Bonus #203 - Brandon Wardell [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Brandon Wardell returns to the pod to discuss his induction into the elite 5 Timers Club of Stavvy's World guests, trying to insert himself into the Wasian discourse, attending a pal's wedding with Stav, and much more. Brandon and Stav help callers including a woman whose ex-boyfriend is stuck in cuck purgatory after they broke up but still live together, and a woman who normally only dates women but is considering making a move on the male personal trainer that she's developed feelings for. Follow Brandon Wardell on social media: https://linktr.ee/brandonwardell https://www.instagram.com/bswardell https://x.com/BRANDONWARDELL ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Stavros Halkias?

  How do you want to split it?

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 0:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, big money.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 0:37Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kinda on me, actually.

• 0:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 0:43Stavros Halkias?

  Did my money get, like, reincarnated?

• 0:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. You want it back?

• 0:48Stavros Halkias?

  I can't believe you, like, ate my Venmo.

• 0:50Speaker 00

  Spend your balance instantly with the Venmo debit card. No monthly fee or minimum balance. Venmo balance account required to get a card and use a balance. A Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank, N A.

• 0:59Speaker 02

  Davros and wonderful guests, I need your advice.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Recently, two of my friends, a very lovely lesbian couple, asked me to be a sperm donor for their child.

• 1:15Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  And I was, you know, I was very complimented.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Why they wanted it, you know, they said that it'd be a great fit. They really like the idea of having, bringing someone into this world who's a bit like me.

• 1:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's cute.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  And naturally, you know, I ended up talking to my family about it. And I was actually met with a lot of negativity from my brother, my father, my mother, my uncle, and my aunt.

• 1:48Stavros Halkias?

  My brother, my father.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  There was, like, different arguments from each type of person. You know, my brother was saying, you know, you don't know how you're gonna feel about that child when they're born. You might inadvertently have an emotional bond that, you know, is gonna be distant from you, that you're not gonna be able to have, which was fuck. My mom said something similar. She was a bit of a worrier, so she sort of said, you might be worrying about that kid a lot. And my dad, sort of like, classic divorced, older guy, was like, that kid's gonna sue you, they're gonna try and get money from you, you're gonna get fucked legally.

• 2:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Those fucking lesbians are gonna train him against you. They're gonna teach him how to cut his dick off and put a dress on and sue you for the millions of dollars that you will have.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Legally, you know, whatever.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Now, I don't know, it was just a lot of negativity.

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  I didn't even tell them what my decision was. I hadn't even made a decision.

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  And now you wanna be like, fuck you, I'm doing it.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I just wanna hear your opinion, you know, maybe, I'm sort of hoping that there's someone that can say something positive about this, because I genuinely feel pretty positive about this.

• 3:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's flat, it is a very.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  It sounds sweet, by the way. That I could help bring a kid into this world, you know?

• 3:08Stavros Halkias?

  You can see why two lesbians want him.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  And I think they're a great family, I think they've got a great home, they've got very stable jobs, one's a dentist, the other's an art teacher. It's like, I think.

• 3:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that kid's gonna have a better life.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  I figured myself as being a kid, and would I be happy growing up there? And I would be.

• 3:26Stavros Halkias?

  Of cour- that's a big, that's a great point.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  I think that's really the long and short of it.

• 3:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you again, bye.

• 3:33Stavros Halkias?

  The long of it, my dick, the short of it, your dick's. Go ahead, Brandon.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  I think he's, he has the, his voice, I feel like he has, he's, he sounds so pure of spirit.

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  He does seem kind of.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  He doesn't, he sounds, he sounds like a good guy.

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  He sounds genuinely pumped.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:47Stavros Halkias?

  To be doing this.

• 3:50Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, you make great points, where you're like, would I wanna grow up with these women as my moms? Yes, great.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. I do think that there's validity to the first couple of arguments of like, hey, like, maybe you're gonna, like, you, you, you're gonna love, you're gonna love and care about this kid in a way that, like, it, you won't be able to see them all the time.

• 4:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I get.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  But I think that, yeah, I think that you should, like, but ultimately, like. You know what you're signing up for? These are like, cool, cool couple of gals.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, to me, to do the positives, here's the positives to me.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like, if somebody, if I was asked to do this, I would do it in a heartbeat, because I'm like, oh, this is the, this is a better opportunity for this child than whatever life I would give it.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:40Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? I'd be like, two stable, two people who love each other, one's a fucking dentist, versus like, even if I got married.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a fucking comedian.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  I would love, oh, man.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a fucking podcaster.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Actually, no, this is actually, bro, like, Robbie, like, Robbie Hoffman, like, Robbie and Gabby.

• 4:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's a good.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  If they asked for, like, my come, which.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  They wouldn't.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  I don't know why they'd ask.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  They would go A-list.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  They would go, there's a lot of other people. It'd be weird if they were like, we gotta, we gotta have.

• 5:07Stavros Halkias?

  Adam would try to make it his come so bad, and they'd be like, we're good, Adam.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  But I do, yeah, maybe they wanna, maybe they wanna wage.

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  You wanna go quarter wage?

• 5:14Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah, maybe they wanna go to quarter wage. But that would be awesome.

• 5:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  It's actually making me wanna do that.

• 5:22Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's what I'm saying, is like, for me, for someone who's like, ah, do I want my own kid?

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:27Stavros Halkias?

  Like, the positive is, if you're a lazy person who does subscribe to you want your DNA out there, this, someone just handed you a jackpot. Cavemen would kill for this setup.

• 5:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:39Stavros Halkias?

  They would kill, the whole point of being cavemen was you just fucking, we won't say whether, you just, let's just say your jizz gets inside of something.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:48Stavros Halkias?

  We won't say how it happened.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:49Stavros Halkias?

  And it's not good what they were up to. But the point is, like, you would just go from cave to cave, you know, trying to have.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  You know, pillaging.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, pillaging and doing, and doing maybe other activities associated with pillaging.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  What else, what else they do?

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  But the point is, if someone's gonna make a biological argument, you could hit them with the even further bio, which is like, actually, real human nature, real male nature is to put your nut in places it thrives with the littlest amount of effort from you.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:22Stavros Halkias?

  You found the, this is, this is, it doesn't get better than this.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:26Stavros Halkias?

  And so, and from a, would I rather it be lesbians than gay guys is an interest, is a funny question?

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 6:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's, cuz I.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  Oh, for sure.

• 6:37Stavros Halkias?

  Ultimately, lesbian is.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think I would rather.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Lesbian's clear.

• 6:42Stavros Halkias?

  From a.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Lesbian's clear.

• 6:43Stavros Halkias?

  Now, is that pause thinking? Is that, is that, is that like, is that, is that A O thinking?

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Oh, like.

• 6:52Stavros Halkias?

  Like, whoa.

• 6:53Speaker 03

  Is it maybe like?

• 6:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like, are we being homophobic by even saying that? I think we are, actually.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  But like, or are we being feminists? That's a great.

• 7:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's the thing.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  The nurture.

• 7:02Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, yes.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  Are we being homophobic or are we being?

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  And are we doing both?

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Or maybe, it may be, yeah, and exactly.

• 7:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Stavros Halkias?

  And is that how we take down the patriarchy? It's not all black and white.

• 7:18Speaker 03

  It's not, dude.

• 7:20Stavros Halkias?

  Let me put you in the mind of the average American voter.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, it's, it's time to see things.

• 7:25Stavros Halkias?

  These things are complicated.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  From a real prism.

• 7:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You can love women and hate gay guys.

• 7:33Stavros Halkias?

  That is possible.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  For too long.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Drop the applause.

• 7:37Stavros Halkias?

  For too long, people have been saying it's impossible to love women and hate gay guys. But me and Brandon, mostly, mostly Brandon is here to tell you that that is possible.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, I think this is a fucking.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's one thing I want people to take away from this episode.

• 7:57Stavros Halkias?

  To me.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  That I love, yeah.

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  To me, this is a no brainer, for me, this would be a no-brainer.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:03Stavros Halkias?

  Because I think I would not, and look, you're right, that I do think there are some sentimental people who this might, I mean, me and Ian had this, this fight on the podcast years ago.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Ian Fidance?

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  Because Ian is the kind of guy who would be like, hey, that's my kid, man. You know what I mean? And it's like, no, it's not. It's your jizz that, it's someone else's kid, like, some people can't, emotionally can't have that, like, just.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:29Stavros Halkias?

  I really think I would be thrilled to be the uncle of a child who was my biological daughter or son.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  And to just look at them from afar.

• 8:38Stavros Halkias?

  It would be a dream. If I have lesbian or gay friends that are thinking about that. Now, I don't know why you would want my jizz, let me be very clear.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 8:45Stavros Halkias?

  Don't saddle your kid with my DNA, but if you want to, I'm listening. So that's my, that's my counterpoint, and I also think ultimately, it's your fucking life.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's, you're right, it's very flattering they ask you this, and this is a type of, like, you're, this is, that's, that is a big deal. That's, you should feel flattered, and it's, you're able to form a type of intimacy that's like familial, that's community, like, this is really beautiful, I think.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  And now, those counterarguments are real, and that's just something you have to figure out on your own with, now.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  The dad, the dad one is, that's, that was, that one's kind of, that's wild.

• 9:26Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, even that one, as wild as it is, there's a kernel of, like, you should look at the laws, right? Cuz you don't want something weird to happen.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  Let's say it's like, not even anything nefarious, let's say, there's a tragedy, you know what I mean? And it's like, this kid is an orphan or some, just in the worst case scenario, and legally, either you have to fucking care for it, or you go to fucking jail or some crazy shit.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:50Stavros Halkias?

  Or even, yes, who fucking knows? Look up the legality of, of like, what's the difference between sperm donor, you know, surrogacy, like, state by state, looked all that shit up, the legal, the legal shit.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:03Stavros Halkias?

  But if there's a way to do it, where it's like, you're donating your sperm, this is their kid, blah, blah, blah, whatever, whatever, I would, personally, I would do it. But again, this is, this is up to you. But all, everyone did make good points, even in a weird, twisted way.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  But all, this is just something you have to decide.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:21Stavros Halkias?

  You would do it, you're saying, elders, not, you have a child, you have your own biological child that you're caring for, but would you?

• 10:27Speaker 03

  Born on nine eleven.

• 10:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, sir.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Yes, he is crazy.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Osama bin Sulah.

• 10:32Stavros Halkias?

  Osama bin Sulah. Yeah, that's his official pod name. O S B, O S. Osama. O B S.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:40Stavros Halkias?

  O B S, dude.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Pretty good.

• 10:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's what they named the, they'd name the software after, the streaming software after your son.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  You know what? After having the kid? Yeah, I'd, I'd say like, I'm even more comfortable with this than I was pre-kid.

• 10:54Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Because when you go into it, we, we just had a lot of family over this weekend and it's like, you know, hey. I feel like the argument that you would feel, you would feel like, oh, that's my kid, that's my DNA. That just rooted in like the universal love of babies.

• 11:13Stavros Halkias?

  Great point.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  But when you have family over, it's like, yeah, all the family loves the baby.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  They all want, they all want to fucking hold the baby and say how cute it is.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  But no one's like, you know. You know what the parents' job is?

• 11:27Stavros Halkias?

  Believe me, I love my nephew, I'm, I love your kid. I'm never gonna at the end of hanging out be like, I wish I could change his diapers and get woken up in the middle of the night.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:37Stavros Halkias?

  There is, look, parenthood is beautiful and it's, you could argue the reason we're here in some ways.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:43Stavros Halkias?

  It sucks, dude. It's fucking horrible. It looks fucking horrible. And it's like, you know, God, God bless everybody raising their kids, there for their kids, but it's like.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:53Stavros Halkias?

  The idea that you would just forget how annoying all that shit would be, and again, maybe this is a generational thing, millennials were very weird. It's a generation of people that are still children, like I, you know what I mean?

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 12:04Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever, and especially us, especially if you're in fucking show, entertainment or whatever. But that's a great point, Eldis, that it's like, you, you're recognizing that it's like, hey, I would love this baby, like, cause in reality, let's say you did fucking, uh, you know, nut roulette. And they show you, we do some science experiment and there's fucking five babies. And one of them has, was made with your jizz and it's three months old, right? Not even old enough to real, it's not like a 10-year-old where you might see some, there is no way on earth that you could predictably guess who your kid was, is my hunch. You know what I mean? You, you're against?

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Oh, if they're newborns.

• 12:47Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, like three, four months old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  I feel like you'd see, I would know.

• 12:52Stavros Halkias?

  You think you would know? There's, there's no way for us to figure this out. There's no way we could impregnate someone in secret and then four other random babies.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  There is a way we could find out.

• 13:01Stavros Halkias?

  I guess that's true. Eldis, can you set this up?

• 13:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Can you get a couple surrogates to carry mine and Brandon's jizz for a science experiment?

• 13:09Speaker 04

  I'll find some whores for you guys to randomly nut in.

• 13:14Speaker 04

  And, and approach you as if it's just another random DM.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  Roll it, yeah, just roll it, roll it out like the, one of the, the vlog, the, the, those videos. Yeah, one of the tour vlog.

• 13:27Stavros Halkias?

  Paternity vlog?

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. Just get that, yeah.

• 13:30Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, maybe I'm wrong, maybe, your, your, your argument is what? It'd be pheromones, you would just see it?

• 13:35Speaker 03

  No, I would know my feature, there'd be features, there'd be like.

• 13:39Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm saying, I'm saying.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  I would see my eyes in the child.

• 13:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, give me, what would have to be is five Weishun, five-quarter Weishun babies.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Interesting.

• 13:48Stavros Halkias?

  Controlling for, it would have to be someone who looks like, like, I don't think if you got my jizz and the jizz of four random fat guys with one, with a, with a control woman, which I guess you'd have to have four, five uteruses for this to work.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:02Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I don't think I would reliably, I would be able to beat statistically decide which one is my kid more, better than randomization. Is my hunch, but I might be wrong. Anyway, go for it if you want to. I say you do it, fuck your family.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  He sounds like he has, like he clearly understands the parameters here, where I would not even like, you know. He's considered, everyone's like, slightly nuanced, like different argument thoroughly and, yeah, he's just got that tone in his voice, like he's like.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  You agree, right?

• 14:33Speaker 04

  I hear it.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  There's, yes, cause sometimes there's, there's, there's callers on this show where you're like, this person is.

• 14:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  This is a, this is a fucking.

• 14:41Stavros Halkias?

  This person should be locked away in the supermax security.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Like, Jesus Christ.

• 14:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, but this guy was like, this.

• 14:48Stavros Halkias?

  I like the cut of this guy's jib.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  I really do.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  How do you want to split it?

• 15:00Speaker 06

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 15:01Speaker 05

  Okay, big money.

• 15:02Speaker 06

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 15:07Speaker 05

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kinda on me, actually.

• 15:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 15:12Speaker 05

  Did my money get like reincarnated?

• 15:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. Want it back?

• 15:17Speaker 05

  I can't believe you like ate my Venmo.

• 15:20Speaker 06

  Spend your balance instantly with the Venmo debit card. No monthly fee or minimum balance. Venmo balance account required to get a card and use a balance. A Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank, N A.