Pod Insights The Psychology of your 20s 5 ways to reinvent yourself in your 20s (rerun) About this episode If nothing else, our 20s are a time for reinvention and transformation. We become clearer and clearer about the version of us we want to be, and hopefully more confident around expressing our authentic elves, but sometimes this is interrupted by periods of boredom, stagnation, isolation and discomfort. These are all signs that something in our lives needs to change, and it needs to change now. In today's episode we break down five ways to reinvent yourself during your 20s, including:
Theory of opposites Visualisation and choosing the 'theme' for your next era The timeline for change The power of risk + microrisks Changing 'what if' thinking into 'what else' or 'so what?' + more Listen now when you're ready for transformation.
PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg https://www.instagram.com/jemmasbeg/?hl=en#
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en#
For business: [email protected] mailto:[email protected]
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.
0:04 Jemma Sbeg? If you've ever gone into a store for two things and walked out wondering how it cost forty seven dollars? Yeah, same. That's why some people like keeping things simple with Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking. If you're under twenty five, there's no monthly maintenance fee. Plus, you can enroll in B of A Rewards and enjoy benefits like cash back on brands you love. Plus fraud and identity monitoring. And there's no fees to enroll. It's one less thing to stress about. Learn more at B of A dot com slash simple banking. Member FDIC. This episode is sponsored by Gymshark. Gymshark has spent over fourteen years obsessing over gym clothing and the people who wear it. And let me just say, I think we all know they are very, very good at what they do.
0:50 Jemma Sbeg? No, seriously, their stuff is so good. Their everyday seamless collection is light, it's soft, it's stretchy. All of their stuff just looks good on and it's made for people who love to exercise, whatever exercise that is. Lifting, cardio, Pilates, running around campus, maybe just doing errands. Discover Gymshark and find your new favorite gym clothing at gymshark dot com. These days, there are more people than ever telling you how to manage your health. Your social media feed is packed with wellness trends telling you to cold plunge, protein max, and so much more. But what's actually real? What's exaggerated? What's just wrong?
1:32 Jemma Sbeg? Health versus Hype from the American Medical Association breaks it all down. Emmy nominated host Trace Dominguez talks through health influencers, real people, and most importantly, doctors, to separate fact from fiction. Because when it comes to your health, who you listen to really matters. Listen to Health versus Hype wherever you get your podcasts. No one's journey is the same. That's why Delta Sky Miles moves with you. Whether it's earning miles from coffee runs to flights, to redeeming for vacations your way, or even unlocking exclusive experiences, a Sky Miles membership fits into your lifestyle, letting you do more of what makes you, you. It's more than travel. It's the membership that flies,
2:17 Jemma Sbeg? dines, streams, rides, and arrives with you. Because when you have a membership that's as unique as you are, there's no telling where your journey will take you next. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here, back for another episode. Today's episode, though, you may have already noticed, is a rerun. So, over the next two weeks, I am putting out some of my best episodes from the last four years of almost non-stop podcasting, as I just take some time away to launch my debut book, Person in Progress: A Roadmap to the Psychology of Your Twenties.
2:59 Jemma Sbeg? Do not fret, I will be back on the 29th of April, but I just wanted to give my book a little bit of extra love these next two weeks, because it's a big deal and I'm not going to talk about it too much. I'm sure you're just here to listen to the podcast and probably sick of me talking about it, but I just want to say thank you. I want to say a huge thank you for allowing me to write this book and put it out in the world. This is only possible because of you all, because of you guys, the listeners. Literally, that's it. That's the only reason I'm able to do this. And I've wanted to be an author since I was five. Twenty years later, you guys made that happen for me.
3:37 Jemma Sbeg? So, just thank you. Thank you so much. I would obviously love it if you could preorder it, buy it, gift it to a friend, but you've already done so much and I just feel honoured to have had this opportunity. Most of all, I'm just really pumped for you guys to read it. I hope that you learn something. I'm sure if you love the podcast, you will love Person in Progress as well, but it's a really exciting time and the main feeling I have right now is one of gratitude. So, thank you so much. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this rerun of one of my favourite all-time episodes.
4:19 Jemma Sbeg? Hello everybody and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.
4:39 Jemma Sbeg? Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of course break down the psychology of our twenties. If nothing else, our twenties are this kind of beautiful time of transformation and reinvention. That is a universal truth, a universal statement for me, that each of us, no matter what we're going through, what we're struggling with, what we do or don't achieve, we will have to rediscover time and time again who we are.
5:19 Jemma Sbeg? And we also have to rediscover how far off that is from who we want to be, probably hundreds of times during this period of emerging adulthood. We spend so much of childhood and also our teenage years being the person that others want us to be, or rebelling against this version entirely to carve out what we think is our own space. And I think our twenties is when we start to find balance and we really get the chance to do that all over again and independently. And we approach, you know, self-discovery with a new maturity and a new sense of truth. Things about us become a lot more clear.
6:01 Jemma Sbeg? And what we're likely to experience is a bit of a metamorphosis and a shedding of the old into the new. This is definitely a rite of passage and sometimes it's deeply uncomfortable. But when you get to the point of not really enjoying your life, not liking who you are, not knowing what you stand for, what your dreams are, who you even want to be. You're really, I think, called to a place of reinvention. And that is what I want to talk about today. How can we reinvent and rediscover ourselves in our twenties? When things start to feel stagnant or off, or we start to feel
6:44 Jemma Sbeg? a sense of disconnection between who we are right now and who we really want to be? How do we kind of shake things up? How do we find our path? How do we have that refresh where we fall back in love with our lives through our old actions? Well, we are going to talk through five tips that you can work through either step by step, or you can kind of choose one or the other for reinvention during this decade. This includes some methods for visualizing your next chapter and how to use psychology to really motivate yourself to get there. How to use psychology to motivate a sense of confidence? Also, how we can use that discomfort, use the boredom, the isolation,
7:26 Jemma Sbeg? the stagnation, the uncertainty in our favor, rather than fighting against it? How can we actually take all of those things that are making us crave reinvention? And help us get there, rather than kind of, I don't know, burden us? We are also going to discuss the power of risk and this construct called the timeline for change? And how to shift from very anxious, what if thinking? To a what else or so what mentality? Which is honestly one of my favorite ways to think about this. One of my favorite ideas in this space is that switch, that mental and cognitive switch
8:10 Jemma Sbeg? from seeing things in a disaster scenario lens, or from a disaster scenario lens, to an abundant lens, from an abundant position of excess and authenticity and growth. I've got to say, this is one of my favorite episodes that I've done as of recent, because it just combines all my favorite like nuggets of advice and theories into one package and. Truly, it really represents so much of my philosophy towards this period in our lives. You know, our twenties are for exploration. They are for reinvention, rebuilding, transformation, more so than any other time. So I really want us to be able to unlock that for ourselves,
8:55 Jemma Sbeg? even if it's through small steps, even if it's not as drastic as you're picturing. Also, I guess whenever I get the opportunity to talk about risk and our approach to uncertainty, that is like a favorite topic of mine because it's something that I deeply, deeply think is important, that we stop seeing risk is scary and we start seeing risk as investment. It really falls into this overall concept and topic of reinvention. So I am very excited to talk about this. I'm enthused, I'm invigorated. So I think without further ado, let us get into the five ways that we can reinvent ourselves in our twenties.
9:42 Jemma Sbeg? Reinventing yourself, changing your life. I think it really has to begin with identifying what it is about your current circumstances, your day to day, your habits that are dissatisfying to you. What is the main feeling that you have towards your life at the moment that is giving you this itch to change things up, that is making you restless? There are a few big ones that I think are specifically noteworthy in our twenties. The first one is boredom. Boredom, feeling like not much is happening in your life. Nothing exciting is happening, nothing is changing, you're not changing. The things that really elevate our day to day experiences, like adventure,
10:26 Jemma Sbeg? like excitement, like spontaneity, it's just not there. It's this sense of just like plainness. Boredom is the first one. Then we have stagnation, and this is very similar to boredom. But it's more so centered on a sense that you've kind of become complacent in some domain of your life, even if you're still doing fun things. This is particularly to do with our careers or to do with some larger goal. Finding that, you know, you're really not working towards something the way that you anticipated that you would be, or the way that you have in the past, feeling very stuck. Then we have isolation, lacking connection, lacking community, feeling lonely and maybe with
11:07 Jemma Sbeg? that, you know, some FOMO that you're missing out on the experiences that others seem to be having during this time. And then the final feeling that I think also makes us quite itchy for change is just a general discomfort, a feeling that's probably very similar to anxiety, that something about your life just isn't quite right. You don't seem to fit in your current circumstances anymore. You know, you have these habits, these friends, these situations that your body is very instinctually telling you, this is not what we want. We're not comfortable here, we're not happy here. And often it does that through heightened sensitivity, being very
11:47 Jemma Sbeg? nervous, repetitive thoughts that are again and again bringing you back to some issue that you're having, a sense of detachment between who you know you can be and who you are now. So these feelings, boredom, stagnation, isolation and discomfort, they tell us something very useful, even though it's unpleasant. And what they're telling us is that we need to change, we need to shift, we need to be doing something different and hopefully sooner rather than later. The reason that I say sooner rather than later is because if you don't do something, not instantly, but pretty soon, the alternative is that we begin to get quite comfortable with
12:32 Jemma Sbeg? the discomfort. We get comfortable with being bored, with being lonely, with being stuck, and we think that that's normal. In psychology, this process is actually called habituation, and it refers to our tendency to get more and more used to something that used to frustrate us or bother us as time goes on. You know, I think about, so I, for example, I actually live under like a plane line, what's it called, like a flight path, right? And when I first moved into this house, like the sound of planes going overhead was so, would just bother me so much. It was all I could think about. But the longer that I've lived here, I don't even notice it anymore.
13:14 Jemma Sbeg? Like, I'm sure that about five planes have probably flown over the skies above my house in the time that I've been recording this, but I've become habituated. And that is the same thing that happens when we get comfortable with something that we should not be comfortable with. You should not be comfortable with being bored in your life or being isolated or being, you know, stagnant. And we have a really small window to stop that habituation from happening and to act, otherwise it does get harder and harder. It's like breaking a bad habit. What we want to explore is what life would look like if we flipped those emotional states to be the complete opposite.
13:58 Jemma Sbeg? So when we felt bored, we made a commitment to pursue excitement. When we felt stagnant, we made a commitment to pursue growth, to pursue connection over isolation, to pursue peace and boundaries over discomfort. So what I want from you is to really, to begin with, notice what is driving you to want to reinvent or refresh your life and then make a plan for the next thirty days to do all the things that feel the exact opposite to that initial feeling. We're going to really shake up your life whilst you're still feeling motivated by the discomfort. For example, if you are just feeling so bored with your life right now,
14:43 Jemma Sbeg? I want you to make a list in your notes app or on a sheet of paper to put on your fridge of a series of activities that you've always wanted to do in your city or your town that you haven't. And I want you to be committed to doing one every two days, every three days. Or if there is a class, a hobby you've always wanted to pursue, sign up for a six-week course that you have to go to week after a week. Get a new gym membership. Just do something different. Novel experiences quite literally give the impression of creating more time in our lives. And there's a two thousand and sixteen study around this that has become quite well-known that found that the older we get, time does seem to actually pass quicker.
15:27 Jemma Sbeg? Not because it's actually going any faster, but because we are learning less. We are exposed to fewer new things. We become more accustomed to what we already know. But what actually creates the mental experience of more time is novelty and newness. And that is what we need to reintroduce to kind of pull us out of the path towards indifference and monotony. So put the excitement back in your life because that is a choice for you. You know, that is something that you can change on your own to reinvent how you feel about your circumstances. The same goes for if you're feeling stagnant, you know, identify what area that's in and make yourself a list of a series of things that you know would help you break out of that.
16:13 Jemma Sbeg? If it's work related, which I find it often is, or career related, I want you to change your routine. I want you to spend thirty minutes a day applying for new jobs instead of scrolling. I want you to be networking. I want you to be, you know, reaching out to people that you admire online, shooting off those emails. So that when you go to bed, you have a sense that you've done something. You know, sign up for the networking event, contemplate what you could do next. I think reinvention is all about movement and picking the direction you want to go in and actually pursuing it. Once you've kind of tested sliding the dial to your boredom, your stagnation, whatever it is in the opposite
16:54 Jemma Sbeg? direction, it's time to really begin to visualize your next era and who this new version of you will be. But also how this new version of you will act. You know, in your wildest fantasies, your greatest, largest dreams, who is your authentic self? Who is the character staring back at you? If you still are unsure about who that is, how to even visualize this version of yourself, I have some questions to really help you bring elements of this person forward. So what are some of the dreams that you've had for as long as you can remember that you've always put off? What truly excites you? What could you talk about for hours?
17:38 Jemma Sbeg? In five years' time, what would your ideal but average day in your life look like? And how is that different from now? What chapter of your life are you ready to close? And what is holding you back from closing that chapter? Or what is holding you back from putting everything behind the truest version of yourself? Your answers to these questions should really begin to direct you to what this next era of your life is going to bring. You know, if you were to look back, I think, and if we were to look back at past versions, you know, past parts of our life story, you start to really see in hindsight, these strange lines or periods that are carved into your memories.
18:21 Jemma Sbeg? You begin to to notice that life isn't one long sequence of events. And I guess it is, but but actually it's a series of seasons and a series of periods within which you've had different goals, maybe different friends, different ambitions, different, you know, sense of style, you maybe you've even lived in a different place, your routine was different. We each have these different eras or chapters of our lives that represent who we were and what we were going through at that time. And this next era for you is going to be one of authenticity. It's going to be one where you're going to channel all of those deeply rooted dreams and values and goals.
19:05 Jemma Sbeg? And actually just spend the next six months to a year prioritizing them. That is how you're going to bring yourself into this next chapter and reinvent yourself. We can be in the business of deciding when a new season begins for us, regardless of what is happening externally. And that really starts with being able to see, feel, touch, hear, experience what this new era represents for you before it even emerges. And you've already done that in a way by focusing on those questions that we were talking about before. You do already have an idea. But then you have to get it out of your mind into some physical form, either through action or through something like visualization. So some ways that people do this is through like vision boards,
19:51 Jemma Sbeg? you know, spending an afternoon really putting to page or to poster. This next chapter looks like for you, you know, with pictures of destinations that you'll visit and accomplishments and the nature that you'll see, the mornings that you'll have, the hobbies that will relax you. You need to have an idea of what you're actually aiming for here. And visualization is is extremely psychologically powerful. There was a recent study that said about a quarter of successful entrepreneurs use vision boards or a similar process to map out change for themselves. And there was a two thousand and nineteen study that also suggests that vision boards, as much as we sometimes think that they're silly. Actually, no, they almost double an individual's level of confidence in their ability to
20:36 Jemma Sbeg? effectively execute actions necessary to achieve a desired outcome. And it really promotes people to seek out supportive resources. And it keeps this vision of who they wanna be, who they're working towards very squarely in the front of their mind. Because life is full of distractions. There are lots of things pulling us this way, that way. You know, you're busy. You know, there's people's expectations, there's money to worry about, there's, you know, relationships to worry about. But this method really squarely says, very deeply says, no, this is what we're working towards right now. This is who we wanna be.
21:18 Jemma Sbeg? Another way to do this, if if visualization and, you know, mood boards, vision boards, sorry, aren't really your favorite method. It's to identify a theme for your new era that you really wanna embody and that you will use to charge, motivate, direct everything that you're doing in this new season. As in, you know, when it's time to make a decision or you have a hard choice ahead of you. I want you to have that one theme, that one word that decisively chooses for you. Let me explain this a little bit more. So with this new era, your theme could be discipline.
22:00 Jemma Sbeg? It could be reinvention, rebirth, passion, creativity, authenticity, exploration, intuition, focus, courage.
22:11 Jemma Sbeg? I want you to choose one of those or one of your own, a theme that is going to sit at the core of everything you aim to do for the next six months. Let me use the theme of reinvention here to explain why this works. You know, it's very appropriate for this episode, but to embody reinvention, that really means doing things differently, right? Making space for what's new, making space for things that you haven't tried before. Maybe because you're scared, you're embarrassed, you're held back by the judgments of others, but you're gonna do it anyways. You are stepping into this new era, you're reinventing yourself. So if someone invites you to a party that you'd normally not go to and you're kind of umming and ahhing about whether you wanna go, you have an easy solution here.
22:53 Jemma Sbeg? What decision would best align with that theme reinvention? The decision that best aligns is to go to the party. That is your directive. If you're, you know, back and forth thing over leaving the house in, I don't know, an outfit that you probably never wear and you're like, maybe I should take this off, I don't really know. Well, you have to be guided by reinvention above all else. Everything is coming back to this theme for the next six months. It is a very simple, you know, compass for you, a decision-making tool. That's like, okay, if I'm faced with two choices, the one that best aligns with my theme is the one that I have to do, is the one that I need to pursue.
23:36 Jemma Sbeg? This is just such a powerful, I think, mental trick. Because sometimes we like set out to reinvent our lives and like, you know, you kind of try and do a whole overhaul and you wanna change everything right now at once. And eventually like this version of you that you're actually aiming for gets a little bit lost, you know, the chaos. When you simplify it, when you bring it back to one theme and one theme only, you are just better able to truly focus and not get caught up in the clutter and not get caught up in the chaos that transformation often brings. Moving beyond this method, let's now turn to some longer-term activities for refreshing,
24:17 Jemma Sbeg? recharging your life in your twenties, specifically to do with goal-setting. Now, I'm gonna say something that might be controversial, that might be unexpected. But goal setting to me is one of the most boring things to talk about in the world. And that might surprise you, but I really struggle to, you know, be around people who have a million goals for every single thing in their life. Because it just feels so intense and disciplined to me and my natural inclination is and was to really feel my way through things and to like go with my gut rather than having like a two year, five year plan. You know, I could work very hard at things for a long period of time.
24:57 Jemma Sbeg? But, you know, I wasn't really into resetting goals every six months and planning out where I wanted to be and doing distinct things to make that happen. I have slowly begun to retire that philosophy. That, you know, I think I was misguided. I thought that goal setting had to be really intensive. Um, when actually, no, it doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't have to make you an ultra disciplined person. Actually, it's really about change, right? And, you know, as we always say, nothing changes if you don't. And in a similar vein, nothing changes if you can't imagine them changing.
25:39 Jemma Sbeg? And that is really what goal setting is all about. Saying to yourself, this could be different. This part of my life, my routine, my lifestyle, my job could be different and I could be happier. And I'm going to trust myself and I'm going to believe that I am capable of doing that, of bringing about that change. I think instead of having one big goal that is miles away, I was recently introduced to this concept called the timeline for change. And the timeline for change is another way of conceptualizing your goals or setting up benchmarks that is a bit less intensive
26:18 Jemma Sbeg? and more daily and broken down into these small pieces. You have a one year goal, a six month goal, a monthly goal and a daily goal, or what we would, you know, typically call a micro habit, the thing that you do each day that hopefully builds to the big win at the end. You can really then apply this like timeline for change to whatever area you desire, whatever, whatever area needs reinvention, needs a refresh. It could be career, friendship, health, finances, a creative passion.
26:51 Jemma Sbeg? Think about, you know, transforming your health, for example. You know, perhaps your timeline for change would be to every day walk for thirty minutes. And then your one month goal would be to go to the gym twice a week. Your six month goal is to run a five K. And by one year to have a gym routine and be able to run ten K. I think fitness related goals slot very easily into the timeline for change. But you can kind of see how this method really allows you to combine both momentum and sustainable habit building with that long term planning. You know, because your, your goals are sitting along a journey. They're sitting along a timeline rather than just consisting of a start line, an ambitious
27:34 Jemma Sbeg? big dream and a finish line, you know, a sense of what it's going to be like when you get there. And, and you know, nothing in between. And I think that is exactly why most New Year's resolutions often fail. You know, there was a poll done by the University of Ohio that showed twenty three percent of people will quit their New Year's resolutions by the end of January seventh and almost fifty percent by the second week because we underestimate how much progress we're going to make. So we think too big and, and we lack the positive reinforcement along the way because we're only thinking about the beginning and the end. And B, to enact those significant and immediate changes. You know, psychologically and physically speaking, it's, it's very, very difficult.
28:16 Jemma Sbeg? It's very difficult to just come in all guns blazing and change everything about your life. You need to build that foundation through consistency, not through new peaks with random, you know, dashes of effort. So to summarize, our third tip, give yourself the necessary space for reinvention by making things actionable, by making things realistic and really implementing a sustainable timeline for change that you are both excited about, but is also very, very doable. Okay, my lovely listeners, we are going to take a short break. But when we're back, I want to discuss some more, you know, more of our spontaneous rebellious,
28:58 Jemma Sbeg? maybe refreshing paths for change, our more energetic, you know, perspective on reinvention. We have a lot more to talk about, so please stay with us.
29:15 Jemma Sbeg? There's this moment in your twenties where you realise, oh, no one is double checking my finances for me anymore. It's just me, my bank account and a growing list of, wait, I forgot I subscribed to that. And honestly, that can feel overwhelming. So you could look into Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking. It's perfect for this stage of life where you're figuring things out as you go. There are no overdraft item fees, and if you are under 25, there's no monthly maintenance fee, which just makes it easier to stay on track. What stands out is that it doesn't try to overcomplicate things. It's not about being perfect with money, it's about having a system that helps you feel a little more in control. What's more, with Safe Balance Banking, you could enroll in
30:00 Jemma Sbeg? B of A Rewards and enjoy cash back deals plus fraud and identity monitoring. If you are in that phase of, I'm trying to get my life together financially, Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking is a really solid place to start. Learn more at bofa.com/simplebanking. Member FDIC. This episode is sponsored by Gymshark. Gymshark has spent over 14 years obsessing over gym clothing and the people who wear it. And let me just say, I think we all know, they are very, very good at what they do. No, seriously, their stuff is so good. Their everyday seamless collection is light, it's soft, it's stretchy. All of their stuff just looks
30:42 Jemma Sbeg? good on, and it's made for people who love to exercise, whatever exercise that is. Lifting, cardio, Pilates, running around campus, maybe just doing errands. Discover Gymshark and find your new favourite gym clothing at gymshark.com.
30:59 Jemma Sbeg? These days, there are more people than ever telling you how to manage your health. And we've all gone down an internet rabbit hole exploring the latest health trends. Your social media feed is packed with wellness advice, telling you to co-plunge, protein max, detox, track your sleep. But what's actually real? What's exaggerated? What's just wrong? That's exactly what health versus hype
31:23 Jemma Sbeg? From the American Medical Association and iHeart Media's Ruby Studio is here to find out. Each episode, Emmy nominated science communicator Trace Dominguez, who's racked up billions of views across PBS, Discovery Channel and YouTube, talks to health influencers, real people, and most importantly, doctors, to separate fact from fiction. Because when it comes to your health, who you listen to matters. Listen to health versus hype on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
31:59 Jemma Sbeg? You know that feeling when your skin just needs a tall drink of water? That's what Clinique Moisture Surge 100 Hour Moisturizer is for. Moisture Surge 100 Hour Moisturizer absorbs instantly and hydrates for 100 hours for plump, glowing skin. That is correct, 100 hours. It is a lightweight, oil-free gel cream, safe for sensitive skin. It's allergy-tested, it's fragrance-free, it absorbs quickly, so skin feels hydrated without feeling heavy or weighed down. I use this daily and I'm very picky with what goes on my skin. I have a combination skin type, so I really don't want to feel too oily or too dry, and this
32:43 Jemma Sbeg? product is perfect for that. I also find that Moisture Surge is a great lightweight base. If you like something under your makeup, it makes your skin look so plump and soft, especially first thing in the morning when it's maybe not looking that way. Basically, I think it feels exactly like how you want a moisturizer to feel. Fresh, lightweight, and deeply hydrating. Try Clinique Moisture Surge 100 Hour today at clinique.com. Feels like Moisture Surge. At some stage, you are going to have to do something that really scares you or that you didn't think was possible if you want to grow into your next phase.
33:24 Jemma Sbeg? Long-term goal-setting, having a planning phase, visualizing, articulating what you want, labeling this new era for yourself is so wonderful. You know, by that stage, you really, you can't go wrong. But one of the easiest ways to almost guarantee transformation and to speed up your reinvention, your realignment is to take risks, big or small. Risk, in my mind, is like the fast-forward button. There's less accuracy about where you're going to end up, right? Like, you're skipping through a movie, you want to get to the action quicker. But it means that you really propel yourself even faster into this new era. There is not a single person that you admire, that you respect, you idolize,
34:09 Jemma Sbeg? whether that is professionally or personally, that has gotten to where they are without being a little bit daunted and unsure of whether they made the right decision. You know, actually, for me, if you're questioning whether you've made the right decision, you are exactly in the place you need to be. Because those are the decisions that really contribute to growth. Easy decisions feel great because they don't require you to really question anything fundamental about yourself. But hard decisions, risks, that is where you really have to look in the mirror and question, what do I actually want from my life? A lot of people don't do that. Another way I think about it is, you know, how when we build muscle at the gym
34:53 Jemma Sbeg? or when we're working out, what is actually happening are these micro tears. You know, things are ripping, space is being made, it's painful. But then those holes get filled with new mass and we grow. It's a strange analogy, I know, but it's how I think about risk. You know, a small tears that are sometimes sore, that are sometimes uncomfortable. I don't really know what you're doing, you know, you don't really know what you're doing. But it needs to happen in order to bring about strength. And psychologically, risk is scary naturally, right? Because anything that's unfamiliar will cause our brain to have quite a natural hesitancy, because it is hesitant towards the unknown.
35:35 Jemma Sbeg? But just because your mind says something is scary, doesn't necessarily mean it should be avoided. Actually, it might mean the opposite. If you're going to do one thing to reinvent yourself during this decade, it's to take a risk that you've always wanted to, but never imagined that you could. And I'm gonna give you like a rapid fire list as to why I believe this truly and deeply. And I want you to seriously try and rebut my reasons with the reasons why you shouldn't. Number one, you will never have as few responsibilities as you do now. Number two, you are the youngest that you will ever be, probably with the least to lose. You will never have more time than you have right now.
36:21 Jemma Sbeg? I also think that risks are an investment, they are not a cost. They will benefit your life and your foundations way more than the risks that you don't take and way more than playing it safe. And finally, in a very similar vein, you are more likely to live with regret over the risks you didn't take over the ones that you did. And if you want some anecdotal primary evidence of this, ask your parents or your grandparents next time you see them, what their biggest regrets are. And I would say eighty percent of the time, your parents are gonna say, oh, you know, the time I didn't travel, the time I was too scared to do that thing that I should have.
37:04 Jemma Sbeg? The time that I didn't tell that person I loved them. The time that I said no to an opportunity that I really actually should have taken because of imposter syndrome. Regret often feeds off inaction rather than action.
37:18 Jemma Sbeg? Here's the thing, reinventing yourself through risk doesn't have to be dramatic. Some of us get really paralyzed by this idea that to move forward, we have to do something we are deeply uncertain of. And normally, this is the case if you're quite risk averse, right? So in psychology and economics even, there are these different profiles of the types of people and their perspective on risk. There are risk positive people, people who will put it all on the line very frequently without really considering the costs. There are risk neutral people, people who are very practical, almost mathematical about the costs and benefits of a risk. And then there are risk averse individuals, those of us whose minds just naturally exaggerate the consequences and the costs of the risk
38:02 Jemma Sbeg? over the benefits to the point where the risk actually seems entirely ridiculous. You know, and we are convinced that we should always play it safe. And if that is you, if the idea of moving to a new country, knowing no one, quitting your job without anything lined up. If that is really, really scary, what I want you to adopt is this idea of micro risks. Things that you can slowly incorporate to almost increase your tolerance for the uncertainty that comes along with these decisions. You can go on solo dates, you can go on micro adventures on the weekend solo. You don't have to travel across the world, you can book an Airbnb for the weekend in the mountains,
38:47 Jemma Sbeg? near a national park somewhere like an hour or two away and just enjoy a new part of the world alone. My cousin Stella, actually, she was just messaging me about her solo camping trip that she's been on for the last two to three days. Literally, she's only like an hour or two from her home, but she's just having the most amazing time. And she's doing something that she may not normally do, and it's just completely expanded her perspective on her life. Like in the span of two days, just getting out of an old environment and into a new one. These are small but mighty choices. Some more examples, you know, share your passion, your art, your hobbies, your lifestyle online to a private audience.
39:29 Jemma Sbeg? Ask new people to go for coffee, be spontaneous, do something different this weekend that's not your usual Sunday reset. Start putting twenty dollars a week aside purely for a dream fund. Just take, you know, those first steps without worrying about them being perfect. And that might not sound like a risky thing to do for some people, but I think anything that goes against the habits, the systems, the routines that you have in place to keep you secure and safe that you are using as a crutch, anything that's like that, that is a risk. That is a risk that you are taking to go against what your natural, deeply ingrained intuition is telling you to do.
40:11 Jemma Sbeg? What I want you to remember is that you are in charge here of creating a reality you love, creating a version of yourself that you love even more. Sometimes that's going to take courage. The path to reinvention, I think, involves risk and it involves a little bit of fear. So my fifth and my final tip for you today is to stop asking yourself, what if? And instead replace that with what else? Or my favorite, so what? Each of us again has an idea of our true selves, the person that we would be if no one else was watching, if this magical switch was turned that suddenly meant that you were
40:53 Jemma Sbeg? free from others' opinions, if the only person we were focused on was ourselves. We all have this idea of who we would be in that situation. They're almost a fantasy, they're a character, you know, that we've created that we one day aspire to be, but we're not really, not really focused on that right now. Now, the things that are really maintaining that gap between who we are now and who we would really love to be is normally our fear of judgment, our fear of upsetting others and their expectations, our fear of embarrassment of being perceived, that's a huge one, and our fear of change. These fears are all maintained by these what-if disaster scenarios. If I start
41:35 Jemma Sbeg? putting myself out there, if I start being loud about my hobbies, about my desires, if I start wearing what I want, if I start saying no to people, if I let myself be perceived as my truest, authentic self, what if no one likes this version of me? What if I'm ostracized? What if I tell someone about my dreams and I fail? What if people don't like this reinvented version of me? I lose all my friends and I end up alone, you know, what if, what if, what if? Not only are most of these very social fears, meaning that we are being guided more so by the potential opinions of others, rather than the reality that we are the only
42:19 Jemma Sbeg? one who has to experience and enjoy our lives, but they are also just anxious thoughts, they are not predictions, they most likely not come true. If you've listened to our most recent episode on anxiety, you'll know that the easiest way to distinguish between an anxious thought and a thought that you should pay attention to is if those thoughts begin with a what-if. Here's how we counteract that. We counteract it with what else or so-what statements. So, let's take this statement, what if I tell everyone about my dreams and I fail, you know, I'll be so embarrassed, I better play it safe. That's one way of thinking,
43:04 Jemma Sbeg? and it is a naturally limited way of thinking, but consider now ending that statement with so what. Okay, maybe I'll be embarrassed, so what? What is the worst-case scenario? I'm embarrassed, it's uncomfortable, so what? So, people might not like me, so what? And then, again, keep going, keep going with the so whats until you get to the final conclusion of your fear, and you realise that actually there is not much harm that embarrassment can really do. This method is about taking an anxious, fear-based thought and actually interrogating it, because so often we're too scared to even think about our anxious thoughts that
43:44 Jemma Sbeg? we just let them get away with lying to us. But when we say, so what, our anxiety kind of is like, oh, well, you've never questioned me before, so I don't really know. I don't really know what's gonna happen. And that's when I think we see things more clearly, we see things for, for what they really are, which is not as big in reality as they are in our minds. The other option is to say, well, what else? What if people don't like this new version of me? Okay, that's one unlikely option, but what else? Let's expand that disaster scenario and go in search of some other alternatives. You know, what
44:24 Jemma Sbeg? if I actually attract people who are really aligned with who I truly am? What if I suddenly meet the greatest friends I'll ever have? What if I suddenly attract a love that I deserve? What if I completely level up every aspect of my life and I never look back? What if I am the happiest I've ever been? What else? Remember, the first thought that you have is probably not the most accurate. And you can grab on to that thought, you can let it control you, you can let it dominate your choices, but you also have this extreme power and ability to be whoever you wanna be if you just zoom out and question your
45:08 Jemma Sbeg? fear, replacing that what if with what else or so what. During this, you know, brief time that we have on earth, you deserve at the bare minimum to actually be yourself. Sometimes we do find ourselves in a loop of not knowing who we are, not liking who we are either, not liking our lives because of boredom, stagnation, you know, isolation. The longer you spend as this version of you, you will become quite used to the discomfort and you will no longer feel like you have to outgrow that shell. You'll just keep squeezing yourself back in, hiding away. And it becomes a lot easier to tolerate. I don't want that for you.
45:52 Jemma Sbeg? To be honest, I don't want that for anyone. I don't want anyone to be eighty and think, what if I'd just done it a little bit bigger? What if I just had one six month period of reinvention? Because you have no idea what that could do for your life. You have no idea. You know, how much growth and new experiences you could have in six months. How many weeks is that? Oh my God, I've got to do quick maths, like twenty four weeks? I could be completely wrong. Please correct me. Twenty four weeks, right? Yeah, you could just be a completely new person. That's twenty four weeks of time for you to reinvent, transform, invest in yourself. This is an investment. I really want you to take your dreams seriously.
46:37 Jemma Sbeg? Take responsibility for your happiness. Take responsibility for evolving into the most authentic version of yourself. Even if that requires a bit of a painful metamorphosis. So I really hope that you got something from this episode. I hope that you can take on board this advice. You know, you can cherry pick it as you wish. If some things you already do, some things you don't. Whatever you need, take what you need. That's what we always say at the end of these episodes. And feel free to send it to someone else who you think might benefit, who you think might enjoy what we've been talking about. As always, um, five star reviews are also appreciated, as is a follow either on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
47:19 Jemma Sbeg? or on Instagram at that psychology podcast. If you enjoyed this episode or you have a future episode that you would like to suggest, anything to do with psychology, self-help wellness in our twenties, mental health in our twenties, I would love to hear from you. Um, a final tidbit, we do have an event, a friendship event in Melbourne coming up on the tenth of October. I thought I would sneak that in here. So if you're a Melbourne based listener and you want to make some like minded friends, you want to meet me. I think we have a few tickets left on Eventbrite. You can go to our Instagram and there will be a link in our buyer. I'm really excited to meet you guys. So let me know if I'm gonna see you there, if you'll be there.
48:02 Jemma Sbeg? We'll be doing heaps of other events in Sydney, Brisbane, in Perth, I believe, and then also in the UK and later next year in the US. So cannot wait to meet you all. Until next time, stay safe, stay kind. Please be gentle with yourselves. You deserve a gentle life and gentle thoughts and we will talk very, very soon.
48:30 Jemma Sbeg? Your twenties are full of firsts. First job, first rent payment, first time checking your balance. Wow, that's a lot. Having the right setup helps. Bank of America Advantage Safe Balance Banking has no monthly maintenance fee if you are under twenty five. It's simple, which is honestly exactly what most people need right now. Plus, when you open a new safe balance banking account, you can explore what B of A Rewards has to offer, like cash back deals plus fraud and identity monitoring. Learn more at B of A dot com slash simple banking. Member FDIC. This episode is sponsored by Gymshark. Gymshark has spent over fourteen years obsessing over gym clothing and the people who wear it.
49:15 Jemma Sbeg? And let me just say, I think we all know they are very, very good at what they do. No, seriously, their stuff is so good. Their everyday seamless collection is light, it's soft, it's stretchy. All of their stuff just looks good on and it's made for people who love to exercise, whatever exercise that is, lifting cardio, Pilates, running around campus, maybe just doing errands. Discover Gymshark and find your new favorite gym clothing at gymshark dot com.
49:44 Jemma Sbeg? I've been approaching my health really differently this year. I used to be really focused on maximizing and doing more. And now I'm just realizing that if I listen to what my body needs, I perform way better. And that's why I am obsessed with my Whoop. Truly, you guys, you know I'm such a data and information driven person and I love opening my Whoop app and seeing how my Sleep, my stress, my strain is correlating with my mood, with my running performance, with how I'm just feeling day to day. I'm not an elite athlete by any means, but I do really benefit. And I also just really enjoy knowing more about my body. And Whoop also gives me these actionable, personalized insights that have made me more
50:29 Jemma Sbeg? intentional and meant that I make smarter decisions day to day about what I need, rather than just putting my foot on the gas and just going, going, going, going. New members can try Whoop with a 30 day free trial before committing to a membership. That's join dot whoop dot com slash psychology for your free month of Whoop. Hi, this is Jemma Sbeg. Taking care of yourself doesn't have to mean completely changing your routine. Naturewise Vitamin D3 is an easy way to support immune, bone and muscle health every single day. And because quality matters, Naturewise has one of the first NSF certified Vitamin D3 currently on the market.
51:12 Jemma Sbeg? Plus it's non-GMO, gluten free and third party tested. Visit naturewise.com to explore their Vitamin D3 options and find the one that's right for you. Naturewise.com.
51:24 Speaker 00 This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.
Previous Overcoming your fear of being perceived (rerun) Next 291. How I wrote a book Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated