Cheers Bitches - Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder

Daddy Gang! I present to you the first episode of EXTRA DIRTY, a new Unwell podcast hosted by Hallie Batchelder, and you're in for a wild ride. Hallie kicks off this weekly spill sesh strong: how being a chubby kid made her funny, becoming a muse for a Canadian's wild fantasy, the (very honest) scoop on her cosmetic work, why she got her real estate license, and the secrets of her parents' rock-star romance. Of course, she could not do it alone: so listen in to hear what special guests stop by. Hint: one of them just rolled out of her bed from the night before... So whether you're here to laugh, gasp, or join the sh*t talking, pour up a drink and dive into the debauchery. Muah muah!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Daddy gang, what's up fuckers? It is your father. I am here to feed you. You guys are always asking for more content. And so I present to you another podcast, episode one of Extra Dirty. You guys just listened to Halle Bachelorette on Call Her Daddy, and now she's officially launching her own podcast. I am so excited for you guys to go on this journey with Halle. I am obsessed with her. She has the craziest stories. She lives in New York City, and I just know it is about to be a wild ride. So enjoy, sit back, relax, and maybe have a cocktail for this one. Listen to the first episode of Extra Dirty. Enjoy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by American Eagle. Holiday outfits just got way easier.

• 0:43Alex Cooper?

  American Eagle's new arrivals are basically everything you need right now. Super soft sweaters, lightweight layers, comfy lounge styles, heritage faves, and low-rise jeans that are very much back in the rotation. Whether you're heading to a holiday thing or just hanging with your people, there's something for every plan. Just don't wait too long. Your new faves won't be around forever. You can check it all out at ae.com or just go to the store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. I feel like the best gifts are always the ones that feel really personal, right? Like, anyone can buy you something nice, but when

• 1:27Alex Cooper?

  someone gives you a gift that is actually meaningful, you appreciate it so much more. And that's what I do love about Pandora. They have so many pieces that you can really just make your own, from festive charms to personalized engravings and jewelry that can represent the people and the moments that mean the most to you. So whether you're shopping for your partner, or your mom, your best friend, you can find something that really is specific to them. Maybe it's a charm that makes you think of the trip that you guys took together once, or maybe it's an engraving for your anniversary, or just a piece that feels like them the second you see it. Pandora makes it so easy to give a gift that feels thoughtful and personal, and makes every holiday moment even more

• 2:12Alex Cooper?

  meaningful and special. Because at the end of the day, the best gifts aren't just about the piece itself, but it's the intention and the story behind them. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now at pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something. When I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so, you're angry. You're like, I am busy, I'm hungry, I'm getting hangry, I'm getting angry. What can I eat? I need something hot and delicious and low maintenance. Well, introducing Stouffer's dinners are not only delicious, they're done in a flash. Serve up their classic lasagna, chicken pesto, or carbonara for two. Whatever

• 2:57Alex Cooper?

  you're craving, Stouffer's is your hot, delicious, easy meal fantasy. When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. You can see all the delicious options at Stouffer's.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ashley. Okay, so whenever I am picking new furniture for my house, or redesigning a room, it is so important to me to make sure that it also is cohesive with the rest of my house and the vibe that I'm feeling. And I think filling your home with beautiful durable pieces from Ashley will help you create a backdrop for growing family's biggest memories, right? You want your home to feel cozy and you want it to feel like you. And thanks to features like stain resistant performance fabric, even the

• 3:39Alex Cooper?

  messiest memories will be easy to clean. So, visit your local store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

• 4:01Alex Cooper?

  Hi, my little fucking freaks.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Okay, guys, I'm doing something really fucking stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Hallie from the streets of New York.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Guys, I had every intention of staying in last night.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Welcome to my podcast. Welcome to Extra Dirty. I'm so fucking excited to be here with you guys. I know it's taken a minute. I know it's taken a long minute, but guys, perfection takes time. I was gonna come out with something that's like fucking shitty and like I would have to redo and like it was kind of ass, like whatever. I wanted this to be perfect for you guys. Like I was just being a woman of the people at this point, okay? This podcast is gonna be so graphic, so horrendous, so dirty, so slutty. You're gonna look at me so differently. Please keep your AirPods on when you're listening to this podcast. I will say, do not listen to it at church. Do not listen to it at a classroom. Do not listen to it in front of your parents unless your dad is single. Please!

• 5:10Speaker 01

  For the love of God, strap in. We're gonna have a fucking fun time. I'm so happy to be here. It's gonna be epic. I like might get cancelled, okay? But if I do get cancelled, guys, I wanna be cancelled for like a really hot, controversial like athlete, or maybe some like hedge fund guy that's gone arrested. I don't know, like something interesting, but like not too deep. We'll get into that later. But anyways, welcome to Extra Dirty. This podcast will not only be Extra Dirty, but probably most of the time I'll be still like living on the fumes of my night before as I have consumed like a hundred Extra Dirty martinis. Like they'll still be in my system as I sit here and talk to you guys. If you guys don't know me, you know, I kinda just like fell into social media. I started posting on TikTok

• 5:55Speaker 01

  like a year, a year and a half ago. And honestly, I was just making that platform more of like my private story. Honestly, I was like, no one's like being honest on this fucking platform. Like no one's like telling the truth or like showing any flaw at all. Everything's just like a perfect little like clean girl aesthetic image of what their life is and that is just not what life's about. Life is fucking rough. Anyways, all that shit was very short formatted content and I was like, I feel like I could yap for hours about like what's going on in my mind. So here we are, another fake blonde.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  With a podcast, I apologize, but like here we are, like I'm not that mad. I feel like on TikTok, I'm so like ambiguous, like what's going on with my like love life. I'm very good about like, you know, dropping little hints there and here, like I definitely sleep around. And I make that known, but I'm never like name dropping. I'm not like a fucking weird freak. So the thing is like with what I do and like me just talking and doing like debriefs online, like I have a lot of men being like, I want to stay as far away from this bitch as humanly possible because I fear I might talk about them online. I will, but like I'm only going to talk about you if you give me something like to talk about. Usually like these men, they piss me off and they think they can do whatever. Hi, sorry, I'm here to talk about it. Why not?

• 7:11Speaker 01

  So what is going on in my love life right now? My most recent conquest, I call them conquests because what else are they? I made the mistake of hooking up with this man. He was in the entertainment industry, which by the way, stay as humanly far. Who, wait, am I in that? Wait, I'm considered, this is the entertainment industry, right? For, for, oh fuck. He was in the entertainment industry and like red flag number one. I feel like those men are just super narcissistic, their egos are bigger than my fake tits. Like it's just a lot of narcissism. Let's call him Old Spice. I'm going to give a code name for the man. Let me wet my whistle before I tell this fucking story. ASMR.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Also guys, look at my coaster. It says cock. All right, let's talk about it. Okay, so I met this guy. We got introduced in the middle of the summer, whatever. And he was fucking hot, like he was sexy and honestly, I don't regret a fucking thing because of how sexy he was. And I'm the type of girl that I see a hot guy and say we connect. I will sleep with that man that night. I don't feel bad about that. I feel like that's pretty normal, but just no one says that. Like, that's okay. And I don't see why that's frowned upon. I feel like that's good work ethic. Like, you see your pride, go get it. Like, go get it. So anyways, we met. He wouldn't sleep with me upon first meet, which is probably a green flag for him. I'll give him that. Probably a red flag for me that I was super pissed off about it.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  So I never thought I'd see this man again. Anyways, I get a phone call, like, two days after. I mean, I never thought I would talk to this man again. And I missed two phone calls, like, from this man. I was like, okay, some, he must got, like, in a car accident. I don't know what happened. So I go, is everything okay? Like, I was in the middle of moving, whatever. And he was like, no, I just want to hear your beautiful voice. I'm like, this voice? This vocal fry? You gotta be fucking kidding me. From then on, we started talking. He would call me for, like, two hours every night. And I don't talk on the phone. I'm also like a horrible fucking texter. Like, text me if you're making plans, or if someone died, or if a baby was made. But other than that, like, please do not bother me. So anyways, we would talk on the phone, because this man was fucking hot. So we would talk on the phone for two hours a night. And he would tell me all these stories.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  He'd be like, what's your hobbies, baby? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, hobbies? I don't have fucking hobbies. I go out, I, like, drink a little, and then I do what I need to do to make money. And then I watch reality TV and rock and peace. But anyways, he called me up. And he goes, I wrote this beautiful short story about you, and you were my muse. And I'm like, what? The flying fuck are you talking about? But anyways, obviously, I wanted to hear the story, guys. The story was the most insane thing I've ever fucking heard of. Honestly, I hope it goes into production, because what? So this is the story you told me. It goes, so, like, this couple, they meet on a farm.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  This guy works at a gun range. He teaches people, I'm just giving you guys the bullet points. He teaches people how to shoot guns, essentially, whatever. They get set up, they go on a date. And she's like, what do you do? He's like, I shoot guns. She's like, this prim and proper bitch. And she's like, oh, ah, like, I hate guns. Like, I'm so scared of guns, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They fall in love, whatever. He goes to work, and she starts, like, stealing the guns out of his cabinet and starts, like, fucking herself with the gun. And I was like, I don't understand how we got, how am I the muse? I was like, how, how am I the muse to this fucking story? I do not understand. But anyways, this girl is stealing this man's guns, taking them out of the cabinet and using them as a big fucking massive rifle dildo. I was like, okay, continue.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  The end of the story is he walks back into his apartment or his ranch. I don't know, they're on a fucking ranch and she's fucking herself with the fucking massive rifle. And he's like, what the fuck? And she's like, oh my God, caught off guard and accidentally pulls the trigger and blows her head off through her body out of her head. I was like, oh, he likes me. Oh my God. I was like, what the actual fuck? It was the weirdest thing ever, but honestly, me being the person, I'm demented too in the head. I was like, this might be a match made in heaven. Anyways, he invites me, let's call it Canada. He invites me to Canada. Okay, beautiful old Canada. I go, okay, let me just grab my, all right, let's go.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  And I stay out there for like a week or so. And we eventually, like the first night, we didn't hook up, but he brought me to this weird ass, three hour cinematic movie masterpiece. And then just drops me off my hotel. And I was like, I did not fly and take a kayak and a train and a bus and roller skates to get here for you to not fuck me. So now I was pissed and I was like, what is this? Like, I feel like I was getting punked. I was waiting for production to pop out with their little cameras and be like, what the flying fuck? But no, the next day he was like, I have to build rapport with someone before I engage in sexual activity. And I was like, okay, like we get it. Like, take your pants off.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  I don't, it was getting frustrating just because I was like, I didn't spend all this money and fly all this way. All right, you pay for the hotel, but I didn't spend all this money and fly all this way for us to not be doing cartwheels in your bedroom. So anyways, the second night and all the nights from there on, we ended up hooking up and it was fucking crazy. Like he had studio grade bondage equipment in his drawers that looked like they had tags on him. I like, I don't know if he went to Home Depot and purchased all this. For me, like, oh my God, I was so flattered, but holy hell, this man had, put me in a hog tie. Do you know what a hog tie is? Production? Yeah. You know what it is like, it's like.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Hold on. Hand me like this.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  So it's like this and I was like.

• 13:18Alex Cooper?

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• 14:03Alex Cooper?

  SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ritual. We are learning so much about how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course digestion. And I just feel like I didn't know any of this until recently, which is a problem because this is literally everything that we do need to know to take care of ourselves. But did you know, because now I know, the gut microbiome shifts during pregnancy, ladies? And these shifts can impact mom and baby's health in pregnancy and postpartum.

• 14:40Alex Cooper?

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• 15:22Alex Cooper?

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• 16:05Alex Cooper?

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• 17:04Speaker 01

  So he had me in a hog tie like this and I couldn't move. And then he had this extension bar, like you know how you put like shades up or whatever? It's like a pole they put in between your legs. I don't know what this angle looks like, by the way. So he put this pole between your legs and if you move your legs a little more out, you can't go back in. So I dislocated my hip. I literally think I tore my ACL, but it was the craziest. I honestly, I would do it again. Honestly, Mr. Old Spice, you can call me anytime. You'll always have a seat at my table. But anyways, that ended tragically for a plethora of reasons. For me, long distance, there's just like, I feel like a physical aspect of a relationship is so important.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  Yes, the emotional connections also fine, but also I just don't think I have enough emotional maturity. I'm very self-aware, but like I'm very toxic and I guess like I have very low emotional IQ. So I just think long distance for me wouldn't work because I would be plotting how to pick fights with someone that's in a different time zone, like all day long, just for like my own entertainment. I don't think it was the right fit, not because he was the wrong person. I think I just have like a lot of growing to do, which you'll probably see on this podcast. Like I'm probably going to come off as a fucking mess most of the time. I'm not going to tell you like, this is how you should be doing things.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Honestly, if anything, this is how you should not be doing things maybe, but it's entertaining and it's the truth. Enough of that nonsense, guys. Let's go back into the nitty gritty. I want to get into my childhood, the origin story. People need to understand the lore, the true lore. How did I become this product? And honestly, a lot of it goes back to childhood. A lot of people don't know this. As a child, I was super fucking chubby. Like it was really cute, but like not. During the time period where sugar lips were really popular, I was the youngest in my grade, the last to hit puberty, like all of that stuff. So I remember like all my friends were like so petite and skinny and blah, blah, blah.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  And I was this like chunky monster, like little chunkster with a boy haircut. Because you know, my mom has a really short, cute little pixie haircut. And we thought that would look really cute on me. It doesn't look really cute on a nine year old that's a little obese. Also, like maybe don't get that right before you attend an all-girls Catholic school. I remember my first day, fifth grade, I walked into the school and Mr. Fucking Helm, yeah, shout out Mr. Helm, I'll always remember this. He goes, "Oh, where's your sister?" Fuck you, Mr. Helm. Like that stayed with me forever. I was super chubby, so honestly, I felt like the way I was able to make friends was through like being funny.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  I feel like my sense of humor had to carry because my looks weren't. Like people weren't my friend because I was like this hot, cute little like thing. Wait, is that weird to say about a nine-year-old? I don't... Like, I was like not a popular girl. I wasn't popular because I was like pretty. I was popular because I was funny and I was kind and I was able to make friends with everyone. But I remembered in eighth grade was when I first got really skinny. We had a little bit of an eating issue there. I got really thin and it was the first time boys recognized me. It was the first time I made friends with like the cool girls in my grade. So from that point on, I attributed like being super thin to having value as a person,

• 20:38Speaker 01

  someone that you could be friends with, which started this whole other fucking series of drama. We'll get into that on another date. But yeah, anyways, high school, I had one boyfriend. He was at the brother... I went to an all-girls Catholic school. Like how fucking ironic that is. I'm sitting on a podcast called Extra Dirty and I went to an all-girls Catholic school for eight years.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  PSA to all the parents watching, don't send your child to an all-girls Catholic school. It's like caging a wild animal and then releasing them into college. Like, I turned ho because of that. The thing that is interesting about like the all-girls Catholic school lore is like, I went to that school for eight years. I'm not even Catholic. I don't even, I'm Protestant. I'm a CEO. I'm a Christmas, Easter only type of bitch. Okay, like that church, like, a church hates to see me coming. Like, trust me on that. Like, I've literally had sex in a church parking lot. Like, I am not like your typical Catholic school girl. Maybe like, the kind of Catholic school girl you see in pornos, but like, I'm not your typical like, prim and proper, like Blair Waldorf type of bitch. Like, that's just not who I am. But it was a great school. It was a private school. I wasn't a great student. I was like, probably

• 21:47Speaker 01

  a B average student, just because I didn't give a fuck. I didn't put like, my whole pussy into like academics, which is fine. Whatever happened in the Great War of 19, da-da-da. Like, I'm not using that right now as I sit on this couch. I just feel like there was no need for me to really dive into academics. I mean, it works for some people, but it just, it wasn't my thing. Okay? Anyways, my parents weren't very strict. I mean, I think some of you have seen my dad online. Like, I post him a lot on my TikTok. He is me personified. Like, I, the apple does not fall far from that tree. He's fucking funny. He's so unserious. And he's like, like a little cringey, but like, in a fucking funny way. Which I think I am too, to be honest. And then my mom

• 22:32Speaker 01

  is like, the complete opposite. They're in like, in a rock star relationship. You have to have a rock, and you have to have a star. And you both need each other for the whole machine to be well oiled. I feel like that's super important for a relationship. Like, I don't want to date someone that has a bigger ego than me. Like, we would kill each other. I think we'd, like, it would be on like, the Daily Mail. Like, we would kill each other. But yeah, they weren't strict at all. My mom was more of like, the emotional support. My dad is more of like, the financial support. He still is. Shout out dad for this beautiful apartment. I love you so dearly. Um, thank you. Oh my god, dad, I love you. You're my favorite. When I think about it, actually, have I dated more rocks or more stars? The men I have dated are fucking...

• 23:16Speaker 01

  No offense, duds. And then they would like cheat on me. I remember my first boyfriend, he cheated on me while I was in rehab for an eating disorder. So it's only I could break out the cage and go like confront him about it. I was dealing, I wasn't like, I was in knitting class. I don't like, I couldn't deal with his bullshit. He was cheating on me with my like best friend's twin. And I was knitting and coloring inside the circles and like my little kumbaya group, trying to heal myself. And he was out there like playing me. I was like, after that, didn't trust any men, even if they're a rock or they're a star, men just suck in general. I don't know. I'm still figuring it out. It's a whole thing. Going back to my parents,

• 23:56Speaker 01

  they are amazing. They're like my best friends. I feel like as I've gotten older, I've appreciated spending so much time with them. Like I like look forward to hanging out with them. They're way cooler than I'll ever be, but they're great people. But no, they were not strict. Honestly, I think they just sent me to the all-girls private Catholic school so they can get me into a good college. And my dad's rich, so like I feel like he could afford the private school. I don't, I don't know, guys. Yeah, you're gonna have to ask him when he's on the podcast. He always used to say forty-two-five down the drain, which was my tuition, like per year, forty-two-five down the drain. I would say like something dumb or like uneducated or just like, I can't believe this is the product I've made. He'd be like forty-two-five down the drain. Fuck, like,

• 24:42Speaker 01

  I've created a monster. It's his fault. We go to Bergdorf together. He brings me there. Like, it's not like I'm going alone. He comes with me and he approves of every purchase. Not only does he approve of every purchase, he picks things out. So speaking of my dad, he does commercial real estate development. He fucking absolutely crushes it. He like really wanted me to be in it just because our personality types are so similar. At one point in time, when I had first moved to New York City, I had literally no idea what I wanted to do. This is before social media. I had no job and I was luckily able to get away with that for some time. I would hostess here and there in the summer on Nantucket. But for the most part, I was not doing anything during the year. So my parents were like, you need to get a job.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Like you, like this is like, you're 24 years old. Like, I don't know what the fuck you're doing with yourself. And also, at the same time, I really wanted a new rack. Like, I really wanted new tits. So I told my mom, I was like, Mom, like, I think I need new tits. They kind of look like a rock and a sock. Like, my weight really fluctuated and like, like, picture a rock and a sock. It's kind of like, you know, it's like, not cute. So I was like, all right, I need a new chest. And my mom's like, we'll pay for it if you get your real estate license. So I was like, kid in a candy shop. I was like, pen to fucking paper. I was like, I got my real estate license within two weeks. I think it was honestly a world fucking record. I got that shit so quickly.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  At the same time, I was seeing this billionaire and he was, oh my God, this is, he's gonna be a whole chapter of this podcast, but I'll go a little into the, because he kind of goes into this story. He called me from London one morning and he was like, fucked up, 7:00 AM there. And I was like, so head over heels over this man. He was like 15 years older than me, like hedge fund daddy. So he was checked all the boxes besides the fact he was like a Peter Pan man. Like, this man is never going to grow up, never wants to grow up, has a lot of money, can get any fucking bitch he wants. He's also like semi-attractive. I miss him. He was fun. All right, I'm getting distracted. So anyways, at the same time, he also thought I needed new tits.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Honestly, I think he planted the seed, which is kind of fucked up. But like, he was like, I'll pay for them. He was like, Hallie, like, all Vemo. So him and his best rich daddy friend both Vemo'd me four grand for my tits. It was like 12 grand, but like, they both Vemo'd me four grand. They think they own each tit. They named them like Francesca and Consuela. I don't know. Like, they think they own my chest. But little do they know, I pocketed that money. It was just like play New York money at that time. I pocketed that money, got my real estate license, and then my parents paid for it. So I ended up getting the fake tits and I've never sold a fucking house in my life. But I love a crown molding and I can appreciate good interior, a one bed, a one bath.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  And I know what areas of New York are the best in the city. I know where the daddies are. I know where the rent is the highest. And that's where I typically hang out because I know they can afford nice things. You know the thing about real estate, it's like location, location, location. Just like you guys right now, sitting at your little laptop or your phone or whatever. You're in the right place right now, watching the right podcast. Like, look at us, we're just growing together.

• 28:06Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more, all in one app. So you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi Checking and Savings. Competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, N A member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy.

• 28:51Alex Cooper?

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• 29:32Alex Cooper?

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• 30:24Speaker 01

  Okay, now that I've told you guys that different men own each of my tits, I have a little secret to share with you guys. There's actually currently, right now, as we speak, a man in my bed. I didn't want to like tell you that, but like, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. But I feel like we went so hard last night. I feel like he could use a little bit of the hair of the dog right now. So let's get him up. I feel like Cookie, come here, lover.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Surprise. I don't know what I feel worse from the fucking Domino's or the vodka.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Here, get your fucking mic. Okay, hi, guys. This is Grayden Cookie Cutler.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Okay, guys, I feel like most of you know who Grayden is, but if you don't, he's like my best, most funniest friend. We sleep together all the time. He's so good in bed.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  This is true. We do sleep together a lot.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  No, yeah, and you turn on your sound machine. It's always like super magical.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  You love the sound machine.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  No, I actually do, but I do have my AirPods in watching Real Housewives.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Well, this morning I woke up, Hallie woke me up and she said I took up the whole.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but it was 11:45.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  Okay, but that's my morning. Hallie told me that I was taking up the whole entire bed, but this morning I woke up and her head was on my shoulder.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  And he hates physical touch. You don't like when I cuddle or hug you or anything.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  I don't like that because you have a vagine. Okay. If you were a man, I wouldn't mind.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  I can't picture you like cuddle up with someone. Like, I can't picture you like being the big spoon. Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Um, I just think anatomically, I have to be the big spoon. One time I was cuddling with somebody and I fell asleep and I woke up and they were just gone.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  And I'll be honest with you, I really haven't cuddled since.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  So have you ever fucked a woman or are you like a gold star?

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Do you know what a gold star is?

• 32:14Speaker 01

  It's like they had a C-section, right?

• 32:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. A gold star is when you have a C-section.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  No, it's like you can't, you did not even like come out of a vagina. Not only did you not ha- sleep with a woman, you didn't even come out of a woman. You came out of their stomach.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  That's actually a good point.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Not me teaching you about being gay again.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Well, that's not like actually gold star, but like that like could be a thing.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  That's platinum star.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Like never touched a vag. Um, yeah, I'm a gold star. Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Your mom had a C-section?

• 32:43Speaker 02

  No, Hallie, that's not actually what a gold star is. A gold star is when you're gay and you've never been with a girl.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  So you're not a gold star because?

• 32:50Speaker 02

  I'm a gold star.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm a gold star. Loud and proud.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  So like, let's get back to like our origin story. I feel like a lot of people don't know like how we became friends, how we met.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  We should tell them the story of how we actually met.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Okay, let's tell it.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  You would remember more than me, probably.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Are you really counting on me for memories?

• 33:08Speaker 02

  So I walk into this party on Antucket, obviously shitfaced. This was like my first time actually going to an Antucket. The year I believe was like twenty twenty one. Right after COVID, so this was my first like taste in Antucket, kind of. And I see this girl and she's like snatched. She's like, her skin's pulled back. I'm like, did she get? I'm like, did she get a facelift? Like, what's going on? And I was like, your skin is so amazing. Like, what do you do? And you told me you like get your botox at this girl in New York, but like you live in Boston. So at the time you were living in Boston and you would go to New York to get your face done.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  I remember this.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Flash forward, I didn't know this bitch lived in, was from Boston. I didn't know she had a house in Antucket. So I thought I was never gonna see you again. And then we were in Boston on a cold rainy ass night.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Set the mood, set the tone.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  We're on this yacht. That's where Hallie and I really rekindled and I was like, oh my God, you like are from Boston, like you're here? Oh my God, let's hang out. So that's how we started hanging out. And then I look over and there is this man and he was like a tech CEO founder. I think he is in prison now.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  I, yeah, I worked for him for a little bit. Like when I was like, didn't have a job, trying to figure out what I was doing. He was like a crypto baddie, like he like promised me all these things. He used to put me up with the Nomo Soho and like work on his like computer for like this new app he was creating.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Okay, no offense, but like that's all he could afford if he's in crypto was the Nomo Soho.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  No, that was a red flag, you're right. And he had like a Soho loft and he had this really good friend who was bald that was like up working on his crypto. This is like such a side note. I went on this date with this man. He was like bald and like it was the sketchiest thing I've ever done. He promised me like $10,000 in like physical cash.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  And he said he would only give it to me if I.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Sucked him? Fucked him.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  I didn't suck him. I didn't fuck him. He was bald.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  So?

• 35:03Speaker 01

  He looked like Mr. Clean. So he shows up to this date with a suitcase of 10 grand in cash and gave it to me.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Did you keep it?

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  What'd you have to do?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Then I told him I had UTI and I couldn't hang out with him for the rest of the weekend.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  That made me sound like kind of an escort. It wasn't like that. I didn't even kiss him. Honestly, I feel like he got bamboozled that night.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Anyway, I hope he's well, but I looked over my shoulder and his pants were down to his ankles and his whole entire asshole was out.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  No, ladies, cheeks spread.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Cheeks spread, blackout drunk. And I was like, is somebody gonna put this guy's pants on? I can't be looking at this.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Insane. We had people seasick. The waves were tumultuous and this man is like ripping his asshole apart, like basically in a fetal position.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Like I, like, I've seen darker parts of that man then.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  His internal organs.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  I could see his throat from behind. It was crazy.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  You can't say that.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, I think we shared that moment of seeing this man's asshole. And that's when we became friends. We've been through it.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Wait, speaking of men with gaping assholes, when was the last time you have entered or have been entered via throat, via ass, via ear with a man?

• 36:22Speaker 02

  Via ear, like yesterday. It's been a really long drought and I feel like I'm like in the Sahara Desert, like one of those animals who like can't really access the watering hole. And it's not, I don't think it's the rain that's like blocking me from accessing water. I'm starting to think it's me.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  No, I think your type is bad. Your type is straight men. So that automatically sets you up for failure.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  Okay, I would just like to correct, like it's not straight men. Like I like a more masculine man, which is totally fine, but I don't know. I mean, I definitely don't think my TikTok videos help.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  When was your last sexual encounter, flaying romance, a spark that lit a fire under your beautiful plump ass?

• 37:07Speaker 02

  That's so sweet. Thank you. The last time, let's just go with the last time I got diddled, um, or diddled somebody else.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  That sounds illegal.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't remember.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  No, like you have to like, I'm telling you right now, I would pick a date.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Um, over, over a year ago, probably that I fucked. I've sucked.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  You're the sucking queen.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  I used to be, not anymore.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  We're going out tonight again.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Tonight, Hallie is having a party. I think tonight's my night where like I really want my eyes to cross. Last night, we were pretty drunk, but tonight I want to be even more drunk.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Anyways, I feel like we could go on and on about fucking crazy stories. We've been like, we've seen so much together, like besides like the darkest parts of people's assholes.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Lauren.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Wait, fucking freak of the week's here.

• 38:07Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. So the other day I was just scrolling on my phone and one of those one year ago today notifications popped up. I usually don't pay much attention to them, but when I saw it was from my Napa trip with Lauren. I obviously had to go back through every single photo. I remember we drove up to Napa for a weekend and found the cutest farmhouse on Airbnb to stay in. The location could not have been more perfect. It was right by a vineyard and overlooked this beautiful golf course, which yes, Matt was very jealous of. During the day, we went wine tasting like a little cute couple.

• 38:52Alex Cooper?

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• 39:37Alex Cooper?

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• 41:11Speaker 02

  Yay. Lauren's here.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Kukarach, kukarach. Guys, this is Lauren.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Lauren's here.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Guys, we're the three best friends that anyone could have. We're the three best friends.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Anyway. Welcome to the casting couch.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Thank you, guys. I feel very welcome. I know.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Should we all touch each other?

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Let's all hold hands.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Just let us. No.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  I see how it is.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  All right. Hey. Guys, if you don't know Lauren, Lauren's the one that like makes, she's the reason I'm alive. I feel like she keeps my schedule together. It sounds like you work for me. No, I like might be production. No, she's, when I call up production in my TikTok, she is production I'm calling for. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't show up to anything on time. I'm not a planner. I am just a personality hire. Yeah. Yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Fish is just good at getting shit done.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  She's also really good in bed. Oh, my gosh. Wait, she shows me her sex tapes all the time. It's like watching. We're getting right into it. You know, when you're like on like a sports team and they like re-watch tape to like, see where they like could have like done better. Mm-hmm. I'm that person for you. Yes. Do you have any feedback? You're amazing. Recoil is insane.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  What happens to you in that?

• 42:27Speaker 01

  I don't, we'll go inside. But anyways, this is Lauren. Introduce yourself, my little freak of the week.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  I'm Lauren. Um, I'm from New Jersey. That's like probably the most uninteresting thing about me. But me and Hallie have been best friends for like six years now.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Six years.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. So my, my college roommate was Hallie's best friend from high school. And then we met and we fell in love.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  We did.

• 42:53Speaker 03

  We did. We had a week of just going out straight together. Every single night, we would go to bed.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Sounds like you're legit lesbians.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  A week, it was like a year.

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Last week, we accidentally ended up at a gay bar. And it was like all lesbian couples around us.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  There was flags everywhere. We had no idea.

• 43:11Speaker 02

  A lesbian bar or gay bar?

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a gay bar.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  There was like a lot of lesbian couples and we were just like sitting there.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  I think we were one of them.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. We might have been one of them.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  We were one of them.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  I think people thought that we were one of them.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  No, definitely. Definitely. People thought I was chowing down on you, mowing the lawn, potting from the rough. The whole nine. Yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Munching muffin.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Anyways, we have known each other for how many years? Six years?

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Six years now.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  You've never seen me in a relationship?

• 43:34Speaker 03

  I haven't, but I've seen you in multiple situationships.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  I think that's always crazy that you've never seen me committed.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you've only seen me committed.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  I, I was committed to them. They weren't committed to you.

• 43:48Speaker 03

  No, no. You thought they were.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  I thought.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  And I was always trying to like tell, I was like, they're not hot, even though some of them were. I was like, they're not hot, Hallie. Like, like you could do so much better. And now looking back, we're like, fuck.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  The cross was hot.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Cross was hot. The cross was really hot. But I was trying, I'm, I was very convincing. I was like, he's not hot. Trust me. It's the hottest guy I've ever caught with, ever in my whole entire life.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. So you have a boyfriend. We love him.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  We love him. Actually, you didn't like him at first, though.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  I didn't. I didn't like that I had.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  He hit on Hallie in front of me.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  No, we didn't.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  Yes, he did. He added you on Snapchat in front of me when he didn't like me.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  To do it so.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Here's what happened. Here's what happened. My boyfriend now, at the time, like, didn't want anything to do with me. And yeah, and like in order to like, show me how he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He was like, I'm just gonna like flirt in front of her. I'm gonna like add her best friend on Snapchat. And like would like put his phone down so I could see everything. This was when he was like mean. And then the second.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Didn't he have a fuckboy phase, right?

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Is he toxic?

• 44:52Speaker 03

  No, he's like perfect, but like for those like, he's an angel. But like, he wasn't an angel until the second that he asked me to be his girlfriend. Up until then, I was a doormat.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  And like the Holland Tunnel.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Did you like being doormat or did you like?

• 45:07Speaker 01

  And you were thick. You were so thick. Lauren used to like show up at like my house on Antucky and like be wearing like AF1s and Jordans.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. I wore like Jordans with like Nike mid calves to the beach.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  No.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  No, that was fake.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  They were fake?

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were like custom made. Like they just like took.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Oh, with the fabric?

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  That is extremely ghetto.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  And you wore leather pants to the beach, but here we are.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  They were real leather? Then you met Jordan. You guys fell in love so deeply. He also is a massive piece.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Who?

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Jordan's like a walking tripod, you know, like that thing that's holding up this camera right now. That looks like Jordy is a third leg. That man, if like a gust of wind ever hit him from behind, he would be standing up still.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  I love that for him.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  And I love that.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  He deserves that, honestly.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  He does deserve that.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  He deserves a big dick.

• 45:56Speaker 03

  He has like short arms, but he's making up for it.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Sounds like a T-Rex.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  He has short limbs, but a big dick.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Short limbs. He's like a tyrannosaurus.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  I also think he like lifts so much those arms like progressively like get higher. Oh, what?

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  He does have short biceps. Yeah. He's got a really long torso.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  We're not body shaming Jordan on episode one. We love Jordan.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  We're complimenting.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. We're gonna talk about this later.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  The thing is, that's nice about me and Lauren is like, we have very different taste in men. I think we all have very different taste in men, honestly.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  Especially me.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Actually, I feel like you guys have the same taste in men. I feel like you would go for someone like Jordan.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Like a pretty boy.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  No, you would go for Jordan.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  I would go for Jordan. I'll go for Jordan right now.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Tell him to come over. Jordan.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Jordan loves you.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Jordan.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Jordan loves you.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Jordan.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  You and Jordan have a very special relationship.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do. Anyway, enough about him.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we're going out tonight. What is the pregame gonna look like, you think? I'm like terrified the fact that we have to get ready in like an hour and a half.

• 47:01Speaker 02

  Should we tell them what the pregames usually look like?

• 47:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's tell them.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Okay, let's, let's run through it.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Well, I don't really drink that much.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  Which is amazing for us.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Yes, because I'm always driving if it's in, if we're in Nantucket, or I'm always, you know, directing.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  I used to hate it. I feel like when you're younger, you're like, you're not taking shots. And now we're like,

• 47:20Speaker 02

  Don't take a shot.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  I feel like you should.

• 47:22Speaker 03

  Should I take this shot?

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Because I don't want to Uber on Nantucket and she is the DD. She is trusted by my parents.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  With the vehicles.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  That is very true.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  Car insurance, like.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  You should be other than some other siblings.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Fish is the type of person where she can go out and like have like, you'll have like one drink.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  But like, you don't need to be like shitfaced to have fun. Like you always have fun.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  I'm there for the music. I am there for the networking.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  You used to go out to network.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. Hallie would drink for us and I would network for us. And honestly,

• 47:53Speaker 01

  It works.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  It worked out pretty well for us.

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Here we are.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Here we are. But yeah, no, Hallie's and Graydon are probably ripping shots together. I am looking on in amazement.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  You're cheering us on.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  Looking on is crazy.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I am looking on in amazement. I'm like, wow, I would die. I would be in the hospital.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  Sounds like shade you're throwing.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  No.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  But anyways, we might die, but in a positive way, in a way that like we'll go out with a bang, um, hopefully. But the pregame, what are, what are we having people over tonight? And then I'm throwing a party later in the evening and the wee hours of the night. I will be so cross-eyed. I will be crossing bowl streets at once because I'm gonna be like this.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  People used to like, or I don't know if people do still think this, but like some people think it's a bit like you're cross-eyed.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  No. Like you fully.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  I had meningitis. No, I had meningitis as a toddler.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  I had it too. We both almost died.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  But you're not cross eyed.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Wait, did you? I almost died.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  So like, I had a brain infection when I was two that affected my equilibrium. So they used to call me headwound Hallie. I would just fall over, tip over, like just simple tasks like walking. So then I turned completely cross eyed like this. Production zoom in.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  I'm looking at both screens right now. No, literally, I would get so cross eyed. So at six, I got contacts. But when I drink, the muscles behind my eyes, I keep them straight normally. Even right now, I'm like, give out, teetering. If I'm tired or a little tipsy, my eyes will just give out strength and I'll just go like this. So that's when Lauren knows.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  That it's time to take her home.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  To close the tap.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  And you know what's great? And I think I've said this before, but when someone looks at us and like, they're like, you're leaving, you're leaving so early. I'm like, look at her. That's what you do.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  That is such a cross out.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  You just like nod your head. You're like, yeah, look, look over here.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Look at her eyes. They're like, oh, of course. Take her home.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Oh, that's how you get out of like leaving.

• 49:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  They're like, we totally understand. Like, take your time getting out. I hope you get home safe.

• 49:54Speaker 03

  You want to get back. Make sure you get her home safe.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  I'm screaming.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  And honestly, Hallie, I think we should start using that moving forward. Like if we're just not having a good time.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  You just go to them and cross eyes.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  I'm like, look at her.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  No, that's so real. Well, we should do that.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that's our new cop out. Cause I hate, like, I hate being like pressured to stay.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  It's a good cop out, but it's like loop me in.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got you.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Next time.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  But like sometimes like you're just out of it. I can't loop you in. You're, you're looped out.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  I'm never that out of it. Don't drink. Stay in school. I really don't want to go out tonight. I'm not gonna lie, guys.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  It's your party.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Literally hosted by you. You're on the invite.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  You are hosting the party. You have to go.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  Honestly, well, what's fun is Hallie's hosting a pregame. And I think what's so great.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Is my glassware.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  Is your glassware.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Are you gonna let other people use it?

• 50:47Speaker 01

  No, not.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  Can I use it?

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can use it. You're not a drunk like the rest of the people coming over.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Also though, like I love that all our friends have mashed. Yeah.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  That's so important.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  Well, us, but also like your home friends, my school friends.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  I don't have really, I feel like besides you guys, I don't really have that many more friends. Real friends that would consider like, oh, like I could trust them with. Your dirtiest, darkest secrets. I mean, I'm telling everyone else here, my dirtiest, darkest secrets, but yeah, things that would probably get me like in trouble with the police. Like those things, I feel like I wouldn't trust many people.

• 51:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  Like would you bury a body for me?

• 51:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  Great. And what's our relationship?

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. So how does the dynamic work here? You're probably wondering. Cause I'm so perfect and like they're like, oh my God, Hallie, you're so perfect. Like, how can we like share time? I have to split between the both of them. It's like I'm divorced parents, like the product of, how do you guys get along? How do you co-parent this beast?

• 51:44Speaker 02

  I would, so I'm a Cancer Leo cusp and I couldn't really tell you what the fuck that means.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  I can't wait. I'm a Leo Cancer cusp.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  She's a, wait, what? Leo Cancer cusp?

• 51:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 01

  Wait, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  Cancer Leo cusp.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I'm the day. We're the same. You're July 22nd and I'm July 23rd.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  I'm the first day of Leva, Leo.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  The same.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Significant.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  We have like the same cusp, but different like, uh, like, like fire sign. No, no, no, no, like main sign, main sign.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  We need to get our charts right or something, but Fish and I just have a really sensitive, like loving connection.

• 52:19Speaker 03

  We do.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  You know, although she's way more sensitive than me.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  I'm sensitive and I'm thinking, great. And sometimes like you will like have my back.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  Sometimes Hallie goes for her throat.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Well, sometimes I get very angry.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Sometimes Hallie gets like, at the end of a night, she'll be really drunk and she'll sometimes jump on the neck.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  And like, not in a mean way. I'm just very sensitive. Like I take everything so seriously. Like.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  It's really hard to argue with you.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Cause you will cry.

• 52:46Speaker 03

  I will cry.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  And I'm like, that's it. Like she never wants to see me again. Like that's it. Our friendship is over. Like all over because she was like. I don't know. What if she said to me before?

• 53:00Speaker 03

  I'm like thinking about a time where like I took it so personally.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Like the summer on your birthday, like?

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  You were so sensitive.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  I was so sensitive.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  People that were staying at my house wanted to go to dinner with me.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  They were staying at my house, but you would auction them off to my house because they couldn't stay at your boyfriend's house.

• 53:19Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  Actually, we should talk about this because that was really bad. That was bad. And you're like, you weren't coming to my thing. And I was like, wait, they're staying at my house.

• 53:27Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. I was just, I felt left out because normally in Intucket, I always stay at your house. And this is the first time that I wasn't staying at your house where like everyone was there. So I was like feeling left out and because I was feeling left out, I just started crying at Cisco. And actually I'm mortified and my boyfriend's brother likes to bring it up now. He's like, are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry like you cried at Cisco?

• 53:51Speaker 01

  I'm glad he does. Because you should have been embarrassed.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  You're being a weird little freak, man.

• 53:56Speaker 03

  I was being a freak.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I was like.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  And then I came home and I was like, Hallie, do you still love me?

• 54:02Speaker 01

  You can come to dinner too, but like.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  I was like, no.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  You were also staying at your boyfriend. So I was like, are you gonna leave your boyfriend and their family and their cook, other barbecue, the thing that they're throwing for you? And come to my parents?

• 54:14Speaker 03

  Look at me in the eyes. Yes, I will leave him.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  That's fucking crazy.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Just kidding.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  I'm thinking about the Hampton Strip now.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Oh, the Hampton Strip, guys.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  That's what I was referring to.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  No, guys, we were. It was a brand trip. It was like one of the first brand trips I've ever been on, but like we were sharing a room.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  The three of us.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Liv was there too.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  No, just us three.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  No, it was just us three.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  We were at.

• 54:40Speaker 03

  She was there for another one. This one was just us three. And I was being the, like, I was being the plus one. I got there. I opened up every single present. I got into the pajamas that were on my bed immediately. I stole some of Grayden's products. Like, I was, I was fucking there.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  But like, we went to Surf Lodge and a guy in your building?

• 55:01Speaker 03

  Wait, I, I ran into him today, yesterday. I run into him every single day. His name is Chow Down.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  What? What do you mean?

• 55:09Speaker 01

  Well, that's his nickname.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  His nickname is Chow Down. He lives in my building. I literally have the exact same schedule as him. I saw him this morning. I saw him yesterday. That's a story.

• 55:19Speaker 01

  We went out at Surf Lodge and I was drunk and I said, come back.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  And he was really cute. He's really cute. He's really tall.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  And I was like-

• 55:25Speaker 03

  He was weird though. His giggles.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  He's telling hyenas.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Wait, I wasn't here this weekend.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  He was just really nervous. You weren't there.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  This was the weekend prior.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  This is the weekend with Liv.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, you weren't there.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  And we brought him back.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  He went down on me in front of, yeah, in front of us. Me and Liv were like hiding in the bathroom. And we were like, okay, well, it's been like two minutes. Maybe we should come out now. We come out.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  You're giving me two minutes to work my masterpiece?

• 55:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, it didn't seem like you were feeling it.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Cause his laugh was really weird. I don't know.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then we came out and we were like, show us what you were doing.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Okay, I received a video this night. Do we want to talk about that?

• 56:00Speaker 03

  That, that was, that was Chow Down.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Was that from you?

• 56:04Speaker 03

  No, that was from me.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Or Liv and then group shot.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  It was Liv or Fish sent it to me and there's this, I see this hair underneath the sheet and Hallie's there. And I'm like, is she like playing with like a stuffed animal? Like, why, why is her hair under the sheets? It was Mr. Chow Down, Chow-ing Down.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  Chow-ing Down.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Underneath the sheets.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  Giving the name all its glory. Yeah.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  He's a nice guy though.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  And then we sent him on his way.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  It's funny because I'll get those videos and I will not think one thing of it.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  We're like, all right, you have to go.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  Bye. We like literally, the way that we like hurried that man out of the room, like he didn't even have time to put his shoes on.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  He was like-

• 56:43Speaker 03

  By the time he was outside.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  He was weird though. He was a weird little freak.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. But anyway, I live in the same building as him and I see him every single day. And I'm like, hey. And he's like, hey, how you doing? And then, you know, we talk about something for like the 30 seconds of the elevator ride, the minute to the fucking outdoors and yeah, every day.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  That's the worst.

• 57:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Poor man, Mr. Chow Down. Okay, like we need to wrap this up. We have to get ready with the shower, the bath. I'm sure Grayden has to take a nap. I need to take a couple of shots. I think before we go, guys, we should give a little like Real Housewives tagline. Like, what would like, you know, zhuzh up the ending of this, okay?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  You can start and then Lauren and then I have to think of mine because, okay.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Wait, I love this. Okay, let's run it back.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  This is your moment to shine.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  If you won't suck my quaky, at least drink one.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Period.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  You like that?

• 57:33Speaker 01

  I'll suck your quaky.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  That was good.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  All right, Lauren, you go.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  All right, where am I looking? I may not drink, but I eat every day.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  Period.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  Guys, I'm screaming, I do eat every day.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  No, you do.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  You used to be.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  I was thick.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  I see.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  More than once a day.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  I don't even know what mine would be.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  You got it.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Like, you miss a hundred percent of the come shots you don't take.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Period.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Period.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  All right, guys, cheer, like, hey. All right, so like, let's wrap it up, guys. Um, we have to get ready with Go Take Shots. This has been so much fun. I'm so excited for everyone to be here, even if like, you're just here to like, make fun of me. If I'm crazy, I don't fucking care. We're gonna have so much fun. This was amazing. You're gonna see a lot more of this situation going on. It's gonna be a lot of chaos, a lot of unhinged raw energy. We're gonna raw dog this whole fucking thing. Subscribe, like, review, give us five stars, all that fucking shit. You can find us on all platforms, wherever you watch your podcasts, YouTube, whatever, whatever floats your fucking boat. Anyways, happy to be here, love you all, and thank you. Episode one, let's fucking do it.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Bye.

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