Trevor Wallace & Michael Blaustein w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Mark and Sam are joined by the guys from Stiff Socks, Michael Blaustein and Trevor Wallace. Talking about road comedy, bombing on stage, freezing eggs, paintball, cybertrucks, cold plunges, old cars, weird hotel stories, and way too much discussion about jerking off etiquette. Plus, Trevor and Michael talk life in LA vs New York, dating, touring, and the strange things comedians do to stay sane. Sponsored by: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/drunk Text DRUNK to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply. Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://quo.com/WMBD Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Trevor Wallace: https://www.trevorwallacecomedy.com Michael Blaustein: https://www.blaucomedy.com Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #TrevorWallace #MichaelBlaustein #StiffSocks #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Eggs at this hour?

• 0:08Sam Morril?

  Eh, I like eggs.

• 0:10Mark Normand?

  I like eggs too.

• 0:11Sam Morril?

  What's wrong with eggs in the afternoon? Are we starting on that?

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, let's go. Yeah, we're on eggs.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  I like, I like an egg in the afternoon.

• 0:17Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah. Freeze your eggs.

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  No. Anybody freezing their eggs is...

• 0:23Sam Morril?

  In trouble?

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  Well, they're, uh...

• 0:25Sam Morril?

  It might be, it might be a career gal.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  They're not excited.

• 0:29Sam Morril?

  They're not excited?

• 0:30Mark Normand?

  I don't think so.

• 0:31Sam Morril?

  What, what does that mean?

• 0:32Mark Normand?

  I think they're like, "Uh, let me shelf this."

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  Well, literally, they're shelving it.

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  They're shelving it, yeah. Otherwise, you know, you'd wanna get pounded and jizzed in.

• 0:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but some people have demanding jobs. Some people, they, what if they're, what if it's, what if we're talking like a road comic? A female road comic, maybe she's not ready.

• 0:48Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright, good point, but we know a lot of female comics with kids.

• 0:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:54Mark Normand?

  Who didn't freeze.

• 0:56Sam Morril?

  True.

• 0:56Mark Normand?

  I'm just saying, if you freeze, I think that you're more likely to go, "Ah, you know what? Screw it."

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  So you're saying, "Freeze, never good."

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  I'm saying...

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  Cops, they say, "Freeze, you're in trouble." I'm doing, I'm doing Seinfeld now?

• 1:07Mark Normand?

  Mr. Freeze?

• 1:08Sam Morril?

  Mr. Freeze?

• 1:09Mark Normand?

  Chill out. Cool down.

• 1:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but, but you might've just pissed off our two female listeners. You might've upset them.

• 1:17Mark Normand?

  I just know a lot of people frozen and then they never did anything with it.

• 1:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but then what's the harm in it?

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  No harm. I'm not saying there's harm.

• 1:25Sam Morril?

  It's like hoarding, but for, uh...

• 1:26Mark Normand?

  It's hoarding.

• 1:27Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  So there is a debate on whether or not frozen eggs, you can destroy them. Is that an abortion? Is that a life?

• 1:33Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:34Sam Morril?

  It's like definitely the step before the abortion.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  I don't think it's an abortion.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  No, 'cause it's a, I believe they're fertilized eggs if you have the man.

• 1:40Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  So it's actually, technically, a kid to some people.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  Is that right? So you bring jizz in and they put it in the egg?

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:49Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's a fun little science experiment.

• 1:52Sam Morril?

  See, I'm so stupid, I thought you freeze the egg and you put the jizz in later.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  I believe you could do both, but if, like, what's her name? Uh, Vigara from, uh...

• 2:01Sam Morril?

  Sofia Vigara.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, she did that. She had children, I guess babies or embryos that were inseminated on ice, they got a divorce, and there was a custody battle for those eggs.

• 2:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 2:12Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  That's a hell of an Easter.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't know.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Wow, you see? She knew.

• 2:18Sam Morril?

  That should have been on Modern Family. That's even more progressive than the gay couple.

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  That's very modern.

• 2:23Sam Morril?

  That was like a big deal, remember? They were like, "It's two gay guys."

• 2:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, Will and Grace, don't get me started.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's true.

• 2:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Norma, that great joke, he's like, "We're all deeply homophobic." Because every time Will's like, "I have a hot date tonight," the crowd laughs. It's like, "Why are we laughing? He's a gay guy who's dating a man. Why is that funny?"

• 2:39Sam Morril?

  I don't think I've ever seen the show.

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  It was fine. It was, you know, very 90s laugh track, studio audience.

• 2:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  It was just a million gay jokes.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  What are you pulling up here?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Sofia won the long-running legal battle over her frozen embryos against her ex-fiance, Nick Loeb.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  I think that's fair, because the eggs are harder to come by, no pun intended, than jizz. Jizz is everywhere. I'm avoiding jizz all day long in the subway.

• 3:03Sam Morril?

  Eggs, it costs so much to freeze. Jizz, you fucking, you're throwing it out constantly.

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Tissue, socks, face.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  Speaking of, our guest today, Stiff Socks.

• 3:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go. It's all jizz-based.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  That was the whole, remember putting the sock on the door?

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  No.

• 3:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 3:20Mark Normand?

  I never did the door.

• 3:20Sam Morril?

  That was the whole thing. You put it on the door, "Don't come in."

• 3:23Mark Normand?

  Meaning, "Hey Dad, back off."

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  No, you don't do it for your, it's like a roommate.

• 3:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, oh, got it.

• 3:28Sam Morril?

  If your dad's that fucking cool.

• 3:31Sam Morril?

  Dad's like mowing the lawn, you're like, "I'm jacking off."

• 3:34Sam Morril?

  "I'm tugging."

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  It's like a do not disturb for losers.

• 3:39Sam Morril?

  Yay!

• 3:42Mark Normand?

  We're just talking jizz. We're in the middle of the jizz town.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Where we going?

• 3:46Mark Normand?

  Jizz, mother. Hey.

• 3:47Sam Morril?

  Jizz, not the lawn.

• 3:50Mark Normand?

  Sit down, you big queefs.

• 3:53Sam Morril?

  Oh, a little espresso? I like it.

• 3:56Mark Normand?

  We're debating. Did you guys put a sock on your door when you jerked off with, when you had roommates?

• 4:01Sam Morril?

  No.

• 4:02Mark Normand?

  I didn't plan ahead.

• 4:03Sam Morril?

  It may have been more of a movie thing.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  It's kind of a trope thing, yeah.

• 4:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, okay, just checking.

• 4:08Speaker 04

  Wouldn't you just lock your door?

• 4:09Sam Morril?

  Not every door is a lock.

• 4:11Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 4:12Sam Morril?

  Nope.

• 4:12Mark Normand?

  Tell that to Matt Lauer.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  No, you couldn't lock your door?

• 4:15Speaker 03

  I remember in the fraternity, we had bunk beds, and we'd put shower curtains over our bed. And so whatever happened, that was like the do not disturb was a shower curtain, yeah.

• 4:23Sam Morril?

  Over the bed.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  And it was like, everybody knew, but nobody was saying anything.

• 4:26Mark Normand?

  Because you could feel the jiggle of a jerk.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  You were hoping for it, you know, a little Mormon-soaked tug action, you know?

• 4:30Mark Normand?

  Sure, yes.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  If Eric up top is jerking hard enough, you get a little motion in the ocean.

• 4:34Mark Normand?

  It's like the quarter at the hotel, you know?

• 4:37Sam Morril?

  Now we're just doing old movies.

• 4:39Mark Normand?

  All right, all right. I've actually never seen that.

• 4:41Sam Morril?

  Isn't that the premise of the show?

• 4:43Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, listen, see, we should have sent you the transcript. This is old movie talk.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  You guys were doing the sock on the door? No?

• 4:50Mark Normand?

  I don't know, I jerk off so fast.

• 4:52Sam Morril?

  Maybe a couple times, yeah.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  You're quick?

• 4:54Mark Normand?

  The amount of time it would take me to put a sock on, I'd be done.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  But wasn't it not a sock, wasn't it like a necktie? Wasn't it?

• 5:00Mark Normand?

  A necktie, that's getting laid.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That's a boarding school, maybe.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Whoa!

• 5:05Sam Morril?

  And it was a fedora if you were getting pegged.

• 5:10Sam Morril?

  I don't think you'd want it, college feels very like you'd want to brag. Like, you'd wanna like, even if you weren't fucking, you'd put a tie on it.

• 5:16Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 5:17Sam Morril?

  They open the door, you're just crying in there?

• 5:20Speaker 04

  I'm coming out of my eyes!

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  I didn't even own a tie in college, I don't think.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  I don't think I did either.

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  I don't know if I own a tie now.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Really?

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  You own a tie.

• 5:29Sam Morril?

  Well, I have two ties. I had to go to a funeral recently, and I looked at my two ties. I have one with polka dots, I'm like, I can't wear that one.

• 5:33Speaker 04

  It's too cheerful.

• 5:34Sam Morril?

  You can't wear a polka dot, and the other one's like a skinny tie. I'm like, what, I think I was like in the Reservoir Dogs? What am I doing here?

• 5:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're footloose?

• 5:41Speaker 03

  So what'd you end up doing, a couple months?

• 5:42Sam Morril?

  I did no tie.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  No tie, no tie, you can't go that casual to a funeral.

• 5:46Sam Morril?

  No tie, Hawaiian shirt, and, uh, no.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  His dad is a deadbeat, so no tie is appropriate.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Was it your dad?

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  No, no, no.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  Who was it?

• 5:55Sam Morril?

  Who's was it? It was a family member.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  That's tough.

• 5:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't mean to bring the mood down.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Well, but if it's family, then they're like, oh, that's Sam, he was doing.

• 6:01Mark Normand?

  Oh! This is our prop.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  Puts it on his neck and starts choking himself.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  This is planned as fuck.

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  He's our prop guy. You can tell by the outfit.

• 6:09Sam Morril?

  Let's see how we do.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  Let's see.

• 6:11Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's pretty basic, I'm not good at this.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Well, you're going no look. Okay, here we go, now you're looking.

• 6:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got it.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:17Mark Normand?

  You nailed it.

• 6:17Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  But you know there's like other-

• 6:18Speaker 03

  That's a guy who's done a corporate gig once or twice.

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, or a bris.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  How's that? Not bad.

• 6:23Mark Normand?

  Not bad!

• 6:24Speaker 04

  I mean, honestly, it's pretty good.

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  Yank it up, yank it up a little bit. I might have gone too long on the tail here.

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  Avril Lavigne looks terrible.

• 6:31Sam Morril?

  Who, why do we have a tie?

• 6:32Speaker 03

  I have no idea.

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  You have a tie here?

• 6:35Mark Normand?

  I love a Mai Tai.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  What is this? Is this water?

• 6:39Mark Normand?

  Got some seltzer for ya. Watch out for my egg wrap. I didn't finish it.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Still be great.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Your egg wrap is just there, huh?

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  I'm letting it, uh, get some air.

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  It's looking rough.

• 6:48Mark Normand?

  I'll finish it when you guys leave. Between shows.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Are these tits?

• 6:52Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 6:53Speaker 03

  Nice, okay, and what's the story behind these?

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  Well, apparently, Trey Park from South Park's wife sent these to us?

• 7:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:01Sam Morril?

  I don't know why. I think we've talked about how much we love South Park a lot.

• 7:04Mark Normand?

  And tits.

• 7:05Sam Morril?

  And tits.

• 7:06Mark Normand?

  There's another pair right there.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Oh, wow!

• 7:08Mark Normand?

  Those are Kristi Noem's husbands.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Hey!

• 7:12Speaker 03

  So these were just sent as what, just kinda like a thinking about you?

• 7:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  Or like a, where do you buy these? Can you just buy them anywhere online?

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sure. They're great stress relievers. You squeeze them.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  It does feel like kinda like the ADHD like fidget toy era.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  Type thing, like you can give this to a kid, stim down. He'd be like, ah. But these feel much softer than the, uh, real fake kids.

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  You felt the fake breasts before.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  I felt the fake breasts, but I've never felt kinda a QR code on them.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  These are nice. That's what I'm saying, it feels fidgety.

• 7:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:41Sam Morril?

  What we got?

• 7:42Mark Normand?

  That's a regular water if you want it.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Okay, now here we go.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  Hey, now you got a dick and a boob.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  So what's going on, fellas? How are we doing? You guys are on the road more than anybody I know.

• 7:51Sam Morril?

  I've been off it for a minute.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  Really?

• 7:52Sam Morril?

  You guys go pretty hard, don't you?

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I don't, we go pretty hard, but not, not like, not like you gents in the middle of it. I feel like you don't see New York for like months at a time.

• 8:00Mark Normand?

  No.

• 8:01Speaker 04

  Am I wrong?

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  We go on the weekends, we come back in the week.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  Okay, well, what I'm seeing, I feel like you guys don't see New York for fucking months.

• 8:07Sam Morril?

  Well, you guys are doing the road out of LA, which is so much harder.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  It sucks. Oh, yeah. All the dates are on this side.

• 8:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the time change, yeah, going to Columbus, Ohio, you probably gotta leave a day early, right? I mean.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Leave it, yeah, leave it early and then we wake up at 2:00 PM and then like cool sound checks in 13 minutes.

• 8:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, that's.

• 8:21Sam Morril?

  I don't do sound check.

• 8:22Mark Normand?

  I don't either.

• 8:23Sam Morril?

  I just figure if someone's gonna eat it with the mic, it's gonna be my opener and they'll figure it out by then.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Wait, oh, so, so they just fuck it up when your opener's on?

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm like, it's, it's me and Gary Vider, like, we both talk like this. I figure it'll be, how, how early do you get to the place?

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Well, you haven't done some of those shitholes like Minglewood Hall and you're just like, the lighting is awful and you're just like, you, you're like, thank God I got here to kinda adjust a little bit, or you're like, what it is.

• 8:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but what kind of aesthetic do I have as a comic? I don't know what it should look like.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  It almost looks better for you if it is bad lighting, you're saying.

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  Well, I mean, I have a tour guy go in there and do it for me, don't, you have the same thing, right?

• 8:57Mark Normand?

  I, yeah, I just have a guy, they have comics there all the time, I go, do what you did for the last guy. That's it.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, and like if it's Nate Jackson, you see the whole crowd, like, fuck.

• 9:04Mark Normand?

  No, yeah, I, I told, I wanna dim though. Sound normal, dim light.

• 9:08Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, I don't wanna see the crowd's faces.

• 9:09Mark Normand?

  No, god.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Right, so that's where I go in to check for, cause he's, he likes to see the crowd.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  I'm like, I'm the opposite.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  I need to see, I need to see like the first five rows. I like to, cause I, it, it, one, I fuck around with them and then two. It like oddly centers me. If I can look at their faces. As opposed to just staring into middle distance, I don't know what's happening. And then I have so much ADD that if I'm looking at the darkness, almost all of a sudden, my brain goes, man, Ace Ventura was a good movie. And I'm like, fuck dude. But if I'm looking at somebody, it like locks me in.

• 9:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I hear you. See, I, do you ever have that thing where you're, you're killing in a dark theater and you're like, man, I'm, I'm killing. And then you look down at one guy and then you look at another guy and you're like, none of them are laughing. But I'm, I'm getting booming pops, but then you're like, I have, I see no one going. You know, they're just going like.

• 9:54Sam Morril?

  You zone in on the bad one.

• 9:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's why I like it dark, because the one person folding their arms is all I think about the whole show.

• 10:00Sam Morril?

  Remember, Maren used to have a bit like way back in the day that, uh, that he was doing this gig and he's killing. And there's this one guy in the front row and like a biker looking guy who just looks furious. And after the show, he goes, hey, man, you like the show? And the guy was like, yeah, it was great. And he was like, oh shit, that means that guy lives in my head. The guy who hates this shit, the guy. But it's like, yeah, but not everyone has a good time by just going like nuts. I know, I know people who like, don't really laugh.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Right. It'd be funny if it was the opposite, they're like laughing a lot and like, that fucking sucked. How much I hated you.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  I kinda like seeing someone not have, having fun.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Really?

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it gives me something to do.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  Cause then I just start yelling jokes at them. And I'm like, I will fucking break you.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  You're like an assassin and you go one by one.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, but once I break them, then I, I let the audience know, I go, this guy fucking doesn't like me, he doesn't laugh. What's gonna make you laugh? What do you want to talk about? And he said, you know, I mean, it makes it, makes it kinda fun, it gets me out of my stupid.

• 10:53Sam Morril?

  I guess I don't know where someone's going, they might, a guy might be going through like, he may got diagnosed with like stage four cancer.

• 10:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, then we got a crowd work clip.

• 11:00Sam Morril?

  Stage four cancer, I can use that. That's good stuff. Keep going.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  How much longer do you have left?

• 11:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we got 15 too, alright, we'll time it perfectly.

• 11:11Speaker 04

  He's starting lighting his life.

• 11:13Mark Normand?

  It's curtains for you. So wait, you guys are at the improv.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, we did the Brooklyn improv last night.

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  It's pretty good. I did it last week.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  This is in Brooklyn?

• 11:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's brand new, in the middle of nowhere.

• 11:23Sam Morril?

  Where in Brooklyn is it?

• 11:24Mark Normand?

  Williamsburg.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Right next to Huckson Hotel?

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  It's a cool room. It's uh, seats 200, you got upstairs and downstairs.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  It's sick. It's got a cool little black box too. It was really fun. Like cocoonly, it's awesome. They treated it well. It was so fun.

• 11:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the green room's nice. It's world's colliding because you're in-

• 11:40Speaker 03

  You got a fucking shower back there, a bathroom, it's-

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  You're in hipster Brooklyn and then you walk in, there's a picture of Theo Von and you're like, you guys have no idea. The demo. Theo Von and Joe Rogan are the first two like portraits you see, you know, they do those big ones on the wall.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:54Mark Normand?

  And I'm like, boy, you guys gotta get a Bam- get a Marie Bamford and a Patton Oswalt in here, quick. We're in Williamsburg, folks.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fun. You guys should definitely do it. I think they're gonna do like weekends and stuff there.

• 12:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Like, like a headliner weekend?

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  They're so new that they're kinda just like, we'll take whatever. Whatever fills the room.

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  It's like a little bit where they're not too stickler on like, it has to be a variety or not.

• 12:13Mark Normand?

  I love the improv. I do think it's a, this is a bold choice to go, put that fucker in midtown. But they got the free room, well not free, but they got a nice room out of it.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, it's on a side street, so it doesn't get a lot of foot traffic.

• 12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  But it is great.

• 12:27Mark Normand?

  It's great.

• 12:28Sam Morril?

  Parallel one- Williamsburg used to be dangerous. Now it looks like Paris. It's crazy.

• 12:31Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 12:32Sam Morril?

  Colin Quinn used to have that bit about, you take the L train back in the day, you're gonna get stabbed. Now it's like a ski lift. You know?

• 12:37Mark Normand?

  You're right.

• 12:38Sam Morril?

  It's just so safe and nice and I don't know.

• 12:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it just comes out of nowhere, you know, it's like a warehouse and you're like, improv?

• 12:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:46Mark Normand?

  But it's a good room. They, they did a good job with it.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  When did you, when did you point?

• 12:50Mark Normand?

  I don't know, like a week and a half ago.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 12:51Mark Normand?

  Just like showcase Tuesday night or something.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  You will do anything.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  And I respect you, but you will do, and I mean, I respect that choice. I respect you as a human, obviously. But you just do what, like I, it's-

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  You should've seen me in college sexually. Horrifying.

• 13:08Sam Morril?

  He had a fedora on his door.

• 13:13Mark Normand?

  Her name was Peg. Yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  I'll see you on podcast. It'll be like, episode one, it'll be like, the graveyard pod and it's like out of like Penn State and I'm like, just some random ass things.

• 13:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Sam Morril?

  Just him and Sam Dusky.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  It'll be like the first episode they've ever done. It's like a college student, like first guy's Mark Norma. I'm like, how the fuck did they get Mark?

• 13:31Mark Normand?

  Well, you know, I used to be real lonely on the road back in the day, you know? You'd be like, oh, you're doing a four night weekend.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Just trying to fill time.

• 13:38Mark Normand?

  Was Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So yeah, you're like, oh, this guy wants to hang out with me in the middle of the day on Sunday? I'll go. What else am I doing?

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:47Mark Normand?

  So that's why I would do those.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  What'd you do to cure it now?

• 13:50Mark Normand?

  Now, just too lazy. I got a kid and, and they don't really move the needle. So you end up like spending forty bucks on an Uber there. Then the guy's like setting up. You gotta have lunch with him and hang out with him. Then you got Uber back and you're like, that was my whole day. What am I doing?

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Uh, like drug deal. We're just waiting for it to happen, you know?

• 14:06Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  Can't we just get the thing going already?

• 14:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  And you gotta have that, you gotta have time to ride on the road too. You gotta have shit for the show, you know?

• 14:13Mark Normand?

  Totally. Yeah. Boy, remember drug deals? Remember waiting for the weed guy?

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Oh, great. I sold weed in eighth grade, so I, I get.

• 14:19Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz I had a ninth grade friend. He was like my plug and he, he like broke me off like an ounce. He's like, this is your ounce to distribute. And I got punked by a guy who punked me, which is pretty funny.

• 14:30Mark Normand?

  What do you mean?

• 14:31Speaker 03

  I give, in eighth grade, I gave a guy, uh, twenty bucks to buy me weed.

• 14:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  And, uh, on Sunday I gave it to him. He doesn't return my calls, no nothing. Monday morning, we have math class together. Remedial math. We're both dumb. We're like, you know, we're, we're the eighth graders with the sixth graders. So we're both dumb. And I'm like, hey, what happened? I gave you twenty dollars for weed. Where did that go? And he was like, oh, man, you know cops and just, just never had any explanation.

• 14:55Mark Normand?

  Ah, you know cops is so funny.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  You know cops, but I'm such a bitch, I'm not gonna say anything. And then like two months later, I start selling weed and then he starts buying weed off of me.

• 15:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  I was selling it out of my parents' house and he called me, uh, this was like on the weekend at like one in the morning. I meet him outside. I give him the whatever. And then he calls me like ten minutes later. He's like, hey, this doesn't look like the amount I paid for.

• 15:18Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  I'm shitting bricks. I don't have a scale. I'm in eighth grade. I don't, I don't know what a gram is.

• 15:22Mark Normand?

  You're in remedial math. You don't even know numbers here. True.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  So I'm like, yeah, this looks like a gram. So he calls me, he's like, yeah, this doesn't look like a proper amount. He's outside with three other dudes. I'm like, I, here's just a handful. The same guy that stole money from me.

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  I was just so nervous. I was like, I think I might be the worst. I'm too Jewish to be a drug dealer, I think.

• 15:41Mark Normand?

  Well, how'd you hide it from the folks? I mean, I, my mom would smell that shit. She'd go through my room.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  I had a, I played a lot of paintball growing up and those bags, we had these like giant duffel bags and it just smelled like sweat and like.

• 15:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  And I would just hide it in like, uh, under the paintballs.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  Man, what are you, a California kid?

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:57Mark Normand?

  San Diego?

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Close enough.

• 15:59Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  I grew up like an hour outside of LA. Like, you ever done like, uh, Oxnard, a thousand miles, over there?

• 16:05Mark Normand?

  Wow, what a life. Paintball as a kid?

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Oh, I fucking loved it. That was my adrenaline. That was like my.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  Now the kids are ducking in schools for different reasons, unfortunately, but, uh.

• 16:13Mark Normand?

  True.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  It's a pain ball, if anything.

• 16:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Wow, paintball as a kid. What a life.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  I've done it once and it was fun as hell. Like, they fucking hurt.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 16:21Speaker 03

  It's the adrenaline when you get hit, you're not really feeling it. Then the next day you kind of have like a welt or something.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  Do you get to pick the color that you have?

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Kinda.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  Really?

• 16:29Speaker 03

  Kinda, yeah.

• 16:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, white. It's been great, man.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  It hasn't been great, huh? It's been a good run.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can pick the color paint or whatever, but, um, yeah, it's fun.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  I've never shot a paintball, never got hit.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  You've never done it?

• 16:41Mark Normand?

  Me neither.

• 16:41Sam Morril?

  Me neither.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  You gotta do it. If you're ever on the road, one of those bum ass towns, like, the most random towns have it and it is.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  Damn, it's not gonna move the needle.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  No, it's not. You can put a QR code on it.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  But yeah, it's a random activity and, uh, it is pretty fun, but that's how I would get my adrenaline out as a kid, is playing paintball. I played that for like four or five years.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  I'd just jerk off in my closet to get my.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  I would do that too, but, you know, that's a nighttime activity.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  That is. Not, not, not in my life. It was just, it was just whenever I needed it.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Oh, you were gooned up?

• 17:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Day, afternoon, after eating.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  And, and you notoriously would just come on the ground and not clean it up. I don't know if you.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 17:16Sam Morril?

  I do that in hotels.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  Thank you. You're the first gentleman.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you know where you live. He had his stain in his old apartment, his work desk where he had laptop. The ground had a Lake Michigan of semen just.

• 17:26Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  Did you ever worry you're just gonna fall through the floor?

• 17:30Speaker 04

  This is the cleanest of the butter knives.

• 17:32Mark Normand?

  If you catch in the net of Jizz, it would hold you up.

• 17:35Sam Morril?

  Come on the floor. Yeah.

• 17:36Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Honestly, I might be.

• 17:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, I got the sperm.

• 17:41Sam Morril?

  That guy was backed up. That guy. Holy shit. That's a lot.

• 17:44Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 17:44Sam Morril?

  That's like Elmer's. That top left one, that's not even, that's a kidney stone.

• 17:47Mark Normand?

  This is all evidence.

• 17:49Sam Morril?

  This is crazy.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  Every producer laptop should be tested.

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  SVU if it was on HBO.

• 17:53Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Well, it only took us about eight minutes to get back to Jizz.

• 17:58Sam Morril?

  They had an actual, what is that? An actual sperm cell?

• 18:01Mark Normand?

  That one looks fake.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  It looks like a tampon.

• 18:03Mark Normand?

  That's one of those poppers, I think.

• 18:07Mark Normand?

  These are, some of these are fake.

• 18:08Speaker 04

  Well, I would like to, I would like to, hold on.

• 18:10Mark Normand?

  I know Jizz.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  You're the first, I know Jizz very well. You, that's blood. Um, it's definitely blood. So you, you do that. You're the first person that have ever jumped on board with me coming on the ground. No, everyone's like, dude, what? I come in the sock, I come on the towel.

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  On the ground, right?

• 18:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sure. It's a carpet.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  That's, thank you.

• 18:27Sam Morril?

  This is, no.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  What's the thought behind that? It's like a sham wow, it just absorbs it?

• 18:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  It's also, it's also like, it's carpet, it's also not my carpet. So like, it's fine.

• 18:36Sam Morril?

  Well, it's so easy to just come into a tissue though, isn't it?

• 18:38Speaker 04

  No, it's not. I like to be free.

• 18:41Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  I like to just be free.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we didn't have paintball. We had, it's the only thing we could shoot.

• 18:48Mark Normand?

  It was fun to, you know, let it fly.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:50Mark Normand?

  Like a Spider-Man.

• 18:51Sam Morril?

  It's just funny to equate freedom as like, I'm gonna come wherever I feel like it.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  But isn't, but think about those words. Isn't that the most freeing thing? Like, this is America, I'll come.

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  Definitely don't tell this to a black guy.

• 19:02Speaker 04

  He didn't, he couldn't pick his color, paintball.

• 19:06Sam Morril?

  Damn dude, no, that's crazy. I, I've never heard of this.

• 19:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:09Sam Morril?

  Coming on the floor.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Oh, it's just.

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  You never heard of this?

• 19:11Sam Morril?

  Well, I mean, I'm, I believe it exists.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Guy who definitely comes on the floor.

• 19:17Sam Morril?

  I've never heard of this.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  I've never heard of it.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  My thought is.

• 19:20Sam Morril?

  I've come in the hand before when he really.

• 19:21Mark Normand?

  I'm done with that. I'm done with that.

• 19:22Speaker 03

  That's what I used to do in sex, because I was too scared to, uh, finish on her. So respectfully, I would just come in the hand and then I would just walk over to the sink.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  Gentlemen.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  A poor kid with like, it was like porridge. I'm like, here you go. I just felt too disrespectful. So I was like, I don't know, here, I don't.

• 19:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  What did you do, isn't it?

• 19:37Mark Normand?

  Talk to the sink.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  It's like human Eucharist.

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you can just, you can just clean it off. You clean it off. You're good. Clean, you know, but I, I'm just curious about the post I regret when you see nut on the floor and then.

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  It goes away quick.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  It goes away.

• 19:48Sam Morril?

  How's it?

• 19:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Especially if the carpet, because think about a hotel carpet. Yeah, look at that.

• 19:52Mark Normand?

  That's my jizz.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  That is, yeah, yeah.

• 19:54Mark Normand?

  I know that room. Well, that, that's a, that looks like a kid's room.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  I definitely know that room.

• 20:02Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, every apartment I've ever had, and I didn't even know.

• 20:05Sam Morril?

  So you're, but you're leasing them.

• 20:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, apartment.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  No, not, yeah.

• 20:08Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 20:09Speaker 04

  Not, not now. I've been very, very good, um.

• 20:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, there is a line here, man.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  Can I get that sperm deposit back?

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Um, no, I've been good at the, my current apartment, but my apartment before this, it wood floors and he was, he was mentioning it. I literally brought this up on, I brought this up on the pod and I.

• 20:26Mark Normand?

  You're sliding like risky business.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  I swear to you, I thought it was normal. I go, I go, yeah, man, I had a weird moment. I was like, oh, I, I, I, it was so backed up on the ground that I took a butter knife and I was starting to clean it because I, because.

• 20:37Sam Morril?

  Chiseling away at it.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Using 409 wasn't working and Trev goes, what the fuck are you, you come on the ground? And I was like, yeah, you don't. And it was this massive thing. But yeah, I remember, dude, I was like, I was like a full adult with a butter knife.

• 20:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Definitely don't make me scrambled eggs after that. Jesus Christ.

• 20:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was not, uh, not my finest moment.

• 20:54Mark Normand?

  Country cock. Jesus Christ, man.

• 20:58Sam Morril?

  That is hilarious. You see, you did it for years.

• 20:59Mark Normand?

  Years. Hard wood.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Years.

• 21:01Sam Morril?

  That is the problem with men, like when men are alone for too long, we will just do shit. So stuck in your ways. Yeah. Literally.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  On the ground, yeah.

• 21:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah. You need a woman every once in a while to be like, what the fuck are you doing?

• 21:11Speaker 04

  I know.

• 21:12Sam Morril?

  That's good for you.

• 21:13Mark Normand?

  Now let me ask you this.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  Uh oh.

• 21:14Mark Normand?

  Buckle up, boys. You ever jizzed outside on grass?

• 21:20Speaker 04

  Hmm. The only time I jizzed on a golf course.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's the whitest story I've ever heard. Holy shit. How does that work?

• 21:28Sam Morril?

  Hitting from the whites.

• 21:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Sam Morril?

  That, but you're having sex, right?

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 21:33Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 21:34Mark Normand?

  Did you L4? Four inches.

• 21:38Sam Morril?

  We all did the same joke.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  I jerked off once in a riverbank, but that was bad.

• 21:43Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's pretty good.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a, me and three of my friends were all just walking to Taco Bell in high school. I'm like, what if we all just jerked off right now?

• 21:51Speaker 04

  Whose idea was that?

• 21:52Speaker 03

  I don't know, but nobody combated it. So all three of us went like separate ways and just no, this was like pre-cell phones having internet. So we're all just going into imagination.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Golden hour, heading to Taco Bell, getting to Chalupa, and we're like, let's just try to, I'll go jerk off.

• 22:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you earned that.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  You're literally a guy's brain, yeah.

• 22:09Sam Morril?

  If you're a kid, you're watching Wild Things, a lesbian scene comes on.

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 22:13Sam Morril?

  You know what we're doing.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  It's Friday night. It's like an episode of Fear Factor, it's like, you're jerking off for fear for you, I'm like, let's find out. That's why I'm most random jerk off.

• 22:20Sam Morril?

  I used to have a bit about how me and my friends would jerk off together, and I was like, I got a killer new bit. And then I did it in the black room, and they were like, what the fuck is that?

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  They don't fuck with that shit.

• 22:29Sam Morril?

  And I was like, this is not.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Did you do it in the urban room?

• 22:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  How'd it go?

• 22:33Sam Morril?

  Not well.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Really?

• 22:34Sam Morril?

  But I kept the bit.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  You get a couple of hell knows, oh hell no. That's how you know it'll crush in a white room, if you get a oh hell no in an urban room. What was the premise on it?

• 22:44Sam Morril?

  It was just how we would just jack off together, and we'd pass a bottle of lotion around like it was a whiskey in the war. That was part of it, you know?

• 22:51Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  But in like, in the same room?

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  You didn't do that?

• 22:54Speaker 04

  I never, I never do that.

• 22:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we just use it, you know, out of respect, it's like you do the urinal guard, you use a pillow to kind of shield the penises.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Oh, you guys were like next to each other?

• 23:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:04Sam Morril?

  You got, you did that.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Oh hell no, no.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  No, I never, I never did.

• 23:07Sam Morril?

  You did that.

• 23:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, definitely did it.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  Separate rooms.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  But why wouldn't you guys go into different rooms?

• 23:11Mark Normand?

  We only had one TV.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  It's Manhattan, baby.

• 23:14Mark Normand?

  Manhattan, square footage. Well, we had the Pamela and Tommy Lee sexting, that showed up, so we had to do it, yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  You guys like sell that around town like a blockbuster?

• 23:23Mark Normand?

  Nah, we kept it to ourselves, like, like Gollum.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 23:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  My friend's older brother had a Playboy, and he let my friend have it, and then he did the same thing. He gave me a pump of lotion, ripped out a page, and here you go. I was like, this is the only page I get, though? You get the whole magazine, I get one page, it's like, do I gotta get the premium or something?

• 23:39Speaker 04

  It's like use EBT, just fucking.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  But it was so funny, he didn't even look, he's ripped it out, it's like, it could have been the ads in the back.

• 23:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 23:46Speaker 03

  Going into a Leslie's pool supply. But he just one pump in my hand.

• 23:50Sam Morril?

  You hoped you got a cool bodega guy when you were when you were like 14, you're like, how do I fucking get? Cause you know, the internet wasn't what it is now. So you, you know, go and you're like, oh dude, there's this Indian guy with a lazy eye. He works Tuesday through Thursday. He'll send you, he'll sell you like a club magazine or something.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, but his eyes lazy. So on the left side, you could grab it because you couldn't fucking see.

• 24:08Mark Normand?

  Indian guy. When you're finished, he said, come again.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Great.

• 24:13Mark Normand?

  Had to do it.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  So that's where you'd get it? It was just like a?

• 24:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah. And it was same shit. You kind of, you, you trade, you go, I got this one next week. You got this one next week.

• 24:22Speaker 04

  Like a little hoagie mon cards?

• 24:22Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  You get the holographic, you're like, didn't used to be. Seamen shining.

• 24:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah. When I was a kid, we, you know, preternet porn, we'd go to Bourbon Street and you could just see tits.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  And then just keep that in your memory?

• 24:35Mark Normand?

  Keep it up here. Spank, bang. And it was, it was like, you know, real life. What do you call it? Uh, high def.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Hors?

• 24:42Mark Normand?

  High def tits.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:44Mark Normand?

  You know, crystal clear.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. The first pair of tits I ever saw was at a water park in the wild and like,

• 24:49Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  There was a like a, there's a water bucket type thing that would just pour. And then this lady was standing there that didn't know she had a bra on. And I must've been like seven, the water bucket hit it, tit just out. She didn't really know immediately. I was like, I, I felt like I was like, you know, you know, Paul Revere was like, who do I tell about this? And they're out and nobody's, yeah.

• 25:07Mark Normand?

  Gift from God, it feels like. Like, thank you for this.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:10Mark Normand?

  That's how rare tits. One time I was on the highway, I was a kid and I was probably like 12 with a bunch of other dudes driving around. And a woman was on a back of a Harley.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Oh shit.

• 25:19Mark Normand?

  Grizzled, horrific. I mean, it looked like Salicus. And she just went, saw us, a car full of boys. And she was like, and she had the pancakey is the fucking leathery. Yeah. Just gross, maybe some nipple hair. But we were like, ah.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  It's like the female version of like the trucker.

• 25:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:39Sam Morril?

  By the way, a guy does that, he's in prison. But

• 25:41Mark Normand?

  True.

• 25:41Sam Morril?

  A woman does that, you're like, alright.

• 25:43Mark Normand?

  True. We loved her.

• 25:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, it happened. I remember we were in school and uh, there was a hotel across from our school and there would just be women changing sometimes. And, and word would get around the class. You whisper to someone, you're like, hey, dude, tits, tits. And the teacher would, you know, like, you keep whispering. Then finally, there'd always be the one kid. There's tits. And you're like, alright. So everyone would see it. And the teacher would usually be like, alright, that was cool.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Every once in a while, the Comedy Store is that hotel across like the Pendry or something like that. Everybody's hanging on the patio, see people fucking a lot.

• 26:09Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:10Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  That's why everybody hangs out on the patio. You think it's for the drinks and the hang?

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, when I worked, uh, when I worked in, in New York, where in New York? When I worked in New York, uh, in Meatpacking District, there was a, uh, a spice market, big hotel next to it. And I would work outside and literally one person would catch someone fucking. The entire balcony would just turn and watch. The whole thing would stop.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  It's like a shooting star, you have to look.

• 26:32Mark Normand?

  You have to. Damn, that's fun.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Oh, fun.

• 26:35Mark Normand?

  Seeing people fucking, it's, it could be homeless. You gotta stop, you gotta watch.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  You ever seen that on the trains? People fucking?

• 26:42Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 26:43Sam Morril?

  I don't think I've seen fucking, I've seen a lot of jacking.

• 26:46Mark Normand?

  A lot of jacking, a lot of making out, a lot of, uh, grinding. You get some, you get some real grinding out there.

• 26:52Sam Morril?

  You know what's almost worse than seeing a guy jack on a train is someone with, like, smelly food? Like pungent food is like, it's a lot.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Cause jerking off is one shot and you can miss it, but this is going up the whole thing.

• 27:02Sam Morril?

  Or the clipping the toenails is the best. Oh yeah, that's like a thing.

• 27:06Mark Normand?

  Is that the hotel?

• 27:07Speaker 04

  Buddy, what a great grab, this is literally it.

• 27:09Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, he used to live outside of there in a tent.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is from his actual camera.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  How did you do this?

• 27:14Speaker 02

  I know that place, I go in there.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  I go in there. It's prime goonin' spot.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  Dude, this is bringing back so many memories.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  I mean, if you are homeless, that's where you hang out.

• 27:23Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  That's where you could pop a, peek at a tit.

• 27:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's smart, you cover the face, not the body.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  Wow, yeah dude, and they, just so much like, just like.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  And what street is this on? Be specific.

• 27:35Mark Normand?

  It's on the west side, huh?

• 27:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's the, it's the Standard Hotel, it's actually kinda famous for this.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  Ah, great.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, people have sex there, they're, they're exhibitionists and they do that.

• 27:43Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, the entire outside would shut down.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  Imagine being a maid there. Why isn't this door opening? It's unlocked.

• 27:51Mark Normand?

  Is there a hat on it?

• 27:53Speaker 03

  God damn, that's uh, that's something if I found out as a kid, I would like keep that in my memory. And then when I go to New York, first time I'm like, we gotta go to the stand.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, my mom be like, you, let's go to Renn's. I'm like, shut the fuck up. I'm a meat pack, you know, you're giving me.

• 28:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm getting ate somewhere else. I don't get why, I think kids, this is done, kids don't give a shit about this. They got OnlyFans, they got, you know, pouring up the ass.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Kids are more about probably like the birds and the bees, like if you were to give a kid it's birds and the bees, like they probably know more than a parent would.

• 28:19Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally. They know like, you know, anal stuff and rim job. I don't think our parents are eating that.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Kids are, kids are hooking up in high school now, like stick a finger in my ass, you know?

• 28:27Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  It's probably so fucking advanced.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  Dude, I'm like, yeah. What do you think the bases are now?

• 28:33Speaker 03

  Oh, what's first base?

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's, dude, what is?

• 28:35Mark Normand?

  First is choking now. I'm serious, I think.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  I haven't kissed anyone yet, but I choked the fuck out of a lady.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Hold on, what?

• 28:43Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, what are the old bases? Just so I remember.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, let's do it.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  First is kiss.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  First is kiss.

• 28:47Sam Morril?

  Second is feeling tits.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Third is finger?

• 28:51Speaker 03

  What about shortstop? What are we doing there?

• 28:53Speaker 04

  That's fedora.

• 28:54Mark Normand?

  That's a queef.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  That's a queef.

• 28:57Sam Morril?

  And third base is oral, I think, yeah.

• 28:59Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, you're right, yeah, yeah.

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  We've never had anybody say they had a home run. They're always like, what's the first?

• 29:04Sam Morril?

  I think fingering is basically third base. You're like, it's, you're on, you're on.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  Maybe that's shortstop.

• 29:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, maybe that's shortstop.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  You're in between second and third.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  Oh, right, because it's, it's feeling, finger, then fellatio. Okay, so yeah, shortstop is, would be fingering. So where are we at now?

• 29:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, starting at choking.

• 29:19Mark Normand?

  Choking at first.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Second is pegging.

• 29:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Third is cuck yourself.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Who with fucking a home run is like Furby, like suck your own fucking furby dick or something?

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, third base is just like, here's Carl, this is my buddy, let him do the work.

• 29:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:32Sam Morril?

  Your parents walk in, that's getting picked off.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  By the way, speaking of OnlyFans, didn't you just do a skit with Sophie Rain?

• 29:40Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  No?

• 29:43Mark Normand?

  Absolutely not. Anyways. You were jerking and your, your mind was blurry.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  That wasn't, I don't think that was Sophie Rain.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  If it's the one you're talking about, it was yesterday, it was a girl Cece.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  But I think they all kind of, you know, cross paths in some sense.

• 29:55Mark Normand?

  You know what's beautiful about pre-internet, guys, is you're on the west coast, you're on the east coast, I'm down south. What are you, New York?

• 30:02Speaker 04

  No, it was Maryland, so east coast.

• 30:03Mark Normand?

  Okay, and we all knew the bases. It just traveled.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  Pretty global.

• 30:08Mark Normand?

  And how cool is that? You know, it's like, uh, we all knew about Richard Gere with the gerbil in the ass.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:12Mark Normand?

  There's no, no, no one calls you.

• 30:13Sam Morril?

  What do they do in like Europe? Like, cause you're not, you don't do baseball in Europe, right? What are their bases?

• 30:18Speaker 04

  Soccer.

• 30:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, fuck.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Soccer.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  See that you score, you don't.

• 30:21Sam Morril?

  Midfield?

• 30:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 30:22Sam Morril?

  What is that?

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Holy shit, dude, that's a great, wow, what, is it cricket? What is it?

• 30:29Sam Morril?

  Cricket is Aussie, isn't it? I guess it's in Europe too.

• 30:32Mark Normand?

  You can't go by soccer, you never get laid. They don't score.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  That's a great joke.

• 30:37Sam Morril?

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• 31:22Sam Morril?

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• 33:35Sam Morril?

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• 33:50Speaker 03

  Uh, I'm making fun of the guys on one-wheel scooters. You know, you go see those guys around town? Yeah, yeah, those are funny. So I'm like a one-wheeler guy and I think I'm so cool. And then I invite her in my room and I'm taking so long taking off all my like gloves and helmets and shin pads. That she's just like laying there on like, you know, just like a low-cut shirt. And then she's like, mm, okay, I think I'm just gonna leave. Pull it up. Cuts to, I've been posted. Ah, damn it. Just cuts to me just banging a one wheel, so. I just, I, I, I think those one wheel guys really need more hate and uh.

• 34:18Sam Morril?

  What does a one wheel look like?

• 34:20Speaker 03

  Type in uh.

• 34:21Mark Normand?

  Electronic. They, they roll on their own.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're really big in the LA culture.

• 34:26Sam Morril?

  Well, Sal accused isn't doing his job anymore because he's seen her tits.

• 34:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're another one with her.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  This is the one I posted.

• 34:32Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  It's highbrow comedy.

• 34:38Sam Morril?

  Trevor's like, we're working on a movie together too right now.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, just type in E U C.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Sounds like a festival.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  But you ever seen these guys around town?

• 34:53Mark Normand?

  No, definitely.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  I feel like New York definitely has a lot of these guys.

• 34:55Mark Normand?

  They're always decked out with crazy sunglasses, a lot of leather.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  But like, there's so much that you have to wear that just living the rest of your life after you get off is gonna be so annoying.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Do you wear all that because they fall a lot?

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz there's no, there's no like seatbelt, like if you get hit, you're flying.

• 35:10Mark Normand?

  And you gotta carry that around all night too.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  And they're heavy as fuck.

• 35:13Mark Normand?

  At the bar.

• 35:14Speaker 04

  Get a fucking bike. What's it, what is the purpose? I don't understand.

• 35:17Mark Normand?

  It's a, it's a transportation.

• 35:19Sam Morril?

  But is it like good, is it like kind of a workout cuz you gotta balance or what?

• 35:22Mark Normand?

  No, but they're fast as shit.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  But yeah, they're fast and the, the, the, the community about them, they're, they're bobbing and weaving, they're doing everything, but I just think they need more hate.

• 35:29Mark Normand?

  And they love the attention. They feel really cool.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  The 360 cameras, but they look like they're going just full X-ams. I mean, he's got a motorcycle like vest.

• 35:37Mark Normand?

  Holy shit dude.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  And everything and so I had to learn how to ride one of those for a sketch and then uh.

• 35:42Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:43Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I'm still, I still can't even do the hoverboard.

• 35:45Sam Morril?

  Did, did any part of you like it?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  That's the worst part.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  This is kinda sad, man, I get it. And then you're Googling where to get one and how about used. But yeah, the thought of it.

• 35:56Sam Morril?

  You become the thing you hate.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  I, that's happened to me so many times. I mean, I used to hate on ice bath guys so fucking much. I'm like, you guys are such losers.

• 36:05Mark Normand?

  Cold plunge.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  But then I tried it and I'm like, I feel fucking incredible. I feel like a dog after a bath. I just wanna sprint laps.

• 36:11Sam Morril?

  Well, the problem is so many comedians have horrible ADD and we like to shit on lame fads, but like this shit helps. Like I'll be locked in for like two hours after.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  I feel so.

• 36:20Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 36:20Speaker 04

  Have you never done it?

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  I can't. I'm weak. I'm weak with the cold.

• 36:24Speaker 04

  You gotta do it. It's like, oh my, you feel, you've never felt this feeling before.

• 36:28Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 36:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like coming out of the closet. It feels fucking good.

• 36:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:32Mark Normand?

  Alright, shit.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a quick boost of like endorphins, which just feels.

• 36:37Mark Normand?

  I just put a toe in and I'm like, ah, this is miserable.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 36:40Sam Morril?

  You just get through like two minutes of suck for two hours of like, oh shit, I'm flying. I feel great.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  It's great when you're on the road and you just have a bunch of like kinda haze from traveling and shit.

• 36:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  I found a place in Denver and then I did it once and then we were doing a weekend there. So I just went every single day pre-shows.

• 36:55Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  You just feel great.

• 36:57Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  And a lot of those places, they have all a bunch of shit. So they're like loungy, then there's like the saunas, the steam rooms.

• 37:02Mark Normand?

  I love that shit.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  That type of shit.

• 37:03Speaker 04

  Do you go sauna to cold or just straight?

• 37:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I like both.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. Dude, I think that would be a good like first step into it. Go sauna, go like 20 minutes, get like.

• 37:12Mark Normand?

  Love sauna.

• 37:13Speaker 04

  Oh, but super duper hot and then go into the cold. So like it doesn't, it doesn't hurt as bad.

• 37:18Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  I'm the opposite. Sauna takes too long. I'm sitting there in pain for 30 minutes. Ice bath, you're there hating yourself for two minutes, but then you feel great after. I'm just all about like whatever's quickest and fastest.

• 37:27Mark Normand?

  Do you put the head in?

• 37:28Speaker 04

  I do it. I do it at the end.

• 37:29Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  That feels dangerous.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Do it at the end. Go four minutes and then the last like 30 seconds, I just dunk it.

• 37:36Mark Normand?

  Four minutes is eternity in that thing.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  But it like, dude, like.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  You have to do four minutes. You admit it the first time.

• 37:41Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright, alright. I'll do a minute.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Do 30 seconds.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  Just like sex. You start 30 seconds and you get to, you advance to go two minutes. You know what I mean?

• 37:47Speaker 03

  And then you go to children. It's fine. It's.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Hold on.

• 37:51Sam Morril?

  Guy who takes over the company. No, and then you uh, dude, uh, well, anything else you've trashed that then you were like, this is kinda cool?

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Uh, the Cybertruck. I made a video about how annoying those guys are. Cause it's all like tech bros who wanna be like alpha guys. It's very like vests and all that. And I just, I, I think they look awful. They look like a doorstopper. And then I was driving one for the video and then once you're in the car, you're like, oh, it's kinda sick.

• 38:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 38:15Speaker 03

  The inside feels cool. It feels like, you know, an open truck. Like it feels like a, like a modern day truck is pretty.

• 38:20Mark Normand?

  Can you pull up the interior? I've never seen it.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  Just cause I've never seen the inside.

• 38:23Sam Morril?

  It is bulletproof too, right?

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  Is it, remember, remember that? I think that door is our heaviest foot.

• 38:28Sam Morril?

  I think, I think there was that one flip up, but then, yeah. But there's that guy. Have you seen that guy on, uh, social, whatever, on all the social medias who will, he'll shoot bullets through everything?

• 38:38Mark Normand?

  No.

• 38:38Sam Morril?

  Different gauge bullets. You've never seen this guy? He's like, we're gonna start with like, you know, whatever. The worst way up to like a, to like a 45, then he, then he does like a slug.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  Is it Alec Baldwin?

• 38:48Sam Morril?

  No, he just did it once, unfortunately. Uh, but yeah, no, uh, and he couldn't penetrate it, so.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Really?

• 38:55Mark Normand?

  Damn, look at that. It's pretty sleek in there.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  It's kinda, kinda cool, but it, but you feel like big on the road.

• 39:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:01Speaker 03

  I get that allure to it. I saw a tweet that was so funny. That was like, you've never seen a family in a Cybertruck?

• 39:05Mark Normand?

  Haha, damn, that's great.

• 39:07Sam Morril?

  Which is weird, cause Elon Musk hasn't seen his family either.

• 39:10Mark Normand?

  Yes, good point. He's got 19 kids. Wow, alright.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  How many does he have?

• 39:15Sam Morril?

  I think 13.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 39:16Sam Morril?

  I think. Let's look it up.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  He's running out of names.

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  Well, yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  Not really. He just goes 1 to 13.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  QRX code, yeah.

• 39:23Sam Morril?

  Have you even seen this guy? Oh, this isn't the guy though.

• 39:29Mark Normand?

  14, wow.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  And how many different baby mamas?

• 39:33Sam Morril?

  Four. That's actually not that bad.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  What's that average? Three, 3.2?

• 39:38Sam Morril?

  I don't know how to do math.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  3.25 per?

• 39:41Sam Morril?

  So. I mean, Thanksgiving's gonna be weird, but.

• 39:44Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 39:45Sam Morril?

  But Nick Cannon's, I think like it's a lot of different baby mamas.

• 39:48Mark Normand?

  He's got 12, I think.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ. 12 baby mamas or kids?

• 39:51Mark Normand?

  Kids, kids.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  I mean, that's a whole basket. Like, that's a basketball team.

• 39:56Sam Morril?

  And the bench, yeah.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  That is a really...

• 39:58Sam Morril?

  With a deep bench. It's fucking crazy.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  That's OKC for sure.

• 40:04Sam Morril?

  Good for him.

• 40:05Mark Normand?

  So the Cybertruck, it feel, it's fast as hell, too.

• 40:08Sam Morril?

  It, it, it's...

• 40:09Mark Normand?

  It picks up.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Dude, it's like zero to sixty in like three seconds or something stupid. I mean, all those cars, I had a Tesla beforehand, it's ridic, it's stupid.

• 40:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah. There's no, it's just all pickup. There's like no gears.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  It's an iPad on wheels and it's just, it's, it just feels dangerous driving them fast. Cause they don't feel like a car that has like the, the grounding and the terrain. You're just floating.

• 40:28Sam Morril?

  Are they considered safe cars or no?

• 40:30Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 40:31Mark Normand?

  Tesla is for sure. Yeah, Tesla, definitely.

• 40:33Sam Morril?

  I feel like every car, Volvo used to be the whole thing, like, we're safe and now it's like every car is pretty safe.

• 40:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  But it's just weird cause Tesla features so much on the, like, the features. It's like, yeah, you can put a fireplace on your dashboard. I don't trust the safety if you're like, coming to a fireplace.

• 40:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they have fart noises on that thing. It's weird. But I have a fifty-two-year-old car. Are you leaving?

• 40:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:55Mark Normand?

  Alright, take it easy.

• 40:56Sam Morril?

  Better go goon.

• 40:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's going to that hotel. I have an old BMW and the, I drive this thing on the highway and it just shakes and jitters. There's no airbags. It barely has seat belts. You, you can't believe like old ladies were driving these.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  God damn. It's power steering?

• 41:11Mark Normand?

  No, god, no.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Yo!

• 41:13Mark Normand?

  No power steering, you're stick shift.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  How is it to, to...

• 41:16Mark Normand?

  When you're moving, it's fine, but when you're like parallel parking and doing that shit, it's embarrassing. But just the fact that that was a normal car in nineteen seventy-three is wild.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  Do you have any, I know you can take an old car and then put some like modifications on it to make it more modern. Do you have any of that?

• 41:31Mark Normand?

  No.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  Nothing.

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  I should do that, but I like the original.

• 41:34Speaker 03

  Get airbags in there or something.

• 41:36Mark Normand?

  I don't know if it could do it. I don't know.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  There's airbags in it?

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  No.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  God.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  Did I miss, did I miss, do you have AC? Did I miss this?

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  No AC.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 41:43Sam Morril?

  What does it have a summer time?

• 41:44Mark Normand?

  You got an engine, a steering wheel, and stick shift.

• 41:46Speaker 03

  Like the Flintstones? Damn dude.

• 41:49Speaker 04

  I mean, they look, the car looks super sick, but driving it, I mean, it's a nightmare.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  And do you like drive it like a Connecticut gig or something?

• 41:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Long Island, Connecticut, upstate.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  You took it to Jersey recently.

• 41:59Mark Normand?

  Jersey many times, but this is my ice bath. You're in that thing, you're alive. You're like looking out everywhere. You're not texting, you're, you're, you feel the transmission and everything.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  You're not in an airbag, you're gonna be cold soon.

• 42:12Mark Normand?

  I'll be on ice. But yeah, it's, uh, boy, it's crazy. It's crazy driving that thing. You are, you are operating that machinery.

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, dude, I love the look of old cars, but the problem is just like you get into it and you're like, cool, there's no I C, I can't, like, it's just, I, I.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  There's a backup camera.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Do you got like the cassette player for music or something?

• 42:31Mark Normand?

  I gotta, I think I got a cassette player, yeah.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Did you buy tapes for that?

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  No.

• 42:34Speaker 03

  That's kind of a cool idea.

• 42:35Mark Normand?

  I should.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  I used to buy old tapes, like, get like Robert Klein, child of the 50s. And I'm like, this is kinda cool.

• 42:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  I don't know, but yeah, why not? Bet they could buy them somewhere.

• 42:44Mark Normand?

  It's a good idea. It's got a little radio, so I'd play some AM. I usually just go AirPods.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Oh, you're making it more dangerous.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  And you got no I C.

• 42:54Mark Normand?

  I've run over a few kids.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  And then other than that, you're just taking, training or you're biking around or?

• 43:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm a big city bike guy. City bike's the best way to get around this town.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  Oh, you just rent them?

• 43:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You just park it at the, at the club, walk right in, it's great.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Are you just in traffic with people like Mark Norman?

• 43:10Mark Normand?

  Sometimes, yeah.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's gotta be super on a fucking city bike, yeah.

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  They swerve into me.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  I hate to be that guy, but you gotta wear a fucking helmet on those things, man. People are, people are psychos.

• 43:19Mark Normand?

  Gotta get a helmet.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  You don't, but you don't do it?

• 43:20Mark Normand?

  Nah, I don't do it.

• 43:22Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, yeah, so you gotta bring your own helmet? B Y O?

• 43:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Then you're that guy. You walk into a club, you're like, look at the retard.

• 43:28Speaker 04

  Dude, the guy walking into a place with a motorcycle helmet makes me wanna kill them.

• 43:33Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  But that's why it's so ridiculous, because they also have full padding up their arms and legs, sometimes like chest plate, and then the helmet. Like, imagine doing spots in that thing. You just gotta go onstage, dress like an ice agent, that shit's awful. People die all the time.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  I mean, you, head injuries, man.

• 43:48Mark Normand?

  I got doored once. The guy opened the door and went over it, yeah.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  That's what I mean, you fucking, who's at fault for that? Him, obviously.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  No, it was me. I was not, I was just on the road. I wasn't in the bike lane.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  You got your AirPods in, you wanna fucking? That doesn't, oh, cause I guess technically you're hitting him?

• 44:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, he was opening a door to get out and I was in the wrong spot on the street.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, he like wasn't in a bike lane, he was just in the street.

• 44:08Mark Normand?

  Gotta be in a bike lane.

• 44:11Mark Normand?

  Dude, I love a good, I love a good bike ride. I don't do it ever, but when I used to live in Harlem, I would, my buddy, my roommate had a bike, I would steal it, I would be out for two hours, so fun. Just the wind in your hair. Oh my god.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Also, one ways don't matter.

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  Correct.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Any street is a two-way street.

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  Do you ever see that guy online, he, I think he's in-

• 44:29Sam Morril?

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• 44:50Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 44:51Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 44:55Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably, ethical.

• 45:22Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 45:22Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 45:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 45:25Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. I, it's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere.

• 45:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 45:33Sam Morril?

  It's, it's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince.

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  New York guy, he like streams all of his bike rides in the bike lane, he's always yelling at people.

• 45:58Mark Normand?

  Oh no.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Get out of the fucking bike lane!

• 46:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 46:01Speaker 03

  You fucking jerk, great places, snap!

• 46:03Mark Normand?

  I hate those guys.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Such a cuck, and I hope he gets hit by a car and lives, and lives, but uh, what a, god, he pisses me off so much.

• 46:09Mark Normand?

  I hate that. On your right, on your right!

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then like if somebody's going down the bike lane, but like the wrong way, starts yelling at him.

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, sure, this guy's yelled at me before.

• 46:18Sam Morril?

  So funny that like it's that's how he gets a clip. He's like, look at this piece of shit. He's like, clip it.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  We brought it up on our pod. That was like, cause he probably did it not wanting content. He did it one time. He got, it went crazy viral and he was like, okay, I guess this is what I do now. And then he just goes out, you know how we tape our sets and stuff where he just goes out at eight, nine in the morning.

• 46:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:36Speaker 04

  Like, alright, time to yell fucking commented Jews. And then he just like, you know?

• 46:41Mark Normand?

  But what if, see, that's when you become what you hate. Cause now you have to wait for the guy to fuck up so you can get a clip.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 46:47Mark Normand?

  That's no good.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  He's just like fishing essentially.

• 46:49Mark Normand?

  He's fishing.

• 46:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's what everyone does. They do one fucked up, cause this thing rewards confrontation and conflict. You do one fucked up thing, it goes viral and then you're like, oh, be that guy now.

• 46:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:58Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 46:58Mark Normand?

  All of a sudden, you're sitting in your car eating a sandwich at four in the morning. Cause it went viral once. Now you're that guy. Now you're the car sandwich guy.

• 47:04Sam Morril?

  But enough about Gary Veeeter.

• 47:08Sam Morril?

  Eating a turkey rump and he's like, this has gotta work for me, man.

• 47:11Speaker 04

  What is he doing?

• 47:12Sam Morril?

  He's great. He's great. I fuck with him all the time. Oh, he's the best.

• 47:16Mark Normand?

  Got a new kid. He's got three kids now.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Three? He's getting up to the nix. He's halfway to cannon. If math is wrong, you guys will be out.

• 47:24Mark Normand?

  He's more of an eight millimeter than about a cannon.

• 47:28Sam Morril?

  I saw a clip of Trevor doing a gig and you had a teacher in the crowd.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:33Sam Morril?

  That was fucking crazy.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:35Sam Morril?

  Was a high school teacher?

• 47:37Speaker 03

  My seventh grade, seventh grade teacher. Yeah, I got a DM the night before that was like, you probably won't see this. I don't remember me, but I'm, you know, your seventh grade teacher. I'm gonna be on my show, I'd be at your show with the, with my son. And that was all I said. I said, awesome to see you there. Like, I didn't put on the guest list or anything and just in a transition of jokes, I was just like, I got a DM, like, is she actually here?

• 47:59Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 48:00Speaker 03

  On the way back and, and the funny part is in the clip, she was so nice and so loving to me and was like, really genuine about being proud. But I was like texting my friends. I was like, she was kind of a, she was like really mean to me.

• 48:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  In seventh grade.

• 48:15Sam Morril?

  Maybe that was her plan all along, dude. Those like fucking strict teachers.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Right. Like that, you know how rappers had those stories being like, my teachers never said I'd be shit. And maybe this was my version of it. Uh, but yeah, she was hard on you.

• 48:27Mark Normand?

  Thought that though.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  What's up? Oh, I mean, probably. But yeah, this was, um, this was a fun moment.

• 48:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. Look at how many comments and likes. This blew up.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, yeah, this, this, this was cool, man. This was, hopefully the other ones do it.

• 48:44Mark Normand?

  I remember she was kind of attractive.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Ayy.

• 48:46Mark Normand?

  So I can't remember what she, I can't imagine seventh grade. She must've been even hotter.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, she definitely was, but she, she was a little feisty. But yeah, half the comments are just dudes like going into her, be like, if she looks like that now, what she look like back in the day?

• 48:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's exactly what I just said.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is crazy.

• 49:03Mark Normand?

  Wait, what venue is this?

• 49:04Speaker 03

  This is Grand Prairie.

• 49:06Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Out by Dallas.

• 49:08Mark Normand?

  Is that a casino?

• 49:10Speaker 03

  Um, no, it's like a mega church or some shit.

• 49:13Mark Normand?

  It looks like a mega church.

• 49:15Speaker 03

  But they had a big church there. It's like the church, we couldn't load in until later in the day because the church had it reserved.

• 49:19Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  And when we were loading in, all the church guys were like, hey, love yourself. I'm like, I don't think.

• 49:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Um, but yeah, that was, that was a fun moment and I totally, it was just, it worked out really well. And she was just really, she was genuinely very nice.

• 49:33Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 49:33Sam Morril?

  But she was mean to you when you were a kid?

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, she was really mean to me.

• 49:36Sam Morril?

  What kind of shit?

• 49:37Speaker 03

  Just because I wasn't the smartest kid, obviously, so weed. And, um, just like, I kind of, I would just talk and she would just feel like she would single me out. It'd be like somebody else was talking, she'd be like, Trevor, stop with that. And I literally did see her buying a handle of booze one day after class. And we talked about in this clip and she like hit it. Um, but it's so weird when you see teachers outside of their element, just living normal lives. Like she has every right to buy a handle of Absolut.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  True.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  But you see it and you're like, oh.

• 50:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Degenerate.

• 50:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:03Sam Morril?

  She could've been going to a party, but a handle does.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  A handle.

• 50:06Sam Morril?

  It feels aggressive.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  School, like 3pm.

• 50:08Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  This was, cause there was a CVS we'd go to right after, um, class and she, we saw her literally right after school. So, I mean, who knows? I mean, as an adult, she was probably going to some.

• 50:19Speaker 04

  Dude, if I was a teacher of special needs kids, I.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  Excuse me?

• 50:25Speaker 04

  Dude, I would be drinking my face off.

• 50:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, now with the shootings, you need to take that job, you know? But wait a minute.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Drinking milk for stronger bones.

• 50:33Speaker 04

  Superman bones, Charlie Kirk, sorry.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  You saw the report.

• 50:38Mark Normand?

  Thank God you, uh, you saw her get that vodka, cause otherwise what would the clip be? You know, it'd be like, good to see you.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  I know.

• 50:43Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  What a random, and I wonder if there's like those, you know, Michael and I was talking about, we're like, there's no way this life is just real like that. You know, it's like, do you think that memory that I vividly remember from seventh grade was to be like, in the future, you're gonna need that?

• 50:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa, yeah, interesting.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  Like, there's a reason I remember that, but I don't remember my mom's maiden name. I don't know. I do know.

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  My mom keeps hers. She won't use my dad's.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Oh shit, feminists.

• 51:09Mark Normand?

  Really? Big feminists.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  Old school.

• 51:10Mark Normand?

  Old school feminists, armpit hair.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  Not even the abbreviation?

• 51:13Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  The abbreviation, I always thought was so cool in middle school. Then you realize you're like, this is a pussy dad.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  You'd see a football player with two on the back. You're like, that looks so sick. And then you're like, these are two parents who won't merge.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:27Sam Morril?

  They're at a standstill. Did May take your name?

• 51:29Mark Normand?

  No.

• 51:30Sam Morril?

  How do you feel about that?

• 51:31Mark Normand?

  She said it was because of the paperwork. It's annoying. Yeah, my wife.

• 51:36Speaker 04

  Sounds like an excuse.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  What's her last name? Plantard? Like planet with an R?

• 51:41Speaker 03

  You gotta go Norman.

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  You think? I think Norman sucks.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  Great last name.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  It's really, I like it.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  It's great.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  It's well rounded. It's quick and simple.

• 51:48Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 51:48Sam Morril?

  You guys aren't, neither you were married?

• 51:50Speaker 04

  No, no, no. My last name sucks. So.

• 51:52Mark Normand?

  Blaustein? That's a tough name.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  Terrible.

• 51:54Sam Morril?

  You know what? I had a speech therapist when I was like a really little kid named Dr. Blaustein. And it's like the most cruel name for a kid with a lisp.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:01Sam Morril?

  I can't fucking say this name.

• 52:03Speaker 03

  You had a lisp growing up?

• 52:04Sam Morril?

  A what?

• 52:04Speaker 03

  You had a lisp growing up?

• 52:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, but it was like, I was like fucking.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  It's like crazy, you can.

• 52:09Sam Morril?

  Five or six.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  I didn't know you had a lisp.

• 52:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like a child, yeah, like five or six years old.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Wow, a lot of kids have that. And then you just outlist them.

• 52:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 03

  You're just like doing, I don't know. How do, how do you get over it?

• 52:17Sam Morril?

  Baseball cards?

• 52:18Speaker 04

  Red leather a lot?

• 52:19Mark Normand?

  They'd be like, if you, if you say this word right, you get a pack of baseball cards. I'm like, I'm working so hard on this. I want a fucking Ken Griffey rookie.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Really? They would just do that?

• 52:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, totally.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  Say the word crisp.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was like the one thing that you could just overcome. There wasn't much else you could overcome.

• 52:36Mark Normand?

  I think a stutter you can get rid of.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  Really?

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Well.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Drew Lynch is faking it.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  You could probably lean into it, definitely.

• 52:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 52:47Speaker 04

  How long did it take you to get over it? Do you remember?

• 52:49Sam Morril?

  I was so young. I don't, yeah, I don't know.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  How many packs of cards did it take you to get over it?

• 52:53Mark Normand?

  Lots of packs.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  The timeframe.

• 52:54Sam Morril?

  Probably a lot of packs.

• 52:56Speaker 04

  Can you get rid of a stutter? Yeah. Oh, there's no universal instant, oh wait, instant, yeah, for sure.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  It's pretty cool. You just get rid of it.

• 53:02Mark Normand?

  They say a lot of it is trauma.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Really?

• 53:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like, you know, your priest jerks always start being like.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Goddamn.

• 53:09Speaker 04

  More.

• 53:11Mark Normand?

  Gooning.

• 53:15Mark Normand?

  A lot of shit, I was a bed wetter, that was all drama apparently.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  Oh wow, how long was your bed wet?

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  I went late, thirteen, fourteen.

• 53:23Sam Morril?

  Damn, that's wild.

• 53:24Mark Normand?

  When I went to college, I would blackout from drinking and I would wet the bed again. So I'd like kick back in.

• 53:29Sam Morril?

  Damn, you ever do it in a one night stand?

• 53:31Mark Normand?

  Many times.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Really?

• 53:32Mark Normand?

  That was R. Kelly.

• 53:33Sam Morril?

  Do you blame it on her?

• 53:34Mark Normand?

  God, I tried.

• 53:35Sam Morril?

  You push her in it, you're like, oh my god, you're disgusting.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Oh, I made you that wet?

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Had that happen to me in college and she blamed it on me and I was like, I'm wearing boxers and they're perfectly dry.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, she woke up and was like, it wasn't me. Well, who else?

• 53:49Mark Normand?

  It's rare in women.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 04

  If you wake up, if you wake up, it wasn't me, it was for sure you.

• 53:54Mark Normand?

  It was you.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, my boxers were perfectly dry.

• 53:58Mark Normand?

  So what happened?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  I think I was in college, I still was just happy that I even hit, so I was like, oh, you know, I'm like, I just threw away the like, the Target matches topper and then I was like, alright, yeah.

• 54:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I would have to send flowers and shit after, it was very embarrassing.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  Really, that often?

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was a thing.

• 54:14Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 54:14Mark Normand?

  And my friends knew it, so they'd like.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Should've just made up a lie, it means like, it means I like you.

• 54:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's good luck.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  You know when you pet a dog too hard and it starts to pee, you're like. We had a friend growing up.

• 54:23Sam Morril?

  That's some in mice and men shit right there.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Really?

• 54:26Sam Morril?

  I don't know, I've never pet a dog that hard.

• 54:28Speaker 03

  We had a friend and growing up, he brought his dog to show and tell and he told the whole class, he's like, please don't pet him too much, like he'll pee. So then like, so many middle schoolers ran up and just started.

• 54:38Speaker 04

  The weird trick. It goes out of here.

• 54:42Mark Normand?

  I'm giving a dog a boner, never pee.

• 54:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I pet a dog so much that he came, but never pee. I'm like, good boy, that's a good boy.

• 54:51Sam Morril?

  What, so you guys, do you think you're gonna get married at some point or not?

• 54:55Speaker 03

  Hopefully, yeah, that's the goal.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  Well, you guys are younger, huh?

• 54:58Speaker 03

  I'm thirty-three.

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, thirty-three, yeah, you got plenty of time.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  What about you?

• 55:02Sam Morril?

  I'm thirty-nine.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Marriage in sight?

• 55:04Speaker 04

  Marriage?

• 55:05Sam Morril?

  Not in sight, but I'd like to at some point, I think, I think you gotta just, you know, be a person at some point.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  You gotta do it.

• 55:12Mark Normand?

  I don't know, do you? Do you have to do it?

• 55:13Sam Morril?

  As a married man.

• 55:14Speaker 04

  It just started getting weird, man.

• 55:16Mark Normand?

  I guess, I guess.

• 55:18Sam Morril?

  I don't know, I just wanna be like sixty, still on stage, be like, dating's tough.

• 55:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, how many of these hours could, if anything, for the act, get married?

• 55:26Speaker 03

  I know, that's why you have a kid.

• 55:28Sam Morril?

  For the act, huh?

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  Pretty much, yeah. It helps. You get 20 minutes out of the gate with a kid.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, got you, man.

• 55:34Sam Morril?

  How old are you?

• 55:36Speaker 04

  Forty.

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  Okay, yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  But I feel like you just, you just get to a point where like, I mean, I just want to reset what I just said, but like, I think you just start getting weird. Like, you're like, you start feeling.

• 55:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we know. We heard the jerk off on the floor story.

• 55:48Mark Normand?

  Life.

• 55:48Sam Morril?

  Now I'm 35.

• 55:51Sam Morril?

  No, I think you're right, though. I think you gotta, at some point, you gotta reel it in at some point.

• 55:55Speaker 04

  Well, you also just, I, I mean, I have this current feeling, like, what the fuck am I doing all this for? What am I, what am I, what am I on the road fucking 50?

• 56:02Mark Normand?

  Well, you, you love it, too.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  I do love it, but like, you, you build and you're like, what am I building for? Like, I don't know.

• 56:09Mark Normand?

  Well, you got a great life.

• 56:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  You're a lucky guy.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know what? Fuck with it.

• 56:12Mark Normand?

  You're killing it.

• 56:16Mark Normand?

  I'm just saying, live, damn it. Live now, while you can.

• 56:19Sam Morril?

  Do you think New York embraces the kind of like, single?

• 56:22Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 56:23Sam Morril?

  Medium.

• 56:23Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 56:24Sam Morril?

  All the way up.

• 56:24Mark Normand?

  It's just Dave Attell is the, you know, poster boy.

• 56:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 56:28Mark Normand?

  So, yeah.

• 56:29Sam Morril?

  But I feel like it's almost like, it's not glorified, but it's a sense of like, that it's just so normal and regular or something, where it's like, every comic over 40 in LA is married, I feel like.

• 56:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:37Sam Morril?

  I feel like a lot of older New Yorkers, though, like, you know, there's like also Jim Gaffigan's and stuff here. There's other, there's other people. I'm painting with a broad brush here, but it does feel like there's a lot of guys who are just like.

• 56:46Mark Normand?

  No, you're right. Well, New York is very like, individual. Get out of my way, you know, I'm, I'm doing my thing.

• 56:51Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 56:52Mark Normand?

  And LA is a little more.

• 56:54Sam Morril?

  Well, you can have a house in LA more easily than in New York. New York's a lot of apartments, but, uh, I mean.

• 57:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, if you're 40 alone in a house in LA, you'll be, you're, you're two years away from killing yourself. So you need someone to be like.

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  Hear that, Maron?

• 57:10Sam Morril?

  I was thinking Bill Maher, but you beat me to it. But, uh, damn, dude, yeah. LA is more conducive for that, but also, New York, it's so easy to be selfish, cause like, you know, you don't have to worry about, I guess you can Uber in LA now, too. I'm thinking in old fashioned terms, but like, you just get fucking hammered in a bar, just stumble home. It's so easy to. It feels like you're always in the playground a little bit. Cause even when you make it, you just move, what, to like, the 80th Street, which is still kind of.

• 57:35Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  Chilleranos, but it's still kind of like in that realm of like smaller living or like not so much house.

• 57:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, also, New York is trying to get you, it's like constantly spitting you out. Like you can't get a car in a garage here, you can't get a driveway here, so like, all that shit is hard. Like, I have a kid and I have a car and a garage, and I have to like go get it.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  So fucking expensive.

• 57:58Mark Normand?

  So, so expensive to house it there, it's just, it's trying to get you to not have any people here, you know what I mean?

• 58:05Speaker 03

  So where do you park your car, just like a rent?

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  I park it under a Target in Brooklyn.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  Really?

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  And like a parking garage.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  But you, you don't live in Brooklyn?

• 58:11Mark Normand?

  I do.

• 58:12Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 58:12Mark Normand?

  I do.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  So it's relatively close?

• 58:14Mark Normand?

  It's relatively close, but it's weird because I'm like going to Target to get my car, you know?

• 58:18Speaker 04

  You, you guys ever think about just living outside of New York a little bit?

• 58:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 58:23Mark Normand?

  A lot of people do that eventually, but I, I don't know, it's kind of, kind of giving up.

• 58:27Speaker 03

  Go out there and then move back?

• 58:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it wasn't his choice. He's out there.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  Maybe we won't go there.

• 58:34Sam Morril?

  I know, I think he'd admit it.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Wait, now I'm curious.

• 58:37Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 58:37Sam Morril?

  I don't think, I don't think it's a secret.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Of course?

• 58:41Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, he's out there with the family. I think that she wanted to go out there and he was like, it wasn't, he didn't, he didn't fight hard enough, I don't know.

• 58:49Mark Normand?

  And my thing is, if you're gonna live outside of New York, just go to Florida or something by that point, you know? It's either New York or nothing, to me.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 58:56Speaker 04

  Really, you, you can live like a little bit outside, you have a car, you have a driveway, you can drive in, takes 35 minutes, whatever it is.

• 59:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, people say that, then you just never see him again.

• 59:04Speaker 04

  Nah.

• 59:04Speaker 03

  That's what DeSefino was saying, we did this pod when he was in Staten Island, and he's like, it's not bad, I just rack up spots in a night and then.

• 59:10Sam Morril?

  It was bad for us who had to visit him in Staten Island.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:13Sam Morril?

  What it take, what it take, 20 minutes to get here? Try an hour and a half, Chris.

• 59:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  Hey, sorry, running a little late, gonna be there tomorrow.

• 59:22Mark Normand?

  And you get there and he's got nine kids he's feeding and you're like, alright, I guess we gotta wait for that.

• 59:26Speaker 04

  He's feeding, like it's an orphan.

• 59:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:29Speaker 03

  I mean, we did walk into a chaos when we went to his house.

• 59:31Mark Normand?

  It was chaos.

• 59:32Speaker 03

  It was Chris's chaos. But it fits his mentality and his personality and it.

• 59:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, me, I would.

• 59:37Sam Morril?

  I think he feeds off it.

• 59:37Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 59:38Speaker 04

  I could, I can't do, I, I, I'm so full of anxiety, I would, there's no way I could do.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  What, kids?

• 59:43Speaker 04

  Well, just like that invite, like I just, I just would.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  You like the.

• 59:46Sam Morril?

  You like the calm of like.

• 59:47Speaker 04

  I have to have it.

• 59:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I will say the calm of LA in terms of motivating to like write new stuff. It was definitely like a learning curve because I lived in New York. I mean, with you guys for frigging like eight, nine years and you get used to like you start in New York. So you get used to the chaos, you get used to like writing like that. And then when I moved to LA, I was like, I haven't wrote a new bit in two months. What's happening?

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  Too calm. Yeah. My life is too perfect.

• 1:00:12Mark Normand?

  You're on a treadmill here, but in LA you can just, you're in a fucking hot tub.

• 1:00:16Sam Morril?

  You gotta make your own commotion in LA.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  Whereas here it's one block and you're like, great.

• 1:00:21Speaker 04

  Dude, we're talking about like, I, I'm like, I, I'm like sequestered in my apartment. I don't, you don't need to leave now.

• 1:00:25Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  Everything to my house, like I pick my head up at 7pm. I haven't even like put my head outside. But in New York, it's like you go get a coffee, there's a homeless guy jerking off inside your asshole. You're like, okay, I got a new bit.

• 1:00:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Sam Morril?

  I don't think you need to struggle to be funny, but you need, like comfort is the enemy of fun.

• 1:00:42Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:00:43Sam Morril?

  If you're too comfortable, it's, I mean, yeah.

• 1:00:46Mark Normand?

  And you get more and more like you go, oh, you live in Santa Monica? See ya. That's, that's like a half hour. I'm not doing that. You're like, damn, I go a half hour on a subway every day.

• 1:00:54Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:00:55Mark Normand?

  To get to the city kind of thing. So you guys just start getting more and more secluded.

• 1:01:00Sam Morril?

  I think that's probably why you do so much weird shit on the road, like all these podcasts here. Like, I don't want to get comfortable here.

• 1:01:05Mark Normand?

  No, you might be right.

• 1:01:06Sam Morril?

  Maybe there's some to that.

• 1:01:08Mark Normand?

  I think you got something there.

• 1:01:09Sam Morril?

  But still doing bad gigs every once in a while, because like, there's a part of me that's like, I don't want to do a shitty gig. You know, the bad gigs will come up unexpected anyway. Why am I going into a gig? That's good. But there's sometimes you gotta go in, you're like, no, let me see if I can turn this. Let me see if I can, you know.

• 1:01:22Speaker 03

  In a sense of just doing like a random show you get hit up to do or?

• 1:01:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and you're like, this could be a tough room. This could be good for me, you know?

• 1:01:27Mark Normand?

  And it shakes you up, it'll get you on your toes where you're like, oh, man, I had to like, I was in autopilot for a while.

• 1:01:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, nothing makes me want to write harder than a bomb.

• 1:01:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:01:34Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. That autopilot shit, you're like, am I just funny in front of my own fans?

• 1:01:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  I will eat a gun if that's the case.

• 1:01:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:41Speaker 04

  I can't do that.

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  I know, I say this all the time and I hope he doesn't get offended, but like Louis will go up at these random clubs unannounced and eat it for like three months.

• 1:01:51Sam Morril?

  It's pretty, it's pretty cool.

• 1:01:52Mark Normand?

  Before you know it, he's murdering with that same stuff.

• 1:01:55Sam Morril?

  And he's just really workshopping it up there?

• 1:01:57Mark Normand?

  Workshop and to silence, no offense Lou, but eventually it starts cooking and then it starts gelling and then he's killing.

• 1:02:04Sam Morril?

  I went into a grocery store, uh, yesterday, I was with a girl, I, I run into him and we're just chatting for a while and then she was like, oh, who is that? Like some guy who lives in your building? And I was like, that was fucking Louis. And she goes, the red haired guy, but he has gray hair now? I'm like, he got older.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  It's been a little stressed out this past decade.

• 1:02:22Mark Normand?

  That's the thing, if she's a young girl seeing that guy walk on stage, she's like, who's this weirdo? Is this the Ayatollah?

• 1:02:28Sam Morril?

  But he, I mean, it's not like dead, it's not like dead silence you're saying when he's going up there. But, but you know what? It's his way of just, that's how he, everyone writes their own way. Like some people like to cushion the new bits to give it a running start. Louis, Louis is like, I'm just gonna fucking, I'm gonna embrace the silence. So it is fun to watch.

• 1:02:47Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 1:02:47Sam Morril?

  Cause you're like, wow, he doesn't, he'll just, I just saw him in the corner once and I just, I'm watching cause I'm just kinda like, I, I wanna see it. And he just kinda turned to me and smiled after a fucking hard bomb. I'm like, wow, this is like some Obi-Wan shit.

• 1:02:58Mark Normand?

  It is. Just, I start spazzing after like the, the no laughs for, you know, a couple of minutes. You're like, this is crazy. There's four people.

• 1:03:05Speaker 04

  I respect that so hard when like, it is the Obi-Wan thing. It's like, he doesn't care. And like, I, I, I one day hope to like not give a fuck.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:03:15Speaker 04

  But I'm like you, man. After like, after a minute of a new bit that's doing like a C minus, I'm like, oh God, oh, where are you from?

• 1:03:21Sam Morril?

  Like jump off points with each bit. There's like, you can end it here or you keep pushing. I saw you set a clip that was great. That was like, just keep pushing for one or two more lines after.

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:03:29Sam Morril?

  Which I, I, I think about often, but I saw Bird doing, uh, new material night, which was so cool. Cause he's just, no matter how big you get in comedy, he's still like notepad. He goes, all right, let's see if this works. And then just puts in his pocket. It's like, no matter how big, it's still the same shit. You'd see it in an open mic.

• 1:03:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:43Sam Morril?

  Obviously he's Bill Burr. He's a genius, but it's the, the art form of it is still so simple.

• 1:03:48Mark Normand?

  Well, they say you never know until, you know, even if you're at that level, you have a good sense of what's funny, what's gonna hit, but you still never know completely.

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  But that's why this is, that's why I love this so much. Cause you don't know, you can, if you get complacent, it, it just, there is no like, oh, I got it. You don't have it. You never know if you have it.

• 1:04:05Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  It's so cool.

• 1:04:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cuz how many times you been like, "Oh, this is gonna kill." And then that bombs, then you're like, "This is nothing."

• 1:04:11Sam Morril?

  And then the segue into the new joke hits, and you're like, "This, I wrote this just now."

• 1:04:15Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:04:15Sam Morril?

  But the joke didn't hit?

• 1:04:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah! So frustrating, but also exciting.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  The first time I ever saw Louis live, he was just workshopping stuff. It was at Caroline's, and he was just out of a notebook. I was like months in a comedy, he was out of a notebook. Dude, murdering. And I was like, "This motherfucker's just reading stuff." And I'm like, it was, I just, I was just showing all this. He's just like the best, man.

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  Well, back to the Obi, one thing, I think when you get to that level of not giving a fuck, like he can just go up and bomb and be okay with it, that's when you get to that crazy, thoughtful, interesting material.

• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:04:51Mark Normand?

  And, uh, you know, it takes years to get to that level, I think.

• 1:04:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and those silences, sometimes you find the funniest thing from just the failure. Like, there's something about you keep digging, and then you say the thing. It's almost like the muscle memory from doing this forever, you're like, "Uh, this is it."

• 1:05:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:08Sam Morril?

  And then you're like, "Holy shit, I just figured it out."

• 1:05:10Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:05:10Sam Morril?

  Because if I didn't, it would just keep getting worse. And then sometimes it just keeps getting worse.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:05:14Sam Morril?

  And that's okay too. But I feel guilty, I do feel guilty when I bomb too fucking hard.

• 1:05:18Mark Normand?

  I do too.

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  I'm like, "All right, let me throw a couple old ones in." Uh, and, but you gotta find ways to get the new shit, it's never pretty.

• 1:05:26Speaker 04

  Do you guys remember the first time that you started feeling this extra weird pressure cuz people knew who you were, and then sewed that working new material stuff out?

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 1:05:36Mark Normand?

  I definitely had that.

• 1:05:36Speaker 04

  Like, when you're new in the game, like, nobody knows who any of us are, so then you go up and...

• 1:05:41Sam Morril?

  It's a gift. That's a weird gift when you're building material, when no one knows who the fuck you are.

• 1:05:45Speaker 04

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:05:46Sam Morril?

  They're still like, go up at the cellar sometimes, and they don't know me, and that's cool, but like, sometimes they do, and you're like, "Oh shit." They're gonna be like...

• 1:05:52Speaker 04

  There's pressure.

• 1:05:52Sam Morril?

  There's a part of me that's like, "Does the crowd know you're working on shit? Or are they gonna be like, 'Man, that guy's fucking slipping?'"

• 1:05:58Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:05:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:05:59Sam Morril?

  You're following some young buck at the cellar who's fucking bringing the heat and really funny.

• 1:06:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  There's so many funny young people there right now, and it's like, uh...

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  That was a little, uh, humidity in there.

• 1:06:10Mark Normand?

  That was a problem.

• 1:06:10Sam Morril?

  He used to be better, this guy, he's losing. He's working out farts.

• 1:06:15Sam Morril?

  Let me try this creaky one. No, nothing?

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  The creaky one?

• 1:06:19Mark Normand?

  Open mic again.

• 1:06:20Speaker 03

  That was like a pirate ship. Horror film fart right there.

• 1:06:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was like a bad trumpet.

• 1:06:24Sam Morril?

  No, I feel, I definitely feel bad for sure, but I'm also like, what's a seller ticket is what, $12? They see a great show?

• 1:06:29Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:06:30Sam Morril?

  It's so cheap, whatever they charge.

• 1:06:31Mark Normand?

  I know. Well, that's the other thing is people go like, oh, they get to see you work out new material. They're gonna love it. I'm like, they'll love it for six minutes. If I do that for 45, they're like, alright asshole, this is a little self indulgent.

• 1:06:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you gotta, you gotta prep them a little bit. Let me try a few new, and then you kinda do the good stuff, and you go like, let me try a few more.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  But it is so funny how important that one sentence is mentally for yourself to be like, I'm gonna try some new shit.

• 1:06:53Mark Normand?

  Huge.

• 1:06:53Speaker 03

  And then they're all like, oh, cuz if you didn't say that, it's just bombing them.

• 1:06:57Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  One sentence.

• 1:07:00Speaker 04

  I oddly asked their permission. I'm like, is it cool if I work out in this? And it's like, and then I go back and like, if it bombed, I go, you fucking asked for the new shit. You fucking asked.

• 1:07:07Sam Morril?

  Comic crew's clearly doing old material. Let me try some new shit. Fucking OJ, man. That's like fucking weird, right?

• 1:07:13Speaker 04

  Crazy.

• 1:07:14Sam Morril?

  You can't smoke on a plane anymore, huh?

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  Is there one bit you guys have just never been able to get to work? It's just always been on the back burner? And then like every couple of years, you like bring it out of the cage?

• 1:07:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I've got a few of those. I actually got a lot of those. It's my whole act.

• 1:07:29Sam Morril?

  He cracks it a lot, though. Mark will really stay with a bit in a way that's, that's pretty cool.

• 1:07:34Speaker 03

  And just keep workshopping it each night?

• 1:07:35Sam Morril?

  Even when we were young comics, he would always, like, he would, he'd be like, I can't crack this one. You were like one of the few people to tweak at mics, I feel like even.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Sam Morril?

  You would try, a lot of people were like, okay, they've seen this, I can't, but you would, you'd bring it back sometimes.

• 1:07:47Mark Normand?

  I'd go back, but, you know, mics were tough cuz if you see the same asshole comic in the front row.

• 1:07:52Sam Morril?

  The worst.

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  You're like, it didn't work last night, it's not gonna work tonight.

• 1:07:55Sam Morril?

  I usually know why it doesn't work. If it's, I, I, and I'm like, I don't necessarily agree, cuz if I think there's something funny about, but I, sometimes I'm like, this doesn't work cuz of this. Or this, maybe this bit makes them too sad.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  But that makes you laugh, so you're like, there is something to it.

• 1:08:09Sam Morril?

  But not everything that makes me laugh should be, you know, in my act.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:08:13Sam Morril?

  That's, that's, that's when you get self indulgent, right?

• 1:08:15Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:08:15Sam Morril?

  Like, I mean, I should like everything in my act, but sometimes if I think something's funny, it's not right for the show, you know?

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm. Well, yeah.

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  And it's also like, we're comedians, so what makes us?

• 1:08:25Speaker 04

  Us laugh is horrendous.

• 1:08:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:27Speaker 04

  You can't make a room full of people that work in H and R Block laugh at what we laugh at. It's like fucking, you can try.

• 1:08:32Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:08:32Speaker 04

  Sometimes it's just too heinous.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  Like it's, you're going too dark.

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  Too dark.

• 1:08:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Well, that's one kind of fun thing about the internet is sometimes you have a joke, you're like, it didn't really hit, but I, I think there's something here and you throw it out into the world and it finds them. Yeah.

• 1:08:47Sam Morril?

  But it's hard. It's hard to find, you know, like certain bits. Certain bits aren't for everybody also. Like there's, we talked about this when Mark just put a special out. Sometimes you keep this one line in and you can't get selfish with it, but the one line's there. You're like, it's just kind of a throwaway. And then people end up being like, I love that line.

• 1:09:03Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:09:03Sam Morril?

  It's funny. It's like always that one fucking line. It doesn't hit.

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  About to pull. I feel it in sketches a lot too. I mean, the edit trying to condense it. I'm like, is this funny? Is this funny? Ah, whatever. Keep it in. And then that's the line people quote.

• 1:09:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  Which is so weird that you, but you like hyper focus on that one line.

• 1:09:17Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:09:17Speaker 03

  Which I think if there's some gut feeling in there, you're like, I, this line is important and I don't know why.

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  Well, I think we always go, is that a laugh line? Is that a laugh line? But it doesn't have to be a laugh line to be, to resonate. You know what I mean? Like your thing about the, the Cybertruck tweet. None of us burst out laughing, but we're all like, oh, that's good.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, it builds to it.

• 1:09:38Mark Normand?

  What was the line again?

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Uh, I.

• 1:09:40Mark Normand?

  You never see with the family.

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  It's never seen a famine of Cybertruck.

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's not like, ha, ha, ha, ha. But you're like, oh, that's good. You know, so you keep it in.

• 1:09:48Sam Morril?

  Henny Youngman used to say like, sometimes you get a laugh just on the recognition though.

• 1:09:53Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:09:53Sam Morril?

  So it's like, not necessarily a joke, but it's like, you ever notice everyone does, and it's like, it's like no one's articulated that way. And that's why you're getting the laugh.

• 1:09:59Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Boy, we're going nerd shit right here. We're going deep.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, back to coming on the ground.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  Index to get it off or 41?

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  Comes like a flag. I guess it's not supposed to hit the ground.

• 1:10:15Mark Normand?

  You ever, you ever hit the curtains in the hotel?

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:19Mark Normand?

  Don't open the curtains in a, in a hotel room.

• 1:10:21Speaker 04

  You can't. After I leave, you can't open.

• 1:10:23Mark Normand?

  Seal shut like labia. It's, you peel it open like a grilled cheese.

• 1:10:28Speaker 04

  That's fucking gross.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  Great visuals.

• 1:10:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You'll hear this on color daddy.

• 1:10:35Sam Morril?

  I feel like they talk about Kamala color daddy.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  They used to.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:10:38Speaker 03

  I think they do anymore.

• 1:10:39Speaker 04

  No, they had like Obama on.

• 1:10:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:10:42Sam Morril?

  I've never, I've never heard an episode. I just assume.

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  When it was the two girls, it was all like, how do you give head? Then they'd demonstrate on the mic and now it's literally Michelle Obama.

• 1:10:53Sam Morril?

  That used to be a recipe for a hit pod.

• 1:10:55Mark Normand?

  Girls talking fuck.

• 1:10:56Sam Morril?

  Girls talking fuck. It was like unheard of.

• 1:10:58Speaker 03

  Cause girls liked it and guys, I feel like secretly liked it. Cause they're like, this is, you know, we're watching the, the defense here give out the play.

• 1:11:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. Cause girls, when I was a kid, were so annoying. You'd be like, so you ever finger yourself? And they're like, ew, shut up. And I'm like, bitch, don't make me look like a psycho. You know, you're at home diddling all night.

• 1:11:17Mark Normand?

  They would always cover it up and hide it and be like, woo.

• 1:11:19Sam Morril?

  That was our original podcast name. Bitch, don't make me look like a psycho. So two dudes complaining about women talking about sex.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  I know, I went full pimp right there. Bitch, don't make me look like a psycho.

• 1:11:33Sam Morril?

  Damn dude.

• 1:11:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you couldn't talk, uh, couldn't talk fuck with the ladies.

• 1:11:37Speaker 04

  It is funny though, cause that was the, the recipe for a hip hop. And then everybody did it. And then it's like, alright, well.

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  But it's funny how girls will go from jizz talk to Kamala Harris. Like they work their way up to like real shit.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  But I think deep down, they want to ask Kamala that.

• 1:11:53Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:11:54Speaker 03

  Like, fuck the GDP. How do you get yourself off at night? How do you Kamala Harris?

• 1:11:58Sam Morril?

  But that's every big pod. It's like, you know, Maron's like working out his beef with like all these comics. Then he's like, I got Obama on this week, you know?

• 1:12:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:06Sam Morril?

  Every, every, every pod once it gets big, you're like, alright, I'm gonna take a, I don't like this.

• 1:12:09Speaker 03

  The thing that pods do where they have like this like super dramatic trailer. It's like tomorrow coming on. And it's like horror film that cuts to black.

• 1:12:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:17Speaker 03

  And this is like noon, eastern. You're like.

• 1:12:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's that diary with C yoga.

• 1:12:21Speaker 03

  Trailer. Yeah, it's, it's so much buildup and hype for the same shit you got last week. Ah, listen, do what you do. And it's obviously working.

• 1:12:29Mark Normand?

  It actually is an old trope from the news. The news would be like, shrimp, what's in it? It might kill your kids tomorrow at 11. You're like, gosh, shit, I gotta watch tomorrow.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Tomorrow, when I knew we might be drunk. Gary Veeeter, like you've never seen him before.

• 1:12:42Speaker 04

  He has hair.

• 1:12:47Sam Morril?

  He's carrying a wig for a while.

• 1:12:50Mark Normand?

  Here, he opens a Cybertruck. Will he get in? Can he reach it? Does he need a boost? Tomorrow.

• 1:12:58Sam Morril?

  All that buildup, I guess it's anything to get clicks and views.

• 1:13:02Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:13:03Sam Morril?

  Hold retention a little bit, but.

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  Well, I guess we just think of podcasts like goofball. I think of Theo Von being like, "Hey, man, a rabbit ate my dad's ass," or whatever. And then they show, you know, uh...

• 1:13:16Sam Morril?

  That's a direct clip from.

• 1:13:21Mark Normand?

  Then they, you know, then it's Bernie Sanders on something.

• 1:13:24Speaker 03

  Theo, a rabbit ate my dad's ass, like, "Do you want Trump on the pod?"

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  He wants to come on.

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  He heard your rabbit eating ass.

• 1:13:32Speaker 03

  And then we got Bernie next week, and he's like, "Oh, cool, man."

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:13:35Speaker 03

  Bernie, how do you feel about rabbits eating ass? It's an upper, it's an upper-class problem?

• 1:13:43Mark Normand?

  Man, alright, I gotta stop singing comics. We got Drew Lynch, Merritt, Theo. We're doing the gamut here.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, we should, we gotta do your pod in a minute, so you should plug some dates. Plug some dates where you guys are gonna be.

• 1:13:54Sam Morril?

  I just finished my tour. Michael's heavy on the road, though. Check him out.

• 1:13:57Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, just a bunch of stuff, man. Go to blaucomedy.com, blaucomedy.com. I'm going frickin' everywhere. Um, yeah.

• 1:14:06Sam Morril?

  Look at that. All over Canada.

• 1:14:08Speaker 04

  Canada.

• 1:14:09Mark Normand?

  Moncton. Joliet.

• 1:14:11Speaker 04

  Atlantic City.

• 1:14:12Sam Morril?

  I gotta go to the NBA Hall of Fame in Springfield, Mass.

• 1:14:15Speaker 04

  Oh, buddy, I'm going. I'm so excited. Uh, yeah, go, go get some tickets.

• 1:14:20Sam Morril?

  Dude, you're everywhere. Look at that.

• 1:14:22Mark Normand?

  Look at that. Hey, the Wilbur's fun.

• 1:14:23Speaker 04

  Wilbur's so fun. I'm so excited.

• 1:14:25Mark Normand?

  That DC one's great, too. What's that called? The Capital One Hall? Great room.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  Oh, I've never played it. Is it great?

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  Killer, killer.

• 1:14:32Sam Morril?

  Did Shane tape there?

• 1:14:33Mark Normand?

  Beautiful Dogs was there, yeah.

• 1:14:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:35Speaker 04

  Oh, was it?

• 1:14:36Mark Normand?

  It's basically DC, yeah.

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  Ah, great. Yeah, very excited.

• 1:14:39Sam Morril?

  Damn, all over. These are all great rooms.

• 1:14:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, buddy, he's torn himself into the ground.

• 1:14:42Mark Normand?

  Radio Hall's great.

• 1:14:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, after this, I'm gonna be dead, so come out.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  I just have two, some random ones. London, UK, June 10th, then Halifax, Canada, the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival. Uxay, TrevorWalls.com. You guys doing that, the Great Outdoors one?

• 1:14:56Mark Normand?

  I've done a few. They're always awesome.

• 1:14:57Speaker 04

  They're so fun. I only did one with, uh, when we, when we did it. It was so fun.

• 1:15:01Speaker 03

  This one's weird. It's at like 3:00 PM, then Schultz is after me for the night show. They're doing it more like festivals. So if you're headlining at 3:00 PM, I'm like, "Fuck, yeah." It'll be a good, like, day drinking thing, but, you know, it'll be, it'll be fun, but like...

• 1:15:13Sam Morril?

  It's gonna be nice to be done at like 4:00.

• 1:15:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, right?

• 1:15:15Speaker 04

  Dude, that's, that's what we did. We did it, when I went on, it was, it was 5:00, like, it was...

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, the sun setting is your light. Well, the sun goes down, you're like, that's my life, gotta go.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  Oh, a Segura.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  Segura, yeah. They're always fun, and they bring out a fucking huge audience.

• 1:15:29Speaker 04

  Huge, crazy.

• 1:15:30Speaker 03

  So it is, uh, pretty fun.

• 1:15:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Sam Morril?

  Well, I got the Turning Stone Casino in Verona, New York, June 6th, and I'm gonna add dates at some point, but yeah, I got...

• 1:15:37Speaker 04

  Portugal?

• 1:15:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm doing a little Euro tour again, just places I wanna go to. So Lisbon, Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw, Helsinki, uh, Stockholm and Copenhagen. So that's all in September, and that's, uh, on my site.

• 1:15:50Speaker 04

  Warsaw, you're allowed in?

• 1:15:52Sam Morril?

  Times have changed, baby.

• 1:15:53Speaker 04

  Times have changed.

• 1:15:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:55Mark Normand?

  Well, Poland's not fucking around. They don't allow, uh, gay marriage. They don't allow same-sex adoption.

• 1:16:00Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're wild over there.

• 1:16:01Sam Morril?

  Is that true?

• 1:16:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:02Sam Morril?

  I didn't even know that. That's crazy.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Uh, oh, I'm, I'm do- I'm back in the clubs, baby. I gotta milk a new hour. Spokane, uh, Philly.

• 1:16:10Speaker 04

  Oh, the Philly helium is so fun, dude.

• 1:16:12Mark Normand?

  Favorite room maybe in the country.

• 1:16:14Sam Morril?

  Classic, classic.

• 1:16:14Mark Normand?

  Uh, Milwaukee Improv, Irvine Improv.

• 1:16:17Speaker 03

  Irvine's a sneaky banger.

• 1:16:19Mark Normand?

  Love that room.

• 1:16:20Speaker 04

  Tampa's so fun.

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, Detroit, Mark Ridley's in Royal Oak. Hilarities in Cleveland.

• 1:16:26Sam Morril?

  That's maybe my favorite.

• 1:16:27Mark Normand?

  Emerald City.

• 1:16:27Speaker 03

  I love so much.

• 1:16:28Mark Normand?

  Never been Emerald City Comedy Club. I think it's new. Science Brothers in Tampa.

• 1:16:33Sam Morril?

  It's a great room, all great stuff.

• 1:16:35Mark Normand?

  And, uh, yeah, all kinds of Cobbs. I love Cobbs, San Fransky.

• 1:16:38Sam Morril?

  You're gonna have to cancel some of these if we, if we get our plan right, but we'll see.

• 1:16:41Mark Normand?

  We're trying to make a movie.

• 1:16:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  Oh, shit.

• 1:16:43Mark Normand?

  National.

• 1:16:44Sam Morril?

  We're working on it, yeah?

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  Trying.

• 1:16:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, Bus Boys, dude.

• 1:16:47Speaker 03

  I was, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:48Mark Normand?

  How was it?

• 1:16:49Speaker 03

  It was fun, man. It was just shooting for a day, but, um...

• 1:16:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, it literally just felt like a giant sketch with a bunch of friends.

• 1:16:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:55Speaker 03

  So it just like popped in for a day, but I...

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  Can you tell me the premise? Is that, can, is that not out yet?

• 1:16:58Sam Morril?

  It's just, uh, yeah, it's, we're just two liquor salesmen. It's our, we have our bodega cat, we got our hooch, and, uh, we just made it where two failing liquor salesmen, but it's, it's fun, it's got heart, it's like an old-school 90s comedy.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  It's all you need.

• 1:17:10Sam Morril?

  It's a joke of fucking, uh, more. I mean, it's so many jokes, so...

• 1:17:13Mark Normand?

  Tons of jokes, funny.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  The best, like, comedies feel like, just like an improv scene where it's a sense of like, the, you're busboys, and then they never really, you don't see them as busboys ever.

• 1:17:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  It's like, seeing as you're in Home Depot, then you forget you're in Home Depot.

• 1:17:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:26Speaker 03

  The fact that you guys sell the bodega cat, it's like, that's the premise, but really it's just about you guys.

• 1:17:30Sam Morril?

  It's just about friendship and...

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  That's how Bus Boys was.

• 1:17:32Sam Morril?

  And older and still drinking and being fuckups and it's fun. It's like a fun buddy comedy.

• 1:17:37Speaker 04

  Oh, man, I need to see this.

• 1:17:39Sam Morril?

  All right. We're close. We're so close. We hope it works out, so we'll see. But you guys have been awesome and listen to their podcast, Stiff Socks.

• 1:17:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:47Sam Morril?

  Great to see you guys and we'll see you next week. Buy some Bodega Cat Whiskey, guys.

• 1:17:51Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:17:52Mark Normand?

  It's delicious. Sophie Rain, hit us up.

• 1:18:40Speaker 05

  Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me?

• 1:18:43Speaker 06

  Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival Cruise Vacation, gift cards from DoorDash, and Best Buy. Feel free in the McDonald's app. Get your bag. No purchase necessary. 50 U.S. and D.C. Age 18 plus. See playatmcd.com for rules and playatmcd.com/amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2nd. Chess card game ends November 8th. Game ends November 22nd, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.

• 1:19:10Speaker 07

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