Andi Osho

Actor, ‘Blue Lights’ star and author Andi Osho is this week’s guest in the Dream Restaurant. Did YOU know you can order as many poppadoms as you want? Series 4 of ‘Blue Lights’ is out now, with all episodes available on BBC iPlayer. Watch it here https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/p0f2cxpr/blue-lights. Andi’s latest book, ‘Most Wanted’, is out now published by HarperCollins. Buy it here https://www.waterstones.com/book/most-wanted/andi-osho/9780008431013. Follow Andi on Instagram @theandioshow https://www.instagram.com/theandioshow/ Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Ed Gamble is on tour in 2027 with ‘Fresh Hell’. For dates and tickets go to edgamble.co.uk https://edgamble.co.uk/ Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 2:51Speaker 00

  Hi, this is Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. I've been writing about food and restaurants for almost 50 years, my whole career, really. And what I know is that the good restaurants all have something in common. They're busy. Genuinely, chaotically busy. And somehow, in the last few years, the best of them have begun to make it look easy. And do you know why? Because they're running on Toast's technology. Toast is built for restaurant owners who understand that Toast's tools keep the line moving and keep their customers happy with fewer mistakes and hiccups in ordering and paying. For owners,

• 3:30Speaker 00

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• 4:01Speaker 04

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the baguette of conversation, scooping out all of the bad vibe bread from the middle, putting in a giant hot dog of humor, and squirting in a big old bit of ketchup of friendship. It's a rollover podcast.

• 4:19James Acaster?

  Takes me back. I used to do that. I used to work on the rollover hot dog stand at Wixte Park.

• 4:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, takes you back.

• 4:24James Acaster?

  Takes me back.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:25James Acaster?

  That is a gamble. My name is James A. Caster. Together, we own a dream restaurant. Every single week, we're inviting a guest. We ask them their favorite ever start, a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink in that order. Not, not in that order.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  Not in that order.

• 4:35James Acaster?

  And this week, our guest is Andy Osho.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  Andy Osho, wonderful actor, writer, comedian, and we came up with Andy, you know?

• 4:44James Acaster?

  Multifaceted. Yeah, we came up on the standup comedy circuit with Andy, absolutely smashing it out the park. So great to see her now, doing so much acting. Her books, of course. Her new book, Most Wanted, is out now. You can get that. And a new series of Blue Lights that she, she's in, that's just actor.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 5:01James Acaster?

  That's out now as well.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  Police show set in Belfast.

• 5:04James Acaster?

  I Player.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Benito loves Blue Lights.

• 5:07James Acaster?

  He loves Blue Lights. So if you listen to this podcast and you feel like the person you relate to the most is Benito, you've got to watch Blue Lights right now. I think, Joe, even if you don't relate to Benito, watch it just to get more of an understanding of the kind of guy Benito is.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, if you feel like you're like Benito and you're the bully in the office, then you should watch Blue Lights.

• 5:27James Acaster?

  He's a big old bully.

• 5:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:29James Acaster?

  Sneid. Very snide. Listen, we love Andy Osho, but we will kick her out the dream restaurant if she picks a dish that we deem to be unacceptable, the secret ingredient.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 5:40James Acaster?

  And this week, the secret ingredient is.

• 5:42Speaker 04

  Muller Light.

• 5:44James Acaster?

  Light, blueberry lemon flavor, Greek.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Greek.

• 5:48James Acaster?

  It's a Greek one. Greek yogurt, Greek style.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Because Blue Light, it's a Blue Light.

• 5:53James Acaster?

  Blueberry, blue. Muller Light, light. So Blue Light is in there somewhere.

• 5:59Speaker 04

  And that's the show she's in. Blue Lights.

• 6:01James Acaster?

  Yeah, so if she says that, we got her. She's out.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  But she has to say all of that.

• 6:06James Acaster?

  She has to say Muller Light, blueberry lemon flavor, Greek style.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. I'm on tour. Ed Gamble, Fresh Hell. Edgamble.co.uk for tickets. 2027 UK and Ireland tour. What, what?

• 6:19James Acaster?

  At Craig Simons Live on YouTube. Make sure you subscribe. Some great stuff on there. Maybe some great stuff coming. He's a James A. Caster tribute.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  This is the Off Menu menu of Andy Osho.

• 6:40Speaker 04

  Welcome, Andy, to the dream restaurant.

• 6:43Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 6:43James Acaster?

  Come on, welcome, Andy Osho, to the dream restaurant. We've been spending you for some time.

• 6:48Speaker 06

  Excellent. You did say he would shout.

• 6:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's a loud boy. No.

• 6:52Speaker 06

  But yes.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  He's a, he's a very loud boy. Loud genie we've got over here. And actually, that was, that was pretty damn loud, even by your standards.

• 6:59James Acaster?

  I shouted kaboom at the beginning. I don't normally do that.

• 7:02Speaker 06

  Well, a different one.

• 7:03James Acaster?

  Normally, I'm like, or whatever. I shouted kaboom today for you.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Because genie, I've never heard a genie answer on kaboom.

• 7:11James Acaster?

  No, I'll tell you, I'll tell you the reason. Before you got here, I ate some sushi and I ate some cauliflower that had some like truffle sauce on it. And I did a little bit of a burp just before we started filming. And I kept it in, but I was like, I don't want to do that psh thing and like blow burp smell all over Ed.

• 7:33Speaker 06

  Like, that's very high class.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  I don't truffle burp.

• 7:37James Acaster?

  I don't think it would have reached you, Andy, but like, I was like.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  He would have got the fall.

• 7:40James Acaster?

  I still care about this guy after all these years and I don't want to. So I shouted kaboom instead.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:45Speaker 06

  Right. And oh, did that dispel the?

• 7:47James Acaster?

  I think it limited, you know? I think going like, that's just like.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  A lot. Yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 06

  Is that a top tip for dispersing a smelly burp?

• 7:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 06

  Say kaboom.

• 7:58James Acaster?

  Shout kaboom.

• 7:58Speaker 06

  Yeah. Because then no one will notice as well. It'd be discreet.

• 8:01James Acaster?

  You shout kaboom at the top of your lungs.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. Or burp under a kaboom. Yeah. Yeah. If you're burping and saying kaboom at the same time. Yeah. I think you've just got to own it, I think.

• 8:10James Acaster?

  It lends itself to it.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:11Speaker 06

  People didn't know they were going to get this advice, did they?

• 8:14Speaker 04

  No, this is the great thing about this podcast. You know, you think it's just going to be about food, but then we talk about burps as well.

• 8:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:20James Acaster?

  Do you have any advice?

• 8:21Speaker 06

  It's all part of it, isn't it?

• 8:22James Acaster?

  Advice for the listeners.

• 8:22Speaker 06

  I said tuned in like it's the 60s.

• 8:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:25Speaker 06

  I was hoping you guys didn't hear it, and I don't think you did, but now I've brought it up. I don't know why I'm bringing up the fact that I use like really old language. Hi, yes, sorry, you said something.

• 8:36James Acaster?

  Do you have any advice for the listeners for their day to day lives?

• 8:39Speaker 06

  About burping?

• 8:40James Acaster?

  Anything. Oh, it can be about burping, actually.

• 8:42Speaker 06

  I don't really. I did. There was a girl in my school who said that her pastor used to say manners as he burped. Is that the?

• 8:51Speaker 04

  As he burped.

• 8:51Speaker 06

  As he burped, you go manners. Is that, is that helpful to anybody?

• 8:56Speaker 04

  That's good. No, that's good advice, I think.

• 8:58Speaker 06

  Could it be in the kaboom wheelhouse?

• 8:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so, yeah.

• 9:01James Acaster?

  I think it's good if people want to like spot the pastors.

• 9:04Speaker 06

  Right?

• 9:04James Acaster?

  You know, because they're not always in like their outfits or whatever. So if there's like a pastor walking around, yes, you hear someone saying manners while they burp. Odds are.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  Pastor.

• 9:13James Acaster?

  It's a pastor.

• 9:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  Man of the cloth.

• 9:15Speaker 06

  Could get blessed.

• 9:16James Acaster?

  Will pasta appear on your dream menu? Is there a pasta dish?

• 9:20Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 9:22Speaker 06

  Did, right, there isn't.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 9:25Speaker 06

  But I love that you did that.

• 9:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:27Speaker 06

  I love that you're both in on it.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:28James Acaster?

  Good segue.

• 9:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's sweet.

• 9:31James Acaster?

  Pretty cool.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  If this guy drops classic material like that, I'm gonna give him a fist bump every time, you know?

• 9:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, do, it needs to be acknowledged.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:38James Acaster?

  But before we get into your actual dream menu, we've got to talk about Blue Lights, new series out. Benito is so excited.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  Benito loves Blue Lights.

• 9:45James Acaster?

  He's a huge Blue Light, he's not often excited about our guests. I'd say it doesn't really happen very often.

• 9:53Speaker 06

  Right, okay.

• 9:55Speaker 04

  He kept coming out just going, I love Blue Lights.

• 9:57James Acaster?

  Yeah, that's how he says it.

• 9:59Speaker 06

  Appreciate it.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:01James Acaster?

  Um, what can people expect? How much are you allowed to say?

• 10:03Speaker 06

  Nothing.

• 10:04James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, it's, it's on.

• 10:07James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 06

  That's it, that's the extent of it. Um, so I think what it says in the publicity stuff is that the recruits are now, I think, two years in, and this is their toughest shift yet. But really, it's, what's remarkable about it is that the writers somehow have captured the zeitgeist. So we've already seen, I think, episode one, there was, um, you know, these migrant riots, people rioting outside a migrant centre. And coincidentally, they, you know, that's what was happening in Belfast. And so somehow they've managed, in a couple of seasons, to just capture what's actually going on, just out of coincidence, not because they had seen it and written about it, it sort of happened after they had written it.

• 10:49Speaker 06

  But, so there's more of that, and it's also like, how does that impact on the officers getting jaded by everything that they're dealing with, but they just can't get a purchase on what's going on? What else can I say? Uh, Vasant, no, but Vasantra, she's, um, Mo McIntosh, for folks watching, uh, the person who was present, or one of the people that was present when her husband was killed in season one, his trial has come around, so that's what my character's, uh, contending within this season. Those are the things I'm allowed to say, yeah.

• 11:19James Acaster?

  It's very exciting. I, I love seeing you in all your, all your acting roles now. We started out like, I think I started a bit after you in stand-up, maybe?

• 11:27Speaker 06

  Maybe like a little bit after.

• 11:28James Acaster?

  But like, we did a lot of gigs together around London, we did the 99 Club quite a lot.

• 11:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:33James Acaster?

  And so I always get really excited, and dare I say it, proud, Andy, whenever I see you on stuff, so, uh,

• 11:38Speaker 06

  I love that.

• 11:39James Acaster?

  I, I've got to get on the Blue Lights train with Benito.

• 11:42Speaker 06

  You've not seen any of it?

• 11:43James Acaster?

  I haven't seen it yet, and it's like, I, I get really, I'm very out the loop of a lot of things.

• 11:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of things to watch.

• 11:49James Acaster?

  There's so much that I, I haven't seen that like everyone's seen, but like, this is right up my street.

• 11:54Speaker 06

  Oh, cool.

• 11:55James Acaster?

  Definitely up my street.

• 11:56Speaker 06

  What's the biggest show that everyone's seen that you've not watched at all?

• 11:59James Acaster?

  Well, I'll tell you what I gave up on, because I thought it was rubbish, is Sopranos.

• 12:03Speaker 06

  Oh, I, I didn't like it at all.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 12:05Speaker 06

  I, I watched, go, the first episode, I remember getting to about 50 minutes and there was still about eight minutes to go. I was like, oh my god, when will this end?

• 12:13James Acaster?

  Tell me about it, it's like, I don't, I don't know what people are on about.

• 12:15Speaker 06

  Just put a horse head in the bed and let's be done with it.

• 12:17James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 12:18Speaker 06

  Send a message.

• 12:18Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 12:19James Acaster?

  Yeah, we've seen this done before, we've seen it done better.

• 12:21Speaker 06

  Is this?

• 12:22Speaker 04

  Oh, good lord.

• 12:22Speaker 06

  I'd have said all that, but.

• 12:23Speaker 04

  But it's a work of art.

• 12:25James Acaster?

  It's so boring.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  It's a work of genius, it's an absolute work of genius.

• 12:28James Acaster?

  You think I want to see him talk to his kids? No, thank you.

• 12:29Speaker 06

  Does it?

• 12:30James Acaster?

  Yes, he's always trying to bomb with his kids and stuff like that.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Drama, this, come on, stuff with the ducks, come on.

• 12:35Speaker 06

  The ducks?

• 12:36James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, the ducks in episode one.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  Well, you've seen episode one.

• 12:38James Acaster?

  It's quite neat.

• 12:39Speaker 06

  I don't remember.

• 12:40James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 06

  I just didn't enjoy it. I'm not saying it's not good, actually, to be fair, I'm not saying, I'm definitely not saying it's not good, I just couldn't get into it.

• 12:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that's fair enough.

• 12:47James Acaster?

  It was a swing and a mess.

• 12:50Speaker 06

  It was, it, for me, what I experienced, this isn't what happened, but it just felt like a lot of men menning.

• 12:55James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  You know what, I can't, I can't deny that.

• 12:58Speaker 06

  Right, okay, so that is what it is.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  But I guess at the time, you know, one of the men is in therapy and trying to unpick his man manning-ness.

• 13:07Speaker 06

  Right.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  So it was, felt quite sort of progressive at the time in a way, but.

• 13:12James Acaster?

  Yeah, in between hanging out in a strip club.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, it wasn't, yeah, but the Badabing Club, please.

• 13:19Speaker 06

  That wasn't what it was.

• 13:20Speaker 04

  But like, it has all of those, it has all of those, those, uh, those like gangster tropes, the mafia tropes, but also it's the family life and it goes deeper than that, and it's a bit more of a sort of sideways look at that sort of stuff.

• 13:31Speaker 06

  I didn't give it a chance.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  I can't believe I'm here trying to pitch The Sopranos to people, famously one of the best TV shows of all time.

• 13:36James Acaster?

  Yeah, tell it to the screen, mate.

• 13:38Speaker 06

  No, I'm kidding.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  It comes number one, number one, Andy.

• 13:41Speaker 06

  I.

• 13:42James Acaster?

  No, it says, it's all right and shrug a shoulder, so three of us don't give a, oh.

• 13:45Speaker 06

  But isn't The Wire up there, it's like, hold on?

• 13:47Speaker 04

  Sure, yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 06

  It's number one, though?

• 13:49Speaker 04

  No, I, they did it recently, I think, like the, like, New York Times or something, I think Breaking Bad came number one.

• 13:56Speaker 06

  Really?

• 13:56Speaker 04

  But it's all, it's all, you know, it's, it's always those three.

• 13:59Speaker 06

  It's sort of interchangeable, yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 14:02James Acaster?

  Not only doing loads of great roles and acting, you're also writing books?

• 14:06Speaker 06

  I am, yeah.

• 14:07James Acaster?

  As well, um, your latest book, is it already out?

• 14:10Speaker 06

  It is already out, yeah, it's been out a few months. Um, it's a bit of a, um, change in genre for me, because my first two were rom-coms and I really enjoyed that. But the crime caper, I don't know why, it just really, I really enjoyed that and I, I really went with it. I think partly because the book is sort of inspired by, it's about a couple who basically start a crime wave to tank house prices so that they can get on the market.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 14:34Speaker 06

  Obviously.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  Great.

• 14:35Speaker 06

  And, um, it was sort of inspired by me trying to buy a place for what ended up being five years.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 14:41Speaker 06

  And, yeah, and I was just like, I remember about two years in, not realising that I still had three more years to go and searching, thinking, why does everyone think Walthamstow is so great? This is where I was looking, and, um, I was like, yeah, what if, uh, yeah, what if it wasn't so great? What if there was a crime wave? Oh. And it was literally that, and then from there, so I was sort of writing the book alongside going to these, um, you know, going to all these property viewings, and you'd literally be there and it was partly in lockdown, people queuing outside. Were you looking for a property at that time?

• 15:11Speaker 04

  I moved just before lockdown, but those sort of group viewings.

• 15:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  Where you're walking around with like 50 other people.

• 15:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  All like trying to, trying to look round them to get in a room that you want to look in, it just feels horrible.

• 15:24Speaker 06

  And also pretend that you're not interested in the place as well, just in case they get a whiff of that.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  Play it cool, yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 06

  So, yeah, so I, I literally, I, I think I counted it up, I went to about 98 viewings or something like that in the end, yeah. Been gazumped, and I've tried to gazump other people and just been at price and all the rest. So, so even though it was frustrating, all of it was becoming material for the book, yeah. And then I started thinking like, because when I was looking at the story, I knew what the story was, but I didn't know who it was gonna happen to. And then I was realising that kind of millennials are having a really tough time with housing, not just in terms of just trying to buy, but even renting. So it was like, gave all my characters different sort of problems with housing so that I could explore that in a funny way.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 16:08James Acaster?

  When I was doing like, uh, the, you know, trying to move house and go around different houses, we went to one place, my partner and I, to view it, and the couple who were just leaving were our friends, Danny and Lucy, we couldn't, and I was like, what the hell, hi guys? And Danny just went, you all right, and then carried on walking, like, like, like, like we're just like.

• 16:26Speaker 06

  No.

• 16:27James Acaster?

  Like he expected to see me.

• 16:29Speaker 06

  Oh, right.

• 16:30James Acaster?

  Just completely, completely straight faced.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  Oh, mate, yeah.

• 16:32James Acaster?

  You all right, then, then he went, and I was like, do you not think this is amazing? We both live in completely different parts of London and we're looking at this.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Well, he must, no, I bet he knew you were gonna be there. He's cribbing on your viewings.

• 16:45James Acaster?

  What the?

• 16:45Speaker 04

  And getting there earlier, so he's like, where does James like, I'm getting in there earlier?

• 16:49James Acaster?

  Oh, cribbing.

• 16:50Speaker 06

  That is, we're getting cribbing.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  Did they get a place in the end?

• 16:53James Acaster?

  I, I don't, I think, I don't think they, no.

• 16:55Speaker 06

  Not talking to him anymore, eh?

• 16:56Speaker 04

  No.

• 16:57Speaker 06

  I can tell.

• 16:58James Acaster?

  I, I, I actually am seeing him soon, so I can ask him.

• 17:00Speaker 06

  Talk it, talk to him about it.

• 17:01James Acaster?

  Have you got a house yet?

• 17:02Speaker 06

  I.

• 17:02James Acaster?

  That was years ago, that was years ago.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  What I took from that is he was trying to game face.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 06

  That's where I went, like, he's like, oh, you.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're here.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  That type of energy.

• 17:11James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, to try and make me feel instantly like negative about the space.

• 17:15Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 17:16James Acaster?

  And not, and not necessarily.

• 17:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  Also, those, those group things where you're like looking around the house with loads of other people, and then the estate agent stood there like king shit in the middle of it.

• 17:26Speaker 06

  Fucking shit.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  And then you've got to be like, oh, I like it, um, yes, um, we can talk more, we should talk more about this maybe, and they're like, yeah, whatever. It's like, no, you're supposed to be the one working to sell me the house. I shouldn't be out there being like, please consider me.

• 17:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  To fork over my life savings for this house, which I don't even like that much, but I'm just desperate to find somewhere now.

• 17:48Speaker 06

  Sellers market, though, eh?

• 17:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 06

  So they could do what they like. Um, there was an estate agent, um, in Walthamstow who I saw a lot of their properties, their viewings, right, would be two hours or something, these two or three hour windows, where they would sort of traffic manage people around these properties. And that, and I remember there was a couple of times where I was just like, oh, I, I can't make that Saturday, is there any other? No, no, we'll be going to offer on Monday.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  If you really want it, you're gonna have to come, yeah.

• 18:15Speaker 06

  I flew back from, I was filming, um, I think it was season two of Blue Lights, I want to say, I flew back, there was a house, and I was like, this, this is gonna be the one, this is it. I'm like, am I doing this? Am I really gonna fly back for a day? I'm like, I'm doing this, so I got a flight, went to the property, and it was that classic thing, they're traffic managing everybody all over the place, and I was just like, I can't believe this, I don't want it. I don't want this house, I've just flown like an hour back from, from Belfast. Anyways, so I was like, it's no problem, I only live up the road, I'll just go and get a, a few bits, and then I'll get back to, um, I'll go back to Belfast. So I went, uh, went home, got some bits, went to the airport, and it was, it was locked, it was shut. I've never seen a shut airport before, the city airport.

• 18:59Speaker 06

  And I was like, how can the airport be locked? I went to the wrong fucking airport.

• 19:03Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 19:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, so I had to buy another ticket, so that viewing.

• 19:06Speaker 04

  Selling the airport?

• 19:07James Acaster?

  That's what, that's what I was thinking.

• 19:08Speaker 06

  They're shooting at the airport. I had to buy like, it, it cost me like 200 quid to go and see this property that I didn't even want.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  Absolute disaster.

• 19:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 19:17James Acaster?

  We always start with still a sparkling water, do you have a preference, Andy?

• 19:21Speaker 06

  Yes, shall I tell you what I do? With the help of proceedings.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  And they're just moving forward as well, when we ask you, what do you, what do you like, you can say it out loud, feel free. Don't feel for, don't feel forced into it either.

• 19:34Speaker 06

  No, I don't, I don't feel any pressure, I just, I, I think I just needed that permission, do you know what I mean, in the first instance? And then the rest, you went for to shut me up.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  Permission granted.

• 19:42Speaker 06

  Um, yes, I do, it's sparkling, very much.

• 19:45James Acaster?

  Yeah, very much.

• 19:46Speaker 06

  Very much so, yeah.

• 19:48James Acaster?

  How long's this been the case for?

• 19:49Speaker 06

  Now, here's the thing, so I stopped drinking alcohol about two years ago. So there's not really any other drink that really works, especially if you're in a nice restaurant, do you know what I mean? Like, I just, orange juice, like doing a Phil Mitchell, it, it's not quite the same.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  Is that Phil Mitchell did orange juice?

• 20:08Speaker 06

  Well, because I don't know why, he stopped drinking alcohol and then like in his sentence, he went, oh, orange juice.

• 20:12Speaker 04

  It was always orange juice, wasn't it?

• 20:13Speaker 06

  Always orange juice, like there was nothing else.

• 20:15Speaker 04

  Clear as day, I know exactly what you're talking about there, you'd always be in the Queen Vic having an orange juice, and that was supposed to be like, Phil Mitchell's an alcoholic, that's why he's like, orange juice, please. You all right, Phil, you know?

• 20:26Speaker 06

  A bit today.

• 20:27James Acaster?

  Maybe that's the biggest show that I've not seen that everyone's seen.

• 20:30Speaker 06

  You've not seen EastEnders?

• 20:31James Acaster?

  I've not seen a full episode of EastEnders ever. Yeah, because my parents were like, you can't watch that. They're all nasty to each other.

• 20:38Speaker 06

  They are a bit, to be fair.

• 20:40James Acaster?

  They're not very nice to each other. We don't want you to start speaking to people like that. So I wasn't allowed to watch it.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  And that's why you banned yourself from watching The Sopranos as well, isn't it?

• 20:47James Acaster?

  Yes.

• 20:48Speaker 06

  Alright. So when people say things like, you're not my real mother, you don't know what they're talking about?

• 20:52James Acaster?

  No, I'm like, oh, that's a shame.

• 20:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  Were you allowed Corey?

• 20:57James Acaster?

  No, absolutely not.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  They're nice to each other.

• 20:59Speaker 06

  That's worse.

• 21:00James Acaster?

  If I went round my aunties on a Friday, I could sneakily watch Corey, but I didn't know what was going on, you know?

• 21:05Speaker 06

  Such complex plotting.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  They don't do previously.

• 21:08James Acaster?

  I don't know who any of these people are, don't know what's going on. They're all very upset.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:12James Acaster?

  But yeah, I didn't really know.

• 21:13Speaker 06

  But like, a lot of these folks are in the zeitgeist. Like, you must, you know, tune into Corey and see a lady with big glasses and know that that's Deirdre.

• 21:20James Acaster?

  I know Deirdre, curly.

• 21:22Speaker 06

  I mean, they're dead now, but like.

• 21:24James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 06

  Curly.

• 21:26James Acaster?

  Curly, is that right?

• 21:27Speaker 06

  Yes, that's correct.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Kelly, what Kelly wants.

• 21:28James Acaster?

  I know that about Corey, and I love the, the theme tune, I think is a work of.

• 21:32Speaker 06

  It is, it's beautiful.

• 21:33James Acaster?

  Beautiful theme tune.

• 21:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:35James Acaster?

  EastEnders, I know the Mitchell Brothers.

• 21:39James Acaster?

  I know the Mitchell Brothers, I know Doc Cotton, Barbara Windsor.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  Peggy.

• 21:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, I like that you go between.

• 21:46James Acaster?

  The Queen Vic.

• 21:47Speaker 06

  Characters' names, isn't it?

• 21:48James Acaster?

  Queen Vic.

• 21:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:49James Acaster?

  I do, I do know Catslater, I, I, I'm not your mum, whatever.

• 21:54Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  It's not, I'm not your mum.

• 21:59Speaker 06

  She's like, I am.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, the opposite.

• 22:02James Acaster?

  I think, I think that's all I'd be able to really, Wellard the dog.

• 22:07Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  Whose dog is Wellard?

• 22:10James Acaster?

  Dean Gaffney.

• 22:12Speaker 06

  It's his actual dog.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just brought it in.

• 22:16James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  That dog's got something.

• 22:19James Acaster?

  Oh, like, obviously, Patsy Palmer and all that, Bianca.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, that same woman, yeah.

• 22:26James Acaster?

  Marty McCutcheon.

• 22:28Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 22:28Speaker 04

  Tiffany.

• 22:29James Acaster?

  Tiffany, I wouldn't have got that.

• 22:30Speaker 06

  Look at you.

• 22:31James Acaster?

  Ricky.

• 22:31Speaker 04

  Oh, I used to watch it back in the day. Yeah, I was allowed in my house.

• 22:34James Acaster?

  I know Ricky.

• 22:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:36Speaker 06

  Ricky.

• 22:36James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  Sid Owen.

• 22:37James Acaster?

  That's it. That's where, that's where it ends, but that's all I know. I don't know any storylines really.

• 22:43Speaker 06

  I think you do.

• 22:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 06

  With all that, you've got to know what's going on with them as well.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  I think you do, James.

• 22:48James Acaster?

  I know that at one point.

• 22:49Speaker 06

  I think you're being coy.

• 22:50James Acaster?

  At one point, the Queen Vic burnt down, but I only know that because someone told me, who told me that? Somebody who was in it.

• 22:57Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah?

• 22:58James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 06

  Do you know about, um, the, the, the Den and Angie divorce?

• 23:03James Acaster?

  No.

• 23:03Speaker 06

  You don't, really?

• 23:04James Acaster?

  Dirty Den, I know him, I saw him on the street, let's get some milk.

• 23:10James Acaster?

  It is, it is, it is a dressing gown and slippers.

• 23:13Speaker 06

  Really?

• 23:13James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. He, he, he lived round the corner from Milton Jones.

• 23:17Speaker 04

  I went to school with his son.

• 23:19Speaker 06

  Oh, claim to fame.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  There you go.

• 23:21James Acaster?

  Won up to me immediately.

• 23:23Speaker 06

  Just like that.

• 23:24James Acaster?

  Tell me about the story, like the Den storyline?

• 23:26Speaker 06

  Oh, God, what was it? Was he having an affair?

• 23:28Speaker 04

  This is slightly before I was watching it, but I know the Christmas Day thing.

• 23:32Speaker 06

  Yes, he was having an affair with somebody, and I can't remember why she was significant, maybe just because she was the other woman. No, there would have been that.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  Wasn't it Michelle, was it Michelle Fowler?

• 23:42Speaker 06

  Oh, yes, I think you're right.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  I think it might be Michelle Fowler.

• 23:44Speaker 06

  And.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Susan Tully.

• 23:46Speaker 06

  Angie had pretended that she was having, uh, she had cancer. And then he found out that she was lying, and basically he served her divorce papers on Christmas Day.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that's like the biggest TV audience has ever been in the UK.

• 23:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think, uh, only thing bigger is like, England in the semi-finals of the, you're like, Italia 90 or something like that.

• 24:07James Acaster?

  Also, still to this day, that's the biggest.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  It's crazy.

• 24:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's massive.

• 24:11James Acaster?

  People watching on Christmas Day when he served the divorce papers for pretending to have cancer.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  It's massive.

• 24:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:16James Acaster?

  Wow. Popadons or bread? Popadons or bread, Andy, I show, popadons or bread?

• 24:20Speaker 06

  I think that restaurants should start asking that question, because everyone, who, like, who said popadons for their menu?

• 24:28James Acaster?

  Plenty of people.

• 24:29Speaker 06

  Have they?

• 24:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, quite a few people for a while. I don't think it's the same now.

• 24:32Speaker 06

  With everything that they.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  Nah, not really, but then, but then we also, like, some people want their whole menu to fit together as a dream menu.

• 24:38Speaker 06

  Right.

• 24:38Speaker 04

  But then some people are like, just bring me all the things I like. It doesn't matter if it fits together.

• 24:42Speaker 06

  God, now you put it like that, because I was gonna go bread.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 06

  I absolutely love popadons, so I feel like, oh my God, I'm surprising myself, popadons.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Oh, fantastic.

• 24:53Speaker 06

  I didn't expect that.

• 24:54James Acaster?

  Went, went, went from saying, who would ever say that, to saying it.

• 24:57Speaker 06

  I know, because I, you know, when I think about popadons, there's only love.

• 25:01James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:02Speaker 06

  I mean, I do love bread, but I just, oh, the dipping stuff, and I actually want them to leave the dipping stuff, but I feel like, I don't want them to think I'm some pig who can't, like, distinguish between the delicate nibbles and like, whatever comes next.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  This is your dream restaurant, Andy.

• 25:18Speaker 06

  Oh, then leave the sauces as well, please.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  You will do not, you need to populate it with a staff of a restaurant, in your dream restaurant, that will think you are a pig for keeping the dipping sauces.

• 25:26James Acaster?

  We got a real pig out there today.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's imagined me. I think she's a pig.

• 25:31James Acaster?

  She's a pig. She imagined me, you know, I don't respect her.

• 25:34Speaker 06

  I can keep the dipping sauces?

• 25:36Speaker 04

  You can keep the dipping sauces.

• 25:37Speaker 06

  And they won't judge me because it's my dream restaurant.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  It's your dream restaurant, unless it's your dream to be judged, which I'm assuming it isn't, because you're a normal human being.

• 25:45Speaker 06

  It's not, it's not my dream, no.

• 25:47Speaker 04

  So, yeah, you keep the dipping sauces. They'll love it, actually, they'll love it, I'll be sure.

• 25:50Speaker 06

  Alright, but take the lime thing.

• 25:52Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, they can take that one.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 06

  Never really got over it.

• 25:55James Acaster?

  Send that over to me.

• 25:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:56James Acaster?

  I'll shop that.

• 25:56Speaker 06

  Yeah?

• 25:57James Acaster?

  I love it, love the lime pick.

• 25:58Speaker 06

  Sometimes it works, but sometimes it just feels like, it's hit and miss. They're, they're all different, I feel, and, yeah, there's been many a time where it's just too, too much.

• 26:09James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 06

  So, but the, is it writer? Is that what?

• 26:12Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:13Speaker 06

  Writer and the mango one.

• 26:15Speaker 04

  And the, do you want the raw, do you want the raw onion one?

• 26:17Speaker 06

  You can take that back.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  Send that to me.

• 26:19Speaker 06

  Send that.

• 26:20James Acaster?

  Shop that, shop that.

• 26:21Speaker 06

  Raw onions?

• 26:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, big time.

• 26:22Speaker 06

  Really?

• 26:22Speaker 04

  Well, the popadons, I'm like, I'm piling it, all of the dips onto one shard. And it's going in, and the, the raw onion is a lovely little pop amongst the sweetness of the mango chip.

• 26:32James Acaster?

  It's been shouting Kaboom quite a lot after that.

• 26:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, no doubt.

• 26:35Speaker 04

  Kaboomarama when I'm having a curry.

• 26:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, I can imagine. When you have, um, the popadons, are you a top in the middle, or are you like snapping little bits off the, around the edge?

• 26:45Speaker 04

  Well, I, I would normally, if I'm having a curry with people, I'll take a whole popadon for myself. I won't do the whole plate, take a popadon, and I will tap in the middle.

• 26:54James Acaster?

  Let Andy respond to that before you carry on with the lesson.

• 26:58Speaker 06

  You take like a whole one for yourself?

• 27:00Speaker 04

  A whole popadon, yeah.

• 27:02Speaker 06

  Onto your?

• 27:03Speaker 04

  Onto my little side plate. Is that crazy?

• 27:06Speaker 06

  It's, it's, it's maverick. I've never seen it before. I've never seen it done.

• 27:10James Acaster?

  That's in the popadon.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  It's all I've ever seen, because I've never watched anyone have a curry that I'm not involved in.

• 27:14Speaker 06

  So you're not seeing what the other people are doing?

• 27:17Speaker 04

  I've seen it through my eyes, me doing it.

• 27:18Speaker 06

  Alright, but what are the other people at your table doing? Or you're, you're too into your popadon to notice what everyone else is doing?

• 27:25Speaker 04

  I'm not a creep, I'm not watching what they're doing.

• 27:26James Acaster?

  So hold on.

• 27:27Speaker 06

  So your head, your head is literally down, like, just.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then I'll lift the popadon up, and I can't see what they're doing, because it completely covers my field of vision.

• 27:35James Acaster?

  He's eating through it.

• 27:37Speaker 06

  So you sort of be a little like hamster.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I eat everything apart from the bits covering my eyes, so I've got no idea what's going on.

• 27:43James Acaster?

  So they're floating?

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:45James Acaster?

  You're wearing those like Morpheus.

• 27:50Speaker 06

  Dan, how do you eat them?

• 27:53James Acaster?

  Uh, uh, yeah, I, I want someone, I want someone to smash the pile.

• 27:56Speaker 06

  But you won't do it?

• 27:58James Acaster?

  I'll do it i- i- if, uh, yeah, i- if the group trusts me.

• 28:01Speaker 06

  Yeah?

• 28:02James Acaster?

  I'll.

• 28:02Speaker 06

  It's a responsibility, isn't it?

• 28:03James Acaster?

  Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll smack it in the middle. I mean, we've spoken about it so much on the podcast, that my, my mum listens to like every episode. And do I speak about with Tim Key, um, saying, shall I be mother, and then smashing it?

• 28:15Speaker 06

  Right.

• 28:15James Acaster?

  So now, uh, my mum, when it, when it regards to family, does say, shall I be mother, and then smashes it with her hand.

• 28:22Speaker 06

  I love that.

• 28:22James Acaster?

  And gets in there for, and, and my dad does not like her doing that.

• 28:25Speaker 06

  Oh. What does he want to have happen?

• 28:28James Acaster?

  He wants there to be no fun around it. He's like, people can smash it with their hand, that's fine.

• 28:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:34James Acaster?

  But don't do a, let's not do a joke. Let's not get carried away and enjoy our time together as a family.

• 28:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:39James Acaster?

  So like, yeah, he doesn't like that mum's doing a little joke.

• 28:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:43James Acaster?

  But obviously the rest of us love it, so.

• 28:44Speaker 06

  And I probably love the fact that dad doesn't love it so much.

• 28:47James Acaster?

  Yeah, even better, yeah, even better, that he's kind of there going like, I don't know what's, that's a reference to one of James's things. But it's, yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 06

  Something to do with comedy or something.

• 28:55James Acaster?

  Yeah, he's supportive, he is supportive, but he doesn't like it when he doesn't, he's not in on the joke.

• 28:59Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  I just think if there's four of you, then you should get a popadon each.

• 29:04Speaker 06

  But what if there's three? Do you still take one? If there's four people, three popadons, what do you do?

• 29:08Speaker 04

  Well, that's, I will never be in that situation, so if there's four people, I'm ordering four popadons.

• 29:12Speaker 06

  You can't say the number.

• 29:14Speaker 04

  Oh, you can.

• 29:15Speaker 06

  Can you? Can you?

• 29:17James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, you can.

• 29:18Speaker 06

  You can go, I'll have five popadons. I'll have six popadons.

• 29:24Speaker 06

  Is this, is this real?

• 29:25James Acaster?

  Any other examples you wanna throw?

• 29:28Speaker 06

  What about, say seven? Did you say seven?

• 29:31James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 06

  No, I, I'm sorry, I'm, this is brand new information. Cause I thought they go popadums for the table. I thought they just meant a generic number of popadums. And it's the same every table, whether there's eight of you or.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  You can ask for as many popadums as you want. Give them a specific number.

• 29:47Speaker 06

  You can say, so when you order, you say, oh, there's four of you. You say, I'll have.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Can we get four popadums?

• 29:52Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then, and then I'll take mine. And then I will, I'll still have the fun of cracking and crushing.

• 29:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  But on my individual popadum. And then no matter which way it cracks and crushes, I know I'm getting all the bits.

• 30:04Speaker 06

  This makes sense. That's why you take ownership of said popadum because you have.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  I want a whole popadum.

• 30:12Speaker 06

  So that everyone has one each.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:14Speaker 06

  That's what it is.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  And these people, the rest of the people, they can.

• 30:18James Acaster?

  I, yes, I know, I knew you could ask for however many problems you want.

• 30:21Speaker 06

  Did you know this? So you'll say a number to them.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, and Ben will order more than there are people. And Ben, are you cracking the whole pile or are you taking an individual?

• 30:28James Acaster?

  No, he's not cracking, he breaks bits off.

• 30:30Speaker 06

  So, so you consider one to be yours, but you don't mind which of the popadums it comes from.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Why are we talking to me?

• 30:36James Acaster?

  Could, could, I think, I think.

• 30:39James Acaster?

  I think Andy doesn't trust that.

• 30:41Speaker 06

  I kinda do.

• 30:41James Acaster?

  Ed and I have like, I think Andy trusts you more at this point. You're, you're, you're like the voice of the people.

• 30:47Speaker 06

  That's what it is. Um, no, I just, I mean, it's a good, good question. How do you keep track?

• 30:52Speaker 04

  How do you keep track of who's had what?

• 30:54James Acaster?

  Oh, I'll answer that. Most people don't need to do that. Most people don't mind who's had what.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  But how do you know you've had a whole one?

• 31:03James Acaster?

  Oh, again, so most people don't care if they've had. It is just about how they feel if they feel like, oh, I've had enough pop.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  Well, that's, well, that's bullshit because no one's ever had enough popadum.

• 31:13Speaker 06

  No.

• 31:14James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  So out of all food, popadum is the one where you're not gonna be like, oh, I'll fall now. Thank you very much.

• 31:20James Acaster?

  I guess when the, when the starter's come along or the curry, you know, you can stop eating.

• 31:24Speaker 06

  They do, in the restaurants, they do tend to take ownership of the transition between like popadum and starter, don't they?

• 31:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 06

  Or, you know.

• 31:31Speaker 04

  They're not waiting for you to finish the popadums before bringing the starter.

• 31:34Speaker 06

  And they, cause they put you in the position, no, no, no, we'd like to, you know, or whatever, you know.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Cause some people keep their popadum and crumble it up on top of their curry.

• 31:42Speaker 06

  Who, which some people, you mean you?

• 31:43Speaker 04

  No, not me, cause I've eaten my whole popadum before the starters are coming.

• 31:46James Acaster?

  I think, I think it's even supposed to do that. Is that right? Have we been told that before on the podcast?

• 31:51Speaker 04

  I don't know. I don't, I don't, I think there's no.

• 31:53James Acaster?

  We've been told so many things.

• 31:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:55James Acaster?

  I don't know what's real, what isn't, what, what Ed made up for a joke.

• 31:59Speaker 06

  But this is real about the number of popadums.

• 32:01James Acaster?

  Yeah, it's weird that that is the thing that you can't get past. And you think, you, you, you accepted that Ed was eating everything but the bits that cover his eye. But the, but the fact that you can.

• 32:10Speaker 06

  I'm quite enjoying that.

• 32:11James Acaster?

  The fact that in a restaurant, you can pick the number of popadums.

• 32:14Speaker 06

  But I just never thought of it, like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's just not occurred to me. I just, I thought it was, I didn't know that there was, I, I didn't see them as singular things. I just saw them as some.

• 32:23James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 06

  Do you know what I mean?

• 32:24James Acaster?

  It's kind of a stock amount, yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 06

  Let's have some popadums.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:28Speaker 06

  Popadums for the table, it brings, they bring some.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  They've just got them all in a drawer.

• 32:32James Acaster?

  I find it more common now that, that the, the, the waiter will say like, one each or whatever.

• 32:37Speaker 04

  Or they might be like.

• 32:38Speaker 06

  Never heard that, cause otherwise I would have, yes.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  They might be like spicy or plain.

• 32:43Speaker 06

  Which one are you?

• 32:44Speaker 04

  I'll get spicy if, if there's a choice between, you know, and so I'd rather have both, to be honest.

• 32:49Speaker 06

  Hmm, okay.

• 32:51James Acaster?

  Plain every time.

• 32:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:52James Acaster?

  I just love it.

• 32:53Speaker 06

  Same. What about supermarket popadums? Are you into those at all?

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'd say I'm into them.

• 32:59Speaker 06

  Yeah?

• 32:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think they do the job at home, right?

• 33:01James Acaster?

  No, I've not, no, no, I'm not into, I, I, I get them wrong every time. I like the little mini ones in the bags that are already done. They're like crisps.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Oh, are you talking about from scratch ones?

• 33:13Speaker 06

  No, no, I was, I was thinking of ones that are already done.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 06

  Those are the ones that you can get, that you can cook at home. How do you cook a popadum? Do you fry it?

• 33:20James Acaster?

  I think you put it in the microwave.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  Well, that's already done then.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  That's cooking, that's proper cooking.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Are they charred ones where they're in that packet and you're like?

• 33:30Speaker 06

  That's exactly what I'm thinking.

• 33:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:32James Acaster?

  Yeah, and I don't like those as much.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  They're just, they're just the same. A lot of these restaurants just buying them in anyway. So it's like.

• 33:37Speaker 06

  I think you could, I think there's a crispiness that comes with having them fresh in a restaurant.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 06

  Tense.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're warming them up, they're crisping them up. And sometimes they do keep them in a hot drawer.

• 33:48James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 06

  They really do, there's a popadum drawer.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:50Speaker 06

  You can get them, like, you can order how many you want and they keep them in a drawer. I'm learning so much.

• 33:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, I might get, I might get one of those in my house.

• 33:58Speaker 06

  A popadum drawer.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Popadum drawer.

• 33:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:00Speaker 04

  It's like the drawer, have you ever stayed in a DoubleTree hotel?

• 34:04Speaker 06

  No, yes.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  Will they give you a cookie when you check in?

• 34:07Speaker 06

  Do they?

• 34:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 06

  No, I didn't, I don't know if I got a cookie.

• 34:11James Acaster?

  Sorry.

• 34:11Speaker 06

  But there are some that they put it in.

• 34:13James Acaster?

  Okay, now, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm starting to doubt that. Do, do you leave your house ever? I mean, this is like.

• 34:22Speaker 06

  Me?

• 34:23James Acaster?

  Yeah, you.

• 34:24Speaker 06

  Well, well, not every hotel gives you cookies.

• 34:26James Acaster?

  No, you don't know that you can order as many problems as you want.

• 34:30Speaker 06

  That is a really specific thing to.

• 34:33James Acaster?

  Oh, you don't know that DoubleTree Hilton does the cookie? Everyone, everyone knows about the cookie at DoubleTree.

• 34:36Speaker 06

  No, I didn't. Like an actual, like a big.

• 34:39James Acaster?

  It's lovely.

• 34:39Speaker 06

  Or are you talking about like just a biscuit in a?

• 34:41James Acaster?

  Oh, how about, how about this? How about the best cookie in the world? That's what they give you.

• 34:44Speaker 06

  Oh, really?

• 34:44Speaker 04

  It's amazing and they keep that in a warm drawer behind your seats.

• 34:47James Acaster?

  You would love it, Andy.

• 34:48Speaker 06

  Oh, in which case, either, I haven't stayed at a DoubleTree. I've forgotten that I've stayed at a DoubleTree or I've forgotten the cookie.

• 34:54James Acaster?

  You wouldn't forget the cookie.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  You wouldn't have forgotten the cookie, no way, no how.

• 34:57James Acaster?

  It's got chocolate chips and nuts in it. It's warm and gooey.

• 35:02Speaker 06

  The fact that it's warm.

• 35:03James Acaster?

  Yeah, I once got sent.

• 35:04Speaker 06

  They're not sitting on it or something weird like that though. It's a drawer.

• 35:07Speaker 04

  There's a magic drawer, there's a magic drawer.

• 35:09James Acaster?

  My partner once fancied another one and, and she was like, can you go down and ask for another one for me? I was like, can you not get it? Cause like, I'm just gonna look, like, we've both had, both had one. If you wanna have another one.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  It's not normal to ask for another one at DoubleTree. This is not a popadum situation.

• 35:25Speaker 06

  Is it sort of like a bad etiquette or something?

• 35:27James Acaster?

  Yeah, you can't, it's greedy. Cause it's free cookie, can I have another free cookie please?

• 35:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:32James Acaster?

  But I did, I went down.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  There's a queue.

• 35:34James Acaster?

  And I had to say, my, my girlfriend would like another cookie, it's not for me.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  Dropped her in it.

• 35:40James Acaster?

  She wants to eat another cookie.

• 35:41Speaker 06

  Under the bus.

• 35:42James Acaster?

  And they gave me a little smirk and were like, yeah, there you go. I was like, it is really not for me.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:46Speaker 06

  Did they give you two?

• 35:48James Acaster?

  Well, yeah.

• 35:50James Acaster?

  No, I may have eaten hers on the way up in the lift.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  And then sent her.

• 35:53James Acaster?

  Not the whole thing. Yeah, yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 35:56James Acaster?

  Get me a cookie, yeah, I should have done that.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  What I don't want you doing, Andy, is getting mixed up between the, the DoubleTree cookie and the popadums. Checking into a DoubleTree and saying, can I have four cookies please?

• 36:05James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, one for each of us.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  I went on a podcast and they told me we can order as many as you want.

• 36:10Speaker 06

  I will be quoting you.

• 36:13Speaker 06

  Ed Gamble said it was fine. They're not really kicking me out.

• 36:16James Acaster?

  Love the DoubleTree cookie. I'm quite excited. Can you do us a favour, Andy? Can you make sure you stay at a DoubleTree soon? And get the cookie in film?

• 36:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 36:25James Acaster?

  Maybe for like, like, like an internet video, like a, you know, someone trying the DoubleTree cookie for the first time. Really going into detail about it, describing it, taking the bite.

• 36:35Speaker 06

  Listen, say less, I'm on it.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 36:44James Acaster?

  Oh man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 36:50Speaker 04

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast. But you know what? We very rarely talk about where we wanna eat this dream meal.

• 37:10James Acaster?

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe. And Cozy's modular customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful cozy table. Linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 37:42James Acaster?

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 37:45Speaker 04

  No, don't worry about that, James, cause it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere? Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 37:57James Acaster?

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 38:01Speaker 04

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 38:17James Acaster?

  And because it's cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 38:35James Acaster?

  Visit Cozy today, that's C O Z E Y dot com and make yourself at home.

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• 40:14Speaker 00

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• 40:55Speaker 03

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• 41:00Speaker 00

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• 41:29James Acaster?

  Your dream starter?

• 41:30Speaker 04

  It's probably the cookie.

• 41:32Speaker 06

  A double treat.

• 41:35Speaker 06

  Dream starter. So I'm drawing on the heritage here because there is an amazing restaurant called Chishiru, Chishiru in Fitzrovia. So the first black woman to get a Michelin star. And so I took my mom there. And she makes, she sort of draws on Nigerian cuisine, but she's put a sort of modern twist on it. And she did this thing that I have loved since I was a kid called moy moy, which is, it's kind of like a bean. It doesn't sound yum, but it's like a bean paste that you put into, traditionally it's put into folded leaves. And then you basically steam it and it goes kind of solid. You put, like you could put some sort of protein in there. So maybe a boiled egg or a bit of fish or something like that.

• 42:19Speaker 06

  And so you, like when you eat it, there's this little surprise of like whatever the thing is that they've put in there. Hopefully it is food, not like, I don't know, 50p or something like that.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  That would be a surprise though.

• 42:30Speaker 06

  Yeah. So, but it's, it's just delicious. And then on top of that, eating it in a Michelin star restaurant. So she, she uses cured stout. So she, yeah, flavors it with cured stout. And then it comes with a confit egg, a confit yolk. And it's just amazing. I mean, the whole, the whole menu that we had at this restaurant was incredible, but that I'm going to put as my starter because it's a little bit of my childhood, a little bit of Nigeria. But it's also, you know, it's just fine dining as well. So.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  I've been there.

• 43:03Speaker 06

  Have you?

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Absolutely loved it. I don't think that was on the menu when I was there. Cause I think I would have remembered that. But that restaurant is top, top quality. It's so good.

• 43:10James Acaster?

  Not heard of it. Sounds great.

• 43:11Speaker 06

  Well, she started, she only turned to cooking, I think in like 2019 or something like that. And she had a little unit in Brixton Village. That was kind of like a pop up, I guess. And then she moved to Fitzrovia and opened the restaurant then. And then she got her Michelin star. So.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  It's such a great experience.

• 43:31Speaker 06

  It's, yeah, it's really lovely. And so we, and she was there the night that me and my mom went, which was so lovely. And so, and she said, one of her staff said she never does photos with people, but we asked her and she's like, she came out and did a photo with us. And when we were taking the photo, my mom was like, cause my mom was like, the food is very good, but it's not traditional, traditional. I'm like, Mom, you can't say that to a Michelin chef. My gosh, it's not traditional, traditional. And she was so gracious. She was like, thank you, ma. Thank you, thank you.

• 44:02James Acaster?

  Was that food at that restaurant quite nostalgic, even though it wasn't traditional, traditional? Did it still take you back?

• 44:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, because it's kind of like, this is a bit left field, but like there's a reimagining of Vivaldi's Four Seasons that's so beautiful. And like, when you hear it, you hear Four Seasons in it, but you also hear the magic of what someone's created by reimagining it. And it's sort of like that with the food. It was kind of like, yes, I recognize these flavors, but they're all slightly different. And so they're nostalgic, but they're new at the same time, which is obviously like a really novel experience. So yeah, I was so glad that we, we got to go there because you know, African cuisine hasn't quite got the same, there's not the same, quite the same affection for it. Or hasn't that thrived as much as some other cuisine, say like Chinese or Thai or Indian.

• 44:51Speaker 06

  So to have a restaurant of that quality that's, you know, based off of the food that I grew up eating is, is, you know, a real pleasure to go and eat there, especially with my mom as well.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:01James Acaster?

  It's great introducing your mom to people, isn't it? Your parents, having say stuff like that. And I'm at the point now where I'm like, whatever they say, it's on them now. It doesn't reflect on me at all.

• 45:12Speaker 06

  I kind of need that policy.

• 45:14James Acaster?

  Yeah. Introducing the people, whatever they say, the person might look at me and go, that's not me.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:20Speaker 06

  They're their own person.

• 45:22James Acaster?

  Whatever. That's, I know it was bad.

• 45:26Speaker 04

  I just stand there and go, I wonder what crazy shit I'm going to say. When I'm, when I'm that age.

• 45:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  I'm going to say some wild stuff.

• 45:32James Acaster?

  Yeah, you are.

• 45:33Speaker 06

  Are you starting to become unfiltered?

• 45:36Speaker 04

  It's not even unfiltered. It's just, but I don't think my parents are unfiltered.

• 45:40Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Like they just say things completely out of the blue. Like it's, it's never like, oh God, they've said completely the wrong thing. It's just like, why the fuck are you saying that?

• 45:50Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 45:50James Acaster?

  I'd say it's more a thing with, with you that as you get older, and a lot of, my dad's definitely done this. And I think your dad, from what you told, just you back yourself even more.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Double down.

• 46:01James Acaster?

  So whatever the thing is, I want to take my own poppadom. And everyone else can get their own as well. There's no kind of like going, well, I understand why you might break it. It's just like, this is right.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 46:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:13James Acaster?

  This is the right thing to do. Just fully committing. And I think that's what you'll be, as you get older, you're going to be more and more like that.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  Why wouldn't you do it like this?

• 46:21James Acaster?

  To be more entertaining for me, being around him and seeing that.

• 46:25Speaker 06

  What are you going to be like?

• 46:26James Acaster?

  Uh, yeah, I mean, I hope I let myself just be weirder and weirder. But I think what I'm going to do is just cut more and more people out of my life until I'm not really hanging out with anyone.

• 46:38James Acaster?

  I can kind of see that happening.

• 46:40Speaker 06

  Right.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  Yeah. And, and by the way, be really happy.

• 46:43Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 46:44James Acaster?

  Yeah, I love it. But like, yeah, I can see that being the case.

• 46:47Speaker 06

  Still do this though.

• 46:49James Acaster?

  Yeah, I'll just be seeing Ed. I'll be asking Benito to sit in the other room.

• 46:55Speaker 06

  Too many people in here for my like.

• 46:56James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 06

  No guests.

• 46:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, no guests. Guests on Zoom in the corner.

• 47:00James Acaster?

  Me and Ed chatting, Ed uncompromising. Me putting up with, he's the only person I put up with anymore. Yeah, I think that's where this is going.

• 47:08Speaker 06

  This is a beautiful thing. I can't wait.

• 47:15James Acaster?

  Your dream main course, Andy?

• 47:17Speaker 06

  My dream main course. Okay, so seeing as it's a dream restaurant, can I do fusions?

• 47:24James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 47:25Speaker 06

  Okay. So where my head went was I wanted to go jollof rice. I'm going to go jollof rice actually, but I'm not going to go with the stew and the meat stew that usually comes with it. Cause I've never liked it. When I was a kid, like, so the process is like my mom would boil the meat or stew it kind of thing. Then she'd fry it. So what she did, yeah, then she'd fry it. And then it would go into the sauce. So it would hold its shape and you know, it'll have all those flavors and stuff. But I wanted it after she'd fried it. Like, so she'd have to take bits out, set them aside for me and then put the rest of the meat. Cause I don't know why I don't trust meat in stews. I've never, something about it.

• 48:03Speaker 04

  You don't trust it?

• 48:03Speaker 06

  I don't trust it. And now I use that word specifically, there is not trust.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:09Speaker 06

  Because I think there's been too many times and there's been just a little tiny bit of gristle or something like that. And no, I can't.

• 48:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 06

  You know what I mean? Like I can't, I literally can't.

• 48:22James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. A gristle is, that, that'll put you off.

• 48:25Speaker 06

  Even just a tiny?

• 48:25James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 48:27Speaker 06

  Do you? No, don't.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  I love it, but just the texture, chew it. Get, you can get flavor out of all that stuff.

• 48:33Speaker 06

  Ben, intervene.

• 48:37Speaker 04

  You get flavor out of all that stuff, like a bit of bone and like, yeah, really go for it.

• 48:41Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. But gristle, fat, all of that. Yes, please.

• 48:45James Acaster?

  I'm sorry, Andy.

• 48:46Speaker 06

  James is shaking his head.

• 48:47James Acaster?

  I'm sorry.

• 48:48Speaker 04

  It's organic chewing gum.

• 48:52James Acaster?

  Worse. How does that help your argument?

• 48:54Speaker 06

  And do you swallow chewing gum?

• 48:57Speaker 04

  Depends. I mean, if it's a small enough bit, I mean, I've, you know.

• 49:00Speaker 06

  Wow. Yeah, no, I've, I, it's, I've, no, I can't, I just.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  My favourite bit of a chicken leg is, you know, the bit on the end, like the, it's like a kneecap.

• 49:08Speaker 06

  No, I actually don't know that because I.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  Snap it off.

• 49:12Speaker 06

  Really?

• 49:12Speaker 04

  I'll eat that, eat that whole. Because I don't waste food. I'm nose to tail.

• 49:17Speaker 06

  How I, wow, how I don't waste food is, is just not eating it. I just, yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  That's wasting it.

• 49:24Speaker 06

  But I'm not, I've, it's not on my plate either. So it's not, like, I've cut that bit out.

• 49:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. To be fair, I can't accuse you of wasting food that you've just not eaten or never attempted to eat.

• 49:34Speaker 06

  Mmm, that's it, that's what I'm getting at.

• 49:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, that's fair enough.

• 49:37Speaker 06

  So, so to get around all this, what I'm doing is I've got my jollof rice.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 49:43Speaker 06

  And then I'm gonna have proper jerk chicken with it, because I actually think that's a really delicious combination. But then you need some sauce. So it's either, uh, well, then it's the sauce from the meat stew, actually.

• 49:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:55Speaker 06

  That's really nice.

• 49:56Speaker 04

  So you trust the sauce, even though it's been hanging out with the meat?

• 49:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, it's not, I'm not opposed to the flavours of meat. It's just that, yeah, you can't take chances.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:05Speaker 06

  And so, yeah, that, that would be, I think that would be perfect for me. Jollof rice.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Delicious.

• 50:11Speaker 06

  Bit of stew, sauce. And whenever I go to like Nigerian functions and stuff, that's what I like, like I'll say, jollof rice, no, no meat, thanks, I'll just have the stew. And the look I get, like, they look, they do look at me like I'm crazy. Like, you don't want, you don't want, you don't want? Like, just emphasise different places.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  Just keep just saying, no, no.

• 50:30Speaker 06

  You don't want?

• 50:32James Acaster?

  Next time, you should bring egg with you.

• 50:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:34James Acaster?

  And Ed can have all your meaty gristly bits. So you can go, I bought this fellow with me.

• 50:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, give it to him.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  Only gristle, please.

• 50:42James Acaster?

  So all to him.

• 50:43Speaker 06

  Yummy yum.

• 50:44James Acaster?

  And Ed's just there.

• 50:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, this is, this, this sounds perfect.

• 50:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're absolutely ideal.

• 50:49Speaker 06

  They, they will still look at me weird, like, why have you got a royal, uh, taster with you?

• 50:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 06

  You weirdo. But, um, yeah, this, this could be a compromise, a good compromise. But yeah, I, yeah, that's, that's how I would, uh, that's how I'd roll.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  That's delicious.

• 51:03James Acaster?

  Yeah, I love that combo jerk chicken. Where, where's the best jerk chicken you've ever had? Is there a jerk chicken you'd be like, it has to be that one for the dream menu?

• 51:11Speaker 06

  For the dream menu, I'm gonna say, I tell you where my mind goes, is St Lucia. And it was like a, like a local carnival or, I, I think, I don't think it was like a big one, but it was just like this street sort of festival that was going on. And we just stopped at this, um, little stall that had the drum and everything. And it was just delicious. It was just delicious. So that's in my mind, but otherwise, I'd say probably any of the stalls on, uh, Carnival in Notting Hill. Do you know what I mean? Like, you can't, you can't go wrong. Well, you probably can, but the main ones where there's a queue.

• 51:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 06

  Those ones, you can't go wrong.

• 51:48James Acaster?

  I went to Notting Hill Carnival, I did, literally for three years, lived on Ladbrook Grove. And, uh, but I, I was always at Edinburgh.

• 51:57Speaker 06

  Right.

• 51:57James Acaster?

  I think it was Edinburgh. And then I'd get back like the day after Carnival.

• 52:00Speaker 06

  Right.

• 52:01James Acaster?

  So it would just be like, what the fuck happened here?

• 52:07James Acaster?

  The cab driver had to drop me off in my suitcase from Edinburgh, like ages away from my house.

• 52:12Speaker 06

  All right.

• 52:12James Acaster?

  Couldn't get to it. I'm just going for the debris.

• 52:16Speaker 06

  Just all the empty cans of red stripe everywhere.

• 52:18James Acaster?

  Going up, this is, this is a proper festival. I'm going from Edinburgh.

• 52:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:22James Acaster?

  Probably picking a few flyers up off the ground after an entire month. But yeah, I was gutted that I never got to go to it. I lived right there, but, um.

• 52:29Speaker 06

  Well, they're still doing it. So.

• 52:31James Acaster?

  Yeah, but I'd have to travel now.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  We've got great news for you, James.

• 52:34James Acaster?

  I'd have to travel now.

• 52:36Speaker 06

  Really?

• 52:36James Acaster?

  Across London.

• 52:37Speaker 06

  I think that's what people do, to go to things.

• 52:39Speaker 04

  You know, everyone who goes to the Notting Hill Carnival doesn't live in Notting Hill, James.

• 52:42Speaker 06

  You are allowed to go if you don't, aren't a resident of said area.

• 52:47James Acaster?

  I don't know. That's too, it's a schlep.

• 52:51Speaker 06

  I do kind of feel the same way, actually.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  I'll go, but I'll go for the jerk chicken.

• 52:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 04

  I will, I'm, next time I'll go for the jerk chicken, but I'll be in and out, I'll be getting it takeaway and then I'll leave.

• 52:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Cause everyone's having, everyone's having too good a time.

• 53:03James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:03Speaker 06

  Yes, too noisy.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  Too noisy.

• 53:05James Acaster?

  Doesn't like it.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  I'm glad everyone's having a nice time, but I'll just get the chicken and I'll, I'll go and watch from a distance.

• 53:10Speaker 06

  I think the dream scenario is to be in one of those houses on the roof.

• 53:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 06

  Uh, that, that's, that was my goal for a good decade of befriending somebody who knew a person who, who lived on.

• 53:22James Acaster?

  She'd go and touch with me.

• 53:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, but you were in Edinburgh.

• 53:25James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, I could, but, but, perfect.

• 53:27Speaker 06

  Oh, didn't think it through.

• 53:29James Acaster?

  Free house. Well, Joe and Kate would have been in, shout out.

• 53:34James Acaster?

  Shout out Joe and Kate.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  Did they, so would they go to Carnival?

• 53:37James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:38Speaker 06

  Well, they didn't have to go anywhere, did they? They were just at the doorstep.

• 53:41James Acaster?

  Yeah, they were fine.

• 53:43Speaker 06

  Did they tell you stories?

• 53:44James Acaster?

  Yeah, they go, here's what happened at Carnival.

• 53:46Speaker 06

  I feel like I was there.

• 53:47James Acaster?

  Good stuff, yeah. The, the jollof rice, is that gonna be the one your mum used to make or?

• 53:52Speaker 06

  Oh gosh, controversial, but my cousin, I'm gonna say, makes the best jollof rice. And I'm, it's to the point where I almost don't wanna know how she does it. You know, like with dry cleaning, you don't wanna know really what they're doing. Like, am I the only one that feels like that?

• 54:07Speaker 04

  No, I wouldn't say that's a universal observation.

• 54:10Speaker 06

  Is it not?

• 54:10James Acaster?

  For dry cleaning.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 06

  Do you, so you know how dry cleaning works?

• 54:13Speaker 04

  No, but I, I've never been in, yeah, but I don't want, not want to know.

• 54:17Speaker 06

  Well, how come you don't know then?

• 54:19James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  There's plenty of things I don't know.

• 54:20Speaker 06

  There must be some resistance.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  I just say, I've got a lot on.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  I'm just.

• 54:25Speaker 06

  Too busy to know.

• 54:25Speaker 04

  Is it like?

• 54:26James Acaster?

  You ain't got much on.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  I know, it's just.

• 54:27James Acaster?

  What you got on?

• 54:30Speaker 04

  It's, that's a fair point. Now I do wanna know, now you've brought it up, I think I just never thought about it. Nah.

• 54:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, talked you around. Um, but it, yeah, I don't wanna know what's in it. She has told me the recipe, but I think my mind has created like a brain fog so that I don't actually take it in because I just love that she makes it. It's absolutely delicious. It's almost like you could eat it just like without anything. It's like delicious. How often is rice that, I'll say special, special fried rice? That's kind of, you can eat on its own. I was thinking today, cause about putting rice in my, my dream menu, and I was thinking about how I, I just love rice. I love it so much that sometimes when I'm in a restaurant eating, especially towards the end of a meal that involves rice, like I'll sort of get this food, like tunnel vision, where I'm just eating it. I can't think about anything else because it's so delicious.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  You're just in a complete loop, just, yeah.

• 55:23Speaker 06

  Yeah. And then, so I, I, um, I, I will say I went onto AI. I know this is not necessarily what it's useful for, but I was like, is that a thing? I sort of explained what has happened, like, cause I wondered if there was a term for it.

• 55:34James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 06

  Um, so forty gallons of water later, um.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Did it come, come out with anything?

• 55:40Speaker 06

  No, it was useless.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  Just like, just like rice?

• 55:42Speaker 06

  Just like used a load of.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:44Speaker 06

  Water and destroyed a, a community, just to find out that I actually really like rice.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  You're just backish.

• 55:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:51James Acaster?

  My research, I do like rice. No, thank you.

• 55:59Speaker 04

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• 56:27Speaker 00

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• 57:10Speaker 00

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• 57:36James Acaster?

  Your dream side dish, Andy.

• 57:38Speaker 06

  Do you know what? I'm gonna change it, cause it was gonna be some sort of like greensy type thing. I really like tender stem. I don't know how they managed to trademark that or whatever they've done, but.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  Crazy, right? That it's a company.

• 57:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:50Speaker 04

  We only found that out when we did an advert for them.

• 57:52Speaker 06

  Oh, really?

• 57:53James Acaster?

  We thought it was a prank.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:55James Acaster?

  We thought it was an April Fool.

• 57:57Speaker 06

  Right.

• 57:57James Acaster?

  Like, like someone was like, there you go, doing an advert for tomatoes, like, we're not idiots.

• 58:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, tender stem broccoli. We were like, loads of people sell tender stem broccoli. It's like, no, they've got it.

• 58:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, cause it, cause you get a little, there's a little R, isn't there, by tender stem, like a registered trademark or something?

• 58:12Speaker 04

  They've nailed it.

• 58:13Speaker 06

  Well done them. I mean, it is delicious.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 06

  So a little bit of butter, maybe a bit of garlic, yum. Or the same with spinach, also yum. Not cream, don't like it when they put that in there, that's too much, too far. But, cause of what the main is, the jollof, the, the soup. Um, there's, I don't know what it's called, but when it, with Nigerian food, sometimes you, um, chop up okra. And you'll have that with your, actually, do you know what? It doesn't go with this, cause you would have it with gram rice. You know, like, um, gram rice is kind of like, it's like pounded rice mixed with water and it has a kind of polenta type texture to it. So you would dip it in a sort of, yeah, exactly. And I was gonna say the okra, which you pick up and it gets really sort of like, almost like snot kind of thing, but it tastes amazing. But that wouldn't work with the rice. I think it would be weird with the rice.

• 59:00Speaker 04

  I love okra though.

• 59:01Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  And people get weird about okra being like slimy, having that consistency.

• 59:06Speaker 06

  In certain, like, certain.

• 59:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause you can fry okra as well and like, yeah, it's, it's a great, it's a great veg.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  I grill it sometimes or cook it in the oven. That's really nice. Literally just salt and pepper, really nice in the oven. Or put it into, like, if you're making a curry or, I've attempted gumbo's, but I'm not really sure what I'm doing. So I just sort of chuck loads of stuff in and go, oh, I haven't got that, so I'll use that. And I haven't got that, so I'll use that. And it's quite right.

• 59:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:33Speaker 06

  But I'll call it that. Um, so I'm gonna go, yeah, I'm gonna go tender stem, why not? I knew a few quid now.

• 59:38Speaker 04

  Are you, are you?

• 59:38Speaker 06

  Mentioning it loads.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. Are you, are you boiling? Are you steaming? Are you grilling?

• 59:43Speaker 06

  I think it is blanched.

• 59:46Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, so just a quick minute or something like that. I, I need to develop a, a technique. Oh, well, someone's cooking it for me, aren't they? I'm not doing it myself. But I was thinking, I need a technique for being able to tell, cause I just look at stuff to, to tell a lot of time.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  I think that's a good habit to get into, you know?

• 1:00:02Speaker 06

  Do you think?

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Speaker 06

  Yes, with veg, I, I mean, I suppose it's all right with veg.

• 1:00:05Speaker 04

  But it's all right with meat as well, I think.

• 1:00:07Speaker 06

  To just look?

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:09Speaker 06

  Looks all right.

• 1:00:10Speaker 04

  Looks all right. It feels, it feels like the right moment to stop cooking it.

• 1:00:13Speaker 06

  Oh, that feel, that's different.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  It's different to look, I suppose.

• 1:00:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  With steak, I just.

• 1:00:17James Acaster?

  Feel is different to look. You heard it here first on the Off Menu podcast.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  If I, if I'm cooking a steak now, I'll just be like, yeah, I reckon.

• 1:00:27Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:27James Acaster?

  Wow.

• 1:00:28Speaker 06

  Have you got like a, an instinct though for, maybe that's what it is?

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  I think I have specifically have a steak instinct.

• 1:00:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 06

  A go to for you guys.

• 1:00:36Speaker 04

  I, I will have, I, you know, steak a week maybe. I would happily.

• 1:00:41James Acaster?

  Keep the doctor away.

• 1:00:43Speaker 06

  As they say.

• 1:00:45Speaker 04

  I would happily eat steak every night.

• 1:00:47Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  My brain goes, I don't think that's good.

• 1:00:49Speaker 06

  That's quite good.

• 1:00:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Speaker 06

  Wow. Do you have a place you go to, to get your steaks from?

• 1:00:55Speaker 04

  My kitchen.

• 1:00:57Speaker 06

  That's, that's, that's what I was.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  From the sofa to the kitchen?

• 1:01:00Speaker 06

  Yes. Yeah. Uh, in, in the fridge.

• 1:01:03Speaker 04

  It's in the fridge. Not for long though. Get it out of the fridge an hour before I cook it.

• 1:01:07Speaker 06

  Yes, right. Get it to room temperature.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Speaker 06

  Obvs.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. I'll buy, I'll buy, if I can get to the butchers on time, I'll buy a steak from the butchers.

• 1:01:14Speaker 06

  Proper butchers.

• 1:01:15Speaker 04

  I'll go proper butchers.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  Yeah. Why don't supermarket steaks taste very good?

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  Sometimes you can get nice ones.

• 1:01:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  Say if you're going to, if you're going to a fancy supermarket, I think they tend to be slightly better.

• 1:01:26Speaker 06

  M and S or something?

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  M and S or, you know, Waitrose or I guess they're all right from there.

• 1:01:30Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  But then I've had good, I've good, I have good steaks from other places as well.

• 1:01:33James Acaster?

  Couldn't even tell you the last time I went to a butcher, they stink, man.

• 1:01:37Speaker 06

  Of meat.

• 1:01:38James Acaster?

  I can't, I can't hack it. I can't hack the smell.

• 1:01:40Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:01:41James Acaster?

  Yeah, I'm just too sensitive, my nose.

• 1:01:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:44James Acaster?

  As soon as I go to the butchers, I'm like, get me out of here.

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:01:47James Acaster?

  Yeah, get me out of here. So get, get me in somewhere nice, man, like Eminem world.

• 1:01:55James Acaster?

  Horrible.

• 1:01:55Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 1:01:56James Acaster?

  Can't, can't hack it.

• 1:01:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, just, yeah, I mean, they do smell very much of meat, but they do smell kind of fresh.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  They smell clean, fresh.

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:04Speaker 04

  I love the smell of a butchers.

• 1:02:06James Acaster?

  Can't, I, I, they smell clean, but like.

• 1:02:08Speaker 06

  Fishmongers?

• 1:02:10James Acaster?

  No, I, yeah, don't go into fishmonger, pretty much, uh, cross, I, you know, I live near, this is now, I'm, I'm treading on some toes here potentially. Amy and, uh, our friend and brilliant comedian, uh, I saw her do, uh, a work in progress of a show. She said something which she said she never, uh, has said again since, but I got so excited about it as an observation. Um, and I'm so angry at her that she hasn't done this as material. She said that she lives near a fishmonger, so every day she has to decide whether she walks through the fish water or not on the pavement. And I was like, Amy, that is an observation older than comedy itself and no one's ever done it.

• 1:02:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:46James Acaster?

  Like, no, no stand-up has ever done it and you got that observation, that, that is at least a five minute routine about trying to decide whether to walk through the fish water. Please do a routine about it. Next time I saw her, I was like, have you done it? She's like, no, I just never really, uh, you know, didn't, didn't, didn't do anything with it.

• 1:03:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01James Acaster?

  I'm like, please dear God.

• 1:03:02Speaker 04

  And we've talked about this before. Whenever a comedian goes to another comedian and I like that bit, they mean that's a bit I would do.

• 1:03:10Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  You've done it to me before. You've gone, I love that. That's such a good observation and it's never worked.

• 1:03:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  So with, you would have said that to Amy, that's a brilliant observation. You've got a five minute routine. She would have tried it the next gig. It would have absolutely gone to nothing.

• 1:03:24James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:25Speaker 04

  And because that's a routine, you would get five minutes.

• 1:03:27James Acaster?

  I would love it. The fish water outside the fishmonger is trying to decide.

• 1:03:30Speaker 06

  You can buy it off.

• 1:03:31James Acaster?

  Who are the people who walk through it? Who are people who go in, they go right to the middle of the road? You've got to see how many cars are around, like the whole thing. That couple actually, Nish as well, he's got, uh, he said something once about those socks that are like half socks. He can't hang them up on the clothes horse properly. And I was like, Nish, you've got to use that. And he was like, no, it's not really my thing. And I was like, you've got to do it.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  You did it to me. I had a, um, a line about, uh, backwash.

• 1:03:56James Acaster?

  Yeah, brilliant.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  But it doesn't work anywhere.

• 1:03:58James Acaster?

  Brilliant. What was the backwash line? It was really good.

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  Talking about the, that's the only thing you worried about, uh, the only thing we worried about at school was backwash.

• 1:04:04James Acaster?

  Yeah. When, when, when kids are drinking that.

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  Do you remember backwash?

• 1:04:07Speaker 06

  Yes, I do. I remember people going like, oh, that's 25% backwash.

• 1:04:11James Acaster?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  So you had to drink by hovering someone else's drink above your mouth and just letting it dribble into your mouth.

• 1:04:16Speaker 06

  People never went that far.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  Oh no, we did in our school. It's like, if you, you could have a sip of someone's drink, but you had to hold it above, above your head and let it just rain down into your mouth.

• 1:04:24James Acaster?

  Yeah, like a cherub, a fountain.

• 1:04:25Speaker 06

  Oh, oh, okay. I, I do remember there was a girl who had braces and you could literally see like.

• 1:04:30James Acaster?

  Oh my God. Oh my God. Put that in the, put that, put that in your backwash routine.

• 1:04:34Speaker 04

  James, I've dropped the backwash routine.

• 1:04:36James Acaster?

  Nish, if you're listening, you've got to do the half socks on the clothes horse. Amy, do your fishmonger's routine with the, with the fish water and walking through it. Come on, people.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  I think what's happened is just all three of us accidentally wrote a James Acaster premise.

• 1:04:49Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:04:49Speaker 04

  And then couldn't flush it out.

• 1:04:55James Acaster?

  Your dream drink, Andy.

• 1:04:56Speaker 06

  So like I was saying, so I did stop drinking alcohol about two years ago, just cause, um, I, I actually did a, um, an ayahuasca retreat. And they said that the, like in the lead up to it, the preparation, one of the things that they suggest you do, you don't have to, but they suggest that you stop drinking alcohol. To get the most out of the ceremony. So I, I remember literally like being at a friend's house and going, well, this is exactly two weeks, you know, like getting a glass of wine down me. And then two weeks went, did the, um, retreat, which was a week. And then at the end of it, left it till the end to tell us, do you know what? To get the most out of what you've experienced.

• 1:05:34Speaker 06

  We suggest you go another two weeks or so, like without drinking alcohol. So I was like, well, we're here now, aren't I? It's like already three weeks in. I might as well keep going. And then, yeah, that was two years ago.

• 1:05:46Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:05:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. So I think.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  You're just waiting for them to call and tell you that it's all right to start drinking again.

• 1:05:51Speaker 06

  Do you think it is all right for me?

• 1:05:54James Acaster?

  You're still doing ayahuasca every day, right?

• 1:05:56Speaker 06

  There's revelation after revelation in this podcast. So I mean, it could be true. I have, I just, I could have started drinking again and I didn't know.

• 1:06:04Speaker 04

  On behalf of the Off Menu podcast, please, you're allowed to start drinking again. Okay.

• 1:06:08Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:06:08James Acaster?

  You're, I think you're, you're, and you're our second guest who's done the whole proper ayahuasca thing.

• 1:06:13Speaker 06

  I am?

• 1:06:14James Acaster?

  Yeah. So Simon Amstall.

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  Simon Amstall's done it, yeah.

• 1:06:16James Acaster?

  And you're, you're, you're the second one. We, I'd like to get enough for a retreat, enough guests that we could have our own little.

• 1:06:24Speaker 04

  Our own ayahuasca retreat.

• 1:06:25James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:25Speaker 06

  Oh, you're like an off menu retreat.

• 1:06:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:27Speaker 06

  We can just talk about food.

• 1:06:29James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, that's right. We, we say, we recommend you don't eat two weeks before coming to the off menu retreat because.

• 1:06:34Speaker 06

  Just gristle for it.

• 1:06:35James Acaster?

  There's gonna be so much.

• 1:06:36Speaker 04

  You can, but it'll ruin the experience.

• 1:06:38James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:38Speaker 06

  And then afterwards, don't eat for no reason. Yeah. Um, but I was thinking about if I were, or if I want, if, if there was a way of having this as a virgin drink. Um, an old Cuban.

• 1:06:51Speaker 04

  And what's an old Cuban?

• 1:06:52Speaker 06

  So, um, it's, let me see if I can get this right. Mint, rum, uh, some sort of syrup, Angostura bitters and champagne. Or, or a sparkling, you know, a sparkling wine. So it could be prosecco. Absolutely delicious. And then, oh my God, it's so.

• 1:07:10Speaker 04

  Dark, dark, is it dark rum or white rum?

• 1:07:12Speaker 06

  No, I think it would be white rum. Yeah. Judging from, remembering what the drink looks like, it would be a white rum. And yeah, just with a garnish of a bit of mint on top as well.

• 1:07:21Speaker 04

  Sounds delicious.

• 1:07:21Speaker 06

  It is abso, cause I've not really got a massively sweet tooth, although as perimenopause has gone on, my sweet tooth has gotten more. So I'll be like eating cake going, I've really got a sweet tooth. And I'll be just like halfway through someone's birthday cake before the candles have even gone out. But like, yeah, that, if I could, if there was a virgin, version of that.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  Well, it's the dream restaurant. I reckon we can whip it up.

• 1:07:42James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  Genie, what are you replacing the rum and champagne with?

• 1:07:46James Acaster?

  Uh, whiskey and sand vodka?

• 1:07:50Speaker 06

  That's perfect.

• 1:07:50James Acaster?

  What would you? I mean, I, I, oh champagne, you can get non-alcoholic champagnes and proseccos and stuff.

• 1:07:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, they come with a quite an interesting flavour, I'm gonna say though. Not necessarily the same as.

• 1:08:03James Acaster?

  Okay, Mountain Dew.

• 1:08:06Speaker 06

  So Red Bull and.

• 1:08:08James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. Red Bull, Mountain Dew.

• 1:08:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:10James Acaster?

  And all those other things you mentioned. So that's the virgin.

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, maple syrup and white monster. There you go.

• 1:08:15Speaker 06

  Yummy. I think that's it. That's, that's perfect. Yeah. So that's a, but when I was, uh, cause I, I wasn't sure exactly what was in it. So I looked up the, um, the ingredients and I was thinking, this is enough to have me start drinking again because they're delicious. I think it's the, the lime and the, cause obviously lime's quite sour and then the sweetness of the, you know, if they use prosecco. I think there's something about that, how they, they don't, they don't cancel, they complement. So, yeah.

• 1:08:42James Acaster?

  That does sound great. I've never heard of that before.

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:08:44James Acaster?

  That sounds delicious.

• 1:08:45Speaker 06

  Old Cuban, very nice.

• 1:08:46James Acaster?

  And the last alcoholic drink you had was a red wine.

• 1:08:49Speaker 06

  Um, it was a, I think it was like a porn star martini by mistake.

• 1:08:53James Acaster?

  Wow, that's quite the, I'm glad that we asked this. When, when, when Paul Chowdhury was on, we asked him what his last alcoholic drink he had was because he quit and he said a hot toddy.

• 1:09:03James Acaster?

  And yours was a porn star martini. It's like proper like.

• 1:09:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:06James Acaster?

  It's not what you'd expect.

• 1:09:07Speaker 06

  Going out with a bang.

• 1:09:08Speaker 04

  A porn star martini by accident?

• 1:09:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, because they said on the menu that they did virgin ones. So that's what I asked for.

• 1:09:15Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:09:15Speaker 06

  It was quite loud. I don't think she quite caught what I said. And I was getting a bit shouty.

• 1:09:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:21Speaker 06

  And, uh, you know, I hadn't had a drink in like 18 months or something like that. And I was like, I think that may have had alcohol in it.

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  Also, asking for a virgin porn star martini is.

• 1:09:29James Acaster?

  That's funny.

• 1:09:29Speaker 06

  The point.

• 1:09:30Speaker 04

  That's funny.

• 1:09:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31James Acaster?

  There's no such thing.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:33Speaker 06

  I don't know what they would have put in it.

• 1:09:34James Acaster?

  Who's watching that?

• 1:09:38James Acaster?

  Who's watching that? Someone failed to have sex for a whole thing.

• 1:09:42Speaker 06

  I was actually watching it for the.

• 1:09:43James Acaster?

  Oh, I locked myself out the house. Let me in. I want to have sex with you, please. Oh, I'm such a virgin.

• 1:09:50Speaker 04

  Could you do the plumbing before we do the other stuff?

• 1:09:53Speaker 06

  Uh, I'll be there. Wait, wait, wait a second. I've done my puzzles.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  It's like your impression of a virgin.

• 1:10:01James Acaster?

  Yeah, I'm doing my puzzles. I can't come in and have sex right now.

• 1:10:05Speaker 04

  How does he do on your puzzles this morning?

• 1:10:07James Acaster?

  Pretty good.

• 1:10:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Speaker 06

  Oh, you are?

• 1:10:08James Acaster?

  It's a hard, I know it's quite hard to say the puzzles.

• 1:10:10Speaker 04

  We do the same puzzles in the morning.

• 1:10:12Speaker 06

  Oh, and then do you confer?

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:14James Acaster?

  It's gone badly recently.

• 1:10:16Speaker 06

  Puzzles.

• 1:10:16Speaker 04

  Spelling bee.

• 1:10:17James Acaster?

  New York Times puzzle.

• 1:10:18Speaker 04

  The New York Times one, so spelling bee, strands, wordle, connections.

• 1:10:23Speaker 06

  Okay, and it's like who can get there first or?

• 1:10:27Speaker 04

  No, we just chat if it's difficult. Like I actually looked to James with spelling bee to be like, if I'm having a really rough day on spelling bee, I'll message James being like, fuck spelling bee today. And then he'll be like, yeah, I know it's really hard. And I'll be like, I feel fine now.

• 1:10:39Speaker 06

  How does that work written down? Like, isn't spelling bee where you have to spell a word?

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's, you get as many words you can out of these letters, but you have to, you have to include the centre letter. And they have rankings. You have to try and, well.

• 1:10:52James Acaster?

  Yeah, this is, this is bad.

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  This annoyed me.

• 1:10:54James Acaster?

  This is bad.

• 1:10:54Speaker 04

  I always thought it was genius you had to get to. And I was regularly getting to genius. And I was like, I am a genius. This guy texts me saying, there's a level above genius called Queen B. And you have to get all the words. And I never got it. And it felt like I've wasted the last year and a half.

• 1:11:09Speaker 06

  Oh, man.

• 1:11:10James Acaster?

  I knew it was bad because my, my girlfriend's friend Lauren told me.

• 1:11:13Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:11:13James Acaster?

  And Lauren takes spelling bee really seriously.

• 1:11:16Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:11:17James Acaster?

  Because spelling bee, obviously there's loads of different words, different lengths, but if you get, if you use all the letters, it's pangram. Her rule for herself is she has to start with the pangram. She has to start with that. She can't, can't put any words in until she's got the big one.

• 1:11:32Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:11:33James Acaster?

  And, uh, and then she has to get to genius before she's allowed to.

• 1:11:38Speaker 04

  Celebrate.

• 1:11:39James Acaster?

  Look for clues, there's clues you can get online.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:42James Acaster?

  Hints. So she can't do any hints until she gets to genius. And then she always gets to queen bee. And I was like, sorry, what? You get to queen, what's queen bee? Genius is, is top one.

• 1:11:51Speaker 06

  So that's how you found out.

• 1:11:52James Acaster?

  Yeah. And I was like, I was like, genius is top. She was like, no. Are you stopping at genius?

• 1:11:59James Acaster?

  I thought I got, I knew in that moment, I've got to tell Ed.

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:03James Acaster?

  But I was like, it's going to destroy him.

• 1:12:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 06

  So I love that you were responsible with, you shared it, but you would, you, you gave it some thought.

• 1:12:10James Acaster?

  I know you wouldn't like.

• 1:12:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:12James Acaster?

  And he was just instantly like, oh, it was like, I'm a moron.

• 1:12:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've wasted my time.

• 1:12:17James Acaster?

  I'm an idiot. I'm stupid.

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

  All those days where I was like, yes, I got to genius.

• 1:12:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:23Speaker 04

  My sweets are my child.

• 1:12:25James Acaster?

  It's not queen bee.

• 1:12:26Speaker 06

  Do you think there's anything?

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  Oh, don't, don't even start.

• 1:12:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:31Speaker 04

  Don't even start, Andy.

• 1:12:32Speaker 06

  Sorry.

• 1:12:33James Acaster?

  Sting. Sting. Sting and the police.

• 1:12:36Speaker 04

  The sting level is when you really take your time over it.

• 1:12:40James Acaster?

  Tantric sex.

• 1:12:43Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:12:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Speaker 06

  So you're doing the puzzle over dinner?

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:46James Acaster?

  Would a virgin know about that?

• 1:12:52James Acaster?

  Your dream dessert, Andy.

• 1:12:54Speaker 06

  Dream dessert. So this would be sticky toffee pudding, easily. Vanilla ice cream, I want to say. Uh, sometimes they come with, they want to put a twist on it and they'll pick quite a sweet, or they'll make quite a sweet ice cream. I say no, I say vanilla.

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:10Speaker 06

  It's got to be.

• 1:13:11James Acaster?

  I think so.

• 1:13:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Speaker 04

  The sticky toffee is doing the lifting sweet wise, isn't it?

• 1:13:15Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 1:13:16Speaker 04

  You don't, you don't need to be piling more sweetness on top of that.

• 1:13:18Speaker 06

  Exactly. I did have one that was kind of awful though, because the, the dates, they kind of shredded them. And so the, the, the sponge was really stringy. So that was, that was kind of weird. But generally, like, you just can't go wrong.

• 1:13:32James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:32Speaker 06

  I was going to start a, um, a sticky toffee Instagram account because I, I love it that much. I was like, I could go around just like review. And someone's already done it. So I was like.

• 1:13:40Speaker 04

  STP reviews.

• 1:13:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:42James Acaster?

  He loves them.

• 1:13:43Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:13:43James Acaster?

  He, he, he shows, he shows me STP reviews.

• 1:13:45Speaker 04

  I love STP reviews because he's so serious.

• 1:13:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  He, he plays it with a completely straight bat. He really cares about sticky toffee pudding.

• 1:13:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  He's like a newsreader. I love him.

• 1:13:55Speaker 06

  That's amazing. Because, because it, it had already been done. I didn't actually stick around to sort of enjoy the account. Like it's like, right, that's it.

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:01Speaker 06

  It's over. The dream's dead.

• 1:14:04James Acaster?

  I liked, he only showed me one video, but it was.

• 1:14:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:07James Acaster?

  It's very engaging.

• 1:14:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:09James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. It was good. Maybe you could do account for DoubleTree Hilton Cookies. You could, you, you could just go around.

• 1:14:16Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:14:16James Acaster?

  The British Isles.

• 1:14:17Speaker 06

  But.

• 1:14:18James Acaster?

  Stop sending every DoubleTree.

• 1:14:19Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:14:20James Acaster?

  Reviewing that particular cookie at that DoubleTree and just being like, which one of them are taking care of their cookies the best?

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  Just before Andy responds, the face you made when you first said it, I'm thinking she doesn't like this idea.

• 1:14:30James Acaster?

  Came across like you thought it was a bad idea, but like, I, I've explained the whole idea now. I.

• 1:14:35Speaker 06

  So now I really.

• 1:14:36James Acaster?

  Consume you probably changed your mind.

• 1:14:38Speaker 06

  What happened was, I just thought, would this be a review of the cookies or would it be a review of the cookie keeping?

• 1:14:45James Acaster?

  Yeah, all of it.

• 1:14:46Speaker 06

  Abilities.

• 1:14:46James Acaster?

  All of it, yeah.

• 1:14:47Speaker 06

  Well, because aren't the cookies the same? Don't they just get a batch sent out?

• 1:14:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're exactly the same.

• 1:14:51Speaker 06

  So what would I be reviewing? The drawers?

• 1:14:53James Acaster?

  The cookie.

• 1:14:54Speaker 06

  I've been reviewing the drawers.

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  You've got to think the drawers are the same as well.

• 1:14:58James Acaster?

  It's whether they've looked after the cookie enough for you.

• 1:15:00Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:15:00James Acaster?

  You know, whether, how they presented it to you, how that made you feel, if it was nice.

• 1:15:04Speaker 06

  This feels like, um, a Yelp review at best.

• 1:15:07James Acaster?

  No, no, this is like a whole Instagram account of like Andy Yosha reviewing DoubleTree cookies. This is like, not, something snappier than that. What's that guy called? The pudding guy again?

• 1:15:21Speaker 04

  STP reviews.

• 1:15:22James Acaster?

  Yeah, this is called.

• 1:15:24Speaker 06

  Do it.

• 1:15:26James Acaster?

  DTC reviews.

• 1:15:28Speaker 06

  DTC.

• 1:15:30James Acaster?

  DoubleTree Cookies.

• 1:15:30Speaker 06

  DoubleTree Cookies.

• 1:15:31James Acaster?

  And it's all, it's just you and you just make, I reckon you could do.

• 1:15:34Speaker 06

  On the road.

• 1:15:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:35James Acaster?

  Yeah. And you're just going from DoubleTree to DoubleTree. You just take a chunk out of your calendar, out of your diary.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  Well, if you want to write a new book, I guess maybe going to hotels would be quite a nice place. You can like sit in the hotels, get some work done.

• 1:15:47Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:15:48James Acaster?

  That's a good follow up as well.

• 1:15:49Speaker 06

  Or my house is also.

• 1:15:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:53Speaker 06

  I could review my house.

• 1:15:55James Acaster?

  Review your own house.

• 1:15:56Speaker 06

  Oh, I could get the cookies sent to my house.

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, good luck.

• 1:16:01James Acaster?

  Good luck.

• 1:16:01Speaker 04

  DoubleTree aren't sending it.

• 1:16:02James Acaster?

  That's a whole story in itself. If you managed, if you managed to get a DoubleTree Hilton Cookies sent to your house, that's news.

• 1:16:12Speaker 06

  Guys.

• 1:16:13James Acaster?

  That's a story.

• 1:16:14Speaker 06

  I really want to sincerely ask if there was any way that, because James has spoke so highly about your cookies, that one could be sent to my home. And however it tastes, even if it's not warm, I will give a favorable review.

• 1:16:27Speaker 04

  No, you need it warm.

• 1:16:29Speaker 06

  I will warm it up when it arrives.

• 1:16:31James Acaster?

  I need to bring it warm.

• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  Bring it warm.

• 1:16:33Speaker 06

  You need to bring this cookie.

• 1:16:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 06

  Send one warm cookie.

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  No, so ask for more.

• 1:16:38Speaker 06

  Three warm cookies.

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:16:40Speaker 06

  I didn't know you could ask for numbers.

• 1:16:43Speaker 06

  I think, I think that's it.

• 1:16:44James Acaster?

  I'm excited for you to try it.

• 1:16:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:46Speaker 04

  I think, I think DoubleTree are going to send cookies.

• 1:16:48James Acaster?

  I think they'll send cookies to here.

• 1:16:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:50James Acaster?

  That's, that's news if that happens.

• 1:16:52Speaker 04

  We'll pass one on.

• 1:16:54Speaker 06

  James eat it on the way. Oh, your cookie was so nice.

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:58James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. I'll review it for you.

• 1:16:59Speaker 04

  Following the courier down the street going, could we have one more?

• 1:17:02James Acaster?

  Yeah, please.

• 1:17:02Speaker 06

  It's not for me.

• 1:17:05Speaker 04

  Andy wanted another cookie.

• 1:17:06James Acaster?

  I really want one of them cookies now.

• 1:17:08Speaker 06

  See, I've got no point of reference because I've never tried them.

• 1:17:11James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Speaker 06

  You guys know how great they are. Why aren't you doing the reviews?

• 1:17:14James Acaster?

  Because I, I already know what they're like. People want to see first reactions on the internet.

• 1:17:17Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 1:17:19James Acaster?

  That's what they want.

• 1:17:19Speaker 06

  Oh, like when people hear like in the air.

• 1:17:22James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 06

  For the first time or something. I don't know why that's.

• 1:17:24Speaker 04

  It's really specific.

• 1:17:25James Acaster?

  It's really similar.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:27Speaker 06

  Well, see, yeah.

• 1:17:28James Acaster?

  Life changing.

• 1:17:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:32James Acaster?

  Yeah, both, both good fills.

• 1:17:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:35James Acaster?

  Fill-ins.

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:37James Acaster?

  Doesn't work.

• 1:17:38Speaker 06

  It does, it does.

• 1:17:38James Acaster?

  It didn't work, Andy, though.

• 1:17:40Speaker 04

  We got the idea.

• 1:17:40Speaker 06

  I think it, hmm.

• 1:17:41James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:42Speaker 06

  I was, I was okay with it.

• 1:17:43James Acaster?

  What's the best cookie you've had so far in your life?

• 1:17:46Speaker 06

  Um, M and S white chocolate, something or other.

• 1:17:49James Acaster?

  This is better than that.

• 1:17:50Speaker 06

  Yeah. What? What? Yeah, but they're not hot.

• 1:17:53James Acaster?

  Yeah, exactly. Number one.

• 1:17:55Speaker 06

  So temperature is the.

• 1:17:56Speaker 04

  Warm cookies are better than cold cookies, right?

• 1:17:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, I know, in fact.

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:01James Acaster?

  That's great.

• 1:18:01Speaker 06

  But they are pretty good, the M and S ones.

• 1:18:04James Acaster?

  Yeah. Oh, M and S at the minute, Golden Age are knocking it out the park. We're speaking very highly of M and S.

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  We are, we're really bigging up M and S.

• 1:18:10Speaker 06

  Okay, I really like them too.

• 1:18:11James Acaster?

  On an amazing run at the minute, M and S.

• 1:18:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:14James Acaster?

  But.

• 1:18:15Speaker 06

  The food halls are something else, aren't they? Do you spend a lot of time in them?

• 1:18:18James Acaster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:18Speaker 06

  Hmm. It's like they've seen us coming.

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:21Speaker 06

  They know.

• 1:18:22James Acaster?

  Yeah, they, they know what we like.

• 1:18:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:23Speaker 06

  So moody in there now and how it's all dark and everything and just looks like, it looks like those ads.

• 1:18:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:29Speaker 06

  This is not just, now their stores actually look like those ads.

• 1:18:33Speaker 04

  I've got a small one very near me and a bigger one like 20 minutes walk away.

• 1:18:36Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  Oh, sometimes all I've got planned for the day, I'm walking to the big one.

• 1:18:41Speaker 06

  Yep, that's it. That's goals.

• 1:18:44Speaker 04

  That's me getting my steps in.

• 1:18:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:46Speaker 04

  I'm walking to the big one.

• 1:18:47Speaker 06

  Around the, around the M and S, around the big M and S. Oh, gosh.

• 1:18:51Speaker 04

  And I buy, um, a lot of the, they don't have the boxes of Mandarin slices in the small one.

• 1:18:57Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:18:57Speaker 04

  So I buy them from the big one.

• 1:18:58James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:59Speaker 04

  I like a lot of the prepared fruit from M and S.

• 1:19:01Speaker 06

  Oh, oh, okay.

• 1:19:03Speaker 04

  And my wife, Charlie, she's like, she makes fun of me.

• 1:19:05Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:19:06Speaker 04

  She says I'm like a gorilla at the zoo. You know, when they give them cut up fruit.

• 1:19:10Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  She's like, why do you, you're not, you're not a little monkey man? Why are you eating that?

• 1:19:14James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:15Speaker 06

  Do you not, what's, what is it about actually cutting up fruit?

• 1:19:18Speaker 04

  No, I mean, I just, I like, I, I like the little segments. I like that you get segments and slices and stuff. And then I can just be like, oh, I need some fruit. And then I can just. I mean, I guess a bit like a gorilla at the zoo.

• 1:19:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:19:29James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:30Speaker 06

  You're not, so, so what happens if there is none of that stuff in? Would you cut up fruit or would you go to the M and S?

• 1:19:36Speaker 04

  Apples, I'll just eat normal style.

• 1:19:38Speaker 06

  Okay, you don't eat them with a knife like, like villains always do.

• 1:19:41Speaker 04

  No, but when I do, when I have done that, I do feel like a villain and I do feel quite cool.

• 1:19:45Speaker 06

  Isn't it? They're always.

• 1:19:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, they are always doing that.

• 1:19:47Speaker 06

  You can have that.

• 1:19:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's an egg cast the premise.

• 1:19:51James Acaster?

  Yeah, I'm putting that right in between my fish mug and stuff and the small socks. That's good stuff.

• 1:19:57Speaker 04

  But I like the cut up fruit. I think it's nice.

• 1:19:59Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:19:59Speaker 04

  But yeah.

• 1:20:00Speaker 06

  I think the way you slice things does change the way it tastes. And maybe there's something in that.

• 1:20:04Speaker 04

  Maybe the M and S guys, whoever's doing the slicing at M and S.

• 1:20:06Speaker 06

  They know.

• 1:20:07Speaker 04

  They know me.

• 1:20:08Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:20:08Speaker 04

  But yeah, I'll go and do my. Yeah.

• 1:20:11James Acaster?

  That'd be a pretty good guest to get on the podcast, but if I'm gonna write that down. Whoever slices the stuff at M and S.

• 1:20:17Speaker 06

  The machine.

• 1:20:18James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Speaker 06

  No, no, it'll be a person, it'll be a person.

• 1:20:20Speaker 04

  It's, this is M and S we're talking about.

• 1:20:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, it'll be a person.

• 1:20:23James Acaster?

  Yeah, Mark or Spencer.

• 1:20:24Speaker 06

  My, I remember my brother, me and my brother laughing for about an hour because we said, why? And we weren't even stoned or anything, but we were like, why is it Mark, why is it Marks and Sparks? Not Mentos and Spencer's?

• 1:20:34James Acaster?

  Yeah, funny.

• 1:20:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:36Speaker 06

  Made us laugh.

• 1:20:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:37Speaker 06

  We were kids.

• 1:20:37James Acaster?

  Yeah, I remember Andy Peters on, I think it was Live and Kickin' or something, getting given, uh, he, he bought a cake for someone. Someone said, did you make this yourself? And he said, uh, I made it with my friend Mark and my friend Spencer. And at the age I was, I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard in my life.

• 1:20:59Speaker 04

  Cause you realised.

• 1:21:00James Acaster?

  I was like, Andy Peters, you have absolutely done it again. Okay, Andy, I'm gonna go read you your menu now, see how you feel about it.

• 1:21:07Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:21:07James Acaster?

  Uh, you would like sparkling water. You would like poppings with all the dips, except lime pickle and raw onion. Starter, Moi Moi from Chicharito. Main course, Cousins Jollof rice with jerk chicken and the sauce from the meat stew. Side, tender stem, trademark broccoli with butter and garlic. Drink, virgin old Cuban. Dessert, sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream.

• 1:21:28Speaker 06

  Oh, delish.

• 1:21:29James Acaster?

  Feel good about that?

• 1:21:30Speaker 06

  Yes, amazing.

• 1:21:31Speaker 04

  That is great.

• 1:21:32Speaker 06

  I love that.

• 1:21:33James Acaster?

  That does sound delicious, Andy. I think all of that would be really nice.

• 1:21:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Speaker 06

  Excellent, excellent. I like that there's a bit of spice in there, but in the dessert at the end, just, yeah.

• 1:21:43Speaker 04

  And that's, that's a filling meal as well.

• 1:21:45Speaker 06

  It is.

• 1:21:46Speaker 04

  That is stick to your ribs. I love it.

• 1:21:48James Acaster?

  That's stick to your ribs?

• 1:21:49Speaker 04

  That's stick to your ribs stuff.

• 1:21:50James Acaster?

  I've never heard that.

• 1:21:50Speaker 04

  You never heard that phrase?

• 1:21:51Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:21:52Speaker 04

  What's it mean? Stick to your ribs, like, just like filling, warming.

• 1:21:56Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:21:56Speaker 04

  Delicious sort of hearty food.

• 1:21:58Speaker 06

  It, it would.

• 1:21:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:59Speaker 06

  You, you would be saying kaboom.

• 1:22:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:02Speaker 06

  A lot after that.

• 1:22:03James Acaster?

  I'm gonna try and say that, and I'm gonna try and say stick to, stick to your ribs in a future episode.

• 1:22:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay. Well, look out, look out for that, listeners.

• 1:22:10James Acaster?

  I'm really gonna own it.

• 1:22:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:13James Acaster?

  If the guest asks what it is, I'm gonna be like, do you not know?

• 1:22:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:16Speaker 06

  You know, I heard this.

• 1:22:16James Acaster?

  I'll be really rude to them.

• 1:22:18Speaker 04

  Classic old phrase.

• 1:22:19James Acaster?

  Yeah, and I'll, and I'll say Ed doesn't know.

• 1:22:21Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I'll, I'll pretend to not know.

• 1:22:23James Acaster?

  You pretend you don't know.

• 1:22:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:24Speaker 06

  Oh, I'll be tuning in for that. Tuning in. Did it again.

• 1:22:28James Acaster?

  Do you wanna plug your DoubleTree Hilton, um, Instagram before you go?

• 1:22:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, I'll have to launch it at some point, yeah. So, um, you can find me at DoubleTree, D.

• 1:22:38Speaker 04

  T C.

• 1:22:39Speaker 06

  T C Cook, no, D, D T C Reviews on Instagram. Soon, coming soon.

• 1:22:46James Acaster?

  Any other social media you wanna promote?

• 1:22:48Speaker 06

  Um, yours?

• 1:22:50James Acaster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:51James Acaster?

  At Craig Simons Live on YouTube, subscribe. Great content coming soon.

• 1:22:58Speaker 04

  It's too long, I snore.

• 1:23:02Speaker 04

  Uh, Andy, thank you very much for coming on the Off Menu Podcast and populating our dream restaurant with your beautiful meal.

• 1:23:09Speaker 06

  Thank you for having me.

• 1:23:10James Acaster?

  Thank you, Andy.

• 1:23:17Speaker 04

  Well, there we are, James. I loved that episode.

• 1:23:20James Acaster?

  I know, like, sometimes it just seems like I'm messing around and joking, but I genuinely want Andy to do that Instagram channel with the, with the DoubleTree Cookies.

• 1:23:28Speaker 04

  She's quite busy, man.

• 1:23:30James Acaster?

  Do I have to end up doing that? I don't, I, I came off of social media, it's been pretty good for me, but I'll go back on just to do that.

• 1:23:36Speaker 04

  Well, you could do it anonymously, I guess.

• 1:23:38James Acaster?

  I'll have to be in the videos, to wear, like, one of those V for Vendetta masks.

• 1:23:43Speaker 04

  I think you could do it through matter glasses.

• 1:23:46James Acaster?

  Yeah, I could do that.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  So it's all point of view, it's all you checking in.

• 1:23:49James Acaster?

  My peep show.

• 1:23:50Speaker 04

  You get the, yeah, you, you get the cookie, you check in, you blur, make sure you blur all your details when you're checking in.

• 1:23:57James Acaster?

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:58Speaker 04

  Up to your room, eat the cookie when you get in your room, or in the lift or whatever.

• 1:24:02James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03Speaker 04

  And give a review.

• 1:24:04James Acaster?

  Give them a review, but make sure that I'm not in any, if I'm in the lift, there's often quite mirrored surfaces in there. And there's seats, me straight away, where my, my glasses.

• 1:24:12Speaker 04

  And also you've got to remember to turn your matter glasses off or edit out what you normally do when you get to your hotel room.

• 1:24:17James Acaster?

  Beating off.

• 1:24:19Speaker 04

  Big tug.

• 1:24:20James Acaster?

  Andy did not choose Motherlight Blueberry Lemon Greek Style Yogurt.

• 1:24:26Speaker 04

  No, thank you for not choosing that, Andy.

• 1:24:28James Acaster?

  So we did not kick Andy out.

• 1:24:30Speaker 04

  No, we did not kick Andy out.

• 1:24:32James Acaster?

  Um.

• 1:24:32Speaker 04

  Don't forget to watch Blue Lights.

• 1:24:34James Acaster?

  Absolutely watch Blue Lights on iPlayer and make sure you get Andi's latest book, Most Wanted. You can get it anywhere that you get your books, I guess.

• 1:24:41Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:24:42James Acaster?

  Which is lovely. Go and see Ed on tour doing Fresh Hell. Tickets at edgamble.co.uk.

• 1:24:47Speaker 04

  Make sure you subscribe to at Craig Simons Live, the world's number one UK's, uh, James Acaster's Tribute Act. He's, he's an odd guy, but there's a lot of great stuff on that YouTube channel.

• 1:25:00James Acaster?

  Yeah, it's a really good YouTube channel, it's popping off, everyone's talking about it. Maybe Craig Simons will do the DoubleTree Hilton Cookie Review.

• 1:25:07Speaker 04

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:25:08James Acaster?

  I wonder if my Tribute Act does the same thing in Hotel Wim's Andi as a tribute.

• 1:25:13Speaker 04

  We'll see, maybe same style.

• 1:25:15James Acaster?

  I don't know, we'll find out.

• 1:25:16Speaker 04

  Backhand.

• 1:25:17James Acaster?

  Thank you. Like Federer.

• 1:25:22Speaker 04

  Thank you very much for listening or watching the podcast. Bye bye.

• 1:25:25James Acaster?

  Bye bye.

• 1:25:40Speaker 03

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