Ep 558 - Ay Caramba

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Yo0o0o0o. Hope you're all having a good week. Here's the cast, classic ep. Just the fambly D. A. W. G. Z. and of course it's pipin' hot. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Get $35-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com with code: MSSP ps this is shawn if you came to the show in philly thank you I really appreciate it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wild Wild West.

• 0:01Matt McCusker?

  Yo, what a slap, bro. What a motherf-

• 0:05Speaker 00

  That was a powerful slap, Lemare.

• 0:07Matt McCusker?

  That was.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Damn, you're coming for Gardini's job.

• 0:11Matt McCusker?

  I know, man. Surprised everything syncs up properly with his little slap.

• 0:18Speaker 00

  We'll see, though. We'll see. Usually, you're about, Lemare's about 50% on his, uh-

• 0:23Matt McCusker?

  Producing?

• 0:23Speaker 00

  Producing skills.

• 0:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there could be a major technical flaw.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  There's a solid chance that this does not have a video.

• 0:31Speaker 00

  So, we'll see.

• 0:34Matt McCusker?

  We shall see.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  It is a women's, uh, woman's world, man.

• 0:36Matt McCusker?

  I mean, bro, we're lucky to be living in it.

• 0:38Speaker 00

  We're lucky to be living in it.

• 0:40Matt McCusker?

  I can't, I can't wait till she comes here. I'm going to the tour.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  Katy Perry's, that was a good, I was expecting that to be terrible. The music video was great. Could do yourself a favor and watch, uh, Katy Perry's Woman's World music video.

• 0:53Matt McCusker?

  I, I thought the one part was really powerful.

• 0:55Speaker 00

  There was one part that was extremely powerful, and me and the crew ran it back. And started chanting, "Women, women." It is a woman's world.

• 1:05Matt McCusker?

  Very, it was a very powerful, just that shot in general.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  She's trying to tap into the drags.

• 1:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're talking about just by smashing it.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  No, not that, just making that song.

• 1:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's a good mark.

• 1:15Speaker 00

  She also was a host on, uh, RuPaul's Drag Race.

• 1:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  I've seen it. Trust me, daddy, I know all about the drags. Every once in a while, when it's a woman's TV choice, I have to watch fucking RuPaul Drag Race.

• 1:29Matt McCusker?

  You should remake Grease. That'd be a good movie. Remake Grease, but it's really all just drag queens and doing drag racing. But instead of the cars, they're just like walking towards each other and being like-

• 1:38Speaker 00

  One of the drag queens on the last season was a bit of a greaser.

• 1:41Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:42Speaker 00

  You're not far off, man. You've got a, you've got a keen eye for the drag.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  And Lemare would obviously be the most powerful drag here. I would be number two. It's, it is about size and girth.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  I'd be a mean fucking queen, dude.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you think La Mer would take the throne as the number one queen?

• 2:01Speaker 00

  If you watch the show, you'll see who they like. They like a portly fellow that does that. I'd be a giant, though. Cause they wear like giant.

• 2:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  I'd be six, seven.

• 2:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, God.

• 2:18Matt McCusker?

  How big, how big of a bitch do you think you could be?

• 2:20Speaker 00

  I could be a, you know, I could be a bitch. You've seen me be a little nasty bitch. You've been, you've been around people when I was being a little nasty bitch to them. You go, God damn, that guy's being nasty.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  I could probably be one of the nastier bitches.

• 2:42Speaker 00

  I know, deep down, I'd be a nasty queen, dude. I gotta get my flexibility up, though. They, I gotta.

• 2:47Matt McCusker?

  True. That must be sick, though. Just being a girl and being mad and just being like.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  I have no repercussions.

• 2:54Matt McCusker?

  I'm just gonna say the most off the wall shit right now.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:57Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta feel so good.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  And I'm, he'll forgive me in a day.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  All I have to do is say sorry once. In fact, I don't even have to say sorry. I have to just be kind of nice the next day.

• 3:09Matt McCusker?

  I have to vaguely acknowledge.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  And the guy that I'm dating or married to will just go.

• 3:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Fuck it. Yeah, yeah, I don't give a shit. I know you're fucking dumb.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  No, that wasn't directed at anyone. That was a joke.

• 3:21Matt McCusker?

  It's just, it is funny, though, just to like be brewing, wake up, like.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  Dude, ever since I got my gun, I've just been so sassy.

• 3:29Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Ever since the gun's been in the house, I've just been going, who wants it?

• 3:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what's up? What's going on?

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Any bump in the night last night.

• 3:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  Clip was loaded.

• 3:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you like literally wake up feeling sorry for whoever it is. Like, I might be scared. I just feel sorry.

• 3:43Speaker 00

  It'd be insane what would happen to them.

• 3:45Matt McCusker?

  I feel sorry for you right now.

• 3:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna do one day where I just wake up and just.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  No, the cops will get called.

• 3:57Matt McCusker?

  I'm not gonna hit her.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  No, I know, but if you said.

• 4:00Matt McCusker?

  Not even say.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  If you talk the way they talk to us, the police would be there.

• 4:04Matt McCusker?

  I'd be su- true. I'll be way more subtle, though. It'll be like, what's the matter? And I'll be like, no. I'll be like that all day. Just wake up and it's like, my arm's hot. Like, what?

• 4:15Speaker 00

  I didn't get good sleep.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Something's going on with me.

• 4:19Matt McCusker?

  My right hand's really warm right now. No, get off of it. Leave it alone. I don't want you to touch it. I want you to look at my arm.

• 4:30Matt McCusker?

  See how long I can make it. You would crack. You would start laughing.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Whoa, if you did it to me?

• 4:36Matt McCusker?

  No, not you. I wouldn't do it to you.

• 4:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:38Matt McCusker?

  I have a different target in mind.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  You would target a strike. You might hit some civilians, though.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  The kids might be some collateral damage on that one. You do a targeted strike in response to pure terrorism.

• 4:55Matt McCusker?

  Getting a coffee, I'm like, there's too much syrup in here. Ugh.

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  I got this coffee today and I was laughing. I want to start going to coffee, like the same coffee shop every day, getting the same thing and every, like, as I sip it, walking out the door, I'm gonna go, ah, tastes like shit, and just walk out. Just every day.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's good.

• 5:13Matt McCusker?

  Tastes like shit.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  I'm sick of eating this shit. Come on, let's go.

• 5:21Matt McCusker?

  Just go, Jesus Christ, just throw it out and walk out and just do it every day.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Oh, man. I just hope Katy Perry recovers.

• 5:29Matt McCusker?

  Me too.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  I'm starting to, I'm starting to join KP's side now.

• 5:33Matt McCusker?

  Good. You're a powerful ally.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  The space landing?

• 5:38Speaker 00

  Not good optics.

• 5:39Matt McCusker?

  But that's a, that's a learning moment, then, moment. Then she linked up with, what was it?

• 5:44Speaker 00

  Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke. Questionable past.

• 5:49Matt McCusker?

  That's where I draw the line. No, Katy. No hanging out with Dr. Luke.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  I don't hang out with Dr. Luke. It's sick to team up with Dr. Luke and then make a powerful woman song.

• 6:00Matt McCusker?

  She's calculated.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know. It's one of those things where it's like, yeah, a bunch of ladies went into space and acted like idiots.

• 6:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 00

  So what did you think was gonna happen? Are we all?

• 6:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're just.

• 6:12Speaker 00

  Fucking ladies.

• 6:13Matt McCusker?

  They might as well have rode one of those like.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Six wives got launched into space. Well, how did you think that was?

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  They should have launched them on one of those like bicycles where you all face each other and blast music. That's all that was.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  They could have hit them with, yeah, Peloton.

• 6:28Matt McCusker?

  The park crawl bike.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Oh, that one?

• 6:30Matt McCusker?

  The bachelor party where they're all like, eh.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, for sure. They can't handle those. Why did, who thought they were gonna handle a fucking Blue Horizon?

• 6:42Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:45Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  Well, I know you do.

• 6:52Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 7:15Speaker 00

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• 7:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh, man. I just hope they raise enough awareness for Bezos' mission to launch trash into space.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  They, yeah, he started by launching a bunch of luggage and trash.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  But have, have any of those bicycle things been hit by a truck yet?

• 7:52Matt McCusker?

  Had to have been, bro. Had to have been. I've been on one before and it's like, after riding one, I'm like, these things gotta get clipped, man. Cause you're just in the street. There's just a guy like, looks over his shoulder and just hits the street.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  This guy hitting an on-ramp and you're out there going, oh shit.

• 8:08Matt McCusker?

  Oh shit. Into the wrong side of the highway. You're like, dude, come on, dude, come on.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'd like to know.

• 8:15Matt McCusker?

  Take me home tonight. You're just riding into fucking southbound traffic.

• 8:22Speaker 00

  That's good. Yeah.

• 8:23Matt McCusker?

  That would be funny.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  It's a suicide mission.

• 8:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, suicide bike rider.

• 8:26Speaker 00

  Ladies, hop on.

• 8:27Matt McCusker?

  Especially he's just driving and just like, and then so I fucking told her, he's like, I can't, man.

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Somebody get on the mopack.

• 8:36Matt McCusker?

  You don't ride into the river. You don't even pedal.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  You don't pedal at all. You just sit, your pedaling does nothing on those things. Dude, that's how ladies used to kill themselves back in the day. You just hop in the river. You're just ready for the river and you would just be like, fuck it and jump in.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's usually how they got rid of their kids too.

• 8:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  They were taking you straight to the lake. Why don't you sit in the back of the car? I'm gonna put it in neutral. Right down the boat ramp. I'm tired of you crying. I want to go out with my friends.

• 9:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I want to hang out. I want to go, I want to be a flapper. Did you ever like?

• 9:10Speaker 00

  Really going out to women?

• 9:12Matt McCusker?

  No, the flapper, that was in 1920.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  I know what a flapper is. I'm just saying, the beginning of this is all been like, fucking women are fucking annoying. I like it.

• 9:20Matt McCusker?

  We're on Gaty Berry's side. What are you talking about?

• 9:22Speaker 00

  We support them.

• 9:23Matt McCusker?

  We do, dude. We're lucky to be living in those.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Fucking bike things get clipped yet?

• 9:28Speaker 02

  I'm trying to make sure.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  No, this didn't get clipped. It just fell.

• 9:33Matt McCusker?

  It just fell over?

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, just they were going too fast.

• 9:36Matt McCusker?

  They were flying?

• 9:38Speaker 00

  Well, I appreciate that.

• 9:40Matt McCusker?

  And it tipped over? Dang.

• 9:42Speaker 00

  Dan, they probably got pretty hurt.

• 9:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  I saw a skybar. You ever see those things? They put like a bar on a crane?

• 9:50Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 9:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, really? Just high in the air?

• 9:52Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 9:53Speaker 00

  I saw one of the cables snapped on one of those and it like.

• 9:56Matt McCusker?

  Oh, they didn't, it turned into the fucking funhouse, dude.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  Turned into a real funhouse.

• 10:01Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  That seemed like the scariest thing I've ever seen. I think it was in Puerto Rico. I could be wrong. Okay, maybe what's the difference?

• 10:10Matt McCusker?

  Your father died in a Puerto Rican skybar.

• 10:17Matt McCusker?

  Damn, I didn't know they do that. They just lift you up in a, dude, when you're up that high too, the wind catches you and you're swaying like-

• 10:22Speaker 00

  That seems like shit.

• 10:24Matt McCusker?

  It's a terrible idea. I'd want enough of it.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  You're gonna piss the entire time.

• 10:27Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  If they're drinking.

• 10:29Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I didn't even think about that. Where do you, I guess they have like a little commode, what do you even do?

• 10:34Speaker 00

  Piss.

• 10:35Matt McCusker?

  Hey, now, now actually, you could sell me on going up high-

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Pissing on everybody.

• 10:39Matt McCusker?

  Having Puerto Rican ladies pee on me and fucking-

• 10:43Speaker 00

  You gotta start selling tickets to the underneath.

• 10:47Matt McCusker?

  You got a little side hustle. Just drowning in White Claw piss?

• 10:53Matt McCusker?

  Now we're talking. That thing's no holds barred, dude.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  True. I gotta head to San Juan, I gotta business.

• 11:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. That's the women's world I dream of, dude.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  Just get a poncho like you're at the lady of the mist.

• 11:10Matt McCusker?

  I would be voguing up there, dude, if I was at the fucking Puerto Rican Sky P bar.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Yo, will you look up this Puerto Rican Sky P bar? We gotta fact check this.

• 11:20Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 11:20Speaker 00

  Sorry, we have an all-black crew today.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  They're both preoccupied with the NBA playoffs.

• 11:29Matt McCusker?

  Checking stats?

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Dude, the NBA playoffs need to chill on the commercials.

• 11:32Matt McCusker?

  What's go, what are they doing?

• 11:33Speaker 00

  Bro, they, they are targeting the African-American community with intensity.

• 11:38Matt McCusker?

  Uh, wait, how so, before I-

• 11:40Speaker 00

  Every single commercial is catered to black people.

• 11:42Matt McCusker?

  Gotcha, gotcha.

• 11:42Speaker 00

  But it's like, almost like-

• 11:44Matt McCusker?

  It's not race war stuff.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  No, it's not race war stuff, but it's a little like, Wingstop's taking up a bunch of ad space.

• 11:52Matt McCusker?

  It's a lot of Wingstops.

• 11:57Speaker 00

  You're watching, you're going, dude, chill.

• 11:58Matt McCusker?

  The NBA is like-

• 11:59Speaker 00

  Spread it out, dude.

• 12:00Matt McCusker?

  Shame on them.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Put one on the PGA Tour.

• 12:02Matt McCusker?

  Tossing and pet boys, yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 00

  Throw it off a little.

• 12:04Matt McCusker?

  Tossing and pet boys, that, shame on them.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's fucking, literally, it's Sprite.

• 12:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, somebody was saying the other day, it's there like, uh, it's crazy that the Wingstop commercial isn't racist, cuz it's just a black guy-

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Wingstop commercials, the most racist commercials I've ever seen.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Racist as hell.

• 12:19Speaker 00

  It's a cool black guy, just, you describe it.

• 12:25Speaker 00

  I can't even describe the Wingstop commercial.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  It's a trap.

• 12:28Matt McCusker?

  It's a trap.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  He's trying to pull out a Jenga piece and then they put a piece of chicken in his face and he's like, whoa, and his eyes knock over the Jenga.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  Oh, that's the other one. That's the, no flex.

• 12:38Matt McCusker?

  Zoom.

• 12:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's a good one though. I'm talking, there's a new Wingstop commercial where it's a base, I think it's supposed to be an NBA player. And he's, he's doing the whole fashion fucking walk through that they do and then he hops in a limo and just crushes chicken. And every white guy on earth goes, I knew that's what they're doing.

• 13:00Speaker 00

  I knew that's what was going on in those cool limos.

• 13:03Matt McCusker?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  In case you still want to know, it was Puerto Rico. It was, uh, it was one of the bars. They said it, there's a thing snapped and all of the bartenders just started screaming all at once.

• 13:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no shit.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's like that.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  They're not like pilots. They're not gonna be like, oh, okay.

• 13:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 00

  Uh, we've got a cable.

• 13:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  They started screaming and praying.

• 13:29Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, they're Puerto Rican sky bartenders, dude.

• 13:33Speaker 00

  I'm surprised they weren't screaming and praying from the start.

• 13:38Matt McCusker?

  That's a major icarumba, dude. If one cable snaps in my Puerto Rican sky bar.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  I'm fucking.

• 13:46Matt McCusker?

  That's when my accent comes out, honestly.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Holy fucking shit.

• 13:53Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  No.

• 13:56Matt McCusker?

  God damn, I didn't know they did that. That's awesome. Cause you could spin that thing around too.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  You can do whatever you want. You gotta get a hold of that.

• 14:06Speaker 00

  Terror.

• 14:08Matt McCusker?

  Terror of timbre. Mucho miedo. I believe it's important to take care of mental health issues because.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:19Matt McCusker?

  Man, you know, you can't, you gotta get your mental health.

• 14:21Speaker 00

  You gotta get your mental health in check.

• 14:22Matt McCusker?

  Otherwise you can really take you off, man. Next thing you know, you're wearing a fucking a cool necklace you think everyone's gonna like and then everyone's fucking mad at you and.

• 14:31Speaker 00

  It's true.

• 14:31Matt McCusker?

  Turns out you should've just went to a therapist instead of.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Should've went to a therapist and said, would it be cool if I got a dragon medallion? And they would go, absolutely not.

• 14:41Speaker 00

  They would say, are you the man? You go, ah, I don't think.

• 14:44Matt McCusker?

  Actually, we have a camp. I think your dad's been trying to sign you up for and.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:48Matt McCusker?

  Straighten you out.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  I'm gonna pray.

• 14:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, we used to think that dragon medallions were cool. And then we went to therapy and the therapist, actually, he beat me. Therapist beat it out of me.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  That's why we don't go to that therapist anymore. And that's why we use.

• 15:04Matt McCusker?

  BetterHelp, guys. How we look at and treat mental health issues has come a long way, but there's room for improvement. In a recent survey, 26% claimed they've avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. For Mental Health Awareness Month, let's break that stigma and encourage people to get help when they need it. May's Mental Health Awareness Month. Dang, that's pretty cool.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 15:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we can do it in May and then, you know.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  I wasn't even aware.

• 15:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I didn't know that. That's, that's a huge problem. So, yeah, it's, it's just helped me just feel more comfortable. I have really fat thighs and I've been uncomfortable about them.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  No, you have very nice thighs, Matt.

• 15:38Matt McCusker?

  I mean, they used to be fat. I've turned them purely, I turned my fat.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  God, what would I do to those fucking thighs?

• 15:44Matt McCusker?

  We should go to a couples care, uh, therapy and just talk about what you would do to my thighs. And it's, they've actually, we have done that. They've benefited greatly from couples therapy. Shane's made me feel like my thighs are beautiful.

• 15:53Speaker 00

  Well, they are.

• 15:54Matt McCusker?

  Things he's done to them.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  I've wrapped them around my fucking ears.

• 15:59Matt McCusker?

  Guys, if you're ready to start therapy but not entirely sure where to begin, check out BetterHelp. It's affordable and convenient since everything is fully online and they currently serve over 5 million people worldwide. So you know you're not alone when it comes to seeking help.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  That's good.

• 16:13Matt McCusker?

  We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash MSSP to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H E L P dot com slash MSSP.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  That's a good ad read.

• 16:24Matt McCusker?

  It's a great ad read.

• 16:25Speaker 00

  They're gonna love that. Yeah, the commercials, it's, the only time you see like purely white commercials is Fox.

• 16:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  And that the heart of white commercials is MyPillow, gold coins. Uh, what else? They do like fucking help the Jews commercials.

• 16:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I like the right wing like take on there's always a right wing coffees that makes me laugh.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, true.

• 16:49Matt McCusker?

  Cause you never see a right wing coffee shop. I just got these coffees, dude, it's man, it's pretty wild in there.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  The right wing coffee is uh, it's a good move.

• 16:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  Cause it's only the gayest coffee.

• 17:01Matt McCusker?

  I know. Every coffee shop is like, you know, like above and beyond. It's one thing to like, hey, come on in and have some coffee. It's like by entering this, you are sworn.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  You are now, you are an ally.

• 17:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. They hand you just like an Antifa black face mask. That'd be nice to have a coffee shop where it's just like, you know, no balls and girl sports.

• 17:21Matt McCusker?

  I saw, I saw a sign that had that the other day. There was a guy running for like local office. I forget where I was, but it was like, keep the balls out of girl sports once and for all. Hire me to city council. I was like, fuck.

• 17:33Matt McCusker?

  I mean, if he gets elected and it's like, all right, dude, let's go.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  Get rid of the balls.

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  He's like, I'm hitting the locker room right now.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  Turns out there was one in a neighboring district.

• 17:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  So that problem was already solved here. Time for me to focus on infrastructure. I wasn't ready for that. I was more of the balls guy. So I'm a little in over my head on this one.

• 17:58Matt McCusker?

  I ran on children's genitals and I.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  I ran on a campaign of entirely children's genitals. Turns out it wasn't as prevalent as I thought. Uh, pretty much everyone in this district agrees.

• 18:10Matt McCusker?

  You gotta set up a false flag.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:11Matt McCusker?

  You have your 13 year old son, you're like, look, it's for the good of the community.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  It's for the fucking dynasty. It's for the family, the city council dynasty.

• 18:18Matt McCusker?

  We could be the next bushes. Yeah, that's a, that's a wow. I mean, he probably got elected. I forget, where the fuck was I? I don't remember. Oh, you know, I think it was in, um, no, it wasn't in, it was in Alabama when we were down there, we were driving.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  That's a fucking layup.

• 18:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, bro, he's dead.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Holy shit.

• 18:34Matt McCusker?

  360 domahawk. Dude, I was in San Francisco this weekend and it was uh, that we drove through like the Mission District. I think that's like their like Kensington. Dude, it's fucking wild. I can't buy, it's not as like big and thick as Kensington, but it's, it's insane. I drove, shoot, pause, my bad. I drove through and dude, they have like.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  Thick is crazy.

• 18:58Matt McCusker?

  I've been like dense with people.

• 19:02Matt McCusker?

  It's not as like big and thick as Veeny as Kensington.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  It's not as veiny and throbbing as Kensington.

• 19:07Matt McCusker?

  It's not oozing precome.

• 19:12Matt McCusker?

  But they have like a different drug guy. You know Kensington has like the bend over guys? In San Francisco, there's like these guys and they just walk around like they're it's crazy.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Stuck walking.

• 19:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, stuck walkers. They're just like this. They're they're like this and they just kind of like scramble. I've never seen those guys.

• 19:30Speaker 00

  It is nice. It is nice. It's like a zombie video game. Where you're like, why are there different zombies in every level? But it actually is like that.

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  I don't know what that drug is. That's not like.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  The final stop is fucking LA, San Diego with the screaming runners.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  Austin's got the screaming runners, dude. Screaming runners is terrifying.

• 19:52Matt McCusker?

  I don't know if that's like the meth fighting the heroin and they just get like stuck.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  Could be.

• 19:57Matt McCusker?

  Cause it was why and they weren't like if they're older guys, I'm like, I was just like scoliosis untreated. They were like on the younger side, like in their thirties, just hunched and then twisted too.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 20:07Matt McCusker?

  I want to get a Pokédex.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Low pad level.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Low man wins.

• 20:13Matt McCusker?

  I want to get a Pokédex where I can just identify them.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:17Matt McCusker?

  A twisty bendy.

• 20:20Matt McCusker?

  Mild aggressiveness.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  If America declines enough and we bring back basically the Coliseum, we need to toss these boys in.

• 20:26Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  I got a feeling the heroin boys in Northeast are gonna be tough.

• 20:31Speaker 00

  I think the screaming runners here are all talk.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  I think the heroin boys are gonna be tough.

• 20:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, then for like the card, like the round girls, we can just get like street prostitutes.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:45Matt McCusker?

  Toothless street prostitutes.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  How tough do you think the Midwest zombies are gonna be?

• 20:49Speaker 00

  Midwest zombies are, they're not even zombies. They're like white meth.

• 20:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  The, I don't know.

• 20:58Matt McCusker?

  They'd be technicians for sure.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, they'd be, yeah, they'd be working on the crafts. Cause we would have to get into pod racing.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  Have to let these boys operate some motor vehicles.

• 21:10Matt McCusker?

  We need the weight class. We need like the ninety-five pound to like ninety-seven. One-ten, one-fifteen's heavyweights.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  Heavyweights, one-ten.

• 21:23Matt McCusker?

  And you gotta watch the women's league, cuz you would have a lot-

• 21:26Speaker 00

  Women's league would be nice.

• 21:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but you'd have to be careful with the, you have a lot of Joanna man fucking sneaking in there.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  There would be a lot of Joanna man. Keep the balls out of homeless cockfighting.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  Keep the cocks out of homeless cockfighting.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  Who's your pick to win? The screaming runners on paper, they could be a paper target, but-

• 21:49Matt McCusker?

  They'd be more of like X-Pox. They'd be off the ropes. They'd be more off the rope.

• 21:52Speaker 00

  I saw him in an airport.

• 21:56Matt McCusker?

  You almost got me. No, you didn't. I did.

• 22:01Matt McCusker?

  I saw Pac, dude. I for real saw-

• 22:03Speaker 00

  I'm starting to come back around on that, dude. I think you might have saw-

• 22:06Matt McCusker?

  I did, dude. I swear I saw Pac.

• 22:11Speaker 00

  You need to start screaming X-Pox. So many people. Any white dude with long hair, you gotta go, oh, X-Pac.

• 22:19Speaker 00

  He was wearing a bandana and cool glasses and a tank top. He was definitely X-Pac. Every single white dude with long hair would dress as like X-Pac.

• 22:29Matt McCusker?

  I swear, dude. I think I was on my way to Puerto Rico when I saw X-Pac.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  He had to do a sky ball for sure.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  So he'd see that fucking black guy with dreads and tattoos and be like, Ja Morant.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  He's like, dude, they all, there's every dude with dreads that's skinny looks like that.

• 22:47Matt McCusker?

  We'll never know. I'll have to call my friend, cuz he was there.

• 22:51Matt McCusker?

  Like, you remember when we saw Pac?

• 22:53Speaker 00

  That used to be our dreads.

• 22:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, curly hair like that? Wet curly hair. True.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  That was much more prevalent.

• 22:59Matt McCusker?

  It was. It really was.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  It was like every other guy.

• 23:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just part right down the middle.

• 23:03Speaker 00

  It's pretty sick.

• 23:04Matt McCusker?

  That was fucking tight.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  Whites had swag back then, dude.

• 23:07Matt McCusker?

  Whites had crazy swag in the 90s.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  Come on, man. Whites had crazy swag in the 90s. We were going nuts.

• 23:13Matt McCusker?

  That might have been y'all worst look era. Period.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  What? The long hair, like- Crazy little barbed wire tattoo? That shit's sick. Reflective glasses. Y'all are off the rails.

• 23:28Matt McCusker?

  To be fair, we were in like a weird incubating stages. That's kind of when white people started trying to dress like black people. So we were in like a weird, we were still transitioning. Yeah, we were still, yeah, we were still transitioning.

• 23:40Matt McCusker?

  And you guys, you guys kept switching it up so fast on us, like, give us time, man.

• 23:44Speaker 00

  Then you guys copied us. Kanye brought out the polo and we, that fucked us. That reset us.

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  But we untucked them. It made it a little more free. You guys always kept the polo tucked. It's a whole different thing.

• 23:57Speaker 00

  Don't get me started on race war, dude.

• 23:59Matt McCusker?

  Dude, right now.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  Talking is tough. As soon as I got my gun, dude, I was fully race.

• 24:06Matt McCusker?

  Have you been on X in a while?

• 24:09Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah.

• 24:09Matt McCusker?

  Mine is for real.

• 24:11Speaker 00

  Me and Nate were just having this argument.

• 24:13Matt McCusker?

  Were you really?

• 24:14Speaker 00

  Not an argument, just a nice discussion.

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, mine is.

• 24:17Speaker 00

  The algorithm's fired up.

• 24:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, mine's full on race war, like, race baiting. And not even like, you know, like, it's like, go back to Africa level, like, it's insane, man. The lady who gave the finger and said the N-word has raised like 600,000 bucks. And then there's like, but she's against the guy who.

• 24:34Speaker 00

  Murdered a guy?

• 24:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Allegedly murdered a.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  No, he did. He stabbed a kid in the heart in front of everyone. And the kid died in his brother's arms.

• 24:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  And people are more offended that the lady who said a word has a GoFundMe.

• 24:47Matt McCusker?

  But she has more. That's the problem.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Oh, she made more? The lady who said a word?

• 24:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  Or the guy who stabbed, well, the kid who stabbed.

• 24:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he didn't make enough. That's a problem.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  He didn't make enough money?

• 24:57Matt McCusker?

  No, he only made like $400,000.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  No, I think they made more than that.

• 25:00Matt McCusker?

  Did he?

• 25:00Speaker 00

  Cause he got an Escalade in like a house.

• 25:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he did.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Allegedly.

• 25:05Matt McCusker?

  No, I saw that report as well.

• 25:07Speaker 00

  But who knows about these reports, dude? I'm getting hit with.

• 25:10Matt McCusker?

  I'm, I'm for them having like somewhat, somewhat of an equitable share of their funds. I think they should get married.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  One crime is more severe than the other. Saying a word or stabbing someone in the heart.

• 25:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, I could see you thinking that.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  That's where I get, that's my, that's my little hangup on this. Is one person talked.

• 25:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  And the other person stabs someone in the heart.

• 25:33Matt McCusker?

  The craziest part, I don't know how people even researched it. The guy videoing the lady is apparently a pedophile.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 25:41Matt McCusker?

  He's a fucking pedophile. Allegedly. I don't know if this is true.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  A lot of pedophiles keep filming people. They keep getting involved with things.

• 25:47Matt McCusker?

  He's a pedophile. I don't know how they even, you can't even see the guy's face. And like, he's a pedophile. And then the.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  They might be tossing these pedophile charges out willy-nilly, cause you can literally lay on the ground at a protest and shoot a guy. Chances are he's gonna be a pedophile.

• 26:04Matt McCusker?

  I watched a clip of, I think, I think it was on the Sean Ryan podcast. He had a guy on who like does bust pedophiles and he's like, dude, it is so much more prevalent than you think. Child porn specifically, he goes, dude, I don't know, we got age restricted, but you know, the stuff. Yeah, whatever. But the, yeah, he goes, dude, the amount of like the sheer volume we're tracking of people accessing it is super high. And according to him, he was like, and it's, it's high in like 20 year olds. So he's like, you get a lot of, you get a lot of younger dudes hitting the fucking CP.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  God.

• 26:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. Fucked up.

• 26:46Speaker 00

  Now, how do you even find that stuff?

• 26:48Matt McCusker?

  How do you find?

• 26:53Matt McCusker?

  I was, dude, I, uh, so I've been blocked.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  Funny, that's a funny bit.

• 26:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know.

• 26:58Speaker 00

  Just be like, where, where do you even find something like that?

• 27:03Matt McCusker?

  I think it's like a reverse runner situation. Now, like kids ask like guys like us to buy them alcohol. You gotta go to a school and be like, just hang outside and be like, yo, can you, uh?

• 27:12Speaker 00

  Point me in a direct.

• 27:14Matt McCusker?

  Yo, uh, can you, uh? They go into school and you gotta wait outside school for them to come out like, you know, they score.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  Somebody comes out and goes, get the fuck out of here. Oh shit, we gotta go, go, go, go, go. Oh, fuck.

• 27:27Speaker 00

  Fuck, my dad's gonna beat the fuck out of me for this.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  My, my dad's gonna be so pissed. I was trying to score child porn at a school. Fuck.

• 27:39Matt McCusker?

  Here's the car ride home like, I didn't do it. I should.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  No music on in the car ride home.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 27:46Matt McCusker?

  It's in the backseat.

• 27:50Speaker 00

  That is fucking bullshit. It's not true. Kid's a fucking liar.

• 27:55Matt McCusker?

  It was my friends. I was just there.

• 27:59Matt McCusker?

  I was just skateboarding there. I didn't even want to fucking that stuff.

• 28:04Matt McCusker?

  Getting dude, it's like going out to the world and like at thirty five getting rounded up for some CP and having to crash land back into parents nest, man. What a fucking nightmare, man. What a nightmare. You gotta move in and kill your dad. You can't, you, I, your first step is like, I gotta kill my dad.

• 28:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I gotta, I gotta go back to get a, get a, get a win in the, you know. Get one in the win column and then let's build from there. Step one, I gotta kill my dad.

• 28:33Matt McCusker?

  Before that first breakfast together. He's reading the newspaper. He's reading a newspaper.

• 28:39Speaker 00

  Putting the paper down, looking at you going.

• 28:46Matt McCusker?

  Jesus Christ.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  Your mom trying to smooth it over a little bit.

• 28:50Matt McCusker?

  It's fine, all the kids are doing it. I just read a report that said it's a lot more prevalent than you think.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  Thanks, mom, it is.

• 29:01Matt McCusker?

  Well, that would be rough stuff.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  It's a tough bit.

• 29:07Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it is funny to think about your dad just going, what the hell are you thinking? I don't know what he's doing.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  I don't know. I learned it from you.

• 29:15Matt McCusker?

  I only looked.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  I found it on your.

• 29:21Matt McCusker?

  I only looked at one.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  One?

• 29:24Matt McCusker?

  All right, four.

• 29:27Matt McCusker?

  All right, I was looking at four.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  I looked at four child porn.

• 29:33Matt McCusker?

  He just gives you the belt.

• 29:34Speaker 00

  You gotta get the belt.

• 29:35Matt McCusker?

  No, dad.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:39Matt McCusker?

  Can I take your car?

• 29:40Speaker 00

  Get on that boat in your car. A couple of guys want to meet up.

• 29:42Matt McCusker?

  You're not going anywhere.

• 29:44Speaker 00

  I fucking hate this place.

• 29:47Speaker 00

  I make one mistake and motherfucker, my whole summer's ruined.

• 29:51Matt McCusker?

  Your wife and kids are living with you.

• 29:56Speaker 00

  Oh, man. There are some true ride or die bitches, though. Yeah. The ladies that stick around with the fucking convicted. It's crazy. I knew a guy. Like Mrs. Sandusky, I think, held it down. Did she really? Yeah. Dang, bro. I think she held it down big time. Did she really? Yeah. Yeah. She was like, oh, come on. According to the docu, the Netflix film, In the Suns. Yeah. Mrs. Menendez held it down. Dang. I mean, if Mrs. She literally ride it out. She died. She did. She fucking was there till the end, eating ice cream, watching TV, getting fucking popped.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  I mean, Mrs. Sandusky probably like went to a priest and was like, I don't know what to do. And he was like, pss. He goes, it's a small fucking, it's small potatoes, dude. You guys are gonna be fine.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  This is nothing. He's probably just gonna switch schools and just do it again, dude. It's fucking sick.

• 30:49Speaker 00

  Hopefully, the new pope cracks down. Hopefully, we need the black pope. We need Africa core pope. I thought we, did we not get a pope? I thought we got one. Oh, we got one? I think. Did we get a pope? I feel like I would have. I feel, I feel fatherless right now. Heard about that. Smoke didn't change? We would have heard about that. They're still in there, chiefing. The Cardinals are chiefing, dude. Chiefing Frankincense. Fucking Sistine, dude.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  AP News says 13 minutes ago, the conclave to elect a new pope has officially begun.

• 31:17Speaker 00

  Yo. Let's go. That's sick. What was like a cardinal hold it down in the meantime? No. There's gotta be some dude that's calling. I guess, no, yeah. I guess there's a guy, the head guy that runs the conclave. Yeah. Yeah. Dang, that's gotta be so tight, dude. Just like, finally, we get to burn all this incense and do all this shit and. True, and they're mostly geezers. They're like, this is probably my last one. Yeah. This shit rocks. Fuck.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  It looks scary. It's like all the Cardinals descending upon like the Vatican. It looks scary.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  You should be scared. You should fear God, homie. Yeah, dude. I fear God, homie.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, that'd be tight, just to listen to those conversations. You guys need to become Catholic.

• 32:01Speaker 00

  I don't care who it is.

• 32:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh, baby Billy.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  Little baby Billy.

• 32:06Matt McCusker?

  Not gonna answer that.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, let me, who's in the running for the, for the, uh?

• 32:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what do we got?

• 32:17Speaker 00

  The Holy, the Holy See.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  I'll look it up. Uh, I didn't know they told you that. It was like, like, you're like, this is a young Catholic prospect from Minnesota.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  They did, they did. I swear there's an African priest there.

• 32:30Matt McCusker?

  Dang, do you think they have like an error rating for like how many times they touch kids? He's got like a point two three.

• 32:36Matt McCusker?

  Point two three errors on field.

• 32:39Matt McCusker?

  They gotta fire up somebody.

• 32:40Speaker 00

  Kid, it's, let's go.

• 32:42Matt McCusker?

  This is a pivotal moment for the Catholic Church and they need to fire up, they need to break the mold. I'd be sick if Obama was just the Pope.

• 32:51Matt McCusker?

  You get out there, he's like, come on, brothers, come to, come to church. Come on, brother.

• 32:56Speaker 00

  Crazy Obama impression.

• 32:59Matt McCusker?

  That's what he did last, that was the most recent one. That was the most recent one. He goes, come on, brother.

• 33:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, the brothers, you're letting, no, brother. Yo, here he is.

• 33:12Matt McCusker?

  What is it?

• 33:15Speaker 00

  Damn, the black, the black cardinal's name is Peter Turkson.

• 33:17Matt McCusker?

  Peter Turkson? He's got the easiest name out of everybody to try to.

• 33:21Speaker 00

  I was trying to tell him to. They're all Italian.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Mateo Zupi.

• 33:25Matt McCusker?

  Did you, did you ever get like when like the African missionary priest would come to your church on like a random Sunday?

• 33:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:31Matt McCusker?

  I used to love when those guys came.

• 33:33Speaker 00

  We had a guy fucking stay as our priest for like way too long.

• 33:36Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 33:37Speaker 00

  Mechanics were, people were getting a little tired of it. You know, I can't even understand the fucking homily. I don't know one thing this guy's saying.

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was a good brother.

• 33:47Matt McCusker?

  What did he use? Like lifted one of the altar boys up in front of everyone in back?

• 33:53Speaker 00

  This is a new king.

• 33:56Speaker 00

  No, Africa Corps Pope would be sick, dude.

• 33:59Matt McCusker?

  That would be so tight.

• 34:01Speaker 00

  I don't want peace. I want problems. All the time.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  You hit the fucking Nigerian who wants to be a millionaire, hit him with the fucking, it's okay to be gay now. No!

• 34:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we need that. We need to switch it up. If we get another like, yeah, like an aged Italian guy, it's time to switch it up a little bit.

• 34:28Speaker 00

  I agree.

• 34:29Matt McCusker?

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• 36:07Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:09Matt McCusker?

  What you got?

• 36:11Speaker 00

  Filipino Pope? I don't mind that. There's a Filipino guy in the running.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  A couple Filipino guys, it looks like.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  What?

• 36:21Speaker 03

  A guy from Jerusalem.

• 36:23Speaker 00

  Uh oh. Is he back? Is he back? Could he be?

• 36:27Speaker 03

  Says he's a cardinal. And I can't even begin. His last name is Pizza Balla.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. That's the one. That's the one people are hyped on. Pizza Balla?

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Beer Batista Pizza Balla.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  What's Pizza Balla up to?

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Pizza Balla.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  It says he's a cardinal. He's 60, so he's kind of young.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  He's from Jerusalem. But? He's the, he's the bishop of Jerusalem. Whoa. He enjoyed a simple country life. Uh oh.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  Pizza Balla.

• 36:57Speaker 00

  I don't know. I don't know about that, but I think it's simple. This is crazy. Look at the advertisement for this. This is a younger lady? The lady on all fours. Says gynecologist baffled. Simple stretch relieves bladder leakage.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  How the fuck are they targeting me with that?

• 37:15Speaker 00

  USA Today, dude.

• 37:19Speaker 00

  Just a lady leaking out in the fucking downward dog.

• 37:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, that's true. That's the thing. I mean. Pizza Balla's got a good, he studied at a Hebrew university and was able to absorb non-Christian points of view and learn the Hebrew language. He earned a reputation as a trusted emissary among the Christian, Muslim, and Jewish communities in the Holy Land. What? Could be the bro to unite the bros. Yeah, Pizza Balla could be nice. He could definitely form a. Whoa, dude. What you got? In the wake of October 7th, the attacks by Hamas, Pizza Balla called for prayer and even offered himself as a hostage. Oh, that was the guy? In exchange for the release of children. Shit, I know that guy. Pizza Balla is the mo, he's the man. Kind of a beast for that. Yeah, he is. They didn't take Pizza Balla?

• 38:05Speaker 00

  Hamas is fucking dumb as shit. They should have took him up on that and cut his head off right away, dude. If Hamas was really about that life. Nah, if he cut off a cardinal's head, they would have gotten crushed. Yeah, that'd be crusades. Assemble the army.

• 38:22Matt McCusker?

  It is funny him standing there and they're like, nah, nah, nah, nah, dude, we're gonna keep these kids.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, be like, no, dude, we do not want the fucking smoke.

• 38:30Matt McCusker?

  Damn, he went white boy crazy on the Muslims. Fucking kill me. Take me. Fuck, take me right now. No, he's just carried a grudge, drudged a crucifix down to Gaza. Take me, fucking pussies.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  Ooh, pizza ball love.

• 38:47Matt McCusker?

  I remember hearing about that and like, what a beast.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  I want to learn about the African fellow.

• 38:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I would like to learn.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  And I'm not talking about the Algerian dude, that's bullshit.

• 38:56Matt McCusker?

  Who's the Algerian guy? Oh, that guy who's flexing?

• 38:58Speaker 00

  Gavlin.

• 38:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, who's trying to say he's the pope, he's the real pope. It's like, no dude, you're the real Jews. Chill. You can't have everything. I'm the Jews and the pope. It's like, alright.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  Hold on, there's a guy named Joe Tobin from New Jersey.

• 39:14Matt McCusker?

  Joe Tobin.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Yo, Joe Tobin, all the way from fucking Newark.

• 39:20Matt McCusker?

  He's just a deacon that threw his hat in the ring.

• 39:22Speaker 00

  We've never had an American bull.

• 39:24Matt McCusker?

  We haven't actually.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  Could you be my American?

• 39:28Matt McCusker?

  Damn, Italy really is like the New York City of the fucking, uh, if you want to really make it in the

• 39:33Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:34Matt McCusker?

  Pope business, you gotta go to Italy.

• 39:35Speaker 00

  American Pope would be dope. I think it'd be sick. Yeah, be the young pope.

• 39:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. They're not gonna, they're not gonna do Joe Tobin. Joe Tobin from Tom's River, New Jersey.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  Damn, Peter Turkson, native of Ghana.

• 39:57Speaker 00

  Let's see, let's see.

• 39:59Matt McCusker?

  Who else we got? Ghana could be nice.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  One of them, uh, credentials on issues of poverty, climate change.

• 40:06Matt McCusker?

  Climate change pope?

• 40:08Speaker 00

  Beat it.

• 40:09Matt McCusker?

  The church has been hard on, they've been like going hard for climate change.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  Oh, but Turkson leans conservative on matters as such as homosexuality and, uh,

• 40:20Matt McCusker?

  dang, do they vote?

• 40:21Speaker 00

  Contraception. Motherfucker, do I have a fucking meeting right now?

• 40:24Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  That'd be nice if they vote, like, what do, what do we think about gay stuff? And there's some guys like, man, whatever. That's a big, that's a big part of it.

• 40:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 40:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:36Matt McCusker?

  You gotta stand up and go, "Fellas." It is funny, just have a room full of-

• 40:40Speaker 00

  Fuck with that.

• 40:41Matt McCusker?

  Just wa- Also, a ton of those dudes in there are gay.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:45Matt McCusker?

  Just like, "Bro, I don't know, I've never even heard of that. What the fuck is that shit?"

• 40:48Speaker 00

  Fuck?

• 40:50Matt McCusker?

  Ew.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  What? Now, how would somebody go about finding out about something?

• 41:00Matt McCusker?

  How do you even do that? I'm curious. Guys, please come, I think, next weekend, May 16th and the 17th, I'll be in, I'll be at the Crest Theater in Sacramento, California, then the Neptune Theater at Seattle, Washington, and then Hollywood Improv at Hollywood, California, on June 25th. But next weekend's a big one. Please come to that.

• 41:20Speaker 00

  Yeah. May 31st, Des Moines, Iowa. Come on. What are you waiting for?

• 41:27Speaker 02

  Hey, everybody, it's me, Lemar again. What's you guys?

• 41:31Speaker 00

  You're full of shit, dude. That's crazy.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  This is a squat. Hey, would you come to my show in Florida, at Coastal Creative, on May 9th?

• 41:40Matt McCusker?

  Let me test the fucking, let me test the fucking resisting.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  On May 9th.

• 41:44Matt McCusker?

  Hey, you're solid as a rock, bro.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  May 9th, and on Friday-

• 41:49Matt McCusker?

  It's not going anywhere.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Saturday, May 7th, where I'm cool headlining with John Rutnicki or whatever.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  Solid as a- Don't say "or whatever" like you're fucking better.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  I'm not better, but I didn't like that it happened.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. You know when you give someone something and they just light up because they love it?

• 42:10Speaker 00

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• 42:24Speaker 00

  I love thoughtful gifts like that. You know?

• 42:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. My mom, I actually, I'm like, damn, I gotta send something back for Mother's Day.

• 42:32Speaker 00

  True. What the fuck is it?

• 42:33Matt McCusker?

  This Sunday.

• 42:34Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 42:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I might send a priest to the house.

• 42:36Speaker 00

  Moms get nothing for Christmas.

• 42:38Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna send a priest to bless the house.

• 42:41Speaker 00

  That's a good move.

• 42:42Matt McCusker?

  That'd be cool.

• 42:42Speaker 00

  Well, it's not as good as an Aura Frame, Matt.

• 42:44Matt McCusker?

  No, well, he could have, they can take pictures.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  Of the priest.

• 42:47Matt McCusker?

  Of the priest, just like sternly staring at the family.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Aura Frames has lots of cool features. Uh, it's easy to see why it was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. There's unlimited storage, so you can add as many photos, videos, and funny memes as you can find. Wouldn't it be nice to send your father and mother a meme?

• 43:05Matt McCusker?

  That'd be nice.

• 43:06Speaker 00

  You could trick them. Uh, and setting everything up is ridiculously simple. You can literally just plug it in and share away. Plus, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off, plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Matte Frame. That's A U R A Frames.com, promo code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Now, let's get back to the show. What do you say?

• 43:36Matt McCusker?

  Let's do it. Yeah, that's a... I saw a cool priest in San Francisco. I went down to Haight-Ashbury, whatever it's called, like the big hippie area. And there was a cool priest in Doc Martens walking around, like there was like the, like, laying on the ground hippies on like the corner. And he was like chopping it up with them. They were fighting. They literally, we were there for maybe an hour just walking around. And like within that hour, they all spazzed and freaked out at each other. "He's not fucking cool, man. You're fucking gay, man." They started freaking out on each other. I was like, dang it, this is what hippies always do. They always spazz on each other. They were like jamming on acoustic guitars. It was sick.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  I've been big into hippies lately.

• 44:13Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 44:13Speaker 00

  Watching a lot of Vietnam.

• 44:15Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 44:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm back. I'm reading a Vietnam book, watching Vietnam documentaries.

• 44:19Matt McCusker?

  That's tight.

• 44:20Speaker 00

  You know what pisses me off about Vietnam documentaries?

• 44:22Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 44:23Speaker 00

  They always cover... They always, Ken Burns did it, now this Netflix one does it, where they interview North Vietnamese, like civilians that, and they always cover American atrocities. I've never seen one where they focus on what the fucking Vietcong were doing to people.

• 44:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what did they do? Were they torturing shit?

• 44:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, they kidnapped and murdered like everyone.

• 44:47Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 44:48Speaker 00

  Priests, they were butt fucking priests.

• 44:50Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, was that's a, I think Tich Not Hong were that guy who wrote all those books. He like escaped from there, he said it was like pretty bad.

• 44:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:58Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 44:58Speaker 00

  It was bad. I mean, the only thing they ever really cover is like John McCain and this one pilot, I think his name was Alvarez, he got shot down like day one and stayed in prison the entire fucking war.

• 45:10Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 45:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a tough time.

• 45:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I do, from what I've heard, they didn't treat the prisoners well.

• 45:15Speaker 00

  Day one. Yeah, how long is this war gonna be? Nah, should be a couple days. It's a decade, isn't it? It's gonna be a decade.

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  He made, did he, he made it out of there?

• 45:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:26Matt McCusker?

  Holy shit.

• 45:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's a freak bull.

• 45:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, ten years.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Freak bull.

• 45:31Matt McCusker?

  Ten years, not even like a shitty hostel either, you're in Vietnamese.

• 45:35Speaker 00

  I could be wrong, he, he might be the one, one of the bros was getting interviewed, cuz they they always do, they, the Vietnamese, the North Vietnamese would film the prisoners to be like, tell them we're treating you good.

• 45:47Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 45:47Speaker 00

  And the one guy did fucking Morse code with his eyes to be like, they're torturing us. It's pretty sad.

• 45:52Matt McCusker?

  Oh dang.

• 45:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:54Matt McCusker?

  And then even notice he was doing it?

• 45:55Speaker 00

  No.

• 45:56Matt McCusker?

  Shit. What a genius too.

• 45:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 46:01Speaker 00

  Fuck, I fucked him.

• 46:02Matt McCusker?

  That'd be funny if you just did like, I'm doing nothing but a lot of gay stuff here. You're like, ah, I fucked up.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  I got that thing way wrong.

• 46:10Matt McCusker?

  He's doing a lot of gay stuff? Yeah, that, uh, that would suck, especially if you're there for ten years, like, I mean, you know, you're, like, unless you're doing like a legendary SR, you're going to one point break and you start, you're like cranking them out in like an underground Vietnamese bunker.

• 46:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're cranking them out.

• 46:27Matt McCusker?

  Cranking them out would be crazy, getting caught too. Like, oh, oh fuck.

• 46:32Speaker 00

  Don't come in here.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  You guys gonna rip my fucking fingernails off again, I'm trying to jack off.

• 46:39Matt McCusker?

  You're like an underground.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  I told you everything, I was here day one, I don't know what's happening. I got no more information.

• 46:47Speaker 00

  I have no idea what year it is. I got nothing to tell you.

• 46:51Matt McCusker?

  Dang dude, he's probably moved back to like some Midwest town and just settled back down and chilled.

• 46:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, probably kept that one to himself for a while.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, sure.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  Yo, you in Vietnam? No.

• 47:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, or he's be like, not really, sort of.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  Kind of, yeah.

• 47:08Matt McCusker?

  Dang, that's, that fucking stinks. It is sick surviving a plane crash is like, I always hope, I'm like, there's gotta be a way.

• 47:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, you got shot down. I think he ejected over water, landed in water. Bunch of guys on a fishing boat came out with guns.

• 47:24Matt McCusker?

  Damn, fuck. That stinks.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 47:27Matt McCusker?

  That fucking stinks. It'd be cool though, once another guy shows up, you're like, thank God.

• 47:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:33Matt McCusker?

  Having.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  You mean another guy that got captured?

• 47:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he was the first guy. He was probably by himself for a minute. Just sitting there like, this is so boring.

• 47:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, another guy shows up, you're like, yo, it's not that bad. Uh.

• 47:44Matt McCusker?

  Hey, my name's Joe Manitoba from New Jersey.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  Hey, I'm Joe Tobin.

• 47:49Matt McCusker?

  Joe Tobin.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  From Newark.

• 47:54Matt McCusker?

  Joe Tobin from Newark, that's crazy.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  Joe Tobin the Pope.

• 48:00Matt McCusker?

  Newark is crazy.

• 48:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 48:02Matt McCusker?

  When you were in New York, I like, I had like, almost ran out of gas. Remember, were you with me that one time in the car? I think it might have been Cardini. We got stuck in Newark and I almost ran out of gas. And we always like, I was like, there's gotta be a gas station. My GPS took me to a fake one and I ended up like, deep in a refinery. That like, I couldn't get out. It was, oh, it was terrible. Like, you can't find people in those places. It was just industrial. Terrible. I was so scared.

• 48:28Speaker 00

  You were spooked?

• 48:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cause I was like, if I.

• 48:30Speaker 00

  Refineries are scary, dude.

• 48:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and I was like, I'm gonna have to like, walk, I'm gonna have to like, get buzzed into like, a barbed wired fence and explain to like, all the dudes at the refinery, I ran out of gas like a housewife. Just be like, guys.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  You know what happens next, dude. You get in the oil rig. You get in deep drilled.

• 48:47Matt McCusker?

  They would take, they would give me something big and thick, dude.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  Deep horizon.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's uh, but yeah, the Vietnam thing, I don't know, America loves hating itself.

• 48:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:00Speaker 00

  Every one of these doc, I mean, don't get me wrong, we should definitely be like, what the fuck was Vietnam? We should have never been there, that sucked.

• 49:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  But, you know, let's not act like we were just over there fucking up the nicest guys on earth.

• 49:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:13Speaker 00

  They're pretty bad.

• 49:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, when you put the magnifying glass on anyone, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ, yeah, it turns out these guys are up to bad stuff too. And you never know, here's the thing you never know, it's like, say, America didn't totally rise to power. If you give, if I, like, think of any other country right now, they rose to the level of American power, like, how bad would they be?

• 49:32Speaker 00

  If the Soviets won the Cold War?

• 49:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, Soviets, China, China fucking rose to absolute power. You think for a second-

• 49:40Speaker 00

  Le Maire would love it. He wants it, he begs for it. Do you know any of those, like, uh, intellectual, like socialist type guys?

• 49:50Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  They love Chi- they're like, China's gonna beat our ass, dude, China's so fucking sick.

• 49:55Matt McCusker?

  They're just like subbed out, they're like-

• 49:56Speaker 00

  They subbed out, they sub out so hard for China.

• 49:59Matt McCusker?

  That's so weird.

• 50:00Speaker 00

  Me and Nate were talking about, cause we were arguing about the, not arguing again, having a nice-

• 50:06Speaker 00

  Having a nice racial discussion about the algorithm, but it's like, dude, if, if something happens, like India, Pakistan, let's say somehow that pops off and the world goes to war.

• 50:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 00

  Americans, we, we've, you know how like we've spent the last, definitely the last like fifteen years, really trying to suppress like the racism and hatred in this country, obviously fueling it, but-

• 50:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  Like making a real concerted effort for it, dude, the second we flip that switch to World War III, it's gonna be like, let it fly, dude, let the hatred-

• 50:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 00

  Now we have a combined, we have a fucking enemy?

• 50:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Go nuts, dude, Dr. Seuss is gonna be drawing up some racial cartoons for us. Like, dude, America can flip that switch and I don't think, I don't think people know how fucking rotten America can be.

• 50:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, cause then the floodgates will break and they'll just be like racist caricatures of like black people for no reason, hey, what the hell?

• 51:00Speaker 00

  Hey, hold on a second.

• 51:01Matt McCusker?

  I just got them ready in case.

• 51:03Speaker 00

  Shut the fuck up, it's World War III, dude, we don't have time for this fucking bullshit.

• 51:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's gonna be if we get like a, cause the last time we got like a national hate vibe going was nine eleven.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Nine eleven.

• 51:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was on.

• 51:15Speaker 00

  Now that, and that was not even on.

• 51:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 00

  Think if it was really on, like think if there was an actual enemy.

• 51:21Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, an exit, real threat. Yeah, but aren't, wait, who's part of the BRICS? Who's part of the BRICS thing? Cause is India part of the BRICS?

• 51:30Speaker 00

  No, they're with us.

• 51:31Matt McCusker?

  Who's the I?

• 51:32Speaker 00

  They, uh, maybe they are BRICS, but they're, they're our, they're our bros.

• 51:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:38Speaker 00

  We're with India.

• 51:39Matt McCusker?

  I thought India was our bros.

• 51:40Speaker 00

  We're with India.

• 51:40Matt McCusker?

  Okay, cause I know the BRICS.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  Brazil, Russia, I thought, are you sure it's not Iran? It's India?

• 51:44Speaker 02

  It's Iran, you're right.

• 51:45Matt McCusker?

  Oh, it is in India, yeah, India is our.

• 51:47Speaker 00

  Who the fuck is X?

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Indonesia.

• 51:49Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Uh, dude, I think China stands with India right now.

• 51:54Matt McCusker?

  Do they?

• 51:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  Uh, we would too.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:57Speaker 00

  I think India's, India's our bros.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 00

  Pakistan's going full fucking Muslim crazy on them.

• 52:02Matt McCusker?

  They're going Muslim.

• 52:03Speaker 00

  Kill everybody.

• 52:06Matt McCusker?

  I mean, how does Pakistan even figure they can attack India? That's not even close. India's gonna destroy.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  You gotta give Muslim countries credit, they punch above their weight class.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  Every day they go, what the fuck is you, what are you looking at, motherfucker?

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Palestine went dumb on them, dude.

• 52:29Matt McCusker?

  They really are crazy.

• 52:31Speaker 00

  Palestine was like, what the fuck are you gonna do, dude?

• 52:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, they for real went nuts on the Fortnite attack.

• 52:44Speaker 00

  They hit the Fortnite, they said, what are you gonna do about it?

• 52:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and Israel's like, we're gonna redo the maps here.

• 52:54Matt McCusker?

  We're redoing the game maps.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  We just deleted the game. Fortnite's done.

• 52:57Matt McCusker?

  You are, yeah, Pakistan, who is gassing Pakistan? I was like, no, no, dude, dude, dude, you fucking.

• 53:02Speaker 00

  That's cause they said, I will die for Pakistan.

• 53:06Speaker 00

  Pakistan's day one, you taught that. And they got nukes, they both have nukes, so both of them are going, dude, we can do it right now.

• 53:12Matt McCusker?

  I don't know why, I feel like Pakistan gets their nukes from where like the coyote gets them from.

• 53:16Speaker 00

  For sure. They have Acme's, they have Acme's.

• 53:20Matt McCusker?

  They have Acme nukes.

• 53:22Speaker 00

  The North Korean rockets, that was the best, dude. Kim Jong will go up there and be like, everyone check this shit out. It explodes.

• 53:32Matt McCusker?

  The North Korean World Fair's gotta be awesome.

• 53:36Matt McCusker?

  They just show like food. They're like, yo, we got some fucking.

• 53:38Speaker 00

  Food's coming. 2040, the land of the future. This is gonna be fucking bro.

• 53:44Matt McCusker?

  Would you ever hear the dudes who escape and go to South Korea and are just like, like literally Blade Runner? They're just living.

• 53:49Speaker 00

  It's like the village.

• 53:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, village, yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  You leave, you go, there's trucks?

• 53:52Matt McCusker?

  Living in the future, just be like, what the fuck?

• 53:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:57Matt McCusker?

  I just read a nice book this weekend on the plane. I found it in a bookstore. Uh, just, it was just like a lady who, I guess like in the seventies, something fucked up happened in Korea, in South Korea, where a guy just declared himself a lifelong president. He just smashed.

• 54:10Speaker 00

  Where was it?

• 54:11Matt McCusker?

  Korea. I think it was South, or maybe it was like right before the war that divided South and North Korea. Was that in the seventies, I think?

• 54:17Speaker 00

  No, that was fifties.

• 54:18Matt McCusker?

  The Korean War, yeah. So the Korean War split in half and I think in like the next 20 years, there was a little bit of, uh, obviously some tumult.

• 54:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:25Matt McCusker?

  And, uh, and this guy was just like, I'm the president forever. And it just set off this like horrible wave of violence and poverty. And then the lady got adopted to an American family and just like got out of there and like they, the Korean government allowed parents to just be like, yo, if your kid's like too much, just, we're shipping a bunch of kids to America. So I think that was like a huge wave of, uh, yeah, they were just like, and you would just, they would declare you as an orphan and your parents would be like.

• 54:48Speaker 00

  Good Korean adopted kids, they rock.

• 54:50Matt McCusker?

  Yep. And no, there was nothing like you, your paperwork, you would hit America and like you would have blank birth certificate. They, they, you had no, you couldn't find your parents ever. And this lady just wrote like a, it was like a book of like, kind of like poetry and essays, just about like getting beached in America. It wasn't even really about that. She was just writing about like the big bang. It's pretty sick, actually.

• 55:10Speaker 00

  She was just writing about the big bang?

• 55:11Matt McCusker?

  She was writing about the big bang.

• 55:12Speaker 00

  Was that her fucking dad's name?

• 55:20Speaker 00

  Big Bang, that's little bang?

• 55:24Speaker 00

  Dude, dumb racist jokes are so, should a good dad racist joke?

• 55:29Matt McCusker?

  Big Bang, it's so funny.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  Firing today, dude. This feels like a Patreon.

• 55:43Matt McCusker?

  The temperature is cooking, honestly.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm heating up a little.

• 55:48Speaker 00

  Big Bang was too good to pull back on.

• 55:52Speaker 00

  Pull up, pull up. Terrain, terrain.

• 55:57Matt McCusker?

  Straight for the mountains.

• 56:02Matt McCusker?

  Hot diggity darn.

• 56:03Speaker 00

  No, guys are allowed to have fun, dude.

• 56:05Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you know, I actually, I, dude, I did the mothership last night, had a good time, but afterwards I got off and just smoked like a giant joint in the green room and then went home like, I'll pass out. Fucking no dice at all.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  I'm wide awake.

• 56:23Matt McCusker?

  I, I was just laying there, I had, dude, I, I don't know, I had this idea where like, I want to come up with a, a company or some sort of technology that like, you, you could send your dad a painting and the painting.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  I'm in already.

• 56:34Matt McCusker?

  It comes wrapped, dude.

• 56:35Speaker 00

  I'd love to send my dad paintings.

• 56:37Matt McCusker?

  Get this, so it comes like wrapped in cellophane, cause what happens is, it has some sort of like technology when like, when like, like the moisture in the air hits it, it slowly transforms the photo, so your dad hangs it on the wall. He's so pumped on it and like slowly little, it'll be like a general like standing like a battle scene. And then like the general day after day slowly transforms into a giant throbbing veiny dick. That's just like, just laying waste or just like, or instead of a battle scene, it turns into just like guys having sex and your dad just walks into his house one day, he's like, what the?

• 57:08Speaker 00

  Damn it. Yeah.

• 57:10Matt McCusker?

  The technology's got to exist.

• 57:12Speaker 00

  That reminds me to send a, I haven't sent a picture of a hot guy's ass to my dad in a while.

• 57:19Speaker 00

  If you just Google guy's naked ass. Send it right to your dad, he's gonna love it.

• 57:26Speaker 00

  And you can put the invisible ink on it now?

• 57:28Matt McCusker?

  Oh, exactly.

• 57:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, they get very confused.

• 57:30Matt McCusker?

  And it just slowly, like day by day, they don't even notice it until one day, they're like, what the fuck?

• 57:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, or you could get like a, almost like, you know how when you're looking at porn, there's like those Simpson?

• 57:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:42Speaker 00

  Like Family Guy, you could do one of those with Nancy Pelosi fucking Donald Trump in the ass.

• 57:47Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that would be.

• 57:49Speaker 00

  It'd explode.

• 57:50Matt McCusker?

  That'd be India versus Pakistan, dude, they would spaz, they would spaz. I will die for Pakistan. Especially if your dad's like a mechanic, he's got like hanging up on his wall and he's like, you know, the calipers and the guy's like, what the fuck is that? He's like, god damn it.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  Some fucking punk must have done that. God damn it.

• 58:09Matt McCusker?

  Fucking asshole punk.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  That's a great idea.

• 58:12Matt McCusker?

  Wouldn't that be fun?

• 58:13Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, that's Aura Frames.

• 58:14Matt McCusker?

  Aura, you could, yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  You could stack the deck.

• 58:20Speaker 00

  Toss one in.

• 58:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you could. That would be, digitally, it would be the easiest, like, day by day, like, pixel by pixel, it transforms. That way, you're like, no, it's just like a cool photo, electronic photo. It was great. Or it's just, that would be nice if you could do this easily, where it's like a nice picture of you and your dad. Then you do an AI slo-mo transfer, where it's just you guys making out.

• 58:42Matt McCusker?

  Dude, my dad would like-

• 58:43Speaker 00

  He might, yeah, my dad would do-

• 58:44Matt McCusker?

  He might fall. My dad might fall over.

• 58:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, that'd be bad.

• 58:47Matt McCusker?

  If he was just one of those, like, gifts-

• 58:48Speaker 00

  Tony Soprano looking at the Uncle Ben's.

• 58:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, that's a great idea.

• 58:57Matt McCusker?

  That was keeping me up last night. I'm like, that would be so funny. And then, uh, and then I came up with an idea for immigration we could do, where you could sponsor, so, because it was like, adults, it's a hard, it's hard for adults to get in this country, but I was thinking about that lady getting adopted, and like, that's the move. Like, babies have the ultimate rights. Like, babies, boom, instant citizenship, if you can adopt. So what I want to do is set up an adoption program, where you adopt like a child from like El Salvador, but then the deal is, the child's whole family comes, like, whole extended, like, mom, dad, uncles, aunts, all the kids come. So as part of the deal is, you can adopt the kid, but you can sponsor a whole El Salvadorian family, but you have to have the means. But then, it becomes like a vassal thing, where they become your vassals. And it, cool, well, hold on.

• 59:43Matt McCusker?

  Hear the whole idea out. So they come, you set them up, they have citizenship, they have total citizenship. It's more of like a indentured servant, dude. They have, they have citizenship, they can rock, they can do their thing, they're free citizens, but you tax-

• 59:54Speaker 00

  But they have to be the producers on this podcast. They have to sell merch after shows.

• 1:00:01Matt McCusker?

  But no, you get to tax them. So you grant citizenship, you pay what it is, you grant, you, you now, you have, like, imagine that, dude. You have like a casita, and you have your vassals, they're free to work, do their thing, they can build their own empire. And what the ultimate showdown is, the adopted kid, as soon as he turns 18, if he outperforms your own bio kid, the whole empire goes to the El Salvadorian kingdom, and your kid has to fight back then. He becomes that vassal for the El Salvadorian family. If he outproduces their offspring, it goes back and forth. It's like a, kind of like a kingdom. Kind of tight.

• 1:00:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. There's a lot of holes.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  I don't know where to start with this one.

• 1:00:42Matt McCusker?

  That's why I couldn't sleep last night.

• 1:00:45Matt McCusker?

  I know it sounds rough.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  Slavery for a generation and then you switch?

• 1:00:48Matt McCusker?

  Not slavery. They're dude, they're free market players. They're just getting taxed. They got, they're your subject.

• 1:00:54Matt McCusker?

  But they are free market players.

• 1:00:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's feudalism.

• 1:00:58Matt McCusker?

  It's feudalism.

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:58Matt McCusker?

  Like modern feudalism, but with the opportunity, they would light a fire under your kid's ass. You'd be like, bro.

• 1:01:05Speaker 00

  I don't know. I feel like every kid.

• 1:01:07Matt McCusker?

  Get crushed.

• 1:01:07Speaker 00

  Every feudal kid would be like, yeah. Sell them, then sell the marriage.

• 1:01:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but they couldn't if they did that.

• 1:01:14Speaker 00

  Papa, they're not selling the marriage.

• 1:01:19Matt McCusker?

  They give me nothing to talk about on my podcast, Papa.

• 1:01:24Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. It's just an idea. We don't have to do it.

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  No, you don't. We don't. We shouldn't, but it's not a bad plan.

• 1:01:31Matt McCusker?

  It's fair to be like, bro, I'm gonna foot the bill. You guys are total citizens, but I'm gonna tax you. You have to pay tax on tax, my tax for one generation. I'm gonna tax you. It's like a pyramid scheme with immigration.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Matt McCusker?

  Wouldn't be bad.

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  It's how the pyramids were built.

• 1:01:45Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:01:49Speaker 00

  Literally, you're reverting back to ancient ideas.

• 1:01:55Speaker 00

  I own this family.

• 1:01:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you wouldn't own them. You would be sponsoring them and taxing them.

• 1:02:00Speaker 00

  Fair tax. I'm sure what the guy said back then. No, hold on. It's not. You're making it sound worse than it is.

• 1:02:09Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:02:10Speaker 00

  A house. They live in a house I built.

• 1:02:12Matt McCusker?

  You'd be excited for the wedding. You're like, oh, wedding, huh? Let me go by and see what's going on here. As a lord of it.

• 1:02:17Speaker 00

  Technically.

• 1:02:19Speaker 00

  It's Optimum Noxious.

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  How was Optimum Noxious last night?

• 1:02:25Matt McCusker?

  Sick.

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  It was a good one. Do you went and did it?

• 1:02:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I did it after motherfucking shit.

• 1:02:30Speaker 00

  The crowd was, they were happy. They were excited to be there. It was a. It was a good one? Yeah. Yeah, I was happy with that. Yeah, no Gardini.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  We were missing Gardini. Well, yeah, we we had we had Andy be Fat Gardini. We just brought him up as Gardini. It's like, we were like, Gardini's, he's sad right now. He had a rough whole month. Put on some pounds. We're gonna bring him.

• 1:02:51Matt McCusker?

  Damn. Andy was probably back there being like, what the fuck?

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. We didn't tell him.

• 1:02:55Speaker 00

  Back there like, fuck you too.

• 1:02:56Matt McCusker?

  You fucking walked off.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, we didn't tell him before we did it. We just like, just stay here. We'll bring you up as like a special guest.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  I told him.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Oh, you told him?

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  I told him yesterday.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:03:05Matt McCusker?

  That you're gonna bring him as Fat Gardini? How did he do as Fat Gardini?

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  He did great.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  Did he do a Gardini imitation or?

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  He's a Gardini imprint, imprint.

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  Impression is also what I probably should have said.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  He just said, I'm Gardini. He was like, I'm Sean Gardini and it worked.

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  Oh, so no. Short answer.

• 1:03:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I short circuited. I had a line last night. I forget what it was, but I like just botched it, retried it, rebotched it. And then finally just waved the white flag and was like, guys, we're skipping that one.

• 1:03:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:46Matt McCusker?

  Completely.

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  Joke's done.

• 1:03:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, joke's over. It would have been good, but I ruined it. But yeah, I had a, I had an ambitious night stand up wise. I got done and I just smoked a giant joint and I was like, oh, I said I would do Optimum Noctis. And I just like ran over there and was like, yeah, what's up, guys?

• 1:04:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's always fun.

• 1:04:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was.

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  I did that for a few years in New York.

• 1:04:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 00

  Oh, shit, I have four more spots tonight. Oh, shit, I'm fucking hammered.

• 1:04:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, crap, I didn't think about this.

• 1:04:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that was fun. I tried some new stuff.

• 1:04:19Speaker 00

  Albany was nuts.

• 1:04:21Matt McCusker?

  What was up with Albany?

• 1:04:21Speaker 00

  I did Albany and Buffalo this weekend. The crowds were.

• 1:04:24Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:25Speaker 00

  They were fucking crazy people.

• 1:04:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Buffalo.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  Buffalo's always great. I've never done Albany. They were, I did the Albany Funny Bone, but.

• 1:04:32Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 1:04:33Speaker 00

  This was, they were, they were going crazy.

• 1:04:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Buffalo's wild. I don't know much about Albany.

• 1:04:37Speaker 00

  At the end of my show, when I was like, thank you guys very much. I saw a guy running down an aisle like to the crowd like, God, that's cop.

• 1:04:45Matt McCusker?

  That's sick.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  They were going crazy.

• 1:04:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, that's, that's Bill's mafia, bro.

• 1:04:50Speaker 00

  I found out they lost the River Rats, their AHL team.

• 1:04:53Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  I was like, you guys need to bring back the River Rats. And the whole place was like, ah.

• 1:05:01Matt McCusker?

  The fact that you know about Buffalo minor league hockey is truly impressive.

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  The, well, then I hit them with, they, I was like, I was a Hershey Bears fan. They all started booing the Hershey Bears. I was like, bro, 12 Calder Cups going for our 13th. You guys don't even have a team right now. We're literally in the playoffs right now.

• 1:05:18Matt McCusker?

  I'm trying to fucking help you guys.

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  Trying to be nice to you guys, but don't compare the River Rats to the Hershey Bears, ever. You're talking fucking Yankees Expos. You don't even have a team.

• 1:05:29Matt McCusker?

  The Bears. I think I've seen the Bears. I think I've seen the Hershey Bears play before.

• 1:05:33Speaker 00

  Give it to the Phantoms.

• 1:05:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, you know what I'd-

• 1:05:36Speaker 00

  They own the Phantoms.

• 1:05:37Matt McCusker?

  I could see them crushing the Phantoms. The fights in minor league hockey are awesome. They fight nonstop.

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  Although Bears Phantoms is going on right now.

• 1:05:44Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:05:47Speaker 00

  I gotta check that.

• 1:05:47Matt McCusker?

  Dang, I didn't know those Phantoms were just completely crushed by the Bears. I mean, that is like our candidate.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Ooh, actually, it was 1-0 when I made that claim. It's now 2-1.

• 1:05:56Matt McCusker?

  Phantoms?

• 1:05:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Matt McCusker?

  Let's go. I've been following the Phantoms program. We've made a lot of changes in the Phantoms program.

• 1:06:03Speaker 00

  They still haven't changed the logo. They like that logo.

• 1:06:06Matt McCusker?

  What's, what do the Phantoms have? Just like a weird, looks like the Phoenix Suns kind of, type of color scheme, from what I remember.

• 1:06:12Speaker 00

  It's like two different flyers, symbols combined?

• 1:06:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like the pizza game.

• 1:06:16Speaker 00

  Facing each other?

• 1:06:17Matt McCusker?

  It's a pizza game.

• 1:06:18Speaker 00

  It is.

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Pizza Gates, no! Damn, the Bears need to get a cup.

• 1:06:25Matt McCusker?

  What's the cup called? The Alder Cup?

• 1:06:27Speaker 00

  The Calder.

• 1:06:27Matt McCusker?

  The Calder Cup. Dang, the Bears have how many Calder Cups?

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  13?

• 1:06:34Speaker 00

  Damn, who has the most Calder Cups? AI overview, the Hershey Bears.

• 1:06:38Matt McCusker?

  Yo!

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  13 Calder Cups, holy shit.

• 1:06:43Matt McCusker?

  Dang!

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  It's a storied program. Hershey P. A. Come on, man.

• 1:06:46Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome. I didn't know that. I think the Phantoms were late to the party, too.

• 1:06:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, the Phantoms were late.

• 1:06:52Matt McCusker?

  They split off-

• 1:06:53Speaker 00

  The Hershey Bears have been playing since fucking the 20s.

• 1:06:57Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 1:06:58Speaker 00

  What's going on over there?

• 1:07:01Matt McCusker?

  Also.

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  A racist meme? Let me hear about it.

• 1:07:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  Come on, guys.

• 1:07:06Matt McCusker?

  Also, minor league, nobody hits their wife more than minor league sports players, in like, back in the day.

• 1:07:13Speaker 00

  That's a fair assessment.

• 1:07:14Matt McCusker?

  I feel like they led, I feel like they really.

• 1:07:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:17Matt McCusker?

  That was, that was, it's like a brutal mix.

• 1:07:18Speaker 00

  Major league baseball.

• 1:07:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're physically, you're like on the cusp of the major leagues, you're fucking, you know, a well tuned athlete.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  Oh, you sent it to me? Fellas, you guys are putting me in, you're putting me in the jackpot.

• 1:07:37Matt McCusker?

  Let me glance at it.

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  It's just.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  It's a play on, uh, protesting the Vietnam War and.

• 1:07:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Speaker 00

  It's people saying, no Pakistani ever called my grandparents pretending to be Microsoft.

• 1:07:53Matt McCusker?

  Do you think the, uh, where do you think?

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  Oh, you got a video of the, the, the crash.

• 1:07:59Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:08:00Speaker 00

  I didn't know, you should have told me you sent the, the pedal pump crash.

• 1:08:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 1:08:05Speaker 00

  It's a good pedal pump crash.

• 1:08:13Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no.

• 1:08:14Speaker 00

  Oh!

• 1:08:16Matt McCusker?

  Sucks to be on the left side.

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  Einstein Brothers bagels.

• 1:08:21Matt McCusker?

  Oh, no, it went on the one side, too.

• 1:08:26Speaker 00

  Oh, he got a DUI for the pedal pump crash.

• 1:08:31Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 1:08:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm telling you, man, I was on one once and I'm like, these things gotta get fucked up every now and again. Cause it's not, there's not like a, it's just a guy like ripping and running. It's like, you know, the dudes who have bicycles with like a card on the back? It's like those guys getting their CDL and being like, alright, I'm gonna fucking.

• 1:08:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Matt McCusker?

  I'm just gonna step up, drive a bigger craft. Some of those, some of those dudes on the fucking, those like, little pedal bikes.

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:57Matt McCusker?

  Drive like fucking maniacs.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do.

• 1:08:59Matt McCusker?

  Couple times, I'm like, bro, like.

• 1:09:00Speaker 00

  Swerving between cars and shit.

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  I'm like, dude, slow down. I, I don't, I'm cool. I don't need to be at this place that fast. Actually, you drive me home right now.

• 1:09:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I could have got on an Uber if I was trying.

• 1:09:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:09Speaker 00

  This is, this is a fun trip.

• 1:09:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, bro, chill, chill a few. I was one with my kids and they were driving. I was like, bro, I was like, no, no extra points for me from the speed, like, slow it down. I appreciate, you know, you working on this this hard, but like, fucking relax. Cause they'll like tailgate cut in, you're like, yo, dude.

• 1:09:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:27Matt McCusker?

  Don't need this. And like, like, they'll drive, like, people will be there and they'll speed at them, like, they better move.

• 1:09:34Speaker 00

  Ching ching, ching ching.

• 1:09:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, terrible.

• 1:09:38Speaker 00

  All right, well, we're in an hour. We ditch over to the Patreon.

• 1:09:41Matt McCusker?

  Let's do it. Bye. Oh, I gotta pee.