Overcome SELF-DOUBT & Live Your Best Life Today (6 Steps to Success!) | Lewis Howes

In this exclusive cut from Lewis’s newest book, The Greatness Mindset, Lewis shares his invaluable insights on two pivotal themes: the silent dream-killer, self-doubt, and the remarkable fear conversion toolkit for unlocking your full potential. In this transformative episode, not only do you get to hear Lewis Howes' wisdom firsthand, but you also gain access to his 6-step plan for harnessing your weaknesses, boosting your self-belief, and embarking on a journey towards a life filled with purpose and greatness. Buy yourself and a friend a copy of The Greatness Mindset TODAY! In this episode you will learnHow self-doubt can silently sabotage your dreams. The pivotal importance of believing in yourself. The joy of being your authentic self and celebrating others. How to become your own greatest coach and supporter. The extraordinary power of facing your fears to achieve lasting happiness. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1548For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Rob Dial – https://link.chtbl.com/1516-podDr Joe Dispenza – https://link.chtbl.com/1494-podInky Johnson – https://link.chtbl.com/1483-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  Greatness Media presents The Greatness Mindset. Unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:30Lewis Howes?

  The Dream Killer: Self-Doubt. When I was growing up, my father never acknowledged my birthday. No parties, no gifts, no cake. One day, I asked him, "Dad, how come you don't celebrate my birthday? Do you not love me?" "I love you very much," he replied. "I celebrate you every day." But in my work and life experience, I see so many people limited by their age because they have a limiting mindset about time. Sure, I would have loved to have had some presents and cake now and then, but his message was a powerful shaping influence in my life from an early age.

• 1:15Lewis Howes?

  "I never want you to feel like you're too old to start something," he told me. "I never want you to feel like you're too young or too inexperienced to chase your dreams. I never want you to feel like you're not capable of developing the resources, the intelligence, the wisdom, the skills, the experience to attract abundance in your life." In short, Dad was telling me, "Lewis, I never want you to feel like you are not enough."

• 1:45Lewis Howes?

  Do you know what kills more dreams than anything else on the entire planet? Self-doubt. So many people fail before they begin simply because they do not believe they can succeed. All the fears of failure, success, and judgment contribute to this one potent poison.

• 2:06Lewis Howes?

  I saw this dream killer at work as far back as in the eighth grade. I looked up to a senior basketball player who was the most talented athlete I'd ever seen at the time. It was freakish how explosive he was. He was totally jacked with a forty-plus inch vertical leap and could do three hundred sixty-degree dunks. You name it, the guy had incredible athletic ability. Here I was, a skinny little thirteen-year-old who could barely jump and touch the basketball rim. I had every reason to doubt my own ability and every reason to think he would go on to be a professional athlete.

• 2:46Lewis Howes?

  But despite his talent, he did not believe in himself. Time and again, he buckled under pressure. Watching him fall short of his potential taught me that incredible talent doesn't matter if you don't know how to believe in yourself. More importantly, if you have the mentality of a winner and are willing to work hard to overcome adversity, you don't have to be the most talented athlete to win. When I shared this story with pro athlete trainer Tim Grover, he agreed. In fact, he said he would rather work with less talented athletes if those athletes worked hard to bring their A-game. Those athletes were always his best.

• 3:30Lewis Howes?

  They were winners. They became great.

• 3:36Lewis Howes?

  Not enough? Maybe at this point in the journey to greatness, you have some sense of what your meaningful mission might be. You've identified fears that hold you back. You want to step up and step into greatness, but you're feeling too young or too old. Maybe you feel you have too many responsibilities now in this season of life, or think it's too late for you to pursue your mission. Maybe you just don't feel qualified yet. The bottom line is, when you doubt your capability, you intimidate yourself, making it impossible to take action. You are enough. Unfortunately, positivity doesn't come naturally for most of us, including how we view ourselves.

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  And often, a person's environment can contribute to a self-deprecating mindset. Joel Osteen is one of the most abundantly positive people I have ever met. He attributes his positivity and confidence to his parents, who surrounded him with encouragement and optimism. They frequently affirmed his abilities and worth. After ministering for many years, Joel discovered many people have a natural recording in their minds telling them they aren't good enough. Their own negativity picks away at their self-confidence, holding them back from greatness. With that in mind, Joel shared with me a piece of wisdom he received from his dad.

• 5:04Lewis Howes?

  "You'll never rise any higher than the way you see yourself." "The only way to silence the negative recording," says Joel, "is to pay attention to your thoughts about yourself and align them with the vision you want for your future." Want to get out of debt? Want to drop 20 pounds? Do you want to grow a thriving business? Whatever success looks like for you, you have to be able to envision yourself achieving that dream, or you'll never make the moves to achieve it. Now, you may be thinking you don't doubt your ability, therefore, you don't struggle with self-doubt. However, there is a second form of self-doubt, and that is doubt about your self-worth.

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  Far too many people secretly struggle with thinking they do not deserve greatness, or even goodness for that matter. That's why I was so grateful when my friend Dan Millman introduced me to the "Yes, Thank You" practice. It's simple but effective. When opportunities for success come your way, choose to believe you deserve them and simply say, "Yes, thank you," to the world. By practicing this response, you acknowledge your own worth and deservedness as a human being. You aren't more deserving than anyone else, but you aren't any less deserving either.

• 6:31Lewis Howes?

  And too often, we self-sabotage because we don't believe we deserve success. "I am not enough. I am not worthy." Because we don't think we are worthy, we conclude that any initial success must be temporary. As a result, we subconsciously make things harder on ourselves, simply because we don't believe we deserve the rewards. Your fear of failure becomes a self-affirming prophecy, all because you don't believe yourself worthy. Your fear of success limits your possibilities, all because you don't believe you are worthy. Your fear of the judgment from others causes you to compromise, all because you don't believe you are worthy.

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  Practice showing yourself kindness, or as Dan says, ask yourself daily, "How good can I stand it today?" Every day, work up your tolerance to goodness, until you can say, "I am worthy of greatness."

• 7:33Lewis Howes?

  A work in progress.

• 7:37Lewis Howes?

  Kindness to ourselves is one of the biggest keys to conquering the dream killer of self-doubt. While we might show tremendous gratitude towards others, most of us struggle to show gratitude towards ourselves. For example, I can show myself gratitude for being consistent with what I said I was going to do. Maybe I showed up on time to events, or followed through on my 30-day challenge, drank my target amount of water each day, or even got the sleep I needed to deliver my best. In all of those instances, no matter how small, I can be thankful to myself that I was enough. I'm not talking about stroking our egos like an egomaniac narcissist,

• 8:22Lewis Howes?

  but simply acknowledging our successes and being grateful for our own contribution to them.

• 8:29Lewis Howes?

  I saw an example of this when I saw a video of Snoop Dogg after he was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He rattled off a long list of all the things he was grateful for and thanked a lot of people. Lastly, he said, "I want to thank me. I want to thank me for believing in me. I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I want to thank me for having no days off. I want to thank me for never quitting. I want to thank me for always being a giver and trying to give more than I receive. I want to thank me for trying to do more rights than wrongs. I want to thank me for just being me at all times."

• 9:13Lewis Howes?

  It's true, we don't thank ourselves enough. We're not grateful to ourselves when we show up and do the work, when we do something challenging, when we have that hard conversation, when we call to reconcile someone with whom we had a falling out, when we do the emotional healing work required to move past the trauma in our lives, when we face the fears and insecurities and push past them. I found a powerful practice to affirm that we are, in fact, enough. Show appreciation to yourself twice a day, once in the morning and then again at night. By doing this every day, you release a waterfall of abundance that will flow over you and

• 9:57Lewis Howes?

  draw other positive opportunities towards you. Going back to Dan Millman, he believes that the way to build confidence in your worth is to appreciate your individual story and growth journey. Dan's book, Everyday Enlightenment, describes 12 gateways to personal growth. The first of these gateways is realizing your innate worth as a human being. Dan has a beautiful perspective on human value. He believes each person has a story that is completely unique and continually unfolding. As such, we need to appreciate our stories, particularly the painful parts, because those

• 10:42Lewis Howes?

  obstacles gave us our strength. We each have a unique past and a unique way forward. Your way forward might not look like the next person's. That is why Dan warns the comparing ourselves to others is a profound disrespect for our own process. The reality is that your process might not be at the same pace as someone else's. As a gymnastics coach, Dan saw children learn to do somersaults at different paces. Ironically, those who took longer often learned the technique better than those who learned it quickly. He sums it up as "There is no one right path, only the right path for you at this moment."

• 11:28Lewis Howes?

  When you discover the value of your journey, past and future, you no longer need to measure yourself against others and you can recognize your worth. Joel Osteen also believes the way to overcome self-doubt is to focus on you, to locate and celebrate your individuality. In a conversation I had with him about imposter syndrome, he shared how he managed to overcome his self-doubt when he took over Lakewood Church after his father's passing. At that time, his father had led the church for forty years and grown quite a devoted following. Coming into such a well-established church, Joel felt obligated to pose like his father,

• 12:13Lewis Howes?

  to try to change himself to fill the empty space his father had left. "Every person that came had come from my dad," he thought. "They didn't come to hear me." Despite their close relationship, Joel was not his father. His preaching style was laid back, nothing like his father's loud and passionate sermons. Nevertheless, for the first three or four months, Joel did his best to preach his father's messages from the notes his dad left behind. Although Joel thought he was doing what was best for the church, he was actually impersonating his father. Then, in month five,

• 12:53Lewis Howes?

  he stumbled across a passage of scripture that said David fulfilled his purpose for his generation. Acts, chapter thirteen, verse thirty-six. In that verse, Joel heard these words. "Joel, your dad fulfilled his purpose for his generation. Now go fulfill your purpose for this generation."

• 13:16Lewis Howes?

  Joel recognized his God-given gift was different from his father's, but no less powerful.

• 13:23Lewis Howes?

  When he finally gave himself permission to be himself, the church began to grow exponentially. People responded positively to his style of ministering. While sharing this story with me, Joel offered these powerful words of wisdom. "You're empowered to be you, and nobody can beat you at being you. This is how we combat imposter syndrome. If you aren't trying to be anybody but yourself, it is impossible to be an imposter. On the other hand, when we strive to be like someone else, we might even do a pretty good job of it. But according to Joel, as long as we are trying to imitate someone else, we are lessening our power.

• 14:09Lewis Howes?

  As he puts it, "If you don't realize you're a masterpiece, that you have something to offer that nobody else has, you limit yourself." By the way, yet another byproduct of being yourself is that it frees you to truly celebrate others. It doesn't minimize your talents to see someone else succeed because although that person might be better than you at one thing, you are great at this other thing in this other way. If you've been going through life with low self-esteem and low self-worth, the idea of celebrating yourself might seem cocky. Expecting greatness might even seem entitled.

• 14:50Lewis Howes?

  Humility and sacrifice are often seen as virtues, and they certainly can be. But to reach your potential and help others at your full capacity, you have to first appreciate your worth and invest in yourself. You've got to fill yourself up first. You've got to take care of your health, your mindset, your energies. Remember, the greatness mindset is a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset. And part of the growth mindset means prioritizing your own journey, which is still in progress.

• 15:28Lewis Howes?

  Which coach will you be?

• 15:32Lewis Howes?

  What are the practical actions you can take to go from being a self sabotager to a self maker? Let me begin, not surprisingly, with a sports analogy. As a football player, I've had nasty coaches who criticized and embarrassed me. I could be giving it my all, but they would still hound me and degrade me. I also had coaches who showed me tough love, but in a positive, loving way. They might call me out and make an example of me, but at the end of the day, they showed me they cared and wanted to see me grow. There's a powerful difference between those two types of coaching.

• 16:12Lewis Howes?

  In the same way, we can either be the greatest coach to ourselves, or we can be the worst critic of ourselves. The inner love-based coach will tell you, "I am enough. I love myself the way I am, and at the same time, I am working to improve." The inner fear-based critic will tell you, "I'm not enough." The inner critic's voice calls for improvement too, but from a negative place. Whereas the inner love-based coach always comes from a caring place. To heal your self doubt, you have to shift your mindset to the love-based coach and stop comparing yourself to others.

• 16:54Lewis Howes?

  Instead, compare yourself to the version of you from the past. When you compare your present self to who you were the previous months or the previous year, you will see all you've accomplished. Then you can acknowledge those improvements and set new goals. The key is not to improve because you aren't enough. You improve because you live in a growth mindset. The second practical way you can improve your confidence is by surrounding yourself with a supportive learning community. I asked inspirational speaker and author Simon Sinek, "How People Instill Belief in Themselves If They Have Self-Doubt."

• 17:36Lewis Howes?

  He told me a story about a friend who was going through a rough time in her life and doubting herself. After trying to reaffirm her through encouragement, to no avail, he switched tactics. He asked her to help him learn a skill he was weak in and that he knew she was talented in. When she was the one giving advice instead of receiving it, her confidence suddenly rocketed. So if you're afraid you aren't enough in one area, find ways of serving your community with the skills you're confident in. Then give the same opportunity to the other members of your community and let them teach you the skills you would like to strengthen.

• 18:17Lewis Howes?

  This way, you'll address the areas you lack confidence in and also grow appreciation for the expertise that you do have. Finally, sometimes the solution to self-doubt is simply to do the work. Seth Godin, author and former dot-com business executive, distills it to the essence of what must be done sometimes to push past self-doubt. He told me that we simply have to remove the debate. I've written 7,500 blog posts in a row. Tomorrow morning, which will be a Friday, there will be another post. But it won't be there because it's the best post ever, nor will it be there because I decided to post it tomorrow.

• 19:01Lewis Howes?

  It will be there because it's Friday, and I haven't reconsidered that decision in 20 years. So I don't have to have a meeting with myself about whether or not it's time to write a blog post. There will be a blog post. You chop the wood and carry the water by getting rid of the debate. Think about how many things you do that were once thought impossible. Driving across town used to be death-defying, but we got used to it. We built a pattern into it. What I've tried to do is to make it so that writing a blog post for a million people doesn't make me nervous because I do it every day. I've trained myself so that it's not that risky.

• 19:45Lewis Howes?

  Maybe you can adopt Seth's same approach to an area of life where you wrestle with self doubt and have allowed it to be your dream killer. Make the decision to show up and do the work. Give yourself a system that empowers you to push past the fears and be your own most powerful coach by putting on the reps. To be great, you can't let your insecurities and fears hold you back, even though we all have real flaws. Flaws are not a reason not to try, they're just something you have to overcome. Step one of overcoming them is to accept yourself as a work in progress. Remember, you are enough and you are becoming more.

• 20:29Lewis Howes?

  In fact, you are becoming great.

• 20:35Lewis Howes?

  Engage in greatness. The next step is to engage with the activities in the fear conversion toolkit. But before you do, ask yourself some simple questions. To what extent do you struggle with the dream killer of self doubt?

• 20:53Lewis Howes?

  To what extent do you struggle to believe you deserve goodness? How has this self doubt held you back from wholeheartedly pursuing your meaningful mission? Are you ready to do something about it? Your fear conversion toolkit. This fear conversion toolkit contains some of my best exercises for converting your fears into fuel for your greatness journey. You can work through each one back to back or choose the ones that feel like the best fit for you right now. Are you ready to overcome those barriers to greatness? If you are, let's get started.

• 21:34Lewis Howes?

  Exercise one, the fear converter. It's time to identify your fears and confront them head on, then flip the script on each one of them to embrace an abundance attitude rather than a fearful perspective. Step one, create a fear list.

• 21:53Lewis Howes?

  We are going to clear our minds by dumping all the fears swirling around in our heads onto a piece of paper. I call this the fear list. And it is one of the most informative and productive exercises you can do for yourself. This exercise will not only reveal what you are feeling, but it will take them from scary and intimidating thoughts to simple words on a piece of paper. Anytime we can get things out of the recesses of our minds and onto something concrete, like a piece of paper, we can move forward consciously. There are no rules for listing your fears.

• 22:35Lewis Howes?

  The key is to just get them out on paper. Are you scared of failing? Are you scared of looking ridiculous? Are you scared of people judging you? Are you fearful you'll lose money? Are you scared you're going to let your family down? Or maybe you're just scared of taking the first step towards your meaningful mission. When listing your fears, be sure to write down every fear that comes to mind. Some of my fears early on included public speaking, putting myself out there and meeting strangers, learning to salsa dance, learning to speak Spanish, and singing in public. They were all tied to the fear of judgment. What would people think of me?

• 23:20Lewis Howes?

  Would they laugh at me? Would they accept me if I didn't look perfect? If you're having trouble getting started, ask yourself, what would it mean for me to truly embrace greatness? Or what would it look like to live in abundance instead of scarcity? Step two, formulate the fears. You may have heard the term limiting belief before. It's a familiar phrase psychologists and coaches use to help their clients identify restricting beliefs about themselves that are fundamentally untrue. These beliefs keep us small instead of allowing us to live our fullest and most confident life.

• 24:01Lewis Howes?

  Take a look at the list of fears you've written down and identify the top three to five that you feel are the biggest recurring restrictors when it comes to living out your passions. For example, let's say you wrote down fear of public speaking. Let's go more in depth with it using if/then statements to truly define what it is that scares you. I'm scared that if I speak in public, then I will stutter and sweat. I will forget what I came to say, and I will look foolish and underprepared. If I don't learn how to embrace public speaking, then I won't be able to do a pitch in front of investors. If I can't find investors, then I'll never launch my new business. I'll be stuck at this job that I hate forever.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  In this example, it's not actually public speaking that is scary. It's the fear of looking foolish and underprepared. These things can be conquered with hard work, a little sweat, and a healthy dose of preparation. The key is to use if/then statements to climb down the ladder of abstraction and discover what is causing your fear. When our fears are just swirling around in our brains, we can't get good information out of them. But when we are formulating the fear, we are figuring out the drivers and finding ways to combat the true sources of our restricting beliefs.

• 25:27Lewis Howes?

  Step three: Flip to Abundance. Using the top three to five fears you formulated, it's now time to flip the script by moving out of your restricting beliefs and into abundance thinking. The old thought patterns will die, and new thought patterns will take root. Instead of saying, "I'm scared of public speaking", say, "I know I have a message that will help a lot of people. I know that within me, I have everything I need to be a good public speaker. With enough preparation and practice, I can speak publicly and confidently." Do this with your fears. Pay attention to your body as you go through the exercise. Do you feel a little relief every time you make an abundance statement?

• 26:13Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel a little excitement tingling at the bottom of your spine? If so, that's good. You're going to need both of those things in your pursuit of a new mission. Just as we train our muscles at the gym, we have to train our mind to stop overthinking and get comfortable with action. Formulating our fears and choosing abundance over scarcity is one way we can halt overthinking and embrace action.

• 26:38Lewis Howes?

  We have to move from "I can't" to "I will", from "I don't know how to" to "I did it anyway." The greatness mindset is ultimately about embracing the potential of your life and moving forward in your meaningful mission. Gaining traction starts with facing your fears head-on, so you can convert them to greatness fuel.

• 27:04Lewis Howes?

  Exercise two: The Magic Minimization Formula. My guess is you've had a worry or fear pop up when you've tried to pursue something new or prepare to make a significant change. You might feel like there is nothing to do except ride the wave of emotions that come with a big change or a new undertaking. But that's where you're wrong. Dale Carnegie, probably one of the most influential self-help gurus of all time, had a strategy he called "A Magic Formula for Solving Worry Situations." It's a calm, detached process to conquer worry and find peace. With some advanced planning, we can learn to control the wave of emotions

• 27:49Lewis Howes?

  and move forward peacefully and wholly grounded. In this next exercise, we will learn to handle our worries to support our mission. Step one: Analyze the problem. Carnegie's magic formula starts by looking at our problem with a little more detachment than may feel comfortable. The first step is to analyze our problem fearlessly and honestly. Start by writing down what worries you, even if it feels personal or private. Whatever it is, just write it down. Continue writing down everything that is clouding your mind at the moment. The key here is not only to clear your mind of each worry, but to write out the worst possible outcome.

• 28:33Lewis Howes?

  As you write down each worry, ask and answer, "What is the worst that could possibly happen?" "I am worried that if I pursue my true passion, then I will lose my job, because they won't support me doing this outside of working hours." Step two, accept the worst possible outcome. After we've written down each worry and each worst possible outcome, the next thing we do is accept that the worst may happen. We must accept the worst-case scenario so that we can relax. When our minds are distracted by fear, we can't focus. We can't make decisions confidently. We can't understand the true nature of the battle before us.

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  But the good news is that as soon as we stop resisting the scenarios that scare us, we start to relax. Our problem-solving skills will activate, and we will be able to move forward in our meaningful missions more quickly. In my example above, the worst-case scenario is job loss. Here's how one might accept that. I am worried that I will lose my job. If I lose my job, then I know other positions are available at a different company. I can use my LinkedIn account to connect with other people in my field. If that doesn't work, I can reach out to alumni from my college to see if I can get connected with job opportunities I might like.

• 30:01Lewis Howes?

  Whatever happens, I can start to pursue a new job, maybe even something I want more.

• 30:09Lewis Howes?

  Take a few moments to take each problem in the first step of this exercise and write down how you will accept it. I think you'll be surprised at how easily and quickly you will feel relief in your body as you do this. Step three, minimize the problem. In the final part of this exercise, we need to take time to figure out how we can improve upon our worst outcome. This may seem unnecessary as we've already accepted the worst that may happen, but this is where some of the real magic happens. This step is where we will minimize the problem, as Carnegie says. We will concentrate on the future, toss out all the what-ifs, blame, and shame.

• 30:54Lewis Howes?

  For this next step, we need only to ask ourselves, how can I minimize these consequences? Let's continue with the job loss example from above. If I lose my job, then I won't be able to pay my bills. However, I would feel a lot less stress if I had six months' worth of house and car payments in an emergency fund. I will start putting aside money every month until I have all the necessary funds to cover myself for six months if I lose my job. Then I will meet with a financial advisor to find out how to make sure this emergency fund grows the most interest.

• 31:34Lewis Howes?

  Take as much time as you need to go through each problem and worst-case scenario that you've accepted, and write down how you can improve each situation and minimize the consequences.

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  Final Thoughts. This exercise is one way not only to write down facts, like real worries and possible consequences of risk, it's also a way to be objective and detached about our fears. Herbert E. Hawks, former dean of Columbia College, once said to Carnegie, "If a man will devote his time to securing facts in an impartial, objective way, his worries will usually evaporate in light of knowledge." With a little bit of planning, fears will dissipate, and action and a real sense of peace will take their place.

• 32:24Lewis Howes?

  Exercise Three: The Self-Coaching Solution. How many times have you fallen victim to a critical or hopeless voice in your head? As I mentioned in Chapter One, your thoughts shape your reality, especially the chatter inside your head. There is a way to coach yourself to deal with your inner critic and get out of this quicksand of negativity. In this exercise, we will change how we talk to ourselves by using third-person pronouns and our own names to refer to ourselves. Studies by Dr. Ethan Cross, experimental psychologist, neuroscientist, and author of "Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It," have shown

• 33:09Lewis Howes?

  that talking to ourselves in the third person not only diffuses stress, but can also actually change our mindset from "I can't" to "I can." When we talk to ourselves the same way we would talk to people we love, we can learn to control and engage with negative thoughts instead of letting them run the show. Step One: Acknowledge the Loop.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  Chances are, you have a script that plays in your head during times of personal stress. "I'm not gonna make it. I don't have what it takes. Everyone is going to laugh at me. I'm stupid. I suck." These are likely leftovers from significant emotional events we experienced in adolescence, or even inherited from our parents. I'm willing to bet there is at least one thought on loop over and over in your head. It might not even be anything you've ever said aloud. It's time to acknowledge these thoughts. Carl Jung once said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life."

• 34:13Lewis Howes?

  Take a few moments to make these negative thought loops more conscious by writing them down. If you have more than one piece of chatter that interferes with your confidence frequently, take a moment to write it all down. Step two, run the math. Negative chatter is almost always hyperbole. If one of the loops that plays in your head is, "People are always looking and laughing at me", take a moment to acknowledge the voice, then dissect it. In this example, we would start with the word "always". "Always" means every moment of every day. Do you believe, on a conscious and rational level,

• 34:55Lewis Howes?

  that every moment of every day, the thing that frightens you or brings you stress is always happening? Chances are, you do not. This is important to acknowledge, because as soon as we realize the voice is more likely a liar, we have much more control over what happens next. We move from the quicksand of chatter into a place where we can move forward freely and quickly. With each of the loops you wrote down in the last exercise, take a moment to find the hyperbole or dramatic statements. Chances are that your loops are on autoplay and kick in during stressful situations. How many times has your inner critic been proven correct?

• 35:38Lewis Howes?

  Well, my guess is that the numbers are surprisingly low. Your success rate is likely much higher than your failure rate. Next, ask yourself these critical questions. When was the last time you experienced that particular stress? Did you survive it? Did you learn something from it? Could it have been worse? What positive things emerged from that stress? Then, and I know this might make you feel self-conscious, but I want you to do it anyways. I want you to stand in front of the mirror and pair each negative loop with a new statement of confidence. Use your own name and say these statements out loud. So here's how it might work.

• 36:24Lewis Howes?

  Statement from step one.

• 36:27Lewis Howes?

  Every single time I give a presentation at work, I mess up and look foolish. I stumble over my words, I sweat, my mouth gets dry, and I know everyone is judging me for not being better at public speaking.

• 36:42Lewis Howes?

  Confidence statement. Louis, the last presentation you gave at work was easier than every single one before it. Your boss mentioned he enjoyed it. Your coworkers even laughed at the joke you said at the end. Sure, you got a little sweaty, but that's body language for "I'm nervous right now." No one even mentioned that, but they did say that it was an excellent presentation. In our next presentation, let's accept that you might get a little sweaty, so wear lighter clothes or layers so that you don't see all the sweat marks. And let's assume your mouth will be dry, so be sure to have a bottle of water handy. No one has ever laughed at you up there unless you told a joke.

• 37:24Lewis Howes?

  Your chances for success are higher than failure as long as you prepare well. Louis, you are equipped with everything you need to nail the next public speaking event at work. Speaking to ourselves the way we would talk to someone we love is an effective way to distance ourselves from stress, fear, or pain. On the surface, it may seem to be just a bunch of soft affirmation stuff, but I promise, if you use this strategy while you also go all in and embrace your fear until it goes away, magic will happen. Continue writing and speaking new confidence statements for each newly conscious autoplay loop until you've acknowledged them all.

• 38:09Lewis Howes?

  Step 3: Coach Yourself in the Moment. To bring this exercise into an "in the moment" application, I want you to find a picture of yourself as a younger person. If you can't find one of these, find a photo of yourself that you love. If it's more effective, print it out and keep it somewhere where you can easily access it. You might consider keeping it on your purse, or your wallet, or on your phone. The next time your inner critic takes center stage with one of the negative chatter loops, move to a private room and talk to your picture as if you were talking to a friend. "Lewis, I just heard you think that you don't have what it takes to start your own business,

• 38:54Lewis Howes?

  and I want you to know that opinion is wrong. First, you've worked hard to be ready for this. Second, you deserve the good things that will come from launching your own business. Third, there is great joy on the other side of this fear. So let's do this together. Whatever happens, we will survive it. I know you can do this." Talking to your picture may make you feel a little silly, but it is something that will help acknowledge the negative chatter, soften its influence, and remind yourself that you can do amazing things. The goal here isn't to silence the negative chatter, but to take power away from it.

• 39:36Lewis Howes?

  Claiming confidence aloud is a powerful tool that can help us emerge from negativity. And you can do this anytime that negativity threatens to keep you from taking action. Step 4: Engage Your Inner Critic. It is vital to engage with our inner critic along our path to greatness. Stress will occur during certain events or situations that are out of our control. Instead of re-experiencing this stress repeatedly by reliving the memories on autoplay or by listening to the chatter inside our head, we need to take back control and defuse the toxicity. Are you living a safe life? Are you living a comfortable life?

• 40:21Lewis Howes?

  Is it too comfortable? Or are you doing things daily to help you get beyond your insecurities, your fears, your doubts, and the things that hold you back from greater joy in your life? Every great thing comes when you overcome insecurity.

• 40:36Lewis Howes?

  Lean into your insecurities and go all in on making your unconscious chatter conscious, because I'm telling you, there is magic and beauty on the other side. You are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. It's time to go out there and do something great. Exercise four, the fear, sit down. Fear isn't a boogeyman. It is human nature to avoid actions and emotions that scare us. I don't know anyone who gets excited about walking into pain intentionally.

• 41:17Lewis Howes?

  The problem is, when we avoid our fears, we cannot truly be happy, because we will know that something is holding us back from our greatest self. Although we may try to ignore it, it will strike. Let's start by learning to sit with it. Step one, visualize triumph. In exercise one, you listed all your fears and acknowledged their role in keeping you from abundance. Go back to this list and identify the ones that have been the most crippling over time. For three to five minutes at a time, allow yourself to sit with these crippling fears. The key in this exercise is to allow yourself to think about situations that bring on your

• 42:01Lewis Howes?

  most significant, most burdensome fears. Give yourself space to feel your body's responses. Acknowledge your inner hyperbolic chatter and sit with any overwhelm that happens. As you do this, breathe in and breathe out while picturing the waves of an ocean. Think of your fear as that wave. Fear comes aggressively at first, but then it lessens. When we acknowledge our fears and practice sitting with them, our fears will slowly ebb away. Here's what I mean by sitting in the fear. One, set your timer for five minutes.

• 42:46Lewis Howes?

  Two, imagine yourself doing something that scares you. Three, visualize every piece of the scenario. Four, take deep, slow breaths in and out. Five, mentally note any changes in your body.

• 43:05Lewis Howes?

  Let's say social anxiety is keeping you from going to the gym, which you used to really love. Imagine yourself getting dressed for the gym. Visualize driving to the gym. Imagine yourself walking into the gym. See yourself greeting people. Watch yourself putting your things into a locker. Visualize yourself finding the right playlist and putting in your earbuds. Imagine grabbing your workout journal and heading to the weights or cardio area. Imagine the feeling after your workout. You're sweaty, but accomplished. Imagine the smile on your face as you drive home. When you visualize yourself overcoming your fear, you will probably feel a response within your body like sweating,

• 43:49Lewis Howes?

  shortness of breath, etc. That's okay. Your job is to get to the other side of this fear in your mind's eye. Do your best to keep your breathing slow and methodical. In for four counts. Hold for four counts. Exhale, eight counts. When your timer ends at five minutes, take a moment to appreciate the courage you displayed while sitting in your fear.

• 44:20Lewis Howes?

  Step two. Reward yourself. Next, immerse yourself in an activity you love for 30 minutes. Do you love to paint, dance? Do you have a friend you love to FaceTime with? Do you have a favorite meal you love to eat? Do you love going to your basement and punching a boxing bag? It doesn't matter what it is. Give yourself a moment to enjoy something amazing for the next 30 minutes. Doing things we love is a confidence builder and helps us feel more capable.

• 44:52Lewis Howes?

  Step three. Take a small step forward. After challenging yourself with your fear and rewarding yourself, it's time to take a small step forward. You will be well-prepared for that at this point. Using the gym example, consider calling a few gyms in the area and asking, "What are the peak times? Are there any classes that can be translated into one-to-one training sessions? Do you have low sensory hours?" We don't have to be instantly ready to take giant leaps forward. We just need to take a small step forward. Small steps add up over time and every action we take is meaningful, no matter how small it may seem at that time.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  Take some time to figure out a few small steps you can take, and then do at least one of them to move forward. After you've completed that small but monumental step, take another moment to appreciate your courage. Feel free to borrow some from the previous self-coaching solution exercise, and talk to yourself in the third person. Good job, Lewis. That took courage and I'm super proud of you. Moving past our fears requires both thinking and action. We can't go all in on our dreams and find the courage to bet on ourselves if we don't do both. I believe this is an exercise that will help set you on that path.

• 46:16Lewis Howes?

  Exercise five. Your alter ego locator. Adopting the mantle of an alter ego is a practice adopted by musicians, professional speakers, creative people, athletes, and business people alike. Alter egos can be very powerful because they separate us from our core selves. You may have heard stories of Beyonce's alter ego Sasha Fierce, who helped her overcome fright and inhibitions while on stage. Adopting an alter ego when I was out on the football field before a big game or when competing in the national championships in the decathlon helped me to better separate from any failures and better prepare for my successes.

• 46:59Lewis Howes?

  In this exercise, we are going to use the same concepts I used when building my alter ego. Step one. Find inspiration. As an athlete, I was hungry to find a hero, someone who could inspire me and convince me that I could do what I wanted to do. When it was football, I found inspirational players and watched their highlight tapes. I found out who their heroes were and watched those tapes as well. In this step, I want you to do just that. Chances are, you already have influencers in your life that are in the field you're in or in the field you want to be in. If you're ambitious or competitive, you may have already sized up who's out there.

• 47:44Lewis Howes?

  But let's formalize it. Find people doing what you want to do. Watch them, study them, find out who inspires them, find their mentors, then study them. Follow them on social media, listen to their podcasts, or read their books. If they're not a public figure, reach out to them and ask them for an interview. This is your chance to do some research and find out what makes them tick and decide which qualities you want to embody. Try to identify a few key people in this phase. After a few weeks of studying your heroes, write down the characteristics and qualities they have that you want to learn. Do they seem fearless? Do they never quit? Are they able to laugh at themselves?

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  Do they reframe failure into a stepping stone to greatness? Use what you discovered to help identify exactly what it is that you want for your own path to greatness. Step two, visualize. When training for the decathlon, I knew the pole vault would be my hardest event. I was scared that I would get stuck upside down, fall on the pavement, and crack my head open. So every night, after watching videos of pole vaulters at the top of their game, right before I fell asleep, I would visualize myself going over the bar. I would do this over and over. Not surprisingly, it helped practice go better the next day. When it was time to go over the bar,

• 49:14Lewis Howes?

  I would remember myself going over that bar in my visualizations. I would manifest my alter ego as one of the great athletes I'd watched in the highlight films, and I would believe I could do it. I did this every night for six months until I felt like I could fly. And that's exactly what I want you to do as well. Every night, I want you to visualize what it is that you want to do. You can even practice the acceptance of your greatness with language, which we know from previous exercises is very powerful. I am so happy I did open mic night at the club. It was so exciting to be up there and to do well.

• 49:55Lewis Howes?

  Ruminations and self-talk helps us in big and small ways. In the same way that we can make ourselves feel bad about things that have never happened during these practices, so can we make ourselves feel powerful and confident. Take a moment to write down some concrete things to visualize. Step three, find a totem. After studying the greats and visualizing yourself becoming great, you're well on your way to overcoming your fears that threaten to derail you. The next thing I encourage you to do is to find a totem to help bring your alter ego to life.

• 50:36Lewis Howes?

  Winston Churchill used to put on different hats to help him evoke different personalities. Martin Luther King Jr., who had perfect eye shape, wore eyeglasses because he felt like he commanded more respect when he looked distinguished. What can you use to make yourself feel more confident? Is your artifact a pair of glasses or a hat? Maybe it's a shade of lipstick or even something as simple as a pair of socks. My guess is you might already have something like this in your home that you've already used to feel more confident. Make it more official. And now, you're well on your way to becoming your own version of Sasha Fierce.

• 51:20Lewis Howes?

  Step four, be a superhero. To pursue greatness is really an audacious goal. When James Lawrence set out to do fifty Iron Man triathlons in fifty states in fifty days, he started out as a mere mortal. But by day thirty, he had created the Iron Cowboy, his superhero alter ego. Every time he put on his glasses, he wasn't James Lawrence. He was the Iron Cowboy. On day thirty, the Iron Cowboy was James's self-assured version of himself, who was ready to run the next twenty days.

• 52:04Lewis Howes?

  Without the Iron Cowboy, James may have succumbed to his own fears or anxieties. When you can't outthink your fear, move forward as your alter ego. You'll not only engage your playfulness, you'll also give yourself courage. Your courage will give way to growth, which will give way to mastery. Exercise six, the joy conditioner. Understanding our fears can strengthen our resilience, improve our creativity, and even enhance our emotional intelligence. I had a conversation with Dr. Wendy Suzuki where she shared her theory of joy conditioning.

• 52:49Lewis Howes?

  I think it's an exciting way to start overcoming some of the natural anxieties some of us face, either in our everyday lives or in the pursuit of our meaningful mission. In this exercise, we will learn how to reframe our anxiety triggers and counteract them. Many of these concepts are adapted from Dr. Suzuki's book, Good Anxiety: Harnessing the Power of the Most Misunderstood Emotion. Step one, understand your triggers.

• 53:20Lewis Howes?

  When you understand precisely what makes you anxious, you can channel the energy in a more positive direction. The understanding can take us from feelings of lack into the feelings of abundance. To begin, write down three to five of your known triggers for anxiety. Do you get nervous when your boss calls an unexpected meeting? Do you feel fear when plans are changed at the last minute? Whatever it is, write it down. Next, write down a recent thought or memory that brought on anxious feelings. And get descriptive, don't just write dinner last Wednesday. Write a paragraph or two about these thoughts and memories. Now write down how you feel right now as you're reliving these memories.

• 54:06Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel ungrounded, sad, mad? Whatever it is, write it down. Take some time here to sit with these emotions. Remember these emotions and feel them all the way through. This kind of leaning in reminds us that we can survive these feelings of discomfort, fear, or anxiety. Here, we are conditioning our muscles of resiliency. Step two. Remember your joy. Next, write down five joyous, funny, exciting, or cheerful memories and, just as before, be descriptive. Write down as many details as you can remember, what you wore, who you're with, and what your body felt like.

• 54:52Lewis Howes?

  Then, next to each of these memories, write down any smells associated with them. Scent memories are so powerful and can help us bring back the positive feelings associated with these memories. If one of your memories was the triumph you felt after a 12-mile hike up to a scenic overlook, what smells are associated with that? Sunscreen, nature, campfires? The rubber grip on your walking stick? If you have an incredible memory of going to Disney World as a youngster, what do you remember smelling in the air? Main Street Bakery, roasted nuts. Whatever you can remember, write it down next to your joy memory. Finally, write down how you felt during each of these moments.

• 55:37Lewis Howes?

  You'll probably start to feel positive just by doing this exercise. You might even find yourself with a big smile on your face as you write. Let these positive emotions sweep over you. If you felt triumphant, or sated, giddy, or completely relaxed, let yourself feel it over and over again. Step three, counteract the triggers. Now that you've allowed yourself to dive deep into both the joyous and the anxious, it's time to create an action plan to counteract your anxiety triggers. First, go back to the list of memories you recorded in the first fear conversion exercise.

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  For each memory, take a moment to see how you can condition yourself to feel positivity amid anxiety. For example, the next time an unexpected meeting makes me feel overwhelmed and angry, I will not resist feeling overwhelmed and angry. I will acknowledge the feelings and allow myself to feel them. Next, I will cut open a lime and inhale the fragrance. I will remember how happy, relaxed, and peaceful I felt when my spouse and I ate the most delicious key lime pie after a long walk during our honeymoon. While experiencing anxiety, this action plan may not dissipate your anxious feelings entirely,

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  but it will likely help you relax long enough to move forward feeling better than before. Instead of focusing on the negative, scarcity, you will be focusing on the positive, abundance.

• 57:15Lewis Howes?

  After you've written an action plan for each of your five triggers, take some time to find ways to access the sense associated with your positive memories easily. Is there an oil, a candle, or a room spray that you can keep on hand? Find these items and pick a place to keep them, whether that's in your car, home, or office, or even all three. Anxiety is informative. It is a feeling that alerts us to the needs to find solutions, a different path, or even to set new boundaries. If we don't allow ourselves to feel it, we deny ourselves the opportunity to become more empowered and resilient.

• 57:58Lewis Howes?

  And when we lean into discomfort and pair it with joy, we become a powerhouse that can move forward, even in the midst of overwhelm or anxiety. What could be better for our meaningful missions?

• 58:16Lewis Howes?

  Worthy of More I was reminded of this Ramakrishna quote recently. "An ocean of bliss may rain down from the heavens, but if you hold up only a thimble, that is all you receive." So many of us have been holding thimbles up to the heavens because we think that is all we are worth. We've been letting fear drive the bus because we think that our fears and doubts deserve center stage. They don't. You do. Don't let your fears keep you from your purpose. There will be easy days and difficult days, and they will be interspersed with one another. Everything is difficult until it is not.

• 59:00Lewis Howes?

  The important thing is to keep coming back to your purpose. Keep setting goals and taking action. Even on your bad days, something is happening. You are worthy of more than a thimble full of bliss. You are deserving. You matter. You have been created for something greater than what you've currently accepted as the status quo. There is a reason you are here. You are worthy of love, abundance, and more opportunities. Persist through difficulty. Keep moving. Your breakthrough is coming. For additional resources to help you live out the greatness mindset,

• 59:43Lewis Howes?

  visit thegreatnessmindset.com/resources. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.