Janelle James

Actress, writer, and comedian Janelle James feels excited about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Janelle sits down with Conan to discuss her breakout role as Ava Coleman on Abbott Elementary, falling in with a crowd of all-star comics, and her family’s unexpected reaction to her TV stardom. Plus, Conan, Matt, and Sona offer wise words to a distracted student as they Review the Reviewers. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

  When it comes to insurance, Farmers doesn't like surprises. That's why there's Farmers coverage on a page. What is it you ask? Did you ask? I don't think you did, but let's pretend you did.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, what is that?

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

  That's good, because sometimes it gets confusing, you know? What am I covered for, what am I not? Here, it's all on a page. Does your insurance do that? Get a quote to get started at Farmers.com. Don't be confused, don't wonder. Farmers makes it pretty clear. Underwritten by Farmers Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or affiliate. Products not available in every state.

• 0:39Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids, or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you gotta get them their stuff.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year, you feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at Amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Hi, my name is Janelle James, and I feel excited

• 1:39Speaker 02

  about being Conan O'Brien's friend. I heard he has a lot of money.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  I did, and I invested it badly. Can I redo my? No.

• 1:52Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm coming in with a lot of energy. I've been away for a little bit.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:17Conan O'Brien?

  I was in Boston, my old hometown of Brookline, Mass.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Oh, how was that?

• 2:21Conan O'Brien?

  It was, uh, it was great. Got to see, you know, a bunch of my peeps, my old gang that I used to run with.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  What were you guys called?

• 2:28Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. What's that?

• 2:29Speaker 03

  What was your gang called?

• 2:30Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it was a pretty tough gang. We wore lacoste shirts.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 2:33Conan O'Brien?

  Studied hard for our PSATs.

• 2:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we were the PSAT gang. Oh, cool.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  That's, that's tight.

• 2:41Conan O'Brien?

  That's cool. Uh. So scary. Yeah, it was really scary. Yeah. We used to run around. Sometimes we'd just maladjust someone's cap on their head.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 2:49Conan O'Brien?

  Without their permission. No way. Yeah.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Did you have a nickname?

• 2:51Conan O'Brien?

  We'd give it a little twist. What's that?

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Did you have a nickname in the, in the gang?

• 2:54Conan O'Brien?

  Mine?

• 2:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:55Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I guess. I don't want to talk about it. It's a little, it's a little. Little bones. You know?

• 3:00Speaker 03

  It's a past life. You don't want to go back to that.

• 3:03Conan O'Brien?

  They used to call me Colonel Baum.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Colonel Baum?

• 3:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he was a Revolutionary War, uh, general, uh, and he was a, well, he was a German.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  Is this what the gang was like? Cause?

• 3:13Conan O'Brien?

  Everyone had to be named after a different Revolutionary War general. He was a German, uh, who was sent, uh, to fight on behalf of the British. And he was ambushed, I think, up in New Hampshire.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  So you guys would rumble and just, you would come to victory by boring people?

• 3:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, pretty much, pretty much. But I was Colonel Baum and you just had different people who were, uh, different members of the British fighting forces. Cool. That's so cool. It's the coolest gang.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  Sexy too, a little sexy, huh?

• 3:39Conan O'Brien?

  So hot.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:39Conan O'Brien?

  If anyone got laid, they were kicked out of the, out of the gang. That's the number one rule.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  And yet, no one did.

• 3:46Conan O'Brien?

  No, we lost one good guy that way.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 3:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and he just came looking at a woman on screen, but that counted. Any orgasm of any kind meant you were out of the gang.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Even on your own?

• 3:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but you know what? Colonel Baum here. Still in the gang. Still in the gang to this day. Wow. Yeah, still in the gang. There have been a couple of times where I've seen an ad for cocoa and an attractive woman is serving it. Yeah. And I'm like, restrain oneself. It's just you and all these 15 year olds. Yeah. The new, new, the new hires. Yeah. Anyway, no, it was, it was, you know, good to get back there. And I have to say, wandering around Newbury Street in Boston. I ran into so many people who listen to the podcast who all said, hey, tell Matt, tell Sonny I said hi. Oh, that's nice. They said it in those accents, but still, the message came across. And I heard a great phrase, which is Newbury Street. You remember Newbury Street? Yeah, of course. It's where all the shops are in downtown Boston. I love that area.

• 4:41Conan O'Brien?

  And I heard a great phrase, and then I attribute this to the singer from the Mighty Mighty Boss Stones, Dicky Barrett. Announcer for Kimmel for many, many years. Someone took a footage of me walking down Newbury Street while I was there and put it up. People in Boston were seeing it and saying, hey, I saw you on Newbury Street. And Dicky Barrett told my brother Luke, he was like, damn, I just saw this footage of Conan. And kind of in the, in the vein of why can't they leave him alone, you know? Yeah. And he said, you know, guy can't even shoot the noob in peace. And that was, and I was like, shoot the noob? Who? Walk down Newbury Street is shoot the noob. Oh, that's cool. And I thought, that is the coolest phrase. And just to shout out to Boston, next time, maybe this is something they all say. I didn't know that. Shoot the noob?

• 5:25Conan O'Brien?

  But I doffed my cap to, to Dicky Barrett, who said, shoot the noob, Conan can't even shoot the noob. Without people giving him a hot time. Do you say it now? I say it all the time. Do you ever shoot the larch? Uh, here on Larchmont? No. You can't, you can't, no, no, you can't. No, it's not the same. Yeah, yeah. You can, yeah, it's not the same, but shoot the noob. The mont? I, so Liza joined me on the trip. I started saying maybe every 20 minutes, the way I do. Oh, no. Hey, Liza, you wanna shoot? You wanna shoot the noob? Hey Liza, we're shooting the noob.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Poor Liza.

• 5:55Conan O'Brien?

  Let's go shoot the noob and maybe I'll find an orthotic insert.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Oh, you're awful.

• 5:59Conan O'Brien?

  I'm awful. And she got to a point where she's like, just no more shoot the noob for a while. But I love shoot the noob. So if you're in Boston or you're gonna visit Boston, I want to do a public service announcement for the city that says, hey, when you're in Boston, shoot the noob!

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Hey, you just did it, I think. They're gonna just clip that out and like, use it for tourism.

• 6:19Conan O'Brien?

  Not without my permission.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 6:20Conan O'Brien?

  And the cost? Fifteen million dollars. Yeah.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. I'll do it.

• 6:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Shoot the n- Boston. Oh, it's my Boston. Hey Boston, shoot the noob!

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, what? That's your Boston? Shoot the noob!

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Shoot the wicked noob! Hey!

• 6:36Conan O'Brien?

  Wicked pisser.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to do Boston.

• 6:39Conan O'Brien?

  No, you did it. That's the whole, it's the attitude.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Shoot the wicked noob.

• 6:44Conan O'Brien?

  What are you doing? What are you doing?

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Shoot the wicked noob! Hey! I'm from Bos- Boston!

• 6:51Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, isn't it? The noob was ayy! It's a pretty good Gilbert Gottfried impression. Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Go Sock!

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  Go shoot the, say shoot the noob and then say aflock.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Aflock! Go, let's go to Fenway Park and shoot the noob!

• 7:04Conan O'Brien?

  I want to get that, maybe it's a thing they all say, but I love it. We gotta think of something for, for Larchmont, but nothing, noob. Nothing's gonna...

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Larch, let's larch it up. Go larch.

• 7:15Conan O'Brien?

  March the larch!

• 7:16Speaker 01

  March the larch is dorky.

• 7:18Conan O'Brien?

  March the larch.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, he just went for that and then you said it was dorky.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  You don't march, anything with march, I think sounds a little dorky.

• 7:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and a little fascist.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Oh, that's true.

• 7:27Conan O'Brien?

  We must march on the larch!

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't like it. Okay.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  What about lope? Lope the larch?

• 7:34Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean lope the larch?

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Lope?

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, lope? You know, like, the word lope? Lope?

• 7:38Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I love?

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Oh, no!

• 7:40Conan O'Brien?

  You know what my favorite play quality is? When you choose to seize the mic. That's my favorite quality of yours. You lurch forward and you seize the mic as if you just cracked E equals mc squared. Lurch the larch! Oh.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 7:55Conan O'Brien?

  No, stretch your arch on the larch.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Hey!

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, that? You go for that?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Stretch your arch on the larch! Strut, arch it on the lurch.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  That's like a public service announcement.

• 8:06Conan O'Brien?

  Guys, all I know is that when I was in Boston, you know what I did? Ask me what I did.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  What'd you do?

• 8:11Conan O'Brien?

  You can't do it that way. You can't say "shop the noob." No, it doesn't work.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Hey, what are you gonna do tonight?

• 8:15Conan O'Brien?

  Shoot the noob!

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Oh, he's gonna shoot the noob!

• 8:19Speaker 01

  Hey, we packed!

• 8:20Conan O'Brien?

  And then get a Remy dog.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  I don't know what that is.

• 8:23Conan O'Brien?

  What is that?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  What's a Remy dog?

• 8:25Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, it's a hot dog.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Oh, that's it?

• 8:28Conan O'Brien?

  Named after Jerry Remy. It's Jerry Remy. Don't say "who's Jerry Remy." That's gonna piss me off. Okay?

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Say it again, cuz I need to ask it.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Who's Jerry Remy?

• 8:37Conan O'Brien?

  Second baseman, Boston Red Sox, iconic, also a great announcer, and inventor of the Remy dog.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  He made hot dogs?

• 8:45Speaker 03

  What's special about the Remy dog?

• 8:47Conan O'Brien?

  It's named after Jerry Remy.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  But there's nothing...

• 8:49Speaker 01

  What did he do with it?

• 8:50Conan O'Brien?

  It's infused with the essence of Jerry Remy, that's all you need to know.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Like his ashes?

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Or his...

• 8:54Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, don't... This is getting dark, and I don't like that.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  I don't know, is he dead? Is he alive?

• 8:59Conan O'Brien?

  He has passed on to his great reward, but somewhere, he's in heaven, eating and sharing a Remy dog with Christ.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Wait a minute, there's nothing... Like, he didn't add in the video?

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  This is getting into stuff that I'm sure is proprietary to the Remy family, and I don't wanna get into that.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:13Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, we are shedding listeners because we're getting way too local, way too parochial. We can't do that. We've gotta open it up.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  You did the "shoot the noob" thing.

• 9:22Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I know, and I thought we got away with it, and then we went down this wormhole of Jerry Remy, Remy dog, Fenway Park. This is all important stuff to me.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:31Conan O'Brien?

  But we are shedding people right now.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  You guys wanna talk about Whittier?

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Yay, Whittier!

• 9:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Whittier College, Richard Nixon, baby!

• 9:39Speaker 03

  That's where we met Pat Nixon at the theater.

• 9:42Conan O'Brien?

  That's right.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, the Rocky Cola Cafe in uptown.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  It's gone now. Whittier where the girls are prettier.

• 9:48Conan O'Brien?

  That's right. Yeah. And, never shittier than in Whittier.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  What exactly is never shittier?

• 9:56Conan O'Brien?

  Show your tittier on Whittier.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Oh, come on.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Look, all of these were circulating in Whittier many, many years ago.

• 10:02Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sure they are, yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Show your tittier.

• 10:06Conan O'Brien?

  I'd pity her were she from Whittier.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  You could say, show that you are tittier in Whittier.

• 10:12Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  How are you tittier? Like, you are tittier, you're tittier?

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  I'm running through this through.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  You have like four?

• 10:18Conan O'Brien?

  Guess what?

• 10:19Speaker 01

  You have like four titties?

• 10:20Conan O'Brien?

  I'm running this through the latest advanced chat GPT and it says this is the worst segment ever on a podcast.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Okay, well, you said tittier in Whittier. I'm just trying to figure out how you can get tittier.

• 10:29Conan O'Brien?

  I contributed any good to this.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:31Conan O'Brien?

  But I did shoot the nope. All right. Let's get into it.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Let's do it.

• 10:37Conan O'Brien?

  All right. My guest today is a hilarious actress, writer and comedian who stars as Principal Ava Coleman. Such a funny character in the hit ABC series Abbott Elementary. She is so good. I'm thrilled she's here today.

• 10:55Conan O'Brien?

  Janelle James, welcome.

• 11:00Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, I'm going to describe the vibe here right now. You maybe see it if you're watching this on video.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I feel like I'm smoking you out now.

• 11:07Conan O'Brien?

  What is this that's happening right now? You've lit some incense.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  You never know who entered the room before you. You know what I mean? And I wanted a clean slate with my new friend Conan O'Brien, so I brought some incense.

• 11:18Conan O'Brien?

  This is nice. What is the scent we're getting here?

• 11:20Speaker 02

  This is Palo Santo.

• 11:22Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:23Conan O'Brien?

  What are we getting from this scent? I'm not a connoisseur of scents. Cleansing.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Uh, good energy. A little jump off talking point.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's great if that was the scent.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Jump off talking point.

• 11:43Conan O'Brien?

  Jump off talking point for podcasts.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Icebreaker, yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  Icebreaker.

• 11:49Conan O'Brien?

  Hints of icebreaker. Some tones of funny bit we could do.

• 11:56Conan O'Brien?

  It does feel like a small fire broke out in the podcast studio.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  If anytime you want me to put it out, I am.

• 12:01Conan O'Brien?

  No. I know, I'm liking this right now.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  It's going right towards you, so you probably need some cleansing. I was gonna say, what does this mean?

• 12:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's sensing a black hole of me. Yeah, it's weird. There is no like wind in here. It's just seriously going straight to me. It's going right to my fat head.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  That's why I moved it, and it's going right to you.

• 12:19Conan O'Brien?

  No matter where you move it, it's going to come to me, because it senses a vacuum here. It senses pain.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  Are you anxious today?

• 12:25Conan O'Brien?

  Am I just anxious in general? Yes.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Facts. Same. That's why I walk around with incense like a weirdo.

• 12:32Conan O'Brien?

  Well, let me paint the picture.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  It's still going right to him. I saw it. Let us pray.

• 12:38Conan O'Brien?

  Every time you move it, the smoke makes a beeline.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  It's in a U-turn.

• 12:44Conan O'Brien?

  Must heal creature. Must heal creature. That is weird.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  She said it's for cleansing, right? Yeah, it is. What's it cleansing over here?

• 12:53Conan O'Brien?

  It's not working yet. It's got a lot to do. You need to bring in a giant bundle of these and light them all at the same time.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  I'll do the whole studio for you.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  So, Janelle, I'm at this event, and I practically run smack into you, and...

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Facts.

• 13:08Conan O'Brien?

  So, what's that?

• 13:09Speaker 02

  No, facts.

• 13:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. You did almost run right into me.

• 13:14Conan O'Brien?

  Is that purpose? You know, I see attractive women sometimes. I just try and do the old, hey, what the heck? I'm sorry I bumped into you. I love you.

• 13:24Conan O'Brien?

  Then you can't get meat too, you know? It was just I bumped into you. It was an accident.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  And here I am. That's your worst. That's your worst.

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, I ran into you. I was so happy to see you because you're very funny, and you're very funny in an original way. Oh, I appreciate that. And I was so happy to cross paths with you, and you were there, David.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  I was.

• 13:46Conan O'Brien?

  And I said, I must have Janelle on the podcast.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, you called me over immediately.

• 13:51Conan O'Brien?

  I called you over immediately and said, can you just make this happen? And you said, well, I don't think I can. You started bumbering. It's so nice to have you here.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  He was real standoffish. You were nice. Yeah. He was like, I don't know. I remember. I try to be as real as possible. Yeah.

• 14:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know what's nice is Matt Gourley is out today. That's not the nice part.

• 14:12Conan O'Brien?

  But boy, what a nice break.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  Poor Gourley when he edits this.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  Oh, nice, Gourley.

• 14:17Conan O'Brien?

  We all love Matt Gourley, but you are sitting in, in his stead, David. And you're a big fan. You're a big fan of Chanel's, as is Sona.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 14:26Conan O'Brien?

  As am I. So we've got, I mean, you've got a packed house right here. Eduardo over there. Big fan.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  I appreciate it. I feel the love.

• 14:32Conan O'Brien?

  Blay, not so much, because you're not in Star Wars.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 14:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Let's manifest.

• 14:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. As I said, your portrayal of Ava on Abbott Elementary, it brings me a lot of happiness because I think it's a very tricky thing to pull off. The self-involved, maybe, not villain, I'm not gonna say villain, but a character.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  For a sitcom, I'm a villain.

• 14:58Conan O'Brien?

  For a sitcom, you're a villain. And so you're walking this line, but you do it beautifully. And in a way where I think, this is great. This character is inept, vainglorious, has all these flaws. But you're very funny doing it, consistently funny. And you keep hitting different notes, and I'm just very happy.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Well, thank you so much, Conan.

• 15:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, really happy for you. Yeah, and, yeah. I don't, my, my opinion might not mean anything, but seriously.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  What are you talking about? I don't know if you saw the, um, the WGA Awards last year, and I had a joke in there where I said, uh, what's funny about late night? And I said, I don't know. Is Conan here? He's funny. And I got a little flack for that. I am a huge fan of yours.

• 15:40Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's very nice.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I'm a huge fan of yours, and your opinion made, that, that really made my day.

• 15:44Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, I'm also, um, I know that your, your, your story is a great story. It really is a great, it is. You came to your success after a lot of hard work and struggle. And I love those stories. I really do. I think, I just won a contest. But I think.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Aww.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  How'd you win?

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Aww, you did.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  What did you do before you won?

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:08Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I was a male stripper.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:11Conan O'Brien?

  I was in Thunder Down Under, and Lorne Michaels saw me grinding it.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Don't.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  I knew he was into that.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Don't disparage the name of Thunder from Down Under, please.

• 16:20Conan O'Brien?

  Or Lorne Michaels.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, that too, but more importantly, thunder from down under.

• 16:25Conan O'Brien?

  No, but um, let's just talk about the backstory a little bit, cuz you're born in St. Thomas.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:32Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, in the Virgin Islands.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  I am.

• 16:35Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  Was.

• 16:36Conan O'Brien?

  You were.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:37Conan O'Brien?

  You're still being born. We're all still being born.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Hey, if you think about it.

• 16:40Conan O'Brien?

  Do you?

• 16:43Conan O'Brien?

  At what age do you start to think I'm funny?

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Oh, shoot.

• 16:46Conan O'Brien?

  Always?

• 16:47Speaker 02

  No, not till adulthood.

• 16:48Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think I was a, um, yeah, everybody get that class clown question or whatever. I don't think.

• 16:54Conan O'Brien?

  I was not a class clown.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't, I don't, I know I was like always a jerk, you know, like a little, like a smart ass.

• 17:02Conan O'Brien?

  Right, but you were funny. You could make your friends laugh.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  I don't remember. I don't know if I'm just old. I don't remember like.

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's all this incense.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Facts.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Could be.

• 17:13Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember till adulthood, people being like, you're hilarious. I don't, yeah, I don't, I was like a nerdy bookworm. Growing up, but I've always just been.

• 17:26Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sensing a kindred spirit here.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've just always been in adult business. I know that, like, uh, listening to what's going on, curious about everything, and then having something to report. That was my thing, and just being like sarcastic with it. And I think I became funny, so just people would listen to me state all my facts that I knew.

• 17:46Conan O'Brien?

  That works. It's a survival instinct.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, you move, how old are you when you moved to?

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Sixteen.

• 17:52Conan O'Brien?

  And you moved to Maryland?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then I was there four year, and then I moved to New York. Um, cuz I loved Madonna and.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  And she had that, that, uh, movie.

• 18:04Conan O'Brien?

  She had that song, Come to New York?

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Come to New York.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  What was that, Who's That Girl?

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  I remember watching that when I was like five or something, like just being obsessed with her and being obsessed with New York, and was like, I'm gonna move there, and just like be like Madonna, just like bopping down the street, having a New York life. And so moved to New York, uh, did every hustle in the book that people do.

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  Let's hear some of the hustles, cuz.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Man.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  I worked in a salon in the fashion industry. I worked in a law firm. I worked hosting in many restaurants, a waitress in many restaurants. I worked in many hair salons as receptionist and like shampoo girl and all those things. I worked at, oh frick, what's the Howard Stern Strip Club?

• 18:54Speaker 02

  You know what I'm talking about.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  Is it named after him?

• 18:56Speaker 02

  No, what is that?

• 18:57Conan O'Brien?

  Scores.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Scores. I worked at Scores as a humidor, which is a cigar girl.

• 19:03Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so that means you you walk around with a tray of cigars?

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Too, too, too prudish to, to, to get naked, but I wish I, I did when I still had that body. But, um, yeah, humidor.

• 19:16Conan O'Brien?

  I was a humidor guy when I was in Thunder Down Under.

• 19:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. They wouldn't let me take my shirt off. I did once and they, three people went to the hospital.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  You blinded them.

• 19:32Conan O'Brien?

  They were like, I see a lot of white and then blue veins.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Am I dead?

• 19:40Speaker 02

  What else did I do? I started, I started many like home hustles. I, I taught sewing lessons in my house. I threw like parties in my house for like entry because I had no furniture. So I was like, what can I do all this empty space in this apartment? I threw, I threw parties. I started a, a personal chef. This is when, uh.

• 19:59Conan O'Brien?

  So enterprising.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  I know.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Because I grew up, my dad had a restaurant, so I know how to cook. I don't like to anymore, but I, I'm a, so I knew how to cook and I, I'm just, I'm just like, what skills do I have that can I turn into money? That's what New York was for me. And so I started this, this is when all the, uh, the startups, startups were going. Yeah, like WeWork and all that shit opened. So I started doing like personal chef for all these like, you know, eight person offices. I would go in and cook lunch for them and.

• 20:26Conan O'Brien?

  I will cook your food, then wash your hair.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Whatever you need.

• 20:29Conan O'Brien?

  Then offer you a cigar.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  Whatever you need, baby.

• 20:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  That was called the joy of not cooking. I just remember that, yeah. So yeah, many things. And in between there, got married, had a baby. And then I moved to follow the man to the Midwest, which is where I started comedy.

• 20:47Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:47Conan O'Brien?

  So the whole time that you're doing what you call hustles, just jobs, you're doing all these different jobs. You're trying everything.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Sometimes at the same time.

• 20:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and you are, you know, you're earning your way. Is it in the back of your head while that's all happening, I've got to get into a performing life?

• 21:03Speaker 02

  No, not at all.

• 21:04Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 21:05Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, okay.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  So my ex-husband, he would say, so when I had that empty apartment, he would come over and we would, you know, imbibe and we would get high. And I don't know how else to say that. And I'd be running my mouth as I do. And he would say, you're hilarious. He's the first person I remember being like, oh, you should do something with that. And I'm like, what a clown. Like, what do I do being hilarious? It never crossed my mind.

• 21:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  It really, it really didn't. Performing or I never did like stage play, nothing, nothing performance wise. Life is a performance. I will say, my dad had like a restaurant on the beach. That's where I grew up. We started as a food truck and then it turned into a restaurant. And so our performance, me and my siblings, of which I'm the oldest of nine, we were the kids that come up to you on vacation and sell you shit. That's my first performing, like, hey.

• 21:55Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta have game.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Aren't you thirsty?

• 21:57Conan O'Brien?

  You have to be able to talk, yeah, yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  You know, like, oh, quench your thirst with this bucket of Bakari or whatever, you know? So I, we were always performing like, oh, just poor island kids, you know? You know, that kind of thing. So I've always been like outgoing in that way.

• 22:19Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  What?

• 22:22Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm going to try and make apple cider.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 22:26Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:27Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 22:34Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:39Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:41Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 22:49Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about like making apple cider. And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason, high-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 22:58Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 22:59Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:00Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 23:12Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:13Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 23:18Speaker 01

  My god.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 23:23Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by Ucla of Speed Test Intelligence data, first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:51Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:59Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 24:00Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 24:05Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe...

• 24:08Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries. Remember?

• 24:10Speaker 01

  I know. Yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 24:13Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit RobertHalf.com/salaryguide.

• 24:34Conan O'Brien?

  Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Me, too.

• 24:43Conan O'Brien?

  You can try rules like no sipping until the appetizer arrives, or you tell your friend, "Don't let me touch my glass." But every time, you're staring at an empty glass. So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:01Conan O'Brien?

  Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 25:14Conan O'Brien?

  So you're in the Midwest and you decide you'll go to an open mic night? What did you do?

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Yep, somebody handed me a flyer in the grocery store. And I came home, I put it on the table. And my ex-husband said, what's that? And I was like, some guy handed it to me. He was like, you should go. Like, because, you know, I went there for him. He was going to school. And so I didn't, I hadn't really been leaving the house or anything. So he's like, you should go, go outside. And I went and I watched. It was my first time seeing a comedy open mic. I had no idea like how comedians start or practice or anything like that, or that that happens. And I was laughing, so they wanted me to come back. They were like, come back next week. And by the way, you can do some time. You could do four minutes if you want next week. And I was like, what does that mean? They told me, you write your material, you can do four minutes. And so that's what I did. I came back the next week, I did four minutes.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  I got my first laugh. I was like, this is it. I loved it.

• 26:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  And I just started doing it every week. Started hanging out with those dudes, like five white boys. We started traveling around. Yeah, not in a van. Were we in a Volvo station wagon? Going to like the different clubs around.

• 26:23Conan O'Brien?

  Did you work out a set?

• 26:24Speaker 02

  I did.

• 26:25Conan O'Brien?

  Or did you have a lot of improvisation in your set?

• 26:28Speaker 02

  No, no improvisation. I was really like, so my, at that time, my dad was dying. And I think a lot of comedians start from some traumatic, you know, shit. And so I was just kind of working that out. So my first 10 minutes or whatever that I built up was about my dad dying. And, but then also like a lot of starting comedians, I started getting like book gigs. Like, yeah, I got 30 minutes, you know, that kind of thing. And so I had to improvise in that way. But I don't, I don't think I was good, but I was doing it. So, yeah. And then, yeah, my home club is the Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria. I started hanging out there. That's the home of Richard Pryor, if you don't know.

• 27:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  And that's where I met like all the traveling comedians. And the first person to take me on the road was Todd Barry. Who saw me there and then

• 27:16Conan O'Brien?

  Love Todd Barry.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then where I was was a college town, so all the big comics would come through. And so Todd then told Rob Delaney, I was gonna open for Rob Delaney. Todd told him, like, make sure you watch your opener. And I remember like doing my set and Rob Delaney's like at the back of the room with his arms crossed. And then he was like, hey, do you want a tour of me? So I went with him and he was like huge on Twitter then. And so I got to like two years in, do these like sold out, 3,000, you know, seat, back to back shows with him and then Hannibal. I just started going with different people. And so by the time I got back to New York, Todd had said, hey, if you're ever in New York, look me up. And I showed up and I was like, remember you said? He was like, no.

• 27:58Conan O'Brien?

  No man, no man.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 28:02Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, man, no man.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  But since you're stalking me, come to my birthday party. That's where I met Eugene Merman and then I started hanging out with them and

• 28:12Conan O'Brien?

  It's so funny how

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Chris and Shaw and all those people.

• 28:14Conan O'Brien?

  This is, there's this, and I think it's a common story. I can certainly relate to it. You spend your early years in what feels like the wilderness. And you're wandering around, you don't think anyone's like you. And then you get into a certain little, I don't know, tide pool or something. You meet one person and then that seems to be the reality for a little bit. And then you meet one other person, another person. And suddenly you're wired into this community.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:41Conan O'Brien?

  And it's a beautiful thing.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  I was like, whoa, comedians, you know, I don't know about cool, but yeah, like.

• 28:47Conan O'Brien?

  Let me see, Todd Barry, Eugene Merman, as cool as can be.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  But like laughing and hanging out, the extended adolescence, you know? I luckily came in when everybody was on the wagon, so I missed all the alcoholism and drug shit.

• 29:05Conan O'Brien?

  There's still time.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm sure.

• 29:09Conan O'Brien?

  But you know, that's interesting because everyone you've mentioned is a really funny Hannibal. All these people you're mentioning are.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  And unique.

• 29:16Conan O'Brien?

  Unique, funny people. And so you start, it's also a school.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:21Conan O'Brien?

  Because you can watch other people and you can understand different rhythms. And it's, I always think it's the same thing as music. And you're just around.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  I mean, I always say after I met Todd, I did Todd Barry for like a year, very stoic, didn't move around.

• 29:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  And he taught me a lot about the road, how to get paid, make sure you're getting paid. Like.

• 29:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 02

  Those two things are the most important. And.

• 29:42Conan O'Brien?

  I've worked with Todd and he is very good at getting paid.

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Getting paid.

• 29:45Conan O'Brien?

  Him in, him in.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:46Conan O'Brien?

  Todd, you haven't done it yet. Him in.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, like, don't get fucked over by these clubs. And yeah, I learned stuff from everyone. And so, yeah, I feel like I have a, it was the best entry into this, you know, business for me, somebody who's already an adult. You know, and, um, and super focused because right at that time I missed, started missing like a lot of shit with my kids. Like as entertainers do. And so I was very focused because I was like, this has to be worth it, you know?

• 30:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:13Conan O'Brien?

  So you didn't, it's, you weren't thinking about Abbott Elementary? You weren't thinking about the character of Ava? This was something that came to you and you didn't even jump at it right away?

• 30:23Speaker 02

  No, I, so we, I got that audition during the pandemic. I always thought, so I hadn't really thought about acting. My whole goal at that time was I want to be Chris Rock. I had just come off, my last tour was touring with Chris. And I was like, this is amazing, you know? And so I was like, this is my goal. And so I would get auditions from my agents and I would just kind of fuck around with them. Like, especially if I thought it was stupid or whatever. I wasn't ever like pressed to get into the, get on, on screen. I was like, if it, if it happens, it will. And then I always thought, one of my friends will get a show and bring me over like Adam Sandler does or whatever. So when I got that script, I really liked it, which is rare. You know, to read a pilot and like, oh shit, this is amazing.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  And so I remember I wrote Quinta on Twitter and I was just like, your pilot is so good. I know how hard that is to do. I've been trying to write one myself and failing. And she was like, thanks. I said, I think I'm gonna audition for Ava. And she said, I didn't know you act. And I was like, I don't know if I do. But I'm good. I don't know. I'll try.

• 31:22Conan O'Brien?

  I love how honest you are. You're not talking, you're not selling yourself or talking your way into it. You're saying, oh, I have no idea.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  I was really just trying to compliment. I was really impressed. I was like, I'm laughing out loud. I could totally see this. And I remember telling my agent, like, even if I don't get this, this is gonna go. It's gonna go with the one fault me. And it was in the middle of the pandemic, so I wasn't, I thought we were gonna die. I wasn't really trying to do much of anything, truly.

• 31:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Uh, so I had the audition like in my hands for like six weeks. And the deadline passed. I kept asking for uh, extensions and I just, I didn't have the motivation. I was depressed. I was depressed. And then finally my agent uh, was like, are you sure? Like, I really think, you know, that I was like, fine. And I had to like pull out all the, I couldn't find my ring lights. I had my son like holding a floor lamp towards me, you know, for lighting. And, and then I just, yeah, I sent in the self tape and then I got a call back. So yeah, that's how it happens. And then I did four subsequent like Zoom auditions.

• 32:27Conan O'Brien?

  The highest compliment you can pay someone is, I cannot imagine that character being someone else.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 32:33Conan O'Brien?

  In any alternate universe, you're still playing that part.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Thank you. I mean, that's how I feel. That's how I feel like it's uh, meant to be. Because again, I waited so long. Everyone had already auditioned. It kind of worked out for me in that they were still looking for the person. It was like, oh, this latecomer. Uh, and then I found out uh, Quinta, once I did my initial, she just kept sending me up. They were like, well, can we get a name? Who else do you have? She was like, it's this person. It's this. So she kept, so it kind of worked out that I waited. And yeah, I do totally feel like it's meant to be, which is how I like everything in my life to work.

• 33:04Conan O'Brien?

  Well, the fact that you spent.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  Anything.

• 33:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but that's the thing too, is that I feel like you probably, after all these experiences you've had, not just as a stand-up, but all these experiences you had, just trying to make your way in the world. That all, none of that's wasted. That all goes into

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 33:25Conan O'Brien?

  Your ability to look at this character and say, here's what I would do with this.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:29Conan O'Brien?

  Cause uh.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  And also, um, what's the word? Is it empathize? I don't know if it's, but yeah, she's a hustler at the end of the day. Like, that's really what I took out of her ethos. Like, she has, same thing like me, multiple businesses going even though she's a principal.

• 33:45Conan O'Brien?

  Why does she, why does she own a party bus?

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Exactly. She has a thriving TikTok shop. You know, she has a, a rotating closet in hers.

• 33:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  You know, she's doing everything.

• 33:58Conan O'Brien?

  Also, when she unveils the sign that she spent thousands of dollars for a, for a public school that's very much in need of funding, you spent it on a sign that you're on.

• 34:11Conan O'Brien?

  You know.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Uh, inspiring?

• 34:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Is really what I was trying to.

• 34:14Conan O'Brien?

  That's the word I wrote down right here.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  She was trying to do. Thank you. Thank you.

• 34:18Conan O'Brien?

  Cause I don't know anything about.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  What is a thousand dollars when you need millions is how I.

• 34:23Conan O'Brien?

  But you know, the, I think empathize is the right word because you're saying, these characters don't work if you also don't like them.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:33Conan O'Brien?

  And the fact is, if you just looked at this, at the character of Ava on paper, I don't know that you would see anything that you would like, but your portrayal of her, I see a lot of qualities. She is fearless. She completely believes her own bullshit.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:50Conan O'Brien?

  Um, my favorite characters in comedy are, uh, deluded, egotistical. It's, to me, it's.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  That's the entertainment industry, baby.

• 34:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  It gotta be delusional.

• 35:01Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, people that, I mean, to me, it goes back to Peter Sellers Clouseau, uh, or Don Knotts, um, as Barney Fife. People that don't have the skills, they don't really have any of the backing that they need. They completely believe in themselves a hundred percent.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  I think that's the difference between me and her. Like, she has like almost unearned confidence.

• 35:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  And I think my, just the coming up in stand-up, it's, and how I, I mean, them shows I did in the middle. Midwest were horrible, you know, I'm doing like BFWs with like all like a full house of white men just staring at me with their arms crossed like so nothing once I got to Hollywood and acting is scary anymore, you know? And I also had the backing of like the greats like I've had Chris Rock tell me like yo, you the real deal like. So these are um, these are the things that are taking giving me the confidence to do, you know, this character, which is, you know, my first role.

• 35:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's kind of unbelievable, but I but it makes sense to me because um, early on, I always insisted I what I had was my my mind. And I thought, okay, I can develop these other things, but I want to be in control. I don't want to go around and say I'm a blank slate, someone please cast me.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:16Conan O'Brien?

  I knew that I had to form this, what this.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Personality.

• 36:21Conan O'Brien?

  This Conan thing, I had, I kind of knew what it was and I just kept doubling down on it and I think your story uh is very inspirational to me. Because I see you finding yourself and you.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  If you make me cry, I swear to God.

• 36:41Conan O'Brien?

  Again, I'm gonna give the credit to the tie stick you brought.

• 36:49Conan O'Brien?

  Not only you gonna cry, I'm gonna cry and vomit blood.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Just smoke eyes. Again, do you need me to put it?

• 36:55Conan O'Brien?

  No, I love it.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  I can't tell when you when you being.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  He's usually not serious.

• 37:04Conan O'Brien?

  I've never said a serious thing in my life.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  So that's what I'm saying, that's what I mean, him being, I love it, it mean anything.

• 37:09Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, but.

• 37:13Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me just one minute.

• 37:16Conan O'Brien?

  No, but you you took control, I think that has informed everything you've done is you deciding, no, I'm not gonna chase anything, I'm going to develop.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  I mean, my, what I would think was my worst nightmare would be to be quote unquote trapped in a character, you know, like you're saying, you developed your own thing, so and I'm and as many stand ups are as like, I'm a thing on to myself, like I am me, you know, that thing. So then to come to this, play this character who's become her own thing, really like fucked me the head up for the first couple of seasons and now I'm like, I have to come back to, I like this person, I think she's interesting.

• 37:50Conan O'Brien?

  How did it screw you up a little bit?

• 37:52Speaker 02

  People. Saying that I'm that person.

• 37:55Conan O'Brien?

  I see.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  That type of thing, which I've now intellectualized as, oh, that's how well I'm doing. That people think that I am.

• 38:03Conan O'Brien?

  So people meeting you and thinking you're a deluded, egotistical narcissist.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:09Conan O'Brien?

  I get that too.

• 38:13Conan O'Brien?

  You're like that Conan guy. No, that's my character.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  But also having to like realize.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  Having to realize that they admire it. Like, yeah, we're saying it as like a negative and they're like, I love that you're this deluded narcissistic.

• 38:31Conan O'Brien?

  Also, I always think comedy writers, I know in my career, when I was on The Simpsons, I only wanted to write for Mr. Burns. I only wanted to write.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  The villain.

• 38:42Conan O'Brien?

  The villain. It was so much fun that they had to tell me, you can't pitch another Mr. Burns story. All your ideas are about Mr. Burns because he's, you know, he can be infinitely evil. He can have vast amounts of money. He can have robots in the basement. It's this whole world and it's the same thing with Ava where she can.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Anything. She's almost a cartoon.

• 39:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you can come up with all kinds of stuff for her. The hello sign that she aims towards herself.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  I love it. And I did that to make myself laugh. And Quentin was like, leave it. You know, so.

• 39:17Conan O'Brien?

  Right, because someone tried to change it. Someone tried to say like a.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  I did it like, huh, isn't that funny? Like it's facing me. And then I was like, all right, let me put it back. And she was like, no, put it back. That's hilarious. You know, so it's like, yeah, no greeting for the outsiders. It's for me.

• 39:29Conan O'Brien?

  It's you saying hello to yourself.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  To myself.

• 39:31Conan O'Brien?

  And explaining who you are.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. It's such a little touch. I love it. And I love that it stuck and people, yeah, yeah.

• 39:39Conan O'Brien?

  But that becomes catnip for writers because it's, I think, one of the reasons your character just sort of took on its, a life of its own is there's no end to it. People can have a lot of fun saying, oh, wait, I just thought of something that Ava could be doing. I mean, people watching the show can think of that.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  So that goes back to me being like, oh, no, I'm stuck in this character. I'm really not because she can do anything. I think more than any of the other characters who are very like, they are at their, you know, ethos and their character. Ava can switch up at any time and it won't be a, it won't be a surprise.

• 40:11Conan O'Brien?

  Were you happy?

• 40:12Speaker 02

  You're waiting for the, for the switch up, you know?

• 40:14Conan O'Brien?

  Were you happy when your former boyfriend was revealed to be a?

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Oh, Igudala?

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Is that what you're talking about?

• 40:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Was I happy?

• 40:26Conan O'Brien?

  No, I mean, it's just so-

• 40:27Speaker 02

  He's hot, sure. Quest actually ran that by me. What do you think about this guy? And I liked that he was married. Cause I was like, oh, less instance for sexual harassment. And I was like, oh, a family man who's also a tall, attractive ballplayer? Who wouldn't want that in their lore? That's her lore, that she only-

• 40:48Conan O'Brien?

  Which you can keep adding to.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, she founded The Roots. I don't know if you've heard it.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  And like, no one believed that you knew Questlove and then you showed up.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  I don't know how many times I gotta bring it to these motherfuckers. Like, that's what I like about her. She's like, she says things and then it turns out to be true.

• 41:07Conan O'Brien?

  Turns out to be true. That reminds me so much of, I grew up in Boston and Red Sox, of course, are everything. And the star pitcher was this guy, Louis Tiant. And we had this, I gotta be careful here so I don't get anyone in trouble. I had a teacher who will go unnamed, who was just a character and was always spinning stories about hanging out with Fidel Castro in Cuba and escaping Cuba and being shot at and swimming across the ocean to get to America. You just thought, nothing he's saying is true. And he used to talk about how his good friend was Louis Tiant, who was the biggest star in Boston. We thought, bullshit, you know, whatever, man. And one day, we're all having class, we're on the first floor, ting, ting, ting, ting,

• 41:49Conan O'Brien?

  ting, and a hand is rapping on the window and it's wearing a giant pennant ring.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:55Conan O'Brien?

  And we look over and it's Louis Tiant banging on-

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 41:59Conan O'Brien?

  This teacher's window. And he goes like, hey, guys, I gotta go outside and talk to El Tianta and goes outside. And suddenly, I realized, he is friends with Castro.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Everything else is true.

• 42:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, everything is true, but it's the same thing.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, and now he's a teacher. And it's just like, yeah, I'm like, this character, another reason I was mad about the character, being characterized with this character is like, I'm like, this is the least interesting thing about me, you know, is playing this part. So I had to like, get over that.

• 42:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  And realize that that means I'm doing a good job, yeah. That comedian ego shit.

• 42:34Conan O'Brien?

  Do you like the part now? You're very well known, it's a hit show, your character really pops. Do you like being recognized and how do you handle that?

• 42:48Conan O'Brien?

  Because you're not someone who was three years old saying, "I've got to be recognized." That wasn't you. So how do you do it?

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Like, again, I had a very rough first couple of seasons, just wrapping my head around all of this. You know, and because you said it wasn't anything I ever actively pursued. And then comedians are like, especially stand-ups, we're like contrary loners. You know what I mean? So to, and then to have people think that I'm this character, which I know comes with a performance. Like, that's how we're different in that she wants to be famous. And so people approach me as like, "This must be great for you that I'm recognizing you because that's what you want, because you're that character." So that was hard for me.

• 43:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  And so now I've gotten better because I just stay in the house.

• 43:36Conan O'Brien?

  What a healthy approach. I saw a therapist, and the therapist said, "Don't leave the house."

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Everything's better. So, no, it's been, it's been wild. I do, yeah, therapists, I have two now.

• 43:51Conan O'Brien?

  They just talk to each other now.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, "Oh, what's going on with this broad?"

• 43:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then I, and then I, I don't want to feel, because then people take that as ungrateful, because people think that that's what they want, or you wanted fame. I'm like, "I just wanted money and to have fun."

• 44:12Speaker 02

  To have to perform every time I leave the house, which it does feel like a performance. Like, even when people, I'm glad that I'm a villain that people like to see. That's one thing, you know? So everybody's approaching me with like happiness and joy, but that's still like so much energy output for me when I'm just trying to go get some dog food or something.

• 44:32Conan O'Brien?

  I hope you have a dog. That's all I'm gonna say.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  All the actresses.

• 44:37Conan O'Brien?

  That shit is good. Have you tried it?

• 44:39Speaker 02

  All the actresses on a dog food diet now.

• 44:43Conan O'Brien?

  That gets out, and everyone's eating dog food. It works.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Ozempic who?

• 44:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  Are you on dog food? Are you on dog food? All your nutrients?

• 44:55Conan O'Brien?

  Found Alpo in your garbage can.

• 44:59Conan O'Brien?

  Do you?

• 45:00Speaker 02

  I mean, how do you deal with it? Have you been doing that forever?

• 45:03Conan O'Brien?

  I know, I know.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  We ran into each other because I was running up on you. Like, you know, so I...

• 45:08Conan O'Brien?

  All right.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  How do you feel about it? I was like, that's Tony O'Brien.

• 45:11Conan O'Brien?

  I'm very happy that you came running up on me. That didn't happen a lot before I got famous. Women weren't running up on me. And so I say yes to fame.

• 45:26Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I have two good witnesses here that will tell you, because they're with me all the time, Sona and David, and they see me out in the real world. And I learned a long time ago, there's two types. There's someone like a Steve Martin, who I think is just absolutely brilliant comedian, legend, icon. I mean, he's up there in the Mount Rushmore of funny people. And he's very reserved and quiet and kind of shy out in public. And I think a lot of his career has been people not understanding. That crazy guy with the arrow through his head, I saw him, I'll go up to him, and I'll give him that energy.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Do something wacky!

• 46:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and, um...

• 46:06Speaker 02

  Now!

• 46:06Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly. And it's like they're coming across a very shy art history professor, and they're confused.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  What a jerk!

• 46:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And then, and then there are people like, oh, myself.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 46:21Conan O'Brien?

  Who are me all the time, to the point where it's probably an illness.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm just... Breathe off of it.

• 46:29Conan O'Brien?

  I just like to try and, uh... I do the same stuff with the waiter or the person who's selling me the insole for my shoe. I'll do the same thing for them that I would do with you here. It's no difference.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  I mean, it depends. I, for me, if I'm with someone that I think, that I feel safe with, I'll, um, I love it. I love talking to people. I'm a comedian. I want to know, what's your deal? What do you do? How do you? And I always feel, I always say that's what this has, this experience has taken from me is talking to strangers, really. Because I'll, what I'm looking for now is people who don't recognize me, and then I'll have a conversation with them. And I'm like, I leave so like energized, because I do like people. And then right before I step away, they'll be like, "By the way, I love you on the..." And I'm like, "Oh, no, did I tell that person where I live?" You know, cuz that's how I talk to them. I'm like, yeah, I just moved to, da, da, da. What do you eat? I love this restaurant and we'll have a great thing. And I'll be like, wow, made a new friend. And then they're like, I think I already know you. That's what I don't like.

• 47:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  And I've also noticed that I will also be more open. Now I'm gonna tell people how to fucking approach me. But if they come up and they're like, I love the show. I'm like, thank you so much. I'll do the, the, the whole thing, but I'm, I'm wary of it. But if they say, I've been following you since Stand Up. I know your Netflix special did it. Then I feel like, oh, you know me.

• 47:50Conan O'Brien?

  They know you.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  And then I'm like, what's up, homie? You know what I mean? So it's, this, it just depends.

• 47:54Conan O'Brien?

  I came to your fake restaurant.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  Exactly, exactly. So it's, I'm working on it. I smoked some of your cigars. Hey, I saw your titties in the 90s. What? What's up, old friend?

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Me and Stern.

• 48:15Conan O'Brien?

  That's where I know you. That's where I know you.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  The year is 20, 2008. Me and my friend Stern. And here you come, cigars and titties.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  And I'm like, yeah, you know the real Janelle. What's up, friend?

• 48:32Conan O'Brien?

  How is your family reacted to all this?

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Well, my mom just came around cuz she's...

• 48:37Conan O'Brien?

  Did she love it?

• 48:38Speaker 02

  She's, my mom is very shy. I am also, and I didn't realize this, I am also kinda surprisingly shy. Yeah, and so my mom is very shy. And so she, for the first couple of seasons, wasn't even telling anyone. And then, uh, she, she said, I put a picture of you on my desk and people keep stopping by. Like, what is it? And she's like, that's my daughter. And they're like, what? She's been, you know, your, your daughter this whole time or whatever. So now she's kinda leaning in. Uh, and also, I'm trying to get her used to the fact that I have money and that she can, uh, accept things from me. That's been a big deal and that she can have nice things. That's something I had to work through, like, oh, I can have, I can, I have money. So it's been so many things all at once.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Uh, my kids don't watch the show. They're cool.

• 49:24Conan O'Brien?

  I think that's good.

• 49:27Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's good.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:29Conan O'Brien?

  You know.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  My older son says it's weird to see me like that.

• 49:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  He's like, what is that voice you're doing and who is that? But he's like, wow, you're like, I took him just recently to like a talk I did at a, at a college and just him seeing how people react to me, which people cry with me and I'm always like, I'm not MJ. Like it's, it's cool. I'm just a lady, but people cry and like shaking. My son was like, what the fuck? Like, you're famous. And I was like, yeah, yeah, that shit is wild. And that was just a couple of weeks ago. And that's like the first real conversation we've had about, because I try to tell them, but it's not till you're, my mom too, we, I took her to New York. We went to Broadway. People were chasing us. My mom, she's so tiny with her little legs running and

• 50:13Speaker 02

  she was so anxious and she's just like, what the fuck? Like they don't, it's, it's been crazy for all of us. But yeah, again, I, I just say in the house. Yeah.

• 50:25Conan O'Brien?

  She's a hologram right now.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  I, I'm beaming in.

• 50:28Conan O'Brien?

  We, we assembled the studio in your house.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  I'm like, oh, why do celebrities? Why do celebrities live in the mountains? I know now.

• 50:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. You know, it's so nice to see someone's work from afar, just see their work and admire them and then meet them.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien just said that.

• 50:47Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, but what I'm saying is admire them and then meet them and they're just who you would want them to be.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 50:52Conan O'Brien?

  Which is, which is you are yourself.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  I am.

• 50:54Conan O'Brien?

  You are yourself and there's no changing that. And so many people would have been warped, bent, twisted, stretched by this experience.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  I wish I could lean in though. I wish I could be like, yes. I don't know. That's what Ava would do.

• 51:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  I'd be out as her.

• 51:10Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what?

• 51:11Speaker 02

  I'm leaving so much money on the table. I can perform as her. Welcome to the Ava extravaganza. I could probably have a fucking Vegas show, all kind of shit.

• 51:18Conan O'Brien?

  There's still time. Don't say no to it.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Later on, maybe.

• 51:21Conan O'Brien?

  Don't say no to it.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:23Conan O'Brien?

  You know, there's always time for that.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:27Conan O'Brien?

  And in fact, it's not time for that right now. It's time for you, you know, to see this character through. Now, some people, people are speculating because your character got fired.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  Facts, for a, for a couple of hours.

• 51:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. We would all panicked when that happened. I didn't think you would be.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, I'll go back on the road. I wonder what Chris is doing. Like I was. Oh my god. I was like, I mean, that's the benefit of having multiple skills.

• 51:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  And I mean, I've, I've quit jobs for, for any reason before. Again, I'm always on the hustle. I'm like, okay, well, if you think that's the best thing for the show, for me to be off of it, I, I agree with you, Quinta. You're a fucking genius.

• 52:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for the opportunity. She's like, no, you'll be back the second, the next episode. I was like, oh, I don't even get some days off.

• 52:16Conan O'Brien?

  Can't your character be in a coma? Can't Ava be in a coma? And you still get paid just as much?

• 52:20Speaker 02

  How many days can I go to Mexico? Like, what's going on? No, I was back the next episode. But that was very thrilling for me because people still come up to me now. So that happened last season, months ago. And people still come up to me now, like, let me know when you're back on the show so I can start watching again. And I'm like, dude, I was on the next episode.

• 52:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  People were like, I don't watch it anymore. They fired you. Why would they do that? So that was like gratifying for me, like, oh, wow, I'm a thing.

• 52:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yes, you are a thing.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 52:49Conan O'Brien?

  Absolute delight.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Thank you, Conan.

• 52:51Conan O'Brien?

  To get to meet you, get to know you.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  I think I told you when I met you, I wanted to do time on your show and I was too precious about my little five minute set. And then all of a sudden you weren't there anymore.

• 53:01Conan O'Brien?

  This is, I mean.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Who knows what I was gonna say back then?

• 53:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  My dad is dead.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Killing, look at me crushing, see, still got it. Still got it.

• 53:12Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, it's just such a funny line. My dad is dead. It just kills every time.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  That was probably my set back then.

• 53:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, it's just, you know, one of the, one of the things that makes me really happy, this has been a real gift to me, is this podcast format, which was invented by people long before me. And I just came along and it fits me like a glove because what I really wanna do.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Love your travel series as well.

• 53:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, thank you so much.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  You're the best at talking to people. Anyway, I love you. Thank you so much.

• 53:40Conan O'Brien?

  But what I, but what I love to do is, in the old days, it would have been you, yeah, it would have been you doing your set and me coming over and thanking you and us standing together for a second.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  From the desk and shaking my hand.

• 53:52Conan O'Brien?

  And, yeah, and then, goodnight, we'll be right back. Janelle James, everybody. Ba na ba ba da ba da. And credits. This, to me, is more meaningful. This, because we really get to talk about some stuff.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  I mean, how many listeners you got on this, so?

• 54:06Conan O'Brien?

  We got a lot.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  Okay, great.

• 54:07Conan O'Brien?

  I don't do numbers, but.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  I'll be the judge of meaningful.

• 54:13Conan O'Brien?

  I refuse to be here today.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  It's okay, I was doing a bit, I was doing a bit like, how meaningful is it? We shall see.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  Go quantify it.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Will my followers? No.

• 54:26Conan O'Brien?

  A lot. We have a lot of people listening and they're all the greatest people ever.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  You are your fan base. I always say that.

• 54:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Janelle, you are just a delight and I do hope you come back sometime.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Anytime.

• 54:40Conan O'Brien?

  And I hope we are friends for real because that would be, seriously, that'd be, that'd be a nice thing for me.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  You know, just me in Hollywood. I feel like a lot of everybody says that. And then I'm in your backyard and you're like, how'd you get here?

• 54:53Speaker 01

  No, you don't.

• 54:54Conan O'Brien?

  I really don't have a lot of friends and I'd be so happy to, I'll come to your house and I'll hang out.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  I just got a pool.

• 55:00Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 55:01Speaker 02

  I just got a pool.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 55:02Conan O'Brien?

  What's the shape of the pool? Is it kidney shaped?

• 55:03Speaker 02

  Nope, it is. Oh, is it?

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Kidney shaped.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  It's bulbous. It's more squash shaped.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Is it kidney?

• 55:12Conan O'Brien?

  The mind wanders.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  I'm here for your bulbous pool, Janelle.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Welcome. It's what I will say.

• 55:19Speaker 01

  Oh my God, the way you just invited yourself over.

• 55:22Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna ring your bell. I'm here for bulbous pool. Who is that? I don't know. I can't see, but I think it's Conan O'Brien.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say, here's your incense. Please cleanse yourself before you enter and let's have a great time.

• 55:34Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you so much for being here.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  I appreciate it. Thank you. I mean, I've had the, this was so great.

• 55:39Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  And easy. Love it.

• 55:40Conan O'Brien?

  We all win and my close smelling.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  Thank you guys.

• 55:43Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I'm gonna go home and my wife's gonna say, who are you cheating on?

• 55:45Speaker 02

  A Catholic nun.

• 55:51Conan O'Brien?

  You smell like parsimmons.

• 56:01Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for it.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam?

• 56:08Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm dumb.

• 56:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I don't know where they got that impression.

• 56:20Conan O'Brien?

  Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:37Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 56:39Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 56:41Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  It's so much money.

• 56:43Conan O'Brien?

  One accidental click, Sona, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 56:53Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live, US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft, from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:05Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 57:24Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:30Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about it?

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 57:51Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:55Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:02Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. "Tis Miller time," as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high fiving.

• 58:32Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 58:48Speaker 04

  This is the story of the one. As a shipping manager, he's running the dock, stocking supplies and making sure every order goes out on time. And Granger helps him stay prepared. From shipping supplies to PPE to hand tools, he counts on Granger to keep products moving and trucks rolling. So his operation runs smoothly, no matter the shift. Call 1-800-GRANGER, click Granger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Let's do a review the reviewers.

• 59:26Conan O'Brien?

  I like it. I like to keep my finger on the pulse of what the podcasting listeners believe, feel.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  That's right. This is where we go to Apple Podcasts and we take a five star review.

• 59:38Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 59:38Speaker 03

  Not hard to find.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Ayy.

• 59:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's nice. Okay. So you're weeding out all the no star reviews.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  I don't think you can give no stars. You have to do one.

• 59:47Conan O'Brien?

  I'll find a way.

• 59:49Speaker 03

  To your own podcast.

• 59:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah. I'm gonna load up our, our comment section with no star reviews. All right.

• 59:55Speaker 03

  And we read it and we review it, or if there's a question, we'll answer it.

• 59:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  This is from Annelise0912. The title is best podcast ever.

• 1:00:06Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  I listened to this all day at school. I have absolutely no idea what's going on in any of my classes, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  The bad thing about listening to this at school, though, is that I can't laugh out loud. And believe me, I really want to. Seriously, if you look over at me while I'm listening, you would see tears streaming down my face, me quivering and shaking with laughter, and my face is red as a tomato. I'll often at times have to go to the bathroom and I'll sit there and just laugh. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a big creep, but I could care less because Conan is so funny. Also, Sona and Matt, pure gold. I'm only 16 years old, so I love getting to know guests that I have never heard of. I think that y'all should make a Team Coco iPhone app. You could have full episodes of all Conan shows, not just the clips like YouTube, remotes, podcasts, and anything Team Coco related. My screen time would be off the charts if y'all do that. Anyways, love the podcast and love Conan.

• 1:01:00Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, I love Annalise0912. And thank you so much. What a great comment. And I, I mean, Adam, you can get involved in this. Why aren't we an app? Why aren't we an app?

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  I think her, the main ask I heard out of that is that she wants the full episodes. And my guess is that this review was written before we started releasing full episodes.

• 1:01:24Conan O'Brien?

  So we're doing what she wants.

• 1:01:25Speaker 05

  And not, you don't have to go to an app. You go to YouTube where everyone has access to.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  This was a year ago.

• 1:01:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, so, so I think it's.

• 1:01:33Conan O'Brien?

  So now she's 17 and despises us.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  And that's how far back I had to go to find a five star review.

• 1:01:41Conan O'Brien?

  The part of my brain that determines what's of quality developed in the last year. No, it's really nice. I mean, I usually push aside compliments, but we just have to take this. It's so nice.

• 1:01:53Speaker 03

  Are you worried, though, that she's in high school and she's listening to this during class?

• 1:01:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know, no, because I remember in high school, learning nothing.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:02:02Conan O'Brien?

  That was if used to me and I, I, I'm just, come on. You know, when was the last time you used any of your math skills, Sona?

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  I barely.

• 1:02:10Conan O'Brien?

  You still walk around with an abacus, you know?

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  Graduated high school.

• 1:02:13Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly. I know.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  I used to write disco rules on all the, on the tables I sat on.

• 1:02:19Conan O'Brien?

  Did you really?

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  I don't know why.

• 1:02:20Conan O'Brien?

  But disco didn't rule when you were in high school.

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  I think it was just me being like silly and ironic and I would just be like disco rules because I didn't think it ruled. But I also, maybe I did go through a bit of a disco phase. It's a fun genre.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  I like disco.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  But I think that what I'm excited about is she's young.

• 1:02:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Young people, I, I really want them to like me.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  Do you guys ever feel that way? Or is it just me?

• 1:02:44Conan O'Brien?

  I know, he does, for sure.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  Like, I change.

• 1:02:46Conan O'Brien?

  I want young people to assist me.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:02:50Conan O'Brien?

  Help me up if I fall in. Uh, guide me to the part of the iPhone that I can use, you know? I mean, uh, that's, I'm mostly looking to young people for, I, I actually, I will say this, this is honest. I love the enthusiasm of young people. I really do like that. And when, when young people are happy, I'm happy. It's a weird, I don't know if that's weird to say, but I am.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Well, I, I think that, cause I tried to think I was hip for a while. And then now I've completely lost touch with 16 year olds where I don't know what they're interested in. And I think that when they like something that I'm involved in, it makes me feel good.

• 1:03:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yeah. Why not? I like this. I like this very much. And I have to say, when I'm cruising around, not cruising.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  What? Where, where are you cruising?

• 1:03:36Conan O'Brien?

  There was a time in the late 70s, early 80s when I was cruising. It was after the Disco rules. Al Pacino movies, Cruisin' came out. And I didn't understand what it was about.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Don't even know what that movie is.

• 1:03:45Conan O'Brien?

  I just thought it meant having a nice walk.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Did he cruise?

• 1:03:47Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yes, he certainly did. Yeah, he certainly did. He's an undercover cop that went in underground in the gay scene to solve a murder. Yeah.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Oh, cruising like that?

• 1:03:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I didn't know what it was, so I wore the same outfit that Al Pacino wore in Cruisin', which was all leather and a leather cap. And I would go, and I would yell, "I'm cruising around," and I'd walk around. I didn't know what it meant. But boy, were people, certain people were very friendly to me. Yeah. Um, but anyway, that's neither here nor there. What's important is, uh, just walking around. A lot of young people say they enjoy this silliness, so that's nice. I wonder what a youngest listener is that finds it on their own, not that their parents listen to them. That would be, uh, in utero, I think. You think so? Yeah, there are, there are obstetricians that say you should be, there's a way you can just put the podcast up to your belly. And a, a child, as it's forming, a fetus can be listening to this nonsense.

• 1:04:37Conan O'Brien?

  Can you imagine that, if a child is formed with only this as its influence? Yeah, it comes out and it's just, it wants to immediately buy all the products we mentioned in the ads. Oh, man, that's dark.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  What qualities does it take from us? I think it's loud, it's needy.

• 1:04:55Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think that's my one quality. Well, we're talking dominant qualities.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  I know. What is your dominant quality?

• 1:05:01Conan O'Brien?

  That I must dominate.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Oh, what are you gonna dominate?

• 1:05:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, this conversation.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  And then...

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  You can say it.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  I don't wanna say nerdiness.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  I knew you were going to.

• 1:05:11Speaker 01

  But you knew that, then why did you make me say you knew? Why didn't you just say it?

• 1:05:15Speaker 03

  Well, I'm not gonna take your idea and do it for you.

• 1:05:18Conan O'Brien?

  When a baby's born, wearing a straw boater.

• 1:05:26Conan O'Brien?

  And wearing a t-shirt that says, "Wittier Rocks."

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  I'm more worried about the mother's birth process with a straw boater on that baby's head.

• 1:05:33Conan O'Brien?

  Gets slightly knocked askew, but after that, it's fine.

• 1:05:38Conan O'Brien?

  Is it a boy or a girl? I don't know, but it's wearing a straw boater!

• 1:05:45Conan O'Brien?

  And it wants to get to the Rose Bowl, swap meet immediately.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  That does come up a lot. I've literally never once been to the Rose Bowl flea market.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  You've never been? Even I've been.

• 1:05:55Conan O'Brien?

  But you sit in the, uh, you sit just outside the Rose Bowl and wish you could go in.

• 1:05:59Speaker 03

  They won't let me in.

• 1:06:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  You're blacklisted, cuz they're too scared?

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  I've been to the Pasadena City College one, though. It's pretty good.

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  That one's really good, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:08Conan O'Brien?

  He was escorted out. He's not allowed back to the Rose Bowl anymore.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:06:11Conan O'Brien?

  He, uh, shoplifted a loot.

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  You know what? That's not true, because I'm going there this weekend to see Oasis, motherfuckers.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  Me too!

• 1:06:20Speaker 03

  You are?

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  Saturday?

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  Yes!

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  Me too!

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  Ooh, what are you doing?

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  Are you coming?

• 1:06:25Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, no.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:06:27Conan O'Brien?

  I do like Oasis, though.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:29Conan O'Brien?

  I love those Gallagher, those Gallagher fellas.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  It's a different Gallagher than the one you're thinking of, with the sledgehammer.

• 1:06:35Conan O'Brien?

  It's Peter Gallagher.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  Peter Gallagher!

• 1:06:37Conan O'Brien?

  No, I honestly thought that Peter Gallagher was one of the Gallagher brothers. Cuz he's got the eyebrows.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, he does.

• 1:06:43Conan O'Brien?

  You know, and, uh...

• 1:06:46Conan O'Brien?

  They won't tour with him cuz they really hate him. Yeah, they just thought his work on the OC was inferior. Shout out to Peter Gallagher. Love you, man. All right, what's our, uh, enough nonsense? Knock it off, you eight balls! Come on! All right, uh, hey, a shout out to Annalise0912. Um, very much appreciate your encouragement, and just try and study some. Just some, okay? All right, I look forward to you being my surgeon. Take care!

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away Jimmy.

• 1:07:40Speaker 03

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:08:31Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:08:34Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka Seltzer Cold?

• 1:08:40Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 1:08:40Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that David?

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 1:08:42Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that David?

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 1:08:45Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this.

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Did you?

• 1:08:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it. It's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka Seltzer Cold into the water.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  You do, yeah.

• 1:08:53Conan O'Brien?

  Alka Seltzer Cold fast dissolves tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action. Ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka Seltzer Cold. Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.

• 1:09:23Conan O'Brien?

  Have you ever had a cat, Sona?

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Never.

• 1:09:25Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I have had multiple cats.

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:27Conan O'Brien?

  I had a cat growing up. It was my cat. My wife and I now have three cats.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 1:09:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we have three cats and two dogs. And I have to say, the dogs are so appreciative. Cats hard to win over.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Conan O'Brien?

  Cats are cats. They're tricky.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:41Conan O'Brien?

  Sometimes I feel like I'm working for them. You know? Well, Temptations Classic Cat Treats is the solution, okay? Temptations Classic Cat Treats are the crunchy outside, soft inside treat any cat obsesses over. Each treat is under 2 calories per treat. It's 100% nutrishly complete and balanced for adult cats.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 1:10:00Conan O'Brien?

  That's important. And to appeal to cats with finer palates, Temptations Lickable Puree has a perfectly creamy texture they can't get enough of. Some say the Roman Empire collapsed because the Romans became too obsessed with their own pleasure. Is this a sign of things to come? I don't think so. Look for a way to make bonding with your feline friend even better. Try America's number one cat treat brand, Temptations Cat Treats. Cats can't resist.