Caller: “My Past Relationship Is Ruining My Marriage”

📋 Weekly Rundown (your weekly marriage check-in) On today’s episode, we hear about: A man whose past relationship is ruining his marriage A woman whose husband dumps all of his problems on her A husband whose wife is terrified of having a miscarriage Next Steps: 🔥⁠ Microhabits for a Better Marriage. Download the Together app. ❤️ Get away with your spouse today! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Go to Joi + Blokes and get 50% off labs and 20% off products. Working knives for working people—Go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  How do I heal from past betrayals so my wife doesn't feel like she's paying the price for it? I started to wonder what it's like to be the one who betrays others. And I would have this part of me who would betray her and go behind her back.

• 0:20Dr. John Delony?

  So this is a strange question. Do you want to be done with all this man?

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yo, yo, yo, yo. What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. So glad you're here. Taking your calls on your marriages, your relationships, your mental and emotional health, tragedies, the good stuff, whatever you got going on in your life, pull up a seat and we're going to figure out what's the next right move. I'd love to have you on the show. People from all over the world reaching out. I'd love to have you on the show. Click the link in the show notes and it will send you to the one and only Kelly, the producer of the show. And she will work to get you on. Let's go out to Albany, Albany, Albany, New York and talk to Jonathan. Hey Jonathan, what's up, man?

• 1:05Speaker 00

  Hey, how are you?

• 1:06Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good, brother.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  So my question is, how do I heal from past betrayals so my wife doesn't feel like she's paying the price for it?

• 1:16Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, what a great question, man.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:20Dr. John Delony?

  Like, I, I hope you understand the level of emotional maturity it takes to get where you are, to be able to ask that question. Let me ask you this. How many, how many fights did you and your current wife have? Before you realized, oh, wait a minute, this is me. A lot or a few? Or did you already know going in?

• 1:44Speaker 00

  It's been a short amount of time that we've been together.

• 1:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  But maybe four or five so far.

• 1:52Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, okay. So, um, take me back, man. What happened in the past that is, that your body's trying to protect you from in the future?

• 2:03Speaker 00

  Oh, man. Um, how far do you want to go back?

• 2:07Dr. John Delony?

  As far as, I mean, tell me what's relevant to what you're struggling with, with your, with your new wife.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Okay. So that would be just with, um, and I can date it back to maybe my high school, high school girlfriends even, where they would cheat on me with a friend and I would find out later.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  And then, I mean, later years in my younger twenties, I ended up dating somebody who, uh, she was an alcoholic and I found out, uh, I guess the hard way, but there was also a part of me who, I had a lot of compassion for her. In a way, I wanted to try to fix her. And I feel like then I was kind of, I didn't realize that I was paying the price then for it. Um, she had cheated on me with multiple men and I, um, and I still stayed.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  Uh, going, um, I mean, I could fast forward a little bit more to, um, I think actually after that I wasn't,

• 3:11Speaker 00

  I started to, I don't know, I started to

• 3:16Speaker 00

  wonder what it's like to be the one who betrays others. Um, like, why do people do this? And I actually became a partner who would betray too.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  And I ended up, you know, I fell, I fell in love with somebody and I would, I would have this part of me who would, um, I would betray her and go behind her back. Um, and then she ended up leaving me, um, abruptly. I had no idea, but she had planned to move out and, uh, she just, I came home one day and the house is empty.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  And I guess I see that as a betrayal on her part, but I mean, I, I don't really blame her, um, for the man that I, I was at that time.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  Ex-girlfriend after that, you know, you open up to people, you tell them about your past. I told her, you know, this is what my ex did. She, she just, I came home one day and she was gone. And what do you know, that, that ex-girlfriend gave me two weeks notice that she was moving out about a year and a half later.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  It just seems like no matter, I don't know, no matter what I do, um, I can't count on people to, to be there.

• 4:31Speaker 00

  Uh, does that, am I making sense?

• 4:32Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, totally. Um,

• 4:37Speaker 00

  There's a lot to it. I skipped one ex, actually.

• 4:39Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, no, I mean, I think I got a full picture. Um,

• 4:44Dr. John Delony?

  you got a lifetime of being betrayed. I, I don't see, I mean, you and I could disagree. I don't want to, I don't want to sidetrack us. I, I think if, if the girlfriend who just moved out, if she had called the show, I would have told her to do exactly what she did.

• 4:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I agree with you.

• 4:59Dr. John Delony?

  But I, but I get, um,

• 5:05Dr. John Delony?

  and for those listening, often the, the question is, how could somebody do it, do, do something? How could somebody cheat on somebody when they know how bad that hurts? And that's a strange thing about relational hurt and trauma is we often end up recreating the, the very thing that hurt us, right? And it's a weird way our bodies try to regain control or regain power and it ends up falling off the other edge of the cliff, right? Um, all I'd say is this, tell me about your new wife.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  Um, she is,

• 5:45Speaker 00

  she's, I don't know, she's, I can trust her. I know that.

• 5:48Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  Um, but there's some times where I show her, uh, I feel like there's, it seems like I, I display that I don't trust her.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  Um, because I have these certain triggers, but she's, she's amazing. I mean, she's, she's a hard worker. She cares deeply for me and, and my daughter. I have a daughter from a, in past relationship.

• 6:13Dr. John Delony?

  How old are you, man?

• 6:14Speaker 00

  And I'm going to be 40 this year, 40, yeah.

• 6:19Dr. John Delony?

  So this is a strange question.

• 6:22Dr. John Delony?

  Cause I think right away, the answer is, it's an easy answer, but it comes with a lot of, of challenge. Okay?

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:33Dr. John Delony?

  Do you want to be done with all this man?

• 6:36Speaker 00

  I'd, I'd love to. I'd love to get rid of the anxiety that surrounds it when I have these triggers. It's,

• 6:43Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So what I'm hearing first and foremost is a man who does not respect himself.

• 6:52Dr. John Delony?

  You don't respect yourself for staying when you're getting cheated on. You don't respect yourself for having cheated on other people. You don't respect yourself because you're 40 and you're like, dude, how do high school girlfriends still impact me to this day? Which by the way is, is, I have one thing that a high school girlfriend told me once. It still haunts me to this day. Right? So, but I hear a guy who, when he looks in the mirror, he slumps his shoulders down.

• 7:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:21Dr. John Delony?

  And so there will, if you don't respect yourself, what you'll, and it's not just you, it's all of us, right? But if you don't respect yourself, if you don't keep your promises to yourself, if you're not a guy anchored into a set of values, like this is the man I am, then what you'll do is you'll spend your entire life outsourcing that externally, hoping that other people and other things and other finish lines and other certificates and other dollar amounts, whatever it is, will get you that sense of respect. And it never, ever works.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:59Dr. John Delony?

  And so give me an example. Is, is like, if your wife's on her phone, do you freak out or if, like, what are things that, that she does right now that just sets you off?

• 8:11Speaker 00

  Um, so she works with a lot of, uh, she works with a lot of men.

• 8:15Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  Um, and so she has to be on her phone a lot.

• 8:18Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  Um, I guess a recent trigger, um, would have been when she had just, uh, she got out of the shower and she kept the phone in the bathroom with her. And that triggered something that was very specific to something that happened to me before.

• 8:34Dr. John Delony?

  Did you have an ex-girlfriend go in the bathroom and send photos?

• 8:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:39Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Um, while I was there.

• 8:42Dr. John Delony?

  So I literally had my phone in the shower this morning blasting some new band called The Strike that I recently heard. They're like an eighties band. They're awesome, but they're new. But I had my phone in the shower too. Not in it, but right next to it. And so like, and, and you get what I'm saying? So the behavior in and of itself is benign. So here's the second thing I'm going to tell you. First thing is I hear a man who doesn't respect himself. The second thing I hear is, or not hear, but I want to give you this rule of thumb. Give yourself two triggers and then be about solving the problem. And here's what I mean. I cannot tell you, I'm developing a really strong allergy to the word trigger.

• 9:27Dr. John Delony?

  Because we use that word, not just, not, not you, but we use that word culturally to demand other people stop doing things because our bodies recognize some action out in the world and it tries to keep us safe by overwhelming us with response.

• 9:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:44Dr. John Delony?

  And so if you have a wife who you described to me as amazing, as trustworthy, she loves you, and she takes the phone in the shower, I mean, into the bathroom

• 9:57Dr. John Delony?

  and

• 10:01Dr. John Delony?

  your body starts screaming at you,

• 10:04Dr. John Delony?

  I would challenge you that that's your thing to solve.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:11Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? So be honest about your, like, when your body just goes to, when it sets off, I, I, I tell people how you get two triggers. You get that first one that comes out of nowhere, like, dude, why am I so mad right now? Or why am I so scared right now? This freaks me out. The second one is, oh, we got a pattern here. I need to dig in and ask myself, is my body right?

• 10:32Dr. John Delony?

  And

• 10:33Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:34Dr. John Delony?

  Often triggers, it's because your body's working perfectly. It's been hurt before by some of these same feelings or thoughts or actions or things that you see, and it's just doing its job.

• 10:46Dr. John Delony?

  And healing from a trigger is coming to terms with, I wasn't safe then, but I am safe now.

• 10:54Dr. John Delony?

  And sometimes you sit with a therapist, I had to go do that. I went to a therapist for a while on very specific things. And sometimes you catch yourself in the middle. Sometimes you write down your triggers, your fears, and coming up with a roadmap with your wife.

• 11:11Dr. John Delony?

  Because sometimes it's as simple as, dude, I have a, I've been cheating on so many times. If you're texting one of your coworkers, or if you're going to lunch with one of your coworkers, will you just let me know?

• 11:22Speaker 00

  Right.

• 11:22Dr. John Delony?

  It's not about you, it's about me.

• 11:26Dr. John Delony?

  I trust you implicitly, but my body runs for the hills. It would just give me a lot of peace if you just text me and said, hey, I'm having lunch with so and so today.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:35Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I'm saying? And if she loves you and knows she married somebody that's been hurt a lot, that's an easy, yeah, of course. And I recommend couples do that anyway, right?

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:45Dr. John Delony?

  I have lunch with all kinds of people, but I let my wife know if I'm having lunch with, with, with a woman or with other, you know, with multiple other women, I let my wife just know, hey, and it's, it's not even because I think I'm going to cheat on it or anything like that. I don't want her getting a text message from one of her friends that got it from another friend. That somebody took a photo of me. You know, you get what I'm saying? It's just a way to honor my wife.

• 12:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:10Dr. John Delony?

  But that just comes from a conversation.

• 12:16Dr. John Delony?

  And I'll tell you what I've done in the past, you can roll your eyes at this, you can be like, dude, I'm not doing that, that's stupid. I've written

• 12:26Dr. John Delony?

  people letters from my past

• 12:30Dr. John Delony?

  to say the things I want to say. And more importantly, at the end of the letter, I always say, I'm setting this brick that I've been carrying that you handed me, I'm setting it down, I'm never picking it up again.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:45Dr. John Delony?

  And then I throw the letter away, I shred it, I might throw it on a, on a fire pit out at my place, like, but I need to get that out of my body, because I'm going to stop letting 10-year, 20-year, 30-year demons haunt something great that I have right now. And that's just, it's literally just a practice.

• 13:07Dr. John Delony?

  But when it comes to learning to respect yourself,

• 13:13Dr. John Delony?

  I want you to be honest about, do you keep your promises to yourself in the very little things?

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 13:21Dr. John Delony?

  When you say you're going to work out tomorrow, do you actually do it?

• 13:26Speaker 00

  Um.

• 13:27Dr. John Delony?

  When you say you're going to make your bed in the morning, do you do it?

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, sometimes.

• 13:33Dr. John Delony?

  When your wife says, I gotta get up early tomorrow at 5:30, do you wake up at 5:20 and go make her a cup of coffee?

• 13:43Dr. John Delony?

  Like, finding a thousand little things, they're micro habits, dude, they're small. But finding a thousand ways where you keep your promises to yourself,

• 13:57Dr. John Delony?

  you become a man that you can count on, and you stop needing other people out in the world to tell you that you're good or you're okay.

• 14:08Dr. John Delony?

  That make sense?

• 14:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like that.

• 14:11Dr. John Delony?

  What does that look like for you?

• 14:15Speaker 00

  To start respecting, or having respect for myself?

• 14:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  I don't know, it's kind of maybe counting the,

• 14:25Speaker 00

  counting the small things that I do for myself, others.

• 14:31Dr. John Delony?

  I would love for you to keep a list of them for 30 or 60 days. Write them down.

• 14:38Dr. John Delony?

  Every way you're in service to yourself, so that you can spend the rest of your time serving others, I want you to start writing that stuff down. It may surprise you.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:49Dr. John Delony?

  I remember, I'll never forget this moment, sitting with a therapist, and I sat back, and my eyes got open real wide. And I remember her seeing me and saying, what just happened just there? And I had this moment where I looked at her and I said, I'm not a piece of crap.

• 15:11Dr. John Delony?

  And it was this, it just, it just, it was the most freeing weird thing. I didn't realize that that was the meta-narrative I carried around all the time.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  I guess that's true. I kind of see, I question, you know, why is she with somebody like me when I have these thoughts?

• 15:34Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 15:35Speaker 00

  I think that it's...

• 15:39Dr. John Delony?

  You think that it's what?

• 15:42Speaker 00

  I think that it's a good thing to do what you're saying. If I'm,

• 15:48Speaker 00

  if I'm thinking that, I just need to kind of open my eyes and see

• 15:52Speaker 00

  the things that I do.

• 15:56Dr. John Delony?

  And the things you do for others. And I want to take it one step further. You ready?

• 16:02Dr. John Delony?

  Once a week?

• 16:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:03Dr. John Delony?

  I want you and your wife, I don't care what night it is, sometimes me and my wife do it on Saturday morning, sometimes we do it on Sunday evening.

• 16:12Dr. John Delony?

  It can be Thursday night, it can be Wednesday, I don't care when it is. But once a week, I want you and your new wife to get together, and I want you all to do three things. Map out the week, calendar-wise. What do we got going on? How can we love each other this week? What's, what's work look like? You can put sex on the calendar, like, the daughter needs to go to soccer practice, whatever. Let's look at what's going on. The second thing is, let's plan financially, what's the week look like? And then the third thing is, you can come up with a cheesy name for it, you can come up with a funny name for it. But I want you all to exchange

• 16:47Dr. John Delony?

  things you all did for yourselves and things you did for each other. Say them out loud.

• 16:55Dr. John Delony?

  And that gets you out of your head, and it gets your eyeballs out of your own belly button, and you look up and you see, and you get to know this other person across from you.

• 17:06Dr. John Delony?

  Self-respect is a posture.

• 17:10Dr. John Delony?

  People who don't respect themselves are constantly staring at their own belly button, they're staring at the ground.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:16Dr. John Delony?

  Somebody who respects themselves looks up, looks out.

• 17:23Dr. John Delony?

  Does that make sense?

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. Thank you.

• 17:27Dr. John Delony?

  I, I, I need to circle back here before I let you go. What you said at the beginning, the question you asked me, I need you to hear me say, is a really advanced question.

• 17:38Dr. John Delony?

  Because what you're saying is,

• 17:43Dr. John Delony?

  I've got somebody new in my life, and the things she's doing

• 17:48Dr. John Delony?

  are setting me off, and it's not her fault. I've got healing work I need to do.

• 17:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:55Dr. John Delony?

  And man, that, that's, it usually takes people a long, long time to get there, because we all want the world to clear the deck for us, so that we're not triggered, we're not upset, we don't get our feelings hurt, we're not offended. And that's just not reality. The only thing you can control is how you show up in your own marriage, how you show up for that guy in the mirror. Are you a man that you, that you respect? And I believe you're on the path, my brother. Spend today writing down who's hurt you in the past, be specific with names. Spend today writing down, what are your triggers right now?

• 18:32Dr. John Delony?

  Spend some time writing down, what do you love about this woman you're married to? Let's get some clear action steps and get cooking. It's an honor to talk to you, my brother, I'm proud of you.

• 18:44Dr. John Delony?

  You're going to be a great husband for this woman, and you're going to be a great man for your community. We come back, a woman asks how to support her husband when he shares all the negative parts of his day.

• 18:56Dr. John Delony?

  Have I been there? We'll be right back.

• 19:01Dr. John Delony?

  All right, I know it's uncomfortable. So many of you avoid talking about life insurance, because it forces you to imagine things that nobody wants to think about. I get it. But here's what you need to remember. Life insurance is not really for you. It's protection for the people you love and who love and count on you. I recommend term life insurance from Zander Insurance. When a family loses someone they depend on, the last thing they need is the financial chaos and wonder and confusion on top of the deep grief. People don't always realize how much they carry for their family every day. Childcare, meals, transportation, paying bills, holding

• 19:41Dr. John Delony?

  everything together today and into the future. Term life insurance helps protect your family, so they can focus on grieving and healing and not scrambling to figure out money. I've used Xander long before I had a show, because I trust them. And Xander makes the process simple. Their team shops top-rated companies for you. Xander works for you, not the insurance companies. And they help you understand your options in plain language, and they help you find the coverage that fits your family and your budget, without pressure, without gimmicks, and without confusion. In these times, you don't need a sales pitch, you need protection for your loved

• 20:21Dr. John Delony?

  ones, and Xander's got you. Go to xander.com to get a quote today. That's xander with a Z.com.

• 20:30Dr. John Delony?

  Montana Knife Company has launched their first folding knife to Montana and it's incredible. I didn't think it would be this cool. It is this cool. I've been telling you about Montana Knife Company's fixed blades for hunting and cooking and everything else you need knives for. And now they took that same 30 years of craftsmanship and precision and they brought it to a folding knife and nailed it. They did an amazing job. This is the ultimate everyday carry blade. And here's what I really love about Montana Knife Company knives. These are working knives made by people who actually use them right here in America. I recently was at dinner with Josh Smith, the founder, and he personally walked me through the details of this new Montana knife and several of their other knives.

• 21:15Dr. John Delony?

  Josh Smith is one of just over 100 master bladesmiths in the world and the quality of all of his knives prove it. The Montana is the pocket knife perfected. And like all Montana Knife Company knives, this is something your grandkids are going to fight over years from now. If you've never shopped at Montana Knife Company before, you need to know that all of their knives sell out fast because they're handmade and supplies are extremely limited. So head over to mkc.com to check out what's available right now. And while you're there, sign up for email and text alerts to be the first to know about upcoming product drops, restocks, and new releases. That's mkc.com.

• 21:57Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go to Portland, Oregon and talk to Sarah. Hey Sarah, what's up?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Hi, Dr. John. Thank you so much for taking my call. I'm trying not to be super nervous.

• 22:07Dr. John Delony?

  No, you're all good. I'm glad you're here, man. What's up?

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Okay, my question is, how do I support my husband when he comes home and just talks about all the negative things that happened during his day as a business owner?

• 22:27Dr. John Delony?

  I gotta tell you, this is probably top two or three most common concerns frustrations I hear from wives, especially all over the country.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Really?

• 22:37Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 22:39Dr. John Delony?

  The research says that women have three to five friends and that men generally have one and it's their wife.

• 22:46Dr. John Delony?

  The research also tells me that women, this is my words, not the literature's words, but that there is a trash can or dumpster effect.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:56Dr. John Delony?

  Where husbands come home and, and by the way, wives do this too, especially in dual income homes, but just for your situation, comes home, you're there, dumps all of the trash from the day onto you.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:09Dr. John Delony?

  And then goes on about his life.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Hundred percent what's happening. Yep.

• 23:12Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. And then, let me guess, you say, hey, is there anything good happening?

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:17Dr. John Delony?

  And then he says, well, I guess I can't tell you anything then.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:22Dr. John Delony?

  I guess you don't. Yeah. And then he shuts down and withdraws and then he, then you feel like you have to go manage his feelings like you're his mother.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Yep. It's like you've dealt with this before.

• 23:34Dr. John Delony?

  Well, A, I've been that guy and B, yes, a million times. So here, like, without talking to him, I can almost guarantee you with 99.9% certainty, he is one of the millions and millions of men who is literally dying from loneliness.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Yep, that's probably true.

• 23:56Dr. John Delony?

  He has no other men in his life.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Yep. We're both bad about having close friends, but yeah, yeah. He probably does actually better than me reaching out to his guy friends where he doesn't hang out with them enough. And lately I've been really encouraging him to do so.

• 24:11Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. The hard part for you is you can only control you.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  True.

• 24:19Dr. John Delony?

  And I'll give you some, some tips that me and my wife have used over the years and some ways she's encouraged me and really some strong boundaries we've drawn for each other. Okay?

• 24:36Dr. John Delony?

  The first one is she is by far my biggest supporter and encourager for getting out of the house and going to do stuff. Even when, going to do stuff with other people, even when that puts the majority of that day's burden on her.

• 24:56Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:57Dr. John Delony?

  And so if I'm like, hey, I'm going hunting with this guy or I'm going fishing with this guy or me and this dude are going to go to a concert or me and this guy are going to go run to another city and do a comedy show, she's the first one to be like, awesome.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:10Dr. John Delony?

  Because she gets a much better version of her husband when he's got male friends in his life.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 25:17Dr. John Delony?

  All right. That's number one. Number two, she had to draw, and mine was from both all of the higher ed work as higher ed was falling apart, still is falling apart, and my crisis work. She finally said, I can't hear all of this.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:36Dr. John Delony?

  And then I threw a pity party and I shut down and I went crazy. And so at some point you have to let, I don't know how to say this, you have to let nature take its course.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  Meaning?

• 25:50Dr. John Delony?

  Meaning at some point you have to draw the boundary that protects you and also say, I don't want you to withdraw.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:00Dr. John Delony?

  You can't sit there and be a grump.

• 26:04Dr. John Delony?

  You can't mope just because I won't let you be, I won't be your trash can.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Yep. I've kind of had that conversation, you know, taken from your words, from the podcast and all that. But, and he's gotten better, but then he feels like, well, I can't talk to you about anything. It's like.

• 26:22Dr. John Delony?

  All right, here's the third thing. It probably was once every two or three days. Now it's probably once or twice a month.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:30Dr. John Delony?

  And both of us exchange this because my wife's got her own life. Hey, I got some just heavy stuff I gotta say out loud.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:38Dr. John Delony?

  Can we find a time this week to talk?

• 26:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:41Dr. John Delony?

  And then she's like, absolutely. And what that does is it gives her a chance, I like to think of it like exercise. It, it gives her a chance to go get on her exercise clothes, get in a frame of mind that she's going to go work out and be ready for what I'm about to dump on her.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Oh, that's good. Yeah.

• 26:56Dr. John Delony?

  Versus she's got an armful of groceries, my daughter's hanging on her, she's exhausted, she has her own work that she's got to do. And I'm like, guess what happened? Right?

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Yep. Yeah, that's a lot better.

• 27:10Dr. John Delony?

  And sometimes it was, it's her catching me and saying, and by the way, I do this back, but I like to uplift my wife and make myself the butt of most of these jokes or these stories. But sometimes she'll catch me when I'm starting and she'll say, hey, can we do this at 8:30?

• 27:28Dr. John Delony?

  Done.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:30Dr. John Delony?

  And then I get to choose. Don't want to sit there and watch YouTube reels of whatever episode of some guy playing a guitar solo that I can't play or I want to connect with my wife. All right. I get to choose.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's a good point.

• 27:43Dr. John Delony?

  But that's her saying now's not a good time to work out. I'm still in a suit and I'm got dinner and whatever. Can we do this at 8:30? And that's, that's a, it's a path for me. Right? It's her giving me a roadmap.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 27:57Dr. John Delony?

  Now let me ask you this. Underneath the, all the bad stuff that happened at work.

• 28:06Dr. John Delony?

  Is there some real stuff that he's worried about?

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Oh, probably. Yeah.

• 28:12Dr. John Delony?

  Here's what I mean. Is he just working a job? It's the day in, day out, boss is annoying, customers are annoying. I can't believe we have to fill out this TPS report, right? Or is it?

• 28:25Dr. John Delony?

  Like dude, I'm on a sinking ship. I'm scared about the future here. Right? So you get what I'm saying? Because one of those is just going to be perpetual and ongoing and we need to establish some really significant boundaries in our house, some paths for each other. The other thing is underneath the garbage he's dumping on you is a man saying, I'm scared to death and I don't have anyone to talk to. Please help.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Man, it could be both.

• 28:50Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Maybe, maybe the first one, because I feel like, you know, he's a, well, he's a business owner now, but it's always kind of been the same pattern. We've been married, we've been married 12 years now. So I've noticed a pattern that, that, not the complaining about work, but you know, the dumping of, of the day and on, on to me. So, but it could be also the other, other part too, where he's scared too, and he feels like he's not where he should be in life.

• 29:25Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So this is going to sound crazy and possibly even unpopular. So don't read the comments on this episode. Okay? They won't be directed at you. They'll be directed at me.

• 29:40Dr. John Delony?

  I want you to consider an alternative track.

• 29:44Dr. John Delony?

  And that is, I'm going to send you the Together app. I built it just for this moment. Okay? A thousand.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  We have Androids though.

• 29:52Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, boo lame.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  I can't wait till you go with the Android version.

• 29:59Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, the nerds are working on it. Trust me. They are.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 30:02Dr. John Delony?

  Trying to figure out how to talk 18th century conspiracy theorist for the Android people.

• 30:12Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way, I've got family members using Androids. So relax, internet people. All right. So.

• 30:22Dr. John Delony?

  It may be that you can love him well with a thousand tiny things from the floor up. Here's what I mean.

• 30:34Dr. John Delony?

  When he stumbles into the shower in the morning, hopefully he does that, there's a note on the mirror that just says, "I'm so proud of you."

• 30:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 30:44Dr. John Delony?

  There's a note on his truck.

• 30:47Dr. John Delony?

  Uh, steering wheel. It just says, "I'm glad you're, I know you're going through something right now and I'm glad to be your wife."

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Oh, that's good.

• 30:56Dr. John Delony?

  A cup of coffee. If you know, if he's like, "Dude, I gotta get up at 7:00 AM tomorrow, 6:00 AM tomorrow." Just once in a while, get up at 5:45 and make him the coffee the way he likes it.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:07Dr. John Delony?

  And like there's, it's a thousand little things. And the reason people get upset is, and I, and I get the sentiment. I get the sentiment, which is, I'm already getting dumped on. I'm already dealing with what could be on certain days, a giant toddler. Who's emotionally unregulated, has no friends, who's making bad financial decisions, whose business is falling, but whatever the thing is. And you're asking me to go do a bunch of other little things too? And what my answer is, is if he's hurting right now, yes.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can do the little things. Yeah.

• 31:42Dr. John Delony?

  And connecting once a week, how can I love you? Connecting once a week and saying, "Hey, I know you're struggling in your business. I want to talk about our household finances."

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Hmm, that's good.

• 31:51Dr. John Delony?

  And then you going first and saying, "I don't feel safe with how much money we owe."

• 31:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:56Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 31:57Dr. John Delony?

  "I want to sell my big suburban and buy a car with cash. That's a piece of crap." Because I would rather not owe anybody any money than be comfortable with a depreciating asset that spends 23 and a half hours of its life sitting in our driveway.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:12Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I'm saying? Like, it's you saying, "Here's how I feel in this house. How can we do this thing together?"

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's good.

• 32:21Dr. John Delony?

  Is that fair?

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally fair.

• 32:24Dr. John Delony?

  And then the last weird thing is often like when couples, when somebody calls me and says, "My spouse won't go to counseling." I always tell folks, "You can go."

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Oh, true.

• 32:34Dr. John Delony?

  Um, and so for you, similarly, he may not want to go hang out with other people right now, but I'm going to challenge you to find one friend, two friends, 10 friends, I don't care. And go do something with friends at night, once a week.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 32:51Dr. John Delony?

  Set the rhythm that I'm leaving the house and to go have friends and hang out. Give him a picture of what that looks like.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:04Dr. John Delony?

  And for God's sake, don't invite your girlfriends over and their husbands and be like, "Y'all are going to be friends." They will not be friends. They're not going to. Cause they're all going to have Apple phones and be like, "Oh, wow. Cool. Are we gonna, are we gonna, are we gonna churn butter too?" And here, whatever.

• 33:21Dr. John Delony?

  Can we go see your, go see your chickens out back? I'm just, I'm totally kidding. Totally kidding. Relax, internet people.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  That's awesome.

• 33:28Dr. John Delony?

  But, but your, your situation is super, super common. And it stems from lonely, lonely husbands.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:36Dr. John Delony?

  Lonely men. And it's an epidemic. It's killing them. It's killing them. It's killing them. It's killing us.

• 33:44Dr. John Delony?

  But you can only control you at the end of the day. So thanks for the call. Thanks for loving him. And also thanks for having the courage to just say, "Dude, I don't want to get trash dumped on me all the time." Thank you so much for the call. Um, when Android comes out, we'll hook you up. When we come back, a man asks how to balance his excitement about expecting their first child, while supporting his wife who's terrified of losing the pregnancy. We'll be right back.

• 34:10Dr. John Delony?

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• 34:52Dr. John Delony?

  making you less vulnerable to personalized scams and spam. Delete Me keeps monitoring and removing your information throughout the year. And they send you reports showing you what they've found and what they've removed. They've saved me hundreds of hours so far. Listen, giving your information away is sometimes unavoidable, especially when you're buying stuff online. But Delete Me helps you take back control. Go to joindelete.me/deloney and get 20% off an annual plan. That's joindelete.me/deloney.

• 35:26Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Toledo, Ohio and talk to August. Hey, August, what's up?

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Hey, Don, how's it going?

• 35:32Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good, brother. How are you, man?

• 35:34Speaker 03

  Very good. Just trying to beat the heat out here this summer.

• 35:37Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, it's a wild one. It's hot, hot, hot here in Tennessee, man.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's scorching up here.

• 35:43Dr. John Delony?

  So what's up?

• 35:45Speaker 03

  So, um, calling in today, my wife and I found out, uh, early May that we were expecting our first child. Um, and so we're super excited about that and also trying to balance a little bit of a fear of hers of having a miscarriage at any point in the pregnancy.

• 36:05Dr. John Delony?

  So how far along are y'all as of this call?

• 36:09Speaker 03

  Uh, so we are nine weeks, um, today. And to not bury the lead, we had our first ultrasound appointment yesterday.

• 36:17Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Everything's, everything's good to go?

• 36:20Speaker 03

  Everything is good to go. It was, uh, you know, saw the little heartbeat flutter around and was a huge sigh of relief for my wife.

• 36:28Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Um.

• 36:29Dr. John Delony?

  Congratulations, guys.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Super thrilled.

• 36:34Dr. John Delony?

  Have y'all told anyone yet?

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Uh, we've told her immediate family and my immediate family. And then she has a cousin that's same age as us and, um, having a kid too. So, um, kind of sharing in the same life realm there.

• 36:50Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. So, uh,

• 36:53Dr. John Delony?

  there is an exhale statistically speaking after the 12th week, right? So it's kind of, there, there is, I don't know the way around it. Um, my wife and I went through three miscarriages and

• 37:08Dr. John Delony?

  like I, they're just as a exhale after that 12th week, right? And you kind of get out of that first, um, you know?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, the first trimester.

• 37:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that just, I'm trying to think of the right words, not to sound old, not medically, but like, yeah, just that, that first, yeah, trimester. I'll, I'll just say that. Um, so

• 37:30Dr. John Delony?

  what is she worried, is, let me ask you this, does she know somebody who's struggled with miscarriage before, who's experienced this? Or is it just her recognizing how bad she wants this and she's just trying to, there's just an anxiousness about it?

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it's a little bit of both. Um, I know her, she's the first of, uh, three kids in her family. And her parents have told us, you know, they struggled for a while before, um, before she was born. And I know her mom had at least one miscarriage and my mom had a miscarriage. So she's got a little bit of fear of some family history. And then a couple of friends that we've known have, um, two different friends have had miscarriages. And, you know, the same like real early stages. Um, so, and then we've, you know, we're, we're about to celebrate our four year wedding anniversary. And we've been, you know, together for 11 years before, um, before our wedding. So spent a lot of time together and talked about like all through, you know, our high school sweetheart phase and stuff like that.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  And, and like, it was even a fear kind of then like of, you know, how much that she wants a family and wants, you know, healthy, happy kids and, um, and wanting to be able to provide that.

• 38:44Dr. John Delony?

  So how can I help you, brother?

• 38:47Speaker 03

  So, um, obviously the appointment went well and everything yesterday. I just, I, obviously this is our first child, my first child and everything. And I just want to be able to, I don't know if that situation ever comes along with, with this child or any others, um, you know, what the, what the next, the right next step is, if, um, something like that happens.

• 39:11Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, it's rare for me to say this, um,

• 39:17Dr. John Delony?

  but I'll cross that bridge when you get there. And hopefully you never have to.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 39:23Dr. John Delony?

  Um, I think it's Brene Brown. I love the way she says this. Spending time dress rehearsing tragedy feels like a hedge. It feels like a way to prepare for it. And with the loss of a child, the loss of a loved one, there are some logistical things, right? So if you have an aging parent, you want to make sure there's a will, you want to make sure they've got care, all that. There's like, there's, there's the nuts and bolts, right? Logistics, the business side of it.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:49Dr. John Delony?

  But there is no, there's no way to prepare. And what you end up doing is you sacrifice the present as in exchange for this bad thing that might happen. And I've heard this time and time again. It doesn't protect you from how bad the hurt is. And so the thing to do on this side of the fence is to acknowledge that fear. Her body's working perfectly. Okay. She's not broken. She's not messed up, whatever. And you, if you don't have that same fear and you're super excited, you're not broken either. It's just experiencing this thing together.

• 40:30Dr. John Delony?

  And my hope is that you're able to sit down and say, "I'm really excited." Can you hold that with me? And she can say, "I'm really excited so much it hurts and that hurt leads me to being scared that this excitement is going to be for nothing. Will you hold that with me?" And both of y'all can say, "Absolutely."

• 40:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. And we kind of had a, when she first told me, she took a test alone and then we, um, when I came home from work, she told me, um, you know, we were super excited and lots of emotions and everything. And, um, when, just after she kind of said that was a quick like, well, what if, you know, what if I have a miscarriage? Like what if it doesn't actually come true?

• 41:13Dr. John Delony?

  Here's your answer. I'll be right here.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:18Dr. John Delony?

  I'll be right here.

• 41:22Dr. John Delony?

  And there's, there's not like, we'll get through this, like, I will, I will walk with this, with that through, I'll walk with you through that. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

• 41:35Dr. John Delony?

  Right now is a season for rejoicing and for having fun and for celebrating and being excited. And I think our whole culture says, hey, if you get too excited about something, the other shoe's gonna drop. And I've just come to terms with what I, I'm a, I'm really bad about that personally. I don't want to get too excited about this thing that's happening right now because like whenever I, when people ask me like, hey, how's the show going and our old friends, I run into old friends and like, hey, how's your show going? I see you everywhere, yada, yada. And I say, ah, it's going great. It's just, it's wild, it's fun. And then I always hedge it with, but it's gonna end as, as fast as it started. Like I always put a little thing out there just in case, right?

• 42:20Dr. John Delony?

  And all that does is rob me of

• 42:25Dr. John Delony?

  the joy that is what it is right now. Right? And so the, the answer is yeah, if that comes, I'll be right here.

• 42:36Dr. John Delony?

  And then there's not a lot more to say after that. Right? But inviting her, hey, you want to talk about it? How are you? Tell me how you're doing. Are you excited? You nervous? You scared?

• 42:46Dr. John Delony?

  And there's something powerful about saying, I'll hold that with you.

• 42:51Dr. John Delony?

  And can I share with you what I'm excited, nervous and scared about? Will you hold that with me? And there may be days when she's like, I can't hold it all. And that's awesome. You'll carry the water. And there might be other days when you are just stressed out of your mind, you're, you're freaked out. I don't know what, I don't know what we're doing. And she'll carry the water.

• 43:10Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I'm saying? There's a powerlessness that comes over most new parents. When they realize, oh, my heart is leaving my body and it's going to exist out in the world.

• 43:23Dr. John Delony?

  And I can't control everything. It's a scary, it's a scary realization that happens. And then you look down at civilization and it's like, well, somehow we figured it out. And so here we go, right?

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:36Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, I'm, I'm smiling right now as I'm talking to you. I'm so excited for y'all.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. We ride the roller coaster of emotions often.

• 43:45Dr. John Delony?

  That's it.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  A lot of times, but yeah, yeah, no, I'm not jumping off.

• 43:49Dr. John Delony?

  Nobody gets hurt on a roller coaster unless you jump off. That's right. That's right.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Right. Yeah. So, yeah, just, just enjoying it. And I don't know, you know, there's days they sit down and talk after work and it's like, I don't, I don't feel any different. Like I, like I have to remind myself almost that we're having a kid soon and it's

• 44:06Dr. John Delony?

  Well, and, and by the way,

• 44:09Dr. John Delony?

  The most important thing y'all can do is establish a rhythm of having those conversations. Because this is impacting her in a radically different way than it's impacting you. And you're going on with life as though it's going on and

• 44:27Dr. John Delony?

  she's got morning sickness and she's exhausted all the time and her pants suddenly don't fit anymore. And like, you get, I'm saying like, she's got this re, every day, something is changing and you're like, ah dude, I guess the electric bill wants, has to get paid again this month, right? And so then all of a sudden they hand it to you and you're like, oh gosh, it's here. Right? And so establishing a rhythm of, hey, how are you? How can I love you this week? How are you? How can I love you this week? Establishing that rhythm now will get you both through this radical transformation. Y'all about to have a brand new marriage, a brand new relationship. You've been together 11 years and you got married. You've been together

• 45:09Dr. John Delony?

  for four, 13 years y'all been together. All of that is prelude to what comes next, my brother. And that's awesome. Y'all just get to decide what that marriage looks like.

• 45:22Dr. John Delony?

  And even sitting down and y'all planning and dreaming, what's your picture for the day we bring this baby home?

• 45:30Dr. John Delony?

  And maybe she says, I don't want to have that conversation until after week 12. Cool. We'll file it away. I'll put on the calendar.

• 45:37Dr. John Delony?

  Like, what's your picture? Can you make that thing come true for her? It'd be awesome.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure.

• 45:43Dr. John Delony?

  I blew that with my, with my son. I hit it out of the park with my daughter.

• 45:48Dr. John Delony?

  I didn't even think to ask that question when my son came home. I was too worried about myself, too selfish.

• 45:54Dr. John Delony?

  What's your picture of the first week? Who do you want in the room? Right? Like all those kinds of things. Let's just like, let's just have those conversations and dream together.

• 46:05Dr. John Delony?

  I'm excited for you, man.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's fun. And we enjoyed kind of just sharing it with ourselves for a couple of weeks and then I kind of shared with our family around Father's Day. So it was, it was super exciting.

• 46:20Dr. John Delony?

  Very cool.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Been a fun, fun couple of weeks.

• 46:24Dr. John Delony?

  If, um,

• 46:27Dr. John Delony?

  if the worst happens, call me and I'll have you back on. Okay.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 46:32Dr. John Delony?

  And I've walked with a whole bunch of people and I've been through it personally. So I'll walk you through it, but I wouldn't take from the present moment right now.

• 46:41Dr. John Delony?

  Let's spend our time like planning for the stuff, the changes that are coming, for the changes we don't even know that are coming. And let's spend our energy not trying to hedge just in case the thing happens, it's negative. Let's just spend time being recklessly excited and overwhelmed, enjoyed. And let's, let's don't jump off the roller coaster. Let's stay on.

• 47:04Dr. John Delony?

  Cause man, y'all are in the ri, y'all are, y'all are in the ride of your life. Appreciate the call, my brother. We'll be right back.

• 47:11Dr. John Delony?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right. So my friends at BetterHelp just released their annual state of stigma report. It's full of all sorts of data about mental and emotional health, and it also looks at why people avoid getting help for their mental health. Here's a data point that stood out to me. More than three out of four Americans reported anxiety or depression symptoms in the last two weeks. If that's you and you're carrying stress, anxiety, or depression, or symptoms of those things, just talking with someone can help more than you realize. I want you to reach out to BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that matches you with one of their 30,000 plus licensed therapists based on your goals and your preferences. It's easy and it's super convenient. You

• 47:55Dr. John Delony?

  can message your therapist and schedule sessions right in the platform. And if the first therapist you're matched with isn't the right fit, you can switch at any time for no extra cost. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. If you're struggling, reach out. Visit betterhelp.com/deloney and get 10% off. That's betterhelp, H E L P dot com slash Deloney.

• 48:19Dr. John Delony?

  All right, we are back. Dude, sad day, man.

• 48:23Speaker 04

  I know. For those that don't know, so Blake, Blake Thompson, who has been here at Ramsey for 30 years.

• 48:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, he's the head of the network.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  Head of the entire network. He's a guy that hired me 14 plus years ago. Um, today was his last day.

• 48:37Dr. John Delony?

  Today's last day, he's retiring. He's calling it.

• 48:40Speaker 04

  For those kind of little inside baseball, we actually paused during the recording of the show after the second call and went to the area where we all work and did a clap out and everything. And he spoke and it was, yeah.

• 48:53Dr. John Delony?

  To watch him turn his, his key fob in was tough, man.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  It really was. When he handed that to Jenny, yeah, I, it's been a lot. I mean, like I said, he hired me 14 something years ago and he's, I've never known this place without Blake.

• 49:08Dr. John Delony?

  No, it's never been without him.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  No.

• 49:10Dr. John Delony?

  They don't make guys like him anymore. And what I mean by that is, this level of insane loyalty and insane caring about people combined with a reckless fearlessness. When the Ukraine, Russia thing kicked off, dude hopped on a plane and went out there. It was right in the middle of the war zone. He goes a couple of times a year. He gathers money from his friends, literally, and he goes over to Pakistan and him and some buddies have figured out how they can buy contracts to free families like who've been generational slavery.

• 49:54Dr. John Delony?

  In the middle of the Middle East, he's like, yeah, dude, there's hurting people. I'm going. And that's how that dude rolls at a, at a gas station. That's how that dude just like, oh, we gotta hit that dude. I'll go. Yeah, that's him. He's the guy that, that introduced me to Turnstile, took me to my first Turnstile show, broke his rib in the mosh pit. He's in his mid 50s because he didn't give a crap, dude.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  He is also very much part of the murder podcast group here. So that tells you a lot, you, a lot of things right there. Um, yeah, we've,

• 50:25Dr. John Delony?

  He likes being on podcast threads with 40 other women. So there's that.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  We've seen a number of live podcasts together and recordings and such. Yeah, quite a few. And been doing like a couple of talks by, because we're dorks and like forensic doctors that we know that have worked on cases. Like we've actually gone to see them speak live and things like that. Yeah. And Blake has had more injuries doing things that no one his age should be doing since I've started here.

• 50:51Dr. John Delony?

  He has continued to inspire me with two words. I'm in. You want to go to a crazy show? I'm in. Whenever, uh, like, I think everybody on the show knows my favorite band of all time ever is Social Distortion. Their lead singer got throat cancer and looked like it was kind of over. Then he fought through it and then they had a reunion show in Vegas. I texted him, dude, you want to go to Vegas and see that, that might be the last time you ever see him. I'm in. And we flew to, I mean, we're too old for that, dude. And it's still, um,

• 51:25Dr. John Delony?

  oh, and we're sitting at, we're sitting at breakfast and he's like, dude, that's the bad religion bass player right there. I was like, no, it's not, he knows everybody. He knows everybody.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  Everyone.

• 51:32Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 51:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I mean, here in Nashville, everybody lives here now and, and he,

• 51:37Dr. John Delony?

  He knows everybody. Everybody knows him. He's, he's just like that, that line, like, I'm in, I'm down. Like, I want that to be my legacy. I want that to be on my, on my tombstone. Here lies Deloney. I'm down. Well, actually I don't want to be down at that point.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  Clearly you're, yeah.

• 51:56Dr. John Delony?

  I'd rather not, I'd rather not be down.

• 51:57Speaker 04

  It's, uh, it'll be weird to be here without Blake. Like I said, I've never, he's been my boss for 14 years and, um, I, gosh, he's walked with my family through, you know, cancer, kids being in the hospital. Uh,

• 52:10Dr. John Delony?

  You, just you.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. Just, that's a lot. Uh, but I've,

• 52:15Dr. John Delony?

  Your husband calls me, he's like, what do I do?

• 52:17Speaker 04

  What do I do with her? I don't know what to do. Yeah. And, um, he's, he is this place to me.

• 52:25Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 52:25Speaker 04

  He is the heart and soul of this place.

• 52:26Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. He's the heart and soul of the show. He's the one who got this thing off the ground for us. So shout out Blake Thompson. We love you, brother. Ride or die, my man. And lucky for me, Social Distortion will be in Nashville in August and you and I will be

• 52:44Dr. John Delony?

  with, with, with the kids down in the pit where we have no business being at our age. I'll see you there, brother.