Charles and the Chocolate Factory

Conan talks to Charles in Manila about working as a mechanical engineer in an unpopular candy factory. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What do I gift my mom and nieces?

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Walmart has top brands you know, like Ninja, Disney, Lego.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Oh, Dad loves music.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Sonos can bring his songs to life with sound that hits just right.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  And my coffee-obsessed bestie?

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Delongi brews coffee right for mornings extra bright.

• 0:21Speaker 00

  All those great brands at Walmart? Who knew?

• 0:23Speaker 01

  We knew, now you do too.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  Shop gifts no love at Walmart.

• 0:30Speaker 03

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Pricing participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 0:48Speaker 04

  Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. OK, let's get started.

• 0:58Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Charles. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

• 1:01Speaker 06

  Hi.

• 1:01Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Charles. How are you?

• 1:03Speaker 06

  Hi, Conan. Good. It's actually early in the morning over here.

• 1:08Conan O'Brien?

  OK, well, that's how the world works.

• 1:12Conan O'Brien?

  I am in Los Angeles and you are in, uh...

• 1:16Speaker 06

  I'm in the Philippines.

• 1:18Conan O'Brien?

  Where in the Philippines are you?

• 1:19Speaker 06

  Um, so I live in the capital, in the Greater Manila, but the city itself is Quezon City.

• 1:26Conan O'Brien?

  OK. I'm not sure why I asked because it doesn't really, um, mean much to me. I haven't been to the Philippines, so, uh... But I want to know more.

• 1:35Speaker 06

  You should visit here.

• 1:36Conan O'Brien?

  You think I should visit the Philippines?

• 1:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's quite nice over here. The people are friendly, good food.

• 1:43Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I've heard wonderful things about the Philippines. I'd like to know more about you, Charles. Tell me a little bit about your life.

• 1:50Speaker 06

  So I'm an engineer. Um, oh, sorry. I'm not sure if you're hearing my dog in the background.

• 1:56Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, when you said, "I'm an engineer," oops, sorry, I thought... A member of the secret police was behind you. And that you're in hiding. You're whispering, your dogs, your dogs behind you and doesn't approve of your work as an engineer. Is that the idea?

• 2:13Speaker 06

  Probably.

• 2:16Conan O'Brien?

  Um, so you're an engineer, what kind of engineering do you do?

• 2:20Speaker 06

  So, I'm a, I'm a mechanical engineer. I'm currently working for my uncle's factory. Uh, he's making like candies, right, here in the Philippines.

• 2:30Conan O'Brien?

  Oh. Your uncle, you work for your uncle and he has a candy factory. He's like Willy Wonka.

• 2:36Speaker 06

  Kind of, yeah.

• 2:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Are there rivers of chocolate and, you know, all kinds of, you know, waterfalls of gum drops and things like that?

• 2:44Speaker 06

  Sadly, no. There's just like generic factory stuff.

• 2:47Conan O'Brien?

  Well.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  Are there Oompa Loompas?

• 2:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 06

  Uh, not, not really.

• 2:54Speaker 04

  Not really?

• 2:56Conan O'Brien?

  Why are you hesitating on that? What kind of an Oompa Loompa do you? Yeah, you said no immediately to rivers of chocolate and waterfalls of gum drops. But then on Oompa Loompa, you're like, ahh. Do you have an Oompa Loompa factory? Is that what this is? Yeah. I think that wasn't, I think that wasn't a cat behind him, that was an Oompa Loompa.

• 3:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I'm gonna try and, I'm gonna try and keep this, uh, keep this, uh, you know, um, clean and simple.

• 3:27Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you're doing a great job. Yeah, thanks, well. Got a little bit of a lag and, you know, we gotta, we need to make sure that we have things edited together.

• 3:35Conan O'Brien?

  So Charles, let me get this straight. You work at a candy factory that your uncle owns in the Philippines?

• 3:41Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 3:41Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, and what kind of candies do you make?

• 3:44Speaker 06

  Well, we have two types of candies. We have bubble gums and then caramel candies.

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  Ooh, wow, that's nice. I like both of those. I love bubble gum and caramel candies. Have you ever tried to mix the two together and make a bubble gum that has a caramel center?

• 4:00Speaker 06

  No, but my, I think my uncle did before and he said it didn't taste really good. Cause the bubblegum like tasted uh more um like menthol mentally like and then the caramel tastes very sweet and caramelly and and those two doesn't don't mix really well together.

• 4:21Conan O'Brien?

  Well, wait, I'm I'm sorry. I think your your uncle screwed it up. I think I have a good idea here. He just went the wrong way with it. That's all. And I hate to pick a fight with your uncle, but I think there's a way to combine caramel and uh bubblegum. And this is my life's dream. I think there's a way to do it correctly. And I'd uh I'll like I think to talk to you more about.

• 4:44Speaker 06

  I haven't seen any type of bubblegum that has caramel like flavorings in it.

• 4:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, guess what? In eighteen fifty, no one had seen an automobile before. But then someone invented it and the world changed. But I don't know why I'm so quiet after you said that.

• 5:04Speaker 07

  Maybe why don't you buy some bubblegum and a caramel and just try it out? Eat them together. Before investing in a machine.

• 5:11Conan O'Brien?

  Um, so Charles, tell me, how is the candy factory doing? Is it thriving?

• 5:17Speaker 06

  Not really. Since I started here like five years ago, it hasn't really gone off like real really good.

• 5:25Conan O'Brien?

  Well, what do you think?

• 5:26Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 5:26Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, what do you think the problem is?

• 5:29Speaker 06

  Well, I think it lack it's it's because of the lack of exposure of the uh with the public. So every time we approach like uh distributors or customers of uh regarding our uh like our products, our candies, their initial reaction is like they're gonna say it's no, it's still alive. It's uh like they're gonna say it's I thought that your products are already gone like.

• 5:55Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so you so people, your candy factory has been around for a long time. You don't have good ad you don't have good advertising and people think, oh, we thought those candies were discontinued. Is that the problem?

• 6:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, so actually our candy started way back um like during World War Two. It actually started with my uncle's father and then um it with it went on after that, but then.

• 6:22Speaker 07

  Isn't your uncle's father also your grandfather?

• 6:26Speaker 06

  Do I call him my grandfather? I think so.

• 6:29Speaker 07

  Am I wrong?

• 6:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, I, I think you-

• 6:32Speaker 06

  I don't think so.

• 6:33Speaker 07

  Yes, your uncle's father is your grandfather.

• 6:35Conan O'Brien?

  Uncle by marriage, maybe? Yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 06

  Is it?

• 6:39Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 6:39Speaker 06

  I guess I can call him my grandfather.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  It's his aunt's husband.

• 6:43Speaker 07

  I see, yeah.

• 6:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 07

  It's your grandfather-in-law.

• 6:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Well, that was good that we cleared that up.

• 6:54Conan O'Brien?

  Charles.

• 6:55Speaker 06

  It's a bit confusing for me also.

• 6:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, and me now as well. Charles.

• 7:00Speaker 07

  Here to help.

• 7:01Conan O'Brien?

  Charles, we have a simple story here. You are a man who is working for your uncle's candy factory. Your uncle's candy factory has been around for a long time, but it has become unpopular. How many employees work at this candy factory?

• 7:16Speaker 06

  Currently, we have like nineteen of us.

• 7:18Conan O'Brien?

  How many did there used to be?

• 7:20Speaker 06

  A hundred.

• 7:21Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 7:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:24Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 7:24Speaker 06

  Well, this is way when the automations, automated machines came into the like, so before they used to pack the candies in like manually, so they needed like, like many people to pack them individually, wrap them around and put them in boxes. But now we have machines to do that. So we didn't, we don't really need a lot of people to produce the candies.

• 7:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 06

  But then we also don't manufacture them every day.

• 7:53Conan O'Brien?

  You don't make candy every day?

• 7:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, so it's only when we have orders or our stocks are declining that we manufacture more.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  Can you list me the name of some of your candies? Just so I get an idea of what these candies are called?

• 8:09Speaker 06

  So we have two types of bubblegum candies. So one is called Tarzan. The other one is called Texas.

• 8:17Conan O'Brien?

  Tarzan and Texas? Do these bubblegums have anything to do with Tarzan or Texas?

• 8:23Speaker 06

  No.

• 8:25Speaker 06

  I'm not actually clear on how they came up with the with those names. But I think.

• 8:31Conan O'Brien?

  So the names don't in any way link to how the gum tastes? I don't know what Texas tastes like.

• 8:38Speaker 07

  Barbecue.

• 8:38Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it's random. I think you I think someone back when this company was just starting said, let's call this one Tarzan and this one Texas, right?

• 8:48Speaker 06

  Kind of, yeah. So I think my uncle told me was, his father came up with that name because he was, I think, more heavily influenced during the US, when the US was were occupying the Philippines. And he was working with an American company here in Manila.

• 9:10Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, so your grandfather came up with these names at the end of World War II. So.

• 9:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:16Conan O'Brien?

  You're down with Hitler gum.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  Jesus.

• 9:21Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, it isn't a big, isn't, isn't a big seller. I'm just saying, these are,

• 9:28Conan O'Brien?

  these are antiquated names.

• 9:29Speaker 06

  Catchy names.

• 9:31Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  Down with Hitler.

• 9:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 9:33Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 9:34Speaker 07

  We have a photo of the Tarzan gum, if you want to see it.

• 9:36Conan O'Brien?

  Let's take a look. Yeah, let's take a look at the Tarzan gum.

• 9:39Speaker 06

  Oh, you do?

• 9:40Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 9:41Conan O'Brien?

  But it, what does that have to do? And the colors are Christmasy.

• 9:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, so.

• 9:46Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 06

  It's just attract the like, it's attract children, so they'd like be excited for it with the different colors. But they all taste the same.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wait, they're different colors, but they all taste the same? And it's called Tarzan? And the catch, the catchphrase is put an ape man in your mouth. Yeah, okay.

• 10:09Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know, though, I just think that it's confusing. Do you understand? I think it's.

• 10:14Speaker 06

  Very confusing, yeah.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's confusing. And is this because, does your uncle want to change things up and maybe, make things better, make, make the marketing a little better?

• 10:25Speaker 06

  Uh, it hasn't really come up. Like, I've pitched him the idea of like, uh, having a commercial or just having more exposure to the public, but we haven't gone like past that. So it's more, it's, uh, there's no actual plans for it. You're just talking about it.

• 10:44Conan O'Brien?

  Is he stuck in his ways, do you think? Sometimes that happens with. Older people, they get stuck in their ways and then some young punk like you comes along and says, "Hey, maybe we should change things a little bit." And he's like, "Hey!" Is that what's happening?

• 11:02Speaker 06

  I don't know. I guess so. I mean, I think he wants to keep the like, the legacy of the products going. I mean, people know, uh, when people hear about the Tarzan or Texas candies, they immediately know what it is. But, um, the problem is only the older generations know about it and the younger generations, not so much.

• 11:26Conan O'Brien?

  So how old are most of your customers?

• 11:28Speaker 06

  Well, I think the late 50s, 60s.

• 11:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's a, that's a problem. That's a problem because...

• 11:36Speaker 07

  Not a lot of bubble gum chewing 60-year-olds.

• 11:38Conan O'Brien?

  No. Cause the first thing that goes are the teeth.

• 11:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 11:43Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, you can't really, you know, just, just chomp on that stuff without teeth. Uh, wow.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  They're not like 90, you're 60.

• 11:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, my teeth are gone.

• 11:55Speaker 07

  That's all bubble gum.

• 11:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:57Speaker 07

  Those teeth.

• 11:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 11:59Speaker 07

  Maybe it's time to do like a throwback campaign, you know, nostalgia and stuff.

• 12:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was actually, I was thinking about those types of campaigns, but only I've tried only, um, like trying those in through Facebook posts. No videos though, just like pictures and stuff.

• 12:17Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna disagree with my friend Matt here and this is very rare because I respect his opinion.

• 12:22Speaker 07

  Huh.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  Um, but, oh, wait a minute. What's Matt?

• 12:25Speaker 07

  Oh, me, it's me.

• 12:26Conan O'Brien?

  Jesus. Um, that's a great, it's a classic bit, Charles. Um, this is what I think. I think you need to make a immediate hard play for the youth. I think you have to. I think you have to do something that's going to get younger people interested in the candies. And by the way, I love the way you say candies. Don't you?

• 12:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do. I like it.

• 12:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I think the more you say candies, just keep saying candies, it's great.

• 12:53Speaker 06

  Candies, candies.

• 12:54Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's just fantastic.

• 12:55Speaker 04

  He says it normally.

• 12:57Conan O'Brien?

  But it's sweet. It has a sweetness to it.

• 12:59Speaker 04

  You should be in a commercial.

• 13:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, you're the pitch man.

• 13:01Conan O'Brien?

  You should be in a commercial and say, "Buy our candies." They're so, it's, the way you say it is very sweet.

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• 13:37Speaker 00

  What do I gift my mom and nieces?

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Walmart has top brands you know, like Ninja, Disneyland.

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Oh, Dad loves music.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Sonos can bring his songs to life with sound that hits just right.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  And my coffee-obsessed bestie?

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Delaney Brews Coffee, right for morning's extra price.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  All those great brands at Walmart? Who knew?

• 14:00Speaker 01

  We knew, now you do too.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Shop gifts no love at Walmart.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The Sausage McMuffin with Egg Extra Value Meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 14:19Speaker 07

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• 14:22Speaker 04

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• 14:57Conan O'Brien?

  Tell me if I'm wrong. I think we have to make a hard play for the youth.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  OK.

• 15:01Conan O'Brien?

  And I think even if it's illegal, we have to say, like, it's Taylor Swift bubble gum.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 15:08Conan O'Brien?

  We have to use a name that young people... Is Taylor Swift big in the Philippines?

• 15:11Speaker 06

  She's big in the Philippines.

• 15:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she's big everywhere.

• 15:14Speaker 06

  A lot of people actually wanted to see her like perform a show here in the Philippines.

• 15:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 06

  But she didn't, so everyone like flew to Japan or Singapore just to see her.

• 15:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, um, I would have told Taylor, uh, you know, to go to the Philippines, to go to Manila and play a big show.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  You would have told her?

• 15:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:33Speaker 07

  When would you have done that? How and when?

• 15:35Conan O'Brien?

  She listens to me. We're tight.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  Ugh.

• 15:38Conan O'Brien?

  By tight, I mean, I've listened to her music and I enjoy her work. Charles, I do think you need to, and we may be getting in trouble with the law here.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:49Conan O'Brien?

  But it's worth it, don't you think? To maybe say it's Taylor Swift bubble gum? You know, and then we name some of the gum and the candies after, uh, some of her songs?

• 16:01Speaker 04

  Like this is the Bad, uh, Bad Blood, or this is the All Too Well, uh, gum?

• 16:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, people love a candy called Bad Blood.

• 16:13Conan O'Brien?

  No, but I, you know.

• 16:14Speaker 06

  Get in trouble with Taylor though.

• 16:15Conan O'Brien?

  No, I think, I think we need to do something drastic. We need to make a campaign that appeals to the youth of the Philippines and we put your candy back on the map. And I think we have to do it, don't you think?

• 16:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think that's, that's a great plan.

• 16:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, now, do you have a lawyer?

• 16:34Speaker 06

  Um, yeah, I think we will. We're contracting a law firm, but we haven't used them like for like legal stuff.

• 16:42Conan O'Brien?

  Well, when you do my.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  What do you use them for? What do you use them for?

• 16:48Speaker 07

  For naming the candy.

• 16:50Speaker 06

  Well, mainly.

• 16:50Conan O'Brien?

  It's a bunch of ninety year old lawyers. Oh wait, call it after Tarzan. Kids love Tarzan.

• 16:57Speaker 07

  Are these the Oompa Loompas? Is that's what's happening here?

• 17:00Conan O'Brien?

  Charles.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 17:03Conan O'Brien?

  Charles, um, you're gonna need lawyers because some of the stuff I'm suggesting may incur some lawsuits. Again, I'm indemnified. I'm just a guy giving you suggestions. But, um, I do think you need to do something to get the youth involved in your candy, okay?

• 17:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:21Conan O'Brien?

  Now, let me ask you.

• 17:22Speaker 06

  I think my uncle won't be on board with that.

• 17:25Conan O'Brien?

  Well, let me ask you.

• 17:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, maybe it's time to, you know, take him out.

• 17:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  What?

• 17:31Speaker 07

  What? Just a little, you know, a little Shakespearean kinda.

• 17:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, one Bad Blood candy and he's out. Hey, Charles.

• 17:40Conan O'Brien?

  Charles, it just occurred to me, what you need is a celebrity endorsement by somebody who's big with the youth.

• 17:47Speaker 06

  Uh oh.

• 17:47Conan O'Brien?

  Here I am.

• 17:48Speaker 06

  Uh oh.

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  And I have.

• 17:49Speaker 06

  I know.

• 17:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know, why am I, but seriously, what if, I mean, I would be happy to endorse the candy. Am I a, a big hit with the youth in the Philippines?

• 17:59Speaker 06

  To be honest, maybe not so much.

• 18:04Speaker 06

  You haven't been on air here in the Philippines like since the early 2000s.

• 18:10Speaker 06

  We last.

• 18:10Speaker 07

  Charles, we keep telling him he's currently on the air, don't do that.

• 18:13Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, wait, hold on a second, Charles, it's called the internet, I'm all over the internet. I'm, there's like pornography and then there's me. I'm all over the internet, so don't tell me the, don't you guys get the internet?

• 18:26Speaker 06

  If, we do, so if they search your name on YouTube, they'll see you, but then, well, before you, we watched your show in television, like you were being shown in one of the local channels here in the Philippines.

• 18:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 18:41Speaker 06

  But then after that, you like, you disappeared.

• 18:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, so I'm no longer on TV in the Philippines.

• 18:49Speaker 06

  Your show again when you, when you went back in HBO.

• 18:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 18:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  We, we call it Max.

• 18:58Speaker 06

  Max.

• 18:59Speaker 07

  Yeah, you're getting on him about branding names.

• 19:04Conan O'Brien?

  This rules off the tongue, Max.

• 19:08Conan O'Brien?

  So, um.

• 19:09Speaker 06

  Oh my god.

• 19:10Conan O'Brien?

  So Charles, you're saying that maybe the youth in the Philippines, maybe I'm not the one. Who do you think's a bigger star in the Philippines? And be honest, and think about it, don't just blurt it out, really think about it. Me or say Taylor Swift?

• 19:25Speaker 06

  Well, Taylor Swift's a big name, everyone knows Taylor Swift.

• 19:29Conan O'Brien?

  Do you want to think about it some more?

• 19:33Conan O'Brien?

  Do you want to get back to me?

• 19:34Speaker 06

  Everyone singing her song. I want to say Conan, but people, you might get disappointed if you come here and then no one recognizes you.

• 19:46Speaker 06

  I'm sorry.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  No one recognizes you. Not even people who watched you in the 2000s.

• 19:54Speaker 07

  Not even Charles.

• 19:58Conan O'Brien?

  Charles, why did you? Charles, can I remind, can I remind you that you called me? Charles, you called me.

• 20:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, well.

• 20:06Conan O'Brien?

  Why did you call me? Why didn't you call Taylor Swift?

• 20:09Speaker 06

  I don't have her number. Maybe you can connect me with her.

• 20:13Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow. Oh, so now you want to use me to get to Taylor Swift? Oh, that is so low, Charles. So just be, okay, that is, that is the lowest of the low.

• 20:27Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I was, I want, no, don't be sorry. You're being honest and I appreciate that. And I think you're saving me a lot of disappointment, you know? Um, I don't know, Charles. I, uh, I'd like to help save your candies. I really would. And I do think.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  We could put you and Taylor Swift in the commercial if you want.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  She won't agree to that.

• 20:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, she's not going to work with me and that's been made clear before.

• 20:52Speaker 04

  Um, she shouldn't.

• 20:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, for whatever reason, her, there's a cease and desist. Charles, I want to try and help your candy company. I really do. I think you guys are stuck in the past.

• 21:06Speaker 06

  Um, you're, you said that your company's slogans and whole marketing campaign was invented at the end of World War II.

• 21:14Conan O'Brien?

  And that's been, was a long time ago.

• 21:16Speaker 06

  We don't actually have a slogan to think about.

• 21:19Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 21:20Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, you don't have a slogan?

• 21:21Speaker 04

  It gets worse.

• 21:23Conan O'Brien?

  There's no slogan?

• 21:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:24Speaker 07

  Give him a slogan.

• 21:25Speaker 06

  I don't think so.

• 21:27Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I mean, first of all, we got to get you a slogan, right? Don't you think? Have you thought at all about a possible slogan?

• 21:32Speaker 07

  How about we don't actually have a slogan as a slogan?

• 21:35Speaker 06

  It's actually hard to make a slogan with the Tarzan and the Texas name.

• 21:39Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, well, we could change, would you, would your uncle be open to changing the name of some of the candies? And maybe going with a new advertising campaign? Would he be open to that?

• 21:47Speaker 06

  Um, I'm not so sure. Probably.

• 21:51Conan O'Brien?

  What if I talk to him?

• 21:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think, yeah, I think you can convince him.

• 21:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm very convincing. I think I could talk to your uncle and say, we have to change this. I mean, you're down to seventeen employees. You used to have hundreds, okay?

• 22:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:05Conan O'Brien?

  And now, I mean, your youngest customer voted for Eisenhower in the American elections. You can't, this has got to stop. We've got to turn this around. It's time.

• 22:16Speaker 06

  I know.

• 22:17Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 22:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:19Conan O'Brien?

  You don't seem as desperate as I want you to be.

• 22:23Speaker 06

  No, it's, I've been desperate. That's why I called you.

• 22:26Conan O'Brien?

  You're not coming across as desperate. You're giggling a lot. You seem kind of happy. Um, you're speaking very quietly. You're saying candies in a delightful way. Um, I'm not getting desperation. It is zero hour. We have got to do something.

• 22:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, help us, Conan.

• 22:45Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I will. I would, I'd love to help you. If we can agree on a fee.

• 22:52Conan O'Brien?

  We may have to sell off most of the factory to pay my fee.

• 22:56Speaker 06

  Oh, well.

• 22:57Conan O'Brien?

  This is a little awkward.

• 22:58Speaker 06

  We can't afford that.

• 22:59Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you're going to pay it. There's nothing you can do about it.

• 23:04Speaker 06

  Well, my uncle will talk to you about it, I know.

• 23:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've got some guys that'll rough up your uncle. When will my guys come by? Um, I'm rooting for you. I like you, Charles. You seem like a nice guy. Do you have a family, Charles?

• 23:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, actually, I have, um, a brother and then my parents are still here.

• 23:24Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, I'm rooting for you guys because I'd like to turn things around for you. You know, I'd like this candy, I want your candy company to be the biggest candy company in the Philippines.

• 23:34Speaker 06

  I hope so, yeah.

• 23:35Conan O'Brien?

  What, what currently, what's your competitor? Who's the big candy company?

• 23:39Speaker 06

  Actually, there's a bigger company like called, uh, Columbia. And they sell a different type of candy. So they have like, um, menthol hard candies.

• 23:50Conan O'Brien?

  Menthol hard candies. You know, I think this is a, I don't know why they're in the lead.

• 23:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 23:56Conan O'Brien?

  If they're selling basically a cough drop.

• 23:58Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 23:58Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I, I think, I just think this is an easy assignment. I think, I'm a good leader, Charles, and I'm an innovator. I'm a visionary, and I know how to brand. I think I could come into Manila, and I could turn your candy company around. I really do.

• 24:15Speaker 06

  I hope so, yeah. That would be the dream.

• 24:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Do you trust me?

• 24:19Speaker 06

  And we'll, and, yeah.

• 24:21Conan O'Brien?

  Will you listen, will you listen to me? Will you listen to my advice?

• 24:24Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 24:26Conan O'Brien?

  Will your uncle listen to me?

• 24:27Speaker 06

  We'll convince him.

• 24:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Anybody, what do you think?

• 24:30Speaker 04

  Um.

• 24:31Conan O'Brien?

  Do you think I could do this?

• 24:32Speaker 04

  Do I think you can go to a candy factory and, and make it better?

• 24:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, bigger and better. Big, big hit in the Philippines.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  No, I, I don't, I don't think you can do it. I'm sorry.

• 24:44Speaker 07

  No, I don't think you can do it either.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  Do you think you can do it?

• 24:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 24:48Conan O'Brien?

  I've never.

• 24:48Speaker 06

  I think you can do it.

• 24:49Speaker 04

  It's by copyright infringement? That's your plan?

• 24:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I think by the time, the Taylor Swift organization's huge.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:56Conan O'Brien?

  They've got a lot to worry about. By the time they catch on to this Manila candy company, um, you know what I mean? You'll, you'll be, you'll have so much money, you won't know what to do with it. All right? And then you and I scram. We take off. Okay? And we leave your uncle holding the bag. And he has to answer to the Taylor Swift people.

• 25:13Speaker 06

  Actually, there's a, I, I just remembered, there's actually a Taylor Swift impersonator here. Well, she's, um, she's more like a drag, uh, impersonator of Taylor Swift.

• 25:26Conan O'Brien?

  That's fine. So maybe we use that person.

• 25:28Speaker 07

  That's perfect.

• 25:29Conan O'Brien?

  That's perfect.

• 25:30Speaker 06

  We can use her.

• 25:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 06

  Her name's Taylor Shish, so.

• 25:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, um, Taylor Shish. So basically, Taylor, shut up.

• 25:41Speaker 06

  I think you can find a video of her.

• 25:42Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, that's terrific, Charles. Um, we have all the ingredients we need. Okay? I'm coming. I'm going to, uh, I'm gonna get a, uh, Taylor Swift impersonator. Uh, we're going to violate Taylor Swift's copyright. We're gonna turn this candy around and make it a big deal. And then, correct me if I'm wrong, there are thousands of islands in the Philippines, right?

• 26:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:04Conan O'Brien?

  When things, when the, when the heat comes, you and I take the money,

• 26:08Speaker 06

  Ugh.

• 26:08Conan O'Brien?

  and we go and we hide out on one of those islands and we live like kings.

• 26:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure.

• 26:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, sure. I just told you the most innovative heist scheme of all time that involves you radically changing your life and hiding forever with a red-haired madman on a tiny island in the Philippines and living under my tyrannical rule, and you say, "Yeah, sure."

• 26:32Speaker 06

  Well, the beaches here in the Philippines are very nice, though.

• 26:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, we're gonna do it. All right, well, I hope we can make this work out. I'll do my best, all right?

• 26:43Speaker 06

  I hope so. Okay.

• 26:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, just try and calm down. You see?

• 26:47Speaker 07

  Meanwhile, if you have any stock in your company, I might consider selling it. Yeah. Yeah.

• 26:51Conan O'Brien?

  I wouldn't do that. You gotta believe in me, okay? I've never ruined a candy company in the Philippines before.

• 27:02Conan O'Brien?

  That's maybe the new slogan.

• 27:03Speaker 06

  First time for everything.

• 27:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 27:07Conan O'Brien?

  All right, well, you take care, Charles. It's been nice talking to you.

• 27:10Speaker 06

  Thanks for having me, yeah. I hope I'll see you soon here.

• 27:13Conan O'Brien?

  You never know. You never know.

• 27:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:15Conan O'Brien?

  You won't even know, because I don't think you know what I look like.

• 27:20Speaker 06

  I think I'll...

• 27:21Conan O'Brien?

  Bye.

• 27:22Speaker 07

  Bye, Charles. Thanks, Charles.

• 27:23Speaker 06

  Bye-bye.

• 27:26Speaker 07

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 27:43Speaker 07

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