The #1 Thing Holding You Back From Success & Happiness w/ Wayne Brady EP 1425

https://lewishowes.com/mindset - Order a copy of my new book The Greatness Mindset today! Multiple Emmy Award-winning and Grammy Award-nominated Wayne Brady has made his mark on stage and screen as an actor, producer, singer, dancer, songwriter, and television personality. A true multi-hyphenate, Brady’s career path and personal life journey have helped him see the world in a unique way. His aspirations have always gone beyond solely starring in various entertainment projects, and under his Makin’ It Up Productions banner, he’s set out to create new content across different platforms that showcase innovation and inclusivity in fun and powerful ways. In this episode you will learn,How to go all in on plan A and scrap your plan BThe confidence hacks of a successful TV show host and comedianWhen to pivot your career in the direction of happinessThe importance of living your life with intentionHow to find happiness even when you don’t have everything you wantFor more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1425Mel Robbins: The “Secret” Mindset Habit to Building Confidence and Overcoming Scarcity: https://link.chtbl.com/970-podDr. Joe Dispenza on Healing the Body and Transforming the Mind: https://link.chtbl.com/826-podMaster Your Mind and Defy the Odds with David Goggins: https://link.chtbl.com/715-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks. And I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it, and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life. 10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life, and a book I'm glad

• 0:46Lewis Howes?

  I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  I'm trying to reach a point by the time I leave this earth that I can honestly say I'm living in transparency and also taking control of my narrative, even in terms of my work. I know that for some people in this business, I've been placed in a box, and I fight that box all the time.

• 1:30Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:54Lewis Howes?

  But I feel like I grew up watching you and being inspired by you every single week on TV. And every time I watched you deliver a message, it seemed like I was just in awe of your talent. Your, your, I wouldn't call it natural talent because I know how much you had to develop it over your years. But you're so gifted, so talented in your creative endeavor and in your art that it is, I've just never seen anything like it. So first off, I want to acknowledge you for the incredible joy that you brought so many people around the world with your talent, with your art, with your creative expression. And it's just amazing. So I really appreciate all you've done.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 2:38Lewis Howes?

  For humanity with your gift, because I think there's a lot of people that develop talents, skills, gifts, and they use it for themselves to make more money or to become famous or be successful. But they're not using it also to be in service. And I really feel like you've done that.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Well, first, thank you, and I will accept that. And, and the reason I use the wording, I will accept that very specifically because, you know, folks can compliment you anytime. And I know for me, the kind of person I am, it's cool to get compliments, but it's still uncomfortable sometimes because, you know, when I started doing this as a kid, all I ever wanted to do was just to act and the purpose of acting is to become someone else or to hide behind a character. So most of the stuff that you do, so when someone compliments you, especially for doing things where you're just being the character of yourself, it's like, oh, okay, cool, cool, cool. But I'll, but I'll accept it because I think I've, I've come to a place in my life where

• 3:37Speaker 01

  I also understand what you were saying about using your gift.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Or whatever you have to to bring life and life and light to other people.

• 3:49Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  And I was just talking, I was giving a speech, speech the other day, saying this, this exact same thing. I, I now understand that. I never understood that because for many years it was about that. Because at the end of the day, no matter how inspiring someone sets off to be, you're like, oh, I want to be the, the, uh, the Mahatma Gandhi of, of the, uh, of the entertainment business. At the end of the day, it is a business, right? We all, you, you have your talent, you cultivate it with the hope of the wares that I have and the product that I have can bring me a, a life and can pay my bills and take care of my family and blah, blah, blah.

• 4:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  That's what most people acting or in the entertainment business, because it's such a, a hard and subjective business, that, that's what you're doing.

• 4:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  You just want to get to where you get so I can, so I can make a living. So the hustle blinds you.

• 4:46Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  And if you're lucky enough to ascend to no matter what place, the hustle is still there. I mean, I, I dare say even Tom Cruise is still hustling. It's just on a mega level or whomever you think is at the, that the, the top of that, that, uh, food, food chain is still doing their thing. But at, at, but at a certain point, you have to go, oh yeah, you know? This thing that I consider a job, it's making people happy. And I've just reached that point in the past, I wouldn't even lie, maybe the past five to seven years that I made that delineation.

• 5:28Lewis Howes?

  Really? So when you were starting out, uh, and I watched a lot of you on Whose Line Is It anyways? And I think a lot of people have seen you there, uh, mostly. But when you were starting out, specifically that show, were you thinking, I'm also bringing joy to people? Even though this is a fun, you know, improv comedy show? Or are you just thinking, I'm trying to make a living, I'm trying to make it, I'm trying to stay here?

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Well, it's, no, uh, no, I wasn't thinking about bringing joy, joy to people because I don't think that most people do. The business is not.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  The business is not built for that. If you decide that that's what you're doing, then that's an individual decision. That's great, but it is, hey, this is your job and you're doing your job. And I think especially when I started on Who's Line when I was 25 or 26, I was happy to be on the show. So I'm happy that I'm on this show. And yes, I know objectively that people are laughing at the show because that's what, because that's what it's supposed to do. So if the thing is doing what it's supposed to do and then I'm being rewarded for that, that's great. I don't think you can truly appreciate those things until maybe you are a little older

• 6:42Speaker 01

  and a little more advanced in, in your life and career. Because we are also separated from the people at home. So unless you're like me, a stage performer as well, where maybe you're stand up, maybe you're a singer who tours, maybe you're doing Broadway, maybe you do, that's, that's, I think is the closest that you get to that, oh, that's right. These people, okay, um, it's amazing that I get to do this and, and those people are standing and they're smiling, they're happy. That's, that's when you get to that piece of it. But if you're on a TV show. Interesting. Then you don't think about the audience at home as long as they're enjoying it and the show continues to go. And you're getting a paycheck every week. And you're getting the paycheck.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  So, so it's not to make it sound mercenary, but it is a job. But like at the end of it, it is show business. It's a job and you're hoping that your job is making people happy, but that you're hoping that your job is doing the thing. I think social media, it was the catalyst for people to start changing the way, because the rules of engagement changed. Because in the.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Early, early nineties and two thousands and those. So, social media wasn't big, so you operated i- in a vacuum. You only had Nielsen.

• 8:01Lewis Howes?

  You had ratings.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  You had ratings. Oh, good. So, my show is working. Awesome. And then I get to go on tour, whatnot. Awesome. Now, though, and the reason that I say that in the past few years, I've embraced the fact that I know that I can bring joy is because you engage with people online.

• 8:19Lewis Howes?

  And you see their comments.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  And you see their comments, right? And, and I, I think it really hit me at the beginning of the lockdown during, during that phase of the pandemic. Uh, because Let's Make a Deal was one of the only shows to continue to go straight through and, and, uh, and I knew at that point, when everything was frozen, the fact that we could, even if we just, we, we did a little online version of Let's Make a Deal. When I was sitting at home with my buddy Jonathan and we were just having folks get, get online with us. And we were gi- giving away money or T-shirts or, you know, just small things. Folks were like, hey, thank you.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Jobs have stopped right now because we're scared and, and so the fact that you gave us a hundred bucks, five hundred bucks. So, you give us a T-shirt or you, you acknowledged me. Oh, that made me feel so good right now. Thank you for that. And that's when I began to really listen and to engage and go, oh, my gosh. This show is affecting people on that level. And it can take me out of my own head of, of the, of, of this is a job.

• 9:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I'm curious. I mean, you've been very successful at converting your talent and gift into a, a career that has been known. A career that has been, you know, thirty years in the making essentially, uh, and that has brought you a living. And then some over the last thirty years. I'm sure there's been ups and downs and shows canceling and going through, but your talent and gift has brought you quote unquote, success. I'm curious.

• 9:54Lewis Howes?

  How did you learn how to turn success and happiness and bring them together? How did you learn to be successful and be happy at the same time?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Who said that I learned that? Who, who, who? I don't know about some of your other guests, but I certainly will not bull you right now and say, and say, I sit at the intersection of those two. I think that's a, that's a work in progress.

• 10:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Absolutely. That is an absolute work in progress because the two do not equal each other. And the two, I think it takes an absolute effort to make your occupation meet success. Because the problem is, and not just with show business, but I think with any job where you find success, your bar for success gets bumped up. And the more that it gets bumped up, the more your expectations rise.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  And the things that you were happier with before no longer

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  meet that bill.

• 11:11Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 11:12Speaker 01

  So now you're chasing.

• 11:13Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  So I distinctly remember at, at one point, because before Whose Line, when I was 26, I'd already been a working actress since 16. Just, just, just touring. Or I'd been on sitcoms, guest stars. I'd done, done a bunch of one, one hour shows as guests. I'd already done a ton of the theater, singing backup for folks and doing stuff. So, so, so I'd worked for 10 years. So, so that was an overnight thing, you know, 10, 10 years in the making. But I was always lucky to be working in show business. But I remember specifically at one point before I got Whose Line, just praying. And you should never do this, I feel, but you know, we're all guilty of it

• 11:56Speaker 01

  to whatever deity or force you pray to. But I remember saying, God.

• 12:00Lewis Howes?

  Man.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  It would be so, just.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Just help me out enough. I just need a gig that will get me enough to to get a new car because my car had been repossessed. My, my, my Corolla DX had been repossessed and my girlfriend Mandy at the time, who, who's now my business partner. We, we were leaving our apartment in North Hall, in North Hollywood. And I think that I was like, I forget the number. I think the number was maybe like $8,000, or like, like five to $8,000 in debt.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  In, in the sense of cards or, you know, whatever the thing was. It seemed like an absolutely insurmountable number because I'd never been in debt. But to have that is like, God, have you just, how do I? And, and I got this gig. It dropped into my lap. And I remember, okay, well, now that I've got this. And it was a job to go to Tokyo as a lounge singer to work in these clubs. They were paying me a thousand dollars in cash, which for some people listening, maybe a thousand dollars doesn't sound like a lot. But it was a thousand dollars a week in ninety seven or something. Cash in Tokyo, so no taxes. Paid for your expenses and everything paid for you.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  And I was living in a place there and I was making tips. So my aim was I was gonna come back to the States. I was like, I'm coming back to the States with like $20,000. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna stay there long enough to make this and that'll, and that'll take care of everything. And once that's taken care of, I'm gonna be so happy. I'm, I'm be so happy. I'll be able to get a, get a cheap car and I wanna buy, buy a Nintendo. I wanna buy a Nintendo. I wanna get, get a car and I can have six months down on a brand new apartment. That's, that's all I want. God, can we make that happen? He did. That happened. Did it make you happy?

• 14:16Speaker 01

  No happier than like the not happy, just huh relieved. I've got some breathing room. And then just a little while later, a confluence of events happened that were really cool. I got, I was cast in The Lion King as one of the original simbas and and I didn't, didn't end up doing it because whose line is it anyway came, came around. So all these opportunities manifested and then, you know, the other stuff happens. But then, oh, great. Now I can buy a new car because I just got this TV show. So I can buy a cheap new car and now I can buy a small house. Great. And now I've been on TV X amount of time and now I've created this other show. I created the Wayne Brady Show, my sketch show.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  So now I can, oh, so now I can move to a better house. And then, now we're happy. No, I'll be happier. Now, now I've gotten a taste of that.

• 15:07Lewis Howes?

  Now you're comparing to other people now.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, so now I'll be happy when, oh, when I can do what that dude's doing. And I'll just buy a bigger house and maybe I can get another car and I can do this other thing. And da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Fast forward to, I wake up and I'm at, and I'm 50 and I've been on TV for, for X amount of years and whatever and had these shows.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  I'm happy because I have a wonderful family and I love my daughter and I love my ex-wife, who's my business partner and, and I've got many blessings. But I cannot look you in your face and say, if I'm truly happy, happy. Because I've never given myself truly the room to breathe, to, to find out what is my level of happy.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  I've been chasing things all these years and that's where I am now, right now in my process. I'm working on not chasing.

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  And really discovering what's my bar for happy. Because happy is a very broad and subjective thing. I think it's more what can you do without and still be okay.

• 16:11Lewis Howes?

  Wow. I'm really, I really appreciate your honesty here. Um, because I was actually having a conversation with someone yesterday about this. I just moved into a new home. In Studio City, kind of a dream home for me, really. But I've been living in two bedroom apartments for the last fifteen years. Kind of living in a safer environment, you know, less expenses, noncommittal to owning something. All these things, having flexibility, you know. And I really love the space that I've created with my girlfriend. But I'm also like, if I had to go back to a two bedroom apartment, I'd still be pretty happy with my life. I don't think I'd be less happy. It doesn't mean I don't want more and in the environment that I want. But I'd still be happy. And I think I'd be happy because I've really in the last few years,

• 16:57Lewis Howes?

  done a lot of healing work to have more inner peace about who I am in my past. So that's why I feel like for me, why that would be the case. Cause I used to chase, chase, chase as well. And it's not that I'm not chasing and developing, but I'm, I feel like I'm allowing things to come and man, and drawing things to me more is the intention. I'm not saying I'm perfect dad, but that's what I'm working on creating. I'm curious for people watching, listening.

• 17:23Lewis Howes?

  What do you wish you would have known about fame and success and money in the show business world? Before you ever got into it? If you could go back and speak to the sixteen year old or twenty five year old before you kind of started popping even more. What do you wish you would have known? After all these years of experience about fame, success and money?

• 17:45Speaker 01

  I think I would have known about, you, you used the word intention. I think that's what I would have been more aware of. Not necessarily the money piece or, or, or. Because at least in my mind, my journey, and you also mentioned healing and the chasing. I think that's it. It's, it's a buzzword now, you know, that folks talk about trauma. And for, but I think it's a good buzzword because it's true. We, we operate from a place of trauma. And you know, that thing that wounds that some people like to, you know, make fun of, of, oh, oh, what, oh, so what are you doing? You're gonna heal your inner child, you're gonna, yeah. You know, and go back and parent that kid in a way that maybe you haven't or tried.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  So, so, yeah, so, so many of the things that we do, so I, so my trauma and the wounds that I know that I'm still working on healing, hence why I can't say that I'm happy or not, is because that young Wayne never felt.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Worthy enough, I think, always felt less than for a number of reasons. And so that Lil Wayne used,

• 19:00Speaker 01

  promised himself that when he got to a place that he could use his talent or his gift or whatever that thing was. And once that hustle started, he wasn't going to look back. And he was going to show everybody and everything exactly how good he was based on that. And so while that sounds cool and inspirational for, you know, a Hallmark movie, scrappy kid pulls himself up by, by, by the bootstraps. Immediately what ends up happening is you're operating from a place of you are chasing. And if that's, if, if that was my baseline, that's my baseline. That's where I started.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  I already started hungry and chasing and thinking that, that the more I get or the better I do, all of these things are going to make me feel, feel better. And then you'll see, and then you'll see. I wasn't operating with intention. I just wanted to work. I said, from, from the age of 16, I was lucky enough to start doing plays and, and got my equity card. And I was starting, I said, I just want to work. So because I just wanted be able to take care of myself. I want enough money to be able to, to, to take care of myself. I, I want to have because I didn't have, so I want to have. So if you're operating from a place, I want to have, I want this now. I was not intentional with my show business journey.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  You're just kind of saying yes to whatever. Yes, to everything. Yes. Which, which started at that point, saying yes. But then as my career and as life goes on, you're still in the thing. I've spent a lot of years saying yes and doing, which is why I've done it. I've been very blessed to do a lot of varied things all over the scope. But if I could go back and, and say, hey, hey, hey, but you know, it'd be cool. Instead of doing maybe.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Thirty things over the course of this, this time, whatnot. What if, what if you were, were to do fourteen of them?

• 21:04Lewis Howes?

  Right, half of these things.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  And the fourteen would have, would have just been, oh, bangers. Bangers, each of them, things that you really, really loved and really wanted to do. Maybe you would not have made as much money without doing the other half of them, the fifteen to thirty other things. But A, you might have been a lot happier and they would have been for your soul. But then in success, if those things would have worked out, then exponentially it would have outgrossed the gain for these things. So that's what I look at now and go, damn, huh.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  So I try to teach those lessons to my daughter, who's now in the business. And, and so I mentor other actors and, and young, young producers and, and say, hey, this is the road that I walked down. I want you to, you, you, you, you'd be really specific about what you want to do. Because you, you can have that prayer answered. Oh, I just want to work. I, I just want to do, I just want to, it's sure, that can absolutely happen. But will it be exactly what you want?

• 22:18Lewis Howes?

  Right, will it be enough to feel loved, to feel joyful, peaceful, happy?

• 22:22Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 22:23Lewis Howes?

  There's a, you know, there's a great quote that Jim Carrey talked about. I'm going to butcher it here, but it's something like, I, I wish everyone would become rich and famous and realize it's not the key to happiness. Um, something like that, you know, I wish everyone would experience it so they could realize that's not everything. There's, there's a lot of benefits to the, to being rich and famous, but it's not going to make you feel happy.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Absolutely. The, the two do not have to go together and.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  And yes, it sounds, I can understand how to someone who may not have something that they want, or they go, well, that's easy for you to say, but I know that I don't have X to go to the, the grocery store and get da, da, da. And I understand that because I've been there. I completely get that. But, but specifically, you have to listen specifically to what that thing is. It's, yes, you can have that thing. You could, you could win the lottery tomorrow. How, how many times have we read about the person that is the Powerball winner?

• 23:23Lewis Howes?

  And then they go bankrupt a couple of years later, they commit suicide.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Seven hundred and eighty-three million dollars. Even the lump sum, you get it paid out, you get half of that for the rest of your life. Your life is set, isn't it? But they, but they end up losing their friends, their family, maybe they lose their lives, maybe they go back. That does not guarantee happiness. It's the thing that you do with it. It's, it's, it's what you do with it. My grandmother, who raised me, did not have a lot. And we did not have a lot, but I know that that old lady was happy. I know she was happy.

• 24:02Lewis Howes?

  Do you think she was happy, um,

• 24:07Lewis Howes?

  do you think she was unhappy with her kids or her, her daughter, right? Was your, your mom, was her daughter?

• 24:13Speaker 01

  No, no, my father.

• 24:14Lewis Howes?

  Her father?

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:15Lewis Howes?

  Was she unhappy with, you know, your parents who were not showing up for you?

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 24:22Lewis Howes?

  She wasn't, she wasn't mad about that. She was happy to take the responsibility and?

• 24:26Speaker 01

  No, because the way that that happened, uh, you know, for, for anybody watching what we're talk, talking about is I was raised by, by my grandmother. But my situation was a little different. I was raised by, by my grandmother mostly, but my father was there.

• 24:40Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  He was in, in orbit, but because he, he was in the military and he always moved around, they, they made a very specific choice, which I think was, you know, it was a pretty mature choice for a kid his age when they made it. He's like, look, I, I don't want. Him traveling from post to post with with me and because of his job specifically, he was um, he was a combat engineer. And so, you know, guys that go go in, they build build the bridges and they also fight and defend it. So he was doing his thing all around the world and here in the States. I get it now.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  And knowing the kind of dude that he was, he it was a lot to be able to pick me up, take take him with me and do so. I think he wanted stability. He wanted the childhood that he was given. And I think he also thought, well, I don't think that I can give that to him. So mom, please raise him like you raised me because I love how I was raised. Right. So raised. So she was happy about it. So she was happy about that. And your your mother, um, where was she in the picture? She was still in Georgia. They they they divorced. Um, and what a wonderful lady. And I have an amazing relationship with her um, right now. And and we've definitely become closer in the past few few years.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  She wasn't around much when you were growing up, right? No, no, no, because that decision was taken out of her hands, which

• 26:18Speaker 01

  I don't wish I had a time machine because I grew into who I grew into and and I don't know if I'd want to mess with that much. Um, I think that I but but I wish that it would have worked out a little differently for her in terms of having a relationship with her her son, especially her her first born. Uh, because the narrative that I always received with with that side of the family was that, you know, that this was for the best. And my side of the family from from Columbus, Georgia, they they had a very specific arc um, in terms of, you know, they they they a couple of people got arrested and they had had their whole thing.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Uh, so I was always told, well, it's a good thing that you live here because that that's the projects and and you would be there and da da da da. Right, right. So. I never hated her, but I was just like, oh, it's it's good that I'm here. Now, as a father, I feel for her because she didn't get a chance to raise, raise her firstborn and her and and her young man. Uh, but we we are definitely trying to make up for a lost time.

• 27:30Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  That's my chick.

• 27:32Lewis Howes?

  What was the the biggest lesson your your grandmother that she taught you growing up? That you still think about to this day that really helped carry you through your life?

• 27:41Speaker 01

  I think my work ethic.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  I definitely think my work ethic, that's the thing that has gotten me through days when I didn't think I could get up.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  I think one of the the biggest lessons she's she's she taught me, and I've talked about this this before, is even in the depths of of depression and for anybody who has been through depression or is going through depression, um, uh, and one of the hardest things is to show up. Right?

• 28:14Lewis Howes?

  So you're exhausted, you're drained, you're you don't feel good about yourself, you're self loathing, you're dude. Want to lay around and do nothing.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  You just want to lay around and I and and I'll even go a step further to say that from my own personal journey with with with depression, it's not even laying around and doing nothing. I I've talked to my therapist and the and and, you know, the the the the way that I the way that I visualize things, things, it's always, I think, in a very, I'm a very big sci fi nerd and and it's it's it's I picture my my battery that if I am this, if if I'm this superhero and I go out in the world and I show up in in my suit of armor and I'm able to do do everything I can, it's like someone has just gone around back and removed that battery.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  And no matter what I do. Sitting there like I gotta, I gotta get up, I gotta get out. But I can't, I can't function because my battery, my, my arms are too heavy. My body is too heavy, my heart is too heavy, my legs won't work the right way. So the easiest thing, thing to do is, is just to, okay, i- i- is just to shut down. No matter what I want to do, I just shut down. So to combat that, because I've got to show up. I've got to show up for people, I have to show up for, for, for my daughter. I have to show up for my job, because my job is how I take care of, of the,

• 29:51Speaker 01

  of the machinery that is set up around me. So I make my bed. That's one of the things that that old lady, my grandmother, and if anyone, you know, watching, if you are raised either an island, if you're of island descent, or if you're a child of an immigrant, and you're a first generation here, you, you know the thing of, get up, make your bed, and go, and just go. Because once that bed is made, now you have stuff, stuff to do. You, you don't have the luxury of stopping.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Now, to a degree on the surface, I will say, that's a little, it's, it's a little toxic. Because of the whole, because that generation,

• 30:44Speaker 01

  what's depression, you know what I'm gonna say?

• 30:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, just mask it, just.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  If my grandma were still alive and we talked about it, and I think if I tried to explain to her, no, no, no mommy, you know, like when, um, when, when you feel, feel really bad. I, I feel bad all the time, I still work, I still get up, I go, you know, so, so that generation is like, no, we don't have the luxury of, I feel sad, I feel bad, I can't wake up, I can't go. So just do it and you don't talk about your stuff. That's the toxic component of that. So I hear that. But the good piece of it is, if I make my bed.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  I have no option now because I've made my bed. It is you could bounce a quarter off of it. I can't get back in that.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  You're not going back in.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  I'm I'm not getting back in the bed. So now go. And that is how even through some of the roughest patches. That has gotten me through even this past year. I I lost lost my grandmother and I've I've been very. And I've talked talked about a little bit. I did Dancing with the Stars last last year and I dedicated it to her. And and this is the anniversary of her. This this month, actually, she's been gone a year. This is one of the darkest years I've had. Because I always lived in fear of losing that old lady. And a lot of what I did in terms of success, once I got to a certain point, I was like, look, ma. Look, look what I did. Look, this is my show. I'm gonna fly to see my show. Look, mom, this is the show that I'm in on tour. I'm gonna fly you out.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Look, mom, I'm in Vegas. Come play play all the slots you wanted to come and see the show. Look, mom, I'll do a soap opera so you can come and say it. You're for so many of the things that I've done. I did. So she could be happy. And then when that person's gone. It's like, oh. Now what? Now now what? And that little battery plucked right out my back.

• 32:39Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 32:40Speaker 01

  So I've spent this past year really trying to dig myself out out of that.

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What has been the biggest? I guess realization you've created in this last year. It sounds like you've been doing emotional coaching and therapy and supporting yourself in that. What is the thing you've learned since her passing this last year? That has supported you in facing the depression or the different things that you were chasing and running from to now face and and heal and mend? What are those those lessons you learned?

• 33:14Speaker 01

  To one of the lessons is definitely how to start to try to to forgive myself?

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Which is very hard, especially if you think that you've you've done things wrong. Cause there are no time machines. So the most that you could do is is is either sit and dwell on it and go, I'm such hole and I've blown all this stuff and I'm wrong, I'm wrong, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And live in that or decide to go. I did. Or. That really wasn't your fault, man. Like you, you, you just took blame for something that because it's also easy. Some especially where where depression lays, it's very easy to. Well, I've already got. 10 pounds of stuff on my back. Yeah, I'll just take, take more. Cause now it's an excuse.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Now, now I can, oh, now I can just wrap up in it and now I have a reason. To be depressed. Yeah, now, now I have a good reason. So learning to. We got this pressure and this thing and this weight and all this responsibility. Bring it. Wow. Um, so to forgive yourself. What have you had to forgive the most about yourself?

• 34:31Speaker 01

  I think. One of the things that I definitely felt was I wish I would have been there. More for my daughter in her formative years because I was chasing. I wasn't there for her on her first day of kindergarten because I had just released a record and I was performing at the R and B. Uh, museum in Philadelphia was a big deal and I'm singing and doing this stuff. But my daughter screaming because dad wasn't there. And I'm telling this small kid, no, no, no, it's okay. But daddy is right. But daddy's doing this. Dad, daddy has to and. Stuff like that. I have incidents. I have all these incidents all throughout her childhood.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  That that are little slivers that. I can replay all over and over in my head. And now she's 20.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  So. I think I always feel a lot of guilt. Really? About those things. And I've always tried my best to be there for her, for her otherwise. That is my. That, that is my heart, my pride and joy. She is amazing. Um, and I'm proud of the person that she's grown into. But. I see where.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  You can't not be affected by certain things in your childhood. And like with her, I see that she craves stability.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  She craves stability in her choices and she has intention. And I see that, that, you know, that's the positive and the negative. The positive is she has intention and she's doing that. But I see where, where, and she's even said, you know, this is the kind of place I want to live. And this is the, the life I want to live. And these are the things I want to do because, oof, you and mom. Wow. You, you guys were always going and going and going. There was no stability or no, you know, that feeling. And so we had stability, but of a different kind. Like she wants like the white picket fence stability. Right. She's like, I want this. Someone there at a certain time, every day. And that's what she's looking for in a partner. That's what she's looking, she, so I, so it's interesting to see the effects of your,

• 36:47Speaker 01

  your conditioning and your parenting on another human being now, now that she's becoming an adult. Wow. And so things like that. It sounds like you've got a pretty good relationship with her now. And you've been communicating these things with her as well in this process. Yeah, we, we have a great relationship, man. I, we butt heads, we butt heads a lot because she is my, my, my mini me. And we, all the time, but with love. Yeah. We bump heads, we're mad, then we turn back, back around, we hug and we kiss and, and, um, and I'm really fortunate that she, she is the person that she is.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  What's the thing you love about her the most and the lessons she's taught you about being a better man? The thing I love about her the most now that I see her, because I did a very.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  I'm I'm gonna say toxic and unhealthy because I can't think of a better word for it. But I but but I realized a while ago, a couple of years ago, and she she had to tell me, at first I thought she she was joking. But whenever I see a baby picture. Of her. Of of her or pictures from when she was little. Yeah. She's always climbing on top of me like, look, see, we always were like this and why and why aren't you affectionate now? And you're always see, that's how I love it. And just like, Dad, you know that I'm I'm I'm a grown person now? And you love that version of me so so much, you know, I'm I'm here. I said, I know, but I loved when little Miley would. And that was weird.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  That I wanted so badly to have the little person.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Who needed me would climb on top of me and make me feel good and that. And and so I needed her to check me on that. So I think the thing that I love most about the woman that she is becoming is I love that she is taking the lessons. That she's seeing from her parents. I love that she has a voice. Because I was not raised in a household. Where. I think like a lot of kids of my generation. I'm I'm gonna go on a limb, especially, I think.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  A a black household. Where, you know, you weren't allowed to talk back to your parents. They were, you know, like there there are memes we make fun fun of like, you know, when you go to little Timmy's house. Screw you, Mom. Like, folks make fun of that, but really, there was none of that in the household. You're getting slapped, you're getting spanked, you're getting. Beyond it being a military, be beyond the fact that my dad was always in the picture. And I could tell you stories that that that my dad was. If if if my household was a country. Dad was the the the defense system that was always on on alert. And and the president, the the ruler of my country who ruled with a I I iron fist. Wayne, if you step online, I'm bringing in the dad.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Wow. And there were a couple of times when the dad. Let's just put it, put it this way, when your dad flies from from Stuttgart, Germany. Because of some that you did in school. And you walk home that day off the bus and you see a car in the driveway. That you know should not be in that driveway. And your heart sinks because the last conversation you had with that man was, "Listen, Junior. If you put my mother through changes, I'm gonna put you through that wall." Wow. "Yeah, well, you're not here and she's always on my back." And you're like, "Okay." Oh, man. "I'll see you later." See me later. He's in Germany.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  I'm smart. I know how far Germany is. And the army's just not gonna let you come. So, that being said, Wow. There was rarely any talking back in my house. And there were, so even when I felt that I wanted to express myself, because as much as my grandmother and I, and, and my grandfather was in the picture to a certain point. He, he passed when I was 10. Love that guy.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  It was not the household. My grandmother was right. So whatever it was, it was right. So if I know that is not fair, that is not

• 41:11Speaker 01

  not to sound artsy fartsy, but there are times when I've had to as a character. What does it feel like to be shut down? I've had to go back and I'm like, "Oh, I, I, I know exactly what that means." To, to, to have to hear something. And and my mouth is so closed that my jaw is hurting.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  And it goes up into my, and I feel it and I'm just, I can't say anything. And then it's like, "Do you have something to say?" "No, ma'am." Inside you're like, "Yes, buddy." Like, "Yep, no, ma'am, I don't." And just, so I never wanted that for her. So the fact that I have this beautiful, intelligent daughter who can speak and she has her voice. She's like, "Dad, I disagree with you." "Mom, I disagree with you on that." Not disrespectfully.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  But the fact that she has that, I love that in in her. And for a while, I think there were times when I I reverted to the old school. To I reverted to what I knew. It's like, don't say that to me. That is disrespectful. How dare you? That is disrespectful. And her mom did it too. Because we're both children of that gen generation until, thank God for therapy. We had to go. She wasn't being disrespectful, man. She was just. She's just speaking and speaking her piece. And that's what I love about my daughter. I love who she is.

• 42:40Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  And I love what she will and will not accept.

• 42:43Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 42:44Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. I'm so glad you guys are, you know, deepening that relationship now.

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Oh, that's my girl.

• 42:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's cool. You talked about at the beginning about chasing, you know, as when you're sixteen and moving out here to LA in your early twenties. You were chasing after any gig you could get and money to come in and opportunities.

• 43:03Lewis Howes?

  I also know that you, I talked about, you know, you got a stutter and you were bullied, picked on as a kid. I had a similar situation for my my childhood. Do you feel like you were more chasing success to prove people wrong? Or were you running from something because it was too painful?

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Hmm, that that's a great question.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  I think in equal measures, right? I I think it's in equal parts. Because the both, both of those things have to exist. So.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  And and all of our childhood journeys and the things that we we we remember. Only recently because I'm because I'm writing this one man show.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  So it's made me try to remember things.

• 43:55Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  And as we know, our memories are the most unreliable narrators, right?

• 44:02Lewis Howes?

  We blow it out of proportion.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  We remember.

• 44:04Lewis Howes?

  Change things that didn't happen.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Right. It's the most unreliable. So even now, it's forced me to really try to rethink a lot of things that I've taken as. As my, as canon in my own. Uh superhero origin story is like, well, that's exactly how it happened because that's how I got here. So it's made me go back and reexamine things. So, yes, I was definitely bullied.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Yes, I definitely dealt with that, I think, by internalizing things. And there was a time when I did have a, what I think of as a, as a close to debilitating stutter. Really? How old were you then? Oh, gosh, I was in early elementary school. Because a few things happened, right? So my grandmother was from the Virgin Islands and, and my grandfather. So the US Virgin Islands, St. Thomas and St. Croix. And so the neighborhood that I was raised in, it was predominantly black, middle to lower income housing. And so from the get go, I never quite fit in with the kids around me because of,

• 45:17Speaker 01

  because of how I was raised in the house and because of the, my grandparents accents. And I had a very thick accent to, up, up to a certain point. And, and then I was.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  A big part of my early story is, deals with how do you

• 45:40Speaker 01

  learn to become a man? Even when you're a boy, because you know, it starts when you're a boy. So how, so what are those lessons that you're learning? And what are those toxic lessons? And what are the lessons that you're learning culturally? So, so I'm, so I'm this black kid in this black neighborhood, being raised by these parents that even though they're black, they are not like the other people in this neighborhood. So I'm learning a whole different cultural lesson and, and vocabulary and everything. So I'm already different. So I'm already different. So that's one layer. Kids, kids smell something different. They don't like different.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  I'm already a bit of a, you know, back, back then a nerd was, was, was a dirty word. Now, now finally it's grown into folks like, oh, I'm a nerd too, because I cosplay. Great. But so I enjoy certain things that are not what the other kids enjoy. Then in kindergarten.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  And I don't know how, I would never do this to my kid now. I'm glad I was tested. And so I go, I'm, it's advised that I go from kindergarten to second grade. So he's smart, skip him. In order to make that happen, then I'm bussed from my neighborhood to an all white school. That's more affluent and they have these, this pro program. So I'm splitting time between there. I'm dealing with identity issues. There was a lot that I was working with that I didn't know how to handle. And I couldn't talk to my grandmother or I didn't know how to, even at that young age, I didn't know how to talk to them about the things that I was feeling.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  So in second grade, I'm already dealing with issues of race and belonging. That I was not equipped on top of regular bullying. Kids, kids are assholes. Right. Across, across, we are little jerks. But I was dealing with something and only recently have I seen that. I was dealing with a big issue that how do you deal with an issue of race and identity? And then, and then, and then on top of the regular hazing that we do to each other. So I didn't know how to deal. So my defense mechanism, which starts the beginning of that, am I running from something?

• 48:05Speaker 01

  Is, is now I either fight back or I run from it.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  I feel bad, can't talk to my, to grandma, which, which became my whole life. I love my grandmother more than anything. It was one of my best friends. And we talked about stuff, but I tell you, there are a lot of unresolved conversations that we never had. We'd never had in my life. I've kept a lot of stuff that we, so we never had these talks, no one to talk to. So I kept my own counsel. So that was the way that now I'm very used to keeping my own counsel. I don't talk to people about things. And I'm very quiet, very serious and very withdrawn because that's my way of not dealing with these people that, that now I get, get into it with them. So.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Then that's the kid that goes, I'm gonna get out of here. The first chance I get out of here, the first chance I'm getting out. And I'm gonna use whatever is at my disposal to get out. Because now I understand, and especially going to the schools that I started to go to. Now I understand what it's like to be, you don't know that you're poor until somebody else points it out. Makes fun of you and laughs at you and picks on you. Making fun and, and there are a whole bunch of things, but so now, so now I see that. So now I'm like, okay, I see what it's like. Those people must be happy because I've been to their homes and I walk in and, and they make me feel special because they let me in.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  And oh my God, the houses are so big and their clothes, clothes are nice. And they let me in here because some of them feel I talk a certain way or that, uh, and they, so they've now attributed this thing to me of like, oh, you, you're, you're, you're, you're a good one, especially being from the South. So when you're from, from the South, you'll know what I'm talking about. So, so you're a good one. So now the race issue comes back. How do you deal with your identity? I'm getting a little older, dealing with issues of race and culture and, and I internalize all of it.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  So yes, I run away because I'm like, as soon as I get the chance to get the hell out and I'm gonna show all of you. I'm gonna show all of you how much better I am. The fact that you kids in my neighborhood said that I wasn't this and I wasn't that, and I wasn't good, good enough. And then the other kids in the other school, you made me feel small because of everything that you had and, and you made me feel this way. I'm gonna show everybody.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  And that is a very unhealthy place to start from. Because there wasn't love and acceptance of self.

• 50:51Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  There was no self-love. I didn't want to start acting because I loved myself. And I loved when I found a talent and I was like, I love this thing. And I'm, and I'm gonna hoard this thing and keep it to myself. And no one knows that I wanted to do it until I was 16. No one knew, so I was in, in my bedroom percolating.

• 51:12Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Doing voices, writing scripts, learning to sing and copying people on TV. So when I actually came out and did it. The kids in the group was like, what the hell, Wayne's on stage? He says, yeah, it was like, yes, this, this is what I do. Ha, see?

• 51:26Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  That's me, I'm out. And it was also to show my, show my grandmother. It was to show my family. Because none of them got it. So when you start from a place of your whole thing is based on, look at me. I'll show you. That is not the healthiest spot. And now you can't make me feel bad. Now you can't shut me down. Now I'm gonna have a voice. So I'm mad at my grandmother. I'm mad at the kids in my neighborhood that made me stutter. Because I was too afraid to speak. That's not gonna happen again. In fact, I'm gonna be able to speak better than all of you. In fact, words are gonna become my thing.

• 52:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  But I didn't know that I was working with all that. Because once I started, I was just running. So it wasn't until I started therapy at the age of 40 that I realized that I'd been running my entire time. Running without intention, going back to the thing, I was just running. Let's go. Every, run, let's go. I will not look back, let's go. That's what I do.

• 52:27Lewis Howes?

  Do you think we, do you think human beings can be truly happy and have inner peace inside of them? If they are constantly running and they never take a look at, take a second to look back and address and create harmony and new meaning around the memories that causes pain and forgiveness of ourselves and others? Do you think we can find happiness and peace? Without some point turning around and creating amends with our younger selves?

• 52:54Speaker 01

  Of course we can, no. I think if you live in a state of

• 53:00Lewis Howes?

  Even with all the fame and all the success and everyone telling you, you're amazing and you've got this gift and talent.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  Not even in, it's, it's

• 53:09Speaker 01

  is it in spite of?

• 53:10Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Because

• 53:15Speaker 01

  If you live in a state of flight or or fight, when do you you're constantly running from something, when do you stop? And then when you do stop? Because you because you know, at at a certain point when and and and I don't care if this is the the biggest Instagram influencer or somebody who has 20,000 followers. As soon as one person says, hey, man, I know you are like that hit of dopamine that you get. In the early stages, oh, that feels amazing. So you start chasing that drug. That feeling. That feeling because that makes you feel better.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  And that paycheck that lets you buy whatever the thing is that you oh, now I'm happy because I feel better. But like any drug, I assume because I'm not a, you know, I'm not a a a goodie goodie. But because of that old lady slapped me in my head. I'm I've never used drugs, but but I've drank. So I can only imagine like any drug or liquor or anything that you take that this feels so good right now. The law of diminishing returns. It can't feel great af- after a certain point. It's just it's just cool. It's like whatever. So then you're running and running, you're running and you're running and running and running. And

• 54:47Speaker 01

  like I talked about that battery. It wasn't until later on that I realized what that was.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  That truly is the physiological effects of that. When your adrenaline, that you have to create adrenaline, you know, you're you're you're thyroid and you as you get older, you burn, those things burn out. And I just did a uh, did did a panel. You know, your your blood work and everything. And as you get older, of course, your testosterone lowers and everything happens, but.

• 55:24Lewis Howes?

  When I saw what my numbers were in terms of of my adrenal gland, in terms of my testosterone, in terms of things that you take for granted because you're going, you're going all, all your life and you're fighting, you're fighting, you're fighting this, I'm gonna fight that person, I'm gonna fight online, I'm gonna fight this job, I'm gonna fight this thing, I'm gonna forget. That's, that's the battery. Nature, nature took that battery and said, hey, look, man, you've been doing this for too long and too much. Let's just, and force you to sit down.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  Force you to sit down. That's real. That is absolutely real.

• 55:58Lewis Howes?

  How did you keep the mindset? Cause I know that that has happened over the last 25 years at different stages of your life in show business. But whenever I have watched you on TV, you look like you have all the energy in the world, all the creativity, the spontaneity, the, the, the genius in you comes out in those moments. But I'm assuming, I don't wanna assume that much, but based on what I'm hearing you say, there's probably days where you're like, I don't wanna go to this show right now.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  There's so many days like that.

• 56:27Lewis Howes?

  How do you keep your mindset in a place of, I'm here to deliver and perform a great performance that you can do while your battery is drained? How did you learn to do that?

• 56:40Speaker 01

  I think a piece of me just says that it's as sim, as simple as I'm an old school showman and a performer and you know that adage, the show must go on.

• 56:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Which is also one of the most toxic, self-toxic sayings.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, the show must go on. I've learned to perform through family tragedies, through migraines, through, through ripped ACLs, you know, like, but anyone, I think that functions at a certain level, an athlete,

• 57:15Speaker 01

  you know, especially athletes.

• 57:16Lewis Howes?

  Play with injuries and.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  You play, play with injuries and then you go home and you'll collapse later. You know, an athlete, a dancer, an actor, that, uh, the, the CEO of a company.

• 57:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you gotta show up, make money.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  You show up and you're giving a presentation. Nobody's sitting there is like, oh, you know what? Let's go ahead and write a check anyway. Even though I know that he's, he's sad right now or, or he has a migraine. No, it's okay. Don't give the speech. Don't, don't make the stockholders happy. We're good. That's not gonna happen.

• 57:51Lewis Howes?

  You gotta show up. But how, how did you develop that mindset for so long? Like, it's been decades for you showing up and performing. Like, how do you keep your mind strong when your emotions or your heart feels weak?

• 58:03Speaker 01

  I developed that as a kid. I think that, that was one of the first things that I developed. Being on stage is like, this is,

• 58:13Speaker 01

  this is my,

• 58:18Speaker 01

  I developed that because if you derive all of your identity and everything that is good, you think in your life from the thing you do.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  If you don't do that thing well, or it goes down at some point, then what does that say about you?

• 58:36Lewis Howes?

  Oh, interesting.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  So, I developed very early on. I might suck at relationships, which I do. I might suck at this and I can't cook that thing. I'll burn this. I'll, but, but I tell you what. I will get on that stage. And I will kill that. So, don't even.

• 58:58Lewis Howes?

  And if you don't kill it, what does that say about you?

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Right, then, I have slash and or am nothing.

• 59:07Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  So, I have no choice. So, whatever I'm feeling, I am going to drag myself on that stage and do it. But that also only works for X amount of time. And now, you know, like I was saying, being in, being in fright or flight, I understand that more so because no matter how much, sometimes I go, alright, I'm gonna get rid of it. If you're not in total agreement and accordance with your mind and your spirit and your body, it becomes harder to do. And I only assume, because I haven't gotten there yet and I don't plan on it, because I'm doing, doing the work. I only assume there does come a time when the machine will not go.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  No matter what you say.

• 59:54Lewis Howes?

  You can't outthink it, you can't out-

• 59:56Speaker 01

  You can't outthink it, right. Like, it's gotta have some, it, it's gotta just break down. It has to. So, that's my thing. I'm not gonna let that happen. So, that's my, so I think that to any performer watching.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  That's why I feel that your intention has got to be set because you've got to think of this in the long term. You have to think of it as not a sprint. You have to think of your career as a marathon. I'm gonna lay the seeds. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna take care of myself each step of the way.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Did you think you were a bad kid? No. Do you think you're a good kid? I absolut- I know I was a good kid. I absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt, but also what, what, what do you think of as a good kid? Did you believe you were a good person, like a good human? Even when other people were bullying you or picking on you and saying you can't do something? Oh, absolutely, because none of that ever. Because that's why I asked you, it depends on what your connotation of good or bad kid is. Like when I think someone, they say that you're a bad kid. You're either bad, bad to your parents, which, which is a construct, which in therapy, you know, that, that comes back to you like, well, I was bad. I shouldn't have done that thing. I was bad. I fell off the wagon. I was bad.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  But as a kid, I know that I listened to my mother. I know that I was a good student. I tried to do my thing. I know I didn't intentionally hurt anybody. So my value in terms of that was cool. But in terms of your identity? My, I, my identity wasn't even good or bad. It was like, I wish I would have been accepted. And that's why I, I even said, you know, that unreliable narrator. Now, if I could go back, I know there were times when, I think it's a cycle. You feel unaccepted because this guy, like just off the top of my head. And this is stuff that I'm gonna watch this podcast later and go back and write down the stuff I said so I could put in the book in the script. Yeah. Is that I remember a guy named Alan.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  I, I didn't even know what grade it was in, maybe third, maybe fourth, fifth grade. I remember Alan and I being in the bathroom and him saying something to me. To the effect of, I don't remember the exact words, but, but especially as a kid. And especially where I was from, you know, one of the worst insults that you could call somebody is to call them gay or to use, use, you use the F word. You're gonna talk trash. So, yeah, really clever. So I remember being in the bathroom, doing some, something, Alan, and going, stop looking at my, my, my, you, you must be a, insert F, F word.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  You get it? Like, it came out of nowhere. I was like, I don't, why would you, I don't know. I, I was so sheltered that I didn't even know what he was talking about at first. I was like, I don't.

• 1:02:54Lewis Howes?

  You asked about it later.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Right. And so I asked him, I was like, I didn't even know what you're talking about. He's, yeah, yeah, that's what you is, da, da, da, da. And so even when someone's saying something like that, it's not a matter of being bad. It's a matter of like, well, why am I, what did I do that I am so different or not acceptable? So I don't think it's a matter of good or bad. I think it's why am I so unacceptable? Why don't I fit? How can I fit? What can I do to fit in? Why do, why don't I? So let me try whatever I can do to fit in so that maybe I'm not called these names so that maybe I can hang out with these people and do these things.

• 1:03:33Lewis Howes?

  You're celebrated and accepted and not outcast and.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:03:37Lewis Howes?

  Did you ever learn how to accept yourself?

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  Not until recently.

• 1:03:44Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. Not until recently.

• 1:03:48Lewis Howes?

  So were you, you know, and I'm not sure if you were cautious or unconscious about this, but were you chasing something to be accepted by others?

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  Absolutely. And I think you talk to most performers or anyone in the spotlight. I mean, that is the, I, I, I never chased fame. I'll be the first person to say that. I didn't care about being, being famous because that wasn't even in my mindset. So when I said I was 16 and running and chasing, I was chasing the work piece of it because work equaled money.

• 1:04:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  Which equaled success, which equaled stability, which equaled the bragging rights. Which equaled me being able to say, haha, look. But to me.

• 1:04:28Lewis Howes?

  Proving people wrong, yeah.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Right. But I felt cool when I was just working at Universal Studios. As a, you know, as a Ghostbuster in the theme park or, or, or the Wolfman or Dracula in the Beetlejuice Rock and Roll Show. Because I was making a living. So if, so if anyone would have said, said, do you feel good about yourself? It's like, yeah, look, I'm on stage. Thousands of people see me each day. Granted, I'm dressed as the Wolfman and I'm breakdancing and singing a song, but I'm on stage.

• 1:04:54Lewis Howes?

  But you're working and getting paid.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Right. So my scope of that just, I, I think, I, I think show business is one big theme park show. No matter if I'm hosting the AMAs in front of thousands of people there live and mil- mil- millions of people at home. Mandy and I, when we were doing our walkthrough and I just hosted the show. And be, be for the show, when looking at the cameras, everything, we started laughing because we thought this is just like being at Universal Studios. Except it's on A A B C in front of millions of people, but I'm at a theme park.

• 1:05:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  So fame was never, because I always look at it in that way. The, the fame wasn't a part of it. So I never chased that to make myself happy. I was chasing the work piece so I could have the, the financial gain so I could, so that made me feel good about myself.

• 1:05:41Lewis Howes?

  When did you feel like you started to accept who you were and accept yourself and not need the outside acceptance?

• 1:05:51Lewis Howes?

  And maybe it's still a, a process you're in right now.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:05:54Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  It absolutely is. I, because I wish I could go, oh no, I look, no, but you do chase that external and now especially in the age of social media. Because that is a, that's a barometer of how well you're doing in the world. And it's also a business thing now. Yeah, you want to make sure that what you're doing is, is accepted. Am I still relevant? Am I good enough? Am I, because those things impact your, your, uh, your, your work. But I think that my thing personally, still, I still have those issues from when I was a kid.

• 1:06:31Lewis Howes?

  I think I saw one of your acceptance speeches or something. I don't remember if it was recently or not, but you're mentioning how.

• 1:06:37Lewis Howes?

  You know, you didn't get in some cover band or something. And you're like.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  Oh, that's at the AMAs.

• 1:06:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, which if that isn't that kid Wayne speaking through grown Wayne doing a nanny nanny boo boo.

• 1:06:52Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Because I wrote it into the thing as a, as a bit of the comedy to set up the song. But it was real. I was like, you know what? Y'all didn't want to let me in your cover band.

• 1:07:03Lewis Howes?

  And now look at me now.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:07:05Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  It.

• 1:07:07Lewis Howes?

  Right. But where, I mean, I know that feeling so well because most of my life I was chasing success as an athlete, you know, in college and professional sports and then in business transitioning it.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:07:19Lewis Howes?

  Because I was picked last on sports teams over the girls. I was picked last. Because I was made fun of and in special needs classes all the way through college and couldn't, couldn't read and write and just struggled in school. And had similar, you know, bullying tactics towards me. And I always remember feeling like I don't belong. I don't fit in. So what can I do? My gift was sports to say, okay, you're never going to pick me last again. I'm always going to be the most valuable person on every team I play on.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:07:48Lewis Howes?

  And I will work harder than anyone, even if I don't have the size or the speed or the natural strength. I will do anything and everything to be as successful as possible so that people have to pick me. That was me for most of my life until I hit about 30, about 10 years ago. I just turned 40 last month. And I realized, wow, I was, you know, as successful as I could take my sports career professionally, right? And I played with the USA national team for eight years for a sport called team handball. Um, and I was driving in business and making money and building my personal brand and getting all this acknowledgement. And I remember at 30, my entire life was still breaking down in every relationship.

• 1:08:29Lewis Howes?

  Because I was so focused on chasing success as opposed to feeling self-love. Feeling acceptance of me and all the parts of me from my first memory until then. And it wasn't until I was able to start looking back and healing and mending and forgiving others and myself. And accepting all the parts of me when I started to. Have some growth and it's been a 10 year journey of healing and and facing these things. But it's been a process. And so I know, you know, similar feeling of like, I left home when I was 13 and I was like, get me out of this place. I need to get away and start new and, you know,

• 1:09:11Lewis Howes?

  chase something. So I understand that feeling of not being accepted. And I don't think anyone listening or watching likes the feeling of not being accepted. What I've learned is, you know, for nine months, I had a photo of my five year old self on my screensaver a few years ago. And I did so much work on facing my little Louis inside of me and asking him, what did you need to hear? What did you need to feel? What did you need to experience in this moment at seven, at nine, at 12?

• 1:09:48Lewis Howes?

  And I had some of the most profound healing experiences emotionally within me by creating those kind of spiritual exercises for myself, my younger self. I'm curious, it sounds like you've been starting some of this inner child healing and addressing some of it. What is you think, you know, little Wayne at five, seven, and nine, and 12 really needed to feel and hear that you didn't receive?

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Well, first off, thank you for sharing that with me. And I know, know that your viewers and listeners have have heard it, but, but in listening, in listening to you and listening to those things and seeing even as you talk, talk about it, looking in your eyes and seeing, seeing you get transported back to those places. Oh, man, I feel, I feel for you. And what's interesting is I know that there's still someone that will watch this at some point. Because I just think it's human nature that'll go, well,

• 1:10:54Lewis Howes?

  Why you griping? Look at you, man. You still, you got the school of greatness. So shut up. You, you did the thing. But it's deeper than that. Yes, you did the thing, but I feel you did it out of, out of self, self-defense, out of there being no other option. And I know that feeling to wanna be, you said to be the most valuable player. That's how I've always wanted to be is like, I will be the MVP of every show, of every stage. If I do something, I will be the MVP in that group. You will remember, it will be.

• 1:11:34Lewis Howes?

  So

• 1:11:37Lewis Howes?

  to hear that just, oh, man, I, I just feel for you because I know that. But the, you know, the last two and a half years of healing that and really having a beautiful relationship with my psychological five-year-old, seven-year-old, twelve-year-old, seventeen-year-old self that was not feeling accepted, that was not feeling loved, that really hated myself and would say mean things to me all the time. It's been a beautiful journey because I never, I always felt chest, chest pain and heart palpitations throughout stages of life. Pain, tightness in my throat. I don't know if that, you can relate to that.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  Yes, that, that's why, as you say, oh, my God.

• 1:12:14Lewis Howes?

  And, and I would have like a ball, I almost feel like a ball of pain in my chest that would come and go. I could manage it sometimes through like having good habits and sleeping and eating well and working out, but it's still always there. And a lot of it was because I wasn't willing to heal and face the scariest parts about myself, the shames, the insecurities, the things that I felt like I was not enough in. And when I, and it took me many, many months of exercises and practice and emotional coaching with support. To where there was one day, this ball of pain that would, did not seem like it was going away. It literally like popped and disintegrated throughout my body.

• 1:12:58Lewis Howes?

  And I, I'm getting chills now thinking about it because it like something released inside of my chest. I don't know how to explain it, but the pain released, disintegrated, I felt like all over my body, kind of this fluid flushing through my body.

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  And I was like, that's interesting. This thing just went away and it hasn't come back since it almost two years ago. And it's been extremely profound. It's probably the hardest work I've ever done in my life, harder than any sports training, any business that I've launched was facing the parts of me that I was the most afraid of. And allowing myself to feel self-love without needing someone else to love me or accept me or celebrate me, but me celebrating me. And it was, it's, it's something I want everyone to feel and experience because I suffered for so many years of my life and I know a lot of people are suffering. Absolutely. And, and people can be super successful and still suffer deeply inside.

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Yes. In fact, you, there, there's no, of course, you, you, you can't prove this by any true standard, but I would dare say you, it's sitting home, watching your favorite athlete or performer on stage or, or musician or, or CEO of the biggest business that you're like, oh, that life, that person that If I could be like that, yeah. That person probably goes home and is, is just absolutely lonely and, and, and somewhat broken. And I, I know some of those people. I know you, you've seen those people for

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  the last 20 years, 30 years. Yeah, man. And to hear you even say, you know, that thing that dissolved, mine was going, going back to that thing of, of like when I was a kid, the, the pressure in my jaw and the headache for years, the headaches that went along with, with when I would feel that I was being, my, my trigger is feeling disrespected or looked down upon in any, in any given sit- situation. That was your wound. That's my, that sets me off. It's a button. Someone does that. And it could be, it could be my daughter that says something that makes me go, it

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  could be my partner, it could be my friend, it could be someone that I'm a random stranger. It could be somebody online. Immediately I go to, to rage. Cause how dare you? Right. I've worked so hard, don't disrespect, to, to go to that place. So I wish. I love your, your journey and that's inspiring to me because I have started the work with the, and it is some of the hardest work to go back and deal with the past, trumps and to address yourself then into, I've started it, but I have not by any stretch of the imagination finished it. And I do wish that I could go back.

• 1:15:59Lewis Howes?

  It's a journey, you know, it's a, healing is a journey. It's not a destination where it's like, I'm healed and this, you know, this is never gonna affect me anymore. Yeah.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  I'm great.

• 1:16:06Lewis Howes?

  Although that pain has subsided, that was in my chest for decades, off and on. I still feel anxious and, you know, stressed and overwhelmed at times, but I feel so much more sense of inner peace that I've never had in my life. But I'm also practicing it every couple of weeks with an emotional coach.

• 1:16:24Speaker 01

  You have to.

• 1:16:25Lewis Howes?

  It's like, I'm not like, okay, I've figured it out and I'm done addressing this. It's almost a constant progressing beyond and reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that we neglected or ran away from. And making sure that we are in congruence, like you talked about, like heart, mind congruence, where we are in alignment of the parts we're shamed of, the parts where we haven't forgiven ourselves of, or that we held on to for too long, or the things that we resented in others. And we create that healing and alignment. And again, I'm not an expert, except for my own experience of what I've learned from it. But I know there is peace and freedom on the other side, if people are willing to face and address these things.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  I love that. And that's what I want. That's what I'm working towards. And I think that's what a- anyone who starts this journey.

• 1:17:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Speaker 01

  Ultimately, that's what we want. And I feel like, uh, you know, I want that peace, but not only do I want that peace for myself, you know, I, I look at my father. My father passed when he was 45.

• 1:17:25Lewis Howes?

  How old are you now?

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  I'm 50. So I always had this clock. My, my dad passed when I was, I think I was 23, 23 or 24.

• 1:17:35Lewis Howes?

  So he didn't really get to see you make it.

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  That, you know.

• 1:17:38Lewis Howes?

  No, but he did get to see me work really, really fast. I'll just say, uh, when I, um, I, I guess, may, maybe I was 19, 20.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  Uh, no, the twenty or twenty-one, uh, I booked these two really big roles back to back. Being in Orlando, the, the work was always in Atlanta. So I got on a Greyhound bus, six hours to get to Atlanta to get to audition. For the first thing was on this NBC show called I'll Fly Away, this civil rights drama. And I booked a recurring role. And it was, and it was in the newspaper in Orlando. Cause I mean, slow news day and local boy does, does, does good and ends up, you know, on a net network show. And then right after that, I booked, um, uh, this old TV show, In the Heat of the Night, starring Carol O'Connor of Archie Bunker fame.

• 1:18:32Speaker 01

  And he was also the director. Well, he was the one that cast me. I auditioned for the role of this thug, and especially when I was seventeen, eighteen, skinny, tall kid. I was not, I was definitely not gonna be, be the thug. And as I'm walking back to go get my Greyhound bus, the casting director ran back and said, Carol wants to talk to you. And I went in and I'm just starstruck. This was the first star that I really met. It's Carol Connor, you know, when I'm kidding, I'm watching Archie Bunker. He said, "Son, do you know anybody with, uh, with autism or who, who's on the spectrum?" I said, "Yes, I, I have a cousin, uh, who, who's on the spectrum and, and I know, you know, I love him and I know what he acts like. Read, read this, go back and read this." And I went and, and I applied what I knew of my cousin to it. And I booked, booked the role.

• 1:19:17Speaker 01

  I got, I got the job, big two-part episode. So two weeks of, two and a half weeks of work in Georgia, in this town called Conyers. Conyers was about twenty minutes from where my dad was living. Wow. I hadn't seen my dad in a couple of years at that point. I drove up to where my dad was. I went in. He was so proud of me. I told him that I was working up the street, doing the thing. And he saw that I had done the other NBC show and. We hadn't really seen each other spoken after I graduated high school because my family was basically angry that I decided to go into show business because I turned down a couple of scholarships to a couple of really big universities. They didn't like that.

• 1:19:57Speaker 01

  To follow that path. And I hated being a student. That was one of my, my things because I maybe had the, the opposite of your thing because you said that you were placed in those special learning programs. I was always shoved into every AP course and everything else. And it wasn't that I didn't mind it, but some of it, the expectations of, oh, you should be able to do that. I couldn't do some of it. I was taking general math at the same time that I'm in AP English and AP Studies. I felt, I felt so stupid at some points of like, I don't understand these figures that are in front of my face. So I had a whole issue with that. So I said, once I'm out of school, I'm done. I'll, I'll continue to learn, but I'm not doing that anymore.

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  So we had a whole thing. So I see my dad. I tell him that I'm working on this show. He hugged me, we sat down. He was like, you want a beer? He called up a couple of his friends. He said, my son is working. He's doing this thing with Archie Bunker, blah, blah, blah. And then later I moved to LA and so a couple of years later, that's when he passed. So I always had this clock of my dad had a massive coronary when he was 45. I didn't know my dad well, so I still don't even really know his health issues well. I know that he suffered from a lot of, like a lot of Vietnam veterans. He had PTSD. He was struggling with a lot of stuff. I know that he might've been on, uh, on. Hang meds or something or?

• 1:21:21Speaker 01

  On, on, uh, what the, the, on antidepressants and, excuse me, and whatever he was going through for his heart. So when he passed, immediately I was like, I'm gonna die when I hit 45. Oh, man. And I never talked to anybody about it. I just knew, I knew I had a clock. Holy cow. So you're running. So that whole fight, fight or flight thing, that was in full gear. So I just knew. So whatever I was gonna do, I had to finish it before, before 45. I was ready to go. So the fact that I have lived longer than my dad, so the fact that I've done those things, that's one of the, that's one of the joys that I can, not joy that my dad, but that's one of the things that I can actually go.

• 1:22:05Speaker 01

  Look, Wayne, look, man, just look. That was an unfounded fear. You're breaking trauma. You are breaking this thing. So just calm down, just try to learn, just try to heal yourself. You still have time. You still have time. And that's what I'm trying to work on now. That's why I'm in therapy. And I wish I could say that I do my, that my therapy game is perfect. It's far from perfect. I will absolutely avoid my therapist on some days.

• 1:22:34Lewis Howes?

  It's not fun, man.

• 1:22:35Speaker 01

  I was like, nope, not going because I feel as soon as we leave here, I've got an hour session with him because I'm so inspired by you. I've gonna, we've been talking about the childhood thing and I've been avoiding some, some of it because I don't want to talk to that kid. Because there are a couple of things that it's easy to talk to the kid when I go, hey, look what you did, man. You were starring in this TV show or you, you just created a show and you're on this thing. But it's hard to talk to the kid when I have to address very specific hurts because I don't want to revisit them. So even just for today, just talk, talking to you, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna have a conversation and begin a piece of that process.

• 1:23:18Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful, man.

• 1:23:19Speaker 01

  It's a, it's work.

• 1:23:21Lewis Howes?

  And I'm not here to have you revisit those painful moments. I'll let you do that in therapy, but I'm curious if you could have a conversation.

• 1:23:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:29Lewis Howes?

  What would he need to hear from an adult that truly loves him and accepts him? What would you have needed to hear at five, seven or nine?

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  Just off the top of my head and just really trying to think about this, I think at, I think five, I'm trying to picture that kid at five.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  I think even starting at five, if I were that adult, I would, I would hug him. Never underestimate the value of affection of a hug on a child. My grandmother loved me. She with, you couldn't tell her nothing about me. She loved the pants off me. But affection was in short supply. She wasn't that person. We, we, we were not those people. I was affectionate. I was very affectionate. That's one of the things that I've gone back in, in my, in, in, in that work. I always was on, you could not pry me off of my grandmother. And, and, and once I was there, she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, she loved me.

• 1:24:38Speaker 01

  But I initiated it and I don't know, nobody else in my family was like that. So I learned that I need this, please, give me that. So I, I would hug him. And then maybe when I was 10,

• 1:24:55Speaker 01

  I have a memory of my sister and I, I've got a younger sister that came to live with us, of us playing with these other kids. And part of, part of my memory is that, that Wayne even now that loves to shut down and shut everybody out. Because

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  if, if I'm like that, then you can't hurt me or whatnot. I remember these other kids trying to play with us and

• 1:25:22Speaker 01

  I completely put, put up this wall and I was like, no, don't talk, talk, don't talk to them. Because they're gonna say, say mean, mean stuff. And we're, we, we're, we're better than them. And we're better, just who says that as a, but that's a story that I had to tell myself at that second because I didn't want to be hurt. I would go to him and go, hey, you can be completely open. And don't try to, don't, don't shut everybody out. Don't shut everybody out and be, and, and build this armor.

• 1:25:57Speaker 01

  Because even even the Wayne that when you say that you watch on a show or or even from when I start, when I teach acting classes, I always say, know your strengths. And I know that for me, one of my strengths is when dealing with an audience. I make you feel like I am completely open to you. And I'm not going to say the word charming, because you don't call yourself charming. But I do know that I have a thing that I can draw people in. And I can make you feel good and I can feel good and we've got that thing and I'll smile at you and we do that. But as soon as I step off stage, then I am very much the whole thing, the armor's back on. Really?

• 1:26:37Speaker 01

  And it's not because I'm aloof or I think I'm better to, it's because I'm not on stage, stage anymore. I'm going to protect myself now. Wow. And I would tell the Wayne that develops that armor, which can sometimes seem aloof, which every blue moon, someone has run up on me in real life and maybe it was the day that they were expecting. Hey Wayne, you've been in like, yeah. Hi. Wow. But you did it. They just caught me on that day was never to offend anybody was. I have gotten so used to protecting myself. So I would try to go back and and tell that kid, hey, it's okay to be open. It's okay. You don't have to, not everybody is trying to punch you in your face, man.

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  Wow, man. This is powerful. Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard you talk about this stuff in interviews. I think I've definitely started talking about it more in the past couple of years. Because it's the only way I'm trying to reach a point by the time I leave this earth, knock on wood, which I hope is many years from now. That I can honestly say I'm living in transparency. And also taking control of my narrative.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Because even in a bigger str- even in terms of my work, I know that for some people in this business, I've been placed in a box and I fight that box all the time. Whether it's because there's work that I want to do and work that I'm creating, but they're like, oh, well, Wayne Brady doesn't do those things. Cause I see, I like him when he does da, da, da. And talk, well, talk about fueling the resentment train. Don't even get, that's a whole.

• 1:28:17Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, like mad, don't even talk, talk about that. But, but the only way that I can break that and take back my narrative of, and letting me really express myself creatively and doing some of the roles that other people are in control of. I believe is to truly, instead of being the smooth Wayne that is on these shows and that has from my time on Who's Line to, that's how I'll go along to get along is you'll never know anything, a thing about me. And that armor will make, make me smooth and I'll smile at you and we'll do what's like, but that's all it is. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna keep this at bay. By letting myself be open and being more transparent and showing

• 1:29:02Speaker 01

  the crock, the cracks into armor, the wrinkle here, the blemish there. I can show that this is real life and I'm a real person who is capable of not only artistically delving and doing the things that I want to do, but I'm a real person who maybe my story can touch and affect someone.

• 1:29:22Lewis Howes?

  I've got a couple of final questions for you.

• 1:29:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, please.

• 1:29:25Lewis Howes?

  Before I finish these final, uh, three questions that I ask everyone towards the end. Uh, I want to ask you if you're open for, to try something and feel free to say no. This is, this is coming to me, we can edit this out if you don't want to do it.

• 1:29:37Speaker 01

  Let's see.

• 1:29:38Lewis Howes?

  I'm, I'm, I'm curious if you could.

• 1:29:42Lewis Howes?

  I don't even know where I'm going with this, but I want to see if there's something here. I'm curious if you could.

• 1:29:45Speaker 01

  Remember off cam, we said that the, that the best type of improvisation is a conversation.

• 1:29:50Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:29:51Speaker 01

  So, so, so this is the yes and so.

• 1:29:54Lewis Howes?

  So yes, and so I'm curious if you'd be open to doing some type of recap of this conversation? In, uh, some type of.

• 1:30:08Lewis Howes?

  Artistic way. From the thing, from the things that you've talked about, if you could go back in the last hour and a half and, and pull in all the conversations that we've had. If you'd be able to, I don't know if, I don't want to call it a song or something, but if it's a way you could improv or, or a rhyme or something of a recap. Kind of, kind of your strength of what you do best. And we don't have, we can cut this out of this is a, uh, doesn't make sense. But I'm curious if there's something there.

• 1:30:35Speaker 01

  It's interesting. Uh, let, let, let's see. Um, you know, we don't have any music. So, uh, so I don't know if I would call it. A straight up rap, but let's see if there's some sort of a, some sort of re recap.

• 1:30:48Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  That's, that's interesting. Um.

• 1:30:52Lewis Howes?

  It could be 60 seconds. It could be a 30 seconds, a couple of minutes, whatever speaks to your heart, whatever's on your mind from. The conversation we've had, what it's brought up for your life in the past and where you were intending to head in the future.

• 1:31:04Speaker 01

  Let's see, just off the top, your top of my head. Okay. Um. So I've been challenged right now on this very spot to create this. Here I am, sitting down on the spot, the school of greatness. I tried to arrive on time, so you can't impugn me or talk about my lateness. All right, put on the spot. I do this fairly well, so I can't hate this. So let me start. I go back again, where can I begin? I mentioned I felt like a superhero, so this is the story of my origin. Kid raised in Tangilo Park, complexion, chocolate, very, very dark to parents from the Caribbean.

• 1:31:45Speaker 01

  Uh, thinking of all of the places and the dark spots that I've been again, thinking of how I was raised, thinking of the, uh, the. The things that have been said that stuck in my psyche, thinking and dreaming in my mind, in my room, ruminating on the great man that I might be. Keeping these dreams and visions to myself because I felt that maybe I could see visions of wealth. Fame was never really on the chalkboard. It wasn't something that I saw. Really, I was thinking more of. Of a of a car or or never getting in trouble with the law. Uh using that type of privilege that money could be and that would be that. Trying to become so rich that one day, maybe my green would equal black.

• 1:32:30Speaker 01

  Trying to work my way out of the neighborhood by using these skills that I would develop. And thinking about the relationships, a hug from my grandma in her arms that I could be enveloped. Being bussed to one school and saying that I wasn't white enough, then back with the other kids. Not black enough where life was tough. I swore to myself as soon as I started to work. That I'd be the person on top. You couldn't call me a jerk or any other type of name that would come out of your mouth. If I mentioned this before, I'm from Orlando, deep in Florida, the deep south. So every single day was a battle, every single day was war. Every single day was some type of fight with words and barbers that I tried to ignore. So I took it on the chin.

• 1:33:14Speaker 01

  Kept it and sometimes I felt my heart would break. I couldn't speak it loud at home, so I would develop this high, this horrible headache. I had a migraine that wouldn't go away. The only way to stop it is to do a job and get that money. There's something in the store and I'd go out and I'd cop it. I learned early on that affluence was meant to to attain wealth. And I equaled it very foolishly with wealth would equal great health. And I moved from Orlando. I was a musician and a dancer. I was an actor and. And doing all these things, I would just take my chance. So I went to Japan. I sang overseas. I came, I I I did things. I did everything to the best of my ability.

• 1:33:59Speaker 01

  From Broadway to stage, I learned to improvise. I thought I was being smart. I thought that street smarts equaled wise. I just kept on running, running, running until the feeling would settle in. And then I'd recognize now that I was running on pure adrenaline. I met my ex-wife, uh well, my ex-ex-wife, cuz I was married twice. But the second marriage, it worked out rather nice. I met her in Hawaii. We both moved here in ninety five. And then later on, we had a child. She's 20. So for 20 years, we've managed to keep her alive. Between the two of us, we had ups and downs. We worked at theme parks and theater. We did every single thing. All we can do with that paper chase and my daughter, the greatness that I could see in her.

• 1:34:43Speaker 01

  All I wanted to do was to create. Fame, I didn't want it. All I wanted was the external things, a nice car and a house so I could flaunt it. But then people knew my name. But then with people knowing your name, came with a greater awareness and you'd have to learn to play the game. So I put on the shield and I put on the gloss and I'd sit there and smile at the ABC and the CBS at the boss. And inside, I was just angry as can be. I was ready to snap on anybody at any second if I thought they were disrespecting me. Still, it wasn't until the age of 40 that I realized I needed therapy. Because my daughter, she said, Daddy, I don't want you to die. Those are real words that she shared with me.

• 1:35:25Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:35:26Speaker 01

  So in the decades since and in my experience, I've kept on trying. My dad, he passed at 45. So every day, that's the number that I keep, that I kept from dying. So now, all I can do is day by day, live my life. Um, single, we've talked about how bad it was at relationships, uh, not necessarily looking for a wife. First, I've got to work on myself and establish a relationship with the deity from above. Because just like RuPaul said, and I'm paraphrasing, you need self-love. So that's where I am. I'm working at this point to parenting little Wayne. And so here on the School of Greatness, my life story, I hope in this rhyme I've explained.

• 1:36:10Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my goodness. That's incredible, man. Wow. That was amazing.

• 1:36:16Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks. Now I'm lightheaded. Good. I'm glad I did it.

• 1:36:20Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing, man. Thank you for the re- that was, again, all this spot recap. So I appreciate it.

• 1:36:25Speaker 01

  No one has ever, no one has ever asked me to do that. You win for the most original thing that has happened in an interview.

• 1:36:33Lewis Howes?

  That's incredible, man.

• 1:36:34Speaker 01

  Well, thanks.

• 1:36:35Lewis Howes?

  Again, I love, you said to focus on your gifts. And so I wanted you to be able to use some of that gift. Because, you know, we, we talked more about the emotional side of things, but. Um, which is what I'm most curious about or fascinated about human beings and what makes them become great. And what

• 1:36:51Speaker 01

  Right on.

• 1:36:52Lewis Howes?

  What made them run from pain that turned into greatness? And how can we also create that inner peace while we are using our gifts and our talents? So that we're not in shame or hurting or in pain. But we are using our talents to make an impact on others. So.

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  Which I love that. And just to add as an addendum to this, you know, to folks watching, we've, we've talked about all the, the negative stuff that forges you, you know, but the positive piece of it is, just like you were saying, to use your gifts, the positive piece is when I was a kid, I developed, whatever the natural thing is that I have that I put technique to later. But the natural, inquisitive nature that makes me want to learn, that made me want to read everything, that made me of a, a sci-fi nerd, a history geek, all that, that a musical lover to, to be able to write songs on the spot, to do these characters, to do these things that I did create when I was a kid in that room by myself,

• 1:37:54Speaker 01

  that ball of, of creativity that I was able to, year by year, and as I've gotten older, to use that, to use that as my way to express myself. So that whether it's an hour and a half show, whether it's a Broadway show, whether it's my improv show, whether it's a game show or playing a character, I was able to channel that into, to my thing and to be able to have something that you have, have built and grown. I wish that everyone did.

• 1:38:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:28Speaker 01

  Have that. I wish that everyone have, would have something of themselves that they can develop that talent because. That is a shot at greatness to become an outlier in something, to be able to put in your 10,000 hours at something and go beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could look you in the eye, that I could look at anybody watching in the eye. I look the audience in the eye every night and go, I am great at this beyond a shadow of a doubt. No matter what my other stuff is going on, I do this. And this is something that cannot be taken away from me, unless I let it. So that is a beauty, that that is a beautiful thing of of of being able to to have that art come come out of that pain. Hmm, man.

• 1:39:16Lewis Howes?

  How, again, I've got, I still have these couple of final questions, but how can we, how can we best be of service to you? I want people to follow you over on Instagram and your TikTok and your website. We'll have it all linked up here.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, they come, come and follow, follow me on my Instagram at Mr. Brady Baby, Mr. Brady Baby. My TikTok is Wayne, Wayne Brady. And I think that those are the two, two that I use the most, of course, on Face, Facebook, if you find me. I'm the official Wayne, Wayne Brady. How else can we be of service to you? Wow, that is such an amazing thing to, I think, even on Instagram, reach out, because here is the thing that we've talked about all this other stuff, some of the things that I'm trying to put in out, out into the world. I'm trying to, during the pandemic,

• 1:40:07Speaker 01

  one, one of the good things to come up was, in the conversation around race and and Black Lives Matter and and these voices and giving voices to voices that aren't heard, one of the things that came up was in the world of comedy. You know, UCB and Second City and and some of the the giants in comedy here in LA, a lot of stories came about the the inequities of how minorities were maybe treated in those spaces. And my goal, my dream, is to create a space where the kid that looks like me, or the kid that that doesn't look like your average person in a sketch group or an improv group or whatnot, can

• 1:40:50Speaker 01

  Can find a safe space to develop those talents. If I would have, that's, that's one of the things I think that really helped me is when I was, I think I was eighteen or nineteen, when I started really doing improv and learning the art. I learned it from a group, a group that became my friends and my family at the time, SAC Theater out in Orlando, S A K. So if any of you in the South, you know, go to Orlando SAC Theater, I, I, I helped form this thing called the SAC Theater Comedy Lab. And that's where I learned the art of being funny, not where I learned to be funny, the art of building. And of course, I was the only person that looked like me. And I didn't know that when I did Whose Line, that it was such a big deal, that I was the only person that looked like me in that little group.

• 1:41:36Speaker 01

  But I want to create a space here in Los Angeles, one in Orlando, and hopefully one in New York where

• 1:41:47Speaker 01

  I can make it okay for, for these kids to come into this space, to use their minds, to use their imaginations, to feel free to play. Because that's what I do. All of this serious talk aside, when I'm on stage, I'm playing. I'm playing like a little kid. I want them to engender that sense of play and to embody it and to feel it. And to also teach them a bigger conversation about the art. Not just the art of improv, but the things that I feel that helped me. So giving courses in history, giving courses in singing, dancing, acting, how all those pertain to improv and sketch and writing.

• 1:42:31Speaker 01

  So hopefully I can create a generation of writers and even kids that don't go into show business. How amazing to be able to have the confidence because you've taken an acting class or an improvisation class to be able to speak, which is one of the fears, I think, that most humans have, speaking in front of an assemblage. So it's like, yeah, I'll share with you now, one of the scariest things in the world, to, to give them the confidence to take, take that into a job interview. Take that into work, take, know that you can walk into a place and I can talk to anybody in this world and feel confident. I would love to be able to bring that. So we are starting an academy.

• 1:43:13Speaker 01

  I I started to partner with Freestyle Love Supreme, Lynn Manuel's group, my buddy Anthony's group. Um, to to be able to bring an academy like that to life. How can people support or be a part of that? Or should they sign up for a newsletter to be? Contact me on Instagram. Uh, the way that I'm building that slowly is I'll be doing workshops in the middle of all the other stuff I'm doing. I'm gonna start doing workshops here in Los Angeles and and and at other places in the country. Doing free, free improv work workshops and public speaking improv workshops.

• 1:43:47Lewis Howes?

  So if that's interesting for people, they should DM you on Instagram.

• 1:43:49Speaker 01

  Absolutely. And someone will get back to you and I'll put together a mailing list and.

• 1:43:54Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:43:55Speaker 01

  And it has to start, start small at the grassroots level.

• 1:43:57Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing, man.

• 1:43:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:59Lewis Howes?

  So make sure you guys reach out and send a message on Instagram.

• 1:44:01Speaker 01

  And I'll definitely hit you up to come and be a speaker. So.

• 1:44:04Lewis Howes?

  I'm in.

• 1:44:04Speaker 01

  So please know.

• 1:44:05Lewis Howes?

  I'm in, I'm in, man.

• 1:44:09Lewis Howes?

  This is a question I ask everyone at the end called the three truths question.

• 1:44:13Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:44:13Lewis Howes?

  So imagine a hypothetical scenario.

• 1:44:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:44:15Lewis Howes?

  It's your last day on earth, many years away. You get to live as long as you want to live.

• 1:44:19Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:44:19Lewis Howes?

  But eventually you gotta turn the lights off in this life.

• 1:44:22Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:44:23Lewis Howes?

  Uh, and you have created everything you want in your life from, you know, where you are now at 50. Until the last day, you get to create and make an impact and do the things you love and have the family and the relationships you want.

• 1:44:35Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 1:44:36Lewis Howes?

  But for whatever reason, in this hypothetical scenario, everything you've created has to go with you. So no one has access to this workshop and this conversation and any TV show you've ever done. All those videos are all.

• 1:44:49Speaker 01

  You're erased from.

• 1:44:51Lewis Howes?

  It's hypothetical.

• 1:44:51Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:44:52Lewis Howes?

  No one has access to your content anymore.

• 1:44:54Speaker 01

  Got it.

• 1:44:54Lewis Howes?

  But you get to leave behind three things that you know to be true from your life. From all of your experiences, from your first memory till, you know, 50 plus years away from now, last memory. What would be those three truths that you would leave behind if we had no other access of your content or information?

• 1:45:15Speaker 01

  That really is one of the best questions I think I've ever heard. That's a, wow, three truths. Okay, well, I guess they're self-truths, so. The first one that I can think of.

• 1:45:31Speaker 01

  Is.

• 1:45:33Speaker 01

  Like I said earlier, I think. Approach life with intention.

• 1:45:41Speaker 01

  And. I'm going to steal something from my barber, my man Trey, who said something to me a couple of days ago that I think goes along with that, that. Then I went, what'd you say? Oh, I'm stealing that. He said.

• 1:45:58Speaker 01

  Have a good day on purpose.

• 1:46:02Speaker 01

  So I think definitely the intentional piece of. Don't let life. Be something that we just get up and we do because we're lucky enough to still be breathing when we wake up. He's like, all right, all right, it's Tuesday. It's cool. No, it's Tuesday. Let's go. Whatever that is. Let's go. So I think that that's one. Live with intention. It may not always work out, but. Live with intention.

• 1:46:38Speaker 01

  Another one of my truths is.

• 1:46:44Speaker 01

  Family. Is everything. But then in parentheses.

• 1:46:52Speaker 01

  That family.

• 1:46:55Speaker 01

  Is is whatever you make it.

• 1:47:00Speaker 01

  So I don't necessarily mean. Your auntie and your, your, your, your brother, your cousin or folks that. Your family is whoever.

• 1:47:13Speaker 01

  Is good for your soul. And is on your team.

• 1:47:19Speaker 01

  Not.

• 1:47:21Speaker 01

  Not, blood does not necessarily make family.

• 1:47:26Speaker 01

  I have a family. I have people in my fam- family by blood that I love. But I will say one of the best things about my time here in Los Angeles all over these near thirty years. Is I made a family. I made a family with my ex-wife. Mandy, who now is my. I do believe she's my soulmate.

• 1:47:47Speaker 01

  I've made a family with her, with her partner, Jason. I've made a family with my biological daughter, but with the, we call ourselves the core four. With Jason, Mandy, Miley, and now they have a son, Sonny.

• 1:48:05Speaker 01

  That's a family that we chose to stay together. Mandy and I did not have to be in each other's lives. In fact, some would say it would be easier sometimes to make a quick cut and be like, okay, well, I can just go in and do everything I want to. But most of the good things that have happened in my life, it's because of my relationship with Mandy and the faith that she's had in me and the love that I get from her.

• 1:48:29Lewis Howes?

  Your ex-wife.

• 1:48:30Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, my ex-wife and, and her support and this beautiful daughter that we've made together. And the things that we are still trying to put out and make in the world right now.

• 1:48:39Lewis Howes?

  Cause she's your business partner on a lot of things.

• 1:48:41Speaker 01

  She's my business partner and we have our company and she, she is my, we, we right now have a, have a show that we're shooting for a major streamer that is based on our fam, family. Because of our dynamic. And I have other friends here in Los Angeles, like my brother Harrison, who I worked with in theater and who is Mandy's godfather to Chris from Hawaii. That I've got people who I know that if I call them and said, hey, I'm in jail, come bail, bail me out. Or I need you because I just need, need a cry.

• 1:49:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  So make your family. That's your family. Don't make your family.

• 1:49:21Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:49:22Speaker 01

  And lastly, um,

• 1:49:26Speaker 01

  and this is something that I'm still trying to learn. Ironically, because of my, because of one of my jobs and my profession is

• 1:49:37Speaker 01

  laugh at yourself.

• 1:49:41Speaker 01

  And for me, it is very hard to do because I always am very sensitive to I never want to have the joke. I never want to be the joke. I always don't want to make the joke. And that comes from that little kid Wayne being laughed at or feeling like he was the butt of the joke and like you will not make fun of me now. So, but that being said, maybe if someone does make fun, the fun of you, it's not gonna kill you. And if what they're saying isn't true, then maybe laugh at it and don't give it as much power. That's something that I can definitely learn.

• 1:50:22Lewis Howes?

  Right, yeah, that's beautiful, man. I love these three truths. I have one final question before I want to ask it.

• 1:50:30Lewis Howes?

  I want to share what I see as possible for you.

• 1:50:32Speaker 01

  Please.

• 1:50:33Lewis Howes?

  What I see as possible for you is a human being filled with love, abundance, peace, and health. A human being that feels a ton of self-love for who you are and accepted by you, all the parts of you, and someone that accepts all the parts of you as well. And what I see as possible for you is a human that continues to transition and using his gifts, not just to make a living, but to make others' lives more fulfilled, which is what you've done, but it wasn't what your intention was originally.

• 1:51:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:51:10Lewis Howes?

  And I see for the rest of the time that you want to create in this, you know, circus world that we're in, in show business, that you continue to intentionally create things that fuel you, your soul and your spirit, but also make a positive impact on others with, as part of your intention. And something I see as possible for you, and I really, I will acknowledge you in the beginning, and I'm acknowledging you again for all the gifts you've had, the commitment you have to working and growing on yourself, because it's a journey for me, as it is for anyone. And, The impact you've made, even though you don't know you've made it, I acknowledge you for all that you've done

• 1:51:52Lewis Howes?

  for, for the world. And I'm excited for you to step into understanding the impact you continue to make moving forward. So that's, that's what I wanted to share before the last question.

• 1:52:03Speaker 01

  Thank you for the, you don't, of course. Thank you for that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

• 1:52:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:52:08Speaker 01

  And I, and I accept that and I take that.

• 1:52:11Lewis Howes?

  I love it.

• 1:52:12Speaker 01

  And that's what I want.

• 1:52:13Lewis Howes?

  I love it. I love it. Final question, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:52:17Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:52:19Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm gonna go with my first mind. So as soon as you said greatness, my definition of greatness is,

• 1:52:31Speaker 01

  and, and, and I've gotta go with self greatness, not necessarily what other people think of you.

• 1:52:37Speaker 01

  I think my definition of greatness is

• 1:52:42Speaker 01

  striving for something and because who knows if it'll ever really be achieved, but striving to be

• 1:52:53Speaker 01

  the pinnacle of

• 1:52:58Speaker 01

  of a craft

• 1:53:01Speaker 01

  or of being yourself. Whatever that, that best version of that looks like. And, and, and I'm not talking about the version that competes with other people to be great because you won this or whatnot. No, it's to be great where you go,

• 1:53:22Speaker 01

  I love what I'm doing, or I love this thing or myself so much that

• 1:53:31Speaker 01

  I can, that it transcends just a job. It transcends a hobby. It transcends, oh, I like clothes. It transcends, it, it becomes such a pure joyful state of being. That that's what I equate, equate with greatness is joyful. That you are so joyful in this thing that you're in.

• 1:53:57Speaker 01

  And I'm still trying to achieve that. And I think I see snatches of it. Every blue moon, every time I'm on stage, I, ooh, I like that. But the greatness of, of, of going, I feel so good in this space. I feel so good in myself. I feel great, great in my skin right now. That's greatness. I, I feel like I'm glowing.

• 1:54:19Speaker 01

  I think that's greatness, achieving that state. So no matter what your job is or your thing, just achieving a state of, I feel so

• 1:54:30Speaker 01

  joyful in it. And I hope that's clear because I know what I mean. Yes. Because as I'm saying it, I'm, I'm, I'm kind of feeling, you know, I always, I feel, it's like I picture. It's like that, it's like, uh, you know, and, and I always bring things back to, to super, superheroes and whatnot, but feeling that, that glow. Like just being in the middle of it, whether it's in the middle of, of a great, your, your personal best, great, greatness, I think is your personal best. That's what it is. Like, I don't care what you did, but I know as I, woo. I can't touch it. That, that's just, oh, oh, oh, oh, I feel that. And I'm glowing from it.

• 1:55:12Speaker 01

  And, and, and, and I feel it at the top of my head and, and the energy is crackling out from, from my fingertips. When you hit that state. I think that's greatness.

• 1:55:26Speaker 01

  And being proud, proud of it. Greatness can't live. Greatness can't live in the shadows. Great, greatness can't live in shame. Right. So that's why I think you're so joyous and proud of whatever that thing is because there's not a thing shameful about whatever you just did or what you do to, to feel, to feel that. Yeah. That's that state.

• 1:55:47Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels, @TheLuisHowes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter

• 1:56:30Lewis Howes?

  and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.