You Can’t Make People Feel What You Want

“It would be so nice if they could just come around. If they could get with the program. Don’t they see what we need? Don’t they see that we love them? Don’t they see that this approach is not working for them, that it’s hurting everyone, including themselves?”Ryan discusses why you must let go of what other people feel, because it’s entirely out of your control, on today’s Daily Stoic Podcast.***If you enjoyed this week’s podcast, we’d love for you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps with our visibility, and the more people listen to the podcast, the more we can invest into it and make it even better. Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: http://DailyStoic.com/signupFollow Daily Stoic:Twitter: https://twitter.com/dailystoicInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoic/Facebook: http://facebook.com/dailystoicYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/dailystoicSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:04Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a passage of ancient wisdom, designed to help you find strength, insight, and wisdom in everyday life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at DailyStoic.com.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  You can't make people feel what you want. It would be so nice if they could just come around, if they could just get with the program. Don't they see what we need? Don't they see that we love them? Don't they see that this approach is not working for them? That it's hurting everyone, including themselves? So we try to convince, so we try to persuade, so we yell and maybe even cry. Does it work? No, it rarely does. As Bonnie Raitt reminds us, "I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something. It won't." The Stoics struggled with this, as you did, as we all do. It's tough, because although other people's feelings and emotions are not in our control, they do have great effect on us. It hurts deeply for love not to be returned.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  It's sad to watch someone do something you know they don't believe, or say something you know they don't mean, because they're struggling, because they're flawed, because they don't feel they can. But what can we do? We can't force them. We can only try to persuade them, as Marcus Aurelius said. But we have to be willing, at some point, to accept our limitations. We have to spend our energy on ourselves, on lessening the hurt that we feel in trying to get someone else to give us the love, or kindness, or support that we think would make us feel better. We have other people who depend on us as well. We have to make sure we don't. In chasing what is not up to us, neglect what is. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone think or do the right thing.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  And even if you could, it would defeat the purpose. It's sad, but it's true.

• 2:02Ryan Holiday?

  Thanks for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. And if you didn't know, I also have another podcast and daily email. Every day, I write something at DailyDad.com, which gets delivered to thousands of people all over the world. I record the meditations, just like this one, on the podcast for free. So if you're a parent, if you know a parent, if you're an expecting parent, I think you'd really like it. It's called Daily Dad, but it has nothing to do with gender. I'm a dad, that's why it's called that. We'd love to have you over at DailyDad.com. And of course, subscribe to the Daily Dad Podcast.