Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Have you ever been fired from a job? Did it end up leading you to something better? Today, Jay sits down with comedian, podcaster, and former reality TV star Hannah Berner to explore her unconventional journey—from competitive tennis to stand-up comedy. Hannah shares how she’s mastered the art of pivoting, embracing change, and knowing when to walk away from something that no longer serves her. Hannah opens up about her struggles with performance anxiety during her tennis career and the surprising sense of calm she found on stage. Through humor and self-reflection, Hannah shares how life’s setbacks—like getting fired from reality TV—turned out to be unexpected blessings that helped her find her true purpose. Jay and Hannah also discuss the importance of trusting your instincts, quitting with confidence, and listening to your body when it tells you something isn’t right. Things get personal as Hannah opens up about love, marriage, and self-worth, sharing the importance of relationships should feel effortless and not draining. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Overcome Performance Anxiety How to Trust Your Instincts in Big Decisions How to Create a Career That Aligns with Your Personality How to Navigate the Challenges of Marriage and Long-Term Commitment How to Let Go of External Validation and Focus on Self-Worth How to Handle Criticism and Keep Moving Forward Whether you’re questioning your career, your relationships, or your purpose, trust that walking away from what doesn’t serve you is just as powerful as chasing what does. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there! What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:38 The Right Athletic Attitude 03:02 Becoming an Expert Quitter 06:40 Coach Yourself Out of Negative Self-Talk 12:18 Performance Anxiety 15:06 Moving Towards Your Calm 16:32 Finding Your Own Comfort Zone 20:06 Letting Go of Ego 24:37 People-Pleasing Tendencies 29:09 Fired by Bravo 30:46 Self Confidence or Self Worth? 31:30 A Different Kind of Revenge Mindset 34:31 Loving Your Own Story 38:44 Get Good at Planning Personal Breaks 41:07 Dealing with the Craziest Rumors 42:22 Mom Intuition is Real 46:34 Emotional Unavailability in Relationships 49:59 Modern Dating Struggles 53:36 Surprising Challenges in Marriage 56:50 What’s Your Love Language? 01:00:20 Find Your Superpower 01:05:43 A Message to Your Younger Self 01:07:54 How Do You Chase Your Dreams? 01:12:08 Hannah on Final Five Episode Resources: Hannah Berner | Website Hannah Berner | Snapchat Hannah Berner | Instagram Hannah Berner | TikTok Hannah Berner | X How to Giggle See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:45Jay Shetty?

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• 1:24Jay Shetty?

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• 2:08Jay Shetty?

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• 2:30Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jayshetty.me/tour and get yours today.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  I wasn't happy and I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. Right before I did my first ever stand-up set, I thought, oh no, I'm gonna start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame. And stand-up, I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before. It's kind of like why I try to fit into something that isn't right. So I urge people to find their calm.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  The number one health and wellness podcast.

• 3:46Jay Shetty?

  Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  The one, the only Jay Shetty.

• 3:52Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago. We had the best time. And if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny, extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time. Her name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, as if one wasn't good enough, Giggly Squad and Burner Phone, which have garnered over 100 million combined downloads. Hannah's video series, Han on the Street, has earned over 350 million views. And Hannah was named one of Variety's Top 10 Comics to Watch in 2023.

• 4:38Jay Shetty?

  She also just finished touring. Her solo stand up routine to sold out theaters across North America and Europe. And will embark on a club giggly national tour with co host Paige De Sorbo. The duo will release their book, How to Giggle, A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously. Via Simon and Schuster on April fifteenth, twenty twenty five. So lots to look forward to. And most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special. We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to the show, Hannah Berner.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  I think people got everything. I've nothing left to say.

• 5:13Jay Shetty?

  That's it. That's it. You've lived. You've lived. That's it.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  No, thank you for that. I appreciate it.

• 5:18Jay Shetty?

  It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year. I was learning so, all of my team are huge fans, like huge fans. And I was learning so much about you through them and they were just like, this is amazing, you know? And and just to see the incredible journey you've been on over the last eighteen months is amazing.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 5:35Jay Shetty?

  And I was gonna start by asking you like, have you always been this confident?

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. I think I always was delusional. Like, I I always was like bored without having like a dream. Like at like seven years old, I wanted to be a professional tennis player. And someone told my parents, like, she's too late to start. My parents told me like, you can't be a professional tennis player. Someone told us that. And apparently I cried all day. Like, what kind of passionate little seven year old was like, how dare they tell me I can't do that? And then I just was like, that's my dream. I just always wanted to. I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity, which could be very ego now that I'm looking back. But like, I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something.

• 6:23Jay Shetty?

  Had you ever played tennis before?

• 6:25Speaker 01

  I I still haven't played tennis since then. No. I was like, I was an athlete. I was an athletic kid and I think like I was the Serena generation. Like seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me? It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I do that? I don't know if it was intrinsically like my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me. And I just always was like, why can't me? Especially in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong. Whether it was like male dominated spaces or just like. Like places that I didn't think easily I could get into. I even, my dad has a story that we were ice skating once when I was like six. And all the girls were in the middle doing the jumps. And then everyone else is like scared, holding the rink on the outside. And I was like, I want to go to the middle.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  And he was like, you've never ice skated before. And I'm like, put me in the middle, coach. So I just always had that attitude. And it's, it's hard to always be chasing like lofty goals. But I think that's like the high that I like.

• 7:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. I mean, you reminded me of me ice skating when I was young. I was, I was like,

• 7:29Speaker 01

  I'm so bad, by the way.

• 7:31Jay Shetty?

  I could skate then and I couldn't stop. Like I didn't know how to slow down. So I would just fall when I had to stop. And now it's like, I'm the guy holding the side going.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  As you get older, you're like, this is an insane hobby to have.

• 7:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Like, there's so many things that can go wrong.

• 7:44Jay Shetty?

  Totally. I've, I've seen people like break their teeth and chip them and I've seen.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Fingers flying.

• 7:49Jay Shetty?

  Fingers flying. I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age. But it seems like you've channeled that into your career, right? Like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:58Jay Shetty?

  But, but before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things. Because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about, what you haven't.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  There's a lot of lives and like a cat.

• 8:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you, you've lived so many lives, but I feel you've been amazing at pivoting. And you've been like, what I, what I like to think of like an expert in quitting. Like you've been good at.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  You could say firing, you could say firing. You don't have to sugarcoat it. No, it's funny. I recently was like DMing an astrologer, as you do. And she was like, you're really about like rebirth. And you're all about like, things falling apart and then coming up like a phoenix. And I was like, why couldn't I have something easier be my purpose? But I've, yeah, I am, when I outgrow something or don't feel right, like I, I get out of it. And sometimes people get out of it for me when I don't have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore. But um, yeah, I've been, I had to quit, I quit tennis. So I felt like a loser, even though I spent my whole life pursuing it.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  And I played number one for the University of Wisconsin, full scholarship. Like externally, people were like, she's successful. Where in my head, I'm like, I'm a loser failure because I didn't win Wimbledon. And then I'm like, why did I do all that? And then I got into, eventually got into video production and I got fired from that job. And then I did reality TV and I got fired from that.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  And now I have a Netflix special, but it really, where some people might be like, oh, like you're getting fired. I really was like, I was finding myself every time. And, and the more you are connected to yourself, the more and honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself, the more spaces might not be right for you. I've never been good at just like blindly following. I don't like being fake. I can't pretend to be happy. Like my body will reject situations. The same with like relationships, like I can't, the second I'm like, this is not right for me. I like blurt it out, like, like it needs to come out.

• 10:03Jay Shetty?

  How will your body tell you that? Like, what's the?

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Anxiety. And it's funny, at first I was like, oh no, do I have bad anxiety? And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your intuition is actually really good. You just have to listen to it. But when you question it, that's when you, like, I've been in places where I'm like, I'm self sabotaging. But my body is just like, this isn't for you.

• 10:24Jay Shetty?

  That's so powerful. I love that you said that because I think we don't connect those two things. We see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Your body's protecting you.

• 10:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, totally, but it is signaling something. It's telling you something.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I feel like we can lie to ourselves a lot, especially when you're like mentally strong. And in tennis, you have to really suppress your minds. You have to be like, I'm not nervous. I'm not tired. I'm so ready for this match. And you have to like numb your, your inner thoughts. And as I got older, I realized, wait, I have to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right. And with tennis, I realized, looking back, all the success I have now is because of the tennis training I had. It really was part of who I am now. Like just because you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not going to make you better at something else. It's not like, oh, that was a waste, which I love to tell people. But also like, I love divorce.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  I love firing. I love leaving places that aren't right for you. And I feel like so many times you think you have to stay. I think the coolest part about life is tomorrow I could wake up and say, I don't want to do this anymore. And there's such a beauty in that.

• 11:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream? Like, if you think about it, when you think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're a comedian, you've lived a million lives in between. I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:56Jay Shetty?

  To I could have been, I should have been, if only I would have been. And that way, we never shift our lens. What allows you to be so positive about going, let me trust that that isn't for me and I don't fit in here? If people are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream hasn't come true, or they failed at their first dream.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:16Jay Shetty?

  How do you start believing in a second dream?

• 12:18Speaker 01

  It's so funny because everything is perspective. Like even me joking, like I did that, that was a waste and I didn't win Wimbledon and you laughed. Like, it's funny, but then it's also like, cut me up.

• 12:28Jay Shetty?

  Sorry.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  But it was like, when I was little, I was like, the fact you didn't win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit because that was 20 years of putting your heart and soul into this dream. But when I, when I started doing comedy, my career like ascended like abnormally fast. And it's, I tell people, I'm like, it's because I had a career before this to prepare me. And I approach comedy the way I approached tennis, but like healthier. Tennis, I was very hard on myself and I had the work ethic, but I didn't always practice smart. I was very like negative self-talk. And with comedy, I'm now like re-coaching myself in a new way.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  So I'm like, when you go on stage, you're going to be positive. You're not a loser when you mess up. And I get to speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken to in my past career. And I see so many people who are like sad because they're ending something. And I'm like, you're going to be so good at the next thing. And also.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  There's a lot of shame that comes with like when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to. But these are all just your own games you're playing in your head of what you should be. Because if I look back, I actually, my first love was like acting and being goofy. Like I loved drama class. I love painting. I loved creating. But I happened to be super athletic and that was where I was kind of pushed towards. And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you could make money doing what you love. I thought you had to be like a tortured athlete who was just like on the grind. And for anyone who's feeling kind of not having a purpose right now, think back to what you loved when you were a kid. And I know it sounds crazy, but like you can still be that kid and have that joy

• 14:18Speaker 01

  before society told you all these things that you should do to be successful. And I kind of realized tennis, there were too many rules and I like don't enjoy playing by the rules. Like I don't like staying in the box and tennis was all about like hitting in the lines. And stand up, I think I love because like I go on stage and no one can tell me what to do. And it turns out that's where I can be my most myself.

• 14:43Jay Shetty?

  I love that. You would have been that player smashing the racket.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Oh, I've done, I've broken rackets. I've definitely, you know, had like coaches that wanted me to change stuff about my game that I would try, but I didn't really believe it. It was a lot of like just trust your coach and don't listen to yourself. And it really, it made me who I am. And I actually couldn't watch tennis for years after. I was very like, it was like an ex-boyfriend. Cause it was the longest relationship I ever had. So, um, but now I like love tennis. Like I have it on all the time. I played a lot this summer to get fit and I was like, wait, it's, it's a part of me and it makes me who I am. And me calling myself a loser is just, that's a perspective you can take.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Or you can be like, by the way, I actually was really good at tennis back in the day. Isn't that cool?

• 15:32Jay Shetty?

  I can relate to you in so many ways, like my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way. Like I, I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving being a monk felt like a divorce at the time.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 15:44Jay Shetty?

  And because I felt like I was getting married, it was a commitment, it was something I was really excited about. And then now it's been 11 years since I've left the monastery and I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I too have lived so many lives in between that and this. I went back into the corporate world. I worked in a massive corporation with 500,000 employees and

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 16:05Jay Shetty?

  and all of what that looked like. And then I worked at a media company. I was at HuffPost for briefly. And so there's, I've lived so many lives and I couldn't agree with you more that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am. And aligned with how I want to express myself, who I want to be.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you can't just know it.

• 16:22Jay Shetty?

  You can't know it.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  You have to go through those trials and tribulations. Like I tried entertainment in so many different ways. Like I worked at a company. I did reality TV. Like I did a lot of things that I didn't. And I was like, doesn't really feel right, but I do like parts of it. So then you grow and you just take what you learn. That's why anyone who's having a tough time in their twenties, you're supposed to have a tough ti- like the twenties, everyone's flailing and you take that time. So by the time you get to 30, you're like, oh, first of all, I'm tired. I'm too tired to be like upset about things. And two, I kind of know what I like and what I don't like.

• 16:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Is it true that I've, I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car?

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:01Jay Shetty?

  Is that, is that like, I, because I couldn't really, I was trying to-

• 17:05Speaker 01

  I don't like say it that much because I don't want people to think I stopped tennis because I got hit by a car.

• 17:10Jay Shetty?

  Right, right.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  But my last year at University of Wisconsin, I was playing number one for the team and I kind of had this idea that if I had a great season, I would then go pro. And this season, it was, it was going pretty well. And then right before like the Big Ten Tournament, I got hit by a car going to practice. And it was like 7:00 AM, University of Wisconsin. It was like zero degrees. I had a big parka on and a guy hit me with a car. I'm lying on the ground and the first thing I thought about was like tell my coach I'm going to be late because I'm going to be in trouble because like he's going to be like, why is she not here like I was so it's almost cultish like you're just so obsessed with

• 17:52Speaker 01

  this team and doing your best and winning and I recovered after a couple of months, but I wasn't like my sharpest and I lost this is very sports talk, but I lost five matches in third set tiebreakers. So it basically means like I like one or two points were the difference in five matches. And if I had won those five matches, I would have like won all these awards. I would have probably gone pro. And for whatever reason, like these are really just these miniscule moments. I didn't win those matches. And I remember being like, I think the universe, like a person can only take so much. And I but

• 18:32Speaker 01

  the thing is, I could have kept playing tennis and I would have been fine. But I knew there was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living. And I wasn't happy. And I was burnt. And I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. And what's cool about the performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it in comedy too. And I didn't. Like, right before I did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh, no, I'm gonna get start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame and like judgment day, like whatever

• 19:16Speaker 01

  happens is gonna there's a lot weighing on it. And stand up, I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before. So I urge people to find their calm. It's kind of like, why try to fit into something that isn't right? And I do think I was playing for other people besides myself. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted my peers to think I was cool. And that's all you know when you're younger.

• 19:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, I like that idea of moving towards your calm. I mean, it's the same in relationships.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:49Jay Shetty?

  Like I had.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  You're so right.

• 19:51Jay Shetty?

  One of my friends, she's gonna hate me for putting it out there. I'm gonna do it anyway.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Anonymous.

• 19:54Jay Shetty?

  One of my friends messaged me the other day and she was just like, just went out with this guy. He was perfect. We had the same values. He'd be an amazing dad, but I just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did you feel peace? Did you feel calm? And she was like, felt so peaceful, felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a third date. Like you don't just write it off. And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned. Like we have this kind of allergic reaction when something feels aligned and something actually feels.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  You almost feel guilty when something comes easy. You're like, that's not how it's supposed to be. The dating stuff is so funny because I have a friend who like loves dating like drummers who were in jail. Like that's her thing. And she's gorgeous and like such a catch, but she loves these like projects to take on. And she recently met this guy and she was like, I love him, but like, I feel like he needs like a neck tattoo or something. And I was like, let's just take a breather, keep seeing him. Um, because yeah, there was this addiction to tennis that almost wasn't that healthy. Like I was addicted to the drama and the, the, just like the anxiety it was provoking in the highs.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  And I was actually still able to find those highs in comedy that was just like less torturous to me.

• 21:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher like, I, I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, I could do this or I could do this. Which one should I do?

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:22Jay Shetty?

  It's like a very common question that I get like, I'm passionate about this and I'm passionate about this. And what I hear, what you're saying to kind of decipher and. Divide the two is, well, maybe you're addicted to this and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here. And go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:41Jay Shetty?

  Less dramatic, less, like the highs really high and the lows really low.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:46Jay Shetty?

  Right?

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Yes. I mean, I'm kind of obsessed with, and by obsessed with, I mean, I heard about it once and I like it. Stoicism. Because that was not my life. It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player, you're like losing all the time. You're, or you're like, I'm the greatest that ever did this. Or you're like, oh, so I need to quit. And I think what I realized with tennis, and it was hard to admit, but I actually did not like the competition. But I thought that was just a problem that I had to overcome. I was like, you're, you're just not doing it right. And, but all the girls around me would be like, I actually hate practice, but like, I love the competition. And the competition is literally what it means to be a professional athlete.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  When it came to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going on stage. I live for the stage. Like, I'm more uncomfortable at like a group dinner, but if you give, because I'm like, when do I talk? Do I do less? Do I do more? But when I have a mic on stage, I know exactly what to do. And it's corny to say, but like, go towards your purpose and go to, and the calmness is where it's like, oh, this is where you're supposed to be. It's almost like with friend groups, like, you know, when you're with people and you just feel like, I'm saying everything wrong. I'm awkward. Oh my God, I hate myself. I'm so embarrassed. You could say those same things with the right people and you would feel like comfortable.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  So I feel like that with careers. So going back to your question of which one should I do? I literally did not like competing, but I liked, I was so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player and overcoming this, this performance anxiety and getting to the next level. And it's like, if you're going to do something for a long time and be good at it and want to be successful, you have to like it. I know that sounds so simple. People come up to me, they're like, I want to start a podcast. What should I do? And I'm like, do something that you would do for free and talk about for years.

• 23:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  You can't just do it because you're like, oh, I want to see my face on a chart. That's not, you won't make it. There's no longevity in that. They're also my people. I was going through a hard time with reality TV, actually. And I started doing stand up and I would tell people what I'm going through and the stand ups were just like making fun of me and seeing it through their lens, I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm and I started to relate to them. I'm like, wait, I think like these people. Finding community is a huge part of my happiness where tennis is very lonely.

• 24:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Everyone was my competition and comedy is lonely too, but I was able to find a community within it. It's interesting, I'm like figuring this out right now as I'm speaking because people will say like, it's not about money, it's not about fame, it's about community. But I'm a pretty like, I don't love partying, socializing, but comedy, I almost accidentally found people who accepted me, which I think has overall helped my day to day like happiness.

• 24:43Jay Shetty?

  You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow and it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills and challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But what most of us experience are the opposite. So we experience our skills being above our challenge. So we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills and then you feel depressed and you feel annoyed and you feel angry.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Out of control.

• 25:18Jay Shetty?

  Out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet. And I've always liked that idea. And how does competition look like as a comedian?

• 25:29Speaker 01

  To me, it was like arts and crafts. I was like, we're all just painting and like, I like your painting, you like mine. And I think some, some comics get really into the comparison game because it's easy to be like, why did they get picked for that? Or they get picked for that? And I think I don't have an ego with comedy because I'll be honest, I have an ego with tennis. Tennis was my everything. So comedy to me was something I, no one even anticipated me to be in. So I have a lot of gratitude and it's almost like because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have such a nice outlook in the comedy space. Every now and then, you know, I do have that like tennis voice that comes in.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  I remember before I shot my Netflix special, it started to hit me, the result voice that I had with tennis, which was like. Oh, your whole career is riding on this. And comedy, I consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying to be perfect on stage. It's about my energy. It's vibes. I always say, people don't remember the joke you said, they remember how you made them feel.

• 26:33Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  But then for the Netflix special, I felt like, oh, my God, this is like a final, like, I have to get every word right. And the perfectionist, like, tennis player started coming back. I, like, called my therapist. I was, like, getting a beta blocker. Like, I was, I started to get this crazy anxiety. And I feel like it was almost like, if you want to get to the next level, you have to face those demons that you thought you could just, like, leave by going to another career. I'm still the same person who was having trouble with tennis. So I was able to kind of battle some demons. I remember a quote that I loved that was like, what if you let your dreams come true? And I remember being like, I think you're not the same girl, actually.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  You've grown, you've matured, you're safer mentally. And right before I went on, I was very nervous. Right before I went on, I was like, you're in control. And your skills are ready for the moment. And I felt the same with Fallon, where I was like, you could go up and fumble all your words and blank out. Because that was what I would do on the court. I would, anything I was scared of, I would do, like, oh, no, I hope I don't double fall. I'd double fall. Like, it was so frustrating. And comedy has been a way for me to, like, just like a new avenue for me to express myself in a much more, like, safer, positive place.

• 27:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  But I have the same, like, drive and work ethic I think I had with tennis.

• 27:56Jay Shetty?

  I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it. Because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:05Jay Shetty?

  Like, the pros and cons of, like, if I stay in this job, what's it gonna feel like? If I quit my job, what's it gonna feel like? Or if I, if I start a podcast, as the example you gave, or if I do this, what's it gonna feel like? And the truth is, this is what you've got to move towards.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  And I also think we're told a lot, like, keep chasing your dreams, push through, don't quit. So I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually think that You know when you're supposed to get out of something. And I think I knew it with tennis when the wins, I was feeling nothing. It was like a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible. And then the wins, I wasn't even getting the highs anymore.

• 28:42Jay Shetty?

  You were just numb.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  So in my head, it's like, why am I doing this if I'm not even getting a high anymore? And I think that's when I knew like, we're not even chasing anything anymore. We're just at, we're just trying to stay afloat. And that's when you know, like, oh, the love is gone. And I also tell people, like, when they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you made the wrong decision, go back. Then no one's like, there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops, I messed up.

• 29:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  And sometimes when you give people the freedom to be like, you can go back.

• 29:16Jay Shetty?

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• 29:59Jay Shetty?

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• 30:42Jay Shetty?

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• 31:25Jay Shetty?

  Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Believe.

• 31:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder, what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked?

• 31:39Speaker 01

  I'm a people pleaser. And I think to be a comedian, like you, you want everyone to have like the best time ever, and that brings me joy. I think I have to thank reality TV, because my reality TV, my biggest fear was to be perceived not who I was. But when you're 26, you don't know who you are. Like, I remember I'd go into social situations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like, I want everyone to think I'm really funny and I'm really nice and I'm, and I care about them and I'm smart. And it's like putting so much fucking pressure on myself. Every time I'd interact, I wanted to be in control of everything. I was like a type A student and achiever. And reality TV, you give up control. My first two seasons were good. My third season, I experienced what people like tell you could happen,

• 32:24Speaker 01

  which is like, you lose the narrative and they're not showing your perspective anymore. They're showing it through like other lenses. And it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood. Like, there's one thing for tennis or comedy, for people to be like, I don't like how she played. I don't like her jokes. But to be perceived based on like, things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me. And I think I realized I also didn't have the heart for it. Like, I was too sensitive to be in a show that was about kind of like, who's good, who's bad, who we're rooting for, like WWE type stuff. Where I was like, it really is like sports for women of being like, let's, who we're gonna root for this season, who, who actually sucks that we didn't know.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  And that energy was, I, I was not good with it. And I got fired. And at the time, I was like, I got a talk show from it. And I was like, you just fucked up your chance. And also, I was confused because I was like, I was engaging with everything. I was responding to everything. I did everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't mathing, my like tennis mind of like, I worked hard, I'm doing well. And I got fired? If I didn't get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special. I also would probably not be in a healthy marriage. And I also would probably not feel like myself. So, but also when I got fired, I laugh, but um, ooh, I got a fire in me. And I think it goes back to that rebirth thing.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  I realized the one thing I can control, that I'm so proud of myself, is that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through with tennis, it was, I went through some bad stuff, like yips, like Simone Biles type stuff, not to that level, obviously, but I will bounce back. And I don't care what people try to do to me, or what happens to me. The cream will rise. Like, I'm kind of annoying, where like, I'm all about justice and I want everything to be in the right place and for everyone to be treated right. That's not life. But you're not a victim. You have to, again, have the perspective of like, just because I failed, just because I got fired, that doesn't have to define you.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  So I kind of got this silly idea where I was like, okay, I got fired from a reality TV show and didn't feel like my, I was shown to be who I was authentically. What if I became like the biggest comedian I could be? Which, again, not a normal thought someone should have. But that's, I always think big, like, that's how I've always thought. I really like, put the head down and... Was so motivated by the firing. Like, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't fired. And it wasn't like, oh, these people. It was like, I hear you, I see you. Let's find a new outlet. Even I remember after tennis, when I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that was like, walking around lost.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  And then finally, they put me in my lane. And I was like, I found my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane and then I could go.

• 35:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  And finding your lane is very fun. Cause you're just like self exploratory.

• 35:32Jay Shetty?

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• 36:15Jay Shetty?

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• 36:58Jay Shetty?

  How does Bravo tell you that you're fired?

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Over Zoom.

• 37:02Jay Shetty?

  Really?

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Well, it was during Covid. I think it was kind of like, you're not coming back. And I think it's hard because with a lot of people, your whole thing is about your story, which is like the ebbs and flows of evolving. And Bravo's very like, we'll break you down, we'll build you back up. So they kind of were like, and this is the end for you. So then it was like really in my court to be, no, pun intended, but to be like, where do I take this from here? And I learned a lot about like production, reality and unscripted stuff. That definitely helped me like do fun stuff and will help me do fun stuff later in my career.

• 37:36Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:37Jay Shetty?

  And how many people on this Zoom?

• 37:39Speaker 01

  I think it was me and two people.

• 37:41Jay Shetty?

  Okay, okay.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:42Jay Shetty?

  So it's quite intimate.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, it was, and it's also, you're getting fired for like being you. So it was pretty hurtful.

• 37:51Jay Shetty?

  Did you cry?

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And also you felt like you lost all the friends who the show was about. It basically was like, no one wants to be friends with you anymore. Looking back, it was such a blessing. And people kept telling that to me. They were like, you're so lucky. This is for a reason. And don't you hate that when you're going through it?

• 38:08Jay Shetty?

  It's the worst when you're in there.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Yes, this is for a reason. And I'm like, I need to make money. Like, I lost both my jobs. Like, I was on a talk show too. And I was just like, I have nothing. And I have a guy who I'm engaged to, who in my head was like, why would he want to be with me when I'm a failure? Because whenever I used to win and do well, people loved me more. So this was a really like pivotal moment of like, I had to love myself and believe in myself because like no one was going to fix it.

• 38:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What's the difference between self-confidence and self-worth? And how did you work on the latter?

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I think I realized that my power is how I deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity. And I think for people who deal with that in relationships, I realized like when you marry someone, you're dating someone. You're dealing with their life, which is full of ups and downs. So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect and easygoing and cool girl. Like, that's what I wanted to be, but like realistically, I just got fired. And you're finding someone who's gonna be with you through the highs and lows. And no one's life is perfect and no one's relationship's gonna be perfect. Who's gonna be in the trenches with you? And like, I found my person to be in the trenches with me.

• 39:19Jay Shetty?

  How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or revenge mindset creep in?

• 39:26Speaker 01

  I do wanna say I fully do have a revenge mindset.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  But my revenge is never to hurt people. They're already hurt. They're hurting you. Obviously, they're hurt if they tried to hurt you. It's like the classic quote, but like you being mad at them is just like you adding venom to yourself. And they clearly don't give a about you because they hurt you. I realized that people's hate towards me was because they saw something in me. And I almost took it as a compliment. Honestly, getting fired is, there's some star power to it. Like, there's a, and I'm not telling everyone, you know, get fired because you'll find your purpose. But it's like, I listened. I wasn't like trying to undo the past. I was like, I can't change what happened. I can only change going forward. And I think great athletes are like that.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  Like, you make a mistake and instead of harping on the mistake, that's not gonna help you in this next point.

• 40:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  And I dealt with a lot of depression, a lot of, you know, questioning, why, why, why me? I wasn't just like completely, you know, strong out of it. But I do think I have a lot of gratitude now. I even like, I went to some like hotel recently and someone was complaining about like how the hotel sucked or whatever. Something happened and I was like, I remember when no one would have even booked me. To be able to stay at this hotel to perform.

• 40:47Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  So the lows actually have given me the mindset for success.

• 40:52Jay Shetty?

  But also the right seeds planted in those lows. Because in one sense, that's what I was getting at, that if you had planted it out of this bitterness, I'm gonna show you.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 41:03Jay Shetty?

  You know, you'll realize how great I am when you do it from that perspective, which is natural, by the way. I'm not even judging anyone who has that intention. It's just that if that's the seed you plant, then even if you make it to that hotel, or make it to that podium, or make it to a Netflix special, you will never go sleep happy. Like, it's just not possible.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I meant by like, they never liked you, they're not gonna like you.

• 41:24Jay Shetty?

  Totally, yeah.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Like, everyone's dealing with their shit. But I do have to say, I don't forgive people. I'm not gonna be friends. Like, I learn from situations. But I also feel like my particular situation, like I was on a show about friends getting drunk and starting fights with each other. And I wasn't fitting in, and people kind of turned on me. And I was like, that's actually a compliment, that like, you weren't thriving in that environment. The friends that I've been able to make recently, like, I found the most smart, powerful, inspiring people, like, Ali Reisman, has she been on this pod? You have to have her on. She's incredible gymnast, who was like, the captain of the Olympic team. Was like, hey, I love your special, I'd love to get coffee.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  And I was sitting there talking to this girl, feeling so like, lucky that I can even like, understand how her brain works and be connecting with her. Again, you go back and you're like, thank God I got kicked out of where I didn't belong.

• 42:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you reminded me of a commencement speech that Federer just gave. And he was talking about how...

• 42:24Speaker 01

  I love him.

• 42:25Jay Shetty?

  He was talking about how he's only won eighty percent of games in his career, and he's only won just over fifty percent of points in those games.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 42:35Jay Shetty?

  And so he was like, I have to get so used to losing a point.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  I always say, as a tennis player, to win six-four, six-four, you lose forty percent of the points.

• 42:44Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  And it's, and I do think that tennis mentality helped me, like, when something bad would happen, I'd be like, yeah. That's part of the ride.

• 42:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  And I also do love storytelling. That's why like this pod is so fun for me. I love when the bad things happen because I am that person that's like, I can't wait to go on a podcast one day. And be like, I was fired and sad and then I, I rose from the ashes. And I do think people connect with me because they see like, okay, if she can do it, I can do it. And that's what I want people to feel because it's, it really is just your mentality. When you get up in the morning, you're just like, I'm not gonna let that past pain define me.

• 43:24Jay Shetty?

  When you're putting it into comedy, where's all the content coming from, the storytelling?

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Well, the funny thing about comedy is I definitely never wanted to be a standup comedian. And I think it was a blessing in a way that like I very have my own distinct voice and way I am on stage. Like I wasn't ever trying to copy anyone else. I didn't even think I was gonna get a Netflix special. So when I did, I was kind of just like, cool. And then I've been joking, I was like, what do you do next? Do another Netflix special? Like, how many Netflix specials does a person need? But it's been an interesting moment creatively because with a standup, after you do your hour, the materials burn, they call it. So unlike a singer who can like,

• 44:07Jay Shetty?

  Do they great hits?

• 44:07Speaker 01

  You write a great hit and you could do it forever. Like my, my hit is like my great hit. I love my like gun joke or my queef joke. I can't do that anymore. So now I'm doing these new material shows where it's basically like watching your favorite athlete start as a beginner. So I'm literally on stage being like, Cankles, are Cankles funny? Do we like Cankles? And I've had some insecurities being like, this is difficult. I went from a tried and tested like hour that I know every single moment what will happen and the laughs I'll get, to being just like feeling naked on stage. And my husband's been inspiring because he's like, you don't even know, like the special's gonna be better than the last one. So I think with comedy, I like that it keeps me on my toes. It keeps me, I don't feel.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Completely like I got this all the time. And I think it keeps me motivated because I feel so cha- I'm constantly learning about myself and challenging myself. Last week, I even, I went on stage just with a bunch of papers, which I've never done before. And just was like, let's see what happens. So, look, maybe I'm sick in the head as we're talking it out and I'm saying it out loud. But um, I like to put myself in uncomfortable positions and see how I can get out of it. I think that's what crowd work is, which is something that I've taken accustomed to.

• 45:23Jay Shetty?

  I actually think it's the only mindset, like if you know what you're gonna do every month, you'll end up living the same year again and again and again.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  And part of me is jealous of those people. I do have to say, there are maybe some like neurotypical people that are like, I wanna just like, like I wanna go to work, I wanna enjoy my friends, I wanna go home, and I'm so thankful for this life. And I'm envious of those people, like I wish that-

• 45:48Jay Shetty?

  Are you actually?

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Well, I, I think that they act are, are fulfilled. And then there's people like me who need some crazy shit to like feel alive all the time. And I definitely am neurodivergent, like I'm realizing now, like I do think I have ADHD in like a powerful way. Like when I'm doing a joke, I could like know what crowd work I'm gonna do next. And I'm also gonna do a callback to this joke, like I have a bazillion tabs open in my head. And I need constant dopamine hits. But it's, it's made me a creative and, and a performer. So I think like both ways of life, like you know, you see a kid and you're like, this kid is happy chilling. And then you see a kid that's just running around being chaotic and you're like, they're just different vibes.

• 46:31Jay Shetty?

  Totally, totally, yeah. And, and I feel like everyone's needing to balance out by doing the other.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:36Jay Shetty?

  Someone who lives crazy, a crazy life like you can find more joy from relationships and the simple things. And someone who's living a more, as you called it, a neurotypical life, also needs to find new goals and things to grow towards because both end up feeling out of balance and out of sync.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  Are you good at vacationing?

• 46:54Jay Shetty?

  I really enjoy it. I wouldn't say I'm good at it in the sense of- I don't like, I could go years and probably did in the beginning and then I got a bit better at it and then probably got bad at it again.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:05Jay Shetty?

  I'm okay at it, I'd say.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  I've recently, like this summer, after the special, I was like, take some time.

• 47:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  And like you're, you wake up and you're like, what are we doing?

• 47:13Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I'm good at that. Oh, I'm good at that. Once I'm there, I'm good.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Once you're there, you're good. I have, I find with vacationing or like giving yourself breaks, especially as an entrepreneur, cause it's always like when you're not working, you're just not like making money or whatever, you'll be like, okay, let's relax. And then it takes you like four days to relax. Then you're finally relaxed and it's like, we gotta go back home. And you're like, oh no.

• 47:34Jay Shetty?

  So yeah, I'm really lucky. I can like lock into any mode that I'm in.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 47:38Jay Shetty?

  Immediately.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Well, you meditate more than me.

• 47:40Jay Shetty?

  Correct. But, but finding the time to get away, that's what I was thinking. Like, I was like.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  You have to prioritize it.

• 47:46Jay Shetty?

  I'm not, I'm okay at that. Like sometimes I'm good at planning it out. Sometimes I'm not. I'm good at starting my year off, right? Like I always make sure that I start my year off in India, back at the monastery, taking time out. And I've done that every year religiously for the past seven years or whatever it is, maybe even more now. And that to me is like, I'm good at doing that.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  I heard that Dua Lipa always takes July and August off. I also, also could have started a rumor there, but I heard that and I was like, Dua Lipa's always like crushing it. And part of me like loved that. Not that it's like European or something, but I'm realizing in this life that like, no one's gonna make you take a break and you actually have to have the self-love. Even if you think you don't need it, to be like, you do need to have balance. And I'm a workaholic and I, I love the highs of it, but I've also been working on like, also when you're relaxing, like don't be mean to yourself. Don't spend the whole day relaxing, being like, you should have gone to Pilates. So it's you, yeah, creating the right narrative in your head of like

• 48:46Speaker 01

  that you're in the right space at the right time is kind of what I've been working on.

• 48:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Now that you've started a crazy rumor about Dua Lipa.

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Now you're interested. You're like, okay.

• 48:56Jay Shetty?

  No, I was gonna ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself?

• 48:59Speaker 01

  I mean, honestly, the biggest rumors were like stuff that would happen on reality TV. Cause like there would be scenes where the back of my head would say something to someone. And I was like, that was not what the response was. So it was like living with like moments that just didn't happen, that you had to kind of just like own. I didn't really own it. I, I would be like, no, it didn't happen. Everyone's like, shut up, stupid.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  But I think my support system has been really great. And I took it for granted, or I just, I have very small support system. So I never thought that I was like special in any way. But now I'm realizing like it really is quality over quantity. Like I always have that one best friend, my mom, my dad, my brother and my husband. Maybe a couple of other friends depending on the time. And I thought like, you're kind of a lonely bitch. But then these people are so special that I can call at any time and they get me so well that I'm, I'm realizing more like, oh, they got me through that. Like I could not have done it alone.

• 50:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  My poor mom, the calls she has to take.

• 50:08Jay Shetty?

  That's, that's so wonderful to hear though.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:10Jay Shetty?

  It's interesting, isn't it? Because I think as things grow also, you realize the different values of your community as well. As you get older, you realize the value that they play in different, you go through more, you grow through more. And so you rely on them for more things.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:24Jay Shetty?

  When you're a kid, maybe they helped you move to college or maybe they, you know, it's things like that. Whereas when you grow up, you're like, no, I just called you and cried. And I remember for me, it was like my mom saying something, I was going through a tough time and I don't really call my mom for advice. I never have.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:37Jay Shetty?

  She's always been loving and supportive.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  It's very guy of you. Like my brother will call my mom like once a month and I call her.

• 50:42Jay Shetty?

  I'm that guy.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  I'm like, I'm eating chicken nuggets.

• 50:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. That's my wife, like, my wife will call her mom like six times a day. And I've never, I literally call my mom once a month. And, and I remember my mom just like, once like we were on a call and I didn't tell her things were hard. But obviously she's my mom, she can sense that things were hard. This was like seven, eight years ago. And she just said like one of the most motivational things to me ever. And she never does that. So like, I'm not used to that from her.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:08Jay Shetty?

  And it was about me and about something in my past. I'll tell you off camera later. And it was just one of those things that I was like, no way. Like I didn't even know we had that relationship. Or you just gave me like a really big gift.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:20Jay Shetty?

  In my, I was just turning thirty maybe like at that time. And I couldn't believe that she said that to me then. And so I would never have realized that if I wasn't going through that point in my life.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 51:32Jay Shetty?

  And she didn't sense it. So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  It's so funny how heavy a mom's words could be.

• 51:38Jay Shetty?

  So heavy.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Like I remember I, I was in tennis craziness and I called my mom and I just was like, just dark. And my mom was like. You're not being yourself. And I was like, who, what do you even mean? And she's like, you're a lighthearted, funny, silly, like goofy girl. Like, that's who Hannah is. Like, I don't know who this is right now, but I'm just, you know, trying to figure out who I am as an eighteen year old. And looking back, I'm like, she's so right that I was, I was turning into someone I wasn't because I was just forcing things.

• 52:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  I also think with friendships and relationships, in your thirties, you start being like, I don't have time to force things. And also, why would I force anything? Like, me and you, for example, like, I feel like if I was like, I need Jay to like me, and like, was obsessed with like, connecting with you, who knows if that would have worked? But like, we naturally hit it off and we have a friendship where like, I feel like sometimes people will be like, if I, if I ask them to get coffee and I do this, I live my life, kind of like, put your energy out there and the right energies will come back.

• 52:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  Three authentic relationships are better than thousands of people that you're like, they wouldn't be there for me when I need to bury a body.

• 52:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like me.

• 52:55Jay Shetty?

  I was trying.

• 52:57Jay Shetty?

  I do message you.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  No, I do think it's just, there's vibes, there's good vibes.

• 53:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. And I, and I couldn't agree with you more. There isn't, I think tactics and hacks and things like that get you very, don't get you very far with humans. Like, they work on things, they work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and things like that, but they don't really work well with people.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  I also find with dating, I used to be like, if I construct the perfect text message, he's gonna realize that I'm fucking cool. I was so into, I'd get nervous and be like, if I say this, or like, I wasn't funny enough. And looking back, you're like, the emoji or not emoji did not change. Like, it's funny because my husband, he met me going, when I was in the middle of this like insane reality TV time, which arguably like, I was crying more than I've ever cried before. Like, that's not what it's like being with me. I'm, I have other issues, but crying was not a thing. So it's talk about like someone loving you at your worst. It's almost like he saw me as like an open wound and he loved me through that.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  So I joke now, I'm like, first date, get in a fight, like, like, start crying. Tell him all your trauma and like, if he can't with it, be on to the next one. Why are we pretending to be perfect for three years?

• 54:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  And then realizing you hate them.

• 54:14Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  I really thought that like, if I was perfect, perfect things would happen to me. And that's just not the game.

• 54:21Jay Shetty?

  So we've talked so much about like your confidence in these spaces.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:24Jay Shetty?

  How did it apply to your love life? Like, what was that like in relationship and dating? Were you as analytical? Were you able to make sense of stuff? Or in that area, were you like?

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Oh my God, it's so funny how everything's so similar. I was like tennis where like, even when I was like, could not hit a serve, I had this confidence that I could still win. And I did win a lot, but like, I always, I joke, like, I always think everyone loves me. Like I'm, I'll have friends, I'll walk into a room, like I, I have reversed biodysmorphia. Like, I think everyone's attracted to me. But I just had this confidence that no matter what was going on, like that I'll fall in love and I'll have the most amazing relationship and everyone's attracted to me and wants to be with me. And that was just what I put into the world. But I also had an ego with it where like, I realized that I would go after emotionally unavailable guys. Cause I wasn't ready, I was like, no one's rejecting me.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  Like, no one's rejecting me. And I'd go after like really good looking men who I didn't respect emotionally. So that if it didn't work out, I'd be like, he's fucking stupid. Like, obviously I didn't like him or like, they wouldn't make me laugh. Or like, I liked having hot men around me. And it is kind of, I always like male dominates spaces. I'm wearing a tie right now, but I kind of like, I thought it was powerful to be like a girl that like, could date a lot of hot guys. It's like, I didn't want to be fully seen either. And I finally, like, my husband is a guy who, very good looking, but I really

• 55:55Speaker 01

  respect emotionally. And he sees me, and he calls me out on stuff and is okay with all the things that come with me. And it was like scary and vulnerable, but it also felt really safe. Because I think it was with the right person. I have been in relationships where I felt confident, like this guy on paper is like, everything someone would want, like, girls probably look and go like, oh, yeah, he's great. But I didn't feel like myself. And I'm proud of myself. I got out of a relationship when I was younger, that like, other people were like, why would you leave that guy? But because when I was alone

• 56:34Speaker 01

  at night, I didn't feel like I was able to be myself with him. And I got out of it. And I realized, your partner, if they're not an asset, I don't mean it like we have to make everything great and life happy. No, if they're not enhancing and supporting you and who you are, there's no reason to be in a relationship.

• 56:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Someone said something kind of powerful, that the person you're with directly reflects how much you love yourself. Even though I was like, dating and confident, I wasn't like, really putting myself out there fully, because I didn't know if someone really saw me. They would be scary if they didn't love me. So I was like, well, I don't love them, I don't need them. But I honestly think, having a bad relationship that hurts your mental health is so nice, because, bear with me, you start realizing, I don't want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. It's too risky. If someone is bringing me down, like, I'd

• 57:35Speaker 01

  really, really rather be single 100% of the time. So once I got in that mentality, like, in my late twenties, when the right guy finally came, I knew it, because I wasn't just dating.

• 57:47Speaker 04

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• 58:17Jay Shetty?

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• 59:01Jay Shetty?

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• 59:32Speaker 01

  The date.

• 59:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I feel like so many of the people I know right now are just struggling with dating. Like, I'm sure you have loads of single friends, too. Or, yeah, right, you're just like, Jay, can you introduce me to someone? Or, I don't know, to meet someone, I'm on all the apps, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And it feels like it's just the wild, wild west for people. Like, it's so hard.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  I know.

• 59:53Jay Shetty?

  At least that's how it seems.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  I know. My advice, I really do joke about it, that like... First date, if you go back to his apartment, like hide his remote and see what his true character is. Like, cause I really feel, especially in LA, everyone's hot. And I'm like, I could get along with a hot person for months. Before I like realize what's going on. And I think life is so short. It's like, you can convince yourself that so many people are great for you, but like stop lying to yourself. And immediately just be like, do you feel like yourself with them? And is it someone that you want to sit on the couch with for hours? Let's stop with the Instagram bullshit. Let's stop with how it looks aesthetically and find someone that's good for your soul.

• 1:00:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Cause your relationship is like a mirror where like, it's a voice that you have to listen to for the rest of your life. Make sure that voice is someone you want to talk to and like they create the vibe of your life.

• 1:00:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  I love quitting. I love getting out of stuff. If you're not with the right person, like there is a right person there, get out.

• 1:00:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. No, but I think you're so right that the halo effect is so strong. Like, we can stay with someone off of like the tiniest thing. Like, people will stay in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots of money, because someone's really good at one thing.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:09Jay Shetty?

  And it's so easy to do that because the halo effect is so powerful. You were saying in a very sincere way, like, do you want to listen to their voice for the rest of your life?

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:16Jay Shetty?

  And I was just thinking of someone going to me, I really like the sound of his voice. And it's like, you're just attracted to

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:21Jay Shetty?

  The sound of someone's voice, but not really the content of what they're saying or who they are.

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:25Jay Shetty?

  What you're talking about, someone's soul and it's, it's so hard for our brains to detach from that which is pleasurable to that which is actually

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Oh my God, you're so right. I loved having a crush. I would make it up. He would just have to show like a little bit and I was like, I love this. I want to wake up with that high like, is he gonna text me? And then you finally like meet him and you're like, oh my God, like this is not it. It took me a while. I would really just be like, as long as he's tall, I could figure this out. And then I remember feeling like I was signing my soul to the devil. I was like, you deserve better. And I do think like, you love yourself, the person you're with is showing how much you love yourself. You deserve the best. Also with someone who's just got married, like I do have to say, when you're growing up, you're like, who's my soulmate? Who's my soulmate? And not to be a W downer, I believe there are soulmates. I don't think at all that there's one person.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  I really think of marriage as like a best friend in that. It's very similar to friendships. You know, when you meet someone, like I'll meet a girl and immediately I'm like, where the [__] has this bitch been all my life? She's amazing. I'm obsessed with her. And you'll have a couple of those kind of relationships in your life. And that's how I feel with men as well, romantic relationships. So it's like, the person I'm with right now, he's so right for me. He's amazing. I do think there's other people in the world that potentially I could have married and had, that I haven't met. So it's like, you create your own adventure and you find the person that's right for you in that moment. People will be mad, like, why did I marry this guy? And I'm like, maybe he was right for you in 1997, or whenever it happened. And he was perfect for you in that time.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  So stop putting so much pressure on this like, one insane thing. It's like, no, it's vibes and it's like finding your best friend.

• 1:03:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  And you'll have a lot of beautiful relationships in your life.

• 1:03:10Jay Shetty?

  What were some of the surprising challenges that came up in marriage that maybe you didn't expect?

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  I do have to say, my husband has a joke. He's a comedian too. He actually has a really good bit about mindfulness that I feel like you would like.

• 1:03:21Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I love it. I need to hear that.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  I'll send it to you.

• 1:03:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, please do, yeah.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  It's just about how mindfulness, he jokes about back then, it was just like watching precipitation go down. He's like, you can't even sit and take a shit without like scrolling. Like mindfulness used to just be existing. I butchered that bit, but it's about that.

• 1:03:37Jay Shetty?

  You're now doing his bit.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  I'm doing his bit, but he has this joke about marriage, how he'll tell people like, we don't spend a lot of time together because I'm on the road a lot, he's on the road. And how people like 35 and under are like, oh, that must be really hard. But that people 35 and over are like, you guys are gonna make it.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  So like, we never get into that like roommate situation where you start feeling like, oh, this is just a roommate that I have that lives with me. It stays kind of exciting because we don't have that routine. Our careers are very kind of crazy and we're really good at communicating. I think the funny thing about marriage is that dating is a lot of chasing. There's a lot of like, are we gonna get engaged? Are we gonna get married? What is this gonna be? And then you become it. It reminds me of life where like, if you don't love the journey. There's no point to it. And you realize like, oh, this isn't about getting the ring. Like, this is just about finding someone I want to be with.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  With him, it's like, we're married, we're not, I'm not playing any more games. The games are over. And I liked kind of being like, what's gonna happen? And there's no game playing. That's your person.

• 1:04:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I remember reading a study that talked about how what we really get addicted to at the beginning of a relationship is stress and excitement.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:00Jay Shetty?

  So the excitement of, I just texted them, the stress of, will they text me back?

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:04Jay Shetty?

  The excitement of like, I just told all my friends about this guy, the stress of, I don't know if he's talking about me to his friends.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Jay Shetty?

  And so that keeps you, it's what you're saying, the game keeps you going. And then all of a sudden, when you actually end up with someone, then it's just peaceful, yeah. And then everyone goes, wait a minute, there's no excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no, you were just addicted to stress.

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:22Jay Shetty?

  Like, it's not.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  And I do have to say, the peacefulness of marriage has been really nice for me in terms of like, dating actually was really time consuming and stressful. So I feel like I'm able to focus more on my career and being myself. I used to like not be able to enjoy friends sometimes because I'm sitting there thinking about a guy. We're at dinner and I'm just like, I don't really care about this because like so and so hasn't texted me back. Where now I have this like comfort of like, I have my person who's my sidekick and there for me. And I can actually be myself more, which has been really nice. When I was single, I was boy crazy and I was like putting it on a pedestal. So I've, I've done that and been that. And I think once you realize, you just, you don't want to force it.

• 1:06:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  My ultimate dating tip is that do the things you love and it'll attract people who will love you. Where it's, I tell people like, I know this is corny, but like, if you like volleyball, join a volleyball league. You can't just like sit around hoping, like be you and they will come.

• 1:06:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:21Speaker 01

  The baseball field, as they say. If you build it, they will come.

• 1:06:24Jay Shetty?

  For men, I think it's similar, like all the most successful men that I've spoken to have all said that. Their success came when they committed to one woman.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:34Jay Shetty?

  And then they actually had time and energy to build everything else.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  Energy is exhausting.

• 1:06:37Jay Shetty?

  Rather than the exhaustion of thinking that it was cool to date multiple women or have affairs or whatever they thought it was when they were growing up.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  The stress that, again, they're addicted to.

• 1:06:47Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  But I do have to say, to be a little positive, my parents have a really beautiful relationship. And like, they still like, they flirt, they love each other. They make each other laugh. And in my relationship, like, I still, my friend makes fun of me, but like, I still get butterflies with him. Like, I do have it, it's not, you know, we're two years in, it's early, but I found someone who keeps me like excited. So that's possible. It's not like, oh, you meet someone and then you're just like, yay, we're bored. No, like, I found someone who, he definitely is emotionally like, we say like, our love language is laughter.

• 1:07:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  So we're making fun of each other and it's like, we're constantly playing the game of how can we make each other laugh?

• 1:07:26Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely, yeah, we banter all day, me and my wife.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  It's so important.

• 1:07:30Jay Shetty?

  When we're around.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  You guys have a really fun, like, dynamic.

• 1:07:34Jay Shetty?

  Laughter is our love language for sure, too.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  It has to be.

• 1:07:37Jay Shetty?

  We always feel like, when we're around new people or new couples, they're like, do you have issues with each other? I'm like, no, no, no, this is just, this is who we are, like, we're constantly bantering. And that's, that's our way of showing love to each other and it works for us. And I'm, I can also get really emotional, like, when Ravi's traveling or whatever, I'll literally be like, there's no light in the house. Like, I'm just like, I get fully like, I'm like, no, the house feels different. Like, it's not the same, because I'm so used to just walking back there, seeing her, giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in the work day. And then when she's traveling, I'm like, no, where is she? But I love the idea of missing her, it works.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, I was gonna say, it makes you not take for granted them being there when you wake up.

• 1:08:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  And we also are very good at communicating, like, we'll be on the phone like all day, even if it's just like a two minute call to be like, this thing happened to me.

• 1:08:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  It's just natural. And I joke, like, be with some, your relationship is a conversation you have for the rest of your life. Like, do you want to have it? I saw like a random, probably a TikTok about how the person you marry is the person that's gonna be with you when like, your parents pass away. Like, who do you want to be with you in those hard times? It's not who do you want to be in the wedding photo with you?

• 1:08:46Jay Shetty?

  Mic drop. That's real. No, that's so real. That's the realest thing ever. It's and then I wish I wish more people would internalize that because that is exactly what it is. And having and I have a friend who was with his partner through the loss of her mom recently.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:02Jay Shetty?

  And it was the hardest thing for her and he was he was the best partner thing she could have had during that time.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  And she she needed him and I realized I needed my husband during my hard time. And I also think that trauma bonding is real. Obviously, trauma bonding can be bad, but like I think we are so much powerful of a couple. Because early on, we were dealing with so much adversity that now when something happens like we're so easily able to handle it.

• 1:09:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Um. So when bad things happen to you when you're in a relationship, it's actually gonna show you if you're in the right relationship, which is awesome.

• 1:09:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like you you pointed out your tie earlier and I think this is a great outfit.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:09:44Jay Shetty?

  We have to talk about it, but you know, I feel like your whole career from day one, it's been operating in a male dominant. Like even I mean, this article headline was so this one fifteen years ago, New York Times, she plays with boys and rivals don't like it.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's crazy title.

• 1:09:59Jay Shetty?

  That's crazy, right? And it's like fifteen years ago. Even now, like comedy is definitely more male dominated, has been.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Jay Shetty?

  And I think it's a really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot of my male friends recently, either married or have have girlfriends, long long term relationships. And a lot of the women they're with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in their small community of friends. And these aren't people who are saying, I want to be really famous or I want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like, maybe I don't want to be a doctor or maybe I do want to do this. Or maybe I do want to be a yoga instructor or maybe I do want to do fitness or whatever it is. It's people making just genuine choices. And it's funny because when I'll talk to my guy friends about it, they've all done it.

• 1:10:45Jay Shetty?

  And it feels really easy for a guy to like somewhat change his perception and identity, whereas for women, it feels a bit harder. If if you had to say something to them, what what would you say to women who are feeling like it's hard?

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  Two things. One, I do think that women do have, like, they have the biological clock in their head. Where they're like, okay, if I switch this and then I have kids at this time and then I'll be behind.

• 1:11:07Jay Shetty?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  They're dealing with like that kind of stuff. I do have to do a shout out to my parents. I think I was raised a very, I don't know if it's unique, but I was raised very like genderless. Like, I wore whatever clothes I wanted to wear. My dad really treated me, I wouldn't even say like a boy, just like, I was never said I was pretty. It was about like being hardworking and I think growing up, as I got older and people started to be like, you're a girl, you're not allowed to do that. I was like, that's hilarious. And I'm gonna show you that that's not true. And I think even like wearing the tie, I joked that like, it makes me feel, people are like listening to me more, like I could say things I don't know about and people are like, she sounds like she knows what she's talking about.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  And I love playing with the gender roles, because I think they're socially constructed in a way. But I also do realize now that I'm, I'm thirty-three and some male comics, their careers are popping off like mine, where I'm like, if I want to have a kid, I have to do it in the next couple of years. How is that gonna affect my trajectory? Where they cannot have, they don't give a fuck about that. And I'm used to being like, there's no difference between me and you. But then I realized like, oh shit, there is differences. But I like to be, in terms of like my feminism, people get confused thinking that feminists are like, men and women are equal. We're not. We're very different, in so many beautiful ways. And like, we want equal opportunities, but we're gonna go about it our own way.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  So it's finding like, what is your superpower as a woman? And I do think with women, this is good. Women love to be over-prepared and over-qualified for things before we do it. I'm working on this new bit about like, I say a lot of men are pilots because no woman would just wake up and be like, I could fly a plane. Like, she would have to be like so good at flying planes to finally be like, can I fly a plane?

• 1:13:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Speaker 01

  And then I joke, like, if women flew planes, we'd literally be lost all the time and like need snacks and stuff like that. But anyway.

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  There's it's multifaceted. So I think with women, stop waiting to be like over prepared to do something.

• 1:13:19Jay Shetty?

  Good advice.

• 1:13:20Speaker 01

  And I think so many men will just be like a little bit confident and be like, I'll figure it out. Where women, like even at job interviews, I feel like men will be like, I'll figure it out. Where girls will be have to be so over prepared to even go into the interview. Like even when I was like a sports reporter for a second, I had to show that I knew sports so fucking well to even get in the same room where like a dude, they just assume he knows it because it's like sports. So for girls, I'd say, do things you're you're not qualified for. I was not qualified to get a Netflix special, but I did it. If you looked at my resume, you'd say that girl should not have a Netflix special. But I did, and it was top five on Netflix.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  So I think for the girls, don't wait till you're overqualified. Challenge yourself and you gain confidence when you're able to do something you didn't know you could do.

• 1:14:13Jay Shetty?

  That's great advice. I love that. And you're spot on. I remember looking at the studies a few years ago. It literally said that if a guy looks at an application and he can do four out of 10 things, he'll apply. And if a girl looks at it and she can do eight out of 10 things, she won't apply.

• 1:14:26Speaker 01

  I literally have chills.

• 1:14:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  I have chills because that is so true.

• 1:14:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  And women are so competent, but I guess they like, there's like a safety thing with it. I do have to say something about experience. They did a study somewhere, I swear this wasn't from TikTok, but a study about like doctors and how some new doctors were actually better than doctors who had like 40 years of experience because they were actually like fresher, more open minded, more up to date. And just how like, just because someone has more experience with you doesn't necessarily make them better than you at something.

• 1:14:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  My advice for like job interviews is I would go in and be like, I don't have the years of experience you want, but this, these are all the ideas I have of what I'm gonna do. So don't wait till you're overqualified, like do things you're underqualified for and see what you're capable of.

• 1:15:13Jay Shetty?

  So needed. That's great advice. I love that.

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:15:15Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Hannah, if your younger self was to look at you now, if you were to go meet her. And she saw you having the Netflix special, doing what you're doing today, touring. What do you think she'd say?

• 1:15:27Speaker 01

  She wouldn't imagine it, but I feel like she'd be like, that's awesome. I do think there was a time when I was like 24 and I was like in sales or something. And one of my cousins said like he was gonna move to LA to be an actor. And I remember getting like a guttural jealousy that I was like not expecting. And looking back, I was like, why are you jealous that your cousin's moving to LA to do acting? That's insane. You don't even wanna be an actress. But deep, deep down, I did. And I like didn't admit it to myself, cuz it's like a lot to admit that you want to be performer or want your dreams. It's scary to say what dreams you want. For anyone who's feeling like a jealousy towards something, that's the universe telling you

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  you wanna do it.

• 1:16:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:13Speaker 01

  And it's crazy that years later now, like I'm getting into acting. And I tried so hard to fight it, but the universe was like, you're not doing that. You're not doing that until I got in this lane. I like to say, even though I've never surfed, it's like surfing where like when you find the right wave, it's gonna feel easier and you're gonna love it. It's gonna be fun.

• 1:16:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  So like find your wave.

• 1:16:37Jay Shetty?

  That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're living at a time where it's so scary to share your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might remind them that they're not chasing theirs. And you're scared that they may react and tell you not to chase it because they don't believe in you. And the truth is, they never had the strength to even give themselves the worth to chase theirs.

• 1:16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:57Jay Shetty?

  And then at the same time, you're scared of hearing it because it might remind you of the doubt you already have in your own abilities and the fears you already have and the insecurities you have that it's not possible for you. And it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad place to live where dreams are becoming. Buried deeper and deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and, you know, never gets seen.

• 1:17:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:17:28Jay Shetty?

  And so if someone's feeling that and they're feeling that jealousy, which you so beautifully said, could be a sign or a signal that that's what you want to do. What would you say is the first three steps someone should take? If they think they have a crazy dream, they may never have done it before. They don't really get it, but they they feel that deep inside of them, it's always been there.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  I was always obsessed with successful people. Like, I'd look at like Rihanna and I'm like, what is different about her than other people? And it, when you strip it down, it always starts with, she tried. Like eighty percent of it is being like, I want to be this and I'm gonna do it. And then I like to literally sit down and like say something crazy, like, okay, I want to get a Netflix special. Then I literally go backwards of all the things you have to do to get there. Okay, to get a Netflix special, you'd have to perform in front of someone at Netflix. How do you do that? You'd have to be selling out theaters. How do you do that? You'd have to get JFL. How do you get JFL? You'd have to go in the clubs. How do you get in the clubs? You'd have to start writing. How do you start writing? Writing it tomorrow.

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  So then it's like you literally have the path and it starts so small. And I think so many people don't want to go through the whole path. And then when you think about it, it's like you just have to to go do it. It's actually a lot less overwhelming when you think, I just have to write tomorrow than be like, I have to get a Netflix special in two years. But realistically, I got a Netflix special in like five years of comedy plus COVID, which is crazy. But it's because that wasn't the plan. It was just, I wanted to be myself and have fun doing comedy.

• 1:19:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a production company reach out to me from L A. They'd seen my first ever video that had gone viral and they loved it. And they'd reached out and said, we want to build a TV show around you. And so I was like, I couldn't believe it because I'd just started creating content and had a viral video and I thought that was cool enough as it was. So anyway, I like flew to L A on my own dime. I didn't have a lot of money then, sat down, had meetings, went back and forth, worked on creative on top of my day job, came back to pitch it again on my own dime, like I was trying to figure out how I was gonna do it. We pitched it and no one wanted the show, but I built loads of great relationships. And so I built all these great relationships at streamers, production companies. We became really good friends with some of them, but no one liked the show idea that we had.

• 1:19:46Jay Shetty?

  And it's, and it's so funny because I always look at that and I go, I'm so glad that an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully mine, got rejected because then I built this.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Even though at the time you probably were like, I didn't make it.

• 1:20:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, at the time, it was just like, it felt like everything was going, not everything was going wrong, but that, that was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow.

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:08Jay Shetty?

  And like, right, it was like.

• 1:20:10Speaker 01

  I felt like I fumbled.

• 1:20:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you just felt like you just dropped the ball. Yeah, you were like, that was my moment and that's it.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  When life has like so many moments, I, one of my favorite things to tell people is, especially like video creation, people will be like, what if I told you the 15th video you post is gonna go viral? How quickly would you post the next video?

• 1:20:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  I kind of am obsessed with the gritty work. It was this concept, I think, like with tennis, people would say like, are, when are you practicing when people aren't watching? Are you practicing in the rain? Like that type of like sports stuff? So I feel like, yeah, people will go and do the flashy stuff, but I think I get ahead because I'm doing this boring stuff that people don't want to do. So when you realize like, oh, someone got a Netflix special because they did the little tedious things that are actually anyone could do, it's just people don't want to do it. So it's like, put your head down and like you can accomplish anything.

• 1:21:05Jay Shetty?

  Well said. Hannah, it has been such a joy talking to you. Honestly, I've had so much fun.

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  I love, this is actually like the shit I love talking about.

• 1:21:12Jay Shetty?

  I mean, I'm, I'm like, we have to do this again.

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  I feel like a motivational speaker, but just through like queef jokes. But like, I actually feel connected to you because I love through my jokes, like inspiring people to see the world differently.

• 1:21:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  Even though it's not that serious at all.

• 1:21:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:28Speaker 01

  But I do love like motivating and I love coaching and I love making people inspired in some way.

• 1:21:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, I think everything you shared today has been super powerful and.

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:21:37Jay Shetty?

  I know my community is gonna love it.

• 1:21:38Speaker 01

  You bring it out of me.

• 1:21:39Jay Shetty?

  Oh, no, I love it. You, you brought it, you brought it. We, we end every episode with a final five.

• 1:21:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 1:21:45Jay Shetty?

  A fast five that we ask to all guests. So Hannah Berner, these are your fast five.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:21:49Jay Shetty?

  Question number one, what is the best advice you ever heard or received?

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  Oh, I like this quote that says, even when it's raining, the hoop is always there. Not to give like more sports quote, but it's basically like you're not seeing it, but like you're actually okay. And the world is your oyster. You just are, there's a cloud right now.

• 1:22:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Second question, what is the worst advice you ever heard or received?

• 1:22:12Speaker 01

  Probably people who just think they know better than you about your own life and like telling you based on their own experiences when you're completely different. To be like, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Well, you're not me, so.

• 1:22:25Jay Shetty?

  Uh, question number three. What is something you think people don't know about you?

• 1:22:29Speaker 01

  People probably would not be surprised they heard, but I'm like really messy. Like I have trouble keeping the home. Like, okay. And I, but I lean into it and I'll be like, I'm a creative. But like, some of my friends are so organized and I'm so jealous of them. But like, I will always go to edit a video before like putting the dishes away. And then I will never put the dishes away. So I'm kind of like, don't have my shit together in the home.

• 1:22:56Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Uh, question number, wait, what star sign are you?

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  A Leo, sun, Virgo moon, but clearly just about work. And um, Scorpio rising.

• 1:23:06Jay Shetty?

  Okay. Oh, wow. You know all of it. Wow. All right. Question number, what question number four? Apart from your, apart from your astrologer, was it that you DM?

• 1:23:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:23:14Jay Shetty?

  Who's the last person you DM?

• 1:23:16Speaker 01

  It's probably Paige, my co-host, because after the show, we see all these like funny videos from the shows and I'll send it to her and be like, that was funny, that was cute. Um, so we're just like enjoying when we get home, looking at all the stories.

• 1:23:29Jay Shetty?

  I love that. And question number five, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  I think children should have more mental health in schools. Like, I think it should be a law that kids should learn, start learning more about like happiness, mindfulness, meditation. Like, I don't know why that wouldn't be in the curriculum when that's like the most important thing to having a happy life.

• 1:23:53Jay Shetty?

  Mental health by Hannah Burnin.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, mental health.

• 1:23:55Jay Shetty?

  That's cool.

• 1:23:57Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 1:23:57Speaker 01

  Get the kids, start them young.

• 1:24:00Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Everyone go and watch We Ride at Dawn right now. And if you don't follow Hannah already, make sure you follow her across Instagram, TikTok, and all of social media. Hannah, I'm so excited for us to continue our friendship.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  Yes, thank you for having me.

• 1:24:14Jay Shetty?

  Honestly, you are so much fun to talk to. If you ever wanna just-

• 1:24:17Speaker 01

  I might have to open for you on one of your lives.

• 1:24:19Jay Shetty?

  Oh, oh my gosh. I would love, oh my God, I would love that. You're so kind.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  People would be like, okay.

• 1:24:25Jay Shetty?

  You're so kind to, oh my gosh, that's an honor. I love that. That's such a kind offer. That's so sweet. I'm gonna take you up on that.

• 1:24:32Speaker 01

  We'll see if your, your team allows it.

• 1:24:36Jay Shetty?

  It's up to Helena. She'll definitely allow it. Hannah Berner, everyone, as you can tell, not only hilariously funny, got so many great insights, thoughts, wisdom. I mean, you can drop the mic today.

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  Thank you. I'm retiring. Thank you.

• 1:24:48Jay Shetty?

  Amazing. And I really hope we get to hear you do more tennis commentary, more sport commentary, like all of it. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited to see it.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  I think I work for ESPN.

• 1:24:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love it. Hannah Berner, thank you so much.

• 1:25:01Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:25:01Jay Shetty?

  So grateful. If you loved this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.

• 1:25:11Speaker 03

  People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that compassion to your future self. Because truly extending your compassion to your future self is doing something that gives him or her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.