Ronda Rousey (Greatest Women's Fighter Ever): The Truth Behind My Fighting, I Kept This A Secret My Entire Career, WWE Is A Mess & Vince McMahon Is Still Running It!

Uncover the biggest secret behind Ronda Rousey's rise as a champion and pioneer of the fight game. Ronda Rousey was the first American woman to win an Olympic medal in judo, and UFC women's bantamweight champion from 2012 to 2015, she was also a professional wrestler in the WWE from 2017 to 2019, returning in 2022 before leaving in 2023. In this conversation Ronda and Steven discuss topics such as, her father’s death by suicide, her eating disorder, abusive relationships with coaches, and the truth about the WWE. 00:00 Intro 01:10 Being Born With A Rare Disease 02:46 Ronda's Struggles as a Child 04:27 Her Father’s Death When She Was A Child 06:35 Finding Out About Her Dad's Suicide 09:38 Ronda's Mother 10:46 What's Been Ingrained in Her as a Kid 12:34 Becoming a Prodigy of Judo 14:59 Her Competitive Nature for Fighting 19:30 Moving in With Her Coach At 16 20:55 Her Struggles With Bulimia 23:33 Getting Bullied for Her Physique 24:49 Ronda Competing in the Beijing Olympics 25:30 Lack of Pay 26:01 Our Dark Side Becomes The Driver Of Our Success 28:32 How Her Concussions Affected Her Career 35:15 Defeating People in 60 Seconds 36:43 Having Very Strict/Abusive Coaches 38:56 How Did It Impact You? 41:53 Coaches Crossing the Line... 46:34 What Dana White Said About Ronda 47:55 Why Were You Fighting So Frequently? 49:15 Being The First Woman to Appear on the UFC 49:33 The New Jackie Chan 50:14 UFC 193 Ronda Vs Holly Holm 53:40 How Did You Feel After Losing? 57:14 Suicidal Thoughts 59:15 Ronda's Last Fight in the UFC 01:02:13 Her Husband's Support During Tough Times 01:05:57 When Did WWE Come In? 01:09:44 Social Media Pressure 01:12:09 Did She Feel Expendable to the WWE? 01:12:30 Vince McMahon and Sexual Allegations 01:15:05 Ronda Suffering Two Miscarriages? 01:19:03 Where Does Her Happiness Come From? 01:26:32 Did Her Traumas Make Her Who She Is Today? 01:30:11 What She Learned From Her Dad? 01:32:04 Last Guest Question You can purchase Ronda’s memoir, ‘Our Fight’, here: https://amzn.to/43OM0P1 Follow Ronda: Twitter - https://bit.ly/4cI3SPP Instagram - https://bit.ly/3J4Tjc3 YouTube - https://bit.ly/3J2Qrwl Watch the episodes on Youtube - https://g2ul0.app.link/3kxINCANKsb My new book! 'The 33 Laws Of Business & Life' is out now - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook Follow me: https://beacons.ai/diaryofaceo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  People don't know about this. I had to keep it a secret.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  It's really, really difficult.

• 0:22Steven Bartlett?

  Ronda, you were voted the best female athlete of all time. What was it that made you the person that sits in front of me today?

• 0:30Speaker 00

  So when I was a kid, it was tough. My dad, he ended up taking his life when I was eight. And in school, I got picked on a lot. I actually dropped out when I was 16 and moved away from home to train full time. But a lot of the coaches thought that being abusive to the athletes is what gave them the best results. My first coach dislocated my jaw. People don't know about this, but I would get concussions all the time. And every time you get a concussion, it's easier to get another one. So by the time I got into MMA, I had to be able to finish the person off immediately. It was those experiences that made me the world champion.

• 1:07Steven Bartlett?

  And you stacked up a bunch of records, including the fastest ever win,

• 1:11Steven Bartlett?

  fastest submission, fastest title defense. But then that loss to Holly Hong.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. My whole world turned upside down. I had to disappear for a while.

• 1:24Steven Bartlett?

  And you decided to move on to the WWE. You don't have nice things to say about it.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Vince McMahon just created a fundamentally sick environment. And I think he still is running the company to this day.

• 1:35Steven Bartlett?

  Why?

• 1:46Steven Bartlett?

  Ronda, when I interview people, I often ask them to tell me the most pertinent first event in their story that went on to shape who they are. And with you, from reading through your story, it's quite clear that the first potentially significant event happened as you were being born.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. And I was like a zero on the APGAR scale, which is like the health of a baby when they're born. I was blue, like that I was dead. It took a while to revive me. And I had some damage from that, some neurological damage, which expressed itself as motor speech disorder called a proxyia, which is basically I would have words formed in my head and try to say it. But there was a kind of disconnect between my brain and my mouth, and it would come out differently than how I said it. So I ended up having to do many years of speech therapy to be able to get over it. And sometimes I struggle a little bit.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  But I've dealt with it well enough where people don't notice. But you know, doing things like pro wrestling promos and stuff, where everybody like will scrutinize you for like saying a single syllable or not producing every single, not pronouncing every single word perfectly. Like if I just stuttered like I did just now or mispronounced something like I did just now in a wrestling promo, I would be like hung over it. And so, you know, there's little things like that that still express themselves to this day. But mostly, it's not noticeable now.

• 3:21Steven Bartlett?

  The umbilical cord is wrapped around your neck. The doctors gave you a zero out of 10 in terms of your health when you were a baby. What age did you learn to speak properly?

• 3:34Speaker 00

  I didn't really speak like in full intelligible sentences until I was like around five or so.

• 3:41Steven Bartlett?

  When they did brain scans, did they notice anything different in your brain at that point because of the umbilical cord incident?

• 3:46Speaker 00

  No, no, I never like did a brain scan or anything like that. I got tested for deafness for a long time, autism.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  A proxyia didn't exist as a diagnosis until after I'd kind of really gotten over it. It was actually like a fan mom and her daughter that brought me like a pamphlet and was like, we've heard your story, it's been so inspirational to us. We think what you had is this thing called a proxyia.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  And I was like, oh, my God, this actually fits everything that we experienced perfectly. And we ended up having a walk for a proxy here. I got to like meet a bunch of different kids and stuff that were dealing with similar things. But yeah, it's kind of like newer on, uh, on, in the field, people being aware of it. But I think that's what made me delve into sports so much because, um, you know, with judo especially, you like communicate physically with the person. You have to put your hands on another person. You have to talk and interact with that person. And so when I was having a hard time, uh, when we moved back to LA, like really socializing with other kids, sports, you know, specifically judo,

• 4:56Speaker 00

  made it like, it was like a conduit for me to be able to like connect with other kids and have something to talk about.

• 5:03Steven Bartlett?

  What was home life like for you before the age of 10?

• 5:07Speaker 00

  I mean, I thought everything was perfect and awesome. My, my dad passed when I was eight, though, and, um, I didn't know, but he had broken his back in a sledding accident when we'd first moved to North Dakota. And, um, he had like a rare blood disorder where he couldn't heal from it. And so, um, he had been receiving diagnoses, basically saying he'd become like a paraplegic and then a quadriplegic and eventually die. And, um, we didn't know that he was going through this or dealing with chronic pain or anything like that. So he ended up taking his life when he was, when, when I was eight. But he'd been going through that for years, but had kept it from us.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  And so then like my, kind of my whole world turned upside down. And then my mom ended up remarrying a couple of years later. And then when I was around 10, 11 is when we moved to, um, right in the border of Santa Monica and Venice.

• 6:06Steven Bartlett?

  Your, your father had a sledding accident. He, he's told that he's going to be a quadriplegic soon.

• 6:13Speaker 00

  Yes. At some point, he broke his back and, um, his disease called Benarosulier syndrome makes it difficult to clot your blood. It's like a platelet, you know, your platelets are malformed. And, uh, so he wasn't able to heal, basically. And they put a rod in his back to try and help it heal, but his spine was just crumbling away. So his spine was basically like falling apart.

• 6:36Steven Bartlett?

  He died by suicide.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, he uh, he said he didn't want his, our last memories of him to be laying in a bed with tubes running in and out of him. He was in a lot of pain all the time, but didn't like being, you know, doped up on painkillers. So he just wanted to go out his own way.

• 6:55Steven Bartlett?

  Did you have any idea that he was suffering at that time?

• 6:58Speaker 00

  None at all.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  Completely kept it from us.

• 7:03Steven Bartlett?

  So one minute he's there and then the next minute he's not.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:11Steven Bartlett?

  How did you find out that he had died by suicide?

• 7:15Speaker 00

  Um, my mom told me. Right, you know, right after it happened.

• 7:21Steven Bartlett?

  How, how, how does a mother explain that to an eight-year-old child?

• 7:27Speaker 00

  I mean, she's a PhD in educational psychology, so very, you know, technically, I guess, you know, she just kind of laid, laid the facts out of this is what happened and this is what's going on and we wanted to keep it from you because she said that my dad just wanted us to be kids and not have to worry about it.

• 7:48Steven Bartlett?

  She told you the details of his, his suicide?

• 7:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:53Steven Bartlett?

  What impact does that have on you?

• 7:57Speaker 00

  I mean, in the long run, I felt like it just kind of gave me this feeling that even if I feel like everything's okay, that everything can come crashing down at any moment. And I guess I like lost any feeling of security of even when everything is going great. I feel like, like the ball is about to drop, you know, and um,

• 8:16Speaker 00

  that's something that I had to like, you know, work through till this day. And I feel like mostly I'm, I can feel pretty secure of my life and where I'm at. But yeah, it plagued me for a long time.

• 8:27Steven Bartlett?

  You were close to him?

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was a big time daddy's girl. Yeah, but as part of the speech therapy was that my sisters were talking for me. And so he had to work a little bit of a drive from the house. So he would be in Devil's Lake during the week and we'd come home to Minot on the weekend. And so the speech therapist said, I just spend one-on-one time with the parents. So then I'm forced to speak. So my sisters can't translate my gibberish for me. And so we would, it'd be me and him during the week and we'd come home on the weekend. So it was like, you know, my whole world.

• 9:03Steven Bartlett?

  It's almost unimaginable for an eight year old to try and process that in reality. And like, because I think eight years old, you don't understand the concept of suicide or why, you know, why a human could die by suicide. And at that age, what is the story you tell yourself? In the book, you talk about how you would tell yourself that he's going, he's just gone away on business and that he's going to return at some point.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, that's the only time that he would really be gone away from the house for extended periods of time because he had like a business trip or something. And so that was just kind of like what I told myself to cope for a while. But then I found out later that my grandfather committed suicide as well. So he was a second generation suicide.

• 9:51Steven Bartlett?

  Your siblings and your mother, the impact of the loss on your dad on them, was that noticeable? Did you notice a change in them?

• 10:01Speaker 00

  My like sisters didn't ever really want to talk about it. And I think, you know, my, yeah, no one really wanted to talk about it at all. It wasn't like the kind of thing that we would bring up all the time.

• 10:14Steven Bartlett?

  Your mother at this time, she's a champion in her own right?

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, in everything. She got a perfect score on the SATs at 16, graduated college at 19. Then she won the world championships in judo, the first American to ever win the world championships in judo while she was working as a single mother engineer and getting her PhD in educational psychology.

• 10:38Steven Bartlett?

  Wow.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's incredible.

• 10:40Steven Bartlett?

  She, when I was reading about her and doing some research on her, she sounds like a little bit of a superwoman. So I went and found, I wanted to see her. I found this picture of her.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, best mom.

• 10:53Steven Bartlett?

  She looks like a badass.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  She is badass. She was the original arm bar lady. She actually tore her knees out when she was 17 and had to learn how to win, basically just on the ground. So she was the one that would always win by arm bar.

• 11:07Steven Bartlett?

  Oh, really?

• 11:08Speaker 00

  Yeah. And she was kind of like taught me how she did it. And, you know, I added to it and learned things as well, but it's become like kind of a family heirloom is the arm bar. Yeah. The family on bar.

• 11:22Steven Bartlett?

  I often think that our childhoods and those sort of early formative experiences and the traumas that we experience, they leave fingerprints on us in various ways that follow us for the rest of our lives, for good, for bad, and sometimes for ugly. When you think about those sort of first 10 years of your life and the fingerprints it left on you as an adult and the person that sits in front of me today, what are those things that are most sort of ingrained in you from that time of your life?

• 11:50Speaker 00

  What's most ingrained in me from being a kid? Well, I think like, you know, like losing a parent is a huge formative event. Have you ever read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell?

• 12:01Steven Bartlett?

  No, but I've spoken to him on the podcast, but no, I haven't.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, he mentions that, uh, that kids that lose a parent before they're 10 actually end up being, uh, more successful statistically later in life. And, uh, it's like, well, he's the one that delved into it into his book. But, um, you know, when I was reading it, I'm like, oh, you know, I could see, I could see that that makes sense in a way. And, um, the the proxy and stuff like really pushing me towards sports and like being physical and things like that. And being the youngest of a sister. So, you know, I was the one that was getting beat on at the house. So it made me tougher and wanted to constantly be able to like prove myself as, you know, not just being a little baby, but deserving of respect and stuff like that. And those kind of like made me

• 12:47Speaker 00

  into, um, the kind of kid that would, when I first started swimming, I wanted to win the Olympics in swimming. When I first started judo, I was like, I just want to win the Olympics in this now. And, um, but that was just how encouraging my parents were, you know? They're like, oh, you want to swim? You're gonna, you can win the Olympics in swimming, you know? And so I was just always fed that expectation that I could do everything.

• 13:10Steven Bartlett?

  And at sort of 10 years old, you moved to Santa Monica, um, and you had your first.

• 13:16Steven Bartlett?

  Attempt and try judo, is that right?

• 13:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, well, I was swimming here. But I wasn't so much into swimming, it's kind of boring.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  And I didn't like waking up in the morning and jumping in a cold pool.

• 13:31Steven Bartlett?

  I don't blame you.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, so after a little bit of that, I was like, uh, I want to do something else. And my mom, she trained here in the eighties, back when she did judo. And so she went to go visit a bunch of her old teammates that had all gone and opened up clubs of their own. And I went and tried it. And I remember my first day, I didn't even have a hair tie. My hair was all over the place, crazy. And I was like, trying to figure out how to do judo. And I had the most fun that I ever had. Because I loved that there was no one way to do it. If, you know, if it worked, it was right. And it was kind of like mentally intriguing. You have to figure it out. You're like solving a puzzle. You're having a conversation with the other person, you know? And so, because it was so like mentally engaging, I think that's why I liked it so much.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  And when I won my first tournament, I got that feeling of winning that I didn't quite get in swimming. I was one of the top kids in the state, but I wouldn't like really win swimming meets. And so, first time I won something, I got like addicted to that feeling, I guess. So I actually dropped out of school when I was 16 to be able to train and do judo full time and move away from home to train full time.

• 14:39Steven Bartlett?

  What was your mother's opinion on you doing judo? Seeing as she was a champion in judo herself, when her daughter turns around and says, Mom, I want to do judo too?

• 14:48Speaker 00

  Um, I mean, I can't really say how she felt, but I mean, I was kind of like identified as being like a prodigy of judo pretty young. And she wanted to kind of take an outside role of making sure that I was training with all the right people at the right time. She wasn't the person that was on, like she of course taught me everything that she could, but she didn't really want to be. That overbearing coach mom on the match, you more of like, it's like you go hero to this person, you go hero to that person was like the overarching like architect of my career and everything like that.

• 15:25Steven Bartlett?

  You, you enter your first tournament and you win the tournament with instant wins, ippon's. I don't know what an ippon is.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  An ippon is like if you throw someone flat on their back.

• 15:34Steven Bartlett?

  Okay, right. So you win that first tournament, people start considering you to be this child prodigy in judo. What was it about, when you look back on yourself now with all the wisdom you have, what was it about you that made you excel above your peers in judo? What was it about your character or something that you did?

• 15:53Speaker 00

  I mean, there had to be some sort of a genetic factor, because like my mom and my dad are both like good athletes. But I think, yeah, a part of it was personality wise, but I just really wanted to win. I had that, I cared.

• 16:07Steven Bartlett?

  Why?

• 16:07Speaker 00

  I mean, winning felt good, but I also, it really hurt for me to lose. I hated, like my first tournament I lost, I like locked myself in a room for like a week. I was so upset. But I was willing to get my heart broken. I was willing to care about something so much that my heart would be broken if I didn't, you know, achieve it. And I don't know, I think I felt like the idea of being better at something than everybody else like made me special somehow. It was like proof. And it was also, it wasn't like I was dragging myself through doing it to be great at something because that's what it was. I, I really enjoyed like mastering the art of judo, like figuring it out. It

• 16:49Speaker 00

  was like endlessly intriguing to me at the time. And I remember when I was 16, I like realized while I was, you know, doing ne waza, which is fighting on the ground, that the end of one move was the beginning of another one. And that's when I moved from like trying to memorize all these separate techniques to trying to combine them into like a path on like a web. And I, I didn't come up and, you know, and ne waza in judo is not the focus of the sport really. Maybe it's like 20% of the time people spend on the ground, maybe less. But it wasn't like Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, where they like show you like, oh, this is the way and this is the structure. And I was very open-ended.

• 17:33Speaker 00

  And so I was kind of like, I had to create like my own like system, basically, my own fighting style and everything like that. And that was, I think, the most interesting to me, that I was like creating a philosophy and everything and concepts and how, how did I piece everything together? And so I think that was the most interesting part. I could train for hours and hours and hours and hours and not realize that I'm tired because I'm trying to piece something together. But I also, I think we call it like opposite ADD, where I like fixate on things for like hours on end and I can't get off of it. But if you tell me to like run, you know, I'm like, oh my God, the whole time, I'm like, okay, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm more tired than I was.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  But if you tell me like, if I had to try and figure out how to like do a certain punch a certain right way, or do a certain throw a certain right way, I would do it for hours on end, trying to get it absolutely perfect and not realize all that time had passed. And sometimes it's like a negative thing, or I'll fixate on something like something stupid I did like several years ago and not be able to stop myself from thinking about it. But it's also the same thing that would keep me training on a single technique for hours on end, just trying to get it right. And my mom said when I was a kid, I would draw the same picture over and over and over again. I remember it was like a bunny in the middle, and there was like a bush, a bush and a tree, a tree on each side, and like a sun with the cool glasses, right?

• 18:58Speaker 00

  My mom would be like, what, why do you keep drawing this picture over and over, thousands of times I would draw the same drawing? And she said my answer was that I'm just trying to get it to match the picture in my head. I couldn't understand why when I thought of a bunny and a bushes and all this stuff and I drew it, it didn't look exactly like a bunny. And so I would keep drawing it over and over and over again to try and get it. And I guess that's like, you know, my personality, I guess, it's something that I can't really control for, for better or for worse.

• 19:28Steven Bartlett?

  And is that perfectionism? Is that how you'd kind of define that? This sort of obsessive pursuit of making the thing perfect as you see it?

• 19:38Speaker 00

  I don't think it's so much perfectionism as it is mastery. I want to like master and understand something completely. It's kind of like an unfinished puzzle, you know? Because I can live in squalor. Like, I don't think like the perfectionism of everything around me is really so, so important. But yeah, being able to understand something completely is something that nags me. If I don't completely understand it, I have to like, keep going back to it.

• 20:05Steven Bartlett?

  Big Jim, you go and train with Big Jim at 16 years old. You leave home at 16 years old and go and train with Big Jim. Who's Big Jim and why did you go and live with him, what, for eight months roughly?

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Oh, God. And on and off for like years I was up there.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  Well, Big Jim was one of the best coaches in the country and he trained his son, Little Jimmy, who had just won the 1999 World Championships in Judo. And I know Judo's not that big in the US. So the places that are good at it and have good coaches and good people to train with are few and far between. And Pedro's Judo was one of those places.

• 20:46Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, leaving home at 16 is unusual, to say the least.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:53Steven Bartlett?

  What impact did that have on you?

• 20:55Speaker 00

  It was tough. It was hard. I remember being homesick a lot. It was really isolating, you know? I, all I did was train all day. There wasn't any other kids my age. I was always around people older than me. You know, part of being like a sport prodigy is no one your age is on your level, you know? So I was always training with people older. I also, at the same time, felt like I was in the middle of my montage to do something like amazing, you know? My, I thought I was going to shock the world and be the first American to win the gold medal in Judo at 17. And so, you know, it was worth it to me.

• 21:31Steven Bartlett?

  And at this time, you're 16, you're, you have your first experience with what we call bulimia. And you talk about this in the book where because of the pressure for you to make weight almost every week, you struggled with bulimia for the first time. Can you, what do I need to understand about that? Because I don't understand what bulimia is in my, in full entirety, but I also don't understand the circumstances that would lead a 16-year-old to make decisions to...

• 22:02Steven Bartlett?

  That would be categorized as bulimic?

• 22:05Speaker 00

  Um, well, basically, I had to be a weight on a deadline very often. And it's not really a weight that I could healthily stay at. And so I would have to cut weight to get there. And I just, it started to give me like a really unhealthy relationship with food, where I would like hoard food while I was cutting weight. Like candy bars and stuff like that. And then after I made weight, I would like gorge myself on it. Like, I didn't know anything. I didn't have any resources to help me out with it. And so I just kind of spiraled into a disorder.

• 22:42Steven Bartlett?

  And that disorder would mean throwing up your food after you'd eaten on occasion?

• 22:47Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. I remember the first time I did it was, uh, I had like a childhood coach or something took me out one day. And he like, basically like, forced me to have a chocolate shake. And he was like, no, you gotta have a chocolate shake. Come on, it's fine. You train all the time. You need to relax. You have a chocolate shake. And I felt like so guilty about the chocolate shake. That, and I had to be like, make weight or something like that weekend or something. There was no way I would be able to make it. And so like, uh, I made myself throw up the chocolate shake. And it was actually like, it was, it was cold. It didn't hurt. It was that bad, you know? And I was like, oh, well, that wasn't even that terrible. And so I thought it was like a one time thing.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  But the next time I like ate too much and I felt like really guilty about it. It just became like, you know, the panic button of if I ate too much and I had a deadline coming up where I had to be a certain weight. I felt like it was the only thing I could do. And I was a little girl that was growing, you know? I like grew four inches and like doubled my weight in a short period of time. And so I just couldn't stay at a lower weight. So, um, but you have all this outside pressure to be able to maintain the same weight, even though as an athlete, you're growing and putting on muscle and even getting taller. So it was kind of like fighting nature.

• 24:09Steven Bartlett?

  I read in your book that they called you Miss Man.

• 24:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, in school, it wasn't cool for, you know, little girls to be muscular back then. And so, uh, before I dropped out at 16, you know, I, uh, I was really muscular and people would like grab at my arms and make fun of me all the time to the point that I would just kind of like, I'd wear a Zippa hoodie all the time, no matter how hot it was. I'd always try to like cover up my arms how muscular I was, which is one reason why when I got older that trying to like fight that idea that being muscular was masculine was something that became important to me because that, you know, if you were a teenage girl in the early 2000s, it was a pretty unhealthy

• 24:56Speaker 00

  standard that was presented to us. So, yeah, I didn't fit the very narrow scope of what was considered attractive at that time. And now it's like considered like really cool for, you know, women to have muscles. Now all the models have like stomach definition and stuff like that and like are doing boxing and all this stuff and want to look toned. But that wasn't the case back then. That wasn't the case back then. That was something that I got used for a lot.

• 25:25Steven Bartlett?

  By 18, you leave home and you go off to, you leave home, as you say, because you felt like you wanted to have some control over your life. And I think you were on route to the Olympics at this point. You were thinking about going to the Olympics at 21 years old. You actually competed in the Beijing Olympics and were the first American woman to get an Olympic medal. And then what I found really shocking is that you made $6,000 from winning that medal at the Olympics.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, after I got taxed on it. It was $10,000 and I got taxed on it. I actually bitched about it so much in the media when I was doing MMA that they got rid of that tax, but still you'd only get $10,000.

• 26:05Steven Bartlett?

  Is there like a bit of a through line in your story that starts very young about this idea of the importance of validation and respect from other people? This kind of bit of a chip on your shoulder that was driving you?

• 26:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think it started out as something that drove me and then it ended up being something that held me back that I had to kind of shake myself from. But, you know, I also benefited greatly from it. So I'm not saying I regret anything, but I know that it wasn't like a sustainable model for me to, you know, be happy in the long run.

• 26:36Steven Bartlett?

  Because I spoke to Tim Grover, who trained LeBron and Kobe, and he said the same thing to me. He said, you know, when he's talking about Kobe and all those years training him to be a champion that. Our dark side and our light side are interconnected. When he's talking about our dark side, he's basically saying like the trauma, the difficult things about us, the things that we would probably keep in the shadow if we could. And they end up creating the greatness that we see on our screens. And it's like, you can't separate out the two. You can't just have this person and not this person, unfortunately. But like, he makes the case to me that we all have a dark side. And unfortunately, as I say, it's responsible for our light side. And I see that throughout your story, this sort of journey to understanding that part of you.

• 27:18Steven Bartlett?

  And as you say in your book, like liberating yourself from it, which is really interesting because I feel like I've been through this, trying to be, I've been trying to do the same thing in my life. I've been trying to take back the control of some of it because as you said there, it can lead you to the top of the mountain and then it can sometimes bring you down the other side or it can make you miserable at the top of the mountain.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  I think I had to get to the top of several mountains to realize that like the mountain climbing wasn't really going to be what made me happy. And I had this idea that if I like, if I collected or hoarded achievements that somehow while someday they would all add up to happiness, that I would be able to like, I did this thing, so now I could be happy forever. Like my idea was if I'm like the first American to win the Olympics in judo, then I'll be happy for the rest of my life. And it's not, it didn't really work like that. Like I could, yeah, achieve these great things and they would make me happy for a time, but your life goes on past that. And so I kind of had to figure out after hoarding all these bucket list experiences

• 28:25Speaker 00

  that I would actually end up just forgetting at times. Like someone had to remind me the other day, remember when you flew with the Thunderbirds? I'm like, oh, yeah. And then they didn't equate to the actual happiness. And I had to, I thought that if I like could make my past into something that I'd done all these great things and it would dictate my future. But I had to kind of figure out that like, making myself happy with every day that I'm living individually is what I needed to do. And there is no amount of accomplishments that you can like add to, you know, your trophy shelf that are going to equate to being happy forever in the future. It just, it just is impossible.

• 29:08Steven Bartlett?

  And it sounds like you were, you were living with a bit of a secret throughout your sort of early MMA career and the fact that you had. What appeared to be a bit of a concussion-based brain injury of sorts, because in your book, you talk about how you realize that inspiring, if someone hit you pretty hard in the head, you'd end up seeing stars.

• 29:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, people didn't really know about CTE back when I was doing judo and how I'd get concussions all the time and just be told that, you know, hey, my head hurts, I have photo vision. I would say it like, stuff like that. And they'd be like, just stop being a pussy and like, keep training. And so I would get, you know, dozens, dozens of concussions and never be allowed to stop. And I would have to keep training through them. And the symptoms would persist for weeks. To the point that I was experiencing concussion symptoms more often than I wasn't for a 10-year judo career. I mean, that's the kind of thing that like, you know, leads to CTE.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  All these football players that we're dealing with were having concussions repeatedly and not being allowed to rest. And so by the time I got into MMA, like, this is the kind of injury that accumulates over time. You don't, you know, it doesn't go away. Every time you get a concussion, it's easier to get another one. And so by the time I got into MMA, I, it was really easy for me to get concussion symptoms. And I'd rested for a couple of years, you know? So at first, it wasn't so bad, but it just got worse and worse and worse with time, even if I'm winning a fight and, you know, 14 seconds and the other person doesn't touch me.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  There's 50 rounds of sparring that went into that training camp. And you're wearing like a headgear and gloves, which are meant to protect you cosmetically, but these gloves are 14 ounces and you're wearing this headgear. So your brain is, you know, suspended in fluid. The larger the thing is, like, if it's 14 ounces, it's easier actually to give you a concussion when you're sparring. And it's the kind of thing that I just didn't want to like, say anything about, you know? I didn't want, and I didn't want to address it myself or any kind of weakness in myself. And I just kept telling myself that I, you know, I just have to be perfect and not allow these people to touch me. I have to create this fighting style that's so efficient. That I don't take any damage.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  And it got to a point where I fought Sarah McMahon and she barely tapped me. And I obviously had a concussion afterward. I couldn't bear to look at the lights. I had to have everyone turn the lights off. And I was looking for a way out, you know, because I know I couldn't sustain that forever. But yeah, it got to the point where if I got like tapped at all, with the, you know, it's at the point, Stephanie McMahon slapped me and gave me a concussion, you know, and the, you know, a woman then that has never been a fighter in her life and even, you know, is past her slapping prime.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  If she can slap me across the face and give me a concussion, you know, I shouldn't be fighting anymore.

• 32:24Steven Bartlett?

  Did you keep this a secret?

• 32:26Speaker 00

  I had to keep it a secret from everybody. My coaches, Dana, even like myself, I just didn't want to face up to it. I just thought that I could keep it going forever. And so that like, I think was the most frustrating thing to me though. Like in my, uh, my first loss, I got tapped in the beginning and I'd fallen down the stairs a week or so, like maybe a week or so before that, knocked myself out falling down the stairs at my house. And then didn't say anything, went into the fight anyway, had a horrible weight cut, had the wrong mouth guard, which didn't have the protection of the back of the bottom teeth. So the first time she taps me, my teeth get knocked loose and I'm out on my feet.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  Like when I say out on my feet, it means that like, like I have no, I have no depth perception, basically, and I'm at a very limited capacity of what my brain can, the information that it could give me. And so I knew that if she knew that I was hurt, I wouldn't be able to defend myself. And so I had to keep coming forward without knowing how far away she was and not being fully, you know, hold of my facilities just to keep the fight going, hoping that I would recover, but I just couldn't. And so I think that that's one of the things that. Really dug at me for so long that so many people were like saying like, oh Rhonda's

• 33:55Speaker 00

  game plan was bad, or whatever this and like they didn't know that like I wasn't like present. I was like just trying to survive. I couldn't see how far away she was. I um it wasn't like that was my game plan or anything like that. I was like completely disabled. And uh when I tried to fight again and I was like, okay, I'm gonna give myself a break and I'll make sure the mouth guard's perfect. At this time, I'm not gonna knock myself out right before the fight and all those things. And the same thing, I just got tapped and I was I was out, you know, even if I was out on my feet, I was out. So I just like just didn't have the hardware to continue fighting. And a lot of people would say like, oh, you're a fucking quitter, you're this, this or that. And it's really

• 34:40Speaker 00

  difficult because I'd never had been more skilled as a fighter. I'd never been better in my life. But I just, you know, I just neurologically wasn't capable of continuing to fight at that level. And I couldn't say anything about it then because I wanted to go and do pro wrestling. And they already have their own controversy that they had to deal with, with wrestlers having, you know, CTE and all kinds of damage from concussions. And so it's such a volatile subject that I just I couldn't say anything about it. And I couldn't say anything about it leading into my my my last fight because then I'd be basically telling the other person that um, you know, that putting a target on my

• 35:21Speaker 00

  head, literally. So I just had to stay silent about it for years and let people make their their own assumptions about me. And um, you know, it was it was tough because like in some ways, like I've never been better as a fighter. I've never had a better grasp of everything than I ever had. I'd never been faster, stronger, everything else. But you know, you only have so many hits that you can take. And unfortunately, I took the vast majority of them as a kid doing judo.

• 35:50Steven Bartlett?

  I want to make sure I completely understand the context of the, what it's like to get a concussion and to live with a concussion that ends up compounding to make it even more sensitive. You, you, you take those big hits when you're younger, they, they ask you to fight through the concussion. By the time you're in the UFC, you've developed this incredible style where you basically get people out of there instantly. I mean, in the, leading up to your fight with Amanda Holmes, I think, I remember the commentator saying at the time that you'd knocked or you'd submitted everyone within sort of 30 seconds of the fight starting. So your, your style had kind of adapted to become, I'm going to get this person out of there immediately.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  That, yeah, that was an accident. That was the goal.

• 36:30Steven Bartlett?

  That was the goal.

• 36:31Speaker 00

  The goal was I had to be able to finish the person off immediately because that was the only way that I could fight is to not take any damage.

• 36:38Steven Bartlett?

  Because if they had hit you in the head at that point, there was a risk that you, you would get a concussion and you were aware of that risk, but your coaches weren't.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  No.

• 36:47Steven Bartlett?

  Were any of your coaches aware of it?

• 36:49Speaker 00

  No.

• 36:50Steven Bartlett?

  Was Edmund aware of it?

• 36:52Speaker 00

  Nobody, I didn't tell anybody. I didn't, it was one of those things, I just didn't want to like,

• 37:00Speaker 00

  face up to the, to having any weakness in myself and also like, like Edmund would have made me stop. I didn't want to stop. I didn't want anyone to be making that decision for me. I didn't want to tell the company that I was having neurological symptoms because then they wouldn't let me continue to fight. I didn't want those decisions to be taken out of my hands.

• 37:19Steven Bartlett?

  In your book, you talk about the relationship you had with Edmund and it wasn't always great in terms of his approach to coaching. You talk about how he would physically strike you during training, but more, potentially even more severely, he would emotionally abuse you during training.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  I mean, honestly,

• 37:40Speaker 00

  I can't think of a single coach that I had like a great, like a, like a great relationship with. So like, this is like,

• 37:52Speaker 00

  a lot of the coaches were of that like Bella Corle kind of generation of like, they thought that being abusive to the athletes is what gave them the best results. And that was kind of what was like in vogue at the time. So.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  And like that, as an athlete, you're just kind of like, alright, well, this is what I have to deal with in order to be the best. And especially with like these, these sports where you have no other choice. Like this is the national team coach and you have to get their approval and put other shit to be able to fight at this level. And so like Edmund was, I think, not as bad as previous coaches. So that's why I put up with a lot because I felt like I at least had to say that I could, I could talk back. The other coaches would just, you know, like little Jimmy, my first coach, literally like dislocated my jaws. I

• 38:55Speaker 00

  was a little kid. I threw him once in front of everybody and laughed because I thought I was awesome. And he threw me on the benches on top of the table at everybody else's feet in front of all these people. And, you know, big Jim had like grabbed me by the throat before to like drive his point home that women can't defend themselves. And so this is like behavior that I'd been conditioned to tolerate since I was like a little girl. And Edmund was of that same like Eastern European kind of like school of thought of like you have to be like really tough and in order to bring the best out of people. And

• 39:31Steven Bartlett?

  What does that do to your emotions, though? Because we develop, you know, at the age when most of us are developing our emotions, you're having yours suppressed and you're being made into this really quote unquote tough person.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  I think it kind of taught me from a young age to just like, how to diffuse like coaches that were like getting out of hand. And so not, because if I stood up for myself, it would just make it worse. And so it just kind of like taught me to like, okay, I gotta like get this person in a good mood all the time. Or I had to like butter them up or I have to like strategically find my way to like out of being berated or something like that. And so I think it's not so much one individual that's a huge problem. I think the whole system is the problem and that it really reinforces these like

• 40:26Speaker 00

  these power imbalances that are inevitably taken advantage of. That all these coaches have free reign of their little fiefdoms. And a lot of these athletes don't have any other option. And so like, I don't see how, like in school, you can have like a teacher, someone comes in to watch the teacher teach to grade them on their teaching. Like, nobody does this for coaching. And, you know, so I would hear these stories about like these sumo coaches that like would kill their athletes training them. And I'd be like, yeah, you know, I could see how that could happen. And it's just, it's, it's not one person, it's not one sport, it's everywhere.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  And there's like, I can't say that I have all the answers for it, but I can say that like coaching in general creates a really like unhealthy power, like imbalance, that what I was able, how I was able to take my relationship with my coach Edmund and take it from off the rails to back on track is to have very distinct boundaries. You know, a lot of times your coach is someone that you're, you know, is tough on you, but they're also like, they care about you. They're a parent, they're a brother, they're a coach too. But a lot of times it becomes like an overbearing family member and a coach,

• 41:52Speaker 00

  and you can't be both. That's why my mom didn't want to be my coach. She didn't want to have to be my mom and my coach because being both of those at the same time is inevitably unhealthy. And when we put boundaries in place of like, okay, this is what your job is and you do not do anything outside of that, then... You know, training was better than ever, our relationship was better than ever. But I think like a lot of these lines and these boundaries get blurred and they need to be very, you know, very defined in order for it to work out.

• 42:28Steven Bartlett?

  And how were those lines blurred with your coach? Just, just, he was crossing them in terms of the things he was able to say and do?

• 42:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, a lot of it was like, he just wanted to know where I was all the time. And like, I needed to be constantly available and stuff like that. And or else it would like end up turning into like a big argument or something like that. And I would just end up just trying to like do anything I could to not get in an argument. And but yeah, like I had to like make a rule at one point. I was like, you're not allowed to FaceTime me because I don't want you to just FaceTime me and know where I am at all times and what I'm doing because like it's my fucking business. It's my privacy. And it was just, he was always trying to push that boundary. Now I was always pushing back and stuff like that. And but I was like, I don't know.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  A lot of times I was like, I'm like, I just want to train. Like, I don't, I would be just trying to like placate him because if I like just stopped talking to him in an argument, then it would end up leaking into training the next day. And so it just became like really like taxing of my, my, my energy in, in general. But like, I mean, I can't really think of a single like coach relationship that I, that I had that was like, perfect. But it worked, you know? That's the one problem that I had always had like debating. I'm like, well, it's working. I'm getting better. And so you would just put up with it because there's, there was no perfect option out there.

• 43:59Steven Bartlett?

  You said at the very start that you were very, very close to your father. And then when your father passed, these other men that almost take on what someone could liken to a fatherly role are all coaches.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, they were all like, what was it in Kill Bill that he was talking about? That Bill lost his father early, so he collected father figures. Yeah, I collected them. None of them were as good as the original.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  But yeah, I think that, that constant need for, you know, validation from a father figure was something that I was constantly like pursuing. But, you know, that like, that philosophy of coaching of, you know?

• 44:43Speaker 00

  You see like the Russian figure skaters, the gymnasts that never smile because they've been like beaten into iron. That was basically the philosophy of all the coaches that I had. They would see someone like Bela Karolyi and be like, oh my God, like he was their idol. And so they're all trying to emulate that.

• 44:58Steven Bartlett?

  Beating the emotion out of you. This is something that I've always wondered about you because you've always had a steely exterior, you know?

• 45:08Speaker 00

  Really?

• 45:09Steven Bartlett?

  No, you have, especially in the fight in the UFC days. I watched some of your clips to remind myself of your fighting days before this and you know, that you came in with that face, that "ahhh" that face and just in interviews around that time and so on. And this is why I asked the question about emotion and how, because you got into this at such a young age and you're dealing with these men who call you, you know, you're lacking discipline if you miss weight and all of these kinds of things. You go through that, the loss of your father, the unprocessed grief. I'm wondering what happens to Ronda Rousey's relationship with her own emotions?

• 45:41Speaker 00

  I mean, I was always really emotional, actually, as a fighter. I would cry on the mat all the time, all the time. I cried on the mat like every practice for years straight. And I would be yelled at for crying.

• 45:51Steven Bartlett?

  You'd get yelled at for crying?

• 45:52Speaker 00

  I yelled at for crying, so I'd cry and then I would cry because I was crying and I would cry because I was being yelled at for crying. And yeah, I just, but it wouldn't be because something hurt. It would be because, you know, something, I was frustrated by something I couldn't, I got thrown or I couldn't make something work that I was trying to make work and I would cry out of frustration. And my mom said, I had a tournament where it was full double elimination, so I ended up winning the tournament, but I lost a match earlier in the day. And every single match, I would come out crying, bow win, throw the other girl on her ass, beat her, bow out crying, come into the next match, still crying, beat the shit out of the other girl, bow out crying, the whole day crying, until I beat everybody, beat the same girl that beat me twice in order to win, on top of the podium,

• 46:36Speaker 00

  number one, crying still because I lost that first match earlier in the day. And so, yeah, I was always very emotional. I was extremely emotional as a fighter and in training and everything like that. And that was something I was constantly trying to like battle was like if you get thrown in a tournament, don't start crying because that was just something that would happen to me all the time. I'm very, yeah, and that it's such so funny if people think that I'm like, yeah, this emotionalist robot, whatever I fight, it took a long time to be able to get there and to stop like crying in the middle of a match.

• 47:09Steven Bartlett?

  Wow.

• 47:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:10Steven Bartlett?

  Dana says he's never going to allow women into the UFC to fight. But then Dana changes his mind and he changes his mind because of you effectively. So in September 2012, I remember the, I remember it very fondly. I remember where I was when I watched the first woman fight in the UFC. Dana says that he's signing the first ever woman fighter in the UFC, lady called Rhonda Rousey, despite saying a year earlier that he wouldn't, but he called you a game changer. And so you did end up changing the game and you became UFC champion between 2020, 12 and 2015. You won 15 fights back to back, most of them finished within seconds. And you stacked up a bunch of records, including the fastest ever win, fastest submission,

• 47:55Steven Bartlett?

  fastest title defense turnaround. And you were voted the best female athlete of all time in a 2015 ESPN fan poll. And Fox Sports called you one of the defining athletes of the 21st century. Part of that sort of 15 fights back to back was, you know, when I think about that period is the amount of times you were fighting was really unusual. You're fighting, I think there were sometimes you're fighting three times in nine months, which is kind of unheard of for anyone in the UFC. I mean, there's fighters today that seem to just fight once a year. Why were you doing that? Why were you fighting so frequently?

• 48:30Speaker 00

  I was fighting that frequently because that's how often Dana called. And I told him that, no, if you sign me, I will be there to fight whenever you need me. And I never said no. And so anytime that I got an offer or anytime one of the guys got hurt or fell out, I was always the one that would fill in. And, um, you know, if there was like a, I always fought on like, uh, like February's and Augusts and Novembers, like the worst times of the year is to fight because that's when they needed somebody to come in and pick up the numbers. So I wasn't somebody like holding out to only fight on the 4th of July card or New Year's card, which are the best, you know, the highest viewed of the year.

• 49:11Speaker 00

  I would do whatever was best for the company because that's what I promised, the role that I would fulfill. That was like the deal that I made when I came in. And, you know, nobody else has to do that, but I felt like I owed it to Dana. I promised him I would be there anytime that he needed me, and I was.

• 49:30Steven Bartlett?

  If you could go back and give yourself advice on that day when you signed your UFC contract now, if you could time travel back to that Rhonda and give her a little bit of advice, whisper in her ear, what would you say?

• 49:40Speaker 00

  I wouldn't change anything.

• 49:42Steven Bartlett?

  You wouldn't change anything?

• 49:43Speaker 00

  Time travel is not possible, and I led myself to where I am now, and I'm happy with where I'm at. So I wouldn't fuck with it.

• 49:49Steven Bartlett?

  When you got the news that you were going to be signing for the UFC as the first ever woman to fight in the UFC, how did that feel?

• 49:57Speaker 00

  Validating.

• 50:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I was just really excited. I just felt like I was in on a secret that the whole world didn't know, and they were just starting to find out.

• 50:08Steven Bartlett?

  And throughout that period, while you're the UFC champion, you take up acting and you feature in a couple of films like The Fast and the Furious, The Expendables, et cetera. Was that something that you always had planned, or is that something that just arose as an opportunity?

• 50:20Speaker 00

  The movie stuff just kind of arose as an opportunity. But, you know, once it became a possibility, I was like, of course I could be the next Bruce Lee, you know? Of course I could do great at this. And I felt like I was a good performer and, you know, great physical performer as well. And I could combine the two in a way that nobody else could. So I went after it with the same kind of confidence I went after everything.

• 50:50Steven Bartlett?

  On the 14th of November, 2015, you had UFC 193, where you were lined up to fight Holly Holmes in Melbourne, Australia. I remember where I was when that fight happened. I didn't miss many UFC fights, and I still don't miss many, but it was a really sort of a huge turning point for a number of reasons. You were indestructible.

• 51:09Steven Bartlett?

  Basically, that's how the whole UFC community and I think the fanbase saw you. But in that moment, as you said earlier on, there was an initial contact and I watched the clip again earlier on. There's an initial contact, I think it was with Holly Holm's elbow, if I can't remember, if I remember correctly. And then you talked about having this sort of issue with depth perception because of that initial contact. And that's actually what I see in that clip. I see from that first sort of strike that there is an issue with kind of understanding where Holly is. And that fight ends in a head kick. From that moment when you leave the octagon, how does your life and perception of everything change?

• 51:51Steven Bartlett?

  Because it's interesting, the way that you were built up to that, you were, I was gonna say the top of the mountain, you're up in the clouds at that point. Like it was framed to everyone that you were fundamentally indestructible. You know, and that's kind of what the marketing machine does, it does to everyone. They're fundamentally indestructible, but everyone, from Muhammad Ali to my friend Israel in the UFC. Everyone has their day where we find out that everyone is a human being to some degree. From the moment you leave the UFC, what is life like from that point onwards when you get back into the medical room?

• 52:25Speaker 00

  Extremely depressing. You know, that was my whole identity, was being champion and undefeated. And it's just like soul crushing, really was. It was, I was just kind of like forced to face music before I was ready to. And I knew that it was gonna catch up to me at some point. But I was more, I think upset that there were so many people out there that were like reveling in it. And.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  And I don't know, it just felt so unjust in a way because I just felt like it was just,

• 53:13Speaker 00

  there's so much of it, it just wasn't my fault, you know? I just couldn't, like, my brain just couldn't take what I asked of it anymore. And my body took as much as it could until it literally broke. And I gave everybody everything that I had. And, um, and that wasn't enough for them. They hated me for not having more.

• 53:38Speaker 00

  So, I mean, it was tough. It was, um, I saw a whole bunch of people that I thought were friends just, you know, turn on me. And, um, it was really eye opening in a way, though, you know? To who true, to who true friends are and what is, what true happiness is. And that outward validation, wasn't it? And so I think maybe it might have saved me in a way from going down the path of trying to like chase that high of everybody's, you know, approval forever. But, um, so I guess it was liberating in a way in the long run.

• 54:15Steven Bartlett?

  If I was a fly on the wall that night when you left that octagon, what would I have seen?

• 54:20Speaker 00

  A lot of crying.

• 54:23Speaker 00

  You know?

• 54:27Speaker 00

  I had to get my lip sewed up, the muscle underneath and then the skin. I remember I was so out of it that I like bit off a chunk of my lip and spit it out like it was like a piece of chapped, like, you know, like a chapped lip. Like, that's how out of it I was. I was biting and chewing, like spitting out chunks of like the flesh of my lip. And people judging me for the decisions I was making all, all in that state, I think, is what bothered me the most. It wasn't so much that I lost, it was just that people thought that I didn't know how to fight. And, um, you know, if I was at my full capacity, I don't think anyone could ever beat me. But I just.

• 55:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was spit. I was running on fumes for so long that I didn't have any fumes left. And the moment that I ran out of fumes was, you know, broadcast live to billions of people everywhere who all had their own assumptions about it. And none of them are right. And I felt like I couldn't speak up or say anything. And honestly, whoever I tried to talk to, they didn't care about helping me communicate what I was trying to communicate. They just cared about getting as many clicks as possible. So I couldn't trust anyone to speak through. So I feel like this book was the only way that I could really communicate everything that I'd been holding on to for years.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  Because, I mean, yeah, it was really tough. But I literally fought until I couldn't fight anymore. And maybe that's not enough for a lot of people. But I feel like I created the most efficient fighting style that ever created. That was, that's ever existed. And I had to realize that only people that are truly great can recognize greatness. I wanted to be so great that even an idiot couldn't deny it. But then I realized after going into pro wrestling that retiring undefeated and taking the equity that I had with me wouldn't have been what was best for the sport.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  Even though I know that I'm better than all these girls and by a fucking long shot, and I always will be, taking my equity away from me so that everybody knows that would actually tarnish my legacy. It wouldn't make everybody take the women after me seriously. And so it had to happen for the betterment of the sport. But, you know, sometimes it still stings a little bit that it's, you know, I'm not recognized as the greatest ever when I know I am. But my mom said all the time, Really quite the other picture here, that she didn't care if everybody knew she was

• 57:19Speaker 00

  the best in the world. She only cared if she knew. She didn't care if nobody knew who was the first American world champion of judo back in 1984. It was important to her. And I think like somewhere along the way, I, it started to matter more what other people thought than what I thought. And so I think being, being forced back to, to that was actually the best thing that could have happened to me.

• 57:48Steven Bartlett?

  I don't think people realize the extent of, they see it as kind of just a game, you know, fighting, they see it as some kind of game that they're watching, like they're playing on the Xbox or PlayStation. But I don't think they understand the extent of the devastation on a human level that you kind of experience after that loss. And I think until you did that interview with Ellen, where you revealed that you'd gone back to your changing room and you had these sort of, this sort of suicidal ideation about the future, most people didn't realize the extent of it until then. Did you literally have suicidal ideation in the days and hours following the fight?

• 58:27Speaker 00

  No, it was basically like instantly when I came backstage. But, you know, suicide is the kind of thing that becomes more prevalent if, you know, it's in your family. And I've literally had two generations of suicide ahead of me. It's just something that, it's always a, like a, an option in your mind, once it's shown to you, you know. But I think that the fact that I was with Trav then, my husband now, that I just didn't want to like, take the pain that I had in me and give it to him. Because that's what, how I

• 59:12Speaker 00

  experienced suicide was like, okay, it's, you get to relieve yourself of that pain, but you have to, you pass it on to everybody else. And my, my, you know, but my dad was dying anyway. He wouldn't have been able to prevent his, his death. And he was, you know, physically suffering every day. And so that, so I understand that. And I didn't feel like I had that same kind of justification that I wasn't going to die anyway. So I was gonna, gonna live for him and for my family so that they wouldn't have to, to, to take the pain that I was feeling onto them.

• 59:51Steven Bartlett?

  Was that the hardest moment in your professional career?

• 59:54Speaker 00

  Professionally, yeah.

• 59:57Steven Bartlett?

  Was it the hardest moment in your personal life?

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  No, losing my dad was worse.

• 1:00:04Steven Bartlett?

  You went on to fight Amanda Nunes at UFC 207 in 2016 and the, the fight ends again. And after this, you, you come to the decision that your time at the UFC is over and you decide to, to move on to the WWE. There's a sort of a two-year gap, I believe, between, about a one-year gap between the Nunes fight and the WWE announcement. What happens in your life in that gap?

• 1:00:29Speaker 00

  Um, I was mostly just being sad. I was just like sad and high and playing video games and eating crepes. I mean, everybody wants to rush you through grieving things, but you know, I think it's important. And so I took that time to myself. I was also just so worn out from, you know, like I said, running on fumes for years on end and like literally dragging myself out of bed every morning and like having to dig deep every second of the day that I just, you know, wanted to dig deep and just disappear. I had, you know, paparazzi and all kinds of crazy shit happening at the time and I just, just like, didn't want to be famous anymore.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  So it was always more of a tool than a goal. And now that I didn't have fights to promote, I didn't need it anymore. But I guess it wasn't done with me. So I kind of had to like disappear for a while to be left alone.

• 1:01:29Steven Bartlett?

  Were you doing anything professionally during that period or were you just at home?

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  Um, I mean, I, um.

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  Oh, I was just at home. I feel like I just needed to not give anymore. I don't think anyone can understand how exhausted I was and how much it had been asked of me for so long that I just needed to rest. I needed to mentally and physically rest.

• 1:01:59Speaker 00

  And, um, but people that have, you know, dug deep enough to make it to two Olympics and win 15 fights in a row, you know, not a lot of people understand how much effort that takes. And, um, just sounds like numbers when you say it, but when you live it, it's just like, I literally had nothing left in me. I could barely get out of bed. So, I mean,

• 1:02:24Speaker 00

  it's not the kind of like tired that you can take a long sleep from and wake up refreshed, you know, like, I was like the kind of tired that takes like a year to recover from.

• 1:02:34Steven Bartlett?

  Is that, is that depression in your mind?

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  Yes, so you could, you could, you could call it depression. Um, but, you know, I, I didn't see anyone and get diagnosed.

• 1:02:46Steven Bartlett?

  Your, your husband was there throughout that period with you?

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was there the whole time. He was the one supplying the crepes.

• 1:02:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was amazing. He, he really was, you know, helped drag me out of my own hole. And I'm very much like, you know, like a Gollum cave creature in general. Like I just will like,

• 1:03:09Speaker 00

  not, not leave my, my little den. Um, but he's like very much a social butterfly and he would make sure that like, okay, you need to go out and interact with human beings. And I'm like, oh, which, you know, has always kind of been how I was. I always struggled socially and stuff like that. Um, which is why I got into judo is to be able to like socialize and just be able to talk and communicate. And so I just kind of reverted back to like my hermit tendencies. And yeah, Trav literally had to like drag me out of my hole. And I'm glad he did. But yeah, I would easily slide back into the Misty Mountains anytime if I was allowed.

• 1:03:51Steven Bartlett?

  Did he understand what you were going through psychologically in that period? Were you able to communicate that to him?

• 1:03:56Speaker 00

  Um, I think he understood to an extent like he, uh, he had a different kind of incredible story where he started fighting at 26 and then was the number one contender in, at the UFC in as much time as it took me to be the number one contender in the UFC. So he was like incredibly naturally talented, but he hadn't been, you know, pursuing a goal of athletic greatness since he was six, the way that I had. And so just the disappointment of, you know, never going, never winning an Olympic gold medal and never being able to retire undefeated and those kind of like lifelong goals.

• 1:04:37Speaker 00

  I don't think a lot of people understand that, but he also was still like so supportive in there for me, you know? And he never got fed up with me moping around and literally crying over like eggs. If I like broke the yolk, I'd be like, I can't eat my eggs, you know? And like just being like that for like, yeah, over a year and stuff. And his like, he's just such incredible love and patience. And was just like there for me all the time. And I'm just like, bring me and hold me when I needed it. Even if he didn't like understand why I was so sad, he was like there for it anyway. So, yeah, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him so much.

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  But yeah, he might not have understood it so much, but he was still there for me.

• 1:05:27Speaker 00

  Knew you were gonna get me at some point. Told you I'm emotional.

• 1:05:31Steven Bartlett?

  No, I didn't. No.

• 1:05:35Steven Bartlett?

  It's often in those moments, our hardest moments, that we realize, as you said earlier, who we've got around us, but also the value of certain people in our lives. I think in my hardest times in my life, that's, that's, following those times is when I realized who really, really mattered. And my partner in particular, through my hardest moments, I've, you go through the, the dark canyon of these tough times in life and you emerge, that person walked through it with you and you go, fucking hell, this person. Now I understand how much they mean to me. Sometimes it takes that to understand what someone means to you.

• 1:06:06Steven Bartlett?

  And it certainly sounds like that moment crystallized what Travis means to you in your life as well.

• 1:06:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think when we first got together, we went through so much stuff that would have driven anybody else apart, but it really just brought us all, brought us, brought the two of us closer together. And I'm just so glad that we were with each other when we were going through the hardest times, that we didn't have to go through it alone.

• 1:06:30Steven Bartlett?

  When does the WWE come in? So that's ultimately what sort of, I guess, pulled you out of your little cave there, but.

• 1:06:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I had to get out of the cave and in front of like a crowd of thousands of people live, of course. Which is really funny because I really don't like it. I don't like being in front of crowds and a bunch of people and I hate public speaking.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  But I just love the stuff that I get to do while doing it, you know?

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  But yeah, I just, I kind of, my friends, the, the four horsemen, Shane and Jessman and Marina, that were like, friends I made. I mean, I knew Marina back from judo and I met Shane and Jessman through MMA. And like, we really became like, really close knit group. And, you know, for me, and for how hard it was for me to like socialize and make friends, like these were like my girls, you know? And they all started getting into pro wrestling and

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  I just started doing it for fun and it was just so fun and like. It wasn't a competition. It was everyone working together to try and do something great together. And so it reminded me more of like, you know, like filming action movies and doing fight choreography, except for it was kind of like in its purest form, where you have to tell the story. Like in the movie, you have like the movie part, and then there's a fight, and then the story. And like usually the fight is like separate from that. And I feel like pro wrestling is like the purest form of combat storytelling, because you can only tell the story through the combat. I was just fascinated with that, especially, you know, I want to be Bruce Lee. And it became that thing that like I started to fixate on and wanted to be better and better at it.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  And just would go into training and lose track of time and realize that I'd been going for five hours, kind of a thing. And I love that feeling of being lost in something. I told my friend, I was telling somebody, I was like, passion is my passion. I just love to be passionate about things. And, you know, I guess that flow state is fun. And I just love being in it. And so, yeah, then I started just training for fun. And then, and, you know, getting, I didn't really get an opportunity to go to WWE. I was kind of like, hey, guys, I want to do this. And then they were like, okay.

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  And yeah, then it just kind of snowballed into, because at first I was like, okay, I want to have a baby soon. And it'd be kind of cool to go and do some pro wrestling for a couple of months before I go and have my baby. And then it just kind of like snowballed into this whole beast and this whole like other life that I didn't know that I was going to have. But it was very much like, like a calling, much more than a pursuit, if that made sense, you know?

• 1:09:23Steven Bartlett?

  One of the things that surprised me, and again, it's because if we only get to see this sort of 2D representation of someone on a screen, whether they're, you know, wrestling career or UFC career, which is kind of like, it's kind of like all of it's kind of like acting, the press conferences, the bravado, is in your book, you talk about how comments online and newspaper comments and stuff would get to you.

• 1:09:46Speaker 00

  I mean, you know, it starts off like that.

• 1:09:51Speaker 00

  But yeah, at first, you know, when everything is going great, it was like I would look at my comments like the morning newspaper. I'd wake up in the morning and look at my comments. I'll look at my tag photos and it's so unhealthy.

• 1:10:07Speaker 00

  But, um, but after my first loss, I quit cold turkey, which I feel like that was one thing that I needed to do was to like not constantly need that outside validation and stuff like that, especially from internet and social media and stuff. And I was kind of like spiraling in a way and, and kind of like giving that way too much stock in my like emotional, you know, state and stuff like that. And, um, and then pro wrestling, you're literally in front of a crowd that is like the embodiment of a comment section in front of yourself. Um, but, um, you know, that's also why I really enjoyed being a

• 1:10:51Speaker 00

  heel, which I, you know, wish they would have let me be a heel more often because that's why I feel like I was happy happiest when I wasn't trying to placate to the crowd, purposely trying to, you know, piss them off and get a rise out of them and not trying to constantly, you know, pander.

• 1:11:13Steven Bartlett?

  I was surprised to hear about the WWE that they kind of rewrite the script last minute and that it's not, I don't think of such a big business. You imagine they got script writers and the scripts are written.

• 1:11:22Speaker 00

  You would think it wouldn't be an absolute clusterfuck shit show and you would be wrong.

• 1:11:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. And it's so needlessly dangerous. Like no one can, like a lot of times people can't rehearse. Things are changed last minute. A lot of times you see them outside, they're performing, they've only talked about it and they're doing it for the first time. So a lot of these injuries happen because people just weren't able to rehearse and the company doesn't give a shit because we're all expendable to them.

• 1:11:47Steven Bartlett?

  Did you feel expendable to the UFC, to the WWE?

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  Yes. Yeah. I think we all did. And they made sure to make us feel that way.

• 1:11:59Steven Bartlett?

  Why? Then they made sure to make you feel that way.

• 1:12:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Steven Bartlett?

  So that you wouldn't get above your station or something, or so that you would just do whatever you're told.

• 1:12:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, just do whatever you're told. Just take it.

• 1:12:09Steven Bartlett?

  And you're all contractors at the WWE as well. So you're not employees. You have to pay for your own healthcare and all these kinds of things, from what I read in your book.

• 1:12:16Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:12:17Steven Bartlett?

  Which is pretty crazy. I mean, that would never be allowed in where I'm from in the UK. And it's sort of Vince McMahon's kingdom.

• 1:12:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, I mean, supposedly he's out now because they, you know, caught him paying company funds so he can shit on some girl's head in the office and, you know, do a threesome with her with Johnny Laurenitis.

• 1:12:41Speaker 00

  But his cronies are still there. And so when the stuff started coming out and Vince was gone before, he was still basically just calling it in and running the company. And, um, but yeah, like Bruce Pritchard, who's there now, is still like the head of creative or whatever title they gave him, is basically just taking orders from Vince and still running the company through him. And so when Vince was, uh, resigned formally because of all these like sexual allegations and stuff that were coming out, he was still running the company informally, and I think he still is to this day.

• 1:13:22Steven Bartlett?

  You don't have a whole lot of nice things to say about these people.

• 1:13:26Speaker 00

  I mean, depends on who. The girls in the locker room, I absolutely love them, you know.

• 1:13:30Steven Bartlett?

  The people at the top running.

• 1:13:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, Steph and Triple H, I think they're honestly doing their best. But I mean, I think that Vince McMahon just created a fundamentally sick environment. And I think if Ari is gonna be able, is gonna be able, if Ari Emanuel, who bought it out from WME, is gonna be able to actually make this multi-billion dollar dysfunctional organization into one that functions, he's got to clean out all of Vince's cronies. He's got to completely clean house and remove Vince's influence completely.

• 1:14:02Speaker 00

  But, um, you know, no one's asking me. But that's just what I experienced when Vince was gone. He was still running the show through, um, you know, people that he'd hired in the past. Bruce Pritchard being number one of them.

• 1:14:16Steven Bartlett?

  Bruce Pritchard's still there, I believe?

• 1:14:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, John Laurinaitis took like, he was, uh,

• 1:14:22Speaker 00

  He was cut loose because he got named specifically in the scandal. But yeah, Bruce Pritchard is literally, I'd never heard him say a single one of his own opinions. He'd only say that Vince says this, Vince says that, Vince says this, Vince says this, Vince says Vince. And so he's literally just like, you know, I called him Vince's avatar. That's basically what he is.

• 1:14:44Steven Bartlett?

  You returned to the UFC, you left in 2019. You were there from 2017 to 2019. And in 2017 is when you got married with Travis. I couldn't figure out from the dates, I don't think the date was in your book. But at some point during this journey, you start trying to have children. Something I'm trying now with my partner on that process as well. And you talk in the book about a really heartbreaking incident where you're filming a TV show with 911, the TV show 911. And there was fight scenes and various stunts in that movie. And a day after that, you suffered a miscarriage.

• 1:15:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, I found out I was pregnant right before the show started filming. And then I, my finger got chopped off from a bow door falling on it. And but, you know, we got, we went and checked out and there's, you know, the baby seemed just fine. But then I miscarried a couple of weeks later. So I just kind of always felt like that was my fault. That I wanted to keep doing dangerous stuff while I was pregnant because I thought it made me cool. And then, and then I was just like depressed and like drinking and smoking and not taking care of myself. And then I got pregnant right away again. And then we never even saw a heartbeat that time.

• 1:16:09Speaker 00

  But I wasn't expecting anything more because I just wasn't taking care of myself.

• 1:16:13Steven Bartlett?

  So you had two miscarriages.

• 1:16:14Speaker 00

  Two miscarriages, yeah. And then I went through IVF, four cycles of IVF to be able to get eight embryos. Because we wanted to have like three or four kids. And the first one that we used actually worked. That's, you know, okay, I have my daughter now, but. But yeah, we're in the process of doing it right now. And I just got news yesterday that our first cycle didn't work. So it's tough. Anyone going through is tough. And like, people just don't talk about it. But, you know, it's hard because you have like so much hope every time. And, and, um, yeah, I don't know. I'll just have to wait till the end of this book tour to try again.

• 1:16:57Speaker 00

  But I was really hoping to be pregnant today.

• 1:17:04Speaker 00

  But, you know, it's the kind of thing that like, nobody talks about. So, and so so many women think they're going through it alone. But, um,

• 1:17:17Speaker 00

  it's really, really common. But it's just, it's really hard when things don't work out.

• 1:17:26Steven Bartlett?

  So many women and couples are going through this. And as you, as you say, it's not something we talk about because the mixture of feelings surrounding it are complex, to say the least.

• 1:17:38Speaker 00

  I think like, you know, no one wants to burden anybody else with what they're going through. But a lot of times it's not, you're not burdening other people. You're, you know,

• 1:17:53Speaker 00

  I don't know if it's like camaraderie, but you're offering something to, to other people that are going through the same thing. And a lot of times it's like, a woman, you can feel like it's, you know, your fault. But, you know, your peak productive years are your peak athletic years. So I, I decided to use those on my career. And, um, you know, thankfully I was able to get a bunch of embryos when I was young. And hopefully, you know, we'll be able to still have a couple more kids. But, you know, I still, I got my po and I got my boys. So, you know, I got a lot more than, than most, than a lot of people that have been through it. But, you know,

• 1:18:33Steven Bartlett?

  So you've got three kids in total, two of them are from Travis's previous relationship with his previous partner, where you're now the stepmother and you've had a daughter of your own.

• 1:18:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:42Steven Bartlett?

  People don't understand the, because there are people that have gone through this and they understand, although because no one's talking about it, they've not had their feelings echoed by someone publicly before. And then there's this other group of people that have never been through this sort of IVF journey of success, failure, failure, success, failure, et cetera. For those people that have never experienced it, what is that like? What is the complexity of the emotions that you experience and thought?

• 1:19:06Speaker 00

  It's just a grind. It's a grind and it's really hard on emotionally and physically your body. And like, like this last cycle, I wasn't allowed to like, you know, work out or anything for weeks on end. And so it's like, my first time around, when I had to do like four cycles in a row and then the transfer cycle, I mean, like I, I was like just not recognizable physically and

• 1:19:37Speaker 00

  and just mentally so worn out, you're on all these kind of hormones and you're going through this like emotional roller coaster and stuff. And you just, you can't really talk about it, you know? And, and yeah, sometimes like, I would, you know, I have just people that are like psychotic trolls that like try and follow me around online and like berate me about these kind of things. About like, at the time, I'd like not, not having a kid when I was trying and, and stuff like that. And that's, I guess, the, the way you have to live with being a public figure, but, and you're not supposed to say anything about it because how dare you not be grateful for your good fortune?

• 1:20:18Speaker 00

  But man, it, it sucks when you're going through it and you feel like, you know, the world is also still looking over your shoulder and you're not living up to, you know, your own expectations. I don't know.

• 1:20:34Speaker 00

  If there's a. I don't know if there's a feminine word for emasculating, but is, you know, effeminating, it feels like if you can't naturally have like a baby, like, I mean, my doctor was like, if you probably, if you stopped smoking and drinking, you could have a baby, like, you know, smoked a bunch of weed and drinking, you can naturally have a baby. But because we wanted to have so many, he was like, you should get all your embryos now. So when you're older, you can take your time and do it. And so it's just like, yeah, it's tough because as a woman, you have to choose, am I going to go for a career during my peak years or am I going to like go for kids?

• 1:21:15Speaker 00

  And so luckily, you know, science makes it so you can have both, but it doesn't make it easy.

• 1:21:22Steven Bartlett?

  This has been very front of mind for me because I'm trying now. And I've actually sat here yesterday with two fertility doctors, two different fertility doctors, because I really wanted to understand the whole process and understand, because, you know, I think people typically think that fertility is a female thing. But the fertility doctors told me quite clearly that when they go through the IVF rounds, it's 50 50 typically as to why sort of a baby isn't conceived. It's 50% of the time, it's a man, 50% of the time, it's the woman. And so I'm really grateful that you share that because lots of people are struggling. And increasingly, the IVF clinics, I think, I think off the top of my head, have grown 90% in popularity over the last couple of years. And because we're having, our careers are being extended further and a variety of other things,

• 1:22:06Steven Bartlett?

  sperm counts are dropping, testosterone levels are dropping, it's only going to get more common.

• 1:22:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, and one thing I will say that's great about it is because I did go through two pregnancies that, you know, my, my doctor told me it was probably because, it wasn't because you chopped your finger off, it wasn't because if you were drinking or smoking, like is because they're genetically not conducive to life. And so the great thing with IVF is you get these embryos and you can have them tested first. And then you don't have to make a decision at 20 weeks along of like, oh, your baby has this kind of, you know, disorder or malformality and you have to make that decision. And so you know that they're, they're healthy going into it. But then when you put all that effort into it and you finally do it and then it doesn't work out, I mean, that's, that's crushing in itself too, you know, so it's.

• 1:22:57Speaker 00

  It's tough. I mean, science is amazing, but it is a really difficult process to go through.

• 1:23:02Steven Bartlett?

  Where does your happiness come from these days? You've had a real sort of pivot in terms of where you look for happiness over the last couple of years.

• 1:23:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, my happiness is every day with my family. That's what it is. And I'm so lucky that I get to be like, you know, retired in my mid 30s and be able to spend like all my time with my husband and my kids and like to be there for them and to be able not have to like worry about so much, you know, and get to just focus on them. And yeah, I don't know, just day to day, I just, I mean, I say like I'm retired, but like I still do stuff. But I don't do stuff with the intention of like, I have to pay the bills with this. And so, yeah, I mean, I'm not like only like only my husband, only a wife and mom.

• 1:23:54Speaker 00

  Like I started writing as just a way to like, kind of help me from, you know, not fixating on like myself or picking at myself and got into like screenwriting and which is just like a really great way for

• 1:24:11Speaker 00

  if I'm having like, just, you know,

• 1:24:14Speaker 00

  like a destructive thought process or something like that, that I can like turn my mind into towards something creative and actually like make something out of all of that, you know, mental energy that I'm just turning inward and like hurting myself with. And so, so then came out with this book and I've actually, I'm working on my fourth script right now and my first one's been made into a comic book and which I touch on in the book too, but it's also like doing these kinds of things, not with the intention of like making millions of dollars or you know, impressing a bunch of people, but just that the act of it is so fun. Like I'm a, I'm interning right now at the story department at WME. That's all I was working on in the car. Yeah, I'm learning

• 1:24:57Speaker 00

  how to be a reader and write coverages and just, you know, read lots and lots of scripts and make me a better writer and like learn like the dark art of like writing coverages, which people don't see, they're not at public, but to be able to just still strip down to as few words as possible and know what you're looking for and all these things. And just kind of like learning these skills that I'm really fascinated in and and that's just like validating in themselves, you know, and like. And with our ranch and everything like that and raising our cows and like my favorite part is we took this land in Oregon that was like completely degraded, you know, it'd been mismanaged for years. There was more dirt than there was grass and to be able to, we're using regenerative practices with our wagyu and our poultry to be able like

• 1:25:42Speaker 00

  bring this land back to life, you know. So that was like been more rewarding to me than reading a whole morning of positive comments on the frigging picture is actually like going out and like seeing this land become better. And like that kind of stuff is like really rewarding and I don't have to worry about, you know, promoting it or what people will think of it or how much money I'm making from it. So yeah, like I'm retired, but I'm busy.

• 1:26:10Steven Bartlett?

  It must be difficult to go from those arenas that I watched you in all around the world with all those people screaming and cheering to this farm in Oregon. Cause I don't know, I don't know. One assumes that the, we always talk about this adrenaline rush that you get from fighting and competing. The opposite of that is a farm in Oregon.

• 1:26:27Speaker 00

  I guess so, but I mean, I love my favorite crowds to like wrestle in front of are like small crowds. I love being like in a small, non televised crowd. That's my favorite. And like fight, I could fight in a closet. I could fight in an arena. It's not making it better to me, you know? I just want to win the fight. Like the fight itself is what I care about. That's what gave me the joy. I was completely blocking them out. I mean, they're, they're welcome to be there, but they're, but they're not that, they're not part of my actual experience of the fight itself. I mean, winning and everyone being like, wow. I mean, that's an incredible feeling. That's great. But, um, that's not why I

• 1:27:08Speaker 00

  got into it. I didn't get into like, you know, judo isn't like a big sport that there's going to be crowds of people cheering for you for, you know? Anyone that's crazy enough to want to win an Olympic gold medal in anything, it's not because they want to be famous and they want a whole bunch of people to know or cheer for them. It's because they want to be the best at something. And I just love that. Process of going from knowing nothing about something to mastering it. I love the process of mastery.

• 1:27:32Steven Bartlett?

  You said you used a word earlier on, self-destructive thoughts. Am I right in thinking that your self-destructive thoughts, which appear to still be with you today, are the reason in part why you were so great when it came to the UFC and fighting?

• 1:27:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, I guess like, you know, I'd enter that flow state, I guess, of being like so lost in doing something that you can't think of anything else. Everything else disappears. Like, that was always my favorite place to be, you know? In swimming, I didn't have that. Your mind is left to wander while you're swimming. Or in judo, you know, there's nothing happening except for what's happening in front of you. In fighting, there's nothing going on except for what's going on in front of you. And in pro wrestling, there's nothing going on except for the reality you created in this match that you're in. And yeah, I love being completely lost in the task of doing something the best that you can. Like, that's something that's addicting and I guess something that I still do now, you

• 1:28:31Speaker 00

  know, trying to do like through writing and everything like that. But I don't know, I just, I guess it's just where my happy place is. But, you know.

• 1:28:46Steven Bartlett?

  Do you still have those self-destructive thoughts today?

• 1:28:48Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. I mean, all the time. But, I mean, it's just kind of like something you'll like wake up and be like, oh, my God, I remember that thing that you said several years ago. That was so stupid. I remember that thing you tweeted, you stupid bitch. Like, you know, like just things that like come up that you can't do anything about it. But just, you know, ruminate. And sometimes it's like, you know, try not to think of a blue duck kind of a thing.

• 1:29:10Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:10Speaker 00

  And a lot of times it's like that. It's sometimes I'll be in the middle of something great and I'll just be like, don't think of something bad. And then because of that, it'll like pop up in my head. And yeah, I don't know.

• 1:29:21Steven Bartlett?

  Did you go to therapy at any point in your career?

• 1:29:25Speaker 00

  I mean, I've tried, but you know, my mom's a psychologist. So, you know, anyone that I went to talk to, I was just kind of like, you're not as smart as my mom.

• 1:29:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I I went tempted, but I've never found anyone that I really like clicked with. But I've given it a couple of shots, but I mean, I mean, maybe it's not for everybody. I don't think it's for me.

• 1:29:50Steven Bartlett?

  The other picture that I found when I was doing my research is this beautiful picture here. And the question I have for you is about the lessons you learned from this man.

• 1:30:02Speaker 00

  No, I'm gonna keep this.

• 1:30:04Steven Bartlett?

  You can keep both of them.

• 1:30:08Speaker 00

  Lessons I learned, you know, I wish I remembered more. We don't even have video or anything, you know, very few pictures.

• 1:30:18Speaker 00

  But I don't know.

• 1:30:23Speaker 00

  It's more of like examples that he gave me of how to actually like be a man and how to be a great husband. Like my mom and dad were so in love with each other. I remember they would like make out over our breakfast and I'd be like, oh.

• 1:30:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know. But he was like so in love with my mom and she was so in love with him. And I think that's why I was smart enough to wait until Trav to get married. Because I knew what I was looking for. And so he showed me what a loving husband and father is. And, you know, he's the one that when my mom was so worried about, you know, me being late developmentally and all of these things, my mom said he was the one that was always like, you know, Ronnie's a sleeper. She's gonna show everybody. And so he was always the one that like believed that I was going to be like exceptional and put that belief in my mind that I am exceptional and I'm gonna do incredible things.

• 1:31:23Speaker 00

  And so, yeah, I never forgot it, I guess. I think he was right.

• 1:31:30Steven Bartlett?

  You named off to him, right? He's called Ron.

• 1:31:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was supposed to be Ronald John Rousey Jr., but I'm a girl, so I'm Ron DeJean Rousey. The first.

• 1:31:41Steven Bartlett?

  Not the last.

• 1:31:43Steven Bartlett?

  And you did show everyone. That's exactly what you did in your career. You showed everyone. And, um, you know, it's funny because I I'm a big UFC fan, so I watched your career. Enjoyed it so much. You gave me some incredible moments throughout all of the sort of those major fights that you had. And it's interesting because from reading your book and speaking to you today, I realized that the very human cost of the entertainment that I enjoyed as a fan. I behind that sat someone who is quite clearly pretty obsessed with winning, being mastery in your own words, and being the very best at everything you apply yourself to. And with that comes a cost. You know, we don't have to pay the cost as fans. We just get to enjoy the entertainment. And so it's very easy, I think, without the full picture being illuminated to

• 1:32:29Steven Bartlett?

  not pay tribute to someone who gave us so much as fans. But in behind the scenes had to struggle in really profound ways from the age of six years old. For that joy that you brought to all of our lives. So on behalf of fans that do understand the full picture, I personally want to say thank you so much for that because.

• 1:32:50Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, you know, I I used to step to a three, four AM in the morning in the UK to watch you fight. Because you were like nothing I'd ever seen. You know, you defined the division. You you basically created the the the concept of women fighting in the UFC. And you did it in a way with a star that I'd never seen before and frankly, haven't really seen since. So thank you for that. I know it's difficult. I can tell from when you talk about those moments, how difficult it still is. But that's what I would expect from someone who is one of the real goats of the sport. Thank you for writing this book as well. It's incredibly honest, and I think it's perfectly written in many respects, but the timing of it is perfect because you're in a certain chapter of your life where you're able to look back on all of these

• 1:33:30Steven Bartlett?

  experiences with a certain retrospective clarity and wisdom that is incredibly helpful. And you found yourself on the other side of all of this stuff now as a as a mother and as a as a normal human away from the the WWE and the UFC. And from that perspective, I think everyone can learn a tremendous amount about life, about happiness, about family, about committing yourselves to something in the way in with the form of mastery that you had. But also more more than anything, what I take from it is what really matters in life. And I think that's, if I've interpreted it correctly, is the real objective of the book. We have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question to the next guest, not knowing who they're leaving it for.

• 1:34:14Speaker 00

  Uh oh.

• 1:34:15Steven Bartlett?

  Why does everyone get scared when I want to go to this diary?

• 1:34:17Speaker 00

  Okay. No.

• 1:34:18Steven Bartlett?

  Okay, interesting.

• 1:34:19Speaker 00

  Fear the unknown.

• 1:34:20Steven Bartlett?

  It's not, it's not, it's not terrifying. Sometimes they're horrific. What was the most fun moment of your entire life?

• 1:34:28Speaker 00

  Of my entire life?

• 1:34:30Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:30Speaker 00

  Most fun? God. I mean, I've had a lot of fun. They're probably intimate moments with my husband that I can't share. But we have a good time. He'll be happy for the shout out. It's like, that's what matters.

• 1:34:54Steven Bartlett?

  Ronda Rousey, Our Fight, out, available everywhere right now. An incredible book and I recommend everyone to go and get it. Thank you so much, Ronda.

• 1:35:01Speaker 00

  Thank you for having me.