Caller: How Do We Prioritize Marriage While Parenting?

🔥 Microhabits for a better marriage. Download the Together app On today’s episode, we hear about: A mom whose special-needs kid takes up all her energy A man wondering how to stop eating his feelings A woman grappling with the decision to have a dry wedding Next Steps: ❤️ Get away with your spouse today! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John’s Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth.  Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Go to Joi + Blokes and get 50% off labs and 20% off products. Working knives for working people—go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.  Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  How do my husband and I prioritize our marriage while we're caring for our son with a severe disability? He has a condition called HIE. We have two other boys as well, who are three and two months.

• 0:20Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, wow.

• 0:21Speaker 00

  Yes, that one was a surprise.

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  What up? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee, taking real calls from real people going through real challenges in their real lives. That's a lot of real. That's what we do here on the show. We pull up a seat and figure out what's the next right move for you, for you and your family, for you and whoever you're sitting next to. If you want to be on the show, click the link in the show notes and don't forget to pass this episode on to a friend that you think it would be of benefit to. And hit the subscribes and all that shit again. All right, let's go up to Chattanooga, Tennessee, right down the road from me and talk to Elizabeth. Hey, Elizabeth, what's up?

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Hi, how are you?

• 1:12Dr. John Delony?

  Doing great. How are you?

• 1:14Speaker 00

  I'm hanging in there.

• 1:16Dr. John Delony?

  Hanging in there. I'm glad you're here. What's up?

• 1:19Speaker 00

  So, my question is, how do my husband and I prioritize our marriage while we're caring for our son with a severe disability?

• 1:30Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, man, tell me about it.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  So, he had a very traumatic birth. Pregnancy was great, but his birth didn't go well. So, he has a condition called HIE, which essentially means he has a brain damage from oxygen deprivation. And so, he has a feeding tube, he's not mobile, he doesn't talk, he's 19 months old. And that has also led to a cerebral palsy diagnosis.

• 1:59Dr. John Delony?

  I was wondering if that was the ultimate diagnosis was CP. Okay.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Yes, yes. So, essentially, he's gonna live with us for the rest of his life, or our life, whichever comes first. And that's another thing that we're having to kind of navigate in our marriage. So, I just, I'm kind of trying to be a little proactive here. My husband is wonderful. He is like, he is the best man I know. So, I just want to make sure we protect what we have while also caring for him. We have two other boys as well, who are three and two months.

• 2:35Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  Yes, yes. That one was a surprise.

• 2:41Dr. John Delony?

  So, what's your little boy's name?

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Walker.

• 2:50Dr. John Delony?

  Walker.

• 2:51Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 2:52Dr. John Delony?

  Can you do a couple of hard things with me? I know we just, we just met just now, but would you do a couple of hard things with me?

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 3:01Dr. John Delony?

  Go back to a month before Walker was born.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:07Dr. John Delony?

  And imagine yourself laying in your bed next to your husband, and you're at that place where you don't think you could get any pregnant, and because you already have an older one, you know that, oh, yeah, you can. And your husband's laying by you, and he's got his hand on your belly, and y'all are thinking about adding a second son to your, to your family.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:32Dr. John Delony?

  The dreams and the excitement and the, oh, my gosh, I can't believe we're doing this, and how are we gonna do this? We have a, we have a two-year-old that's just peeing everywhere, except in the bathroom, right, in the potty, right?

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:45Dr. John Delony?

  And then the chaos and the trauma and the madness and the scrambling, and now the fog is starting to lift on the reality, right?

• 3:56Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm, yes.

• 3:58Dr. John Delony?

  It's a, it's a, it's a neuroprotective measure, which is a dorky way of saying, it's right and it's normal and it's good to immediately go 70 years down the road and try to solve for that?

• 4:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:15Dr. John Delony?

  But what that also allows you to do is not feel the weight of the grief right this second.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:22Dr. John Delony?

  And we're gonna solve, we're gonna get a, we're gonna get a special needs trust, we're gonna start thinking about new jobs and where we're gonna live, and an ADA accessible house, all these things.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:36Dr. John Delony?

  Helps us at least in the moment, wallpaper over, it's not supposed to be like this.

• 4:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:43Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 4:44Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:46Dr. John Delony?

  I'm sorry.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 4:51Dr. John Delony?

  I'm sorry for Walker, I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for your husband, I'm sorry for your other kids, I'm sorry for all the chaos. All right?

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm, yeah. Sorry.

• 5:14Dr. John Delony?

  Don't you dare apologize to me. Don't you dare apologize. Okay? If nobody's told you this, it's okay to really be sad, and it's okay to cry, and it's okay to look at your son on a feeding tube, unable to roll over on his, on his own, and be mad and angry and upset. All those things are right and okay. You're not a bad mom, you're a good mom, okay?

• 5:44Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 5:46Dr. John Delony?

  And you're allowed to be short-tempered, and you're allowed to, out of nowhere, start sobbing, and you're allowed to, out of nowhere, just wanna smash the cabinets off the wall, all of it, okay?

• 5:57Speaker 00

  And my, my husband tells me that as well.

• 6:00Dr. John Delony?

  Good.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  I think I just, I worry that eventually he's gonna get tired of dealing with it. I don't know. I think it's not very logical, I guess.

• 6:11Dr. John Delony?

  But hold on, grief never is. It's not supposed to be logical. It's a big, dark hole.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:20Dr. John Delony?

  And you have to honor it by spending time in it, or it will chase you forever. Those shadows will cast themselves over your entire life.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. How, how do I navigate that, like, with him, too? Because I feel like he's holding it together so much better than I am.

• 6:38Dr. John Delony?

  He's not. He's just, he's, he's gone into fortify mode, which means he's a good man and a good husband and a good dad.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:47Dr. John Delony?

  But I promise you, he's wrecked, too. Because he had dreams of running around with two boys in the yard also.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:54Dr. John Delony?

  And he had dreams of two boys kicking and screaming in a deer stand, and he was trying to keep them quiet, and he had dreams of who's gonna get married first. He had all those dreams, too.

• 7:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:06Dr. John Delony?

  He's doing what has to be done. One of my closest friends who went through unimaginable grief, I remember him saying, right now, there's work to be done, and that's where your husband is. And so, I would exhale in the space he's providing for you, and also give each other the love and the grace to have space where y'all can talk and where y'all can share. Because that, that fortification that he's, I mean, the work he's doing can also become anesthetizing, too, which is yet another dork word for, it can become a drug, it can become a way to avoid.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:43Dr. John Delony?

  And I don't think, he sounds like he's a good enough man, I don't think he's ever gonna get tired of you, but he might get tired of hurting.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 7:51Dr. John Delony?

  He might get tired of silence. You get what I'm saying?

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Yes, I do.

• 7:55Dr. John Delony?

  So, here's a couple of things y'all can do, all right? And this is gonna sound counterintuitive, some of them, some of them are gonna sound eye-rolly. The steps forward are a whole bunch of little bitty steps, not big, sweeping fireworks shows, okay? Which makes it feel like you're not getting anywhere, but you're gonna look up in one year, two years, 10 years, with whatever Walker's medical journey takes you guys on, whatever happens, you're gonna realize you've come a lot further than you thought you were walking, right? That you thought you were going. I want you to, today, get a worry journal.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:34Dr. John Delony?

  And honor yourself, honor Walker, honor your marriage, honor your husband enough to, when you start worrying about stuff, write them down and get them out of your head.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:44Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? And I want you and your husband to create a weekly check-in that includes worry time.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:52Dr. John Delony?

  All right? And this can be, these can be very, very real worries, these can be ridiculous worries, these can be irrational worries, however you wanna label them. This is, and I want him to get one, too. I want your husband to get one, too. And the magic here is, A, writing the stuff down and getting out of your body, getting out of your head.

• 9:13Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:14Dr. John Delony?

  And B, here's the real magic, sharing it with each other.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Okay, okay.

• 9:20Dr. John Delony?

  Like, I'm gonna read you my top five worries, you read me your top five worries. And this is a weekly check-in, when you would go over calendar stuff, doctor appointments, if, if, if you, hopefully y'all keep a budget together, like, what's our budget look like this week? You've got three kids under two now, so you're gonna have to put things like buying coffee and milk and pumping and sex, you're gonna put everything on the calendar for the rest of your life, right?

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:45Dr. John Delony?

  So, we're gonna do that on a weekly check-in, but y'all are gonna carve some special time just to say, are we on the same page here?

• 9:53Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 9:54Dr. John Delony?

  And the third thing with that worry journal is, I want y'all to honor each other by asking two questions. Are these worries true? And can we do anything about them right now?

• 10:07Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:08Dr. John Delony?

  All right?

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:12Dr. John Delony?

  Will y'all need a special needs trust? Yeah, you will, 100%.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  Uh, yes.

• 10:17Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So, is that a thing you can do at 8 o'clock on a Sunday night, or 2 a.m. on a Tuesday morning? No.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:25Dr. John Delony?

  Right? Can you set an appointment to meet with an attorney? Absolutely. Who, if you're like most families, if you're like I was with two young kids, you don't have anything to put in a trust anyway, right? Do you all need, do you all need term life insurance? Absolutely, you do.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:41Dr. John Delony?

  And so, we're gonna put that on the calendar, we're gonna call Xander, we're gonna get that done.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:46Dr. John Delony?

  Right? But, and again-

• 10:48Speaker 00

  Things like that I haven't even like, oh, I'm sorry.

• 10:49Dr. John Delony?

  That's part of the worry journal, right? Is, are there things we can actually do? Yep. We can do them tomorrow at 10 a.m. We can't do them right now. It's midnight.

• 11:01Dr. John Delony?

  And what you'll find is you'll brain dump a lot onto this journal initially, and then over time, it will get less and less. The, the things you write down may get more and more serious, but they'll get less and less and less. Go ahead, I cut you off.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  Oh, no, you're, I, things like the term life insurance and the, the trust, like, I feel like I haven't even had time to sit down and think about that stuff, cuz we're in, we're seeing specialists constantly and therapists, and then I had a new baby two months ago.

• 11:32Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  And so, it's just survival mode, and I just wanna be with my husband, but then I have other things to think about, and so, it's-

• 11:42Dr. John Delony?

  And those, those things that you think you need to think about, get them out of your head and onto paper.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 11:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? And here's, okay, so let's set worry journal aside. That's gonna be a part of your life for a season, if not forever, okay? I'm an anxious guy, I still have one.

• 11:59Dr. John Delony?

  Here's the second one. The greatest gift you can give Walker and your other two kids is to have an anchored, sturdy marriage.

• 12:11Dr. John Delony?

  What does that mean? That means you and your husband create a secret world that those kids don't come inside of.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 12:18Dr. John Delony?

  That means y'all protect your time together first.

• 12:23Dr. John Delony?

  And that sounds dismissive, that sounds like, you don't know what's going on in my house, like, what I'm telling you is, all the data I have in front of me says, the greatest gift you can give your kids is to love each other really well.

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 12:38Dr. John Delony?

  And so, when we, when you and your husband are looking at the week ahead, what goes on that calendar first is time together.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 12:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay?

• 12:51Speaker 00

  Is it just any time together, or is it like, we're gonna go on a date, or?

• 12:56Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all get to decide that. Right now, a date feels like it would be overwhelming.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:03Dr. John Delony?

  Right? But, but paying a, a local high school kid to come watch the infant and your three-year-old, and right now, you don't feel like it's wise or safe to, if, if Walker can get in a stroller, to, to leave him alone, so we're gonna walk with him, and we're gonna go on a long walk together. We're gonna sit on the back porch and tell our three-year-old, you got a big, big job, cuz you have a little two-month-old brother, and your job is just to sit next to him for 30 minutes with this teddy bear.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  He would, he would love that.

• 13:39Dr. John Delony?

  Of course. And, and let me tell you, I learned this from one of my professors, one of the greatest things you can do to, to kinda put the brakes on sibling rivalry and bring the family together, is to start referring to the younger two brothers as his kids, his brothers.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 13:55Dr. John Delony?

  It'll give them ownership.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  Okay. That's the other thing I've been worried about too, so-

• 14:01Dr. John Delony?

  I know, I know. And I, and here's the thing, your body's working perfectly, cuz you've been through an unimaginable, unexpected, completely out of left field, everything's perfect until suddenly it's, everything's wrong.

• 14:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:16Dr. John Delony?

  And so, your body's gonna worry about everything, because everything's now a threat. Because even the most, you, you'd, you'd had a good pregnancy before.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:25Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so, you're not crazy.

• 14:32Dr. John Delony?

  I want you to start every day with your husband to the best of your ability

• 14:38Dr. John Delony?

  with this question, these two questions. What's our picture of today look like, and how can I love you today?

• 14:45Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 14:46Dr. John Delony?

  And I want him to ask you the same things, and I don't want either of you to pass that off and say, I don't know, I don't know. It might be as simple as, as doing all the bedtimes. It might be as simple as, I need a cup of coffee. It might be, hey, will you leave me a note by my bed that tells me I'm doing a good job as a mom?

• 15:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:06Dr. John Delony?

  Will you just hold me for a while? Will you take this doctor appointment on Tuesday, cuz I don't think I can walk into another doctor's office and be talked down to?

• 15:16Dr. John Delony?

  How can I love you today?

• 15:18Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:19Dr. John Delony?

  Okay?

• 15:20Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.

• 15:22Dr. John Delony?

  A thousand little bitty steps.

• 15:27Dr. John Delony?

  And can I tell you one more thing?

• 15:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:32Dr. John Delony?

  You probably won't be able to hear this right this second, but I want you to never forget what I've, what I'm about to say to you, okay?

• 15:37Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:39Dr. John Delony?

  Walker's situation is not your fault.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:45Dr. John Delony?

  Okay?

• 15:48Dr. John Delony?

  And I, I know you don't believe me. I know that your body doesn't wanna accept that right now, cuz it's trying to make sure this never happens again.

• 15:57Dr. John Delony?

  It wasn't, it's not your fault. It wasn't your fault, it will never be your fault, okay?

• 16:02Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:05Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 16:07Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you for calling and for, and pulling up a seat and sitting with me.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  Thank you for sitting with me.

• 16:14Dr. John Delony?

  Call anytime, okay? And if your husband wants to call, I'd love to talk to him as well. Um, y'all have a long, hard, hard road ahead of you. No question about it.

• 16:24Dr. John Delony?

  But your anchor point comes first.

• 16:29Dr. John Delony?

  There'll be times of joy and laughter and great, great grief and sorrow.

• 16:34Dr. John Delony?

  And right now, more grief and more sorrow than anything else.

• 16:40Dr. John Delony?

  Remember the anchor point.

• 16:43Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all are lucky to have each other. He's a good man, and you're a good mom.

• 16:48Dr. John Delony?

  When we come back, a man asks how to find alternative ways to cope with depression instead of eating his feelings in bed. We'll be right back.

• 16:58Dr. John Delony?

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• 17:43Dr. John Delony?

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• 18:21Dr. John Delony?

  All right, this drives me bonkers, but our culture has made being exhausted something to be proud of. People brag about how busy they are, how little sleep they get, and how exhausted they always feel. Being tired is not a flex. You know what's a flex? Getting good sleep. And good sleep starts with a great mattress, and that's why I love mattresses from Helix Sleep. Helix is not just a show sponsor for me. I love them. My kids sleep on Helix, I sleep on Helix, even my extended family members and friends, they're all starting to sleep on Helix mattresses, because I won't shut up talking about them, even in my private life, when the cameras and the microphones are off. Imagine if the people who made your

• 19:04Dr. John Delony?

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• 19:41Dr. John Delony?

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• 19:57Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and talk to John. Hey, John, what's up, dude?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Hey, Dr. John, thanks for taking my call.

• 20:05Dr. John Delony?

  Thanks for calling, brother. What's up?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Well, I wrote down my question, so I didn't go too crazy here. Um, how can I find alternate ways to cope with my depression instead of retreating to my bed and eating my feelings?

• 20:18Dr. John Delony?

  Ah, man. Tell me about it. Tell me about your depression.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Well, I, I've kind of always, not, I won't say always, but more in the past few years, kind of developed a depression. Um, it's not an uncommon thing in my family.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  But it's gotten worse lately, I'd say.

• 20:42Dr. John Delony?

  So, this is gonna sound like a strange question, and, and for, for you, you know this, but for listeners, depression has a, um, a pretty strong genetic link, right? A body's, like, when it, when it gets faced with stress and all kinds of environmental challenges, it has a default mode, which is, I'm gonna, I'm gonna shut things down, I'm gonna get under the blankets, right?

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:08Dr. John Delony?

  What, what, over the last couple of years, what recently, has your body been depressing away from?

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Um, well, I guess, just different, like, relationships, I would say.

• 21:22Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, tell me about them.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Well, I was in a, I would say, a long-distance relationship with an old friend for a while, and that all kind of fell apart and threw me off for a couple of weeks.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, like, can't figure out how to phrase this properly.

• 21:47Dr. John Delony?

  Um. Just let it rip. There's no way to, just, just, just, just vomit it up.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, so my friend who moved states, I want to say about a couple of months ago. Um, um, she, we had started kind of talking and then she moved and we figured we can try the long distance for a while and then some other factors from her side just led to it not working out. Um, I don't want, it's not my story to tell, but, um.

• 22:23Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  And it just kind of fell apart and we haven't really talked since.

• 22:31Dr. John Delony?

  Um, what feels heavier to you? The heartbreak, the romantic heartbreak, or you lost your friend, or both?

• 22:40Speaker 02

  I would say the loss of the friend because it was a significantly longer time than the romantic side of it.

• 22:47Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. I'm sorry that happened, dude. How old are you?

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm 19.

• 22:52Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that's a big one. That, that breaks, that's, heartbreak's the worst, man.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:57Dr. John Delony?

  Um, tell me about your job. Tell me about school. What are you doing outside of your home?

• 23:04Speaker 02

  So I'm a C and C machinist.

• 23:06Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  For a local shop in town.

• 23:08Dr. John Delony?

  Excellent.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  Um, I'm kind of in between some school stuff right now. Um, going back in the fall to kind of get a piece of paper for my job, proving I can, if we do it at some other shops, but.

• 23:24Dr. John Delony?

  So, if you have this picture of the man you want to be at 25, paint me that picture.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  I, I guess I don't really know. I, I.

• 23:38Dr. John Delony?

  Rattle some things off. Do, do you, do you still live with your parents?

• 23:41Speaker 02

  I do, yes.

• 23:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Do you want to have your own place?

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 23:45Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Do you, um, still drive your parents' car?

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Um, well, that's a, that's a complicated thing. I, my parents run the shop I work at, so.

• 23:55Dr. John Delony?

  Ah, okay.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Technically, yes.

• 23:58Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Do you want to be independent from them and have your own boss who's not also telling you what time to be home and to take out the trash when you get, when you get there?

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:08Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Um, tell me about your, you mentioned that you, in, in the call, that you eat your feelings, been there. Um, when you look in the mirror, tell me, describe to me what you see.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Well, with, with that, yeah, my, my weight's always been kind of a struggle for me.

• 24:31Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Um, and just kind of seeing sad and lazy all the time when I look in the mirror.

• 24:40Dr. John Delony?

  Where, where do the judgments come? Like, whose voices are those judgments?

• 24:46Speaker 02

  My own.

• 24:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, but they came from somewhere.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Well.

• 24:52Dr. John Delony?

  Middle school kids? Have you always been the kid in husky jeans as your mom always tried to put you on a diet? Where does that come from?

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've, I've always been the stereotypical, you know, the fat, funny kid.

• 25:03Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, and a lot of my family is kind of the same way. Um, and yeah, I hear it from my, my folks a lot.

• 25:13Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  And I try and then stuff happens and then the cycle continues, but.

• 25:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 25:22Dr. John Delony?

  Uh, I hate this for you, man. The, the beautiful thing is you live at a time when there's some great challenges and you live at a time when there are just an endless amounts of, endless amount of, of support and solutions, if you will.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 25:45Dr. John Delony?

  The challenge for you is answering the question, are you worth the work?

• 25:56Dr. John Delony?

  Cause here's the, here's the path you're on and then I want you to answer that question for me. Any path you take from this point forward is going to be hard. It's going to be hard to work for your parents, live in their house, have them threaten you with your cell phone plan, have them tell you you need to lose weight, make comments about you. That's going to be hard. Them, in, in a family business, either family business is like, it tends to barbell, either they overpay you or they underpay you, right?

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:25Dr. John Delony?

  So that's going to be a hard path. Another hard path, and, and by the way, going home, closing your door and having the only space that's yours, that's technically your parents, but you close the space and you can sit in your bed and you can scroll the internet and you can eat.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:42Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And it takes, it takes the sharpness off the pain a little bit until you wake up the next morning, wake up, go to the bathroom, you see yourself in the mirror and that shame spiral starts over again, right?

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:53Dr. John Delony?

  And you put your clothes on, you drop your head a little bit, you get in your dad's car and you drive your dad's office to work for your dad.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:00Dr. John Delony?

  Right? That's a hard path, man.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:04Dr. John Delony?

  And deciding this fall, I am going to absolutely grade A bust my butt in school and not just get a certificate, but actually learn these skills, make myself the most marketable version of myself. By the way, I'm going to take advantage of my student rec fees and I'm going to go see the nutritionist on staff. I'm going to go to the counseling center because I already paid for it and get a handle on a generational challenge of my body depresses when things get scary or hard or frightening. I'm going to use the gym resources and I'm going to slowly but surely take a hard path and change my family tree, starting with that guy in the mirror. That's going to be hard, too.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:51Dr. John Delony?

  So the path before you is which hard you want to choose?

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Well, I guess I would, I would say, you know, the, the path where I'm a little more, you know, independent. Um.

• 28:09Dr. John Delony?

  You're not at a place where I think you can do a little of anything.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 28:16Dr. John Delony?

  I want you to consider, and it's rare for me to say this, I want you to consider you're at a fork in the road.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 28:26Dr. John Delony?

  Is there a possibility, and you don't have to announce this to anybody, that by Christmas, we're in the middle of the summer here, by Christmas, you're down 25 pounds, you're seeing a therapist regularly, you're working at another shop, you have a small one bedroom apartment or a two bedroom apartment with roommates, you pay your own cell phone bill, that you see this light at the end of the tunnel and it's not an oncoming train, but it's actually a path to freedom, independence, to strength, to I'm worth the life I want to create for myself.

• 29:12Dr. John Delony?

  Or put another way, I want to feel good when I wake up in the morning. Aesthetics is part of that. Not having a sugar crash hangover from the night before, that's part of that.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:25Dr. John Delony?

  But I just want to feel good. I want to feel good in my own skin.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:30Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 29:30Speaker 02

  I could see that being a, a possibility there.

• 29:35Dr. John Delony?

  So it's not just about gaining a little bit more independence. It's about standing up as tall as you can and saying, I'm going to take, to kind of go sideways on the Robert Frost poem, I'm going to take the road less traveled here for my family, for me. I'm going to create something different so that my kids and my grandkids have a different picture of what life looks like.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:00Dr. John Delony?

  And there's going to be a bunch of forces pushing against you on that. It's going to be hard.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:07Dr. John Delony?

  I for one think you're worth the hard, the hard path that's going to get you where you want to go. Do you think you're worth that?

• 30:18Speaker 02

  I would say yes.

• 30:19Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  Sometimes, obviously not all the time, but I would say majority of the time, I would say yes.

• 30:24Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Um, I, I've said this a thousand times in the show, I'm going to say it a thousand times more. A sentence that changed my life was from my buddy Sal DiStefano.

• 30:37Dr. John Delony?

  And he is one of the founding members of Mind Pump. By the way, I'm going to give you any Mind Pump workout that you want, okay? Any of their exercise programs. They've graciously offered to give it to callers on this show. Um, you can get online, find whichever one you want and then let our, my team know and we'll get you hooked up for free, okay?

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 30:58Dr. John Delony?

  And you can carry that paper into the local university gym, local college, okay?

• 31:04Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 31:05Dr. John Delony?

  But here's the thing. Here's what he told me. He said, if you think you're gross, if you think you're overweight, if you think you're fat, if you think you're lazy, think you're a bum, and you go to the gym to punish yourself, because this is what you get. If you don't eat that whole pizza, if you don't eat ice cream in bed, you white knuckle your way through it, if you don't deal with your depression, because this is what I get, you will always crash. But if you look in the mirror and, and no one I know is super happy with where they are on their journey. We all want to be further along down the road, right? But.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:46Dr. John Delony?

  I'm worth feeling good when I wake up. I'm worth working for myself or working in somebody's shop. I'm worth having parents who their only job in my life is to be my mom and my dad, not my boss too, and my landlord and my financiers, right? I'm worth feeling great.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:10Dr. John Delony?

  About where I am now and more importantly, where I'm headed. You'll do that for the rest of your life because it's coming from a place of worth, not a, a place of punishment.

• 32:20Dr. John Delony?

  And so in those moments where you don't even believe it yourself, I want you, you to hear me say, you're worth being well, you're worth being loved, you're worth laughing, you're worth feeling good when you wake up in the morning. You're worth having your own place. You're worth getting to decide from a variety of different places, what shop you want to work in. You're worth all that stuff, man.

• 32:51Dr. John Delony?

  You're worth, my experience being around guys who label themselves as the fat funny guy, is there's a deep, deep insecurity, deep, deep pain there, and they want to make sure that everybody else is doing okay, that they're laughing, that they're having fun, because they don't want anyone else to feel the way they feel inside. I want you to hear me say you're worth feeling well, too.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess I've always been told I'm always been the fix-it guy for people around me.

• 33:22Dr. John Delony?

  All right, so love yourself enough to go inside and start working on you first. So that you can be available to walk alongside any number of other people, right?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:35Dr. John Delony?

  So this week,

• 33:39Dr. John Delony?

  we're gonna call a counselor, and if you've already enrolled in school, I want you to call and see if you can start seeing a counselor this summer. Some of them work on nine-month contracts, but a lot of them are on 12-month contracts, and they just sit in their offices in the summer. I want you to reach out and see if you can start going now. Depression's a very real dragon, and I want you to face it head-on. But you can't face it by yourself. You gotta get real professional help. This doesn't mean you're broken. This doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It means that your body's got a possibly genetic, biochemical, any number of things, way of dealing with the world. And so we're gonna face it head-on. And there's amazing peptides, there's amazing medications, there's so many amazing things,

• 34:22Dr. John Delony?

  not to quote-unquote "fix" you, but to support you along the path towards becoming the man you want to become. And it's a thousand little steps, over and over and over again. You're worth it, all of it. You should call a professional this week. I want you to reimagine your schooling. I want you to create a path for yourself so that at Christmas, you've got options, options where you live, where you work, all of it. And surround yourself with good young men who are also on their path to becoming the men they want to be, and not just surrounding yourself with family members who have their own negative stories about you. You're worth all of it, brother. Thank you so much for the call. I'm grateful

• 35:05Dr. John Delony?

  that you reached out. It's a brave thing to do, my man. Call me at Christmas, because I want to have you back on the show, and we're gonna see where you are. And we're gonna be cheering you every step of the way. We come back, a woman asks if she's choosing a DIY wedding out of respect, or fear of judgment from her parents. We'll be right back. Montana Knife Company has launched their first folding knife to Montana. I didn't think it would be this cool. It's this cool. It's the greatest pocket knife I've ever used. I've been telling you about Montana Knife Company's fixed blades for hunting, for cooking, for working out on the ranch, and they took that same 30 years of craftsmanship

• 35:46Dr. John Delony?

  and precision, and they brought it to a folding knife, and they nailed it. This is the ultimate everyday carry blade. And here's what I really love about Montana Knife Company. These are working knives made by people who actually use them right here in America. I recently spent time with founder Josh Smith, and he personally walked me through the details and components of the folding knife, and the other knives Montana Knife Company creates. He's one of just over 100 master bladesmiths in the world, and the quality of his knives prove it. The Montana Knife Company Montana is the pocket knife perfected. And like all Montana Knife Company knives, this is something your grandkids are gonna fight over years

• 36:29Dr. John Delony?

  from now. The Montana sold out in half an hour last time, and there's a new drop this week. It's gonna sell out super, super fast. So go to montanaknifecompany.com right now. That's montanaknifecompany.com.

• 36:45Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Houston, Texas, and talk to Sarah. What's up, Sarah?

• 36:51Speaker 03

  Hi, how are you?

• 36:52Dr. John Delony?

  Great, how are you?

• 36:53Speaker 03

  I'm doing good.

• 36:54Dr. John Delony?

  What's going on?

• 36:56Speaker 03

  So I'm getting married in a couple months.

• 36:59Dr. John Delony?

  Gross. To who?

• 37:02Speaker 03

  The love of my life.

• 37:04Dr. John Delony?

  Are they awesome?

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's fabulous.

• 37:08Dr. John Delony?

  I love it. And also, ew. Good for you, Sarah. That's awesome. Congratulations. All right, so what's up?

• 37:16Speaker 03

  So up to this point, I have, we have decided to have a dry wedding, because my family is very against drinking. So we don't really want to have a dry wedding, but I fear that it will hurt my relationship with my family if I do decide to have alcohol at my wedding.

• 37:37Dr. John Delony?

  Does your family not want to be around alcohol for moral or religious reasons, or because they're in recovery?

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Yes, moral and religious really reasons, yes.

• 37:48Dr. John Delony?

  And for them, that, choosing to go to a place that has alcohol, or an event that has alcohol, and just not participate, just choose to not drink, but they're willing to sacrifice their relationship with you on the altar of their beliefs?

• 38:12Speaker 03

  I'm not sure to what extent it would hurt our relationship, but I do, I do know they would view me very differently afterwards.

• 38:24Dr. John Delony?

  How old are you?

• 38:26Speaker 03

  I'm 25.

• 38:27Dr. John Delony?

  25, okay. Do you still hide all the wine when they come over?

• 38:32Speaker 03

  Yes, everybody, we all do. Clear the fridge.

• 38:40Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, here's the thing. You want two things that are competing interests. You want your family to celebrate you and love you for who you are, and celebrate you on your big day, and you want to have alcohol at your wedding. You get to choose whether you, A, which one of those wants is more powerful, and B, you get to choose how you frame it.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:04Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 39:07Dr. John Delony?

  It's really that simple. I wish it was more complicated than that. I can choose, you know what, I don't think alcohol's wrong, but I also want to honor my parents, and I want them there, so I won't have it here. Is that a bummer?

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:21Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Are we gonna have an after-party? For sure. But I want everybody there, that's a bigger deal to me than whatever.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:32Dr. John Delony?

  Or, no, this is my party, it's my wedding, I want to celebrate me and my husband, and our union, and our friends, however I want to. And if you all don't want to be a part of that, I respect that. I'll break my heart, but I'll respect it. And then I'm gonna choose to do, have the wedding that I want to have.

• 39:53Dr. John Delony?

  And then any story you tell yourself on the back end of that, in a weird way, is a choice whether you're gonna be happy about it, or be miserable about it.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:03Dr. John Delony?

  Right? The story you can make up about your parents is, man, they're so convicted, this is such a big deal to them, they don't even want to be around it. There may even be stuff, I don't know, besides their espoused moral and religious beliefs. I'm gonna honor that. That's a strong conviction, but I want y'all here, so, cool. Or you can be like, I can't believe, they're the worst, they're two-faced, one-time, you can do that, too. One of those will lower your blood pressure, one of those stories will raise it.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just have concerns of, they're obviously two of the most important people of the day, but two people, like, basically dictating the whole day.

• 40:46Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Well,

• 40:48Speaker 03

  You know?

• 40:49Dr. John Delony?

  You're 25, you're about to get married. Is there come a point when you sit down with your parents and have a conversation, or are they so bullheaded, they can't even hear that?

• 40:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm not sure. They could hear it.

• 41:01Dr. John Delony?

  What makes you think that?

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Just how strongly they feel about it, and how...

• 41:08Dr. John Delony?

  But do you know how strong they feel about you?

• 41:12Speaker 03

  That's fair.

• 41:15Dr. John Delony?

  Because they may run their mouth a lot about this thing, or that thing, or this belief, or this value.

• 41:24Dr. John Delony?

  I, I, I'm pretty outspoken about credit card points, okay? I talk about it on national radio. I talk about it all over the world, right? Um, I, I, I don't use a credit card for credit card points, because I don't want people who are struggling, I don't want single moms, I don't want dads who just lost their jobs, I don't want them and their late payments paying for my free hotel rooms. It feels gross to me. And every single friend I have on the planet uses credit card points, right?

• 42:06Dr. John Delony?

  And so if we're out to dinner, and one of them says, hey, I'm grabbing the dinner, I don't fight him in the parking lot. They've made a different judgment than I have. They have a different set of moral values than I have. And they think I'm dumb, and I think they're mean, right? Like, and they're also, I love their kids, and they love my kids, and I love their friends, and they're, like, so it coexists together.

• 42:31Dr. John Delony?

  But I think, I think for you, at some point, you're gonna, let me put it this way, there will be a showdown at some point. I would rather there be less of a showdown, and more of you standing up and saying, I'm about to be a married woman, I'm 25 years old, I want to sit down and have an adult conversation with my parents. And then we all get to make adult decisions about what happens next. And if they act like immature brats, then you get to decide what you do next.

• 43:02Dr. John Delony?

  And maybe if you sit down and say, I want y'all to know I love you, and I honor you, and I know you'll have some very strong beliefs about some things, I'm planning my wedding, I'm paying for it, we've put this together, and we're choosing to have alcohol at the wedding, I know that's a big deal for you, it would mean the world to me if y'all still came.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 43:28Dr. John Delony?

  Here's what you're doing. You're taking away all the, how many imaginary conversations have you had with them about this very topic?

• 43:34Speaker 03

  A few, but, yeah, I feel like I just, I know how it would go.

• 43:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, let me back out and ask you another question. How, what other parts of your life are they still trying to control?

• 43:53Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't think any other aspects.

• 43:58Dr. John Delony?

  Do they love this boy you're marrying?

• 44:01Speaker 03

  They do. Yeah.

• 44:03Dr. John Delony?

  Do they still pay your cellphone bill?

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:07Dr. John Delony?

  Are you serious? You're 25. Get your own cellphone plan. Do they still pay your gas, your insurance?

• 44:12Speaker 03

  No.

• 44:13Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 44:16Dr. John Delony?

  Like I said earlier, a showdown's coming. When you'll have your first kid and they say, my kids are gonna go to this school and you're like, we can't afford that. Or that's not in our value system.

• 44:26Dr. John Delony?

  Or when they say, hey, we're all going on this trip and you're like, we can't make it on that trip. We're not, we're, we have different financial priorities. Like a showdown's coming.

• 44:39Dr. John Delony?

  An honest, dignified, treating them with highest respect conversation. I don't know. It seems, it seems worth it to me unless you just, you know them better than I do. Unless you just, no, no, no. This is gonna cause World War III.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  I think it's worth having a conversation. You're right.

• 44:58Dr. John Delony?

  Why, why do you think they're gonna, like, they may not come to your wedding. Why do you think they're gonna judge you differently?

• 45:06Speaker 03

  I think they would come, but I think

• 45:11Speaker 03

  they would act sour.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  And because they judge everybody else.

• 45:19Dr. John Delony?

  Ah.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Very, yes.

• 45:26Dr. John Delony?

  And you think that judgment would extend to you?

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:30Dr. John Delony?

  You're like, oh, yeah.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Absolutely. I've heard it my entire life.

• 45:34Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  So.

• 45:36Dr. John Delony?

  Could you lead with that? I'm afraid y'all are gonna judge me and think less of me, but y'all did a good job with me.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz.

• 45:46Dr. John Delony?

  All right. Don't do this cuz I'm saying, I, I think you should. Do it because you think it's gonna, I, I have a rule that I don't have conversations with people that can't hear me or that won't hear me. I just don't. I don't engage in it. And so if you don't think they're gonna hear you, if it doesn't, it doesn't matter how compassionately and respectfully you approach them. It's just gonna end with them being disrespectful back to you, then you make that decision for yourself. I I would rather somebody think that

• 46:20Dr. John Delony?

  I'd rather somebody know that I had alcohol at my wedding than think I'm a dishonest person or know that I lied to them. And so I just don't wanna be in the business of lying to people that I also crave their respect and their care and their love.

• 46:38Dr. John Delony?

  And so

• 46:41Dr. John Delony?

  I'd hate it if they saw the totality of the woman you're becoming at your wedding and they chose to put you in a bucket that said worthy of negative judgment because she had champagne at her wedding or whatever. Had a dance at her wedding, or whatever. Um, I would hate that, but you can't control that. All you can control is you.

• 47:02Dr. John Delony?

  But I think being a person of integrity now and forever is always the right move. Thanks for the call, sister. We'll be right back.

• 47:12Dr. John Delony?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer's a time when people escape. Whether it's relaxing, going on vacation, we've all been sold this lie that if we could just get away from it all, everything will magically work itself out when we return. Here's the thing. A vacation won't fix what you won't face. If you're anxious, burned out, or struggling, these problems will be waiting for you when you get home. And this is why I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that fits into your life. You can talk with a licensed therapist by phone, video, or messaging from anywhere. No commuting, no sitting in a waiting room, just a safe place to process what's actually going on in your life.

• 47:53Dr. John Delony?

  And all of BetterHelp's therapists follow a strict code of conduct. You can message your therapist and schedule sessions right in the app. If it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime for no extra cost. This summer, don't ignore what's coming to the surface. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop running from it and start dealing with it. Go to betterhelp.com/deloney to get 10% off. That's betterhelp, H E L P dot com slash deloney.

• 48:20Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Kelly, you want my hot take on something? What is that?

• 48:23Speaker 04

  I do. So recently, there was a video that came out of, um,

• 48:28Dr. John Delony?

  Like on the internet somewhere?

• 48:29Speaker 04

  On the internets, yes. Um, there was a, a young father that took his daughter into a restroom at a gas station.

• 48:37Dr. John Delony?

  Ah.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  And she, I don't know, five or six years old.

• 48:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  And he took her into the women's restroom. Um, and it was one that had multiple stalls. And according to later talks with the father, he had said, is there anybody in here, you know, brought her in there? To avoid taking this little girl into a men's restroom where she could see things that she's, doesn't need to see right now.

• 49:01Dr. John Delony?

  I would take my daughter to Sharon Noble, just for a playdate before I would take her into a men's restroom and a gas station.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  At a gas station. So the video ended up being a woman, I guess, or not a guess, a woman had, was walking into the restroom and this man is standing there helping his little girl wash her hands.

• 49:19Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 49:20Speaker 04

  And she went and got her husband and he starts filming. So they're standing in the restroom filming this guy and this man is yelling at this father. And he won't get out and he's ignoring me and I called, he called the cops. And this dad is standing there trying to help his little girl who is freaking out and terrified because she hears that the cops are being called, you're gonna get arrested, someone's yelling at her and she's terrified. And the video is this dad, very gently, it's okay, honey, just wash your hands, let's get them washed and everything. Trying to ignore the situation to get his daughters cleaned up and out of the restroom.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Now, it did come out that later, the cops came up and they were like, nope, he did the right thing.

• 50:07Dr. John Delony?

  Yes.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  And then the, the man that was filming, his employer saw it and they, he ended up getting fired from his job. But there's been a lot of question on the, on the internet of, did this dad do the right thing?

• 50:20Dr. John Delony?

  Yes, in every way imaginable.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  If you're in that situation, you know, what do you do?

• 50:24Dr. John Delony?

  Yes.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  And then some of the, I guess devil's advocate type discussion is, well, as a mom, if I've got a little boy, I take him in the women's restroom. But then I thought this was a good point. Somebody said, yes, where all the stalls are separate.

• 50:39Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, there's not, there's not just like, in a men's restroom, if you don't hang out there regularly.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  Not, not normally.

• 50:45Dr. John Delony?

  Usually one stall and two or three or four glorified holes in the wall. And yeah, when you go into a women's restroom, they've got safe little houses that you can go to the bathroom in with locks on the doors. Totally, totally different. It's, it's not, it's not apples, apples. Here's what pisses me off, but you just told me.

• 51:10Dr. John Delony?

  I'm so sick. Cuz here, here's the thing. I would have, being a guy who's worked with young people my whole life, being the dad of a daughter. If my wife, who I trust with my life, comes out and says, there's something not right in here. The first thing I'm gonna think to do is not grab my phone. It's to walk in and say, is everybody okay in here? Make eye contact with that little girl. Are we good? Cuz I get the impulse, did a strange man drag a girl into a strange gas station bathroom? That's a fair impulse. I get that. You don't record it first. You go on behalf of a child, you go, you go say, hey, is everybody okay in here?

• 51:51Dr. John Delony?

  And not, I'm, I'm, I'm telling on you and I've, I'm recording it and start screaming and freaking out. That, that makes me so enraged. That's our culture now. There's no intervention, there's no support, there's no, hey, is everybody okay? It's, I'm gonna get a lot of likes and views, or I'm gonna get this on, on record. Madness, madness. So yeah, dad did exactly the right thing. Perfect right thing. And

• 52:15Dr. John Delony?

  I hate that grownups are acting like children these days.

• 52:19Speaker 04

  And a couple of the women that responded were, and I remember having this, we were at a baseball game. And, um, I took my son to the restroom and he was younger, you know, and he's like, mom, I don't wanna go in the women's restroom. And I was like, oh my God, I gotta sit in, standing outside the men's restroom and call it like, to make sure I could hear him. And I remember yelling in, if anyone touches my son, I will kill you. And all the men in there were like, we get it, we get it. And as they all came out, the men would be like, he's washing his hands, he's doing okay, you know, he's, all this. But I mean, standing there outside that door, ready to, you know, charge the gates of hell with a water pistol.

• 52:57Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 52:58Speaker 04

  If I hear one thing, or if my son's not out here in 30 seconds.

• 53:01Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, of course.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  But that's different, yeah, than taking a little girl in there into a men's restroom.

• 53:07Dr. John Delony?

  With, with no question.

• 53:09Speaker 04

  Right, because just the way the restrooms are set up, 100% different. And yeah.

• 53:14Dr. John Delony?

  And forget, let's, let's just be ridiculous, not ridiculous, let's just be factual for a second.

• 53:20Dr. John Delony?

  The data's pretty clear. There are way more men who abuse kids than women who abuse kids. And so even if you wanna look at a risk profile, that's gender profile, it's just math, it's numbers, it's data. So yes, there's a higher risk. Get over it. And in fact, if you walk up on that, tell that dad, if you're a concerned citizen, pull that dad aside and say, that daughter won the freaking lottery getting you as his dad, getting her as your dad. Like, well done, man. That's awesome. Y'all go grab a couple of cokes cuz they're on me. Like, see a dad trying to do the right thing and support him. My gosh.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Because, you know, you're concerned for the child.

• 54:05Dr. John Delony?

  You're not.

• 54:06Speaker 04

  And so then you're the one terrifying that poor child who now thinks the cops are gonna come get her dad.

• 54:11Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 54:12Speaker 04

  Because she had to pee.

• 54:12Dr. John Delony?

  And shout out to the police officers for responding to a potential child abuse situation. And looking at this moron and saying, what are you doing? This guy's being a good dad. He's trying to take care of his kid and get back on the road.

• 54:25Dr. John Delony?

  Cool video, dork. Jeez. Put your phones down and engage in life, people.

• 54:32Dr. John Delony?

  What else? You got anything else? No, my blood pressure's all up. I'm trying to like be more chill these days.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Off my list today now. I'm good.

• 54:38Dr. John Delony?

  That's, that's a daily activity for you.

• 54:41Speaker 04

  And the good thing is, is I'm able to check that off most days.

• 54:44Dr. John Delony?

  Most every day. Well done. Love you guys. Bye.