels (01:32:33) Introverts vs Extroverts: Managing Your Energy Levels (01:39:26) Replenish Your Energy (01:45:34) The Importance Of Morning Sunlight For Your Health (01:48:42) The Hidden Dangers Of Shift Work (01:52:59) Understanding Food Addiction: Causes And Solutions (02:06:02) Sleeping Patterns: Biology vs Bad Habits (02:16:24) How Extreme Temperature Changes Affect Your Body (02:19:59) Ads (02:20:58) The Link Between Pornography And Dopamine (02:35:37) What’s The Best Alternative To Pornography? (02:41:58) The Surprising Link Between Fulfilment & Pornography Addiction (02:48:04) Why Social Interactions Are Crucial For Mental Health (02:59:51) How To Handle False Accusations (03:09:13) How I Felt Through The Whole Process (03:13:30) Why It’s Hard To Let Go And How To Overcome It (03:29:24) I Was Forced Into Therapy (03:44:18) Did You Thank Your Friends For Their Support? (03:49:50) Lessons A 12 And 9-Year-Old Taught Me (03:51:34) The Medicinal Effect Of Friendship (03:54:59) What Is The True Meaning Of Life & Why Do You Exist? Follow Andrew: Podcast - https://g2ul0.app.link/0DRgdexCqMb Instagram - https://g2ul0.app.link/FdIdvMqCqMb Twitter - https://g2ul0.app.link/4qZJRTtCqMb You can pre-order Andrew’s book, ‘Protocols’, here: https://g2ul0.app.link/9mouq1NCqMb Watch the episodes on Youtube - https://g2ul0.app.link/DOACEpisodes You can purchase the The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards: Second Edition, here: https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb Follow me: https://beacons.ai/diaryofaceo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I'll tear up if I talk about it because things were going well in my life. And then one day, just, brack. Everything came crashing down. And, um, and I've learned that friendship is super powerful. I had people descending on my home to be with me. You know, one day I just like look up and Lex is in the room. And they sat with me, picked me up, and they reminded me who I am. And, um, you know, I have just such immense gratitude for that.

• 0:37Steven Bartlett?

  Dr. Andrew Huberman is a world renowned neuroscientist, Stanford professor, and podcaster.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Revolutionizing how we understand the brain.

• 0:45Steven Bartlett?

  And how we can adopt change, break bad habits, and achieve peak performance.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  Growing up, I was scared, depressed, and confused. My parents split up. I was getting in multiple fights. I found myself locked up in this residential treatment program. And I realized that I need to take control of my life.

• 1:00Steven Bartlett?

  I'm so intrigued by that because so many people feel stuck in their lives. So how does someone even make those life-changing decisions?

• 1:06Speaker 00

  Well, there are so many zero-cost tools that can change your brain. We can go through all of them. So.

• 1:12Steven Bartlett?

  I want to talk about dopamine in this graph.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  The dopamine is kind of like a wave pool. In every domain of life, whether or not it's food, exercise, for some people, it's work or sex. If you push things to the max, you're going to feel depleted and understimulated afterwards. And you need so much more energy to get the same output. And when you're in that dopamine depleted state, typically what people do is they try and access things that are going to reactivate the dopamine circuitry. And all it does is drive them further and further into that trauma.

• 1:41Steven Bartlett?

  So how do you fix that?

• 1:42Speaker 00

  So it's hard to exit, but start with.

• 1:51Steven Bartlett?

  Andrew. At the very heart of what you do, at the very, very heart, if I, if I looked at all that you've produced and I had to encapsulate it into just one or two sentences that encapsulates your mission statement, what would that be?

• 2:06Speaker 00

  I want to share the beauty and utility of biology. I want people to understand how incredible the human body and brain are and how even a small understanding of the underlying mechanisms about how we interact with light or temperature, exercise, thoughts, emotions, et cetera, how that can impact our health in really powerful ways.

• 2:31Steven Bartlett?

  You have become a cultural phenomenon because of the information that you've shared. In your view, why and how has that happened? I guess maybe most importantly, why has that happened? What is it that you've kind of catered to that was absent in people's understanding of themselves?

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Well, I think people are intensely curious about themselves, meaning our species, why we feel the way we feel, why other people feel and act the way they do. And I think most everybody, I like to think, is deeply interested in how to be the best version of themselves. And I think what I've done is I've provided a lens into all of that through biology, through neuroscience in particular, but also I'm a practitioner. So since I was pretty young, I've been actively involved in sports and psychology and interested

• 3:26Speaker 00

  in what one can do, in some cases, take things to avoid in order to be the best version of oneself. And so I'm an academic, right? I have a laboratory and I'm a tenured faculty member at Stanford, although I should mention that I've shrunk my laboratory considerably in the last year or so. But I've done experiments on animal models, on humans and human clinical trials. So I have the understanding and expertise of a, of a research scientist. And at the same time, I think very deeply about. How to translate the information in these peer reviewed papers? How to translate the information in the fields of science and medicine into actionable, what we call protocols?

• 4:09Speaker 00

  And I do my best to distill things down into, you know, actionable things. But I'm not a big believer in dumbing things down. I decided to go the opposite way. Rather than give little snippets, 90 second videos, we include those. But rather, I decided to go for full one to three hour, maybe even four hour lectures on a topic because I believe, and I'm not the first to say it, that people have near infinite ability to learn if they are told things in a way that's clear. So I believe that people want to understand, they can understand, and it doesn't require decorating things in a lot of complicated language. Sometimes we need to include some complicated language just because that's the way science

• 4:51Speaker 00

  and medicine are and that people are willing to learn that and carry that along. And once they understand how they work a little bit better, you arm them with a little bit of knowledge, then really they're just off to the races and the rest takes care of itself.

• 5:05Steven Bartlett?

  I may, a couple of times today, just ask you to explain something to me in more simpler terms because I don't have any fundamental understanding of of science. So much of my objective is just to be completely honest if I don't understand something because I'm sure there's a lot of people listening that also probably don't understand something. One of the things that was most surprising to me about you was your background. And I think the interesting thing about your background and where you came from and the struggles you faced and in contrast to the man that sits in front of me today is it, I think it speaks to one of the fundamental points of curiosity that I have about your

• 5:44Steven Bartlett?

  work, which is it's all well and good knowing protocols, but there's something else required to be able to pursue them. Now, people say that this is discipline or motivation, whatever it might be. But when I looked at your background and where you've come from, it wasn't a straight line. There's an element of transformation that's gone on there. There's, there's almost the early Andrew Huberman, who I would never would have guessed would have been the man that is almost unrecognizable from the man sat in front of me today. And then there's the man sat in front of me today. And the reason I'm so fascinated by that is because if I can understand how you went from that Andrew Huberman to this one, it gives me, it liberates me from the excuses that I won't be able to pursue your protocols now.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Well, certainly, there's been a lot of adventure and transformation. Certainly some hardship. And listen, I'll be the first to say, you know, my life has been easier than it has been for others and harder than it has been for others, right? So I'm not trying to plant a flag as having had the hardest or the easiest life. I only know what's my experience, right? So all I've got is my experience, my knowledge and my words to convey that. But yeah, it was not a linear path. I would say the kind of key milestones along the way and the relevant pieces are, for as long as I can remember, I've always had an intense curiosity and an intense desire for adventure. So I want to learn and I want to learn firsthand.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  I also suppose I've always had an intensity, like I've been told since I was a young kid. You know, I sort of like forward leaning a little bit, you know, forward center of mass, so to speak. But yeah, my childhood on the one hand was very conventional and very sweet in the sense that, you know, I had two parents. My dad's actually a scientist. He's a theoretical physicist by training. He's Argentine, but then did his graduate training in the United States. My mother's a writer and she was a teacher. She didn't work a whole lot when we were kids. She was mostly focused on raising us. And my childhood, to my memory, was marked by, you know, dinners together at the table. I was very, very interested in all things biology, in particular fish. So all things aquaria, birds, anything, you know, tropical birds.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  I would learn all about them, learn about fish. I would then lecture about these things in class on Monday as a way to try, the teachers to try and get me to not talk to students around me because I'd be telling them about it otherwise. So I've been giving little lectures since I was a kid. And then I suppose as I matured, so to speak, you know, around adolescence, my parents split up. It was a very high conflict divorce. And that sent me in the direction of more kind of wilder foraging. Let's call it that. I was a bit feral, just that the circumstance led to a situation where I was seeking out sports and friends for which there wasn't any parental involvement.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  So for me, the immediate attraction was to skateboarding and punk rock culture. And so I was very fortunate that I was drawn into skateboarding and punk rock culture in the late 80s, early 90s. I'm 49 now, or almost 49. And at that time, that was a very nascent culture. There was no X Games. There were no major sponsors, that sort of thing. And so there were all these, not parentless, but rather feral kids, some were parentless. And I got to be exposed to incredible skateboarding. And I was not a particularly good skateboarder, but I certainly had the drive to try and do it. I kept hurting myself. So that was actually an important event. I kept hurting my body, trying to push myself to get really good. Friends of mine were getting sponsored. A close friend of mine got picked up as a pro while we were in high school. We were traveling,

• 9:23Speaker 00

  going to contests. What you probably may have noticed is there wasn't a lot of attending school. So I don't recommend this to young people. Stay in school. At least at the early stage, get that basic education while your brain is still hyperplastic. But, you know, I was exposed to, and fortunately did not partake in, a lot of drugs and violence, but I saw that. I also saw a lot of incredible skateboarding. Some of these people went on to start huge companies and do incredible things in the realm of action sports. So like DC, I know the guys that started that. Danny Way, Colin McKay, you know, I like, I knew at that time, I knew of, I wasn't close with, but you know, Tony Hawk watched his ascent, right? He was a few years ahead of me. But I would attend contests, skating

• 10:07Speaker 00

  contests. So I was in this world where it was all DIY. It was all self-created. Now, at some point, I got a girlfriend and got into other things and kind of left skateboarding. Thought I might be a firefighter for a little while. I was always very physical.

• 10:22Steven Bartlett?

  What age is this?

• 10:23Speaker 00

  So I was 16 when I got my first girlfriend. And I wasn't doing well in skateboarding. I kept breaking my foot. People were moving on without me. That was just the nature of it. I was in love with her, wanted to spend time with her. And so I thought, well, I'm not really doing well in school. I'm not really attending school. And I'll need to work and take care of us. You know, I was really thinking kind of like an adult at that point, in terms of what I would do. And so I thought I'd get into the fire service. So I started trying to strengthen my body. I started doing resistance training. Keep in mind, back then, the only people that lifted weights were, you know, preseason American football players, people going to the military and bodybuilding. And I wasn't interested in any of those three things. But I started doing resistance training.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  And realized, wow, like, this is a really powerful tool. I can make my body stronger through work. I couldn't do a single pull up when I started. I was always pretty skinny. I, you know, shot up a full foot in height, but was very, very skinny, you know, at that point. And within, you know, a summer, I could do pull ups. I could do these things. I thought, wow, like, there's this remarkable relationship between doing physical effort and kind of ability or outcome. And then I also started running a lot. For whatever reason, I ran cross country my senior year of high school. And also there, I felt like there was a direct relationship between effort and outcome. If I ran further, then the next time I could run even further. If my lungs burned on a hill run, well, then the next time I could do that hill without my lungs burning.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  Whereas in skateboarding, no matter how hard I seem to try, I just couldn't match the level of effort with the outcome. So it was from that point forward that, you know, 16 years old forward, that I made running and resistance training just part of my regular weekly schedule. What ended up happening was she went off to college.

• 12:12Speaker 00

  I ended up just basically living in my car or her dorm room. While she was off at college, she was a year ahead of me. And I realized I wanted to be near her, so I eventually I applied to college and somehow got in. By the end of my freshman year, I had been getting in multiple fights. So I was still had that kind of wildness from the world I was previously in. I was getting into physical altercations. I was never into drugs or alcohol. That was fortunate. I don't have a propensity to be addicted to those things. But my life really wasn't in order. And it was really, it was actually nearly 30 years ago to the day. It was July 4th, 1994. I went to a

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Barbecue, I got into an altercation with a bunch of people that were robbing the house that we were at. And, and by the way, there's sort of a little tangent side story. One of my friends in college, we weren't super close, but my girlfriend at the time had lived with the now wife of Jack Johnson, the musician. So Jack recalls that party. We have other friends from that party. That was kind of a meaningful day for me because I got into this altercation. Everything turned out okay, in the sense that, you know, we got our belongings back. No one was badly hurt. But I remember going back to the place where I was staying at that time and thinking to myself, okay, this is bad, right? I'm, you know, like 19 years old, or I guess it was just shy of 18.

• 13:38Speaker 00

  I am not doing well in school. My freshman year was a disaster where I went to college. I don't think I flunked out, but it just wasn't really attending class. I wasn't doing well. I'm getting in physical altercations. I'm working at this little bagel shop delivering bagels, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not much of a future in it for me. I didn't end up going to the fire service. I didn't end up a professional athlete. I thought like, what am I gonna do with, like, what am I gonna do? Right? Because the story of whatever happened to me prior to that was kind of meaningless unless I made something of myself. So that day, I actually wrote myself and my parents a letter saying that I was gonna turn my life around. And I actually still have this letter. My mother still has this letter.

• 14:21Speaker 00

  And what I decided to do was to take a leave of absence from university. I didn't drop out. A leave of absence allows you the option to go back. I moved home and I worked. So I was a busboy at a little restaurant in town where I grew up. And I still continue to run and do resistance training, you know, three times a week each or so. And I went to community college, which is typically where kids who can't afford to go to university or kids that just stay back for whatever reason. It's a wonderful aspect of the, the educational system in California still. And I Made learning and filling my mind with formal rigorous coursework based knowledge, my absolute mission.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  Now, I didn't care if I liked it. I just, it's like, I'm going to trust my ability to learn because I could tell you a lot about tropical fish, skateboarding, punk rock music, a fair amount about physical training. At that point, I sought out the right people. This has always been something I've been good at, is seeking out the right people with knowledge. So I got great knowledge from the late Mike Mensah, who had trained Darian Yates. I was reading every book I could on physical fitness and rehabilitation, trying to get my body strong. Never wanted to be big. You know, I was always interested in being strong and being able to run far and fast. That was always a goal, like a capability. I've not been one of the people to like really care about like hypertrophy. That wasn't something that mattered to me.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  If some came along as a consequence of training, great, but it was more about a capability to do things. So at that point, I just became a voracious learner. I took every bit of energy that I had applied to these other areas and put them into learning math, science, art history, English, literature, whatever, you know, coursework was thrown at me. And then after a year of that, went back to university, lived alone in a studio apartment. And basically, for the remaining portion of university, all I did was study, work out, hang out with my girlfriend, run, listen to, at that time, like early 90s punk rock music,

• 16:32Speaker 00

  which is still a wonderful genre, so mainly like Rancid, Operation Ivy, Bob Dylan, always loved Bob Dylan, classical music when I study. And that was it. I didn't do anything else. And at that point, I started getting straight A's. People didn't recognize me. They're like, aren't you the guy from freshman year that was getting in all these fights? I will admit that I wasn't completely devoid of, of the typical college phenotype. Once a month, I would allow myself to go out to a party and I'd party once a month. But stayed away from drugs was never, never my thing. And so drank, which, you know, eventually I realized wasn't my thing either, but I was just completely committed. So I graduated university.

• 17:16Speaker 00

  With honors, I went to graduate school, did a master's at UC Berkeley, then did my PhD, did my postdoc at Stanford, and then eventually got a laboratory

• 17:27Speaker 00

  first at UC San Diego, excellent neuroscience program, eventually was recruited to Stanford with tenure, and all along maintaining physical fitness in the background, focusing very heavily on doing primary research, meaning making discoveries in neuroscience, and publishing papers. And then in 2019, I decided to start posting science on Instagram, just really nerdy stuff. No protocols, just telling people about sunlight and the relationship to the eye, dopamine, and I just enjoyed talking about it, just like I did when I was a little kid, telling people about tropical fish. And in 2020,

• 18:05Speaker 00

  my plan was to release a book. So I got a guy, a PR guy, his name is Rob Moore, he's now a close friend of mine, and we were talking about how we would, I don't know, maybe go on podcasts or do something of that sort when the book came out, and then the pandemic hit. And I said, you know what, let's pause the book. And he said, oh, let's just maybe go on podcasts. So that year, 2020, I went on, I think somewhere between 20 and 30 podcasts. No book, no website, no nothing, just like talking science and delighted in that. And then January 2021, I got a little place in a little kind of canyon region of Los Angeles, a little sabbatical-like

• 18:48Speaker 00

  retreat, and set up some cameras. My bulldog Costello there, Rob Moore, became my podcast producer, and on January 1st, more or less, we launched the Huberman Lab podcast, where now I still just blab about stuff that I find interesting and that I think can be useful to people. So that's the kind of, that's the arc. And as I tell all this, I also just want to make sure that people know that It sounds like this magnificent arc, but along the way, there were absolutely times when I thought, I'm like, what am I going to do? Like, this is working, but this isn't working. And my life at times became very lopsided. I focused mainly on work and research. You know, I'm forty nine years old now.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  I've had some wonderful relationships across my life, but I opted to delay on marriage and family as a way to, well, it wasn't the intention, but as a way to really just continue to pour my energy into the things that I was most passionate about. So there's always sacrifice. There were, you know, sadly, I've lost a lot of friends along the way to some to drugs and alcohol, suicide, depression, and so on, others to just unfortunate consequences or age. But the, I think the major themes have been, I just simply can't pull myself off a desire to learn and adventure through a particular space.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  And then, once I learn things, and as I learn things, I can't seem to help but just tell everybody about it, you know, provided there's somebody there to listen, then I'm eager to share what I learned.

• 20:23Steven Bartlett?

  It's funny in life how some of the most traumatic things that happen to us, and trauma is such a subjective thing. So what's, trauma for me is not for Francis Ngani, who I've heard his story and, you know, walking out of Africa and jumping over a barbed wire and walking across the Sahara Desert.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  His is amazing.

• 20:39Steven Bartlett?

  I just can't, you know, it's like.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  I hear he's a very nice guy.

• 20:42Steven Bartlett?

  He's exceptionally nice. He's a wonderful individual. But I'm really interested in how our traumatic experiences end up dragging us in whatever shape in life, dragging us or making us driven, that it's almost two sides of the same coin sometimes. But I just wanted to zoom back in on when you were younger, because I was reading about, at sort of fourteen, fifteen years old, you were put into a residential treatment program?

• 21:05Speaker 00

  I was. So, one day in school, and by the way, I wasn't in school much, and if I was there, I was the kid with the hoodie on and his head on the table, you know, just kind of like sleeping or drawing or, I was not tuned in to what I should have been tuned into. I was, looking back, I think I was depressed, I was sad, I was confused by the fracture of my family. And listen.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Divorce and family reorganization can take place without all that. Unfortunately, this was a very complicated situation. And maybe it was also puberty combined with general confusion about life. Those things combined to, you know, put me in a state that I think, looking back, I was scared, depressed and confused, like a lot of young people happen to be at that age. So a number of things happened. I was getting into trouble. I wasn't attending school. I was truant a lot. And yeah, one day they came to get me. They basically called me into the office. I was sitting there talking to the school counselor.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  It wasn't my first time doing that. And then some other people showed up there and I started to realize like, oh, I think I know what this is, which was they were going to take me away. Now, the exact stimulus for all this, whether or not a friend, I think I know who it was, had been concerned about me and intervened, or whether or not it was purely from the parent's side, isn't clear to me still. I have my theories, so they have theirs. But in any event, I soon after found myself in a residential treatment program. And it was interesting because it was the first time that I had ever had my freedom taken away from me. You know, that was an experience, like doors go locked and you're like, whoa, you know, like my freedom taken away.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Well, you're locked, you're locked in a treatment program, basically. You know, these were all kids that were delinquent or had problems of various sorts. So you're on a hallway with a bunch of other kids. You know, you're staying there at night. You're not leaving. You're not free to walk to leave and they make you do group therapy. You have to do one-on-one therapy. You have an hour to exercise outside. You're not leaving the grounds. Yeah, this is like a combination of, like, if you were to just sort of merge in your mind, like youth detention and hospital, right? That's kind of the unity of these. Now, kids there, and we were kids, right? And there was a, there was a unit of much younger kids and there was a unit of people much older than us. And I'll never forget what they said.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  One of the counselors there said to us, listen, the kids over there, the younger ones, and the adults over there. They're crazy. You guys, you're not crazy. You just have problems. And I'll never forget, one of the kids that was in there with me goes, "Yeah, but that's exactly what they're telling the people in the other two, in the other two units." So, pretty quickly, I realized like, this place is problematic. And I was scared. I won't forget, like, my roommate, who turned out to be a very kind person, but he looked like Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker. And he had a cutting problem. And he was like a scary-looking guy. But as I got to know him,

• 24:21Speaker 00

  I realized that he was just a kid with a lot of problems. Different than mine, but a lot of problems. So, you're in there with kids with severe drug issues, with, um, some were suicidal, some weren't. Some had aggression issues. It was a coed unit during the day. Obviously, you're housed, you know, it was boys with boys, girls with girls. And after about two, three days, I realized, "Okay, the only way out of here is to do the work." So, I did the work. I sat down and I started, for the first time, really talking about what was going on for me and listening. You can learn a lot in those places by listening to what's going on for other people. And I realized that a lot of what was going on internally for me

• 25:06Speaker 00

  had to do with the fact that, you know, I mean, what do we need? We basically need safety and acceptance at some level. You know, from parents, we also need guardrails. And at that time, I was lacking all three. And I think, you know, my inherent intensity, and I'm a pretty, um, I'm not an emotional person in the sense that I don't emote easily. But I'm a very feeling person. I feel a lot. I don't know how other people perceive me, but I feel a lot. And I think what was happening in my family unit at that time felt devastating. And I missed my sister. She was off, off in college. She had gone off to college.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  I've always been really close with my sister and, and really, because this was like late, well, this was late eighties, early nineties. I also didn't know many people from homes without, you know, a mom and dad, this kind of thing. And I had been exposed to a lot already. You know, that one of the beautiful things about skateboarding, at least back then, it's different now, is that it was completely self-organized. So whenever I could, I would get a ride with a friend or take the bus up to San Francisco. There was this now famous slash infamous scene, the Embarcadero Plaza, that's called E M B, was this kind of self-organized place. You have these in major cities elsewhere. There was Love Park in Philadelphia, you have Washington Square Park in New York. And back then, I learned a lot from the older,

• 26:32Speaker 00

  it was mostly guys. Then now there's more women in skateboarding, girls and women in skateboarding, and they rip. They're so good. But back then, it was mostly guys. And so I learned all sorts of things there, some of which, you know, I was far too young to learn. I got basically a street education from kids that weren't going to school and who were just like living this wild, free life. And I do want to be clear that even though there were, let's call them untoured elements, there was also a lot, an incredible beauty. And like, you know, my friend Jake Rosenberg started going up there as well. He had his own challenges that I only learned about later. And he brought a video camera,

• 27:13Speaker 00

  hi video. He started filming the now, like, just like truly iconic videos of Mike Carroll, these names will mean things. Henry Sanchez, like Mark Gonzales, like, so he just started filming all this. And then he made the first Plan B videos, and he made the Waiting for Lightning documentary about Danny Way, like jumping the Great Wall of China. And our friend Mike Blayback, who's the photographer for the Huberman Lab podcast, of all things, who became one of the most iconic action sports portrait photographers, was a kid who basically drove out from Michigan. I don't even know if he graduated high school, something, he probably did. And then he slept in the clothing stacks at the Gap store, hung out in Embarcadero, and took photos. And those photos and those videos that Mike

• 27:57Speaker 00

  and Jacob and other people took are now iconic in skateboarding. And so I was also exposed to this incredible world of DIY, like, like, take your passion, take your circumstance, and Pick a craft and just document stuff. And so in many ways, like what happened at Embarcadero and what happened in skateboarding. And I always loved punk rock music and going to shows. I have no musical talent and I didn't suck at skateboarding, but I wasn't going to go anywhere with it. But the, what I saw was if you love something and you want to learn as much as possible about it and you love the culture around it, you do have to learn how to sort out the untoward elements. Don't get yourself into trouble. But you take that energy and I just took it to academics.

• 28:40Speaker 00

  I remember realizing when I got to graduate school, I found a wonderful lab to work in with a wonderful woman named Barbara Chapman. Unfortunately, she passed away. And at the time, she said, listen, I'm going to have a couple of kids, but we have grants. You can, so she said, I'm going to have a couple of kids, so I'm going to be very busy, but we have grants. And here's the lab. She said, don't burn the lab down, don't hurt yourself, but just do experiments, have fun. And I realized, I was like, this is the best. And I had so much energy and I thought, I never have to go home. So I lived there a lot of the time, brushed my teeth in the sink there, work out at the gym, go and shower, come back. And I remember people saying, you're going to burn out. What are you doing? And I'm like, what are you talking about? And I would work 80, sometimes 100 hours a week. I was so happy. And I realized like, this is the exact same feeling. I'm just taking my interests and I'm just pouring myself into it.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  I did that when I was a graduate student. I did it when I was a postdoc. And actually, when I was a postdoc, I started writing some music articles for Thrasher magazine. I've always kept some little tie to the skateboarding industry that way, just to make some extra cash. And then when I was a junior professor, I had to really pour myself just into the laboratory, but it still worked out. And I guess the point is that, you know, earlier you and I were talking about if you have, and I'm borrowing in this phrase from one of my heroes, Martha Beck, who's a wonderful person and teacher, such wisdom, and she calls it a interest-based attention system. Some people might call it ADHD, but have you ever noticed that even people, and we know this from the scientific literature, people, kids, adults with ADHD, when they're so-called ADHD.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  When they are doing something they really love, they're like a laser. They're not gonna peel off that. Their attention is like level 11 out of 10. So I took that energy that I've always had in me for fish, for tropical birds, skateboarding, punk rock music, eventually it was biology. And I just went, okay, here are my chips. I'm all in, all in. But the goal has always been and remains to take what I learn and share it. Because the real joy in doing anything, for me anyway, is the ability to share in that knowledge or in that experience. And so those early years were really choppy and really dangerous, you know, frankly.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  But then, when I started a laboratory and decided, hey, I'm gonna study human stress. Let's go get VR of stressful circumstances. And my friend Michael Muller, who's a very accomplished portrait photographer in Hollywood, and also takes photos of great white sharks out of cages. He said to me, oh, you know, your VR stimulus in your lab, I mean, here's what he told me. He's like, it sucks. He said, it sucks, it doesn't look real. It's all CGI, it's not scary at all. How about we, you know, go film some great white sharks down in Guadalupe Island and we leave the cage? And, you know, the young Andrew was like, okay. So got dive certified, went and did it one year, stayed in the cage, went the next year, exited the cage.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  I'm not recommending people live this way. I'm not, because I had an air failure at depth the second year while I was in the cage. I bailed out, I made it, I lived, but it was super scary. And it was not an experience I want to repeat. And I realized, you know, that's the line. Like, you know, the great Oliver Sacks, another hero of mine, British trained neurologist and author, he wrote, was basically what became the script for Awakenings and things like that. There's a quote about him that resonates a lot. And the quote, I think, is, I mean, an early teacher of his said, Oliver will go far, provided he does not go too far. And so, you know, you have to be careful, right? These adventures, leaving school, doing it.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  You can't be haphazard about it. So if you look at the broad arc, it's highly nonlinear. But there's a common thread through all of it, which is this desire to learn, curiosity. Desire to share, intensity. And when I'm involved in any one thing, and I recommend that if people are involved in any one thing, if it's podcasting, or sport, or video games, or math, or AI, or program, whatever it is, skateboarding, whatever it is, that you can't be haphazard in that world. Because forward progress, even if you change things over time, is the consequence of taking that inherent uniqueness that we each have, and whatever level of intensity we have, and making sure that you, you know, do take steps forward.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  And there, what I've learned is, as a child, as an adolescent, and as an adult, there are all these traps along the way. There are all these shoots down to failure and destruction, and you have to be very, very thoughtful. And so you can't be reckless.

• 33:26Steven Bartlett?

  I'm really compelled as well by the letter you sent to your parents.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, they, they must have been very surprised. That letter was written in a house on a little street in a little town called Isla Vista, on Pasado Street, where I'd essentially been squatting for the summer with my ferret. That was the, I tell you that because that was the picture. I had a ferret, her name was Iris, that my first girlfriend, who had left me by then, because she was smart, because I had nothing going on. We were, me and Iris were living together. I didn't even have a bed in the place. I thought, well, why pay rent? You know, like no one in, like where I, grown up with all these like, like riffraff kids. Now, the town, to be clear, the town I grew up in, Palo Alto, now is known as like one of the wealthiest places. At that time, I was like kind of upper middle class, but when I say like riffraff kids,

• 34:13Speaker 00

  I mean, like the people that congregated around skateboarding in the late eighties, early nineties, were the kind of like parentless feral types. So I learned a lot. I learned I can sleep mummy style anywhere, in a car, in a van, in a corner. So like, why pay rent? That summer, I'd have more money to keep and save if I just like got a pillow and a couple blankets and a sleeping bag. And this little place, I was living there with my ferret. And I came back from that fight on July 4th, and I thought, okay, like this is it. And I think it was by the end of the weekend, I'd written out this letter that said essentially the following. It said, "Look, I don't know why you guys decided to just fracture everything."

• 34:57Speaker 00

  I understood why my parents didn't want to be together. They were incompatible. By the way, they're both happily married now to wonderful people for many years. So there's a happy ending there. But at the time, I was very confused. It wasn't that I needed them to be together. But the level of friction in their separation was just like it, I felt like a lot of it fell on me. And, and there are reasons for that. But

• 35:21Speaker 00

  I basically forgave them. I basically said, listen, I forgive you.

• 35:28Speaker 00

  I realized that I need to take control of my life. I was 18. So I'm a fall baby. So it was like, I was almost 19. I'm, you know, 18 years old, 19 years old, and I need to do something with my life. And the only way I'm going to do that is by getting super focused and super organized. So I somehow had the, the idea to externalize this. And then I wrote essentially the same letter to myself. And then I just, as my girlfriend, who eventually got back together with me, that was interesting. As soon as I started working hard in school, I'll never forget what she said. We're still friendly. She's married with her own family and they have a beautiful family. But every once in a while, I'll hear from her and I will never forget what she said to me.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  About a year later, when I was just absolutely rabid about learning, she said, you know, you've become a monster. And I was like, a monster? And she's like, yeah, a monster of learning and class and getting up early. And you tuck your shirt in, like, I got into this whole thing of like dressing the opposite of everyone else that lived in that little town. It's a little beach town. Everyone wore flip flops, rode beach cruisers. At that time, it was like baggy shorts, long t-shirts, and I started tucking in my shirt, a belt. I would get like all like, you know, like cleaned up. And I'd, and I'd go to class and people like, what is wrong with this guy? I just wanted to go completely against the grain and just be as disciplined and organized as possible. And I basically was parenting myself.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  And I think that this is something that I learned how to do early on. I love my parents, but I learned how to mother and father myself. And that was powerful. It was like, I was a young guy. But let's face it, you know, at 19, you're young, but you're not that young in the sense that if you screw up, you know, if you You know, I don't know, I had friends who got into drunk driving stuff. A friend of ours was killed in a drunk driving accident. I wasn't real close with them, but I knew him real well. This guy Phil Shaw, great skateboarder, was killed because someone drove drunk. He wasn't driving drunk, dead. Bunch of people dead or in jail. So, you know, when you're 18 or older, like the consequences go super, super linear, you know, shift. Where small mistakes can lead to really bad outcomes.

• 37:40Speaker 00

  So, yeah, I just kind of scruffed myself and was like, let's do this. And, you know, here I am.

• 37:45Steven Bartlett?

  I'm so intrigued by that because in that moment, you have, I think, a moment in which a lot of people are searching for in their lives where you have, you have a decision to do it differently. And I've always wondered what it takes for someone to get there. And is it something that you can accelerate towards? Like, is there, if I am laying on the couch right now and I'm feeling that, is there something I can do to get me there? Or do I need more pain?

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Fear.

• 38:08Steven Bartlett?

  Fear.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  I'll tell you, super scary being like almost 19 years old. Girlfriend left me. I'm not good at anything. I wasn't good at anything. Not skateboarding, couldn't play an instrument. Everyone in that town surfed.

• 38:27Steven Bartlett?

  Family?

• 38:28Speaker 00

  Family, I mean, I didn't, yeah, I could have gone to the fire service and that's a wonderful career path. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't have any like marketable skills. I couldn't really do anything, except I knew my capacity to learn. I've always had a very good memory and I've always enjoyed learning. So I thought, okay, school seems like a good option. They tell you what you need to know. In fact, at one point I realized, and I think it was Ryan Holiday that said that, you know, the people who should absolutely not drop out of college are the people who are not doing well because the real world is a lot harder in many ways. It's a lot harder than college. In college, they tell, they tell you what to do. I remember taking a class in Greek mythology.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  You go there, if you sit near the front, you pay attention, you try not to pay attention to anyone else, you sit down, they tell you what you need to know. Now, sometimes it's complicated, you can't keep up. But then they have these things called office hours where you can ask, they have teaching assistants. I mean, the whole thing is set up so that you almost can't fail if you do the required steps. Whereas with skateboarding, it's like I was always getting broke off, as they say. You know, I was always rolling my left foot, snapped again, uh, nothing, couldn't do it.

• 39:40Speaker 00

  There's so much uncertainty in other things, at least with a college education. For me, it was like, okay, I can, I can learn this stuff. And then what I found is when there's a desire to learn and then you learn and then you do well. And I'd started doing very well. And but there's that one class that I got a B plus in that I'm still pissed off about. You know, my first year was a disaster, then it was always, and then there's this one class in neural development from Ben Reese. And I got a B plus. And as a consequence, when I went to graduate school, I studied neural development. You know, it's the thing that you don't get, the, the place where you make an error that you forever carry that signal, I need to get better at that.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  So I think a lot of it is just having the, the knowledge of self, right? What did the Oracle say, know thyself? The knowledge of self to really think, okay, like, what are my strengths? Do I like to learn if I'm interested in something? Do I have a voracious appetite? Maybe if you're a person with less energy, um, maybe you're more reflective or you like to journal or you need more time to process. I think turning what often appear as weaknesses into strengths is really possible. And then I do think that we are all each endowed with some unique gift. I really believe in this. It's not mystical for me. I think that we all have some wiring of our brains that's very similar and we all have

• 41:06Speaker 00

  some unique wiring based on our genetics and our experience. And I just thought, I'm going to keep paying attention to what fills my body with energy.

• 41:17Steven Bartlett?

  One of the most inspiring and I think liberating things that I've heard in your work is this idea of neuroplasticity because if you're, if the brain can physiologically change based on what I'm doing, then it means that who I am now, my identity, that 16, that 19 year old who's sleeping in the mummy thing with the ferret, isn't who I always have to be, I can literally change. We've spoken a little bit around like what causes the motivation to actually change, but knowing that there's a, my brain will actually change. Those two things are really inspiring for me because it means that whatever rut I'm stuck in isn't necessarily a permanent one. Now you said that the motivation to change comes from fear.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  Well, in my case, it took a, a fear circumstance, fear of becoming a permanent failure.

• 42:01Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  To motivate immense change and.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  That was that circumstance. I do believe, however, that the best work, our most creative and best work comes from a love of craft. But sometimes, in order to find what you truly love, you have to be scared into setting off on a path to find it. And, um, yeah. And that goes for relationships, too. Sometimes, to find the right relationship, or relationships, it could be friendships, romantic relationships, et cetera. One has to be, like, deathly afraid of having to remain in the relationship that you're in enough to leave. So neuroplasticity is absolutely real. It actually worked out that my scientific great-grandparents,

• 42:49Speaker 00

  two guys, David Hubel and Torsten Wiesel, won the Nobel Prize for neuroplasticity. Now, they weren't the people who discovered it. It had actually been described for centuries. People understood that young kids can learn more easily than adults can. But David and Torsten won the Nobel Prize for essentially formalizing the and discovering the principles of neuroplasticity, how it works. And then, some years later, mainly one guy by the name of Mike Merzinek, but there were others that worked with him, discovered that neuroplasticity is actually a feature of the nervous system, the brain, throughout our entire lifespan. The rules change a little bit in terms of how you rewire your brain.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  But if the question is, can a person change? Can you learn new things? Can you unlearn certain patterns? Can you overcome traumas at any age? The answer is absolutely, categorically, yes. How? Well, it's very clear that as a child, until about age 25, more or less, just passive experience will shape the brain, for better or worse. After about age 25, and again, these are not strict cutoffs.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  We can change our brain, but what's required is a marked shift in the neurochemical environment under which something happens. So one of the reasons why any traumatic event will forever be remembered, although, by the way, you can remove some of the emotional load of that, trauma does not have to be traumatic forever, is because when we see or experience something very intense of a fearful nature, there is the release of certain what we call neuromodulators, things like epinephrine, adrenaline, and other neuromodulators that cause a state shift in our body and brain. And the nervous system recognizes this as unusual, and as a consequence, in the subsequent

• 44:45Speaker 00

  days, there's reordering of the connections, so that the brain can prepare for that event should it happen again. This is why we have what's called one trial learning. You go to a certain location, something terrible happens there, you will forever associate that location with something terrible. But there are tools, therapy and other tools, that can allow the emotional load to be removed from that so that you could go to that location and feel calm, no fear whatsoever. The good news is you can also learn anything you want to learn, provided there's a shift in this neurochemical environment. This is why when we are very interested and focused on something, two of the main requirements for neuroplasticity, we have to be alert and we have to be focused. We can't learn passively as adults.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  We can't just play, you know, a lecture about AI and large language models or neuroscience in the room and then it just, the knowledge doesn't just sink in by osmosis. But if we pay attention and we're alert when we pay attention, there's a shift in the neurochemicals associated with that attention, what we call the catecholamines. It's three molecules, dopamine, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, all which cause an increase in alertness, all which cause an increase in focus, a tightening of our visual field and our auditory field, so like cones of attention is one way to think about it. And then it sets in motion a bunch of biological processes such that if we get adequate sleep that night, maybe the next night as well, there's reordering of neural connections

• 46:14Speaker 00

  so that that knowledge, that new experience, is consolidated in your brain. You are forever changed as a consequence of that experience. So when we hear that the brain is constantly changing, everything that we encounter changes our brain, that's not true. Why would the brain change unless it needed to? Right? As a child, the brain is basically a template for change. It's trying to understand the environment and make predictions. And so that's true. Neuroplasticity is a cardinal feature of childhood and adolescence and the teen years. Just think about the music you listened to when you were a teen. No other music will ever have as much significance. And that's because as a teen, your body is flooded with hormones and neuromodulators.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  The amount of meaning that comes from now seemingly trivial events when you're a teenager or adolescent is immense. That song meant so much, and it's because of the neurochemical milieu it creates in you. But as an adult, it takes a stronger stimulus, as we say. And if you were to fall in love as an adult or see something, a painting that just strikes you as just so unbelievable, yes, then you are forever changed. But just going to see a bunch of paintings at the Met doesn't mean that every single one of those paintings is forever stamped into your brain. The nervous system is very efficient in that way. It doesn't change unless it has to. And it always changes if it needs to in order to keep you safe.

• 47:39Speaker 00

  This is why there's an asymmetric influence of fear as opposed to just interest in terms of what will shift our brain. But it's nice to know that love and excitement and appreciation are very strong stimuli for changing the brain. And, you know, I can kind of draw to mind conversations I've had with my good friend, Rick Rubin. I'll get accused of name dropping, but I'm very fortunate to be close friends with Rick. And Rick always talks about, you know, how when you just see and experience something and you just have this love for it, it changes the brain. He's not a neuroscientist, but in many ways, he's a neuroscientist. So in any case, you absolutely can change your brain, but you have to pay attention

• 48:24Speaker 00

  to the thing you want to incorporate into your brain. You have to be alert while you do that, and then you absolutely have to go get some rest because it's during sleep and during meditative states and during rest that the actual rewiring of the brain occurs.

• 48:39Steven Bartlett?

  There's a phrase that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. And I think as we get older and older, we become stubborn in part because we're very comfortable with the way things are in routine or whatever. But also, I think we start to believe in this idea that we can't change. And that in and of itself makes it harder to change. Are you telling me that you can teach an old dog new tricks?

• 49:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm so glad you brought this up. Let's just destroy that myth now. You absolutely can teach an old dog or human new tricks. We know this. In fact, there are studies, incredible studies that were done down at the Salk Institute in San Diego, showing that even in people who are very old, right? These are people in their eighties and nineties. You know, the human lifespan, probably maximum human lifespan as we understand it, is probably about 120 years, more or less. But most people don't make it to 100, but so 80 or 90 is pretty old. There's still the addition of new neurons occurring. These people who were unfortunately dying of terminal cancer, I believe, but other causes,

• 49:44Speaker 00

  agreed to take a dye that actually gets incorporated into new neurons. And then after they died, their brains were, you know, looked at under the microscope. And there was the addition of new neurons even at late age. Now, I want to be very clear that most of learning is not the addition of new neurons, at least not in humans. But from everything we know about neuroscience, it's clear that it doesn't matter if you're 90 years old, 70 years old, 50 years old, if you want to learn, you can learn. And that learning occurs through neuroplasticity, which is the reordering of neural connections, strengthening of certain connections, weakening of others, and in some rare cases, the addition of new neurons.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  But brain change is absolutely real at every stage of life.

• 50:30Steven Bartlett?

  I also wonder about habit formation. So you said there that some of the more sort of startling stimulus is like fear are great ways, and obsessive sort of deep focus are great ways to start forming these new behavior patterns. But if I want to break a habit, because there's habits I've got in my life that I've kind of just told myself are who I am. And Accordingly, I've just kind of accepted them.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Well, you've been very successful, so.

• 50:56Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, but even with all, there's all thing, thank you, but with there's many things I'd still. I've just accepted it's part of who I am. Some of those come from my childhood. So one of them is that I grew up in a very disorganized home where like the doors inside my house had holes in them and. Our house, there was like some rooms that looked like a hoarder lived there, just piles and piles of stuff to the roof. House demolished in many respects, like the back of the garden was six foot high. It was, it was a mess. So I've grown up with mess. And I'm therefore still pretty messy today. And it's something I've always wanted to defeat, but I just, sometimes I tell myself, well, you know, it was hardwired into me when I was a kid. And it is just who I am. And a lot of people go around saying that they've just kind of identified with and accepted a certain bad habit is part of who they are.

• 51:41Speaker 00

  Well, I will say that some of the most brilliant people I know had terribly messy offices. And they were very internally organized people. It's kind of interesting. They were like a laser beam in their ability to kind of sort through. Mess. They didn't see the mess. In fact, my postdoc advisor, who also sadly passed away, an incredible human by the name of Ben Barris. He used to walk into his office and there'd just be piles of stuff everywhere. And I'd say, Ben, I think we should clean your office. And he'd say, don't touch anything. Because if you move anything, I won't know where it is. And I said, how could you possibly know where anything is right now? And he said, I know where everything is.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  And so I think some people also, by growing up in or being in that environment, also maintain an uncanny ability to find things. Whereas I'm the sort of person where I can't do any work until everything is cleared away. And so I see myself as on the weaker side of this ability. But to your question, I think. Stories are very powerful and very dangerous. Stories are the way that humans organize knowledge by and large, right? We don't tend to organize things into lists. We have these narratives that we call stories because from a young age. We learn things not just by hearing them and seeing them,

• 53:01Speaker 00

  but they are compartmentalized into narratives that have a beginning, a middle and an end. Sometimes they have a kind of a crescendo and then a relaxation. Just think about a childhood song of learning like the ABCs. They don't teach you the ABCs, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, right? They don't do that. What do they do? They give you a song, which is a story. Musicians will understand this inherently. Again, I'm not one, but when I started researching neuroscience of music and the brain, came to understand, so it's A, B, C, D, E, F, G, right? The change in the inflections, as one does the alphabet as a young kid, is the story of the alphabet. Now, people might say, okay, what is he talking about?

• 53:44Speaker 00

  What's happening here is you create variation in terms of batching of ideas so that something has a beginning, a middle and an end. So if you think, okay, I grew up in this house and it was really messy and now I have too much mess. And in order to undo that, there's this kind of like hardwired, right? Dangerous words, hardwired neural circuitry in my brain that I would have to work really, really hard to undo and I'd have to be scared into being a cleaner person or a tidier person, whatever it is. That's very dangerous because there's a beginning to that, a middle to that and an end to that, and it has immense meaning as a consequence. One of the most powerful things is to understand that neuroplasticity really involves taking an existing story

• 54:27Speaker 00

  and dismantling some component of it. What could the component be? Well, there's all this stuff like the Byron Katie work, which says, you know, you, you take something that you believe as true and you say, okay, like, like I'm an untidy person and then you counter it. How do I know that? Well, okay, I have this experience. Okay, that's the story. And then you start running counter narratives. You say, I'm, I'm actually a tidy person. And then people say, well, this is silly. You're just lying to yourself, right? Where they say, is it always true that you're a messy person? You start challenging this story from different sides. Now, I believe, because I'm a neuroscientist, I'm not in, I'm not a psychologist or in the self-help world.

• 55:06Speaker 00

  That the brilliance, the kind of unconscious genius of that approach is actually that what one is doing is you're starting to create a new story. You're starting to kind of infuse different questions into the existing neural network. Now, the brain loves questions, like the brain, since we're young kids, we're asking questions. And so if you take an existing story and you start challenging it with questions, you're not saying lie to yourself, you're not suddenly gonna say, okay, like, I'm super tidy. You're not gonna, because you're not gonna believe that. But if you start challenging why it's that way, or, you know, you've been able to change so many other things, why wouldn't you be able to change that? You say, well, it's just a habit, I can't do it. You say, well, what's a habit? And you start poking and pushing and pushing.

• 55:48Speaker 00

  What you eventually arrive at is this kind of, huh, actually, there's nothing keeping me from being a tidy person, except this kind of fluency of a particular story. And what you've done is you've interrupted the fluency of that story. So then when you go to the behavior of, you know, do you set things down all over the place, or do you put them in an orderly fashion? You start interrupting the habit, the fluency of your typical behavior. So I raise this as a way to kind of shine light on essentially what I do in my podcast career, which is, you know, I believe very strongly in the fields of psychology. I think self-help has some wonderful things to offer. We've got ancient wisdom that goes way back. And when you start to look at things through the lens of biology, you start to see that

• 56:30Speaker 00

  all of these things actually have merit, and they're just different paths to the same outcomes. So if you wanted to become a tidy person, I would encourage you, here would be one, let's just say, neuroscience-supported approach, would be to write out one page about what a tidy person you really are. You'll know that's a lie, right? And then to look at it and realize that, in many ways, if you just replace tidy with, you know, messy at any location, it'd probably be the exact same story. And so what you're really talking about here is just a default that your nervous system is running. And if you were to just swap the words, would you feel differently or do differently? On the one hand, you'd say, no, that's kind of trivial.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  But I bet you the practice of writing it out would forever interrupt your notion of like just going to set something down. You'd be like, ah, now you have something to kind of disrupt the habit. Cause so much of habit disruption that you'll look like, some people say, oh, you flick a, you know, rubber band on your wrist or something like that. There's nothing special about the rubber band. There's nothing special about the pain on your wrist or that. You put a sticky note. We know sticky notes work for about one day. Why don't sticky notes work? Why don't reminders on the mirror work? Because they don't have enough salience. They're not new. They're not different. The nervous system only changes if something is new and different. So anyway, we could talk a lot about habit formation, but fear works, but so does disrupting the story. How do you disrupt the story? You essentially give the opposite story and you think, well, that's just lying to myself.

• 57:59Speaker 00

  But neurally it makes sense because the nervous system again, likes to be very economical, likes to do everything with the minimum amount of energetic expenditure. And to change anything requires attention and attention is expensive. Attention is expensive. And also I would say, as I'm kind of rambling all this, things are going very well for you. So you actually don't have any reason to tidy your space.

• 58:26Steven Bartlett?

  I have a P A now and another P A and I have a cleaner. So it's, you know what I mean?

• 58:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, you outsource it.

• 58:30Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 58:30Speaker 00

  Great. Well, there is incentive for all the folks that feel like they're not tidy enough. You have two choices. You can either start to be tidy now or you can be successful enough that you can hire some assistants. And I actually think, and I say this in all seriousness, I think that one has to ask like, where is my attention and neural real estate best devoted? I think about this every day. I mean, we are living in a war of attention. I wake up in the morning and I can be a consumer or a creator. If I reach for my phone, I'm a consumer. If I go to my journal, I'm a creator.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  My advice to anyone who wants to be successful in any domain is to do things away from where you broadcast and then take it to that broadcast. I mean, take your real life to Instagram and be very cautious about taking Instagram to your real life. Does that make sense?

• 59:25Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 59:25Speaker 00

  If you look at successful people, they're doing things away from the platforms and putting them on the platforms.

• 59:29Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 59:29Speaker 00

  So I have to be very careful. Then I go into the kitchen. Obviously, I talk to people in my home. But if I pick up the phone and I start making a phone call, it's like, is this call really about moving the needle forward? Or is this just kind of like passive use of attention? We have to be so careful nowadays, so, so careful. It's really challenging.

• 59:53Steven Bartlett?

  On that point of focus and attention, and thinking back to when you were 19 years old, one of the things people ask me a lot, and I guess it's a bit of a debate in the self-help world, is from a neuroscience perspective, is manifestation and this idea of like visualization, visualizing who I want to become and, you know, where I'm going, is there any neuroscience to support that that works?

• 1:00:12Speaker 00

  There is. And I'm not trying to be negative, but I'll start with the negative counter example for which there is evidence and it's less often discussed. So there's a wonderful researcher at New York University by the name of Emily Balchettis, who talks about how for goal setting and habit formation, fear setting is often one of the best tools. You spend some time, maybe five minutes or so, thinking about all the terrible things that are going to happen if you don't actually accomplish your goals. Nobody likes to do this, but guess what? It turns out to be pretty darn effective.

• 1:00:48Steven Bartlett?

  Really?

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  I know. It's really frustrating that this is the case. But again, you know, that has a lot to do with the way that the human brain is wired and likes to rewire itself. Now, that said, it is important to envision goals.

• 1:01:03Speaker 00

  Visualizing goals in detail, writing them out, in some cases, talking about them, although we can discuss that, why that might not be the best idea in every circumstance. It can be very beneficial because it's hard to conceive something that you can't imagine. But I think when people hear that visualizing goals or visualizing outcomes is critical, we sometimes forget that we don't always know what the end goal is. Sometimes we have to break this up into milestones. This is where I think Rick Rubin, even though he's not a formally trained scientist, has drawn a lot of interest for his work on creativity, which is, you know, Rick is about largely, you know, sensing the kind of energetic pull of an idea

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  and being able to explore that without too much self judgment or filtering or thinking about how it's going to be received. In other words, that the metamorphosis that leads to great music, great poetry, great scientific discovery, podcasts, finance, companies that one is building, et cetera, is a series of iterations that occur on the time course of about a day, you know? And so we can't always imagine the end or the end product as the outcome. This is why I said university is easy compared to other goals because the end is a degree. Right? Because you pick up your diploma. Like whereas in other areas, it's far more mysterious often. Now, visualization, I think, can be very powerful.

• 1:02:28Speaker 00

  But perhaps what's more powerful is to learn the brain and body state that best serves the work you're going to do. So for instance, if I'm going to do some writing and right now I'm working on a book, it's largely done, but I'm writing some bonus chapters. Unless I'm hyper motivated to do that when I sit down and hyper focused, I'll spend two, three minutes just closing my eyes, focusing on my breathing. It's meditation of sorts, but what I tell myself is if I can't focus on my breathing for two or three minutes, how in the world am I going to focus on writing for two or three hours? That sort of thing. The other thing that I want to make sure I don't forget is I mentioned that telling people your goals oftentimes can be useful if it stimulates a little bit of fear,

• 1:03:13Speaker 00

  like you have some accountability. But we also know that Because of the affiliative nature of people, in particular, people that support us, there is this danger. A friend of mine, who's a cardiologist at UCSF, taught me this. He said, you know, be careful who you tell that you're going to start a podcast or write a book, because oftentimes, the response will be, oh, yeah, that's great. You absolutely should write a book, or you should do a podcast. And people get a sort of reward from telling people about it, and then they never actually go do it. Whereas, I can cite numerous examples of where people were told, you're never going to be able to do that. You're never going to be able to be successful in that. And my goodness, those people dig their heels,

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  and they show that they can do it. Now, I get into debates about this with Rick from time to time. It's unclear to me whether or not the energy around trying to prove oneself is detrimental to the outcome. And I sense it is, right? This kind of grinding against like, oh, take that, and take that, as opposed to just doing things out of real love of craft. I think about the way I felt about Aquaria and fish as a kid, and it's just like, pure delight. That's the word that comes to mind. Just delight. I want to learn more about it. I want to do it and tell people about it. That's the wonderful romantic picture of effort and progress and outcomes. But in reality, you probably need both. You need to be able to access some fear and sense of competition, but also

• 1:04:43Speaker 00

  delight in craft. You know, like Peter Thiel's book Zero to One, as I recall, defines competition as anti-creativity in many ways, because through competition, you are, by definition, changing what you're doing in order to outdo somebody else or something else. And so you're morphing your creation in order to kind of overcome something. Whereas, if you're just purely thinking about something you want to grow and cultivate, there are none of those barriers. But in the worlds that I've been in, science,

• 1:05:17Speaker 00

  To a lesser extent, podcasting, and that's a wonderful feature of podcasting, but certainly in science, it is hyper competitive, right? Two laboratories working on similar things, people are concerned that if one publishes first, the other will not be able to publish, certainly not in as high quality a journal. And jobs are created through these journal publications. Podcasting is actually a wonderful field because let's say you and I have the same guest on our podcasts. All it does is raise it in the algorithm. It's not like, you know, and it's such a, and so I think there's a lot of collegiality and camaraderie in the podcast field that exists in little pockets in science.

• 1:05:57Speaker 00

  But science is a brutally competitive field, which doesn't mean it's anti-creative. But in a dream world where there's infinite amount of money for scientific research, because that would better humanity in my, in my view. And people didn't have to be competitive about grant dollars or publication. I think we would make far more progress as a species. So competition fosters outcomes. This is clear in markets, it's clear in a lot of domains. But pure love and delight of craft and creativity, that's definitely the way to go. But in most endeavors, you gotta have both. If sitting next to someone in class and realizing, okay, because this was me back when I'm thinking, okay, I, I love this topic, but gosh, I want that top mark.

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  I want that top mark on the distribution like that's, and, and like she and he are really, really good. And I'm going to, we're going to study together, but my God, when it comes time for that exam, like I'm going for it. A little bit of competition can, can bring out our, our best, I think, certainly in sport. But when it comes to creative endeavors that are really about our own unique contribution. I mean, you could tell me more about this in business because you're, you're, I don't, you know, I have a company, but I'm not a business person. But I, I always feel like competition can bring out more energy, but not more creativity.

• 1:07:16Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, and I think a big point I was thinking as you were talking was just about how much you let that new energy that comes from competition distract you. And this is it's the distraction that can destroy you because if Apple are going this way and they're building this product without the keyboard and without the stylus and that's they've got their vision and they see Samsung doing over there, something over there. And if they if they divert from their own mission and their own first principles towards what someone else are doing, then that's when it can become destructive. But if it means that they see Samsung doing something and they speed up and invest more in their vision, then it's okay. I think that's and it is this dichotomy between competition does drive better outcomes for everybody that's competing. But at the same time, yeah, it can harm you if it distracts you in a fundamental way.

• 1:07:59Steven Bartlett?

  It's kind of how I think about it, even with podcasting, like, you know, as you were saying, there's so many podcasts doing so many amazing things like I, I look at your podcast and I learn from it, but I know in my core, and we all know, I'm never going to be Andrew Huberman.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  And I'll never be you.

• 1:08:14Steven Bartlett?

  And I'll never be a Joe Rogan. I'll never be a Lex.

• 1:08:16Speaker 00

  And I admire your podcast very much and Joe's and Lex's. I think it's we each have our own unique style that we bring to it. Chris Williamson, you know, it's been a lot of fun to see the unique flavors of podcasts crop up and how similar that is to the world I grew up in in skateboarding, the observations of from the music industry that I saw firsthand or that, you know, Rick has passed along. You know, in the end, I think any creative endeavor is really about, and here I don't want to sound mysterious or woo, it's about the energy that we bring. It's about taking our life history and bringing it to that thing in whatever form.

• 1:08:57Speaker 00

  We don't even need to tell people our life history, taking our unique wiring and bringing it to that thing. And we can, again, look at things through the lens of biology and say, well, what are we talking, talking about when we're talking about energy? What is this energy thing that people are talking about? And I think it largely boils down to these catecholamines, the dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine cocktail that is setting the brain into a mode of attention, of motivation. We now know dopamine is more about motivation to seek rewards as opposed to feeling of pleasure or reward. There's a lot to be said about that. And keep in mind that these three neurochemicals, dopamine, norepinephrine and epinephrine.

• 1:09:38Speaker 00

  Has been the neurochemical cocktail by which humans and other mammals have set and pursued goals for hundreds of thousands of years. So we don't have like a unique system, a unique neurochemical system for seeking out of mates versus food versus creating shelter versus creating technology and whole societies. And it's not just these three neurochemicals. Certainly, there are other things involved, acetylcholine and, you know, a bunch of other things, neuroplasticity for that matter. But it's clearly the case that the currency that the brain has set around getting us into forward center of mass, as I say, to like envision something, explore, nope, not down

• 1:10:21Speaker 00

  there, this way, ah, there's a scent here, and trade out an actual scent for, you know, oh, there's something interesting here, there's someone interesting here. And like exploring that, ah, no, that's a dead path too, cul-de-sac, turn around, go, oh, here, and then connecting these nodes of progress. What's progress? Ah, there's kind of another surge of these catecholamines, which sets us in forward center of mass. You know, I don't want to oversimplify the biology, but when we talk about energy, for instance, taking time to rest at night, sleep, taking time to maybe meditate a few minutes, or do this practice that I'm a huge fan of, non-sleep deep rest, which is kind of a body scan, deep relaxation, long exhales.

• 1:11:05Speaker 00

  It's a practice very similar to an ancient practice called yoga nidra, which has been practiced for thousands of years. It's a kind of pseudo-sleep. And we know from a really nice study that NSDR, non-sleep deep rest, aka yoga nidra, can increase the baseline levels of dopamine in a brain area called the basal ganglia, which is for action generation and also withholding action, by about 60% from baseline, just a short period of doing this practice can re kind of re-up dopamine levels to a considerable extent. So remarkable study, and there are others like it. So what does that mean? Well, it means that in rest, we build up this capacity to be forward center of mass when we emerge from rest.

• 1:11:49Speaker 00

  That's why I think we have to sleep every 24 hours. This is why practices where we deliberately calm ourselves and still ourselves. Allow us to be more forward center of mass mentally and physically afterwards. It's kind of a duh when we hear it, we kind of go, oh duh, of course, rest, action, rest, action. But there's a lot more to it. If you start exploring the layers, you start realizing that excitement for things versus burnout. What's burnout? It's just trying to be forward center of mass for too long. It's, you know, misuse of our dopamine circuitry. It's, you know, ignoring the fact that these catecholamines and dopamine in particular, they are not infinite in their availability, right?

• 1:12:31Speaker 00

  There's a reservoir of them that can be depleted, but it can be replenished as well. And one of the best analogies for this was actually explained to me by a guy named Dr. Kyle Gillett. He does some online work as a, as a public facing physician, endocrinology in particular. And he said, with dopamine, it's kind of like a wave pool. You have this reservoir that can allow you to pursue things or scroll the internet or build businesses, whatever it is. If you are really forward center of mass, very intensely, you start generating these waves. And if you get big waves of dopamine and they crash out of the pool, you start depleting the reservoir. So when I think about drugs of abuse like cocaine, which leads to huge surges in dopamine or amphetamines, huge surges in dopamine. What do we know about huge surges in dopamine?

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  Well, after those huge surges, you drop below your initial baseline to a state in which the same thing doesn't feel as good anymore. You need so much more energy to get the same output.

• 1:13:28Steven Bartlett?

  That's what this is, right?

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  That's what this is. So.

• 1:13:30Steven Bartlett?

  I'll put this on the screen for anyone.

• 1:13:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. So my colleague at Stanford, Dr. Anna Lemke, who runs our dual diagnosis addiction clinic and wrote the wonderful book, Dopamine Nation, described this best. You know, it's sort of like a seesaw, but what whereby you get a big peak in dopamine, let's say from a drug of abuse like cocaine. People on cocaine, it's all about ideas and what's next. They're not like, hey, let's just kick back. It's all about what's, in fact, they have a million ideas per second. Most of them are terrible ideas, but they're very forward center of mass motivated. And then when the drug wears off, they feel very low and very depressed. The dopamine is actually depleted below baseline. People that work excessively, right? We all have different abilities to work out.

• 1:14:13Speaker 00

  But people that work excessively and abuse stimulants in order to do that achieve these peaks.

• 1:14:18Steven Bartlett?

  Is that like, so what would be an everyday example of that, working excessively? Do you mean like a pre-workout or something? Or do you mean?

• 1:14:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm not anti-pre-workout. Listen, I love to be well-rested, hydrated, have a nice pre-workout drink, maybe even a little shot of espresso, listen to some music and have an incredible leg day workout. It's an amazing feeling, right? But if you do that every single time, you start stacking all these catecholamine release inducing drugs. Okay, so you're getting adrenaline, you're getting epinephrine, which is adrenaline, excuse me. You're getting adrenaline, you're getting noradrenaline, also called norepinephrine. You're getting dopamine release. You're highly motivated, you're in that state that everyone is seeking and you try and do that seven days a week? You're not going to do it. And then you wonder why in the afternoon, you're just completely cooked and you can't do any cognitive work.

• 1:15:08Speaker 00

  Well, your dopamine and other things have crashed below baseline. So I think it's important to understand that being, as I'm calling it, forward center of mass, like really kind of motivated and pursuing goals is great. But most of the time, we're probably best off just coming off the gas pedal just a little bit to maintain that ability to continue to be forward center of mass. The same thing is true for stress. We hear stress is bad. Well, stress is bad, but it also sharpens your ability to learn. It creates energy, it actually boosts your immune system in the short term. I say tolerate as much stress as you can, provided you still behave like a kind person, right?

• 1:15:52Speaker 00

  Don't say or do things that are unkind and make sure that you still get great sleep at night. Most people, stress, stress, stress, stress, run around and then they can't sleep at night. And then the next day they're depleted. But a little bit of stress is healthy. Life is stressed, things are stressful. But again, you're going to be in your best state of mind if you're calm and alert. Alert and calm is the, is the magic recipe and the ability to sleep at night. If you want to take a bunch of pre-workout and you want to listen to some loud music and have a great crush at workout, great, but you should probably also be able to train without all of that. If you're somebody who loves new goals and you're very excited about travel and this and that, great, but do you have to layer in 50 things? And then you're sitting around at home and you're wondering why you're so bored when

• 1:16:37Speaker 00

  you're back home and why life is so depressing and you need more travel, more stimulation? In every domain of life, we see whether or not it's food, or exercise, or stimulants, or sex, or media, if you push things to the max, you're going to feel depleted and understimulated afterwards. And this trough below baseline, as Anilemki taught us with Dopamine Nation, that trough is a state that can last a long time. And it's how long? It's proportional to how high that peak in dopamine was. Not how long, but how high that peak in dopamine was. And when you're in that trough, that dopamine depleted state, typically what people do

• 1:17:18Speaker 00

  is they try and go out or access things that are going to reactivate the dopamine circuitry. And all it does is drive them further and further and longer and longer into that trough. What's needed is a period of waiting, of non-indulgence in any of these excesses that allows them to return to baseline. We know this from drugs of abuse. It takes more and more drug to try and get what turns out to be less and less of a high. Most all addiction, most all compulsive behavior can be cured, essentially, through a period of abstinence lasting somewhere between 30 and 60 days, which to somebody who's highly motivated to seek that thing or do that thing, sounds like an absolute horror. But that is highly effective.

• 1:18:02Speaker 00

  So for some people, it's work and stimulants. I have a number of people taking Adderall and work, work, work, work, work. I hear from these people all the time. Typically, they are from the tech and finance world. And they're like, why am I burnt out? Well, you've been blasting these catecholamine-regulated circuits for years. You need to just accept you're going to feel a little low for a week, then you're going to feel a little less low, and you're going to come back to baseline. And then, and only then, can you really get back into like full forward center of mass. But at that point, you can introduce, you know, I do think there is a clinical use case for certain ADHD meds, which are amphetamine. There are certain people that need those meds. Other people have driven themselves into this dopamine trough.

• 1:18:46Speaker 00

  And so they're seeking out anything and everything to get them out of that trough. When really what they need to do is stay away from all that stuff and just wait, just wait.

• 1:18:53Steven Bartlett?

  Go on holiday or something.

• 1:18:55Speaker 00

  Go on holiday, try and find reward in smaller things. You know, this is why dogs are wonderful in simpler things. And if that sounds heavy and dull to you, chances are you're a bit in the dopamine loop. I've been in these loops before. They're hard to exit, but once you exit them, you look back on them, you go, what was I thinking? Well, you were in a different state. You're kind of a different animal when you're in pursuit.

• 1:19:22Steven Bartlett?

  I think this is so unbelievably important because it really helps people to understand why they do what they do. And before you're doing a research on you coming here today and before understanding some of this stuff, I thought dopamine was, I don't know, it was this thing that came in these hits maybe. And if I did something, I got ahead of it, then I returned to baseline. If I did something again stimulating, I'd got ahead of it, then I returned to baseline. But what actually is happening is I'm doing something that's stimulating in some way. I'm getting this huge peak, then I'm crashing below baseline for a while. And when I'm below baseline, I'm, that's when I'm most likely to want to do something that's going to give me a hit again.

• 1:19:58Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:19:58Steven Bartlett?

  And when I saw that, it reminded me of the CGI monitor, the continuous glucose monitor that I wore, because it was a very similar pattern. If I had a lot of sugar, I had a big peak, then I crashed below my baseline.

• 1:20:10Speaker 00

  Right, that's a great observation. It's the perfect analogy, perfect analogy, because these regulatory systems are all about trying to maintain homeostasis. We all hear about, we learn about homeostasis, like the desire for balance. The, the, the human body and human physiology is actually geared more towards something called allostasis, which involves kind of stress modulation. But without getting into too many details, you know, these are dynamic systems. Meaning, brain systems that are designed to allow us to overcome challenges if need be. Right? This is why I always push back on the idea that, you know, stress crashes your immune system. You know what crashes your immune system? Being very, very stressed, working a lot, a lot, caretaking for someone else, and then stopping. You always get sick when you stop. Oh, yeah. Why? Because actually, stress activates the immune system.

• 1:20:54Speaker 00

  Makes sense that it would do that evolutionarily, right? And then when we rest, boom, our immune system kind of relaxes a little bit, and then we succumb to that, you know, the bacteria or virus. So, what does it mean? It means that we should probably learn to modulate. It's like driving a car. Anytime we feel that we're headed toward or in a peak state, we should probably kind of like lean back off that state just a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit, especially if that peak state is coming by way of pharmacology or some extreme circumstance. Just back off a little bit, maybe a lot, okay? So, when we do that, we learn to master the transition states between these, what I'm referring to as forward center of mass, flat-footed or back on my heels. It's a term I learned from a former Navy SEAL operator.

• 1:21:39Speaker 00

  He said, "With anything in life, you can either be back on your heels, like really challenged, flat-footed, kind of like calm and forward, or forward center of mass, like full tilt." I think most people would do very well to learn to master the transition states between waking and going to sleep, right? Many people can't fall asleep. Many people just kind of can't turn it off. You can learn how to do that by doing things like non-sleep deep rest, some long exhale breathing. Simple, self-directed, zero-cost tools that help adjust your autonomic nervous system to be more what we call parasympathetic, more rest and digest, just long exhales. Might not work the first time, but over time, these become very effective tools to self-direct the shift from forward center of mass to flat-footed,

• 1:22:22Speaker 00

  just kind of laying back, back on your heels, and there you go, you're off to sleep. When you wake up in the morning, some people are just depleted. Maybe you didn't sleep enough, but learning to get forward center of mass shouldn't require, you know, excess caffeine and stimulants and super loud music and, you know, a shocking text or email. Ideally, you can transition pretty quickly into being forward center of mass, but not full-tilt forward center of mass. And why do I say this? I think for anyone who seeks to be successful in any domain, academics, business, creative endeavors, whatever. If you want to have a long arc life and a long arc career, you really strive to control these transition states. And when I say control, all it really takes is paying attention to them.

• 1:23:06Speaker 00

  And paying attention to the fact that, yes, some people just have inherently more energy. They can do every single workout at max output, then shower, they're talking in the gym, then they're off to the... Some people are like that. Some people, like myself, if I give 100% to something in the morning, by the afternoon, I'm a little bit depleted. So I require a 10 or 20 minute non-sleep deep rest, or a nap, or just some quiet, long exhale breathing. Maybe a little bit of caffeine, which I'm drinking now. I mean, there's nothing wrong with healthy stimulants, provided they're consumed in moderation. Maybe an energy drink, those can be great too, for some people. And then, you know, really going like full tilt, focusing one's attention. And then afterwards, taking a few moments, just moments, to downshift. I think we hear so much about the power of meditation,

• 1:23:51Speaker 00

  or non-sleep deep rest, or ice baths. What do cold plunges and cold showers do? They stimulate the release of, what, the catecholamines? Dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine, long duration release. That's why it's useful, in my opinion. For all the debate about deliberate cold exposure, does it increase metabolism? Does it not? The answer seems to be probably not much. But it's absolutely clear that it causes a huge increase in adrenaline, dopamine, and norepinephrine that are very long lasting. And that makes you feel great, especially when you get out of the cold. And I think that's the value of it. It also saves you on your heating bill. Like, you don't have to have a cold plunge, you take a cold shower. Nobody likes it, but the point is you get out and you feel different. It's a state shift.

• 1:24:33Speaker 00

  So that's great, but you don't want to do it to excess. Because then, you know, for instance, people always say, "How long should I go in the cold plunge or cold shower?" And I say, "Do it the minimum amount, so that you get the effect that you're seeking, which is to be more alert and motivated." I have a friend, he did 30 minutes, for some reason, naked. He said, "I did 30 minutes naked in the cold plunge, and then I got sick and I'm feeling really low." And I'm like, "Because you did 30 minutes." I mean, I don't know about the naked part, what that had to do with it. But he had to throw that in there, he's an extreme guy.

• 1:25:03Speaker 00

  I said, how about one minute? How about 30 seconds? How about, don't even pay attention to the time. Just get in and stay in as long as, until you want to get out. And then push through that barrier and then get out. That might be a minute, might be three minutes. You know, protect yourself, be safe, but just learn to overcome some challenge and then get out. You know, we have this fixation that more is better. And more is not better. You want the minimal effective dose, maybe a little bit more because we don't know where minimal is. People say, how many sets in the gym? Is it, you know, now it's like all about the volume hypertrophy or like, I've always fairly low recovery quotient. So for me, I like to do a couple of warmups, a few hard sets, two or three hard sets. Another exercise, two or three hard sets.

• 1:25:47Speaker 00

  That's it for that muscle group, move on. People always say, well, volume is where it's, okay, great. But when I do 16 to 20 sets per week per muscle group, I'll tell you, I'm depleted. It doesn't work for me. And I sort of, well, just be honest, I kind of chuckle at the exercise scientists who say, well, this is the way it is in this study. Great, that's not how it works for me. And even though I'm a scientist and I trust data, I also trust my own experience. And no one's going to tell me that it's placebo because it's what's worked for me. So I think that you have to find what your capabilities are. And I do think if you look at dog breeds, of which I'm obsessed by. If you go to a dog show, which everyone should go to a dog show once, but don't watch the show. Go behind the show where you see all the different dog breeds.

• 1:26:30Speaker 00

  What you'll see is what I saw the first time I did that. You have dogs where they're wagging their tail all the time. They're super excited, they're alert, you can see their eyes, right? They're just bright eyed. You can see the Great Danes, they're super still. And then my favorite breed, and the reason I own them, is the Bulldog. The essence of economy of effort. They don't even lift their head off the ground. You walk over, you pet them, they'll like look up at you and they might wink. Very still animals, very powerful, but very still animals. Now, I'm not wired like that, as you're probably getting the impression. I have a little bit more spontaneous movement, et cetera. So I need a lot of mental and physical stimulation in order to be happy, in order to feel fulfilled.

• 1:27:12Speaker 00

  So for me, there was a lot of work, and I still do a lot of work in order to learn how to downshift, take it down, become a good sleeper, become a good resetter. Reset myself during the middle of the day with things like non-sleep deep rest, which for me has been one of the most powerful tools. Or long exhale breathing to just. Bring myself down. Other people, they tend to have a little bit less energy than life demands of them. So they need to do a bit more cold shower, a little bit more caffeine, but then those people probably need a little bit more rest. They're like the bulldogs of life. I think even though we're all the same species, just like dogs, there's a lot of variation there. So you have to know thyself, as the oracle said, understanding a little bit about the catecholamines, understanding that certain things like exercise, deliberate cold exposure,

• 1:27:55Speaker 00

  stimulants like caffeine, and prescription drugs like Adderall, etc., powerfully cause the release of these catecholamines, dopamine, epinephrine, and norepinephrine, leading to big increases in energy and focus. But then always, always, always, there's a cost, a trough that follows. Accept that, relax through it, then return to baseline and then go forward, or avoid those things altogether. I'm not telling people what to do. Obviously, the prescription drug thing in particular can be problematic for some people, even addictive. And certainly, I'm not a fan of drugs of abuse like cocaine and amphetamine, absolutely categorically. Never done them, never will. And then other people who tend to veer toward being hyperactivated, a lot of spontaneous movement, these people tend

• 1:28:40Speaker 00

  to be a little bit thinner, a little bit leaner, or just have a ton of natural energy. These people should really learn to incorporate more, kind of what I would call calming and relaxing practices, maybe a bit more sauna than cold plunge. Maybe don't crank the sauna to 220. I find myself doing that. I'm like, just relax, enjoy the sauna. And so I think the key to a good life and a productive life is, again, to learn to master the transition states, understand some of the biology, and to really know yourself, not just your natural tendency, more bulldog-like versus, I don't know, pit bulls always have their tail going, a lot of spontaneous movement, there are other breeds as well. But also know that on any given day, you may be more or less rested, you might be more or less depleted

• 1:29:25Speaker 00

  from life experience, and kind of recognize where you're at, and figure out what's optimal for that day. In fact, I forget who the guy is. He's on Instagram and there are a lot of self-help account. Then there are a lot of self-help accounts out there, but one of the best things that I've heard recently, and I try to incorporate it into my life. In fact, it's in my notebook, is when I wake up in the morning, I sort of take stock of where I am in terms of how rested I am. I certainly take stock of what I need to do that day. And then I ask, what's something that I can do to make my life that day and the life of others better? Sometimes that means rest a little bit more. Sometimes that means push a little bit more. Sometimes that means

• 1:30:07Speaker 00

  call a relative that you haven't spoken to. But thinking about how to make things better on the time scale of a day for oneself and for others, I think is what's manageable and it's what's realistic. And it takes this whole concept of protocols and biohacking and prescription drugs and supplements and workouts. And it brings a real world perspective to it. So I think we're living in the in the time of kind of almost avatars of these different things. Like I think about David Goggins, who I know well, well, from the perspective of coworker, right? I consider him a friend, but we've never hung out outside of the work context. But I first met David back in 2016, and I'll tell you, he's always that way, at least when I've interacted with him.

• 1:30:50Speaker 00

  He's always been, you know, forward center of mass. He was late in the day on a work. This was a thing in Silicon Valley. It was down in San Jose, Santa Clara, San Jose area. In, I believe it was 2016, and we had been working all day in this part of this consult for this company. And in the afternoon, you know, there was like, do we take a break? Do we push? He's like, no, we push. We're gonna do this. And I thought, whoa, like, this guy's intense. And he was changing because he was gonna run to the airport, but not run to the airport in an Uber or drive to the airport. He meant run to the airport. And he did. So, you know, he's forward center of mass. He clearly has the energy or he's found the energy.

• 1:31:30Steven Bartlett?

  Can you train that? Can you raise your sort of baseline dopamine level? Or are they two separate questions?

• 1:31:37Speaker 00

  It's a great question. I don't know that we have the answer. I think you can if you become more economical about whatever dopamine or other neurochemicals you happen to harbor inside. We know there's a lot of genetic and individual variation to these things. You know, there's a joke among parents, right? Like how they come out is how they stay, like the mellow kid, the mellow baby that didn't cry much. The happy baby remains the happy person. There are circumstances that can alter that versus the fussy baby that's always fussy, even as an adult. Parents talk this way, but parents say all sorts of things. But you know, I know people, for instance, like Rick Rubin, for instance, who is very

• 1:32:18Speaker 00

  high energy, but very calm. It's part of Rick's magic. He knows how to regulate and control his energy. He has this uncanny capacity to get near things, in particular, art, music, and to experience them, really feel them, but not get absorbed by it. Not feel, at least to my knowledge, depleted by it. Some people get kind of absorbed by things and then depleted.

• 1:32:43Steven Bartlett?

  Is this like the introvert extrovert conversation as well? Because two people can be in the same room. And I mean, I consider myself to be a bit of an extrovert, sorry, introvert, where if I stand in a room for two to three hours doing small talk, I, the way I describe it, it's like my brain feels fried. Whereas my assistant, Sophie, it's like you've poured fuel into her.

• 1:33:02Speaker 00

  Yeah. I'm similar to you and I have an ex-girlfriend who loved parties. She would just get so much energy from parties. And I like certain parties, but I like the small conversation I might have at a party. So that resonates with me. I think we can shift, well, to answer the introvert extrovert question, I do think that some people get energy from social interactions, other people less so. But I know people who are quite quiet, who like social interactions. They're just more an observer in those interactions as opposed to a participant. The introvert extrovert thing also, at least my understanding of the science is that it depends a bit on how quickly you fill up

• 1:33:43Speaker 00

  with social engagement. Like, I like a good party, but after a couple hours, I'm like, done. You know, and other people, they can just go, go, go, go, go. They get more energy from it. I think, you know, we think of Goggins as kind of an iconic example, because he is, of somebody who is capable of pushing himself regardless of what the internal narratives might be. That's my sense, having spoken to him about it on my podcast and observed him on social media and other podcasts. Some people, like Jaco Willink, embody the, don't even think about it. You do it because it's 4:30 in the morning, and at 4:30 in the morning, you work out. Like, don't think, do. Whereas when I think of David, I think of many things, but in particular,

• 1:34:24Speaker 00

  about overcoming the voice in the mind that's trying to pull you down and defeating that. In fact, having multiple representations of self in the brain, which is a fascinating thing unto itself. And then when I think about Rick, I think, you know, Rick is iconic in my mind for his sense of creativity, his ability to sense what is truly new and unique. He has incredible taste, right? To really be able to sense like, this is new and different and exciting. And he seems to understand, without trying to seek what people are going to like, what people inevitably love. So that's his, one of his many superpowers. And everyone has their superpower. Those are just so extremes.

• 1:35:08Speaker 00

  I think of Lex Friedman as somebody who is so thoughtful. And, I mean, I don't think people really understand just how hard Lex thinks about the tragedies of the world, the darkness in the world, but also the love that's in the world. I mean, he really like, hyper affiliates with what's happening in his mind. And he's able to really like, absorb himself in that. And you can feel like his, like, he gets right up next to the fire, like, right up next to these things. And I think he represents a kind of iconic example of an explorer who will look anywhere. Even if people are going to... Give them a hard time for it, but I think mostly people celebrate him for it.

• 1:35:53Speaker 00

  You know, so I think, you know, different people have different lenses on life and different capacities. I think if one wants to increase their baseline level of dopamine, I think it's important to regulate those peaks and troughs. I'm not a believer in like never having peaks in dopamine. A great wedding party, like I've been to some weddings where we just like partied all night. Or great concerts, I'm actually a huge fan, it's kind of a genre of music I don't know much about, but I've always loved that band, James. Do you know the band, We Are James? No. Oh, it's so good. Okay, I'm gonna lose punk points for saying this, but best live shows ever. Just the best live shows I've ever seen, and I know there are, and I, and I know there are a lot of different ideas about best live shows based on genres of music.

• 1:36:38Speaker 00

  I just, it's like the best party you've ever been to. And I get a lift in energy that lasts two, three days from that. I don't consume any substances at those shows. They happen very seldom, but when I've gone for two or three days, I feel like a changed person. It's a marked shift in neurochemical state. And I don't feel a trough afterwards, so I want to be very clear. There are certain things, like celebrations, concerts. They seem to give us these big surges in neurochemicals, but they don't leave us depleted. And I'm very intrigued by these experiences. Because when I look to some examples, I have some friends who've been very successful in the tech sector and finance sector. They make a lot of money and I always worry about them afterwards.

• 1:37:23Speaker 00

  Inevitably, they end up depressed, not knowing what they want to do. So I always encourage them to keep working. In fact, the happiest people in tech and finance are the ones that keep working even after they get rich. So the people I see who are very happy are the people who take stock of their natural levels of energy, curiosity, motivation. You know, we could say dopamine, but that's kind of a surrogate for a bunch of other things. And it's incomplete, right? There are other chemicals involved, but for sake of conversation, we could say dopamine, catecholamines, epinephrine. And you sort of know what they're capable of on a consistent basis. I think one of the best pieces of advice that I ever got was from a neurologist by the name of Bob Knight when I was a graduate student. He said, figure out how much work you can do

• 1:38:07Speaker 00

  over the course of the next four to five years on a consistent basis, because it's gonna change as you get older. Might not even go down. So for instance, I know that I can work a good, solid 12 hours a day. That's me, 12 hours a day, five, maybe six days a week, but I like one full day off per week. I just like that. Typically, it's Sunday for me. I'll do some exercise and some other things, but if I try and go 15 hours a day or 12 hours a day, seven days a week, I'm going to run aground. For other people, they need to work less. And now some people will say, okay, but do you have kids and this and that? I'm not saying what work means. It could be career, it could be family, both. But I'm not somebody who has an infinite amount of energy, but I have a lot of energy.

• 1:38:51Speaker 00

  If you have less energy, you can do things like try and get great sleep, try and eat as well as you possibly can. You may have to do more to get more energy, but you sort of have to accept your own kind of baseline state. And I think, I certainly know many people who are like mellower, calmer, have quote unquote, less energy. They're just more efficient with that energy. They place it correctly. They're not wasting their energy. I know people that can scroll Instagram all the time, talk about what's going on on Twitter, watch three podcasts, program and do a million things. I'm like, they're fine. So I think we have to know where our groove is and that we can deviate from that about 15 to 20%. But anything more extreme than that, we're going to end up in trouble.

• 1:39:36Steven Bartlett?

  I think a lot of the reason why people are curious about dopamine is because ultimately they want to be more productive or effective at some goal they have in their life. So it might be building a business, it could be some, it could be a podcast, whatever. So taking everything you know about dopamine and how it works. If you were giving me advice on how I could be a better entrepreneur, podcaster, whatever. The first thing I got from you was really about this idea of transitioning between states and also allowing time for my reserves to replenish after a high dopamine activity. Is there anything else that I should be thinking about?

• 1:40:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, so we could operationalize this in a very clear way. Get enough sleep for you. For some people, it's six hours. For some people, it's eight hours. I'd like to dispel the myth, even though my friend Matt Walker will probably get upset at me for saying this. Not everyone needs eight or nine hours of sleep. Okay, I got six last night. Okay, I actually went to bed at midnight last night. Oh, excuse me, I got six hours and 45 minutes last night. I went to bed at midnight, which is kind of late for me, woke up at 6:45. But get enough sleep. If you wake up in the morning and you can't get more sleep, for whatever reason, can't fall back asleep, or you have to get out of bed. If you do not feel rested, I recommend doing a 10 or 20 minute non-sleep deep rest or yoga nidra protocol. They are available zero cost on YouTube. You could put NSDR,

• 1:40:53Speaker 00

  my name, if you want to listen to me, do one. You could put NSDR, Kelly Boys does wonderful yoga nidras. She has a very pleasant voice. If you prefer a female voice, there's some wonderful yoga nidras by a woman named Kamani Desai. Anyway, these are all zero cost scripts that are available on YouTube. What is that? So, um, so non-sleep deep rest. Cause you did one today. You did one today. I did one today on the way here. Okay. Yeah. Here's what we know it does. Replenishes baseline levels of dopamine in the basal ganglia, prepares you for action, both mental and physical action. Can indeed help offset some of the sleep that maybe you didn't get, but you needed. We know that the brain goes into a kind of pseudo-sleep

• 1:41:34Speaker 00

  in this state. And there's also some evidence that yoga nidra and similar practices can improve rates of learning. Okay. So that's sort of the benefits. What is it? It involves what most people will call meditation, but it's different than meditation. You lie down, you could do it seated as well, but you lie down, eyes closed, and you do long exhale breathing. When we exhale, we actually slow our heart rate down. I could talk about how this is. This is through respiratory sinus arrhythmia. This is a relationship between the vagus nerve and the beating of the heart. But in any case, when we inhale, our heart actually speeds up, it's beat slightly. And when we exhale,

• 1:42:14Speaker 00

  it slows down, it's beat slightly. So it involves a lot of long exhale breathing. It involves a body scan where you deliberately relax different aspects of your body. So first your feet, then your legs, then your hands. It's sort of a body scan of sorts with long exhale breathing. And it takes you into a state that's pseudo-sleep. You're somewhere between sleep and awake. Now, the beauty of NSDR and yoga nidra is that part of the instruction at the beginning is to stay awake. Now, if you fall asleep, it's okay. Just make sure you set an alarm if you have to go to work or do something else. But By staying awake while being very relaxed, it seems that the nervous system can continue to stay in a sleep-like state enough

• 1:42:57Speaker 00

  that you replenish some of these neurochemicals that prepare you for cognitive and physical action. Now, there are 10-minute NSDRs, there are 20-minute NSDRs, there are even hour-long yoga nidras and things of that sort. So it depends on how much time you have before you need to get up. So if you sleep well the night before, you wake up after six, eight hours, and you're ready to go, boom, go. But if you're not, I highly recommend doing a 10, 20, or 30-minute NSDR practice. You will find that you will be far more rested. You will feel far more mentally and physically vigorous when you emerge from that. It's remarkable. And Matt Walker's laboratory and I are gearing up to do some studies on this, to figure out exactly what's happening. Is the brain really going into sleep? Or is it something entirely different?

• 1:43:41Speaker 00

  We don't quite know yet. In any event, it most certainly works. And soon we'll know the exact mechanism in the brain, but this dopamine, but this re-upping of dopamine is very, very clear from the existing studies. So what are you doing there? You're essentially filling the reservoir for the day of activities, okay? Then I recommend hydration, which has a profound effect on energy levels. So 16 to 32 ounces of water. People debate, drink out of plastic, or don't drink out of plastic. Do you have to purify your water, etc.? You know, listen, it depends on budget and interest and level of paranoia. I drink a filtered water. I tend to drink out of ceramic or glass,

• 1:44:23Speaker 00

  but I am somebody who will occasionally drink out of a plastic water bottle. I'm not neurotic about that sort of thing, but look, if you are, fine. And we could all do well to limit the amount of plastic waste in the oceans. So there you go. Hydrate. Then some people, like myself, do very well to get some exercise and sunlight, ideally simultaneously, but certainly get some sunlight. And exercise prior to caffeine. Some people do, some people don't. Okay. I also understand and totally support people who just want their coffee or tea first thing in the morning. There's no rule that says that you can't do that. But for me, what I would do is I'd get up, use the restroom if you need to, hydrate,

• 1:45:04Speaker 00

  and then get some bright light in your eyes, ideally from sunlight first thing in the morning. Why? Well, there's a whole story about circadian biology here that I could tell you, but I've done that many times before. Suffice to say that getting bright light, ideally from sunlight in your eyes, even through cloud cover, so if you're in the UK, even through cloud cover, increases the amount of cortisol release in your brain and body markedly. That is a good, healthy increase in cortisol that is associated with the transition to waking up. So we know that bright light in the morning, especially from sunlight, increases daytime mood, focus, and alertness, and it will improve your sleep later that night.

• 1:45:44Steven Bartlett?

  Can I ask then, because I woke up at a hotel this morning, and because of you, I now think about sunlight a lot. So I woke up and I have a balcony in the hotel, but I can't see the sun because the sun is on the other side of the hotel.

• 1:45:55Speaker 00

  Right, so you're west facing in the morning and it's coming up in the east. So here's the ideal circumstance. You go outside, you take your sunglasses off, eyeglasses and contacts are fine, even if they have UV protection. You face east, it's a clear morning, the sun is there, maybe it's even rising across the horizon, and you watch it for five, 10 minutes, and then you go back inside and carry about your day. Here's the realistic situation. You wake up, you're in a hotel or an apartment, you've got things to do, your phone is on, et cetera. What do you do? Get out onto the balcony, get some natural light. The ambient light, as we say, is still far brighter outside, even on an overcast day, than it would be indoors with the brightest possible overhead lights. Now, there are seasonal affective disorder lights, so-called sad lights, that are designed

• 1:46:39Speaker 00

  to generate 10,000 lux or more and simulate sunlight. There's really no simulation for sunlight, but those special lights are a special circumstance. Here's what I know for sure, and everyone will agree, that it's much brighter outside, even on an overcast morning, than it is at night. Okay, you can see even on an overcast day, typically without a flashlight. That tells you there's a lot of photons, a lot of light energy outside. So the best thing to do is just get outside, especially on overcast days, and get some ambient light in your eyes. When I say view morning sunlight as soon as possible after waking up, two questions always emerge. First is, what happens if I wake up before the sun comes out? Well, listen, unless you have powers that I'm not aware of, you're gonna have to wait for the sun to come out.

• 1:47:21Speaker 00

  Okay, I just don't have any way to make it rise any faster for you. So, and if you do, please like email me and let me know how that's done. But the point here is that on an overcast day, or even if you're not looking in the direction that the sun happens to be rising, you're still getting sunlight. The photon energy is what arrives at your eyes, eventually triggers activation of cells in the neural retina, this pie crust-like tissue that lines the back of your eyes and signals to your brain it's time to wake up. So when I say view morning sunlight, a lot of people think they need to see the sunrise across the sunset. I don't mean you need to see the sun as an object. You need to see the light emitting from the sun. And even on overcast days, that's there.

• 1:48:03Speaker 00

  Now, on densely overcast day in the thick of winter in the UK or Scandinavia, it can be quite dark even in the morning and throughout the day. In that case, you'll really wanna strive to get some bright artificial light exposure in the morning and throughout the day as well. But this business of getting sunlight, and we can put light in capital letters, not necessarily seeing the sun as an object, but getting sunlight in your eyes early in the day increases that cortisol peak and its duration. This is great for your immune system, it's great for alertness, and when we hear cortisol, normally people think, bad, oh, cortisol is bad. No, cortisol is terrific. You need cortisol. Trust me, people who have deficits in cortisol production or regulation have all sorts of problems.

• 1:48:44Speaker 00

  We're talking about getting a healthy, big increase in cortisol early in the day that carries your energy until the evening and then the cortisol drops off.

• 1:48:52Steven Bartlett?

  What about shift workers?

• 1:48:54Speaker 00

  Shift workers, God bless them, they're essential for so much of what we do and consume and need, so we have to be grateful to them. They unfortunately are in a very compromised health state. Often they have digestive issues, mood issues. It's a real problem and it's very dependent on the particular shift. The worst-case scenario for them is the swing shift, where they're working days, then they're working nights, on the order of, you know, three days on, three days off, et cetera. It's terrible. We know that health outcomes for shift workers are so much worse. We know that a few things can help. For instance, regular meal and exercise times. Okay. We know that red light, and here I'm not talking about red light therapy, I'm

• 1:49:34Speaker 00

  talking about working under lights that are a bit more red-shifted, long wavelength shifted, as we say, as opposed to bright fluorescent lights, can help reduce some of the cortisol release associated with shift work that occurs at the wrong times. This is a pretty nuanced topic that, again, depends on the shift. Ideally, one doesn't work shifts their entire life. If you absolutely have to do shift work, go to your boss, tell them I said this. Try and stay on the same schedule, even if it's a nocturnal schedule, which is the most unhealthy schedule. Try and stay on the same schedule for at least two weeks before shifting back to another schedule. If you're somebody who's required to stay up until 3:00 in the morning and then sleep

• 1:50:18Speaker 00

  until 11:00 a.m., does that mean that viewing morning sunlight, your morning at 11:30 a.m., is not useful? No, it's still useful. Try and keep things as regular as possible. That's my advice. But for people who are on a typical, what we call diurnal, daytime-active, as opposed to nocturnal, nighttime-active schedule, this business of hydration, sunlight, movement, even if it's skipping rope for five minutes, or jogging in place, or just swinging one's arms, or getting a little walk in the morning, immensely beneficial. If you can do a full workout first thing in the morning, great. If you don't have time for that until later in the day, I'll be the first to say exercise when you can do it consistently. So if, you know, don't think that if you don't work out in the morning that you shouldn't do it later.

• 1:51:01Speaker 00

  We know everybody, for sake of longevity and immediate, I guess what we call health span and lifespan and well-being for that matter, should be doing at least two or three days per week of resistance training of some sort. It's true for men, women and cardiovascular training in order to ensure healthy neuromuscular connections, brain health, heart health. This is just very, very clear. If you do that early in the day, fine. If you do that on your lunch hour, fine. If you do that in the evening, fine. Just make sure whatever you do in order to get that workout, whatever caffeine or pre-workout that you're taking, doesn't inhibit your ability to get a great night's sleep because sleep is the ultimate restorative. It's what really is the foundation of mental health and physical health.

• 1:51:45Speaker 00

  And I can say, if you want to be, because this question started off, what can you do to be, you know, have the best dopamine system, the best energy, the best creativity? As you move through your day, notice your energy levels. Well, certainly I believe that people should eat mostly non-processed or minimally processed foods. That's very clear regardless of whether or not you're vegan, vegetarian, omnivore or carnivore. And eat amounts and foods that allow you to have sufficient mental energy. So for me, that largely means high-quality protein and fibrous vegetables and fruit throughout the day.

• 1:52:23Steven Bartlett?

  What's your vice?

• 1:52:25Speaker 00

  Any carbohydrate with melted Parmesan cheese. So thin crust pizza, pasta with Parmesan cheese, especially if there's like a Diet Coke nearby or, oh goodness, I can just consume, consume, consume. It is very hard for me to hit my threshold with those things.

• 1:52:42Steven Bartlett?

  This is a slight tangent, but I will return to this dopamine conversation. It's related, but when you have that. Thin crust pizza or all that, whatever food that spikes your dopamine. For me, I've got a bit of a sweet tooth, so that's my advice. Carrot cake or something like that.

• 1:52:55Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, carrot cake's good. Especially if the ratio of the frosting to the cake part is set, right? If it's too much frosting or too much cake.

• 1:53:03Steven Bartlett?

  Facts.

• 1:53:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. Um, no go, but if it's just the right ratio.

• 1:53:08Steven Bartlett?

  So if I, I had that carrot cake yesterday, which no one knows about, I kept it to myself. But does that mean that I'm more likely with the understanding of dopamine to want carrot cake again tomorrow, the day after, because I've gotten into a bit of a carrot cake cycle? Because I think everybody, when they think about their relationship with sugar, understands that if they just laid off sugar for like three or four weeks, the craving seemed to die down.

• 1:53:29Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's an interesting question. I don't think we have the exact answer. Some would argue that we should have more of a kind of balanced relationship with food, whereby if we really crave something, that we should allow ourselves, that provided it's not some addictive substance or something, you don't want addicts relapsing. Um, here we're talking about food. We're not talking about drugs of abuse, et cetera.

• 1:53:50Steven Bartlett?

  But is food not addictive in the same way?

• 1:53:52Speaker 00

  Well, food can be very compulsive. I think some people are addicted to food. Um, I, you know, I define addiction as a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. We could probably attach to that. You know, the classic definition of addiction is where continued consumption or engagement in a given activity is actually maladaptive for your life, right? I mean, if you have four pieces of carrot cake this week, I doubt, given the shape that you're in, it's going to shorten your life. You might not feel great, but it's not going to shorten your life. You're certainly not going to like lose your income like somebody who's a gambling addict would. Um, this kind of thing, you're not going to throw your life away

• 1:54:36Speaker 00

  or go rob somebody in order to get that carrot cake.

• 1:54:39Steven Bartlett?

  But, but is it doing that? That, and I'm pointing now at the dopamine wave thing. Am I having a dopamine crash?

• 1:54:44Speaker 00

  You are, and Anna Lembke describes this best. Um, and you can do this experiment. It's kind of a fun experiment for you chocolate lovers. Abstain from chocolate for, say, a week. And then pick your favorite chocolate and take a little piece of that chocolate and put it in your mouth and taste it. And of course it will taste delicious. It'll taste wonderful. But if you notice very quickly, your brain shifts to a sense of wanting more.

• 1:55:12Speaker 00

  Not so much savoring the chocolate that you're eating, but wanting more. And you're thinking about, well, how much am I going to take? I'm going to take this square. Oh, that other square next to it broke off a little bit. Guess I gotta eat that one, too. So that's the dopamine system in action. And then what happens is you eat half the chocolate thing and you go, oh, I don't feel that good about it, but I kind of want more anyway. Why? Well, you're in that dopamine trough. The same amount of something is giving you diminishing returns. What's the way to make that chocolate taste absolutely fantastic again? Abstain. Now, there's also an interesting phenomenon, and this is why I said, I can't be exactly sure how to answer your question, accurately, that is. I have several friends, just by way of example,

• 1:55:54Speaker 00

  who reached their 40s quite overweight, 50s quite overweight, 30 to 60 pounds overweight. And they'd come to me and they'd say, I want to lose weight. Every single one of them has been highly successful in rapidly losing that weight and keeping it off the following way. And I'm not a nutritionist. I say, you can eat meat, fish, eggs, chicken, fruit and vegetables, and that's it. And drink water and caffeine and don't consume calories in beverages. And every single one of them lost 30, 60 pounds and has kept it off. Now, Lain Norton and I, who are friends and colleagues in the health space, he'll say, well, they created a caloric deficit and so they lost weight. I'd say, absolutely. I would also say, and I think Lain would probably agree,

• 1:56:38Speaker 00

  although there's no randomized control trial to prove this, that in eating that way, mostly whole, unprocessed or minimally processed foods, they did several things as well. One is you start to learn the relationship between how something tastes, its caloric value, its micronutrient and macronutrient value. What do I mean? When you eat a steak, like let's say a 12 ounce ribeye, if that's in your nutrition plan, meaning you allow yourself red meat. Let's say you eat that. You taste it. It's very savory. Hopefully, it tastes really good. If it's cooked properly, it's a great cut. And your brain learns the relationship between steak and calories and nutrients and amino acids. There's this whole amino acid foraging hypothesis of nutrition.

• 1:57:22Speaker 00

  Then you eat fruit. You taste the fruit. You actually taste it. Now, this is far and away different than if you're consuming hoagie sandwiches and hamburgers and cheeseburgers. There's something about removing the bread. There's something about removing the pasta. There's something about removing those foods that I believe has nothing to do with those foods being bad. In fact, I love bread and pasta, high-quality bread and pasta, and I do consume those. But I'm not trying to lose weight, nor gain weight. When people eat in that way, meat, fish, eggs, chicken, fruits and vegetables, and nothing else, for a couple of months, what every single one of them says is, "Well, then we had this party, and you know, the kids were having birthday cake, so I decided to allow myself a slice of cake." They ate it, and it tasted disgusting to them. Or they, in some cases, threw up, where they

• 1:58:06Speaker 00

  just felt like it was gross. Whatever positive association they had with it before, it no longer exists. And then they get right back on their, let's call it, diet, and they continue along their way. And they're very relieved to learn that they actually enjoy healthy foods. I think that we can rewire, in fact, we know that you can rewire your association between nutritive value, taste of food, calories, and micronutrients. And so when I hear about these highly restrictive elimination diets where people do only meat, which frankly does not seem healthy to me, I think some fiber from other sources is good, although I'm sure Paul Saladino will come after me, probably with a drumstick or something. Jordan Peterson. Or Jordan, whatever Jordan's doing seems to be working for Jordan. So I'm not going

• 1:58:47Speaker 00

  to argue, people should do as they will, but you know, I'm an omnivore and enjoy that. But I think when people do elimination-type diets, the more important thing is that they're learning this association between taste and calories that seems to really work for them. And the pleasure of eating certain foods and really dropping into the

• 1:59:08Speaker 00

  Quality in the taste of that food. When we crave a food and it's kind of an indulgence food, like chocolate or carrot cake or something, it's more along this dopamine transition from peak to trough. Now, when I I love steak. My dad's Argentine, I'm half Argentine. So I love a great beef with chorizo or like a, you know, like I love red meat, but I don't eat two ribeyes. I eat one and I'm good. And so I think that there's something very sating about high nutritive quality food that includes fruits and vegetables and the vegans have their choices and the vegetarians have their choices. And so so much of what we think about when we think about dopamine and food is, yes, highly processed foods, candy, packaged goods, cookies, chips. They drive this craving for more,

• 1:59:53Speaker 00

  but people don't actually enjoy them that much. They just require them, or at least they think they require them. So I encourage anyone who feels addicted to those foods to take a, you know, healthy approach, when you consume enough calories, don't go on a crash diet, but try eating really high quality, unprocessed or minimally processed foods for just a couple of weeks. At first it's murder, they just can't do it. And then inevitably they call me and they say, I feel so much better and I don't even want that stuff anymore.

• 2:00:23Steven Bartlett?

  It's interesting how that then correlates with your own motivation. And I it's we fly out here to do this podcast and we come out sometimes for two weeks, three weeks, sometimes even four weeks. And we all eat the same thing pretty much throughout the day for those four weeks. So it's almost a dietary intervention for me because when we finish recording, my food is going to be there. I know what it's going to be. It's going to be basically a salad with meat in it, certain vegetables, et cetera. And so it becomes this like intervention, going to LA is this dietary intervention. What happens is when I come here and have that salad every day with various different meats and various different vegetables every day, is my motivation to go to the gym for some reason improves. My sleep ends up improving and it's like my that one sort of dietary intervention has this really downstream impact on everything else.

• 2:01:07Steven Bartlett?

  I get in the I get in the best shape of my life. I'm motivated, I feel good, I drive along. It might also be the sunshine out here, but and I just I I think people don't realize that even as you say, a week or two, having that dietary intervention, what are we intervention, cutting out the crap. Can have such a big reframing on your perception of food, how you experience it. And now I'm excited about the bloody salad.

• 2:01:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's wild how healthy foods become more attractive to us, the more we consume them and the more we avoid unhealthy foods. I think also a lot of people don't know how great you can feel getting some morning sunlight, great sleep, eating nutritious food. And once they do, once they experience that lift in energy and mood, it's kind of addictive in its own right. Now, I also think it's important to not be too restrictive, right? You know, around the holidays or something, I mean, I love a great slice of pie, like I do these things. I think if one gets enough movement, then you're fine. You know, if nothing else, this whole kind of trend toward the use of these GLP-1 glucagon-like peptide agonists like Ozempic and Monjaro, if it's taught us anything, it's that people

• 2:02:14Speaker 00

  are obese because they consume too many calories. They just ingest too much relative to their activity levels. And here, in particular in the United States, people are walking and moving far less. Most people get no regular exercise and they consume about thirty five hundred calories per day on average, so they're just on a steady weight increase for most of their life. More activity, less food intake is fairly easy to accomplish if you do just a few subtle things. So there are these levers, these major levers, like eating better, as you said, meat and salads. I mean, it's one of the most satiating meals you can have. I also find that if I consume fewer carbohydrates during the day, this is just me, it runs counter current to most everything you'll read out there. But I like to fast essentially until about eleven or noon, just because I'm not hungry. I like to exercise in the morning.

• 2:02:58Speaker 00

  But then I'll have a lunch that is some meat, some salad, maybe some starch, like a bowl of oatmeal or rice, but not a whole lot. And then toward evening, my final meal, you know, dinner, which is around seven or eight P M, generally includes a few more starches and a little less protein, and I sleep best that way. Some people, it's the opposite. They like a big bowl of oatmeal and just a couple of eggs in the morning and, you know, and some nuts in the afternoon, and then they like a big steak for dinner. You know, I think everybody's slightly different. Some people are just naturally have more energy. I think about Jaco Willink. I mean, the guy has so much energy. And I think it's not a coincidence that he works out at four thirty in the morning. I think that if you work out early in the day, you often have more energy throughout the day.

• 2:03:42Speaker 00

  I find if I get my workout done before nine A M, I have more energy all day long. However, if I work out mid morning, late morning. Pretty sleepy in the afternoon. Everybody's different.

• 2:03:52Steven Bartlett?

  Is there like a physiological rationale for that?

• 2:03:56Speaker 00

  There probably is. You know, as our body temperature rises in the morning, we are waking up. So when we exercise, we accelerate that transition toward being more alert. Now, in the afternoon, when our body temperature typically peaks, after that is usually when we get a bit sleepy. Typically, after lunch, people get sleepy, sometimes because of the volume of food they've eaten. Most often, it's because they've hit that temperature peak in the early afternoon. And we know that as body temperature drops, one to three degrees in the evening and nighttime, that's when we fall asleep. In fact, in order to fall asleep, your body temperature actually has to drop by about one to three degrees. This is why, you know, sticking a foot out of the, you know, the comforter, or if you have a cooling mattress, which some people require because they run hot,

• 2:04:39Speaker 00

  or keeping the room cool facilitates falling asleep. Although it's not completely the case, so I should mention, the best scenario would be cool room with warm blankets to fall asleep. And then toward morning, sort of a warmer environment, we actually get a little bit more rapid eye movement sleep, dream sleep, elaborate dream sleep toward morning. So you can get really nuanced in this stuff, all the biohackers know this. But, you know, basically, if you work out early in the day, you know, before eight or nine AM, it's going to accelerate that increase in body temperature and you'll feel more alert. There's also this beautiful phenomenon in circadian biology called entrainment, whereby, let's say you're not a morning person, you hate mornings. If you force yourself to get up and exercise at, say, six AM for three days in a row,

• 2:05:24Speaker 00

  by the fourth day, you'll naturally start waking up around that time. Because the circadian clock of the brain, we call the suprachiasmatic nucleus, the main inputs that drive when you're alert and when you want to be asleep are sunlight, exposure to the eyes, this is the whole basis for that morning sunlight exposure, physical activity, when you eat, and social engagement. And there could be a whole discussion about this, but suffice to say that if you start getting some morning light, some exercise, maybe even before the sun comes out, some caffeine, hydration, and then a meal in the early part of the day, your body will start to anticipate all of those activities. And even if you're a so-called night owl, you'll start to shift your clock toward being an early riser. And lo and behold, around 10 or 11 PM, you'll start to notice you're getting sleepy.

• 2:06:08Speaker 00

  Then you just have to have the discipline to turn off the phone, put in the other room, and go to sleep.

• 2:06:12Steven Bartlett?

  I wonder that. I do wonder if I'm a night owl because of bad habits or because of some kind of biology.

• 2:06:18Speaker 00

  Typically, people fall into one of three categories and it is genetically determined of you can be a morning person, a more typical would be somebody who goes to sleep somewhere between 10:30 and midnight, wakes up between 6:00 and 8:00 AM, and then the night owls, who like to stay up till 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, wake up around, you know, 10:00 or 11:00 AM. It changes with age. I'm a bit of a weirdo in the sense that I like to do most of my mental and physical work between 6:00 AM and noon. Then I'm not super effective in the afternoon. My brain doesn't work so well. I can take care of some little things unless I offset that. And then between 6:00 PM and midnight, I'm alert again. I don't know, maybe it's my Argentine roots, who knows? So, given it's the afternoon now and

• 2:07:03Speaker 00

  I knew that we were going to be podcasting, what I did is I did indeed get up at 6:45 AM. I did a bunch of work this morning for the podcast, some other things. And then on the way here, I did a non-sleep deep rest. I listened to that for about 10 minutes. I kind of sensed I was somewhere in sleep. I don't quite recall. And then when we arrived, I'm a little bit groggy, a little bit of hydration, a little bit of caffeine, and I feel completely alert. So you can learn to offset these troughs in energy. I think that at every stage of life, meaning for every five-year block of life, you can kind of predict what the best schedule for you would be. So when you're a baby, you slept all the time, that's your best schedule. When you were an adolescent, it was different. I have a niece, she's 17, and I went and stayed with my sister recently, and it was

• 2:07:46Speaker 00

  unbelievable. She went to bed at 10:30 at night, probably fell asleep at midnight because she was on her iPad with her friends. She would wake up the next day at noon, it's summertime, get up, say hello, get a glass of water, go back to sleep, and sleep for another hour. And that's exactly what she should be doing. Why? Because she's growing, right? She's just youth, in youth. In your 30s, it might be a different schedule, in your 40s, a different schedule. And then, of course, kids come along and they force the schedule. So I would say, whatever stage of life you're in, you probably know what the best schedule is for you, and you just have to work with the realities of life. But if you can adhere to that, knowing, okay, you have a peak in energy and focus at this hour, a peak in energy and focus at that hour.

• 2:08:29Speaker 00

  By all means, do it. I mean, Rick Rubin shared when he came on my podcast that his best day is to transition slowly into the day. Take a walk outside in the sun in the morning, slowly into the day. And then he does his work, really his main focused work in the afternoon and in the evening. Some people are more night shifted. Some people are more morning shifted.

• 2:08:48Steven Bartlett?

  I tend to get my best ideas, I think, right before I get asleep, which is annoying, because there's this temptation to go to my laptop and begin writing and begin working.

• 2:08:56Speaker 00

  Do you write them down?

• 2:08:59Steven Bartlett?

  Yes.

• 2:08:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:09:00Steven Bartlett?

  I write down little cues and then my team will know because it's useful when I'm on this timeframe, because my team in the UK are getting my memos at 7 a.m. there.

• 2:09:08Speaker 00

  Oh, right.

• 2:09:09Steven Bartlett?

  But they don't know that I'm, it's like midnight or 1 a.m. here.

• 2:09:12Speaker 00

  I'm so glad you mentioned this. I think for people who are interested in having a great life, a great career, it's very important to have a mode of capture. So for me, it's this notebook, and it's not just blank pages in front of me. I promise. These are just like little, little things that come to mind. It doesn't matter what's here. And I place them into the notebook. And then at the end of each week or so, or if I'm on a plane, I'll start to look back and see, you know, what are the ideas that feel sticky? Like, oh, there's something there. There's like a concept there. I'm actually thinking about doing a drawing book to teach neuroscience at some point. I'm also very interested in animals. So I was listing out, this is very embarrassing, but the different animals

• 2:09:54Speaker 00

  that I feel I embodied at different stages of my life and where I'm at now, because of the different energies. And that is very personal, right? Like, in the sense that it's not going to mean much in the kind of classic neuroscience sense. But I think having a mode of capture for these thoughts that spontaneously arise out of our unconscious mind. I mean, that's what's happening when you're falling asleep. Your conscious mind, which is involved in thinking and planning and organizing knowledge, is starting to tire. Those prefrontal cortex circuits are starting to tire. And your unconscious mind, which is the main driver of all your ideas and so much of what you are about as an individual, are starting to geyser to the surface. This is why in dreams, even though it occurs in symbols, we are playing

• 2:10:36Speaker 00

  with different ideas and ordering of different ideas. This is not Freudian, okay? This is not just Jungian psychology. We had an expert in this, you know, Dr. Paul Conti did a mental health series on our podcast. And he said, you know, the bulk of your brain activity, besides the stuff that's just regulating breathing and heart rate and digestion, etc. Is really devoted to this unconscious processing. It's taking events from your childhood, plans that you have that you don't even know yet, that aren't aware of yet, experiences that are happening today. And looking at those from different perspectives and offering those to you in what? In dreams, what are dreams? In stories, in narratives that are really disrupted in space and time. A lot can happen in a short period of time, then you're in a different room. Dreams are very distorted in terms of their representation.

• 2:11:22Speaker 00

  But when you're falling asleep, you're in that pseudo awake state, obviously, where your thinking, planning and action parts of your brain, your logical mind is turned off and these ideas are geysering to the surface. And this is why sometimes people have their best ideas in the shower, while walking, when they're not trying to have ideas. And you can see this by writing down a few things before you go to sleep. You can think, you know, like wondering what to do next year. Don't know. Okay, maybe it's that vague. Does that mean you'll have a dream that solves it that night? Maybe, probably not. But chances are, if you pay attention to, you know, during the day, you'll be walking along or for some reason, this always happens to me when I'm urinating.

• 2:12:07Speaker 00

  I don't know why. I don't know why. Like I go, like, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm relaxed. Like I go, especially if I'm in nature and I'm hiking, I'll go like, take a pee behind a tree. And I'll be like, oh, I have an idea. I don't know why that is. I think it's because I'm not thinking about doing anything except, you know, I'm taking a leak behind a tree. I guess this is very forthcoming for me to admit this. But, you know, some people stay in the shower, other people while they're running. One thing that I think is really useful for coming up with ideas. I seem to be mentioning Rick a lot today, but one thing I observed when I spent time with Rick is he has a kind of a practice, although he's never said this formally, where he'll be very still with his eyes closed. And I thought, maybe he's meditating, maybe he's sleeping.

• 2:12:51Speaker 00

  And it turns out, he told me that his mind is very active in that time, even though his body is very still. Now, that sparked something in me because I have a guest or had a guest on my podcast by the name of Carl Deisseroth. He's one of the luminaries in the field of neuroscience and one of the best bioengineers in the world. He's also a psychiatrist, a brilliant guy. And when he came on my podcast, he said that he has a practice every night after he puts his five kids to sleep. He's one of these hyperproductive people where he sits down. And he makes himself stay as completely still as possible, and forces himself to think in complete sentences. And I thought, this is interesting, because it was also reported or purported

• 2:13:33Speaker 00

  that Einstein would take walks and then occasionally just stop and let his mind continue in thinking while he stopped his body. And when you start looking back through history of science, history of music, et cetera, you'll find that there are these hyper creative, hyper productive people that have a practice of making their body completely still and their mind very active. Not meditation, where you're trying to just focus on your breathing, but they're actually actively thinking while keeping their body very still. Now, I find that fascinating. I also find it fascinating that some people, for instance, myself, if I take a long run, which I do every Sunday, I make it a point to run for sixty to ninety minutes every Sunday. Not fast, but I just go, go, go, go, go.

• 2:14:15Speaker 00

  Inevitably, during those runs, I come up with some of my best ideas. It's a, it puts my brain into a state where I can, things geyser up from my unconscious mind. And so that state of mind is one in which the body is very active, and I'm not trying to think about anything. So you have these two inverse states. One is body still, mind active. The other is body active, mind kind of free running, kind of just like spooling out. When I'm running, I'm not thinking about anything, and then ideas spring to the surface. In the neuroscience of creativity, we know that there's a meditation practice that's been studied called open monitoring meditation. Most typical meditation is you sit or lie down, close your eyes, maybe lotus position, maybe not, and you concentrate on your breathing.

• 2:14:59Speaker 00

  You bring your attention constantly back to your third eye center. Work from Wendy Suzuki's laboratory at NYU has shown just ten to thirteen minutes of that practice every day can improve memory, in particular, working memory, which is your ability to keep thoughts online, lower stress, and other benefits. There's a different form of meditation, which is open monitoring meditation, where you sit or lie down, close your eyes, and you actually are paying attention to everything around you. You focus your attention there in the room, there in the room, there in the room. Or you just let it all just kind of sift over you. You're not actually focusing on your breathing. And that practice of open monitoring meditation is associated with improved creative capacity. Now, improved creative capacity in air quotes

• 2:15:44Speaker 00

  is something that's measured in a laboratory. So synthesis of new ideas, creative solutions to a puzzle, et cetera. We're not talking about writing great works of music, but in a laboratory, you only have so many things that you can sample or measure typically in undergraduate students. So I am kind of just tossing all of this out there as a means for people who are interested in improving their creativity or exploring creativity to not just wait, not just wait. Have a mode of capture. Write things down or maybe jot them into your phone or voice memos. Maybe do open monitoring meditation. Maybe sit and force yourself to think in complete sentences with your body still. Maybe go for a long run or walk where you're bored. You're not listening to anything and see what comes up. I think everyone does this differently.

• 2:16:28Speaker 00

  But if you're able to access the state of mind, it can be immensely powerful because great ideas come to you.

• 2:16:34Steven Bartlett?

  So movement was the last one in the dopamine. We were doing this nice dopamine, like tree of things, sleep. We did the NSDR, non-sleep deep rest. We did the hydration, exercise, sunlight. If I'm trying to use what I understand now about dopamine to be productive in my relationships, but also in my professional life, is there anything else I need to be thinking? We also did food.

• 2:16:58Speaker 00

  And you can spike your dopamine and epinephrine and norepinephrine, the so-called catecholamines with a cold shower or a cold plunge. It is a state shifting tool. That's really what it is. I like to do sauna and cold at least once a week. Most people don't have access to a sauna. If you don't have access to a sauna, no big deal. You can take a hot bath, just don't scald yourself. And if you're a male-

• 2:17:19Steven Bartlett?

  I'm scared of saunas now because of the, um, someone told me that it might fry my sperm.

• 2:17:23Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, let's have a very frank discussion about that. It, it won't fry them, but it will definitely deplete the number of viable sperm. So if you're interested in conceiving- Just understand that the cycle for genesis of sperm, spermatogenesis, takes place over the course of somewhere between 60 and 90 days, depending on exactly what part of the cycle you're referring to. Heat is not good for sperm. This is why testicles exist outside the body, why the scrotum can both contract and, and sort of relax. And if you go into a sauna or a hot tub or a hot bath, you will lower the number of viable sperm that you produce and over the course of the next 60 to 90 days. So if you're trying to conceive,

• 2:18:07Speaker 00

  you probably want to avoid those circumstances. Unless of course, you go into a sauna and you take a cold pack with some insulation, please, and you put it in your groin. That's a straightforward way to maintain coolness of the testicles and maintain sperm while in the sauna. It's not going to permanently deplete your sperm, but it will dramatically lower sperm viable sperm count, forward motile sperm. We know this also from people that sit too much or people that have larger legs. I mean, these studies have actually been done. If you look at the correlation between amount of time seated, especially driving or on a hot car seat and sperm count and viability, there's kind of an inverse relationship there. Does that mean that you should actively cool your testicles? Or there's a whole culture of this on the internet.

• 2:18:52Speaker 00

  There are products that people can buy. I think they're, what are they called? Snowballs? It's like, I think that they're called, you know, which is like cold underwear or something. I think that's getting a little bit excessive. However, there's a kind of basic understanding that heat isn't good, excessive heat isn't good for sperm. And the whole rationale behind cold plunges for sake of testosterone and sperm probably can only be substantiated by the fact that if you get into a cold bath or cold shower. And then you warm up, you vasoconstrict, so you reduce the blood flow to the area. And then you're going to allow much more blood flow into that area after they warm up again. But again, heat is bad for the testicles.

• 2:19:36Speaker 00

  So if you're not trying to conceive, no big deal, or you could bring an ice pack in there. I will also say, and this is a very important public service announcement. Don't think that you can use hot tub or hot bath or sauna as contraception. I don't know that it's that effective. And I can assure you, without having looked at the data, that many child has been conceived, despite the fact that people were in a hot tub or bath or sauna. Whether or not they were actually conceived in the bathtub, hot tub or sauna is obviously none of my business.

• 2:20:09Steven Bartlett?

  The other thing that I I'm curious about as it relates to dopamine is pornography. I think pornography has become more readily available now than ever before.

• 2:20:18Speaker 00

  Certainly.

• 2:20:19Steven Bartlett?

  I can go on any social media platform, especially X, and I scroll down for long enough, I will be exposed to pornography, whether I chose to go and seek it out or not.

• 2:20:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, it'll find you.

• 2:20:27Steven Bartlett?

  It'll find you on pretty much every application. So it's especially concerning for young people who are in those formative years. But what is your view on pornography, dopamine, and the overall social harm of pornography?

• 2:20:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, so this is a controversial topic because obviously people have different opinions on limiting personal freedom, right? Both expression and consumption of pornography, right? But moving that aside and just focusing on things through the lens of biology and the dopamine system, we know that the more stimulating, the more intense an experience, the greater the increase in dopamine. I mean, it's very clear, based on neuroimaging studies, that, you know, more amphetamine causes bigger increases in dopamine than less amphetamine. More cocaine causes bigger increases in dopamine than less cocaine.

• 2:21:22Speaker 00

  Caffeine can cause an increase in dopamine, but it's not nearly the kind of increase, the peak that is, that you observe with amphetamine or cocaine, all right? So we can't just say stimulants, and we can't just say sex. We can't just say pornography. We have to ask, within the domain of pornography, because we know that sexual activity, and in particular, anticipation of sexual activity, okay, this is important. Anticipation of sexual activity raises dopamine levels. Then the question is, What is the range of things and the range of dopamine increase? Now, while there hasn't been a very systematic exploration of this, we know that, you know, a lot of pornography is extreme, right? It involves more than two people.

• 2:22:06Speaker 00

  It can involve all sorts of dynamics that, for some people, are going to be hyper-stimulatory. Okay? So this is very different than, I guess, what people would call "soft pornography", quote-unquote, right? And here, these are subjective labels. So let's just pick a hypothetical scenario. A person is viewing a lot of, let's say, high-intensity, high-dopamine-for-them-releasing pornography. Okay? For some people, that might be pornography of genre A. For other people, it might be pornography of genre B. For somebody who never looks at pornography, maybe it's quite mild, but for them, it's actually quite intense in terms of the amount of dopamine it releases. Now, what do we know based on dopamine dynamics?

• 2:22:50Speaker 00

  Remember, dopamine is the universal currency of motivation-seeking and reward. It's not like there's dopamine unique to pornography versus dopamine unique to food. It's just a matter of levels and duration. If somebody is consuming, let's call it, very intense, AKA, high-dopamine-releasing pornography on a regular basis, what do we know? That peak in dopamine will start to lessen. It'll be lower and lower. And the trough in dopamine after they view that pornography will be deeper trough and longer trough, meaning they are very likely, we don't know for sure, but very likely to seek out more and more intense experiences to try and just get them back to baseline.

• 2:23:32Speaker 00

  Pretty soon, the pornography that at one time was very stimulating for them is no longer stimulating. Now, the concern here is that, and let's just be frank, we're not just talking about viewing pornography. We also have to ask ourselves, what are people doing as they view this pornography? This is a conversation that should be had, but I have to do it in a way where I'm not imparting moral judgment on any of it. I'm not saying people should masturbate or not masturbate. That's none of my business, frankly. This is highly individual. It relates to all sorts of things in terms of values, et cetera. The point is, however, that we know that...

• 2:24:09Speaker 00

  Orgasm is a dopamine-related event. And post-orgasm, there's a increase in a molecule called prolactin in the brain. Prolactin actually, in part, sets the refractory period in which there can't be further erection in males and orgasm in males. Okay? And in females, it really depends. I mean, there's this whole world, I mean, Dr. Rena Malik is far more skilled to discuss this than I am, about, you know, different types of orgasms in women, et cetera, the extent to which multiple orgasms can occur in some individuals, not others. I think the general belief is that it's possible in most anybody, including males and females, right? But that it's more typical in females than in males, this sort of thing.

• 2:24:54Speaker 00

  Here's the point. Dopamine and prolactin generally are in a kind of a push-pull or seesaw relationship, whereby very stimulatory, high dopamine-releasing activities and pornography and things like that increase dopamine, but repeated exposure to that, regardless of the activities occurring during that time, lead to big, long troughs in dopamine, such that more stimulation is required just to get any sense of arousal. We also know that prolactin, when that is increased, tends to create a kind of subdued lack of dopamine, I'm using these terms broadly, kind of amotivated, non-motivated state. There are reasons for this biologically, right?

• 2:25:37Speaker 00

  After ejaculation, the idea is that animals won't then, or humans, won't then copulate again and again and again, at least not for some period of time. The duration of the refractory period is highly individual, it's determined by age, by species. There's the so-called Coolidge effect. Are you familiar with the Coolidge effect?

• 2:25:53Steven Bartlett?

  I'm familiar with postnat clarity.

• 2:25:55Speaker 00

  Okay. Slightly different. There's an anecdote that, at least to my understanding, is true. At least, the Coolidge effect is a known thing in neuroendocrinology, whereby... President Calvin Coolidge reportedly was visiting a chicken farm with his wife. They were touring the farm and there were a lot of hens and a lot of chickens generally. And the docent who was showing them around said, you know, this rooster here, pointing to a rooster, copulates more than 300 times per day. It's remarkable. And Mrs. Coolidge turns to President Coolidge and says, you hear that? 300 times per day. She's obviously quite impressed in letting him know that.

• 2:26:40Speaker 00

  And Coolidge, that is President Coolidge, says, ah, but let me ask you a question. Same hen or different hens? And the docent says, different hens. Now, here's the phenomenon, the Coolidge effect. It exists in rodents, it exists in chickens, it exists in dogs. People can speculate whether or not it exists in humans whereby if an animal copulates, then the male is in a refractory period lasting anywhere from minutes to hours to days, depending on age, species, et cetera. During that refractory period, they can't achieve erection and/or ejaculate again. But if you replace the mate with a novel mate, the refractory period is shortened substantially. Why?

• 2:27:24Speaker 00

  The answer is very clear based on actual measurements of brain dopamine. Why? Because dopamine is also associated with novelty. Now, the refractory period probably serves an important evolutionary role whereby it improves pair bonding so that post-ejaculation, post-orgasm, okay, here I'm interchangeably talking about these for males and females. You know, anytime you hear ejaculation, then people think males, et cetera. Post-orgasm, post-coital bliss, pair bonding, the sharing of pheromones, the sharing of stories, you know, the sharing of affection, right? The sharing of a bed to sleep in. These things are intimately involved in pair bonding. So I'm not saying that the refractory period is a bad thing. What I'm saying is that dopamine can overcome the refractory period, but the refractory

• 2:28:09Speaker 00

  period itself is largely due to an increase in prolactin that suppresses dopamine. So let's go back all the way to this question about pornography. What's the typical scenario? While this is not something I choose to think about a lot, you're talking about some individual in their apartment or home watching intense dopamine-stimulating pornography.

• 2:28:30Speaker 00

  In which they presumably are aroused or not aroused. They do or don't do whatever they choose to do, but that over time has less and less of an effect in getting them aroused. And keep in mind that none of this necessarily translates to real world, human, safe interactions between individuals, right? Pornography is very, very different than real world sexual interactions. So there is a phenomenon that is starting to surface on the internet. What do I mean by that? I mean, there are a lot of questions posed in podcast forums, meaning in the comment section on YouTube about is pornography dangerous? Is it bad, et cetera?

• 2:29:11Speaker 00

  I think the thing that we can say for sure is that any behavior, any substance that stimulates a lot of dopamine and that is easily accessed without effort is potentially problematic. Again, big increases in dopamine that are not preceded by effort are potentially problematic. Let's think about methamphetamine. Huge increase in dopamine. Was the brain designed to release dopamine in response to amphetamine? No, the brain was designed to dole out dopamine, give out dopamine at a level and duration that is commensurate with the pursuit of some evolutionarily adaptive goal. Methamphetamine bypasses that, gives you a huge surge in dopamine, which is why people feel miserable afterwards.

• 2:29:55Speaker 00

  They crave more just to get back to a lower level of dopamine. Same can be said of gambling, in particular in people that are very prone to gambling addiction. Certainly can be said for food, for certain people that are very prone to food addiction. Certainly can be true for anything. But when it comes to pornography, because of the, as you pointed out, the ready availability of pornography, in particular, let's just call it intense pornography, or that includes a lot of different. Other stimulatory elements, multiple people, a lot of scenarios that can be accessed on the internet, certainly not things I'm suggesting people go look at, but that is potentially problematic

• 2:30:37Speaker 00

  because it raises the threshold of the person that's viewing this as what is arousing, to the point where pretty soon they need those hyper-stimulatory environments, or stimuli in the form of pornography, in order to get aroused. And again, none of that translates into the ability to have conversation with partners, or the ability to have discussion in real-world circumstances. And of course, everything we're talking about could also be translated to real-world circumstances, but the data really point to the fact that younger people in particular are consuming more pornography. So we're talking about bigger dopamine increases with less, when I say effort, what I mean is kind of the more traditional thing was, at least when I was growing up, is you'd go out on a date, or you'd meet

• 2:31:20Speaker 00

  somebody, and there's a series of events that would happen prior to physical interactions, right? So this is potentially serious and problematic. There's a lot of judgment, and understandably so, because people arrive to this sort of discussion with a lot of different backgrounds, in terms of religious backgrounds, and what they think is okay or not okay. What I can tell you for sure is that I hear from a lot of young males about their challenges with porn addiction, and they want to know how to get over porn addiction. And the answer there is difficult, but very simple, which is abstinence. It's abstinence. It's taking a period of abstinence from pornography, maybe forever, maybe reducing

• 2:32:03Speaker 00

  the amount. This is where it gets very tricky, very subjective, and it's almost impossible to have the discussion without getting into some murky territory.

• 2:32:10Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 2:32:12Speaker 00

  But it's a real issue. And I know it's a real issue, because I hear from thousands over the last few years of the podcast, I've heard from thousands of males that are like, they were addicted to porn.

• 2:32:23Steven Bartlett?

  How do they feel?

• 2:32:25Speaker 00

  It sounds to me as if they feel very dejected. And some of them actually have said they felt very kind of misled, like almost like this thing, this natural stimulus for them was dangled in front of them and they just gravitated towards it the same way that any biological organism would gravitate towards something that was triggering its dopamine system. And now they feel depleted and kind of stuck and they don't know what to do. And I don't necessarily think I'm the person to remedy all of this. I certainly am not, but I think there needs to be a conversation, much in the same way that Jonathan Haidt has done an amazing job with Anxious Generation of talking about some of the severe detriments to overuse of social media

• 2:33:08Speaker 00

  and social dynamics on social media, in particular in young girls, and how we're now finally realizing that we're in a mental health crisis, at least in part because of some of that, and we need to pay attention to it. I think there needs to be a discussion around pornography and some of the challenges it can potentially present, in particular for young males, which is not to say that girls and women aren't also looking at pornography because we know they are. The data tell us that. But it does seem to be more of a problem that's being vocalized by young males. And this, of course, dovetails with the whole discussion about dating behavior and how that's changed in dating apps. And you know how the ready availability of kind of the possibility or anticipation of a partner is there, but actual dating behavior

• 2:33:53Speaker 00

  and real world sexual behavior is reduced. I mean, there's a lot that needs to be discussed. And you know, ideally, we would have a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a kind of panel of experts to talk about this. And maybe we do this together, you know, as a service to the world, because I hear about this a lot. For instance, just by way of contrast, I'm not getting a ton of YouTube comments and emails from people saying, hey, you know, I really struggle with, you know, with ribeye steak addiction, or with coffee addiction, or energy drink addiction. Maybe a little bit with energy drinks, but it's not crashing lives. It's not causing people to feel depressed, miserable about themselves. It's not causing people to have sexual dysfunction issues in real world interactions. I mean, this is also the concern, right?

• 2:34:34Speaker 00

  That young people are getting so attuned to certain dopamine dynamics related to pornography that they don't... Either get aroused or know how to handle real world intimate interactions.

• 2:34:48Steven Bartlett?

  Erectile dysfunction, all those kinds of things.

• 2:34:50Speaker 00

  For instance?

• 2:34:51Steven Bartlett?

  I have to be honest, and I just have to be honest because nothing else is useful. But I remember the first time I saw a pornographic image when I was young. And it was just a picture of like someone with like a nipple out. And it was the most arousing thing in the world. And obviously, as I've aged, I'm now thirty one. It would take a lot for me to see, for me to feel aroused. I certainly wouldn't get aroused at seeing like the thing that aroused me when I was sixteen or whatever that I found, for example. And that, as you were saying, I was thinking, gosh, even my arousal cycle, as I've gotten, you know, over the last ten years, has changed because of the availability of pornography, but also just sex as a, in real life, has, has become more extreme as it tries to keep up with the expectations that pornography sets.

• 2:35:36Steven Bartlett?

  And then I thought about a lot what you said about people messaging you, thousands of them about pornography. And the unfortunate thing about the abstinence advice is it leaves them with, many of them with what alternative?

• 2:35:49Speaker 00

  I mean, one would hope, depending on, you know, the circumstances, that they would seek out healthy relationships.

• 2:35:56Steven Bartlett?

  And then this goes to the social elements you described, which is it's really difficult. And when we, I've had multiple people sit here saying to me that it's pretty the top ten percent of men that are having most of the sex. And this bottom percent, fifty percent of men haven't had sex for a year. I go, so you're gonna, we've got to tell a nineteen year old horny young man that he's got to abstain from masturbation and pornography? And we might not be able to offer him an alternative for a year?

• 2:36:21Speaker 00

  Well, I'm not telling anyone what to do.

• 2:36:23Steven Bartlett?

  No, I know, it's not you, but I'm.

• 2:36:24Speaker 00

  Right, or maybe throttle back, throttle back his behavior. Or think about ways in which things he could do could lead to healthy romantic and sexual interactions, you know, assuming that, you know, he's of an age and, you know, the circumstances are like for that. I think that it's, you know, as you can tell, as I'm kind of stumbling here, I'm not trying to be careful, I'm trying to be as accurate as possible while also not. Stating things that I don't believe are true, like, you know, can pornography be consumed by certain people in a healthy way? Well, probably yes. Do a lot of people get carried away with it and it starts to become a detriment in their lives? Maybe even an addiction, maybe even impede

• 2:37:07Speaker 00

  other aspects of romantic and workplace behavior. Yes, we hear this all the time.

• 2:37:12Steven Bartlett?

  Do you know where I am now? I'm arriving at the position that I think pornography is bad.

• 2:37:19Steven Bartlett?

  Because, you know, again, I get lots of DMs and messages and the more I've understood about the brain and the body and the dopamine, et cetera. I just can't find a net positive of pornography. I can't find one, especially as it relates to my relationship with my partner. I've been with her for five years now. And I, do I think that me watching pornography, especially if I'm watching it frequently, is going to help my performance in the bedroom? Absolutely not, absolutely not.

• 2:37:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's sort of, um, what's that old saying? You want to get good at pushups, do pushups?

• 2:37:50Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:37:51Speaker 00

  Probably the best place to get, um, good at intimate conversation and behavior is in the context of, like you said, like a great relationship. With great communication, that sort of thing. I, I do hear about this concern from people a lot. I think that it's hard to imagine more benefits than kind of concerns or risks when it comes to pornography, especially for young males. I too grew up in an era where, you know, someone would have knowledge of like a Playboy magazine or something. Typically it was stashed someplace in town and then people would go visit it, you know? It was like a library or something.

• 2:38:32Speaker 00

  It was, it was sort of a, like an urban library type environment where, you know, people would know, oh yeah, behind the, it was always like a dumpster or something terrible. It'd be like behind the dumpster, behind this building, like there's a, there's a stack of Playboys and like then people would go there, right? But it wasn't a big part of my childhood. It wasn't a big part of my life, you know? I never found any pornography in my home. Like, you know, some kids will stumble across their dad's magazines or I never had that experience. I think that a lot can be said about the requirements and importance of creating healthy dating behavior. And that's a real world experience kind of thing. And, you know, this is a bigger discussion that deserves a lot of time.

• 2:39:16Speaker 00

  I'm not sure we have time for it now, but, you know, we're growing up in a world where So much of the input arrives through the internet. Again, a low effort threshold, high dopamine scenario. Right? Somebody wants to find something on the internet. They just Google for it and they can find it. You know, I think you want particular food that's extremely tasty. You can order it to your door. This is not potentially problematic. This is problematic. What it requires ultimately, however, I believe, is self regulatory mechanisms. There is no way that legislature is going to prevent us from having access to things.

• 2:39:59Speaker 00

  It's just not because people have always found a way. You know, I mean, you think about prescription drugs that deliver dopamine without much effort. You know, even if people don't have a prescription, I think the data are something like 80% of college students have taken prescription stimulants without a prescription. I mean, when I went to college, nobody did that. Nobody. We drank coffee. Occasionally someone would take a no dose, like a caffeine pill or something. And that was considered extreme and I still don't recommend it. Now, you know, there's all this consumption of pharmacology. There's consumption of porn. And I think that successful individuals will learn and understand this relationship about dopamine, especially their own, and they will learn to regulate.

• 2:40:40Speaker 00

  And they will be very careful about anything that spikes dopamine really high without much preceding effort. And that has the capacity for addiction. So I worry far less about the energy drink, the loud music and the workout. Far, far less, maybe not at all than I do high intensity pornography consumed on a regular basis. People taking prescription stimulants who don't need them. I mean, that's a recipe for burnout, depression or worse.

• 2:41:09Steven Bartlett?

  How does this kind of dovetail into having meaning in your life? Cause I'm thinking now about those young men. And in that sort of stereotype, they're maybe sat in their bedroom alone. Probably don't have a romantic partner, maybe don't have a lot to be aiming at in their lives. And the group of people that fall into those gambling addiction behaviors or that pornography behavior oftentimes, not always, but often are also lacking in some kind of meaning. Is there like a correlation between the two? Are they associated?

• 2:41:38Steven Bartlett?

  And does one help the other? If I, if I go out and start pursuing some great goal in my life, start a company, am I less likely to then be engaging in the dopamine inducing pornography addiction?

• 2:41:48Speaker 00

  So to answer the second question first, I absolutely believe that when we are in pursuit of healthy goals, meaning goals that are building our life forward, that are going to improve our social relationships, sure, your income, although, you know, it's risky to just be in pursuit of money, right? Another great way to encapsulate the dopamine conversation is, I think it's in that movie Wall Street, where the guy says, "What's your number?" You know, "How much money do you want?" And he just says, "More." Well, that's dopamine. That's the essence of dopamine. He just wants more. It's not really about a number. It's about the pursuit and acquisition of money for him. It's the verb of acquisition. It's not having that money. And you see this in people, they get a million dollars, they want 10. They get 10, they want 100. They get 100, they want to be a billionaire, right?

• 2:42:31Speaker 00

  And I can tell you, knowing many billionaires, that some of them are happy and some of them are intensely unhappy people. It really depends on how well they've managed their relationship to dopamine. Because ultimately, it's not about money, right? Dopamine is just a currency. So, healthy relationships are absolutely fundamental. Here's what we know. Many, many people are struggling nowadays from what we hear of as the isolation crisis. But all it takes is one trusting, reliable relationship to start to shift that in the right direction. I am so adamant about this. One of the most powerful things that anyone can do, believe it or not, is to have someone each morning that they text "good morning" to. I know

• 2:43:16Speaker 00

  this is going to sound trivial, corny, and I'm happy to take the heat on this one. Find a friend, and in particular, men who lack friends completely, because there's a greater percentage of those, although it's certainly the case that many young women and women are lonely as well. Find someone who you can communicate with each morning. Just a "good morning" text. Seriously, this is one of the most powerful things you can do to check in with another member of your species each morning. You don't have to have conversation. You don't have to talk about what you're going to do each day. Knowing that someone else out there in the world cares about us each morning when we wake up, makes us feel incredibly part of the tribe.

• 2:43:58Speaker 00

  I do this with, let's see, one, two. Two friends religiously, one from time to time. And a few others kind of fall in and out of the mix. It's an extremely powerful thing to do. You're part of a community.

• 2:44:12Steven Bartlett?

  Can I ask that? Are you, does it matter what you say? Cause in my group chats, we, we tend to tell each other to fuck off and stuff and we, we roast each other.

• 2:44:19Speaker 00

  That's fine, too. Even better if it's elaborated with, how'd you sleep? What are you doing today? What's your plan for the day? And you reach back.

• 2:44:25Steven Bartlett?

  Is it about showing concern and care for them and having that reciprocated? Or is it just about the communication itself?

• 2:44:32Speaker 00

  Someone cares enough to think about you first thing in the morning. You know, people are really isolated. We move away from our families now. And by the way, these could be family members that you're communicating with. But the idea that someone is thinking of us first thing in the morning, even if it's just like an operational thing, like, okay, here we go. Good morning. The idea that there's some regularity, some expectation and understanding of a social connection that's reliable is immensely powerful. You know, we've heard a lot even from the US Surgeon General about the isolation crisis and the need for more connection. And certainly that can and should be in the form of walks with people, coffee, meals, et cetera. Yes, yes, and yes.

• 2:45:12Speaker 00

  But a great starting place that's very low bar is just a good morning exchange, even by text. Phone would be better each morning. I do this as an adult with two friends. Good morning, good morning. If I don't hear from either one of them by noon, I start to worry a little bit. Not because they're in any kind of trouble, but it's just become such a routine part of my day. It allows you to feel part of something bigger than yourself. We are not meant to live our lives in complete isolation, in complete relationship only with our goals. It has to be in relation to other people and our goals. This is the importance of going to the workplace. This is the importance of having a place where you work.

• 2:45:53Speaker 00

  If you don't have a place of work, going to a cafe or a library, seeing faces in the morning. Now, some people don't want to see any faces in the morning. They're not ready to quote unquote face the day. That's fine, but at some point, seeing other people for some period of time, even just briefly on the street, saying hello. Vitally important. You know, we evolved, we, we are a primate species. We are old world primates. We evolved to look other people in the eye and for them to look back at us, even if just to say hi as they walk their dog. Now, some people don't have anyone, it's really sad, but some people don't have anyone to even exchange this basic text with. In that case, I highly recommend that you adopt an animal. A dog can accomplish a tremendous amount, not everything, but a tremendous amount in terms of making us feel connected.

• 2:46:36Speaker 00

  We are then a caretaker, they're taking care of us, there's empathy there, there's all sorts of wonderful things. If you can't have that, you can get a fish. Seriously, some being, a plant, some living being that we're responsible for and that relies on us, and to some extent that we rely on as well, is so crucial. We have huge amounts of neural real estate devoted to this, humans especially. You know, most of the brain is designed for visual processing, for movement, and then you start to look at, okay, like, what's kind of the third element? Well, it's language and social connection. So, find someone that you can exchange a morning text with on a consistent basis, ideally every day.

• 2:47:15Steven Bartlett?

  Has this come naturally to you? Because you don't strike me as an individual that this comes naturally to. I'm not also.

• 2:47:22Speaker 00

  Okay, you mean I'm a bit of a loner? Is that the sense?

• 2:47:24Steven Bartlett?

  I'm a loner. I would be perfectly okay, and there was a year of my life where I feel like I didn't interact with anyone when I was building my first business in a small room in a rough area of the UK. But I'm someone who, if left to my own devices, probably wouldn't interact with anybody. And, but you strike me as the same. I have my dog as well, but.

• 2:47:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, a bit. I don't have a dog right now, I'm getting another one soon. I must say, I can spend long periods of time alone, but I crave social connection, and more so as I get older. You know, I think most of the challenges in my life have been around trying to resolve the need to get work done that I'm really passionate about, and the, let's just call it what it is, the isolation required for that, the discipline, the organization that's required for that, and the desire to be socially connected. Now, I've been very fortunate to have a lot of really close friends, and I'm in communication with them on a regular basis, and I've been. Closer to some than others. There's some that I'm really close with. I talk to all the

• 2:48:26Speaker 00

  time, every day. I'm close with my sister. I talk to my parents a fair amount, you know, more than some, less than others. Depends on the family structure. And a few friends are just absolutely central to my life and well-being. I think when you have a romantic partner that you live with, or that you're in communication with, then it becomes more frequent. But even there, you know, I think it's important to still maintain healthy friendships. And of course, people differ on this spectrum. I don't think you need a lot of friends. I think you need one really reliable, good friend, or more, depending on, you know, what your needs are. And I think that as I've gotten older, I realized that, you know, the best things in life, success in particular, but also hard times are best

• 2:49:06Speaker 00

  shared with other people. And the best way to make friends, really, is twofold. You know, a friend of mine once said this. He said, you know, people with interests are interesting. So people, so if you're interested in things, you know, going and interacting with those things, even if they're within books, et cetera, have interests, genuine interests. Don't just learn things for learning sake, but just have interests. And then the other is that if you are not the sort of person for whom like friendships are just pouring over you and people want your time, then be of service. You know, this notion of be the person who sends the good morning text. Now, if somebody never reciprocates, well, then, okay, maybe you look elsewhere and then send your, your energy elsewhere.

• 2:49:50Speaker 00

  But be the person who checks up on somebody, on a family member or friend, on a regular basis. Be the person of service and you can volunteer, you can help people in any number of ways. I mean, the great thing about a dog or just taking walks is that you, you'll find if you do it continually in the same neighborhood over and over, you start to run into the same people and it becomes a hello. Maybe they become a friend. Maybe it's just the familiarity. Maybe it's the barista that you say hello to each morning. You know, these things are really what I think we evolved. In fact, I know we evolved to do. And they trigger activation of these circuits that are so fundamental to our sense of, of well-being and safety. It largely has to do with our ability to predict the future. I mean, right now, we're in a political landscape and a

• 2:50:34Speaker 00

  You know, just a world landscape that's so uncertain and so divisive, you know, just having some things that are just good, let's just call it what it is, goodness, just good natured humans being good natured, you know, being kind to one another and not in any kind of manipulative way, just really being kind to one another. And then upon that, one can layer, you know, a couple of extra hours of work where you're highly motivated, then getting back out, take your, you know, your lunch outside and maybe you don't see anybody, you know, people who are isolated probably have to do more work to interact with other people, but there are ways to do this. And, you know, for people that struggle with addictions like the pornography addictions

• 2:51:15Speaker 00

  or alcohol, drug addictions and other like behavioral addictions, I mean, there are zero cost programs essentially in every city around the world that people can access some of the social connection and support for those that again are completely zero cost. For people that are interested in exercise, you know, there's usually like running groups, there's usually a threshold one has to get over. I'm not one to join a running group or work out with other people. This is not my kind of thing, but I do require, I've found, I need healthy social connection.

• 2:51:46Steven Bartlett?

  When did you figure that out? Because there was an age where I can tell exactly when I figured it out. So I know there must be one for you, where you kind of figure it out.

• 2:51:53Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, I grew up in a big pack of boys at the end of my street growing up. We all played together, then skateboarding and that world, I was just really surrounded by people all the time. When I got serious about school and research, there were a lot of days and nights I was alone. And at that time, I'd listen to books or I'd listen to music. I still had friends, but I was less social. And I think it wasn't really until my mid 30s that I started to realize like, whoa, like, okay, even though, you know, I had a girlfriend, I was lonely and I was starting to accumulate some unhealthy patterns of behavior where I was just seeking connection in unhealthy ways. And as I've built up my friendship group, and that also of course requires being a good friend.

• 2:52:37Speaker 00

  And I suppose there are a few people out there that probably say that I'm an unreliable friend, but I think if you were to poll my 10 or 15 closest friends, they'll tell you I'm the guy that checks in. Now, I've probably upset a few people because I don't check in on everybody, but it's true. I've got a list, I actually have a list, it's not in this notebook, of about 10 or 15 people, it's a list of 30 people total. That those are my core people and I make it a point. It's not because I'm regimented or protocoling any of this. I make it a point to check in on that person. I haven't called that person in a little while. But then there's that core group of people that I make sure to check in with every day, at least every week. And that like without whom like I don't really want to live. It's not that I want to die, but life's just so much better with those people in my life.

• 2:53:21Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah. How does someone make that list? That 15 names you have?

• 2:53:25Speaker 00

  It's all feel. It's the people that I accept and that accept me. You know, my patterns of communication are a little weird. It's gotten me into trouble in life for sure. I'll be, you know, a good friend of mine once said, you know, that I'm like the little orbiting flying robot in Star Wars. I'm like there and then I'm gone. And people that know me, and by the way, he's a very close friend, know that I'm gone, but I, but I'm back. And so I tend to give things my full attention. I'm like 10 out of 10 attention and then I need my space to reset. And that hasn't always been healthy, but I've done my best to try and get better at it over time. And people that make that list are either the same way. A few, a few of them are definitely the same way where I'm like, I haven't heard from

• 2:54:11Speaker 00

  them in a while, but then when I sit down with them or we have a phone call, it's like they're really there. In fact, some of these people will say, let's talk tomorrow, let's talk tomorrow. And it never happens. And I know they're not flaky. I know that they're doing other things. And then when they're ready and we get on a call, man, it's the richest interaction I've ever had. It's so deep and so rich. I'm like, I get so much out of a 10 minute conversation. It's like, yes, or an hour long conversation. And then there are friends that I'll hang out with for a week. I'll go visit, go for a hike with. But it's the richness of the interaction that matters for me.

• 2:54:44Steven Bartlett?

  Not the frequency.

• 2:54:45Speaker 00

  Not the frequency. That's right. And then for me, I think people who consider me a good friend or people who understand.

• 2:54:54Speaker 00

  The intensity that I bring to things and you know, and the love and care that I really have for them and that if they need me, I'm there. Like, I will tell you, I've hit some hard times, some recently, and it was amazing. I had people descending on my home to be with me. I'll tear up if I talk about it. Some of them are names people are familiar with in the, in the podcast space. And I was like, oh my goodness, like, I, I've not had that, you know, I will get emotional. You know, they came to my home and they sat with me. And yeah, they picked me up and they reminded me who I am. And um, you know, I've just such

• 2:55:39Speaker 00

  immense gratitude for that. Um, you know, I'm a 49 year old man. Um, I've done some things correctly. I've done some things I regret. Um, I've strived to be the best person I could be at the time, doing the best I had with what I had. And they know that. And I know they know that, not just because they told me, but like, you can feel it. And I've been blessed enough, not just to know these people, but also that when they've been in need, that I've had the opportunity to go to them, you know, and I had to do that several times recently, things that had nothing to do with me. You just, sometimes people will outright ask for help. Sometimes they'll say they're in danger. Sometimes you just

• 2:56:22Speaker 00

  sense it. And it's like, that's it. I'm driving, you know, um, getting in the car. And um, and I've learned the best thing, the way you build that kind of friendship and network is by showing up when that hard stuff isn't happening. And you try and give your full attention. And sometimes that requires putting away the phone. And sometimes it means you're both on your phones and you're just hanging out and you're watching a game or, you know, it doesn't mean being like forcing yourself to be somebody you're not, but it means paying attention. And um,

• 2:56:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, and giving, giving a significant portion of ourselves to try and really like be there for people because ultimately I think that's what we want in social interactions. You know, we want listening, we want shared experience, we want all that stuff. And that stuff's great, but ultimately it's like, when you ask who makes the list, it's like, I'm thinking of these people now, it's like, I feel like they're always with me, you know, and um, I wouldn't trade any amount of money, any amount of anything for that. And I think that like a really good life includes some of that. So, you know, forgive me for being emotional, um, or don't, it doesn't really matter to

• 2:57:40Speaker 00

  me, I just feel like, uh, that's the real stuff that makes life really worth living. And it has nothing to do, you know, uh, with dopamine, or uh, maybe it does, or it doesn't matter what the mechanisms are. What matters is that we all have that capacity and it starts by just showing up on a regular basis, showing somebody that you can care about them enough to think about them each morning and it's, and send them a quick good morning text. That's it. And if they don't reply, okay. And if they do, okay. And once the reciprocation starts and you start to feel kind of crewed up just a little

• 2:58:20Speaker 00

  bit, you're like, oh wow, like there's something I could rely on in this crazy, dizzying, sometimes exhausting, really hard life. And then when the good stuff happens, you got that many more people to celebrate with and that much more intensely. So, yeah, appreciate you letting me share that. It's um, it's something that uh, at this stage of life, I'm like, okay, like, I know a few things, there's a lot I still have to learn, but that one's for sure. Yeah, friendship is. It's vital.

• 2:59:02Steven Bartlett?

  You went through a bit of a storm this year, to say the least, and I've been through many a storm in my life. I've been through many a media storm when the media came for me and wrote things about me. And I don't think anyone that's not been through that before understands how it feels. Because for me, when it happens to me, there's this real sense of injustice. And there's this desire for me to jump out and correct things and scream and shout and correct the world. But I also know that I can't. And when I saw, again, I didn't see anything, but I'm from afar looking at social media. When I saw you going through a similar thing, two things happened. Thing one was, I wanted to understand the protocols of a man who writes about protocols, has a book coming out about protocols. I wanted to understand what he does in that situation. And if he's any more immune than I am, because I'm certainly fragile in that regard.

• 2:59:46Steven Bartlett?

  But then also, I saw this other wonderful thing, which I think you've expressed there is, I saw your friends show up. I saw them speak out about your character and who you actually are. And I saw them literally show up at your location. I saw someone like Lex Friedman show up for you.

• 3:00:03Speaker 00

  He showed up in my home several times. He was just there, like literally. One day, I just like look up and Lex is in the room. It sounded like a dream, right? Like Lex Friedman with the suit and the whole thing. And he was just there to just be there, you know? Yeah, that was a challenge. You know, as you point out, the hardest thing about that, and I realize like most people who aren't public facing won't experience this. But I think everybody experiences something similar at some point in their life, especially now with social media, where things that are being said about you are just fundamentally not true. Fundamentally not true.

• 3:00:46Speaker 00

  And they're being cast in a way and a context that is just wrong. And you want to say, no, that's not how it was. Or the context is completely wrong. Or there's a completely other side of the story that you'd love to tell. But either because of how that will land and how people misperceive or contort that, or simply because you have the etiquette and the respect to not do that. Because there are sometimes many different parties involved.

• 3:01:24Speaker 00

  You refrain. And in our case, I decided to just mainly focus on the work at hand. Although I've talked a bit about this on Chaka Willings podcast. I'll be talking about it here. The pain comes from being potentially misunderstood. And also from the understanding that we didn't always necessarily do everything right. In fact, we may have made some mistakes. And the understanding that the public forum is not the place to work out the details of that. That's not how healing comes. Despite what people might believe, that is not how healing comes. And I don't care if it's a high school situation, or a podcaster, or a celebrity, or a politician.

• 3:02:05Speaker 00

  That is just not the way that humans effectively settle their differences. There are consequences, but it's not how things really get settled. And I think we have proof of that, given the last few years. So in that case, and I'm not trying to be diplomatic, or you know, kind of slalom through this. I think what I'm trying to do is make it effective and hopefully useful for everybody. What do you do when you're hearing and seeing things about you or others that you affiliate with? That you just fundamentally disagree with? Well, you have three options. You can counter the narrative. You can say nothing, right? Or you can agree. And herein, I think, lies the challenge in being an adult, a real adult, in the realist sense of the word.

• 3:02:49Speaker 00

  A real adult knows when to say, you know what? Some of the stuff they're saying? Yeah. Wish I'd chosen differently. But a real adult also knows to say, but some of the stuff they're saying? No. That is not what happened. That's not the context, and this is categorically false. Now, those things often are interdigitated, okay? Now, at the extremes, they're not interdigitated, but oftentimes, they're interdigitated. And what people have to realize is that online, in comments, in certain forms of media, it's just highly skewed. You're getting just one perspective. In the context of science, we'd say, this is like cherry picking data, looking at one particular portion of the graph,

• 3:03:33Speaker 00

  or throwing out a bunch of experiments because the data weren't what you wanted, which in science is like terrible. Only second in terms of terrible to actually making up data, right? Okay, so I think the challenge is to that. So I know that the challenge in those circumstances is to do what in the end I ended up doing, which was to sit down and realize that was the circumstance I was in. And then to try and make a really good decision about what to do. And that I do believe is best achieved through having really good friends, really good coworkers and family members who can be really clear optics for you when you don't always have

• 3:04:16Speaker 00

  the clearest optics, meaning they can hear your ideas and you can spitball what might happen in case A, B, or C, but it's not about being tactical. It's not about being strategic. It's about remaining true to yourself. And in my case,

• 3:04:32Speaker 00

  I just felt that I didn't want to get into the details.

• 3:04:37Speaker 00

  And at the same time, I acknowledge there's always a learning in these things. You asked whether or not knowing protocols can help. Well, certainly, sleep was important. I managed to sleep. There were some days I slept less than others. People had theories, he looks tired, this and that. Sometimes that was related to earlier recordings that I tended to just push too hard anyway. Sometimes it related to, you know, being kind of troubled about the circumstances. So I think that one can use physiological size. You can use non-sleep deep rest, and I certainly relied on those tools and continue to. Friendship and social support. Getting a poll of opinion from people that you really trust. You don't want to get too many opinions often.

• 3:05:22Speaker 00

  You want to get just enough and just a variety of them that you can make the best informed decision. I don't really believe in polling 100 people about a circumstance and then, you know, taking a vote, pros and cons, that the mind doesn't work that way. So in the end, you know, I I voted my conscience and I voted my heart by continuing to just put out content so people could learn about science-based tools for mental health, physical health and performance. I think as time goes on, I may elaborate more on some of the circumstances. But I think in the end, you know, people listen to my podcast because they're interested in getting better sleep, in exercise protocols, and hearing from the best scientists and clinicians so that they can better themselves

• 3:06:06Speaker 00

  in their own life. And people speculate all sorts of things. It's also interesting to see how we presume so much, not just about public-facing people, but about other people in the comment section. You know, for instance, on my Instagram page, I have rules. It's classroom rules. You can call me names if you want. You can say most things, but I sort of treat it like a classroom. What would I tolerate in the classroom? And if people start attacking each other, you're gonna get a warning. And if you keep going, I'm gonna block you. Just because, first of all, it's my page, right? This whole notion that you're not allowed to block people is crazy, right? It's your webpage. It's your classroom. You have every right. You can say, you can do whatever you want. I mean,

• 3:06:48Speaker 00

  where is the rule that says that you won't tolerate, or that you need to tolerate, whatever? You know, people swearing at each other, very different to me than people swearing. So people can swear, fine. Swear at each other, well, then I'm gonna say, hey, like, stop this. Do it again, you're done. At least here. Go elsewhere. And there's so much presumption. We think we know these people on the internet, and we really don't. On the other hand, there's certain people, like Lex, like you, I'm really delighted in this conversation, like Rick, I like to think like me, like, I am who I am. Now, you're not seeing every dimension of my life, but frankly, you're not supposed to. And I think there's this inherent desire to know everything about everybody that we see online and comment sections and on Instagram.

• 3:07:32Speaker 00

  And frankly, it's inappropriate. I grew up in an era where That wasn't right. In fact, my, my father once told me, again, he's from Argentina. And he said, you know, there's this funny thing in the United States. You go into somebody's office and they've got all these pictures of their kids facing outward. He said, you go into somebody's office in certain parts of Europe or in South America and the picture of their family is facing them. So on my dad's desk in his office, when I was a kid, he had a picture of me and my sister and my mom, and it faced him because those are for him. He wasn't like, here are my kids. Here's my, here's my life. And I, I love that. That's, and that's kind of how I was raised. You know, you, you keep certain things inward and certain things are outward. So I don't know. I, that's the model I was raised with and I rather like that. This notion that we have

• 3:08:17Speaker 00

  to share every aspect of ourselves on social media is crazy and I think it's actually detrimental.

• 3:08:24Steven Bartlett?

  If I was, if I was a fly on the wall when you were going through that, what would I have seen? And what I, cause I'm what I'm trying to, and the reason I'm asking this question is super clear because if you were a fly on the wall when I was going through some of my hardest times, you would have seen someone that was really struggling.

• 3:08:39Speaker 00

  Okay. So I'll say this. That was definitely not my hardest time. Hardest times for me were

• 3:08:50Speaker 00

  the doors locked. I'm 14. I'm like behind locked doors. I don't know if I'm going to get out when I'm going to get out. You know, I called the one person I knew would pick up. A guy named Steve Rugi, Shruji, who's my team manager for Thunder and Spitfire Wheels. I called him. I said, Shruji, what am, what am I going to do? I'm locked up in this place. And his response was, bro, you're the most normal guy I know. What am I supposed to do? You know, I thought, oh my goodness, what am I going to do? Um, yeah, that was scary. That was like, what do I do? I'm 14. I have no agency. I, I don't, I don't mean like marketing agency. I had no ability, like no money, no anything. No, it worked out. Other hard times, that time I talked about July 4th, after that fight, what am I going to do with my life?

• 3:09:35Speaker 00

  I'm a complete loser. Other times.

• 3:09:39Speaker 00

  You know, I've had this weird karma with mentors. I've had three amazing scientific mentors and the relationship between mentors in science, mentor and students in science, used to be much closer. You'd get really close. My undergraduate advisor was an amazing person. My graduate advisor was like a mother to me and was a truly amazing individual. And my postdoc advisor, also incredible, and I was incredibly close with all of them. And it was suicide, cancer and dead at 50, cancer and dead early 60s. Like three people I was super close with. And when Ben, the third guy died, I thought, well, there's only one common denominator. That's me. I thought I was cursed. Really? Yeah. I'm like, I work for you, you die. You know? And I was like, shit, like, what is going on here?

• 3:10:23Speaker 00

  But then I did what I only know how to do, which is you transmute the pain into useful things. And I started thinking, okay, how do I want to spend the rest of my life? I want to be of service. I want to take what I know in science. I want to teach people things that help them. And I didn't know exactly how I was going to do that, but it birthed the podcast. I also had three dead mentors. I was a scientific orphan. In science, there's also a lot of trying to live up to the reputation that they expect of you. Well, mine are all dead. So some people say, what do your colleagues think of the podcast? I would say about a third of them like it. They think it's cool. And they say that to me, about a third probably think it's great that people pay attention to science, but are like, some of it is more health oriented. And the third probably hate it for whatever reason. Either jealousy, or they don't like the way I present things.

• 3:11:08Speaker 00

  And I'm good with all of that because guess what? My advisors are dead. I'm a grown up. You do you, I'll do me. We're all good. And frankly, we'll see how it all works out. Meaning they're the ones who have to live with themselves. I'm the one who has to live with me. So like, I'm not responsible for other people's feelings and they're not responsible for me. So cool. So it's symbiotic.

• 3:11:31Speaker 00

  What I eventually discovered was huh, you can reach forty and have a great career. I was tenured at Stanford and a bunch of things, but wow, like certain aspects of my life are still challenging. I had, you know, those three deaths plus, you know, this was some years ago, unrelated to the recent events, I had a really important relationship end, just like end after a lot of years of really slogging it out and trying to make it work and, you know, failure is not something I'm used to. In fact, a friend of this woman, I was at a retreat and we were talking about it and I was really distraught about the end of the relationship and she said, you're not used to failing, are you? And I almost said like, yeah, and I said, you're right. You're right.

• 3:12:13Speaker 00

  I've been successful in career and a relationship that I, we were both really invested in and we just didn't have the skills. I made my mistakes, she made hers, but we really, really fought hard and it didn't work out. And I was like, wow, like, okay, I had a failure, like a legitimate failure. And you could say, well, was it really a failure? But look, there were elements of failure, right? We'd invested a lot of years, a lot of energy and there was a lot of love, but.

• 3:12:39Steven Bartlett?

  Why, why does that make you emotional? I can see it in your face.

• 3:12:43Speaker 00

  Um, well, this relates to a lot of these things and I suppose I feel comfortable enough to open up about this. I think that, you know, some people might have the perception that I'm like extremely self-interested. I've had things thrown at me like he's a narcissist or worse, you know? Like I have had one, I've had many, but I have one particular major challenge that I still strive to overcome. And people can roll their eyes and they can say it's bullshit, but I know this to be absolutely true, which is that I have a very hard time letting go, a very hard time letting go. If somebody dies, like I can handle that.

• 3:13:23Speaker 00

  But like loss and letting go of people I care about is really hard. And it's also coupled with this kind of style that I have of I'm like very present and then I need to go take care of myself. Right. Um, in healthy ways. So that can be confusing to people. I realize that, but there's this thing where like the idea of things ending is super hard. And as a consequence, I've stayed in relationships far too long. I mean, you know, I sometimes joke, but it's not funny. My breakup protocol sucks and it really needs work. Because everyone close to me who knows me really well and who I trust says,

• 3:14:06Speaker 00

  you stay in relationships way too long that were either fated to fail or that were clearly going to fail. At some point you just kept slogging away. Now, sometimes I slogged away in the wrong ways and they did too. But somehow I've, um, I've really struggled to move on from things. And as a consequence, I've stayed in things far too long that never had a chance that were really unhealthy. And in particular, I've taken on things that were just far too difficult from the beginning. And so that relationship was a beautiful relationship. I'm fortunate that I'm still friends with that person, although we have to keep a certain amount of distance, just at healthy boundaries.

• 3:14:44Speaker 00

  And, you know, I get emotional because like, damn it, like we fought so hard, like so hard. And it was all out of love, but I think it, I know that it failed because we just didn't have the skills. The timing wasn't right. And I'm certainly not talking about this most recent relationship, you know, this year's hard stuff. This was some years back, but like we fought so hard and like I would have done anything. And she would have done anything to make it work. And I'm just like, I'm not a quitter. I'm far from perfect, believe me, but I'm not a quitter. And as a consequence, I think after that,

• 3:15:28Speaker 00

  it, for a while, it just really changed the way that I interacted with things. I, I just didn't quite recover. And one could argue that the emotion that's coming up for me now means that I didn't recover. But I know I just, I just.

• 3:15:42Speaker 00

  Refuse to call it time of death. I just refuse to call it time of death, even when it's long since dead. And that's a mistake and it's something I'm really working on now because it hurt me. It's not good for other people and it dovetails with a bunch of other unhealthy ways of being. But what I know for sure is that it's not selfishness. It's not that I'm trying to avoid pain for myself. It's related to my failure to be able to just tolerate pain in other people and myself simultaneously. There's something about empathy gone wrong in those circumstances.

• 3:16:22Steven Bartlett?

  Does that link to your childhood, parents, the parental separation and them?

• 3:16:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, so people I pay a lot of money to tell me that it no doubt does. But what's weird is I never lament the separation of my parents. I don't sit back and go, I wish they had stayed together. They were both wonderful people. They both have wonderful partners. Like I've had a magnificent life. I've had a great life. Like everything I've sought to do has happened and there's still things I want. But I think that, um, I was talking to Martha Beck about this recently. There's this feeling with a dog where I love the dog and they love you back. Particularly my dog, Costello, right? I loved him and he loves me back. And so it's like empathy, but then it's returned. It's like a perfect circle. It's like the energy is like, the more I love, the more love I feel, the more love. And I think with people, it's not like that, right?

• 3:17:09Speaker 00

  You know, people are going to disappoint us, et cetera, but they can also delight us. But I think that there's been this problem where my empathy goes too far. And I'm sure as I'm saying this, people are like, oh God, he's trying to mask this in empathy. No, I can wholeheartedly say didn't always lead to the best choices and I own those choices. But meaning I'll take responsibility for my part. I won't take responsibility for other people's part, right? It's always a two-way street. But when we

• 3:17:39Speaker 00

  Have a sense of empathy and that other person isn't right for us. And we continue to try and like feed the relationship. It's not about trying to avoid getting them upset, but somehow we get into these unhealthy dynamics. And then, you know, it can really bring out the worst, but some really like unhealthy parts of people. You know, I think probably the hardest thing in life is is romantic relationships. Some people might say it's work, but I think it's the hardest thing in life. And people say, well, when it's right, it's easy. I don't know. I think it depends on how complicated a person you are. You know?

• 3:18:16Speaker 00

  I think it depends on how complicated a person you are and the extent to which the other person is willing to do the work. I've really seen this. I've also had wonderful relationships whereby we're each willing to do the work on self care and communication. You know, Paul Conti said this, not on my podcast, but I think he was telling Whitney Cummings on a podcast. You know, if you were to list out the hundred most important things in romantic relationship, you would just say self care and communication 50 times. And I think that's absolutely true because we need safety. We need acceptance. Yes, those are foundational, non-negotiables, necessary, but not sufficient. But I think we need communication and self care. And those are hard.

• 3:18:59Speaker 00

  And, you know, I'm still learning and trying to build those skills. I absolutely want a family, so this is super important to me. And I'm putting a ton of work and effort into it. So I didn't realize we were going to go into this territory, but I will say for people who are struggling with relationships, just know that, you know, you can have amazing friendships and still struggle with romantic relationships or vice versa. Again, like friendships, and I have male friends and female friends, mostly male friends, but a few female friends that I'm very close with, like, it's just.

• 3:19:31Speaker 00

  Been amazing. I have a great relationship with my sister. I think I have a very good relationship with my parents, with my uncles and aunts, like, like with my coworkers, my ability to pick business partners and coworkers. Just, I only hit bullseyes. Like, I love my team and we get along great and little things get worked out quickly. And, but I think everyone has one or two areas of life where it's a bit harder and just try and learn the skills and I'm working on it. Like.

• 3:19:57Steven Bartlett?

  You and me both, though. I, it didn't come naturally to me. My parents, although they never separated, I was willing them to because I was, they took, they were just, they hate, hate's a strong word. It appeared that they hated each other. You know, watching my mother scream at my, my father for seven hours a day. Every, my mother's Nigerian, my dad's English was, it was a traumatic experience. And the thing it left me with is this clear notion, which I left the household with at eighteen, was that a relationship is prison. And I was, it was so hardwired into me because I thought my father was in prison. So every time someone was interested in me growing up, I would self reject, I would reject them. So I'd pursue them. And then when they turned to me and said, okay, let's be in a relationship, I would persuade them out of it. I would tell them why this was a terrible idea. Because I was getting the feeling that I vicariously learned through

• 3:20:42Steven Bartlett?

  my father. I was like, I'm about to basically lock myself in a prison where this person's going to screw, going to be able to control me and my freedom. So I rejected relationships up until about twenty seven years old. So, you know, and then even that relationship wasn't a straight line because two years in, she turns around and says she doesn't like having sex with me. Turns out she's got her own trauma around sex. So we have a year where she's on the other side of the planet. I didn't have the tools, as you say, to understand how to navigate such a conversation. So for me, I'm emasculated. I'm going, maybe there's something wrong with me. She doesn't want to have sex with me, dump her. And then, but she was the right person. And what the, the, the TLDR of that story is, a year later, I end up flying to the other side of the world apologizing

• 3:21:23Steven Bartlett?

  to this person for my lack of tools, my lack of communication skills, because it was the right person at the wrong time. And we did the work. And that was long and it was hard and it's still hard. But it's in an amazing place at the moment.

• 3:21:37Speaker 00

  Oh, you're back together.

• 3:21:38Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, we live together. She's flown from, back from Bali two years ago. We live together. The best, the right person for me. But it's hard work.

• 3:21:48Speaker 00

  Good for you. You like hard work. It's a wonderful story. I mean, it's a happy story regardless of ultimately how it turns out. Because one can sense like the real.

• 3:21:59Speaker 00

  Central chord of love there and and the the desire to make it work. I mean, it's it's so interesting, this notion of make it work, you know. Again, just as being a functional adult means saying, yep, you're right about this, but no. I'm gonna stand my ground. In relationships, people say, relationships take work. Of course they do. And then the question is, how much work relative to how much ease? And it's highly individual and there's no handbook for this. There's no handbook for it and and so.

• 3:22:27Steven Bartlett?

  And the reward on offer, because I was convinced that she was the most amazing person I'd ever met. It just so happened that she turns around to me one day and says she doesn't like having sex with me.

• 3:22:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's rough.

• 3:22:37Steven Bartlett?

  That's rough, right? Especially for a young one, you have no concept of what that might be. You think maybe you're bad in bed or something. But as she did the work on herself and I did the work on myself, she unlocked a bunch of traumas around sex and how she'd been treated with sex as she grew up, what she she resolved. And she's been very public about this, this is why I can share it. And I did a bunch of work on myself and how to deal with how I communicate when someone says, brings me such a thing. And after a year of her working on that and a year of me working on myself, we found ourselves in a place where it turns out she loves sex now. She's arguably even more sexual than I am in many respects, completely different individual. But it just required, and I I have to give the ending that because people are gonna be wondering. But it required a lot of work on me and myself and where I've come from and the situation of my my family

• 3:23:23Steven Bartlett?

  and her and the experience she's been through. And we found ourselves together now in a great place. Well, that still requires work, but in a great place. So, you know, everyone's everyone's struggling with some shit. You know, my family's not great. We we're not that close. I'm not that close to certain members of my family. I've struggled with romantic relationships, made all the mistakes. I struggle with with platonic relationships with my friends. I'm not the guy that's able to check in. I like being alone. You know, it is what it is. We're all.

• 3:23:51Steven Bartlett?

  You know, uniquely challenged in some way. So I've got a great amount of empathy for what you shared and I really appreciate you for sharing it because there's so many people that can relate in various ways. I'm one of them. And I think it's important because we don't talk about it enough.

• 3:24:05Speaker 00

  Well, thank you for sharing your experience and for giving me the opportunity to share a bit. You know, the conversation started around, you know, hard circumstances and, you know, it's about taking stock of where we trust ourselves to make the right decisions, where we need work. And yeah, relationships are hard, but I do think that, well, certainly now I'm feeling more ease, you know, more seamlessness with them. Certainly with friendships, as I mentioned, you know, we all have these areas of proficiency where we are, you know, where we find that things are kind of easier or even easy for us. They just kind of happen. Direct relationship between effort and outcome, right? And then these other areas where we

• 3:24:48Speaker 00

  feel like we're rolling a boulder uphill. Keeps going back and crushing us and we keep doing it. And I think that, you know, there's no simple or universal answer. But, you know, I think the rewards that come from a relationship where there's been a lot of hard work and things get resolved, even in one little domain, are so tremendous. You know, I think that's really related to this sense that like, when things end, it's just so feels so devastating. I really believe that things can be talked through. I really do. I think that, you know,

• 3:25:27Speaker 00

  resentment and anger, that they don't serve anyone. They really don't. And people are probably hearing this and saying, well, that's a self-serving narrative. But really, I'm talking about in myself, too. I don't carry any resentment, any anger. You know, I sometimes wish people had made different choices, but ultimately, like, we can't control what anyone else is going to do or say or think. And that's terrifying, right? People can really hurt us, right? They can really hurt us. And we would love to create a world in which we're completely safe. But I think that a lot of the work I've been doing lately is really around. You know, kind of like touching back into maybe a younger version of myself that wasn't so walled up,

• 3:26:09Speaker 00

  wasn't so focused on what's going to happen in two or three iterations of something, just really being as present as possible, really focusing, as it's probably become clear today a few times. I'm like, the amazing gifts that I have in my life right now, that pursuing goals is great and wanting things is great. Certainly, there are things I want and want to build, mostly in the domain of relationships and family. But, but also just like really savoring, like having one's health or having the opportunity to sit down and have a conversation like this. Like, what an extraordinary life we each have if we really pay attention to some of these gifts. I used to think that if we paid attention to those gifts and focused too much on gratitude,

• 3:26:53Speaker 00

  that it would make us complacent. But all the data, of course, and my own experience, as I do this more and more, really emphasize how all it does is give us more energy, more anticipation of what's possible and the great things to come. And, you know, it can all start to sound a little cliche, like just be happy with what you've got. There's no just in that statement. I'm saying be happy with the things you've got. And from that state, new things emerge. More energy comes and you can start to really navigate forward, not just sit complacently and like stop there. I think it's our essence as biological beings and psychological beings, and if you will, spiritual beings, if that's your leaning to, to want, to want more.

• 3:27:38Speaker 00

  I think that's normal, but we have to savor what we have also. And I think once we savor what we have, we have more energy to want more. And that's, that's the perfect circle that just is, I guess it's more of an upward spiral. And here I'm sounding very abstract, but I could easily and, you know, exhaustively put everyone to sleep with long mechanistic descriptions of how research on motivation or dopamine or any number of different neural systems or physiological systems support all of that. I think the most important thing is that people are honest with themselves about what they can reasonably work on right now and to be, you know. Gentle with themselves enough to like coax themselves forward, but occasionally

• 3:28:20Speaker 00

  scruff yourself and be like, it's time, you know, it's time. And um, I don't know, it's certainly been an interesting life thus far. I'm still navigating, you know, and um, I certainly don't have all the answers, but as I learn, I try and share what I do learn.

• 3:28:35Steven Bartlett?

  What has helped you on that journey, that journey to really kind of, because the way I heard it is, you're someone that's orientated towards pursuing your goals and you're very, very driven in that regard, but you're, you're kind of having to kind of, maybe this is not the right word, but kind of unlearn a natural disposition and shift more towards another state. You talked about therapy there. What has helped?

• 3:28:56Speaker 00

  Well, I think, you know, I was forced into therapy as a way to get out of lockup. I had to stay in high school, I had to go routinely, and so I did. I think it can be very helpful, provided there's good rapport, support, and the person offers insight that lends itself to action, right? It's not just about finding someone to support and listen. Someone has to inspire action that makes you a better person. Okay, and that's really important. So not just talking about playing with your problems, you know, a story fondling, as it's sometimes called. I think one has to understand that there's a relationship between physiology and emotion. So if I'm waking up and I don't feel well because I didn't sleep enough, yeah, I'll do NSDR, get some sunlight and I'll go exercise, and generally I feel better.

• 3:29:41Speaker 00

  But I also have learned to not mask real feelings by simply trying to shift my physiology. Just as people are starting to learn, hey, yes, there are useful medications for dealing with mental health issues, but you still have to do the work. You still have to focus on building career, building relationships, doing the work. I think one of the most useful things that I've learned, again, I'm a big fan of Martha Beck. She's triple degreed from Harvard, but she also has this mystical spiritual side that it really brings together a lot. I asked her recently, I said, you know, what do you do when the thinking mind is like trying to analyze something, predict things? And then you also have all this feeling, which one do you rely on? She says, ah, the, the way to do this is you imagine.

• 3:30:23Speaker 00

  You have your feelings in one hand and your thoughts in the other. And they're kind of like in this battle. It's like, okay, what's gonna happen next? So are they gonna do this? How do they? And then you go back and forth. Typically, people are texting and calling and looking and drinking and doing whatever it is to try and resolve this battle. The solution is to see that battle and to sit back into this third position that she calls the compassionate observer. Where you're like, okay, this is both happening. These are both happening. And to sit in this third position where you realize trying to reconcile just with your thoughts or just with your emotions or settle down your emotions or settle down your thoughts is futile. To get in this third position where the acceptance of that suffering shows up and you're able to just like sit with the suffering. The moment she said, sit with the suffering, I was like, no.

• 3:31:09Speaker 00

  You know, I don't want that answer. But then she explained, from that place of suffering, you start to drop into what are the thoughts that make you feel a little bit looser and more relaxed in your body? What are the thoughts that make you feel kind of more constricted? And you just start to use that as a bit of a navigator and start asking questions like, you know, do I want to do this thing? Like, do I want to drink this coffee or not? Am I just doing it compulsively? Do I want to exercise? And it sounds very abstract, extremely woo. But the brilliance of what she does and the brilliance of that scenario is that it brings together all the neuroscience that we know. We have a thinking analytic part of the brain that does what I call DPOs, duration, path, outcome, analysis. We also have emotional states of the brain, the limbic system.

• 3:31:53Speaker 00

  It's sometimes called, but it's a bunch of other areas too. And it doesn't know the clock or the calendar. As Paul Conti, brilliant psychiatrist says, feelings don't know that it's today in July 2024. It thinks you're eight years old, that the limbic system, your emotions, they don't know the clock or the calendar. It doesn't know how old you are. It just knows you and circumstances and feeling. So being able to step back from all of that is really what. Being a healthy human being is about. And then realizing you're suffering. Like in that battle, you're suffering. And when you relax that a little bit and you go, "Okay, I'm not going to force myself to suffer as much." Now what feels right? What feels right right now for like the next five minutes? Well, then you can navigate the next five minutes. Maybe it's take a nap.

• 3:32:38Speaker 00

  Maybe it's have a meal. Maybe it's do a little bit of work. Maybe it's you don't know and you just sit there. But then five minutes later, you're able to pick the next best choice. And the next best choice. And pretty soon you're off and on your way. Because so often we get avalanched by our feelings or our thoughts, or we can't sleep. And it's just like, ah! And people are losing their minds and they're online looking for a solution, or they use distraction, alcohol, mindless scrolling. By the way, I love social media. I teach on social media and I learn on social media from your podcast and Joe's podcast, Lex's podcast, and Tim's, and on and on. So I'm not demonizing it, but mindless consumption, inebriation, numbing ourselves, or forcing ourselves to do things that are not in service to our wellbeing.

• 3:33:24Speaker 00

  None of that is good. What's good is being able to sit with it. And in doing that, I've started to realize that you get back to what she calls, and again, the language sounds woo, but who cares? She's the one with three degrees from Harvard, so call her whatever you want, you know? Is the, what she calls essential self, which I think refers to our own unique wiring. What really feels right to us. Trusting in our own goodness. Trusting that if we just navigate forward from that compassionate observer place, that we are going to be, in some cases, we need to be fierce. We need to be a warrior. In other cases, we need to be soft and compassionate. And then we can be all of those things, depending on what the situation calls for. And then we can just like sit back and move forward. And that we're going to be okay.

• 3:34:09Speaker 00

  In fact, we're going to be better than okay. And that when we bring that stance, that like calm, energetic stance to things and other people, we also have a ton to give. We can be in so much service. This is one of the reasons I think people love Rick. And I think about Rick a lot. Rick Rubin's a close friend. And I'm very blessed, and it's not because he's Rick Rubin, the famous musician. In fact, I know zero minus one about hip hop. Oh yeah, I just don't, it wasn't a genre I followed. I like some of it, but, but one thing is that when Rick shows up, he's just like there. He's super present. He's not there to give you anything, but he gives. And he's not there to take anything. He's just there. And I think that's why people love him. I think that's why people love him. Yes, he's been super successful in all these different domains.

• 3:34:53Speaker 00

  And when people try and poke at Rick, that's something that really pisses me off. You want to really get me worked up? Try and pick on one of my close friends. Like I, that's a place where I am like, you know, come at me, attack me all day. And you, people do. But if you try and attack people I know in their true goodness, Lex, or Rick, or any number of my different friends, famous or not, like that's when I'm gonna, you know, that's when a side of me comes out that frankly, I, I'm proud of. Like I'm gonna hit you and I'm gonna hit you hard. I'm gonna be fair, but like you can't do that because these are really good people trying to do the best they can in the world. And this is true, me protecting my sister, you know?

• 3:35:38Speaker 00

  I'll also be the first, if a friend is out of line to say something, but the people I'm referring to here, they show up with like all their goodness. Joe's the same way. And people talk shit about Joe and I'm like, mm-mm. People have tried to get me to talk shit about him. Reporters have called me to try and set me up like a trap, a snare trap to say things about him. No chance. He's done things that I've seen that had nothing to do with me in service to others that are completely quiet, that no one will ever hear about, that absolutely tell me that he is a huge-hearted person who cares about the world and takes care of people close to him and far away from him, without the expectation of anything in return. And I'm not saying this so that he likes me more. I'm saying this because it's true.

• 3:36:23Speaker 00

  And I think that, you know,

• 3:36:27Speaker 00

  Martha Beck's another one, or people that like, they just wanna give. And so when I see people attacking people, and I can sense this about you, we're getting to know one another here, like, the fact that you're trying to attack someone whose fundamental goal is to try and serve the world, build things to serve, like, and there are a few things that get my adrenaline going like that, but that's not okay. It's not okay. And I think it's really important that we stand up for people who are not known either. We stand up for them and that we say, that's not okay. You can't take cheap shots like that. And so. I think times are changing, though. Times are changing, you know, the, I don't have anything against traditional media. I see the way they capitalize on things.

• 3:37:10Speaker 00

  They'll put different names and URLs and trying to bring clicks and stuff. Look, they're just trying to make an income. And I think some of them presumably are good people, just trying to do their thing. What I love about podcasters, what I love about the early, you know, the skateboarders I knew from the skateboard era, some I still in touch with now, punk rockers, the people in creative areas, artists and musicians and poets, it's like, they didn't get into it because they thought people would like them, or they'd make a lot of money. And a lot of times, they take ridicule. They got into it because it's who they are. It's their essence. They're just being them. And I think we can really tell when somebody's just being themselves.

• 3:37:53Speaker 00

  It's like their real essence just brought forward and they're taking fire and they're taking shrapnel and they're, and they do it anyway. You know, I'm, I know he's very popular now, even though he's dead, but I've always loved Jean-Michel Basquiat's work. And if you watch that movie, I don't know if you've seen the movie Basquiat, not the documentary, but amazing movie. It's got Dennis Hopper, Parker Posey, David Bowie plays Andy Warhol. It's an amazing cast, Willem Dafoe. It's just an amazing cast. And there's this incredible scene where Jean-Michel and Benicio del Toro, who I believe was playing Jean-Michel's friend, who was Vincent Gallo, Jean-Michel says to him, he goes,

• 3:38:36Speaker 00

  "Hey Benny, how long do you think it takes to get famous?" And the answer that Benicio del Toro gives him is amazing. He talks about how fame ultimately just brings a lot of attack. And how that can really collapse the artist. And it's a beautiful two-minute riff on YouTube that everyone should go watch. And if anyone out there thinks they want to be famous, I'll tell you, you do not want to be famous. Famous takes away your freedom. People say they want to be famous. You absolutely don't. What you want is you want a friend or friends that you love and that love you. You want to have enough resources plus a bit more so that you feel safe. Right? Anyone that says you only need $70,000 a year in order to be happy because some study said that?

• 3:39:21Speaker 00

  Bullshit. You need enough money so that you feel safe about your present and your future. That number differs for different people. Okay? So that's a study. I don't care what the data say, like, look at the real world. And usually it's a rich person saying you only need that amount of money, by the way.

• 3:39:40Speaker 00

  You need some sense of passion or connection to the world. And you need a sense of freedom, that you can be you and that you won't get attacked for it. And we know this throughout history. This has been proven over and over again. So fame is bullshit. Like fame takes away your freedom. The rest of it, social connection, some resources, a connection to some passionate exploration, curiosity, even if it's very private and no one ever sees it, like those things are really what make life rich. It really, really does. And I have fantasies about just disappearing. Taking a small group off to some hidden village and we do our thing. But, but I know myself too well. I'd want to, I'd want to connect with the world more.

• 3:40:25Speaker 00

  It's just in my nature to want to do that. So I suppose I'm kind of hosed. And I suppose the world's kind of stuck with me until they aren't.

• 3:40:33Steven Bartlett?

  But no, I have those fantasies as well. And I arrive at the same conclusion that I'd eventually do something in the village, which would bring me back to society and then bring me back to probably sitting in this chair.

• 3:40:42Speaker 00

  Well, and you know, I've thought about getting some people together and we should do this. We could get a property, put a bunch of houses, put a gym, a sauna, get up a podcast studio. But guess what? They'd call it a cult. They'd be like, they started a cult, right? They'd find something, be like, they started a cult. Because I think to people that are not passionate creators, and again, I'm not just talking about podcasters, but that aren't passionate creators, they don't understand, like they don't understand that.

• 3:41:09Speaker 00

  Certain people just need to create.

• 3:41:11Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 3:41:12Speaker 00

  And God bless them because we need somebody to write articles from a perspective that they don't understand, to get other people to think things that aren't true. Because that's what they need to do, like they serve an important role. Like in the aquarium of life, on the coral reef of life, you need the little like horseshoe crabs working there when you say like, well, what's the purpose? It's part of an ecosystem. It somehow indirectly serves the rest, although sometimes it's kind of hard to tell. And as we head into this election, as we head into like really uncertain times, I think we tend to go the media or the podcasters or the, like, everyone's doing the best they can with what they've got. It's just some people are working a little bit harder to be kind and benevolent and giving and acknowledging we're all human. And others are like pointing fingers, so.

• 3:41:57Steven Bartlett?

  Of all the protocols you've shared, it seems like maybe the most important is friendship.

• 3:42:01Speaker 00

  Send that morning text. Find somebody that you can communicate with, that will communicate with you, that you trust. You don't have to share a ton. I don't want to give the impression that I sit there with my friends and like share all the inner workings of my mind and what's going on, you know? I mean, that's why I have this notebook. So I don't have to do that. It's like, I got stuff in here I never want anyone to see, you know? But yeah, find a friend, like friendship is huge and it's the start of all great things, right? It's the reflection of all great things inside of us, right? It's not the complete picture. Romantic relationship for many, for most is really important. Get a dog, get a fish, get a plant, sure.

• 3:42:43Speaker 00

  But I think friendship really is like the most important thing that all of us can really focus on right now, aside from partnership and children, because of course, children need us and they need our attention and our support. But friendship is, is super powerful. And rather than talk about the isolation crisis, the loneliness crisis, I'd rather talk about some solutions. And I think friendship, maybe even just a morning text, back and forth, good morning, good morning, how'd you sleep? Pretty good, not well, okay, bye. Next day, it's there. That being able to rely on that like clockwork, like the sun rising and setting each day, you can count on that. It just brings a lot of peace. It'll make you a better version of yourself.

• 3:43:28Steven Bartlett?

  Do your friends know what you mean to them? Having gone through those difficult moments, did you, were you able to articulate to them how much you appreciated them for that?

• 3:43:40Speaker 00

  I'll get emotional again. I don't, I don't think they could know. You know, it's, it's like, there's one friend in particular. There's a guy who's actually very prominent in the skateboarding community. He, he's quiet in that community. I'll, I'll say his name because he's so humble, you know? He'll never say it for himself. His name is Jim Thebo. And when I was 14 years old, Jim, who now runs a big company called Deluxe, which is a bunch of companies, and he's kind of the, he's kind of the mayor of the whole sport. He's, um, back then, I remember I was 14. This was after I got out of this place. And, um, he rolled up to me at Embarcadero and he sat next to me. He just like sat next to

• 3:44:21Speaker 00

  me, gave me a coffee and some stickers. And he was like, what's up, man? And he's probably about 10 years older than I am. And we started talking and he gave me one of his books. Sorry, Jim, I'm going to embarrass him. He had these poetry books. Great book. I still have it. It's called Loose Change. And he had another one called Do the Distance. And he goes, you should write. I'm like, okay. And I started writing. I started keeping a journal. And that one interaction carried me through so many hard times. Now, years later, I had a really hard circumstance. Things were going well in my life. I was making progress on a certain front that I've been challenged with, with for some time. And then one day just brack.

• 3:45:04Speaker 00

  Everything came crashing down.

• 3:45:07Speaker 00

  And like magic, Jim showed up. I'm not, I'm not saying he got a call from the universe. Somebody called him and he showed up and he just sat with me. Now I'm an adult at this point. He just like sat with me.

• 3:45:25Speaker 00

  And I hear from him every morning, you know, and I still text him every morning. He texted me today. He's here in LA today. We won't see each other. So he's busy. I'm busy. We got work. I would love to see him, but he's busy and I respect that he's busy and he respects that I'm busy. It's like, wow, you know, 14 and then 40 some years and he's there again. And I like to think I've been there for him too, you know? And, you know, when I was that kid, at some point, he knew in some way, he knew exactly what I needed. I needed those books. I needed something. And, you know, even when I tell him now about that, he goes, oh, no, that poetry is so bad. You know, he's embarrassed about that. And I'm thinking, no, I mean, you like saved my life with that stuff. And I kept them. I still have them.

• 3:46:09Speaker 00

  And so I think he must have like sensed that I was a really like feeling person and I was really in a trench. And we've seen a lot of our friends go dead or in jail and in trouble. We've seen a lot of people do extremely well. Jim's an amazing guy because he's the one who calls the decisions on a lot of things in the kind of social milieu of skateboarding. He's taken a lot of shit. I don't want to get into the details, but he's helped evolve skateboarding in some ways that it was very resistant to evolving. You can largely credit the true diversity in that sport. You know, people talk about diversity, but look at that sport. Look at the number of different races. Look at the fact that you've got straight kids, gay kids, trans kids. You've got room for the kids who have parents and the parent involvement.

• 3:46:54Speaker 00

  You've got kids that don't have any parents. You've got people trying to help each other get sober and stay sober. You've got people like Jim has taken so much shit publicly on the chin, maintaining complete silence about his rationale, except with one mission in mind, which is keep the sport going in the healthiest way possible. That's most inclusive for the most number of people because he knows the importance of having a place where kids that don't fit in in other sports can come. But also the importance of having it be an Olympic sport, which skateboarders shit on too. And so this isn't about skateboarding. I want to make very clear. It's about Jim and the fact that he understands his sense of purpose, his sense of duty.

• 3:47:37Speaker 00

  He knew well enough that even though he was a professional skateboarder, that he would better serve the community by doing something else, which is to be a leader. He leads quietly. Like, I think about him all the time. So, do they know how much I appreciate them? There's no way. I could go on for hours about him, the things he's done for me. Anyone that knows that sport or knows Jim knows exactly what I'm talking about. He'll never have a podcast. He'll never go on a podcast. Maybe he'll bless us with coming on my podcast. But some people like him, like, I hope they, but people like him in my life, and I hope they know, but there's no card you can send that can capture all that. I think it's just like checking in on him every morning and just, you know, giving him

• 3:48:20Speaker 00

  a big hug when I see him, you know? And I saw a tweet recently, it was like, "normalizing," or no, it was the dude with sign guy who is super funny. I think it said, "normalizing telling your friends you love them." I don't think that was for women. Hopefully, they're doing that too. I think it's for men. Like, I'm not shy about that. I tell my friends I love you. I've also had the experience of not doing that, and then I never see that friend again. So, I'm not trying to be overly sentimental, right? It's really about just like, like, living your life with as much heart forward as is safe and appropriate, right? So, anyway, that's one example. There's no way they could know.

• 3:49:01Steven Bartlett?

  He just sat with me. I find those to be very interesting words because we think about the role of a friend in that situation of fixing things, diving in there, figuring out the problem and presenting the solution. But you said, "he just sat with me."

• 3:49:13Speaker 00

  Oh, man. When Barbara Chapman, my graduate advisor, died, I was devastated. And she had two small girls, and I knew her when she was pregnant with each one of them. And I was close with their family. And I went to the House of Flowers in San Francisco. And her daughters get up, okay? One, I think, was probably about 12, the older one. And the younger one, by the way, became a neuroscientist. At that time, was probably about nine. And these two girls that I've known since they were essentially in the womb are there talking about their dead mother. Now, I broke down. I, during my eulogy, like, I just lost it. I was crying in front of my colleagues. I was so embarrassed and at the same time, like, I just couldn't hold it back. These two young girls get up there to talk about their dead mom.

• 3:49:56Speaker 00

  And I'm thinking to myself, oh, my God, everyone's just bracing themselves. And they just said, they're so strong. They said, the best part about our mom is that she spent a lot of unstructured time with us. And that was it. And they sat down and I remember thinking, holy shit. Like, that was it. Of all the things they did, the baseball games they went to, the things they did. I'm sure they have so many memories. And the thing they remember is most important is the fact that their mom spent a lot of unstructured time with them, just hung out with them. Like, just hung out with them. And I think at some level, like, yeah, we need people to show up when things are hard. We need people to support us, celebrate with us.

• 3:50:40Speaker 00

  But like, in some ways, like, a really good friend is just somebody who just kind of hangs out with us.

• 3:50:45Steven Bartlett?

  Simon Sinek said that to me. He said, in those moments, what you need is someone just to sit in the mud with you. You don't need them to do anything. They just need to be sat there in the mud with you. And that, that in part is the medicinal effect, just knowing that there's someone else in the mud with you.

• 3:50:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah. You know, I, again, I don't want to focus on names people recognize because I don't want it to seem like it's unique to them. But I, I mention names, like, specific names, because they may resonate with your audience, you know? So I mention Rick or whatever, or like a guy like Lane Norton, I'm getting to know better. Like, Lane on social media is a pretty, you know, serrated edged guy, right? But he's, he's a sweetheart. He's a kind person. And he's got a ferociousness to him.

• 3:51:28Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 3:51:28Speaker 00

  You know, which is something I can relate to. He, you know, and, and I see his loyalty to his kids and I see, you know, how you, like, his fingernails will be painted and people will tease him and, but he does it because his daughter loves it. And he also is the guy that's going to deadlift twice as much as anyone else. And he's, and he's got this forward center of mass on things. And then I also just see, like, he's just such a loving person. He loves what he does. And, and I hope people will start to look at people's personas, certainly online, but in real life, and just start to, like, take them in a little bit. Like, what are they trying to tell you when they're? Being a little bit annoying, or what are they trying to tell you when they're frustrated by politics? Like, like, looking a layer deeper and trying to like, see the person and feel the person

• 3:52:12Speaker 00

  as, as an experience of them is like, another way, I think, to be a really good friend. Because when people say like, "I see you," I don't think they're like, "I see you." Like, you need to do some eye gazing or something. I think what it is, I mean, eye contact's important, of course, but I don't think it's, it's related to like, taking them in visually as much as just like, really appreciating that they have all these different sides, all these different facets. Earlier, you were talking about your relationship. I mean, what you described to me is like, real intimacy. Like, sure, things proceed along great, then there's this challenge, it's a big one, there's some shame associated with it, there's confusion. And then people go into their different domains, do their work, come together, and like, share, and then grow. I mean, that's intimacy. It takes risk. It takes a certain amount of healthy risk.

• 3:52:57Speaker 00

  And I think we can do this in all relationships. And, you know, I'm no psychologist, and I'm still learning. And lord knows, I have a lot of work to do, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna quit. I'm gonna keep trying.

• 3:53:09Steven Bartlett?

  Andrew, we have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest, not knowing who they're gonna be leaving it for.

• 3:53:16Steven Bartlett?

  And the question left here for you is, what is the true meaning of your life? Why do you exist?

• 3:53:30Speaker 00

  Goodness, that's a tough one. Meaning, it's hard to distill that down.

• 3:53:37Speaker 00

  But I'll pause for a second in an effort to keep it uncharacteristically brief.

• 3:53:47Speaker 00

  You know, as I mentioned earlier, all I have is my experience, the knowledge that I gained from that experience, and my words. And...

• 3:54:00Speaker 00

  For me, the purpose of my life is to make the best possible choices that I'm capable of making at the time in terms of what to seek out, what to learn, and what to share. And I think the real meaning of my life is to try and provide useful information and tools so that people can be a better version of themselves, for themselves and other people. And I know it sounds lofty and kind of empty and cliche on the one hand, but I mean it. I wake up in the morning and I think, what can I learn, what am I excited to learn? And then when I come across gems, I just compulsively have to tell people about it,

• 3:54:40Speaker 00

  but not because I need to do it for me, it's because I feel like people need to know about this. This can really help. This can really help. This can potentially really, really, really, really help. So I think that's the meaning of life for me.

• 3:54:55Steven Bartlett?

  Right now?

• 3:54:56Speaker 00

  Right now. And at some point, it may be just to provide care for little hubermans. At some point, it may be something entirely different. I've learned to not anticipate what the next steps will be for me, more than five years out. You know, I've seen some ridiculous speculation that I'm going to go into politics, probably related to the fact that I kind of alluded to it once or twice. I'm not going into politics. I'll tell you right now, there's no chance I'm going into politics. It runs counter current to my nature. And even if

• 3:55:35Speaker 00

  politics changed entirely, it's not for me. What is for me is learning and adventure and sharing what I learn. And that's the only way I know how to be.

• 3:55:53Steven Bartlett?

  Andrew, thank you. I didn't know you before today. I obviously knew of you because everyone knows you on the internet for all the work that you've done and all the things that you've shared, but I didn't know the man. And the hours we've spent together today have really illuminated the man that you are. And it's really, most importantly, illuminated your intentions, which are so incredibly pure and wonderful. And it's because of you that much of my podcast exists, because I learn from your show. It inspires me and that calls me to bring guests on, oftentimes guests that you've had on your show, that have changed my life in some way. So you've been a tremendous driver of both my development as an individual, but also of this show inadvertently. And also, that's the case for all of my team, because the 30, 40 people that work with me here, they're all massive fans of yours. But most importantly, they've had their lives improved because

• 3:56:38Steven Bartlett?

  you exist. And because you've taken very complex things and distilled them down and shared them with all of us in a way that we wouldn't usually have access to. So that's such a tremendous gift that you've given and continue to give. So thank you on behalf of myself and all of my team and everybody else that was so excited, all my friends that were so excited that I'd be speaking to you today. I'm tremendously excited about your book. I hear that there's a book coming out called Protocols, An Operating Manual for the Human Body, which comes out next year, the 22nd of April 2025. If there was ever a book, I don't get excited by many books, but having been such a fan of your work, it is a book that I consider to be essential. We were talking about it yesterday. We see it as, we're almost like waiting for the Bible on this subject matter. So I'm

• 3:57:22Steven Bartlett?

  going to link it below because I know it's currently available for preorder or pre-sale. And I highly recommend if people find what you do to be of any value, then this is the book to read. I've been doing everything I can to just get snippets of it from people around you. And the excitement and anticipation is palpable. So thank you for taking the time to write that book because you don't have to. You've got a big enough audience as it is. You don't have to sit down and really distill it down for people. And more than anything, just thank you. I really, really appreciate that, what you do and that the fact that you exist and all that you've done for me and all my friends and people that matter to me. So thank you on behalf of all of us. And I really, really mean that from the bottom of my heart. So thank you.

• 3:57:57Speaker 00

  Thank you. I'll take that in. And I'm very grateful for the opportunity to sit down with you today. I'm a huge fan and admirer of what you've done and what you're doing. And right back at you in the sense that You have many, many areas of success. You don't need to do a podcast. But the fact that you do bring so much benefit to the world. It's been just marvelous to see your ascent, which is just like pointed at the sun. You're just, you guys are, are doing such incredible work and continue to. And I have to say, I came here today expecting we were going to get into some science and to some protocols, and I knew we were going to cover a lot of areas. But I didn't anticipate the depth of the conversation that we were going to have.

• 3:58:41Speaker 00

  And I can say it's entirely the consequence of, of your realness and, and the, you know, the genuine compassion that you bring to these kinds of conversations. That's felt. I also really appreciate the way you shared some of your own experience. I can tell you're somebody who really cares about people and that your success is, you know, in no small part, the consequence of that. So, thank you for having me here and to your team for having me here. And for, for doing what you do. It's clear you're all in, in every endeavor. And your nature is, is an incredible one. The fact that you can take on so many things and that you've embraced your nature to not want to go the traditional path.

• 3:59:23Speaker 00

  I think that's an incredible and incredibly important example for people. So, I can also say that I think that we're going to be friends. So you should pass me your number. We'll, we'll check in in the morning and we should grab a meal or a workout or whatever. Maybe we just hang out. So, I'd like to think that we've sparked a friendship.

• 3:59:41Steven Bartlett?

  We certainly have. Thank you, Andrew.

• 3:59:42Speaker 00

  Thank you.