I’m Sexting With a Stranger

On today’s episode, we hear about: A wife sexting a man who’s not her husband A son concerned for his dad after his mom relapsed A woman whose sister crossed a boundary Next Steps: ❤️ Get away with your spouse today! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Go to Joi + Blokes and get 50% off labs and 20% off products. Working knives for working people—Go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  I was in a minor bumper to bumper accident, change information with a stranger, which then turned into a friendly conversation, then it turned into a sexting conversation. And I think that the only thing that's holding us back is that we're like an hour apart. And that's why I haven't physically done anything to destroy my marriage.

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. So glad you're with us. Talking about your marriage, your kids, your mental and emotional health, whatever you've got going on in your life. Pull up a seat and we're going to figure out what's the next right move in your life. If this show means something to you, please share it with a friend. If an episode or a call, it makes a difference in your life, send it to somebody. If there's somebody you don't like and you're like, ooh, this call's going to make them feel terrible, send it to them. That'll be good. That's what Kelly likes. And like and subscribe, all that stuff. And if you want to be on the show, click the link in the show notes. Let's go out to Richmond, Virginia and talk to Carla. What's up Carla?

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Hi, how are you?

• 1:14Dr. John Delony?

  I'm doing okay. How are you?

• 1:16Speaker 00

  Good.

• 1:17Dr. John Delony?

  What's up?

• 1:18Speaker 00

  So I was in a minor car bumper to bumper accident, change information with a stranger, which then turned into a friendly conversation, then it turned into a sexting conversation. And I don't know what to do at the end because I'm happily married and I never would think I would do something like this. And I think that the only thing that's holding us back is that we're like an hour apart. And that's why I haven't physically done anything to destroy my marriage. But the conversation still keeps going on through the phone.

• 2:00Dr. John Delony?

  This is like a, like, this is like a movie you would find under like your neighbor's bed when you were a kid.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  I know.

• 2:11Dr. John Delony?

  So tell me how I can help. I don't know what the question is. Like, are, are, are you,

• 2:18Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, you've already ended your marriage as you knew it. And like, do you want to rebuild a new one with, with your spouse? Do you want to be with this guy? Like, how can I help? What do you want me to, how can I walk with you?

• 2:30Speaker 00

  I want to be with my spouse, but I can't.

• 2:32Dr. John Delony?

  But you don't?

• 2:33Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 2:34Dr. John Delony?

  Or, do you, do you want both?

• 2:37Speaker 00

  I, I kinda do, but I kind of, I want more my spouse because I love him. And I just can't find, I, I don't, I don't know how to end something that I never thought I would do, if that makes...

• 2:51Dr. John Delony?

  You hit delete and you block him. And you never, ever contact him again and receive any contact. And then you sit down with your spouse and you let him, like, be honest about, here's what's happened.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  That's the thing, I don't know if I could be honest with my spouse. I feel like it would, it would open up

• 3:09Speaker 00

  a jealousy issue, or you know what?

• 3:11Dr. John Delony?

  Of course, it should. I mean, how, how should your spouse respond?

• 3:17Speaker 00

  Very jealous and very...

• 3:19Dr. John Delony?

  Upset with you, yeah.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:23Dr. John Delony?

  And so, i- if, if you don't want to tell your spouse the truth,

• 3:28Dr. John Delony?

  and you don't want to be honest about who you really, truly have been over this last however many months. Uh, I mean, it, the, the whole thing is not real, right? The whole thing is a fantasy. From an emotionally charged moment that led to, hey, this person was extra kind. But what were the pleasantries exchanged? I gotta know.

• 3:49Speaker 00

  Uh, I mean, it started off, you know, just like an innocent text, like, "Good morning, you know, how are you doing?" But, kind of like when you're, when you're, you know, I guess when you're dating and you're trying to figure out who the person is and everything.

• 4:00Dr. John Delony?

  But you, you hit him on the highway?

• 4:03Speaker 00

  No, he hit me on the highway. We had to exchange information because I, you know, I did have some minor damage to my car.

• 4:08Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  And then...

• 4:10Dr. John Delony?

  But why in the world would that person who hit you on the highway text you the next day and say, "How are you?"

• 4:15Speaker 00

  I don't know. I guess.

• 4:18Dr. John Delony?

  And what about that didn't freak you out?

• 4:22Speaker 00

  I guess because it was nice. It sounded nice. I guess I felt desired that I haven't felt in a while.

• 4:29Dr. John Delony?

  He hit you with his car. You know what I mean? Like, I would immediately have gone to, "This person's trying to CYA because they think I'm going to sue them." That's where I would have gone, not like, "Ooh." So, let me back it us. How long have you been married?

• 4:46Speaker 00

  Uh, like, two years and a half.

• 4:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. How long did y'all date before that?

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Four years.

• 4:51Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so y'all been together for a minute. What is it about your current relationship?

• 4:59Dr. John Delony?

  You know what? Even bigger than that. What is it about the life over the last six years that you have created for yourself

• 5:10Dr. John Delony?

  that is so lifeless

• 5:14Dr. John Delony?

  that a wreck on the highway led to a text led to you sending naked pictures of yourself to him back and forth? To where that off-ramp of aliveness became a place that where a fire could even grow? You get what I'm saying?

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:34Dr. John Delony?

  What is it about your life that you've created and with your husband co-created, y'all have built this thing together, where it's so lifeless that this was the injection of life that you feel like you need?

• 5:47Speaker 00

  I guess just going through everyday life with him or, you know,

• 5:57Speaker 00

  there's like, I guess,

• 6:01Speaker 00

  just life.

• 6:03Dr. John Delony?

  I know, but you get to choose what, quote-unquote, "this life" feels like and looks like and what y'all do. You get to choose that.

• 6:13Dr. John Delony?

  So, at some level, life happens. Life gets boring for all of us, of course. Life is not like one big fireworks show, of course.

• 6:22Dr. John Delony?

  But along the way, we make choices to not have aliveness in our house, not have spark, not have fun, not have the erotic, not have spontaneity. And it's hard when you got young kids. It's hard with life, just when bills keep coming. Like, I get all that, but we get to choose that life.

• 6:39Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:39Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way,

• 6:42Dr. John Delony?

  wrap your head around this for a second. Just play this out. You sit down with your husband. A, you're gonna have a hard conversation with him one way or the other. You're gonna tell him, I'm in love with somebody else, or the idea of somebody else, this marriage is over. Or you're gonna sit down with him and say, I've been unfaithful. A hard conversation's coming. So you just get to pick which one you want to have.

• 7:09Dr. John Delony?

  But how in God's name could you think you could find stability and connection with a guy who hit you on his car and a few weeks later sending you dick pics? Like, how can you think like, oh, that's gonna be my guy?

• 7:25Dr. John Delony?

  Cause he's just one fender bender away from hitting somebody else. I mean, from this whole thing, you get what I'm saying?

• 7:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:32Dr. John Delony?

  He knows you're married.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  He does.

• 7:34Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, of course he does. He knew it when he saw your insurance.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:43Dr. John Delony?

  So I guess I'm more concerned with not who you're going to.

• 7:48Dr. John Delony?

  But I'm more concerned with the world y'all have co-created that you're trying to escape from.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Got you.

• 7:57Dr. John Delony?

  So, talk back to me.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Um, I mean, I guess this, you know, first year marriage, it's good, but, you know, we never lived together before. So living together was a difficult thing to get used to.

• 8:12Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about it. What's difficult? He leaves hairs, little hairs in the sink? He didn't flush? He didn't leave it like, he's a jerk? He won't share the remote? Like, what's difficult about it?

• 8:23Speaker 00

  He's, he's a little messy. So it's, you know, I kind of feel like a mom, kind of picking up after, you know, I have to do, I guess I have to do laundry all the time. I have to clean. I mean, he helps out outside. If I ask him, you know, like, oh, can you help me with this or help me with that?

• 8:44Speaker 00

  But like inside, I guess the house is all me. And I guess that's just a lot.

• 8:50Dr. John Delony?

  Did y'all talk, it is a lot. It's, it's, it's a ton. Did y'all talk about this or is it just kind of shifted and happened this way?

• 8:58Speaker 00

  In the beginning, I mean, I would tell him, you know, can you help me with this? Can you, you know, can you like pick up after yourself or, you know, when you finish like, you know, you like, you know, do the laundry when I'm not home. If I'm working in your home, do it, you know, or, you know, or help clean and everything, find stuff to do that we need to be done. But then it just kind of slowly like, I guess I just kind of gave up and I just now come home and I'll just do it. Or if it's my day off, I'll do everything on one, you know, on my day off.

• 9:29Dr. John Delony?

  And so what I would love to express to you is that's a really normal transition to sharing a house with somebody.

• 9:38Dr. John Delony?

  And the harder conversations that y'all haven't had yet are not about playing whack a mole with different chores. Cause in defense of your husband, my guess is he'd probably just put on the same pair of dirty shorts again. And then the day after that, and then the day after that. And so in his defense, this, he doesn't see this as a problem.

• 10:01Dr. John Delony?

  Or if he's like me, when I first got married, I did the dishes. When I found myself eating cereal out of a salad bowl, I was like, oh man, I should probably wash these.

• 10:11Dr. John Delony?

  It never even entered my mind that I needed to have every dish put away, either in the dishwasher or back in the cabinet or in the drying rack before I went to sleep every night. That wasn't even in my worldview. And so the deeper conversation is, hey, when I get home and I've been working hard all day and you've had the day off, the story I'm telling myself, the story I'm making up is, you don't care about how I feel when I walk in the door.

• 10:38Dr. John Delony?

  And he would go, oh gosh, because now it's not about dishes. It's about loving my wife well.

• 10:44Dr. John Delony?

  And that's an awkward conversation. That's a, that's a, hey, we're building something together. How can I love you? This is how you could love me. This is what I want. I want to not be your mom. I want you to like, keep your eyes open. And by the way, when my wife and I had this conversation, our marriage was on thin, thin ice. And it changed everything. Now I walk in the door with the intention of, is there a pile I can help pick up? Is there a, a way I could make this place a little bit nicer for my wife? It's not for me, because I'm fine.

• 11:17Dr. John Delony?

  And, but those conversations have to happen. The challenge is avoiding those small, those small tense conversations. It leads to, now you're gonna have to have a really hard one. Because you sought aliveness, you sought excitement, you sought joy, you sought being seen secretly, like that, when your heart rate, that first time you hit send on that picture, your heart was beating a thousand miles an hour, wasn't it?

• 11:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot.

• 11:45Dr. John Delony?

  You can choose to co-create that in your own home.

• 11:50Dr. John Delony?

  Or you can seek it elsewhere.

• 11:54Dr. John Delony?

  But I think you have to wrap your head around the marriage you had, your two-year-old marriage is over. It does not exist anymore. You nuked it. And so, do you want to sit down with him and build a new one, based on trust and aliveness and honesty? Or do you want to walk out the door?

• 12:16Speaker 00

  No, I want to build it.

• 12:18Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. There is no rebuilding without complete and total honesty and trust. And that means you're gonna have to sit in front of the man whose heart you've broken, and whose trust you've broken and say, I'm sorry.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 12:35Dr. John Delony?

  And if you're serious about rebuilding, this, this guy who hit you from behind and wrecked your car and then turned it into a romantic thing,

• 12:48Dr. John Delony?

  like he doesn't even deserve a, hey, we're not talking anymore.

• 12:55Dr. John Delony?

  Like we block everything. I'm getting rid of social media. I'm just ending this because my marriage is that important to me. Otherwise, your marriage isn't that important to you. And call it what it is. Deal with the grief that you've become somebody that you never thought you'd become.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:12Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:16Dr. John Delony?

  The solutions here are really hard, but they're relatively simple. You seem unwilling to do the simple, hard thing. Tell me about it.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  I guess I just don't know. I know it's simple. I could just easily block him. But I don't. I don't know why. I guess because I was... I don't want to... I don't know why. I feel like I don't want to disappoint him. You know what I mean? But it's like, I definitely don't want to hurt my husband.

• 13:48Dr. John Delony?

  You already have.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  I know.

• 13:51Dr. John Delony?

  Now you're just deciding how deep that cut's gonna go.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:57Dr. John Delony?

  And I think you need to do some soul searching on why this... You're so intent on not disappointing a stranger. A guy who you don't know at all. But is the kind of guy that will prey on an awkward situation with a married woman and have no remorse about it.

• 14:21Speaker 00

  Got you.

• 14:23Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I mean?

• 14:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:26Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, this has transcended like... If you were working with this person, you've been working together for a few years, and y'all develop, y'all working on projects together and whatever, and you find yourself really attracted to this person, and then you throw on the brakes and what... That's one thing. This is a stranger, man.

• 14:46Dr. John Delony?

  And y'all shared a moment. That's the thing about Hollywood, man. These things don't work out. And it looks like this is how romance starts. It's just...

• 14:55Speaker 00

  It does. It felt like a movie.

• 14:57Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  Like, you know?

• 14:58Dr. John Delony?

  But movies, I mean Hollywood's not real.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:01Dr. John Delony?

  Because here's, here's my 100% promise. Fast forward. End your marriage with this guy, with your, with your husband. End it. Move an hour away. Quit your job. Move an hour away and have this romantic torrid affair. Be with him.

• 15:17Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all have, like, the, the tension, the sexual tension y'all have built by exchanging photos back and forth.

• 15:24Dr. John Delony?

  Release it. Go for it.

• 15:27Dr. John Delony?

  And I promise you, within two months, you're picking up underwear again.

• 15:32Dr. John Delony?

  I promise there's oatmeal left in the bottom of a pant. There's gonna be things, or maybe he does all the inside work and won't touch a mower. Like, there's gonna be life that happens in relationships.

• 15:47Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 15:49Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:54Dr. John Delony?

  I have a wee, I have like a, like a strong feeling you're not gonna do any of this. You're gonna try to ride this out.

• 16:02Speaker 00

  No, I, I, I don't want to because I, that's another thing I feel like that holds me back is like, I couldn't quit my job. I couldn't, I mean, I, I have a family business. It's not like I can easily just quit and move away. You know, and I'm attached to my husband's family. We're, we're close, you know, everyone, everyone gets along. I get along with them and, you know, I, I feel like I couldn't, like, that's what holds me back so much. But I, I couldn't just pick up and leave.

• 16:34Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, dude. I mean, the more you talk, the more heartbroken I am for your husband. Cause it sounds like you don't wanna stay with him because you love him and you wanna rebuild the marriage. It sounds like it's gonna be too inconvenient for you to leave.

• 16:48Speaker 00

  Gotcha.

• 16:49Dr. John Delony?

  And on his behalf, he's on the phone, he deserves more than that.

• 16:54Dr. John Delony?

  He deserves a wife that will leave a family business, that will quit everything, would sell the house because she's right at time with that guy. Not, "Well, I'm kind of stuck with him because it's where I work also, and his aunt is nice to me and she makes good meals." Like, your husband deserves more than that.

• 17:13Dr. John Delony?

  He deserves all of you.

• 17:17Dr. John Delony?

  And if you're not willing to give all of you, be honest with him about that and let him know where he stands. Because right now, here's the deal. He knows something's up. And he's probably doing one of two things. He's walking around completely withdrawing because he thinks he's failing you. He doesn't know what's happening, but he knows something's not right. He knows you flip the phone over every time. He knows your face is flushed when he walks in the room and you thought he wasn't home. Like, he knows. Or he's walking around thinking that he's failing you and he's trying to figure out how to better love you, and he can't because you're not being honest with him. He deserves better than that. And you do too, quite frankly. You can't have your cake and eat it too on this one.

• 18:05Dr. John Delony?

  Like, the world around you is on fire, you live on fire, and now you get to decide how long it burns.

• 18:12Dr. John Delony?

  I just ask that you be a person of integrity in the process. Thanks for the call.

• 18:17Dr. John Delony?

  And thanks for letting me tell you at least my version of the truth.

• 18:23Dr. John Delony?

  We come back, a man asks how to support his dad during his mom's relapse without getting back into all the family chaos.

• 18:32Dr. John Delony?

  I've seen the data. So many people, including you, avoid talking about life insurance because it forces you to imagine things that you don't want to think about. It's hard and it's scary, but you've got to remember this. Life insurance is not really for you. It's for the people you love and you will leave behind if the worst thing happens. I recommend term life insurance from Zander Insurance. When a family loses someone they depend on, the last thing they need to deal with is the financial chaos that comes on top of the deep grief. People don't always realize how much they carry for their family every day. Childcare, meals, transportation, paying bills, holding everything together.

• 19:16Dr. John Delony?

  Term life insurance helps protect your family so they can focus on grieving and healing and not figuring out how they're going to keep the lights on or keep the roof over their head. I use Xander long before I had a show because I trust them. I trust them to take care of my family in the event that the worst thing happens to me. Xander makes this process simple. Their team shops top rated companies for you, helps you understand your options in plain language and helps you find coverage that fits your family and your budget without pressure, gimmicks, or confusion. Xander works for you, not the insurance companies. You don't need a sales pitch, you need protection for your loved ones. Xander provides you that protection. Go to xander.com today to get a quote.

• 20:01Dr. John Delony?

  That's Xander with a Z dot com.

• 20:05Dr. John Delony?

  Alright, so the other day, my son and I went into a local store. We were getting some junk food and some gum and I just wanted to buy a few things. And when I went to checkout, they asked for my address, for my phone number. They wanted fingerprints from me and my kid and they wanted our social security numbers. They didn't really want all that, but listen, I just wanted some food and some gum and they wanted my soul. Every time you give out your cell number, your email address, or buy something online, data brokers are grabbing your information and selling it to the highest bidder, leaving you vulnerable to spam and scams. And even if you go to a store that's recognizable, they're also selling your data. They're not just selling you toasters or gum, they're also selling your data.

• 20:51Dr. John Delony?

  And this is a big part of why I use and recommend Delete Me. Your phone number, your home address, your family's information, all that stuff is just floating around. Online, sitting on data broker sites that you've never even heard of. I didn't know any of this stuff existed. And Delete Me will find your personal information online and they will remove it for you. And not just one time. They keep monitoring for your information and they clean it up month after month. You can close the gap between what you think is private and what actually is. You cannot build a peaceful life if parts of your life are still being bought and sold online behind your back without your permission. Go to joindelete.me/daloni and get 20% off an annual plan.

• 21:34Dr. John Delony?

  That's joindelete.me/daloni.

• 21:39Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go to Baltimore, Maryland and talk to Charles. What's up, Charles?

• 21:44Speaker 02

  How's it going, Dr. John?

• 21:45Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, I'm, I'm doing well, brother. How are you?

• 21:48Speaker 02

  I'm doing all right. Happy to talk to you. You've helped me through a lot, so it's an honor.

• 21:52Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I'm grateful, man. I appreciate you calling. What's going on, dude?

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Well, um, so, um, I'm 22 years old and throughout, um, my whole childhood and my life so far, my mom has, uh, she's been in and out of rehab, in prison, all alcohol related.

• 22:09Dr. John Delony?

  And, um, Hey, can I, hold on, stop real quick. I'm, dude, I'm sorry, man.

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:14Dr. John Delony?

  No, like for real. I'm sorry.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 22:19Dr. John Delony?

  Boys and teenagers and young men need their moms. I'm sorry.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Yep, thanks. I appreciate that.

• 22:29Dr. John Delony?

  That's no good.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Um, um, luckily I have a, my, uh, luckily my dad has been my best friend my whole life. Um, we do everything together pretty much. Um, we've always held each other's heads up through it. Um, if she would, you know, come home drunk or something, we'd just, him and I would go outside and have a fire, play with the dog, or we'd go kayaking or something like that. So he's always held me up through it. Um, but what I'm struggling with now is, um, I recently moved out. I moved in with my fiancee. And, um, my mom is coming off of, um, two and a half years sober and she's recently relapsed again and I'm just really struggling with some guilt of not being there for my dad to help him through it like before.

• 23:17Dr. John Delony?

  Man, you're a good man, dude.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 23:21Dr. John Delony?

  And I've got your word that this this generational curse stops with you, huh?

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so.

• 23:29Dr. John Delony?

  I think you're gonna be a different kind of parent than your mom and even your dad to an extent was.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I hope so.

• 23:36Dr. John Delony?

  No, I don't hope so. Be that change, okay, brother? I believe in you.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yep. Thank you.

• 23:42Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna give you some hard truths. Is that cool?

• 23:45Speaker 02

  That's cool.

• 23:46Dr. John Delony?

  Um, I think your dad is an incredibly noble man.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. He is.

• 23:53Dr. John Delony?

  And to have stuck it out, like, this is a true picture of till death do us part, right? Sickness and in hell.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 24:02Dr. John Delony?

  Um.

• 24:04Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm gonna put an and here, okay?

• 24:09Dr. John Delony?

  All dads, all moms too, but I'll just speak to dads. All dads, when faced with challenges, relational challenges, marriage challenges, parenting challenges, we open up our toolkit and we use the tools that we got.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:21Dr. John Delony?

  And for our dads, that toolbox, that toolkit was limited on the number of tools.

• 24:30Dr. John Delony?

  The reason I'm telling you that is your dad should not have been your best friend your whole life. You get what I'm saying? He should have been your dad.

• 24:41Dr. John Delony?

  And what that means is like him getting you out of the house, taking you out, like, that is amazing and wonderful and powerful. And my fear for you is somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that it's also your fault, I mean, also your job to help carry the household.

• 24:59Dr. John Delony?

  And that was never, that was never your job.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I definitely feel that way.

• 25:03Dr. John Delony?

  I know. I know. And it's, and it's because you're a good man and I think your dad tried to love you well. And he was probably a guy, he loved you well enough that I bet he wore his heartache pretty openly too, right?

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Um, actually not so much. My dad's very, very quiet and reserved.

• 25:24Dr. John Delony?

  But you can see it on him.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Oh, absolutely. I can just, I can see it on his face.

• 25:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Um, like, oh, it's every day I can see it on his face and I just, I don't know what to do. Um, because I still see him a good bit, but I mean, I, I don't sit with him like I have.

• 25:40Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. So how, how far away do y'all live?

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Uh, 10 minutes.

• 25:45Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, perfect dude. Alright, so here's a couple of things. Number one, I want you to rec, I want you to reconcile, this may be going to see a counselor, this may be starting a journaling practice or something, all these things that are gonna feel hippy dippy to you. But I want you to recognize the, that these things are implanted in your body.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:05Dr. John Delony?

  And that is a five-year-old, a nine-year-old, a 13-year-old little boy who thinks it's his job to make sure mom is okay.

• 26:16Dr. John Delony?

  That was never your job.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:20Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? And when you grow up trying to hug and love a ghost, which is what that's, what it feels like to a young kid whose parents struggling with addiction. They're right there. You see them on the couch, you see them on the chair, but they're not there, right?

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:35Dr. John Delony?

  And, and every kid

• 26:38Dr. John Delony?

  has an internal system that says, this is my fault and I need to fix this. I need to bridge this.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:44Dr. John Delony?

  And you gotta know that was never your job as a kid.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:48Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? The other side of this equation is your relationship with your dad.

• 26:54Dr. John Delony?

  You're, you're, did you say you're 22 now, 24?

• 26:56Speaker 02

  22.

• 26:57Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, 22, awesome. You're in a season where your relationship is transitioning, okay? And what that, like, there's just this weird thing that happens when you, I, I, I, it's usually about 25 and depending on what house you grew in, sometimes it's 35 and sometimes it's 16, right? But your relationship with him will begin to shift and change. Where you become peer-esque, not I'm gonna tell you what to do and how to do it. You get what I'm saying?

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do.

• 27:28Dr. John Delony?

  And so, a really cool thing for you as a young man would be to call your dad and say, hey, I miss our time together. Would you be willing to meet me for breakfast once a week?

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:40Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all are 10 minutes apart. It's perfect. Go to a crummy, cool diner. Go to a chain. I don't go to McDonald's. I don't care. But you reaching out to him because he's going to enter a phase now where he's going to start thinking, I don't want to bother him. My son's been through enough and I want him to have fun with his fiance. I want him to build his own life away from this crazy.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:02Dr. John Delony?

  And now is a great moment for you to extend the hand back and say, no, no, no, like, you're important to me. I've seen what a good man you've been over the years, but you how hard you've tried. I want to spend time with you. I still value time with you.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:18Dr. John Delony?

  You will light him up like a Christmas tree if you do that.

• 28:22Dr. John Delony?

  And then when you're at breakfast with him, you ask him, how can I love you, man?

• 28:27Dr. John Delony?

  Not what do you need? Because most men, especially older men, they don't answer that. I don't need nothing. But looking at your dad and saying something very similar, I want you to start asking your fiance this. Hey, how can I love you? I know it's hard right now. And he's going to say, oh, nothing, whatever. And you could tell him, I'm gonna do something. I'm gonna show up and start mowing the yard unless you give me some specific things to do.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:49Dr. John Delony?

  Right? But let him know, I'm gonna start proactively.

• 28:55Dr. John Delony?

  Not trying to take care of you. I don't know that he needs you to take care of him, but I'm gonna start proactively.

• 29:00Dr. John Delony?

  Like pouring gas on our relationship. I love you, man.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 29:04Dr. John Delony?

  And if, if, if the time is right, I will tell you this. You look at your dad and you can get him to make eye contact with you, which is hard for aging fathers and aging sons. If you tell your dad, hey, you did a good job.

• 29:20Dr. John Delony?

  You did a good job. You loved me well in a pretty messy situation. I want you to know as I'm entering into marriage, I see it.

• 29:28Dr. John Delony?

  You did a good job. You'll set his, you'll set his soul free, brother.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 29:35Dr. John Delony?

  But I think what your dad needs more than anything is A to be released to the burden, right? Because there may have been some seasons when he probably should have got you out of that house.

• 29:44Dr. John Delony?

  And there may have been some seasons where you, he knew you were shouldering a lot of that relationship because he had to work or whatever. And he has a lot of guilt and shame over that. I promise you.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:56Dr. John Delony?

  And so you telling him, hey, I want to continue our relationship as adult, co-adults now, right? We're both adults. I'm gonna need some marriage wisdom.

• 30:08Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna need you in my corner in my life, man. You extending that back to him will be like water for somebody in the desert, man.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I see what you mean.

• 30:17Dr. John Delony?

  Is that cool?

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 30:20Dr. John Delony?

  And then whatever work you gotta do, brother, to free yourself from those things. If you become a people pleaser over time, if you, a lot of young, a lot of young adults whose parents were struggling with addiction, find themselves pretty reactive with some deep rage and anger that comes out in weird places. Like, whatever is going on in your life, I want you to commit to doing the work, and that means going to talk to somebody. It's in the bad mouth your mom, in the bad mouth dad. This is to set yourself free. So you can become the husband, the parent, that you didn't have in some cases. In some areas, you did. You got a pretty amazing example from your dad.

• 31:00Dr. John Delony?

  But you and your fiance, as y'all get married, can chart your own course for what kind of marriage we want to build. And, man, set some pretty cool family values together for who y'all are gonna be together. Yeah, man, you're on the right track, brother. It was an honor to talk to you. And, um, yeah, set your dad free. Set him free, man. We come back, a woman asks how to address her sister about how she confronted her daughter. Ah, I love family drama.

• 31:32Dr. John Delony?

  All right, this morning, before I came into the studio, I was doing a consult with a physician on some blood work I just had done. We talked about some places where I can optimize and get better, and she recommended some supplements that I need to add into my stack. And what company did she name? The one company I trust, Thorne Supplements. I was first introduced to Thorne by professional athletes over a decade ago, and they continue to be the main supplements I trust for me and my family. Supplements continue to be an unregulated industry. What does that mean? It means there's no accountability. It's flooded with garbage and nonsense. And most companies are out for a cash grab. They cut corners, they lie on their labels, but not-

• 32:16Dr. John Delony?

  Thorn. Thorn makes every one of their products at their world-class facility in South Carolina. Thirty-five percent of Thorn's employees work in quality control, and Thorn rejects fifteen percent of their raw materials because good enough is not good enough for Thorn. Thorn only deals in excellence. It's why pro athletes, Olympic teams, and more than 60,000 doctors, including mine, trust Thorn, and that's why I trust Thorn too. Stop guessing what's going into your body. Go to thorn.com/theletteru/daloney to get 25% off your order when you create an account. That's T-H-O-R-N-E.com/theletteru/daloney.

• 32:58Dr. John Delony?

  Alright, let's go out and hang out with Pearl Jam in Seattle, Washington, and talk to Angela. What's up Angela?

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Hello. So, I'd like your advice on how to address my sister, my older sister, in a situation that she confronted my seventeen-year-old daughter a few weeks ago.

• 33:21Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, awesome. What happened?

• 33:25Speaker 03

  So, I'm a single mom to a wonderful seventeen-year-old girl. She's the light of my life, that kid. And we had some family over visiting for the holiday, and kids will be kids, she had her cousins outside, they were all playing, and she's the eldest of her cousins. And they kind of started, you know, snapping back one another, "You should have..." Not talking, obviously, very nicely, but kids do that. And my sister was outside with them, and she got what I thought was reasonably upset about it. And she told my daughter to go upstairs. And this was in front of my whole family, and

• 34:09Speaker 03

  she's like, "Go upstairs, I want to talk to you." And I didn't know until later, after I talked to my daughter about it, but she had a pretty angry confrontation with my daughter, and was berating her, and saying really not-nice things to her, and even swore at her at one point. And...

• 34:33Dr. John Delony?

  Nothing helps a child, especially a teenager, who you're mad at for yelling and for...

• 34:41Dr. John Delony?

  Calling people names to yell and scream at them and then call them names.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:45Dr. John Delony?

  What a great example.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't handle. I don't handle situations like that with my daughter. I very, whenever she.

• 34:55Dr. John Delony?

  No, because you're a mature adult. That's why. Okay, this situation is electric. I can feel how you're describing this story. I feel it. And by the way, I would feel the same. Okay. Now, let's back all the way out. Where else have you and your sister, where else do you sit in the seat of judgment underneath your older sister?

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Well. Everyone likes to joke and say that I'm the older sister because I'm the more mature, responsible one that makes good decisions. She does not have any children of her own.

• 35:30Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, nice. Even better.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:33Dr. John Delony?

  Is her name Karen?

• 35:34Speaker 03

  Her own.

• 35:35Dr. John Delony?

  I'm just kidding.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  Sometimes she can really be a Karen.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  But I know she loves my daughter like her own and she's helped me through some really challenging times and she really has taken on a role of like a second parent. But I just felt like this really overstepped. And I want to be a good example for my daughter.

• 35:57Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  Everything I do.

• 36:00Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Well, let me assure you, you are.

• 36:05Dr. John Delony?

  Because you've had a hard row, huh?

• 36:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:10Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Like your daughter has got to see in real life.

• 36:15Dr. John Delony?

  What a strong, powerful, loving single mom looks like. What a great example on how to be a good woman.

• 36:23Dr. John Delony?

  And the fact that you're calling and you know, I want to do this right, but nobody's going to talk to my daughter that way.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  Right.

• 36:31Dr. John Delony?

  Is, is awesome. And your daughter needs to see this, okay?

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:40Dr. John Delony?

  If your, if your relationship is strong enough, is bonded enough is the nerd word, then you can sit down with your sister and say, hey, I need to hear what happened the other day because I talked to my daughter and she told me that you said some pretty wild things and I want to honor you enough by getting your side of the story first.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Right.

• 37:01Dr. John Delony?

  And if you come at her that calm and not accusing, but inviting, I want to hear your side. I know my daughter told me her side, but I want to give you, I want to honor you enough to hear your side and to be able to say, if she has the courage to be honest and say, yeah, I use profanity, I swear at your kid, I did this, I couldn't believe she was saying these things or whatever, then in as calm a way as possible, if you're able to say, don't ever swear at my daughter again.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:32Dr. John Delony?

  And don't embarrass my daughter in front of our family again. Or here's a better way to handle this, or when that happens, here's how I do this. But give her a path. But the calmer you remain, the more powerful and settled this conversation is.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:51Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And that's hard.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  My sister can be very overpowering with everyone in the family.

• 37:57Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And

• 37:58Speaker 03

  And so it's very hard to confront her sometimes.

• 38:01Dr. John Delony?

  That's where getting away and saying, I need to hear your side of the story. And if she storms out, then, and she throws a fit and she's embarrassed about what she did, or she's indignant, she thinks she's right.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:13Dr. John Delony?

  Um, you're still able to, A, know whether I need to draw a boundary. You're not gonna, I'm just gonna ask you to not communicate with my daughter because you, you can't control yourself.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 38:26Dr. John Delony?

  Right? I have an older sister. I know how hard this conversation would go, right? And I, I also know, like, the thought of telling my older sister, you can't be around my kids would devastate me, would hurt them. But they're, I mean, they're my kids.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Right.

• 38:42Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And then your 17 year old's gonna feel guilt. I shouldn't have told mom, I should have just dealt with it because now they're in a whole thing. And she needs to be affirmed that you did the right thing.

• 38:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  I just don't, I want to teach her that she doesn't have to walk on eggshells around my sister. That's for the longest time, it's sort of how I felt.

• 39:02Dr. John Delony?

  Here's the hard thing, here's the hard thing. She might have to walk on eggshells around your sister.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:08Dr. John Delony?

  And so the harder lesson will be, we as strong relational, like, women, we don't walk on eggshells, and so that means we have to draw some pretty hard boundaries even when it's hard.

• 39:23Dr. John Delony?

  But I don't want to have to walk, you're not going to walk on eggshells in your own home. You're going to be able to be silly and goofy and talk trash with your cousins, because that's what cousins do. What else, why else do you have cousins except for that, right?

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Exactly, and that's why we, we, well, other adults, my, like, my brother and sister-in-law were there, where they're like, what happened? Like, they're just being kids, I don't understand what, why you needed to have it blow up like that.

• 39:49Dr. John Delony?

  Did anybody confront her?

• 39:50Speaker 03

  My daughter.

• 39:50Dr. John Delony?

  Did anybody confront her?

• 39:52Speaker 03

  No, she ended up actually leaving the house. She left my house and went back home, and it was actually her birthday again. We were supposed to be there celebrating her and spending time with her, and she got so upset, and I guess was looking for validation from the rest of us, and we all kind of looked at her like, what are you doing?

• 40:13Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, how old is she?

• 40:15Speaker 03

  She's forty, oh my gosh, forty-nine, she just turned forty-nine.

• 40:20Dr. John Delony?

  Can I flip this whole thing around? And you know her better than me, by a million miles, right? I don't know her from the man in the moon.

• 40:28Dr. John Delony?

  But could it be that she's knocking on the door of fifty? And she's seeing her brothers and her sisters and their families?

• 40:38Dr. John Delony?

  And this birthday got real heavy, real fast?

• 40:40Speaker 03

  It's very possible, we've had a lot of, like, big life events and not great life events recently, so we're all under a great deal of pressure, and it's been very stressful.

• 40:50Dr. John Delony?

  And so maybe sitting down with her and saying, hey, I talked to my daughter, and it sounds like, like, you took her upstairs and you had a big blow up. This isn't you, what happened, what's going on?

• 41:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:05Dr. John Delony?

  And maybe you're like, no, no, no, this is her. This has been her forever. So.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah, but I, I think, I think you just want to touch too far.

• 41:14Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  This time.

• 41:16Dr. John Delony?

  And, and when somebody's out of control,

• 41:21Dr. John Delony?

  the greatest gift you can give them is to say that you don't go this far.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:26Dr. John Delony?

  And whether she pushes back, she gets indignant, she yells, she fights, whatever. It may be the greatest gift she could ever receive right now is a really firm boundary. You will not curse at my child.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Cause I put, I put myself in that situation. If I needed to reprimand my nephew, I would never have gone that far with him.

• 41:48Dr. John Delony?

  No, no, no, no. But that's where, like, to get to the, to get to the root of this thing, letting your sister know in, at the beginning of the conversation, this doesn't sound like you. It sounds like you got other things going on. I'm your sister. What's going on?

• 42:07Dr. John Delony?

  And that conversation will like, I'm going through this. I don't have any kids. I was dating somebody and we just broke up. Mom and dad are sick, whatever. That will lead y'all to a path where y'all are getting closer and closer connected, where you will have all, I mean, you have all the room in the world anyway, but it will allow you to have the hard conversation, which is, hey, you really embarrassed my daughter.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:31Dr. John Delony?

  And nobody's allowed to swear at my daughter. I don't care how mad you are.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I don't do that. It took a lot. My daughter went through a troubling time and we worked through a lot of stuff and my sister did see all of that happen, but my daughter and I have only grown much closer over the last four years.

• 42:51Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  And, and I don't know if maybe some of that is how my sister feels as well. Maybe she's a little envious of our relationship because we're really close.

• 43:01Dr. John Delony?

  Possibly, but, but here's the thing, I, I wouldn't spend one ounce of energy trying to get in your sister's head and figure out why she did what she did.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:10Dr. John Delony?

  I would give her an invitation to explain it.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 43:15Dr. John Delony?

  And you as a more regulated adult saying, this isn't you. What's going on? Or I've never seen, like, I've never seen you blow up on my daughter like that.

• 43:30Dr. John Delony?

  And um

• 43:34Dr. John Delony?

  that doesn't sound like you. What's going on? It, I mean, that might, that's the most compassionate path back. And if she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. She was doing this and this. And then that's when you can know, all right, I'm gonna stop this conversation. You cannot talk to my daughter that way. And you will never swear at her again, or you're choosing to not be in communication with her.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:53Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And like, you'll know. I'm, I'm ending this back and forth. Here's the, here's the bottom line. And you know, she's, if she's emotionally unregulated, she's gonna be all over the place. And you can't control her response to your adult boundaries. And it's not, I, I think people all over the country are weaponizing boundaries these days, like, oh, you raised your eyebrow when I walked in, or one time when you were seven, you I think it's kind of gotten madness, but nobody's gonna curse at my kid. Nobody's gonna embarrass my child, especially when they're just being goofy kids.

• 44:33Dr. John Delony?

  And if you are an adult and you need to correct my kids and you are in my circle and you're, I've given you permission to do that. Do it respectfully. Do it privately. Do it directly. Do it in a way that's gonna help not make you feel powerful, but a way that's gonna correct the behavior and empower the kid to go do better next time. And so you're not only well within your rights, you're on top of it and you're showing your daughter. I'm with you, ride or die. But we're not gonna walk on eggshells in the house. And that may mean that certain people aren't allowed in the house. But we're all gonna be connected together because we're in a family, we're in a relationship. Well done, sister. There's hard conversation ahead, but I would start with an invitation.

• 45:16Dr. John Delony?

  And remember, facts are your friends. Tell the truth and as regulated as you could be. The calmest person is the most rooted person here. Thanks for the call, sister. We'll be right back.

• 45:33Dr. John Delony?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer is a time when people escape. They escape work, they escape school, they escape the rigors of quote unquote their "regular life." Whether it's relaxing or going on vacation, we've been sold a lie that if we could just get away from it all, everything in our lives will magically work themselves out. But here's the thing, a vacation won't fix what you won't face. If you're anxious, burned out, or struggling, those problems will be waiting for you when you get home. And this is why I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy that fits into your life, wherever you happen to find yourself. You can talk with a licensed therapist by phone, video, or messaging from anywhere.

• 46:16Dr. John Delony?

  No commuting, no sitting in a waiting room, just a safe place to process what's actually going on in your life. And you want to build a life that you don't have to escape from. All of BetterHelp's therapists follow a strict code of conduct. You can message your therapist and schedule sessions right in the app. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists anytime for no extra cost. This summer, don't ignore what's coming up to the surface. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop running from it and start turning and facing it. Go to betterhelp.com/daloni to get 10% off. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash dalloni.

• 46:55Dr. John Delony?

  All right, we're back. Kelly in the hot pink, burning off my rods and cones a little bit. Looks good. Some days, I just want to know what's going on at your house in the morning. It's just, you come to work and you're just like feeling it. It's awesome.

• 47:11Speaker 04

  It's just a shirt that I put on this morning.

• 47:13Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, right.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  All right, so I have a cool crap that happened from a listener that asked me not to use her name, so we won't.

• 47:19Dr. John Delony?

  So let's call her Kelly.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  I'm good with that because this is a great email.

• 47:26Dr. John Delony?

  All right, never mind. Let's call her Janet.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  All right, Janet. Janet writes, "Important to note that we have a three-year-old and a three-month-old at home."

• 47:36Dr. John Delony?

  Oh geez.

• 47:37Speaker 04

  "Our intimate time has been hard to come by recently." I was listening to-

• 47:40Dr. John Delony?

  Hey, can we pause real quick? My favorite thing is-

• 47:47Dr. John Delony?

  The word intimate is like a word that is like all encompassing, right? But it's also used, and not to throw shade, but particularly people in faith-based communities as a substitute for the word sex. And it's like, we had a three-year-old and a three-month-old. We know you done it at least twice, right? Like, we know, you can just say it. But anyway, but like the...

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Fair point, though. Probably any intimate time has been hard to come by.

• 48:14Dr. John Delony?

  Yes, yes. We're not talking, we're not making eye contact. I don't know what day it is.

• 48:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I haven't showered, nothing's good right now.

• 48:19Dr. John Delony?

  So shout out Janet.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 48:21Dr. John Delony?

  The intimate time.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  So she said, "I was listening to an episode recently, and John was talking about how sometimes you just have to make the intimacy happen. When I heard that, I sent my husband a flirty text. It was the day before we were leaving for vacation, and we were still up at midnight trying to pack, when he made a joke about having some us time, and I just said, 'Let's go.'" After, he said it was surprised, he was surprised that I said yes, because it was so late and we still had so much to do. So I told him about the Deloney episode I had listened to, and he responded with, 'Thank you, John.'"

• 48:52Dr. John Delony?

  You're welcome.

• 48:53Speaker 04

  "Just a funny moment I wanted to share. Thank you for everything you've given us to improve our marriage."

• 48:57Dr. John Delony?

  Yes! Dude, I love this. Sometimes you gotta make it happen, and sometimes call the bluff. Man, I'm sure it would be cool if we were making out right now. I'm in, right now, you ready? And almost every time, guys like, "Oh, no, I have my fantasy football draft," or whatever, dude, but good. If you're in a good marriage, if you're in a safe marriage, no abuse, all that, yada, yada. Almost never do you regret, and let's be honest, the what, the six minutes? Like, you almost never regret those, "All right, you know what I mean?" And on the other side of that, it's always like, "I'm glad we did that," or "That was funny," or "That was connecting," or "That was like, dang, I didn't see that coming." It's so good. Sometimes just to be like, "You know what? Yep, awesome."

• 49:40Dr. John Delony?

  And good for her, good for her for going first and being weird and sending the flirty text. Shout out Janet. Awesome, awesome. And I bet that vacation was a-rockin'. Probably not, not with a three-month-old.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  No, not at all.

• 49:55Dr. John Delony?

  It was just like a paid nap.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  But I guarantee you it was a better vacation.

• 49:59Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, for sure.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  They were more connected.