How To Heal Your Past, Build Strong Relationships & Deepen Your Faith w/Sarah Jakes Roberts EP 1105

“Failure is not where I’m going to allow the story to end.”Today's guest is Sarah Jakes Roberts. At twenty-three years old she was battling insecurities, teen pregnancy stigma, toxic relationships, and depression. She realized she only had two options: settle or evolve. Alongside her husband, she is now the co-pastor of The Potter’s House at ONE LA and The Potter's House Denver and her messages spread throughout the world are defying cultural, religious, gender, and socio-economic boundaries. Sarah has a unique way of reaching people who are seeking to make peace with their past, maximize their present, and deepen their faith. In this episode Lewis and Sarah discuss how to develop self confidence even when you feel like the world is against you, how to heal your past and be kinder to yourself, the 3 most important qualities of a strong relationship, and so much more! For more go to: www.lewishowes.com/1105Check out her book: Woman Evolve: Break Up With Your Fears and Revolutionize Your LifeCheck out her website: www.womenevolve.comThe Power of Erotic Intelligence with Esther Perel: https://link.chtbl.com/732-podFind Lasting Love with Matthew Hussey: https://link.chtbl.com/811-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,105 with New York Times bestselling author Sarah Jakes Roberts. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:34Lewis Howes?

  Maya Angelou said, "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." And Beyonce said, "Power is not given to you. You have to take it." My guest today is Sarah Jakes Roberts, someone that I'm extremely inspired by after this interview and conversation and really just love what she's up to, her mission and her life at this stage. It's incredible to see what she's doing. At 23 years old, she was battling insecurities, teen pregnancy stigma, toxic relationships, and depression, and she realized she had only two options: settle or evolve. And alongside her husband, she is now the co-pastor of The Potter's House at One LA and The Potter's

• 1:18Lewis Howes?

  House Denver. And her messages spread throughout the world are defying cultural, religious, gender, socioeconomic boundaries. Sarah has a unique way of reaching people who are seeking to make peace with their past, maximizing their present, and deepening their faith. And she's got a new book that is a New York Times bestseller called Woman Evolve: Break Up With Your Fears and Revolutionize Your Life. In this episode, we dive deep and it gets real, real quick. She talks about how to develop self-confidence even when you feel like the world is against you, how to heal your past and be kinder to yourself today, how to manage not living up to others' expectations. Ooh, I know this is a big one for a lot of

• 1:59Lewis Howes?

  people. The three most important qualities of a strong intimate relationship, and how Sarah was able to create financial freedom for herself when she was struggling for a Long time in that department. If you're inspired by this, make sure to text a few friends and ask them to share what their favorite part of this episode was with you. I'd love for you to start a conversation with someone you care about in your life to be inspired by Sarah as well. You can copy and paste the link wherever you're listening to this podcast or use lewishouse.com/1105 and text a few friends, post it over on social media. Make sure to tag me and Sarah as well to let her know that you're listening to this. Okay, in just a moment, the one and only Sarah Jakes Roberts.

• 2:42Lewis Howes?

  If you are a business owner trying to hire, you're probably running into some obstacles as you try to find the right fit for your team. And I've been there as well as we work to grow our team. You might be coming across challenges like needing to hire ASAP, yet having tons of resumes to sort through, or the reverse, not having enough applicants with the right qualifications because recruiting is tricky and hiring can feel like trying to find a needle in the haystack, which is why you should try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com/greatness. And here's how it works. When you post a job on ZipRecruiter, it gets sent out to over 100 top job sites with one click. Then ZipRecruiter's matching technology finds people with the right skills and experience for your job, and then it actively invites them to apply.

• 3:25Lewis Howes?

  And get this, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. It's insane. No wonder over 2.3 million businesses have come to ZipRecruiter for their hiring needs. So while other companies overwhelm you with way too many options, ZipRecruiter finds what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. And right now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at this web address, ziprecruiter.com/greatness. Once again, remember to go to this unique place, ziprecruiter.com/greatness. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

• 4:01Lewis Howes?

  There is a new service called Capsule and it has changed the game for so many people because it sends your prescriptions delivered right to your door. And I mean, we pretty much get everything else delivered to us these days. So why have we still been going to the pharmacy to pick up our prescriptions? Well, Capsule is a new kind of pharmacy that will hand deliver your prescription the same day for free. And here's how Capsule works. It's super easy. To start, visit capsule.com. It only takes 15 seconds to sign up. When your prescription is ready, Capsule will text you to schedule free delivery at a time you choose. Then a Capsule courier hand delivers your medication to your door, straight from their pharmacy, in a tamper-proof package. It's totally secure.

• 4:42Lewis Howes?

  And if you have any questions, you can call, text, or email with an expert pharmacist. It's that simple. No more waiting in line, no more driving to the pharmacy, no more forgetting refills. Best of all, Capsule doesn't cost any more than your old pharmacy. Capsule accepts all major insurance and is currently available in New York City and the surrounding tri-state area, Austin, Boston, Chicago, the Twin Cities, and LA, and other cities are coming soon. To sign up, visit capsule.com to get your prescription hand-delivered today for free. That's capsule.com.

• 5:16Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. Very excited about our guest, Sarah Jakes Roberts, in the house. Good to see you.

• 5:23Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Good to see you too.

• 5:24Lewis Howes?

  Very excited. You've got an incredible energy. Right when we just met recently, you've got an incredible glow about you and energy. And I just feel like there's a truth inside of you. But I know that you didn't always have that truth. And I know you went through some challenges earlier in your teens. And I'm curious, what is the biggest insecurity you've had to overcome? Especially being raised in the church and with a father who's a preacher, a big personality? What's the biggest insecurity you've had to overcome growing up with all that?

• 5:59Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  No, I love that. I think the biggest insecurity is also the thing that has become my greatest strength. But it's ultimately that I didn't fit where I thought I was supposed to fit. Um, growing up with TD Jakes as my dad, you know, I didn't always feel like I fit in church. Like, you know, not too long ago, I did a DMX tribute episode on my podcast. So that gives you an idea of the type of gospel music I preferred. So I didn't feel like I really fit in church. But obviously, I'm not a thug fully, you know, in my heart, I am one a little bit. But um, so I really didn't feel like there was a space for me anywhere. And so, you know, now you fast forward and I feel that way actually is why I kind of created a space for different women who were like me.

• 6:43Lewis Howes?

  You just feel like you didn't belong in the space that there was?

• 6:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 6:47Lewis Howes?

  And so then you said, I'm gonna create a space and then people came into it.

• 6:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 6:51Lewis Howes?

  What is that space called?

• 6:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Woman Evolve is what I branded it, but um, you know, I feel like it's a safe space where women can bring all of themselves and see what they need to eliminate and what they need to multiply so that they can become the best version of themselves.

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  What is the biggest challenge that women face with today that you see?

• 7:18Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Self-worth. Self-worth. I think even women who you would think have succeeded so much that they should find value in where they are and life still struggle to receive the life that they live. And certainly, women who've had challenges like I have, I wonder if there is any way that they can have worth with the broken pieces they have left.

• 7:41Lewis Howes?

  When did you feel the most broken?

• 7:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Ah, okay. Do you want the full story?

• 7:46Lewis Howes?

  Full story, yeah.

• 7:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, so I was married before and when I was I was nineteen when I got married and twenty-three when I got divorced. So, uh, at a point in that marriage, um, there was some infidelity and, okay, so here we go. This is the school of greatness.

• 8:04Lewis Howes?

  On which side?

• 8:04Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  On his side.

• 8:05Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 8:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, on his side, there was infidelity.

• 8:07Lewis Howes?

  Oh, she's, she's getting, she's getting

• 8:11Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I'm not gonna tell you the whole story now. Uh, so there was infidelity on his side and there was this moment where something happened. I won't go into the full details, but uh, they called the police on me, cuz your girl lost it, okay?

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  A little?

• 8:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Lost it. All right.

• 8:26Lewis Howes?

  Like, lots of them in terms of screaming, fighting, punching.

• 8:30Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I did take my car and ram another car repeatedly. Here we go, the school of greatness.

• 8:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow, how old are you?

• 8:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh, twenty-two.

• 8:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay.

• 8:38Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Twenty-two, right. Like, forward, reverse, forward again, reverse, over and over again. They called the police on me because I wasn't stopping.

• 8:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 8:47Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Problem is, I have two children, okay? So, they weren't in the car, they were, it was like eleven o'clock at night. This was in our driveway because the girl was at our house. And, um, here we go. You weren't even ready for it, but yet here we are. And so, uh, they called the police on me. And the officer asked me like, what happened? And I was like, well, you know, my husband brought his girlfriend to our house. And I didn't know how to process that.

• 9:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:11Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And, um, you know, it's funny in retrospect, but I was in the DMV. I didn't have any family. I felt so vulnerable. I didn't have where I could just pick up and take my kids somewhere. And I felt this violation. I had to go see CPS after this. The officer didn't arrest me.

• 9:30Lewis Howes?

  CPS is?

• 9:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh, Child Protective Services. And so, um, I was leaving Child Protective Services where they're basically asking about my routines with the kids and, you know, what I enjoy about them. They're interviewing me to determine whether or not I'm a good mother.

• 9:46Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow.

• 9:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, now.

• 9:47Lewis Howes?

  Like, that night or like, weeks later?

• 9:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh, weeks later. I had to schedule it, or I would have had to go to court. Now, you're talking about someone who got pregnant at thirteen. Now, interview, being interviewed almost ten years later about whether or not she's a good mother. This is my biggest fear right in front of my face. Am I going to be a good mother? And I'm talking to this CPS officer, you know, representative, I don't know what you call them. And I was leaving the CPS office and they're like, okay, we'll be in touch and follow up if necessary. They didn't, they didn't end up following up, but when I walked out of that office, that's when I felt the most broken I had ever felt. That is the moment where I was like, I can't keep on living like this outside of the marriage. Living as a woman who doesn't know who she is, who doesn't have any limits,

• 10:33Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  who doesn't have any boundaries, whose only emotion is anger. I felt nothing else but anger. And that's when I wanted to start doing some work on myself.

• 10:43Lewis Howes?

  I can relate to the fact of feeling anger a lot. And not knowing like, what's the purpose? Why am I here? Like, I can't live like this anymore. And being in a state of reaction a lot.

• 10:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Lewis Howes?

  It's not fun.

• 10:55Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's not. It's, it's like, I have a smile about it now because I know how the story ends. But in that moment, there's nothing fun about it.

• 11:08Lewis Howes?

  I mean, you're 23, you've got two kids and you, you see that your husband's cheating on you and the girl is there.

• 11:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 11:14Lewis Howes?

  If I'm 23 and that happened to me, I don't know how to react either.

• 11:16Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 11:17Lewis Howes?

  You probably react the way you think to react. I'm gonna, I'm gonna be angry, I'm gonna fight, I'm gonna scream. Like, that's a normal response that you might see. So how does someone learn to develop tools, emotional skills, to go beyond that?

• 11:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, so what I learned is that I wasn't just upset about the incident. I was upset that every time I was trying to create this image of my life, it kept being ripped to shreds.

• 11:42Lewis Howes?

  What image?

• 11:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  This image of not a girl who got pregnant at 13. Like, whoever you think that girl is, that's not who I am. Like, look, I went to school, look, I finally got married. I was trying to fix this image of myself. And so emotional tools for me came down to realizing that the marriage, and even the pregnancy, was the fruit, but it was not the root. It was the fruit of my insecurities, it was the fruit of my fear, it was the fruit of feeling like I didn't belong, but it wasn't the root.

• 12:14Lewis Howes?

  What's the root?

• 12:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  The root was that feeling like I didn't belong and needing someone to tell me, "You belong here." Whether that was as a teenager or even as an adult woman, "I want you, this is where you belong, this is where you're supposed to be." And I kept hoping someone would answer that question for me, "Where do I belong?"

• 12:35Lewis Howes?

  What if no one ever answers that for you? What if, what if no one says you belong here?

• 12:40Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So for me, I found the answer in my faith. Because the whole premise of our faith, for me as a Christian, is that you belong here because God created you and placed you in this earth. And yet, it's difficult to understand, like they're, okay, well, there are millions and billions of people around me. Like, so why does that make me special? Why does anyone care? And still surrendering to it as truth. And asking myself, well, if I decided, if I just chose to try and believe this one day is truth, what would my life look like? What decisions would I make? How would I show up in the world? And it was really like me just trying it on, right? Like, I'm just gonna try on this truth.

• 13:21Lewis Howes?

  See how it feels.

• 13:22Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Just see, just see who I become. You know, like, and that to me is what happens in faith in general. Like, I'm trying it on. Like, I don't know if I fully believe it myself. But I'm gonna step into a faith that I don't fully understand and see how it can fit in my life. So I'm gonna pretend that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. And I'm gonna make decisions from this heart posture. I'm gonna pretend that I am not random and my life has purpose. And I'm gonna see how I show up in the world as a result of that. And I started loving the person who I was becoming when I believed that I was more than what just happened to me.

• 13:58Lewis Howes?

  How do we love the image of a past that we're not proud of? How do we make that our fruit?

• 14:03Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Lewis Howes?

  And not a pain?

• 14:05Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, okay. This is, you're right up my alley with this. Because a lot of times when we, like, when I looked back at my teenage pregnancy, I cringed, you know? And yet, I'm cringing about a part of my identity. Like, this is truth. You know, this is who I am. I spent so long trying to not be the girl who got pregnant at 13, but I am the girl who got pregnant at 13. That's my truth.

• 14:26Lewis Howes?

  You tried to hide it. You tried to...

• 14:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I, in my mind emotionally, I felt like I wanna separate from this idea that that's who I am.

• 14:34Lewis Howes?

  But it's a part of you.

• 14:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It is a part of me. And so, I was living divided. And forgiveness for me came from not judging that girl who got pregnant at 13. It came from embracing her.

• 14:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Embracing her.

• 14:50Lewis Howes?

  Was it harder for you to forgive yourself or your husband?

• 14:55Lewis Howes?

  Not yourself for ramming the car.

• 14:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  No, I didn't feel any. I didn't feel nothing about that.

• 15:00Lewis Howes?

  But yourself for the thirteen year old pregnancy.

• 15:04Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Myself for the thirteen year old pregnancy.

• 15:05Lewis Howes?

  It was harder.

• 15:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:07Lewis Howes?

  Why is it harder to forgive ourselves in general than someone else?

• 15:11Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Because, once again, like, and not for nothing, like, this was not a good marriage on either side. You know what I mean?

• 15:18Lewis Howes?

  It wasn't right.

• 15:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It wasn't. It wasn't a good marriage. The most beautiful thing that came out of it is a little girl. But it wasn't a good marriage. I wasn't good to him. He wasn't good to me. Like, I would talk so crazy to him, things I would never say on the School of Greatness, things I would never say now, understanding how delicate a person is. And so, it was toxic in general, but I carried my own poison into it. And I take ownership for that. And when I've written about it, talked about it in the past, I take ownership for that. And so, it was easier to forgive that because I just realized that that was a byproduct of me having not forgiven myself from that original situation.

• 15:57Lewis Howes?

  Right. And I'm curious, like, I don't have kids yet.

• 16:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 16:01Lewis Howes?

  And you have six.

• 16:03Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 16:06Lewis Howes?

  How do you, I mean, your father, I don't want to talk about whether your father, it's not about him, but how did you grow up in a, in a community where your father is preaching certain things that maybe you felt like you weren't living up to?

• 16:20Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 16:21Lewis Howes?

  And then how do you, now that you're speaking the similar language that he is, how do you raise kids to not, to, to, to live into that and not kind of make mistakes on their own? I don't know. How do you do that?

• 16:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Well, I think it's like expecting a dentist child to never have a cavity.

• 16:40Lewis Howes?

  They're gonna want to eat some ice cream.

• 16:41Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  They are. You know what I mean? So, I think.

• 16:43Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's interesting.

• 16:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  The removal of the pressure of you have to do this. Well, I mean, the idea that Christianity in general is about doing everything perfect, I think is why a lot of people struggle. Because everyone knows.

• 16:56Lewis Howes?

  The pressure.

• 16:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  The, it's too much pressure. And the whole premise of this is that we cannot live up to this expectation. So, we need someone to come and help save us from this idea that we can live perfectly. Like, we are never going to do it perfectly. So, then it's like, how do I live with this thorn in my side? How do I strive to become better? How do I make peace with the fact that I am a work in progress? And I think somewhere lost in the translation of religion is this idea that you're never going to mess up. And that's where we end up losing a lot of people. So I don't have pressure for them to not mess up. I have pressure on them to learn how to get back on track when they've strayed away.

• 17:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think the judgment of like needing to be perfect from people is the thing that pushes people away.

• 17:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, cause like who has time for that? Like and life is too hard. And I have too many complications and in some cases too much trauma. To think that I'm gonna come into this space and do everything the right way. Jesus said turn the other cheek. You know, that's not really.

• 17:55Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That's not really my jam.

• 17:57Lewis Howes?

  What's the, what is the greatest trauma that you're still dealing with the most? That you maybe started the healing process and you've improved, but you're like, that still triggers me. Maybe I'm not slamming cars into someone, but it's still like, that doesn't feel good.

• 18:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know,

• 18:16Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't know

• 18:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  that I have a certain incident that triggers me. But I think the residue of not being able to defend myself.

• 18:30Lewis Howes?

  Emotionally, spiritually, physically?

• 18:33Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  First of all, you better ask these questions.

• 18:38Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I think emotionally. Because I think that the residue of that shows up in my life and I have to advocate for my feelings. Because when I got pregnant, I felt like I, I felt like I did something wrong, okay? And this is not just something wrong in church, right? Cause if you do something wrong in church, there's another community that will embrace you. When you're a teen mom, there's not another community that's like, oh, we love teen mom, you know what I mean? Like, oh, we please have another baby. We love this, you know? And so I didn't have anywhere to go in the world that wouldn't judge me or in the church that wouldn't judge me. And because this was something I willfully did, no one took advantage of me.

• 19:17Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I felt like, well, I can't be hurt over this. I can't be broken over this. I have to let everyone else grieve. And I just have to sit here with my feelings, but I was hurt. I was sad. I was disappointed. And so now even as a woman, I have to learn to advocate for my right to have feelings, even if I've done something wrong.

• 19:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and even if it was your decision.

• 19:39Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, right, right.

• 19:41Lewis Howes?

  And it's hard at thirteen to develop the emotional capacity to express and feel in a healthy way.

• 19:48Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 19:48Lewis Howes?

  You don't have those tools.

• 19:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And then you have to stop, right? Because when you're now a parent, you're not able, like, because I assume, I don't know, I've never been thirteen and not had a child, but I assume somewhere between thirteen and adulthood, you learn how to get those tools. I feel like I emotionally shut down at thirteen and have had to work to open up again.

• 20:07Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you're a lot more open now?

• 20:10Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I am.

• 20:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't know how I felt about it, though. The other day I had to break up. I have a feelings will, you know?

• 20:19Lewis Howes?

  Feelings will?

• 20:20Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  A feelings wheel.

• 20:21Lewis Howes?

  Wheel?

• 20:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh huh.

• 20:22Lewis Howes?

  What does that mean?

• 20:23Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And it's got like happy. And then once you pick one, it shows you all of these different, because my emotional vocabulary is pretty limited. And so like, the other day, I felt happy, but I didn't know like why or what. And then I had to follow my will, and then the will to happy led me to like valued and respected, which were very foreign for me, like to have words that I feel valued, especially after struggling with my worth, was like really interesting. My initial reaction was like, I don't want to feel that. And then I was like-

• 20:53Lewis Howes?

  You don't want to feel valued?

• 20:54Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That's, that was my fear-based initial response, which I think is the residue of trauma, throwing the wall up. But then I had to work to say, no, this is your life, this is your truth. A lot, like I'm still coaching myself emotionally.

• 21:09Lewis Howes?

  So, when you felt valued, it felt foreign?

• 21:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, for sure. Not that I have never felt valued before, but I've never been able to connect what I was feeling with the idea of being valued.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  When do you feel the most valued?

• 21:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  When my husband talks to me. Yes.

• 21:26Lewis Howes?

  When he talks to you about anything, when he just talks to you?

• 21:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  When he just looks at me, when he just talks to me, when he just says whatever to me.

• 21:35Lewis Howes?

  And how have you learned to develop your own self-worth, regardless of what he does, or your kids do, or your parent, you know? How have you done that yourself?

• 21:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So, in between, so I got divorced, and I moved back home with my parents.

• 21:48Lewis Howes?

  You didn't kill him?

• 21:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  No.

• 21:49Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 21:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  No, no, no.

• 21:52Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  No, everything worked out fine. I didn't go to prison, everything, yes. I kept my children, you know. I moved back home with my parents and I started rebuilding from there, really from the inside out. And then, um, you know, I fell in love with myself. Like I've, because I think I was so, so just uninterested in who I'd become. That when I finally got out of that marriage, I started confronting my own poison. And I was so in love with myself and with my life and with my children. And I was able to get a house by myself and so like I'm, I, I ended up getting to that place I wanted to be. Where I was like a good mom and taking care of my children.

• 22:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I was happy with myself and I was taking care of my health and my body. And so I felt so valued by myself then. That when my husband came in, he really just echoed what I was already saying about myself. And so I think that me coming to that place on my own had a lot to do with self forgiveness. And then beginning to work towards a life that felt true to my potential and uh, my dreams.

• 23:02Lewis Howes?

  How did you get the poison out?

• 23:05Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Um, I think the first thing is acknowledging that it was there.

• 23:09Lewis Howes?

  Uh, cause you weren't really acknowledging like this is what happened.

• 23:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Right.

• 23:13Lewis Howes?

  Blocking it and disassociating.

• 23:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Exactly.

• 23:16Lewis Howes?

  Now, what did that process look like? Okay, I've lived this life up until now. And what is the conversation that you had with yourself? Did you do some journaling? Were you just praying and connecting to God? Were you talking to your parents? Like what was happening?

• 23:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I did a lot of journaling. I started blogging.

• 23:34Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 23:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Um, I let the poison speak.

• 23:37Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it interesting when we hold our shame in, the poison just grows and expands?

• 23:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  It's like the moment we share our shame.

• 23:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 23:45Lewis Howes?

  Whether it be to ourselves, written down to a friend or whatever, it's, we release it.

• 23:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, that's exactly what happened. I, I gave the poison a voice.

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  What was, what was the voice?

• 23:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Um, okay, so it's that like I.

• 24:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You're worthless, like you're nasty, you're you're never gonna have purpose. No one will ever want you, no one will ever be proud of you. Like I let the poison speak. These were my thoughts twenty-four seven. These were my thoughts twenty-four seven, from thirteen to twenty-three. That's ten years of poison.

• 24:22Lewis Howes?

  You kept saying to yourself, I'm worthless, no one's ever gonna value me, no one's gonna love me.

• 24:26Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  This idea of like, oh, I'm proud of you. Like, I never had thoughts that were positive towards myself.

• 24:33Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Never. My dad would say, you're smart, and I would instantly reject it. Cause I'm like, smart girls don't get pregnant.

• 24:40Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 24:41Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know, like.

• 24:41Lewis Howes?

  If I'm smart, why'd I do this?

• 24:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Exactly. So, when I finally started letting it speak, I um, I came to this place where I had to ask myself, like, how long are we gonna receive this as truth? And then I would blog it, I would put those words out, like, no one knew that I was pregnant, but I would like, or that I'd gotten pregnant. At the time, of course, people know now, but I would just like, write all of these things. And then at the end of this blog, I would kind of like, talk to myself as if a friend was talking to me. And um, it was through that process that I had something to say back to the poison. And then it went from whispering it back to the poison,

• 25:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  to raising my voice and raising my voice until the poison had to shut up because faith was speaking.

• 25:34Lewis Howes?

  Wait a minute, so.

• 25:37Lewis Howes?

  So for ten years.

• 25:38Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 25:39Lewis Howes?

  Your self-talk was a poison-based.

• 25:41Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 25:41Lewis Howes?

  The foundation was not good enough, you don't matter, you're not valued, you're not smart, all these things.

• 25:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  How important is self-talk for you now in order to develop and increase self-worth?

• 25:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Well, okay, so. You know, in scripture, it talks about being transformed by the renewing of your mind.

• 26:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 26:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  The renewing of your mind is what took place in that moment. And so, as my mind has been renewed, I have been transformed. And in that transformation, it's why the other day when I felt like valued and I initially rejected, I let my renewed mind say, instead, receive this. Allow it to penetrate the parts of your life that have never heard this before or wasn't aware enough to receive it. And so, Mary J. Blige says once that, you know, she doesn't have children because she needed to parent herself. And I feel like in many ways, the way that I feel like I'm talking to myself in some instances is me parenting myself.

• 26:43Lewis Howes?

  It's so funny, I don't have my phone on me, but on my phone, I've been working with a coach and a spiritual therapist right now who's been telling me to have a photo of my childhood self on my phone, like six or seven years old. So I've got a photo on my phone, I'll show you afterwards. And it's for me, whenever I feel that trigger coming in to like reparent myself.

• 27:02Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 27:03Lewis Howes?

  And reconnect and be like, hey, you're safe. It's okay. Like, you don't have to be afraid of this. You don't have to react.

• 27:09Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  You can let that go. I got your back. You know, these things. And I think we, we haven't learned these tools on how to reparent ourselves.

• 27:17Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 27:18Lewis Howes?

  It's challenging. And I can only imagine having kids and not having the tools to parent ourselves and then trying to parent someone else.

• 27:25Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  For sure.

• 27:26Lewis Howes?

  Triggers must just be coming up all day long.

• 27:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I feel like, I mean, I will, I, I, two things. I don't know that previous generations had the tools at all.

• 27:35Lewis Howes?

  At all.

• 27:36Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  At all.

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  Just all trigger reaction, anger.

• 27:38Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  For sure.

• 27:39Lewis Howes?

  Fear.

• 27:40Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah. And I think because of, you know, whether you've got toxic masculinity or the rise of women in the corporate environment. Like, there are so many, we had so many different things to worry about that, like how you feel, like, child, please, we'll talk about that later. Exactly. And so, um, you know, that didn't happen for the previous generations, but what I will say is this. I do think no matter how great you've had parenting in your life, that there's an ache inside of all of us. Now, it could be something minor like a headache, or it could be a missing leg, depending on what you've gone through in life.

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  Emotionally.

• 28:16Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, in some way. And so I think to come to terms with the fact that there is going to be a part of me, and even for me as a parent, there's going to be a part of my children that I just don't see. That I just don't see. I'm gonna give this one hundred percent, but there's still gonna be moments. Life is still gonna have to suck them in. And in the process of doing that, they may come out wounded. And this is part of what I thought even when I was a single mother, is like, so my job is not to protect them from harm. I'm gonna do the best that I can, but I realize that they are gonna have some harm, right? They're going to school, they're gonna be around people and peers, and who knows what will happen in that environment. My role is to show them how to recover from harm.

• 29:00Lewis Howes?

  That's so true. That's so true. I feel like, uh, no matter how much we create safety for our kids. Again, I'm acting like I'm a father, but I'm not. In general, no matter how much we create safety, there's gonna be some trigger, some wounds, some pain they feel from peers or school or sports or.

• 29:16Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 29:16Lewis Howes?

  Music, whatever they're in, they're gonna have something that hurts them. We can't always protect our kids, but what you just said, teaching them the tools on how to recover.

• 29:25Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 29:25Lewis Howes?

  How to emotionally navigate those feelings.

• 29:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  How to express it in a healthier way.

• 29:30Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 29:31Lewis Howes?

  Is, I think, our responsibility.

• 29:32Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Lewis Howes?

  As parents or as humans, right?

• 29:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, I think I get on my kids' nerves, because I'm like, let's look at the feelings.

• 29:37Lewis Howes?

  Let's talk about how you feel. Write down.

• 29:40Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Right, tell me how you're feeling.

• 29:42Lewis Howes?

  Process this in a healthy way.

• 29:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 29:44Lewis Howes?

  I think it's better than screaming and raging. I mean, I think there's a time for feeling the full range of emotions and, and being angry, but in general, that's a poison.

• 29:55Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 29:56Lewis Howes?

  In general.

• 29:56Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I will tell you, one of the things that I noticed immediately about my husband, Torey, who I've been married to now for seven years. Um, when we first got married, so we're a blended family with six children, so he had to. Uh, he had three, I had two, and we have one together. So that's how we got our six. But um, you know, when he was parenting his children, if he had a bad day and was like maybe too sharp or too rough, he would apologize to them. And I was like, oh no, we don't apologize to children. We don't do that. We just let them get over it. We take them for ice cream. And he was like, no, like, it's okay to apologize to your children, you know? I cannot remember a time when my parents like apologized to me.

• 30:40Lewis Howes?

  This is the way. You do what I say. You go to your room and this is the law.

• 30:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Absolutely. And even if I'm wrong, suck it up. I'm right most of the time, you know? And so my husband taught me the power of apologizing to your children. And so even when you have those moments where maybe you fly off the handle, you react too soon, or don't react from the best version of yourself, don't underestimate the ability to go back and fix it through an apology.

• 31:06Lewis Howes?

  What have you learned about yourself as a parent now? From what you witnessed as a kid with someone in a high profile? Now you're in a high profile. Is there things that you want to make sure you really do to support the evolution of your kids? To not have to live up to the greatness of mom and the pressure of the attention that mom gets, but allowing them to be themselves in their best way? Is there something you've learned from that to where you're at now and how you're passing that down?

• 31:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, I want to answer your question. I'm gonna take the long way though.

• 31:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, give it to me.

• 31:39Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So when I was seven, we moved from West Virginia to Dallas. And in West Virginia, there were like fifty families that were a part of our church community. It wasn't very large. Our first Sunday in Dallas, fifteen hundred people joined the church. Fifteen hundred people the very first Sunday.

• 31:56Lewis Howes?

  They joined? Or it was already a church with fifteen hundred people?

• 31:59Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It was like, this is our first Sunday. Anyone who wants to come can come. And fifteen hundred people came.

• 32:04Lewis Howes?

  How did they hear about it?

• 32:05Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  They had radio, a billboard.

• 32:08Lewis Howes?

  Was your father already pretty well known in that?

• 32:09Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  He, I mean, he was on TBN, which is like, you know, Christian television. And so between that and radio, people knew who he was. So, you know, mega churches get a lot of slack because there are so many people there and it's such a big building. But like when fifteen hundred people join on a Sunday, it's like my dad can preach eight services or we can try and get a building that's big enough for everyone to come.

• 32:33Lewis Howes?

  Get fifty thousand in one time.

• 32:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, you know, and so, um, and I know that, you know, whatever. But anyways, fifteen hundred people joined and what I learned or what I felt in that moment was like this instant separation from them.

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  From parents.

• 32:47Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, for sure. Cause even in West Virginia, like I would sit by my mom in church. In Dallas, they set up on a platform and we sat down like in the pews. And so this instant separation, I felt. Now, you know, this was their first time ever doing it. They're trying to survive, so we've gotten to learn from them.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 33:05Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh, so one of the things that I have learned is to keep my children close to me.

• 33:10Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 33:11Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So as our ministry and platform grows, you know, we go on tour. Our four oldest children go with us. Our two youngest are now old enough to come with us. But I try to keep them close. Like when we're at church, they're sitting with me. I want them to feel a part of it, not a piece in it.

• 33:28Lewis Howes?

  Not separate.

• 33:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:30Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 33:30Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 33:31Lewis Howes?

  That's, that's smart. That's wisdom.

• 33:33Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying.

• 33:35Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is your biggest, uh, the biggest mistakes you make currently? That you're aware of?

• 33:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, I don't know that I'm aware of them.

• 33:45Lewis Howes?

  Maybe she's like, I know this. Your husband would be like texting me, I know this, this is.

• 33:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't know that I am aware of them. Uh, I will tell, okay, cause me and my husband were talking about this the other day. I am not confrontational at all. And so.

• 34:03Lewis Howes?

  I'm just imagining the car wrecking. My confrontation.

• 34:07Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Now, me, this version of myself is not confrontational. Well, I will say when it comes to communication, right? So I am not, and, and I don't mean confrontational even like in, with anger. Cause there's good confrontation, right? So I don't have healthy confrontation skills.

• 34:23Lewis Howes?

  What do you, what do you have?

• 34:25Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I'm either silent or I'm flipping this table over.

• 34:29Lewis Howes?

  Wow, yeah, you're either frustrated.

• 34:32Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I'm learning. I've got a feelings wheel. Right, right. So it's I'm, you know, zero to sixty. And so with the children, if they do something that I know isn't necessarily right, like I don't confront them about it. And so I feel like an area where I'm learning and growing right now is to be more confrontational in a healthy way when I see them doing something. You know, like if I see my daughter go upstairs with like some chips and she's not supposed to have food. You know, like I may take the chips out of her hand, but I don't sit down and talk to her about like, why would you willfully break one of our rules and you know, what does this like, I don't do that. I just take the chips.

• 35:10Lewis Howes?

  Just like you don't got time for that.

• 35:12Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Girl, please.

• 35:13Lewis Howes?

  You got six kids, a business, you're like, I don't have time.

• 35:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't have time for it.

• 35:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:17Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  But that's not good because I need to like call them out so that like you know that I know that you out here not doing the right thing.

• 35:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, breaking the rules.

• 35:25Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Exactly.

• 35:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I feel like I've given you so much to work with that you don't know where to start.

• 35:33Lewis Howes?

  No, I'm excited. I want to go back to self-worth because I think women, this is the thing that you said that women need the most support with, self-worth. Developing self-worth, right? Or one of the main things.

• 35:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  For sure. And I will say that our society plays a big role in that when we don't have equal pay. So that already says that my worth is not as valuable as the worth of my counterparts. Uh, when we have to work twice as hard to just get the bare base of a salary, I think that that communicates something when our worth comes down to our body image and what size we are and what does our skin look like and our hair look like. There are a lot of things that automatically say this is how I determine your worth. And so don't add any other emotional toxic issues that you may have because from there, where do I fit at all?

• 36:19Lewis Howes?

  So how does someone continue to learn how to develop self-worth even when things aren't fair and things aren't equal yet and things aren't where they could be? How does a woman learn how to develop that through self-talk and other strategies?

• 36:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know, for me, my worth, like I said, is started with me just trying on my faith, right? And so it became such an intimate conversation between me and God where this reflection of his ideas and his vision for my life became something that I began reaching for. I say that to say that I think that we have to believe in our worth.

• 36:55Lewis Howes?

  How do we believe it if everything is telling us we're not worth anything?

• 37:00Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  This is such, okay, so.

• 37:01Lewis Howes?

  How does someone, like for 10 years, you didn't believe it?

• 37:04Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 37:04Lewis Howes?

  And most, for a long time in my life, I didn't believe it either. And I know a lot of people listening or watching are thinking like, no, I'm not deserving of this. Why would I, why should I get this? How do we learn to believe when all we've ever done is doubt?

• 37:18Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Maybe it's less about belief and more about acceptance.

• 37:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know, because I think at the end of the day, I had to surrender to the fact that whether I think I deserve it or not, it's in my life.

• 37:31Lewis Howes?

  I'm here.

• 37:32Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's here.

• 37:33Lewis Howes?

  I'm here, I'm alive.

• 37:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Like, this is the only body I'm gonna have. I think what I'm calling belief is actually acceptance. Maybe it's self-acceptance and finding worth in the acceptance of our actual truth. And truth building us up in such a way that we live without fear. Because we're no longer afraid of our own truth. Because I do think the acceptance of, this is my body, this is my life, this is my past, like, this is my husband, and if I only have a short amount of time here, do I want to spend it rejecting the very life that I've been given? Or do I want to dare to accept it with no fear that it could be gone tomorrow? Like, even with me and woman evolved, like, I'm at this place now where I'm like,

• 38:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I'm gonna give this thing 100% and I'm not gonna worry about how I keep it afloat. Because right now, it's here. Right now, it's present.

• 38:26Lewis Howes?

  Don't stress about it going away.

• 38:27Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah. I want, but I do think, like, this is probably gonna sound a little crazy and I have no science to prove it, but I'm out here and I'm gonna say it anyway. I feel like practicing acceptance and like living in a moment is something that social media and just our phones in general have robbed us of. I have to tell myself to put my phone down when watching a movie.

• 38:51Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're watching and this and on the phone and on the iPad.

• 38:55Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  For sure. And then like what happened, you know, or saying the movie wasn't good. Like you didn't even watch the movie, but I think there's something about practicing being present fully in a moment. And I think that as we practice that, that we will take in our life in such a way that we find what we enjoy about it and we accept it and embrace it and love the life that we live.

• 39:18Lewis Howes?

  But how do we accept if we're not happy with what we have?

• 39:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Then we get to decide how we gotta accept it if we're gonna change it. You know, like when you get an Amazon box, you don't know what's in it. You open that box, you don't always like what's in it and what do you have to do? I gotta process a refund, a return. This can't stay in my life. So I think we have to accept that, okay, so this is my life. I'm in a bad marriage, okay? My career isn't where I want it to be. Like this is my truth. I'm gonna accept this as my truth. And then I have to determine, can my truth stay? Can I build with this truth? And if not, what do I need to do? Do I need to go to therapy? Do I need to go back to school? Should I start a side business? What would it take for me to come to a place where I can embrace and love the truth that I've had to accept?

• 40:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Lewis Howes?

  You mentioned relationships. You've been married twice, haven't you?

• 40:08Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, twice.

• 40:10Lewis Howes?

  What are three things that people should look for when knowing they've found the right partner for their, for their life? Maybe not the perfect person, but the right person, great fit. Three things.

• 40:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay. This is on the spot, so I'm gonna take my time, alright? First thing that you should look for is the best version of yourself.

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  In them or you being the best version with them?

• 40:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You being the best version of yourself. Um, you know, I don't wanna even talk about what the other person should possess until you understand the fullness of what you possess.

• 40:44Lewis Howes?

  That's smart.

• 40:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know, because too much onus is on what a person is gonna bring into the room. What do you bring into the room? Who are you at your best? Who are you at your worst? How do you handle your finances? How do you handle your emotions? What does anger look like for you? Where's your childhood baggage? You know, how is that playing out in your adulthood? Who are you? My father said the most powerful thing to me, um, after I went through my divorce. And I wasn't even thinking about marrying again.

• 41:14Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:14Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  But he was saying in the context of marriage in general, that when you're married, you're looking for the person who you want to be beside you when you put me in the ground.

• 41:26Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, that's got the chills.

• 41:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's because in your most fragile moment, who do you want beside you?

• 41:36Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  When everything you've known is being pulled up from underneath you, who do you want beside you? So I think understanding who you are well enough to make that decision is the first thing.

• 41:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and if you can't imagine when you're gonna be buried, if that's the person you want next to you, then

• 41:54Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  maybe it's not the right fit.

• 41:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Right.

• 41:58Lewis Howes?

  So was that?

• 41:58Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That was one.

• 41:59Lewis Howes?

  That was one, okay.

• 42:00Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Number two is someone who has done that type of work for themselves.

• 42:05Lewis Howes?

  Which type of work?

• 42:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That type of work of knowing their strengths, their weaknesses, their childhood trauma. Someone who knows themselves well enough that they can say, oh, I'm sorry, the little boy in me was speaking, the little girl in me was speaking.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  Right, take responsibility for those actions.

• 42:22Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Absolutely, what you can't do unless you've gone on a journey yourself.

• 42:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 42:26Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And then the third thing, I will say, is someone who makes you laugh.

• 42:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Because laughter is medicine.

• 42:36Lewis Howes?

  It is.

• 42:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And if you're gonna do life with someone in a world that is often sick, you wanna have that medicine right beside you every night.

• 42:44Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. A lot of challenges that come up.

• 42:47Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Oh.

• 42:47Lewis Howes?

  You might as well be having fun in the challenges.

• 42:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yes, my husband and I laugh at the most inappropriate things. It's like, this is not funny. Like, you know, there's this big shift or transition, or the kids are going through something crazy. And we're like, hey, at least they're not ugly. And I'm like, well, you can't. You know what I mean? Like, we gotta find something. And that makes it possible for us to make it through the thickness of life.

• 43:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What would you say is your biggest fear right now?

• 43:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That I'll miss my life. That I'll be so busy building it that I miss it.

• 43:17Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 43:20Lewis Howes?

  What are you doing to make sure you don't miss it?

• 43:23Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I am avoiding the pressure to perform and being intentional about scheduling time to do nothing. Blank space.

• 43:34Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, it's so, I'm so glad you're saying this, cuz I'm hearing, I'm hearing this, you're the second person that's said this in my life in the last month. So I'm hearing like, okay, this is something that I need to be thinking of more, just scheduling no time.

• 43:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Lewis Howes?

  Whether it's a day of no time, a week, a month, and just no time.

• 43:51Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  For sure. So, uh, my friend Shanice is here. And, uh, we're in this book tour, kinda heavy and thick. And I was like, I need to schedule a week off. And she's like, you can't schedule a week off, we got stuff to do. And I was like, first of all, whose side are you on? And I'm like, no, I have to schedule it, cuz I'm gonna miss all of it if I don't take time to consume it. It's, um, I explain this in the book. I say that a lot of times, women are so busy, like photographers at Sears, saying, let's put the bow tie here, let's put this person here, let's put the house there, let's put the props here. They're building this picture of their life, but they don't make room for them in the picture. Because we're so busy thinking about what we wanna create and what we want that image to look like, that we forget that we belong in the picture too.

• 44:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So I call it soul care. Taking care of our own soul, seeing ourselves in our world. And sometimes you gotta zoom out of your world to see yourself in it.

• 44:44Lewis Howes?

  Definitely. You need that space and time of just not working, not doing anything, just being.

• 44:48Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 44:50Lewis Howes?

  And it's... It's challenging when there's so many opportunities at this point in your life, right? Like, every opportunity is coming your way. People want you to speak everywhere. Louis keeps hounding you to come on the School of Greatness. Like, we need some more of you on the show and...

• 45:03Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's scary, too.

• 45:04Lewis Howes?

  And you've got six kids and a husband. You've got your health. You've got all these things you've got to take care of. How do we, how do we, when every opportunity is coming our way? This is a very first-world problem.

• 45:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 45:16Lewis Howes?

  The abundance is in my life. The opportunity galore. How do we learn to say no? And know that those will still be there after we get back?

• 45:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You don't know.

• 45:27Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You don't know. You don't know. You literally don't know.

• 45:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:32Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And, and yet, I trust that I am where I am supposed to be. And that if I make inten... That's a fear-based decision to say, I have to take on everything because if I don't, I could lose it.

• 45:47Lewis Howes?

  That's scarcity.

• 45:48Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, that's scarcity, for sure. For sure.

• 45:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And so, I practice this a lot because we've had, like, TV show opportunities. We've had book deals. We've had speaking stuff. Like, so many people who want to capitalize off of the gift. And yet, the truth is, I'm really the only person who understands the fullness of what I can and cannot offer. And so, if I allow everyone to capitalize off of my gift, I could do so at the risk of depletion if I'm not in tune enough with myself to know when I need to back off.

• 46:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I had a baby right in the middle of me, like, kind of becoming someone who spoke a lot. And I was afraid, like, you know, I love my daughter, but I was afraid that, like, oh, my gosh, is this going to stop my progress? And I have found that even in that downtime, it is accelerated exponentially. This is my fifth book. None of them were even close to becoming, you know, what this book could possibly become. And yet, what happened in between my first, my last book and this book, is I took time away and said, I'm not gonna write again until I have something worth pa- I'm passionate enough to write about. And I had to trust that it would come. And when it came, there was a wind on it. So you know, I'm a preacher.

• 47:03Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So like, there's this wind when you're in the flow of what the world needs now.

• 47:10Lewis Howes?

  Wind beneath your wings, just like lifting you up.

• 47:12Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  There's a wind that just takes things, it's acceleration. It's, um, it's beyond what can be formulated by a publicist, or an agent, or a publisher.

• 47:21Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 47:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  There is a knowing that says, if I strike now, I'll know when to strike. And when I strike, I trust that it'll do what it's supposed to do.

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  So interesting you say that. For like, a year and a half, I've been working, working on a book.

• 47:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 47:34Lewis Howes?

  But I haven't felt like that window.

• 47:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 47:37Lewis Howes?

  To strike. So I've just been researching and collecting notes and gathering information and formulating it, but it hasn't been right. I feel like the window's about to come, but it's still not here.

• 47:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Lewis Howes?

  And instead of forcing it, like I normally do, I'm just like, okay, I'm just not writing a book to, right now.

• 47:54Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 47:55Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna wait until it feels like it's the time.

• 47:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 47:58Lewis Howes?

  And you gotta also trust yourself and not, like, I've already written a few books before.

• 48:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So you know, this is not procrastination. Right, no, I know.

• 48:04Lewis Howes?

  It's not like I'm afraid to put out my, my message.

• 48:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Right.

• 48:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, cuz you've done it too.

• 48:08Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, for sure. No, you, once you, and that's why I like, you know, leaps of faith. Teach you a lot about yourself, and it teaches you a lot about just trusting your message and the release of your message. But, yeah, when I wrote my last book, I was like, I'm not doing this again. There's so much pressure to be a New York Times bestseller.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  So much.

• 48:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I hate it. Like, I hate it.

• 48:31Lewis Howes?

  Part of the thing that I'm actually been resisting is like, the whole traditional book publishing world and waiting a year and a half until they release it, and then you get a dollar a book and they own it, like, I'm grateful for that.

• 48:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Sure.

• 48:43Lewis Howes?

  But I don't know if that's the future.

• 48:45Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah. First of all, you sound like my husband. He is big on like, tear the whole system down.

• 48:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:51Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  But no, like, there's so much pressure on this New York Times bestsellers.

• 48:56Lewis Howes?

  So much.

• 48:56Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's a lot. And preorder sales, you need the preorder sales, you need the preorder sales. And I was like, I'm not gonna write again until I have a book that is worth the pressure of going through.

• 49:06Lewis Howes?

  Going all in on it, yeah.

• 49:08Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 49:08Lewis Howes?

  And This book, what is, why do we need to break up with your fears? And revolutionize your life? Why did you feel like this is the message you needed to put out right now?

• 49:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Well, because to be in relationship with your fears mean that they're constantly speaking and dictating who you are and how you show up. So to break up with your fears means I'm in relationship with my fears. Like, we go together, like everywhere I go, they go. They determine where I can go and how I should move. And so breaking-

• 49:38Lewis Howes?

  Your fears are in control.

• 49:39Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  For sure.

• 49:40Lewis Howes?

  They're manipulating you.

• 49:41Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yes.

• 49:42Lewis Howes?

  They're consuming you.

• 49:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yes. I write in the book, and I don't remember the exact quote, but it's like, "Your fears pretend to keep you safe."

• 49:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  They do.

• 49:54Lewis Howes?

  They pretend, but what are they really doing?

• 49:56Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, so I'm gonna try, I'm probably gonna butcher it, but I did write it, I promise. It's like, "Your fears pretend to keep you safe, and your faith makes a demand on courage you aren't sure you possess." And so we end up indecisive because those extremes-

• 50:11Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 50:12Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  -are so difficult.

• 50:14Lewis Howes?

  Procrastinating.

• 50:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:15Lewis Howes?

  Self-analyzing, assessing what could go wrong, what about this, embarrassment, all these things, right?

• 50:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Absolutely.

• 50:21Lewis Howes?

  When we are living in that space of fear of what could go wrong, what are we really saying?

• 50:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't trust that I can handle if this doesn't work out well. I'm afraid that this will break me. I'm afraid that this will prove that I don't have worth. I'm afraid that this will prove that I'm not smart enough.

• 50:43Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, gosh.

• 50:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I'm afraid that this will become the evidence that my insecurities need to keep me from being who I'm supposed to be. Whoever that is.

• 50:53Lewis Howes?

  And what if it is the evidence? What if, what if people said, "This is a failure, this flopped, I can't believe you did this, you, it didn't work." What, what happens if you find that that is evidence for you? How can you flip it and make it empowering as opposed to disempowering?

• 51:10Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  We have to come to a place where we realize that like, not everything you do is gonna win.

• 51:15Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna be great, like this, world-class.

• 51:18Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Like, you're gonna suck sometimes, like, you just are. And yet, I was listening to this podcast with Brene Brown and Sarah Lewis, and they were talking about the difference between success and mastering. When your goal is mastery, you recognize that failure is gonna be a part of the process. But because you want to be a master, you dissect that failure, extract the wisdom from it, and apply it to the next try. Because at the end of the day, I'm going for mastery when it comes to this. Like, you're doing the School of Greatness. I have a feeling that you're not just trying to put out one good podcast. Right, you're trying to master a space in which people are able to come here and literally become great.

• 51:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 51:58Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So if you have a podcast and the numbers don't do well, we don't turn the cameras off and walk out of the building.

• 52:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that sucks.

• 52:03Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Nah, we too gully for that. Okay, come on, we're coming back in here. We're gonna do whatever is necessary. I'm gonna ask better questions. I'm gonna do more research the next time. Because failure is not where I'm gonna allow the story to end.

• 52:19Lewis Howes?

  Why do we allow, why do some people stop once they fail? Once they go after this dream, it didn't work out, nope, I give up. Why do people do that?

• 52:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Because I think they wanted the success to define them.

• 52:33Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to what defining them?

• 52:34Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  As opposed to allowing who they are to just be who they are. Like, I'm looking for something that is gonna add to my value and add to my identity. So if I do something and it fails, I'm not gonna try again because I can't take another debit off of this account, right? This is taking a debit off of my worth. And I'm gonna go into the overdraft, so I'm not gonna do it again. And so I think to come to this place where like, listen, I'm just out, this is what I tell my team all the time. I'm like, I'm just doing stuff at this point because like, I already experienced failure, like ramming cars, CPS officers. Like, okay, if we drop a clothing drop and it doesn't go well, like, we're okay, I'm not in jail, you know?

• 53:14Lewis Howes?

  I still got my kids, yeah.

• 53:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know what I mean? So that has given me this sense of freedom that like, failure for me is really deep. It's like a deep thing. And I'm able to prioritize properly what actual failure is. So I think that when your efforts are to define your identity and then those efforts don't work out well, it is easy to say, I'm not gonna do it again.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  Right. It's almost like we need to flip it and just say the effort itself is the worth.

• 53:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Exactly.

• 53:43Lewis Howes?

  The act of doing, the act of being and who you become in the expression of your truth, your gift, your art, your talent. No matter what someone says about it, that is the worth.

• 53:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That, in my book, I say, success is in the process, not the outcome.

• 53:57Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 53:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's in the process. It's who you become.

• 53:59Lewis Howes?

  The process is the prize.

• 54:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, for sure. Come on, I love that.

• 54:02Lewis Howes?

  Not the prize. At the end, it's what you become in the process.

• 54:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 54:08Lewis Howes?

  What's another thing that you see women really struggling with today? Self-worth being one of them. And if they developed more self-worth and self-confidence or self-acceptance in the self-worth, what could they become more of in the world?

• 54:23Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know, I, I say this while I watch women rise in places of leadership. Um, because I do think that there is leadership that women have not been able to access, that we're seeing them access now. So I think that we're beginning to move forward in that way. I think that what we would become are champions of other women too, though. I think that we would be so enthralled with who we became. Um, I've got this whole slogan for the book that I just pulled out of the air, which is "No Woman Left Behind." Because when you realize how bound you once were,

• 55:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  and now how much freedom and creativity and strategy and wholeness you feel in your identity, we would become champions, like modern-day Harriet Tubman's, making sure that any woman who's ever felt shame, or any woman who's ever felt like she couldn't graduate or climb the ladder, we would make sure that no woman was left behind from the fullness of her identity.

• 55:24Lewis Howes?

  And if a woman doesn't feel valued, doesn't feel accepted, doesn't feel like they belong, whether it be their family, whether it be their friends, their work, if they don't feel like they belong or they accept themselves, what's the next steps they could take to feel like they belong, no matter if someone accepts them or not?

• 55:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, I think it goes back to like, okay, so this is the life that I have. Like, I know how you feel, but like, this is where I am.

• 55:49Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 55:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And if no one is doing it, if no one's valuing you, if no one's accepting you, are you bold enough to be the first person who embraces yourself?

• 56:00Lewis Howes?

  That's hard.

• 56:01Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, but necessary.

• 56:05Lewis Howes?

  I'm a big fan of what you just said because I'm always telling people that it doesn't matter if the world believes in you and says you're the greatest if you still don't believe in yourself. It doesn't matter how much talent you have, skills, athletic ability. If you don't learn to believe in yourself, the world could put you in a leadership position, but you've got to learn to believe it. And the beautiful part of that is it doesn't matter if the world is against you.

• 56:27Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 56:28Lewis Howes?

  And doesn't believe, because if you do believe, you can make something of yourself.

• 56:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Absolutely.

• 56:32Lewis Howes?

  It's just so hard to believe sometimes when you've never been, learned how to do it.

• 56:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  You know, I do think that there is something to, you know, writing the vision and making it plain. So like, who would I be if I believed in myself? Because right now, it's like, okay, I should believe in myself, but like, who would I be? How would that feel for me? What decisions would I make? How would I speak? What classes would I take? Where would I travel? And if you can make a list of who you would be if you believed in yourself, and say, "I'm gonna practice this today. I'm gonna practice and see if I can speak up. I'm gonna, I'm gonna book a trip. I'm gonna take a class. I'm gonna laugh out loud. Who would I be?" If you could try, practice it.

• 57:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I think that that is a good way to practically begin to become someone who loves who they are and is able to accept their identity.

• 57:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's cool. We gotta practice it before we become it.

• 57:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 57:31Lewis Howes?

  And in your marriage, what are non-negotiables for you? In order to keeping a great connection in your marriage? That you apply to your life and you also recommend to other people? Non-negotiables?

• 57:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Oh goodness.

• 57:43Lewis Howes?

  Whether it be a daily or a yearly? Something you feel like this is non-negotiable every day in our relationship?

• 57:52Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I mean, respect?

• 57:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Respect, um, and not just like the basic human respect though that is a part of it. I love the way my husband sees the world. I respect it.

• 58:09Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 58:09Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I respect it. Like, I could never think the way that he does. And, you know, I got my own thing going for me, but like, I love the way he, I have respect for his mind. I have respect for his decision making. Like, I respect him. And I feel like that level of respect in a relationship sounds basic and fundamental, and yet I'm not so sure that it exists in every relationship.

• 58:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 58:32Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Because so many people like roll their eyes when their spouse says something, or they're like, oh, here they go again. And I never feel like that with my husband.

• 58:40Lewis Howes?

  You respect him.

• 58:41Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I respect him.

• 58:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:43Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 58:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, he is, I'm assuming he respects you.

• 58:45Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, he does.

• 58:46Lewis Howes?

  Okay, so that's number one.

• 58:48Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So, yes, okay, so, respect. Um, number two, non-negotiable. We're first in the sea of all of the things we have going on. We are the nucleus of our world.

• 59:03Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 59:03Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Which means if we're not good, we cannot expand beyond that. If that means we have to cancel meetings, my husband has put up a guest speaker on Sunday because we weren't flowing well. Like, we don't fake it and then come back and we'll figure it out. Like, if we need to go upstairs real quick to talk, like, we don't allow our nucleus to be torn apart.

• 59:28Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 59:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That's, um, and especially as a blended family, you know, when we first started dating, like, I let our kids go one day. I was like, we need to let the kids date too, so we can get to know one another. But even in a blended family, like, we recognize, like, our, our, our children are actively planning right now to leave us.

• 59:47Lewis Howes?

  How do we get out?

• 59:47Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  How do we get out of here? Like, oh, I'm gonna move to New York. And my five-year-old's like, one day, when I get my own job. I'm like, okay, so you're, you guys are leaving us, okay? Which means that I had to make sure this is tight, because I'm gonna be looking at him when you're gone, okay?

• 1:00:01Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 1:00:02Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I don't wanna have to start from scratch when you walk out of the door. And so, we keep us tight. We keep us tight, even if that's over the, the, not over the kids, cuz that doesn't, just over the kids doesn't mean the kids are the bottom. But it means like, we won't allow them to divide us. We won't allow them to play us against one another. So like, we re-remain the core, even in business, if something, like, my husband has been, he's basically been on the book tour with me. I've been waking up at three thirty, he wakes up with me. Cuz I've been doing some press that is foreign for me. And, you know, you say one thing the wrong way, and it's a snapshot, it goes everywhere. And so, he's like, in my corner, coaching me and helping me out, cuz we're, we're tight, okay.

• 1:00:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And then, the third non-negotiable, um, for me, is a recap in our day.

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  What does that look like?

• 1:00:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh, we, he usually puts his head on my lap.

• 1:00:55Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 1:00:56Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And.

• 1:00:57Lewis Howes?

  That's nice.

• 1:00:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's kinda like, it's, it's, I, I love him, I love it. But it's kinda like, you know, how's your day? It's basically saying, what did the world look like from your perspective? Even if we spent the whole day together, it's like, what did the world look like from your perspective today? And, um, that's really important, because, like, you take maybe a more traditional home environment before the pandemic, and the husband comes home, and, you know, and these are just, I'm using, you know, stereotypical gender roles, so please bear with me. Maybe the husband doesn't take out the trash, and the wife hasn't cooked dinner. And he's frustrated cuz dinner's not done, and she's frustrated because the trash isn't taken out.

• 1:01:39Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  But she doesn't know that his boss was riding him all day. And he doesn't realize that, you know, one of her best friends is depressed. And so, having that moment at the end of the day, where it's like, what, how did you experience this world? How did your humanity, um, be shaped? How was your humanity shaped in this day? What did you experience emotionally as an opportunity to love one another better?

• 1:02:04Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. Who was the most influential person in your life growing up?

• 1:02:12Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Not, not rappers, not, I don't even know who said that. I didn't think I was, the, um, the most inspirational person in my life growing up.

• 1:02:22Lewis Howes?

  Most influential person?

• 1:02:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Um, I mean.

• 1:02:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't, I will say, I kind of break up my childhood into like different sectors, right? So because I got pregnant at thirteen, like immediately women like Kathy Hughes and Oprah Winfrey became role models to me. Um, even Whoopi Goldberg, who had her child as a teen, Kathy Hughes' child as a teen. And they went on to Oprah Winfrey got pregnant at a young age. She didn't end up keeping the baby. I think the baby passed away. And yet these women who had experienced this pregnancy and were able to overcome were really influential to me because they just served as reminders that there's life after this. Um, and then probably honestly, like just any hip hop artists at all.

• 1:03:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And that sounds so terrible because I am now a whole person's pastor. But you know, I was influenced very heavily by the culture. So, I mean, I grew up in the nineties and early two thousands. So like, culture was like my thing. It was all like me rapping and doing the hands, like me, I was out on the block doing things like that. Was all, I was heavily influenced by that.

• 1:03:35Lewis Howes?

  Sure, okay. What do you think was the biggest lesson you learned growing up?

• 1:03:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  What I know now as the biggest lesson, I would not have said that then, but what I know now is that um, I can always come home. And home can mean my parents' house. Home can mean the place where um, I can feel confident and secure and whole, where love is abundant and peace is overflowing. I don't, I, I knew that subconsciously growing up because home is always where I landed, like me and my two kids, you know, came home, like home, that idea of home was a very important part of my life. And I feel like that lesson, you can always come home. I was learning throughout my teen years.

• 1:04:27Lewis Howes?

  And what were the skills you wish you would have learned sooner?

• 1:04:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Trust.

• 1:04:39Lewis Howes?

  When did you learn to trust?

• 1:04:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  After I got divorced.

• 1:04:49Lewis Howes?

  What did that feel like?

• 1:04:52Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It felt like you made a good decision for.

• 1:04:56Lewis Howes?

  To leaving.

• 1:04:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, leaving was a good decision. And you can trust, like you can trust yourself to make a good decision. And then it started becoming like, well, what other good decisions can I trust myself to make? You know, and being sensitive to pick those out wisely. Like when I first, you know, met my husband, at this point, he should probably be on the podcast with us. But when I first met him, I was so proud of the decision I made him like I couldn't wait until he met my parents. Cause I trusted my decision making so much because of me, you know, I got the house. I was able to trust that I landed this book deal and I negotiated myself and I was able to trust that. So I had all of these little like check marks that allowed me to.

• 1:05:40Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And when I bought my house, it was such a big deal for me because like I looked at the area. I looked at the progression. I looked at the home value. Like I knew that it was a good investment. And so I learned to trust myself and I wish that I would have trusted myself earlier. I think that that's what happened with the teen. I lost the ability to trust myself when I got pregnant. And yet I feel like had I done that earlier, things, you know, would have been different, but probably not as beautiful as they are now.

• 1:06:07Lewis Howes?

  What would you say are three skills that every 22 year old should start to learn?

• 1:06:14Lewis Howes?

  Whether it be learning to trust themselves or their environment, whether it be public speaking skills, a soft skill, you know, whatever it may be, what do you think are three skills that every? Anyone leaving, transitioning from school into adulthood. What skills do you think they should develop?

• 1:06:36Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Vision, vision, um, not just a dream. Uh, cause to me, I feel like a dream feels very distant. But a vision for now, a healthy vision for now. At twenty-two, you know, you're kind of still taking things as they come.

• 1:06:56Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:06:56Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And yet to say, no, I need to really take ownership of the vision of my life. I think allows you to begin making decisions in that direction. Vision, um, to be present.

• 1:07:09Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:11Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  To be fully present.

• 1:07:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's a skill.

• 1:07:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, to be.

• 1:07:14Lewis Howes?

  Those people are distracted.

• 1:07:15Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Oh, my goodness, to be fully present. And, okay, now so many are coming to me. Uh, okay, let me. To avoid comparison.

• 1:07:30Lewis Howes?

  Thief of joy.

• 1:07:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, avoiding comparison.

• 1:07:38Lewis Howes?

  I want to ask about money for a little bit.

• 1:07:40Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay.

• 1:07:44Lewis Howes?

  How does someone, I love bringing on, uh, preachers.

• 1:07:49Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Lewis Howes?

  People in the church and talking about money because I'm always of the mindset that money should be of abundance to us if we want to receive it. But I know that there's been like a stigma around the church world. For the, I don't know if it's still happening now or in the past. Around like having money, making money, it should all be sacrificial type of energy. I'm not sure if that's still true or not. How do you approach the mindset around making money? Not feeling bad about making money and, and multiplying money for yourself?

• 1:08:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So, I don't, I mean, I think the stigma is still around, but like I'm right in the thick of it. So, you know, it could be my sensitivity towards it, but I definitely think it's around, uh, still. I was really intentional when I first started. My, you know, life and the movement of Woman Evolve to make sure that I had different streams of income, right? So we have a store that has a product connected to it. And so that is a stream for me. I podcast and so we have advertised. So there are all of these different streams connected to it. And I feel like part of the reason why I'm able to balance it is I want to make sure that the ministry part of what I get to do

• 1:09:02Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  is as free and accessible as possible. Now, when we tour, we take forty people on the road. We've got buses. I've got overhead. I've got major expenses. And still, even with that, like, we try to make it feasible enough that these people can be paid so that they can take care of their families, but then I'm not taxing the people who are connected. So nineteen to twenty-five dollars, thirty-two dollars, maybe depending on the venue that we're in. Something that is reasonable, you know? And then we try to make sure that we're also doing plenty of things for free. So if you're never able to go on tour, like, we need to have something monthly. And I've had to really, because Woman Evolve is not a church. It's a movement that I kind of like, I want to have events. I want to have conferences.

• 1:09:47Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And yet, my husband actually made me realize, like, this is the only church that some people go to. Like, they don't go to church on Sundays. They are connected to you. And so I felt a responsibility to make sure that I was not just having stuff that had a fee connected to it.

• 1:10:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:10:02Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So making sure our video content is available. The ministry of what we do, you know, the things that are a little bit more fun, that we have to put great production value into, there's a fee connected to it. But even at that, I'm always thinking in terms of, like, how can we make this reasonable? I don't assume that people just have money laying around. Like, how can we make this as reasonable as possible? Where it's like, if I give up Starbucks for a month, then I can get this subscription to the channel where I can get all of these resources that are invaluable. So I try to make sure that the fee is as little as possible.

• 1:10:33Lewis Howes?

  And how do you personally think about? Money and the abundance of money and the mindset around it to attract more around the business side of things, not the ministry side, but how do you think about that to continue to be a leader in your space, a female leader, a woman of faith in the church and also be an example of like, hey, you can preach and do this stuff for free, but also you can go and make as much money as you want.

• 1:11:00Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:01Lewis Howes?

  What is the mindset around that for you?

• 1:11:02Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I will tell you, especially as a black woman, that I feel like the idea of luxury for African Americans, whether you are a preacher or you are someone who is an entrepreneur or someone who is in sports or whatever, I think there is a normalization that is necessary because for the most part, it's like even when we look at things in the diaspora in Africa, like there is this image of Africa that we are constantly inundated with of children who need to be fed. And I'm not saying that it doesn't exist and I'm not saying that we don't need to sow into those lives. But there is another version of Africa that we hardly ever highlight where people are doing well, where they are driving nice cars,

• 1:11:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  where they're flying private jets. But I do think that we do have to have people who are more comfortable saying, okay, we're not just all trying to make it out of the projects. That is a reality for a lot of us, but that is not everyone's story. And I think if we don't begin to normalize these images and normalize, you know, vacations and luxury on our level, then we end up continuing this cycle of saying that to be black in America means that we're all, you know, either have to be athletes, we can't do business, or we're all on drugs, we're all struggling, when there are different versions and expressions of us that we don't get to see very often.

• 1:12:22Lewis Howes?

  When did you start to create more financial freedom for yourself? How old were you and what was that feeling like? When you're like, oh, I've got this revenue stream and this revenue and I'm okay. I can take care of myself. I have abundance this month. I can give some, contribute some. Like, when did that start to happen?

• 1:12:42Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It was probably right before the pandemic.

• 1:12:46Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:12:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:47Lewis Howes?

  So not until twenty, right before 2020?

• 1:12:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I, yeah.

• 1:12:51Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:12:51Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Lewis Howes?

  Where you felt like you had like a surplus, you had extra?

• 1:12:56Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, so like where I felt like, not only do I, yeah, when I have a surplus into, okay, so surplus is different depending on what you're building.

• 1:13:06Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 1:13:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So my surplus, when it was just me, existed before 2020. But now I have a business and I have people I started hiring and I had overhead. And when I first hired them, it was just me. And your girl was scared because now your whole life depends on whether or not

• 1:13:22Lewis Howes?

  You're making the money.

• 1:13:24Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  This idea can get off of the ground. And so we managed to get the business off of the ground and we started working for things and, and we were building it up. And right before the pandemic, I finally felt like, whoo, I hired these people. I'm gonna be able to keep them on staff. Like, I'm gonna be able to offer them benefits. Like, I was really intentional because, because of equality and pay. Like, there were certain things I couldn't do as a small business owner. But there were certain, like, I wanna make sure you have benefits. I wanna get us a 401K plan. Like, I don't want you to just hire and hire you in a struggle. And so right before the pandemic, I finally felt like I can take care of my team and still not worry about if my kids wanna go to college. Cause I was praying at one point that y'all just decided you wanna be artist and not go to school.

• 1:14:09Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. Or you're so smart, you get scholarships.

• 1:14:11Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Exactly. And then the pandemic hit and I felt like I was like back in this space where I'm like, okay, I don't know what we're gonna do.

• 1:14:18Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:14:19Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:19Lewis Howes?

  When it hit, you weren't sure what you were gonna do?

• 1:14:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Well, like, so I have a clothing store and people aren't going anywhere.

• 1:14:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:14:26Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, and I'm a speaker and

• 1:14:28Lewis Howes?

  You can't speak anywhere.

• 1:14:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  We're not speaking.

• 1:14:30Lewis Howes?

  So how did you navigate that? Were you able to shift that to keep earning and?

• 1:14:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So the good thing is that we were able, like, I had savings. So it wasn't like I was completely in trouble. So I had enough time to pivot. And we weren't able to pivot. Podcast was still going. I expanded the podcast. I used to do it in seasons. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do this weekly.

• 1:14:50Lewis Howes?

  Smart.

• 1:14:51Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  So that I can continue to have.

• 1:14:52Lewis Howes?

  I like that. Consistency, that's what I do.

• 1:14:54Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, so I can continue to have this stream. The clothing store continued to do well. Let's flood this subscription on-demand channel with content so that we can make sure we retain our subscription services. And then I did what was like probably crazy and doesn't make sense on paper, which is how I know it's a God thing, is we started giving money away to people who really needed it.

• 1:15:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:15:16Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And people who had lost their job during the pandemic. Like, we would give money away to four or five women a week for, with this one on for months. Like, you need help with your groceries, you need help with childcare. Like, we were just giving money away. Because my faith, I don't know, now this is like some, you know, not necessarily makes sense on paper. I just believe that if I took care of people, that God would take care of me. And so my mission became like, how can we take care of people? It doesn't make sense on paper. How we were able to still sustain it really, literally doesn't make sense on paper. And there were like some things, like virtual speaking things came through where people were like, hey, if you can do this, we'll give you that.

• 1:15:59Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And so, you know, there were some hits that were able to come through. But I'm not afraid anymore.

• 1:16:06Lewis Howes?

  That's smart. I like that idea. When people have a negative mindset around money, how do you support them in that? Or do you talk about that in your ministry of shifting the beliefs around money? That money is bad and evil, or I'm not deserving of making money?

• 1:16:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, so there are people who are much more qualified to talk about money, who I try to bring in to help us navigate money mindsets. But I do think at the end of the day, not having a strategy for your money is one of the major stresses. I have a friend, her name is Dr. Anita Phillips, and she talks about how, you know, the financial stress of life has a negative effect on our mental health.

• 1:16:46Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:16:47Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And so the strategy behind our money is something that I try to touch on. But I know that there are people who are just much more knowledgeable, who I bring in to try and help our women as much as possible.

• 1:16:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What's the thing you're most proud of that most people don't know about you?

• 1:17:06Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Um, in another life, I was probably like a nineteen fifty's housewife. Like, I really, I'm really like someone who likes to create environment and that shows up in my home. So like, you know, if we have, like during the pandemic, you know, we're at home more and that's when you realize like, okay, we need a table here. Okay, this girl don't have a dresser. She needs a dress in her room. And things would come in. Not only did I order them, I would put them together.

• 1:17:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:17:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Like, I will put them together. We will have dinner on the table. I make like, and this is not what I'm saying every woman should do. By no means am I saying this. I enjoy it. I make my husband breakfast. Like, okay, so I've been doing this tour. So I haven't made him breakfast this week, but every morning I make my husband breakfast.

• 1:17:53Lewis Howes?

  Dang.

• 1:17:54Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Like, every single morning.

• 1:17:56Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna come stay in the guest house.

• 1:17:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I cook dinner like, four times a week I cook dinner for my family. Like, we've been ordering in a lot this week because the book launched and I asked them last night, like, what do you guys want to order? My daughter's like, you're cooking. That's what we want to order. Because I mean, that's, I, I love taking care of my family. All I want, like, I really wanted to be a housewife. Like, I really wanted to just like create this environment for my family and I get to do it now.

• 1:18:21Lewis Howes?

  How do you balance it all? Of building businesses, managing team, preaching and doing the ministry work, touring, wife, mom, cook, you know, HGTV personality? Like, how do you do all of it?

• 1:18:37Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I'm not all of those things at the same time. And I avoid instances that require me to be all of them at the same time. So like, right now, I am only the author of Woman Evolved. When we leave here, I am only gonna be their wife and mom.

• 1:18:51Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:18:51Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I think the idea of when I'm in something, I am one hundred percent of who I need to be in that moment.

• 1:18:57Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:18:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And when I leave that moment, I close the door on it. I'm not gonna rehearse what I should have said or should not have said and it's, it's over now. It is what it is. I'm moving on to the next thing because I can't live divided. I did that already. It didn't work out for me.

• 1:19:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the skill of being fully present, you said, is a, a, a masterful skill. I'm curious, uh, you said thirteen when you had your child.

• 1:19:23Lewis Howes?

  What would you say to your 13-year-old self right after the moment you got pregnant? If your 13-year-old self was sitting where I'm at, what would you say? What did she need to hear from where you're at now?

• 1:19:35Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay, so this is not an exciting answer, but it is true, I would not say anything. I would hug myself, like, super, super tight. Maybe I would whisper, "You're gonna be okay." But,

• 1:19:54Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  you know, I think that that instantly kinda makes you like the social pariah. Everyone else is so wounded that no one, no one really is thinking about the pain that you're in 'cause you did this, right? So, I would've, I would've held myself really, really tight. Really, really tight. And I would've just said, "You're gonna be okay."

• 1:20:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Was there a moment where you felt like

• 1:20:20Lewis Howes?

  you let go of that pain?

• 1:20:25Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I don't know if it was a moment. Oh, there was a moment. I, okay, I just shared this story recently. And, um, yeah. I can, if I like go back in time in my mind, I can still like tap into it, but I don't live with it as ever-present as I did. I was still carrying the pain with me to a certain extent. I just stepped into my life with faith. So like, you can step into your life with faith and still have pain about what it took for you to get there.

• 1:20:56Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 1:20:57Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And so even in accepting my life, I still just accepted, you know, this is a part of my story. There's pain there, that's fine, I'm moving on. Um, but right before we went on our very first tour, uh, I started having the 13-year-old just start talking, like, "Girl, you crazy, you cannot do this. Why would you do..." 'Cause the tour, like, we put the tour up and like, it was at capacity, like, within days. Like, we did eight cities.

• 1:21:21Lewis Howes?

  When was this?

• 1:21:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Uh, 2018.

• 1:21:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:21:23Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  2018, yeah. So we, you know, tickets up, at capacity.

• 1:21:28Lewis Howes?

  Gone, sold out.

• 1:21:29Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Gone.

• 1:21:30Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:21:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I'm like, why are people coming to hear you speak? Like, this is crazy. This is not a good idea. Like, what are you gonna say? And I'm always naming things crazy, like revolutionize your life. Like, that's a big thing to say. And I think this one was like wild woman. It's like, okay, so we're gonna turn all these women into wild women. So I was like, this was such a clown. This is such clown behavior from you. So I'm just like giving myself all of the words. I'm in a zone. And I just remember this person said something to me when I got pregnant. And they found out, they said, I always knew to expect something like this out of you. And it was just like.

• 1:22:03Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, dagger.

• 1:22:05Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah, big time, big time. Because I didn't know what it was about me that I didn't know. I didn't know why they said that. And so I never trusted myself because of that. And so here I am in a moment again of distrust with self, going on tour to empower other women. And it's like, who are you? You're the girl that got pregnant. And so I'm praying, I'm worshiping. Because like at this point, I'm like, Lord Jesus, please help me. If you up there, big guy, I need you to talk to me. Okay, send the word down. And I was in that moment of worship. And I'm feeling really tender, really delicate, really vulnerable and fragile with this demand that is being made on me to like change people's lives.

• 1:22:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  And I was just like carrying all of that into the presence of God and into my meditation. And I just felt like God said, I always knew to expect something like this.

• 1:22:58Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my goodness. That gave me the chills. Wow.

• 1:23:04Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It was. It's what I tell myself now when I'm walking into a moment that feels bigger than me.

• 1:23:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:23:13Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's like, I always knew to expect something like this out of you.

• 1:23:16Lewis Howes?

  You're giving me the chills right now.

• 1:23:18Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:18Lewis Howes?

  That is powerful.

• 1:23:20Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It's the very thing that made me stop trusting myself.

• 1:23:24Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 1:23:26Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Are the very words that make me step into a moment of extreme belief.

• 1:23:30Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:23:31Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  That is like, that was the moment where it just, it couldn't hurt me the way that it did anymore.

• 1:23:37Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, that's beautiful.

• 1:23:40Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  It changed, it changed, it changed everything for me.

• 1:23:42Lewis Howes?

  It's kind of getting back to that self-talk and not allowing the words of other people to penetrate your self-worth, but you building it from within.

• 1:23:50Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:50Lewis Howes?

  Or listening to something greater and, and speaking from that.

• 1:23:53Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:53Lewis Howes?

  Coming from that place. That's beautiful.

• 1:23:55Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:57Lewis Howes?

  I want to talk forever with you, but I also want to respect our time. And I've got a couple of final questions. Before I ask the final questions, I want people to get this book. Woman Evolve: Break Up With Your Fears and Revolutionize Your Life. Big words, powerful words, but they're going to support you in a big way. So make sure you guys check out this book. I say get a few copies for your friends, pass them out to people. It'll be worth it. Definitely pick up this book. This question is a question I ask everyone at the end called the three truths. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario. It's your last day on earth, many years away from now. You get to live as long as you want to live, but then you got to turn the lights off at some point. And you accomplish all your dreams.

• 1:24:40Lewis Howes?

  You have the life you want to have, your family does amazing, all the things happen. You write the books, you build the businesses, you change lives, whatever you want to do, it happens. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your messages with you. All of your books, writing, podcasts, videos, everything you've ever said has to go with you to the next place. So no one has access to your information anymore. But you get to leave behind three things you know to be true. Three lessons that you've learned from your life. You get to write them down on a piece of paper and share this with the world. And this is all they would have to remember your message by. What would you say are your three lessons or your three truths?

• 1:25:26Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  I get to take my time and think about it.

• 1:25:28Lewis Howes?

  Go ahead.

• 1:25:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Cut all of the dead air in it.

• 1:25:30Lewis Howes?

  All ahead.

• 1:25:36Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Okay.

• 1:25:38Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  God is real.

• 1:25:41Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  God is good.

• 1:25:44Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  God is in you.

• 1:25:50Lewis Howes?

  Amen. I love that. This is, um, before I ask the final question, I want people to make sure that they follow you. Uh, your Instagram is amazing. Uh, lots of great video content there. I know the stuff you're up to there. So it's Sarah Jakes Roberts on Instagram, S Jakes Roberts on Twitter, Sarah Jakes Roberts on Facebook, YouTube as well, Sarah Jakes Roberts as well. And then is there a main website we should go check out for all the stuff you're up to? The members area that you have, the ministry, everything else?

• 1:26:21Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  womenevolve.com.

• 1:26:22Lewis Howes?

  womenevolve.com. They can get the book there. They can see everything you're up to, the tour, the clothing, the...

• 1:26:28Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  All of the things.

• 1:26:29Lewis Howes?

  Everything's there. Okay, womenevolve.com. Uh, check that out. And, um, your podcast is called?

• 1:26:36Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  WomanEvolve.

• 1:26:37Lewis Howes?

  WomanEvolve. So everything. So subscribe to all these things. Check it out. Uh, this is powerful. And if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to leave a comment below, uh, with the biggest takeaway from this interview. This has been really inspiring for me. I'm really glad we got to connect. Before I ask the final question, Sarah, I want to acknowledge you for a moment for your gift and for your voice. And I, and I've been getting the chills throughout this interview and it usually doesn't happen this frequently. So I really acknowledge you for the truth that you have inside of you and being a hundred percent authentic to you are at this moment in your life, for living your life in service to other people, especially for women who don't feel like they have a voice and you sharing your voice and giving them tools and strategies and inspiration.

• 1:27:20Lewis Howes?

  We need more people like you, Sarah. So I'm very grateful for you. I acknowledge you for the gift you are. And I acknowledge you for making the changes when you didn't believe in yourself and you didn't feel like you were worthy of certain things. Because a decade of feeling that way can cripple some of us. And for you to say, okay, I'm in a dark place, but this isn't going to define the rest of my life. I can still make something more meaningful. It's really inspiring. So I acknowledge you for all the changes and all the beauty you're going to create in the world in the future. And I'm really grateful I got to connect with you. So hopefully we can stay in touch and hopefully I can see you, uh, live someday from the stage. It'd be fun to watch you live. Um, my final question for you is what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:28:10Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Daring to live vulnerably for the world to be inspired by and taught by. I think that's greatness, living vulnerably.

• 1:28:25Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Living vulnerably, like actually showing up and doing life vulnerably, loving vulnerably, working, creating from that place of vulnerability where validation would be nice, but not necessary because my only option is to produce from this place. I think that's greatness.

• 1:28:44Lewis Howes?

  Sarah, thank you so much. Appreciate you.

• 1:28:46Sarah Jakes Roberts?

  Thank you. This was fun.

• 1:28:47Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate it. Powerful. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I truly am inspired by Sarah, the human she has become, the message she stands for, her mission, her vision, everything. Make sure to check her out over on social media. Make sure to get a copy of the book, support her there as well, and learn more about all the amazing things she's up to. I really loved her energy, her message, and this woman is doing some big things. So make sure to check her out. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe over to the School of Greatness on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Click that subscribe button right now and leave us a rating and review. I would love to hear your biggest takeaway from this episode. Leave it in that review section over on Apple Podcasts. We pick some of our top reviewers

• 1:29:30Lewis Howes?

  of the week and share them throughout our newsletter. So make sure to share something that you would want us to share to our audience as well. And if you want inspirational messages from me sent to your phone via text every single week to keep you inspired and motivated, then text me the word PODCAST to my number, six one four three five zero three nine six zero. And I want to leave you with this quote from Dolly Parton, who said, "If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one. It doesn't matter the challenges, the pain, the struggles you've been through. That's one road. You can start creating and paving a new road for yourself. You don't have to be defined by your past, but you can use the past as a foundation to build the next road for yourself. You can always change.

• 1:30:12Lewis Howes?

  In this moment, you can start making different decisions. Start thinking differently about yourself." Start practicing better habits and start building a better path moving forward. You are so worth it. Now is the time. It's time to step up. It's time to overcome these challenges and start moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one's told you lately, that you are loved, my friend. You are worthy and you matter. And you know what time it is? It's time to go out there and do something great.