Move Motherf@#$er!

Conan talks to Rianne in the city of Taguig about the struggles she faces in life as a vertically-challenged person. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them their stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:55Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:58Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 1:06Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 1:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 1:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket, nice jacket.

• 1:14Conan O'Brien?

  So now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that.

• 1:18Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I know the holidays, I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:30Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UG, and more, all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  Hi, Rian. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan.

• 2:09Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Rian. How are you?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Oh, gosh, this is really happening. Hi, I'm great. How are the two of you?

• 2:15Conan O'Brien?

  It was very nice to meet you, Rian. Tell us, where are you right now?

• 2:19Speaker 02

  I'm in Taguig, Metro Manila, Philippines.

• 2:23Conan O'Brien?

  The Philippines, and how do you pronounce it again? Taguig?

• 2:26Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, you did pretty well, yeah. Taguig.

• 2:29Conan O'Brien?

  Just say I did very well.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  It sounded a little patronizing.

• 2:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, don't say pretty well. Next time, say very well.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:38Conan O'Brien?

  Rian, it's nice to meet you, and you're from Taguig, Philippines. And I've never been to the Philippines before. Maybe you could tell me a little bit about yourself? What do I need to know about Rian?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I'm 29, but I stand at 4'10". So even for a Filipino, I am quite short.

• 2:58Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  So average height for women is about 5'2". I struggle a lot going through life as a vertically challenged person.

• 3:10Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Rian, I am also a vertically challenged person, but the other way. So there are problems. I'm a bit on the tall side, and I'm always smashing into things. People laugh at me. They play circus music when I walk through the room. So I do have some sympathy. Tell me, you struggle, what things do you struggle with being 4'10"? What do you struggle with?

• 3:35Speaker 02

  So there are a lot of just, the world isn't built for short people. I think you genuinely have it better. So just going to the grocery is a challenge. I don't like going without my boyfriend because I don't like asking for help to reach the top shelves.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Sometimes going to the theme park, yeah.

• 3:56Conan O'Brien?

  Can I ask you, how tall is your boyfriend?

• 4:00Speaker 02

  He's five seven. Might not seem tall to you, but he's taller than I am.

• 4:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, to you, he's like The Rock, you know?

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Exactly, yeah. To me, once you hit five five, there is no difference between my boyfriend and Conan. You're all tall to me.

• 4:19Conan O'Brien?

  So, yeah, we're all just up there in the clouds.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 4:22Conan O'Brien?

  So you don't like going to the grocery store and you said you don't like going to theme parks?

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Yes, always a tense moment finding out whether I can go on a ride or not. Driving is a challenge. I have to sit on a pillow to see over the dash.

• 4:40Conan O'Brien?

  And what about your, what about, what about your feet? I mean, the pillow will get you high enough, but what about your feet? What do you do there to get, to reach the pedals?

• 4:48Speaker 02

  So there is a perfect ratio. I do not like other people driving my car because it moves the seat. And then you gotta find the ratio again, so that's a challenge.

• 5:01Conan O'Brien?

  Your life, your life.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  For a child a lot.

• 5:04Conan O'Brien?

  Your life, yeah, oh, people think you're a child? They pat you on the head and things?

• 5:09Speaker 02

  Exactly, especially when we're traveling in the States. I get carded a lot and they don't accept our driver's license. So I gotta grab my passport and whip it out. One time a TSA agent, we were going through. So I went through and then he was like to my mom, minors gotta be accompanied by adults. And my mom was like, she's 22, she's not a minor. And the guy was genuine, you are not 22, so.

• 5:38Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, okay, so you've struggled with this. And are you, do you like to drive? Once, once you are driving or you, and you've got the seat just right? And you've got the pedals just right and you're comfortable? Are you a good driver?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  I am a competent and law-abiding driver. I may have a bit of road rage when it's deserved.

• 6:06Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, the way you said deserved was insane.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  You haven't driven in the Philippines. You would understand if you were here.

• 6:16Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, can we act out your road rage? Because I want to see, Rian, what it actually looks like. So I'm dri- you're driving, and then I'm in a car next to you. I'm driving a bright red Buick Le Sabre. And I suddenly cut you off in my bright red Buick Le Sabre. Show me what you would do.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Move, motherfucker. I'm just kidding. It's probably a lot more like...

• 6:45Speaker 02

  I swear in Tagalog. Putang ng gago.

• 6:48Conan O'Brien?

  Do you always gig? Do you always giggle in between "move" and then "motherfucker"? Do you always go "move"?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  Motherfucker?

• 6:59Conan O'Brien?

  You're like the Joker with Tourette's.

• 7:04Conan O'Brien?

  So, say it to me again, how you would do it in the Philippines. I just want to hear it the whole thing, the whole run. I just cut you off. Go!

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Putang ng gago yan. Fucking move, motherfucker.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:17Conan O'Brien?

  Nice. Don't be apologetic. That's, I mean, let's get that out on a rap track. You know? Move, motherfucker?

• 7:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that would be a hit, I think.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  I want her to say it, though, specifically. Because you have a good, like, you're, I could tell you get angry. Because I'm the same.

• 7:35Conan O'Brien?

  Come on, one more time. Let's hear it.

• 7:38Conan O'Brien?

  Don't stop giggling!

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Just say "move, mother..."

• 7:40Conan O'Brien?

  No, stop giggling. I need you to show me your true rage. Rian, you're not talking to Conan O'Brien on a Zoom from the Philippines. This is real. Three, two, one, go!

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Move, motherfucker.

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  I love the laughing afterwards.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  I keep thinking about how my mom's gonna listen to this.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, your mom isn't gonna hear this. Um, does your mom even know who I am?

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. My parents love you. They're, you're their favorite late-night host. My dad thinks you're hilarious.

• 8:17Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, good.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  I think my mom likes you. My mom likes you the best because you're the one that went to Harvard, she says.

• 8:25Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, always the best sign of... Always the best sign of who's funny.

• 8:31Conan O'Brien?

  The funny one must have gone to an Ivy League school. Because that's where the funny people come from. So your challenges in life, if I can sum up, Rian, are that you wish you were a little taller, right? Because you are, did you say four foot ten?

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay? And you have to rely on your towering boyfriend who's five foot seven. Um, you don't like going to the market and you don't like going to theme parks because they think you're a child. Yes? And then you have an insane road rage when you're driving through the Philippines. Is that right?

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  What about concerts?

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Really insane. Exactly.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Sona, you get me.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  I do.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I never, I never like sit in the or stay in the mosh pit section because I'll get crushed and I will not see anything. So I stay up in the stands where it's safe and I can see things. Yeah.

• 9:27Conan O'Brien?

  But also.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Concerts.

• 9:28Conan O'Brien?

  You probably have a good view sometimes, but then someone else stands in front of you and blocks your view and you want to get mad at them, but then it turns out it's an eight year old.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Not an eight year old.

• 9:45Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, I meant to say nine year old.

• 9:49Conan O'Brien?

  Um, uh, well, you seem like, I know that you have these challenges, but you seem like you're having a good life. You seem like a happy person.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, pretty happy. I guess I've adapted to it. Like you change your personality a little bit when you're tinier to keep up with all the other Talls of the world.

• 10:10Conan O'Brien?

  You call us the Talls? Is what you call us?

• 10:12Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, yeah, yes.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  We're like the white walkers. The Talls are coming. They can only be killed with a, with blue ice.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. The shorts have their own organization and you're thirty with the tall.

• 10:29Conan O'Brien?

  Shorts versus the Talls. Well, let me ask you something, Rian. If I were to come visit you, what kinds of things would we do together?

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Well, first, I think I need your help to run errands. I think if it's okay with you, I would like your help first to just generally send a message of unity with tall and shorts in general.

• 10:55Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you want me to be, uh, you want me to to go with you, run errands, right? Because I can use my height to assist you.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 11:04Conan O'Brien?

  But you also want me to be kind of an ambassador?

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly. Just to show people that short and tall people can coexist and help each other.

• 11:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes. It's like that song Ebony and Ivory.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 11:18Conan O'Brien?

  Except there isn't one for tall people and short people. And we need that.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  So we'd write one of our own, yeah.

• 11:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we'd write maybe a song about how tall people and short people should all live in harmony.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Correct. And then after that.

• 11:33Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think tall people and short people are constantly at war. I don't think there's a big battle.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  The talls versus the shorts. I don't know if, yeah, I don't know if that happens, but at concerts, like, you probably have stood in front of a shorter person.

• 11:48Conan O'Brien?

  I love to do that.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Conan!

• 11:50Conan O'Brien?

  I love to sit in front of a shorter person, wait till the really good part in the concert, stand and then put on an Abe Lincoln hat.

• 11:58Conan O'Brien?

  Just to completely block. I think it's funny. Yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  That's awful.

• 12:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I wear a T-shirt that says I'm a dick.

• 12:15Conan O'Brien?

  Your name represents everything you've built, okay? Everything. Like, I feel that way about my name.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:20Conan O'Brien?

  It stands for, uh, all of the work, good and not so good in my life. But guess what? Your children's names represent their whole futures.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:29Conan O'Brien?

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• 12:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:51Conan O'Brien?

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• 13:00Speaker 01

  They are.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  Five, but within a couple of years, you know, they're gonna be buying heavy machinery online.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  What?

• 13:06Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna be, become tractor fanatics. They're gonna be buying tractors online. So if you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. So join now, save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 13:30Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sony? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 13:34Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 13:34Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 13:35Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 13:37Conan O'Brien?

  And then your, your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that, uh, that, that cinnamon cider in the air. Do you smell that?

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:47Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:52Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't matter. Holidays, I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's, uh, very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get a head start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 14:24Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sony, I imagine for you, it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 14:30Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 14:36Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect t-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 14:45Speaker 01

  What?

• 14:45Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 14:51Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co-coincidence.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 14:55Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 14:57Conan O'Brien?

  Got to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are timeless, thoughtful, crafted, and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're using some Quince.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder, so I got a featherless quilted jacket, an Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.

• 15:27Conan O'Brien?

  You look like a different guy, because you're well-dressed.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 15:30Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  That's true. He's right. That's true.

• 15:33Conan O'Brien?

  No, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  All right.

• 15:47Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, "By the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend."

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Oh, I didn't really ask.

• 15:58Conan O'Brien?

  I just want you to know.

• 16:01Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best way to support the show.

• 16:07Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:13Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 16:34Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:38Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing... That's a weird... They just made a very specific choice.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:45Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests, and enjoy a great tasting light beer. "Tis Miller Time," as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse. Crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high fiving.

• 17:15Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 17:37Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Rian, do you think that because of your size, you say it affects your personality? How does it affect your personality at work? Do you ever think you overcompensate at work?

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Maybe not overcompensate, just be a bit more assertive. Because sometimes if I say something, maybe during a meeting, the reaction can be a little bit like, "Good job, kid. Great, great idea."

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's very, that's patronizing.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Are you internists? Yeah, and they like to, they always end up calling me Riri. I never introduce myself as Riri. It feels like a microaggression, like, "Why are you diminutizing my, my name?"

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, your name is, I mean, if people call you Riri, they should have your permission. You should be telling them, "That's my name." People are calling you Riri without your permission?

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. I think it makes, it matches the visual more, yeah, in their mind.

• 18:43Conan O'Brien?

  I don't like that, that has to be with your permission. And maybe if I'm with you, because I'm not just tall, but I'm also very strong. And a, shh, and a good fighter.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:54Conan O'Brien?

  Quiet.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Are you? Oh, okay.

• 18:56Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  And she's surprised.

• 18:59Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, cool it, Riri, cool it, Riri.

• 19:04Conan O'Brien?

  No, but what I'm saying is, I would um, I would stick up for you. If I was with you, I would stand next to you and I would stick up with you and no one would call you RiRi. When I was standing next to you, okay, no one would block your view, no one would be condescending. And uh, I would be your protector, your guardian angel. What do you think of that?

• 19:27Speaker 02

  I think that sounds perfect and would very much like for that to happen.

• 19:34Conan O'Brien?

  Do you, do you think, knowing what you know about me, that I'd be accepted uh, in the Philippines?

• 19:40Speaker 02

  I think there's a lot of places you wouldn't fit, like generally stuff is built. So I was looking around my office the other day genuinely thinking that whether would Conan fit into this? Would Conan fit into the elevator I just got in? I think.

• 19:57Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, I meant, I meant culturally accepted.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Culturally.

• 20:02Conan O'Brien?

  Not what I physically fit through the doorway.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 20:07Conan O'Brien?

  Are you living? Rhian, are you living in Legoland? I mean, what's going on?

• 20:14Speaker 02

  No, no, no. Culturally, culturally, we're typically very welcoming. We're um, a super friendly population. But I think what might help you more is if you claim to be a little bit Filipino. You say you're ninety-nine percent Irish, right?

• 20:31Conan O'Brien?

  Hundred percent, hundred percent Irish. Oh, I, okay. So you're saying I should, you think I should lie and say that I'm, I have some, I'm, I'm part Filipino. Is that what you're saying?

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, because Filipinos will claim anyone who just has like one percent Filipino DNA and immediately love you. They'll go kabobayan, which means like countryman.

• 20:55Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, I, I don't want to be guilty of cultural appropriation. But if I have your permission to lie and say that I'm one percent Filipino.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  He, okay.

• 21:06Conan O'Brien?

  Then I think I have your permission, I can do it. Yeah.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  I mean, is it a lie or can we just not know definitively?

• 21:14Speaker 01

  It's a lie.

• 21:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's an absolute lie.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, such a lie.

• 21:17Conan O'Brien?

  No one looking at me thinks there's any.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  An iota.

• 21:21Conan O'Brien?

  Iota of Philippines.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Anything that's not just a white Irishman.

• 21:25Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Not even a tiny little drop of anything, not point like 2% of you, nothing.

• 21:32Conan O'Brien?

  It's possible.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  No, it's not possible at all.

• 21:34Conan O'Brien?

  I could be Cuban, very.

• 21:37Conan O'Brien?

  Very, uh.

• 21:40Conan O'Brien?

  Tan up real nice.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  Tan up real nice.

• 21:44Conan O'Brien?

  Rian, uh, this is a good, this is a good education for me. I'm gonna tell you, here's what I'm gonna say. I think that, um, you seem like a very funny person. You have a good sense of humor. I like, I like your, I like Rian's personality a lot.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  I like Rian too. I like you a lot. I think you're cool.

• 22:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you seem really cool. And so I bet you're getting through life just fine, even if you're a little shorter than you'd like to be, you know? I don't think that's getting in your way. Are you in your apartment right now? Cause there's a cat behind you.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sorry. I just noticed here as well, yes. I'm at home and that's my cat.

• 22:19Conan O'Brien?

  That's your cat? What's your cat's name?

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Cat, cat. It's a, it's a type of small orange.

• 22:27Conan O'Brien?

  Your name for your cat is cat?

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Cat, cat.

• 22:32Conan O'Brien?

  Cat, cat. Okay.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:35Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. And that's your sofa behind you? Is that sofa?

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Conan Gray. Are you asking?

• 22:41Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just, I don't know. I don't know what cat.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Is that your sofa? That's, that's, that sofa behind you in your apartment. Is that yours?

• 22:49Conan O'Brien?

  It's called fishing. I'm the fishing, I'm the fishing magician.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  Can you wear heels that are as high as you can possibly want them to be and you're, you're like, you know, that's the thing that's cool is that you could wear the highest, highest heels, like six, seven inch heels.

• 23:04Conan O'Brien?

  Have you ever done that? Have you ever put on heels that make you six or seven inches taller?

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Not six or seven inches. Maybe four inches, but they hurt.

• 23:14Conan O'Brien?

  I know, but sometimes the things we have to do, you know? If you put on seven inch heels and then you wore a Burger King crown,

• 23:23Conan O'Brien?

  you'd be a very tall, tall drink of water.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  So.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  It has to be a Burger King crown, though. I'm sorry. I think.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Which they would give me because they think I'm a child.

• 23:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, unfortunately, that's true.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:40Conan O'Brien?

  Probably. Does that ever happen where you go and they give you kids toys and things because they think you're a kid?

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Oh, I get given the kids menu quite a bit in restaurants.

• 23:49Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really?

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Which is fine. Kids menus are fun.

• 23:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Do you like chicken nuggets and french fries and have they ever handed you?

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Macaroni and cheese.

• 23:58Conan O'Brien?

  Have they ever handed you crayons with your menu?

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I don't think that's a thing here. Probably if it were, they would have.

• 24:05Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's an American thing. They give the kids crayons. Do they do that with your kids?

• 24:09Speaker 01

  All the time.

• 24:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's cute.

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  It's sweet.

• 24:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:12Conan O'Brien?

  It's appropriate for those kids.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:17Conan O'Brien?

  Um, Rhiannon, it's called editing and we're gonna do some, but this is fantastic.

• 24:22Conan O'Brien?

  We've got everything we need. I mean, it's really, uh, great. Um, and I think you and I would have a good time if we went to the Philippines. What kind of errands would we run together?

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Going to the grocery store is one. Backing me up at work, probably. Helping me stand. If I were going to like, say, an improv show or a drag show where it's standing room only, maybe you could help muscle the crowd so I can see better. Or you say you're strong, just lift me on your shoulders so I can see better at the shows.

• 24:57Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's all, that all sounds like stuff I could do.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Create a barrier around her so people can't stand.

• 25:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I could create a barrier. There's a natural barrier that comes with my celebrity. People are like, oh, my God, it's Conan O'Brien, and they tend to step back. Um, I'm gonna say in awe. Um, which isn't true, but I could help you. I'd help you. You want me to come all the way to the Philippines so you have a better view at an improv show?

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Correct. Sounds like a great use of your time. Wouldn't you agree?

• 25:31Conan O'Brien?

  I'm not nothing else much, so I might as well do that.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  You could be like her, her, her bodyguard, you know, and then walk around. And also you add extra inches with your hair. Maybe you could pompadour it up a little bit too. I mean, just a lot of, I don't know, illusions.

• 25:47Conan O'Brien?

  Me, you mean me?

• 25:48Speaker 01

  You, you add inches to your height with your hair. I mean, maybe she can do her hair so that it's a little higher.

• 25:54Conan O'Brien?

  Rian could do a Conan.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:56Conan O'Brien?

  If you had my hairstyle, you'd be six inches taller.

• 26:02Conan O'Brien?

  No, you don't want my hair.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Maybe, yeah, maybe I should stick to my lane. It looks great on you, it looks great on you.

• 26:11Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 26:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, love it for me, just not for any other human.

• 26:18Conan O'Brien?

  And tell me just before we go about your boyfriend.

• 26:22Conan O'Brien?

  What's his name?

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Carlo.

• 26:24Conan O'Brien?

  Carlo, and he's a good guy?

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a lawyer, so that comes with a lot of perks, yeah.

• 26:30Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, he's a, he's a good guy, he's a lawyer.

• 26:35Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I look forward, maybe I'll meet Carlo too, is that possible?

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's also a big fan of yours.

• 26:41Conan O'Brien?

  That's nice.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Love to listen to the podcast together.

• 26:43Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, good, you listen to the podcast together. Good, I don't want Carlo to be, I don't want Carlo to be jealous or anything if I come to town, you know? Sometimes.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  Such a hard laugh.

• 26:57Conan O'Brien?

  Why are you laughing at the very idea that Carlo would be jealous?

• 27:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:02Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a, I'm a threat.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Who was laughing?

• 27:04Conan O'Brien?

  I'm, I think I'm a real legitimate threat to any male. Why would you laugh at that, Rian?

• 27:09Speaker 02

  I was.

• 27:12Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, forget it. I'm, I'm decided, no Philippines.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  You are a legitimate threat, yeah.

• 27:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, okay, now you sound like a.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  I was laughing at him, I was laughing at.

• 27:21Conan O'Brien?

  Now you sound like a hostage.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  So scary.

• 27:28Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Rian, you're really funny and you seem really nice and cool. And I hope our paths cross, but in the meantime, I want you to walk tall. Because your spirit, you have the spirit of a giant. And that should be enough, don't you think?

• 27:43Speaker 02

  It means a lot coming from a giant.

• 27:48Conan O'Brien?

  Well, thank you very much, Rian. And you take care.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Thank you, and you guys take care too.

• 27:54Conan O'Brien?

  Bye bye.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Nice to meet you. Bye.

• 27:56Conan O'Brien?

  Nice to meet you. Bye bye.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 28:00Speaker 04

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• 28:17Speaker 04

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• 28:44Speaker 05

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• 29:10Conan O'Brien?

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• 29:47Conan O'Brien?

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