Mystery Boys Vs. Marquis Of Hell Apologist w/ Ian Fidance | FILE_14 | Mystery Boys

🎟️ Duncan Trussell Tour: https://www.duncantrussell.com/tour🎙️ Kurt Metzger Tour: https://punchup.live/kurtmetzger🎤 Ian Fidance Tour: https://punchup.live/ianfidance SPONSORS: Get firearm security redesigned and save 10% off @‌StopBoxUSA with code MYSTERYBOYS at https://stopboxusa.com/MYSTERYBOYS #stopboxpod #ad If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: https://nocd.com Head to http://FACTORMEALS.com/mystery50off and use code mystery50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. Duncan Trussell and Kurt Metzger welcome Delaware's own Ian Fidance — the self-certified Delaware Doozey Debunker — to investigate Arden, Delaware: a real utopian single-tax art colony with a very dark reputation. The Mystery Boys dig into the alleged Church of the Marquis of Hell, Shax — the 44th spirit of the Goetia and a Great Marquis of Hell — CIA remote viewer Joe McMoneagle and the government's psychic spy program, the inbred DuPont dynasty of Delaware, Devil's Road, the legend of the Baby Hole Tree, and Delaware's mythical Midget Town. The investigation goes even deeper into anti-gravity, the Abominable Snowman, aura photography with the devil goggles, the obscene hidden carvings of medieval churches, the taint shrinkage epidemic, and Trump's secret decoy-plane escape. Plus, Ian gets Doozey'd, tells the greatest Danzig story ever told, brand-new Mystery Boys songs (Don't Trust The Milkman), and plenty of completely insane rabbit holes. This is not a conspiracy podcast. This is a mystery appreciation podcast. Mystery Boys File_014 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussellhttps://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedyhttps://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcast #MysteryBoys #DuncanTrussell #KurtMetzger #IanFidance #ArdenDelaware #Occult #Conspiracy #Paranormal Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:29 - The Dangers Of The Abominable Snowman 00:04:00 - Anti Gravity Day 00:09:55 - Zoomers Have No Taints 00:15:32 - The Church Of Latter Day Taints 00:18:08 - Church Builder's Prank For Not Being Paid 00:21:07 - Hiding Pecker's In Plain Sight 00:23:53 - Trump's Sneaky Escape 00:30:07 - Fenix Flexin's AI Slop Song 00:30:47 - New Mystery Boys Songs 00:37:11 - Ian Fidance Joins The Mystery Boys 00:38:55 - The Mysteries Of Arden Delaware 00:45:52 - Ian Fidance, The Delaware Doozey Defender 01:02:32 - Back To Exploring The Elites Of Arden 01:08:56 - Joe McMoneagle, CIA Handler and Marquis Of Hell Member 01:11:58 - The 44th spirit of the Goetia 01:19:22 - The DuPonts OF Delaware 01:21:22 - Danzig Tried To Bang Ian's Mom 01:27:01 - Buster's Out Of The Box 01:32:49 - Aura Photo Analysis 01:35:54 - Ian's Tour Dates! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  Here we are again. The mystery boys.

• 1:02Kurt Metzger?

  Hi.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  No longer in Austin, Texas. We are now filming from an undisclosed location where weed is legal.

• 1:10Kurt Metzger?

  Um, you know, most of the civilized world. Even though I maintain, I only smoke legal tobacco products wherever I go.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Same here, baby.

• 1:17Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Not doing drugs, kids.

• 1:20Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I'm Kim Grapehouse, as you know. With me is my partner.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  I'm Ratatasker Rimmeron of the veil.

• 1:30Kurt Metzger?

  What's the veil?

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Well, it's a, it's, you never go skiing?

• 1:35Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, from veil?

• 1:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I love going veil.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  But we say of the veil. You don't say from veil. You sound like a dick.

• 1:41Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Remy Ratatasker.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:44Kurt Metzger?

  Remy, yo, dude.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry, I'm wearing sunglasses.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Snowboard king of veil, baby.

• 1:49Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, this fucking guy is crazy.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Have you ever, you guys, I don't upload the videos because I don't want to be known for that. But I'm probably one of the top three snowboarders in the United States, if not more.

• 2:00Kurt Metzger?

  I would say top two.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 2:02Kurt Metzger?

  I'll put you up there with, um, you know what I mean? Uh, what's his name? Tomato Pants or something?

• 2:06Speaker 01

  Tomato Pants died.

• 2:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, shit, dude.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  But yeah, he was incredible. Dear friend of mine, man, but he's fucking gone. He fell, he did one of those things where he fell forward into a hole by a tree and just went down.

• 2:18Kurt Metzger?

  No fucking way.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Yep. It's some kind of lava tube or something.

• 2:22Kurt Metzger?

  What about, um, what's that guy's name? Loki Gravel Tits?

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Loki Gravel Tits is still around, unfortunately. He's a piece of shit.

• 2:29Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's why.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  He has no respect for the vows of marriage and he...

• 2:34Kurt Metzger?

  That's what I've been told.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  He is a homewrecker.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  And go ahead and take me to court over that, you bitch.

• 2:40Kurt Metzger?

  Now, who is this a picture of? Uh, the, a Swiss family sabbatical in search of the abominable snowman? What's, why is he abominable?

• 2:47Speaker 01

  But, cause he's scary as fuck.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Look at those eyes. They, he fucks you up.

• 2:55Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Drags you into the snow, rolls you up. You know, the way spiders put you in a cocoon. He rolls you up into balls of snow and secretes you away in caves. Terrible.

• 3:06Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Look at that. She should be running, not interviewing that motherfucker.

• 3:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, dude, that's how, that's how you, I mean...

• 3:12Speaker 01

  That sums up the modern world.

• 3:14Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not trying to victim blame, but if that thing does something to her, um, I mean, I think we know what he's gonna do. That's her fault.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  You know what he's gonna do.

• 3:21Kurt Metzger?

  If she is a victim of that thing, then it is her fault. Not that I want to...

• 3:24Speaker 01

  What are you gonna, what are you gonna interview the hate out of that thing? Why, why do you look like you're about to put your hands in my ass?

• 3:33Kurt Metzger?

  You see, yeah, she's like, I bet you like, she's like, oh, I blame, don't worry, I blame white men for this.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:37Kurt Metzger?

  Even though he's white, clearly. He's white too. You're the one who's racist for thinking he's not white. He's a goddamn abominable snowman.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  I didn't say he wasn't white.

• 3:45Kurt Metzger?

  I was called that growing up, the abominable snowman.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  That's a fucked up thing, man.

• 3:51Kurt Metzger?

  Me, Kim Grapehouse of all people.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Well, shit. Dude, you dropped your thing with your thigh, your thing.

• 3:59Kurt Metzger?

  Cut that part because I want the museum to turn on. This is broken.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  God, I have really bad COVID. Can we pull up? Can we pull up the anti-gravity thing? Is that, that's a good way to kick it off, right, man? What's supposed to happen today?

• 4:13Kurt Metzger?

  You know, it's funny. Janet told me not to drink our aquarium before I came here and I thought it was a good thing I did.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  You, dude, if I'm...

• 4:20Kurt Metzger?

  Little bit of aquarium, COVID.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  I don't like how high the ceilings are here. I just noticed that.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Uh, NASA has thoroughly debunked viral social media rumors claiming the Earth's gravity will temporarily switch off. The agency emphasizes that gravitational force is strictly determined by a planet's mass and it can't be randomly turned on.

• 4:43Kurt Metzger?

  Well, when someone says random, who controls that switch? That's the question.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:48Kurt Metzger?

  Who do you say? Now, I have some ideas, but you're not supposed to say who they are.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  It's just like a wall switch. It has gravity written on it.

• 4:57Kurt Metzger?

  Somebody just bumped the gravity off.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  What's up with that? Why are you guys showing that?

• 5:03Kurt Metzger?

  Why are you showing me the Star of Rem fan?

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Why'd you put up the Star of Rimmeron?

• 5:07Kurt Metzger?

  Are you attacking his heritage as a, a, a snowboarder?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Why are you guys putting that up? It has nothing to do with what we're talking about. A switch that controls gravity? Whoever could control that switch would be powerful.

• 5:18Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. I like how this is NASA has thoroughly debunked. Like, why is the AI giving me like, oh, first of all, don't act like NASA did a great job here of debunking that someone might flip off the gravity.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  I'm even more freaked out now that they have debunked it. It, it seems like you shouldn't have to debunk that. Like, obviously, we're not gonna fucking lose gravity.

• 5:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it seems like NASA put those out there themselves so they can debunk them, is how I look at it.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:41Kurt Metzger?

  So, much like the Southern Poverty Law Center made Charlottesville happen and we're sponsoring all those way away Nazis that turn out to be gay guys. And they make gay porn. I mean, that's how gay those Nazis are.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  So, just like the Nazis.

• 5:52Kurt Metzger?

  Pretty cool, actually. The porns are like, they really tap into a zeitgeist.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Um, gravity is the weakest of the four fundamental forces in nature.

• 6:00Kurt Metzger?

  It's the most liberal of the forces.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  The other three, horniness, love.

• 6:04Kurt Metzger?

  It's like a far left force.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  And laughter.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's 10 times weaker than the strong nuclear force and vastly weaker than electromagnetism. Wow.

• 6:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, the nuclear force, the alpha force, I call it. The alpha nuclear force, cause it's strong as shit. The Andrew Tate force. By the way, free Andrew Tate.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Please.

• 6:23Kurt Metzger?

  Did we say that yet?

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Get him out. Have we started the Kickstarter yet? Get him out. Andrew Tate, if you're hearing this, we are on the way. Help is coming. We will get you out of there.

• 6:35Kurt Metzger?

  Somebody get word to Tristan.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Now. Any help we have, anything.

• 6:40Kurt Metzger?

  Get Tristan on the phone now.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Can we call Tristan?

• 6:44Kurt Metzger?

  You tell him that Kim Grapehouse wants to talk to him and tell him he fully supports you and so does, uh, Ricky Ticky, uh, Snowboardy.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Man, I just want to do, will you do a prayer for Andrew Tate?

• 6:56Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, in the form of a, a really good, uh, rap song. You know I will.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Let's do it.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  My bitch just said the Tate brothers got what they deserved. Smiling in my face like she wouldn't get served. I snapped and grabbed his shoulders, shook her hard as hell. Then I started screaming at the top of my yell. Pray for Tate, bitch. Oh, get the fuck out the way. Top G still standing. While the matrix decays. Tristan in the cut. And we don't play. Bitch, you pray for Tate or catch a fade today. Uh, yeah. Did you hear what I said? You better pray for Andrew Tate. I shook her even harder with the force of my hate.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  And don't forget Tristan, bitch, say his name. She was screaming, I kept shaking till I was sure she felt the same. Pray for Tate, bitch. Oh, get the fuck out the way. Top G still standing. While the matrix decays. Tristan in the cut. And we don't play. Bitch, you pray for Tate or catch a fade today. Pointed at the wall and I yelled in her face. I'm a certified G, real world, play my plays. Hustler's University is the scene of the month. Why don't you educate yourself instead of being a cunt?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Top G energy, war room next if I flex. Paid the cost to be the boss, she better show some respect. Look at me, bitch, I put the money where it counts. Kick punching lessons, so you best watch your mouth. Pray for Tate, bitch. Oh, get the fuck out the way. Top G still standing. While the matrix decays. Tristan in the cut. And we don't play. Bitch, you better pray for Tate or catch a fade today.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  That was fucking beautiful.

• 9:33Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, you know, and um, look, Dr. Cosby was released, so I know prayer works.

• 9:39Kurt Metzger?

  You know, it worked one time, it can work again.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  It'll work again.

• 9:44Kurt Metzger?

  And it's got, it's got to.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  All these innocent men going to jail.

• 9:46Kurt Metzger?

  It's gotta work.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  It will work, we'll get about.

• 9:48Kurt Metzger?

  Cause I don't know what the men of this world will do without him. Who are they supposed to rely on now? Sneako?

• 9:52Speaker 01

  I know, man.

• 9:53Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, who do you look up to the most now that Andrew Tate's gone?

• 9:57Speaker 04

  Probably like Clav or some.

• 9:59Kurt Metzger?

  It better not be Clav.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 10:01Kurt Metzger?

  You look up to Clav the most?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  All I know is my tea dropped by 15 points ever since they put that sweet man in jail.

• 10:09Kurt Metzger?

  Oliver, that's, that's why the taints are getting smaller on these Zoomer kids.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Taints are shrinking, tea is dropping.

• 10:14Kurt Metzger?

  Borderless assholes and balls and genitals and shit.

• 10:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I need help.

• 10:18Kurt Metzger?

  There's no borders.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  Is that true?

• 10:20Kurt Metzger?

  Microplastics in their cereal.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Their taints are shrinking.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  It's gone.

• 10:23Kurt Metzger?

  It's not the ice caps.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Wait, what do you mean it's gone?

• 10:26Speaker 04

  I like.

• 10:27Kurt Metzger?

  No, he's.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Your taint is gone for real?

• 10:29Speaker 04

  It's insignificant.

• 10:30Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, anything crosses that border.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  I showed Kurt, he was like, what the fuck?

• 10:33Speaker 01

  But the taint.

• 10:33Kurt Metzger?

  I actually smuggled drugs through it.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  The taint is a great wall of China for your asshole. Like this is a.

• 10:39Kurt Metzger?

  It is on us, we're old school long taints.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I know.

• 10:44Kurt Metzger?

  You know, we got old school.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  That is so disturbing. Can we Google taint shrinkage epidemic?

• 10:49Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, you, you just now have heard of this.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Dude, just heard of this.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  The claim that taints are shrinking refers to scientific research about anal genital distent. AGD, my favorite K-pop band. The medical term for the area between the genitals and the anus.

• 11:07Kurt Metzger?

  Phthalates, those are microplastics, phthalates. So you know everybody's got plastic in their balls now because of your. Uh, you know, because we have great people work out there looking out for us, you know?

• 11:19Speaker 01

  That is so sad.

• 11:20Kurt Metzger?

  Shorter AGD and smaller penis size, penile size. Um, if you go, yo.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Can you pull up that tape pic?

• 11:28Kurt Metzger?

  Um, what?

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Not that one.

• 11:30Kurt Metzger?

  No, not that one, the more ancient one.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  The medical diagram?

• 11:33Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, wait. What is that statue, the size of this tainted? Look at that. What is that?

• 11:36Speaker 01

  That's a.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  What do you mean what's that?

• 11:42Speaker 01

  That's called a great.

• 11:43Kurt Metzger?

  Reddit Joe Rogan, what is that? Is this a prophecy?

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Oh my God, look at that guy.

• 11:50Kurt Metzger?

  Can we, okay, we need to.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  And let's get a quick.

• 11:52Kurt Metzger?

  Enhance.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Can we, can we eyeball that taint and get a measurement real quick? Cause this is a great way to compare like.

• 11:58Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, where's that from?

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Can we zoom in on the taint, please? So yeah, that's a massive, I mean, his, his cock looks like it's in his belly button.

• 12:09Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  So that's a huge taint. That's a medieval thing.

• 12:11Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, he's not even trying to reach his mouth down at all. He's just laying back like it'll come to him.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  The assumption is.

• 12:17Kurt Metzger?

  There's a lot of wisdom there in the ancient times. What is that hat?

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Or, so that's what, that's how big a taint used to be in the age of castles.

• 12:39Speaker 05

  We interrupt this broadcast to bring the following message, August 20th through the 22nd. Kerp will be in Gainesville, St. Augustine and Sanford, Orlando area. Go to Punch Up Live to buy tickets right now.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  By now you probably know I've got four kids running around, but did you know I used to have eight? Kids are nuts. They don't understand what a gun is. And I learned that the hard way. You don't have to. I lost half my children. Just from leaving a loaded gun laying around. They're like idiots. Why would you do that? The Stockbox Pro is what you need to keep things secure and safe. With the Stockbox Pro, there's no keys or batteries to worry about. It's fully mechanical and operates with just a five button code. My code's six, seven, six, seven. My kids are never going to figure that out. It's also fully TSA compliant, which means I can check it anytime I fly with my firearms.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  Don't worry if you got a full on arsenal to protect. You're out there in Waco, listening to the Lord, he speaks to me too. Because the Stockbox you can has the same mechanical locking system with much more storage capacity. You know what else I keep inside my lockbox? All my eyeballs that I pluck out of the squirrels in my yard. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off at Stockbox when you use code mysteryboys at checkout. Head to stopboxusa.com and use code mysteryboys for 10% off your entire order. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Please support our show and tell them the mystery boys sent you. Keep your family safe, you dumb old piece of shit.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side, but Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com, not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  And now let's look at a typical taint, like side by side.

• 15:07Kurt Metzger?

  The ceilings of the All Saints Church.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  We can look at a millennial's.

• 15:10Kurt Metzger?

  Oh man, I don't know what the qualities for sainthood are, but I think I'm looking at them.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  That's how you can tell.

• 15:16Kurt Metzger?

  You know, you have to perform at least one miracle.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  You shouldn't be afraid.

• 15:19Kurt Metzger?

  To become a saint, carpenter, Christ was a carpenter. Tanner?

• 15:24Speaker 01

  I know.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  He, it's saying he hid the rude carving.

• 15:31Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, you have to subscribe? Oh, typical. Is this a OnlyFans?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Can we scroll back to that real quick? Cause it's saying he hid that.

• 15:39Kurt Metzger?

  An English church ceiling? How well hidden could it, I mean.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  How long did it take you to carve it? Or did he come and glue it up there?

• 15:45Kurt Metzger?

  It's not like, was he Banksy, this guy? It's not.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  The Banksy of fucking hot wood sculptures. That's sexy. It's like Game of Thrones.

• 15:55Kurt Metzger?

  It is believed, so that means they just have no idea.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  No, that wasn't an accident. He didn't troll. It says he was trolling.

• 16:02Kurt Metzger?

  I don't think it's a woodcarver trolling. I'll bet, where, where, what church is this? All Saints Church in Hereford, England. What church, what kind of church is that?

• 16:09Speaker 01

  It's the Church of Latter Day Taints.

• 16:18Kurt Metzger?

  Is it?

• 16:22Kurt Metzger?

  It's an 800 year, it features a slender twisted spire. Yeah, it does.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. I love that twisted spire.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  Look at that spire.

• 16:31Kurt Metzger?

  That's the church?

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, beautiful church.

• 16:34Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, yeah, with that.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  I wonder if they took that down.

• 16:37Kurt Metzger?

  What's that on the outside of it? Look at that one. Is this really that hidden? Look at this one.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Crazy fucking church is this? Pull up that, ugh. That's disgusting.

• 16:47Kurt Metzger?

  Um, oh, how did they hide it?

• 16:50Speaker 01

  It's giant. Look at how big that thing. What the fuck's that? Go scroll down to the mouth thing. What's wrong with this church? This is why you need to pay your carpenters in medieval times.

• 17:01Kurt Metzger?

  That looks like, um, like Sneako or something. All right, wait.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Oh God.

• 17:07Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, I'm sorry, pull out? No, no, it's on him. No, I meant the face, not.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  He is about to suck his, suck his son up.

• 17:15Kurt Metzger?

  What are they talking about? It's hidden. Is this from the same church?

• 17:17Speaker 01

  It's not hidden.

• 17:19Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah.

• 17:20Kurt Metzger?

  Was this a gay club and not a church?

• 17:22Speaker 04

  No, this was, this was a church.

• 17:24Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I don't want to.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Are there any more?

• 17:26Speaker 04

  This was for sure a church right here.

• 17:28Kurt Metzger?

  We've got a real mystery on our hands. I didn't expect.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Are there any more of these?

• 17:33Kurt Metzger?

  So All Saints.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Wait, look, there's a, I think that's probably the back of the, ugh.

• 17:37Kurt Metzger?

  So that, was that hidden?

• 17:39Speaker 01

  What the fuck? Look at this thing.

• 17:41Kurt Metzger?

  How naughty was the past? Where they had a goaty, uh, emblem. That's, I mean, he's gaped.

• 17:50Kurt Metzger?

  So they had, they had, that's goaty.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Nobody hid this. The church wanted this. They.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Hidden depths, hidden messages and tongue-in-cheek

• 17:59Kurt Metzger?

  Can you find the deeper meaning of a guy with a gaped asshole? I'll try.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's monkey in around monkey in around in the north. What in the north something aisle of York Mensta is a famous pilgrimage window. The window is named after the depiction of the crucifixion. Structured much like the illuminated manuscript page. The most intriguing element of the window is composition is the amusing animal imagery of a baboon fingering his own butt.

• 18:30Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, wait, go back, stop, stop, right there. What did it just fucking say? Structured much like an illuminated manuscript page, the most, okay. Is, okay, in the lower margin, among these scenes is a funeral procession of monkeys with a bell ringer, cross bearer, four pallbearers carrying a beer which to which another monkey clings and a monkey doctor examines his sick eight patient while along the vertical borders are further squirrels and monkeys, some investigating urine flasks. What is a urine flask?

• 19:00Speaker 01

  And how do they know it's a urine flask in the carving?

• 19:04Kurt Metzger?

  The mooning man, what is that?

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Okay, this is another of these.

• 19:09Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, you, you, you spin and pass with the explanation.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  I was showing you.

• 19:12Kurt Metzger?

  You're trying to get to the good parts.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  That's not the mooning man.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  I think this, this is the.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Oh, it is the mooning man.

• 19:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, of course, wait, stop, stop, stop. No, okay. Um, it's a pro local legend that it's a protest of not being paid. So this is like the Little Mermaid with the dicks on the DVD cover.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, man. They weren't paying him enough. So they, they did, they did these hideous, hideous atrocities that our children to this day look at.

• 19:43Kurt Metzger?

  Although it's not entirely clear with this bold artwork first emerged, it appears to have coincided with the emergence of the Gothic style, or more specifically the perpendicular era with the majority dating the, so the Gothic style, so even back then being Goth is about gaped asshole. Oh, wait a minute, Jenna Von Science might know, is there a mic back there? Look at this Jenna, Jenna. Look at, show her the, the picture or scroll down. Do you know about this all saints place? What do you know?

• 20:11Speaker 06

  Sorry, yes.

• 20:12Kurt Metzger?

  What is it?

• 20:13Speaker 06

  Are you talking about the cathedral that has like the people shitting and blowing each other?

• 20:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 20:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:20Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's the one.

• 20:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm gonna do a whole episode on this.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  What is it?

• 20:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, this is a pretty famous one, but yeah.

• 20:25Kurt Metzger?

  Is there a paywall for this too, goddamn?

• 20:28Speaker 06

  It's just a Gothic style, so the gargoyles and stuff.

• 20:31Kurt Metzger?

  Now you say Gothic, like in the, like Susie and the Banshees.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Like the cure.

• 20:36Kurt Metzger?

  They always said they weren't Gothic, now I think I know why.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. But why, but how do you get away with carving a guy taking a shit?

• 20:46Kurt Metzger?

  Someone commissioned this.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  A minaret.

• 20:48Kurt Metzger?

  That takes a long time.

• 20:49Speaker 06

  Well, I mean, definitely it's, some of them are very high up, so you have to get like up on a ladder to even be able to see it, so you wouldn't be able to see it from the street.

• 20:57Kurt Metzger?

  Really, I feel like I can see that one from, from miles.

• 21:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, do you guys have the other one?

• 21:01Kurt Metzger?

  That looks like the Eye of Sauron was stretching out across the.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Such a, the asshole's so symmetrical.

• 21:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, it's useful too, the water spews out of it off the roof.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Yes, it does.

• 21:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, so it is a useful water speller.

• 21:14Kurt Metzger?

  Bottling and selling that water.

• 21:15Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm, it is a gutter, yeah. Tanner's got this.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Moon water.

• 21:19Speaker 06

  Do you guys have the image of the other one where he's blowing himself?

• 21:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, mystery boy's moon water, here's the idea.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  It's such, so brilliant.

• 21:28Kurt Metzger?

  This one, this one saint fucking.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Oh, god damn it, I don't like it.

• 21:35Speaker 06

  But look at the detail.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  It's incredible detail.

• 21:38Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, that's what I'm saying, the detail means, because this is somebody, unless there's ET lasers, how, okay. I would say scientifically, you could only sneak in and make those sculptures that quickly with tools they couldn't possibly have had back then.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Aliens.

• 21:52Speaker 06

  Imagine the time to hand carve stone.

• 21:55Kurt Metzger?

  It's impossible. On a church, you know, Opie and Anthony couldn't even do a Sex for Sam contest by a St. Patrick's Theater without getting caught.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  I think what you do is you do the gargoyle head, so they think you're doing something normal.

• 22:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  And then you, you sneak in and do the, the bottom part and you could probably like, you know, that probably started off as tonsils and then you get in there and finish it up, but.

• 22:16Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, like stonework, stonework Banksy, that's.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  That's what it is.

• 22:20Speaker 06

  How different is this really than the Disney animators putting dicks in The Little Mermaid?

• 22:25Kurt Metzger?

  We just brought that up.

• 22:26Speaker 06

  Oh, did you?

• 22:26Speaker 01

  The same, yep.

• 22:27Speaker 06

  Sorry, I wasn't in here, but yeah, very similar ideas.

• 22:29Kurt Metzger?

  Now, did you see that, anybody in that booth, did you see cocks in there before it was brought up to you?

• 22:35Speaker 06

  No, I was a child.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  No one saw the cocks.

• 22:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, can we pull, can we pull that up?

• 22:42Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 22:42Speaker 06

  Did you guys want to pull it up?

• 22:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Little Mermaid.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  The Little Mermaid penis.

• 22:46Speaker 06

  Disney cocks.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Intrusion.

• 22:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Do you think that this is gonna just be that guy whose house you went to that, what's this from, it's a Disney cocks, it's gonna be, who's the guy you knew his, your friend knew his wife?

• 23:01Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 23:02Kurt Metzger?

  From that Disney show and they got, and shit. Oh, that.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 23:08Speaker 06

  All, all the women in the booth just went, oh.

• 23:11Kurt Metzger?

  None of you saw this before? No. Well, I don't want you to learn on the street.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 23:17Kurt Metzger?

  I don't want you finding out on the streets about this.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  A classic subliminal cock.

• 23:24Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it's not subliminal at all, it looks like what Juan said to think about if you want to astral project your dreams.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  That's what you do.

• 23:31Kurt Metzger?

  I gotta get out of here, there's a, a huge cock in my, I can't get out of my head, I gotta get out of my body right now.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Run for the spawn cock.

• 23:40Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my god, and then, uh.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  That's sad.

• 23:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, there's cocks all, I mean, I guess.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  It's sad, it's sad you can't live in there.

• 23:49Kurt Metzger?

  I think that's inconclusive.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  It's sad, that doesn't exist, you can't swim under the sea and find Atlantis.

• 23:55Kurt Metzger?

  No, I will say, hold on, the, the main dorsal vein going down the middle there.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Can we zoom in on that dorsal vein, please?

• 24:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, uh, right? It's like dolphin terms you use.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, that's definitely a dorsal vein.

• 24:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Oh my god, look at that dorsal vein on your cock.

• 24:17Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my, oh, oh my god, that, I'm just thinking of that prayer for Andrew Tate song.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Man, I'm, wow, no. That is like a finger pointing out of its dick.

• 24:33Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know I forgot to bring, what I forgot to bring? My fucking walrus bone penis.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Ah, no.

• 24:41Kurt Metzger?

  Penis bone, my walrus baculum.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, your baculum.

• 24:45Kurt Metzger?

  My ba, I forgot my baculum.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  It's called a baculum?

• 24:48Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm, I put, that's, that's what, that's about in the prayer for Andrew Tate song, don't make me get my baculum. You better.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Hey, do you know, Metzger, have you heard about the current controversy raging about Donald Trump going into that catering truck? You know about that?

• 25:08Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, no, what is it?

• 25:10Speaker 01

  So basically, Trump secretly used, I'll read it, Trump secretly used an airport catering truck to switch planes in Turkey during a high stakes decoy operation to evade active missile threats.

• 25:22Kurt Metzger?

  Who's mad about it?

• 25:23Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:24Kurt Metzger?

  Are people mad at him?

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Well, here's why they're mad, he got off Air Force One, the one that the Qataris gave him, and which was apparently gonna be hit by a missile, and he left all the reporters on the plane and they were told to just shut the windows and so the reporters.

• 25:40Kurt Metzger?

  So you mean like October 7th where they told them to have that rave outside the fucking camp?

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Exactly. Exactly.

• 25:48Kurt Metzger?

  They tried October 7th reporters?

• 25:50Speaker 01

  So all the reporters are now like, what the fuck, you, you knew a missile? There was a credible threat enough that you evacuated the plane and you left us on there.

• 26:01Kurt Metzger?

  Well, if the reporters left, they're gonna see it, it could put the president in danger.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Exactly, but the reporters are all realizing they've been traveling around with this dude.

• 26:08Kurt Metzger?

  Are they gonna quit the CIA now in protest?

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, the CIA.

• 26:12Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, I would think their CIA handlers would tell them, wouldn't they?

• 26:14Speaker 01

  A lot of jobs just opened up in the CIA.

• 26:16Kurt Metzger?

  All the fucking real reporters we have that are embedded.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  How many?

• 26:19Kurt Metzger?

  Shut the fuck up reporters, you're all in on it, you fucking dirty fucks.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Dude, it's crazy. Here's a mystery nobody talks about, your own brain. One minute you're fine and the next your mind serves up a thought so dark, so out of nowhere that you don't even know where it came from. What if I hurt somebody? What if I climbed through my neighbor's window and plucked out her fucking tongue? Cause she reminds me of my mom and ate the tongue, would I start talking like her? For millions, that loop isn't just anxiety or overthinking, it can actually be OCD. Real OCD is persistent, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character along with mental or physical behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief, like thumbing your butt while sucking your thumb.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  But it doesn't have to be that way because OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP or Exposure and Response Prevention, which is proven to be the most effective treatment and that's where no CD comes in. All their licensed therapists specialize in ERP and want to help you break free from intrusive thoughts in live, face-to-face virtual sessions. I want to go back to thumbing your butt and sucking your other thumb because sometimes you forget which thumb was in your butt. They also provide support between sessions, so you're never facing OCD alone. If any of this sounds familiar, visit nocd.com to book a free 15 minute call. That's N-O-C-D dot com.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  You gotta do it, if you don't, something bad will happen. Hey, the last thing anyone has time for when solving mysteries is planning meals, buying groceries and making something healthy to eat, what do I look like, some kind of self-sufficient autonomous person? Hell no, I've been completely de-skilled. That's why Factor is here to take all the planning and prep work off your plate. Their meals are packed with lean proteins, healthy fats, nutrient vegetables and whole food ingredients, all the stuff you'd make if you had time without the artificial sweeteners, refined sugar and seed oils that the corporations are obviously poisoning you with because they work with Big Pharma. Their meals are always fresh, never frozen and stress-free, so you can stick to your goals.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Let me tell you something, all the bullshit aside, I actually love Factor. When my wife was.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Very sick with cum poisoning. Pregnancy. I brought her so many factor meals. Did I make them? No. But I could fantasize that I prepared the meals. She doesn't know the difference. Let's eat real. Head to factormeals.com slash mystery fifty off and use code mystery fifty off to get fifty percent off and one free breakfast item per box for one year. While supplies last until October thirty first, twenty twenty six. That's code mystery fifty off at factormeals.com. Mystery fifty off at factormeals.com. See website for more details and I give this the trussel. Six golden rainbow seal of approval.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Factor is really good. It actually tastes great. It's crazy.

• 29:28Kurt Metzger?

  You're all in on it. I don't need my Oregon goggles to tell me that.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Can you pull up Trump talking to the reporter though? There's it's a specific clip where he basically says to them like, if I die, you die. You haven't thought of that yet? Like, I'm the most, you know, maybe we can fight it. Um.

• 29:48Kurt Metzger?

  He secretly, it sounds like he secretly slipped off a condom is the way they're wording.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is, I think this is it. Twenty seven seconds too. And all the people you did have in mind have been taken out. Well, most of the people we had in mind are dead. No, that's not it.

• 30:02Kurt Metzger?

  That's, that's when they're saying like they wanted to negotiate, but Israel keeps killing all the, okay.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  This could be it. Uh, perfect. This is wild.

• 30:15Kurt Metzger?

  What? If I die, you all die. He sneak, Trump sneaks into a container.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Is it in Korean? I hope so.

• 30:22Kurt Metzger?

  Ding ding ding ding. Why can't I hear it at all?

• 30:23Speaker 01

  No, if it's, if we could do in Korean, it doesn't matter because we could just say that's what he said.

• 30:28Kurt Metzger?

  In my factory song behind it. It'll be fine.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  You, you know, it's a, I'll find it for you. It's probably gonna be hard to find.

• 30:34Kurt Metzger?

  Just play this with the in my factory, just her singing that. You know what I'm saying?

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Inj. So many inj.

• 30:43Kurt Metzger?

  So many, just play that underneath that.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  This guy, I love him.

• 30:50Kurt Metzger?

  We just play this with that song.

• 31:04Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, uh, go to the mystery boy Suno page because I would like to compare this to Buster now, who we fucking hate.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Hate him. He's off the show.

• 31:12Kurt Metzger?

  When I thought Duncan was dead before, we were, I was gonna burn him in accordance with your last wishes.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 31:17Kurt Metzger?

  And I was gonna stay there to make sure the job was done.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Scatter his ashes in a.

• 31:22Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner filmed the whole thing and say it was a good thing.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, get rid of him. We should do that now.

• 31:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait, now let's go to all of them because we need to go to wet, uh, what a terrible song this is.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Hold on, wait, I'm so sorry. I do have that explosive diarrhea thing and I do have to go use the bathroom. I'm so sorry, man.

• 31:37Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  I ate Taco Bell lettuce.

• 31:41Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, when did you do that? Cause I did that too.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  I did it like, I brought you, that's what I brought you for food.

• 31:47Kurt Metzger?

  You said, what? You said it was a can, you said it was a new kind of cannoli that's savory.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  I'm so sorry.

• 31:54Kurt Metzger?

  A cannoli deluxe. Oh, wet ass penis. What a bad song. Um, let's see, uh, go, oh, you can get all the great mystery boys tracks. We keep moving up. Or, or you know what I mean? Like, no, no, down I meant, sorry, down. Down, down. No, yeah, the other way. Let's see what we got here. Oh, we got, uh, don't fear the milkman. Or don't trust slash fear the milkman. Where's that one? So is it further down? Yeah, further down, down by Buster's Goon Tunes. Yeah, let's hear Don't Trust or Fear the Milkman.

• 35:48Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now here we'll do hip hop against, uh, uh, you know. Let me put my valuable, uh, clip back on my phone. But, uh, now this is Buster's. I, as much as I hate Buster, I would say this is better than the thing all them.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  I haven't heard this one.

• 36:06Kurt Metzger?

  What an off putting, I mean, have you ever heard such a fucking?

• 36:09Speaker 01

  It's foul. He's a disgusting.

• 36:11Kurt Metzger?

  I, I'm just glad Ben Shapiro didn't hear that. Because I bet you'd get a real Daily Wire, uh, uh, two hour special about it if you did.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Well, let's hear it.

• 36:22Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, he kinda looks like Ben Shapiro now that I'm looking at it. Um, he has a certain Ben Shapiro-ness about him, but all right, let, but we'll compare this to Phoenix funk flexing, whatever.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Yo, it's Lil Buster. Puppy in the cut, no cap. They keep asking why is it wet? Bitches asking why your penis wet? I say skipping these secrets, you wouldn't get it. Bitches asking why your penis wet? It's the Ohio curse, low key forbidden. She said, bro, why it dripping like that? I said phantom tax from the back rooms for real. It's not water, it's not sweat, it's lore. Ancient puppet juice, I'm cooking, I'm pure. Diet questions, but I stay mysterious. Sigma silence with a wet ass penis. I just shrug and say, Ohio.

• 37:20Kurt Metzger?

  What does that mean? The fuck does that mean? It was all this skippity shit.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  I hate him.

• 37:41Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Ian Fidance. We were just listening to wet ass penis. Have you heard this? Wet ass penis.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  Gotta get Ian a mic.

• 38:01Kurt Metzger?

  And we're back. I'm Kim Grape House with, uh, what is it?

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Ratatasker Rimmeron.

• 38:08Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, we've just been joined by, uh, uh, Aine. How do I pronounce your name?

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Ian.

• 38:14Kurt Metzger?

  Aine?

• 38:15Speaker 01

  It's Ian. Ian.

• 38:16Kurt Metzger?

  Ian. Oh, that's pretty. What is that Welsh?

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Ian Fadon. Ian Fadon.

• 38:20Kurt Metzger?

  Fadon.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Thank you. Thank you for having me.

• 38:22Kurt Metzger?

  Apostrophe Don.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  I was summoned here by the wet penis all night. Yeah. That's why whenever that a song like that plays, you appear. Mm-hmm. What is that? Yeah. I don't know. It was just kinda, I just get conjured. I don't question it. I just do it. But where were you right before you were conjured here? Delaware. Isn't it off-putting to?

• 38:43Kurt Metzger?

  Why were you in Delaware?

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it sucks. I was helping my mom out with dialysis. Are you serious? Yeah, I gotta go back. I hope you conjure me back to Delaware, but I'm happy to be here now.

• 38:52Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we're in Delaware now. We had to legal Delta nine. We had to leave and not do the podcast in Texas.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  We had to relocate to Delaware.

• 38:58Kurt Metzger?

  It's a huge expense to your mom's house to have us go to Delaware.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  But good on them.

• 39:02Kurt Metzger?

  I don't even know if we checked if it's legal in Delaware, if I'm being quite honest, but we could cut this part out.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  We should have checked to see if it's legal in Delaware. You're smoking Delta eight right now?

• 39:11Kurt Metzger?

  Whatever the legal one is.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  Please tell me it's legal in Delaware. Dude, Delta eight is horrific.

• 39:17Kurt Metzger?

  What? Want some or not?

• 39:18Speaker 01

  No, no, get away from me.

• 39:20Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'm not doing something illegal on camera. I'm only doing legal things.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Well, just because it's legal doesn't mean it's not crazy. What? It's legal to fuck animals in like seven states. Which states?

• 39:30Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's very specific knowledge.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  And lucky for us, Delaware.

• 39:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Delaware, I thought is like just credit card companies live there.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  The Bidens and me.

• 39:44Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, are you from there?

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:45Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, you know Arden?

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Candlelight Theater, baby. What's up?

• 39:50Kurt Metzger?

  What do you know about it?

• 39:52Speaker 01

  What do you know about it?

• 39:53Kurt Metzger?

  I know a lot.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Yeah? I don't know anything. I don't know what you guys are talking about.

• 39:56Kurt Metzger?

  Put in Arden Delaware PBS, this creepy ass thing. Now, you understand, I'm coming out with knowledge that is so fucked up already.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  You? Get out of here.

• 40:05Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, you should know. And then what's Rosemont? The one where the important people come from?

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Ro- I don't know about Rosemont. I lived in Bellefonte.

• 40:12Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Rose something is where like the rich are probably. So if you go on that video, click up there on that video.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like a creepy little village in Delaware. Let's play it.

• 40:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, press play, because everything we need is in the beginning. So just play, because it's very strange to talk. My friend, Sean Patrick Haslett, from Through a Glass Darkly Podcast, you talk to him. The guy that works at the government and co-leaded remote views.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  This is creepy.

• 40:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he, he knows how creepy this fucking town is. It's an artist colony.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Doesn't help.

• 40:44Kurt Metzger?

  That's pure PBS.

• 40:45Speaker 07

  Welcome to movers and makers. I'm your host, Ann Ishi. In this episode, we travel to Arden.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  They found Kim, the only one we have.

• 40:53Speaker 07

  Located about 25 miles from downtown.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Hotsuko looks great. Can we start it again?

• 40:59Kurt Metzger?

  Does she? I think she looks worse than Hotsuko.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  Wait, can we, can we play it from the top? I just want to watch. It's really, did she climb out of a bush?

• 41:05Kurt Metzger?

  Why is she shaking that flat ass?

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, there ain't nothing I like better than a Japanese chick with an Edgar haircut.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:16Kurt Metzger?

  Shaking them fucking 2D hams.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Come on, pancake ass, shake it up. Come on, flat ass. Wait, from the beginning, I want to watch her appear. What did she cut? Did she come around a corner?

• 41:29Kurt Metzger?

  Was she a snake initially?

• 41:30Speaker 01

  It's fine. It's like she's shape shifting. Well, I get conjured from this. She's appeared.

• 41:34Speaker 07

  I'm your host, Ann Ishi. In this episode, we travel to Arden, a unique Delaware arts colony located about 25 miles.

• 41:41Kurt Metzger?

  A Delaware arts colony now.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  She does not represent the Arden community. They need a guy with white hair and an iPad.

• 41:46Kurt Metzger?

  Did you say the Arting?

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Arden.

• 41:48Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Arden.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  You are welcome hither.

• 41:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so it's something of an eternal Renaissance fair, this joint, that we're portraying. Go a little bit, uh, click fast forward just a little, like a little bit, click it forward, and I'll tell you when to stop. Keep going.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  I love that you know this video by heart somehow.

• 42:05Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  How many times have you watched the Arden information video? I was born in Delaware. I've never seen this. How do you know about this?

• 42:13Kurt Metzger?

  A little bit further forward. Okay, wait, wait, wait.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  You should know about this.

• 42:17Kurt Metzger?

  So they're a Georgist tax colony, which is fucking some nutty shit where you don't own your home. It's, it's really warped. All right, so press play here. Somebody goes, I'm a third generation artist, which, um, that's not a thing.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Everybody's great, but 98% of the people here are really good people. I mean, if you need a favor, you call your neighbors. It's just a great place to live.

• 42:40Kurt Metzger?

  It's crafts is what it is.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Oh, the old phone man.

• 42:45Kurt Metzger?

  Crank that up and really let's pay attention to this part.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Kurt, they destroyed your sex doll.

• 42:51Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, uh, Jen is here. My personality and I'm the, uh, collector. Wait. In the pink is Angie. Go back, go back, go back. Just listen to him, listen to him. Good. Before I tell you a story, I want you to see this part. Mm-hmm. Community. It's perfect for me and my personality. And I'm the, uh, incredible collector. In the pink is Angie. And then, of course, we have royalty. On the right-hand side is Shy Di. And back in the left-hand corner, she's so pretty.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Delaware bitch.

• 43:24Kurt Metzger?

  That's Alice.

• 43:30Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so I would refer you to the, uh, okay, let's see what it says. It's an intention, oh, a what? An intentional community. What the fuck does that mean?

• 43:37Speaker 01

  It's not an accidental community. Yeah, they had intent building it, Kurt.

• 43:41Kurt Metzger?

  I know. Why would you have to? It's like, you know, there's a Kurt Mesker gay-friendly realtor and why would you have to specify? I thought you-

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Cause he's being intentional.

• 43:50Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay. Fair point. Yep. Mm-hmm. Okay.

• 43:55Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  This is amazing. I want to live here.

• 43:57Kurt Metzger?

  Internet intent, it's an intentional community. That, that's like so many red flags should-

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:01Kurt Metzger?

  Sprout up in your head when you read some shit like that.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Why?

• 44:04Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's like needless weasel language, so something's up. Frank Stevens, a sculptor, Will Price, an architect, mm-hmm, to create a society based on Henry George's Single Tax Economics and William Morris's Arts and Crafts Philosophy Incorporated in 1967. The village can be governed by tax and blah, blah, blah. Residential land is held in a trust. Leaseholders own their home. So think of the 15-minute city they're trying to institute. The, okay, uh, the town means reflecting enduring model of direct democracy. Uh, put in Buzz Ware, the guy Buzz Ware.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's follow this line of thinking first. What's so bad about this?

• 44:45Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, well, maybe I should tell you the backstory. I know. Oh, you know what? I should have told you what I know first before that.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:50Kurt Metzger?

  Cause it probably makes no fucking sense what I'm even on about.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Not at all.

• 44:54Kurt Metzger?

  See, you're right. The legal one's not good. That, that's why we had to leave Texas.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, I sort of understand. It's just like a creepy sign. You got some shamrock Asian lady hopping through the woods, a dude who's got- Is it bad for a town to have a mascot?

• 45:10Kurt Metzger?

  She looks like the drawing of when black people saw that leprechaun. That's what she looked like.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  It's just like, but then- Could have been a leprechaun. But it's something about the Georgian tax thing, saying that you're rent, it's land.

• 45:21Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, if you, uh-

• 45:22Speaker 01

  May I speak?

• 45:22Kurt Metzger?

  Yep.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. Okay, so you guys, you know, everything has to be this nefarious thing. Delaware was the first state, okay? So they were figuring things out. And Delaware found this little area where they decided, you know, these are the laws we're gonna have in this small community. This is like a community that is a part of, you know, the city, the, the, the city of Wilmington and, um, the, the county, um, of Newcastle County.

• 45:50Speaker 01

  But they have the ability to kind of exist on their own in a way that is out, like, this is the way I feel that we should be living, in small little enclaves of like, community-based living where you have, they, it says right there that they have like, monthly meetings to actually make sure everything is okay. Can I stop you for one second? Yeah. I, number one, we don't look for nefarious things. Number two, I am flabbergasted right now by, by two, two things. One, you are intimately familiar with the-

• 46:24Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I should tell you this thing first, yeah.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  With the Arden tourism video. And two, so- Somehow you have been offended by his interpretation of the Arden tourism video and now you guys are arguing. Well, I'm from Delaware. I lived, I was born and raised in Delaware. I lived there for eight, when, from the time I was born until I left. Ian, real quick, are you, dude, seriously, you feel because of what he said about this, the need to defend Delaware? Yeah.

• 46:51Kurt Metzger?

  I haven't even said the part yet.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  You have to stick up for Delaware. I'm a Delaware doozy and I'm a defender of Delaware. That's who I am. You're, you're doing a good job. Thank you. I appreciate it. Why, why are you saying shit about Delaware? This is a Delaware doozy. Yeah. Respect. These people, these people in inject arts and crafts into the community and then they go back to their little area and they put on shows for the town. This is like an old school, like villager village in like the 1800s and it still exists today. Bully. Yeah. And there's a photographer from there named Nick Vincent who used to make his own trail mix and go to the AA meetings I used to go to.

• 47:31Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't know.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  He was my sponsor for a minute until I found out.

• 47:33Kurt Metzger?

  If I knew you were a doozy, a Delaware doozy.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  He did not know he was a Delaware doozy?

• 47:38Kurt Metzger?

  I would have even brought it up.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Dude, it's so lame.

• 47:40Kurt Metzger?

  I was talking to a real Delaware doozy?

• 47:44Speaker 01

  It feels like you did this on purpose.

• 47:46Kurt Metzger?

  I just, when I find out, because, well, so if, uh, fans of the Dirt with Kirk podcast.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Fucking awkward in here now. It's okay. I didn't, dude, I respect. This should make it a lot better. One of the monthly meetings in Arden. You air your grievances and then you.

• 48:00Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, they made, that guy's using my image to do his gay friendly realty.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  That's hilarious.

• 48:06Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I expect YMH lawyers to strike that.

• 48:11Kurt Metzger?

  No, that's not, dude, that's fake. I can prove it too. That's an AI.

• 48:17Kurt Metzger?

  Small time realtor for intentional.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  This is, this is the guy that gets you a home in Arden.

• 48:23Kurt Metzger?

  And who the, his, his last name is Method?

• 48:26Speaker 01

  No wonder you are upset. This guy is stealing your likeness to sell homes in Arden. It all makes sense.

• 48:34Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. I think I can clear this up right now without any awkwardness whatsoever.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  So tense in here now.

• 48:41Kurt Metzger?

  I know. It's silly. Let me just make it.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Please, please. The floor is yours.

• 48:51Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, let me just let some air out of this, uh, Lindsey Graham gas tank, if I could. Um, so what I know about is a guy named Jay Parker who I had on my show, The Dirt with Kirk, uh, recently, but I first learned of him from my friend, Mark Pazio, who shouts Mark Pazio. Uh, so Jay Parker's from Arden, Delaware. His mom's a school teacher and his dad was a, I think they're both school teachers. And, um, anyway, I don't know what the churches they have there. Would it be like, um, Episcopalian or some shit probably?

• 49:20Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 49:20Kurt Metzger?

  Well, the real church that he went to and most of the town was in was called the Church of the Marquee of Hell. And they had it right under their church. You ever see the Dan Aykroyd?

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Oh, so they had freedom of religion?

• 49:31Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, they had even more than that.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:34Kurt Metzger?

  Freedom of pizza gates, we'll call it.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  No, they did not.

• 49:37Kurt Metzger?

  The church, it's not a, oh, oh, wait, hold on. Go back to what that just said. Oh, it's not a recognized mainstream religion. Okay. Thanks. Good work, Tanner.

• 49:49Kurt Metzger?

  Good work.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Tanner, everybody.

• 49:54Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, I was gonna say, get it, get on the horn to them.

• 50:05Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So here's why I bring up the, uh, Marquee of Hell.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Why?

• 50:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's one of them, uh, goetic demons from that book, you know, the goa, was it Goasia?

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Goasia.

• 50:16Kurt Metzger?

  Sounds like chimping out Goasia.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Goasia, that's where that Asian woman is from.

• 50:22Kurt Metzger?

  Her name was Goasia.

• 50:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Dude, yeah, I used to go to the Arden Fair as a child.

• 50:31Kurt Metzger?

  You got any memories, uh, you don't remember?

• 50:33Speaker 01

  I blacked out for a couple of years, but it was a good time when I was there. This is a church in Arden, the Church of the Marquee of Hell.

• 50:39Kurt Metzger?

  That's not the one that the public.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Can I be honest? There were always rumors about this stuff.

• 50:44Kurt Metzger?

  I was gonna ask you, weren't there always rumors about this?

• 50:46Speaker 01

  There was rumors about a midget town that we would like go to and then there was a thing called Cozart Road, which was Satan's road that we would go to and. Yeah. So there were all these like little rumors. I'm telling you, this is like a wives tale about a small town. You know what else was a rumor?

• 51:01Kurt Metzger?

  Stop smearing them.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  You know what else was a rumor? When I went to the same high school as the Bidens, when I came in as a freshman, Joe Biden's daughter had graduated the year before and the rumor was.

• 51:11Kurt Metzger?

  She left her diary?

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Her and her boyfriend had anal sex on their couch and the guy, the parents came home, he pulled out, she shit on the couch, they blamed it on the dog and the Bidens put the dog to sleep. Okay. Did that happen? No. These are all little Delaware rumors.

• 51:24Kurt Metzger?

  That was a satanic sacrifice here.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  These are all.

• 51:27Kurt Metzger?

  They sacrificed that dog. That's how you worship Bael of Bjor.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  This is not true.

• 51:32Kurt Metzger?

  Bael of Bjor, the master of holes.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  I've been to the Candlelight Theater in Arden. I've seen, I've been in the underground tunnels. There was none of this. I've been to their meetings where we wore black cloths.

• 51:45Kurt Metzger?

  Do you think it's coincidental that you look like a, uh, literally like a seventies pervert?

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Come on, wait, you can't just skip over that story. So. Yeah, and you look like a lurching man that guards the Church of Satan. So what are we talking about? Show me more. Walk me through this story. Yes.

• 51:58Kurt Metzger?

  Yo.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  So wait, who is having anal sex? No, you know those, you know those rumors, those high school rumors?

• 52:05Kurt Metzger?

  Diaries are online.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Did you hear the girl that just graduated? She got a hot dog frozen in her pussy and had to go to the hospital. That happened at my school.

• 52:11Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, at my school too.

• 52:14Kurt Metzger?

  And now that woman happens to be my wife, you piece of shit.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  These are all little small town rumors that people would share, tall tales before the internet existed.

• 52:24Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, we all have the hot dog one. We don't, we don't all have the Church of the Marquee of Hell.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  A real hot dog.

• 52:29Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, did you have a rumor?

• 52:31Speaker 01

  That was just like the rumor about Marilyn Manson getting his ribs removed so he could suck his cock.

• 52:35Kurt Metzger?

  No, he got a rib added so he could do a human centipede.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  No, he gave a rib away because woman was made from Marilyn Manson. He was the original Adam. Jesus Christ, you're, you're the debunker.

• 52:47Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, wait, wait, wait.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  You've come to debunk the mystery, boys. Delaware debunker. The Delaware doozy debunker.

• 52:52Kurt Metzger?

  He's a doozy. What else is he? Okay, this is our Flint dibble. Do you understand that?

• 52:58Speaker 01

  What? Who's Flint dibble? Where's he from?

• 53:02Kurt Metzger?

  He's a little doozy.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  You're dibbling out. You're a Delaware dibbler. Dibbled by the doozy. Yeah. I'm here to dibble.

• 53:14Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So I know Jay Parker.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Who, okay, hold on one second. Every bit of information is coming directly from this Jay Parker character. Wait, can you read that? Wait, doozy, doozy, read the headline though. I want him to read it. Read this headline. Bombshell expose.

• 53:29Kurt Metzger?

  I don't think that this is necessarily what you should go to.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  Joe Biden's dark ties to Arden, Delaware's satanic pet, cult, Jay Parker's testimony.

• 53:37Kurt Metzger?

  So this bitch is.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  So you admit it's real? What? No, why did you read it? Doozy undone.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  You cannot do it. I'm just reading a visible rumor mill.

• 53:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, I, I warn you, my friend. I've, I've been around. You try to pull the old Delaware doozy on me, I'll see it coming.

• 53:56Kurt Metzger?

  Did you just try to give me, did you try to doozy me?

• 53:58Speaker 01

  You got doozy dog.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Now, do me.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Now do me a favor. Who, go into this Jay, this, this little Jay Parker character.

• 54:09Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, yeah, wait, wait.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  Who's Jay Parker? We've got to be, I'm from Delaware and I know everyone.

• 54:14Kurt Metzger?

  That's, um, not the guy.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  That's not him. He works at Dirt's real estate firm.

• 54:18Kurt Metzger?

  We gotta move on to this next thing as part of this. So now I want you to go to, uh, Joe McMonigal.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  No, explain this line of things. Who's Jay Parker? It's Jay McGonigal.

• 54:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that guy.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Who's that melting candle of a man? Oh my God. Who is this?

• 54:37Kurt Metzger?

  Now look at, he's on the Sean Ryan show. Did you see him there?

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Who's Sean Ryan? Who are these people? You tell stories like a girl who's trying to talk about something that happened at her office. You can mention everyone.

• 54:48Kurt Metzger?

  I, I would think you would already have a wet ass penis over him.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  Well, let's see. He's on my.

• 54:52Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, he's the number one looks maxer in ex Navy SEAL podcasting. Maybe that means something to you. Maybe it don't. We'll, we'll see. He looks like, uh, Doug from that cartoon.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  Doug Funny? Oh my God. He looks like grown up Doug. He's a Skeeter. What, what is this?

• 55:08Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying to explain something.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  What is happening? Okay, if he's Doug, who's, that's his Roger Klotz.

• 55:13Kurt Metzger?

  So that's like Roger McMonigal.

• 55:18Kurt Metzger?

  What'd you say?

• 55:19Speaker 01

  He looks like Roger Bloodclot.

• 55:22Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, he fucked up looking, ain't he?

• 55:24Speaker 01

  He is. And this is your guy? You co-sign this guy?

• 55:29Kurt Metzger?

  I just say, hear him out.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Okay. Yeah, let's go to the home and listen to this guy with the open wound on his face. Go ahead.

• 55:37Kurt Metzger?

  Look into his eyes, hear him out.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  Which one? I don't have the ability to move my eyes halfway across the room.

• 55:43Kurt Metzger?

  Well, so somebody told me recently, what if I make?

• 55:46Speaker 01

  Who? Explain who he is.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Go ahead. Oh my God. How'd you find that? That's amazing.

• 55:55Kurt Metzger?

  I knew it.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Let's go. That is the coolest thing I've ever seen. This is the only time I've ever liked AI.

• 56:08Kurt Metzger?

  Better time. This dude, dude, Delaware doozy is a Democrat.

• 56:14Kurt Metzger?

  You know this Delaware doozy's Democrat?

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love alliteration. I'm everything involved in the alliteration.

• 56:20Kurt Metzger?

  Doozy.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Facts first, tall tales.

• 56:23Kurt Metzger?

  Certified. Who certified you?

• 56:27Speaker 01

  Delaware State University.

• 56:28Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I forgot. The Marquee of Hell.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Hey, can you guys?

• 56:31Kurt Metzger?

  So can I get finished?

• 56:32Speaker 01

  Wait, real quick, will you guys pull up Darryl French? Oh, let's hear that guy. Can I smoke in here? Or is that not a one?

• 56:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I mean, uh, not, not in here, but.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  In Delaware? No, not that. Darryl French, Darryl, sorry, Darryl French Williams.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Good. Who is this? I don't know. I just wanted to see if, just have him pull up a name.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  He sounds like, Darryl French Williams sounds like a backup singer in Bel Bim De Mo.

• 57:05Kurt Metzger?

  When she smiles.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Is he a singer? Did I just nail that?

• 57:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, French is a.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  I nailed that. He's a singer. That's incredible.

• 57:13Kurt Metzger?

  French, the defining middle name.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  Let's listen to Goldilocks.

• 57:16Kurt Metzger?

  There's a lot of Darryl Williams in this.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Look, the point is this, Arden is a satanic hellhole filled with petals, witches, monsters, essentially a rift into the depths of hell. Would you agree or not agree, Delaware doozy? I'm a Delaware doozy and I disagree.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  You need to tell me who Jay Parker is.

• 57:37Kurt Metzger?

  I don't trust you enough.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  All this, am I not a certified Delaware doozy? Like I'm a debunker. I'm certified.

• 57:44Kurt Metzger?

  You know, he told me to watch out for the doozies, but I didn't want him to believe it. I'm not giving a conspiracy.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  I will say.

• 57:49Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I'm not giving a conspiracy like Tanner is.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Can I, can I tell you, the Odd Porium is on Harvey Road and that is across the street from. Where my parents lived and they called it the honeymoon suite. And I've never, the Odd Porium is open always. I've never seen anyone go in it and I've always wanted to. Dude, it is a, and it's across from Arden. My, my parents lived in a house. My dad had a, had an apartment, uh, an upstairs apartment that when my parents got married, my mom moved in with them and it was right on the outskirts of Arden. And they used to shoot bottle rockets at friends in the backyard and they would go into like Arden and everything. I'm like deeply steeped in the Arden lore and this guy is crazy.

• 58:32Kurt Metzger?

  You ever see Nothing But Trouble with, uh, Chevy Chase?

• 58:35Speaker 01

  No, yeah, and Dan Aykroyd?

• 58:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and, um, uh, what's his name? I've, he was fucking cool as shit too. Um, the, he's in every movie. He's like a, we put Nothing But Trouble, um,

• 58:47Speaker 01

  You don't want to read about him real quick? Oh, his great grandfather moved from Ireland to start satanic colonies in the USA.

• 58:52Kurt Metzger?

  That's right.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, yeah, I forgot.

• 58:55Kurt Metzger?

  His dad called himself a ninth generation Atlantean warlock and his mother, now, I'm not saying that he was that.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  Dude, they're all schizophrenic. This guy's crazy. He's a schizo. See, that's what a doozy would say.

• 59:06Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, here's a real, I got a, I got a real doozy for you.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Okay, let's hear it.

• 59:10Kurt Metzger?

  First of all, you literally have the tattoos of if you go to the tattoo shop and pick out tattoos.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:16Kurt Metzger?

  Like you just, you're the wall. That's what you look like.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  That before. It's called,

• 59:20Kurt Metzger?

  I say it to you twice a week.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  It's called American traditional. It's a specific style tattoos.

• 59:25Kurt Metzger?

  Important.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:26Kurt Metzger?

  The reason it's important is because you can tell,

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:30Kurt Metzger?

  with as many tattoos, how, uh, satanically molested someone was.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  That's a theory.

• 59:36Kurt Metzger?

  Up to about here.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  I show that I too have been, I show that I too, I'm sorry. That's okay. I show that I too have been through pain. So I'm wearing his emotional scars.

• 59:47Kurt Metzger?

  Are you good at dissociating?

• 59:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm trying to do it right now. Uh, Jay has memories of participating in satanic rituals, torture until six years of age. Okay. His mother told him,

• 59:59Kurt Metzger?

  They do it to you in the womb, buddy.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  This was done to disrupt,

• 1:00:02Kurt Metzger?

  Poke you in the womb.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  The neural pathways of the infant's brain. He states,

• 1:00:06Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know where that comes from?

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Where?

• 1:00:08Kurt Metzger?

  Mengli.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, yeah. Put him on the screen. He rejected Satan. He was then put into government. He doesn't even spell government properly. Um, gover- men. Mind control programs.

• 1:00:20Kurt Metzger?

  You know what? I, hold on, I didn't see that. I, I think it's been debunked. Well, that's a doozy.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  The doozy has debunked because something's misspelled. It can't be real.

• 1:00:28Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I gotta wrap this one up, boys. We can move on.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Another case solved by the doozy.

• 1:00:34Kurt Metzger?

  I watched the Dirt with Karp episode, but I would hear the story up because my, as my Nephilim, uh, uh, assistant on my podcast, the Dirt with Karp, Mark, who's like a seven foot tall skinny guy. I've, is, you rarely see anything like it. It's, it's truly a hybrid person, this guy.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Well, no, they're infiltrating the WMBA. We'll see them soon.

• 1:00:54Kurt Metzger?

  I wonder if he's trying to get into the,

• 1:00:58Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry, I crossed the line.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Crossed the line.

• 1:01:02Kurt Metzger?

  That was a bit of a doozy, but we're keeping it.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  I, I really think that that Jay Parker guy's mentally ill and you're using his line of thinking as like,

• 1:01:10Kurt Metzger?

  Do you? I, I, oh, he probably, you know what? He probably is mentally ill. Hey, do you remember when for about, I don't know, 12 year period, um, medical science couldn't tell us if women have dicks or pussies? Do you remember for 12 years, you literally, uh, in a Supreme Court, fucking hearing to see if you should be in the Supreme Court, they ask you that and you can't answer the question. Oh, you think he might be a little insane? Yeah, you live in America, motherfucker.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, idiot, it takes a while to find the truth.

• 1:01:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I know. I did it. I didn't spend my time getting tattoos and covering up for the lizard people.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  You're 12 years,

• 1:01:45Kurt Metzger?

  You just got doozied by your own petoosie.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  You're 12 years a slave to your own mind.

• 1:01:51Kurt Metzger?

  Good. That's why I don't make poor tattoo choices and I make great clothing choices.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  Cut it out. This is the mystery boys. It's not some kind of ambush shit. It's a, it's a podcast of love. Yes, you are a doozy. Yes. A debunker and you're our dibbler. Yes. But you're also our friend. Yeah. And I hate to see you guys fight. Your tattoos are beautiful. I do, I love Karp. Karp is wonderful. I love this.

• 1:02:16Kurt Metzger?

  My name is Kim Grapehouse. I, I was clear about that at the start of the show.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  You guys don't need to fight, but I must say this. Arden? Yes. Definitely. Whether you're defending it, whether you believe it, is an evil place that no one should go inhabited by Satanists. For sure. Just based on 30 seconds of that video I saw.

• 1:02:34Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, uh, that's all I'm asking. Can you not tell from 30 seconds of that video that something's way the fuck up?

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  It's a bad place. It should be destroyed by God. Okay, well, here's a solution to that. You, me, him, we go down, stay in my mom's house in Delaware and explore Arden. I wouldn't, I would sue. I have access to Arden. We could go down there and ask questions. Honestly, we should do a trip to Arden. Dude, that would be so fun. Mystery Boys first trip to Arden, Delaware.

• 1:03:04Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I would be fucking scared shitless.

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  Lasagna. We live down the road. It's amazing. Can we pull up that Arden video again? Can we pull up that Arden video again? I got a bad vibe from that video. Something, something bad is going on in Arden. Yeah, because when things are good for the community, people don't like it. Mm-mm.

• 1:03:24Kurt Metzger?

  That's very, uh,

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  That's not true.

• 1:03:25Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, slow down, uh, Zohar Kravmamde Gomby.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  Why don't you come back, come back to Maldonastan, okay?

• 1:03:33Kurt Metzger?

  If it isn't the gay Hamas mayor of New York.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  Wait, right here. Stop right here. Now this is already fucked up. Weird ass fucking sandals.

• 1:03:44Kurt Metzger?

  But why?

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  What do you have to say about that, doozy?

• 1:03:48Kurt Metzger?

  But that's correct. But why is it fucked up?

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Just look at it.

• 1:03:51Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we, we, we're talking with Delaware doozy. That's Delaware.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  Because that's, we're very Germanic people. It's a full tank.

• 1:03:59Kurt Metzger?

  They are Germanic, aren't they? I'm glad you said that.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Look at this.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  He's smiling.

• 1:04:07Speaker 07

  We've heard it all. We've heard,

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Why does everyone have mannequins in their?

• 1:04:10Speaker 07

  Peeps, of communists, of new,

• 1:04:14Kurt Metzger?

  We, we've heard it all. We heard where,

• 1:04:16Speaker 07

  There might be some precedent for a lot of those things.

• 1:04:19Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:04:20Speaker 06

  Also had other ideas and in 1901 established Rose Valley and tried to build an arts and crafts community.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  How do you defend this place? Because they, it's a community full of weirdos. So people see a weirdo in the wild and they think it's indicative of the community.

• 1:04:35Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, what do we learn from fucking, what's that fucking Lego game kids play that?

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Roblox?

• 1:04:40Kurt Metzger?

  What did Roblox teach us? What did Reddit? Goddamn right it did.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  Let's jump forward a little bit. I want to see more of these clips.

• 1:04:47Kurt Metzger?

  But the reason I brought that other fat guy up, that remote viewer, he's the guy that viewed the people on Mars famously and all that remote viewer shit, Duncan? McMonigal, the guy from NOM?

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Oh, there he is. Oh, sorry.

• 1:04:59Speaker 06

  App shop, the guild hall. They had meetings here. They had school. Everything happened.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  Fart something sinister.

• 1:05:07Kurt Metzger?

  So now,

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Well, if you only play certain clips, it'll make anything sinister. Look! Doozy defends, doozy defends this nightmare. They're making me, look what they're doing to these children.

• 1:05:19Kurt Metzger?

  That just looks like they're doing some kind of calisthenics or,

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, right. We should be all at the kids.

• 1:05:24Kurt Metzger?

  Look at how fat Dan is.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Look at that. That's, that's the next day. Those kids are buried there.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  They were executing those children.

• 1:05:33Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, oh God.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Look at this. What's so bad about that? Oh, I'm evil and making a play. He's making a jar to hold the children's blood.

• 1:05:41Kurt Metzger?

  That's a pretty big fucking plate. That's an Aztec sized plate.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's too big. It's too big. Yeah. Too big. You are right.

• 1:05:49Kurt Metzger?

  Um, uh, wait, what? Look at his face and then the titles they all have. These are all witches. That's why they're calling themselves arts and,

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  Look at his witch jug. That's a witch jug. That's for the cauldron. You know what's in that jug, Kurt? Eye of Newt.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Artist resident. Artist, Arden resident. Look at that terrible title.

• 1:06:09Kurt Metzger?

  The important part.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  That's an evil title.

• 1:06:12Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, let me get to the important part.

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  You know, that's an anagram for child dick sucker. Berslam. It's right out in the open. Oh, look at this guy. Oh, dude. He keeps children in his cheeks like a squirrel. That's nuts. Look at this shit.

• 1:06:26Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, you said it. I didn't. The doozy said that. All right, now let's go to the next thing that I'm trying to get to, but you're interrupting me.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  There's more of this.

• 1:06:35Kurt Metzger?

  I, we don't need this far. I'm trying to just get to the point.

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  Hulk Hogan. Oh, there's the dude. Blood dripping down his nose.

• 1:06:43Kurt Metzger?

  I wanted to protect you. I wanted to protect your feelings.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  I have to hear what he says.

• 1:06:49Kurt Metzger?

  No, we don't. Bob Lockman.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  That's Willie Nelson. Shut the fuck up.

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  They get in and they feed the pigeons.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  He's just a guy that wants to feed the pigeon shirtless. What's so bad about that?

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

  I came to Arden originally in my youth.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Drowning pool.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  Look at that. That's where he drowns them pigeons.

• 1:07:10Kurt Metzger?

  It's just, what is wrong with a man surrounding himself with mannequins and naming them child dicks?

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  Wearing a MAGA hat.

• 1:07:17Kurt Metzger?

  Can't a man with full breasts sit outside?

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  It's better to do this in, instead of a library reading to children.

• 1:07:25Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, no, he reads to them and they don't do it out in the, by the pond.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Let them talk. This is the life I want to live.

• 1:07:31Kurt Metzger?

  Please don't say that.

• 1:07:33Speaker 05

  Manhattan and large populated areas. They could, and they feed the pigeons.

• 1:07:37Kurt Metzger?

  Populated areas if you look like that.

• 1:07:39Speaker 05

  Well, I have over 40 or 50 pigeons and I've had them since I was in my teens.

• 1:07:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:51Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. The pigeons don't really-

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  This is before the divorce warped his mind.

• 1:07:57Kurt Metzger?

  And we thought we were gonna have to keep going and it just turned out to be the perfect place for us. Founding principle is to- Taylor Nagy. Great art in everyday life. And I do- From what, nothing but trouble? That's so.

• 1:08:14Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so we all met the artists that are not actually artists? Good, okay.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  The founding principles make art every day. I guess you love that. You love that, don't you? Okay, you're getting up- A little hell show. You're getting upset at junior varsity Rockettes? I mean, I don't understand.

• 1:08:29Kurt Metzger?

  Well, all girls' dance is horror Satan dance. You've been to a recital?

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  That is true. You can argue that.

• 1:08:34Kurt Metzger?

  Cause they've got gay choreographers who don't understand. They're like, who cares? It's just your pussy. Shake it. Nobody wants that old thing. Go ahead and wear that outfit. Nobody gives a fuck. Right? So that's a misunderstanding. There's no need to get all pizza meat about that.

• 1:08:50Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, do I even have to tell you?

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  This is just Jimmy Kimmel grooming a girl. What's so bad about this?

• 1:09:00Kurt Metzger?

  And this is why we passed the man act.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Can't a man love his horse?

• 1:09:06Kurt Metzger?

  That's his wife, yeah.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  What's so bad about this?

• 1:09:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now go back to that fat remote viewer so I can get to what I was trying to get to.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

• 1:09:12Kurt Metzger?

  No, not her!

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  She's nice. That doesn't look bad.

• 1:09:15Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that bitch. Okay, so she's the founder of the American Com- I think that's who that is. Where? Founder of the American Communist Party and her son Buzz.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  No, that is not. No, it's not!

• 1:09:25Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yeah, I didn't do my research.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  That's a woman with a Christmas tree she worships as a god.

• 1:09:29Speaker 07

  And my grandfather moved a few years later and since then it has been a rental property. I always had the idea that the house needed to stay in the family, so I decided to buy the house.

• 1:09:43Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, can we get the fuck off of this? I wanna get to my point and it's like I'm being blocked, literally.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  I'm not blocking you. I wanna see it. I'm not blocking you.

• 1:09:50Kurt Metzger?

  By some kinda homosexual pan creature.

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  Sorry, go.

• 1:09:53Kurt Metzger?

  And also Ian's here.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  Make-

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  Make your point.

• 1:09:57Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, go back please to McG- will you please put McGarnicle on?

• 1:10:02Speaker 01

  Let Bob McGarnicle Jr. Yeah.

• 1:10:06Kurt Metzger?

  No, Joe McMonigal, not McGarnicle.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Kurt Metzger?

  Put him on the Sean Ryan podcast. Sean Ryan has a big podcast. I don't know how you've never heard of it.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  Joe McGonigal.

• 1:10:19Kurt Metzger?

  Are you in the Rogan sphere or not?

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  When you say his name, you have to sound like RFK Jr. Joe McGonigal.

• 1:10:25Kurt Metzger?

  Are you mad cause he didn't- he's gonna take your vaccines, you fucking pussy? Alright. Oh, how am I gonna sterilize my-

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  You know why I have these tattoos? Cause they cover up every spot I've gotten a vaccine shot.

• 1:10:37Kurt Metzger?

  Um, if that were true.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Insert laughter later.

• 1:10:40Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Speaker 01

  I just got vaxxed.

• 1:10:41Kurt Metzger?

  You'd be dead and your blood would be like pencil led.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  I get a booster every day. Good, you have to.

• 1:10:46Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay. Now wait, so Sean, just have the clip of him talking to Sean Ryan about his remote viewing.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  Alright. And he talks about Arden? This relates to Arden?

• 1:10:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it does.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  He mentions Arden explicitly.

• 1:10:58Kurt Metzger?

  No! No, he doesn't!

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  Why would he?

• 1:11:01Kurt Metzger?

  Really? My first week there, I saw probably one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. I was in a three-quarter ton sitting up front. We pulled up to an intersection. The three-quarter was right behind, it's like a motorcycle with seats in the back for up to six people.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Marmot man looks like shit.

• 1:11:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. And it was a woman and a small boy in the back, the driver revving his engine. And it was a convoy of trucks going through. And the convoy were all little boys with tanks on them. They're blowing through this intersection, one behind the other. And this guy got a break. I guess he thought he could make it. And he gunned the engine and he popped the clutch and he got out in the middle and it stalled. Convoy truck hit him hard, spun him around in the back wheels so the trailer went over him. And then every truck behind him- Something about the remote viewing thing would have been better.

• 1:11:48Speaker 01

  Why are we showing that? Why do you want us to see that? The worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Jesus Christ.

• 1:11:53Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I said remote viewing. I didn't say get all his fucking-

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Gut sprayed out on the road, looked like a rainbow the way the light was hitting it. You ever see a child die?

• 1:12:02Kurt Metzger?

  Well, remember I mentioned the Marquis of Hell?

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  Then just go to Arden. Yeah.

• 1:12:08Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember, Duncan?

• 1:12:09Speaker 01

  Go, go ahead. So what does this guy have to do?

• 1:12:11Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, think about that!

• 1:12:12Speaker 01

  I remember the Marquis of Hell. Yes. The real church. Go ahead.

• 1:12:16Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  Here we go.

• 1:12:19Kurt Metzger?

  Days later, when they took pictures of the harbor, a channel was cut to the sea, the Typhoon class. He remote viewed a fucking submarine. Who cares? Look, first, I mean, wow, look at that belt, doing a lot of heavy lifting on the trip.

• 1:12:34Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I've now had at least three people tell me this motherfucker's a handler with the MK program. And not only that, he's a Marquis of Hell guy himself. And, uh, cause you know, there's not the Marquis of Hell, there's like a bunch of them. If you read the Goatias, I know you have.

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:12:50Kurt Metzger?

  He was probably read it as a child. It's a repressed memory.

• 1:12:53Speaker 01

  Yes. It's one of the Hadiths. So-

• 1:12:55Kurt Metzger?

  Ian was used as a living altar, no doubt. That's when they shit on you as a kid.

• 1:12:59Speaker 01

  It finally explains things.

• 1:13:00Kurt Metzger?

  So I found out from somebody that it's the forty-fourth, we put in the forty-fourth Marquis of Hell. His name is Sha- he has shacks. The way he puts it, he has shacks. What does that mean? I don't know. But at forty-fourth Marquis of Hell.

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  Shacks.

• 1:13:16Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  Like the basketball player. A great Marquis of Hell.

• 1:13:19Kurt Metzger?

  I, that's, okay. Put in Kazam, actually, cause Pelican I don't like. I like a-

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  Kazam?

• 1:13:25Kurt Metzger?

  When I heard shacks.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:13:27Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, let's get a nice picture of that, where he played the dark gin Kazam, AKA shacks. Now you see where it's going.

• 1:13:34Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:13:35Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  I'm seeing it.

• 1:13:37Kurt Metzger?

  So this particular Marquis of Hell, they're good at treasure hunting. You know how Joseph Smith and the Mormon, everybody's all about treasure hunting?

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:45Kurt Metzger?

  Where John Day, it's always about treasure hunting. So those gothic demons are still, apparently, you call them and his fucking family calls on the forty-fourth shacks, who's good at finding treasures. So that's how he finds submarines and fucking Martian shit or whatever the fuck he's famous for. But also, that guy's got shacks, which is, you know, a gothic demon. So that's why, I'm guessing, just my opinion, he looks like a giant toad. Like a giant toad man.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  Oh, you're saying it's from, from, from contact?

• 1:14:16Kurt Metzger?

  Imagine stuffing this, this spirit, this entity.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Well, that's Shaquille O'Neal. Just cause his name's Shacks doesn't mean he looks like Shaquille O'Neal.

• 1:14:23Kurt Metzger?

  Um, he's-

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  I don't mean to debunk-

• 1:14:25Kurt Metzger?

  You have to understand the hermetic principle that shacks-

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  I'm wearing off on you. My debunking is contagious. I'm not trying to doozy you.

• 1:14:32Kurt Metzger?

  You got dozage.

• 1:14:33Speaker 01

  I just think the name Shacks, you can't say that means-

• 1:14:35Kurt Metzger?

  That's how I get it.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  He's a big demon. He's a stork. Looks like a frog wa, frog stuffed with shack. Because shack's so huge and he got stuffed in that name.

• 1:14:44Kurt Metzger?

  Literally, it, it looks like that.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:47Kurt Metzger?

  So anyway-

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  It's out in the open.

• 1:14:49Kurt Metzger?

  But the Marquis of Hell, I always wondered when I first heard of it, cause I was like, what the fuck? The Church of Marquis of Hell? I never heard- oh, and look, it's a dick and balls as a symbol.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  What is shacks? It's a gothic demon in great Marquis of Hell with a power of over thirty legions of demons. Shout out Jay, Louis and whoever they are. You should not be bothered too often. Or else he gets upset.

• 1:15:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, here's, and now, look at, he's ruled by the Kabbalistic angel, Halala. Fal- Halala. Wait, Malala.

• 1:15:21Kurt Metzger?

  Remember Daryl James, when he was talking about that secret space program shit? The names he was giving us turned out to all be Kabbalah names? For the fucking Nordics, remember? They're made-

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  Hold on, hold on, hold on. This spirit sometimes give good, gives good familiars. That's, what is a good familiar?

• 1:15:37Kurt Metzger?

  A familiar is a family spirit. So if you're from, say, Arden, Delaware.

• 1:15:41Speaker 01

  Alamander.

• 1:15:42Kurt Metzger?

  Like alcoholism could be considered a family spirit.

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  I have alcoholism.

• 1:15:46Kurt Metzger?

  You probably got-

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  I've been given a good familiar.

• 1:15:48Kurt Metzger?

  Probably got a touch of shacks and that's why I don't recommend Suneva. It's a sex doll, but it sounds like a medicine. It'll be on a past episode. Okay. Uh, familiars are, uh, yeah, anyway.

• 1:16:00Speaker 01

  Cats, dogs, hamsters. I was given the familiar of alcoholism, which is a addicted to spirits and they call it a spirit cause it takes yours away.

• 1:16:09Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I'm sorry to dedozy you, but I just did. That's what it is. It is what it is.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, you got dedozyed. How does it feel, debunker?

• 1:16:19Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Grape House and the Squirrel Man, taking him down.

• 1:16:24Speaker 01

  Would the, wait, this is a question from the booth? Would the familiar be like the genetic pass down the Nazis discovered?

• 1:16:29Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, it would. That's a very good point. Who wrote that? Tanner?

• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  Tanner wrote that, yeah.

• 1:16:33Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, what grade are you in now?

• 1:16:34Speaker 04

  Uh, I actually just got to 10th grade, so.

• 1:16:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, good for Tanner.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Good job. I'd like to give you one of my familiars as a gift. What the fuck?

• 1:16:42Kurt Metzger?

  It's just HPV Tanner. Most of us already have it.

• 1:16:46Speaker 01

  Would the- So are you saying the Nazis are good?

• 1:16:52Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, you're- Dude, listen, don't get ahead of the point of the whole episode. I'm just trying to get to the point of this episode. If you spoil it.

• 1:17:01Speaker 01

  Okay, sorry.

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  Oh my God, the symbol does look like a giant penis.

• 1:17:07Kurt Metzger?

  Um, uh-

• 1:17:08Speaker 01

  Wait, go down. Is there more about this?

• 1:17:10Kurt Metzger?

  Look at what he shacks gives you. Wait, go to what he gives you, though. He takes away the sight, hearing and understanding of any person under the conjurer's request. And steals money out of king's houses, carrying it back to the people. He also steals horses and everything. Shacks can also discover hidden things if they are not kept by evil spirits.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  Doesn't seem evil. Yeah, no, he seems kinda good.

• 1:17:29Kurt Metzger?

  You, steal is like in the first three sentences, over and over. Okay.

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  But out of king's houses, yes.

• 1:17:35Kurt Metzger?

  Is this not like a worse of a crime? I mean, I, someone of royal blood, Duncan, I would, uh, I would think that.

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  No, he steals money from the king's houses and carries it back to the people.

• 1:17:44Kurt Metzger?

  Don't be fooled by this, I'm a broke snowboarder act. This guy's bloodline.

• 1:17:51Speaker 01

  He's a Robin Hood of spirits.

• 1:17:54Kurt Metzger?

  Rob- Robin Hood is, uh, is based on a demon.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  A poor old snowboarder.

• 1:17:58Kurt Metzger?

  It's not based on a guy, it's based on a-

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  Can't afford a lift ticket even.

• 1:18:02Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, anyway.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Dude, he literally can be a great liar. Unless he's obliged to enter a magic triangle drawn on the floor and then he will speak marvius- marvously- Marvously. Marvously and tell the truth.

• 1:18:17Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I do oblige.

• 1:18:19Speaker 01

  In a triangle, he's great.

• 1:18:20Kurt Metzger?

  You will oblige me.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  He's kinda like a Delaware doozy debunker. He tells the truth.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  I am Shaxx. So you're a defender of demons and a Delaware doozy.

• 1:18:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  You're an apologist for demons.

• 1:18:33Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no wonder they call it the doozy state. This is horseshit. Uh, anyway, so that's the remote viewer demon there, Shaxx. And if you got that in your blood, you know, like some of us got drinking in our blood.

• 1:18:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:45Kurt Metzger?

  Some of us got, uh-

• 1:18:47Speaker 01

  Demon in our blood.

• 1:18:48Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, I would wager that his family's demon, the name of the spirit is called doozy. D U Z I.

• 1:18:56Speaker 01

  Can we look up doozy, Lester Key of Solomon? Danzig has a song called, "Am I Demon?" Ever look into that?

• 1:19:03Kurt Metzger?

  No, he was, uh, it's called goblet. It's when they're very short and have those big heads. He's a little goblin man.

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know this song. Yep. Oh my God. What's that about? Uh, what? That's just a Friday night in fucking Arden right there. I really want us to go to-

• 1:19:17Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's actually the midget town nearby that, uh, there's-

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  That's been debunked. It's much easier to crucify a midget. Cause I went there-

• 1:19:24Kurt Metzger?

  You can't debunk a midget town. That's an idea.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  It's just a trailer park off of, off of Ebright Road. It's not a midget town?

• 1:19:30Kurt Metzger?

  But there was one by, uh, dude-

• 1:19:31Speaker 01

  They just have little stop signs. So you think everybody there is a midget.

• 1:19:34Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, there's midget towns though. Don't, I didn't dream that or else, listen, I don't-

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  Look up midget town Delaware.

• 1:19:41Kurt Metzger?

  Is it on the border or something?

• 1:19:45Speaker 01

  There is no town named midget town or midgetville in Delaware. You're likely thinking of midgeville locally called Delco.

• 1:19:53Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Ridley Township.

• 1:19:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's no midget town. Dude, there, there were, again, like spooky rumors about like, you know, the, the Rockford Park Tower.

• 1:20:02Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, they don't know why those little houses were there?

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:20:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, is that where they kept the kids?

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  Oh God. You hear that doozy? Why do they have little, little, little kid houses? Do you know why there were so many little people? Because Delaware had DuPont and all the chemicals got dumped into the water and it made everybody fucked up, disfigured. That's why everybody-

• 1:20:22Kurt Metzger?

  Now, it's funny you bring up the DuPonts.

• 1:20:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:25Kurt Metzger?

  Cause if you're from there, then, okay, I brought up before myself, but you, what, what did you hear about the DuPonts?

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Our water comes from like the, the water from the Delmarva power plant drop off and the fucking DuPonts poisoned everything because-

• 1:20:37Kurt Metzger?

  No, but their family-

• 1:20:38Speaker 01

  All the chemicals come, oh, they're all inbred and like, the, the rumor was that the inbred DuPont people lived on Cozart Road, which was called Devil's Road and the trees bend away from the house. Cause the house was evil and we went there at night and you'd get chased and it was scary and you'd sneak on the property and you'd be spooked out. But then you go during the day and it's just rich people on like, uh, ATVs running around. It's all lies. It's all like rumors and there was one tree that had a hole in it and that's where they put dead babies.

• 1:21:05Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, first of all-

• 1:21:06Speaker 01

  It's just like, that's just how the tree grows. And then the trees grew away from the house because the, they put a road there and the roots got messed up and it was just growing away from the road.

• 1:21:14Kurt Metzger?

  Did you grow up in Stranger Things or something? I've never had these rumors growing up. The baby tree?

• 1:21:19Speaker 01

  I've never heard of this. I'm from the first state. We've been around the longest, man.

• 1:21:23Kurt Metzger?

  So that's the most satanic one. You're, you're proving the point yourself.

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  You kind of are just now. Everything you just said is scary as fuck. But I, I know. Imagine growing up in it and then you find out about it.

• 1:21:34Kurt Metzger?

  I'm fucking in it right now, trying to explain.

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

  And then you find out it's not true.

• 1:21:37Kurt Metzger?

  You don't remember when we were kids and we killed the spider thing?

• 1:21:40Speaker 01

  You've seen the baby hole tree. Yes. When? When I was younger.

• 1:21:44Kurt Metzger?

  That's another, wait, uh, Tannenmug, that's another song that'll be on-

• 1:21:47Speaker 01

  That's our version of a bar mitzvah. You go there-

• 1:21:49Kurt Metzger?

  I've seen the baby hole tree.

• 1:21:51Speaker 01

  I've seen the baby hole tree.

• 1:21:53Kurt Metzger?

  You better listen to me.

• 1:21:55Speaker 01

  I've seen the baby hole tree.

• 1:21:56Kurt Metzger?

  Delaware doozy.

• 1:21:59Speaker 01

  I'm telling you, we should go to Delaware and go to Arden. I'll show you Devil's Road, Cozart Road and all these-

• 1:22:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my God.

• 1:22:06Speaker 01

  Tall tales. I'm not going to this place.

• 1:22:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my God, that sounds like that song, walk with me around the lake tonight.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  This, this show's not mystery boys, it's scaredy boys. How dare you, sir? I just don't wanna sully my aura with the dark forces of Arden, Delaware. Nobody wants to go to Delaware. Oh my God, Danzig. Featuring Danzig. I met him in sixth grade. I really did. He taught me how to play a bar chord on my guitar.

• 1:22:30Kurt Metzger?

  Was it weird that you were the same height?

• 1:22:34Speaker 01

  And then he invited me and my mom to his concert that night at the electric factory, but he told my mom she had to go on the tour bus to get the tickets. No way. And my mom was like, we're leaving. And I was like, I need a father. Can't you get finger banged by Danzig? Danzig was trying to bang your mom? Yeah, that's what the song, "Mother."

• 1:22:49Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we write that song down too, Danzig.

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was so nice and kind. He loves cats too. I believe it. That's why I named my cat Glenn Danzig.

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  And then Samson is my other cat named after the Regina Spector song. Well. Sorry. Holy-

• 1:23:05Kurt Metzger?

  See? That's what they, that's what they did. They confused your sexualities.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  I was going down a name association rabbit hole. I apologize.

• 1:23:12Kurt Metzger?

  I'm going down a Jesse Lee Peterson road of condemning Ian's gayness now.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:23:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:18Speaker 01

  What's that have to do with anything? I know my hands are flailing, but it's just me.

• 1:23:25Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 1:23:25Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it was just that. It was a hand thing.

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  I'm giving symbols to the people at home.

• 1:23:30Kurt Metzger?

  Um, okay, wait, I was gonna, I gotta take your aura picture.

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  Demon free guarantee. Is, wait, are, what are you making these things up or is AI doing it?

• 1:23:37Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's a good question.

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  We don't use AI here.

• 1:23:39Kurt Metzger?

  And that's why we play AI, true or fake?

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  We have a team of artists in the back to do all that stuff. You guys are so smart and quick. We don't use AI. We've got fifteen artists. Tanner's such an advanced sophomore.

• 1:23:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, let's get some aura pics of, uh, this, this. Uh, ooh.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  Oh, you should put on his devil goggles. What? Give him your goggles, man. What's a devil goggles?

• 1:23:59Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna have to do that outside.

• 1:24:00Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, what about your thing about DuPont?

• 1:24:05Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, they are inbred. That's a fact.

• 1:24:07Speaker 01

  What are you? Don't try to, no, he's trying to see if you have an aura. Are you a first amendment auditor right now? He's a sovereign citizen. Yeah, he's a sovereign citizen. This is crazy. I'm allowed to.

• 1:24:19Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, look at, his aura is looking red, dude.

• 1:24:22Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:24:24Kurt Metzger?

  That's, uh, the Museum of Darrow got me my, uh, aura lenses.

• 1:24:28Speaker 01

  I look like one of the pictures developed in Ghostbusters two of the river of slime.

• 1:24:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yes. Dude, that's exactly what it looks like.

• 1:24:34Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 1:24:36Kurt Metzger?

  It looks like the New York slime, that was from part two.

• 1:24:38Speaker 01

  Vigo.

• 1:24:40Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  Who's a spirit and a cousin of Shaxx.

• 1:24:44Kurt Metzger?

  The fa- the master of evil trying to bow my boys. It's not legal.

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:48Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:24:48Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:24:50Kurt Metzger?

  Um, okay, wait, but what were we talking about before I took your aura picture? It scared me.

• 1:24:55Speaker 01

  I don't know. You sucked out every thought I've ever had. Can you guys pull up a picture of Lansing Rice? I know, dude. The DuPont family practiced cousin to cousin marriage and breeding. They were just white Pakistanis. Oh, this isn't that one. Yeah, that's what I meant.

• 1:25:09Kurt Metzger?

  You're calling them British now? Let's slow down. We didn't do the research. Okay.

• 1:25:15Speaker 01

  Have you, did you guys have crushes on your cousins? What? Hmm?

• 1:25:18Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 1:25:19Speaker 01

  What's up, Kurt?

• 1:25:21Kurt Metzger?

  Crushing cousins. We were just thirteen.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  Did you have a crush on your cousin?

• 1:25:25Kurt Metzger?

  In Arden, Delaware, life can be mean.

• 1:25:28Speaker 01

  She was like older. Was she cute? Yeah, but like I, I had other cousins. I was around all the time, but I didn't see her a lot and she was kinda like cold. So I just always wanted her to like, love me and I couldn't say her name.

• 1:25:39Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, especially if you did not grow up together, but you said she was like a mother to you.

• 1:25:43Speaker 01

  What? Having a brief crush or noticing a family member as attractive can happen, especially if you did not grow up together.

• 1:25:50Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Like when I saw my dad's dick one time.

• 1:25:53Speaker 01

  It's complete-

• 1:26:02Kurt Metzger?

  You grow out of it.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  You grow out of it.

• 1:26:06Kurt Metzger?

  You don't gotta make a big thing about it. Get all tattooed up.

• 1:26:18Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:26:22Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:26:23Kurt Metzger?

  Why this happens. AI, why did I, why did I fuck my cousin? I'm a DuPont, AI, uh. Hey, say I'm a DuPont. Why'd it fuck my cousin?

• 1:26:34Speaker 01

  If you did not grow up together as children, your brain does not trigger the natural-

• 1:26:37Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, we grew up together all right.

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  Known as the Western mark effect. It usually prevents romantic attraction towards people you live with.

• 1:26:45Kurt Metzger?

  The DuPont effect, effect is like, no, we grew up together and-

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Well, I think the DuPonts were so rich, the cousins grew up in other houses. So they didn't grow up in proximity together. They grew up in like, faraway houses.

• 1:26:56Kurt Metzger?

  That's intent, when they intentionally inbreed like that, do you know why they're doing that?

• 1:26:59Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:27:00Kurt Metzger?

  They're breeding for certain characteristics.

• 1:27:03Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:27:03Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, because here's the thing with trauma, it, it makes you strong. Whatever you can kill, you make you strong. You know that, that's-

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:27:09Kurt Metzger?

  So they need kids that could just blast cortisol through their, you know, the world leaders of tomorrow that would be in, uh, was it Rosemont? What's the one by Arden? Rose something. That's where Mark, my nephew and stuff. Uh.

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  There's no Rosemont in Delaware.

• 1:27:23Kurt Metzger?

  It's something like that. Rose, uh, Rose Dick.

• 1:27:26Speaker 01

  Called the Rosemont. My God, that is so funny. You guys are quick.

• 1:27:31Kurt Metzger?

  I thought that, um, I thought they had a different motto, I'll be honest.

• 1:27:34Speaker 01

  That's why I had a crush on my-

• 1:27:37Kurt Metzger?

  This was, uh, I thought it was like something, oh, I didn't know what the motto was. It was like, keep on driving. Nothing to see here, but some-

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  Oh no, I think it's-

• 1:27:45Kurt Metzger?

  Arts and crafts in the marquee of the hell.

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  Wilmington's crushing state. Wilmington's, uh, motto is a place to be somebody.

• 1:27:55Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:27:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, that's because, uh, you gotta go pay homage to the old marquee if you wanna go somewhere.

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  I don't know what Del- I forget Delaware's.

• 1:28:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, did you? And you, now you've opened the box.

• 1:28:06Speaker 01

  Did somebody say incest?

• 1:28:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. Did you have a crush on your cousin?

• 1:28:14Kurt Metzger?

  You hold-

• 1:28:14Speaker 01

  Of course I did. She was a beautiful angel, lovely as hell, lovely.

• 1:28:18Kurt Metzger?

  Ian can hold Buster.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  Will you hold me in your lap? Sure. We give you kissing cousins. Oh, I like you. Mm-hmm. It's cause you haven't seen me in a while and we didn't grow up in close proximity to each other. Are you a doozy? Yeah.

• 1:28:34Speaker 01

  To deny it.

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  Oh, you gotta put me a little further towards your stomach.

• 1:28:39Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't care for Buster's.

• 1:28:45Kurt Metzger?

  The worst part of the show, always.

• 1:28:47Speaker 01

  There you go. This is a professional ventriloquist finally.

• 1:28:52Speaker 01

  How do you make his jaw move? Don't worry, you don't need to, just keep it open.

• 1:28:59Speaker 01

  It's a hole, oh, yeah, that's it. How do you make him keep secrets? I keep great secrets.

• 1:29:05Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, not about that poop.

• 1:29:08Speaker 01

  Oh, you make me wanna cut myself.

• 1:29:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Doctor.

• 1:29:13Speaker 01

  Jesus Buster.

• 1:29:15Kurt Metzger?

  Lindsey Clancy.

• 1:29:16Speaker 01

  Hate that fucking puppet so much, dude.

• 1:29:19Kurt Metzger?

  Beau Biden.

• 1:29:20Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:29:21Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:29:22Speaker 01

  Why do you hate me so much?

• 1:29:25Kurt Metzger?

  Because, well, you, I can tell you real easy.

• 1:29:27Speaker 01

  Scoop me a little to your left. I'd have been childhood, degrade me more. There you go, don't put words.

• 1:29:33Kurt Metzger?

  Why is Ian talking like Buster?

• 1:29:34Speaker 01

  Don't put words in my mouth.

• 1:29:37Kurt Metzger?

  I know I suggested that Buster said with Ian.

• 1:29:41Speaker 01

  What are you, what are you doing, man? Hey, where are you? Hey, not so fast, we haven't even, oh, ow, ow. Oh, but this is as far as your shirt goes. Oh, yeah, I guess we'll call this a wardrobe malfunction.

• 1:29:53Kurt Metzger?

  You're gonna really help him with his gags?

• 1:29:58Speaker 01

  Ta-da.

• 1:30:01Kurt Metzger?

  There's a reason he's in that fucking case, and it's that.

• 1:30:04Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:30:07Speaker 01

  Hey Ian, hey Ian, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? What? Doesn't cost $500 to have a garbanzo bean in your mouth.

• 1:30:20Speaker 01

  Surprise. Oops, whoopsie, I need to get to the gym, these moobs are really dazzling.

• 1:30:29Speaker 01

  Like you can bounce on them.

• 1:30:31Kurt Metzger?

  Will you read that, uh, head lush?

• 1:30:33Speaker 01

  Ozempic penis, males are reporting a surprising new GLP-1 side effect.

• 1:30:38Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't know what to tell you.

• 1:30:38Speaker 01

  Please say it's getting bigger.

• 1:30:42Speaker 01

  With some claiming penile growth of up to 1.5 inches.

• 1:30:46Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, you mean I've been taking Ozempic to lose weight in my penis and I've only been?

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I didn't know he was taking Ozempic. Yeah. How big this is. I have diabetes, I have no choice.

• 1:30:57Kurt Metzger?

  It's not funny because it looks like you're just holding your truck nuts.

• 1:31:02Kurt Metzger?

  You didn't even try to make it, well, don't it?

• 1:31:05Speaker 01

  Are you jealous? Do you wanna hold them? You can hold my dick. Here, you can hold them. Come on. Let him hold my dick.

• 1:31:10Kurt Metzger?

  It's not yours, it's Bert's, number one. I don't think, now, I wouldn't disrespect Bert's dick.

• 1:31:14Speaker 01

  Come on now, don't be shy. Come on, his chest looks like Kurt's face.

• 1:31:17Kurt Metzger?

  I don't care if you're his nephew or not, dude, you don't disrespect Bert's dick like that?

• 1:31:21Speaker 01

  Roman soldiers used to do this at the end of a podcast. They'd hold each other's dicks. Come on.

• 1:31:29Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, wait, they're debunking it, do you wanna doozy it up?

• 1:31:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, kitty, kitty, kitty. Doozy it, doozy it. Yeah, kitty, kitty.

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  You're fucked up Buster, don't, don't hold him. What, what's the matter with you? When'd you get so sex negative? It's just a dick.

• 1:31:49Kurt Metzger?

  Is that really Bert's dick?

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  It's just Bert Crusher's dick.

• 1:31:53Speaker 03

  There's a thing on the mantle that's definitely not family friendly.

• 1:31:56Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a [BLEEP]. Why's that bother you, Bert Crusher's dick? He's the machine.

• 1:32:04Speaker 01

  I stole, I stole this penis on a Russian train. Oh, wow, man, what a journey we've been on today.

• 1:32:11Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I don't know what the fuck just happened, but, uh, and I don't even know when this aired, if I'm being honest.

• 1:32:17Speaker 01

  Ian, you got any dates coming up? Yeah, um.

• 1:32:21Kurt Metzger?

  Just stick him in there and slam him in it.

• 1:32:22Speaker 01

  Hey, no, wait a minute, I don't wanna talk about incest. No, you're like the Alice in Chains song, man in the box. It goes in the front, I don't wanna talk about incest, stay on.

• 1:32:33Speaker 01

  We're closing you up like DuPont family secrets. Uh, IanFinance.com for all my dates, Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs, my travel show out here on the YMH network. Every other Tuesday, youtube.com/IanFinanceComedy with YMH. I went to AW Wrestling and I did a two-day shoot where they taught me how to build the ring and the next day they put me in a little outfit and chokeslam me. No way. Yeah, it was so fun. A little outfit? Yeah, like, um. Well, you have to wear like wrestler pants? Yeah, like, dress like the Ultimate Warrior, they gave me like tassels and stuff.

• 1:33:03Speaker 01

  God damn. It was cool, yeah. Be sure to watch that, guys, you on sweat? Huh? Huh? Yeah, I sweat. I do too. Yeah.

• 1:33:14Speaker 01

  Kurt?

• 1:33:15Kurt Metzger?

  Um, well, all I can say is that was a real doozy, wasn't it?

• 1:33:21Kurt Metzger?

  Thank you, uh.

• 1:33:23Speaker 01

  Thanks for letting me come on.

• 1:33:24Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wait, put his aura up before we go, we just wanna diagnose real quick before we go.

• 1:33:27Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:33:28Kurt Metzger?

  We'll show you Tanner's and yours, just show you your chart.

• 1:33:32Speaker 01

  Do we have like a baseline typical healthy aura to show first?

• 1:33:36Kurt Metzger?

  We have Tanner's. Let's throw Tanner's aura photos up, uh, first, again, Museum of Taro, thank you for getting us, this is important equipment.

• 1:33:44Speaker 01

  Thank you, Museum of Taro, namaste.

• 1:33:46Kurt Metzger?

  In time for a real live doozy from Delaware. Now, this was a normal picture with Tanner, a pretty fairly common, uh.

• 1:33:53Speaker 01

  Fairly common Tanner?

• 1:33:54Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of magentas, a lot of, uh, the color of space movie that they made recently, the Beechfield Lovecraft, do you remember that?

• 1:34:00Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:34:01Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, uh, let's see what else. Okay, now here's where we saw some problem areas on Tanner.

• 1:34:06Speaker 01

  Like a claw or something is grabbing him.

• 1:34:07Kurt Metzger?

  I assume that is the driving force inside a Filipino that makes him get nailed across his once a year, you know that weird thing they do? Not although Tanner does it, but you could see it's, it's exerting, it's sneaking up on him.

• 1:34:18Speaker 01

  Have you ever been crucified Tanner?

• 1:34:21Speaker 04

  I think one time.

• 1:34:23Speaker 01

  Do you have signs of the stigmata, Tanner?

• 1:34:25Speaker 04

  It was like, it's like past trauma, kinda like, it's like carried down, it's like I feel it inside, but it might not, like, it was just like a past.

• 1:34:32Kurt Metzger?

  That could be the demon-like claws, uh, gripping your shoulders even as we speak.

• 1:34:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I can feel them sometimes.

• 1:34:38Kurt Metzger?

  Now, let's have a look at Ian. Go on.

• 1:34:41Speaker 01

  Here we go. Yeah.

• 1:34:43Kurt Metzger?

  Do you have it? I texted him to you. Oh my god, they didn't go through, that's very suspicious.

• 1:34:50Kurt Metzger?

  That's.

• 1:34:51Speaker 01

  What is that? Why, why don't you guys have it? You should have it. Yeah, what happened?

• 1:34:54Speaker 04

  You gave it to me, I got it, I got it.

• 1:34:56Speaker 01

  You sure?

• 1:34:56Speaker 04

  Just never notified me.

• 1:34:58Kurt Metzger?

  Does your phone feel hotter?

• 1:34:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, it feels heavier too.

• 1:35:01Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's a sign, the density, uh.

• 1:35:04Speaker 01

  Does that mean I have a heavy spirit?

• 1:35:06Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. 666 carbon, you know, the material, pure material.

• 1:35:13Speaker 01

  I'm a material girl.

• 1:35:15Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I don't know what kinda ghost hands you got on you, but I bet they look like Bert Crusher's dick is on your shoulder.

• 1:35:20Speaker 01

  Oh my goodness. It's a healthy dick.

• 1:35:22Kurt Metzger?

  If I, I have a good sight.

• 1:35:25Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, the balls are.

• 1:35:28Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I mean, if you like, uh.

• 1:35:29Speaker 01

  It ain't gonna hit the back.

• 1:35:30Kurt Metzger?

  If, if you, somebody's, hey.

• 1:35:34Kurt Metzger?

  If so, if a guy's fixing your plate, what do you like, mostly balls?

• 1:35:38Speaker 01

  Oh, god. What demon is this?

• 1:35:42Kurt Metzger?

  So, this is, uh, the doozy.

• 1:35:44Speaker 01

  So it's red, it's like, almost like a blood red.

• 1:35:47Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, engorged, he looks frankly turgid.

• 1:35:50Speaker 01

  This is demon ball sack face, he does not.

• 1:35:54Kurt Metzger?

  It looks like if I took your glasses off, your nose and mustache would come with it.

• 1:35:59Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:35:59Kurt Metzger?

  That's what it looks like, and.

• 1:36:01Speaker 01

  Let's put his dates, can you guys superimpose his dates over this? Oh my god, this is so weird.

• 1:36:06Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  This is every nightmare I've ever had about my own face coming true.

• 1:36:14Kurt Metzger?

  It's aura, it's called aura.

• 1:36:17Speaker 01

  But what's my aura say?

• 1:36:20Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know, it says red, I, I didn't read the instructions on this, I've just been playing.

• 1:36:24Speaker 01

  November 13th, the Armory. Wait, no, go to my current dates. In Springfield, that's a far, that's a long way.

• 1:36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I'm in. November 14th.

• 1:36:31Speaker 01

  Grand Rapids, Michigan this weekend.

• 1:36:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, here we go.

• 1:36:37Kurt Metzger?

  Circle jerk.

• 1:36:38Speaker 01

  Ian Fidance, well, look, why are you already red in there? What is up? Oh, no, go to tour.

• 1:36:47Kurt Metzger?

  Well, a lot of people don't mix red and lavender together like that.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  What the fuck, dude? I'm finding out right now, none of my fucking tour dates are on, oh, oh, no, no, go to all, cuz I think that just put them, this is very infuriating to me.

• 1:36:58Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 1:36:59Speaker 01

  Go to tour, go to tour, yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go to tour, yes, and then go down, go down, go down, okay, see all, okay, yeah, yeah, all shows, there we go.

• 1:37:08Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 1:37:10Speaker 01

  August 13th, Dr. Grin's. Mm-hmm, and then I'm in Winnipeg, Manitoba, and then I'm down.

• 1:37:17Kurt Metzger?

  Ooh, Winnipeg.

• 1:37:18Speaker 01

  At the Milwaukee Improv, Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin, stoked for that, uh, Philly Helium in November. You forgot Saratoga.

• 1:37:27Kurt Metzger?

  Why, you're gonna see some fucking bitches?

• 1:37:28Speaker 01

  Saratoga Springs, yes, then I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina, Dallas, Texas. Uh, I'm on the road every weekend till fucking the new year, at the end of the year, December 31st, January 2nd, Pittsburgh Improv.

• 1:37:41Kurt Metzger?

  All right, go ahead and cross check that against missing persons too in the areas, please, still, it's best to be on the safe side.

• 1:37:47Speaker 01

  This was yesterday's episode, we'll see you guys last week.

• 1:37:51Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, next week.

• 1:37:53Speaker 01

  Next week.

• 1:37:54Kurt Metzger?

  We'll see you. Oh.

• 1:38:31Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side, but Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors, he's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor, she's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com, not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.