Pretty Little Episode #32

Fortune crashes the pretty little party and all three hosts take a very fun question involving Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, and... AMC Theatres?! Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-streaming-live-from-austin. Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:34Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:53Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 2:16Tig Notaro?

  Pretty little episode.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  Every time. It startles me.

• 2:20Tig Notaro?

  Uh, you know what? I was gonna say that was the very first time it didn't startle me.

• 2:24Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  I remembered it was gonna be different. It was gonna sound different.

• 2:28Mae Martin?

  You were prepping yourself, Tig?

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:30Mae Martin?

  This is gonna sound different.

• 2:32Tig Notaro?

  And it doesn't sound like the three of us saying, "Pretty little episode."

• 2:37Mae Martin?

  No, I think it's because I went too deep on, I went, "Pretty little episode," and I should've gone.

• 2:43Tig Notaro?

  And I went, "Pretty little episode."

• 2:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  That's what happened.

• 2:48Mae Martin?

  Like Marcel the Shell.

• 2:49Tig Notaro?

  With shoes on.

• 2:50Mae Martin?

  With shoes on. I always forget that part.

• 2:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, how do you miss the most important part? I mean, that is, that's a good name. If, if I had really thought about it and been more organized with naming children, I would've named one of my sons Marcel the Shell with shoes on.

• 3:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or like if we had qualifiers attached to our names, like it would be May the comedian with, with short hair. It's not as good.

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, that's good. Or with oatmeal tattoo.

• 3:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, May the comedian with oatmeal, or with a sleazy gold chain.

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm, yep.

• 3:27Mae Martin?

  What would yours be?

• 3:28Tig Notaro?

  I would be, um, oh, I almost copied Jenny and called me, I call, almost called myself.

• 3:37Tig Notaro?

  Is it Tig the Shell? Oh, the comedian, okay. See, in my head, it was Tig the Shell with slippers on and I'm okay with that. Tig the Shell with slippers on?

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that a lot.

• 3:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:48Mae Martin?

  How are you? It's, sorry to interrupt.

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I was just talking more about the shell and shoes and stuff, but, um.

• 3:55Mae Martin?

  I was just wondering how you are and.

• 3:57Tig Notaro?

  I'm, I'm doing, uh, well. I've been, I've been home now for, um, a little over a month and I've just been walking around the house singing. I'm normal, doing normal things in my normal life.

• 4:13Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 4:15Tig Notaro?

  So much like.

• 4:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 4:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's incredible to get up and drive Max and Finn to school and then have coffee, take a walk with Stephanie and just chat. We'll chat for like an hour or something and then, you know.

• 4:32Mae Martin?

  I'm craving that normalcy. Like, I'm craving having access to all my clothing options too.

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Mae Martin?

  Like, I've just had the same options for a month and I can't wait to get home and I just feel to wear a different pair of jeans, you know?

• 4:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it would definitely be nice to see you in a different pair of jeans.

• 4:49Mae Martin?

  I know, I know.

• 4:51Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I am so deeply sick of those jeans you've been wearing.

• 4:56Mae Martin?

  I know, and you can't even see them. They're cut off screen, but you can sense that they're.

• 4:59Tig Notaro?

  I can censor there and I'm sick and tired of them.

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  Well, I tried to. I thought maybe you might enjoy this zip sweater, this like three quarter zip.

• 5:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  I wouldn't usually wear. I usually wear a hoodie, don't I?

• 5:11Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's really nice. You thought I'd appreciate it because it seems like I'd wear it?

• 5:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it felt like a very tig garment and, you know, it was just gonna be you and me and I wanted to impress.

• 5:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's been done here. I am very impressed and I would like it as a hand me down, please.

• 5:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, great. Okay.

• 5:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, when you grow up older than me, which will never happen. When I was little, I used to think I couldn't wait until I was older than my brother. I was gonna like beat him. I was gonna like get older than him.

• 5:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:43Tig Notaro?

  It didn't happen. No.

• 5:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, well, well, well.

• 5:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, well, well. Popped in, went all rogue and popped into our pretty little episode.

• 5:57Mae Martin?

  I feel like we've been.

• 5:59Tig Notaro?

  You can't get away from me.

• 6:00Mae Martin?

  Cheating, yeah.

• 6:01Tig Notaro?

  You feel caught cheating?

• 6:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I kind of feel like, hey, we weren't having that much fun for it, and I swear.

• 6:06Tig Notaro?

  Feels like you were. Feels like you were. Yeah, we were.

• 6:11Fortune Feimster?

  What are you guys talking about?

• 6:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I was talking about how I've been doing normal things. I, I, I wrote this hit song called, "I'm doing normal things in my normal life and I'm just a normal person." Just because it feels good to be home and just taking Max and Finn to school and taking a walk and, you know.

• 6:30Fortune Feimster?

  I'm happy for you bud.

• 6:32Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. I'm just, I'm not, um, I'm not in Toronto anymore.

• 6:36Mae Martin?

  And I am in Toronto. This is, we are, it's crazy. Yeah.

• 6:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Mae Martin?

  And my song that I walk around singing is, "I'm still away."

• 6:47Mae Martin?

  I cry myself out and I'm really glad that Fortune laughed.

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Never be home.

• 6:54Tig Notaro?

  I'm hanging in my kitchen.

• 6:57Fortune Feimster?

  With my cooter out.

• 7:02Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 7:04Tig Notaro?

  What was that response?

• 7:09Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie?

• 7:10Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, Tig Marie.

• 7:11Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 7:12Fortune Feimster?

  Look at my mug. It says Ford.

• 7:17Tig Notaro?

  What does that mean? Other than like a car?

• 7:20Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. Why do I have a mug that has Ford on it? Where did this come from?

• 7:26Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, but that was a very like, um, Aunt Fortune thing to, to say, like, what do you mean?

• 7:33Fortune Feimster?

  My mug says Ford.

• 7:37Fortune Feimster?

  It could say Fortune.

• 7:40Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes. You know what my mug says?

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 7:44Tig Notaro?

  "Ask me about my cat."

• 7:46Mae Martin?

  Does it actually say that?

• 7:47Tig Notaro?

  It does.

• 7:48Mae Martin?

  Oh my God. So, how is your cat?

• 7:51Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, that's, that's the vibe. And, uh, you know, when people are visiting from out of town, I'll, uh, I'll just be drinking out of my mug and then I'll point to it and I'll be like,

• 8:04Tig Notaro?

  And I'll point, you know, and then they'll be like, oh, um, how's your cat? Or I'll do it to Stephanie, you know, be like, excuse me.

• 8:12Mae Martin?

  We should make handsome mugs that say, ask me about my cooter.

• 8:16Tig Notaro?

  Ask me about my cooter. That's a great idea.

• 8:20Fortune Feimster?

  Great word.

• 8:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I went and did that, um, podcast the other day, um, Office Ladies.

• 8:28Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. About the office.

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  That's right, Fortune. What are you, a detective? And, uh,

• 8:34Fortune Feimster?

  That's my monocle.

• 8:36Tig Notaro?

  When I walked in, the engineer, producer, editor, somebody had a little cowboy hat on.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 8:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:43Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 8:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 8:45Fortune Feimster?

  I have my, oh, wait, I don't, I thought I had my handsome sweatpants on.

• 8:49Tig Notaro?

  Are you pantless right now?

• 8:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 8:54Fortune Feimster?

  Ask me about my cooter.

• 8:56Tig Notaro?

  I just realized that would be a good, uh, response to the Smartless podcast is pantless.

• 9:02Mae Martin?

  That's true.

• 9:03Fortune Feimster?

  And everyone that doesn't wear pants. That's how it works.

• 9:06Tig Notaro?

  That's exactly right, Fortune.

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  And when we recorded, our cameras are just pointed at our bottom halves.

• 9:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  Our top halves are off camera and we hold the mics to our butts and we make it seem like our butts are doing the podcast.

• 9:18Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know how long of a shelf life this, uh,

• 9:20Mae Martin?

  No. It feels career ending, to be honest.

• 9:24Tig Notaro?

  I feel like it would shoot to number one or number two. Okay. Yeah. Oh, uh,

• 9:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my word.

• 9:32Mae Martin?

  Should we get to some, uh, listener questions?

• 9:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Also, um, I can't believe Fortune barged in on our episode.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all. I swear to God.

• 9:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Hello, handsome friends. My name is Harmony. I'm here in Nashville, Tennessee. I heard your podcast talking about wanting Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman to come to your show at the Ryman. And if anybody knew them, to let them know. So I see him on a regular basis. And he just happened to come into my work today with his daughter. And I told him all about you guys and your handsome podcast and that you are coming to the Ryman. And how much you guys love him and Nicole. And that he should check y'all out and he should go to the show. So.

• 10:29Fortune Feimster?

  Keith, come through.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Stop in and say you're welcome. And if I had a question, it would be, um, can I take you all out to lunch in Nashville? And my answer to that would be yes.

• 10:42Fortune Feimster?

  Let's see if Keith comes through first.

• 10:48Mae Martin?

  When I heard that, I realized that I was taking it as confirmed that he's coming.

• 10:52Fortune Feimster?

  I, I was, I was, I was like hanging on, like, uh, we didn't get any sort of information about, did he seem interested? Did he care? Was he like, oh my God, Tig Notaro? You guys pretend you, uh, your harmony real quick, telling Keith, I'm Keith Urban. I've just come into your shop.

• 11:11Mae Martin?

  Tig, you be Nicole Kidman too.

• 11:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:14Mae Martin?

  Okay. Oh my God. Well, um, you came back to Baskin Robbins. Um, Keith.

• 11:22Mae Martin?

  Nicole.

• 11:23Fortune Feimster?

  You don't have razor blades in this ice cream, do you?

• 11:27Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 11:28Mae Martin?

  I'm a huge fan. I don't know if you guys are familiar with the handsome podcast, but.

• 11:32Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no.

• 11:33Mae Martin?

  Okay, okay. And would you like to, um, comment? You should be on their show.

• 11:47Fortune Feimster?

  Good day.

• 11:49Tig Notaro?

  Good day, mate.

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  Good day, mate.

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 11:52Fortune Feimster?

  I think that's probably how it went down.

• 12:03Tig Notaro?

  Wait, why does she see Keith Urban every day?

• 12:05Fortune Feimster?

  I bet she's a hairdresser.

• 12:08Mae Martin?

  He would go every day. He's got an amazing head of hair.

• 12:12Fortune Feimster?

  He sure does.

• 12:13Mae Martin?

  In answer to her, the second part of her question, I would 1 million% go for lunch with her.

• 12:18Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 12:19Mae Martin?

  I mean, not in a weird way. I just want to know the local spots. I want to see like, what's Texas food like?

• 12:25Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's Nashville.

• 12:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, oh.

• 12:31Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna go out to lunch in Nashville to see what Texas food is like.

• 12:37Mae Martin?

  I don't know, there might be a Texan restaurant in Nashville.

• 12:40Fortune Feimster?

  Is there any Texas barbecue around this Nashville place? What Keith doesn't know is that I know how to two-step really well to one of his songs.

• 12:49Tig Notaro?

  Which song?

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  There's a new thing.

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  I know that song.

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you. I'm a great two stepper to that song.

• 13:11Tig Notaro?

  God, that's a good song.

• 13:12Fortune Feimster?

  That's a really good song.

• 13:14Tig Notaro?

  It's really good.

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, Tig, if you saw me two-step into it.

• 13:18Tig Notaro?

  With those gams?

• 13:19Fortune Feimster?

  With these gams.

• 13:21Tig Notaro?

  No pants on?

• 13:22Fortune Feimster?

  You would be turned on. I'm telling you, bud.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Really? I'm telling you, bud.

• 13:28Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you, bud. You'd really want a piece of this. You guys, all the people listening, I don't toot my horn often, but toot, toot. I can two-step like a mofo.

• 13:40Tig Notaro?

  You toot horns like nobody's business. I'm always like, Fortune, put the horn down.

• 13:47Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all.

• 13:50Mae Martin?

  But wait, can you only two-step to that song?

• 13:53Fortune Feimster?

  No, that's just a really good one to two-step to, because it's, it's, um, it follows the rhythm of the two-step, but it's upbeat.

• 14:00Tig Notaro?

  And do you lead?

• 14:01Fortune Feimster?

  I lead and I, I'm also a very good salsa dancer, so I incorporated salsa moves, like spins and stuff, into the two-stepping.

• 14:12Tig Notaro?

  Well, are you ever gonna go on dancing with the celebrities?

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  Dancing with the celebrities.

• 14:19Fortune Feimster?

  Are you? Um, they've never asked. I don't know because I don't know. I, I would only really know how to be the boy parts.

• 14:26Mae Martin?

  I think they would do that. These days, aren't they mixing it up sometimes? You could, you could dance with the woman or do a boy part.

• 14:30Fortune Feimster?

  It seems like a lot of physical fitness.

• 14:33Mae Martin?

  But you'd be incredible.

• 14:34Fortune Feimster?

  I actually would be pretty good.

• 14:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Let's get Fortune on Dancing with the Celebrities.

• 14:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's a new show.

• 14:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:43Fortune Feimster?

  But anyway, I used to go to Old Can Harry's.

• 14:46Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 14:46Fortune Feimster?

  The gay country western bar.

• 14:48Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 14:48Fortune Feimster?

  And two step a bunch, but now I need a new place.

• 14:52Mae Martin?

  Is two stepping, sorry. I'm sorry to ask.

• 14:55Fortune Feimster?

  Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, slow, slow.

• 14:58Mae Martin?

  Slow, quick, slow. Yeah, I can picture that.

• 15:00Fortune Feimster?

  That's the rhythm.

• 15:02Mae Martin?

  Okay, great.

• 15:02Fortune Feimster?

  But I turn people, spin them. I do all these moves. May, pretty great.

• 15:08Mae Martin?

  Wow, let's go out.

• 15:10Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 15:11Tig Notaro?

  Wait, are you asking Fortune out?

• 15:13Fortune Feimster?

  No, like out on the town.

• 15:13Mae Martin?

  Well, I think Fortune has been subtly insinuating that she wants to take me out with all this talk. May, you should see it. I turn people.

• 15:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I turn all the straights gay.

• 15:24Mae Martin?

  With your two step.

• 15:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so straights, watch out. I wanna love somebody.

• 15:29Tig Notaro?

  Love somebody like you.

• 15:33Fortune Feimster?

  Well, Keith, come through.

• 15:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Keith, come through.

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  Come on, Keith. I introduced Nicole Kidman at a award ceremony once. You can drop that to her.

• 15:43Fortune Feimster?

  That's something.

• 15:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  What did she say?

• 15:45Fortune Feimster?

  Nerf.

• 15:46Tig Notaro?

  We were just standing quietly next to each other behind the curtain.

• 15:51Mae Martin?

  So awkward.

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was just me and Nicole Kidman, who is already a tall drink of water. If you've heard, if you've seen my Hello Again special, I talk about, I think she's six feet. And um, she had on really high heels and I was just, you know, standing there in my, my, my flats.

• 16:11Mae Martin?

  And your flats.

• 16:12Tig Notaro?

  And.

• 16:13Mae Martin?

  Your penny, your penny loafers.

• 16:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, my penny loafers. And I had to introduce her onto the stage and I just said, hi, I'm Tig. And she was like. Nar.

• 16:22Fortune Feimster?

  Nar.

• 16:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Fortune Feimster?

  Nar.

• 16:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:24Fortune Feimster?

  I like Nicole Kidman so much. I went to the movie theater to see Baby Girl.

• 16:29Tig Notaro?

  Wow, that is love.

• 16:30Mae Martin?

  That's love. That's love. Yeah.

• 16:32Tig Notaro?

  And isn't she in movie theater, like the intro at movie theaters?

• 16:36Fortune Feimster?

  Iconic.

• 16:36Mae Martin?

  Famously, yeah.

• 16:38Fortune Feimster?

  Famously. People recite that. People recite her commercials.

• 16:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, really?

• 16:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 16:43Tig Notaro?

  Then tell me what it is, because I don't know.

• 16:45Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't say I did.

• 16:46Mae Martin?

  It's like, we come to the movies.

• 16:48Fortune Feimster?

  The gay guys love it.

• 16:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I feel like gay men made that viral by recognizing how iconic it is. And it's like, we come here to be startled, to be, and then it goes, even heartbreak feels good in a place like this.

• 17:03Tig Notaro?

  We come to this place for magic.

• 17:05Fortune Feimster?

  We come to AMC Theatres to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that.

• 17:13Mae Martin?

  I just need to clarify for people.

• 17:16Fortune Feimster?

  No, indescribable feeling. We get, when the lights begin to dim. And we go somewhere we've never been before. Not just entertained, but somehow reborn together. Dazzling images on a huge silver screen. Sound that I can feel. Somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Our heroes feel like the best part of us. And stories feel perfect and powerful, because here, they are.

• 17:56Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 17:58Fortune Feimster?

  That is pretty dramatic.

• 18:00Tig Notaro?

  It is. And I'm gonna rehearse this over and over until I get it down. But I also want to acknowledge that we've kind of forgotten that we got asked a question. And we were really far off the rails.

• 18:12Fortune Feimster?

  No, she didn't have a question.

• 18:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she was with me to go for lunch.

• 18:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and May is going to lunch.

• 18:18Mae Martin?

  So are you guys not coming? You're not coming for lunch?

• 18:20Fortune Feimster?

  My mom's gonna be in Nashville with us.

• 18:23Tig Notaro?

  And my family's gonna be there.

• 18:25Mae Martin?

  They cannot, I'm sure that you're invited.

• 18:28Tig Notaro?

  You're not sure.

• 18:29Fortune Feimster?

  We'll follow up with Harmony.

• 18:31Tig Notaro?

  But also, I need Harmony.

• 18:33Fortune Feimster?

  Harmony.

• 18:34Tig Notaro?

  I need Harmony to tell Keith. About hello again and about Nicole, the reference to Nicole in there. Okay.

• 18:44Fortune Feimster?

  And maybe replay him, our rendition of Nicole's AMC theater.

• 18:48Tig Notaro?

  Replay, replay all of this.

• 18:50Mae Martin?

  I don't know that that's gonna endear us.

• 18:52Tig Notaro?

  I do, I do. We're gonna have Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman onstage with us in Nashville.

• 18:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, if it were already sold out, it would sell out.

• 19:02Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, we could add a second show because we have Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman.

• 19:07Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think she told him it was sold out? He should know that.

• 19:11Mae Martin?

  You think?

• 19:12Fortune Feimster?

  Because he's gonna be like, oh, they probably want me to sell tickets.

• 19:16Tig Notaro?

  Okay, no.

• 19:18Fortune Feimster?

  We don't need that.

• 19:19Mae Martin?

  So when we're in Nashville and your family's there and your mom's there.

• 19:24Tig Notaro?

  Nashville or Texas, wherever.

• 19:26Mae Martin?

  You know, Nashville, Texas.

• 19:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:29Mae Martin?

  So and I'm there just on my lonesome. Can I hang with you guys? Are we gonna do a group activity or something?

• 19:36Tig Notaro?

  Not with me. Let's do a group activity. Yeah, come on. No, of course, we can have a big, um, a big crazy day and night and next day up all night.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  All night. Mm hmm.

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  Laura's coming too.

• 19:53Mae Martin?

  Seriously?

• 19:54Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 19:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, I gotta get a partner fast. Well, Ginger's coming.

• 19:59Fortune Feimster?

  Jax isn't coming, just my mom.

• 20:01Mae Martin?

  Jax isn't coming? I know, but you got.

• 20:03Fortune Feimster?

  You and my mom can hook up.

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  Well, then who are you gonna hook up?

• 20:06Tig Notaro?

  You're offering your mother's cooter to May? Oh, my God.

• 20:12Fortune Feimster?

  Hey.

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  You know, May is gonna use and abuse that thing.

• 20:16Mae Martin?

  No, you guys. I just wanna spoon. I just want.

• 20:20Tig Notaro?

  There you go.

• 20:21Mae Martin?

  To spoon your mom.

• 20:22Tig Notaro?

  Would Ginger spoon May?

• 20:24Fortune Feimster?

  Well, well, she might not be able to get back up, but so we'll spoon May.

• 20:30Mae Martin?

  Who would be the big spoon out of me and Ginger?

• 20:33Tig Notaro?

  Um.

• 20:34Mae Martin?

  I think me, let's.

• 20:34Fortune Feimster?

  You would.

• 20:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you're the big spoon, bud.

• 20:36Mae Martin?

  Thanks, guys.

• 20:37Tig Notaro?

  Can we just say me?

• 20:38Mae Martin?

  Can we just say me?

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  Can I be that big spoon? Well, Harmony, that was a delightful question.

• 20:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:43Mae Martin?

  Yes, thank you so much.

• 20:44Tig Notaro?

  I keep forgetting about you, Harmony, and I'm so sorry because that was such a wonderful question to get. Thank you for listening to the podcast. And get Keith and Nicole down to the show. It's sold out. We're big deals, okay? We don't need them there. We want them there.

• 20:59Fortune Feimster?

  But I love Harmony, that Harmony put herself out there for us.

• 21:02Mae Martin?

  Yes. Like, we always ask people to spread the word about the pod. I love it.

• 21:06Fortune Feimster?

  And she did.

• 21:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:08Fortune Feimster?

  That's a friend right there.

• 21:09Tig Notaro?

  So again, this is a great moment for us to say, listen, if you have access to a big wig, to Dolly Parton's big wig, then please reach out and connect us because we really need one of those to come through where it's hilarious that, that somebody told a massive celebrity.

• 21:29Fortune Feimster?

  And they just showed up.

• 21:30Tig Notaro?

  Or they come on our show, like this.

• 21:33Fortune Feimster?

  What if Keith Urban just walks out on stage? That would be hilarious.

• 21:35Tig Notaro?

  He's going to.

• 21:36Fortune Feimster?

  Kacey Musgraves, she has that gay song.

• 21:40Tig Notaro?

  What is the gay song?

• 21:41Mae Martin?

  Wait, does she?

• 21:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's a song about if your arrow points in a certain way, that's okay.

• 21:47Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  That's great.

• 21:49Fortune Feimster?

  Arrow is being gay.

• 21:50Tig Notaro?

  That sounds gay.

• 21:51Mae Martin?

  That sounds pretty gay.

• 21:52Fortune Feimster?

  If you love somebody.

• 21:54Tig Notaro?

  Point your arrow to a gay person.

• 21:57Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, it's a gay song.

• 21:59Mae Martin?

  I think we should just put Keith's name on the door, put him on the list, just in case he shows up.

• 22:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, put him on the list, for sure. Just in case he can't get in.

• 22:08Tig Notaro?

  We should also have a, um, a green room, a dressing room, that, that says Keith Urban, and like a big star on the door. And then the next door down, it's gonna say Nicole Kidman.

• 22:24Fortune Feimster?

  And we fill the dressing rooms with champagne and flowers.

• 22:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh, we have, they have separate dressing rooms, but then we also have a dressing room where it says Keith and Nicole.

• 22:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, in case they wanted.

• 22:39Tig Notaro?

  In case they, yeah.

• 22:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, great.

• 22:41Fortune Feimster?

  I've never been more excited for a live show. The only other one I'm this excited about is our Austin show, which you can livestream.

• 22:49Tig Notaro?

  Which are our only two lined up.

• 22:52Fortune Feimster?

  Exactly.

• 22:54Fortune Feimster?

  Those are the two that we're most excited about.

• 22:57Tig Notaro?

  Well, I think that was such a massive guest to have, a mysterious person that knows Keith and Nicole.

• 23:05Fortune Feimster?

  What are the chances?

• 23:07Tig Notaro?

  Do you think she does Keith's hair?

• 23:08Fortune Feimster?

  That's what I want to know.

• 23:10Mae Martin?

  I know. I want to know what context she's seeing him in so regularly and she's comfortable enough to be like, hey.

• 23:15Fortune Feimster?

  Coffee shop.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  Or you know what? He, um, I bet has more than one person that works on his hair because he's got famous hair.

• 23:24Mae Martin?

  Well, there's layers. He would have one person per layer.

• 23:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:28Mae Martin?

  Um, also isn't he, he's into horses and stuff, so she could be a stable person.

• 23:33Tig Notaro?

  He's like a little cowboy.

• 23:35Mae Martin?

  He's a little cowboy.

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  He's a little cowboy.

• 23:37Fortune Feimster?

  Love the idea of him going, what?

• 23:40Tig Notaro?

  Hi, Nar. I think, I think Harmony, oh, and how perfect that her name is Harmony.

• 23:46Mae Martin?

  Can we quickly sing her name?

• 23:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 23:49Mae Martin?

  Can we quickly?

• 23:49Fortune Feimster?

  Harmony.

• 23:50Mae Martin?

  Harmony.

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  Say you're low, you start low, I'll go high. Harmony.

• 23:56Mae Martin?

  Harmony.

• 23:58Fortune Feimster?

  Harmony.

• 23:59Mae Martin?

  Wait, you gotta keep yours going, Tik.

• 24:01Tig Notaro?

  Are you sure we want her to send this to him?

• 24:03Mae Martin?

  No, she does not have to send this to him.

• 24:05Tig Notaro?

  No, she has to send this episode to him.

• 24:08Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  Okay, Harmony, Har- Harmony.

• 24:12Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta pick a key.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  Harmony. Go Harmony.

• 24:17Tig Notaro?

  Harmony.

• 24:18Mae Martin?

  Harmony.

• 24:20Fortune Feimster?

  Harmony.

• 24:25Mae Martin?

  That was great.

• 24:26Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 24:28Mae Martin?

  Tik's still going.

• 24:29Fortune Feimster?

  We're so good.

• 24:30Mae Martin?

  God, we're good.

• 24:31Fortune Feimster?

  Let's toot our own horn.

• 24:32Tig Notaro?

  Wait, can I start high and then you guys go low?

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, let's try it. Never tried it.

• 24:37Tig Notaro?

  Harmony.

• 24:39Mae Martin?

  Harmony.

• 24:44Tig Notaro?

  I mean.

• 24:45Fortune Feimster?

  I mean. This is why we sing our own theme song.

• 24:47Tig Notaro?

  Are we starting a band called the Indigo Queers?

• 24:52Mae Martin?

  Keith has got to hear this. We've got to be backup singers for him.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, how much do you guys want from me, Jesus?

• 25:00Tig Notaro?

  I'll pay you to stop talking about me.

• 25:04Fortune Feimster?

  Well, once he sees me two-stepping to his song, it's game over, y'all.

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  And he sees your gams? Because you're going to two-step pantless, right?

• 25:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 25:15Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 25:16Fortune Feimster?

  That was fun.

• 25:17Mae Martin?

  Remember, you can still buy tickets to our live stream, April 12th. Just go to our social media pages or dynastypredator.com, get your live stream. And then you can be part of our big colossal live event. It's going to be electric.

• 25:30Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm. Woogie, woogie, woogie, woogie.

• 25:32Mae Martin?

  And I guess until then, all that remains is...

• 25:36Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it.

• 25:36Tig Notaro?

  Pretty handsome.

• 25:39Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media, at HandsomePod.

• 25:55Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast!

• 25:56Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast!

• 26:01Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.