Ep 527 - The Pillow (feat. Stavros Halkias, Steve Gerben, & Chris O'Connor)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Watch Stav's New Movie 'Let's Start A Cult' Support Stavvy's World @ https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Support the spunge & tombini @ https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Good evening everyone. TGIF. Sorry we're a bit late. It was a busy week! haha. Here's this week's ep of the cast for you. Big SG held it down at Pennsylvania HQ with Stav, Steve, and Kiss. Tires style. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self. The Mountain is calling, you should answer #DoTheDew #MTNDEW Shop now @ https://lets.shop/2141/dothedew Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Hello, man.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  It's good to be here, guys. We're here live with Stavros.

• 0:20Speaker 02

  What up?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Stevie Gerbi baby.

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  Chris, the O'Con man, O'Connor.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  God damn, what's going on in the world these days?

• 0:27Speaker 02

  What a fucking crew. You know, I think, I think we can all agree the most important thing is that Let's Start a Cult is out on VOD, November 12th. In terms of what the country is gonna be talking about and what's buzzing on everybody, Let's Start a Cult is out, a nice dumb comedy on VOD, folks. That's what everybody's thinking about.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  And what, what's the date?

• 0:50Speaker 02

  I'd, November 12th, I believe. I don't actually fucking remember. November 12th, I think. Get it on Amazon or some shit, Apple, you know, wherever the fuck you rent the movie.

• 0:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:59Speaker 02

  And, and that's what you wanna fucking think about.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Did you have, did you have a lot of fun making a movie?

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Did you have fun making a movie?

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, was trying to avoid it, but there's no avoiding it.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  No, right. Yep.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  It's undeniably funny.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  It really.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  I'm sure I'm too.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Unfortunately, it is really funny.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  T2 is, T2 is hilarious. Yes.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, we all, you did give us the day off and force us to go vote in Pennsylvania about four times each.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  You gave us the names, you told us to pick out gravestones, our four favorite ones. And, and cast votes for Trump.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  You could've voted for me.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Somebody should've voted for me.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  I wonder what your numbers were like in, in Pennsylvania. You probably got some nice write-ins for real.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  I, yeah, I don't know.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  And they count those as Trump, by the way.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  As me, I didn't vote.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  I could've given some of my vote.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  That's awesome.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  I am undeniably a Trump enjoyer.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  There's no denying that.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Support. I'll let the other, you know, I'll let the troops handle that. I'll let the Patriots take care of that.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Sure. You're, you've got stolen valor. You got Trump stolen valor.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  I'm the most stolen valor on that.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Someone sees you in a MAGA hat, they're like, where did you serve? Where were you in January 6th?

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was fucking up in line at fucking Sabaro's in the mall. Did you serve? Where did you vote for Donald Trump?

• 2:35Speaker 01

  I didn't, but I thought he was funny as fuck. They're like, alright, sick.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Where's your official Donald Trump commemorative coin? Where's your official Donald Trump silver dollar?

• 2:45Speaker 01

  No, I didn't buy it. People give me shit. I have a, I have a, I definitely have a Donald Trump $1,000 bill that's gold and it has Donald Trump on it. I've got two of those. Two separate people have given me one of those.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  That's awesome. Value's gotta be going through the red eye.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  I can't throw them out.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  All the fucking like old people that are like, well, it's something to leave my family.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Trump is gonna just appreciate over time. Like, did you guys remember those, those people that were like, uh, they thought buying Iraqi dinar was gonna be like, the next thing?

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  That was like a big Fox News scam.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Once democracy sets in, that currency is gonna be worth a lot. Oh shit, ISIS. Fuck, they got ISIS.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  ISIS have a currency?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  ISIS is dead, dude. I don't know if you remember, T1 got rid of them.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  They, they're still floating around, don't they? Like a

• 3:39Speaker 01

  I don't think they're even floating around.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. There's gotta be one guy with a lair still.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's probably hanging around. He's probably got all the currency now.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  He's probably got a pet and a cat and

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Where's their like stronghold? Are they really done?

• 3:54Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  They jump around. They, they went to Africa for a little bit, didn't they?

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, isn't that just Boca Raton or whatever?

• 4:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's the, yeah, isn't that, that's the ISIS.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  That's how it always works. They always have branches like that. Wasn't ISIS Al Qaeda? And Al Qaeda was like, you guys are nuts.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, damn. Is that what happened?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  I believe.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  That's awesome for Al Qaeda to be like, guys.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  They got Trump.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Trump situation on their hands. They thought they were crazy and then a new guy came.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  You want to see crazy?

• 4:29Speaker 01

  We're about to pick a fight with America. We don't have anything.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Do you, do you think there's any ISIS guys that are into the Joker? Do you think there was a guy who came in and Joker makeup?

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  It was like.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  They still love movies and culture.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, true.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Like, wasn't it like, what did Bin Laden had? Like, what was his shit?

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  He had a movie.

• 4:51Speaker 00

  He had a hilarious.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  I think he had Dude, Where's My Car in his collection?

• 4:54Speaker 01

  He had stuff that was like. He has movies.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  That was one of the movies he had on DVD.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  It's like Kim Jong Un being like Kevin Costner.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Just a translator stand next to it.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  Swear Kim Jong Un was Kevin Costner.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  He was a big Kevin Costner fan.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  He was like, this guy's incredible. Bring it out. And they're like, we can't get him. He was like, you're dead.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  He executed a guy for not bringing him dances with wolves.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  He was a huge Chicago Bulls fan.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  He did have Rodman.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Ill. That was ill.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  Oh, that was ill?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 00

  He was Elvis, right? Didn't he? Wasn't that like a big thing? Didn't he get to visit Graceland once?

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Who? Kim Jong Un?

• 5:34Speaker 02

  Kim Jong Il.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Il was, Il was the new guy.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  His dad. No, no.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Oh, Il was the old one?

• 5:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, Un is the new one.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Kim Jong Il was, no, Kim Jong Un was.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  I swear.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  The new guy liked Dennis Rodman.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  I think Love of the Bulls go is like a family trait.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 5:51Speaker 00

  Cause the dad was really.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  From the emperor, the son, the guy's born from the sun.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  I love a fattest shit emperor too, man. His fits, I honestly want to dress like him. He's, and he was ahead of the curve with like the flowy outfits and shit. He's like wide leg trousers. That's how like gay guys dress now. That's like, cool. You go to fuck, even kids all wear, that was Kim Jong Un dude. Big legs, flowy garments, dude. Kim Jong Un fucking dresses awesome.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  I think they're headed over to Ukraine, Russia.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Yes, they're all jacking off.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  And they just got the internet, so they're all jacking off to porn. They lost an entire battalion to fucking porn hub.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I mean, you saw those trenches I was showing, you could catch a couple in there. You could catch a jack off in Ukraine, easy.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  No problem.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  And then a guy peeks around the corner, you go, oh!

• 6:45Speaker 02

  Having a drone fly over you as you're beaten off, as you're beating off.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  The whole world's gonna see you going.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Your little ass malnourished North Korean dick. Did, did they feed the soldiers well?

• 6:58Speaker 01

  I bet they do.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  No, right?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Probably not that great. I'm sure they have like 20 of them that are jacked.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  And they'd march.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. The Kingsguard, like the official guard, he probably has some sexy guys out there. But yeah, having, being deployed, cause they're the troops you can, they're the troops that he can do without. He's not sending Russia his number one guys.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  He's sending the guys that are gonna get addicted to porn.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Oh, maybe it's a pornography purge.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  True.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Maybe they sent, maybe they fucking jettisoned their horny soldiers.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  They'd get me.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  You'd be basically a seventh grader all over again.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  True, dude.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  You'd get there and be like, holy fuck dude. You've been able to jack off, you can watch it? You can see sex?

• 7:42Speaker 02

  I mean, remember bank, like just jacking off to Bang bust like 30 second trailers? On, on like, on dial up?

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  These guys get on a phone broadband first time.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Start fucking.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Starlight.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Elon Musk is giving them the fucking satellites.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  All right, all right.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Rush has got to call and be like, turn it off, turn it off.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, it's shorting Starlink. These guys jacking off for the first time.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  Yo, I saw, I saw, I've seen Starlink twice in the sky and it's terrifying. People get scared of it.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  What is, it's just a little back.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  It's a row of like a ton of satellites in a straight line going across the sky. And I've, I've heard people like screaming when they saw it. It looks like a UFO. It's like the scariest thing I've ever seen.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  You ever see it?

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I've seen images of it.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's really, it's, yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  It's not a regular satellite. It's like.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  No, it's a ton of satellites in a line.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  I saw a homeless guy see spinners for the first time, like back in the.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Twisted around spring wells, like the spring well rims?

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  That's awesome.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  And yeah, I thought it was very funny. He was like, what the fuck?

• 8:54Speaker 02

  That's gotta feel so bad to be homeless and a guy just has like show off rims, just like two pairs of rims on his car that you would kill to live in. You would kill to live inside that Lincoln and this motherfucker just has extra rims.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  You'd sell that Lincoln immediately for some drugs.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Like these guys are just like, oh, I wish I had a home.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Like to sleep inside.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  He'd like to jack off and sleep.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  He would sleep inside for two days, right? Get warm and then be like, I could go for some pussy right now.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Sell these spinners right now.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  The spinners would go first.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Oh, me. He'd be high as shit in the back of that car.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  That's a good night. The night you still have the car and you're getting pussy off the spinners money? And maybe you take the radio out too, but you have shelter to get pussy inside of it. And a couple of Wendy's.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  I don't think those guys need shelter to get pussy.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I guess that's true.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  No, but that's, they're, they're gonna go find their best girl.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  But it must feel nice to fuck inside for a change.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Do you think those boys are getting a, a lot of pussy? I don't.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  I don't think they're getting any ever.

• 9:57Speaker 02

  But that's what I'm saying. They're not getting pussy.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  It's on call.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  No, no, of course not. What I'm saying is.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess it is because they're all drug addict ladies.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Oh, it takes us 20 bucks. Yeah.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  A roof.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Takes a little bit of heroin. You can go, I got some heroin.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Exactly. So what I'm saying is.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  I take it back.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  Well, no, I don't think they're fucking that much, but once.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Those boys are getting sucked constantly.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  No, no. What is your thing? No, no, I'm just saying they don't fuck that much, but this guy with the Lincoln, his first night sells the spinners. It's the best of both worlds. Before he has to sell the car whole cloth, he gets to have it buy pussy for $20. Maybe 40.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  It's not like you have to buy it. You go, I have some heroin.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Oh, true.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  She's in the car. You go, you're gonna have to give me a hit.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  I think that's understood.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  You're not getting any heroin.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Well, that's.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  I'll kill you, bitch. Get out of my Lincoln.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  They're doing all the same stuff. You're like, this is gonna last forever.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  From here on out, I'm turning things around. That's one more hit.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  One more blowjob.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Dude, if you could like bottle and put that into your, like the happiness that guy feels. Yeah. The first time he does all, like a nice, good quality heroin and gets sucked off. That guy, that feels better than anything we will ever experience. I don't know. I feel like I've experienced versions of that.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  But addiction? Oh, no. I mean, I guess. Giving into your vices? I'm talking about just like the idea of like getting one paycheck and being like, I'm the richest guy of all time. Yeah, but you don't. I'm going out, I'm getting pussy. Yes, true. But you don't have the extreme deprivation to like juxtapose it with. You know what I mean? Going from absolutely nothing. The living on the street. The living on the street, getting no head whatsoever to, you know what I mean? Unless you've done something awesome with your money, these guys are making eyes at each other.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  I'm just smiling, Stephen. I'm happy to see him. And I know he's probably spinning in his head because he hasn't spoken yet.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  He gave us the Lincoln, the rims.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  And then I was like, you've cheated, excuse me, about talking. I'll be like, I gave you the whole story.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Steve, I got you, brother.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Checking in, I wasn't.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Which was such an awesome thing. It's like, I haven't seen Starlink, but.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  If I had an FMRI machine in my brain when he said that and I thought of the spinners and I was like, yes.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  No, I'm so happy to be pod, you know, on the record, I've been trying to get you clear of your, you've got like a, you've got like, you're the USSR and he's Sabonis and you won't let him come over.

• 12:56Speaker 00

  No, it's not him.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  No, no. If he does another podcast before he does mine, now he's free.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Okay, alright, alright.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  I said it on my own terms.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  You make your own terms, big man.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  No, I'm saying, you know what I mean?

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Yes, you're a loyal man, that's true.

• 13:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  But man, I remember seeing, seeing Steve for the first time, maybe it was the original tires pilot or maybe it was even that, it was probably that, right? With the King sketch, when did you guys do that?

• 13:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Was that first?

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Two summers ago, right?

• 13:26Speaker 02

  I just remember seeing this motherfucker and being, I'm like, that's a star, baby.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  He's a star.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  I was like, I love that guy, I don't know.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  He reminds me of Tom Cruise, that's what it is.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Well, whatever, I'm gonna take that as honest to some degree.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  I am honest.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  You have star qualities.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  Stop.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  You do.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm trying to be nice, dude.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  I can't tell.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  You have star qualities.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  You just said I look like Tom Cruise.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you wear cool jackets, you want like a leather Top Gun jacket.

• 13:55Speaker 00

  No, I don't.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  In your head, you're Tom Cruise.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  No, I don't want a leather Top, in my head.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, you are.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  For a period of time in my life, maybe.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Twenty years ago, twenty years ago, people change.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Hold on, twenty, you thought you could ever pull off Tom Cruise?

• 14:10Speaker 00

  I remember I literally had a friend tell me, he's like, do you actually think you're sexy?

• 14:16Speaker 01

  You still think you're sexy?

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Men can be.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  You still think you're sexy?

• 14:24Speaker 00

  First of all, what was the problem? No, hold on a second, what if I did, who cares?

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Oh, so that's.

• 14:31Speaker 00

  I care.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  That's a tough admission, Steve.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  If you think you're sexy, I'm gonna be mad about it.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  Why?

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Because you're not.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  No, I know I'm not, but here's the thing.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  And I'm your friend and I'm here to help you.

• 14:41Speaker 00

  But you're sexy.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  No, I'm fucking not, dude, stop, no, that's a good, that's a good. That's a good.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  That's good, Steve.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Good work. All right. What else? The Ravens are on.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  If we lose to the Bengals, I'll fucking kill myself.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  I also distinctly remember that I was trying to shoot, you know, some sort of short. And this is again, I was probably like in my late teens and I had a running sequence. And then when I saw myself run like Chris's joke, it's like, oh my God.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  He looks nothing like in your head. You've like pumping.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  It really hurts.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Beautiful.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  Dude, I know.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  I live.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  I'm not, I'm not even doing this just to plug the movie again, but I didn't realize I, I wrote this script, but I, I didn't realize I wrote myself to sprint like four times. And I was so fucking fat that it was like, the first time I was like, I'm a fucking athlete. And then I wake up the next day, my entire body is fucking sore from one sprint of like full speed. And we had to like, turn it up on the, you had to like two times the film to make it look fast. So I'm so fucking fat and it just looks like, whoa, like whoa, it looks like stop booking it. And I, it's double the speed. I'm like.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  I would go see the movie just for that.

• 15:53Speaker 00

  It's like a Charlie Chaplin.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  This is like scurrying.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Jumping on a trolley.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Dude, it's so, and yeah, it, you look so fucking stupid trying to run. I don't know, man. I like, I like Steve thinking he's sexy personally. Cause even though it's not true, right? Let's put that on the record. It's important.

• 16:14Speaker 00

  Physically.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  It's important when he fucks for him to think he's sexy.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, physically. That is a zone I wish I could get into is thinking I'm sexy.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Because it doesn't matter.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  Especially while fucking.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  It's for yourself. It's, it's fuel while you fuck.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Cause in that moment.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:30Speaker 00

  I've had a lot of fucks go wrong.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. Getting in my own head.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  I've lost.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Like what happened?

• 16:37Speaker 01

  I've lost direction.

• 16:38Speaker 00

  What happened there?

• 16:38Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  I thought about what we were doing.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:42Speaker 00

  Like you allowed me to do this? I got outside of myself for one second and I completely collapsed.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  But you get in there and you get in the zone sexually.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  I could see that.

• 16:50Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 16:53Speaker 02

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• 17:30Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 17:31Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  And you go, what? We're having fun. I like to have a little fun.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  I love that Steve is the most sexy.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Shane has your house bugged.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  I've got everything. I know everything. After Tyra comes out, I'm gonna black him out of all the photos. He's never gonna have existed.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  It's also always fun to imagine that that is the conversation in Steve's head while he's doing that. It's just you in there with him and he's going, what?

• 18:05Speaker 01

  He did dodge a bullet.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, he tried to get me. Really good.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  And he dodged it.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 18:10Speaker 00

  You know, I was gonna probably...

• 18:14Speaker 01

  I knew he, his lady was coming to visit.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  And I said, you're gonna perform oral sex, aren't you? And he was like, well, I like, I enjoy oral sex.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  I was like, ew.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Shout out to my man, another eater.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  Hold on, this, yeah, dog.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  Keep that, Sean. No, it's a party.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  You fart, you fucking, uh...

• 18:44Speaker 01

  I knew Steve was gonna be face down, ass up, and there's some pussy that night.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  I knew he was gonna be on his knees eating pussy that night.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Dude, really? Do you fucking keep your ass in the air?

• 18:59Speaker 00

  No, I don't keep my ass in the air, you idiot. I just don't wanna fuckin' slap your bed.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Do you lay flat?

• 19:04Speaker 00

  What?

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Snipe around your dick?

• 19:05Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Is that what you do?

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I go...

• 19:13Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  To eat pussy?

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 19:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 19:19Speaker 02

  It depends.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  How else?

• 19:20Speaker 00

  Do you do one leg out or do you...

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Oh, you kneel, you pray to God.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  I've done that. There's nothing wrong with that.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  You get on your knees on the side of the bed?

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  Is then you, what if it's a really low bed?

• 19:31Speaker 02

  You could pop up and.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Stick it in.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  And then go back down.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  This man's a sex demon dude.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  He's a sex demon. You pop up, stick it in and then go, ooh, I want a taste of that. I want to get back down.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Holy fuck.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  You're awesome dude.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  What's that? Yeah. You gotta get that rhythm of like.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  You are a pig in a trough.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  I love it dude. I love it. Get in there Steve. That's how you should, you fuck like, you fuck like a R and B singer from the nineties.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Like on wood floors. That would fucking kill my knees dude. That doesn't hurt your knees.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Some carpet.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  You lay down. You're a prepared lover. You lay down a blanket or a pillow.

• 20:09Speaker 00

  Sometimes I'll throw a pillow down, sometimes no.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Sometimes no. Sometimes you say we're getting a little.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  The pain is part of the pleasure. The pain on his knees is part of the pleasure.

• 20:18Speaker 00

  So he was all day and just like.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  I knew he was gonna perform.

• 20:22Speaker 00

  You're gonna think of me and he was like.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  Good lord. Cause obviously I was gonna. And then when it was over, I came out of the bathroom and I out loud was like, yes. And she was like, what? I was like, oh, I just, then I told her what happened and I didn't think of it at all.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  While he was in the bath, he didn't think of it during the feeding. He was lost in the feeding.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  Shut up.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  The feeding.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  He was, he was receiving nutrients.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Dude, you are a fucking vampire dude. You're a fucking Nosferatu.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yep. Muff juice Nosferatu.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  You need your nutrients. You need to get your vitamins. Your vitamin P.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  So you eat, you eat your vitamins on your knees. You stand up, you dip your dick in, you go back.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  Don't dip your dick in.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Check the oil and go back down.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  You're mocking this like it's awesome, dude.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  I support it. It's just more that you do it.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  It is.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  You understand?

• 21:29Speaker 02

  But I love that. He's a liberate. He's a sexually liberated man.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Totally sexually liberated. I'm the opposite. I'm totally repressed.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Are you Jewish, right?

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  Culturally, no.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Love that.

• 21:41Speaker 00

  Culturally, yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Respect, dude. I grew up Gregor Thaddeus, but I'm godless as well.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  And I, I think it's, but even a little early religion will repress you no matter what.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  I think it's probably a good thing.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Did you stay repressed?

• 21:54Speaker 01

  I think, no, at least as a kid, get a little repression there.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  I don't know. A little bit.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  I don't like, I, I don't.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Then you got somewhere to grow.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  The kids jacking off and being like, I'm going to hell.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  That's a problem.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  But if you're like, what am I doing to this woman? If I'm like losing myself in eating her pussy every day.

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Sounds awesome. That's cool.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  It sounds nice. I wish I could do it, but I'm saying it's nice to know that there is a line and a limit where I'm not gonna stand up, stick my dick in, put the pillow back on the ground and go back down to munching.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  That sounds cool, dude. Imagine losing yourself like that, dude.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  Because it's.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  No, he envies you, Steve. Steve, he envies you, Steve.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  I do.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  He envies you.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  I envy your ability. Now, do you ever, you ever hit a CP and then go, ooh, it's feeding time again? Have you considered it?

• 22:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Have you ever?

• 22:50Speaker 00

  Not in your arm, no.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  Have you ever tasted your own?

• 22:54Speaker 00

  No.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  That is next level.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  I know you've tasted it. You never licked it at all.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Chicken tenders, but no, not in his own comb.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  He's pulling, pulling the comb apart.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  I'll only eat this part.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  Have you seen me do that?

• 23:11Speaker 01

  Everybody's seen you eat. You're like a fucking praying, you're like a praying man. It's crazy.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  You're gonna be so mad when my top comes off cuz you're ripped. Well, I can't, I've been working on my core.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Awesome.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  I don't like the way I said that either, but you see, but well, I regret saying all this.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  No, no, I'd like to hear it.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  I just saw myself today in the mirror. I was changing. I was like Shane's gonna be pissed at me when it comes time to.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  When you wrote yourself in for taking your shirt off.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  Did I write that?

• 23:40Speaker 01

  So you lifted your ass.

• 23:41Speaker 00

  I didn't write that.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  I'm excited for it.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  What's, yeah, I tell me after. I don't remember what it is now. We, no spoilers. We got, folks, we got a great season, entire season.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's good.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  It actually is fucking awesome.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  And I love the part where you wrote in you eating pussy and we're showing it.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  We're showing it Vincent Gallo, Brown Bunny style. You're getting your dick sucked on screen.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Season is just Steve. Getting eaten pussy.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Tight close up.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Twelve straight hours.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Steve.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Occasionally he talks to the camera. We wrote dialogue, he'll pop up and go, hmm, now that's good.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Delicious.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Now that's good eating. He has one line of show and you gotta guess. It's fun. It's thrilling. You never know what he's gonna say.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  It's like Fleabag.

• 24:35Speaker 00

  Turned actually down the barrel of the camera. I know nobody likes this. I'm just gonna say very quick. You are so good in it, stuff.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  You're so good. Stop it. We are.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  I truly can't wait for everybody to see it.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  No, dude, we're fucking, let's suck our, you know, not to suck our own dicks, but this is, everybody's, I'm surprised we're all good actors. Honestly, that doesn't make any sense. Everyone's, what I do like is that we're, it's an ugly ass show. And we're all surprisingly good actors. Like there's no sexy motherfuckers, you know, you below the, below the neckline. That's what's also awesome about Steve is that, look, face wise, it's a wild thing you got going on. You're like a young grandpa. You know what I mean? You've got a twinkle.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  So mean.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  You've got a twinkle in your eye.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  No, you got a twinkle in your eye.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  You you've you got big doe eyes. I like that.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  They're beautiful eyes, but I'm saying you you have an interesting juxtaposition that then when you I that's the second time I said that you got interesting mix. And then when you take the titties out and you get and you're ripped, that's even better.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  It's weird.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  I think that's good, though. You're talking to a guy whose whole thing is dazzle camouflage. Confusing women into not understanding what's going on so that they'll fuck me. You know what I mean? There's so much going on. They're like, well, this is some some interesting.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  If if God didn't smite you with that arthritis, you'd be.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  You'd be a demon.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  He needed to nerf you.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  Because you'd be fucking.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  You'd be a problem.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Think of what you do to pussy. Think of the disastrous things you do.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, you wouldn't be doing this show.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Selling ribs to get pussy.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  Selling your spinners. Fucking get a blowjob from a heroin addict.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you'd be you'd honestly just be a a successful, small businessman that live for pussy. You know, which nothing wrong. I by some metrics, that's sort of what I am as well.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  I'm a podcaster, you know, I sell and all I do is try and fuck, but you know, it's awesome, dude.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. What were you doing before tires?

• 26:54Speaker 02

  You mean like for work?

• 26:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  I was working for my brother.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  What was your long term? Did you have a long term?

• 27:01Speaker 02

  As a paralegal?

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I did. I mean, my brother, Gerben Law Firm, best.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Boss I've ever had. I love him so much.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  And yeah, I was doing that and he was, I mean, I worked for him for 16 years. And like I said, still do to some degree, but he was so supportive of anytime I would do something, he would give me time off and then, yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  You were paralegal?

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Me too, brother.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Oh, nice.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm a fellow legal professional.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Dude, I didn't even gra- like, I didn't technically get my degree from UMBC. I, I, I left with two language credits and they were like, they were like, oh, you're gonna-

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Is one of them fucking Greek?

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Dude, I could have taken a test to get out of it and I just, I was like, so what happened is they let me walk because they were like, oh, you'll get these in the summer. And I was like, sure. And then I walked and my mom saw me walk and I was like, that's what I went to fucking college for.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  I don't give a fuck about a diploma. So I didn't have a diploma and then my friend was like, I work at this law firm and I was like, all right, I'm just gonna say I have my degree, see what happens. Didn't check. Turns out they didn't check because they were a completely unethical law firm. It was like, they're like, literally like two years later, the fucking, the, one of the partners blew his brains out on the partner. Because he was embezzling and shit.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  That's kinda funny because you, you, you ever see that like, there's a comedy sketch where they take the sticker? You know how vans have stickers with their families on?

• 28:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  And they're like, ah, okay. It's funny to take it off like-

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Goldstein Schmidt and-

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, take out Schneider's-

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Schneider's hell.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  And it was a fucking foreclosure law firm and I didn't know that. And when I got there, I was like, well, I'm not helping these assholes take people's homes. So I just was like, I'm just not gonna work and see how long it takes them to fire me? It took them a year, dude. I just had a job and I was, it was awesome.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  That one guy had a lot-

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Going on.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  He wasn't really worried. Maybe that's what did it. Maybe he was like, holy shit, this guy forged his resume.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  He's losing so much money.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Gotta have principles.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  It was all, it was such a fucked up place.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  What is, what did, what did paralegals do?

• 29:11Speaker 02

  I, I was supposed to-

• 29:12Speaker 01

  What do you guys even do?

• 29:12Speaker 02

  I was supposed to set hearing dates. That was my whole thing. I was essentially a very specific secretary.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  What did you do, Grav?

• 29:18Speaker 00

  So it was a trademark law firm. So like I would do the trademark searches and then fill out the report, then you give it to the attorneys and then-

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Oh, and then they get all the fucking credit? You were doing all the grunt work?

• 29:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude. I think that's what paralegals do. Yeah, like all the grunt work.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Did you ever think of becoming a lawyer?

• 29:32Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, like very briefly, but I was so bad. It's like-

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Your, your goal was to remain a paralegal?

• 29:39Speaker 00

  No, it was to try and-

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Eventually get a law degree?

• 29:42Speaker 00

  No, no. It was to try and do something in the entertainment business.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 29:48Speaker 00

  And, uh, yeah, I also had like a 1.4 GPA from Drexel's.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Damn dude.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  Yo, I forgot you were an unbearable student.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's dumb as shit dude.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  Oh, we talked about this.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  I guess that's like, that's like the old Simpsons joke about Milhouse where someone calls him a nerd and he's like, I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Just appearing nerd coded but being fucking dumb is an awesome.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Have you got one four?

• 30:15Speaker 02

  One four at Drexel, bro.

• 30:17Speaker 00

  Might have been a one seven, but it was definitely.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  What did you, what did you fail?

• 30:21Speaker 00

  At the end of my scholastic career, unfortunately.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  What was the like, do you remember any like particular scholastic failures?

• 30:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, all of them. Cause I, we talked about it last time. I first go to George Washington. I fell out of there. I went to Delco Community College. Fell out.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  Delco Community College.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  And uh.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Their sizes are tough.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Went delivered mail, then worked for my dad at the business.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Delivered mail?

• 30:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, you were a mailman?

• 30:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Isn't that hard to do? Isn't that hard to like get into?

• 30:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, especially cause my vision was really, really bad at the time. So.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Everybody's, everybody's getting mail.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  And the issue was, I was like, uh, I forget what they call, but uh, it wasn't like I had a mail route. It was like I filled in for whoever was sick. So it was always new route.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Auxiliary mailman, dude.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  Yes, casual carrier was the term.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Casual carrier.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Casual carrier, sounds like AIDS.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Did you have like a jeweler's glass to read the addresses?

• 31:20Speaker 00

  No, I had like, pretty glasses that I constantly like put on, take off and.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Casual carrier, really, it does sound like the Johnny Appleseed of AIDS. Fucking public bathroom, the public bathroom, hitting up Craigslist.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  Hey, Beyonce is taking her clothes off. That's a commercial. I've never seen this commercial.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  In front of children, that's good to have sex and then kids.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Confuse everybody.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  Dude, fucking uh, repressed Catholic dude, let's show those titties off.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  How old is she now? Forty-five. I have no idea.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  That was my guess too.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  That's the number that popped into my head.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Pervert than I thought, dude.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  No, you know what? Actually, hold on.

• 31:59Speaker 00

  I don't know how old Beyonce is.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say thirty-nine.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say thirty nine. I'm good, bro. Just Google what age Beyonce is.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think I'm going forty. So wait, I'm thirty six.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  Exactly. That's kind of the math I did.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  She's probably like forty one.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm forty one.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I definitely remember the.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  No, I'm not a repressed Catholic. The commercial was the hottest woman in the world taking her clothes off. And it's like, oh, I'm getting hard a little. And then they cut to two kids.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  Nothing. Uh, okay.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  I thought you meant kids shouldn't be able to watch it.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  No, kids are in it.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  There's two children sitting in there and I'm getting, I'm starting to get hard.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  The cut happens. Your dick is hard and it cuts to two kids. Okay, okay.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Literally zooming in on Beyonce's ass while she takes her jeans off.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  That's okay. I thought you meant little boys watching football aren't allowed to look at Beyonce.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  Twins.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  It's twins.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Just like that, it's twins.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  It's like the Tyler Dernu flash.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  Subliminal messaging.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, if they've already got, oh, you're right, tweens. How's your dick not supposed to get hard? When you see tweens.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Forty three.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Oh, there you go.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  There you go, girl.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say it. Beyonce is pretty.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  One of the, one of a legendary piece of ass, I think we, and a beautiful woman who I definitely, ooh. Back in the days, we're of the generation where we have a lot in common with those North Korean soldiers. Cause internet wasn't that available.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  That's what I mean. Those guys are literally what we were.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  And I jacked off to video, like MTV videos. I remember oh, three Bonnie and Clyde jacking off to that. I remember, there's a video.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  Yes, yes. No, my first, my, my first, uh.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  There's that Drexel degree.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  The movie The Getaway. The Getaway, yeah.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  It's an intellectual.

• 33:52Speaker 00

  There's that Drexel degree. Oh, my God.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  I did carry a one four.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Well, that's, uh, that's where, that's where me and Steve, being, being horny, that's where actually this side of the, the podcast aligns.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  I think I have a little, little. On you because I was squiggle porn.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Squiggle porn.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, me too.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  I just didn't have, I just didn't have cable. We didn't get cable until they got satellite TV from Greece. And my dad got it and there was no squiggles on satellite. So there's no way to look at like a floppy green tit or whatever through the squiggles. You said the getaway?

• 34:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, the getaway. Alec Baldwin. Who's the chick?

• 34:35Speaker 00

  Kim Basinger.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Is that where they met?

• 34:37Speaker 00

  And there was the other girl. Yeah, the, the scene that I was jerking off to is like wildly fucked up.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Did you show me this? Is this where they get kidnapped?

• 34:47Speaker 00

  The guy, the guy is, the guy is, the guy is taped. Toilet screaming while Alec Baldwin like fucks his girlfriend. And I was just like, middle school, like not, not knowing really, like not fully grasping what the fuck was going on. Yeah, yeah.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  And being like, all right, I can.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Block this out.

• 35:09Speaker 00

  My mom just kept coming home being like, he's rewatching the getaway.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Now, did that fuck you up? Do you do it? Are you?

• 35:17Speaker 00

  I don't know. It's in there somewhere.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. You showed me this, dude. This fucked me up.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's really like.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  The guy, his girlfriend who he got kidnapped. And they both got kidnapped, I guess, right? And the guy's tied to a chair and hops down the hole and he's like, no. Leans in and the girl's on top.

• 35:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Riding the guy and he's like, no.

• 35:45Speaker 00

  It's horrific.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  I guess that's better than jacking off to someone getting raped while the guy's in the chair. Still not good.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  We wrote that into tires, though.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Don't let him put the pill. On the floor, honey.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  You'll never recover.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Once the pillows on the floor is over. There's like a shark with blood in the water. A single pillow on the floor.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Get a drop of vitamin B.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  This is a scene I wrote, just being like, no, but it works.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Trust me, every kid in America is gonna be jacking off the tires.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  You gotta get him young.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  That's all we want.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  Oh, chances in the career.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Beat off, dude. There is tits in every episode.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  Oh, there was a bikini episode. I wonder if one kid in America caught a jack off.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Oh, somebody probably beat off the carrot.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Porn.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  True. Yeah. I don't know, but I had trick or treaters in one. I mean, he, he had to be like eight or nine talking to me about the show.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  That kid might have jacked off the carrot.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Sounds like his dad sent him. Is his dad standing behind him?

• 36:56Speaker 00

  His dad was not, but he did say that like, my dad.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  That's nice. You're, you're a fucking neighborhood to live.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  All right. This podcast is brought to you by PrizePix, the best place to get real money sports action. PrizePix, run your game.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Shut the fuck up, dude.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action with over 10 million members. Dude, it's crazy to be in the other room laughing. Literally just sitting over there laughing at me.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  Shut the fuck up. With over, you guys wouldn't be laughing if you knew that over 10 million members and billions of dollars were awarded in winnings. PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to a hundred times your cash. Run your game all season long with PrizePix. Uh, so I would, you know what I would think, Christopher? November 10th, Eagles Cowboys. I think Saquon Barkley is gonna get way more than 85 yards rushing and good lord, if that's the number, it's definitely that. Uh, Jalen more or less than 214 yards passing.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  Who the fuck's Jalen Moore?

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Jalen more or less.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 38:16Speaker 00

  I was like, what the fuck?

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Fuck is?

• 38:18Speaker 00

  When did he take?

• 38:19Speaker 01

  I'd say more.

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, the Cowboys, you gotta go against the Cowboys and everything at this point.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Uh, you know what? That's what scares me. Dak's hurt.

• 38:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Right? Is Dak out?

• 38:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  I bet you the kid fucking, the backup's gonna come in.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  Cooper Rush?

• 38:34Speaker 01

  Gonna play a little. Anyway, uh, Stav, you know basketball? Celtics Bucks.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  On this side. Yeah, I know. So the fucking Sixers. Uh, do you think Jason Tatum will get more or less than 29 points?

• 38:50Speaker 01

  You're saying less?

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Oh, Stav's pick, less. Sixers Hornets, I'm, Tyrese Maxey's gonna go for more than 30. He's the only one that can score.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  No, he just got hurt.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Tyrese Maxey is gonna go less.

• 39:06Speaker 00

  He just got hurt. He's out.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Wait, for real?

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  When? Last, against the Clippers?

• 39:10Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, he got a hamstring thing. So he's, he's down.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  They might not win a game.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Were they? Yeah. One and six?

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, you can now win up to 100 times your money on PrizePicks with as little as four correct picks. PrizePicks is the best way to get action on sports in over 30 states, including California, Florida, Georgia, and Texas. PrizePicks is the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance policy. So your lineup stay, they stay in play. Even if one of your players gets injured. If your player leaves the, in the first half and doesn't return, PrizePicks keeps your lineup live.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  What if you pick Maxey and then he's hurt? Do you get the money because he went under?

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:51Speaker 01

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• 40:30Speaker 01

  Chris, I think it's time to download the PrizePix app today. And you just go drenched to get $50 off instantly after you play your $5 lineup. That's code drenched on your PrizePix app. It's fucking forever, dude.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  It's never gonna stop. It is now three, four minutes. PrizePix better fucking pay up, dude.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Next, we're gonna have to put a tab in there. Will we go more or less on the ad read? More. Uh, that's code drenched on PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you, uh, play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.

• 41:09Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

• 41:13Matt McCusker?

  Says, "Take a moment to say thank you to someone in your life." "I'd like to thank my mommy. She's so sweet and I love her so much and next week tune in, I might thank my daddy."

• 41:25Matt McCusker?

  "This month is all about gratitude, guys. That's what I'm trying to say." "And along with the person I just shouted out, my mommy, there's another person we don't get to thank enough: ourselves." "It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything." "And in this crazy world, that isn't easy." "Here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself." "That's a great thing. You should always say, 'Thanks.'" "Every time I get out of bed, I go, 'Thanks, Matt. Good job, buddy. You're the fucking best.'" "If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule." "Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge."

• 42:09Matt McCusker?

  "Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/MSSP today to get 10% off your first month." "That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash MSSP." "Lucy is made for your nicotine routine and delivered straight to your door. It's 100% pure nicotine and always tobacco-free." "Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco." "They're like the mom and pop shop of pouches." "Have you heard about Breakers?" "They are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise." "Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor and hydration." If you know about your pouches, you know that nicotine doesn't hit instantly and neither does the flavor.

• 42:52Matt McCusker?

  The genius at Lucy came up with a brilliant way to fix both of those problems. They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breaker's pouch. I mean, that just sounds great. The only thing better and faster and more convenient than the little flavor blast of the liquid crystal hydration technology would be to just inject it into your veins, which, you know, thank God we don't have to do that. Guys, let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co/drenched and use promo code DRENCH to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's lucy.co and use code DRENCH to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.

• 43:36Matt McCusker?

  Warning: This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. You know what we all need to get more of? Off our ass. Off of our asses. With bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain. A mountain where the weather is always perfect, your friends are ready to hang, and a day of epic proportion awaits. I think crack might sue Mountain Dew for stealing the benefits. I think that's what crack does, but also Mountain Dew does that as well. It makes you feel like you're off your ass and that you're on a perfect mountain, when in reality, you might not be on a perfect mountain.

• 44:19Matt McCusker?

  You very well may be on a very, very, very, very shitty couch in a very dirty house. Guys, what is my favorite flavor? Oh my God, it's obviously Baja Blast, Code Red, Voltage, and Original. I mix them all together and I fucking chug them all day and I just bang shit out and get stuff done, dude. Talk about what game slash activity I play with friends after drinking the blend of all the Mountain Dew flavors at once. I mean, obviously before, we did a lot of wrestling. Last time, like me and all my bros got together and just like, just chugged some Mountain Dew and just kind of like, we had one of those like dinners, you know, where a lot of people come together and just like, like-minded people talk about like-minded conversation. We had like steaks, obviously, and some fucking, we had some salad and like, you know, the rule was that like, nobody could be negative.

• 45:03Matt McCusker?

  We all just got to like, share how we were feeling and we all just like, lifted each other up. We did that kind of thing. Then afterwards, we went in the basement and we practiced this like... It again, it wasn't, if you were to see it from the top of the steps, you would have thought we were making out, but we weren't. We were just affirming each other like right up close to each other's faces and then tapping tongues just to seal the deal. Guys, the mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the dew. Hey, New York City, I have an announcement for you guys. I will be at the legendary venue Town Hall for the New York Comedy Festival on November 16th, 2024. Tickets are doing

• 45:47Matt McCusker?

  all right. I believe we're at 974 out of, I believe, like 1400. It's not ideal. You know, if that show, if any, that's going to be a big one. So if you could come, that would be great. If you have other things to do, I, you know, I'll submit myself to my fate. And, uh, you know, still, I could have three quarters sold theater in front of some industry bigwigs and they'll judge me thusly and that'll be what I get. But thank you guys so much. Please come. I don't know why I'm thanking you. Just please come. I shouldn't thank you. Come to the show, all right, guys? It's the comedy festival. I thought New York City would be so easy to sell fucking tickets in. There's, I was like, there's 25 million people. How the fuck, I'm gonna sell these tickets easily. It's not the case, dude. It's not the fucking case. So please, guys, please come. Thank you.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  I heard about, uh, I got some gossip from the country club.

• 46:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you did?

• 46:36Speaker 01

  About the woman.

• 46:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's right.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  The evil woman.

• 46:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  There's an evil woman at the country club?

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a woman that bullies Steve at the country club.

• 46:43Matt McCusker?

  She only once, but I, she bullies like everybody.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  How old is she?

• 46:47Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I, I'd put her at like 55, 60.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  The bungles are on the board, by the way.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Seven, nothing.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Are you fucking kidding me?

• 46:59Matt McCusker?

  But it's, it's so funny because.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get enthralled. I'm gonna be a good podcaster.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  You can fucking watch it the whole time.

• 47:05Matt McCusker?

  He's so.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  We had Gerben, dude.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  You're right, dude.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Pull his string.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  He's our Derrick Henry, dude. Just feed, feed him the ball.

• 47:12Matt McCusker?

  I don't know who that is.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  No, no, tell me, tell me.

• 47:14Matt McCusker?

  Oh, uh, what I'm saying is like.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Some old bitch at the fucking country club?

• 47:17Matt McCusker?

  Well, what I'm saying is that, you know, doing this podcast, it's still a little surreal of like how far the reach is of it. Cause.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 47:27Matt McCusker?

  I think I was like one of the first guests you ever had.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  You were up there.

• 47:30Matt McCusker?

  And yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  You abandoned us for several years.

• 47:32Matt McCusker?

  And it was like.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  At the time he had like a thousand.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  We didn't think anyone was listening.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Oh, believe me, brother.

• 47:41Speaker 00

  And now, like, I went to the country club and people were like, that was really funny. I'm like, oh shit.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Wow, on the pod, not even tires, like the literal pod.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  At the country club? He was in a podcast? Jesus Christ.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  No, it's not.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  It's bullshit.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  He goes to the poor people.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  Okay. And you were getting bullied?

• 48:02Speaker 00

  Shane, I was like, Shane, Julie, the country club is not going to your poor ass country club. Did you look into it?

• 48:08Speaker 01

  No, I didn't. I was just making fun of him. I didn't know it was a poor people. I didn't even think those exist.

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  But it's not the rich one.

• 48:16Speaker 00

  It's definitely not. I mean, it's, it's pricey, but it's not like the elite level.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Forty nine ninety five.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  Soon you're gonna be, once season two comes out.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Season two comes out.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  You're elite.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  I, I think so.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Ew, Steve.

• 48:28Speaker 00

  Well, well, because, no, but it is true that like we were talking about.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get you a nice pillow.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  We're gonna get you ergonomic.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get you a MyPillow.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Okay, here's what it is. Yeah, that's, that's the other commercial you do is MyPillow. Pussy eating pillows? Gerben Pussy Eating Edition MyPillow?

• 48:49Speaker 01

  I'm Mike Lindell and I designed the perfect pillow for Steve Gerben to eat his girlfriend's pussy. Now Steve's girlfriend. Steve Gerben's girlfriend snatches fucking trees he's ready to eat.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  My man, as soon as I said it, I was being disrespectful.

• 49:07Speaker 00

  Don't be disrespectful, don't worry about it.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Limited edition Gerben MyPillows?

• 49:13Speaker 01

  It would sell, dude.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  I'm getting one.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  I actually might give it a shot.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  I might toss a pillow on the ground and go, I'm gonna go, Steve told me to do this.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  That's fucking awesome, dude.

• 49:28Matt McCusker?

  So tell us about this woman that bullied you, man.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Oh, we did it last time.

• 49:33Matt McCusker?

  My bad.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  We did it last time, but members of the country club are DMing and reaching out.

• 49:40Matt McCusker?

  Let's start it. Yeah.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  We could eliminate her. I do. I do know her name now.

• 49:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 49:45Matt McCusker?

  Okay, so yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Watch your back, bitch. Stop being mean to my friend Steve at the golf course.

• 49:53Speaker 00

  That'd be so fun to get locked in a libel lawsuit. Some crazy lady through the podcast. I am a bitch. They're talking about me. Again, though, and I said last night, though, it's a country club full of attorneys. Everyone was like, what are we doing?

• 50:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  What's the point of being that if you can't make your life easier with? You don't bring work into the clubs.

• 50:14Matt McCusker?

  Of course. Yeah, you don't dazzle, dazzle. You don't fucking put on a nice show at the country club.

• 50:21Speaker 00

  No, Shane was hilarious.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  Bro, I know how you are when I'm not around.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I'm nice to people.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  No. No, he's like.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  I love to have a good time and like.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  He likes to be like, yeah, so Netflix, I mean, they've been good to me. I know all the guys at Netflix and they've been great. Yeah.

• 50:38Speaker 00

  Never once. Do I say, do I tell people about how season two? No, of course, because they want to hear it. You know, it's a nice thing. It's like a rapport.

• 50:46Matt McCusker?

  In the community, you know what I mean? You're fucking putting, you're a small business owner. You're a job creator in this community, dude.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  The Westchester economy has you to thank.

• 50:55Matt McCusker?

  Blooming. Thanks to you, truly.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  We moved the whole show here.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  It is a nice thing, I think, to talk to people. He can't stay. I'm having fun and I'm talking to people. He's got to come in and blow it up.

• 51:05Matt McCusker?

  Right. This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:10Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 51:16Speaker 01

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• 51:17Matt McCusker?

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• 52:08Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

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• 52:30Matt McCusker?

  Because sex is not just be about being able to perform. I totally agree with that. It's about actually wanting to.

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• 52:41Matt McCusker?

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• 53:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  I don't think that's true.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  Well, I'm curious about, since you knew you always wanted to be in entertainment, what was your first taste? Was it a school play? Was it a?

• 53:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  I'd love to hear. He dressed like Madonna and danced in front of the whole school. And he showed his dick. He showed his dick.

• 53:18Matt McCusker?

  I didn't show my dick. I had stop, he's on.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  One of the dads went, ew.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  He got self-conscious.

• 53:29Matt McCusker?

  Not entirely accurate. It was a kid, it was a high school kid. It's a guy and my mom is just like.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  They didn't know it first?

• 53:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's dainty.

• 53:37Matt McCusker?

  Wow, you're good, dude. I had puberty, I was like 5'2" until my senior year of high school. But.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  When did you blow up? Like, oh, that's why you had a fucking 1'4" on you. Your body probably hurt like hell. You threw a foot.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  You're going, yeah, you're going through growing pains.

• 53:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  In Western Civilization 101.

• 53:58Speaker 00

  But you remember the story I got picked on, uh, give it down syndrome.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Down syndrome kid got your ass.

• 54:05Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  A little foreshadowing.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  By the way, I think of the, yeah, yeah. As you grew up.

• 54:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  And I'm him and I hit a girl's skirt.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Your brain went from five two to six two.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  The Grinch's heart.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Should I fucking help that kid?

• 54:29Speaker 00

  Oh, that's a different one.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  You had two different kids with down syndrome bullying.

• 54:33Speaker 00

  No, no, he didn't. They gotta, they gotta help me. That was a totally different.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  He was, he had all his mental faculties?

• 54:40Speaker 00

  No, he had, no.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  He did not.

• 54:42Speaker 00

  No.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  All right. We've talked about it before. I'm sorry, but it's fun to tell.

• 54:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Or stop, stop. This is the type of man he is.

• 54:49Speaker 00

  He's the, yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  He wanted to show off for the girls.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  See, you always do. You always look at the world.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Okay. Did you, or did you not say, I'm going to play basketball with the special needs kid? So maybe some people will see me do it.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  No, so that's.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  So I can hit that pillow with my knee.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  By everybody, by that kid in front of everybody.

• 55:08Speaker 00

  What, what happened was. No, he's right in, in the, the, the smallest degree is like when we started playing. Yes, that was, I noticed girls looking at me. Yes. But that, that, this is middle school. My cousin had started a program.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  Four eleven at the time.

• 55:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  You're a little guy.

• 55:25Speaker 00

  Activity period, lunch.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  For the down syndrome.

• 55:28Speaker 00

  Playing, playing around with, with the special needs kids. So I did that in my school. I won an award, the presidential or whatever.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Fitness award.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  Citizenship award. Citizenship award. I took a picture of it because I found the plaque recently in case you don't believe me. Anyway.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  I believe you.

• 55:41Speaker 00

  So.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  Oh, no way. You won the citizen award.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Steve Girvin won the presidential citizen.

• 55:49Speaker 00

  No, it wasn't presidential. It was like a House of Representatives.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  You can even get the president's lower house.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  Get the House of Representatives.

• 55:57Speaker 00

  Senate, there was a state, state congressman. I'll look it up in a second.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 56:02Speaker 00

  So I do have a photograph. So that was a different scenario. So then I was, so I was playing basketball and there was one, you know, student. Who it was, he was very heavily afflicted.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  The boy was touched in the brain.

• 56:16Speaker 00

  And, and yeah, he was, you know, I noticed girls watching me and then he made a basket, got excited, gave me a big hug and then it turned into a really, really vigorous drive home.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 56:25Speaker 00

  Was it a dick hard? Security guy had a breakup.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  You know, you know.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  No, it's been so long ago, it's been so long ago.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  You knew, yeah.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Fuck your members, dude.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  Do you remember the aggressive back rub I got at the nils?

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 56:42Speaker 00

  It was a different student.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  So fucking funny.

• 56:44Speaker 00

  It was, it was a different student and it was like a fucking.

• 56:47Speaker 02

  This one was not mentally challenged.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  This is a different down to your bro.

• 56:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  This is the third one, Ron.

• 56:56Speaker 00

  The third one comes later. They're not attacking, but just, just trying to like make a connection. They're like, just you and me, brother.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:02Speaker 00

  The third one comes later in high school.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. And this one, I mean, again, this is no ill intent. The one in high school had ill intent.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 57:09Speaker 00

  He wanted to. The hump, the hump, no.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  No ill intent on the hump.

• 57:12Speaker 00

  Zero ill intent.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  What happened in high school?

• 57:15Speaker 00

  That was shorty. He would just call me shorty over and over again because I was short.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 00

  And, yeah, but.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  Was he disabled?

• 57:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. But.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  And I know your little nasty ass struck back one day.

• 57:28Speaker 00

  No.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  There's no way you let that slide.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  You put a bunch of candy under a box with a stick holding it up.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Everybody was very like, nice to me in high school.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:38Speaker 00

  So they're like all the football players.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Oh, so he was a little, Wes, he was a little jealous.

• 57:42Speaker 00

  I shouldn't have said the name. Bleep it out.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Okay, bleep that out.

• 57:45Speaker 00

  But anyway.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  God, dog.

• 57:49Speaker 00

  The, yeah, so the one in the nils, I just got a, a back rub that just got way too intense and that had to get broken up too.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Security was called to break up the back rub?

• 58:03Speaker 00

  The security officer of the school was also like the guy.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  What were you saying during the back rub?

• 58:09Speaker 00

  I was like, oh, that's really sweet, you know, and then, uh, it just, and then.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  And this was where? Where, where?

• 58:17Speaker 00

  Manila's diner.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Oh, at the diner?

• 58:18Speaker 00

  It was like a field trip.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  I see, I see. And, and the person was standing behind you?

• 58:22Speaker 01

  He got pumped.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  Take a field trip to a diner? With special needs.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 58:28Speaker 01

  Were you?

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Chaperoning?

• 58:32Speaker 00

  No, no, I was there with Mills.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  You're part of the, part of the gang?

• 58:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, you know.

• 58:39Speaker 00

  It's just.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Have you been special needs all that?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Is that why people love tired? Is this all on the spectrum?

• 58:50Speaker 02

  It is, bro.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  That's beautiful.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  It is.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Damn. So the Madonna dance, was there any dramatic though? Did you ever act in a play or anything like that? And that was, you caught the bug there?

• 59:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  You knew you had it.

• 59:05Speaker 00

  Well, I knew I enjoyed it.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  You enjoyed being a showman?

• 59:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, you did too. Don't act like you don't.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  I never did anything like that.

• 59:13Speaker 00

  You, if you were a showman, you're constantly, you're a showman.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  You never did any like acting?

• 59:18Speaker 00

  It's not lame to like to act.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  It is.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  No, it's not.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  We were just having this conversation.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  It is a little bit.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  We were just having this conversation today. I was driving to the show today and I was like, we always sit around and like, fuck, stand up's actually fucking lame. It's so much better than acting.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  It's much better, so.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  Acting is lame.

• 59:34Speaker 00

  No, it's not.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  Too much waiting around.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  I agree, both are good. I like both of them. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm saying the way comedians, especially podcast comedians love to be like, fucking stand up's so stupid. I only do it for money.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, it's the best job in the world.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  It's incredible. I had a total turnaround.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. After acting, which is still fine.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Acting's fun. I love it.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  It's fun and this show fucking rules, obviously. We get to fuck around and this isn't like other bullshit, like, cause we're, we're real lucky on that. But like, I did, when I did the movie, which was fun and I loved it and please buy it on fucking VOD. I really need you to, if you're listening.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  But it was so much harder. Dude, stand up, we just wake up at fucking 12. We do our act. We stay, and especially now where shit's going good, we stay in a nice hotel, you eat like a fucking, I'll spend like $40 on breakfast. Steak and eggs.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  Not for long now that we have T2. Price of groceries.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  You think price is going down? That's, that's my index.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  There's no way they go up. I mean, there is, of course, there is a way.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  We can become Argentina.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  I guess we don't see.

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it would be nice to, that's my, the steak and eggs metric. The steak and egg matrix, that's how I view.

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  I mean, that's actually a pretty fair, honest metric.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  For real, that's actually, the price of eggs is actually. Price of eggs is kind of a decent metric.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's gotten fucking insane.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  No, but I liked it, it was fun.

• 1:01:08Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  I liked it, I liked the price of eggs going up. I liked it.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  It was affecting you?

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  I liked it.

• 1:01:16Speaker 00

  It was really hurting your wallet?

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Was it hurting you?

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  Price of eggs?

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  No, I don't notice.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  No, of course not. You sound like a liberal.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  I didn't even notice, keep the prices high. That's had a backfire throughout history.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  The mob's angry about the price of eggs.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Let the meat cake, Chris. Let the meat cake.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Chris was throwing eggs at homeless people on the way over here.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, that's me.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Get a job, sick shit.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  Act on a fucking sick cop.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  That egg was three dollars.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Fuck. Get a writing job on a sick cop, you fucking idiot.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  You never, did you do any fucking, any dramatic work, dude? I was like you, I did a little, I did some fucking, I was in the Backstreet, I was in the Backstreet Boys in third grade, sang some Backstreet Boys tunes.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  At a school talent show.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking, and then, and then, you know, I thought I was the fucking man, I thought I was like, dude, I'm fucking cool as shit.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Were you cool in high school, or were you kinda like funny?

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  I was funny.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  No, like funny, like, yeah, alright, yeah.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  I was like, my school was, it was a magnet school in Baltimore, so everybody was kinda dorks, you know what I mean? So it was kinda easy to be a cool.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  And I played football, and I was like, the fu, I was maybe the funniest white kid in the school. It's, it was an eighty-five percent black school, so it was like, just being a funny white boy.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  Skyrockets you. In terms of like, you just had to be the funniest white person, and that.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  You, you know what I mean, like?

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  Hey, we're still doing that.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Oh, we have to do it to be the funniest white?

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. That is true.

• 1:03:00Speaker 00

  Black people are way funnier.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  They are so much funnier, dude.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  They're killing us.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, like I lost funniest, funniest like, you know, person in the school to some guy that just like works at a bank now, you know what I mean? And he deserved it. You know what I mean? It's like, that's the difference between white people and black people funniness. Um, but yeah, and then I fuck, and then I was in plays, but then in sixth grade, I was like, acting's gay, I'm a fucking jock. And I tried to be a fucking athlete and I played, I played football, I played soccer and football. And then, uh, I wrestled and shit, but then obviously I should have stuck. Clearly I should have stuck with fucking acting.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're never gonna be a soccer star.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  I was fat as shit. It's just, I scored a couple of goals. It was one of those like funny like, hey, the fat kids, I did that. And then I just kept getting fatter. So ninth grade, I'm like the fat kid who scored a couple of goals. Then 10th grade, they're like, hmm, you're much fatter. Like you were barely not, you were barely able to play soccer last year.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  You know how fat you have to be as a ninth grader?

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  I was, yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. Like even as a child to be like, you can't, you're not gonna be able to move. Even with your child body.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  Your body that can spring back from anything. The amount of McDonald's you're fucking saddling it with. But yeah, dude. And then, so that was, uh, and then I played, I played football because the JV soccer coach gave a kid pornography and they-

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Kind of ruined the season.

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  And they dissolved our team and they let us play football. Yeah, yeah, not even in a, I'm trying to fuck it away.

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  The good news is you can matriculate onto the football team.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  We, boy, we got good news. Can you keep a secret? That's how you get eligibility. And you still might get a JV letter.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Fellas, they got us. You're gonna have to join the black football team. I know you're trying to play the ones who weren't, they weren't playing.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  Two days are in a week. It's gonna blow.

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  Uh, fuck dude.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pretty great.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  But it was.

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  You, you, you would have been the, you were a showman.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I was definitely a showman.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Chris.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  Please tell me you tried acting.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  I never tried acting. I did, uh, I was a stagehand in high school for a play that my girlfriend was in.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:05:28Speaker 00

  At church.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  At church?

• 1:05:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  What was the play?

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  Joseph and the.

• 1:05:34Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's always that.

• 1:05:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, Body by Birdie is one of those every time. And, uh, yeah. I remember I showed the first night of the play I like that it was actually showing. We like, I was just working, you know, there for like weeks. And then I did, uh, I did a ton of mushrooms.

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

  And I showed up.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Chris is another secret dumb. Chris is a real secret dumb guy.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  I don't think it's a secret.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Chris is looking intellectual. Cretations was.

• 1:06:10Speaker 00

  I'm an idiot.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  No, Chris was, I guess if you, I mean, I guess it's been a while.

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  You, I always thought you were very, very intelligent and then you tell me about your life and I'm like, holy shit.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  But you probably met him when you were even dumber.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? You guys were young and fucking stupid.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Which makes sense. I mean, uh, I think, I don't, I guess I just don't make a judgment.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Definitely smart. I'm not being an asshole. Chris, yeah.

• 1:06:35Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  Same with Gerby baby.

• 1:06:37Speaker 00

  At Melville. But if you look at the whole picture.

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  Also academia does not mean you're dumb, obviously, but yeah. But that's awesome that you were did. How old were you? How old were you when you did it?

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  Uh, when I did this, sixteen.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Respect.

• 1:06:51Speaker 00

  It's also this, yeah, my, the story of my whole athletic career is pretty similar. Well, coaches kept putting me in and be like, this kid's gonna be amazing. And then I'd be bad.

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  Did you just look kinda jacked for a kid?

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  Did you look?

• 1:07:03Speaker 00

  No, I just was good. I just played bad.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 1:07:07Speaker 00

  I just like, and they would, they would like, I mean, the amount, I drove coaches nuts. They would just be like, what is, how do I get through to this kid? What is going on? I like.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  That problem sure has persisted.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  It's a lifelong thing of just being like, it doesn't make any sense.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  That you're.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  You're not gonna get through.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  I remember, I remember.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Don't even try.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  The most I can get out of him is angry. That's all I can get.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Today, today I just went up there and laid on the, he was upstairs in the office. I just came upstairs, laid on the ground. So I was like, come on, this sucks.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  Got a nice 20 minute flight. I wasn't even looking at him. I stared at the ceiling. I was like, you think Ukraine's gonna be like Afghanistan was? I don't think, dude. I think the withdrawal from Afghanistan was a disaster.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  Fucking guys were hanging off the plane.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Fucking, that was nuts. How did they not, how did they, fucking, you gotta get a fence up, dude. Don't let bros hang on the plane on the way out.

• 1:08:18Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm not familiar with the footage. I, I just remember Vietnam hanging off the plane.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  Well, that was people on the helicopter grabbing it.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but Afghanistan took off with hundreds of people underneath a giant plane, jumping onto the fucking landing gear.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  Fuck, dude. Yeah. That sucks.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  That is a tough moment to be like, I hope this works. I don't know how landing goal to get your phone in, but I hope I'm in the right spot.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  Like, well, this, I have better odds of doing this than sticking around.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  Seen a lot of these planes, never on the ground. They gotta get up there somehow.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  That's another guy that thinks he's Tom Cruise, dude.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  True, he did think he was mentioning possible.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. Would, would, would you do a fucking big ass stunt, dude?

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  Well, for enough money, yeah, sure.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  I want Tom Cruise to make a very small indie movie at some point and get off the action.

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  I think you will. I think you will.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  Hold on, I'd love to hear this.

• 1:09:19Speaker 02

  I wanna be, I wanna roll where I'm like Tom Arnold in True Lies.

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  An action movie, but I'm the guy in the van.

• 1:09:26Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  I think you will get that.

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  You'll crush that.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

  I don't think I've ever seen that movie.

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  Have you seen True Lies?

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  It's fucking good.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  It's so good.

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:34Speaker 00

  I've watched parts of it on like TBS, but I've never gotten through the whole thing.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  It's a banger. James Cameron, Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's kind of Arnold's last undisputed kind of title run. You know, like defensive as action hero title and then it becomes all this so-so stuff. But that one is like, it's good. It's good. It's crazy. It's got like crazy set pieces.

• 1:09:57Speaker 00

  Tia Carrera.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  Tia Carrera, what, you want to talk about pieces of ass?

• 1:10:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  She had a UPN show that I jacked off, back to the.

• 1:10:03Speaker 00

  Good for you.

• 1:10:04Speaker 02

  Nice. Kids, but.

• 1:10:05Speaker 00

  Was that the lady from Wayne's World?

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:10:07Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, brother.

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  What's her name?

• 1:10:10Speaker 02

  Tia Carrera.

• 1:10:11Speaker 00

  She was a real flash in the pan.

• 1:10:13Speaker 02

  And then she had a porn star, you know, Asia Carrera.

• 1:10:16Speaker 00

  Asia Carrera.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  Knockoff, obviously.

• 1:10:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  I miss that era.

• 1:10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was great, but Asia Carrera is also incredibly beautiful.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  I think porn star incredibly beautiful.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot of them are.

• 1:10:27Speaker 00

  He, he, he's a Carrera.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  A lot of them are.

• 1:10:29Speaker 00

  That was one of those early.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  You sound like a pervert knowing their name and describing them as incredibly beautiful.

• 1:10:35Speaker 00

  Oh, man. No, because that was one of the early days.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  Obviously, the whole point is they're beautiful.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  That's a man that heats and dips, brother.

• 1:10:41Speaker 01

  That is.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  A man that eats and dips calls porn stars incredibly beautiful.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  You're like a double dip.

• 1:10:45Speaker 00

  What's that mean?

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 1:10:49Speaker 00

  Sure, I guess I do.

• 1:10:50Speaker 02

  But nothing wrong with a little double dip, bro.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  I think about the double dip.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  What is that?

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  I don't do it.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  One day you'll get there, Shane.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, who knows?

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  Trust yourself enough to double dip. Na na na, bop, bop, bop.

• 1:11:03Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, double dip.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  You gotta spit on it.

• 1:11:07Speaker 00

  I don't know. Once I had a, if I, if I ever had a plan that would fuck my head up so bad.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  You wouldn't need a plan. It would just feel right in the moment.

• 1:11:14Speaker 00

  Right. And you're also, and you're playing to her rhythm.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Absolutely, yes.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  Her rhythm.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:20Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:23Speaker 00

  It's not, you won't need the plan. She's gonna give you.

• 1:11:25Speaker 02

  I saw that hit you, Shane. I saw that phrase just fucking wallop you in the face. Gerber, Gerber talking about being into with a woman's orgasmic rhythm.

• 1:11:39Speaker 02

  Destroyed you, dude.

• 1:11:40Speaker 00

  Say it like a maestro.

• 1:11:42Speaker 01

  You are the maestro.

• 1:11:43Speaker 00

  Oh, my god.

• 1:11:44Speaker 02

  Pussy maestro.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  You are the pussy maestro.

• 1:11:47Speaker 02

  Pussy maestro.

• 1:11:52Speaker 01

  And now I'm gonna stick it back in. And she enjoyed that, she gyrated, I'm gonna get back down and taste her.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  Pussy maestro dude, that's awesome.

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  I just had a good day at the links.

• 1:12:08Speaker 00

  No!

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  Hey, honey, I have an 83.

• 1:12:12Speaker 00

  Oh, you don't want?

• 1:12:13Speaker 01

  Break out the pillow!

• 1:12:18Speaker 00

  My mood is not dependent on the score, but.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  Do you have, do you have a good one, like a special pillow?

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:12:25Speaker 00

  Oh, oh, a wedge, yes.

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

  Oh wait, you bought a. Ew, dude, you're a fucking sex pillow.

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  He's a specific proceeding pillow, yes, no!

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  Oh, the sex pillow to Leon.

• 1:12:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:37Speaker 02

  I know that one, respect.

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  I mean, obviously respect, obviously, obviously this is all respect, but it's so fucking weird that you're.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I think you probably got a nice piece on you, but with a little ass dick, you gotta go, you gotta know your angles.

• 1:12:56Speaker 00

  I don't have a big piece at all, and, uh, yeah.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:13:04Speaker 00

  I have, it's not good.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  It's a reasonable penis, now you're saying it's bad?

• 1:13:08Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't think it's.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  I would imagine.

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  I think it's about.

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  You've got a reasonable.

• 1:13:11Speaker 00

  Should I just give you the size?

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:13:13Speaker 00

  Some inches? Well, the length I think is fine, it's like five and a half.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  It's great.

• 1:13:18Speaker 00

  And then, but the girth could use.

• 1:13:20Speaker 02

  Oh, he's a little juicy.

• 1:13:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:22Speaker 02

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:13:23Speaker 00

  I have like a bulbous head. Man, it's not even that bulbous.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  Well, well, shut up, you're saying that?

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  I would never, ever.

• 1:13:29Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. Delete it then.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Don't delete it, keep it in there. I have a very similar penis.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  I have, I wouldn't say it's long.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  Well, you gotta just have a skinny, short skinny penis. You have a small penis.

• 1:13:44Speaker 01

  You guys are describing small penis.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  A little below average girth. Terrible girth.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  The abs on the way in, the abs on the way in are.

• 1:14:02Speaker 02

  Something so unsettling about hearing that you think that you have a similar penis to mine because now. I'm interested to know what your penis looks like. It's what you kind of described, bro. Yeah, I don't have a bulbous head. You got me on the head. You got me on the head, though. I gotta. Don't take that too literal. Like it's that deform bulbous. Yeah, but it's just.

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  You got a big fat head and a stem.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  How many licks, brother?

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  So you have a bulbous head and you're lacking in growth and you're not afraid to break out the wedge.

• 1:14:42Speaker 02

  Well, that's how you hit those, the deep inside of pussy, dude. With a little ass dick, you need the wedge. Dude, I had a tough situation happen where I'm used to not being able to hit it, hit the back of the pussy with my dick. But I was fingering, she said deeper. And I was just like, oh, that's the one. It's literally maxed out. And it's like, lady, what do you want me to do? It's all the time. Yeah. I did get that. Like asking for two fingers. I physically can't.

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Oh damn, you just gotta go one.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  I can't. Uh, what if we got you a splint? What if we got you a pussy fingering splint?

• 1:15:18Speaker 01

  That's where you break out the toys.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, yeah. Hell, yeah, dude. Inspector Gadget. You know. The pussy maestro. He brings out the lectern, the thing they used to fucking, uh.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  So you have a wedge and an array of toys.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I wear a belt and I keep the toys on. No.

• 1:15:38Speaker 01

  That would have been sick. And that was gonna make me so happy.

• 1:15:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you get a belt that was both like, kept your form right. Carpenter with a pencil in the ear.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  It folds out.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  You truly are the maestro.

• 1:15:55Speaker 00

  Maestro, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying for, I just want to.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  I'm sorry to do this to you. How many, how many toys are we talking here?

• 1:16:00Speaker 00

  Uh, I just had to take a second to take inventory. I do that.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  Let's do that.

• 1:16:04Speaker 00

  But no, let's act, cause we're, we're at time. But I also just want to say for the record, I just want to say for the record, I'm not claiming to be like, you know, sexual dynamo.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Of course you're not.

• 1:16:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you're doing everything.

• 1:16:14Speaker 02

  You're a humble guy, but we, your friends are reading, we're taking what you, what you're saying and we, you know, we get paid to analyze things for a living.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This wedge talks got me excited.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  The pussy maestro.

• 1:16:27Speaker 00

  It's exciting to be your friend.

• 1:16:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely. And you're the pussy maestro. I think we're all in agreement, right, boys?

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I have nothing that's.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Steve is the pussy maestro.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  If I actually thought it was bad, I wouldn't fucking film it.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  It's awesome.

• 1:16:41Speaker 01

  It's great that you do this, but could you answer the question of how many toys?

• 1:16:44Speaker 00

  Toys?

• 1:16:48Speaker 00

  I think, well, if we're talking, is the pillow count as one?

• 1:16:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:16:52Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  There're probably three. Oh, it's nothing. Good. What do we got? Vibe?

• 1:16:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Speaker 02

  You gotta get a vibe in the mix.

• 1:17:01Speaker 01

  Obviously vibes the, yeah.

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  If you got a girlfriend, it's weird to be a single guy and have toy. Like, I can't just fucking bust out toys, be like, yeah.

• 1:17:08Speaker 00

  No, that's a, that mother bitch.

• 1:17:11Speaker 02

  Pussy was on this.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  Right. You sterilize them, you put them in the dishwasher.

• 1:17:14Speaker 00

  No, you have to buy new ones.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  In barbasol, like they're a, like you're.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  That's gotta be sad, though. Throwing them out.

• 1:17:19Speaker 00

  Throwing them out. Oh, you just get, you just throw it out.

• 1:17:21Speaker 02

  Say goodbye. Say goodbye to the pussy pie. It's like a, it's like a, a real totem of the relationship, you know? You toss the fucking vibe.

• 1:17:30Speaker 01

  So you've, yeah, you get rid of them.

• 1:17:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  And you go purchase new ones.

• 1:17:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  On the internet.

• 1:17:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:37Speaker 02

  I've never used one.

• 1:17:38Speaker 00

  Never?

• 1:17:39Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:17:39Speaker 01

  Really? It's a.

• 1:17:41Speaker 02

  It's not bad.

• 1:17:42Speaker 01

  It's pretty awesome.

• 1:17:43Speaker 02

  It's like you're, it's like a Gundam suit.

• 1:17:44Speaker 00

  I can't, I just can't. I can't.

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  Oh, what? It's like you're, it's like a Gundam suit.

• 1:17:48Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 1:17:48Speaker 02

  It's like when you fucking, you know what I mean? Like you have like a blaster on your arm.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  And you just blast the pussy.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  I did that.

• 1:17:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  You're lucky I gave you that orgasm.

• 1:18:06Speaker 00

  That's what bothers me about it. I'm just like, what is?

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Nah, nah, you can't look at his competition. It's an enhancement.

• 1:18:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:15Speaker 02

  No, you can't look at her. Putting a sight on a sniper rifle, dude. You know what I mean? It's like, it helps you.

• 1:18:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:21Speaker 00

  Talk to her?

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  Yes. Feel her rhythms?

• 1:18:24Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 1:18:25Speaker 02

  Feel her rhythms?

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  I know. It's fucking gross.

• 1:18:30Speaker 01

  It is. I'm sorry, man.

• 1:18:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, because in that moment, how do you not go, I should be doing anything else? I should be like, learning to play guitar.

• 1:18:38Speaker 01

  Well, that's crazy. What are you talking about?

• 1:18:40Speaker 00

  No, once you bring tools in.

• 1:18:42Speaker 01

  It's like while I'm playing guitar, ever I would go, I should be fucking getting pussy. That's why people are playing guitar.

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:18:49Speaker 00

  Now, now you want to like, you enjoy it.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Everything you do is for pussy. That's the whole of man's, of mankind.

• 1:18:55Speaker 00

  Nah.

• 1:18:55Speaker 02

  Boiled down, it pretty much is.

• 1:18:57Speaker 00

  Well, that, I mean, you're not wrong.

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  Explain asexuals.

• 1:19:00Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck, you got me there.

• 1:19:02Speaker 02

  Mr. Fucking Open.

• 1:19:03Speaker 00

  You got me there.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Mr. Liberal Open Man. How do you, how do you, how do you explain the non-binary, no-sex people?

• 1:19:10Speaker 00

  I guess they don't really accomplish that much.

• 1:19:12Speaker 01

  Is that what you're saying?

• 1:19:13Speaker 00

  I think they're just probably watching anime. Yeah, just that they don't, you know?

• 1:19:19Speaker 01

  That's fair, honestly. I didn't think you were gonna give a real response.

• 1:19:25Speaker 01

  A totally correct answer. I think they're not doing shit.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  They're just hanging out in their bedroom, playing fucking Stardew Valley. You know what I mean?

• 1:19:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot of it has to be like not.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're, you're, you're like, you're ace curious, dude. I've seen how, I've seen some of your gaming sessions.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's close. It's close to shutting out the world.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, girlfriend there, just kind of hanging around.

• 1:19:51Speaker 01

  Watch Manchester United rebuild. And I go, babe, this is the group stage of Champions League. There's no time for us to talk.

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  I did already secure the group. I'm trying to get young guys some playing time here.

• 1:20:04Speaker 00

  That I do love. That's my favorite thing in the world.

• 1:20:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's exciting stuff.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  Making your girlfriend watch video games?

• 1:20:10Speaker 00

  No, just I do love the like building a team.

• 1:20:12Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Franchise mode is so good.

• 1:20:15Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  And it all it's scouting and getting the young guys up for whatever reason.

• 1:20:19Speaker 00

  No, you.

• 1:20:20Speaker 01

  It's really enjoyable.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  It feels great.

• 1:20:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:22Speaker 02

  It's because it's like we get to relive like how good potential feels.

• 1:20:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get to be a kid again.

• 1:20:29Speaker 02

  It feels so much better. Potential. Potential is so much better than doing shit. We're doing shit now and it's cool, but it's not as cool as being 20 and being like, someday I'm gonna do shit.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  That was awesome.

• 1:20:41Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 1:20:42Speaker 02

  The open mic days where you're drunk as fuck and just like, you know what I mean? Like hanging out like.

• 1:20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, those were.

• 1:20:48Speaker 00

  And even through that video game, you get the feeling of like, you just listen to me, dude. You're gonna be great.

• 1:20:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. You're really talking to yourself in middle school, but you get you get a bunch, you get eight avatars of who you could have been and you're like, if I get these guys, then maybe I would, maybe I did get pussy.

• 1:21:06Speaker 00

  I'm gonna put you in the right situation.

• 1:21:11Speaker 01

  Gary Behavies.

• 1:21:12Speaker 00

  You're not a quarterback.

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  Moving you to wide out this season.

• 1:21:21Speaker 01

  Stick with the pro and those who stay will be champions.

• 1:21:26Speaker 02

  What your brain fills in, you're just pressing two buttons and in your head, you're you're calling over a youth to sit at your desk and have this conversation. You're going through the conversation.

• 1:21:38Speaker 00

  If those games added a practice mode, I would, it's all I would do as a coach. Hold the end line.

• 1:21:45Speaker 02

  It's real guys and fucking. We literally just need to have families.

• 1:21:53Speaker 02

  We just need to have children, dude.

• 1:21:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. McKeever hit me with that one. I was in, I was in Austin. I was like, ah, fuck, I'm drinking, fuck, this is a.

• 1:22:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:03Speaker 01

  He's like, bro, I don't mean this like mean, you just gotta have a family, dude. And I was like, yeah.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:22:11Speaker 00

  You're such a good dad.

• 1:22:12Speaker 01

  Well, thanks, man.

• 1:22:15Speaker 01

  Unless he looks like you.

• 1:22:19Speaker 02

  Fuck, dude, you're like, where'd that wedge come from, honey?

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  If my son, my son might be a Gerby.

• 1:22:24Speaker 02

  Nothing, nothing wrong with that.

• 1:22:25Speaker 01

  Straight Gerby, baby.

• 1:22:26Speaker 02

  You'd be lucky to have a Gerby.

• 1:22:28Speaker 00

  Just keep sticking wedge blocks and putting dolls over it.

• 1:22:33Speaker 01

  You know, I love you.

• 1:22:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love you too. What are you talking about?

• 1:22:36Speaker 01

  You said earlier today, you said I didn't like you.

• 1:22:39Speaker 00

  Well, first of all, you're like, oh, you're not my friend. It's like, I love you so much. I mean.

• 1:22:45Speaker 01

  I actually said, you're not my friend.

• 1:22:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:22:47Speaker 01

  And then he was like, yeah, I'm your friend. I was like, you wanna watch Thursday night football tonight? He's like, I'm busy.

• 1:22:51Speaker 02

  No, I didn't say I'm busy.

• 1:22:54Speaker 02

  We did figure out a good way to get him over here and I'm pumped to be hanging out with the boys tonight.

• 1:22:58Speaker 00

  I feel like very like, uh, I know, like it's in the show, but you feel like family, but I think it's also for like everything you've done for me.

• 1:23:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are my family, bro.

• 1:23:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fucking beautiful, man.

• 1:23:11Speaker 00

  I still don't wanna go to a bar tonight.

• 1:23:13Speaker 01

  We're definitely not going to a bar.

• 1:23:16Speaker 02

  No one's going to a bar, watching football.

• 1:23:18Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go home and make chicken.

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  We could order some pizzas.

• 1:23:22Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 1:23:24Speaker 01

  You can make chicken.

• 1:23:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:25Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:23:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  And then I think all this talk about pillows and wedges.

• 1:23:32Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 1:23:33Speaker 01

  How long does it take to make the chicken? Put it in the oven, you go.

• 1:23:37Speaker 02

  We've got 20 minutes.

• 1:23:41Speaker 02

  Uh oh, I look at my watch.

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  No sex tonight.

• 1:23:43Speaker 02

  Wedge o'clock.

• 1:23:44Speaker 01

  Why not?

• 1:23:44Speaker 00

  Uh, I'm exhausted.

• 1:23:46Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:23:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:47Speaker 01

  You need to be prompt.

• 1:23:48Speaker 02

  Exactly, a real pussy fiend.

• 1:23:50Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  That's cause he loves the pussy.

• 1:23:53Speaker 00

  He can't do it halfway.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  I'll fucking get a fucking sideways lay. We're gonna just lay still and then I go, let's just stay still for a second.

• 1:24:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  Actually, I'm not gonna come. I'm going with that.

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  Why don't I just beat off while I feel your tits?

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  This man's never done that.

• 1:24:11Speaker 00

  I actually have done that.

• 1:24:12Speaker 02

  I've done that hundreds of times.

• 1:24:16Speaker 02

  So I'm like.

• 1:24:16Speaker 00

  Getting hit with a no on that, though.

• 1:24:18Speaker 02

  That's really tough.

• 1:24:19Speaker 01

  You guys all done? I've never done that once.

• 1:24:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:21Speaker 02

  Oh, that's great stuff. I mean, as a, I'm fat as shit, obviously. I mean, you know, I'm so fat that you could even say you're not fat around me, Shane, and it wouldn't be that wild. You know what I mean?

• 1:24:31Speaker 01

  Hey, you look good.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  So I have, and this is, I'm actually not as fat as I've been, which is cra- like, there was a year of my life where I was so fat and unhealthy, and I fucked a lot because it was like, you know, pathological. There was a lot of jacking off your fucking half limp dick in those. But you know, I'm in there, I'm eating the pussy, you know what I mean? I'm going Gerben on the pussy. I'm eating it like, you know, like it's Fruit Loops. And so they'll reward me with a jack off while I suck on a titty.

• 1:25:01Speaker 01

  I am excited for you that you enjoy pleasuring.

• 1:25:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:06Speaker 01

  You love giving pleasure.

• 1:25:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:09Speaker 01

  Is there, how often does the woman not orgasm when you're down there or working with your tools or using?

• 1:25:17Speaker 00

  Uh, it really, I mean, I would say it depends on the woman.

• 1:25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course it depends on the woman, but.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  What's your batting?

• 1:25:25Speaker 00

  Well, it also, it's like cycle dependent.

• 1:25:29Speaker 02

  Oh, no. You know the menstrual cycle? That's awesome.

• 1:25:34Speaker 00

  Hey, I'm talking to Matt right now. Matt knows.

• 1:25:37Speaker 02

  You just honestly pushed past me, dude. We were neck and neck this whole time in terms of freak.

• 1:25:42Speaker 01

  The Warriors guy freaked. You've never heard anything like it.

• 1:25:45Speaker 00

  The cycle. I have to go.

• 1:25:47Speaker 01

  When, hold on, explain to me when in the cycle.

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  No, I want to learn because I don't know this at all. I haven't even considered this.

• 1:25:51Speaker 00

  Oh, well, every woman's different, but I think like I heard McCusker talking about it and I have a similar experience.

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  Matt's the man.

• 1:25:58Speaker 00

  Which is like.

• 1:25:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, Matt's.

• 1:25:59Speaker 00

  A couple of days after, after the period. Now, again, this is like.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  Uh, ovulation, peak ovulation.

• 1:26:06Speaker 00

  No, no, no. Peak, uh, uh, peak ovulation, I think is like halfway through the cycle.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck. I would assume they're the horniest when they're ovulating.

• 1:26:13Speaker 00

  Assuming non-birth control.

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  That was like his point.

• 1:26:17Speaker 01

  So it depends on when in the cycle.

• 1:26:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:26:19Speaker 01

  Um, again, though, back to what's your batting average on the lady coming?

• 1:26:24Speaker 02

  Probably eighty percent?

• 1:26:27Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  Beautiful numbers, man. Beautiful numbers.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  Insane numbers.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. I don't think so.

• 1:26:32Speaker 01

  Oh, trust me.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  It's, but it's also the partner. It's also the partner.

• 1:26:36Speaker 01

  One forty seven.

• 1:26:38Speaker 02

  This is a lot.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  He better be good at fielding. That's all I'm saying.

• 1:26:45Speaker 01

  I'm way below the Mendoza.

• 1:26:47Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:26:48Speaker 01

  Eighty percent come?

• 1:26:50Speaker 02

  But, but it's not, but. He's fucked that many women. He's, they've been partners, is what he's saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfectly said.

• 1:26:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, but even partnerships, we're starting to get down. The batting average, it's pretty good at first and then the batting average.

• 1:27:02Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Interesting, interesting.

• 1:27:04Speaker 01

  Little slump going.

• 1:27:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:06Speaker 01

  We'll get out. We'll hit our way out of this.

• 1:27:10Speaker 02

  Just keep taking swings. Keep swinging, brother.

• 1:27:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm a playoff Aaron Judge. I'm fucking crazy.

• 1:27:19Speaker 02

  More of a glue guy.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, locker room guy. I'm fucking.

• 1:27:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:24Speaker 01

  Eighty percent.

• 1:27:25Speaker 02

  Respect.

• 1:27:26Speaker 01

  What are you thinking? Stop, stop. What are you thinking? I mean, these numbers are crazy.

• 1:27:30Speaker 02

  Again, incredible numbers.

• 1:27:31Speaker 01

  Eighty fifty, I'd be happy.

• 1:27:33Speaker 02

  Again, not, not like, uh, not, not, not with a ton of women in my life and. Yeah. In my experience, if you get the, the awesomest thing is when a woman just busts easy and you can tell yourself like, I did that. And then you fuck somebody who's like, I don't know, man. Takes a while to get in there. You know? These numbers are truly, you're a fucking savant. The Pussy Maestro.

• 1:27:58Speaker 01

  He, but he isn't my shit. He's scientific.

• 1:28:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. The moniker is earned tenfold.

• 1:28:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:04Speaker 02

  Throughout this conversation for fo- for five different reasons. Yeah. I want merch, dude. I want Pussy Maestro merch. I just don't want this to come off like I'm a blowhard.

• 1:28:17Speaker 02

  You know that that.

• 1:28:18Speaker 00

  Was he the first like the name he gave me the gruel king?

• 1:28:20Speaker 02

  No, I didn't know that.

• 1:28:21Speaker 00

  Do you know what gruel is?

• 1:28:22Speaker 02

  I'm guessing.

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  No one knows what gruel is dude, it's disgusting.

• 1:28:25Speaker 00

  It was just like, it was a fetish I had for a little bit. It was, no, I'm leaving on this.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  It's a fetish that every dude on earth has.

• 1:28:32Speaker 00

  My thing, Chris was also very funny last time.

• 1:28:35Speaker 02

  A wet pussy? Wait a second, you said that's a fetish you have? He's a wet pussy?

• 1:28:41Speaker 01

  Well, no, I mean, he was searching the wet pussy.

• 1:28:45Speaker 01

  Medical emergency.

• 1:28:47Speaker 00

  Now, there's a viscosity element to it.

• 1:28:49Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:28:49Speaker 02

  It's like a, yeah.

• 1:28:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course, it's a wet pussy.

• 1:28:52Speaker 02

  Nickelodeon gack.

• 1:28:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:28:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:54Speaker 00

  He needs, he needs to slime pussy.

• 1:28:57Speaker 02

  Hold on.

• 1:28:58Speaker 01

  He needs slime coming out of that pussy. He's on the fucking pillow.

• 1:29:02Speaker 00

  Chris said it very funny, cause then I researched, you know, and that is typically indicative of ovulation. So it's less what I thought it was, which is being extremely turned off. But there's, there's a subreddit, our gruel.

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  Our gruel?

• 1:29:14Speaker 00

  So he started calling the gruel king. And then he was like, gruel king.

• 1:29:19Speaker 01

  People have drawn paintings.

• 1:29:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:29:23Speaker 00

  The artist, what's his name?

• 1:29:24Speaker 01

  I forget, it's so good.

• 1:29:26Speaker 00

  He's so good. Um, oh man, I'm so sorry to the guy who's listening to this, who really deserves a shout out, but.

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  He stopped listening.

• 1:29:34Speaker 00

  It's also so funny to be talking about his artwork like that, just being like, no, it's beautiful.

• 1:29:40Speaker 02

  The guy, what does he draw, wet pussy?

• 1:29:42Speaker 00

  No, no, no, it was like, it was like, it was kinda like a Hunter S. Thompson artwork style.

• 1:29:47Speaker 02

  And your mouth is listening?

• 1:29:48Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:29:49Speaker 02

  Well, we need that.

• 1:29:50Speaker 00

  He just put a crown.

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  He's just caught in a web of gruel. Anyways. The little, the little gruel fly about to die.

• 1:29:59Speaker 01

  You are the gruel fly dude. I mean this with all due respect, your spirit animal would definitely be a fly dude.

• 1:30:10Speaker 00

  Shane was saying, like when Netflix, you know, they, they, they would start to see comments, it was like gruel king, gruel king. And he's like, exactly.

• 1:30:18Speaker 02

  He's like, what's that?

• 1:30:19Speaker 01

  I was like, what is this?

• 1:30:21Speaker 00

  Oh, they like him, a great.

• 1:30:23Speaker 02

  What did we do?

• 1:30:25Speaker 00

  Yes, it's a, it's an acronym.

• 1:30:29Speaker 01

  The Pussy My Show Gruel King.

• 1:30:32Speaker 02

  Gruel King.

• 1:30:33Speaker 01

  I'll be breaking out his tools. The woman must know she's in for a treat.

• 1:30:37Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:30:39Speaker 00

  No, no. They're trying to toys and then it's having a no. Like a first aid thing?

• 1:30:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:43Speaker 01

  Got a nozzle back there.

• 1:30:44Speaker 02

  That she just sees batteries charging when she walks in.

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  The room's lit up. Charging devices.

• 1:30:51Speaker 00

  Oh, I'll tell you what.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  Hold on, he's about to tell us.

• 1:30:54Speaker 00

  No, they're not gonna go.

• 1:30:55Speaker 02

  All right, relax.

• 1:30:56Speaker 00

  Red lights.

• 1:30:57Speaker 02

  We're having a good time.

• 1:30:57Speaker 00

  I love red lights.

• 1:30:59Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  In the house, like the lightbulb or during sex.

• 1:31:01Speaker 02

  During sex. Oh, classic.

• 1:31:03Speaker 00

  You get Philips Hue and you make them red and it's just.

• 1:31:06Speaker 02

  You really are a freak, dude. That's.

• 1:31:08Speaker 00

  Have you done it?

• 1:31:08Speaker 02

  I've, I've definitely fucked under some red light conditions, but.

• 1:31:11Speaker 01

  That the girl had at her.

• 1:31:12Speaker 02

  I have a Philips Hue as well, actually.

• 1:31:14Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:31:14Speaker 02

  I do have the lights that turn colors.

• 1:31:16Speaker 00

  You can make them whatever color you want.

• 1:31:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:18Speaker 00

  It's just adding. Chinatown. And that's all right. That's it. It's just what it's called on the app.

• 1:31:22Speaker 01

  Just fucking. Losing a boner in red light.

• 1:31:27Speaker 02

  Well, that's more house coated, though. That's like what a, in a bordello, they would have red lights. That was the classic. That's how you knew it was a whorehouse back in the day.

• 1:31:36Speaker 01

  You may be Nosferatu. That is very vampiric of you.

• 1:31:39Speaker 02

  Dude, I did.

• 1:31:40Speaker 01

  The red lights in there.

• 1:31:41Speaker 02

  And, and you know what? I had a hunch you were a fucking a pussy fiend, but I didn't know.

• 1:31:45Speaker 00

  Fiend.

• 1:31:45Speaker 02

  You are.

• 1:31:46Speaker 01

  You are, dude.

• 1:31:47Speaker 02

  It's awesome. That's a positive.

• 1:31:48Speaker 01

  It is good.

• 1:31:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:49Speaker 01

  But this is some intense stuff. Red lights, toys, a fucking wedge.

• 1:31:54Speaker 02

  The muff gremlin.

• 1:31:55Speaker 01

  You are the muff gremlin, dude.

• 1:31:58Speaker 01

  This is when exactly. This is gonna go.

• 1:32:00Speaker 02

  This is.

• 1:32:02Speaker 00

  And this is the big post-election recap.

• 1:32:07Speaker 01

  The post-election recap.

• 1:32:09Speaker 02

  Check out Let's Start a Cult on VOD, uh, uh, November 12th. Please rent it. We could really use it and, uh.

• 1:32:17Speaker 01

  And check out Kyle Hamilton at Safety.

• 1:32:19Speaker 02

  Yes, that's where we align.

• 1:32:20Speaker 01

  He fucking rules.

• 1:32:21Speaker 02

  Notre Dame and Ravens.

• 1:32:22Speaker 01

  Van Noy, Van Noy came and did a spot at my show in Baltimore.

• 1:32:26Speaker 00

  Zbikowski was on the Ravens.

• 1:32:27Speaker 01

  Zibby was on the.

• 1:32:28Speaker 02

  He was, yeah.

• 1:32:29Speaker 01

  They always get Notre Dame boys. Ronnie Stanley at tackle.

• 1:32:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, although, you know, actually he's been, he's been better recently.

• 1:32:35Speaker 01

  Miles Boykin showed up for a minute. Um, but yeah, and you can, uh, you can catch Steve on his knees on a pillow. Yes, sir. Worshipping. Take me to church. I worship. You love it.

• 1:32:49Speaker 00

  That's the song.

• 1:32:50Speaker 01

  That you have sex to?

• 1:32:51Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:32:52Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:32:52Speaker 00

  That story from last year.

• 1:32:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:32:54Speaker 00

  No, I don't want to say it, but the.

• 1:32:57Speaker 01

  Wait, tell me.

• 1:32:57Speaker 00

  No, because it's you.

• 1:33:00Speaker 01

  Well, we might be able to delete this. What is?

• 1:33:02Speaker 00

  Oh, uh, remember the experience that you had with the lady?

• 1:33:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:33:09Speaker 00

  That was the song that you were singing when you were alive.

• 1:33:12Speaker 01

  That's hilarious.

• 1:33:14Speaker 00

  Remember I told you that?

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:33:15Speaker 00

  I can't remember what song you were singing.

• 1:33:17Speaker 01

  That's really, really funny.

• 1:33:18Speaker 02

  Fill me in after post-record.

• 1:33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:33:21Speaker 02

  That's awesome.

• 1:33:22Speaker 01

  That's awesome. All right, well. Thank you.

• 1:33:26Speaker 00

  See you.

• 1:33:26Speaker 02

  Thanks, everyone. Go eat pussy Gerben style.