Just Put It On My Tab | On Handling Haters

Anyone who has had a run of bad luck knows the feeling. It’s frustrating and annoying and sometimes deeply unfair, but there is also something freeing about it.📖 Preorder the final book in Ryan Holiday's The Stoic Virtues Series: "Wisdom Takes Work": https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/wisdom-takes-work📓 Pick up a signed edition of The Daily Stoic Journal: 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on The Art of Living: https://store.dailystoic.com/🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast🎥 Watch top moments from The Daily Stoic Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dailystoicpodcast✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic-inspired meditation, designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women, help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit DailyStoic.com.

• 0:56Ryan Holiday?

  "Just put it on my tab." "Life was just one thing after another for Marcus Aurelius: the plague, the flooding, the wars. 'He did not meet with the good fortune he deserved,' one ancient historian noted, 'as his whole reign was a series of troubles.'" Anyone who has had a run of bad luck knows the feeling. It's frustrating and annoying and sometimes deeply unfair. But there's also something freeing about it, because after a certain point, you stop fighting and start accepting. We can imagine Marcus, after the 50th piece of bad news, just saying, "All right, put it on my tab." What was one more thing at that point? What did it even matter? He knew there was no use resenting, no use wishing it was otherwise, no escaping, no denying. Just had to add it to the list. He had to accept it was pouring and he was in for a long, wet night.

• 1:41Ryan Holiday?

  He had to focus on a plan for what was to come next. It would do us good to borrow this attitude, particularly lately. We've had our own plagues, civil unrest, wars, economic downturns, and on top of this, our own personal issues, perhaps a divorce, young children, trouble at work, an injury, or a diagnosis. While we should never accept injustice or give up hope, we do need to accept that it's time to buckle up. It's not going to be an easy ride. The bill is not going to be cheap. Somebody is going to have to pay it. And like Marcus Aurelius, in our own lives, that person is us. So tell them to put it on your tab and start getting to work on it.

• 2:27Ryan Holiday?

  On handling haters. This is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoic Journal, 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on the Art of Living by yours truly and my wonderful collaborator, Stephen Hanselman, who I also worked on the Daily Stoic with. Today's entry, "The Stoics Taught That Kindness Trumps Hate." They believed that those who engage in hate are prisoners to a destructive passion, one that hurts the practitioner, not the intended target. There's no reason to hate a hater. They are already suffering enough. In fact, when we see them this way, it makes it easier to be kind, good-natured, genuine, and useful. Remember that line in the Bible about how loving your enemies is like pouring hot coals on them because it's so unexpected?

• 3:12Ryan Holiday?

  What can surprise you that way? Whose enmity can you meet with kindness and compassion? And how much better do you feel when you've done so? You know, this is something I've struggled with a bit recently, just having watched my stuff on social media get attacked. You know, sometimes I have fun with it. Sometimes I like to stir it up a bit. I try not to get angry about it. It's not something that makes me angry, but there is a part of it that makes me really sad, really frustrated, because it's not that I can't take it. I can take it. But what I understand is how these ideas are rippling through and influencing other people, making them fall prey to misinformation or participate in antisocial behavior.

• 3:56Ryan Holiday?

  But I do try to remember this idea that hurt people hurt people. That is a great expression. I found it to be very true in my life. But I thought I would give you that thought as we get into today's quotes. The first is from Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11:3. "What if someone despises me?" He says, "Let them see to it, but I will see to it that I won't be found doing or saying anything contemptible." "What if someone hates me?" "Let them see to that, but I will see to it that I'm kind and good-natured to it all." And be prepared to show even the hater where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully. So when I respond, I try to have fun with it.

• 4:41Ryan Holiday?

  And if it doesn't always come off as I'm having fun, I assure you, I am having fun. You know, the Stoics talk about you're gonna laugh, or you're gonna cry. I think if you can't have fun with it, if you can't troll the trolls back, then in a sense, they are winning. But let's go to Meditations 11:18. Kindness is invincible, but only when it's sincere, with no hypocrisy or faking. For what even can the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness? And if given the chance, you gently try to point out where they went wrong, right? As they were trying to harm you. This is the hard part. And I talked about this with Brad Stone in his book about Jeff Bezos. You know, Jeff Bezos heard very early on from his grandfather that it's easier to be clever than kind. And I would say this totally drives with my experience.

• 5:26Ryan Holiday?

  It's easy to have a witty comeback. It's easy to be sarcastic. It's easy to dunk on someone, to point out the obvious and ridiculous flaws or contradictions in their argument, or even to focus on the horrific implications of what they're saying, and point out the costs of their behavior. But kindness is almost certainly what is going to convince someone, right? Patience is what it's gonna take to convince them. And when you attack, you're almost certainly making them dig in more. I have to remind myself of this. And then finally, we have Epictetus's Incredient 20. Keep in mind that it isn't the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse.

• 6:08Ryan Holiday?

  So when someone arouses your anger, note that it's really your own opinion that's fueling it. Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions. For with time and distance, self mastery is more easily achieved. The other thought I would add to this is with the new book coming out, you know, I've never put out a book and not seen some people react negatively, meanly, aggressively about, you know, this thing that I just spent so much time and energy on. And that's something you learn when you put out. Stuff into the world. The people who dislike what you do are almost always louder than the people who are like, "Oh, it's pretty good. I liked it." Right? Most of the things you like, you just sort of nod your head and move on. But it's the

• 6:52Ryan Holiday?

  things you really hate. That's what seems to get us riled up, and that's what we seem to talk about most, we complain about most. So anyone that puts anything out in the world has to understand how to handle haters, not to be triggered by them, not to be distracted by them, not to be made bitter by them, not to be made worse by them. That's what I'm thinking about as I go into this new book. Wisdom Takes Work. I think you'll really like it. Bunch of awesome preorder bonuses, including signed manuscript pages, signed limited edition, and numbered first editions. And you can have dinner with me at the Painted Porch. I'm really excited about it. Bunch of awesome stuff. Grab all that at dailystoic.com/wisdom, or preorder Wisdom Takes Work anywhere you listen or read your books. Thanks so much.

• 7:41Ryan Holiday?

  Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say, we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please, spread the word. Tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say, thank you.