#144 - Dan Soder and Mike Vecchione

Dear friends of the show Dan Soder and Mike Vecchione return to the pod to reminisce on their many years living together as roommates, pay homage to the Stavvy's World studio even though we're still there and not leaving quite yet, discuss why Queens is like the suburbs, celebrate movies about horny boomers having fun like Last Vegas and 80 for Brady, look at what a beast Arnold was in Conan the Barbarian, look at what a baddie Salma Hayek was at every age, and much more. Stav, Dan and Mike help callers including a 23-year-old woman whose messy best friend caused a scene at her boyfriend's family reunion, and a woman who's wondering if her online adult side hustle might jeopardize her main day job and career. See Dan Soder live and follow him on social media: https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ https://www.youtube.com/@dansoder https://x.com/DanSoder https://www.facebook.com/dan.soder/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy See Mike Vecchione live and follow him on social media: https://mikevecchione.com/ http://www.instagram.com/comicmikev http://www.youtube.com/comicmikev http://www.twitter.com/comicmikev http://www.facebook.com/comicmikev Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $10 off @chubbies with the code STAVVYSWORLD at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvysworld #chubbiespod Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart Salsa with Flavor. White Claw Salsa Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 0:17Speaker 01

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• 0:45Stavros Halkias?

  Hoppa! Welcome, everybody, to Stav's World 904. 800 at Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. On the couch, two Stav's World legends. Two Astoria Queens legends. Two for... We have two sets of male roommates. A former male roommate on the pod. Me and LD. Dan and my Dan Soder, Mike Vecchione.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  This is pot. This is roommate swinging.

• 1:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna go home with Eldis tonight?

• 1:19Speaker 02

  A little Eldis and a little taste of Stav, Russ.

• 1:21Speaker 03

  Me and Dan are gonna eat two pints of ice cream each tonight.

• 1:25Stavros Halkias?

  And Mike's gonna yell at me for smoking weed in the common areas tonight.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  And the hottest part is they let us wash.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  They let me wash a maroon.

• 1:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Soder's like, "That's not allowed. You can't smoke in the living room."

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Oh, you didn't wash your dishes.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Someone's gonna get single leg takedown.

• 1:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, boys, thank you for coming. We, okay, we've had to address this on one other app. This actually chronologically will be the first time we address it, probably. But this is gonna be a big goodbye to Queens.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Honestly, I was like, ready to get emotional.

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  I know. We were too. And we were gonna say goodbye to the studio. It lives a few more months. I've been having some disputes with the, you know, some... The timelines might not match with me moving the studio to the new apartment.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Greeks and landlords, oil and water.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  Unless you become one. That's the thing.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Well, that's your final form.

• 2:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 2:27Speaker 04

  For the background are Greek and Italian.

• 2:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 04

  The landlords in Astoria.

• 2:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  So you just know that, but you were, you ran head on into a problem because of landlords. Cause you went to the wrong borough.

• 2:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true. That's what I get. Honestly, legitimately, I got, I, I got this place that is too nice. I don't belong there. And so it's like.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Every morning you're Kevin McCallister. I made my family disappear.

• 2:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, yeah. If you see the way the doormen still look at me, like, excuse me. How many times, sir, can I go, I'll be, it's like, I live here.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  I love that you leave and it's just two Dominican dudes being like, yo, that dude definitely only fans producer.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  They're gonna check the building, yo. I swear they felt in contact.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  The late night dude, the door guys just being like, what are you? And you're, and if you, you date attractive women, so you're gonna be bringing women over. Yo, I told you, B.

• 3:21Stavros Halkias?

  I am actually pretty excited to, for them to just grudgingly, just to get more and more confounded about my lifestyle.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're gonna blow their minds. You're gonna have a doorman going like, don't ever tell them what you do.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  And then it's like, so you, what are you?

• 3:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Big.

• 3:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Cause you know, they know like the space.

• 3:43Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  They talk about like, door guys talk about apartments like horses. They like know how it runs.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  They go, yeah, that's 16B.

• 3:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Get away from you.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  How many times do you get an attitude with them when they stop you? Look, I'm your boss now.

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you work for me.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  You work for me now.

• 4:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  I'm boss, baby.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a man of the people, of course, uh, and I will be winning them over.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Are you, have you ever lived in Manhattan?

• 4:10Stavros Halkias?

  Never.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  This is the first time for both of us. We were, you know, living here for.

• 4:13Stavros Halkias?

  And that's why you were the perfect candidates to be the like, to be my shepherds from Astoria into Manhattan.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  As Mike, as Mike said on my podcast, he's like, I think we lived there a little too long. There are people that were starting to bring it up like comfortably.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  We're like, so you guys just live together? And we'd be like, yeah, just, we just live together. Okay.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  And then you realize. Two heterosexual men give themselves a bath.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  You're Greek, isn't that your culture? We all splash around together. It was, I didn't realize though that my little cousins definitely thought I was gay. When I'd be like, well, my roommate, Mike, and they're like, yeah, your roommate.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, you, you gave it okay to call him your partner. Yeah. Uncle Dan, it's fine.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Uncle Dan, why are you being this way? I think it's actually kind of cool you're gay. What's that?

• 5:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's JP's joke where it's like, it's actually way more pathetic to be straight men in their thirties living together.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  In a blue collar area, no less. Couple of blue collar gays.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  The debriefing of women we would date to be like, I live with another man. I dated a girl that didn't like it, that she was like, what am I gonna eat spaghetti with your roommate?

• 5:27Speaker 02

  In hindsight, a bar.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She refused to come, she refused to step foot in Queens.

• 5:33Stavros Halkias?

  She never did one time.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  She wouldn't come to Queens, she went once and it was like when a president visits a third world country. And you go, you know, he wants more security.

• 5:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  She had eight queens like.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Scared to be gay. It's funny now, but at the time, Dan, you were like hurt by it.

• 5:55Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  You were like, why don't you want to come to Queens?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  It's not a leper colony.

• 5:59Speaker 04

  I live here.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like a fucking great neighborhood and it's got a lot of charm.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Cause I'd date other girls and they'd be like, oh my God, I love it. And you're like, go to the park and they're like, this rules.

• 6:07Stavros Halkias?

  Go to the park, great restaurants.

• 6:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. And once they get used to falling asleep under the train.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the train is.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  I go, don't think about it like, think about it like, chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  And then she's asleep.

• 6:24Stavros Halkias?

  I know, that is funny, you literally lived under the train tracks.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  My brother, when they would hit those brakes, it was a lot.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  It was time to get up.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Sixteen years, just peering like.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  I hope it was a person. At this point, it better be a person.

• 6:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, you would root for a suicide to stop the tracks for a half hour.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  And then you go, oh, some peace and quiet.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Thank you. Finally, some peace and quiet in that guy's life, too.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  The best one was, the most enjoyable thing is, because we lived under the train on 31st Street, was when a truck would turn off the highway and not gate read the sign. That was like, hey, you cannot be over like, however, like 15 feet. And they would get stuck under the train. And it happened like, I was there for 15 years, I'd probably say it happened at least five times.

• 7:16Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Where you just hear like.

• 7:21Speaker 04

  I did that with a rental truck.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  See?

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. That's awesome.

• 7:24Speaker 04

  Luckily, I got full insurance on it.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  Sometimes it's the people that are even the closest.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Fully insured, but I didn't, I didn't clear the trestle.

• 7:29Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, fully insured.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  The trestle. Yeah, fully insured. So I brought it back. I'm like, your problem now!

• 7:34Speaker 02

  That's so funny. It's peeled back.

• 7:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's an interesting, should we like, join a fucking demolition derby? With a fully insured, like, what's stopping you from crashing a car? If you fully insure it? That's genius, actually.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, you should play bumper cars.

• 7:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry I didn't see you. You go, oh, I saw you.

• 7:54Stavros Halkias?

  We should, we should film an action movie.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:56Stavros Halkias?

  We film an action movie where we bullet holes in a thing and be like, fully insured, pal. You have to take it, enterprise.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  I think that's where Fast and Furious actually is. They just did car chases and filmed the story around it.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  He talked, Vin Diesel goes, it was all an insurance scam. A lot of people don't know this. I was ripping off all state.

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, what a beautiful, yeah, I mean, you guys, you weren't roommates for, what was it? You lived there 16 years, but it wasn't all 16.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  We lived together 10 years. I lived there 14 years.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  Beautiful. Three years past common law marriage.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 04

  Still binding. Still binding.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  You, who's, I'm gonna take you to court. You got married to a lady.

• 8:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, dude.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  You went and broke it, dude.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  I'm gonna own that apartment you just bought.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  You should ask for half, dude.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come home and go to my Katie. I'm gonna go, guess who owns?

• 8:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's right. You're both gonna marry Kates.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  Double Kates.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  We're, we're a TLC show.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  There's my brother husband.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  It's fine. You're not progressive.

• 9:07Stavros Halkias?

  How's it feel to be a married man, Michael?

• 9:09Speaker 04

  Oh my god, it's awesome.

• 9:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah?

• 9:11Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 9:12Stavros Halkias?

  Big changes? Nothing really changed, or what?

• 9:14Speaker 04

  Well, we moved, the apartment was a big change. And now Dan and I have a beef with, uh, whose doormen are tougher. Mine. So we go back and forth.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Also.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  My doorman versus your doorman any day of the week.

• 9:26Stavros Halkias?

  You'll fight him.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  As Vecio explained it to me earlier.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  You want in, right? You're with your door people?

• 9:30Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I like my guys.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  He hasn't shouted them yet.

• 9:33Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, there's a couple guys that they have potential. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  You're gonna see how strong they are.

• 9:38Stavros Halkias?

  There's an older man who doesn't respect me. He does the night shift. An older African man doesn't respect me.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  I can't wait for you to have that moment.

• 9:46Stavros Halkias?

  When I get.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Because I don't like you.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  What is your problem, Musa?

• 9:50Stavros Halkias?

  Goodbye, never come back when I'm moving out.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Musa, what is your problem with me? I don't like who you are.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  You always smell like weed. Who are these women you bring? Are they women you want to marry?

• 10:04Stavros Halkias?

  You are not living in a fearful way of God. You are not doing this.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  I fear that you do not believe in Christ.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  You are a sinner. That's so fucking funny that at the end you guys love each other.

• 10:20Stavros Halkias?

  I hope so, dude.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  He's at your wedding?

• 10:22Stavros Halkias?

  We had a big talk yesterday about the keys, you know? About the extra key. See, I didn't get an extra key. He doesn't believe me, thinks I lost it.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Oh, this is a real rom-com.

• 10:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Rom-com beginning.

• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  He was an African doorman.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  He was a crazy, successful podcaster. Looks like they're both getting ready for the night shift.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  It's Kevin Hart doing a bad, it's Michael Blackson.

• 10:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's gonna be, it's Will Smith's character from the NFL concussion movie.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, from, uh, Concussion Africa.

• 11:01Stavros Halkias?

  Tell the truth.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  You don't remember me.

• 11:07Stavros Halkias?

  Will Smith really like tried to get an Oscar.

• 11:10Speaker 04

  Right.

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  And then he did.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Not everything.

• 11:13Stavros Halkias?

  The day he slapped Chris. It's crazy. Like, I think people forgot he won the Oscar on those Oscars.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  For King Richard.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Best male actor.

• 11:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  That's insane.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Cause everyone was going like.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Everyone's just remembering the slap.

• 11:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  And they go, you slapped Chris Rock?

• 11:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Anyways, I pretended to be another man.

• 11:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, dude, if I were him, the first thing I would have done is like, I was still in character. That wasn't Will. That was King Richard.

• 11:36Stavros Halkias?

  That was King Richard.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Father of Serena and Venus land.

• 11:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're not your dad.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  That's always the weirdest shit to me is when they do biopics, like the people's kids have to be like, I don't know, my dad didn't talk like that.

• 11:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  He's like, you gotta go out there and play tennis. That's not how that works.

• 11:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 04

  But then Will should have hosted a show and then Chris should have went up and slapped him.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Even Steven.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  He could have just been doing fake shows.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Oh, and then like Spy v Spy.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Smacking each other back and forth. That way you don't even know what's real.

• 12:03Stavros Halkias?

  That would be fun.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Was the first one even real?

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, it just becomes the modern version of Spy v Spy, where they're like dropping anchors on each other.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  You have to keep.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Wild Coyote and Road Runner.

• 12:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. But that would have been the funniest solution to that if they just would have made up right afterwards and then not told anybody. And then, and then Will was doing an award show and then Chris smacked him.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  I'd love to go full kayfeg.

• 12:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  He goes, here's how we're gonna do it, brother. I'm gonna slap you at the Oscars. Now I'm gonna work you stiff. Afterwards, we're gonna talk, have some beers at the bar with the boys. And then we go on the road and I mean, we get real heat. We're going to black towns, white towns. We're doing some real stiff stuff.

• 12:45Stavros Halkias?

  I hope Will's doing good these days.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  He's not. He's in London rapping and no one's caring. See that video?

• 12:50Speaker 04

  He dropped a few frees, like at least one free sell is pretty weird.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  It's not, I mean, I'm a white dude. It's not bad, but it's not good.

• 12:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's funny for him to be like, I have to return to my roots of.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  It feels midlife crisis.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. Parents do understand.

• 13:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Why does he do that song? Defend the parents now, Will.

• 13:11Stavros Halkias?

  Parents do understand.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  You got a kid that dresses up like a house?

• 13:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  It's gonna make you feel a certain type of way.

• 13:19Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, well, I'm rooting, we're rooting for you, Will, here at Stavis World, and you're always welcome as a guest.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  He'll be on here tomorrow, freestyling.

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  We'd love to talk about, I want to see Wild Wild West in theaters.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Who didn't? This is a summer blockbuster.

• 13:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I did, I mean, I think, was that after Men in Black or before?

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Uh, I think it was, I wanna say after, it was Salma Hayek in a push-up.

• 13:43Stavros Halkias?

  That was my introduction, that, that began a lifelong.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  That was how you found out about Salma Hayek?

• 13:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Oh, my brother in Christ.

• 13:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, 99, cuz I was, I was 10. Well, I was 10, so that was the first thing I saw in theaters. That was the first of a work.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Salma Hayek, easily the, just the hottest woman of all time.

• 14:02Stavros Halkias?

  The number one pick for me personally.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Number one, hottest woman of all time.

• 14:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  I did, I did a table read with her and I couldn't, it was like, looking at the sun.

• 14:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, why, why is that we're looking up? I asked you to find fucking Men in Black or that first, then you go, Salma Hayek with a bikini.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Good job.

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  And also a visual thing, it was Men in Black first, so yes, clearly as children, it's like, well, we gotta see whatever Will makes now.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  Will was, I mean, this is also, after Independence Day, Men in Black, Independence Day was like, oh, Will Smith is a fucking movie star.

• 14:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but I think my mother didn't let me watch, like, my mom was pretty sheltered when we, sheltered us when we were little. And so I think Men in Black was, and obviously I was a Fresh Prince guy.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, who wasn't?

• 14:45Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and then Men in Black and then Wild West, great, loved it, still root for, still, I've never seen it since. In my head, it's a good movie, and I also thought, uh, Kevin Kline was Calvin Kline.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Like the underwear.

• 14:59Stavros Halkias?

  I thought, I was like, I literally was like, wow, this guy.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  I had the same problem with him.

• 15:03Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, wow, this guy makes underwear and he's an actor, fucking, this guy's good.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  The movie Dave clarified that for me. It's where he plays a stand-in for the president.

• 15:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  And he's actually a better guy than the president.

• 15:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  Shut up, Sigourney Weaver.

• 15:17Stavros Halkias?

  That happened in real life.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  With Ronald Reagan?

• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  Joe Biden?

• 15:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  I wouldn't be surprised if we found out half of our presidents had stunt doubles.

• 15:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for real.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was a great movie.

• 15:29Stavros Halkias?

  Dave's a good movie, Sigourney.

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Fish Called Wanda?

• 15:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  That was a great one.

• 15:33Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, Kline, we're on Kline watch right now.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Dude, welcome to the Kline, welcome to the Kline-atorium.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think didn't he end up, he ended up marrying Phoebe Cates.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:45Stavros Halkias?

  The hot, the.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  From Fast Times at Ridgemont.

• 15:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Look at him.

• 15:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Auditing for the eighty-three film, The Big Chill.

• 15:57Stavros Halkias?

  I think I know his son.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  What? How do you know Kevin Kline's son? Cause get him on the podcast. I'll come back and all we'll talk.

• 16:07Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, for real? I think I met that guy.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  I'll do ninety minutes on Dave, dude. You don't think I'll do a deep dive? I'm not afraid of it.

• 16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking awesome, salute.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  I'll burrow in some Dave.

• 16:17Stavros Halkias?

  I don't, you know.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  What a good looking family.

• 16:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, great looking family.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Phoebe Cates was.

• 16:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Fast Times, great movie.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  But they always do, where is she now? And it's like, I didn't know, yeah, I know it was this.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  With Kevin Kline?

• 16:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  They should go, where's she now? Are you familiar with Kevin Kline? Not Calvin Klein.

• 16:36Stavros Halkias?

  Have you seen the movie, uh, fuck? Where it's like, it's one of those like old guys in Vegas movie. Kevin Kline is in it.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Oh, like a, like a Wild Hogs?

• 16:46Stavros Halkias?

  But it's even older. It's like they're fucking last Vegas.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  And who we got? We got Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman.

• 16:54Stavros Halkias?

  When did we watch this, Elvis? We watched it on the road, didn't we?

• 16:57Speaker 03

  Kansas City, didn't we?

• 16:58Stavros Halkias?

  That was awesome.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  They got Bobby D.

• 17:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it was awesome.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  He's the saint to your people.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Yes, he is. But a lot of my people have turned on him now.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Oh, cause he's a good.

• 17:10Stavros Halkias?

  Right, he's a fucking woke tard.

• 17:16Stavros Halkias?

  Look, all I'm saying is look at who he dates. It gets in his head. You suck, you eat enough black pussy juice, it seeps into your brain.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  Hey, it's like mold.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  It's like fucking black mold. Jesus Christ.

• 17:32Stavros Halkias?

  They are brainwashing him one piece of pussy at a time. We gotta get Bobby, we gotta cure him.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  What happened to Bob?

• 17:40Speaker 04

  It always turns out too, it's like, I used to like him. He used to be cool.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Ask him, how much did I love raging bull? Ask him. And now he's saying that what? That gay peo- gay kids need to be protected? What is that shit?

• 17:54Speaker 02

  Not the Bobby De Niro that I love.

• 17:56Stavros Halkias?

  I will say that is a nice, another element of a story. It's like, it feels like the suburbs where you just will have blocks of incredibly conservative people in New York where it's like, I like, it really is the most diverse neighborhood where it's like, not just foreign, like people from foreign lands, but like, you get like the most Republican guys in the world live in Queens too. And like, they, within these boroughs, like you get a lot of Staten Island vibes.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get old Greeks, you get old Italians.

• 18:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 04

  It always used to be better years ago.

• 18:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:27Speaker 04

  Remember, you could leave your doors unlocked until you know who, insert the ethnic group, moved in.

• 18:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Meanwhile, in this neighborhood, there's like-

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Play pie on a windowsill. With these Egyptians, they love pie. They say it's like a little, they say it's like a tomb for fruit.

• 18:45Speaker 04

  I liked it before, it was a hookah fest area, that would be.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Oh, I gotta smell grapes.

• 18:49Stavros Halkias?

  What happened to smoking cigarettes? You roll it up, you don't put it with some grape soda and drink it and fucking smoke it.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Alibaba, why you gotta smell like strawberry around here?

• 19:00Stavros Halkias?

  What are you, the fucking caterpillar from fucking Alice in Wonderland?

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Where are you on the Epstein list? Where'd that little girl go?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Is that what we're calling it? Neverland? Cork bought it? I was a murder detective for forty years.

• 19:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, goddamn.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Dude, I love an old guy one last time. And then they always meet a young chick that's like, you're still young.

• 19:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  It was like, oh, that's what I was looking for. I want, I want this one where four, all four of them die.

• 19:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I believe, oh, that would be awesome. They all try and pathetically get pussy, they all get rejected.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  And they go, go home.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  Their dicks don't get hard.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  And then it's like Diane Keaton, who's like, I'll jerk you off. And they're like, oh, old women are accepting a lot. Just no one wants them either.

• 19:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think Kevin Kline, like, a young woman was basically begging to fuck him. And he was like, no, I love my wife, it turns out.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 19:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And then there was some kind of love-

• 19:56Speaker 02

  There you go, ladies, love's real.

• 19:57Stavros Halkias?

  Love's real. There's some kind of love triangle between De Niro and, uh, Michael Douglas in this.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  You sure it ain't Morgan Freeman? Hello?

• 20:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, I think Morgan Freeman was just blackly getting pussy.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  He's like, oh, he's like, you guys are gonna love her.

• 20:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  She lives in, she lives in Henderson. I can't do a Morgan Freeman, I know. People are like, can't do a Morgan Freeman? I don't really try.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting. You could get it if you tried.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Let me go train on the mountain.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Watch Shawshank.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Watch your set, watch your back.

• 20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Here's, you know, like the hacky way is like, Andy Dufresne. You know what I mean?

• 20:33Speaker 02

  I had to train Andy Dufresne.

• 20:35Stavros Halkias?

  Get a little higher.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Dude, do you imagine how annoying it is for Katie to live with a voice guy? Andy Dufresne.

• 20:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, there you go.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  Andy Dufresne. Dan, I'm watching TV. Andy. Dufresne. I'm doing ten sets of twenty. Andy Dufresne.

• 20:51Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, even there.

• 20:53Speaker 04

  Ten sets of twenty? Honey, I just wrapped it. Ten sets of twenty?

• 20:59Speaker 02

  Uh, cue up it. I wanna watch the part where the guy eggs himself.

• 21:06Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, they never, they never suck each other off in Shawshank? Is that just?

• 21:10Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought in fucking Las Vegas.

• 21:12Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  We're old. You guys wanna go gay for a little bit?

• 21:16Speaker 04

  No, but the sisters, remember in Shawshank? The sisters would, uh...

• 21:19Stavros Halkias?

  There is a vicious pack of gay rapists. I remember that. But I just meant like, it's kinda subtextual that they have a, that they have like a romantic rela-, like, Andy and, uh...

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Running away, running away to Mexico.

• 21:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's a little, you know.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:33Stavros Halkias?

  Do they kiss?

• 21:34Speaker 02

  He's like, Andy, not right now.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  That's why Red killed himself when he got out. Cause he missed the gay sex.

• 21:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  It was here and was satisfied. I cleaned it up so it looks more suicidal than gay sex.

• 21:50Speaker 04

  The world got itself in a big hurry.

• 21:54Speaker 02

  I felt him inside of me.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Can't keep up with the grocery bagging.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  I got pounded out on that beach. Cheek to thigh. Andy could itch my scratch.

• 22:09Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get the fuckers.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  I suck.

• 22:10Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get the, no, you're doing, hey, you're, you're really funny. You're doing great.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  Stop, can we go to traffic and transit on the ones? Dan's having an issue.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobbies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAFF.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  Terms apply.

• 23:11Speaker 05

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it. Oh, hey, man. Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life by the glow. White Claw.

• 23:37Stavros Halkias?

  Please drink responsibly. White Claw Celtic Works, Chicago, Illinois. We need the sequel, the, um, there, there should be a Last Vegas style sequel to Shawshank.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:47Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's a lighthearted romp where they're 80 getting pussy in Mexico.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  What do you mean you're in prison for 10 years?

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Well, I've dug my way out of worse.

• 24:01Stavros Halkias?

  What a nice genre.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Oh, it's like this, like Wild Hogs.

• 24:05Stavros Halkias?

  Wild Hogs began it, there was-

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Now the ladies are into it. 80 for Brady.

• 24:09Stavros Halkias?

  80 for Brady. Oh, yeah. Do they get cock in that? Have you guys seen it?

• 24:13Speaker 02

  I bet it's the same thing where it's like, "Oh, never been with a gilf."

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  "Go call your mom." Look at this, Sally Field can still catch it.

• 24:23Stavros Halkias?

  Best friends get into the best. Now, what what's the idea that this is somehow involves Tom Brady?

• 24:28Speaker 02

  They're all Patriots fans and they gotta go.

• 24:30Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't make any fucking sense.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, the trailer is fun.

• 24:33Stavros Halkias?

  Do not like the Super Bowl.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, for four best friends who live life to the fullest despite every challenge. Take a wild trip to the Super Bowl to see their hero, American football star, Tom Brady.

• 24:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, eighty year old women are are super Brady super fans.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  And Brady is a producer on this? So he set this whole thing up?

• 24:57Speaker 02

  No, he's not.

• 24:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, he is. Tom Brady.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  So funny. That's so funny where they go.

• 25:02Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, Tom.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Guys, Tom Brady's gonna pitch us a movie and he says he can get us Jane Fonda and Sally Field. He goes, check this out. Old chicks wanna fuck me. So they come watch me throw, I don't know, probably go twenty six and thirty three for two forty seven and three tuddies. Get some real rejuiced. I wanna call it rejuiced.

• 25:25Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm, rejuiced.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Where their pussies rejuvenate.

• 25:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, they do the TB twelve method. Your pussy gets juicy again.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  They go, Sally Field, look, I'm warm and gushy again.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  Reinflate. Reinflate cake.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Reinflate cake. That's a great name.

• 25:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's part two. Give them fake tits. We're now we're really now we're really cooking with gas.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  Do you remember, did you see?

• 25:48Speaker 04

  What a great phrase. You gotta stop using that when you move to Manhattan. You gotta stop using phrases like that.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Why do you have gasoline?

• 25:56Stavros Halkias?

  Propane gas is not acceptable.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Why are you barbecuing in your pod? They, um, Tom Brady, that absolutely is so funny that he produced that. It was just like, yeah, make a movie where they all.

• 26:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like a weird, he's like, look, I'll produce a movie for old ladies, but I have to be involved for some reason.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  They gotta really want me. And they go, well, it's actually this movie. It's, uh, it's about women finding themselves later in life in a passion. And he goes, yeah, me.

• 26:26Stavros Halkias?

  I'm the passion. I'm bringing it all together. Let's do it. Let's do it.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  And this is why Belichick went younger.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  It is.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  You know?

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Thank you for Brady is the reason. He goes, I had a fucking teenager.

• 26:37Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't say anything. God, you're bad at producing.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  You guys wanna watch the whole movie?

• 26:46Speaker 02

  More than anything, more than anything. Please, let me sit here for ninety minutes of hilarious.

• 26:52Stavros Halkias?

  I saw you, I saw you have some kinda sense of urgency, I was like, what is he up to? He's like, what, pull what up? It was like, I didn't say it, we were just talking about eighty-four.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Salma Hayek baby oil?

• 27:02Speaker 02

  No, but, god damn, I love you have that locked and loaded Elvis.

• 27:05Stavros Halkias?

  Do not get my dick hard right now, Elvis, I have to focus on doing the podcast. Uh, but yeah, she is incredible, shout out to Salma.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, she, um, number one.

• 27:16Stavros Halkias?

  Now, what, boys, let's, you know, even though it isn't this farewell episode, I am curious, what were the greatest, what were your greatest moments of strife as roommates, you know? Did it ever, what was the greatest disagreement? Not to bring up.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  We never really had any.

• 27:29Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  It was always stuff that I would do that was fucked up.

• 27:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  We talked about it on my podcast, but I would, I would smoke when I took shits when I was hungover.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Wild behavior.

• 27:41Stavros Halkias?

  You would smoke weed while shitting?

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Cigarettes.

• 27:43Stavros Halkias?

  Smoke cigarettes while shitting?

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Inside.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  That's a clear violation of the no smoking rule in the house.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  I was taking naked, naked smoking dope.

• 27:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking insane.

• 27:53Speaker 04

  Dan's just Chappelle on this way, just like lighting up.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  I'm about to throw out some mulch, and it's gonna come out of my butt.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  I did a four hour shit.

• 28:05Stavros Halkias?

  The reason.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  The inmate, Mike Vecchio won't take a bath, cause the shower isn't dirty. But what he doesn't know is, the shower's never been cleaned.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  There was, yeah, there was three of us in there, but black mold was unofficially our fourth roommate.

• 28:21Stavros Halkias?

  Your fourth roommate?

• 28:22Speaker 02

  I put a, I put a garbage bag over it, cause our fucking landlord didn't take care of it.

• 28:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's awesome, dude. Wait, was that, was that a one bathroom?

• 28:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane. You shared a bathroom for decades?

• 28:35Speaker 04

  Oh, no, that's, that's the least of it, he, he slept in a room that wasn't a room.

• 28:40Stavros Halkias?

  I remember that. It was a closet.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  It was a closet, it was a closet, and you know, this is a testament to Dan's charm, women would sleep in there with him.

• 28:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  They would go, there's no problem with me sleeping in a windowless room where he jammed the fan in there and kept the door, or he would die. He needed to shave, it was like a tank.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  It'd get very hot, and I would give him a moment of scare before I laid with a lady where I'd go, welcome to my trap. And they'd go, what? And I'm just kidding, that's a little thing I do. Uh, you want me to suck your butt?

• 29:11Speaker 02

  No, it was funny. You couldn't shut the door. Like if you shut the door during sex, it was like scuba diving.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  You were like, we have a limited amount of oxygen. So we gotta make this work. And then post-coitus, you'd kick the door open.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  And I would do, we had a, we had a, uh, uh, air conditioner, right? Like in the living room that was like high up. And then I would put a fan.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  To guide the air in.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  And then another fan, and then another fan to bank it into my room.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  It's like parallel parking.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  You would feel the breeze and you go, breeze is coming in.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. It was a, it was a game of angles.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  It was.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  But you know, you couldn't throw anything out while he was sleeping because he cracked the door and the garbage was like right across from his door being cracked. So if you were gonna throw something out and you hit that pedal that, uh, put the top up, it would make a noise and it would wake him.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  Only the roommates would know something.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  And then you got a garbage troll giving you riddles.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  He's like, I just wanted to throw a gum wrapper in there.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  What has eight legs in the morning?

• 30:11Speaker 02

  It was beautiful in the afternoon. He's like, dude, I just wanna throw away my trash.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Bring me this, Vecchio. Oh, that's beautiful, man. And Dan lived there for years.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I lived in that room for eight years.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  The little room?

• 30:25Speaker 02

  The windowless room. I did total eight. One year in.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Uh, one year in, I got a year break and I moved to the second biggest room, which was Vecchio's room.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  That's my room, yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  But then I moved back into the windowless room for, uh, six years after that. It's pretty crazy.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  You're getting too full of yourself in a room with a window.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  I really.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  Windowless for six years?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Wanna know where my confidence is? I accepted that. I was like, this is where I should be.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Just under the stairs, like a little.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  And this when you were drunk? A drunk?

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Uh, I got sober under the stairs.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Wow.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  And then that was even tougher.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. And you quit smoking? You read the, you read the smoking book?

• 31:01Speaker 02

  That was one of the things I used to do.

• 31:02Speaker 04

  You read the drinking book and then the no smoking?

• 31:04Speaker 02

  I used to smoke cigarettes in the windowless room when I was blackout.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  And I'd listen to like cry songs.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I'd be listening to like, uh.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  To smoke a cigarette indoors?

• 31:21Speaker 02

  Pearl Jam's release, just being like.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  Like six dude, I'm talking about six.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's lunacy.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Lunacy.

• 31:32Stavros Halkias?

  To have a not, I mean, to smoke indoors of the window is fucked up. It's fucked up. But no window.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  I was very drunk when I did.

• 31:40Stavros Halkias?

  So it would go out into just the common area.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  No, I'd keep the door shut.

• 31:45Stavros Halkias?

  Until it just dissipated.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  Sweating and smoking.

• 31:47Stavros Halkias?

  So that was your version of being a good guy is like.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  I didn't know.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Menthol steam room.

• 31:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  It's all candle lights dude, come on. Come on dog, you know I don't, don't touch me.

• 32:01Stavros Halkias?

  You don't own this anymore.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  You can't hurt me anymore through your wall. It was weird sharing a wall with one of your close friends for like five years.

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Cause you're like, you know, girlfriends come and go and you hear arguments that are like.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  And then you like come out of the kitchen and see him and you go, everything alright?

• 32:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, come on, who are you talking to? I've said it before, I know, I knew, I knew the rhythm that Eldis fucked at.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  It's so funny.

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  I could tell, you know, his, I would just like, like, we shared one bathroom. Uh, our friend Christina lived here, she had, when we first moved here.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 32:39Stavros Halkias?

  She had the, and it was like, she's, uh, the only one with like a real job, she's a girl, we want to be respectful. And boy, oh boy, you talk about me and Eldis at twenty six, shitting in the same bathroom. I mean, how often would that bathroom break like?

• 32:56Speaker 03

  We had a lot of plumbers in the room.

• 32:57Stavros Halkias?

  Every like, every like three months, we would just destroy the toilet. We've, that toilet's been replaced maybe, we've been here ten years, it's been replaced like four times. Physical toilet, not like a plumber had to come in, like they'd put new toilets in.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  You're really wearing these things out. What are you shit acid?

• 33:15Speaker 03

  What's the fiber intake of this apartment?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, we also have that fiber store down the street.

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  And then Eldis moved into this room, so he had his own shitter, but he clogged it, what, daily?

• 33:29Speaker 03

  It was pretty bad, not daily, but yeah, there were.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  Like a lot?

• 33:32Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, three times a week.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Did you get comfortable fixing it after a while?

• 33:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  Were you like?

• 33:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, like.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  Like a mechanic?

• 33:38Speaker 03

  You know, you know what you can get away with, you know what, the first clog, you see the water level, you're like, I think I could try one more flush before I need to get the blunder out.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  He goes, that thing gonna break, you're like, hold. One more dump.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  Steady, steady.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Just a log dump.

• 33:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:56Stavros Halkias?

  One time, one time I clocked it and I miscalculated the second flush and it like overflowed over the rim. It's just one afternoon I had to spend like forty minutes cleaning that shit up.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  We had one morning.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  That'll teach you to have a big lunch.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Man, you're gluttony. You're gluttony, Kostya. We, um, there's always shit going wrong in our building and one morning I woke up, I was like gonna go to the gym, was gonna have like a good day and I woke up and I'm like pissed, I turned the light on and I'm pissing and I'm like, fucking, why is it like darker in here? And I look up and we had one of those round bulbs and it was filled with overflowing water from upstairs that came into the thing and I was like, oh no.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  They overflowed their tub.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it was like all the way through our wall in the thing. So when you unscrewed it, it was a thing full of water, like gross water. It was sick.

• 34:49Stavros Halkias?

  Tub water?

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Tub water, dude.

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's filtered through a floor and then a ceiling.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Nasty, nasty. Dan used to have the best catchphrases leaving the apartment. I, where are you going, Dan? I'm about to go have an iron breakfast. That's what he called going to the gym.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'd always, I'd always say shit that he could quote me if I died. Where he'd be like, hey, you got spots tonight? Where are you going? I'd be like, change the game.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. That's my favorite line. It's like Dan Soder. It's like, Dan, where are you going tonight? Go change the game.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Then he'd go to the gym. He's like, you all right? I'm like, I'm gonna go clang and bang. I'll be back in an hour.

• 35:24Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful, man.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Leave nothing behind.

• 35:26Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  But dude, I loved living in Astoria. I just bumped into my, one of my oldest friends in the world, my friend Zach that lives here. And we're just walking and I was like, holy shit. I miss, Queens is quiet.

• 35:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  It's just, when you move to Manhattan, you're gonna see, it's very loud.

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  I love the hustle and bustle, you know? I'm hustle, bustle, stop, roast.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  No, you're not.

• 35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I am.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  You're gonna be there for three months, you will, and then you're gonna be like, I need cool, calm, calm.

• 35:48Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, we'll see.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  I need a summer home in Astoria.

• 35:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I need that. Yeah, summer in Queens. No, I summer in Baltimore, thank you. I have my summer, I have my summer mans in the mid Atlantic.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  God, oh, sorry. Didn't realize we were talking to royalty.

• 36:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's right. That's right.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  No, that fucking rules. That's so cool. How often do you go to Baltimore?

• 36:12Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I'll go, I mean, I was there all of last year, pretty much. I mean, not all.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Does your roommate know when you're coming?

• 36:20Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, I mean, we, I mean, he lives here. So we basically sort of like, we're both from Maryland and we both got tired of crashing with our families. So we bought a house together, basically.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Awesome.

• 36:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  Now, how far from the Goobies?

• 36:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's hugely important. It's unfortunately a thirty-five minute, thirty-eight minute drive from the Goobies.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  And it means it's thirty-four minutes from the gun range that's next to the Goobies.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  And it means it's thirty-three minutes away from the Chili's.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  But there's a pretty goddamn good Buffalo chick.

• 36:51Speaker 04

  Yes, there is. And you're required to eat every meal there when you go. You're just too lazy to go anywhere else when you do the Goobies.

• 36:57Stavros Halkias?

  I can't even fathom not being from Baltimore and having the Goobies on the schedule. Like, cause for me, it's like, oh, it's the Goobies. But like, yeah, I'm putting my mind as like, it's not walkable to nothing.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 37:09Stavros Halkias?

  There's the Chili's. The hotel sucks dick.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 37:12Stavros Halkias?

  The, they, they used, you could tell, they used to put people in the Holiday Inn and then I think somebody found like, either blood or shit in their room. And they were like, all right, we can't do that. And for like five years, they put people up in a Sheridan. And then, uh, just one day they were like, oh, we're going back to the Holiday Inn. And they're like, enough time has passed.

• 37:31Speaker 04

  By now.

• 37:31Stavros Halkias?

  They've forgotten.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  I did the Holiday Inn and it's like, you stay there and you're like, oh, these are people that are trying to get their lives together.

• 37:37Stavros Halkias?

  Horrific, dude.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  You go like, you go like, it's a lot of single guys eating that Chili's looking out windows. All right, I know it's a court order. Yeah, I know it's court order, but I can get around it.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  I just go to the Chili's every day.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  I go to Chili's every day too. I would eat every meal at the Chili's.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  And you go like, yeah.

• 37:55Speaker 04

  And you'd walk past the gun range to go to this. Like, I wonder what kind of a shot I am.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  I, I wonder if they could stop me from killing myself. I get in there, I get a gun.

• 38:05Stavros Halkias?

  It is crazy that doesn't happen more, honestly.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  What a fucking.

• 38:09Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, Chris Kyle famously got killed at a gun range, but, uh, it's crazy. People don't, I guess because if you go to a gun range, you respect guns. You don't wanna.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  I don't, I, they're also like, hey, can you give my family this letter? They don't let you in. I'm just gonna sign up. Can I get that gun? Um, my wife.

• 38:29Stavros Halkias?

  No, you just gotta pin that to your lapel right before you kill yourself.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  They go, God damn it. And he turns over, there's like a letter and he's like.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the hardest part. It's not even cleaning up the shells. Scooping up brains.

• 38:52Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I'm not a big, yeah, I'm not, I've never, I've like fired a gun once.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  They're fun.

• 38:57Stavros Halkias?

  Gone to a range. I'm down. I'd like to, you know, I would like to get tactical.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  You'll never need it.

• 39:04Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, I will.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:06Stavros Halkias?

  I will.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, we, oh dude.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  Go to axe throwing first. Work your way up to it.

• 39:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  Hand to hand combat.

• 39:13Stavros Halkias?

  I have to go through the bronze age.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  And now the invention of steel. Give you a broadsword.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yo, what was Stavros doing last year? Lot less crowd work, lot more sword work.

• 39:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's right. That's how I accentuate my fucking punchlines.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  The new Netflix special, The Riddle of Steel.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Damn you, Crom. That'd be sick. You want Falcone in The Barbarian?

• 39:43Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah, dude.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  I'm the only one that agreed with the beginning of that movie where they, they just take the kid and put him on the wheel.

• 39:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  To him being like twenty and being strong as shit. You go, there you go.

• 39:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Kid does what work is.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's just they put a kid just to make the, and then it's like, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's like like a regular jacked guy. It's the most jacked guy.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  You go from pushing the wheel.

• 40:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Did he squat in the wheel?

• 40:06Speaker 04

  No, Dan.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I can't mess with this. This is like, this is.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Suspend your disbelief.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Vecchione's Jesus, Conan the Barbarian.

• 40:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting. We watched it on the tour. We watched it on the bus. Great film, great picture.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  After all of the Rockies, one through four were the relevant Rockies.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  He's at Philly getting.

• 40:22Stavros Halkias?

  One through four. What, how do you feel about Creed?

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Well, you get it all in the credit.

• 40:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, let me, I think I know what the problem is with Creed, Mike. Kind of a De Niro issue.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Oh, he'd argue the black guy wins, huh?

• 40:40Speaker 02

  He goes, but what, but that, but that black guy can't win it then.

• 40:47Stavros Halkias?

  I am saying, excuse me, Regal Cinemas, I'm gonna need a fucking refund.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 40:51Stavros Halkias?

  This movie cut off early. The black guy won.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 40:54Stavros Halkias?

  When's the rematch where the white guy beats him?

• 40:57Speaker 02

  I didn't hear, I didn't hear that film flipping around.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Arnold carrying around a sword.

• 41:04Stavros Halkias?

  Looking awesome dude, looking. Have you ever had, has anyone ever had to wield the weapon for real? Whether that be a club, a bat?

• 41:11Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  I mean, we had, we had chock full of weapons in our, uh, no guns.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't come to two, five, five, five.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  Nah, but we had, uh, Dan brought home Samurai swords and, uh, Rambo knives.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  I had a replica Conan sword.

• 41:24Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah dude.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  He had to be a Rambo knife, said arm yourself.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  I have the sword, I have both Crom sword and his father's sword.

• 41:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice dude.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Conan the Barbarian's fucking bad.

• 41:34Stavros Halkias?

  But I, so never, you know, never self-defense situation?

• 41:38Speaker 02

  I mean, you wanna come in and get bopped, you wanna get bopped with this thing? You wanna come in and get fucking?

• 41:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm asking, have you ever wielded a weapon in any?

• 41:45Speaker 02

  Close cyber came was I used to carry a mag light in my pizza bag when I was a pizza delivery guy. And that's for, that's for flapping.

• 41:52Stavros Halkias?

  A mag light?

• 41:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, police flashlight, one of those giant ones.

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so you mean that you would fucking hit someone with it? That'd be awesome.

• 41:58Speaker 04

  I had a bat outside my room.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, there it is.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  Dan had knives, I had a-

• 42:01Speaker 02

  I had a big ass one, I had the one all the way to the right.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  I'm serious. If you have a car, you should just have that, you should have a mag light. It's like having a baseball bat and the cops can't be like, what is that? It's like, the thing you carry around is your flashlight?

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  They're awesome, mag light's fucking rules.

• 42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, alright. Did you ever get into danger as a pizza delivery man? Cause they say that actually is more dangerous.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Carrying, this was in the nineties, so you're like carrying cash and you're like, just around. And we, uh, delivered just some tough neighborhoods.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  So you didn't, I mean, friends of mine that worked at the pizzeria did get robbed, but I never got robbed.

• 42:33Speaker 04

  I imagine-

• 42:34Speaker 02

  So that fucking mag light dude.

• 42:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  It's either robbed or porn.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I go, oh yeah, I mean, I did get sucked off by a lonely lady.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  She has no way to pay for it?

• 42:44Speaker 02

  I go, that was the first time I ever heard of ranch on pizza. What are you doing, miss?

• 42:52Speaker 02

  And instead it was like, give me your fucking money.

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, what about you think you're in porn, you're like, I can't pay. Uh, is there something else I could do for you?

• 43:03Speaker 02

  She goes, no, cuts my face.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Fuck, oh, my tongue's coming through.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  And she takes it and licks it. You got a little sauce.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  You're leaking sauce. Yeah, I fucking would just put that on top of the pizza, just in the bag.

• 43:21Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  And be like, anybody runs up on me at the Green Timbers apartment complex, I'm about to get, I'm about to play a fucking whack-a-mole. I would have got fucked up though. If I would have pulled that out, I would have been like, what are you doing? Grab my wrist. Stop, it's some pizza.

• 43:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's mine. It's my flashlight. I was in, I never swung, but I was involved in a melee.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 43:46Stavros Halkias?

  Where people were fucking people up with bats. I got stepped on with cleats.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Where?

• 43:51Stavros Halkias?

  It was like a.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  What are you in the Warriors?

• 43:53Stavros Halkias?

  It was like a pickup football game and it became legitimately a race fight where it was like, it was Greeks versus Arabs. We were playing, we were playing football and like, you know, some kids made fun of, you know, some Greek kids, it's probably something racist if I had to guess.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 44:09Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you know, this is tensions are hot, you know, the Iraq war is bubbling up, we're fresh off the heels of nine 11.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 44:17Stavros Halkias?

  And I don't know how the fuck we found enough Arabs to play. Like, we didn't grow up, like, we knew, we grew up with a couple of these kids, but these kids, I don't know where the fuck, we would play like real tackle football games where it kept getting more and more serious and people started hearing about them and people would literally like bring their teams like it was kind of the Warriors and it was like, like, we played like a, like some old white guys that were like semi, like old ass white dudes that were like, you just play semi-pro, they would come and play.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Were they good?

• 44:45Stavros Halkias?

  There was a couple of them that were pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them were just too old and it was like for the glory. But we had like, it got to the point where we were playing like with line, full line. I'm not kidding. Yeah, we had a line. Maybe, I think it got to like three, we would have like three people lines and like.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  He goes, yeah, just an old man being upset. He goes, just lost a date to a bunch of 16 year olds.

• 45:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but, but it was a, it was awesome. And then one time it was just like. Just this like it like, you know, fifteen Arab dudes came and they're like, let's play you. Us versus you guys were like, sweet. And then tensions were running high, someone swings on someone. And then, you know, these kids had fucking, and then, you know, uh, they're fu- we're fucking each other up. And somebody had called their brother and a pack full of like a car of Mer- uh Mercedes full like, like twenty-eight-year-old Greek guys with baseball bats come out and they're just like.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  Oh, no. When you see a grown wild dude. I gotta go to a teenage fight.

• 45:39Stavros Halkias?

  No, they weren't, it wasn't reluctant. These guys were like, yes.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:43Stavros Halkias?

  And they hit like one, they hit one kid and then it was like, oh, okay, what the fuck, let's all fucking chill out.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  You hear that dink of the eastern?

• 45:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  And you go, uh, is he all right?

• 45:56Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, they literally, some kid fucking stepped on my face with a fucking cleat.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 46:01Stavros Halkias?

  I got like shoved down in the, in the ma- you know? I didn't know what the fuck was going on, like turn around and like somebody's like fucking, you're getting stampeded.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  The best advice for that situation is just be aware of the noises you're making. People remember noises. See, you're like, ow, ow. And you get out and you're like, yeah, it's like fucking pussies. And you're like, you were ow, ow guy.

• 46:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  No, I wasn't, I was shut the fuck up, I'll kill you.

• 46:26Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but you know.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  Damn, I wanna buy a mag light, go fuck up some teenagers.

• 46:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's not bad.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Hey, you guys play football? Yeah.

• 46:34Stavros Halkias?

  Not on my fucking watch, you're not.

• 46:38Stavros Halkias?

  Go to, go to fucking SAT tutor training, you fucking piece of shit.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  How did the melee end, Stavros? How did those things, did everybody just tire themselves out?

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Delicious meal with breads being dipped in sauce.

• 46:49Stavros Halkias?

  They showed us hummus, we showed them tzatziki.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  You went, oh my god, this whole time, Peta and Non.

• 46:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  We're right there.

• 47:00Stavros Halkias?

  I think it was the kind of thing where everyone was fucking each other up for a while and then when the car full of older men came, it was like, everyone was like, whoa, what the fuck is going on here?

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Wait, so the guy, the guys that showed up in the Mercedes were the Greek or Arab?

• 47:15Stavros Halkias?

  They were Greek.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  They were Greek and they showed up and just bobbed the dude with the bat.

• 47:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Dude, that's so funny.

• 47:19Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and then the tides turned very quickly. It was like, alright, everybody get the fuck and then we're like, get out of Greek town, you fucking pieces of shit. It was like old fashioned racism, like, you fucking Arabs better not come back to our neighborhood.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Was there a couple, go back to Yemen's?

• 47:33Stavros Halkias?

  And then they, we didn't know enough about geography.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Countries that don't exist anymore?

• 47:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  They're like, that's what you get for your Prussian empire. They, um, that's always the one I remember, I remember like an adult fighting a teenager when we were teenagers and there's the moment where the adult wins where all the teenagers go like, he's a kid.

• 47:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, that means an obvious no win situation.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  But I did watch my friend David beat up two sixteen year olds when we were thirteen and that was like, that was like him beating up two adult men.

• 48:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome. Two on one.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, fucking, I think it might have been three on one and he beat the shit out of them.

• 48:09Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Still, I mean, I think he follows me on Instagram.

• 48:13Stavros Halkias?

  What were the circumstances?

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Fucking, David needed to teach him a lesson. He was a problem, he could be a problem.

• 48:19Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, he was the issue.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  But he was back that shit up.

• 48:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I see.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  And he used to rock people, he'd be like, boom!

• 48:23Stavros Halkias?

  Your friend was the problem.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  But then also these guys that he fought were also a problem.

• 48:27Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  It was badass.

• 48:28Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 48:29Speaker 04

  David versus three Goliaths?

• 48:30Speaker 02

  Hello, no, he was big, I think he was bigger than two of them.

• 48:33Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  But he fucking, he was like a bear.

• 48:36Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  He just fucking mauled them and you're like, and then a sixteen, oh wait, it was the three sixteen year olds, I don't want to give their names.

• 48:42Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  But people that I grew up with, you know who I'm talking about.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  And then they had a twenty one year old that showed up and kicked the shit out of them. And could beat up David and everyone was like, on their side, everyone was like.

• 48:55Stavros Halkias?

  But David was thirteen.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Everyone was like, oh, the guy's name was Vic and they were like, oh, Vic kicked the shit out of him. We're like, yeah, Vic's a god.

• 49:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  You know, we're like.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  David was screaming, I'm gonna back up.

• 49:07Stavros Halkias?

  After I hit puberty.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  David told me a story of he would like just get into fights. So yeah, he was a problem.

• 49:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  But one time he was driving his mom's van and this like guy like in a suit coming home from work. Got into David at a stoplight and then he was like, fuck you follow me. And the guy was like, all right. And they went into a parking lot. Now, this is what David told me and I completely believe it. I watched them fights a lot in my life.

• 49:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  And he said, he got out and he just kicked the shit out of this guy when he got out of his car. Got back in his mom's van and went and smoked weed with like a bunch of our friends. And I was like, I couldn't drop the fact that a grown man was coming home from work and he was like, I'm gonna show this kid.

• 49:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  And then he's getting back in and he's like, fucker broke my nose.

• 49:53Stavros Halkias?

  Police?

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Oh, I was a child. Before cell phones. This is before everyone had cell phones. So he'd like drive home and be like.

• 50:01Stavros Halkias?

  Make up a story in the car.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Be beat up by a black guy.

• 50:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  Sixteen year old kid.

• 50:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I think about that too, cause I like with road rage, it's like, how does, I kind of don't understand why, how more people don't get their asses kicked. Cause it's like, everyone in their car feels like a tough guy and then it's like, you know, you get out of the fucking car, it's a whole different story.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  I think a lot of people just can't control their anger. They think the anger is gonna take them to success and fight and it's not the way it works.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  The guy's gonna throw a punch and they're like, I'm angry.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  They just get like folded. They're like, are you coming in?

• 50:43Speaker 02

  Like in their fucking open door well.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Just slept with their knees bent back.

• 50:49Speaker 04

  Angry in an ambulance.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  That's, I just don't want to end up on the internet slept. With your arms straight.

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  I know dude, but I, I also weirdly not get it, but it's like, I do feel like it's a part of just aging as a man where I'm like, should I just like fight some, like I just haven't fought someone since I was.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  You're good.

• 51:07Stavros Halkias?

  Sixteen or whatever. I know and I know, don't get me wrong, I never will.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Now you know what you do?

• 51:12Stavros Halkias?

  But there's part of you that's like.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  You know where you take that?

• 51:14Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna fuck somebody up. I can't, I can't, by the way, I'm not saying I could beat anyone up. I would be the guy getting fucked up by a child.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  The adult version of that. Litigating.

• 51:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  You get a lawyer.

• 51:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's not as fun.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  No, but.

• 51:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yelling is fun.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, but.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  But, but there's no consequences to yelling.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  I find the plaintiff.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  I, uh.

• 51:37Stavros Halkias?

  Your honor.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  Your honor, when your judge takes your side.

• 51:41Stavros Halkias?

  Getting a little tie.

• 51:42Speaker 02

  You go, what's up, pussy? I just whipped your ass in court.

• 51:45Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, I'm like, your, thank you, your honor, for the questions.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  I go, what?

• 51:50Stavros Halkias?

  Finger like this.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Why did I just butt fuck you in court? Fucking pussy, your mom's got a dusty ass pussy. What was that, Mr. Soder? I was saying, I was working on how I can be reimbursed. By the defendant.

• 52:04Stavros Halkias?

  What about Mike, there was, there must have been some kind of, uh, some kind of Rust Belt brawl, Italian brawls that you saw?

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Oh dude, someone ate all the criminini mushrooms?

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Good night. Set him off like John Wick. Just killed his puppy.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  He's like, hey, where's the last piece of gaba ghoul?

• 52:27Speaker 02

  People keep asking me if I'm back.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm starting to think I'm back.

• 52:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm friggin' back.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Friggin' back over here.

• 52:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:38Speaker 04

  Now, we got into a, in high school, I remember we got into a, a huge brawl with a bunch of other kids and, uh, I actually, one of my friends, cause you get confused in those things.

• 52:49Stavros Halkias?

  There's no uniform in a brawl.

• 52:50Speaker 04

  Grabbing somebody.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Fog of war, brother.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  And then, and then a guy on our side punched me in the face, but my, fortunately, my face was going that way. And when he grazed me, so it wasn't.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  And he was Vaseline'd.

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I was always ready to go.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  Mr. Vecchione, Mike's father, had a strict policy of Vaseline-ing his son's temple and eyebrows before he left. That was when they had their father-son talk where he goes, all right, now what are you gonna do?

• 53:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  If he goes two, two, one?

• 53:18Speaker 04

  As he's taping up your fingers.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  So he punched you and then it slid off?

• 53:22Speaker 04

  I was like, my head was down because I was on the ground, I think. And he was, he went to punch me and fortunately my face was going that way anyway. So he like punched me and it kind of slid off.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 53:33Speaker 04

  I'm oily anyway, but um, but that was like afterward, I'm sorry, I just, we, it was too confusing.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  Did you get anybody in that? Did you get your hands on something?

• 53:42Speaker 04

  Nah, I wasn't, yeah, I got my hands on somebody like down there, but it, but it was like a scuffle that turned into a fight. And then, and then it was quickly dispersed.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Dude, you gotta tell Stavros the story about when you fucking dropped your sister and your girlfriend off. It's the coolest story.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  It's not cool.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  As someone that's a pussy and doesn't fight, it's the coolest story.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  First of all, I don't fight.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  He fights all the time.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  I don't fight either, but I don't fight either all the time. But um, but when I lived in, when I lived in Washington Heights Inwood, I would, I would park at a gas station at the end of the street from where I lived. And I would always late at night coming back from the cellar, I was dating a girl who worked at the cellar. So she would stay at my place and I would always drop her off and give her the key. And then turn back around and then go park and then walk back myself. Because if anybody like, if anybody says anything or yells anything as people are coming to the bars. It's like, then it's like, okay, now it's gotta be, now it's a problem. If they say it to me, I could just, I could choose.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 54:46Speaker 04

  To like ignore it and be like, yeah, I'm not gonna follow up.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Which leads us to our next story. Of when Mike was in, you were in college?

• 54:53Speaker 04

  I was in college and we all used to hang out this, at this bar, it was like, we could drink there underage for some reason.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Love that.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  And uh, in Florida.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Check.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  And uh, so it's a year in college and then I'm dating a girl, I bring her back uh, from Philly to my place. And uh, with my family and then we go out to this bar, it's the bar from high school, but no one we know is there anymore.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Of course, it's aged out.

• 55:17Speaker 04

  Me, my friend from high school and the girl, and my sister. And we're all there and um my sister's like I'm tired. I don't really want to be here. I go and we lived like really close. So I said, okay, I'm gonna take, I told my my friend, my best friend and my girl that I'm gonna take my sister home. I'll be right back. So I run her back and then I come back and my girl's crying and I said, why are you crying? And she's like, somebody called me a pig.

• 55:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  One of these guys called me a pig.

• 55:44Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  I said, okay. And then and my my friend was like, yeah, somebody called her a pig. I was like arguing with him, but they told us they were gonna throw us out. I said, okay. And she was still upset. So I said, why don't you just calmly tell me who it is? She's like, I don't know. I said, let's take a walk to the end of the bar and back.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Born to be a police, natural police. Natural police, watch what you're doing. You're very safe. There's a two-way mirror here at this bar.

• 56:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's being this guy, seeing the crying, the crying woman you called the pig, just walking around looking.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  With a universal soldier.

• 56:17Stavros Halkias?

  With just a menacing, blank-faced Italian man.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  The guy with the crew cut, he looks like he was fucking a lab thing in the CIA. Who's that guy with 4% body fat?

• 56:28Stavros Halkias?

  And this is you wrestling. Yeah, yeah. This is you wrestling college.

• 56:31Speaker 04

  Post wrestling.

• 56:32Stavros Halkias?

  But still, you're fresh from wrestling.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  Who's the guy with the military cut and the cauliflower hair? He looks pretty revved up about something.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Who's the guy pointing at all of us with the military haircut?

• 56:45Speaker 04

  So we walk, she points who she thinks the guys are.

• 56:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:49Speaker 04

  And we get into a verbal altercation with them.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  So you say something?

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, my, well, my friend was really like going, like he was like.

• 56:56Stavros Halkias?

  Chipping? Yeah, cuz he felt like, cuz he got cucked allowing it to happen without you. So he gets on show.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  He is on his watch.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  He didn't get cucked. I don't, I don't think he got cucked, but he, he was like, he was like taking up and going at him and uh, and uh, and so she pointed him out, who she thought they were, and we started going back and forth, and then we got thrown out. So I said, okay. She's still upset. So my buddy, I said,

• 57:22Speaker 04

  You don't need to concern yourself with this. Just go home. I'll give you a call tomorrow. And he was like, okay, you know, because there's nothing we can really do now. We got thrown out.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Rest easy, soldier.

• 57:30Speaker 04

  And she's upset. So I, I drove back and dropped her off at my parents. And I said, just go in. I'm gonna go back.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  Have some light nap pasta.

• 57:42Speaker 04

  So she goes in and I go back and I just sit in the parking lot and I cut the lights.

• 57:49Stavros Halkias?

  So they kicked you out, but not the guys?

• 57:51Speaker 04

  No, the guys, the guys got to stay in.

• 57:53Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 57:53Speaker 04

  And I cut the lights and I'm just, I'm just sitting there.

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  Now you're on a stakeout.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  No radio.

• 57:58Speaker 04

  Because it's like, but it's the same mentality.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Pinocchios and two big sandwiches.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  He goes, we're gonna fuck with these guys.

• 58:05Speaker 04

  But it's the same mentality. It was like, it's like, it's not like, Dan always frames it as a tough guy move, but it's really a move where it's like,

• 58:11Speaker 02

  It's not tough guy, it's cool.

• 58:12Speaker 04

  It's really a thing where it's like, if I'm gonna take a beating, I don't want it to be in front of her and I don't want it to be in front. I'll just take, I don't.

• 58:19Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I really love about this too?

• 58:21Speaker 04

  Is, is better.

• 58:22Stavros Halkias?

  What I really love about this is like, I've definitely been in positions where I'm so heated, I'm so in the moment that I'm like, I'm about to fight. You have like, gone and come back and restarted. Like, there's five different opportunities for you to calm down.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 58:36Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and you're like.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  You had four, you had four exits and he goes, I'm staying on the highway of man.

• 58:41Speaker 04

  But let me just dispel like stuff. I'm like afraid and all this other stuff.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  So.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  You're just sitting silently in your car looking at a door.

• 58:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, but something has to be done here. I gotta be able to sleep at night.

• 58:51Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  So, um.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  That's so funny. As you're leaving, your mom's like, Mike, I just cut the pie. I won't sleep if I don't do this.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  No, but so I let her in the, I didn't walk her in the house. I said, just go in the house. So I go back, I cut the lights and I'm sitting there and I go, when they come out, I'm just going to attack them and let the chips fall where they may. And that's what happened. They walked out and I go, what's up now? And it's like three of them and I just started attacking them. And I fully expected to get railed.

• 59:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:24Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? But it, I didn't.

• 59:25Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 59:26Speaker 04

  I just kept moving around and like punching all of them.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  Came at him like a raccoon. That's like the same thing when you go back where you go, there's nothing back here but a garbage.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  He's just like, what's up, motherfuckers?

• 59:40Speaker 04

  Then everybody ran to the.

• 59:41Stavros Halkias?

  The element of surprise is awesome, too.

• 59:43Speaker 04

  Then everybody ran to the front of the bar and then uh then went on for a little bit and then I heard sirens, so I just ran back into my. Car. I I was punching one guy and that other guy grabbed me and then I was able to get free from him. I started punching him. So it like ended up being like, I'm like, ah.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Pretty good.

• 59:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you go home just whistling.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  You know, one of those guys was leaving the bar. He goes, this might be one of the best nights of our lives. That guy's like.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck. Dude, it's crazy. The thing to me that always gets me is you're just sitting there in the silence.

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  And it's like.

• 1:00:19Stavros Halkias?

  How much time?

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  Hearing the bumping bar like.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  Actually, they came out pretty quick. It wasn't too long that I had to wait. So it's like, they came out pretty quick. And once I recognized him, I'm like, okay, here it goes. Here it goes. It's one of those things where it's like.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Did you check to make sure you locked your car or anything? You're like walking away and you go, I didn't lock it.

• 1:00:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, man.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  I'm gonna beat their ass now.

• 1:00:39Stavros Halkias?

  And I agree. Sometimes things must be done. A woman's honor must be protected.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  One of the coolest, coldest shit things I've ever heard in my life. It's like, I'm just gonna drop my sister off, drop my lady off and then make the world pay.

• 1:00:52Stavros Halkias?

  Avenge, avenge her. I will avenge, avenge this injury to her honor.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  I just go get Dairy Queen and come back. Can you go? What'd you do?

• 1:01:02Stavros Halkias?

  That sucks.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  I got you.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  Do you wanna play Rocket League?

• 1:01:08Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck him. Fuck that guy. Uh, you want some pizza? All right. Well, look, you're clearly a man. We've got two men of honor. Two of Astoria's most distinguished former residents. And it's time to bring all this kind of expertise to our callers. So Eldis, why don't you play us a little something? See what we got here? And that's also, we should plug here at the halfway point. Mike, you've got a special recently.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  Let's tell the people. It's called Low Income White. It's on YouTube, The Nate Land, shout out to Nate Land, for giving me the opportunity for have my second special on it. So Nate Land YouTube, Low Income White, and at Comic Mike V on all platforms.

• 1:01:47Stavros Halkias?

  Look at that. We'll put a link to the special. Go watch the special right now, you pieces of shit.

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  Oh, and I gotta say, thank you, because a lot of people last time came from

• 1:01:57Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah, dude. I love it.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  For the Attractives.

• 1:01:59Stavros Halkias?

  I love it. Yes. Yeah, let's get, let's

• 1:02:03Stavros Halkias?

  Elvis got one new sound.

• 1:02:07Stavros Halkias?

  We love it. Go, go see, go watch Mike's special. And of course, you know, listen to Soder.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Golden Retriever Comedy Tour, starting September 23rd in Los Angeles. All the cities are listed. Go to DanSoder.com. Go through DanSoder.com. Do not go to secondhand websites.

• 1:02:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, don't do that.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  That's where the ripoff is. Go through DanSoder.com. I promise you the ticket links will work there.

• 1:02:31Stavros Halkias?

  We're not scalping. We swear to God.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  I hate that shit.

• 1:02:33Stavros Halkias?

  Buy them straight from the place.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  DanSoder.com, Golden Retriever Comedy. I love you guys.

• 1:02:37Speaker 05

  Ever notice how every new AI tool asks you to explain your business to it all over again? Google Workspace with Gemini skips that. You get Google's AI built right into the premium versions of Gmail, Docs, Sheets, and more. No new tools, no extra logins, just one subscription that gives you personalized AI right inside your actual workflow. Make work less work. Try Google Workspace with Gemini at G O O dot G L E slash Workspace with Gemini.

• 1:03:08Speaker 06

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends, everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:03:24Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got, Eld?

• 1:03:25Speaker 05

  Hey, savvy baby, Eldis, distinguished guest, whoever the fuck's there, I don't know. Longtime listener, second time caller. First time I called turned into a rant, so. I'm gonna try and make it brief this time. I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. My partner and I have a squatter in our house. I say our because on paper the house belongs to my partner. And the squatter is his best friend that he lets stay in our guest room after getting divorced. That was like a year ago. So he was married for less than a year.

• 1:03:54Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:03:55Speaker 05

  And it's pretty obvious why it didn't work out. So it's been several instances of him saying like, oh, I'll be up by this day. I'll be up by that day. It never fucking happens. We finally managed to convict him from the guest room like the other day after finding fucking rotten food and human vomit on the carpet. So now he's insisting on sleeping on an air mattress in the unfinished basement.

• 1:04:16Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:04:16Speaker 05

  Um, so since my best friend, it's not, excuse me, since it's not my best friend or, you know, not technically my house, I'm in a little bit of a tough spot because I wish my man would be a bit harder on this guy.

• 1:04:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  Um, and I don't want to be a bitch, right? That's like number one. I don't want to be a bitch. Um, and my partner is also on the verge of the mental of like a full scale fucking mental breakdown because he's really clean. And he was the one who cleaned out that room and I had to come home to a fucking grumpy angry man. So.

• 1:04:50Stavros Halkias?

  Wait a second, what?

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  Fuck do I do now? What the fuck do I do?

• 1:04:53Stavros Halkias?

  So her, her boyfriend is pissed at this guy, but he's still letting him live there?

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  It's best friendship, dude.

• 1:05:01Stavros Halkias?

  But I mean, when you're ruining the place, I get it.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  The guy probably is like a good, he's like probably a good dude and does it and his friends are going through a divorce. And by the way, good, sometimes when people want to do good, it's easier to manipulate them.

• 1:05:14Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  Cause you, you're just like using, just like using the sob story of like getting divorced, but this guy sucks. Kick him out.

• 1:05:23Speaker 04

  But does the boyfriend want him out? I wasn't clear on that, where he stood.

• 1:05:27Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, he clearly doesn't because he's like, I mean, does he want him out? Probably. Will he kick him out?

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  Have you ever, have you ever made someone leave your apartment kind of when you're done and you go, okay, man, thanks for coming over. That's, he's the only one that can do that.

• 1:05:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. True.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  But she says they tried. They, she said they tried to kick him out a couple of times.

• 1:05:45Stavros Halkias?

  What does that mean? What is tried to kick him out?

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz dude, I would take that hint. The second they went, hey, I don't even know why I'm still here. Fuck him.

• 1:05:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, squatters can really stay. They can, they can stay.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're human bedbugs.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  Then there's kind of nothing you can do about it until you get the courts involved.

• 1:06:01Speaker 02

  Human bedbugs are fucking squatters.

• 1:06:02Stavros Halkias?

  He's probably putting up.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  Take me out. I'm like, oh, they're like ticks. Like, my head's buried in you, stupid fuck. Kick me out. You're like, I can't.

• 1:06:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  Cuz they have like squatters rights and shit.

• 1:06:11Stavros Halkias?

  But this isn't that. This is a guy's an overstaying friend. You know what I mean? What were you gonna say, Aldous?

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  I feel like he's probably putting on like a very pathetic front when he's making up excuses for why he can't leave. But he's also like clearly reveling in the newfound freedom of being divorced. Like, he's just cool with sleeping on the air mattress in like the dusty basement after like they kick him out of the bedroom.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  So funny. They're like, get out of the house. He goes, come on, let me stay. What's in the basement? They go, there's nothing down there. He goes, perfect. I'll just grab an air mattress.

• 1:06:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. So I guess, and she's talking about her boyfriend is on the verge of a breakdown.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Because of this guy, like being so dirty.

• 1:06:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and that's what I'm saying is like, can't he have a conversation with him and be like, hey, man? Trying to get your, you know, I'm trying to be here for you, but you have to do this, this, and this.

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  He's the only one that can do that.

• 1:07:01Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. That's the hard part for our caller here is like, what can you do other than sort of like, tell your, cuz you can't. You, you know, that's kind of a whole other, that's a whole can of worms, even though you, by the way, you can, you should be able to just be like, hey, what the fuck's up with this? Like, if this was a roommate.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, this isn't even a start. This is a nonstarter. He just goes, get the fuck out of here.

• 1:07:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, this guy has to leave immediately.

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  It's a friend.

• 1:07:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:28Speaker 02

  And he's going through something.

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  I say you just give him a date.

• 1:07:33Speaker 04

  You work on the boyfriend to give the date.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, the boyfriend has to give the date.

• 1:07:37Speaker 04

  You work on the boyfriend. Let's get a date.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  He's like, August 15th, you're fucking gone.

• 1:07:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're gonna have to have a, a date and even like at a minimum, like some, some like, I mean, yeah, if he's already in the basement, it's like he's taking a demotion, which is so bizarre.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  He's getting relegated to the basement?

• 1:07:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  You're like, what's below that? You go, well, we don't have a crawl space, so you can't live in there.

• 1:07:59Stavros Halkias?

  And when you say you try, what did you mean by that? Like, she's tried to fucking. Kick him out.

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  She said they gave him like several dates that he just like came and went. He just did not honor it all, so.

• 1:08:12Stavros Halkias?

  What if he just changed the locks?

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  Smart. Very old school.

• 1:08:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, he must not have any. Does he have anything in there? Like, if you gave him a date and he just came and went, and then he threw up on your fucking house. He threw up in your room. He spilled shit. And your guys, and your boyfriend's a neat freak. It's like, even if that's Eldis, right? Which, again, this is hard because when people say their best friend is acting in this kind of insane way. Whenever somebody says best friend, I try and it's like, alright, let me insert Eldis or one of my, you know, best friends growing up. They just wouldn't behave this way. It's bizarre to even think.

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  It's just disrespectful.

• 1:08:47Stavros Halkias?

  This is just completely disrespectful. This is the kind of thing where if you want to give him another date, it's hard. Here's what's gonna happen. You give him another date, because you've given him a date and he's blown past it, uh, he's not gonna honor it.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:09:00Stavros Halkias?

  But, you'd be like, alright, this time it's different. He's not gonna believe you. He's gonna make you test him. And that's when you fucking throw him out.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  And that's when the fireworks happen.

• 1:09:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's when you throw all his shit out.

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  All fucking gone.

• 1:09:13Stavros Halkias?

  Throw all his shit out of there. And you say, look, man, you gotta be out of here by.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  Peace, motherfucker. We gave you seven dates.

• 1:09:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. How many months has it been, did she say?

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Said a year.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  I think she said he's been there a year.

• 1:09:25Stavros Halkias?

  A year?

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Which is crazy.

• 1:09:27Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck are we talking about?

• 1:09:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  That's the least.

• 1:09:30Speaker 03

  That's also like Stockholm syndrome, where you just like get used to it when you're living in that, but like, you tell anyone.

• 1:09:36Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's got a.

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  He goes, we gotta watch the floor on Tuesdays.

• 1:09:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  Paul Bloat is a wonderful.

• 1:09:41Stavros Halkias?

  This is our thing, guys.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Guys, it's us. It's the group. Hey, we kick out.

• 1:09:47Stavros Halkias?

  We had a similar situation where a friend just let a friend of hers live here for fucking months. Remember that?

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was supposed to be like a couple of weeks. It went for like eight weeks, I think. We were counting.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  Too much. That's too much.

• 1:10:00Stavros Halkias?

  It was an apartment with four people in a three bedroom, and then there was an extra guy.

• 1:10:05Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 1:10:05Stavros Halkias?

  It was insane.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 1:10:07Stavros Halkias?

  It was insane. It's always tough.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  Yo, can I take a piss real quick?

• 1:10:09Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Piss.

• 1:10:14Stavros Halkias?

  Next question, Eldis. Elduns?

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, let it rip.

• 1:10:21Speaker 07

  Hello, Sub, Eldis, and Gus. I love the show.

• 1:10:25Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:10:26Speaker 07

  So I'll get right into it. Um, I do online fetish sex work.

• 1:10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:10:32Speaker 07

  Um, basically, I sell underwear, socks, clothing, um, all the way to making homemade, custom, solo and sometimes couples pornos.

• 1:10:45Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:10:46Speaker 07

  So, my issue is that I also have a career job where I have great benefits and my future is completely set up. But it is a huge issue if I were to be caught. So, my question is, is it worth it to keep doing my online side business?

• 1:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  Online?

• 1:11:10Speaker 07

  At the risk of losing my job should anybody find out? My thinking is that, well, if anybody from work were to see it, they're the weirdos that have to explain why they were looking at fetish websites. But, I don't know. I, it, it's tough. I'm just wondering, what do I do? Is it worth it? Um, I'm not living a lavish lifestyle because of it. I make okay money at my job, but with the side stuff, it just, it actually lets me feed my kid and pay my house.

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  America fucking sucks, dude.

• 1:11:46Speaker 07

  What do I do?

• 1:11:47Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, what the fuck are we doing here, man? This woman is fucking working a job and she's on, doing fetish, and look, by the way, we're a pro sex worker here. But she's like, she's, to make ends meet and to just like be comfortable to, for like, provide for her kids. She's doing a different job that could jeopardize her future just because of how she's set up. It's just so fucked that, like, you can't just work a job and be okay. This country sucks so much fucking dick.

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I gotta, I gotta go get in latex wrestle fights.

• 1:12:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  In order for my kid to get braces.

• 1:12:24Stavros Halkias?

  I have to fucking-

• 1:12:24Speaker 02

  I dress up like a penguin. I shit in a guy's mouth. And he's gonna be on the travel team next year.

• 1:12:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's all, it's all like, um, it's all falling apart at the seams and then people are going like, "Shut up."

• 1:12:39Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it's like-

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  I'm just letting you know.

• 1:12:41Stavros Halkias?

  I just love when people are like-

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  She should be able just to work a job and have a kid and then if she was into fucking doing porn-

• 1:12:46Stavros Halkias?

  If she wanna do, she'll do it, but not have to do it and then live under the stress and scrutiny. And by the way, when everybody's like, "Oh," uh, when they were talking about how like, bad, how communism never works, how socialism never works, like, capitalism doesn't work. We're watching it not work with people like this right the fuck now.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  I don't know, have you ever gone on a porn star's Amazon wishlist and fulfilled it all? To me, that's capitalism working.

• 1:13:13Stavros Halkias?

  It does work for them.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Stavros Halkias?

  It does work for them. Um, I just feel like, like, okay, I wonder if there is some kind of medium where you do this a little more, um, you just a little more anonymously?

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  Oh, dude-

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, can she wear a mask or makeup?

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, go luchador.

• 1:13:29Speaker 04

  They can't identify her?

• 1:13:30Stavros Halkias?

  Luchador, I like that.

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you wear different masks?

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a fat-titted luchador, I like that.

• 1:13:34Speaker 04

  I don't even work it into a character.

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  El Spanco.

• 1:13:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I've seen-

• 1:13:38Speaker 02

  The fetish porn star.

• 1:13:40Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, is there a way to do that? I mean, maybe, you know, maybe she's over-

• 1:13:44Speaker 04

  Disguise yourself for sure, so that you don't get caught.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  Prosthetics, like a Mission Impossible man.

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  Bam bam bam bam bam bam, it wasn't Gerald Ford that took that love. It was me, the guidance counselor at the high school. Yeah, it sucks. It really sucks that, cause she wants to keep the benefits of her job. She clearly, you know, enjoys doing what she does. She's got a wide range of things that she does, and she's just worried about getting found out.

• 1:14:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I do-

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  Wear a luchador mask.

• 1:14:13Stavros Halkias?

  I do wonder, I mean, maybe she's already started, like, how visible, you know, is your-

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  Cause-

• 1:14:18Stavros Halkias?

  Would people be able to know-

• 1:14:19Speaker 04

  But you will get found out.

• 1:14:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's also, the internet lives forever. If it's on the internet and it isn't just personals, you know? Like, if someone uploads that shit?

• 1:14:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Well then, why stop if it's still- I don't know, I think you should just keep going.

• 1:14:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I, it just, it just depends. Like, when you say you're set up for their future, it's like, how set up are you if you have to do a second job?

• 1:14:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause it's fine if she goes, I do the second job and listen, it, it helps my shopping addiction.

• 1:14:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:47Speaker 02

  And my love of fancy cars, but she goes, and, and get, and get this, my kid eats every day.

• 1:14:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I can, I can afford to get my kid applesauce.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  You know that your kid don't starve if you do porn?

• 1:15:01Stavros Halkias?

  Now, the idea that you're thinking is if they see it, they're weirdos, like, this is not how this shit works, unfortunately. They'll figure out a way, they'll figure out a way to like,

• 1:15:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:15:11Stavros Halkias?

  you know, launder their image.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15:14Stavros Halkias?

  But also out you.

• 1:15:15Speaker 04

  Right, make sure you protect yourself.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  I was trying to block a website and

• 1:15:22Speaker 02

  you'll never guess my

• 1:15:23Stavros Halkias?

  I was brainstorming about the things I don't wanna see online.

• 1:15:26Speaker 02

  I was putting a vision board together of gross stuff.

• 1:15:31Stavros Halkias?

  That only whores would do. So, yeah, I mean, I just wonder, is there a way, like, I think, selling, you know, selling underwear, selling socks, all that kinda shit, like, uh, if, as long as, as long as you're doing a lot of direct to

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Consumer?

• 1:15:48Stavros Halkias?

  If this is direct to consumer.

• 1:15:49Speaker 02

  You better not have a fucking video host.

• 1:15:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, direct to consumer without your face, I think you're probably okay.

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:56Stavros Halkias?

  Now, is it, you've been under a pseudonym? And it is your face and people would obviously be able to tell?

• 1:16:02Speaker 02

  Oh, that's Lady Latex.

• 1:16:03Stavros Halkias?

  I would, yeah, I would, I would dial it back a little bit if you're doing that.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  So what's the fetish, you know, is she a furry? Cause if she's a furry, there's no problem.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:16:12Speaker 02

  Unless you have a custom suit that your boss knows.

• 1:16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Raccoon head on.

• 1:16:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:16Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you know, I wonder what it is. I mean, I bet you it's a bunch of shit from just like, whips and chains.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Classic shit to like.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  Classic run of the mill S and M.

• 1:16:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, to, to even like, you know.

• 1:16:26Speaker 04

  But wear that mask, man, that black mask.

• 1:16:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Put on some non breathable fabric and take a jog on your period and send me the shorts.

• 1:16:34Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 1:16:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think it runs to that level too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyway, um.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Well, job loss.

• 1:16:42Stavros Halkias?

  Look. I think you should, if you wanna keep doing this, you should be able to do it, just try and kinda thread the needle.

• 1:16:48Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  And also, really think about, is that job worth? Cause it's not, you're not financially secure enough through that job. It's the kinda thing where you want a promotion. It's the kinda thing where, when they promote you and you start making more money, it then becomes, the cost benefit becomes like, oh, now it's time to, to quit doing porn, whatever. I think there's something like that. I think you need to think of in your, what is the best version of your, like, employment situation? And have a plan for when you wanna stop. Um, but if it's just, you know, if they're not paying you enough to fucking live.

• 1:17:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, what do, what do you do?

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  But it's those benefits that get you.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  The benefits.

• 1:17:30Speaker 04

  Especially if you got a kid, you know.

• 1:17:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, true, you gotta take it to the doctor and shit.

• 1:17:33Speaker 02

  It's always the benefits, dude. Having full insurance.

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  Is this the time to double down on her site and really see if she could juice that, uh, get like, come back on that sick career?

• 1:17:45Speaker 02

  That's how you end up dead.

• 1:17:47Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, it seems like it's a lot of hard, it legit seems like a lot of hard work, plus the stigma is, seems like not worth it.

• 1:17:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:54Stavros Halkias?

  Some people, they just kinda show their tits a little bit and they become fucking millionaires, like, if that's not, that's not what she seems to be doing here, so. Um, yeah, that's kinda how we're, that's how we're weighing in on it. Good luck, keep doing whatever you gotta do. And at a certain point, it'll probably make sense to quit, but if you can do it semi-anonymously right now, do it until they pay you enough where you don't have to have a second job.

• 1:18:17Speaker 02

  Ding. Next question.

• 1:18:22Stavros Halkias?

  Stop, what's up dude? I need your help. Uh, question for you, so. Uh, this is a workplace-related question. Uh, I got a job, I've had the job for a couple of years now. I got the job through a buddy of mine. Uh, we were in recovery together, so we're sober. Um, I, I'm not sober anymore. I'm, I'm just like, I don't know, bossed up out of that shit or something. Nice, man. Doing well. Sounds like it. Uh. I haven't told him about that though. And, uh, I'm worried that if I do tell him about that, that he's just gonna like, hyperanalyze everything I do at work, and I have a pretty good situation going where I don't have to work that hard and everybody's satisfied with the work that I do. Respect.

• 1:19:05Stavros Halkias?

  But I feel like, if a magnifying glass of, oh, he's not sober anymore, is put on to my situation, might blow up my- My spot? Do I just keep not telling him? Thing is, we're going to a conference next month. And

• 1:19:22Stavros Halkias?

  I'm staying in the same hotel room as him. A lot of my other coworkers. Have drank with me before, et cetera, et cetera. So, you know, I'm a little curious. Do I blow out my own spot? Do I get honest? Am I being a bad friend if I don't get honest? Do you think that it's?

• 1:19:41Stavros Halkias?

  Like, how likely is it maybe that I can just skate around this? Or is it gonna come up eventually? I don't know, man. I need some guidance. Give me a shout. Let me know what you think. Eldis, you're a beautiful human. Thank you for being the guest, whoever you may be. Yeah. And, uh, all the best, y'all. Alright, we got it, Eldis. Fucking Jesus Christ. Fucking four, four sentence goodbye. We can fucking get this.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  Another thing, man, take care of yourself. Don't forget the lotion. It's a real big thing.

• 1:20:11Stavros Halkias?

  I started, I started talking, man. I queued you in to cut him off, for Christ's sake. Have a little situational awareness.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  One of all, were you satisfied with the ending of Sopranos?

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  What else? I gotta get out of here real quick.

• 1:20:25Stavros Halkias?

  I really gotta go this time.

• 1:20:26Speaker 02

  I gotta go. I, I mean, I'm, I'm pulling myself off the phone right now. Who do you think wins in a fight?

• 1:20:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, listen, for this. First of all, what do you mean you bossed up out of sobriety?

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  I broke the chains of sobriety.

• 1:20:42Stavros Halkias?

  Do you, like, how much? Like, okay.

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  That's so funny, just the homeless guy's like, I bossed up out of that house.

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  Couldn't fucking hold me, bitch. Ooh, you want lights inside.

• 1:20:59Stavros Halkias?

  So, like, my question is, have you? Cause like, look, I'm not even saying everybody has to be sober forever. What works for some people, it might work for you legitimately. Some people figure it out and it's like, alright, I can have a drink, whatever. But, more often than not. I'm skeptical of that and I think, you know, more often than not, just not knowing you at all, when I hear someone say, "I was sober, I worked the program for a while, and now I figured it out." It seems like they're on, either in the middle of or about to relapse. Um, now, in the event that that's not happening and you just kind of found an equilibrium that works for you, then yeah, you shouldn't lie to your friend. I mean, that's crazy. You just have to tell them. And yeah, it's maybe a little weird.

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  I think what this guy's afraid of is telling his friend and his friend going, "You didn't boss out of this. You need to be sober."

• 1:21:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:48Speaker 02

  And this guy doesn't want to hear that. This guy wants to go get fucked up at a work conference with his friends. Which I get. I felt that way. You're like, you don't want to do the responsible thing.

• 1:21:57Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  You go, "I want french fries with my dinner." And they go, "You gotta have salad. You gotta have salad." And you go, "I don't want that."

• 1:22:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:03Speaker 02

  It's just, you just don't want to do it. You don't want to tell your friends. And by the way, I hope, again, Stav's right. I don't know you. I don't know how you're doing. I know a lot of people that have quit drinking. Very, very rarely does anyone come back successfully.

• 1:22:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:19Speaker 02

  Everyone comes back and they go, "You know what? I'm doing this thing where I only drink Heinekens on Tuesdays."

• 1:22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. It always starts so specific and stringent.

• 1:22:26Speaker 02

  Four years later, he's like, "I was smoking crystal meth. I'm getting blown by this hooker."

• 1:22:30Stavros Halkias?

  Four years, eight months.

• 1:22:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, what am I talking about?

• 1:22:32Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it just...

• 1:22:33Speaker 02

  What an idealist.

• 1:22:34Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:22:35Speaker 02

  Four years, seven months, you go, "We don't know where Ron is."

• 1:22:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is all addiction, by the way. This is like, this is how I am with weed where I'm like, "I'm just gonna take a little puff before bed to help me sneak, to help me sleep." And then, a month later, I'm smoking weed in the morning. I wake up first thing. My phone right here, you know, a vape right here. Okay, nice.

• 1:22:58Speaker 02

  All right, I'm gonna land that for a...

• 1:22:59Stavros Halkias?

  Get a coffee, start the day.

• 1:23:01Speaker 04

  He should sit his friend down to talk to him at a bar.

• 1:23:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:05Speaker 04

  Order a beer and his friend will be like, "You don't drink beer." He's like, "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Actually, I do now.

• 1:23:11Speaker 02

  We just got to the end of the conversation. How's this frosty sweaty glass?

• 1:23:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and like even the fact that you're lying about it.

• 1:23:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's.

• 1:23:20Stavros Halkias?

  Feels like you know.

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  He knows, this guy knows.

• 1:23:23Stavros Halkias?

  Cause now he's like, cause you're couching into the terms of like, I don't want like, I mean, I don't doubt that you might have an easy job that you don't have to, we do, you know, and again, we're pro stealing time from corporations on Stabby's world. We want you to have a job like that.

• 1:23:39Speaker 02

  I want you to be so bored and people be satisfied with your work.

• 1:23:44Stavros Halkias?

  But.

• 1:23:44Speaker 02

  You could do other stuff.

• 1:23:45Stavros Halkias?

  And you saying that you're worried about

• 1:23:50Stavros Halkias?

  a magnifying glass on your behavior.

• 1:23:53Speaker 04

  Well, he just doesn't want the judgment coming back. Who knows what the friend is like?

• 1:23:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:57Speaker 04

  Where it's like, he'll be like, it's all right. We all fall off or it's like, well, live and let live. His friend's probably like, you can't do that. You got, I'm your sponsor. You gotta, you know?

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  If it's his sponsor, this could be a big problem.

• 1:24:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:07Stavros Halkias?

  I think he said, did he say it was a sponsor?

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  No, it's just a friend that he met in the program.

• 1:24:10Speaker 04

  It's interesting, these guys are both pilots.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  But I do understand, I do get the want to go like, I just don't want to bother him with it. You know what I mean? Like if, especially if shit's run smooth right now.

• 1:24:25Speaker 04

  Well, so they don't want to be judged either.

• 1:24:26Speaker 02

  The way things are going right now.

• 1:24:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't want to be judged.

• 1:24:29Speaker 02

  And I think why he's doing this is because he's got that hotel room coming up.

• 1:24:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  I think he wouldn't even think about telling his friends.

• 1:24:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking hilarious.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  If he has his own hotel room, he'd be like, yeah, I don't drink.

• 1:24:40Speaker 04

  Drinking Bacardi in a fucking Hyatt?

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:43Speaker 04

  Is the reason he wants to do this? That's insane.

• 1:24:46Speaker 02

  Kick. Or it's gonna be like the end of Mrs. Doubtfire where he's going room to room. Like he's going back to his sober room and he's going like, how's everything going in here? I gotta get pulled away. I got another phone call. Drinking beers with his boys downstairs. Comes up. He's like, yeah, they like spit beer in my mouth and I spit it back in him. I just tell your friend.

• 1:25:04Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta tell, look, one way or another, you have to tell your friend. I also think you're dreading it because.

• 1:25:10Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe on some level, you know, this is fucking wrong, or if it's not, it's a really hard thing to convince someone that you actually have figured it out.

• 1:25:18Speaker 02

  It's impossible.

• 1:25:19Stavros Halkias?

  In the rare chance that you you're you've bossed up and you're not relapsing.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  Bossed up is such a funny way of calling it. Cause that's the shadiest way of saying. You could have just gone like, yeah, and I think I found a good, you want to, you want people to believe you? Use balance.

• 1:25:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:36Speaker 02

  Use moderation.

• 1:25:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  Don't go, yeah, I'm a boss bitch and I just decided that alcoholism don't hurt me no more.

• 1:25:43Stavros Halkias?

  I'm bringing that cirrhosis.

• 1:25:46Speaker 02

  I said, I talked to my liver, it was an A B conversation, you need to see your way out of it. C is for cirrhosis.

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  I quit drinking, you know, tell your friend.

• 1:25:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, either way, you have to tell your friend, cause it's weird.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  Have a couple beers before you do.

• 1:26:01Stavros Halkias?

  It's weird. Oh, yeah, definitely. You want him smelling alcohol in your breath when you do it. You want to seem really, really out of control when you do it.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  No, don't though. Do not do that. Like, go sober.

• 1:26:11Stavros Halkias?

  Go sober.

• 1:26:12Speaker 02

  Or else he's gonna feel disrespected.

• 1:26:13Speaker 04

  Or drink and tell him you love him five times before you.

• 1:26:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, that's true.

• 1:26:17Speaker 02

  Why don't we ever do start that band?

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  He'd be like, you need a ride home, man? I got you, bro.

• 1:26:24Speaker 02

  You got those electric drums? I'm a lyricist. I'm gonna give you something that really is gonna make you think.

• 1:26:33Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, good luck, buddy.

• 1:26:34Speaker 02

  I, ye- yes, I'm married, but this other pussy just feels so good. That was what it was like, really. No, you can't get both.

• 1:26:46Speaker 05

  Hey, Stav, uh, so, I recently, uh, broke up with a girlfriend I had been dating for three years. Um, we actually had lived together for two years. She actually ended up cheating on me with a woman, which is how we found out she was bisexual.

• 1:27:05Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, we found out?

• 1:27:07Speaker 05

  So, we actually, she cheated on me two years in. We still dated for another year, tried to make it work, ended up not working out, and she dumped me. And gave Laudre a list of reasons. Why um anyway she broke up with me about two months before at least.

• 1:27:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's po- like, look, I get that it's annoying she cheated, but it's like if somebody cheats and you date for a year after.

• 1:27:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:30Stavros Halkias?

  That you accepted the cheating, so there are other reasons. You can't drop that. You fucking bitch.

• 1:27:35Speaker 02

  Take, take the hint.

• 1:27:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  She goes, I, I fucked someone else and you go, is this not working out?

• 1:27:42Speaker 02

  This is not, are we not on the level?

• 1:27:45Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, let's see what else he's got for us.

• 1:27:47Speaker 05

  Why um anyway she broke up with me about two months before our lease is up. I found my own place. I've moved on. I actually have started to do like speed dating and have gone on other dates. What just happened within the past week, we've been broken up for a few months now, is she showed me where her mom had gotten a message on Facebook where someone made like a burner account. And messaged her mom saying that her daughter cheated on me with a woman, her female coworker, by the way. She hadn't told her parents that A she was bisexual or B that she cheated on me and this person outed her and I don't know who it is.

• 1:28:32Speaker 05

  We assume it's like someone I know, maybe a family member.

• 1:28:35Stavros Halkias?

  This guy, this guy calling in to, to, to give himself, yeah, to give himself an alibi. We don't know who it is, Stav. How do I find out? Who made a burner and told this horse, this woman's mother that she cheated on me with a woman?

• 1:28:52Speaker 02

  Who would know the death shot is to tell her extremely Catholic parents that she's a lesbian.

• 1:29:01Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, keep going, El.

• 1:29:02Speaker 05

  She cheated on me and this person outed her and I don't know who it is. We assume it's like someone I know, maybe a family member, not, maybe not a direct family member.

• 1:29:15Speaker 05

  Someone took it upon themselves. And put me in a very awkward situation because I guess I've been trying to move on, trying to do new things and then this happened, so.

• 1:29:24Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you still have to move on.

• 1:29:25Speaker 05

  Just looking for advice, like. I don't know, cause like I've been very cordial with my ex. We're trying not, I don't know about friends, but we're trying to, you know, move on, but still be nice to each other. I feel like most exes in my past, I've just cut out completely. But this one, I'm trying to be, you know, at least nice to. Um, but yeah, she was devastated. It kind of blew up her whole world and yeah, it's, I'm just in a very awkward position because I am trying to move on, but someone pretty much blew up my ex's world.

• 1:29:51Stavros Halkias?

  This really affects me too. This thing I didn't do. I mean, huh?

• 1:29:54Speaker 03

  This is tough on both of us.

• 1:29:56Speaker 02

  This is like Luke after he blows up the Death Star and he goes, I don't know who shot that. I don't know who was in that. Yeah, it uh absolutely was you.

• 1:30:09Speaker 02

  And you are, uh, we get it. You're, you.

• 1:30:15Stavros Halkias?

  Why is it awkward if it wasn't you? And why stay friends? This isn't high school. Just like, cut it off. I wish you the best.

• 1:30:22Speaker 02

  Bitch, I remember when I caught you munching carpet. Get the fuck out of my face. Get out of my face. Um. Get lost. Go to a Melissa Etheridge concert. Get out of my, you broke my heart, you dirty bitch. Yeah, so what I made up the burner fucking slings nuts 95.

• 1:30:39Stavros Halkias?

  Is there anything more substance or no? Not really.

• 1:30:41Speaker 03

  Not really. He's just asking if, what he should do, if he has any culpability here or.

• 1:30:46Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you didn't do it. Well, yeah, that's the thing. First of all, why do you, you don't know, how many people did you tell about this?

• 1:30:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:54Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's kind of insane too. It's like, oh, maybe a family member, uh, friend, not direct. Like, so your cousins know?

• 1:31:02Speaker 02

  Maybe a second cousin, perhaps a husband of a cousin.

• 1:31:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like your, your culpability is just kind of weirdly running your mouth. I mean, look, maybe you're upset. I get it, but it's like, once you get back together, go ahead.

• 1:31:15Speaker 02

  I would just say immediately, if this was my situation, I'd go, it was the girl that you cheated with or someone she knows. Why's it gotta come through my fucking end?

• 1:31:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point.

• 1:31:23Speaker 02

  Him telling on himself is going like, it's definitely someone on my end. I don't know who. I'd go, if, if that happened to me, I'd go, I don't know who'd you fucking work?

• 1:31:30Stavros Halkias?

  Well, but why would the girl do it a mu- a year after? Cause they hooked up a year and now it's what triggered, it seems to be the breakup.

• 1:31:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:38Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Well, sorry to be, go Sherlock, go Sherlock Holmes on your ass.

• 1:31:42Speaker 02

  Dude, I love this cork board.

• 1:31:46Stavros Halkias?

  Although you could argue that gives her even more cover.

• 1:31:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:50Stavros Halkias?

  If she wanted to wait to make it look like him.

• 1:31:52Speaker 02

  And she went, oh, it broke up?

• 1:31:54Stavros Halkias?

  But look, basically, no, you don't have any fucking culpability. Doesn't you saying, oh, I was really trying to move on? Don't try and backdoor talk to her through this bullshit.

• 1:32:05Speaker 02

  I would never hurt her like that.

• 1:32:08Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Like, don't.

• 1:32:10Speaker 02

  What if I tucked my weener, you could eat it and pretend it's a pussy?

• 1:32:15Speaker 02

  Could I do that for you?

• 1:32:17Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I would just say this really fundamentally changes nothing. Still, you still go through, you just say, look, I'm sorry, this is what, I had nothing to do with this.

• 1:32:27Speaker 02

  That's not my jurisdiction.

• 1:32:28Stavros Halkias?

  If there's anything, you know, you could be like, look, if he, if there's anything I can do to help figure it out, but I just don't know what, because I hadn't, I truly had nothing to do with this, I would never do this. We're cool. I'm sorry you're going through this. Um, but, you know, I can't help. Uh, and then you just keep moving on. You don't have anything to, you didn't do it, you didn't have anything to do with it. It's really fucked up and I do feel bad for your ex, because like, you know, parent, fuck, parents don't need to know all that shit.

• 1:32:53Speaker 04

  Parents just don't understand.

• 1:32:54Stavros Halkias?

  They just don't understand. If only there was a new, fresh take on that.

• 1:32:58Speaker 02

  Oh, a fresh take from a fresh prince.

• 1:33:02Stavros Halkias?

  That could maybe help a bi woman connect with her parents, maybe something like, parents just do understand. Um, anyway.

• 1:33:09Speaker 02

  It's so funny to think about explaining that, like, 80s rap, where like, sometimes I eat puss, sometimes I'm so dick. And they go, oh, this is a very informative rap.

• 1:33:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, this guy did it.

• 1:33:24Speaker 02

  I still think, the way he's like overly being like.

• 1:33:28Stavros Halkias?

  Well, there's also no real question.

• 1:33:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, he just goes.

• 1:33:32Speaker 02

  That's crazy that happened, right?

• 1:33:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:35Speaker 04

  And now he's gotta, gotta be there for her. I gotta be there.

• 1:33:38Stavros Halkias?

  But you don't, though, exactly.

• 1:33:39Speaker 04

  You don't, actually, yeah. If you didn't do it, you're like, I'm, exactly what you said, I'm sorry you're going through this. If there's anything I could do, I could help, but other than that, let's just move on.

• 1:33:49Stavros Halkias?

  Let's move on, enjoy living in sin with other harlots. But I'm, I'm on, I'm going to speed dating, I want nothing to do with you.

• 1:33:56Speaker 02

  So funny. He goes, I'm over here doing bobbing for apples with rainbows. And I wanna know why she's all hung up that someone fuck had dropped a bomb on.

• 1:34:06Speaker 04

  I meant I'm doing speed and dating, not speed dating.

• 1:34:10Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, alright, man. Yeah, good luck. Don't contact her. Don't use this as a way to try and pathetically weasel back into her life.

• 1:34:15Speaker 02

  You're done. She didn't want you. It sucks. You'll grow from it.

• 1:34:18Stavros Halkias?

  You'll grow.

• 1:34:20Speaker 02

  Take another lady to pound town, dude.

• 1:34:21Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yes, sir. Well, yes, sir.

• 1:34:25Speaker 04

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• 1:34:54Speaker 06

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends, everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works. Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:35:10Speaker 07

  Hi, Stavi. Hi, Eldis. I am calling because I need some advice. A couple of weekends ago, me, my boyfriend, and my best friend went to this big old party. It was like a hundred and twelve people. They have it every year.

• 1:35:27Stavros Halkias?

  Hundred and twelve?

• 1:35:28Speaker 07

  And...

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  I hope they only play one twelve.

• 1:35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:35:33Speaker 02

  She goes, "We can do it anywhere." I was the first two people that show up and you go, "It's too sexy for only three people being here." So if you don't wanna be early to that party.

• 1:35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I need at least eighty people in here.

• 1:35:47Speaker 07

  And...

• 1:35:50Speaker 07

  Uh, my best friend. Of twelve years, I'm twenty-three, she's twenty-four. Kind of did some heinous shit during that weekend.

• 1:36:00Stavros Halkias?

  You hate to hear that.

• 1:36:02Speaker 07

  She's also a mother of a three-year-old, by the way.

• 1:36:04Speaker 02

  Damn. Women are cold.

• 1:36:06Speaker 07

  She was basically like pawning.

• 1:36:08Speaker 02

  Women are cold to each other. Women are cold.

• 1:36:10Stavros Halkias?

  Well, let's find out what she did, Dan.

• 1:36:12Speaker 02

  But I know, but just go like this. We did some heinous shit. Also, she's a mom.

• 1:36:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:17Speaker 02

  This is crazy.

• 1:36:18Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know.

• 1:36:19Speaker 02

  That's crazy to teach you.

• 1:36:20Stavros Halkias?

  She's already leading the witness.

• 1:36:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:26Speaker 02

  And we did some downright.

• 1:36:27Stavros Halkias?

  Objection! Just the facts, your honor. Doesn't pertain to the case.

• 1:36:32Speaker 02

  We did some downright.

• 1:36:35Speaker 02

  CPS needs to get involved.

• 1:36:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, keep going, Eld.

• 1:36:40Speaker 07

  She was basically like pawning her kid off to other people to get absolutely plastered.

• 1:36:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:36:47Speaker 07

  And she's on her fiance.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. I'm on our caller's side.

• 1:36:52Speaker 07

  And apparently, one of those nights when I went to bed early, her and two other girls got into a bit of a scuffle.

• 1:37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:37:02Speaker 07

  And my boyfriend had to pull them apart. And my boyfriend is taking it very harshly because this party is like a family reunion that they have every year.

• 1:37:16Stavros Halkias?

  You brought your ho friend to a family reunion?

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  Yo, you brought a... That is wild.

• 1:37:23Stavros Halkias?

  I thought it was like, when you say a hundred people, I thought it was like some kind of crazy like...

• 1:37:27Speaker 02

  Buried the lead.

• 1:37:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:37:29Speaker 02

  She buried the...

• 1:37:30Stavros Halkias?

  It's a family reunion.

• 1:37:31Speaker 02

  A hundred and twelve people's like three generations back.

• 1:37:35Stavros Halkias?

  You tried to suck off his great-granduncle?

• 1:37:37Speaker 02

  Anyways, who he did shit with was my Uncle Marv. And his wife Patty.

• 1:37:44Speaker 03

  Hundred and twelve people.

• 1:37:45Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm sorry, it's her, it's our caller's boyfriend's family reunion.

• 1:37:49Speaker 02

  And her, she brought a fucking Wolverine of a friend.

• 1:37:53Stavros Halkias?

  And who bought, I mean, that's hysterical.

• 1:37:55Speaker 02

  What's crazy is...

• 1:37:56Stavros Halkias?

  To treat that like Vegas for her.

• 1:37:58Speaker 02

  You're the plus-one, and you bring a plus-two with a kid, with a three-year-old?

• 1:38:04Speaker 03

  And it's also like a two-night event. That's the really crazy part.

• 1:38:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's really insane. But it is a family reunion, so yeah, you would bring your kid. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:14Speaker 02

  Not her family, it's her friends.

• 1:38:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can put it in a playpen with the little baby cousins, you know what I mean? While you go suck dick in the woods.

• 1:38:23Speaker 02

  It's your older cousin that's got the PTSD from Iraq. Is he single?

• 1:38:31Speaker 07

  They have every year and he thinks that he, they, they, um, my best friend basically embarrassed us.

• 1:38:40Stavros Halkias?

  She did.

• 1:38:42Speaker 07

  And I mean, she did, but she's also my best friend and

• 1:38:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 1:38:48Speaker 07

  Uh, people do stupid stuff when they're drunk.

• 1:38:51Speaker 02

  This is so

• 1:38:51Stavros Halkias?

  There's a limit to that, I know.

• 1:38:53Speaker 02

  This is so twenty-three years old.

• 1:38:55Stavros Halkias?

  It really is, man.

• 1:38:56Speaker 02

  This is crazy. Listen, I understand that I accidentally leave the flashlight on my cellphone on a lot.

• 1:39:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:01Speaker 02

  I'm doing a lot of older guy shit. This is such early twenties dumb bullshit.

• 1:39:05Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:39:05Speaker 02

  That you have no idea that you're the problem.

• 1:39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, she did it, but she, you get drunk, you drop it, Mark.

• 1:39:11Speaker 02

  Oh, you're supposed to live, laugh, and love that lecture.

• 1:39:16Stavros Halkias?

  She got nutted in next to a room that your grandma was sleeping in while her son was in a playpen or whatever. While her son was drinking orange juice and her fiance was pulling a double.

• 1:39:29Speaker 02

  Her boyfriend was on a swing set, but the sun was down. So it wasn't even, there's not even wolves around.

• 1:39:35Stavros Halkias?

  You have no leg to stand on here. You, you can't give her the drunk people now.

• 1:39:39Speaker 02

  Oh, look at the end of the question though.

• 1:39:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, let's finish up, sorry.

• 1:39:43Speaker 07

  So I'm just wondering if I should be a little more harsher on her? Or if we should just shove it underneath the rug and maybe not invite her again next year?

• 1:39:56Stavros Halkias?

  You think she still gets invited?

• 1:39:57Speaker 07

  Have a good day.

• 1:39:58Stavros Halkias?

  You don't think this is disqualifying behavior?

• 1:40:02Speaker 02

  The funniest part is her to her boyfriend going.

• 1:40:05Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, it's Chelsea. Are we gonna let her come to the funeral?

• 1:40:09Speaker 02

  No!

• 1:40:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's also like, okay, to take your boyfriends to get his POV here. It's what, like, okay, you've watched her act drunk, act stupid, uh, you know, getting a fight at his family's reunion. Fuck someone at a family reunion, but then also you watched her cheat on her fiance.

• 1:40:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:40:32Stavros Halkias?

  And if I'm your boyfriend and you're like, girls will be girls, about cheating drunkenly?

• 1:40:40Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, she's such a Samantha.

• 1:40:42Stavros Halkias?

  I'd say, are you gonna fuck some guy because you get drunk? Like, is this okay behavior to you?

• 1:40:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point. That would, as your boyfriend, that would fuck me up. I'm like, you don't think, let's say you didn't respect her, you didn't respect my family enough. You don't think it's unacceptable she cheat on her fiance with her fucking kid?

• 1:41:00Speaker 02

  In front of my family?

• 1:41:01Stavros Halkias?

  In front of my, like, so look.

• 1:41:02Speaker 02

  Probably someone in my family.

• 1:41:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I, and listen, I also understand this because we talk about this concept a lot where there's like, there's like levels, there's pyramids of life where you like, kind of shed your friends at different levels, like graduate, at, when you graduate college, you realize like, a lot of the people that I spent so hundreds of hours with, we just were in the same dorm freshman year and inertia kept us friends. We have nothing in common.

• 1:41:29Speaker 02

  That is 100% it.

• 1:41:30Stavros Halkias?

  And then when you get to 24, you're like, even the people that survived college, I mean, and look, don't get me wrong, this is her best friend of 12 years, right? So maybe she's not gonna shed her, but...

• 1:41:40Speaker 02

  You'll enjoy her when she gets sober.

• 1:41:41Stavros Halkias?

  But, exactly, I mean, this feels like...

• 1:41:43Speaker 02

  When she tries to get her kid back.

• 1:41:46Speaker 02

  Because by the way, this is how it starts.

• 1:41:48Stavros Halkias?

  What you don't understand is this is the first domino of the next eight years of this girl's life.

• 1:41:52Speaker 02

  Of you going like, you don't understand though, when she does see the kid, she's a great mom. You're fucking three year old off to suck off your cousin. Fuck out of here. It is crazy disrespectful to the family. It's also

• 1:42:08Stavros Halkias?

  To you and your boyfriend.

• 1:42:10Speaker 02

  It's crazy disrespectful to you. You brought her.

• 1:42:12Stavros Halkias?

  You should feel more upset about this and you should, you should investigate this dynamic you have and also how you allow people to treat you.

• 1:42:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, doing drunk stuff that's stupid is eating Taco Bell at two in the morning.

• 1:42:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 1:42:26Speaker 02

  It's not cheating on your fiance with a guy that your best friend's boyfriend grew up with.

• 1:42:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. And so to me, there's two diagnoses here of your, uh, the way you responded. One is you kind of just let people get away with whatever, right? Like, because she did disrespect you. You're try, you're non-confrontational. You don't want that, whatever. Or two, which maybe be a little more troubling is like, you're not that bothered by this. You do think this is reasonable and it's fucking not and you should know. I, you shouldn't, you shouldn't, basically you're like, it's either like, you know, pushover or you see this as a people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones situation. And that you have it in you to behave this way and you, either one of those is wrong and you should take a look at the way,

• 1:43:16Stavros Halkias?

  take a look at whatever, whichever one of those it is.

• 1:43:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:43:19Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you know.

• 1:43:20Speaker 04

  This isn't a drunk people do stupid stuff type situation.

• 1:43:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there's two, there's like, she did four things.

• 1:43:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:27Speaker 02

  Well, it just becomes an age where you just start waking up one day and it's not, dude, it was so fucking crazy. I got kicked out. I got arrested. When you're 19, you're like, oh my God, you're fucking nuts. And then by the time you're like 26, you're like, you're a problem.

• 1:43:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:42Speaker 02

  And then you get to your 30s and you go, I'm sorry, I don't, uh, who is this?

• 1:43:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:43:47Speaker 02

  You just have to, self-preservation.

• 1:43:48Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. So, yeah, this just might be you climbing onto the pyramid of mid twenties.

• 1:43:54Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:43:55Stavros Halkias?

  And because this is acceptable 21, 22 year old behavior. It kind of is.

• 1:43:59Speaker 04

  Then it's like you should apologize.

• 1:44:00Stavros Halkias?

  Even then you should apologize, you should feel bad, but you could laugh, you can like, I'm sorry she was out of line and then quietly privately laugh with your friend about it. But now you're at the place where you're like, she was out of line. I'll talk to her.

• 1:44:11Speaker 02

  What do we do? We just bury the hatchet? Let her rip it next year? See if she can complete the set.

• 1:44:16Stavros Halkias?

  I need to know more about this event, this family. Look, these people could be white trash, they might also bring plus ones. The whole family might be like, hey, who's bringing pussy? You know what I mean? Like, it could be a bunch of trash cousins bringing pussy for each other.

• 1:44:29Speaker 02

  I clawed out that stupid bitch's face. Fuck my ex. Don't have the problem, you're actually, it was good she fought him.

• 1:44:38Stavros Halkias?

  So yeah, maybe we're giving you a little hard time because we don't know exactly what's going on with the family reunion. Yeah, but I think we gave you some good pearls of wisdom there. El, do you have something quick for us to go out on here with the fellas? It's getting hot in here, I'm ready to leave.

• 1:44:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is an update from, remember the Patrick Burcher Kush Bros? The guy who called in and said he like knocked up two strippers and his pregnant baby mama was pissed at him.

• 1:45:03Stavros Halkias?

  Voice.

• 1:45:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:05Stavros Halkias?

  The motorcycleist.

• 1:45:06Speaker 03

  Well, here's a little update from fatherhood from this gentleman.

• 1:45:09Speaker 02

  Oh, boy.

• 1:45:10Stavros Halkias?

  So he thought he had like impregnated three sex workers at once, I believe. So here, here's our update from our biker friends.

• 1:45:17Speaker 02

  Make me enjoy my dinner so much. I'm gonna be eating there watching Jeopardy with Katie and go, I didn't get three sex workers.

• 1:45:27Speaker 02

  So it's good, and I go, that's all right, a little undercooked.

• 1:45:31Speaker 02

  But I didn't knock up three sex workers.

• 1:45:34Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got, El?

• 1:45:35Speaker 03

  What's up, Stavi? You know what it is? So my voice is less gruff, I'm not sick. Uh, but I'm the caller that everyone was asking about a checkup and wanted to check in. I'm the one that got the two strippers and two escorts pregnant.

• 1:45:49Speaker 02

  Wait, two strippers?

• 1:45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, two and two, four, four sex workers.

• 1:45:54Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:45:55Speaker 02

  God, force, I need to hit a weed.

• 1:45:57Speaker 03

  One of, one of them was his, his like wife or girlfriend.

• 1:46:00Speaker 02

  Oh, never mind. Go on that case, never mind. I am still gonna do a one hitter.

• 1:46:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, please.

• 1:46:09Speaker 03

  Sorry, my cold still.

• 1:46:10Speaker 02

  Don't worry about it, brother, I'm about to join you.

• 1:46:12Speaker 03

  Fucking bad.

• 1:46:13Speaker 02

  I talked to, this is just like the real time.

• 1:46:15Speaker 03

  Two of the kids born, happy, healthy, the DNA checks out. Two of them are definitely mine, we're waiting on the third one.

• 1:46:26Stavros Halkias?

  Just a DNA test as if it's like cutting the umbilical cord. Like, you know.

• 1:46:31Speaker 02

  It takes the child to be born for them to do the DNA test. So he's there and he goes, I'm not gonna cut that. We don't know yet.

• 1:46:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's fucking awesome.

• 1:46:39Speaker 02

  Also, him just driving around listening to Meatloaf's Two Out of Three Ain't Bad.

• 1:46:46Speaker 04

  Stavi, you have a wild fan base.

• 1:46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we got a nice wow.

• 1:46:49Speaker 02

  They fuck.

• 1:46:51Stavros Halkias?

  They do. One way or another, one way or another, they do.

• 1:46:54Speaker 04

  Test as merch.

• 1:46:55Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, dude. We should. The dream for, I wanna do a like studio, a live studio version of Maury, basically. That's the dream.

• 1:47:04Speaker 02

  But here's my question to that.

• 1:47:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:05Speaker 02

  Similar to how it feels when you sit close at like UFC. I don't know if you wanna be that close to that kinda thing. It's brutal.

• 1:47:12Stavros Halkias?

  I would like to.

• 1:47:13Speaker 02

  Watching a guy find out if he is or isn't.

• 1:47:15Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you're saying, but I really would like to.

• 1:47:17Speaker 02

  Until you're in the room.

• 1:47:19Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. I just think I'm built for this, dude. I think this is my thing. Like, when Tim did his special for Netflix where he kinda did Sally, Jesse, Raphael or whatever. Or like he had Jerry Springer, Jerry Springer. I think I could do Maury. Tim's our Jerry Springer. I think I'm our Maury.

• 1:47:35Speaker 02

  I absolutely agree with you.

• 1:47:36Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, I really wanna do You Are Not the Father.

• 1:47:38Speaker 02

  I've been calling Vecchio and our Ricky Lake for like ten years.

• 1:47:41Stavros Halkias?

  I really think I would crush You Are Not the Father. Let's pitch that to Netflix. Netflix, if you're listening, let's fucking do it.

• 1:47:47Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 1:47:47Speaker 03

  I'm ready to be Steve Wilkos.

• 1:47:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 1:47:51Speaker 02

  He's up there in between them.

• 1:47:53Stavros Halkias?

  We gotta get, we got, yeah, absolutely. Tight black t-shirt. We gotta get the same, uh, uh, lie detector test expert too. The lie det- oh dude, the lie detector test determine that was a lie. You know how good that's gonna feel to say?

• 1:48:10Speaker 02

  I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait for your Out of Control Teen episode. They go, I fuck who I wanna fuck and ain't no- It's not me. Y'all mad cuz y'all ain't living my life. It's Dan. He's eleven years old. I'm in four gangs and all I do is stab my teachers.

• 1:48:33Stavros Halkias?

  No dude, I want straight paternity episode.

• 1:48:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, do it.

• 1:48:35Stavros Halkias?

  I want straight.

• 1:48:36Speaker 02

  Netflix, do what's right.

• 1:48:38Stavros Halkias?

  Are you gonna choreograph the dances or just let them freestyle? I'll let them freestyle for sure dude, that's part of the, that's part of the beauty of it.

• 1:48:44Speaker 02

  You're gonna have to hire an athletic cameraman to follow that woman.

• 1:48:47Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. If I don't get one woman sprinting, I'm gonna be pissed dude. Saxon, Saxon chasing. Well, Saxon will crush it dude, Saxon. We actually have an athletic cameraman already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:59Speaker 02

  She'll be running backstage.

• 1:48:59Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, this kid will fucking crush it, I promise you. Holy shit, we have to do this. Alright, keep going Big Eldis.

• 1:49:07Speaker 01

  Um, shit's going good. Um, child support is not gonna be that bad. I don't wanna get into it now, but these girls are cooked in terms of court. I've got child support figured out.

• 1:49:22Stavros Halkias?

  I love this already adversarial relationship. Dude, he's got, the kids are just born.

• 1:49:29Speaker 02

  Anyways, I'm getting a lot of tips from Sun Tzu's The Art of War. I've learned to not interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake. That mistake is they've called 911 too many times. Too many boy who cried wolf.

• 1:49:43Speaker 01

  Figured out. They don't want it. I don't even want it. I am on my break for work for the next three months. I work in the Gulf on an oil rig as a crew chief. So financially, I make money, I'm on for six, off for three, then I'll be on call for the remainder. Um, so financially, all I can say is we're, well, we're doing well. Um, but yeah, man, the kid, two of the, uh, four, well, we'll see. I have my doubts about one of the kids, so we'll see about that one. But the first two, DNA's mine, checks out, they're mine, and shit's going good. So anyway, that's the update.

• 1:50:25Speaker 02

  This guy feels like.

• 1:50:26Stavros Halkias?

  This is awesome actually.

• 1:50:27Speaker 02

  This guy's playing out of speed where life is winnable.

• 1:50:32Speaker 02

  You don't have to go to the fastest batting cage.

• 1:50:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely, dude. Absolutely.

• 1:50:39Speaker 02

  Spunking some ladies that have bad relationships with their local court manager.

• 1:50:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep, yep. You still get kids.

• 1:50:45Speaker 04

  Guess what? They're both strippers and I got them pregnant. But the courts don't believe them.

• 1:50:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:50Speaker 02

  They can't. They've cried wolf way too many times. They, here's what, this guy's not giving himself credit. He talked a couple strippers into letting him go hats off and blow inside him.

• 1:51:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. And I don't know exactly that I would call that a thing for, I don't know how much talking or how much negotiating he did.

• 1:51:10Speaker 02

  We all know, we all know, they don't, they don't let you make pies in every kitchen.

• 1:51:16Speaker 02

  Some kitchens, some kitchens have a strict.

• 1:51:18Stavros Halkias?

  He did turn, he did turn the back room of the strip club into a petit cerise.

• 1:51:25Stavros Halkias?

  The boulangerie.

• 1:51:28Speaker 02

  Oh dude, that's so funny. Sorry, lady, I just gave you what the French call a la cream par. Let's check it out on Stav's show.

• 1:51:38Stavros Halkias?

  I love how positive this guy is about this. He's happy to have two kids.

• 1:51:43Speaker 04

  He's definitely a glasses half-full.

• 1:51:45Stavros Halkias?

  He's a glasses half-full guy.

• 1:51:47Speaker 02

  That is more man than all four of us combined.

• 1:51:51Stavros Halkias?

  Abs, oil rig, taking care of your fucking stripper.

• 1:51:54Speaker 02

  Not being stressed by it.

• 1:51:59Stavros Halkias?

  This guy fucking rules, man. This guy fucking rules.

• 1:52:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, anyways, I pull, I pull oil out of the ocean and I put come into strippers.

• 1:52:09Speaker 04

  What's your schedule? Six on, three off?

• 1:52:12Speaker 02

  The only way, the only, the only ending for this is that his sons fight for the UFC heavyweight championship in 23 years.

• 1:52:20Stavros Halkias?

  I know. They are exactly the same age. That's pretty good, you know?

• 1:52:24Speaker 02

  I've been waiting for this fight my whole life. Dana White, book it.

• 1:52:29Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, man, well, respect to this guy. We love, we love to hear this. Congratulations. Uh, you got a beautiful, you congratulate us with your beautiful, non-traditional family.

• 1:52:38Speaker 02

  Congratulations, yeah, on your army.

• 1:52:40Stavros Halkias?

  And, uh, fellas, thank you for doing the podcast. Always.

• 1:52:43Speaker 02

  I love you.

• 1:52:43Speaker 04

  Thank you, buddy. Thanks for having us on.

• 1:52:45Stavros Halkias?

  Well, we're gonna soon all be Manhattan boys. I can't wait.

• 1:52:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:52:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, get some lunches, hang out.

• 1:52:50Speaker 02

  Water, the tap water.

• 1:52:53Speaker 04

  You know what? There's a picture of us from like 2016, all three of us in a cab coming back to Astoria from the stand.

• 1:52:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's incredible. That's incredible.

• 1:53:01Speaker 04

  2016, like eight years ago.

• 1:53:01Speaker 02

  No way.

• 1:53:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:53:02Speaker 02

  Who has it?

• 1:53:03Speaker 04

  It's the old stand. I just, I think it's in my, uh, photos.

• 1:53:07Speaker 02

  Text that to us right now.

• 1:53:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's beautiful.

• 1:53:09Speaker 02

  Piece of shit.

• 1:53:10Speaker 04

  It's all three of us in the back of a car.

• 1:53:12Speaker 02

  Great, we'll send it to us.

• 1:53:13Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:53:13Stavros Halkias?

  I love the old stand, man.

• 1:53:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:53:16Speaker 04

  Um. Well, it's an apartment building now.

• 1:53:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:53:18Speaker 02

  I know, I said outside.

• 1:53:19Stavros Halkias?

  Every time I walk by.

• 1:53:20Speaker 02

  I go, they're not taking my veils and they go, excuse me?

• 1:53:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there's one insane guy who's like, you're a pa, I go, time to, to guest spot.

• 1:53:28Speaker 02

  Outside in the patty's.

• 1:53:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:53:30Speaker 02

  I get past there, then I go on to my show.

• 1:53:31Speaker 04

  Patrick, Patrick, let me in, let me in, Patrick.

• 1:53:33Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 1:53:33Speaker 04

  Um.

• 1:53:34Speaker 02

  I want a roast battle.

• 1:53:39Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, that is gonna do it for us this week, guys. Thanks for listening and we will talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

• 1:53:56Speaker 06

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:54:11Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.