Dr. Phil's Keys For Creating Success In Your Life EP 1172

My guest today is Dr. Phil McGraw. He’s one of the most well-known and trusted mental health professionals in the world, best-selling author of 9 books and the host of TV’s #1 daytime talk show, DR. PHIL.He focuses on presenting compelling stories about real people with a variety of emotional and behavioral problems, stripping away the shame and embarrassment that too often keeps people from seeking help. He continues to value his academic training and professional qualifications and insists that the information provided on his show is based on evidence-based treatment options and state-of-the-art research in the fields of psychology, psychiatry and medicine. Our conversation was so powerful that I had to split it into 2 parts! In this first episode we discuss becoming successful without the knowledge of how to deal with it, why you should always be in business for yourself, Dr. Phil’s gut-check moment when he said “I don’t want to do this anymore,” why he thinks it's so important to write letters of gratitude to those that helped him in life (Oprah), what happens if you aren't clear about who you are, and so much more! For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1172Check out his website: www.drphil.comDaymond John on How to Close any Deal and Achieve Any Outcome: https://link.chtbl.com/928-podSara Blakely on Writing Your Billion Dollar Story: https://link.chtbl.com/893-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,171 with Dr. Phil.

• 0:06Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:27Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, everyone. My guest today is Dr. Phil McGraw. And if you don't know who he is, he is one of the most well-known and trusted mental health professionals in the world, bestselling author of nine books, and the host of TV's number one daytime talk show, Dr. Phil. He focuses on presenting compelling stories about real people with a variety of emotional and behavioral problems, stripping away the shame and embarrassment that too often keeps people from seeking help. He continues to value his academic training and professional qualifications and insists that the information provided on his show is based on evidence-based treatment options and state-of-the-art research in the fields of psychology, psychiatry, and medicine.

• 1:09Lewis Howes?

  And our conversation was so powerful that I wanted to break it in two parts. In this first episode, we discussed the mindset of success, on how he's built Dr. Phil. Becoming successful without the knowledge of how to deal with it and how to manage all that, why you should always be in business for yourself, Dr. Phil's gut check moment when he said that he didn't want to do this anymore, why he thinks it's so important to write letters of gratitude to those who helped him in his life, and he shares an incredible story about why he does this every year with Oprah. What happens when you aren't clear about who you are, and so much more. This is extremely powerful about the mindset of success, the mindset of growth, that I think you're going to really love from someone who's been doing this at a big level for the last 20 years.

• 1:52Lewis Howes?

  Share this with someone that you think would be inspired by this as well. And a quick reminder, if this is your first time here, please subscribe over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and leave us a review with the part you enjoyed the most from this interview. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Dr. Phil McGraw.

• 2:10Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back and welcome to the School of Greatness. I'm extremely excited we have the iconic Dr. Phil in the house. Good to see you, sir. How are you doing?

• 2:18Speaker 01

  I'm good. Glad to be here.

• 2:20Lewis Howes?

  I'm very excited to know that you're a former All-Star football player and a current star in tennis and that you continue to change lives and impact people right now in your life. It's amazing, everything that you've done, so congratulations.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  You use those superlatives pretty freely there, "All-Star and star." I'll let those slide by, but okay.

• 2:44Lewis Howes?

  You're in your 20th season of your show, number one talk show right now on TV. It's incredible. You've changed millions of people's lives daily. I'm curious, it seems like you've worked with so many people. What do you feel like is one of the main things that holds people back from just living a better, happier, healthier life? As simple as a question that might be, but you've worked with so many people. Is it fear? Is it insecurity? Is it the shame they hold on to? What would you say is kind of the main thing?

• 3:12Speaker 01

  I would say it's comfort zones. I think people limit themselves and get in their own way. I think everybody does that, me included. Everybody gets comfortable in their own life and before you know it, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and you look and you go, "Wow, I've been doing this for a long, long time." And I think it's really difficult and something that you have to consciously do to continue to challenge yourself to go to the next level. And then, on the other hand, you can do that so much that you get what I call caught in ascendency, where you're never satisfied where you are

• 3:57Speaker 01

  and so you're always reaching for the next level. And there's some balance in between where you always want to better yourself and challenge yourself to go to the next level, but that doesn't mean you're not satisfied. I'm very gratified with the things that I do and I'm very proud of the things that I do, but it doesn't mean that I'm not always looking for a way to do it better. We just started our 20th season, for example, but... Every summer, you know, when we wrap the season, we take, you know, three or four weeks to everybody decompress and go off on their own and stuff, but then we start meeting on a regular basis to start saying, okay, let's deconstruct that season. Let's start

• 4:40Speaker 01

  saying, what are some ways that we can do to, to tell our stories more effectively, to reach more people, to get out there, uh, more effectively. We're always trying to reinvent ourselves and stay relevant and say, how can we come back and, and do a better job than we did last year? Not that we didn't do a good job, but we want to do a better job. Sure. I, I, I think people get in the comfort zone and that's real easy to do. What's your comfort zone right now? You know, I, I think I have been doing, uh, Dr. Phil, and I'm not talking about myself in the third person. I'm talking about The show. You know, the actual platform, uh, for 20 years. And you, you hear people say, this

• 5:23Speaker 01

  is the way we've always done it. Well, that doesn't mean that's the way we should do it. Uh, and I'm always challenged us to say, challenging the staff to say, look, it doesn't matter how we did it last year or last two years. Is this the way we should do it? You know, for example, people's viewing habits are changing. Yeah. Pacing has to change.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  The expectations of people are going to sit passively in front of a TV screen and let you dictate what they take in for an hour. Um, is pretty obsolete now. People get their information in smaller bits at a faster pace than they did when we started. And I, I think my number one competition now is myself on the internet. Versus watching me on broadcast television. Interesting. Uh, you know, I get billions of views on the internet. Versus broadcasts where people, you know, they want a, a 18-minute bite or a 20-minute

• 6:30Speaker 01

  bite. And I generate that content on broadcast and distribute it on the internet. And, you know, that's really the number one competition. Wow. Cause nobody else in broadcast is even attempting to do what we do. They, they have different subject matters. There's some great shows out there. They're just not trying to do what we do. Right.

• 6:50Lewis Howes?

  You know, I'm gonna add another, you're a star also on TikTok, I saw. You've got like fifty million views in your last video that I was like, you're like the, you're like crushing TikTok. You're all over YouTube. I mean, it's amazing how you've reinvented yourself to stay relevant with the different platforms. I was listening to an interview you had with Oprah, oh no, I started with Jay Leno, where you were like, you know, when we started this twenty years ago, there was no social media, there was no

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, think about it.

• 7:15Lewis Howes?

  Really, internet, I mean, it was kind of like just getting started.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  It was. There weren't any of these social media platforms, which means we've had to really adapt over the years because

• 7:28Speaker 01

  there was no such thing as cyberbullying, for example. And we've now had to learn, research and study that because kids are taking their own lives by being cyberbullying. I read a study, I read all the time. It's just, I can't, I can't add two and two and get five every time, but I read really fast. And so I'm a voracious reader. I just constantly am gathering information and data. And I was just reading a study that, like, one in, in, in three girls, we're talking about the negative impact of Instagram.

• 8:08Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. One in three, like in the country or just teens or?

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, teens, young girls. And so there's, there's this impact of, of social media and putting expectations on girls in terms of their body image and all of that. And so, you know, those were things that weren't challenges we had to face then. And having to teach, you know, young people where they have to realize, look, I put this stuff out on the internet. They don't think that a college admissions committee is gonna go look at that stuff when they're considering them for admission. A human resources group is gonna look at that when they're considering them for hire. They're gonna go back ten years, fifteen years and see what they were doing when they weren't applying for a job to see who they really are.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  And so you've got to teach them, look, you gotta think about this stuff, because once it's on the web, it's sat there forever. It doesn't go away.

• 9:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  And so, just a whole different set of values that we're having to deal with that weren't even on the radar when we started.

• 9:09Lewis Howes?

  What were some of the problems, I guess, seventeen, twenty years ago, that are still the same today? From human beings that you're seeing, and what is different?

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Well, you know, all the, all the dynamics are the same in terms of, I think, interpersonal relationships. You have the same things from the forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, in terms of interpersonal relations. The number one need in all people is acceptance. The number one fear is rejection, and you can put synonyms in there.

• 9:41Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Acceptance, or, uh, success, belongingness, rejection, or failure. You know, you can put synonyms in for those things.

• 9:50Lewis Howes?

  Embarrassment, humiliation, yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  And, and those things have been consistent generationally across time. But, you know, what's different within that framework is, um, we're jumping a lot of steps right now. When, when I was growing up, in the fifties and sixties, relationships formed in steps. You know, we had, my mom would take, her mom would pick up, you know? We would, we would hold hands at lunch, we would, you know, then go to a movie together and stuff. A lot of that is jumped over now. Because kids, they, they move so much faster.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  What we were exposed to on television then, uh, there were three channels. Um, you know, I Love Lucy, um, Gunsmoke, uh, Dick Van Dyke. They were sleeping in separate beds on network television. You, you watch, uh, Lucy and Ricky, they had them in twin beds, and they were sleeping in, they looked like snowsuits.

• 10:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  For pajamas.

• 10:59Lewis Howes?

  In the same room, but in different beds?

• 11:01Speaker 01

  Same room, but twin beds. That's what network would allow on. They wouldn't let the public see a husband and wife sleeping in the same bed. They were in twin beds with a nightstand in between.

• 11:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow, I didn't even know that.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what network television showed then, that's what was acceptable, that's what the censors would allow. Look at what's on network television now. It's what you would consider pornography back then. And our kids at ten, eleven, and twelve, that's what they see now. Ten, eleven, twelve year olds weren't seeing that back then. So they've jumped way ahead on the curve in terms of what their expectations are and what they're exposed to. So I think they get exposed to a lot higher levels of, deeper levels of, of physical, interpersonal and emotional intimacy at an earlier age than they were back then, and they've jumped over all those steps. What are the trials, yeah?

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Well, they get deeper into a relationship without having done those preparatory steps. So they're much further into a relationship without having these, these trials before they get there, and so when the wheels come off, they're not prepared for it. You know, we have things in life that prepare us for things that come later, like we, we lose a goldfish. We, we lose a, a pet bird, we lose a cat before grandma dies, and that prepares us for death. We have dolls and pets that prepare us to raise babies and things. We, we learn on, with lesser stakes for later in life when the stakes are higher.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  And now we're jumping over a lot of those steps where we get to high stakes interactions without some of those interval steps, and then when the wheels come off, we're not prepared. We haven't had those interval steps of learning before we got to the high stakes losses, and we're not prepared for it. So what happens when people achieve success before they're prepared for it? I think it's the same thing as experiencing loss before you're prepared for it. You, you haven't had those plateaus, those steps where you had a little bit of success, and then you had some more, and you learned to appreciate that. And, you know, with the internet bubble and some of these things, we've had some very young people

• 13:23Speaker 01

  that went to insane levels of wealth. And fame, yeah. Yeah, and they, they had no idea of, you know, what really usually goes into uh, earning that kind of, of wealth and financial freedom and stuff, and...

• 13:44Speaker 01

  You you see it now in some of the pro sports leagues. I saw a statistic not long ago that eighty percent of professional athletes, two years out of the league, are either bankrupt or in serious financial straits. Yeah. You know, dire straits financially because they go from having very little, if any kind of financial independence or income, let alone wealth, to millions of dollars. And they don't know how to handle it. And then, next thing they know, it's gone, and they haven't prepared for it. They don't know.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  I, you know, Shaq talks about, uh, the first time he got a twenty million dollar contract. He didn't stop and think about, wait a minute, half of that goes to taxes. Right. So he was spending twenty million dollars. He thought, okay, I've got ten I can spend here, five here, and five here. And then they came in and said, no, no, no, wait a minute, you only had ten to spend. You spent twenty. And he's like, holy shit. Yeah. Uh, and, you know, he, he says that. He says, I, I, I wasn't, nobody taught me about that. I wasn't prepared for it. And then I got caught in arrears in the beginning. I had to play catch up. So they haven't been through those steps where they learn, hey, you gotta pay taxes on this, you gotta hold some things in reserve.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  And, you know, most people think that when you see all of these people get in trouble with credit card debt, they think, oh, people just went out and went crazy with their credit cards. And number one reason they get in trouble is some kind of medical problem. Really? We have double income families, and then one can't work because of a medical problem. That's where they get in. It's not that they're out spending crazy, it's that they had a double income family, and then one couldn't work, and now they're, they're They're struggling with that. They're in serious trouble. So I'm curious about your

• 15:47Lewis Howes?

  Your story a little bit because when you were in college, you were studying psychology, but also you were this all-star football player turned all-star tennis player in college on a scholarship. And then for essentially, call it 30 years, you were working, but it wasn't until you were 20 years ago when the season started, the first season started for Dr. Phil. And really that success kind of took off to another level by being one of the top talk shows. What was the challenge that you faced at that stage of your career? Or since you had 30 years of working experience roughly, did you feel really prepared for that level of success and fame?

• 16:26Speaker 01

  Well, it was not a, it was not a rags to riches story for me. That makes a great story, but that wasn't the story. I had, you know, I was raised by a mother and father that were very loving, but my dad was a terrible alcoholic.

• 16:50Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 16:51Speaker 01

  And when I say terrible alcoholic, I mean really bad alcoholic. He, when he finally got a job, he had Wednesday afternoons off and every Thursday morning was spent finding the car. Because he'd come home drunk and had no idea where he left the car.

• 17:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  I had to find the car and get to school by noon because if you weren't in school by noon on Thursday, you weren't eligible to play in the game on Friday.

• 17:26Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  I had to find that car and get to school.

• 17:28Lewis Howes?

  So you're running around town trying to find a car?

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I was in Kansas City. You had no idea where the car was and you, I finally kind of learned what its haunts were and you'd go around and find them. It was, it was not a good situation, but when I got on my own, I've always been very fortunate to kind of have a knack for making money.

• 17:54Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 17:55Speaker 01

  When I was very young, I was making more money than my dad was when I was 19.

• 18:03Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 18:04Speaker 01

  And I've always been able to, you know, to me, it may sound...

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Cliche to say it, but I've always thought

• 18:19Speaker 01

  money was the cheapest commodity I had. It was time that was so critical. Money you can replace, money you can make. It's it's time that's really precious. And when I got married and had kids, that really came into focus then. Um, and I've I've never since high school never really had a job. I had a job in high school and since then I've always been in business for myself. Really? And I mean, always. I I had a job in high school working for Hallmark Cards. Uh, I worked in their underground warehouse in Kansas City. Okay. They had a an underground warehouse on 31st Street where they kept all their greeting cards.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  And, uh, I got a job working in it was carved out of actual stunt rock. I mean, it was just carved out and I worked there and, um, but after that, I I I never had a job and I loved working for Hallmark. What a great organization that is, I can tell you. Um, but I've always been in business for myself and that really carved a a philosophy. Hmm. Uh, for me, you know, I used to read all these people that would say, well, you know, so and so's philosophy was, I always thought, I must not be very smart because I don't have a philosophy. Uh, and I don't think those guys thought they had a philosophy at the time either. It was, you know, you never have a philosophy until you get old and then people assign you. Right, right, right. The wisdom you have, yes.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Exactly. Then they assign you a philosophy. But I look back now and realize I I've always had a a philosophy that everybody's in business for themselves. Mm hmm. I don't care if you're working for the post office. Right. I don't care if you're working for General Motors or or some large company. Everybody's in business for themselves. They just don't realize it. Mm hmm. Even if you're an employee, just rank and file, you're still a company of one and you you've got to approach it that way and say, I I I am in business for myself. How am I doing? How am I presenting myself? Mm hmm. You know, how, what's my marketing plan? How am I moving up the chain? How am I, you know, what am I doing? And

• 20:33Speaker 01

  And I actually have been in business for myself all my life, but I've always thought everybody was, they just don't think about it that way.

• 20:41Lewis Howes?

  But when you got into psychology, were you thinking, I'm gonna, you know, build a business and make a lot of money in the field of psychology, I guess, fifty years ago?

• 20:50Speaker 01

  Well, I certainly approached it with kind of two things in mind. And one was, I recognized very early on that if you're going to get in to a helping profession, you have to acknowledge that there are multiple forms of currency.

• 21:15Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  If you're purely motivated monetarily, you don't want to get in a helping profession. Because you can't leverage it, it's not scalable.

• 21:29Lewis Howes?

  Usually a one-to-one practice is not scalable.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  It's just not. And so if you don't have social currency, spiritual currency, the currency of giving something back and impacting people's lives, if those things don't matter, if those things don't fill the void for you, then you shouldn't be in that profession. And I told myself, if I ever got to the point where those things mattered less, then I'd stop doing it. And I really had a gut check moment.

• 22:16Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 22:17Speaker 01

  For myself in that regard, because the average income for a PhD psychologist back in the eighties was like forty-eight, fifty thousand dollars a year.

• 22:32Lewis Howes?

  Right, not much.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  I mean, it really just wasn't much. And at that point, you know, I was making, you know, maybe a couple of million a year as a psychologist. Because I took an entrepreneurial approach to it. But I remember over Christmas break one year, I was down at the office with Robin and we were just kind of wrapping up for the year and stuff and...

• 23:02Speaker 01

  I went up to the receptionist desk and the appointment book was out there and I looked at it and it was solid for the entire year.

• 23:14Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  I mean, it wasn't a fifteen minute walk in there and I thought, oh, my God. I, I just don't want to do this.

• 23:23Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What year was this?

• 23:25Speaker 01

  This was in eighty-eight, eighty-nine.

• 23:28Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  And I thought, I just don't want to do that. And there was a time when I would have thought, wow, this is great.

• 23:37Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  You know, you're building a practice, this is great. Because I had a hospital practice and another hospital practice and we had groups and we were doing a lot of biofeedback type things for pain management and stuff and it just, everything was just, couldn't be better. And I thought, it just looked to me like nine miles of bad road.

• 24:06Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  I was just fatigued at it. I thought, I don't want to do this anymore. And that was my gut check moment saying, if I ever got to that point, I'd say, I, I won't do this anymore. And to walk away from that was a real gut check moment. And I, I talked to Robin about it. I said, you know, I said, if I ever really wasn't all in, I would shut this down and walk away. And she said, are you serious?

• 24:39Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  And I said, yeah, I'm serious. And, and I did.

• 24:45Lewis Howes?

  Shut it down?

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Shut it down.

• 24:46Lewis Howes?

  Did you wait till the next year and like finish the commitments or the appointments that were scheduled or were you just like, this is the last year?

• 24:53Speaker 01

  I referred them all out.

• 24:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  I did everything you're supposed to do.

• 24:57Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  To get them to the proper places and checked all the boxes, shut it down and moved on.

• 25:06Lewis Howes?

  What'd you do? I mean, did you have a game plan? Did you have a dream after that? Was it just, well, let's give it a year and figure it out what comes to me?

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Sort of, but not really.

• 25:18Lewis Howes?

  Really? Well, I'm assuming you had savings and investments to...

• 25:22Speaker 01

  No, it wasn't. We didn't like moving to a cardboard box or anything. But I started two new enterprises and it was a... It was clearly a gut check time.

• 25:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  And I know Robin was talking to my boys a couple of years ago and she said, "You know, your daddy's taking chances that would make grown men throw up, so don't think this was an easy road."

• 25:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  That was one of them she was talking about.

• 26:02Lewis Howes?

  Sure, that was one of them, yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:04Lewis Howes?

  I mean, it's hard. How does someone wrap their heads around, you know, maybe 10, 20 years prior, or maybe five years prior, that would have been the dream for you, to have your whole year booked out or to have clients and referrals coming in and opportunities like that? When should people know that it's time to leave a dream they've accomplished? Or that it's so good, but it's not what they want anymore? Like, how can they let that go?

• 26:30Speaker 01

  You know, the worst thing you could ever do is if you're pursuing the wrong dream or if your dream changes and you don't change with it. For example, let's say that you work to become the best accountant in the entire world and you achieve that goal only to find out

• 26:55Speaker 01

  that being the best accountant in the whole world was not what you really wanted to do. What you really wanted to do was be a drummer or sell shrimp out of a van down by the river. And you worked to become the best accountant in the world, and you did. But once you got there, you realized, "This isn't what I wanted." Or it's what I wanted at one time, but it changed. I changed and I didn't evolve my goals with it. And you know, when I left that, I I actually started a company in trial sciences called CSI. Before CSI was ever on TV, Courtroom Sciences, Inc.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  And it was a trial science firm where we did trial strategy, jury selection, mock trials, shadow juries and trials and. That's how you met Oprah, right? Didn't you help her with the trial she was doing? I helped represent her in the mad cow case in Amarillo. And I did that for 12, 15 years. And I came to a point then is right when I started Dr. Phil. And I remember the day that I hit the wall in that profession. I had done everything you could do.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Every I represented every major airline in the world. I represented all the nine major film studios out here. I represented half of the Fortune 100. I represented I was involved in the tobacco litigation, the breast implant litigation, everything you could imagine. I had done virtually everything you can do in that profession. And I remember a day a building, a truck pulled up in front of our building was literally an 18 wheeler pulled up with a file for a case.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  And the copy bill for the file was a million dollars. Oh, my gosh. And it pulled up and I had one of those moments where I went, oh, my God.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  And it was like, I really wish they hadn't pulled out.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  That's when it's time to go do something else.

• 29:25Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  When the, just to copy the files a million dollars, that's good business. That's a good case. And you're going, oh, God.

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  You don't want to do it anymore.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  That means I gotta read it. That means I gotta get involved in it. And I thought, uh.

• 29:45Lewis Howes?

  Wasn't worth it anymore.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  I just, I, I'd done, I'd done it all. And I, I was living on the road. I had trials going in Pittsburgh, LA, Houston, spoke, I mean, all over the country. And I was traveling all the time and I thought, uh, I've, I've done it all. I don't want to do it anymore. And that made the decision to launch Dr. Phil real easy.

• 30:11Lewis Howes?

  Right. I mean, did you have Dr. Phil already before then?

• 30:14Speaker 01

  I'd been, I'd been, uh, doing Oprah in Chicago on a weekly basis for four or five years.

• 30:20Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Then it was time to launch Dr. Phil itself and, um, I, I could have done both. And I decided, no, I'm going to sell my interest in this and just go all in on.

• 30:34Lewis Howes?

  What do you think would have happened if you did both as opposed to saying, I'm going to put all my effort and energy into this one platform?

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Um, I don't think I would have done justice to either one because I think, I, I fastly found out when I got into doing, uh, my own show here, I fastly found out that this is not a part-time thing. I mean, this is a, you, you've got to be body and soul.

• 31:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  And, and be here just really.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Involved in, in content, format, story selection. Everything from designing the studio to everything. It became all consuming. And I was into that about a month or two and realized that before we ever got on the air, a year before we were on the air and said, this is not something that you can do.

• 31:36Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  As a part-time thing. You either gotta go all in or not at all.

• 31:41Lewis Howes?

  And it sounds to me like you are extremely invested in the whole process of the show, of the production, of the crew, of the stories, every decision you're involved in. And I think a lot of people, I think I heard you talk about this somewhere actually, that people don't know how hard it is to do a talk show or anything of a big production. They think they can go in with their expertise and it'll be great. But you had decades of expertise, but then you had to develop so many other skills, it sounds like, right? To learn about TV, learn about content, learn about storytelling, and you haven't stopped.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it depends on, you know, you can, you can come out and be talent. And show up and be a pretty face and do what you do. But if you're really going to succeed, and it's a different situation from the beginning. I, I own my own show a hundred percent.

• 32:43Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  And, you know, that just doesn't really happen.

• 32:47Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  You know, nobody really does that. But I approached it, you know, as a business and, and run it as a business. And to do that, you've got to be involved. And then we launched The Doctors, which we own a hundred percent.

• 33:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  You know, we've launched other shows and, you know, we, we have a very large involvement in it at every level, you know, production, distribution, international, formatting, everything and all the shows that we do. So.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  We're, it's not just a matter of showing up and doing that episode. It's a matter of, you know, your distribution deals domestically, foreign, formatting, you know, your facilities, everything. So there's a lot that goes into it.

• 33:45Lewis Howes?

  How long did it take for you to learn that process to be able to own 100%? You didn't own 100% at first, did you?

• 33:51Speaker 01

  No, I didn't. But the third year.

• 33:55Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 33:55Speaker 01

  I took over ownership of it at that point.

• 33:58Lewis Howes?

  That's impressive, because it's a big undertaking. I mean, it's a big investment. It's a lot of like, you could easily fail and, you know, lose all this money.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, when we started out, I was a, Harpo owned it. And I was a profit participant.

• 34:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay. You got a talent fee plus an executive producer fee plus, yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  And it was a sharing in the profits. And then at that point, we flipped and I became the owner and she became a profit participant. And she said exactly what you said. She said, yeah, if you want to do it, you can, but understand you're taking on all of this and all the liabilities and stuff. And she said, I know you know that, but just know that's what you want to do. You can do it. And I said, I understand. And I did. And it's worked out great for her and for me. And we're still partners and it works out great.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  So there's still profit sharing there for her then? That's amazing.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  So it's no risk for her and she's still involved and that's exciting.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  She's a great partner.

• 34:59Lewis Howes?

  And I saw that you, I love this about you, that you really care about your relationships. You really continue to acknowledge people for years after they've believed in you and supported you. And I saw that you, you send Oprah two letters a year for the last, I don't know, 20 years it sounds like. And this is something I think people don't understand, the power of an acknowledgement. And a continued acknowledgement of just like a thank you and here's how much it means to me. When I saw a clip of you and her talking about that, she was like, you have no idea how much this means to me. Every year I get those. And you said, you don't get thanked enough in your life. Why is acknowledgement so important for you to continue to do?

• 35:43Lewis Howes?

  Not just like, I thank you for giving me this, you know, opportunity. I'm done telling you thank you. Why is it important every year to do it for you?

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Well, you know, I think you gotta dance with who brung ya. You know, I hate these people that, um, you know, wake up on third base and think they hit a triple, as the old saying goes. I don't think there would be a Dr. Phil if it wasn't for Oprah. And so, you know, here we are 20 years on and, you know, I've got a well-established brand and people know Dr. Phil and all of that. And, you know, that's all well and good today, but 20 years ago, that wasn't the case. What was the case was that Oprah generously, unselfishly pushed me to the forefront.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  And I will never forget that. There were times when I was on The Oprah Show that she got off the stage, went into the audience, set up a table beside her chair for some hot tea, and said, "Take over the number one platform in the history of television. It's yours. What do you got for me today?"

• 36:57Lewis Howes?

  And you hosted it.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  And turned over the show.

• 36:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  On a regular basis. You know, a lot of people, and, you know, I enjoyed great success on The Oprah Show, and there were a lot of people that would be threatened by that. That those were the highest ratings of the week most of the time. There were a lot of people that would maybe be threatened by that or whatever. Not her. She just kept pushing me to the forefront, pushing me further, pushing me further, pushing me further.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  And just unselfishly and generously did everything she could to establish me and my brand and support me in everything that I did when I came out here to launch the show.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  The first one I shot, she was in the control room. She came out at the break, she was there. I shot my thousandth show, she was there.

• 37:51Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  On the stage, in the control room. Two thousandth show, she was there.

• 37:55Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  In the control, three thousandth show, she was there in the control room. Just, you know, just, uh.

• 38:03Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Has been such a loyal, generous supporter. And, and till the day I die, I will thank her for everything she's done for me and for my family. And, and I don't, I don't now enjoy this success and, and forget who brought me to the dance.

• 38:25Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. And so do you have like a certain dates that you send these letters? Or is it, I mean, you guys talk all the time, I'm assuming on the phone and chat, but.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  We do, but.

• 38:34Lewis Howes?

  Why do you still think it's important to send letters even though you're talking on a consistent basis? And telling her like, thank you again so much and face, you know, seeing with her all the time?

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I just think it's important to sit down and thoughtfully kind of recount what's happened during the last year with myself and Robin and Jay and Jordan, who she's very close to, and just let her know what's evolved. And, you know, I call it the O factor. Um, because, you know, you always think about the metaphor of throwing the pebble in the pond and the ripples out. Uh, but the O factor is like throwing a meteor in a pond. And there's a tsunami everywhere and it just keeps going and going and going.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  And it's impacted my boys, which she was, uh, has such a close relationship with, with Jay and Jordan and, and how it's affected their lives and, and all across time. And, you know, just had such an impact and I, I just don't ever want her to forget that we know that.

• 39:46Lewis Howes?

  Right. And, um. You're not too good for her? You think it's all you now and you, you're the one who created this success on your own?

• 39:52Speaker 01

  No, and I, I hope I've given back to her along the way as well. She's called me in some tough times and I, I never cease to take that phone call. But, you know, I, I can spend the rest of my life and never repay her for everything she's done for me and mine. And I, I never hesitate to say that. That's why I said, people say, what's your secret to being number one? I said Oprah quit.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  She's number one.

• 40:15Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  It's just she retired.

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  You kept showing up.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 40:20Lewis Howes?

  Who would you say is the most influential person in your life growing up? The most influential figure, whether it be a parent or a coach or mentor or family friend?

• 40:31Speaker 01

  You know, there, clearly it was, it was my dad and, you know, both negatively and positively.

• 40:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  I haven't had a drink in over 50 years. Because he was a bad alcoholic and I just said, I will never go down that road. He was also the hardest working man I've ever seen in my life. I got a tremendous work ethic from him.

• 40:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  I've never seen anybody work as hard as him.

• 41:00Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  He was never tired. He never, he never gave up. He always fought and I respected him for that and I hated that he was an alcoholic, but I also understood it too. I know a lot of what he went through growing up and

• 41:22Speaker 01

  he self-medicated a lot and

• 41:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  I don't excuse it, but I understand it.

• 41:27Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  He was a, he was a big factor in my life and I had a football coach in high school that was a big factor in my life. He helped me graduate.

• 41:41Lewis Howes?

  Got you to show up to class and make sure you showed up, yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, he did and

• 41:47Speaker 01

  you know, I think that you, you take those lessons along the way and you I used to have coaches tell me when I was playing football, you know, they give you that, you've heard it.

• 42:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  You know, man, football teaches you about life.

• 42:05Lewis Howes?

  It does though.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  And, you know, you roll your eyes, yeah, right, come on. But the fact of the matter is, it really does. I can't think how many times it was a minute, 10 seconds left in the game and you're 13 points behind and somehow or another you wind up winning and you lose. It ain't ever too late.

• 42:26Lewis Howes?

  It ain't ever too late.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  You never quit till it's over and I've, I've, I've learned that and uh, e- even playing tennis, there are days that I'll be scheduled to do two shows, we wind up doing five.

• 42:40Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  And if I didn't play tennis every day and stay in shape and stay sharp and work out and stuff, I wouldn't be able to do five television shows in a day. I, and the, the competition and the conditioning and stuff, I mean, it's just, I've just been a jock all my life.

• 43:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  That's when you reach down, pull it out and gut it up and get it done.

• 43:05Lewis Howes?

  That's it. Dig deep. I can feel I like it.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  You know, you have to and you can be tired later.

• 43:11Lewis Howes?

  But it's it.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  That red light, that red light comes on, you do what you gotta do.

• 43:15Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious, what was the, the biggest lesson your dad taught you and also the biggest lesson, lesson this, this coach taught you?

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, they, they both said it kind of the same way. Um, big time players make big time plays at big times.

• 43:35Lewis Howes?

  I love that.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  And uh, they, they both said that to me and um, you know, I was, I, I've been captain on the teams that I've played on and it kind of pushed me into a leadership role from a very young age. And I, I really think I, I'm fortunate in that.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  I really feel like that I'm in one of those jobs where everything I have ever done has prepared me for what I'm now doing.

• 44:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  And, you know, there are a lot of jobs that you wouldn't be able to say that about.

• 44:19Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  You know, if, if I was a heart surgeon, for example, I wouldn't necessarily be able to say that. But because I deal with human nature and human interaction and all of those things, then being parts of the team, you know, having been very poor, having been homeless when I was a teenager, having been in these different situations and scenarios, I think has allowed me to, A, not be judgmental of people because I've been where they've, most people have been.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  And, and I also understand, you know, what, what they face.

• 45:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:08Speaker 01

  I know what it's like for a kid to say, "I could never take my friends home because I never knew what I would find when I opened that door."

• 45:18Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  I, I never knew if the utilities would be on or off. I never knew if my dad would be drunk in the driveway. I never knew if people would have attacked my mother. I never knew if, you know, when they talk about that, I understand because I've been there.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Um, and I'm, I don't relish that. And I, I'm glad that my children didn't go through that.

• 45:44Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  But since I did, I've at least been able to apply it in relating to the people that I sit with sometimes that are looking for some guidance.

• 45:57Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  And having been in those scenarios, both negative and positive, I'm able sometimes to relate.

• 46:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  And they understand, you know, he gets, he gets what I'm saying. I can see it in his face. He understands.

• 46:14Lewis Howes?

  How do you think you stay so, so relatable to people? Even though I think Ellen had a show, I think it was called Relatable or something, like a Netflix series that was about trying to stay relatable as she earns however much she earns a year? How do you think you stay relatable? With, you know, just the success you have being a TV personality, a big entrepreneur, businessman, how do you, how do you keep that relatability?

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Well, I hope I do.

• 46:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  And I think, I think part of it is going up in the South.

• 46:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the accent.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe that's part of it. But, you know, we moved around a lot. It almost sounds military because I, I went to first, second, and third grade in Tulsa, fourth, fifth, and sixth in Denver, seventh, eighth, and ninth in Oklahoma City, 10, 11, and 12 in Kansas City, then off, I mean, I was, we moved every three years, not by design, it just worked out that way. So I was always the new kid. I always had to be making friends. I always had to be taking down barriers and finding a way to, to fit in. And I think that's why athletics were such a big part of my life because, as you know,

• 47:36Speaker 01

  I mean, God, you've been a decathlete and you've played all of these different sports. You know, when you're a jock, you have an immediate peer group.

• 47:45Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. You have a hundred guy friends right away.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Exactly, if you don't, you're just standing there, you know, looking around like no way to sit with at lunch, but if you, if you show up and you can run fast and jump high, then you have something in common with somebody.

• 47:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  And so I always found a peer group everywhere I went and, and fit into the group in that way. And that helped me in so many ways.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  You know, like, like I said, I went to high school in Kansas City and, you know, half of the team was black and half the team was white. And, boy, you, you fastly realize there's just absolutely no difference. And you, you learn right away that, that there might be cultural differences in practices, but, you know, human beings are human beings. And I, I got comfortable with that from a very early age.

• 48:46Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  And I was so glad that I did.

• 48:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  And that served me well, you know, my whole life, whereas there are a lot of kids grew up where they were never around. They live such a homogeneous life. They were never around anybody any different than themselves.

• 49:03Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  And that's not true in athletics, as you know.

• 49:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  You know, it doesn't matter. If somebody can run fast and jump high, that's all that matters. You don't care if they're polka dot.

• 49:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Can you help, can they help you win?

• 49:16Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 49:17Lewis Howes?

  Are they a good person on your team? Do they have a good attitude? Do they work hard? That's what you look for, those characteristics. I played football, arena football in Alabama for a year. I was one of the only white guys on the team.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:28Lewis Howes?

  And they cared, could I play the game?

• 49:31Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 49:31Lewis Howes?

  Could I ball?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:32Lewis Howes?

  If I can ball, then I'm good enough to hang with them.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, doesn't make any difference. And then that extends off the field.

• 49:38Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  And, and so right away you learn, you know, we're all the same.

• 49:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  And I, I think I got that instilled in me really early. You just relate to everybody.

• 49:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You talk about being a big time, uh, big time players make big time plays at big moments, big times. If someone's not a big time player in their life right now, or in their career, or relationship or business, how can they become a big time player to be able to make big time plays at the right time?

• 50:12Speaker 01

  Well, I, I think everybody can. I think that's the whole point. Look, if you don't star in your own life, who's going to?

• 50:18Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  I mean, think about that. I, I think, um, it, it starts with, with this. I, I think you've got to decide that you're going to be who you are on purpose.

• 50:32Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Don't wake up every day and let the world tell you who you are, who you're going to be. And I think a lot of people do that.

• 50:41Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean by be you on purpose?

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Well, you know, we, the world is going to tell you who to be and, and where you fit in. Your parents have an expectation set for you. Your job has an expectation, your community, your church, your, everybody has a slot for what they expect you to do. And that may or may not be. Who you really are, and I think you have to make a decision about who you really are. What your values are, what you believe, what matters to you, what doesn't matter to you. And you've got to decide, I'm going to embrace those values and pursue those goals.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  And I'm going to do it on purpose and I'm, I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm going to be who I am and I'm going to do it on purpose. And so when you say, what are you doing and why are you doing it? I'll say, I'm doing A, B, and C, and I'm doing it on purpose. Like me, don't like me, but that's who I am and I'm doing it on purpose. This is not a mistake. I, look, I believe in a defined brand. A defined brand. A defined brand, look, do you, you think anybody's going to confuse me with somebody else? No. No, seriously, you, you're not going to confuse me with somebody else. There, there are a lot of people out there that have fine brands. They're, they're, they're good people and they, what they do is good. And, and they have a lot to contribute.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Uh, but like Marion Williamson. I, I know Marion, she's a, a wonderful woman and she's very spiritual and you know, she's kind of ethereal and she's into those, that's not me. Yeah, we've had her on the show, she's great. She's terrific, she's terrific. She's great, yeah. And. But it's not your brand. Not me. She's not a. And she's, she's not me and I'm not her, but there's a place for both of us. Absolutely. And there's room for both of us, there's a place, but you're not ever going to confuse my message with hers. Or hers with mine, but I love her, I think she's got a great message, but she's got to be who she is and I got to be who I am. And it's like, it's like McDonald's and the Palm.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  You're not ever going to go into the McDonald's and expect to get a five pound lobster. And you're not ever going to go into the Palm and expect to get a Big Mac and fries. They have defined brands, they are distinct, they're good at what they do. You can't ride two horses with one ass. You've got to decide, all right, this is my brand and this is who I'm going to be and I'm going to ride that brand. That's me. And I, I think that's what I mean when I say you got to be who you are on purpose. I'm very straightforward. Yeah. I'm going to tell you. The truth as I see it. Now, you may disagree, and if you do, and what I say won't withstand challenge, throw it out. A hundred percent, I am not the repository of all knowledge.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  And if what I tell you won't withstand challenge, hit the eject button and move on. If you don't like what I'm saying, that's why you have a remote control.

• 53:46Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Hit that up or down button and move on to something else. Got it. But I'm gonna be who I am on purpose. I'm gonna sink or swim, not based on what somebody else decides I should say or do. I'm gonna do it based on what I believe at the core of my soul I need to do. And, you know, there are a lot of psychologists that take the approach like, well, how does that make you feel? Well, tell me, how does that make you feel? That's a valid approach for people to discover certain things. That's not me.

• 54:16Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  That's not me. I'm not gonna talk to somebody for six months and then say, you're an asshole.

• 54:22Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  If I know that in the first five minutes, I'm gonna tell you.

• 54:26Lewis Howes?

  You're an asshole.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't need to talk to me for six months for me to tell you you're a narcissistic jerk. Work on that.

• 54:32Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  I'm gonna tell you right now. And if you're, if I'm wrong, then fire me and go get somebody else. But I'm not gonna wait six months to tell you that. I'm gonna tell you what I believe, and I'm straightforward. And I'm go, I know a lot of seventy-five cent words, I just try not to use them. I, I can tell you you're a schizophrenogenic mother with conflicts here, there, and other, or I can just explain what that means. I would rather just explain what it means.

• 54:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  And that's my brand. I don't think common sense is nearly common enough. And so, I try to present common sense information to people's homes every day for free.

• 55:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  And that's worked for me.

• 55:15Lewis Howes?

  Uh-huh.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  And that's a brand that I, I embrace. And so, I am who I am on purpose. I don't apologize for it. Some people may think I'm a barbarian. Some people may think I'm the second coming of, of common sense. I wouldn't disagree with either one of them.

• 55:33Lewis Howes?

  Right. You are who you are, though. What, what happens if we don't get clear on our values? And we aren't, we're, we're being someone else on purpose, but not ourselves? What happens to us?

• 55:46Speaker 01

  It's not authentic. It just, it's not ever gonna work. Look, if you're not authentic, if you, if you don't really...

• 55:55Speaker 01

  If, look, to me, it's congruency. If you're not congruent with what you really believe at the core of your soul, then you're incongruent. Yeah. And it's, it's, it's not gonna work. Right. It's like an airplane that's not aerodynamic. It's like flying with your gear down. It's, it's not clean, it's not gonna move. And if you are congruent, then it's gonna feel right to you. Yeah, when you were a kid, we've all done this. When we're a kid, we'd get in the swimming pool, we'd have a beach ball, and we'd try to hold it underwater. Uh huh, and it just pops right up? Wear yourself out, holding it underwater.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  It keeps popping up this way and that way. To me, that's what it's like when you're denying who you really are. Oh, man. You're holding that beach ball underwater, it keeps trying to pop up. Let it pop up. That's who you really are. And that's what I mean when I say be who you are on purpose. Let that beach ball pop up, that's who you are. And that's what I do. I'm not, and, and you gotta know who that is, and you gotta stay in your lane. You've never, I don't know how many of my episodes you've watched, but you've never heard me tell anyone what to do with their 401K. Right, right. You've never heard me give anybody investment advice. That is not my lane, that is not what I do.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Now, I might have an expert come on and advise a couple, a couple or something, but that's not me. Right, and you might be good at it yourself, because you've been doing it for a long time, but it's not your expertise. So, I'm not gonna talk about, I have a lane. Now, fortunately, human functioning is a pretty broad lane. Right. So, I can talk about marriage, parenting, individual pursuit of goals. Mental health. Yeah, mental health, mental illness, there's a lot of, I have a broad lane, so I don't lap myself right away. But there are things outside my lane, I leave those alone. And I'm, I'm gonna stay in my lane, and I'm gonna do it authentically. And I, I think we have to know what that is and be authentic and, and own it.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  And I, I think that's very, very important. And then I think you have to star in your own life. I don't care if you're a teacher, or a plumber, or a butcher, or a baker, or a candlestick maker. You have to decide, I'm going to take pride in who I am. And I, I'm, I'm going to be good at what I do. I'm going to be proud of what I do. And I'm, I'm, I'm gonna be the star of my own life. And maybe that's in the way you give to other people, the way you parent your children, the way you spouse uh, with your partner, or whatever. But I, I think we generate the results in life that we think we deserve. Oh.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  And it, I, I can follow someone around and never speak to them. And tell you a whole lot about that person. If I see somebody in a gray suit, a gray shirt, a gray tie, a gray bag, slumped over, shuffling along the street. I know that's what that person thinks they deserve. Hmm. I don't have to talk to them, cause they generate the results in life they think they deserve. And if they're disheveled, and they're tired, and they're bent over, and they're depressed,

• 59:30Speaker 01

  and they're lonely, they're generating the results they think they deserve. We all do that. Hmm. And if you see somebody that is genuinely happy, they're engaged and involved, and they're looking around, and they, they think that's what they deserve. People generate the results they think they deserve. And I can watch somebody and tell you what they think they deserve. Cause it's what they, that's who they surround themselves with. Right. It's the activities they choose. It's, and the problem is, you model that for your children. Somebody comes home, says, how was your day? And we're, oh, it's horrible, I was, you know, it's another day, this.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  You're modeling for your child to sell out, take a job you hate, but do it every day of your life. Don't model that for your children. What is that about?

• 1:00:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  That's terrible.

• 1:00:24Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  That's not being who you are on purpose, that's being who somebody else wants you to be. And modeling for your child that you grow up and sell out to what somebody else wants you to do, whether you like it or not.

• 1:00:35Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  I hate when people do that. And I try to get people not to do that.

• 1:00:40Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  They say, "Well, it's easy for you. You've got enough money to do what you want to do." It's not about the money. It's about finding a way to be who you are in your own paradigm. It's, it's not about

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  you quitting your job and flying freight out of Africa. It's finding a way to, to shine in your own world, in your own orbit, in some way. It's, it's how you do what you do, not necessarily what you do.

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  That's true. And if someone has been stuck though, for a while, or maybe they've been living in this kind of limiting belief for a while, maybe it's years, or they've just been in that pattern. How can they start to think differently and believe themselves when they've never seen the results or evidence that they deserve more?

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Well, I can tell you this.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Really small changes accumulate across time.

• 1:01:36Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  And, you know, you and I are sitting here right now in September. And people are listening to this whenever you're gonna drop this. And the rest of this year is gonna go by whether they're doing something about it or whether they're not.

• 1:01:52Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Let's say there's 12 weeks left in this year. Those 12 weeks are gonna go by whether somebody spends it losing a half a pound a week, setting a goal to look up a college curriculum, to explore a different job, to redefine their relationship with their spouse, to reengage with their children, to what, whatever it is. Making a small change each week or each day. It's astounding how much those small changes accumulate to big differences in a short period of time. We don't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Just make a little difference today and another one tomorrow and then before you know it,

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  wow, I'm really in a different place.

• 1:02:41Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  And that time's gonna go by whether you're doing something about it or not.

• 1:02:45Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  So you might as well be doing a little something.

• 1:02:48Lewis Howes?

  What would you say is a thing you you get to work on to get you out of your comfort zone over the next 12 weeks that maybe you've been, ah, I should be doing more of this, or I need to take a look at this thing, or assess this part of my life? Is there any, any area?

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  Me personally?

• 1:03:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you personally.

• 1:03:05Lewis Howes?

  This season of your life.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  Next chapters.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Because I'm always asking myself.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  And I know at this stage, um, my world's supposed to be getting smaller. I'm supposed to be slowing down, kicking back.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  But I I look, I I still look at expanding.

• 1:03:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  My rides and I'm looking at what is a new chapter I can challenge myself with?

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  And I I like to do things that, I like to take on things that are really outside my comfort zone. Like I mentioned, I'm not good at math. So when I was in graduate school, uh, my teaching assistantship was statistics.

• 1:04:04Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Because it it scared the bejibers out of me. So I I think I'm only nine or 12 hours short of a PhD in statistics. Cause it intimidated me so bad, I took every statistic course I could, non-parametrics, paramistics, Malinovis distance, analysis of variable. I took everything I could get because I thought I will not turn away from that. I will take this one, that one, this one, that one. I will not let this intimidate me. So I like to lean into stuff that intimidates me, except going to the dentist.

• 1:04:41Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's the worst, right?

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:43Lewis Howes?

  I had a, I had eight teeth, well, I had four teeth removed plus my four wisdom teeth when I was, when I was 17.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:04:50Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, cause I was supposed to get braces right afterwards. This was in the summer before football season. And my. My, uh, I was like, man, I don't want to get braces right now and then have to wear this, you know, this. My braces all messed up with the mouthguard in. I was like, let me wait till after the season.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  It's the worst.

• 1:05:07Lewis Howes?

  After the season turned into 20 years.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:09Lewis Howes?

  And it wasn't until two years ago, I've had these 14s missing in my size for 20 years. And then two years ago, I finally said, I gotta, you know, time is gonna pass. Let me get my Invisalign. Now I gotta get some implants back in. All this stuff, it is happening in the next like few weeks, but it's. I put it off because I didn't know.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  See, that's what I mean about relatability. I hate going to the dentist. They give you all this bullshit about it's painless. Yeah. It may be painless, but it's not anxietyless.

• 1:05:41Lewis Howes?

  For weeks leading up to like, oh man. Um, so what is the thing that's intimidating you or scaring you now?

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, I haven't decided yet, but I'm, um. I'm really. I'm really studying that in my life right now and talking to Robin about it. And I don't know. I don't know what it is, but I know there's another chapter that I'm getting ready to open. I just don't know what it is yet. But I know. And, and I wasn't even thinking about that two, three, four years ago, but now.

• 1:06:20Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:06:21Speaker 01

  It's, it's a really hot topic with me now. So I don't know what it is, but I know it's.

• 1:06:26Lewis Howes?

  It's like there's an itch for a new season, a new chapter of something.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  Something and, uh. I'm not sure what, but, um.

• 1:06:34Lewis Howes?

  Is there any potential realms of what? Ideas or industries or where, you know?

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 1:06:41Lewis Howes?

  Not yet, but you know, there's something, there's something calling you, pulling you.

• 1:06:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, a hundred percent.

• 1:06:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  And, uh. But I don't know what it is yet. But I feel it. I feel it. I don't think it's gonna take the place of anything I'm doing. Sadly, it's gonna be an addition to what I'm doing.

• 1:06:58Lewis Howes?

  You're gonna add to the plate.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Exactly. Robin's already interrogated me about that.

• 1:07:05Lewis Howes?

  What's the thing you're most proud of that maybe most people aren't aware of? You know, obviously, people know about the success, they know about the, you know, the impact you've had on people's lives, they know about the, you know, the financial abundance you've created and all the lives you've changed. But what's maybe something they aren't aware of that you're really proud about?

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  I'm really proud, and this isn't going to be a shocker to people, but I can be specific about it. I'm really proud of the young men that our two boys have become.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  And they're both very financially successful. I don't mean that. I mean, I've watched, my two sons are both fathers now. Jay has a daughter, Avery, and she's just 12, and his son London just turned 10. And my youngest son, Jordan, who's a musician on tour right now, and he has a young daughter that's just five months old, and another one on the way. They decided to have them close together by design. He and his wife, Morgan, and Jay's married to Erica.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  And I've watched these two young men become fathers, and I've seen the depth of their commitment, and their loving and caring, and the gentleness with which they've stepped into that role. And I'm really, I'm not surprised, but I'm really proud of the way that they've done that, the sacrifices that they've made. It is as simple as being up at 3 o'clock in the morning with a smile on their face, you know, feeding the baby and stuff like that.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  And the husbands that they've become. And you always, you always want your kids to thrive and be happy.

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  My goal was always I was gonna work until I knew that my family was well provided for if I fell off the world tomorrow. And I didn't mean just financially, but that they were, you know, happy and secure in their lives. And I've had to revise that goal because they're way past that. They're both really happy and they're good citizens. They're good people. They treat people well. They're polite and caring. I see, you know, Jordan's on tour right now and I see him with thousands of fans around.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  He's always kind and nice to people and the same with Jay. I just, I like who they've turned out to be. That's cool. That's a good thing to be proud of.

• 1:10:19Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it, then make sure to share this with a friend and leave us a review of the part you enjoyed the most from this interview. And if you loved this, part two is gonna blow you away. It's all about relationships and how to really thrive in a healthy, long-term marriage and relationship. And Dr. Phil gives his three pieces of advice for a happy and successful marriage, why you need to heal yourself before getting into a new relationship, the non-negotiables in Dr. Phil's everyday marriage routine, the power and importance of making eye contact with your partner on a daily basis, and so much more. This is a relationship masterclass. So make sure to be subscribed and stay tuned for the next episode, all about mastering relationships with Dr. Phil.

• 1:11:02Lewis Howes?

  Again, if you enjoyed this one, then please text a friend, post it over on social media. Make sure to tag Dr. Phil and myself over on your stories, over on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, all the places, and let people know about this episode. And I want to remind you, if no one's told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.