My Wife Prefers Doomscrolling Over Sex

On today’s episode, we hear about: A husband whose wife chooses doomscrolling over sex with him A woman determined to end the toxic diet culture cycle for her daughter A man wondering if he should save his failing business Next Steps: ❤️ Get away with your spouse today! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Go to Joi + Blokes and get 50% off labs and 20% off products. Working knives for working people—Go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  I'm struggling right now. It's something that my wife told me a couple of weeks ago, and that is that scrolling on her phone gives her more pleasure than having sex with me. Everything has kind of turned into like a transaction. If you go to the store and pick up these things for me, then we can have sex tomorrow.

• 0:23Dr. John Delony?

  Bro.

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  What up, what up, what up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, coming to you from Nashville, talking to real people going through real challenges. Nothing AI'd here, just real people pulling up a seat and figuring out what's the next right move in your life. If you want to be on the show, I'd love to have you. Click the link in the show notes and it will come up with a form and that form goes right to our overlord, Kelly. Let's go out to Los Angeles, California and talk to Dean. What's up, Dean?

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Hey, Dr. John, how's it going today?

• 1:04Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good, man. Dude, it is early for you out on the West Coast, man. Thanks for being up with us.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, no problem. Thanks for having me.

• 1:11Dr. John Delony?

  You got it. What's going on, man?

• 1:13Speaker 00

  So I'm, uh, I'm struggling right now with something that my wife told me a couple of weeks ago, and that is that scrolling on her phone gives her more pleasure than having sex with me.

• 1:25Dr. John Delony?

  Hmm. Dude, that hurts to hear, huh?

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Uh, yes, very much.

• 1:32Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 1:32Speaker 00

  So, um, you know, I can give some context to kind of our last, you know, few years together.

• 1:41Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, tell me about it, man.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, so we've been married for 10 and a half years, um, together for 18. So, um, we've been together, you know, for a long time and, um, we have two kids, two beautiful daughters, and it's, so there's been times when, you know, things have been really good, but it seems like over the last year and a half or so, things have just started to fade a little bit.

• 2:11Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  And, um, ultimately, it kind of all culminated with that, that statement, you know, a couple, couple of weeks ago. Since I've first written into your show, I've, you know, we've had a couple of conversations. And, um, I wish that I could say things have changed, but they just haven't. We're in a stagnant space right now. So I'm just not really sure what to do.

• 2:41Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, man. Um, well, initially I've got several questions for her, but she's not on the phone. And questions I would ask her are, um, I would start with like physiological questions. Like, is sex painful? Is, um, like, I don't know how old she is. Is she struggling with connectivity? Is, does she feel like you're distant in other places? Like, I would have all kinds of questions for her, but she's not on the phone, so I want to talk to you. Um, this conversation probably didn't happen in a vacuum. Like, it didn't just pop up. Tell me the context for that particular conversation at that particular time.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  She, Susan and I had, uh, some family in town. And so we were entertaining and hosting and we jumped into bed about 10 o'clock. Um, everybody had gone to sleep and, um, I had said, you know, hey, you think we can snuggle tonight? That's kind of her code word. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Um, and it had been about eight or nine weeks since we've been intimate. Um, which is, uh, you know, so it had been leading up to this, but, um, we, uh, we were jumping into bed and she was kind of on her phone, just scrolling Instagram.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  And I, every 10 or 15 minutes, hey, you know, are you, are you ready? Uh, yeah, yeah, no, I'm not. And so I fell asleep and it was about 1:45 in the morning that, um, I heard her kind of wrestling around. It woke me up and she was just putting her phone down. And I was like, hey, you know, what time is it? She's like, it's too late. And I said, yeah, but what time is it? She said, it's 1:45. Like, man, you just scrolled for three and a half hours. Um, and I said, you know, I'm, I'm awake. Do you want to do something?

• 4:49Speaker 00

  And she said, that's what she, she told me that. And it's like, wow. Okay. So I kind of dismissed it in the moment, but I, I woke up the next morning and was thinking about it. Um, but I talked with her, she just reiterated the same thing. And so.

• 5:10Dr. John Delony?

  Does she give you any context at all?

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Not, not in the moment. Um.

• 5:16Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, in, in your, in your follow-up conversation, like having a conversation of any substance after 10 o'clock is, is usually a waste of time. Having it at 1 o'clock in the morning, man, people say things that, that you say when you've, when you're glassy eyed and you've been staring at a screen for three and a half hours and, right? And you're exhausted and there's family in town and all that kind of stuff. But in the, in the follow-up conversations, does she elaborate at all? Is she trying to tell you something?

• 5:46Speaker 00

  Um, I feel like everything has kind of turned into like a transaction. Um, it's, it's, there's, what's the ROI on sex? Um, and she hasn't really gone into much elaboration. And I've, I've pressed it three or four times. Um, but I mean, even just a few days ago, she said, okay, well, um, if you go to the store and pick up these things for me, then, you know, we can have sex tomorrow.

• 6:21Dr. John Delony?

  No, dude, that's, that's not.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know, and I, I went to the store and I picked up things, but it, it, it wasn't for the sex, you know? It's, we needed them.

• 6:31Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, but you're not a puppy either, right? You're not going to sit for a treat.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:37Dr. John Delony?

  Right? Like, that's not a, that's not a, that's not a relationship. It's not a way to live. That's, like you said, that's a transaction. Um.

• 6:47Dr. John Delony?

  Man, there's so much here. I would take that, I would be hurt by that statement too. And I guess my bigger concern is not that something

• 6:59Dr. John Delony?

  like having family in town, entertaining, all that kind of stuff is overwhelming and some people handle overwhelmed by just disconnecting. And some people handle overwhelm by like, I want the stress relief of having sex, right? And so that's just something that every couple navigates, but you've got a much bigger issue going on in your home. Where else are you disconnected besides in the bedroom?

• 7:23Speaker 00

  Uh, in a lot of things. We're disconnected on finances. We're disconnected on passions. You know, I recently listened to 900th episode. Congratulations, by the way.

• 7:36Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you, brother.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  You know, I think in there you were talking about, you know, engaging with your spouse's passions, right? And it doesn't mean that their passions don't have to be in your passions, but you can be supportive and different things like that. And I really resonated with that. But I feel like probably maybe a year ago, something and a half ago, you know, my wife really got into chickens and wanting to have chickens. And we've had multiple discussions about, I have dear desire for chickens. We don't have the space. We don't have the money. We don't have, I just don't like them, don't want them.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  But she ultimately was pushing and pushing and pushing and I said, no. But then she came back and said, well, you know, what if I give you these coupons? I'm like, what do you mean? And she said, well, you know, for every two chickens we get, you know, we get these sex coupons.

• 8:40Dr. John Delony?

  Bro, hold on, hold on, just, yeah, y'all got a mess on your hands, man.

• 8:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yes, the alarm, like the light on the dashboard is nine weeks without sex, right? That she would rather scroll Instagram. That's the light on the dashboard, but that's not the problem under the hood.

• 9:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:03Dr. John Delony?

  Um, how old are your daughters?

• 9:07Speaker 00

  Seven and five.

• 9:08Dr. John Delony?

  Seven and five. Um, man, I could talk to you all day about having a seven year old and a five year old and trying to find your way back to romance and intimacy and sex and to like injecting your life with play and aliveness and what does that mean? What are you into these days? And, um, what am I into these days? And what we've been together, you've been together for almost two decades. Like, what did we used to like to do that we don't like anymore? Like, we could talk that all day long. That's not your issue here.

• 9:39Dr. John Delony?

  Your issue here is you have a wife that doesn't want to be married to you anymore.

• 9:44Dr. John Delony?

  At least in the current iteration of how your marriage is.

• 9:50Dr. John Delony?

  And it's turning into a tit for tat and it's turning into a,

• 9:58Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, good grief, dude.

• 10:01Dr. John Delony?

  You give me two chickens, I'll give you sex and you give me four chickens and I'll give you two sexes. Like, that, that, that just tells me, like, y'all are at a place where your finances are disconnected, probably your parenting is disconnected, your vision for life is disconnected, and of course, in the bedroom is disconnected. Um, this is one of those moments, man. You've heard me say this a million times. This is where somebody, and I'm looking at you because you called, and I'm, I'm grateful that you called. Someone's got to turn the lights on, the music off of this dance y'all have been doing for a long time. And you have to sit across the table from her and say, do you still want to be married to me?

• 10:41Dr. John Delony?

  Do you want to build a new marriage? Because I'm not going to trade chickens for sex.

• 10:47Dr. John Delony?

  I'm not going to trade errands for sex.

• 10:52Dr. John Delony?

  Like, and I'm saying it that directly because I want you to hear, like, what you're feeling, the absurdity of what you're feeling is real.

• 11:01Dr. John Delony?

  Now, just, just for, just for fun, like, flip this around. If she was to call me and say, "Over the last two years, five years, my husband has..." dot, dot, dot. What would she tell me? What would her, what would her criticism of you be?

• 11:19Dr. John Delony?

  "He works too much, he's never here, all he wants is sex, he's not plugged in with the girls." Like, what would her complaints about you be?

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Uh, there's probably "work too much" is, is, is one of those. Um, and I think there's the, um, I'm trying to say, I guess, I've been, I have been very short with the girls at times. Um, and she takes that personally against her.

• 11:54Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Was her dad short with her?

• 11:57Speaker 00

  No, but my dad was short with me and still, we, we have very different dynamics in how we, we grew up. And her parents are awesome. And my parents are awesome too. We just, we grew up differently.

• 12:12Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, so this is almost like a shock to her?

• 12:15Speaker 00

  This is more of a, "Don't be like your dad."

• 12:20Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Yeah. And is she right?

• 12:24Speaker 00

  Absolutely. And I've, I have come a long way.

• 12:27Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome. I'm proud of you for that.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 12:31Dr. John Delony?

  So, here's the deal, man. This is a, um, and I've had a couple of these over the course of my almost 24 years with my wife. Like, the marriage we had doesn't exist anymore. It's over. Do you want to build a new one?

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:47Dr. John Delony?

  And I've got a lot of shortcomings and I'm going to apologize. I'm going to put them all on the table. And also, you need to have the courage to say, "I don't want to be a marriage where I'm trading chickens for sex."

• 13:02Dr. John Delony?

  Where I'm trading errands for sex. I want sex to be a place where we play and where we have fun. And if the life we've built together, that we've both chosen to build together, is so lifeless, that you're scrolling your life away, um, and...

• 13:27Dr. John Delony?

  That you're withholding like connection and love and whatever for, for, for errands, right? Like, we get to decide what this life looks like.

• 13:38Dr. John Delony?

  And my, I immediately jumped to, what is she looking at for three and a half hours?

• 13:46Dr. John Delony?

  Right? Is she seeing somebody else? Is she connecting with somebody else? Not just because y'all aren't having sex, but because there's just seems to be a massive gulf between the two of you.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I'm almost positive that there's nobody else.

• 14:00Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  But I, I, I think it's just, you know, you've talked about what do you want your home to feel like?

• 14:08Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  And I feel like whenever we enter, whenever I enter the home, it's just chaos. Um, and it, it does not make me want to engage.

• 14:19Dr. John Delony?

  Is it chaos because you have a seven year old and a five year old and that's just the way that is? Like I have a 10 year old daughter and a 16 year old son, my home is in mayhem. And I kind of love it, but my relationship with my wife is my safe place. You get what I'm saying? Like, like there's a, there's a harbor in there, right?

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I think it's definitely stems from the girls. Um, but I feel like I, I'm watching my wife shut down and she'll go to scroll at her estate for that. And, um, so I, I see it and I see why she opted to do that. Um, and I, I do know part of that other thing is also, she's pretty good about not being on her phone when the girls are around, you know?

• 15:11Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, but you, but you, but here's the thing, you, you get that same, like the best way that she can show those girls, like give them an anchor point is for y'all to have a great marriage.

• 15:24Dr. John Delony?

  And so even if she performs for the girls, it's like somebody white knuckling a drink, like not having a drink in front of the kids. The kids know mom, mom or dad is super stressed. They know the house is electric. They know mom and dad aren't making eye contact and are hugging each other and aren't touching and aren't laughing and aren't smacking each other on the butt. Like they know that that stuff's not happening. And she might be able to put her head on her pillow at night and say, I don't have a drink in front of the girls, or I don't scroll in front of the girls. But man, those girls are absorbing the tension in that house. And yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't know another question. The question I've asked in my home, the question I know thousands of others have asked in these kinds

• 16:06Dr. John Delony?

  of situations is, do you still want to be married to me? And if so, what must be true?

• 16:15Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm willing to do the work. I'm willing to take accountability for my part in this. And I have to say what I want. And what I want is a wife who is happy that I'm home.

• 16:27Dr. John Delony?

  What does that look like? A wife who maybe needs some support at home. She's stuck with these girls and they're just overwhelming. And then the game, I mean, the guilt spiral like starts, right? The shame spiral starts. I'm frustrated with these girls and I just want to numb out of my own life. And then I feel guilty that I am, have two healthy, awesome daughters and, but they exhaust me. Like all that hap- like, we're going to enter into all this stuff. And my recommendation strongly is that y'all put some guardrails on the conversation. Like, we're not going to have it at home. And you go ahead and reach out and get some childcare for the seven and five year old. And ask, I don't want any phones at this thing. I don't want any electronics. I just want you and me at

• 17:08Dr. John Delony?

  a table. Because we need to talk about the future of our marriage. And like, we're going to have a hard conversation. The marriage we had doesn't exist anymore. Not going to be married with somebody who wants to trade sex for chickens. And also, she possibly doesn't want to be married to someone who looks at her and says, no. Right? And so I'd ask you, like, dude, what's the harm of having a small coop in the backyard with two chickens in it? Like, Like, that's not, that's not a big deal. And so let's, but people end up grabbing power where they can when they feel like their relationship is super distant. Like, I'm gonna say no to this. Well, then I'm gonna say no to this. Well, then I'm gonna say super no to this. Well, I'm gonna say super no to that.

• 17:51Dr. John Delony?

  And you find yourself, not only in like drifting apart, but you find yourself in different oceans, right? So, here's the deal. Let me know how that conversation goes. And if y'all both wanna call in, I'd love to talk to you both. If she wants to call in, we happy to talk to her. But, and this isn't, I wish this was just about sex and about a couple who's just kinda drifted apart, which is super, super common, especially with a seven to five year old. My goodness. But this is deeper than that. Y'all are disconnected at the roots and we gotta pull that old dead tree out and plant something new. I will tell you from personal experience, it can be done and you can have a marriage that you never dreamed possible. But it takes both of you saying, "I'm in." Thanks for the call, brother.

• 18:35Dr. John Delony?

  We come back, a woman asks how to heal childhood body image issues so she doesn't pass them on to her daughters. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer is here and everything is gone awry. The kids are out of school, routines are out the window, we're traveling, we're getting home, we're doing laundry at weird times of the day, we're sleeping less. Listen, if you're not careful, you can end up running on fumes. If you don't slow down and take care of yourself, all that stress does not just go away. It shows up in your body, in your work, in your relationships, in your interactions with your kids and your spouse and your patients, everywhere. And if you've recently been in therapy or seeking help and you've stopped because your

• 19:18Dr. John Delony?

  schedule's gotten bonkers, it's important to keep finding ways to get the help you need. And that's why I'm a big fan of BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that matches you with a licensed therapist based on your goals and preferences. All of their therapists follow a strict code of conduct and you can message your therapist and schedule sessions right inside the app. If it's not the right fit with your first therapist, you can switch anytime at no extra cost. Get the help you need. Go to betterhelp.com/deloney and get 10% off. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash deloney.

• 19:54Dr. John Delony?

  All right, we're back. Hey, hit the subscribe and share and thumbs up and um, those buttons.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Like, share it with someone that you love.

• 20:03Dr. John Delony?

  Those things.

• 20:04Speaker 02

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• 20:05Dr. John Delony?

  Kelly's responsible for the metrics here.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Can you tell?

• 20:08Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, and so hit all the buttons. If not for me, for the great and powerful Kelly. Let's go to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and talk to Joy. Hey, Joy, what's up?

• 20:18Speaker 03

  Hi there, Dr. John. Thanks for taking my call.

• 20:20Dr. John Delony?

  Of course. Thanks for calling. What's going on?

• 20:23Speaker 03

  So I am the daughter of the toxic 90s diet and fitness culture.

• 20:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yes, me too. Me, I mean, I'm a son, but yes.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  It's great, isn't it?

• 20:35Dr. John Delony?

  No, it's not. Not at all.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  So I have dealt with body images now for over 30 years and now I have two beautiful, precious, wonderful daughters that I would love if they never felt this way. How do I do that?

• 20:53Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, man. How old are they?

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Seven and nine.

• 20:58Dr. John Delony?

  Oof. Are you already seeing signs of it with them?

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Not yet, but I've got my guard up. And so I try to tell them every day just how beautiful and amazing they are. Hopefully, but we'll never hear it, but I know I will, just in a different way.

• 21:15Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, they'll, that's, that's the surface level that's really important. And especially your husband telling them. Are you still married?

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:24Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, he, he needs to make it a regular practice that he tells his daughters that they're beautiful every day, especially when they roll their eyes at him.

• 21:32Dr. John Delony?

  But they also need to see, they, yeah, exactly. That's just part of it. They also need to see their dad, like recklessly in love with their mother.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  I think I'm lucky in that.

• 21:46Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Almost gross.

• 21:48Dr. John Delony?

  Yes, perfect. If they're not going, ew, gross, um, then it's not enough, right? And so here's the next layer, the deeper layer is

• 22:00Dr. John Delony?

  they need to see a mom that loves herself.

• 22:04Dr. John Delony?

  And I know that one's hard.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  That one's the harder one, yeah.

• 22:08Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 22:10Dr. John Delony?

  So.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  But I think that like coming off of, you know, a life of seeing things on TV and in magazines that your body isn't the way it's supposed to be. It's hard to kind of reframe the narrative.

• 22:22Dr. John Delony?

  It's very hard. It's very hard. No question about it. And what I don't want folks like us who grew up in this generation, and I've struggled with body dysmorphia my whole, like forever, as long as I can remember. Okay. What I can't say, and I'll, I'll, I'll ask you to join me. What you and I can't say is since we got this messaging growing up, that this is just going to be the way this is.

• 22:52Dr. John Delony?

  Like, we have to say, okay, we got this messaging and not by our hand, but in our lap. And by the way, I want to give our parents grace too. They, they grew up in a world where they had all, like all of us, for all of human history, our bodies are designed for scarcity. And they grew up in an era where they were told to eat. It was like the very beginning of everything's processed. And what you thought is healthy is bad for you. What you should be eating is TV dinners and Twinkies. And so I want to give them a ton of grace too. Like, like they were the, on the front end of like the tip of spear of the human body being told to do things it was not designed to do. Right? Which was navigate a wild new food ecosystem.

• 23:37Dr. John Delony?

  And so not to mention a new media ecosystem, right? It's just chaos. And so it is what it is. You and I both have to decide who are worth being loved. And that starts from the inside out.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  I think that it's been a long journey of saying, you know, that all shapes and all sizes are worth being celebrated, not just the, you know, the stick thin or the muscles or whatever that we all saw growing up and that held to a standard. And also realizing that through the stages of our lives, you know, that we've all gone through different parts of our life. I've been through four pregnancies, you know? And so holding myself to a standard of early twenties diet culture, this isn't, isn't me anymore.

• 24:23Dr. John Delony?

  And what do you not like about you now?

• 24:27Speaker 03

  I don't know. I've always had trouble with my midsection, my stomach area. When I was really young, a close family member said, hey, how about for like your summer goal to like lose your belly weight? And gosh, like I couldn't have been any more than seven, eight years old. And so...

• 24:44Dr. John Delony?

  Wow. Can I just tell you?

• 24:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:48Dr. John Delony?

  It's gross and I'm sorry that somebody told you that.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 24:53Dr. John Delony?

  Like that type of messaging is wrong.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  It changed everything for me. I'm 38 now.

• 25:00Dr. John Delony?

  And those voices still haunt you?

• 25:03Speaker 03

  Oh my gosh, every day, multiple times a day, same part of my body, every day, you know? And so it's just, I remember trying to diet, you know, way younger than I needed to. And just thoughts of people watching my body or making judgments on my body, you know, or even self-judgments, it's just, gosh, just like daily part of my existence.

• 25:25Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, but the problem for you is people were making judgments of your body.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:31Dr. John Delony?

  Adults in your life that should have been letting you be a seven-year-old freaking little kid.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:37Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so it's not like you're crazy, like the people were judging you.

• 25:44Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:45Dr. John Delony?

  And then here's the...

• 25:56Dr. John Delony?

  I'll just say it this way, as directly as I can, there's a reality to it also. Maybe you're not super thin, maybe you're not a size two, right? And so there is an objective reality to, I'm not that. And the deeper question is, why is that the thing that I've anchored into?

• 26:19Dr. John Delony?

  And what does it mean to pull anchor from there and anchor somewhere new? Which may not be a dress size, which may not be a pant size, but is going to be a healthy size and I feel really good size. And that gross husband of mine keeps a side eye on me. And, and, and most importantly, I feel comfortable in my own skin.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 26:39Dr. John Delony?

  And

• 26:40Speaker 03

  I think I

• 26:41Dr. John Delony?

  Go ahead.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  I kind of almost went like the, I kind of almost leaned into it, you know, where I run races. I do CrossFit, you know, I'm very, I know I'm healthy, you know? And, and so in a way it's become a good thing to anchor in, but also still a boat anchor. You know what I mean?

• 26:57Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about that.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Um, like I love to run. I love to work out. I love how it makes my body feel. I love, you know, that it keeps me moderately healthy. But it's also one of those things where I'm like, well, what if I were to ever stop? You know, or not want to do it anymore? Or I have to keep it up because if I don't, I'm not going to be healthy or attractive or thin.

• 27:21Dr. John Delony?

  I think you added healthy there because it makes you feel a little bit safer.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Quite possibly.

• 27:27Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And that tells me you work out because you think something's wrong with you.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Maybe.

• 27:34Dr. John Delony?

  Or you work out really hard and you do CrossFit and run races because that's what you get.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 27:42Dr. John Delony?

  And I'll tell you, dude, there's no bigger lie on the planet than that.

• 27:50Dr. John Delony?

  And exercise and running races and being active is super awesome. But if you do it because you think it's a punishment for not being pretty enough or not being thin enough, you will always live under a, one of those weighted blankets of shame. And, and not even shame, disgust.

• 28:12Dr. John Delony?

  And if you open your eyes in the morning and you say, "I'm a badass mom, I'm a great wife, and I get to go exercise because it makes me feel awesome."

• 28:22Dr. John Delony?

  So I can show up for this husband of mine, so I can show up for my daughter, so I can show up for myself, so I can show up for the rest of the world, you'll do that for the rest of your life with a smile on your face. You get the difference? The actions are the same.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  I do.

• 28:35Dr. John Delony?

  But it's why we get out of bed in the morning.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:38Dr. John Delony?

  And

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I see it.

• 28:40Dr. John Delony?

  That freedom allows you to skip, skip a workout every once in a while, to just go on a, on a breakfast date.

• 28:48Dr. John Delony?

  It allows you to wake up in the morning and your daughters are like, "I want pancakes." You're like, "Screw it, we're having pancakes today." You know what I mean?

• 28:55Speaker 03

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 28:57Dr. John Delony?

  And so

• 28:58Speaker 03

  It would be hard, but it would be doable.

• 28:59Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, tell me why it would be hard.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  I think because it'd be in the back of my head.

• 29:04Dr. John Delony?

  What would be in the back of your head? What, what, what, tell me what, what is it?

• 29:09Speaker 03

  I mean, I think that it would be, "Well, I'm having pancakes now, so how am I making up for it later?"

• 29:14Dr. John Delony?

  I get that, but whose voice is that?

• 29:19Speaker 03

  You know what? It's been with me so long that I have no idea.

• 29:21Dr. John Delony?

  I want you to write

• 29:24Dr. John Delony?

  that piece of crap adult in your life that told you at seven that you need to work on your belly fat, I want you to write that person a letter.

• 29:34Dr. John Delony?

  Don't mail it.

• 29:38Dr. John Delony?

  But write him a letter, or her a letter, from the perspective of you, the mother of two amazing daughters, watching him tell a seven-year-old girl that.

• 29:51Dr. John Delony?

  And I want you to let the rage that should overtake all adults who would witness that conversation, and the anger, and the frustration, and the tears, let them know you don't get to talk to seven-year-old girls like that anymore.

• 30:06Dr. John Delony?

  Because here's what's crazy, that seven-year-old is still driving your life.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:12Dr. John Delony?

  And she's seven, man.

• 30:15Dr. John Delony?

  She's seven.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  She's my daughter.

• 30:21Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 30:23Dr. John Delony?

  And we wouldn't let your daughter drive a car. We wouldn't let your daughter pick out your, like, what home you're gonna live in. We're not gonna let our da- like, our seven-year-old kid inside of our chest run the game anymore.

• 30:37Dr. John Delony?

  And this is the- I'm the pot talking to the kettle here, man. This is something I deal with, right? And there's seasons where I'm crushing, and there's seasons when I'm tired, and there's seasons when I'm frustrated, and there's seasons when work gets really, really busy, that those old voices creep back in. That's- that's life. But my goal is, like you said, I don't ever want my- like, part of me changing my family tree is being healthy most of the time, and I wanna make sure my kids don't ever get that.

• 31:06Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Definitely. Definitely understand that.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  I will.

• 31:16Dr. John Delony?

  I'll tell you, I had to go see somebody.

• 31:21Dr. John Delony?

  Because rarely does that kind of messaging stick with us that also isn't wrapped in other messaging too. Meaning, did you get high fives for athletic performance or for grades too?

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Sometimes.

• 31:35Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 31:37Dr. John Delony?

  Usually that messaging sticks because it's also anchored to an ecosystem that says, "You are your outcomes."

• 31:47Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 31:49Speaker 03

  I think it was just, um, I was expect- you know, I was expected to be average. And I didn't wanna be average. I wanted to be special.

• 31:57Dr. John Delony?

  Why did you wanna be special?

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Because I felt like that was to prove I was someone.

• 32:04Dr. John Delony?

  There you go. No kid should have to prove to their parents that they're someone.

• 32:11Dr. John Delony?

  And this might be, um, this might get me, be the final thing that gets me canceled. I don't think every body should be celebrated.

• 32:21Dr. John Delony?

  Unhealthiness should not be celebrated. Every person should be celebrated.

• 32:27Dr. John Delony?

  Every person's worth being loved.

• 32:31Dr. John Delony?

  You hear what I'm saying? I'm, I'm, I'm walking alongside a few close people who I love dearly, who are really struggling with obesity. And they're taking some really amazing steps.

• 32:43Dr. John Delony?

  I'm not going to celebrate their, their lack of health, okay? But man, I'm going to celebrate the hell out of them.

• 32:51Dr. John Delony?

  Cause they're, they're worth more than waking up every day and not being able to, like their feet hurt and their knees hurt and their back hurts. Like they're, they're, they're worth a life of laughter and joy and fun and peace, right?

• 33:02Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 33:03Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm going to celebrate the, God to the moon.

• 33:11Dr. John Delony?

  A woman who's given her body for four kids. You know what that comes with? Skin and scars. Right?

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:19Dr. John Delony?

  Those are badges of honor, dude.

• 33:23Dr. John Delony?

  And there's no magazine that will tell you that.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  No, there's none.

• 33:29Dr. John Delony?

  What, what I've had to do, I'll tell you the two things I've had to do. Number one, I had to go see somebody because the messaging you've received that I've got to, I'll show you that I'm worth being loved. Whatever that looks like. I'll be a size zero. I'll be the top of my class. I will get this job and then I'll get that promotion. That, that's an exhausting way to live because you're always, you're always, you're opening your eyes every morning to a foundation that is, I'm not enough. I'll show you.

• 33:58Dr. John Delony?

  And that's exhausting.

• 34:00Dr. John Delony?

  And to be rude, it's exhausting to those who love you too.

• 34:06Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:08Dr. John Delony?

  How long have you been married?

• 34:10Speaker 03

  15 years.

• 34:11Dr. John Delony?

  Has that gross husband, sometimes have you seen him bewildered? Like, why can't she see she's as beautiful or loved as I see her?

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Many times.

• 34:20Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 34:22Dr. John Delony?

  So,

• 34:24Dr. John Delony?

  A, I'd recommend you go see somebody.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 34:27Dr. John Delony?

  The second thing is, I've had to learn that my feelings are not right.

• 34:35Dr. John Delony?

  And that means sometimes I outsource it.

• 34:39Dr. John Delony?

  Especially to somebody close to me that I trust like my wife, like your husband.

• 34:44Dr. John Delony?

  And here's what it looks like. Sometimes I will say, is this shirt okay?

• 34:50Dr. John Delony?

  And my wife will smile and say, yeah.

• 34:53Dr. John Delony?

  Or you look good.

• 34:55Dr. John Delony?

  Sometimes she'll say, my goodness, where'd you get that shirt? You look great. Where'd you get those pants? And even if I don't, if I don't believe her, I mean, if I don't feel it.

• 35:06Dr. John Delony?

  I will, I will outsource my feelings to her because she won't lie to me.

• 35:13Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 35:14Speaker 03

  I do.

• 35:14Dr. John Delony?

  And what I begin to do over time is practice being in my skin.

• 35:22Dr. John Delony?

  Cause I know sometimes what I see in the mirror is not reality.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:27Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 35:29Speaker 03

  I do. Yeah.

• 35:30Dr. John Delony?

  It's taken years of practice.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:36Dr. John Delony?

  And I'll tell you right now, I work out almost every day of my life and I still wear a t-shirt at the, uh, at the pool.

• 35:45Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. Mm-hmm.

• 35:48Dr. John Delony?

  Still do. It's, I'll tell you right now, it's stupid. It's dumb that I do that.

• 35:57Dr. John Delony?

  But you know what I'm at? I'm at the pool now. That's, that's a thing. Right? All right?

• 36:03Speaker 03

  You gotta be.

• 36:03Dr. John Delony?

  And I used to, well, I used to avoid that too. So it's, I'm, I'm slowly moving there. The other night when my son and I were fishing, and now I've got a different world because people take pictures of me all the time when I'm out. But the other night when my son and I were at the beach and we were fishing. You know what, dude? I'm covered in shenanigans and we fish pretty hard and dude. The poncho shirt's coming off, baby, because we're, we're in it now, right? And, and here's what I have to feel. I have to feel I'm uncomfortable. And I don't care because none of these people out here get a vote.

• 36:37Dr. John Delony?

  None of them do. But I, where my son doesn't have to think that, I do. Man, that dude just, he's got, didn't have a shirt on ever, ever. Like, hey dude, you gotta put a shirt on to go to church, right? But like, I, I feel it. I'm like, uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna let it rip. Cause I don't care. And so, man, you are, your daughters are, have won the lottery having you as their mom. And by the way, it's not just your daughters, it's your sons too, that will pick up body image issues also, messaging, right? And so, um, put an anchor in the ground for yourself. That I'm worth being loved from the inside out. And I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go exercise, cause it makes me have more energy. Because I feel awesome.

• 37:22Dr. John Delony?

  And yes, cause I look great. That's good too. And some days when I just don't feel it, I'm gonna wink at that guy and he's gonna wink back at me and that'll be our signal that we know. That what I'm seeing isn't reality today, but that's okay. I'm gonna tell those girls we love them. We're gonna show those girls our scars and be super freaking proud of them. And we're gonna slowly change our default setting to, I've gotta prove myself in order to be loved too. No, no, no, I'm worth being loved, right now. And that anchor point's gonna allow me to go do some amazing things. Thanks for the call. I'm proud of you.

• 38:05Dr. John Delony?

  We come back, a man asks, at what point does he know he needs to let go of his dream business? We'll be right back. Almost everywhere I go, I'm wearing a poncho shirt. I was recently out and about in, in the city and this guy comes up to me and says, hey, are you Dr. John? I said, yeah. And he said, listen, be honest. Are these poncho shirts worth it? And I looked down at the label of my shirt and I said, well, I'm wearing one right now. They're amazing. I've been wearing poncho shirts for years. I love them. If I'm on stage, if I'm traveling, if I'm running around town, or if I'm out doing yard work, or I'm fishing in the ocean, I'm wearing poncho shirts. Right now, cause it's hot, I'm wearing their Originals and ultra lights a lot. Listen, they're light, they breathe, they move with you,

• 38:50Dr. John Delony?

  but they're also tough enough that I'm not worried about them ever, no matter what I'm doing. And that's the thing. I don't have to think about what I'm gonna wear. I just grab a Poncho shirt, throw it on, and I'm off to the races. They look sharp enough that I can wear them anywhere. And so, yeah, when people ask me if they're worth it, I don't hesitate. Poncho shirts are the best. Go to ponchooutdoors.com/daloney and check out all of their styles. Sign up with your email and you'll get 10 bucks off your first purchase. That's ponchooutdoors.com/daloney.

• 39:22Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Charleston, West Virginia and talk to Todd. What's up, brother Todd?

• 39:27Speaker 04

  Hey, Dr. John. How are you?

• 39:29Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good, my man. How are you?

• 39:30Speaker 04

  Uh, hanging in there.

• 39:32Dr. John Delony?

  Excellent, excellent. What's up?

• 39:35Speaker 04

  So, um, uh, I started a business while I was still in high school. I'm kind of not thinking that this would be my career for the rest of my life. And so I didn't really set it up, um, going forward, how it probably should be run and everything. And each year, um, we have our good years and our bad years, of course. I know everything goes through that. Um, but at what point do I know after 10 years of business, is it time to move on from it?

• 40:07Dr. John Delony?

  Great question, man. How old are you?

• 40:10Speaker 04

  28.

• 40:10Dr. John Delony?

  28, okay. So what's the business?

• 40:13Speaker 04

  Uh, landscaping business.

• 40:14Dr. John Delony?

  Landscaping business, dude. Is there anything cooler than being a high school kid mowing lawns?

• 40:22Dr. John Delony?

  I always tell everybody, if I won the lottery tomorrow, A, no one would ever see me again, and I would have the dopest lawn business ever.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  That's, that's, that's true.

• 40:34Dr. John Delony?

  Um, all right, so tell me the ups and downs. Tell me why you're asking this question now. Is it financial? Is it, are you tired? Is it just not?

• 40:43Speaker 04

  A little bit of both, yeah. Uh, financially, um, I'm married now. Um, we're working on year six now. Um, we've got a little boy at home. He's getting ready to be two. Um, so like the financial aspect of it, um, I don't foresee, um, I'm trying to picture myself when I'm 50. Do I still want to be mowing grass? Um, or do I want to have a? Kind of a better job or something to fall back on as far as a retirement or something like that goes.

• 41:14Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I've got a buddy, Kevin, who's the CEO of a lawn care company in West Texas. And it rains like, it doesn't rain, it just like spits from a cloud every once in a while.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  Right.

• 41:25Dr. John Delony?

  And he does really well. And I know the guy that does my lawn here in Nashville, good God, does well.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:33Dr. John Delony?

  And so, tell me about that, because it can't just be the money.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I mean, we do, we do well.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  We, our best year, probably two or three years ago, I think we did half a million. And every year since then, that was our best year, and every year since then, it's just kind of dipped down. I don't know if it's the area we live in that people really aren't spending money on, on things right now, because obviously, the world we live in is tight.

• 42:04Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  That's a no brainer.

• 42:06Dr. John Delony?

  So, so here's my, here's my question. When, when things get tight, um, let me, let me give you an example from my business, okay? Like what I do right now. I've got multiple streams. I got writing a book, I got an author, I got a show, I got live events and public speaking. And my show has ads on it, but it also has YouTube revenue. Every year, I can sometimes see at the beginning of the year, sometimes YouTube just changes their algorithm in the middle of the year. And so, what's going, it just suddenly, that revenue stream just cuts in half, right? Or goes, it just falls apart, not for anything we're doing differently. The show's still growing, but the way they decided to pay out, it just changes.

• 42:50Dr. John Delony?

  And so, for me, I love getting to sit with people. I love it. And so, I have a constant conversation with my manager here of, hey, we can see this thing happening, it's, it's month two or month three, we gotta get on the road.

• 43:07Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And then when, when I'm on the road like crazy and speaking gigs aren't coming through as much, businesses are like, hey, we're not gonna bring in outside speakers, then I meet, like, okay, cool, then I need to sit down and we need to plan to put another book out. But here's the thing, I love the thing, I love this little, this ecosystem I'm in. And so, for you, if you're on year two of a declining revenue. At what point do y'all sit around and say, hey, we're gonna start doing gutters too? Or we're gonna also learn to do power washing? Or, right?

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Right.

• 43:39Dr. John Delony?

  And you begin to expand it? Or are you asking yourself, I'm kinda just completely burned out on landscaping, period?

• 43:45Speaker 04

  Right. So that's kinda where I've been at probably last year. Last year was a really tough year for us. We were in a car wreck at the end of the year.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  It kinda messed my back up. So I really haven't been able to work as much as what I really would like to. I don't have a full crew this year doing things. And I think it's just kinda that aspect of it as just trying to get used to going back to where I pretty much started. And I feel like we're failing, but I know we're not, but...

• 44:18Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, so, so is there a moment when you transitioned from pushing the mower to becoming the manager? The leader of the guys who push the mowers?

• 44:26Speaker 04

  Right.

• 44:27Dr. John Delony?

  And the guy looking for new business opportunities?

• 44:29Speaker 04

  And I think that's the part that I have a hard, hard time with is letting, letting things go.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  Letting things go and actually letting people take over and let them do how they need to do things. I think that's a thing I struggle with.

• 44:45Dr. John Delony?

  Sure. So have you tied part of your identity to I'm the guy out in the field?

• 44:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:53Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:55Dr. John Delony?

  So before you just get rid of a 10-year business, something that you're good at, that provides well for your family, I want you to ask that harder question. Is it ego?

• 45:06Dr. John Delony?

  Right? Is it ego?

• 45:08Speaker 04

  Right.

• 45:08Dr. John Delony?

  I used to, when I first started this, I wanted to see every, like, people who write in, like, wanna be on the show. I wanted to see them all. And Kelly and my manager had a conversation with me early on. They said, we're gonna take these from you. And I I took I was I prided myself on I'm gonna read all the and they're like you can't can't do it right and they're right they're right and now we get so much I mean there's no way I could read it all

• 45:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 45:38Dr. John Delony?

  And that's why

• 45:38Speaker 04

  I think that's where I'm at too I'm I'm a yes man and um if anybody asks for something to be done I'm like oh yeah yeah we can do it when really we probably don't have the time to or we're already booked up and where it's me it's just me running the business um my wife stays at home so um it's just me running the business working the business answering the calls invoicing getting back to people

• 46:04Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  All the above um so I don't know if it's at the point where I need to find somebody to

• 46:12Speaker 04

  like stick some of this off on to or um if I'm burning myself out.

• 46:18Dr. John Delony?

  I mean clearly you're burning yourself out.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  Right.

• 46:21Dr. John Delony?

  What I would love to see you do is this if you haven't in 10 years and it's in in many young entrepreneurs who suddenly find themselves with a business and suddenly find themselves like you just kind of blink and you're and you've been doing this for a decade and now you have a kid you have a home you got you got a wife right

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:38Dr. John Delony?

  A really important thing really important thing is to exhale and to back all the way out.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:47Dr. John Delony?

  And to say what would it take by 2028 to turn this into a $2 million business?

• 46:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 46:54Dr. John Delony?

  How many lawns what other revenue streams would we need to add and I'm talking I want you to be ridiculous curb painting power washing right like whatever like all of it and if you're in a middle class lower middle class area in West Virginia is really struggling right now um

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:12Dr. John Delony?

  What do we get into junk hauling like what like be put it all out there.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:18Dr. John Delony?

  And then be honest with yourself.

• 47:21Dr. John Delony?

  And say, is there, is there a path to this and what must be true? And that might mean you and your wife sit down and say, like, here's a good example. A year and a half ago, I sat down and said, okay, I've been doing research for almost a year now, for a year. I'm going to head into what I call book writing season.

• 47:40Dr. John Delony?

  And I have that conversation with my wife because I'm, I'm not unpleasant to be around. I just get turned into a space cadet when I'm writing. Right? And I'm going to turn down speaking gigs. I'm going to turn down certain things. And so my wife and I know we're going to make less money in this calendar year.

• 47:59Dr. John Delony?

  But we also know it's an investment for the next five years.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 48:03Dr. John Delony?

  And so if you feel like we're just scratching and clawing and I'm getting busier and busier, but I'm making less and less money, yeah, that's a recipe for burnout.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 48:12Dr. John Delony?

  If you say, I'm going to hire somebody at X dollars, depending on what your market rate is, and we're going to, as a home, we're going to make less money. But dude, it's going to allow me to work on this business and not in this business.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:24Dr. John Delony?

  Cause I like taking care of, here's what I want you to think of.

• 48:29Dr. John Delony?

  How can I help the people in my local community? What do they need?

• 48:33Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 48:33Dr. John Delony?

  They need tree trimming, do they need trees planted? Do they need flowers around here? And every time we mow, we're just going to plant a couple of flowers because that's who we are. Like, what are some things we can begin to do to help the people in our area? And if you look around and say, the people in my area do not need this service that I provide anymore. There's 50 other services, they do it cheaper, faster, whatever. I'm going to need to transition to new business and I get to dream about what that is, then cool, so be it.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:58Dr. John Delony?

  But I don't hear you saying, I hate landscaping.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  No, I really love what I do. Um, and that's, that's the biggest downfall is that I enjoy it so much.

• 49:07Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, no, no, no, that's, don't ever say that again. That's not the downfall.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:11Dr. John Delony?

  That's not the downfall. Right? The downfall is your business has reached an apex where you are the, you're now, you are the person that got it here. And now you and your identity and the stories you tell about yourself, you're the barrier to this thing taking off.

• 49:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 49:30Dr. John Delony?

  And so let's unplug you from the system for a second and sit down and dream and you might get a business person. Um, I'd love to invite you to EMS, the, the, I'm part of Ramsey Solutions, which has the, like, once a year, the, the whole company opens its books up to business leaders, small business leaders all over the country. They all come, we meet somewhere in the country and they go through everything. Here's how I do hiring, firing, payroll, all of it, all of it. And, but here's the deal, like, get with somebody, get a, a coach, get somebody who can walk alongside you and say, I want to dream about what would it look like to double or triple or quadruple this and what must be true. And if you look at that and say, it's impossible.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:10Dr. John Delony?

  Me and my manager just did this exercise. It took us a day. We did a whole day.

• 50:15Dr. John Delony?

  What must be true for the next round. But man, I don't hear a guy who's done watching somebody walk out of their home with a huge smile on their face and say, thank you.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:26Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I mean? When they see their yard is awesome.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  For sure. Yeah, for sure.

• 50:30Dr. John Delony?

  And you know what you may, this is gonna sound counterintuitive. You know what I'd love for you to do? Build in for a week of, I, I do these pro bono.

• 50:42Dr. John Delony?

  And there's something about feeling like I'm a yes man and I feel like you start to get resentful, you start to feel like you're getting taken advantage of.

• 50:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:49Dr. John Delony?

  Or you find yourself on Sunday evenings at five o'clock trying to go finish a job up, um, at the expense of your two-year-old and your wife, because mainly because you can't say no.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:01Dr. John Delony?

  You can flip that whole thing on its head with generosity and just say, yeah, I, I do four yards a week for free.

• 51:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:08Dr. John Delony?

  Or my crew, me and my crew do.

• 51:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:11Dr. John Delony?

  And one more quick question. You said you're not running it a full crew. Is that because you can't afford it right now? Is that because it's hard to find help?

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Um, both. Um, it, it's extremely hard to find help, good, reliable help.

• 51:22Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  That I don't necessarily have to, um, be babysitting all day, you know?

• 51:28Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  That's, that's the hard part right now, but also financially. Um, uh, we've, we were kinda going back on what you had said, offering different services. We have done that in the past and really offered pretty much anything that anybody needed done. Um, we had a mini excavator. We got into some of that type of work, um, lighting installs, all kinds of different work. Um, so this year I really, really scaled it back to focus on. Where we needed to be at, um, trying to get back to.

• 52:02Dr. John Delony?

  Back to basics, block it and tackle it?

• 52:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 52:05Dr. John Delony?

  Um, this is just an idea and you've probably pursued this, but if you haven't, one of the greatest blessings in my life is a guy named Bill who lives across the creek from me. And he's, he's got a bunch of horses, him and his wife have a bunch of horses. And since my son was in fifth grade, he has, my son has gone over there and cleaned horse stalls in the special summers. But here's what he's done. He's walked alongside my son and given him job and hard work.

• 52:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:41Dr. John Delony?

  Like hot, hard work. And every year he sits down and gives my son a, like an evaluation of the summer.

• 52:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:49Dr. John Delony?

  And then he says, next year,

• 52:53Dr. John Delony?

  here's what your raise is going to be and here's why you've earned that.

• 52:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:56Dr. John Delony?

  And now my son is 16, making great money.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:01Dr. John Delony?

  And, um, but here's the thing, if you started a middle school or high school program and you told your clients, I am going to mentor young high school students. So if there's anything in your yard that's not done, just holler at me.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:12Dr. John Delony?

  Then everybody feels like they're participating. You get what I'm saying?

• 53:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:18Dr. John Delony?

  It's not like you're cutting like million dollar home yards. Maybe you are, but.

• 53:22Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 53:22Dr. John Delony?

  Um, where they expect, you know, perfection. If you tell your clients, hey, I'm mentoring high school kids, A, you can pay them less, especially get them started. But B, you can help participate in this thing. And you end up giving young men, even young women mentorship. I mean, my son walks 10 inches taller because I, I went over to, to help him last summer with something. Um, we were getting, we were getting ready to head out of town and he said, I gotta go do a couple of chores over at the farm. So I drove him over there. That kid was doing stuff I had no idea he knew how to do, no idea. He's fixing the ATV. He was like spreading manure all over this field. I didn't know he, I didn't know he knew how to do any of that stuff.

• 54:05Dr. John Delony?

  And that's because, um, a guy's mentored him for what, four or five years now? Walked alongside him, said, hey, that's not good enough. You need to go back and do it again. And as his dad, the fact that another man invested in my son, another woman invested in my son, cause, uh, Bill and Linda. They invested in my son, but also they've coached him. They've held him to a high standard and they've cared about him. My goodness, I can imagine having a lawn care business where you're doing that for people. A, you're going to solve your labor problem, but B, you're going to end up investing in your community. And dude, if somebody came and knocked on my door and said, hey, um, here's what I'm doing with my lawn service this year, dude, I would invest in them all day long.

• 54:47Dr. John Delony?

  Cause I'd get my yard mode, but also I'd feel like I'm investing in young people in my local community. That'd be amazing. So anyway, I'm just making stuff up off the top of my head, but I don't hear a guy who's ready to quit. I hear a guy who's exhausted, who also is dealing with a marriage with a new kid. And so I want you to unplug for a bit and you and your wife get together and say, okay, we've got a new marriage. We have a two-year-old. We've never had that before. We have a brand new marriage. I want you to unplug and maybe get with one of the guys that's been with you the longest and y'all dream. What would it look like for this thing? Do I need someone that does billing? Does, do I need somebody who does processing? Do I need somebody who, fill in the blank? Do we need some old excavation equipment we bought that we probably shouldn't have bought and we're going to sell that and we're going to get back to basics? Or let's get back to some of those other jobs that paid really well.

• 55:32Dr. John Delony?

  We didn't like doing them, but they paid well. Great, man. Dream a little bit and then put some very concrete plans in there to make those dreams come true. Thanks for your call, my brother. We'll be right back. When it comes to supplements, there's like a hundred million, billion companies trying to throw things at you. All sorts of supplements from all sorts of fancy companies and all sorts of fancy little bottles. Listen, when it comes to supplements, there's one main company I trust. Thorne. I was first introduced to Thorne by professional athletes over a decade ago, and they continue to be the main supplements I trust for me and my family and my friends.

• 56:14Dr. John Delony?

  Supplements continue to be an unregulated industry and that means it's flooded with garbage and nonsense. Most companies cut corners, they lie on their labels, but listen, Thorne doesn't. Thorne makes every product at their world-class facility in South Carolina. 5% of Thorne's employees work in quality control and Thorne rejects 15% of raw materials because good enough is not good enough for Thorne. Thorne only deals with the best. It's why pro athletes, Olympic teams, more than 60,000 doctors and me and my family trust Thorne. Stop guessing what's going into your body. Go to thorne.com slash the letter U slash Deloney to get 25% off your order when you create an account.

• 56:58Dr. John Delony?

  That's T H O R N E dot com slash the letter U slash Deloney.

• 57:05Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Kelly, in your sailor's outfit, something cool happened. What is it?

• 57:09Speaker 02

  It's not sailor, it's just Navy.

• 57:11Dr. John Delony?

  It's awesome. Arrgh.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  That's pirate.

• 57:14Dr. John Delony?

  Same thing.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  No, not the same. Sailors and pirates, not quite the same thing.

• 57:18Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, they're on a boat. I'm on a boat.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  Wish I was on a boat. All right, so this is from Sue in Hudsonville, Michigan, and she has two quick things to say. So first of all, she saw the video about your chiropractic video obsession.

• 57:35Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, I can't stop.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  Which almost got you in trouble.

• 57:38Dr. John Delony?

  I can't stop.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  Yes, well, she suggested you go to YouTube and search animal cracker. This is a chiropractor that does-

• 57:45Dr. John Delony?

  I've seen that person.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  It does adjustments on dogs and horses.

• 57:48Dr. John Delony?

  I felt like I was watching witchcraft. I can't, I can't be real.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  I don't know, I haven't watched it.

• 57:56Dr. John Delony?

  No, it's somebody that like, somebody's got their cat and the guy like moves around all mystical and then goes, and then it's like, oh. Or like this, like a bulldog and it's just snarly and like, just awesome, just a bulldog. And then he like, I mean, I just look at him like, that can't be real.

• 58:16Dr. John Delony?

  If it is, here's the thing. If animal chiropractic is real, I just have to say as a species, we're doomed. If that's where we've come to.

• 58:26Dr. John Delony?

  They were cracking horses.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Hey, near my house is an animal ophthalmology office. And I just picture that like you put your dog in there and then they set the little thing up in front of its eyes and they're like bark once for A. You know how they're always like one or two, two or three.

• 58:41Dr. John Delony?

  See, and I'd like to sit down with somebody in that profession and just ask one question. Hey, what happened? Like, what happened?

• 58:48Speaker 02

  They're probably making bank.

• 58:49Dr. John Delony?

  I guarantee you they are. That just tells you as a society, we have too much money.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm gonna read the other one now.

• 58:57Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  All right, so she says.

• 58:59Dr. John Delony?

  What's her name?

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Sue.

• 59:01Dr. John Delony?

  Sue, thank you for sharing that. I've seen it. I'm back to people only. I'll just say that. But thank you for sharing that.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  All right, she says, "I was holding hands with my husband as we walked into the hardware store."

• 59:10Dr. John Delony?

  Gross.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  "Inside, I was headed to the gardening center where a woman mentioned that she had seen us in the parking lot and that she used to walk hand in hand with her husband before he passed. So I asked the question I learned on the show, what was his name? And then tell me something great about Larry. We had a wonderful conversation. Thanks for helping me to get that conversation started."

• 59:28Dr. John Delony?

  Ah, that's awesome. If somebody ever tells you they lost somebody, one of the greatest questions you can just ask is, "What was their name? What was something awesome about him?" And I'll tell you, on occasion, I've been like, "What's something awesome?" And they'll say, "Nothing, he was the..." Like, and buckle up. But 99 times out of 100, you just watch this wave come over somebody of... They smile real big and they'll say something great, so it's awesome. Thank you so much, Sue. You're awesome.

• 59:58Dr. John Delony?

  Stop watching animal chiropractor videos, that's all I gotta say. Love you guys, bye.