Leslie Jones asks about blissful feelings

Leslie Jones asks about what's even more satisfying than a... well, you'll just have to listen to find out. Plus "that's hot," "git 'er done," and more! Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-streaming-live-from-austin. Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:53Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chat to your friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat to your friends on the Handsome Pod.

• 2:16Mae Martin?

  Cheers.

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  Hello.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  Hello. Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. Here we are in person all together again. I am one of your hosts, Mae Martin. I'm joined really close proximity by my handsome-

• 2:33Tig Notaro?

  Two other co-hosts, yeah. And Biggie is here.

• 2:37Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 2:38Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm one of the co-hosts in a very similar color as May.

• 2:44Mae Martin?

  We're going, yeah, we're going forest.

• 2:45Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:46Mae Martin?

  Forest green.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  I love a forest green. But it's me, Tig Notaro.

• 2:49Fortune Feimster?

  And it's me, Fortune Feimster. Fortune. Hi, guys.

• 2:53Mae Martin?

  Hi.

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  I love being with y'all.

• 2:55Mae Martin?

  I love being with you.

• 2:56Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 2:57Tig Notaro?

  I'm over here alone.

• 2:59Fortune Feimster?

  All by yourself.

• 3:01Tig Notaro?

  All by myself.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  Biggie's over here cuddling with May.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  Biggie is kind of into me, guys.

• 3:08Fortune Feimster?

  Brilliant to you.

• 3:09Mae Martin?

  It's really nice.

• 3:10Tig Notaro?

  And how can you tell when there's no face expression?

• 3:13Fortune Feimster?

  Come on. He is full of life.

• 3:17Mae Martin?

  It's like a gent- well, now he's leaning away because he's-

• 3:20Fortune Feimster?

  No, he's just, he's, he's saying, "I like this. Put me."

• 3:23Mae Martin?

  He's really good.

• 3:24Tig Notaro?

  Is that what he's saying?

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:27Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 3:27Fortune Feimster?

  He is.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Um, I tried to, I've cut my own hair with, um, clippers and I think there's some big steps in it. And I even think there's a little bald patch on, uh-

• 3:37Tig Notaro?

  On purpose?

• 3:38Mae Martin?

  Uh, no. By, no.

• 3:40Fortune Feimster?

  No, there's not. It's a little thin there, but it's not bald.

• 3:42Mae Martin?

  Is it thin?

• 3:43Tig Notaro?

  There's a bald patch at the back on the top.

• 3:45Mae Martin?

  Like a monk?

• 3:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like a big, yes, yes.

• 3:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that was on purpose.

• 3:49Tig Notaro?

  My father was bald like that.

• 3:51Mae Martin?

  What's that called? Not U pattern, just like-

• 3:53Tig Notaro?

  I don't, is it circle patterns?

• 3:55Mae Martin?

  Circle.

• 3:55Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 3:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:56Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, he, uh, he had a mustache and then he, um, was missing hair right there at the-

• 4:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:03Tig Notaro?

  Top of his noggin.

• 4:04Mae Martin?

  You know, men have a hard time.

• 4:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I didn't get the feeling that that was one of his main struggles in life.

• 4:13Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 4:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:13Mae Martin?

  It didn't, it didn't.

• 4:14Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 4:14Fortune Feimster?

  Well, if you can't see it, are you really thinking about it?

• 4:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's right. These days, you go to Turkey, you get a hair transplant. They're, they're so good.

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  I'm sorry. These days, you go to Turkey and get a.

• 4:25Fortune Feimster?

  You don't know that?

• 4:26Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 4:26Fortune Feimster?

  That is the place to go.

• 4:27Mae Martin?

  Everyone's, it's cheap and it lasts and.

• 4:30Tig Notaro?

  How do you know this?

• 4:32Fortune Feimster?

  It's like a thing that like, there's a lot of TikToks of like, all these guys on airplanes with their head wrapped.

• 4:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  Coming back from Turkey, because that's where you go to get it done.

• 4:43Mae Martin?

  And, and dental work and stuff.

• 4:44Fortune Feimster?

  It's cheaper to do it, it's cheaper to fly there and get it done there than it is to do it in the States.

• 4:49Tig Notaro?

  Why are they so good in Turkey?

• 4:51Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 4:51Mae Martin?

  I don't know, but it's excruciatingly painful, but.

• 4:54Tig Notaro?

  How do you know?

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  These videos I'm watching.

• 4:57Tig Notaro?

  You have nice fingers, May.

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  Thank you so much. I've been, it's the one part of me that I'm proud of.

• 5:04Tig Notaro?

  Maybe I've said this, and you know who has the best hands and fingers in comedy?

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  Who?

• 5:09Tig Notaro?

  Paul F. Tompkins.

• 5:10Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 5:11Tig Notaro?

  Gorgeous fingers.

• 5:12Mae Martin?

  Beautiful hands.

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  Anyone's hands.

• 5:13Tig Notaro?

  Beautiful hands.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 5:14Fortune Feimster?

  Ever.

• 5:15Mae Martin?

  It's the first thing I notice is hands.

• 5:16Tig Notaro?

  The man has beautiful hands.

• 5:18Mae Martin?

  You've got great hands.

• 5:19Fortune Feimster?

  Do I?

• 5:19Tig Notaro?

  They're okay.

• 5:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:20Fortune Feimster?

  No one's ever complimented my hands.

• 5:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, because they're okay.

• 5:23Mae Martin?

  No, they're.

• 5:24Fortune Feimster?

  You can't see them, May has a better view.

• 5:27Tig Notaro?

  But look at May's hands and fingers.

• 5:29Mae Martin?

  Thank you so much. Thank you.

• 5:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  Very long fingers.

• 5:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:32Mae Martin?

  If you, you know what I mean?

• 5:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you do have long fingers.

• 5:34Tig Notaro?

  Of course, people know what you mean.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  Guys, I did it.

• 5:39Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, dykes.

• 5:39Mae Martin?

  Last night, I did.

• 5:40Fortune Feimster?

  They know what you mean, those dykes out there.

• 5:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, they know. I did like an immersive experience last night. Oh, my God, look at, Biggie just came and got on my lap.

• 5:50Fortune Feimster?

  He heard about.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  About those fingers.

• 5:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 5:58Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 5:59Mae Martin?

  You know what?

• 5:59Fortune Feimster?

  This is something.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Dogs and children, I think.

• 6:02Tig Notaro?

  May fact.

• 6:03Mae Martin?

  They, they trust me.

• 6:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  That is a fact.

• 6:06Mae Martin?

  And that is about May brag.

• 6:08Tig Notaro?

  May brag.

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  Well, he, for those watching right now on YouTube, Biggie saddled up to May so quick.

• 6:15Tig Notaro?

  To be fair, Biggie doesn't have a clue what's going on.

• 6:19Fortune Feimster?

  He does.

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  Just staring straight ahead.

• 6:21Fortune Feimster?

  No, he's not.

• 6:22Tig Notaro?

  Doesn't know who he's snuggled up to.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  He licked May's hand and everything. He knows exactly what he's doing.

• 6:27Tig Notaro?

  I licked May's hand before. I didn't know what I was doing.

• 6:30Mae Martin?

  It really did seem like he heard about the fingers, though.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  He didn't snuggle up to me at all today.

• 6:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, he saw your fingers. He finally got a glimpse of those fingers.

• 6:40Mae Martin?

  He's really, really into May. I love it.

• 6:42Tig Notaro?

  Okay, May, what story were you gonna tell us?

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  Well, you know, I always, I look up any like immersive experience in LA, like an escape room or thing. And this was like, um, I got taken to, it was like, it was lights and sounds and colors.

• 6:56Tig Notaro?

  Okay, put the hands down. Now you're showing off.

• 6:58Mae Martin?

  Yes, I know, I'm just really flinching.

• 6:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, if you're at home watching, there you are. There's May's fingers.

• 7:06Mae Martin?

  Long fingers. This is called the long legs. It's long fingers. Um, yeah, so I go in and I think some of these immersive things are like running a racket. Like this was a white room and they, but they played these deep sounds and then bright, bright lights. But it was me and the person I was with, and then this couple in their 60s who came and they were-

• 7:27Tig Notaro?

  Wait, who was the person you were with?

• 7:28Mae Martin?

  Eh, never you mind. Oh, was this a date? I was, yeah, I went, I got taken on a date, which is nice. You got taken on a date? Usually I'm the one, uh, picking the-

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  Can we know the gender?

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Gender's a spectrum.

• 7:41Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 7:41Mae Martin?

  So there's this couple and the woman is like this vivacious, like long haired sort of hippie woman. And she's like, are you guys doing the experience? And then her husband is this curmudgeonly, well, she always makes me come to these things. He goes, I have to take my shoes off. And he was really annoyed.

• 7:58Tig Notaro?

  How old?

• 7:58Mae Martin?

  Late 60s.

• 7:59Tig Notaro?

  In an escape room?

• 8:01Mae Martin?

  No, it was like an immersive art experience of like, it was meant to be relaxing sounds. And you look like you're in an alien pod. And, uh, anyway, and then they're, they're bright colors. And at the end of it, first of all, he starts snoring halfway through. I can, I can feel it. It's just the four of us in this pod. I can hear this like- He said, this is also interactive. Yeah. And then my favorite part was at the end, we're like, wow, that was, that was amazing. Yeah. It was so cool, the way the colors responded to the sounds. And then she went, well, and did you like it? To her husband, he goes, ah, the yellow really pissed me off. The yellow? He was pissed off by one of the colors.

• 8:37Tig Notaro?

  This is similar yellow to this here?

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  It was brighter than that.

• 8:40Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Cause that's about the color of my spacesuit on Star Trek.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  Well, that's like a nice mustard.

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  Yes, that color.

• 8:48Mae Martin?

  I would not have guessed that.

• 8:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, it sounds like you two are surprised to find out I am in a yellow-

• 8:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:55Tig Notaro?

  Spacesuit.

• 8:57Mae Martin?

  But it does it have the classic Star Trek symbols on it?

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  Well, I have the, yeah, the emblem there, but I it's it's like I have like, well, I was gonna say I can't share this, but it's the same outfit I had in Star Trek Discovery. It's just, you know.

• 9:13Mae Martin?

  Yellow spacesuit.

• 9:14Tig Notaro?

  Part of on Discovery, I was in a blue spacesuit.

• 9:18Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 9:19Tig Notaro?

  And then it switched to the golden yellow.

• 9:22Mae Martin?

  What do you prefer? What's more flattering?

• 9:25Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I look good in anything, to be honest with you.

• 9:28Fortune Feimster?

  We know that about you.

• 9:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but um.

• 9:30Mae Martin?

  What kind of shoes?

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  Uh, boots. They come up, you know, space boots.

• 9:34Mae Martin?

  Space boots, of course.

• 9:35Tig Notaro?

  You gotta have space boots, May. Have you never been to space?

• 9:38Fortune Feimster?

  No, I could, yeah, never.

• 9:39Tig Notaro?

  But, you know, the wardrobe people are extraordinarily talented and I appreciate all of their work. I did enjoy the blue suit a little better.

• 9:49Fortune Feimster?

  I do like blue.

• 9:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but the way it was cut, like, it, um, I don't know.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very, these subtle changes are can be very, um.

• 10:00Tig Notaro?

  Made me feel cooler, like in that.

• 10:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:03Tig Notaro?

  Cause the jacket was cut a little higher.

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:06Tig Notaro?

  Whereas the gold goes a little lower, but I still like it. Like, I like the gold suit. I, you know, I sent somebody a picture the other day and they said, you were born to a.

• 10:16Mae Martin?

  Wear a yellow spacesuit.

• 10:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:17Mae Martin?

  I did that show, The Flight Attendant, and I had to wear a flight attendant uniform. And leading up to it, I was like, guys, I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but like, I would just love to wear a men's flight attendant. And they were like, yeah, of course, got it, we got it, we got it. And then I show up and it's like a sort of Hillary Clinton.

• 10:33Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 10:34Mae Martin?

  Pantsuit, like it's cut so womanly, you know? And then they have the dress option for me and I'm like, burn that.

• 10:41Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 10:41Mae Martin?

  But then, yeah, I couldn't explain to them like the nuances of like, I know this looks to you like a suit. It's not. It's like, yeah, it was, they, they altered it a bit for me, but oh man, then they said, oh yeah, and you're gonna wear a little neck scarf around your neck. Like a little tee.

• 10:57Tig Notaro?

  Did you have to wear the neck scarf?

• 10:59Mae Martin?

  Cause it was a plot point, cause I was hiding a hickey.

• 11:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, oh, gotcha. That is hilarious.

• 11:05Tig Notaro?

  Hiding a hickey?

• 11:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Um, Fortune, I just watched you in the Will Ferrell Reese Witherspoon rom-com.

• 11:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:13Mae Martin?

  You're so funny in it, and also it's so funny. I put it on and I was like, you guys love rom-coms, but I would never choose to watch one.

• 11:20Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 11:21Tig Notaro?

  I love a rom-com.

• 11:22Mae Martin?

  Do you not?

• 11:22Fortune Feimster?

  I love a rom-com.

• 11:23Tig Notaro?

  No, I mean, no offense.

• 11:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so offended.

• 11:27Tig Notaro?

  Please, Fortune, I see the anger.

• 11:29Fortune Feimster?

  I hate that you don't love rom-coms.

• 11:30Tig Notaro?

  No, I am not. Did you really think I was a rom-com person?

• 11:34Mae Martin?

  Why do I think, maybe just because you're in them?

• 11:36Fortune Feimster?

  You like, Tig likes rom-toms.

• 11:38Mae Martin?

  Rom-toms, you like the rom-com.

• 11:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, I'm a rom-tom, but no.

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  I was in the movie for like 20 seconds, but I'm glad that in those 20 seconds you laughed.

• 11:44Mae Martin?

  You made an impact.

• 11:45Fortune Feimster?

  I, two of my scenes got cut. I was bummed.

• 11:48Mae Martin?

  I thought there was a place where you were gonna come back at the end and then do.

• 11:51Fortune Feimster?

  I was supposed to.

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  Damn.

• 11:53Tig Notaro?

  It was because of the hands.

• 11:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 11:55Mae Martin?

  But this movie, um, like the first half hour, I was like, this is such a funny, pleasant rom-com. And then it gets sort of unhinged in a way that I was not expecting and loved. Like, suddenly it's like he's wrestling an alligator and it was really funny. I really liked it.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, as you do.

• 12:13Tig Notaro?

  I'm glad you liked it.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  I loved it, it was very comforting.

• 12:15Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, you're cordially invited on Amazon.

• 12:18Mae Martin?

  I'm glad that Fortune jumped in there because I could not.

• 12:20Tig Notaro?

  Have you seen the movie, Fortune?

• 12:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 12:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:23Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I, I just love when anyone makes a comedy these days because there's so few getting made.

• 12:29Mae Martin?

  Like a big silly comedy.

• 12:31Fortune Feimster?

  Like a big silly over the top comedy. I love it, so.

• 12:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:33Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, yeah, that was cool to pop in there.

• 12:36Mae Martin?

  Um, we should get, um, Will Ferrell to ask a question.

• 12:39Fortune Feimster?

  I asked him, uh, he listens to the pod.

• 12:43Mae Martin?

  What?

• 12:43Fortune Feimster?

  And, um.

• 12:44Mae Martin?

  No, he doesn't.

• 12:45Fortune Feimster?

  He told me he does. I swear to God, unless he was just being nice.

• 12:49Tig Notaro?

  He was being nice.

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  No, he wasn't. He brought it up. He brought the pod up. I did not bring it up to him.

• 12:55Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 12:56Fortune Feimster?

  And, um, because he knew that Jax was a teacher and stuff from listening to the pod.

• 13:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right.

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

  And I said, you gotta ask, I immediately, he was trying to compliment me, compliment me in the pod.

• 13:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:09Fortune Feimster?

  And I totally interrupted him and was like, you gotta ask a question.

• 13:12Mae Martin?

  You have to.

• 13:13Fortune Feimster?

  And Jax is like, let him.

• 13:16Fortune Feimster?

  He said he would. I just, I don't have his number. I gotta figure that out.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  I would love to get a question from Meredith Hagner, too.

• 13:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 13:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I love her. She's so funny.

• 13:24Fortune Feimster?

  She's very funny. She's on Search Party.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Yes. I think we need to start weaponizing the fact that I'm trans to get people to ask questions. We go in today's America, wouldn't it be good to amplify this voice?

• 13:37Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, weaponize? What do you mean?

• 13:40Mae Martin?

  Exploit.

• 13:41Fortune Feimster?

  We are here to weaponize this awkward voice.

• 13:44Mae Martin?

  I just think, like, um, cause like Will Ferrell did that amazing documentary. So I'm like, guys, come on.

• 13:51Tig Notaro?

  I just watched that documentary like three nights ago.

• 13:55Mae Martin?

  Isn't it great?

• 13:57Tig Notaro?

  It is great. And I was just telling Stephanie how much Will shines.

• 14:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Tig Notaro?

  Like, as just a human, like his compassion and his love. And I'm watching it thinking, I want to love like this. I want to be loved like this. And Harper just, I mean, that's an obvious thing of like, what an interesting, incredible.

• 14:26Mae Martin?

  Smart.

• 14:27Tig Notaro?

  Smart, funny, talented person.

• 14:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:31Tig Notaro?

  And I guess I was just going in expecting to be so wrapped up in, because I know Will. And I know, I can, I thought I could kind of gather where that would go. But to really see his humanity.

• 14:51Mae Martin?

  You saw different sides of him.

• 14:53Tig Notaro?

  I, oh, one million percent. But it also made me feel like I would love to know Harper.

• 14:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, totally.

• 15:00Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:01Tig Notaro?

  And I think it would, it could potentially be hard to be with somebody as, you know, big as Will Ferrell.

• 15:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:11Tig Notaro?

  But I feel like Harper, they were an even, uh, ride to watch.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  And I like that they, so if you're listening and you haven't seen it, it's like an old friend of Will Ferrell's who has transitioned to being a woman and then they reconnect and they go on this road trip through America. And I like that they kind of also address the fact that it's, it's easier because it's Will Ferrell. Like they're going into these bars and stuff that would be maybe scary. And of course, everyone's so pumped to see Will Ferrell. So they kind of. Yeah, we're seeing this great side of Americans, but they were like, this would be very different if Harper was alone.

• 15:46Fortune Feimster?

  Well, because Harper, when Harper was a man, used to go across the country and stop into these kind of

• 15:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:53Fortune Feimster?

  dive bars. You know, bro-y, manly bars.

• 15:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Harper wanted to revisit the life and way that, that she traveled before transitioning.

• 16:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:04Fortune Feimster?

  And to see how, what the reception would be.

• 16:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah, man, it was great. And it, it is so, I love how this, this got so earnest after I was saying, let's weaponize my, let's exploit my, I was being joking, but yeah, it's, it's so valuable when someone with a platform that big, especially someone who's, yeah, like every American loves, like, like Will Ferrell is so, yeah, universally loved.

• 16:30Fortune Feimster?

  Hate for it.

• 16:31Mae Martin?

  Did he? Will did?

• 16:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, a lot.

• 16:34Mae Martin?

  That so just proves the point.

• 16:36Fortune Feimster?

  The world that we're in right now, unfortunately.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Fortune Feimster?

  He got a lot of love for it, but has gotten a lot of hate.

• 16:43Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 16:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's wild. I, I just, I don't know how you can see somebody like Harper and then see somebody like Will, who you're so used to just loving and cracking up over anything and everything he does. And then you just see him.

• 17:01Mae Martin?

  And you go, I'm out now. Like, that's crazy when it's just such a...

• 17:05Fortune Feimster?

  Well, yeah, because you, you would think that people would see the humanity of it, which is the whole point. But again, those aren't the times that we're in.

• 17:13Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. And to clarify, it's not that I didn't think Will had that in him.

• 17:18Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 17:19Tig Notaro?

  It was just so beautiful to see him really, really...

• 17:26Mae Martin?

  Really emote and empathize and be so present.

• 17:28Fortune Feimster?

  Especially the scene after they were in Texas and got such a negative reaction. What is the name of the documentary? Just so...

• 17:36Tig Notaro?

  Will and Harper.

• 17:37Fortune Feimster?

  That's the name of it?

• 17:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, okay.

• 17:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 17:39Fortune Feimster?

  Just so that people can find it.

• 17:41Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:42Mae Martin?

  I Googled last night.

• 17:45Tig Notaro?

  Was that good, weaponizing your transness?

• 17:47Mae Martin?

  It was good, but now this is, we gotta get, we gotta get Will to send a question.

• 17:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 17:53Mae Martin?

  Like, he's like, yeah, yeah, I will. And then you go, and there's a trans person on it.

• 17:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:02Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 18:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 18:30Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 18:52Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 19:21Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 19:37Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 19:57Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $200. $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 20:22Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 20:42Mae Martin?

  I Googled last night, I went on ChatGPT and I said.

• 20:46Fortune Feimster?

  What is, I don't know what ChatGPT.

• 20:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, really? So ChatGPT is, it's AI and you can ask it anything. And I don't use it because I've heard it uses a lot of water to use it. It's like every question you ask it is a bottle of water.

• 20:57Fortune Feimster?

  No way.

• 20:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:58Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, wow, why?

• 21:00Mae Martin?

  I could not tell you.

• 21:01Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, I don't know, I don't understand science.

• 21:04Mae Martin?

  I have no idea how that's possible.

• 21:07Fortune Feimster?

  You're not a scientist?

• 21:08Tig Notaro?

  I'm no, I'm no scientist.

• 21:10Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know how any of that works.

• 21:12Tig Notaro?

  And how big of a bottle of water? Because they come in many different sizes.

• 21:16Mae Martin?

  I think a little 250 milliliter kind of. So anyway, but I had to.

• 21:21Fortune Feimster?

  Be careful what you ask.

• 21:22Mae Martin?

  Find out last night. I just wanted to know how many people a year die from laughing, like just laugh themselves to death. I thought ChatGPT, it has access to every information on the internet. And it was really evasive. It was like, we have, that's not really something that, that's not really something that happens. It's not that possible, but it does happen probably, but it, and I was like, okay, but.

• 21:42Tig Notaro?

  It's probably from a heart attack.

• 21:44Fortune Feimster?

  Heart attack, choking.

• 21:46Mae Martin?

  But I said, okay, but ballpark, like.

• 21:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  People who are recorded as saying.

• 21:49Fortune Feimster?

  You wasted two bottles of water so far because you had a follow up question.

• 21:52Mae Martin?

  Exactly. Anyway, eventually it says, well.

• 21:55Tig Notaro?

  And now people at home are gonna be.

• 21:57Mae Martin?

  Are you going to sleep? Just curling up facing away from me.

• 22:00Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no. The Googling AI stuff keeps me.

• 22:06Mae Martin?

  Anyway, the long and the short of it is, it's like a handful of people a year, but it does say, well, there was this man in 1975 called Alex Mitchell, who died of laughing himself to death. He laughed for 25 minutes solidly at a sketch on a British comedy show called The Goody's. So obviously, I'm like, what was the sketch? It says, "A strangulation sketch."

• 22:28Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 22:28Mae Martin?

  I thought, what?

• 22:29Tig Notaro?

  And that didn't kill him? But the laughter did?

• 22:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so then I

• 22:34Tig Notaro?

  Random.

• 22:35Mae Martin?

  searched and I found the sketch that made this man laugh himself to death for 25 minutes. And I thought, oh, I thought it'll be a little stale. Not only is it, it is so offensive. I cannot, like, I can't even, it is so racist, it is so offensive, and it was really making me laugh that this is the thing that this man killed.

• 23:00Tig Notaro?

  And then you almost died. The universe

• 23:03Mae Martin?

  The whole thing.

• 23:04Tig Notaro?

  Took him out.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  The universe took him out.

• 23:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:06Mae Martin?

  The whole saga was tripping me out last night.

• 23:08Tig Notaro?

  That is wild. Well, you know, I used to produce a comedy festival in DC called The Benson Ball.

• 23:15Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 23:15Tig Notaro?

  Spelled B E N T Z E N. And we named the festival after this guy who laughed to death.

• 23:24Mae Martin?

  No.

• 23:25Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 23:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Fortune Feimster?

  Are you kidding me?

• 23:27Mae Martin?

  Who's this guy?

• 23:28Fortune Feimster?

  I've literally never thought about anyone dying from laughing to death, and you two have both had this on your brain?

• 23:33Tig Notaro?

  That's correct.

• 23:34Mae Martin?

  Wait, so who's Benson?

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  He was from Washington State. And in fact, we extended an invitation to his family, and we told them that we named our festival after him.

• 23:45Fortune Feimster?

  And they're like, why?

• 23:46Tig Notaro?

  Will you look him up, Thomas, and see?

• 23:48Fortune Feimster?

  This is the most random thing ever.

• 23:51Mae Martin?

  Because the wife

• 23:52Tig Notaro?

  Tell me the first initial of his first name and I'll be able to

• 23:55Fortune Feimster?

  I've literally never thought about this.

• 23:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:57Mae Martin?

  Because the widow of Alex Mitchell wrote a letter to this comedy troupe and said, "Thank you for making his last moments on earth so great." But that was interesting to me because the whole anecdote is she said, If you laugh at this stupid show, you're in the minority, stormed out of the room, and then he's laughing so hard that he dies, which I was like, is he trying to make a point? Yeah. But anyway, and then she writes the truth. Wow, there's a lot of twists. So wait, Benson, Washington State.

• 24:24Speaker 05

  The first letter TIG is O.

• 24:27Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, it's, um, uh, this is good podcasting, right?

• 24:32Mae Martin?

  Otis?

• 24:33Speaker 05

  I don't think you'll guess it, it's O L E is his name.

• 24:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Ola Benson.

• 24:37Speaker 05

  Ola Benson.

• 24:38Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 24:38Speaker 05

  And he died watching A Fish Called Wanda.

• 24:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:41Mae Martin?

  Oh. He died watching, watching A Fish Called Wanda.

• 24:43Tig Notaro?

  Laughing, he was laughing, watching A Fish Called Wanda.

• 24:46Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 24:46Tig Notaro?

  And so we were like, what do we call the comedy festival?

• 24:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 24:51Tig Notaro?

  Ola Benson, I forgot, I did know that, but it's been a long time since I stopped, and we might bring the festival back, but we're not sure.

• 25:00Mae Martin?

  Did his family respond?

• 25:01Tig Notaro?

  Um, yes, and, um, they didn't come.

• 25:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they were like, we don't want to. I probably thought it was a joke.

• 25:10Tig Notaro?

  No, we had, we invited them every year.

• 25:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay.

• 25:13Tig Notaro?

  And I think they were gonna come one year, and then I can't remember what happened. We weren't like paying for their plane tickets or anything.

• 25:19Mae Martin?

  Right, I wonder what scene it was in A Fish Called Wanda?

• 25:22Tig Notaro?

  I guess I can reach out and ask and keep bringing up a bad topic.

• 25:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, just keep that memory alive for them.

• 25:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:30Mae Martin?

  That's crazy, okay, see, this is what I wanted from ChatGPT, just some more, more background. They could have told you about that guy. I know.

• 25:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't say, oh, by the way, May, your co-host, uh, used to produce a festival called The Benson Ball.

• 25:44Mae Martin?

  It should have known that. They really should have.

• 25:46Tig Notaro?

  About Ola Benson.

• 25:47Mae Martin?

  Because apparently you can say to ChatGPT, like, here's everything about me and, and then, and everything I've done, and, and then it can tell you what to do with your life. Like, it is like omnipotent, like, it can say, you personally have this issue and you need to do that.

• 26:03Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 26:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 26:04Tig Notaro?

  And I can just Google that and it'll tell me my issue, like, what's a?

• 26:08Mae Martin?

  ChatGPT. Go to ChatGPT.

• 26:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay, I'm not gonna do that.

• 26:12Mae Martin?

  No, and also we shouldn't because of water.

• 26:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Mae Martin?

  And water, and AI is scary. We should just hang with Biggie. Hang out with Biggie, yeah. Guys, I'm very excited about today's questioner, I once was on a flight with her, she was like two seats over.

• 26:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah?

• 26:28Mae Martin?

  And I just wanted to say hi the whole time and I didn't, so that's that story. Wow. Today's questioner. That's really good.

• 26:37Tig Notaro?

  I saw her and I didn't say anything.

• 26:39Mae Martin?

  I wanted to. Today's questioner is an actor and comedian best known for her Emmy nominated work on Saturday Night Live. She's also hosted Supermarket Sweep and starred in the 2016 version of Ghostbusters. Her latest standup special is titled Problem Child. Leslie Jones is asking today's question. Nice.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  Hey handsome, it's Leslie Jones here. Now, I was asked to ask you guys a question. So, here we go. What, as you grow older, what is more relieving or enjoyable more than an orgasm?

• 27:18Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  Or just as much as an orgasm? Yeah.

• 27:22Mae Martin?

  Great question.

• 27:25Mae Martin?

  Leslie Marie.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  I asked it.

• 27:27Mae Martin?

  Leslie Marie.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  What's as relieving and enjoyable as an orgasm? If not more?

• 27:35Tig Notaro?

  Boy, I hate to chime in with something boring and obvious, but a good night's sleep.

• 27:41Mae Martin?

  Oh man, I do.

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  That's better than an orgasm. I mean, like, when I get more than six hours of sleep, I feel like I can do anything in the world.

• 27:51Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah?

• 27:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes.

• 27:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, when sleep becomes a struggle for you in your life and you covet it like that, yeah. And it's so anxiety inducing knowing that you're not sleeping well and, yeah. Mm-hmm. Good night's sleep. Okay.

• 28:05Tig Notaro?

  I do, I, like, you know what I do is before I go to bed?

• 28:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:11Tig Notaro?

  I take a screen grab of my phone.

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:14Tig Notaro?

  So I see what time it is.

• 28:15Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  And, cause I always forget in the morning, I'm like, when did I go to sleep?

• 28:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  And I always kind of round up like an hour and just go, I'll probably be asleep within an hour. Cause I do breathing exercises and all of my.

• 28:30Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 28:30Tig Notaro?

  The whole circus to get me to go to sleep. Oh, my gosh.

• 28:35Mae Martin?

  You do melatonin?

• 28:35Tig Notaro?

  I don't do melatonin, but I do, um, um,

• 28:40Mae Martin?

  Magnesium.

• 28:40Tig Notaro?

  Magnesium. I do, um, I have the, I'm doing hormone replacement therapy and with a little extra progesterone. I, I do, I do lion's mane, which is supposed to like calm you and help with dreams and, um,

• 28:58Mae Martin?

  Ashwagandha.

• 28:59Tig Notaro?

  And, and I also do a gummy, a sleep gummy. Oh, like a CBD thing? Yeah. Wow. And I do CBD oil. I have like a whole thing to get me to hopefully Wow. sleep a few hours.

• 29:12Mae Martin?

  What's crazy is like, it's not like, someone like, we all know, Elana Johnston or Lisa Gilroy, people that operate on it. Like, you're like, oh yeah, it must be hard for you to wind down, but like, it's not like you're running around manically. Like, you're already pretty chill.

• 29:25Tig Notaro?

  Like, you're half asleep right now.

• 29:29Tig Notaro?

  Well, I also You have one eye closed. Both have actually been closed until, no, but, um, But was this, is this a newer thing though? Like? With sleep? Yeah. Or has this always been the case? No, I remember the first time I noticed it. I was staying at my hotel in Toronto filming Star Trek. It was, um, I had just done that movie with, it was called Instant Family. Mm-hmm. I remember calling Stephanie and saying like, God, I feel like I'm not, I'm having trouble sleeping maybe in hotel rooms now.

• 30:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:01Tig Notaro?

  And I thought that's what it was.

• 30:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:03Tig Notaro?

  And it was just slowly creeping in, but it, it's like menopause stuff.

• 30:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 30:10Tig Notaro?

  So, uh, yeah, so I take a picture of the time that I go to sleep so I can see when I actually, um, got in bed and, um, but if I can't fall asleep or I wake up in the night, I never look at the time.

• 30:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, good, smart.

• 30:26Tig Notaro?

  Because I don't want to add anxiety.

• 30:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do that. Yeah, yeah.

• 30:29Tig Notaro?

  So I'd rather just get up and start my day. Thinking I maybe slept five hours, even if it was two or three.

• 30:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:38Fortune Feimster?

  And if you get that like full, deep, deep sleep, you are like.

• 30:42Mae Martin?

  That's better than orgasm.

• 30:43Tig Notaro?

  And what I also learned recently is I used to sleep on my stomach or my side.

• 30:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, you switched to back, right?

• 30:51Tig Notaro?

  I switched to sleeping on my back only.

• 30:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:54Tig Notaro?

  And I'm sleeping better. And I wake up having not moved an inch.

• 30:59Mae Martin?

  I want to get there, yeah.

• 31:00Fortune Feimster?

  And that's better for your face, your skin too, on your face.

• 31:04Mae Martin?

  Yes, oh.

• 31:05Tig Notaro?

  I read that. Like for wrinkles?

• 31:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I read that. Is it Dita Von Teese who has such porcelain type skin?

• 31:11Mae Martin?

  Flawless skin. Who is this?

• 31:13Fortune Feimster?

  She's like a burlesque dancer.

• 31:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Dita Von Teese.

• 31:16Fortune Feimster?

  She sleeps on her back because less wrinkles. Like when you're on your side, your face stretches up.

• 31:22Mae Martin?

  But you know who else sleeps on their back is Count Dracula in a coffin.

• 31:28Mae Martin?

  And he has wrinkles galore.

• 31:31Fortune Feimster?

  True, but those were drawn.

• 31:33Tig Notaro?

  He's been around a while.

• 31:34Mae Martin?

  Okay, wait.

• 31:35Fortune Feimster?

  Plus, he's also living off of blood.

• 31:38Mae Martin?

  Better than an orgasm for me?

• 31:39Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you love orgasms.

• 31:41Mae Martin?

  Look.

• 31:44Fortune Feimster?

  No one loves an orgasm more than me.

• 31:46Mae Martin?

  No, it's not even about that. I love the.

• 31:50Tig Notaro?

  Group orgasm.

• 31:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god. Everyone together.

• 31:55Mae Martin?

  No. I love the eroticism of life. Don't look at me like that.

• 32:00Tig Notaro?

  Well, I just didn't need that window.

• 32:01Fortune Feimster?

  That's not how you orgasm.

• 32:07Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna say, um, when I have a day to myself and I go to the movie theater in the afternoon by myself and I eat my popcorn, sometimes that's like.

• 32:19Tig Notaro?

  And I eat my popcorn?

• 32:22Fortune Feimster?

  I love a movie theater popcorn.

• 32:23Tig Notaro?

  Do you put little snacks in the popcorn?

• 32:25Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh, like an M and M?

• 32:27Mae Martin?

  No, absolutely not. I don't mix sweet and salty.

• 32:30Fortune Feimster?

  I love sweet and salty.

• 32:31Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 32:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you too. You don't like sweet and salty?

• 32:33Mae Martin?

  No, never.

• 32:34Tig Notaro?

  Two against one.

• 32:35Fortune Feimster?

  Popcorn with like M and M's or any chocolate, yum.

• 32:39Mae Martin?

  Like the happiest moments that I've just thought of in my mind are interestingly all alone. Like they're like, and to do with food and solitude, like going.

• 32:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm not taking that personally, are you, Fortune?

• 32:53Mae Martin?

  Like one time I was, I was walking in Toronto. I was maybe a bit stoned. I think I was like 17. It was winter. You were just there, you know, it's like.

• 33:02Tig Notaro?

  Even if I hadn't been there, I know winter. And walking alone.

• 33:08Mae Martin?

  And I walked by this movie theater and they were playing Close Encounters of the Third Kind in the middle of the afternoon. They played old movies and I went in by myself. I had my fresh popcorn. Oh, I just was like, I'm in heaven.

• 33:20Tig Notaro?

  That does, you know, I don't watch a lot of movies, but that does sound appealing. Just wander in. Especially not meaning to.

• 33:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I love that kind of stuff.

• 33:31Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I should do that more often.

• 33:33Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you go now?

• 33:33Fortune Feimster?

  Hop into a movie.

• 33:35Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you go?

• 33:35Fortune Feimster?

  I could.

• 33:36Tig Notaro?

  Leave.

• 33:37Fortune Feimster?

  Well, right now I'm busy.

• 33:39Tig Notaro?

  You on the clock?

• 33:40Fortune Feimster?

  I'm on the clock.

• 33:46Mae Martin?

  What about you, Fortune? What is as relieving or enjoyable as an orgasm?

• 33:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man, orgasms. So, so many of those.

• 34:00Fortune Feimster?

  I'm, well, y'all know I love food.

• 34:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:02Fortune Feimster?

  So.

• 34:03Tig Notaro?

  You've never mentioned this.

• 34:09Tig Notaro?

  That was a fake laugh.

• 34:11Fortune Feimster?

  It was not. It just came out really weird.

• 34:13Tig Notaro?

  But then it turned fake.

• 34:14Fortune Feimster?

  Right. The second one was fake.

• 34:17Tig Notaro?

  It felt like, oh, that's funny. And then you thought it through and you're like, it wasn't that funny. And then you went.

• 34:24Fortune Feimster?

  Any food that's like really rich, you know, where you don't want to, you can't eat like a crazy amount of it. But when you have those bites and it's so yummy and rich, you're like, I had a pasta. I didn't order it and I regretted not ordering it, but someone else ordered it.

• 34:44Tig Notaro?

  Your happiest memory is someone else ordered a pasta.

• 34:48Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna go back to order it. And because.

• 34:51Tig Notaro?

  You made a plan.

• 34:52Fortune Feimster?

  I made a plan in my head that I'm gonna go back. It's, it was a lemon pasta. And it had caviar on it, which I didn't even know I was into caviar, because that's.

• 35:04Mae Martin?

  An Aspen, that's all.

• 35:06Fortune Feimster?

  Come on.

• 35:07Mae Martin?

  Fortune, my bougie life. Oh my god, it's a lemon?

• 35:10Fortune Feimster?

  Lemon, but I love lemon pasta, but I didn't order it because I was like, caviar is weird. That part's throwing me off. But a friend of ours ordered it. And then I was like, should I, I, I literally thought about it for like, I didn't engage in the conversation.

• 35:26Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 35:26Fortune Feimster?

  Cause for like twenty minutes, I'm like, should I have ordered the lemon pasta? Cause it was, it was a special.

• 35:31Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 35:32Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, I probably should have ordered the lemon pasta and everyone's talking and I'm just like, mm-hmm. Lemon pasta, lemon pasta. Cause my brain like loves food and thinks about it way too much.

• 35:43Mae Martin?

  Your brain.

• 35:44Fortune Feimster?

  My brain does. Completely unrelated to you. Yeah, I have no say in it.

• 35:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:49Fortune Feimster?

  And then it came and she goes, you have the first bite. And I was like, no, I can't possibly. She was like, no, no.

• 35:55Mae Martin?

  I can't pasta-ly?

• 35:57Fortune Feimster?

  I can't pasta-ly. And then I did and it was like, oh my God.

• 36:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:03Fortune Feimster?

  My face went like, mm.

• 36:05Mae Martin?

  Oh my.

• 36:06Fortune Feimster?

  Orgasmic like.

• 36:07Mae Martin?

  What restaurant was this?

• 36:08Fortune Feimster?

  Chaconi's.

• 36:09Mae Martin?

  Where is this?

• 36:10Fortune Feimster?

  West Hollywood.

• 36:11Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 36:11Fortune Feimster?

  It's a special, but I think they, he said they often have it. And I've since that one bite, cause then she like ate it all. She was really skinny and I thought she would like not finish it, cause it was really rich.

• 36:23Mae Martin?

  And who is this? Your friend?

• 36:24Fortune Feimster?

  A friend. And I thought, I'll get some more, but she polished it off.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 36:29Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, ah, glad you liked it. And um, that's great.

• 36:33Mae Martin?

  Food is like the most analogous thing, I think, where your body starts like, yeah.

• 36:40Fortune Feimster?

  You start salivating when you see it.

• 36:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah. When I was thirteen, my, I was at a restaurant with my godmother in Greece and then she got a bacon and onion pie with like feta in it. And she took a bite and she, I remember her going, this, guys, this is better than sex. And I was thirteen and I was so like scandalized. I was like, oh my God. And then I, and then I remember eating it, being like, is this what sex is like? And like, really savory.

• 37:04Fortune Feimster?

  It tastes like feta cheese?

• 37:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was really good, that onion pie.

• 37:08Fortune Feimster?

  And so I had a question, but I-

• 37:11Mae Martin?

  I had a question about your sleep.

• 37:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, everyone, let's think of questions for each other.

• 37:15Mae Martin?

  Yes. So, do you ever find that an orgasm helps you sleep?

• 37:20Fortune Feimster?

  It's been a minute.

• 37:22Mae Martin?

  But you could do it on your own, too.

• 37:27Fortune Feimster?

  It's been a minute.

• 37:29Tig Notaro?

  I don't feel like anything helps me sleep.

• 37:33Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 37:34Tig Notaro?

  That is the problem is like, actually being in my bed.

• 37:40Tig Notaro?

  With Stephanie there is, is helpful. Maybe gives me another extra hour.

• 37:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:46Tig Notaro?

  But, um.

• 37:47Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, if Stephanie's there, you sleep better?

• 37:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:49Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, interesting.

• 37:50Tig Notaro?

  In my bed, our bed.

• 37:52Fortune Feimster?

  Your nervous system regulates. Some people don't, some people sleep worse if their partner's with them.

• 37:56Tig Notaro?

  I know. I've, I've talked to those people and they're like, I have to sleep in a different room. And, um, not me. I like, I sleep so much better when I'm in, in bed with Stephanie.

• 38:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 38:08Tig Notaro?

  But if I sleep through the night, I am doing leprechaun kicks around town.

• 38:14Fortune Feimster?

  Do you ever say to Stephanie before bed, get her done? So you can sleep better? Get her done. Get her done. I, have you ever said get her done to, to your wife?

• 38:27Tig Notaro?

  I have not ever said that.

• 38:29Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 38:29Tig Notaro?

  Anywhere in my life. I remember.

• 38:32Fortune Feimster?

  Get her done.

• 38:33Tig Notaro?

  I remember when I was on tour at one point, years ago, I guess when that was popular. People would yell that out and I was like.

• 38:41Fortune Feimster?

  Was that Larry the Cable Guy?

• 38:43Tig Notaro?

  I guess. But I was like.

• 38:45Fortune Feimster?

  I guess. I think it was Larry the Cable Guy who just used to say get her done.

• 38:49Tig Notaro?

  I did not know, there was some other thing Paris Hilton said that people were yelling out.

• 38:55Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? They were yelling, that's hot. They were yelling it to you?

• 38:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I remember people at comedy clubs yelling out, that's hot. Or, um, get her done. And I was like, what?

• 39:07Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, not the right term.

• 39:09Tig Notaro?

  I was like, I don't know what's happening right now. But, um, but yeah, get her done.

• 39:15Fortune Feimster?

  Get her done.

• 39:16Tig Notaro?

  And get her done just means like, um.

• 39:19Fortune Feimster?

  Do the thing.

• 39:20Tig Notaro?

  Do the thing. Yeah, yeah. Which could be anything.

• 39:22Fortune Feimster?

  It really could.

• 39:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, alright.

• 39:25Fortune Feimster?

  In this, in this context, it's, uh, onion pie. Yeah.

• 39:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:31Fortune Feimster?

  But you, if you had to pick though, between a movie or an orgasm, you'd probably pick the orgasm. Yeah, I'm going orgasm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although, yeah.

• 39:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I have a question for you.

• 39:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for me? About orgasms?

• 39:44Tig Notaro?

  No, thank you.

• 39:49Tig Notaro?

  Do you like, you said, you were talking about rich food. What about, I mean, wouldn't frosting be rich? That's, that can be really rich.

• 40:01Fortune Feimster?

  I love it. Does, I love, I have a huge sweet tooth. I love desserts. You know when some people eat a sweet and they're like, it's just too rich.

• 40:10Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 40:11Fortune Feimster?

  That doesn't exist.

• 40:12Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well, that's where.

• 40:14Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, frosting works.

• 40:15Tig Notaro?

  Okay, cuz I'm, it's kinda similar how I don't like a lot of milk in my cereal.

• 40:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 40:21Tig Notaro?

  I don't like dress, I, I like dressing on the side so I can just put a little bit.

• 40:26Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 40:26Tig Notaro?

  I don't like a lot of sauce.

• 40:28Fortune Feimster?

  But you're healthy.

• 40:30Tig Notaro?

  But this isn't even healthy. It's just like, I just like.

• 40:33Mae Martin?

  Like sensory almost.

• 40:34Tig Notaro?

  A hint of that.

• 40:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:37Tig Notaro?

  And I have a sweet tooth as well.

• 40:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:39Tig Notaro?

  But if I have a cupcake, I would prefer that it's like a fifth of the frosting is on there.

• 40:47Fortune Feimster?

  Not me.

• 40:48Tig Notaro?

  Whereas Stephanie, she prefers the frosting over the cake.

• 40:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 40:53Tig Notaro?

  And I prefer the cake over the frosting, but I do like the frosting.

• 40:57Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 40:58Tig Notaro?

  And Finn's the same way. He's always like, Mayor, I'm like you, right? I just, I don't like much milk in, um, in his cereal.

• 41:08Fortune Feimster?

  No, I'm like a saucy gal.

• 41:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  Slather it in things, make it more unhealthy.

• 41:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:15Fortune Feimster?

  Make it a little sweetness to the salty, the sweet savory.

• 41:19Tig Notaro?

  It would be so interesting if you and I like switched eating habits for like a month.

• 41:26Fortune Feimster?

  I would lose like 20 pounds.

• 41:29Tig Notaro?

  I just, I wonder if you would.

• 41:31Fortune Feimster?

  And you would gain.

• 41:32Tig Notaro?

  I wonder if you would, that would be so interesting to do.

• 41:36Mae Martin?

  Or just to switch lives in general, like what, like I, I'd love to experience a week of either of your lives.

• 41:42Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:43Mae Martin?

  And with your friends, you sometimes, you're like, I know what I would do differently in your life. I have friends who I'm like, let me inhabit your brain for a week and I'll fix all your problems.

• 41:51Tig Notaro?

  What would you do differently about us?

• 41:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, no, nothing. I just wanna experience your lives.

• 41:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, come on, pick out something.

• 41:58Fortune Feimster?

  You'd probably be bored of mine.

• 41:59Mae Martin?

  No, I'd have fun doing both your material. I love that.

• 42:02Fortune Feimster?

  You'd hang out with Biggie though.

• 42:02Mae Martin?

  I would really wanna do your material.

• 42:04Fortune Feimster?

  Tig and I would get laid.

• 42:08Fortune Feimster?

  If we were at May's life.

• 42:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh, I see.

• 42:12Fortune Feimster?

  They'd be up all night.

• 42:13Mae Martin?

  And you'd also have to read a bunch of facts and. You'd be in horror, horror escape rooms.

• 42:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, god.

• 42:21Tig Notaro?

  We'd be having orgasms though. That is really.

• 42:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but sometimes you'd feel sad after.

• 42:25Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 42:26Mae Martin?

  You know?

• 42:27Fortune Feimster?

  Buddy.

• 42:28Tig Notaro?

  But you just have a cupcake.

• 42:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Or lemon pasta.

• 42:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, with.

• 42:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:33Tig Notaro?

  I just really am, like, do you like green smoothies, that kind of thing, or?

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-mm.

• 42:39Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 42:40Fortune Feimster?

  I, if I'm gonna have a smoothie, I like, uh.

• 42:44Tig Notaro?

  And you'd also have to be vegan for a month.

• 42:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, that's gonna be tough.

• 42:48Mae Martin?

  That'd be tough for me.

• 42:48Tig Notaro?

  But see, I would make the food. I would feed you.

• 42:51Fortune Feimster?

  See, I would eat that.

• 42:52Tig Notaro?

  And you'd make my food.

• 42:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, oh, I'd have to buy your food. I'm not good at making it.

• 42:56Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I'm not like a chef or anything.

• 42:58Fortune Feimster?

  If I'm drinking a smoothie, I like, like, almond butter, banana dates.

• 43:03Tig Notaro?

  Chocolate.

• 43:04Fortune Feimster?

  Almond milk kind of thing.

• 43:05Mae Martin?

  That's what I want too, yeah, yeah.

• 43:06Fortune Feimster?

  I would put blueberries in there too.

• 43:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:09Fortune Feimster?

  I like that kind of smoothie.

• 43:10Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 43:11Fortune Feimster?

  But I don't like the ones that taste like vegetables.

• 43:13Mae Martin?

  I remember that Chelsea Handler thing you did where you got, you guys all ate weed at that amazing restaurant, but having been this donor in the past, like, that food tastes so good when you're, and, and seeing, you were all just like.

• 43:28Fortune Feimster?

  We were so high.

• 43:29Mae Martin?

  So delighted by each new dish that came out, and I think forgetting that there was weed.

• 43:33Fortune Feimster?

  I totally forgot.

• 43:34Mae Martin?

  Cooked into the food and anyway, but I remember like.

• 43:37Fortune Feimster?

  I was tied on noon the next day.

• 43:38Mae Martin?

  Salivating watching it because you were all just like, oh my god.

• 43:42Fortune Feimster?

  I was.

• 43:43Tig Notaro?

  Would you do it again?

• 43:43Fortune Feimster?

  So high. Uh, yeah, it was fun.

• 43:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Tig Notaro?

  That's so funny.

• 43:48Mae Martin?

  Put it on the list.

• 43:49Fortune Feimster?

  We actually, that would be funny if we did that.

• 43:52Mae Martin?

  Funny. Um, should we hear what Leslie's answer is?

• 43:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 43:56Speaker 00

  Well, for my answer, the most relieving thing or enjoyable thing as an orgasm, if not more, is taking a shit. When you get older, when you take a good dump, it just feels like you're emptying shit out, you know what I'm saying?

• 44:12Fortune Feimster?

  Literally.

• 44:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. I would, I would almost put that really as on the same level as orgasm, if not better. Because, oh my goodness, especially if it comes out all at one time. Like, you don't have to go multiple times, like, it just comes all out, and you're like, brrr.

• 44:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that sound effect.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  I hope that's what y'all wanted.

• 44:37Tig Notaro?

  Look at her face.

• 44:40Fortune Feimster?

  That's what you wanted.

• 44:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's exactly what we wanted.

• 44:45Mae Martin?

  The sound effect that she did for when it all comes out.

• 44:47Fortune Feimster?

  Brownish.

• 44:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 44:49Fortune Feimster?

  She's a trip. Oh, my God. She is so funny.

• 44:52Tig Notaro?

  And you know, her history on SNL was.

• 44:56Mae Martin?

  No, no.

• 44:57Tig Notaro?

  She, um.

• 44:58Fortune Feimster?

  Well, she was a writer first.

• 44:59Tig Notaro?

  She was a writer. We had the same manager for years and, um, maybe I'm not understanding or remembering correctly, but I think he like really fought for her to be, um.

• 45:13Fortune Feimster?

  On the show.

• 45:14Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 45:14Fortune Feimster?

  And Chris Rock too.

• 45:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but she started doing, um.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  Weekend Update?

• 45:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Weekend Update.

• 45:22Mae Martin?

  Right, right, right.

• 45:23Tig Notaro?

  And then was moved to cast member.

• 45:27Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 45:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and it's like she just feels like an obvious.

• 45:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  Cast member.

• 45:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, totally.

• 45:33Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 45:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:34Fortune Feimster?

  Like to hide her in a writer's room.

• 45:36Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 45:36Fortune Feimster?

  Makes you not a producer on TV.

• 45:38Mae Martin?

  No sense. Also, her deadpan, what is so good sometimes, yeah.

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  I heard she just would go up to Lauren and just be like, when are you putting me on TV? Because you know, everyone's like very intimidated by him and she was like, when am I going to be on TV?

• 45:54Mae Martin?

  That's awesome.

• 45:55Tig Notaro?

  But that's what I remember. That's what I remember about, but it, it just seemed like she was just always moving up at that.

• 46:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  Job.

• 46:05Fortune Feimster?

  I just remember when I started at Comedy Store, she was, she's such a force, you know?

• 46:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 46:11Fortune Feimster?

  And she would treat every set like she was going into like a game.

• 46:15Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:16Fortune Feimster?

  And she had like a towel in her back pocket. And was just like amping. And I was like, is it?

• 46:22Tig Notaro?

  Like a sports game, not a board game.

• 46:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, no, like a sports game. And I was like, I need to take this more seriously.

• 46:28Mae Martin?

  I really admire that.

• 46:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I don't break a sweat.

• 46:31Fortune Feimster?

  She was, she was there to entertain. It was fun to watch.

• 46:34Tig Notaro?

  She does entertain.

• 46:36Fortune Feimster?

  She does.

• 46:36Mae Martin?

  And the, and she's not wrong like about a post poo euphoria, that, that relief. Especially if you just started dating someone and you're staying at their house and you can't.

• 46:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. What do you do? You grab a kettle?

• 46:49Mae Martin?

  You grab a kettle. No, you can't go number two.

• 46:51Fortune Feimster?

  There's another bathroom that they're not gonna walk into.

• 46:54Mae Martin?

  You can't risk it. If you're just staying there, you gotta wait till you leave and then you get home, oh man, and you're.

• 47:01Fortune Feimster?

  Sounds like it was too late for Fortune. Sounds like Fortune already did this.

• 47:04Mae Martin?

  You already did this?

• 47:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. No, it definitely ruins romance if that, even now, 10 years in, Jax is like, what, really? And I'm like, sorry.

• 47:14Mae Martin?

  I'm very poo positive.

• 47:16Fortune Feimster?

  You're poo positive?

• 47:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not for myself.

• 47:19Fortune Feimster?

  If you're at a hotel, I would, in early days, well, even sometimes now, I'll go to the lobby.

• 47:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:25Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta go to the lobby.

• 47:26Tig Notaro?

  That's, you do that now?

• 47:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, sometimes.

• 47:29Mae Martin?

  I think that's.

• 47:30Tig Notaro?

  Jax is like, take your business 10 floors down.

• 47:34Fortune Feimster?

  She doesn't want that, to be a part of that, and I understand.

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  I think I, I get that.

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  She's not excited about that.

• 47:39Fortune Feimster?

  She's not excited about it. I can't, I don't blame her for that.

• 47:44Tig Notaro?

  And how do you feel about her, or has she never, um, pooped?

• 47:48Fortune Feimster?

  Hers really don't make a dent. She's a dainty, pretty little lady.

• 47:55Mae Martin?

  Pure of soul.

• 47:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, mine are different, a difference. I need to go to the lobby.

• 47:59Tig Notaro?

  You got lemon pasta to get rid of.

• 48:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I gotta go to the lobby.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  And icing. You have icing on your lemon pasta.

• 48:05Fortune Feimster?

  Rich orgasmic food.

• 48:07Tig Notaro?

  You're like, I'm gonna drive down the road to the Holiday Inn and give them a surprise.

• 48:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man. I'm trying to reel the, I gotta reel, I got too comfortable, you know what I mean? Farts and stuff.

• 48:20Tig Notaro?

  In your marriage?

• 48:21Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to reel all that in to be a little bit more.

• 48:24Mae Martin?

  Bring it here instead.

• 48:25Tig Notaro?

  Did she sit you down and say, listen?

• 48:28Fortune Feimster?

  No one's really into that romance life, you know? So I have, I'm trying to, I'm trying to grow up in that regard and not be so disgusting.

• 48:39Tig Notaro?

  Save that for us.

• 48:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, please save it.

• 48:41Fortune Feimster?

  That's for you guys.

• 48:42Tig Notaro?

  Thank you for that.

• 48:43Fortune Feimster?

  You're welcome.

• 48:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:45Mae Martin?

  Well, this has been a pleasure.

• 48:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:48Fortune Feimster?

  Well.

• 48:49Tig Notaro?

  It really has been. And, um, why does Leslie's question and answer not surprise me?

• 48:59Fortune Feimster?

  I've never had it be those to that level where it's orgasmic. I don't think so.

• 49:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 49:05Tig Notaro?

  Maybe you're not fully emptying your bowels.

• 49:07Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe I'm not going, boy is Jackson for a surprise if you fully empty your bowels.

• 49:13Mae Martin?

  Have you ever had a colonic? I mean, like, I could talk for 20 minutes about that.

• 49:16Fortune Feimster?

  Have you had a colonic?

• 49:17Mae Martin?

  I got a Groupon. I think I've talked about it on the podcast. I got a Groupon. I did a cheap colonic in a office building with no roof, basically. I don't think so.

• 49:26Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think we did.

• 49:27Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. It sounds familiar.

• 49:30Fortune Feimster?

  The Groupon's not familiar to me.

• 49:31Mae Martin?

  I thought I was gonna be able to, like, be texting, be like, it was excruciating.

• 49:36Fortune Feimster?

  It was excruciating?

• 49:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. I was like, cramping. I couldn't text. The woman was like, well, also, she, she was calling me girl, but I really found it soothing in the moment. I was like, I need that from this. She kept me like, let it out, girl. Let it out. And I was like, yeah. And then she said, you know, you're gonna find it emotional.

• 49:56Fortune Feimster?

  Emotional?

• 49:57Mae Martin?

  And I said, no, I think I'll be fine. Literally, within 20 minutes, I was like, I used to be a drug addict. And she was like, me too. I was like, while you were taking a dump?

• 50:05Fortune Feimster?

  She was feeling, it was a colonic thing up your butt.

• 50:10Tig Notaro?

  You don't need to be yelled at, okay? I don't know what you two do in your.

• 50:15Fortune Feimster?

  This nurse was, wasn't part of May pooping.

• 50:19Mae Martin?

  Okay, fortunately.

• 50:21Fortune Feimster?

  She was in there the whole time.

• 50:23Tig Notaro?

  A sign of my lack of intelligence?

• 50:26Fortune Feimster?

  I thought that she would just, like, started you on this path and left you alone.

• 50:31Mae Martin?

  That's what I saw going in.

• 50:32Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I had a colonic once, and the person.

• 50:34Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, me and my colonic.

• 50:36Mae Martin?

  I wanna go to like.

• 50:37Fortune Feimster?

  Don't feel left out, cause you haven't had one?

• 50:40Mae Martin?

  You know what, though?

• 50:41Fortune Feimster?

  We've had one, so.

• 50:43Mae Martin?

  I couldn't digest anything after.

• 50:45Fortune Feimster?

  So, my person got all the stuff up the bow. How dare you?

• 50:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Look at that, both of you.

• 50:52Fortune Feimster?

  The pod's falling apart over a colonic. They put the thing up my butt and then left me.

• 50:57Tig Notaro?

  What if Jack heard you say that?

• 50:59Fortune Feimster?

  That's what a colonic is.

• 51:01Tig Notaro?

  Well, she doesn't want that.

• 51:02Fortune Feimster?

  But May's person was like.

• 51:04Mae Martin?

  It was so intimate.

• 51:05Fortune Feimster?

  Coaching you through it.

• 51:07Mae Martin?

  She was like massaging my stomach. She was, and I could see the stuff coming out through the tube.

• 51:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you can see it go through the tube.

• 51:12Mae Martin?

  I wanna go to some like.

• 51:13Fortune Feimster?

  But mine was not painful.

• 51:14Mae Martin?

  Okay, I don't know what's going on with me.

• 51:17Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe your Groupon.

• 51:19Mae Martin?

  I think it was a Groupon issue.

• 51:22Fortune Feimster?

  And, and your, your nurse was like really like feeling your energy too.

• 51:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't know. And she said, you gotta come back. I'm only, anyway, but I didn't, I couldn't go back.

• 51:34Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you're not like this conversation.

• 51:39Fortune Feimster?

  I wanna do another one.

• 51:40Mae Martin?

  Let's go together.

• 51:41Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it. Let's get that group on. Put it on the list, Thomas. Flush us out. We need to be handsome.

• 51:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:48Fortune Feimster?

  Everywhere, including our B holes.

• 51:51Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 51:51Fortune Feimster?

  Right, Tig? This show sucks, man. Tig!

• 51:54Mae Martin?

  What?

• 51:55Fortune Feimster?

  Tig Marie!

• 52:00Fortune Feimster?

  People were calling you Tig Marie.

• 52:02Mae Martin?

  Online.

• 52:03Fortune Feimster?

  When they posted that video of on Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah. Because you were kissing everyone. Yeah.

• 52:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, people start in my shows now shouting May Marie.

• 52:12Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 52:13Mae Martin?

  And do they shout Fortune Marie?

• 52:14Fortune Feimster?

  They always shout Fortune Marie. People yell Fortune Marie to me, too. Really? And I don't ever say anything. You don't acknowledge it?

• 52:22Mae Martin?

  Like risque?

• 52:22Fortune Feimster?

  Well, no, nothing risque. Oh, they just love it. I say things gay, does not risque. Okay. Thank you. Let's go to commercial.

• 52:29Mae Martin?

  Well, what do you guys have coming up?

• 52:31Fortune Feimster?

  I'm working out my hour. So if anyone lives in Irvine, California, or Ontario, California. There are people that live there. Those listening, I'll be at those clubs, the improv, working on those sets and at Huntsville, Alabama as well. And then the big tour starts like April 2nd, Savannah, Georgia. Did you tell your agent, I wanna be home for April Fools? I did say that. I know, I do not wanna leave the family until April 2nd. I gotta go to Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Albuquerque, Cleveland, Columbus, Baltimore, Pittsburgh. Oh, my gosh. God, there's so many. Greensboro, Roanoke. Take your time.

• 53:16Fortune Feimster?

  Hold on, do you want me to name them all? Hold on, I wanna name them all. My God. Don't you have a website or something? No, you guys, you wanna hear this, don't you? Sure. Because nobody's got. I love geography. Nobody's got anywhere to go, right? No.

• 53:32Fortune Feimster?

  Where else, you guys?

• 53:35Mae Martin?

  This is insane.

• 53:36Tig Notaro?

  What is happening?

• 53:38Fortune Feimster?

  There's nobody over here, but...

• 53:40Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 53:41Fortune Feimster?

  Um, Phoenix.

• 53:42Mae Martin?

  Oh my-

• 53:43Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Rockford, Illinois, home of the Peaches.

• 53:46Tig Notaro?

  And home of Natasha Leggero.

• 53:48Fortune Feimster?

  Is she really there? You know about the Rockford Peaches, right?

• 53:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, the baseball?

• 53:53Fortune Feimster?

  A League of Their Own.

• 53:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:55Fortune Feimster?

  We are the all-Americans. Something, we cover cities, near and far. League of Their Own's one of my favorite movies of all time.

• 54:03Tig Notaro?

  Max and Finn as well.

• 54:05Fortune Feimster?

  Um, oh, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, and Lexington, Kentucky.

• 54:11Tig Notaro?

  Phew.

• 54:12Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, there's more?

• 54:13Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 54:14Fortune Feimster?

  Knoxville, Tennessee, and Asheville, North Carolina.

• 54:16Tig Notaro?

  God help me.

• 54:17Fortune Feimster?

  And more being added.

• 54:18Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 54:19Fortune Feimster?

  And when those get added, you best believe I'm going to name all the cities. Tig, are you still with us?

• 54:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, yes, yeah.

• 54:27Fortune Feimster?

  Did you fall asleep?

• 54:28Tig Notaro?

  Well, how's Biggie?

• 54:29Fortune Feimster?

  Or did you have an orgasm? Biggie's fine.

• 54:33Mae Martin?

  I got, I'm tonight in New York at the Gramercy Theater and March 9th at the Forum in Kentish Town in London. England. I'm gonna go see Debbie.

• 54:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, gonna get a hairdo?

• 54:44Tig Notaro?

  Can you do Debbie for us?

• 54:45Fortune Feimster?

  Debbie do? Oh, may I can't believe you come back. Oh, promise me you'll stay.

• 54:52Mae Martin?

  I hope she's that enthusiastic.

• 54:54Fortune Feimster?

  Are you excited to go back to London?

• 54:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh, she didn't actually say that to you ever?

• 54:57Mae Martin?

  No, no.

• 54:58Tig Notaro?

  You're just putting words in her mouth of like, "Promise me you'll stay."

• 55:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 55:02Tig Notaro?

  Promise me.

• 55:02Mae Martin?

  Wow. I'm excited but nervous because I kind of left without knowing I was moving away from there permanently.

• 55:09Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 55:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like I still had my apartment there when I-

• 55:12Fortune Feimster?

  I thought you moved knowing you were like, "Goodbye."

• 55:14Mae Martin?

  I thought I was coming for six months for a writer's room.

• 55:16Tig Notaro?

  Fortune turned to you like total girl talk, like, "Really?"

• 55:20Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 55:21Tig Notaro?

  And like putting your drink down, just like, "Oh, really? Do tell."

• 55:26Mae Martin?

  So I'm kind of nervous-

• 55:26Fortune Feimster?

  Give me the hot goss.

• 55:27Mae Martin?

  I'm nervous to see everyone. It was my whole twenties there, you know, it's a-

• 55:32Fortune Feimster?

  Because you haven't been back since?

• 55:33Mae Martin?

  I haven't been back in a couple of years now.

• 55:35Fortune Feimster?

  No way?

• 55:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:36Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 55:36Mae Martin?

  So it's gonna be, like, so many of my best friends are there, but-

• 55:40Fortune Feimster?

  And they're like, "We haven't heard from you in two years."

• 55:44Mae Martin?

  I know. That's sort of how I'm feeling.

• 55:47Fortune Feimster?

  Is there, are there any old flames we're excited to see?

• 55:50Mae Martin?

  Lots of old flames. Yes, I am actually excited to see some old flames.

• 55:53Fortune Feimster?

  Are we gonna, are we gonna be texting people?

• 55:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm texting.

• 55:58Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 56:00Mae Martin?

  Well, because there are a lot of people there who are good, good friends, who are also old flames. And it'll be nice to see them.

• 56:07Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, it sounds like someone's gonna be doing what?

• 56:10Tig Notaro?

  Taking a dump.

• 56:11Mae Martin?

  It'll be an onion pie.

• 56:18Fortune Feimster?

  Taking a dump.

• 56:19Tig Notaro?

  Taking a big old steaming dump.

• 56:23Fortune Feimster?

  May's just gonna be shitting all over London.

• 56:29Tig Notaro?

  Bring your kettle.

• 56:33Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that sounds great. I love that you're on your music tour. It's awesome.

• 56:37Tig Notaro?

  Get your tickets.

• 56:38Fortune Feimster?

  Get your tickets.

• 56:39Tig Notaro?

  Go see May.

• 56:40Fortune Feimster?

  Did you name all the cities?

• 56:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Fortune Feimster?

  You can get your phone out, too.

• 56:44Mae Martin?

  There's only two for you.

• 56:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay, because you've already done some of them, yes.

• 56:47Mae Martin?

  I've done two already, and there's two more. What about you, Tig?

• 56:52Tig Notaro?

  I'm not on a music tour.

• 56:54Fortune Feimster?

  Do you need to get out your phone to look at cities?

• 56:58Tig Notaro?

  No, I'm just gonna be right here in Los Angeles.

• 57:01Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 57:02Tig Notaro?

  Hanging out with my adorable little family in Kitty City and working on new material. You know, I bounced between Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. All the dates are on my website, tignotaro.com.

• 57:17Mae Martin?

  Also, we are live streaming our show from Austin, Texas on April 12th, and you can stream that from anywhere in the world. Go to handsomepod.com to get your tickets. It's gonna be a crazy big show.

• 57:31Fortune Feimster?

  I'm excited.

• 57:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 57:32Fortune Feimster?

  It's gonna be off the hizzy.

• 57:34Mae Martin?

  Like 3,000 people, and then, yeah, it's gonna be really fun. So, please. Watch it, have the watch parties and so.

• 57:41Fortune Feimster?

  You are a little cowboy going to Texas.

• 57:43Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, I didn't even think of that.

• 57:44Fortune Feimster?

  Have you gone to Texas, have you been to Texas before?

• 57:46Mae Martin?

  I slept, I slept in a.

• 57:48Fortune Feimster?

  This ain't Texas, ain't no hold'em.

• 57:51Mae Martin?

  Well, we should tap dance to that. But I one time slept in a windowless room in the airport of Houston Airport. You could rent it within the terminal.

• 58:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 58:01Mae Martin?

  And guess what the room was called?

• 58:03Fortune Feimster?

  Little Cowboy.

• 58:03Mae Martin?

  Little Cowboy Room.

• 58:04Fortune Feimster?

  Nuh uh, no.

• 58:05Mae Martin?

  I swear to god, I swear to god. This is recent, I have, I took a video of the door to prove it.

• 58:10Tig Notaro?

  Wow, yeah, cuz we need proof.

• 58:11Fortune Feimster?

  So this is your first proper visit to Texas?

• 58:14Mae Martin?

  Yes, it is.

• 58:14Fortune Feimster?

  Austin's a good one, Austin is a good one to go to.

• 58:17Mae Martin?

  Yes, ma'am.

• 58:18Tig Notaro?

  I've lived in Texas, I, I lived in, um, the Houston area, Dallas area, and Austin.

• 58:24Mae Martin?

  Did you like it?

• 58:25Tig Notaro?

  Look, I made a lot of really good friends.

• 58:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 58:28Tig Notaro?

  I've lived so many places, I have so many friends that I've made and, you know, it's hard to keep up with everyone, you know, with stand up and touring and jobs and moving around and different cities. But yeah, I had really fun little windows of time for a year or two here and there in different cities and towns. And Austin was a big moment for me in my life cuz I'd just come out and I moved right to Austin. And just gated up.

• 58:58Fortune Feimster?

  The original little cowboy.

• 58:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 59:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. We're here for a good time, not for a long time.

• 59:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Fortune Feimster?

  I would order you some Texas barbecue, I don't wanna have meat in the brain room.

• 59:07Tig Notaro?

  Well, let's go out for it after.

• 59:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I don't wanna.

• 59:11Tig Notaro?

  Take that somewhere else.

• 59:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:13Tig Notaro?

  I will have little broccoli sprout smoothies, right?

• 59:16Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 59:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, Texas has great tacos too.

• 59:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, great, yeah, yeah, I want it all.

• 59:22Tig Notaro?

  What about lemon pasta?

• 59:24Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, yum, I don't think they're known for lemon pasta, well, actually Austin's food scene's really.

• 59:29Tig Notaro?

  Really good.

• 59:29Fortune Feimster?

  Gotten really good.

• 59:30Tig Notaro?

  Breakfast burritos there?

• 59:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, the breakfast tacos and burritos there are delicious.

• 59:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, oh my gosh.

• 59:36Tig Notaro?

  Anyway.

• 59:37Mae Martin?

  So Texas, then the colonic.

• 59:40Fortune Feimster?

  That's right, then you're gonna orgasm your brain out.

• 59:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 59:44Tig Notaro?

  And cry about it.

• 59:45Fortune Feimster?

  God, what a.

• 59:46Mae Martin?

  I loved this.

• 59:47Fortune Feimster?

  Another great app.

• 59:48Mae Martin?

  Uh, no, sorry, I said.

• 59:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love you too. You love what? I love being together. You missed it. Me too. Yeah, this is so nice. Well, these are nice hands. Thank you. You were right, Tig.

• 59:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, I guess, oh, tell your friends if you like our show, share an episode, okay?

• 1:00:03Fortune Feimster?

  Tell them.

• 1:00:04Tig Notaro?

  Tell your friends how good we are. And until next time,

• 1:00:08Mae Martin?

  Keep it handsome! Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 1:00:27Mae Martin?

  What a podcast!

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  What a podcast!

• 1:00:33Mae Martin?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 1:00:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:01:04Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:01:06Speaker 07

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:01:08Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 1:01:29Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:01:42Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:01:53Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.