Wine Can Make You Live Forever, My Mother Was Right! (Herodotus Bk 3, Part 1)

Oh the wonders of Herodotus and his histories! We are back into book three of Herodotus' Histories and getting to experience the wonders of Cambyses doing his own invasions and attacks against others. How fun! In this episode there's wacky skull logic, old friend falling into destitution, travels to Carthage and Ethiopia, and also a god! Woo! (The audio is terrible, sorry... Michaela is recording at Liv's place and neither of them checked the settings appropriately before recording! Technology!) AVAILABLE NOW! The Odyssey: a Modern Retelling. https://geni.us/TheOdysseyBook Submit your question for the next Q&A via email http://mythsbaby.com/questions or a voice note https://www.speakpipe.com/LTAMB. Get ad-free episodes and so, so much more, by subscribing to the Oracle Edition at patreon.com/mythsbaby http://patreon.com/mythsbaby. Enter ourpodcast guest https://www.mythsbaby.com/contact form if you'd like to be on the show as a conversation guest! CW/TW: far too many Greek myths involve assault. I try to provide direct warnings when there is reference to anything with overtly traumatic themes but be aware that Greek mythology regularly features assault, death, and many other potentially triggering events. Sources: Herodotus' Histories, translated by Tom Holland. Attributions and licensing information for music used in the podcast can be found here:mythsbaby.com/sources-attributions http://mythsbaby.com/sources-attributions. Learn more about Liv's next group trips https://travelbugxlivalbert.my.canva.site/ to GREECE! Application deadline is November 30 (Subject to change due to demand). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey nerds, really quick note from me. I want to tell you that we now have the applications open for the next set of listener group trips. This is us going back to the original, the trips that we have held in the past that have been so much fun, so successful, and pretty affordable in terms of wandering around Greece with a bunch of nerds. So check out the details and get your applications in at mythsbaby.com/grouptrip.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial

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• 2:43Speaker 00

  Hey, hi, hello, and welcome back to Let's Talk About Nits, baby. This is your resident history nerd, Michaela Pangorishback, from her months away. Europe is wild. There are wild people there doing wild things. Wow, finally done my thesis as well. Tell Mackus' daddy's issues, anyone? Will we talk about it at some point? Maybe, I don't know. And finally, free from some interpersonal friend drama. Hey, hey, men. I don't want to sit here and just tell you to do better because I'm certain there are a lot of you that do not want to, I don't know, be annoying and are trying, and I commend that. But, oh my God, just the childish actions I have seen recently is wild. Why are men in their 30s

• 3:24Speaker 00

  acting like teenagers? I don't know. That's high school shit. Get it together. Talk about your feelings with your friends and stop complaining that the world doesn't allow you to be emotional. Yes, the patriarchal system that has been built does not allow you to be people in that way, just as it doesn't allow women to be people in other ways. Fight back against it. Talk about your feelings with your friends and work through your shit without blaming others. Your mental health is not an excuse to treat people like shit. And I'm saying that generally to everyone, regardless of gender. It's not a good enough reason to be cruel. I'm sure we all agree on this. I've just been dealing with a 33-year-old man-child ex-friend, and it's pissed me off, but it's fine. I'm okay. Like, seriously. Oh, my God. Anyways, thank you for letting me rant. Thank you for everyone who has let me rant the past while, and I appreciate you all. And thank you to the listeners for

• 4:09Speaker 00

  being patient with me and the content I've been, well, not creating lately. I'm sorry, it's been a tough year outside of the friend drama. There was a very affecting death in the family that hit me quite hard. Plus, you know, trying to finish up my undergrad during that and having to get a deferral for my thesis because I simply could not think. But whatever, I'm done at all. And, well, not the grieving, but that sort of just takes time, and I will heal when I heal. But in the meantime, why don't we get back to the wonders of Herodotus? Because, oh, Herodotus, what a wonderful little guy with all his weird little stories that make both no sense and all the sense. Last time we met Herodotus, we were going through Book Two, which talked all about Egypt and Herodotus's wanderings through

• 4:51Speaker 00

  there. He made his way up the Nile, talked about all the animals he did and did not see because there was not enough money in this world to convince me that he ever saw a hippo. There was a bunch of Egyptian history that he became familiar with, and, you know, pharaohs doing like pharaoh shit, making their daughters prostitutes themselves, building things like like pyramids, and Herodotus feeling the need to give us the exact dimensions of these great works. There was Lake Moeris and how it came to be with the dams and the dykes and whatnot, and just general history. But we shall move on from Egypt. Definitely not the last we shall hear of it. Definitely not. You're gonna hear a lot more. But we are shifting our focus to the east to look at the Persians and the other empires there. Well, no, just

• 5:34Speaker 00

  the Persians. But here we go. What they were doing, how they were establishing themselves, all preparing us for the later episodes in the histories between the Greeks and the Persians. Never forget his thesis statement, friends. This is a history of the great deeds and works of both the east and the west.

• 6:05Speaker 00

  Wine can make you live forever. My mother was white. Herodotus, Book Three, Part One.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  Last, we talked about the pharaoh Amasis II, who led Egypt into a particularly prosperous period. He was a man from humble origins, as Herodotus tells us, and managed somehow to become pharaoh. And it is this pharaoh who the Persians come into conflict with. Cambyses was the ruler of the Persians, the son of Cyrus, and he led his people, including some Ionian and Aeolian Greeks, against the Egyptians under Amasis. The reason for this invasion, Herodotus tells us, is thus. Cambyses requested one of Amasis's daughters as wife. Well, not a wife, a concubine, which Amasis wasn't quite a fan of. This demand was made after an Egyptian physician was torn from Egypt, along with the entirety of his family,

• 7:08Speaker 00

  after Cyrus asked for the best optician around. He was resentful of this, for some reason that I'm not terribly sure of. But okay, I guess he didn't want to relocate. So being upset about this, he eventually convinced Cambyses to ask for a daughter from Amasis. But again, as we know, and Amasis knew, his daughter would end up being a concubine in Cambyses's court and not a legitimate wife. And he was simply not okay with this. This is a really interesting thing to me as well. You see, it happened during the Bronze Age that Egypt doesn't really wed their daughters off to foreign kings. There's been some, like, suggestion of the logic of this that I do understand, and that they don't want there to be any Egyptian blood that could potentially have a claim on the throne outside of the

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Egyptian royalty within the country. But, hey, whatever. Amasis didn't want his daughter to be concubine as well, and that's a good enough reason. However, he couldn't say no. The Persians were already too powerful. He didn't want to risk whatever they would do in retaliation. So he said yes, but he played a trick, because of course he did. There was a daughter of the last pharaoh, Aprius, still living. Her name was Nytetis, and she was absolutely striking. She held herself with the status of a royal. There was no denying her lineage. So he dressed her up in golds and beautiful, rich fabrics and sent her off to Cambyses under the pretense that she was his daughter. This worked for a time, though

• 8:33Speaker 00

  one day Cambyses addressed her by her patronym, Daughter of Amasis, which she duly corrected him on. Amasis has tricked you, my lord. Despite my appearances, gift-wrapped all beautifully, I am not his daughter, and instead, the daughter of Aprius. This enraged Cambyses so much that he decided to invade Egypt, or at least this is the Persian account of things. The Egyptians have a different account. See, they say that Cambyses was actually the daughter of Nytetis, and so was Egyptian himself. Cyrus was the one who sent for an Egyptian wife. But of course, this can't be correct, Herodotus tells us, because Persian law does not allow bastards to inherit the throne. And Cambyses was assuredly the son of Kasandane, the daughter of Pharnapzes, the Achaemenan, and in no way Egyptian in the slightest. But at least the Egyptian account

• 9:18Speaker 00

  gives them some sort of kinship with the house of Cyrus. Though there is one more story, one that Herodotus gives absolutely no stock to at all, but he must include it because that's what Herodotus does. In this, a Persian woman visited the wives of Cyrus and was so delighted by Cassandane that she was so stately and lavish and beautiful that she heaped much praise upon the woman. Cassandane responded, "How lovely of you. Wish my husband felt the same way, but he treats me with much disrespect as he only seems to care for his and I, quote, 'new acquisition from Egypt,'" AKA Nitetus. Young Cambyses, who was apparently just chilling with his mom, heard this and replied, "Mother, when I am a man, I will take Egypt for this reason."

• 10:00Speaker 00

  He apparently said this when he was ten years old. What a promise from a child. But he kept it, and when he had come of age, gotten a hold of the throne, marched off to take Egypt. There is one more thing that Herodotus wants us to know about a man named Phanes, a mercenary implored by Amasis. He was Halocarnassian, like our dear author, and good to the whole, good at the whole war thing, but for some reason, he wasn't quite a fan of Amasis. He eventually ran away, defected from Egypt, on a boat to go seek out Cambyses. Amasis was worried. Phanes was held in high esteem amongst all the other mercenaries, and he knew much of Egyptian affairs. He couldn't just lose this man, so he sent off a trireme of eunuchs to get him. What was the pointence of them being eunuchs? I don't know. I don't study Egypt, but hey,

• 10:45Speaker 00

  off they went. They managed to get to him in Lysia, but Phanes was much too smart and got all the guards they left around him drunk and then slipped right out of there into Persia. He sought out Cambyses, who was wanting to march into Egypt but not quite sure the best way to do such a thing. And Phanes was ready to give him all the advice and help he would need to do so. After giving him all his information, he told him to contact the king of the Arabians and ask for safe passage. You see, there was no other way to get into Egypt. It had to be done through other territories, and you don't just want to be marching through someone else's territory. That's rude and dangerous. It would have to be done through several peoples' lands. There were the Syrians in the city of Caditus, the Syrians who were known as Palestinians.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  Hmm. From there, though, Arabian territory along coastal paths, through the Sabonian march, which is, once again, under Syrian control, past there into Egyptian territory. At this point, Herodotus decides to tell us about the earthenware jugs that come into Egypt, because we simply must know this. Basically, wine comes from Greece and Phoenicia in these earthenware jugs, but one does not just walk around Egypt and see these jugs everywhere, so what must be happening to them? Well, it's the job of the village's headmen to collect them all and bring them to Memphis, where they are then filled with water, which is then conveyed to a waterless part of Syria, and that's it. That's the whole story and is super important.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  Actually, because of the waterless part, but anyways. So Cambyses, upon the instruction of Phanes, sent pledges to the king of the Arabians for safe passage, um, who sent his own pledges back, because I don't know, this is the way it works. Herodotus tells us that the Arabians take pledges super seriously, like so seriously, and they even have their own special way of making pledges. You see, the two parties who are making a pledge come together, and a third man makes a cut with a stone along their hands, just below their thumbs. He then takes a strip of cloth from their cloaks and anoints seven stones with their blood, all the while invoking Dionysus and Urania. Though, through the Greek lens, these gods are Dionysus and Urania. They're not actually

• 12:54Speaker 00

  these gods, but whatever the equivalent to Arabian gods were, which you know what? We'll find out. After all this, the pledge giver will tell his friends about the pledge, and the other guy, and, and then the friends, will then also be tasked to honor the pledge, so it's like a community thing. Herodotus then tells us that other than Urania, Dionysus is the only god whose existence the Arabians acknowledge, and he has short hair, so they also wear their hair short, cut in a circle with the temple shaved. They call him Oil Talk, and Urania is called Alilat. So the king of the Arabians is chill with Cambyses's plan and sends some camels with water to where he's supposed to be, because here we go, this stretch of land does not have water, a proper desert.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  Or there's another account that Herodotus wants us to know about a river chorus. The king had ox hides stitched together to make pipes to reach the desert from the river. He had the pipes set up so they drained into reservoirs, three of them. Basically, they found a way to get water there, and to be fair, to add to Herodotus in these stories, the question of water access is very important, especially when there's going to be fighting and warring going on. You need water to drink and wash wounds and other things, I guess. It's a logistics issue. I just don't care that much, so let's move on. Samenetus, Amasis's son, made his camp at the Pelusiac Melt of the Nile to wait for Cambyses.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  By the time Cambyses made his way into Egypt, Amasis had already passed away. He reigned for forty-four years, pretty easily, actually. He was laid to rest in his tomb, and his son Samenetus took over. During Samenetus's reign, a strange phenomenon occurred. It rained in Thebes, Egyptian Thebes, not Greek Thebes. This had never happened, and some Thebans say it has never happened again up to Herodotus's lifetime, but still, it rained. A light drizzle, he says. So the fighting begins, the Persians and their allies on one side, and the Egyptians on the other. There were some Greeks and Carians on the Egyptian side, and they were not happy by what Phanes had done. They grabbed Phanes's children that were still with them and brought them out onto

• 15:03Speaker 00

  the field. There was a large mixing bowl set between the two armies, and, and they led the children there, where they proceeded to then cut the children's necks and let the blood drain into the bowl. They then poured wine and water in, mixed it all up, and drank it down. The battle was fierce, but the Egyptians were the ones who lost in the end and fled from the battlefield. Herodotus went to the battlefield to inspect it. There were bones all over the place from both sides, but he says it was very easy to distinguish between the Persian and Egyptian bones, because, as one naturally does, you could try to bore holes in the skulls, and this was so easy to do with the Persian skulls. In fact, a small pebble tapping against a skull was enough to crack them open and produce a hole.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  The Egyptian skulls, on the other hand, were so, so tough that no matter how hard you pounded at them with a rock, no crack or hole could be made. Herodotus is stunned by this. How could this be the case? Well, the locals come to the rescue and tell him it's because the Egyptians shaved their heads. That is the fashion, and the exposure to the sun helps to thicken the bone so much that they cannot be broken. It also means Egyptians can't go bald. And see, this makes sense, because the Persians do their best to keep their heads out of the sun, wearing conical felt caps. This is just the kind of wondrously obviously true information that we can get from a man like Herodotus. The Egyptians retreated to Memphis, where Cambyses sent a Mytilene ship with a Persian

• 16:30Speaker 00

  herald who would summon them to negotiate. The Egyptians were so frightened, they stormed the ship, tore it apart, and killed all the crew before pulling it all back into Memphis. They were then put under siege and, in time, forced to surrender. This frightened the neighbors of the Egyptians so much that they all surrendered without a fight. The Libyans and the people of Cyrenia and Barka sent tributary gifts straight to Cambyses, though he wasn't too impressed with the gifts of the Charyneans, especially because it was only like five hundred. He instead passed it along to his troops. Cambyses decides it's time to humiliate Samenetus, because that's what one does when one wins, I guess. He sets him up outside of town with other Egyptians and begins by bringing out his daughter,

• 17:12Speaker 00

  dressed as a slave. He has her and other unmarried Egyptian women sent to fetch water. The women walk by the men, crying, and the men who were with Samenetus wail and weep along with them, but not Samenetus. He kept, he keeps his composure and bows his head to the ground. Then Cambyses has Samenetus's son sent out with other young Egyptian men. They are tied by ropes with bits in their mouth and led out to pay the punishment for the massacre of the Mytileneans. Forever Mytilenean who died, ten young aristocratic Egyptian men must also die. All the Egyptians with Samenetus wept, cried for their sons being led to their death, but Samenetus did not react and simply bowed his head to the ground once again.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  Now, after this procession, an old man who used to be a dining guest of Samenetus came to ask for alms. He had fallen quite far in life, and now he had to get by with begging. At this, Samenetus cried loudly and beat at his head, calling his friend by his name. Cambyses was astounded by this. Why would he respond to this man and not his own children? He sent a messenger to ask Samenetus this, who responded, and I quote, "Son of Cyrus, the evils that have afflicted my own household are too great to be wept over. Tears were, however, an appropriate response to the misery of my old companion, who on the very threshold of old age has been toppled from happiness and wealth and come to beggary." Chrysus, being there, you guys remember Chrysus, right? The king of Lydia who got

• 18:40Speaker 00

  his butt kicked by Cyrus? Well, he was there, and he cried at this response. Everyone who heard this was moved, even Cambyses. And Cambyses decided that Samenetus's son should be spared for punishment. The men quickly went out to stop the son from being executed, but alas, they're too late. He was the first to be executed. Samenetus was allowed to pass his days in the presence of Cambyses and would surely have been allowed to govern Egypt, as is customary for the Persians to allow their conquered states to still have the same leaders, if Samenetus wasn't caught trying to incite the Egyptian Superbell. He was caught and, in that moment, drank the blood of a bowl before dropping dead on the spot, and that was it for Samenetus.

• 19:32Liv Albert?

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• 25:19Speaker 00

  Cambyses then makes his way to Sais where the tomb of Amasis was. He ordered that the body be brought out, and for the men to treat it like absolute shit for some god forsaken reason. He was pissed that Amasis didn't give him his daughter, because men are just like that, I guess. He commanded his men to whip the corpse, to pluck out the hair, stab it, and do all kinds of absolute evils to the body. But because of the mummification, the corpse would not fall to bits. It held strong. So he decided on another path. Set that guy on fire. Now, I mean, other than the obvious, what the actual hell is he doing? This is especially bad. The Persians believed that fire was a god, and the Egyptians saw it as a living, breathing beast. It was not okay in Egyptian customs for a body to be consumed by a beast.

• 26:04Speaker 00

  Thus, they mummify it so the worms can't get at it, so says Herodotus. But this is what Cambyses did, despite it not being chill in either people's mindsets, or really, anyone, to be fair. Well, some Egyptians say that Amasis knew such a thing could arise, so he sneakily had another man mummified and set at the front of his tomb, while his own body was tucked away in the back. They didn't bother to check, because I don't know how one would check. And so they took the first body and inflicted all these horrors upon it. Herodotus says this is what the Egyptians say, but perhaps they're just trying to save face. Who knows? Cambyses now had to decide who to go after next. The Carthaginians, the Ammonians, or the Ethiopians? He decided to send a war fleet after the Carthaginians, because apparently Carthage

• 26:47Speaker 00

  has never been left alone, and to send his land fleet after the Ammonians. But how to deal with the Ethiopians? Well, he decides on espionage. He sent spies under the guise of bringing gifts and to find out about the Table of the Sun. What's the Table of the Sun? Great question, let's find out together, though the notes in my book is still completely unsure of what this is referring to. You see, the Table of the Sun is a meadow beside a city, filled with the cooked meats of every kind of four legged animal out there. The city officials are to put the meat there at night, and during the day, whoever comes may take part, though the inhabitants of the city seem to think that the meat comes from the earth. And that's what we know of the Table of the Sun. So, cool, great, thank you.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  Cambyses sends off a summons to the city of Elefantine to the fish eaters, who understand Ethiopian. These are just Ethiopians. They're just the same people, but, you know, different city, different name, but whatever, thanks, we're gonna call them fish eaters, I guess, thanks, Herodotus. At that same moment, he orders the fleet to sail to Carthage. But the fleet is mostly made up of Phoenicians, who simply refuse the task because of their kinship with Carthage. These are their people, their relations. They will not attack them for any reason. And, well, the Phoenicians willingly went into service with Cambyses, and Cambyses didn't want to push his luck with them and force them to do something they might not want to do, especially because his fleet was completely useless without them. So he gives up on Carthage.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  For now, I mean, I don't know if we'll see Carthage again, but we'll find out eventually. The fish eaters from Elefantine arrive, and Cambyses sends them off to the Ethiopians as his spies with gifts and a speech and all the things. Herodotus says that the Ethiopians were the tallest and the most handsome of men in the whole world, and that was very important for us to know. They're very different people from whom he's already interacted with. And it is the strongest and tallest man in the city who ends up king. These are the people the fish eaters are going to. They arrive, give them the gifts from Cambyses, and begin their speech. Hey, guys, Cambyses sent us, and he wants to give you these gifts, and also, like, is it chill if he becomes, like, friends with you guys?

• 28:54Speaker 00

  Maybe some sort of tie of friendship and mutual hospitality? The Ethiopians didn't fall for this. They knew immediately that they were spies, and spun them saying, go away. You're nothing but liars, and only you're a spy on us. These gifts mean nothing. They suggest no sense of friendship, but only show that that man knows nothing of what is right. He just wants land, more and more land, that is not his to have, and to pull people who have never done anything to him into slavery. Give him this bow and tell him this, and this bit, I will quote, because it's good. From the king of the Ethiopians to the king of the Persians, some advice. Only when the Persians can readily draw bows of an equal size should he think to lead an army against the long-lived Ethiopians. And even then, he should be sure to outnumber us.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  Meanwhile, let him feel proper grateful to the gods, they have never turned the minds of the sons of Ethiopia to thoughts of adding other lands to their own. The king threw the unstrung bow at the fish eaters and then looked at the gifts. First was a purple robe. He asked them how they got this color. They told him the process of making it and he laughed, saying that they were as deceitful as their garments. Next, he asked about, asked about the gold necklaces and bracelets they bought. They explained them, but the king felt they were fetters and far weaker than the ones in his own country. Next, he asked about the mer they bought, but he felt similarly about them as the robes. Finally, he asked about the wine, took a sip and, oh, how he loved the wine, asking the men, "What does your king eat and how long do the Persians live for?"

• 30:24Speaker 00

  The men responded that the king eats bread and it's around eighty years that men live for. He laughed again, "You live such short lives, especially eating such trash." Which is rude to bread, but that's fine. It's only because of this wine that you manage to live as long as you do. It's only the wine that you got us on. I'll give you that one. The fish eaters were wondered by this and asked the king, "How long do the Ethiopians live for?" He responded, "Most live to be a hundred and twenty, but many live longer than that. We eat boiled meat and drink milk." They marveled at this and the king brought them to a spring which smelled of violets. He allowed the spies to wash themselves in it and, oh, they felt so nice and so pretty after,

• 31:06Speaker 00

  with a beautiful sheen on their bodies, as if they rubbed olive oil all over. Nothing floated upon the surface of the water was so delicate and special. And Herodotus goes on to say, "Oh, they definitely live long because of the effects of this water." The king then led them to the dungeon where all the men were bound with gold because the Ethiopians felt that bronze was the verest and most precious of all the metals. Gold was nothing to them. Then he showed them the table of the sun, which we've already talked about and don't need to be hashed. And then there's some stuff about Ethiopian coffins because the king felt the need to share this as well. Um, well, so they made their coffins out of a translucent material. What translucent material? I don't know. Neither does Herodotus, so, yeah.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  Well, they dry the corpse out, either what the Egyptian way or some other way, and then they cover the body in plaster, which they paint, so it's as lifelike as possible. They then put it in the translucent material and set it up like a column. This column will be kept in the dead person's family home for a year, where they will bring it the first fruits of everything and burn sacrifice. After a year, they bring it out and set it up in the city amongst all the other coffin columns. Which, okay, is actually like really cool and kind of metal and interesting, but also something I've never heard of. And my obsession with weird death things means I probably could have heard of it, but maybe we have archaeological evidence and actually, that would not surprise me that we don't have much archaeological evidence because of the whole like

• 32:33Speaker 00

  colonialization of archaeology and how that was used in the past to just sort of like recreate the West and it ignores countries that they don't want to say see as like legitimate and having legitimate civilization, like lots of Africa. Anyways, I'm gonna just move on from that rant. It's important, but not what this is about. Anyways, well, okay, so the fish eaters returned and told Cambyses about all of what happened, which, you know what, royally pissed him off, of course. He decided to immediately, without any sort of preparation, set out on campaign against them. He gathered up all his troops, left the Greeks in Egypt and went off. When he got to Thebes, he ordered a detachment to go enslave the Ammonians and bring them back, while he continued, continued on with the rest of the army against the Ethiopians.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  The lack of resources was a big problem, it turned out, because the Ethiopians were so very far away and they would have to cross deserts. And, oh lordy, did it go all awry so very quickly. Not even a fifth of the way through the journey did the provisions run out and the pack animals started to be eaten by the men. Cambyses should have turned around at this point, but did he? No, no, he did not. He continued on and the soldiers started to scavenge and eat whatever they could. But by the time they reached the deserts, things had taken a drastic turn, to say the least. They would cast lots and then eat every tenth man among them, which, well, apparently, okay, cannibalism was the line for Cambyses, thankfully.

• 34:01Speaker 00

  And when he learned of this, he gave up and made his way back to Thebes with only a portion of his army. Thus, he gave up on trying to invade the Ethiopians. As for the force that he sent against the Ammonians, well, that is truly a mystery. See, they sent out from Thebes and made it to Oasis, a Samian city. They set out from Oasis and that's where we completely lose track of what happened to them. The Ammonians believe they know what happened to them. They say that the Persian forces were making their way to them when a storm broke out and the wind was so strong that it swept a bunch of sand up and over the Persians, the desert swallowing them whole. Regardless, they failed, and that's another division of the army that's just gone and lost.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  When Cambyses arrived in Memphis, Apis, or Apathus in Greek, son of Io, Liv spoke about him recently, actually. Well, he manifested. The Egyptians were so jazzed about this. They had all dressed up and had parties in the streets. Cambyses, however, thought they were celebrating his failures because that's what happens when you're a little bitch boy and you jump to conclusions. He glared at them all and said, "Why are you acting like this? Why are you acting like this after I've lost so much my army?" The Egyptians told him what was going on, but him being so self-conscious and such a little bitch boy, didn't believe them and instead condemned them to death because that's reasonable, I guess. After he killed all these people, he summoned the priests to him to explain what was really happening.

• 35:25Speaker 00

  They reiterated the same story because this is truly what the people believed had happened. He believes the priests, which, great, I mean, believe all the other normal people in the street first, but whatever, you do, you do. He asked them to bring Apis to him. He wants to know this god. So the priests bring Apis to him. Apis was a calf, a calf who had just been born. The cow he was born from would forever have a barren womb, it is said. They knew it was Apis from a beam of light that had descended from the sky upon the cow and then Apis was born from this light. The calf was distinctive. It was completely black, except for a white diamond on its forehead and a white eagle on its back.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  It had twice as much hair on its tail and there was a mark under its tongue in the shape of a beetle. The priests brought Apis to Cambyses and Cambyses was flustered, flummoxed, baffled. He immediately pulled out his dagger and struck out at the calf, hoping to hit the belly, but instead hitting the thigh. Cambyses laughed and called the priests fools. Couldn't they see this was just flesh and blood, not a god? "This is the god you Egyptians deserve," he says, "and you will not get away with fooling me." He had the priests seized and flogged without mercy, as well as any other Egyptians found celebrating because that's totally normal. Apis died from his wounds and when no one was paying attention, the priests came back and buried him.

• 36:50Speaker 00

  This was a grievous crime, not good at all. And well, you can guess that the outcomes are no bueno. But that's for next week, folks, because we definitely do not want to rush through the absolute madness that comes out of this, do we?

• 37:16Speaker 00

  Great, we made it through the start of book three of Herodotus. We're starting to get closer to the actual Persian wars, which is great, but also learning about all that led up to it, which is also great because history and you know what? I love history and I've never read these parts of Herodotus before and I'm really enjoying it and I'm enjoying sharing it with everyone. Anyways, thank you all for listening today. I can't wait to share more with you and I'm so happy to be back and making history episodes for you all because, oh my god, how fun. Like, the skull bit? What? What is it? There's lots going on over here, lots of changes and adjustments and we're just figuring out what's going to, what everything's going to look like moving forward, which is all good, all very good, but you know how changes can be on occasion.

• 38:00Speaker 00

  In the meantime, did you guys know that we finally opened the store? That's right. If you want stickers like the Cathona Cuties or Euripides Fan Club or just the plain old delightful logo that we all had made by Sydney of the Angel Incarnate on Instagram. I love her. Her art is my favorite thing in the world. I could, you know, die for it. Anyways, head to www.mythsbaby.com/m merchandise. There are also pins and maybe tote bags as well, but shipping, you, you, shipping is sucky right now. It is an option, but sorry, shipping.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  Um, and if you, you know, put your stickers anywhere, send us pictures. We'd love to see it. Let's talk about Myth Baby is written and produced by the one and only Liv Albert. Michaela Pangorish is the Hermes to all the Olympians, the producer, wanting more coffee and sleep but can't have both. Select music by Luke Chaos. Thank you, Mr. Chaos. The podcast is part of the Memory Collective Podcast Network, a collection of creators that all strive to bring you accurate and reliable information on the ancient world. These include the wonderful friends at Movies We Dig, The Partial Historian, Sweetbitter and so much more. Get ad-free episodes and other fun things by subscription to the Oracle Edition on Patreon at patreon.com/mithbaby or via the link in the episode's description.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Are you a scholar or academic or an expert in something from antiquity from Greece to Rome to Egypt to anywhere in the Near East? We would absolutely love to have you on the show as a conversation guest. Go to mythsbaby.com/contact and fill out our podcast guest form. We want to hear from you, so please do reach out. Talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

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