Rebel Wilson asks about good investments

Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect, Bridesmaids, Jojo Rabbit) asks Handsome a very personal question on today's episode! Plus Mae's teenage tapes, Biggie's sensitive tummy, and more! You can still watch the replay of Handsome's live show in Austin, TX! Get your ticket here https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-streaming-live-from-austin. Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:54Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chat to my friends on the handsome pod. Chat to my friends on the handsome pod. Cheers.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  It is your friend Tig Notaro, one of three hosts of the Handsome Podcast.

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  I am also one of the three hosts of this podcast. You know me as Mae Martin, and I'm joined by the third.

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  The third Handsome Pod host, Fortune Heemster. Oh, yeah. I set us up for an awkward intro, but what is new?

• 2:45Mae Martin?

  I actually really liked that one. I felt like you did something a little different with it.

• 2:50Tig Notaro?

  I did. I thought I really threw things off. It turns out I just nailed it again.

• 2:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, a little jolt in the morning.

• 2:59Mae Martin?

  Nailed it again.

• 3:00Fortune Feimster?

  I still sound sexy this episode.

• 3:03Tig Notaro?

  You sure do.

• 3:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you really do.

• 3:06Tig Notaro?

  And you're drinking your tea, which clearly doesn't work.

• 3:09Fortune Feimster?

  No whiskey.

• 3:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:11Mae Martin?

  I think this is, it would cross over into me being worried if it's 8:45 in the morning, if you had whiskey.

• 3:18Fortune Feimster?

  It is morning time, so part of it is that I have morning voice.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:24Fortune Feimster?

  My voice is down here.

• 3:26Tig Notaro?

  My voice is up here.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  It is crazy that boys wake up.

• 3:33Fortune Feimster?

  With boners.

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  That's insane. I don't think we've talked enough about that on this pod.

• 3:39Tig Notaro?

  No, we don't. We really need to dive into that more. But you know what's really funny is I just sang, "My Voice Is Up Here", and our housekeeper is cleaning our bedroom and doesn't know I'm recording. And so I'm just in this room singing a high pitch, "My Voice Is Up Here", pantyhootles.

• 4:02Mae Martin?

  That's truthful.

• 4:03Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Now, tell me this, were you both up this early and going? And would this normally be when you're up and going? Or did you have to set an alarm? For this eight forty-five AM handsome recording.

• 4:16Mae Martin?

  As you know, I logged on at eight forty-nine.

• 4:19Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 4:20Mae Martin?

  I got out of bed at eight thirty-six.

• 4:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  I got into the shower fast.

• 4:26Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 4:27Mae Martin?

  Like just a rinse.

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  Yep.

• 4:29Mae Martin?

  Uh, and then I jumped on.

• 4:31Tig Notaro?

  Tell us more about it.

• 4:32Mae Martin?

  About the shower.

• 4:33Tig Notaro?

  Go into more detail.

• 4:35Fortune Feimster?

  What else? Did you have a loofah?

• 4:37Mae Martin?

  I, I didn't loofah, you know, I just used my macho body wash, lathered up the abs first. Just washed the abs.

• 4:45Tig Notaro?

  Do, do, your macho body wash, is it like that kind of um cologne smelling body wash?

• 4:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I've, I've graduated. I used to use like Irish spring, like teen boy kind of smell. And now I'm using a Hinoki and sesame. I think it's the La Labo, but it is like basically cologne smell.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I do like the smell of La Labo.

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  It's so good, isn't it?

• 5:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:10Mae Martin?

  But when you go in, it's there too much when you go in there.

• 5:14Tig Notaro?

  I find it fascinating.

• 5:16Mae Martin?

  Hmm.

• 5:16Tig Notaro?

  That men wear a masculine smelling scent and that women wear like

• 5:25Mae Martin?

  It's ridiculous.

• 5:25Tig Notaro?

  flowery smelling scent because you're essentially, you would think it would be the opposite to like lure a woman somewhere would be to smell like flowers.

• 5:35Mae Martin?

  Interesting.

• 5:36Tig Notaro?

  You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  Interesting.

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  That's something I think about all the time, my friends. So my feeling is men should have the flowery scent on them and not that obviously it just depends on what your gender and sexuality is and that makes sense for the mix. But I'm talking about just the straightforward, typical male female relationship of.

• 5:59Mae Martin?

  Right. Heterosexual men should be wearing feminine scents.

• 6:02Tig Notaro?

  Yes, to lure.

• 6:03Fortune Feimster?

  To attract the butterflies.

• 6:05Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 6:05Mae Martin?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 6:07Fortune Feimster?

  I don't wear, I, when I wear cologne, I have this, I have a little travel size thing I take.

• 6:13Tig Notaro?

  That is adorable.

• 6:14Mae Martin?

  That is.

• 6:15Fortune Feimster?

  It's stroking it on your cheek.

• 6:18Tig Notaro?

  Do you wear men's cologne, Fortune?

• 6:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's the more masculine smell.

• 6:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Mont Blanc, I, I know. I like that smell.

• 6:25Fortune Feimster?

  It smells good.

• 6:26Tig Notaro?

  I don't wear anything.

• 6:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Tig, you're very sensitive to smells, famously.

• 6:30Tig Notaro?

  Yes, famously. I mean, that's what I'm most known for is my sensitive sniffer.

• 6:36Fortune Feimster?

  You get a headache?

• 6:37Tig Notaro?

  Uh, yes, but I also just wanna like get out of a car if somebody has especially a strong perfume. Um, I, I, or if people are burning incense or something, yeah.

• 6:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm not an incense gal.

• 6:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you don't strike me as one.

• 6:54Fortune Feimster?

  No, I don't like those old lady perfumes.

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, I don't mind them on an old lady.

• 7:01Fortune Feimster?

  That's true.

• 7:02Mae Martin?

  Like it fits.

• 7:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:04Mae Martin?

  Do you remember in the nineties, I feel like every kind of vintage clothing store was burning Nag Champa, this incense, like

• 7:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I know.

• 7:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:12Fortune Feimster?

  Record stores too.

• 7:14Tig Notaro?

  I don't know if I'm familiar with it. I'm familiar with the record stores. Yeah, no.

• 7:19Fortune Feimster?

  My brother used to light incense all the time and I was like, this is disgusting.

• 7:24Mae Martin?

  Was he trying to mask weed smells, you think, or cigarettes?

• 7:27Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I think it was during that era of, you know, Nirvana and

• 7:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:32Tig Notaro?

  Was Nirvana incense?

• 7:34Fortune Feimster?

  No, it was just like in that, it was just in that world of like grunge and hippie.

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you know that unplugged Nirvana concert they did with like candles burning everywhere at MTV or something?

• 7:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't like that album, but go ahead.

• 7:49Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 7:51Tig Notaro?

  We have some talking to do.

• 7:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Okay. I feel like that was very incensey. Um, did you guys notice my sweater? I, so my new thing is I've decided I'm only gonna wear Phantom of the Opera merch from specifically ideally nineteen ninety-six or eighty-six Pantages Theatre in Toronto.

• 8:10Tig Notaro?

  So right before and right after the grunge era?

• 8:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly. Sandwiching the grunge era.

• 8:18Fortune Feimster?

  This is every day?

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, this is like a new kind of fixation. I found all these cool vintage T-shirts with Phantom of the Opera imagery and, and then this sweater, if you're on YouTube is, I wore one in, in Feelgood too, and I, I just really, I think if I can find some pants, some Phantom of the Opera pants, I'm good to go.

• 8:36Tig Notaro?

  Maybe you could find some Phantom pants.

• 8:38Fortune Feimster?

  They definitely need your support.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, especially the 1986 production.

• 8:44Tig Notaro?

  Now, I don't get it. Why, why do they need the support?

• 8:48Fortune Feimster?

  They went away. They're, they're gone.

• 8:51Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 8:51Fortune Feimster?

  We gotta bring them back. Well, it was 1986.

• 8:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, okay.

• 8:55Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if Phantom currently is on Broadway.

• 8:58Mae Martin?

  Isn't it sort of permanently on?

• 9:00Fortune Feimster?

  The Phantom of the Opera is here.

• 9:06Mae Martin?

  Did you guys ever go to the?

• 9:09Tig Notaro?

  May, please let her finish.

• 9:14Mae Martin?

  Everyone, silence.

• 9:15Tig Notaro?

  Please. She sings like a bird.

• 9:19Fortune Feimster?

  I was just seeing how low I could go with this current voice.

• 9:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's pretty low.

• 9:23Fortune Feimster?

  Inside.

• 9:24Tig Notaro?

  The Phantom of the Opera is here.

• 9:30Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty good.

• 9:31Mae Martin?

  You know the, how the chandelier falls in it? That, that's, um, yeah, like, that's the big thing everyone's pumped about is like at the end of the first half, it looks like the chandelier falls over the audience and everyone clutches there.

• 9:45Tig Notaro?

  Pearls?

• 9:50Tig Notaro?

  I never saw it.

• 9:51Fortune Feimster?

  Broadway music?

• 9:53Mae Martin?

  I know, we've talked on the pod about Tig having the opportunity to maybe be in Chicago with Pamela Anderson.

• 9:59Tig Notaro?

  Did you say the opera tinity?

• 10:04Fortune Feimster?

  I love Broad, I love Broadway musicals so much.

• 10:07Mae Martin?

  I love Chicago and I love Greece and, but there's a lot that I don't love.

• 10:12Fortune Feimster?

  I love so many, so many of them.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 10:15Tig Notaro?

  That's Saddle Come Out again.

• 10:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, I do love. Yeah, you're a housekeeper.

• 10:21Fortune Feimster?

  I used to, when I went to New York, I used to go see multiple shows.

• 10:25Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  I don't do it as much anymore because Jax isn't, she does not like Broadway musicals.

• 10:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Tig Notaro?

  Wait, did you say when you were in New York or when you lived there?

• 10:35Fortune Feimster?

  When I, I never lived there, but when I would visit.

• 10:38Tig Notaro?

  Would you ever live there?

• 10:39Fortune Feimster?

  Like for a sho- in short chunks, like for a project, but I don't want to live there, live there.

• 10:44Tig Notaro?

  You don't strike me as.

• 10:45Fortune Feimster?

  It's too crazy. It's like too fast paced.

• 10:48Tig Notaro?

  Ha ha. Move it, buddy.

• 10:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Mae Martin?

  That was good.

• 10:52Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 10:54Mae Martin?

  That took me there. Yeah, I, I feel the same. I would.

• 10:56Tig Notaro?

  Have you guys lived there?

• 10:57Mae Martin?

  I couldn't. I'm the same. I, which is crazy. I just feel like it's too overwhelming.

• 11:03Tig Notaro?

  I lived there, um, one time, I was in Brooklyn. I rented, I rented my friend's apartment for a couple of months. And I didn't realize at the time that I was doing that to get away from a relationship I was in.

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  Really? Why am I in another city?

• 11:22Fortune Feimster?

  That you were current, that you were currently in?

• 11:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And, and I was just, I, like, I didn't know how to get out of the relationship. And so it took me a while. I think somebody pointed it out to me. They were like, why? Why'd you do that?

• 11:36Fortune Feimster?

  Feels like you're running from something.

• 11:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then that ended when I got back. Um, and then I worked on a TV show.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  Did you see, um, shows while you were there? Did you see Broadway shows?

• 11:48Tig Notaro?

  No, I was just doing stand up. And then when I was working on a TV show, I was just working and, you know.

• 11:54Mae Martin?

  I love at the intermission when you get a little ice cream and you look at your program and, and you're so sad if there's an understudy. Oh my God. You're like, oh, for fuck's sake.

• 12:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, poor understudies.

• 12:06Mae Martin?

  I know, right? Did I talk about this? In London, I went to see a play with Cate Blanchett in the lead. Um, because my, my friend was in it and got me a ticket and it was. Incredible. And then, but to see Cate Blanchett on stage being so Cate Blanchett. I mean, she was being a character, but

• 12:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:24Mae Martin?

  She's Blanchett. And then I had a little ice cream at the intermish and it was, as the lights were going down again, I thought, I guess it's pretty good. This ice cream. I don't know. It's kind of weird. It was coconut.

• 12:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, no.

• 12:36Mae Martin?

  It was vegan ice cream, so it tasted like vanilla. And as you know, I'm allergic to coconut. So as the lights are going down, I'm like, fuck. And it's a really intense play. There's no good moment to get up and shuffle out. And I was not well in my stomach. Oh my God. So I couldn't go to the stage door and see my talented friend. I had to run back to my hotel.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  And what happens? Do you have toilet time?

• 12:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:02Tig Notaro?

  I went and saw Sarah Paulson in her play on Broadway.

• 13:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 13:09Tig Notaro?

  Last year.

• 13:09Mae Martin?

  I bet she's amazing.

• 13:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, she's incredible in everything she does. But what was really wild was Woody Allen and, what's her name?

• 13:21Mae Martin?

  Sunyi.

• 13:22Tig Notaro?

  Sunyi. Were there.

• 13:24Mae Martin?

  What?

• 13:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:25Mae Martin?

  That is bizarre.

• 13:27Tig Notaro?

  And what was even crazier was I was meeting, you know, the comedian Gary Gulman.

• 13:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:33Tig Notaro?

  I was meeting him there to go see it and he texted me that they're there. And it was so crazy because the play references incest and molestation.

• 13:47Mae Martin?

  What?

• 13:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:48Mae Martin?

  Why did they go?

• 13:50Tig Notaro?

  I don't, I don't know. Maybe because he's like,

• 13:53Mae Martin?

  It's his passion.

• 13:55Tig Notaro?

  Or he's just like firmly, I didn't do it. So why would that bother me?

• 14:00Mae Martin?

  Wow, man.

• 14:02Tig Notaro?

  Or maybe he didn't know it was in the, maybe he didn't know that was part of the story. I don't know. But it was already like, whoa, Woody Allen is here.

• 14:10Mae Martin?

  Did everyone turn and look at him?

• 14:13Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I didn't see him. And I'm assuming Gary wasn't lying to me because he's a pretty straightforward guy.

• 14:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and that would be a really toxic lie. Really weird.

• 14:23Tig Notaro?

  Be a real curve ball with Gary. But, and, but then we were like nudging each other as all those different references happened through the play. We're like, oh my gosh.

• 14:35Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 14:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was, it was really.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  It's weird when you see a celebrity watching.

• 14:44Mae Martin?

  A movie or a play? Like, it's just weird to see them consuming.

• 14:48Tig Notaro?

  Have you seen it before?

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  No, I've never seen it. Actually, actually, um, Helena Bonham Carter was at the Cate Blanchett play. I saw her, like, wacky hair. And I thought, that's nice.

• 15:00Tig Notaro?

  I saw it before I knew Amanda Klutz.

• 15:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:03Tig Notaro?

  Um, she was at this taping that was just like, it was this huge celebration of Paul Simon.

• 15:13Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 15:14Tig Notaro?

  Like Stevie Wonder was there and, um, all sorts, all sorts of people. But Amanda was there with, and I'm forgetting his name, but he's from, I'm forgetting the TV show.

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 15:27Tig Notaro?

  He did the New Jersey movie.

• 15:30Mae Martin?

  Pete Davidson.

• 15:31Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 15:32Mae Martin?

  Pete Davidson. There with Pete Davidson.

• 15:35Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I can't remember. Scrubs, the guy from Scrubs.

• 15:38Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 15:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Zach Braff. Zach Braff. I think they're good buddies. Yeah, they're good friends. And, um, they were sitting like a row in front of me off to the left. And I was like, oh, there's that woman, Amanda Klutz. And then that, uh, guy from the Jersey movie. But I was watching them just bounce around and go nuts.

• 16:00Mae Martin?

  Listening to the concert?

• 16:02Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:02Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:03Mae Martin?

  And you are not bouncing around like them?

• 16:06Tig Notaro?

  I am not a bouncer. Yeah.

• 16:12Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 16:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 16:41Tig Notaro?

  The handsome Hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 17:03Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season, and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair, and I know you will too.

• 17:32Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 17:45Mae Martin?

  Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 17:48Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 18:08Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 18:32Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 18:53Fortune Feimster?

  And it made you want to be friends with her?

• 18:55Tig Notaro?

  Uh, well, you know, after everything that she went through in, uh, 2020, I was always very, I followed her, her story very closely and I was so intrigued by her and the process that she went through and just specific to her. I, and then I just naturally met her.

• 19:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I followed that. I followed her story too and then

• 19:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:20Fortune Feimster?

  met her through, through you, I believe, just

• 19:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:24Fortune Feimster?

  knowing her and listening to the pod. She's awesome.

• 19:27Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, so I, but it was, I, when I saw her, it was nice to see her having a great night out. I was like, oh my gosh, there she is. And she's enjoying herself and it was such a, a, a nice feeling to, to see her happy and

• 19:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Tig Notaro?

  and, uh, jamming out to Paul Simon.

• 19:47Fortune Feimster?

  That's the best when you're at a concert and you just like love the music and the singer and you're just in the zone, having the best time.

• 19:55Mae Martin?

  Uh, yeah. Have you ever gone by yourself to a concert and, and, and danced?

• 20:01Fortune Feimster?

  I have gone to concerts by myself.

• 20:04Tig Notaro?

  I went by myself. I went and saw the Indigo Girls in, um, Houston.

• 20:08Mae Martin?

  It's nice to be on your own.

• 20:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:11Tig Notaro?

  I, I only went because none of my friends at the time knew who the Indigo Girls were.

• 20:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, blasphemous.

• 20:17Tig Notaro?

  I know. I saw that.

• 20:19Fortune Feimster?

  You didn't have one lesbian friend in Houston?

• 20:21Tig Notaro?

  I didn't even know I was a lesbian friend.

• 20:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, gotcha.

• 20:24Tig Notaro?

  Uh, I had just, I had seen them on, um, um, what was that show on MTV? Hundred and twenty minutes. That's also where I saw Nirvana.

• 20:36Mae Martin?

  Third Eye Blind by myself and I, I ended up hugging this stranger and he was telling me his life story and then we like had our arms around each other singing, "I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend." It was really nice.

• 20:51Tig Notaro?

  That was like the ultimate teen song.

• 20:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, so good. Speaking of which, my friend, um, my, one of my like best oldest friends from when I was thirteen, she, I always thought had deleted and taped over, we had hours of like camcorder footage of us at thirteen, fourteen.

• 21:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, amazing.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like jumping in fountains in malls and like being really obnoxious. Yeah, being friends. And then she, uh, she found it and she just sent me some of the clips yesterday and I am insufferable. I'm like always smoking a cigarette and thinking it's so cool.

• 21:25Tig Notaro?

  And I keep, yeah, yeah, like there, these videos are like thirteen to sixteen probably. And so I, I'm dark in some of them and I'm really,

• 21:34Mae Martin?

  I'm like talking about smoking the whole time, like being like, I love cigarettes. It's so crazy. But I have some good lines. Like at one point I go, and I'm not trying to be funny. I'm trying to be like poetic and dark.

• 21:45Tig Notaro?

  Of course.

• 21:46Mae Martin?

  Filming myself in the dark, smoking and I go, well, I'm from Toronto, born and raised. I'm thirteen. I go, I go from Toronto, born and raised, which is what they say about cattle before they kill it. That's what I said. And I could tell I thought I stumbled on some real poetry.

• 22:03Tig Notaro?

  And were you a vegetarian or anything?

• 22:05Mae Martin?

  No.

• 22:06Tig Notaro?

  No, just, just thinking and feeling deeply.

• 22:10Mae Martin?

  Feeling deeply, yeah.

• 22:11Tig Notaro?

  In the deep darkness. And we're getting a visitor here on camera.

• 22:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, yes. Here we go.

• 22:17Tig Notaro?

  He's being squir- he's being squirrely because I think Jax must be making breakfast. He has his arm up around, uh, Fortune's neck.

• 22:26Mae Martin?

  He got a haircut.

• 22:28Tig Notaro?

  It looks gorgeous.

• 22:30Mae Martin?

  He's a little teddy bear.

• 22:32Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 22:32Mae Martin?

  He heard me talking and said, is that my friend?

• 22:35Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:36Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 22:37Tig Notaro?

  Looking good, Biggie. And what does Biggie have for breakfast? Just like French toast, cinnamon toast?

• 22:45Mae Martin?

  He has a sensitive stomach kibble. And we top it, we have a little chicken flavored topper that goes on it.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  He has sensitive stomach kibble?

• 22:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, cuz he has a sensitive stomach.

• 22:57Tig Notaro?

  I figured.

• 23:01Fortune Feimster?

  And then we put a probiotic in the morning in there.

• 23:04Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 23:05Fortune Feimster?

  And then.

• 23:06Tig Notaro?

  Look at his face while she's explaining all this. That is the best. Go on, just really look at his face.

• 23:12Fortune Feimster?

  Every, every couple of weeks or so, we'll open a can of like, uh, sardines or mackerel. And that is like the greatest thing of his life.

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  Look at his face.

• 23:23Mae Martin?

  You gotta see him right now.

• 23:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, drop what you're doing and head on over to the YT.

• 23:30Mae Martin?

  Oh my lord. Yeah, he has his haircut. I, I like the look.

• 23:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's really good. Who does his hair?

• 23:36Fortune Feimster?

  It's called a teddy bear cut.

• 23:38Tig Notaro?

  Fluff has the teddy bear cut right now. I call her a fluffy bear right now.

• 23:42Fortune Feimster?

  He must smell eggs, cause he's a sucker for eggs.

• 23:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, he likes eggs?

• 23:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, if we make some, we'll sprinkle a little on his food sometimes.

• 23:50Mae Martin?

  How does he like his eggs in the morning? Okay.

• 23:56Tig Notaro?

  What is that?

• 23:58Mae Martin?

  Wait, what are you talking about?

• 23:59Tig Notaro?

  Two against one. What is it?

• 24:01Mae Martin?

  Come on. I'm freaking out. How do you like your eggs in the morning?

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  We heard you the first time, then what's the rest of the song?

• 24:13Mae Martin?

  Are you serious?

• 24:13Tig Notaro?

  You're like, let me sing the part they don't know. Sing it one more time, then maybe it'll sound familiar.

• 24:19Mae Martin?

  You guess what the next line is? It's famous. Thomas, I bet knows this. How do you?

• 24:23Tig Notaro?

  Nope.

• 24:24Mae Martin?

  Thomas is shaking his head? What is happening?

• 24:26Tig Notaro?

  Sing it again, May.

• 24:28Mae Martin?

  How do you like your eggs in the morning?

• 24:32Tig Notaro?

  Yep.

• 24:33Mae Martin?

  Okay, next line. I like mine with a kiss.

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  Who sings this?

• 24:38Mae Martin?

  Are you kidding? Nobody knows this?

• 24:40Tig Notaro?

  We, if we were kidding.

• 24:41Mae Martin?

  Boiled or fried. I'm satisfied. As long as I get my kiss.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know this song.

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  Am I being pranked right now?

• 24:50Fortune Feimster?

  I actually know a lot of songs. I do too.

• 24:53Mae Martin?

  I thought this was like an old standard.

• 24:55Fortune Feimster?

  Who sings it?

• 24:56Mae Martin?

  I have no idea, but.

• 24:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, now we've got to Google.

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  Dean Martin.

• 25:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 25:01Fortune Feimster?

  Truth be told, I don't know a lot of Dean Martin songs.

• 25:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, thank you for being honest about that, Fortune.

• 25:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I didn't want to be dishonest.

• 25:09Tig Notaro?

  But May, if you could sing it one more time.

• 25:12Fortune Feimster?

  How do you like?

• 25:13Mae Martin?

  How do you like your eggs in the morning?

• 25:17Tig Notaro?

  Again, my housekeeper.

• 25:18Fortune Feimster?

  I like them boiled and fried and put in my mouth. I'm hungry.

• 25:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's yeah. So you do know it.

• 25:26Fortune Feimster?

  Classic crooner.

• 25:27Mae Martin?

  Wow, that's crazy to me. That to me is like not knowing New York, New York.

• 25:32Fortune Feimster?

  Really? I don't think they're the same.

• 25:34Mae Martin?

  Really? I thought it was like.

• 25:36Fortune Feimster?

  New York, New York's pretty famous.

• 25:39Mae Martin?

  I wonder if I can't remember if it's a duet, the Dean Martin one, like if the girl answers.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  I like my eggs really nice.

• 25:46Fortune Feimster?

  I like my eggs scrambled and I'm probably making them because it's the 50s and this is my job. But it's also a romantic song about somebody's gonna be spending the night.

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  Yes, that's true.

• 26:03Fortune Feimster?

  That was the thing. There was a lot of innuendos. You didn't realize that, May? All those times you sing it?

• 26:09Mae Martin?

  You know, I guess you're right. I guess in my mind, he's singing it in the morning, but you're right. It's hotter that he's.

• 26:14Fortune Feimster?

  Singing it at night.

• 26:15Mae Martin?

  In advance. He's going, he's saying to his mistress.

• 26:18Fortune Feimster?

  How do you like your eggs in the morning? Yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 05

  I like my eggs scrambled around.

• 26:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. Wait.

• 26:28Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna have sex with you tonight and tomorrow you're gonna make me eggs.

• 26:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or tomorrow my wife will make you eggs.

• 26:39Fortune Feimster?

  What a, what a time to be alive in the 50s.

• 26:42Mae Martin?

  I know. Well, that was around the same time as.

• 26:44Fortune Feimster?

  Or the 60s.

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  I really can't stay.

• 26:45Fortune Feimster?

  Or even now.

• 26:46Mae Martin?

  Baby is cold outside. A similar vibe to that song.

• 26:49Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh.

• 26:50Mae Martin?

  Kind of creepy.

• 26:51Fortune Feimster?

  I really can't stay. I have to make eggs in the morning. Baby is cold outside. Did you ever use that excuse with someone? It's too cold. You shouldn't go.

• 27:01Mae Martin?

  It's not working.

• 27:05Fortune Feimster?

  In LA.

• 27:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:06Fortune Feimster?

  It's so cold outside. You probably should stay.

• 27:10Mae Martin?

  It's sweater weather, babe.

• 27:11Fortune Feimster?

  And you're just padding the other side of your bed.

• 27:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:14Fortune Feimster?

  It's too cold.

• 27:17Mae Martin?

  Dean Martin, um, he was in a movie with Marilyn Monroe and they hated each other. I forget what it was called. Anyway.

• 27:25Tig Notaro?

  What a tidbit.

• 27:26Mae Martin?

  Just sorry, the, the ghost of Marilyn Monroe just whispered in my ear. Make sure you say the thing about how I hated him.

• 27:32Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah. Wasn't that on an episode where she beamed in?

• 27:35Mae Martin?

  An orb. Yeah, she beamed in as an, we said, yeah, that was, I don't know what we were saying.

• 27:41Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, but she did beam in.

• 27:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. She's my number one. I like my, yeah, she's my number one. Number one. Said that so seriously.

• 27:51Tig Notaro?

  Would you sing to her? How would you like your eggs in the morning?

• 27:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And she'd be like, happy birthday.

• 27:58Tig Notaro?

  That's all she sings. That's all she, that's her response to everything. Is she your type? Like, would you date Marilyn Monroe?

• 28:04Mae Martin?

  She's like curvaceous. She's like twinkle in the eye. As we discussed on the Bonnie Ver episode, I like a twinkle in the eye.

• 28:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  So that's my type.

• 28:13Tig Notaro?

  You don't care about intelligence?

• 28:15Mae Martin?

  Bonnie Ver and Marilyn Monroe, two peas in a pod.

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 28:19Mae Martin?

  Um, no, I care about intelligence. That's where the twinkle comes from partly.

• 28:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 28:23Mae Martin?

  Marilyn was very clever.

• 28:25Tig Notaro?

  Was she?

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Was she, I think so.

• 28:29Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 28:30Mae Martin?

  She went back to, um, drama school before she died. She was like gonna be, I mean, she was, the movie she did before she died, The Misfits? She's incredible in that movie and you just see, fuck, she was gonna be amazing. And she was breaking out of the image that she'd created in that character.

• 28:48Tig Notaro?

  Happy birthday.

• 28:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then that's what we were. Marilyn?

• 28:53Tig Notaro?

  Yes, it is.

• 28:54Mae Martin?

  Is Marilyn in the room with us? It's like, I'm closing my eyes.

• 28:57Tig Notaro?

  Is this the ghost of Marilyn thing? It's Marilyn's orb. Happy birthday.

• 29:03Mae Martin?

  I'm closing my eyes and it sounds kinda like Cartman from South Park.

• 29:06Tig Notaro?

  Dear Mary.

• 29:12Tig Notaro?

  Should we, uh, should we get our, uh, question asker?

• 29:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 29:17Tig Notaro?

  Let's do it.

• 29:18Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, today's question asker is an Australian actress, comedian and producer, who achieved worldwide renown with her appearance in Bridesmaids. Then she went on to star in films like Isn't It Romantic?, um, The Hustle and Jojo Rabbit. She stars in the upcoming action comedy film Bride Hard, uh, and you can't forget her from all the Pitch Perfect movies, uh, her real big, big breakout role. Rebel Wilson is asking today's question.

• 29:51Speaker 00

  Hi, handsome, it's Rebel Wilson here. So, I mean, what can I ask you? There's, there's lots, like, if we were sitting down right now, I would just love to just, like, chat about so many things, um, about business, but fortunately instead, like, to ask one question. So, I mean, I mean, the political side of me wants to ask, like, what's your stance on guns in America? But, no, that's probably not a fun conversation. Okay, I'm gonna ask you something very random.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  Because you're all very successful, what are you investing? So what kind of, like, investments are you into to, like, you know, build up your money that you worked so hard to get? I'm just cur- I'm curious about that.

• 30:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm glad she didn't ask about guns in America, because I know we all have very different stances.

• 30:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we could really get-

• 30:52Mae Martin?

  I think everyone should have them. Just kidding.

• 30:57Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think that my Australian accent sounds like Rebel's?

• 31:02Mae Martin?

  You know what? It wasn't far off.

• 31:04Fortune Feimster?

  No. Today's question asker.

• 31:06Tig Notaro?

  And I don't know how it is that every episode we have an Australian-

• 31:14Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think our Australian listeners-

• 31:16Mae Martin?

  Are pissed?

• 31:17Tig Notaro?

  Or have had it with us. I mean, uh, but how is it that every episode-

• 31:23Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, Tik.

• 31:25Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 31:25Tig Notaro?

  It's insane.

• 31:26Fortune Feimster?

  I think when you're able to do a very good Australian accent, that's what happens.

• 31:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man. I do wonder if we've upset people. Do they enjoy it? Hopefully, they appreciate the effort.

• 31:43Mae Martin?

  And that's a slippery slope. Once you start wondering if we've upset people, then they're like, oh, God, what about?

• 31:48Tig Notaro?

  And then everyone's like, we're all upset. We're all, we were upset about this and I don't like that.

• 31:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:57Tig Notaro?

  Apologies for all of the things you don't like or that upset you. We'll change every single thing.

• 32:05Tig Notaro?

  We're gonna make every adjustment to make everybody happy. We're not gonna stop until every single listener is upset.

• 32:12Mae Martin?

  One hundred percent.

• 32:14Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 32:15Mae Martin?

  We're gonna rerecord, go back and rerecord.

• 32:17Tig Notaro?

  Everyone has to agree on everything that we say or do. We, we all three, well, first of all, even if we're two against one, like it or not, we still agree with each other.

• 32:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:27Tig Notaro?

  Um, but, um, yeah, it's hard to make everybody happy, but I certainly hope that people have a sense of humor about, um, rise up lights. Rise up light. Oh, yeah, yeah. And everything else, because all of it is for a good old time. Silly times. It's just silly times.

• 32:45Mae Martin?

  What do you think would happen if we went into ChatGPT or one of those things and said, write an episode of the handsome podcast?

• 32:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 32:53Mae Martin?

  Like, cause they, they analyze.

• 32:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:56Mae Martin?

  Every episode and do it in our voice, I think.

• 32:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then will they record for us the next episode?

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  In an Australian accent. Then we'll read, and then we'll read our lines.

• 33:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:08Tig Notaro?

  We'll do an AI episode.

• 33:10Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Like, I'm curious what that would be.

• 33:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, that would be insane.

• 33:14Mae Martin?

  Investments.

• 33:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I, you know, what first came to mind, um, was, uh, I'm, I'm sure, uh, whether it's been on this show or others I've shared about. How my stepfather was not terribly supportive of me. He didn't quite get me. And then after my mother died, when we left her funeral, he said this thing, which I thought was incredible. He apologized for not being supportive and he said, I realize now that, because he wanted me to go into business or something, you know, he, he just did not get what I was doing. And he said, you know, I'm realizing

• 33:56Tig Notaro?

  that it's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who their child is. Yeah. And he said, and I didn't do that and I'm sorry. And it was so touching that he came to that himself. And then what was even more touching was years later, when I had my own children, he and I were, my mother had died and, and he and I were driving somewhere when I was visiting him in Texas. And, and he said, Tig, I wanted to ask you something and see if you approved. And I said, okay. And he said, I wanted to start college funds for Max and Finn.

• 34:41Tig Notaro?

  And I said, yeah. And I said, oh, I said, yeah, I'm okay with that. And he said, but, I wanted to let you know that I looked into different types of college funds. And I chose the one that they wouldn't have to use for a four-year college. They could use it for that, but they could also use it if they wanted to become a mason or they wanted to go to art school. Oh, nice. And so he was. So nice. Yeah. He was acknowledging that not everybody is taking the path that he believes they should take. Right. And it was so touching to me. That's really beautiful. Yeah. And so before he died, he started these college funds.

• 35:24Tig Notaro?

  And so every year, Stephanie and I.

• 35:29Tig Notaro?

  Continue to contribute to that.

• 35:32Mae Martin?

  That's so nice.

• 35:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 35:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's really cool.

• 35:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so that's, that's something that-

• 35:37Mae Martin?

  That's beautiful.

• 35:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  When I was heavily involved with a woman and her small person, I had just opened a college fund for that small person when I, when I got dumped. So the college fund's going to me. I'm sending myself to college.

• 35:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh, really? I don't know how that works. So you can just like turn that-

• 36:00Mae Martin?

  I just closed it, yeah.

• 36:01Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh, yeah.

• 36:02Mae Martin?

  So I'd opened like a, anyway, well, maybe cut that out. Ah, leave it in.

• 36:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, my grandmother wanted to do things like that. Like she would give us like bonds and stuff. And you know, when you're a kid, you're like, what's this? I can't.

• 36:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Fortune Feimster?

  I can't use this now.

• 36:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:26Fortune Feimster?

  They like bummed me out. And she would like give us like stamps that to collect and coins.

• 36:33Mae Martin?

  That stamp collecting used to be like a legitimate way to save money, right? Like-

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  And I have the same birthday as Princess Diana, so she would give me all this like-

• 36:42Tig Notaro?

  Congrats.

• 36:43Mae Martin?

  Wow, that makes a lot of sense. That explains a lot.

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  And so I have all these random Princess Diana memorabilia. My grandmother just always thought like, oh, this stuff you need to collect. And one day it'll be worth money. I mean, maybe that would be now, but um-

• 37:00Mae Martin?

  Do you still have it?

• 37:01Fortune Feimster?

  Probably some of it's back at my mom's place. And who knows, she, who knows where it is there.

• 37:08Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 37:09Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so she like believed in all that stuff, but with that being said, uh, she was pretty, she was not great with money. And as, and my, I would say my mom didn't pick up on being great with it either. It was just a lot of, my, my family used to have money a long, long time ago. My grandfather was um- A very well to do contractor and he built houses and buildings and schools all over North Carolina. Very successful, died unexpectedly in like age fifty or something like that. And my grandmother had to take over everything and um just didn't.

• 37:49Mae Martin?

  Spent it all.

• 37:50Tig Notaro?

  Just went shopping.

• 37:51Fortune Feimster?

  She just made, she just made bad decisions.

• 37:53Mae Martin?

  Oh damn.

• 37:55Fortune Feimster?

  Like they had a hardware business that she didn't like, she should have filed bankruptcy and she tried to pay all the debt. It was just like, she was, it came from a place of good hearted, helping people.

• 38:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:07Fortune Feimster?

  Sending people to college.

• 38:08Mae Martin?

  Mm hmm.

• 38:09Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and then by the time I got here, the, there was no money. Everything was gone.

• 38:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:15Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so I grew up with people who knew what it was like to have money at one point and had no money.

• 38:21Mae Martin?

  God, that's so frustrating as a kid to have people constantly like, we used to have a lot of money.

• 38:26Tig Notaro?

  And here is your bond and your stamp. Happy birthday.

• 38:31Fortune Feimster?

  So it was very important to me as I, as I got older, that I did not make those same mistakes. So I didn't know what to do. I've, I've had to learn as I've gone, but I am really proud. That's probably one of the things I'm most proud of in my career is having gotten so much more knowledgeable about business.

• 38:53Fortune Feimster?

  And money and how to save it and how to make money, make money. And um, I never thought being a comedian that, that would be required of me as well. And it's been tricky also learning it because I, I hate math.

• 39:09Fortune Feimster?

  But you know, I just don't want to make the mistakes that were made prior. Because it, I, I saw how it can go away and you know, you don't think it will and how could it? Um, and it can. So I really try to be smart with um. You know, I have, obviously, I'm lucky to have a nice life. Part of that's because I don't have kids.

• 39:33Tig Notaro?

  Wait, I'm having a nice life over here.

• 39:35Fortune Feimster?

  No, I know, but I can say, I can spend a little bit more on like, you know, trips and stuff, you know, and things that parents I find do a little, little bit more sparingly. And just, yeah, try to invest in things. But it is scary, though. Like, I, the stock market is so scary to me.

• 39:58Tig Notaro?

  Do you have knowledge of that? The, the stock market?

• 40:01Fortune Feimster?

  I do. I will say that part of the business, I am, I, I have to trust someone else with my money, and that is nerve wracking to me. Cause for many years I did not invest. And I was like, I don't want to be one of those people that gets screwed over by a business person or a investment person. I was so nervous. I still get nervous.

• 40:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah. But you're, so you're, you're in this.

• 40:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'm in this, yeah.

• 40:26Mae Martin?

  Wow. Like, it doesn't, I, it doesn't make sense to me, and it scares me. It feels so.

• 40:32Fortune Feimster?

  It's very scary.

• 40:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then, and then it could crash and.

• 40:36Fortune Feimster?

  I invest pretty conservatively, though.

• 40:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what people say to do.

• 40:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Tig Notaro?

  And you invest, you don't invest, May?

• 40:44Mae Martin?

  No. No, I'm too, I'm, I'm, my, I guess my family also not great with money, like, just, like, always rented. My parents never bought a house till their 50s, I think. And my grandma, actually, but that was a wake up call, like, when I moved to England, my grandma got sick.

• 41:01Tig Notaro?

  The agent?

• 41:03Mae Martin?

  The agent, yeah. And she was with the problem area.

• 41:09Tig Notaro?

  I forgot it was your grandmother who had quite the problem area.

• 41:12Fortune Feimster?

  No, that was from early days.

• 41:14Mae Martin?

  That was the first ever episode.

• 41:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she, seeing her at the end of her life, and she lived a great, wild, fun life, and she never owned property. And she made a lot of money as an agent, but she, she just lived a luxurious lifestyle. And then near the end of her life, that was scary, because she, you know, she's, she got sick, she had to go, you know, into a home that was expensive. Like, she was renting, she had to move into a, yeah, like, she just was panicked all the time about money. And so I was like, okay, I don't want, I don't want that. Uh, but I haven't done anything about it, but a lot buying the house was a big deal.

• 41:56Tig Notaro?

  That's quite an investment.

• 41:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's a good investment.

• 41:59Mae Martin?

  I have scarcity mentality though, so I like to see my money in my account. I gotta get over that. I gotta.

• 42:05Fortune Feimster?

  Well, if you talk to any business person, they will say you shouldn't have just a bu- of like money just sitting there doing nothing. That, that's like your basic business thing.

• 42:16Mae Martin?

  I have a saving, like a high interest savings account.

• 42:19Fortune Feimster?

  If I was about to say, if you, if you don't want to go to the stock market, I mean, uh, as, as far as investing in the things that go up and down, do like a money market at the very least.

• 42:29Mae Martin?

  What's that?

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, I'm picturing you as somebody managing my money and you're like, as far as the things that go up and down.

• 42:38Tig Notaro?

  The technical top, the.

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  That's the level I needed to explain to him.

• 42:42Fortune Feimster?

  Your money's in there for like a certain amount of time, uh, and you can't get it out and, um, it, it gets, uh, some interest over time. It's not as high of a return as like in the stock market, but it's not volatile, like going up and down.

• 42:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I mean, some people are like day trading at home, right? Like they're just sort of become.

• 43:04Tig Notaro?

  Bless you.

• 43:05Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, Biggie just sneezed.

• 43:06Tig Notaro?

  Blessings to Biggie.

• 43:09Mae Martin?

  Blessings to Biggie. Can we please isolate that sound Thomas and crank the volume and just play it back? That was the cutest sound I've ever heard.

• 43:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Pepper it through the whole episode.

• 43:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh, man.

• 43:22Tig Notaro?

  From there on out.

• 43:24Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna text Jax that he needs to.

• 43:26Tig Notaro?

  He needs a tissue. He sneezes and that means he has to.

• 43:30Fortune Feimster?

  Well, he's just being squirrely that you hear in some of them.

• 43:33Mae Martin?

  But you gotta text Jax, like he won't go out by himself?

• 43:37Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I'm upstairs.

• 43:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, I see.

• 43:39Tig Notaro?

  Wow, I pictured you downstairs all of these years.

• 43:43Mae Martin?

  Did you really?

• 43:44Fortune Feimster?

  He can't open this door and then he can't go downstairs, but then he can't open the next door.

• 43:50Tig Notaro?

  Wait, he can't go down the stairs by himself?

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  No, he can't.

• 43:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I was like, okay, this is spoiled.

• 43:55Fortune Feimster?

  Go outside.

• 43:56Tig Notaro?

  That he would wait to be carried up and down the stairs.

• 44:00Fortune Feimster?

  We do carry him up and down a lot.

• 44:02Tig Notaro?

  I have Stephanie carry me up and down the stairs.

• 44:05Mae Martin?

  Do you really?

• 44:06Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 44:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, I would love to see that.

• 44:10Fortune Feimster?

  But, uh, yeah, I, for years, I didn't do anything. And like, listen, when I, when I was coming up, my parents did not have the luxury of investing a dime. Every, every cent that came in went right back out and we were actually in a lot of debt. My childhood was spent with creditors calling at eight, eight in the morning, um, every day.

• 44:32Tig Notaro?

  Rise and shine.

• 44:34Fortune Feimster?

  But, um, if, if you have a little something, if you can, try to have that money making interest. Otherwise, it, it literally loses its value, sitting there, doing nothing.

• 44:51Tig Notaro?

  You gonna do anything about that, May?

• 44:54Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 44:55Tig Notaro?

  You'll come around to it. You came around to, you know, saving your money and getting a house.

• 45:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:01Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, ask about a money marketer or something like that, something that's like low, low, low, low, low risk. You can't touch, some, some of them are like, you can't touch it for a year and, and you'll get, but you'll make something off of it. So it's not.

• 45:15Mae Martin?

  What kind of percentage are we talking?

• 45:17Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, it's not a high percentage, but it's, but it's.

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  More.

• 45:21Fortune Feimster?

  Making money versus losing value.

• 45:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah. When I was in England, someone convinced me to invest in like a retirement fund that I can't touch till I'm, I, I don't know, sixty, I guess. I should know, but I don't know. So I put some.

• 45:35Tig Notaro?

  Almost my age.

• 45:36Mae Martin?

  Right. I put some money in there and now I'm so mad about it because it's just in some British retirement fund. And I'm, I'm scared I'm gonna forget about it. Like, how do I know?

• 45:46Tig Notaro?

  You're not gonna forget.

• 45:48Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 45:48Fortune Feimster?

  I will say, if you are gonna invest more, uh, more, what's the word? Not aggressively, but more, whatever that word is. The, your retirement is what usually is the thing that people invest more boldly. Because the idea is you don't wanna touch a retirement, like a SEP IRA, you know about a, like an IRA, SEP IRA, things like that.

• 46:14Mae Martin?

  No.

• 46:15Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. So when you make money, there's a chunk of it that you can put in an IRA or a SEP IRA, depends on how much money you've made in the year. And that money is you're not taxed on. It goes into this account, but you can't touch it for like 20 years or something.

• 46:32Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 46:32Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah.

• 46:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's like what I did in England.

• 46:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:36Fortune Feimster?

  And, and you can invest that more aggressively because for 20 years, the market is going to go up and down.

• 46:41Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 46:41Fortune Feimster?

  But you're just, the whole point is that you don't look at it.

• 46:43Tig Notaro?

  Ride the wave.

• 46:44Fortune Feimster?

  Ride the wave.

• 46:44Mae Martin?

  See, that I like.

• 46:46Fortune Feimster?

  But you wanna, you wanna invest in these things, you wanna put money into these things because you're not paying taxes on them.

• 46:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Okay, we gotta go for dinner. I, I would like Fortune to be my business manager.

• 46:58Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, listen, I, there's so much I don't know and there could be a business person being, right now being like, that's right. But to, you know, there could be parts of it I have a little off, but um, that's the idea.

• 47:09Mae Martin?

  To interpret the question more broadly, even I think investing in our health is the best thing we, we can do. And that is another thing I learned.

• 47:17Fortune Feimster?

  Now that I need to invest in.

• 47:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like with my grandma too, I've, I learned that lesson too. I was like, I mean, not that, I mean, she was pretty healthy.

• 47:26Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know what they say is, you don't want to be the richest person in the graveyard.

• 47:31Mae Martin?

  Hey, I love that.

• 47:33Tig Notaro?

  I mean, but truly, it's like, yeah, you want to invest in your, in yourself and your, your health and.

• 47:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and your brain.

• 47:41Tig Notaro?

  All of it.

• 47:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, now that I got the sauna, I'm gonna live forever. I just, it's, it's heating up right now. That's a good investment, right? Cause I'll take it to another, if I ever move, I'll take it with me. It's like a couple grand.

• 47:54Fortune Feimster?

  Did you have to have like a, a speci- like a plug or something, or something put out there to run it?

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  Good question.

• 48:02Mae Martin?

  I had a guy install it. Yeah, it's like, it's electrical. So they ran a line from the house.

• 48:08Tig Notaro?

  So what is, what is the heat coming from? You don't have like a pile of coals in there or anything?

• 48:13Mae Martin?

  It's like a radiator with some coals on it.

• 48:15Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. So you do?

• 48:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and it's a, it's cedar wood and it smells like nice wood and it's like, it gets hot so quick and um, and it's on a, a timer, so it won't stay on by accident. And yeah, I, I think I'm gonna go right, it's heating up right now.

• 48:31Tig Notaro?

  Nice. So you're gonna do, you haven't done one this morning because you were. Taken a, you were sleeping and then you took your little shower and then.

• 48:40Fortune Feimster?

  I took my little shower and then I'm gonna, after this, get in the sauna, then cold shower.

• 48:45Tig Notaro?

  Are you gonna wear your Phantom of the Opera shirt in the, uh, what do you wear in the sauna? Are you just full blown naked? Good question too. Thank you, thank you Fortune.

• 48:54Fortune Feimster?

  I wear boxers usually or a bathing suit, but yeah, I could go in the nude. I mean, it's my.

• 48:59Tig Notaro?

  The nude.

• 49:00Fortune Feimster?

  In the nude.

• 49:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna go the nude. Do you wear a banana hammock?

• 49:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God, I should wear a speedo.

• 49:10Tig Notaro?

  Stop it. Start wearing a speedo in there.

• 49:15Tig Notaro?

  Should we hear Rebels' answer?

• 49:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, please.

• 49:19Speaker 00

  I, I think I've been quite smart with my money coming up, um, as a comedian and actress in Australia and, and in America and, uh, and bought properties around the world and, and done quite well in selling them after a certain amount of time. And then only more recently have I gotten into the stock market and listened to podcasts and I learn about stocks and just like basic stuff like the simple S and P 500 and I'm learning. I'm, I'm still like a novice, but yeah, I hope everyone's being financially smart out there. This might be the dumbest question ever, but, um, yeah.

• 49:59Tig Notaro?

  No, I liked that. Um, I liked that question and I feel like it took us in such a different direction.

• 50:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, it sounds like she's kind of doing what you're doing Fortune is, is, is trying to learn the, the money ropes. Do you listen to podcasts?

• 50:16Fortune Feimster?

  Podcasts about it?

• 50:17Tig Notaro?

  About it?

• 50:18Fortune Feimster?

  No, I mean, there's so much I don't know that I, but I don't also really wanna. I'm not trying to be like a businessman, you know, person. I just know it's not something people talk to us about.

• 50:31Tig Notaro?

  That's true. That's true. There's like.

• 50:33Fortune Feimster?

  And it's not something that, um, is exp- is expected for us to know. And I just think it's so important because even just the basic knowledge of it, the, the, the, the minimum things that you can do to just help build money, even starting with, you know, when I moved to LA, I had $25 in my pocket. So it's not like I'm coming from a place of like, oh, I just invested my family's. You know,

• 50:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:58Fortune Feimster?

  Million dollars they gave me. No, it's like I started from $25 here. And, you know.

• 51:05Tig Notaro?

  And you have how much now?

• 51:08Fortune Feimster?

  So much now. But like my, my first house I bought, like May, like May, I bought a first house. I did not buy it as an investment. I bought it because I wanted my own home. I wanted like a place to call mine. Uh, it was this cute house, 1600 square feet and I love that house. Loved it. I lived there for over 10 years. Um, and ended up selling it and doing very well on it. But that was never my intention. But that stuff like that, if you know, you buy something and that you love and put time in, in it and you know, sometimes that can pay off too.

• 51:44Tig Notaro?

  It's true. Yes, May?

• 51:46Mae Martin?

  Well, I was gonna say we should acknowledge like how hard it is for this younger generation like that. With the cost of living is going crazy and like our, our parents, you know, just, Yeah, yeah, fucking hell.

• 51:58Fortune Feimster?

  It's for sure gotten very difficult to buy a home.

• 52:01Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 52:02Mae Martin?

  But you can buy a stamp. And if you learned one thing from this podcast.

• 52:06Tig Notaro?

  Invest in Princess Diana.

• 52:08Mae Martin?

  Stamps and Princess Diana coins.

• 52:10Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 52:11Mae Martin?

  I can't believe that you have a birthday with Princess Diana.

• 52:14Tig Notaro?

  And now the stamps, before we wrap up here, the stamps that your grandmother got you of Princess Diana, are they the ones that you buy off of TV?

• 52:23Fortune Feimster?

  Probably.

• 52:24Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 52:25Fortune Feimster?

  My grandmother, again, not the smartest with money, would, um, do you remember the Publishers Clearinghouse?

• 52:32Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 52:34Fortune Feimster?

  She would buy all these cassette tapes because it would help you like, get a draw, your name in a raffle to try to win money. And for that, she was always buying stuff like that.

• 52:44Tig Notaro?

  I see.

• 52:45Fortune Feimster?

  Now you're wasting money.

• 52:47Mae Martin?

  Actually, have you guys ever been into the lottery? Do you buy lottery tickets?

• 52:51Tig Notaro?

  I don't.

• 52:52Fortune Feimster?

  I will like once in a blue moon, but it does just feel like I'm burning money every time I do it.

• 52:57Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 52:58Tig Notaro?

  Burning three dollars?

• 53:00Mae Martin?

  Until.

• 53:00Tig Notaro?

  How much are they?

• 53:02Fortune Feimster?

  Anywhere from a dollar each to $20.

• 53:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I see.

• 53:05Fortune Feimster?

  Depending on what you buy.

• 53:06Tig Notaro?

  I've been with friends where they're like, let's buy lottery tickets. I'm like, yeah, sure, but it never.

• 53:12Fortune Feimster?

  Scratch off ones are fun.

• 53:14Tig Notaro?

  I don't like the, I don't like using a coin to scrape that weird metal stuff like, ugh. I hate that. Like, I don't think I really realized it until this moment. I hate that.

• 53:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:27Tig Notaro?

  Gray metallic stuff you scrape, ugh.

• 53:32Mae Martin?

  I actually didn't realize either till you said it. No, I'm like, thank you.

• 53:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, absolutely. Thomas is nodding. Fortune, are you on board?

• 53:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I hate that gray stuff, but I do like to win.

• 53:46Fortune Feimster?

  The worst is people, people will give those as presents. And you do hear those stories every now and then where they gave it as a present and won like $2 million. One of the things won $2 million and now the people are fighting. Whoever who gets it because they're like, we bought it. They're like, you gave it and it's a whole mess.

• 54:06Mae Martin?

  There should be a rule about that. Yeah. What is the legality of that?

• 54:10Tig Notaro?

  If you give it away, you gave it.

• 54:12Fortune Feimster?

  Give it away, it's not yours anymore.

• 54:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 54:16Tig Notaro?

  That is silly. All right. Well, that was fun and different and interesting. Thank you to Rebel Wilson for that question.

• 54:25Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 54:25Fortune Feimster?

  Absolutely. And everyone, if you can, be smart with your money and make the choices because it can go away. But also enjoy your life.

• 54:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you gotta find the happy medium.

• 54:37Fortune Feimster?

  The happy medium is where it's at for sure.

• 54:40Tig Notaro?

  For sure.

• 54:40Mae Martin?

  What do you guys got coming up?

• 54:42Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I'm on the road like a crazy person now.

• 54:46Fortune Feimster?

  I am in my new Taking Care of Biscuits tour, all new material. So if you saw my last special, this is brand new. This weekend I'll be in, or tomorrow I'll be in Rockford, Illinois. And Columbus, Ohio.

• 54:58Tig Notaro?

  Rockford, Illinois is where Natasha Leggero is from.

• 55:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? I didn't know that.

• 55:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, now you know.

• 55:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm gonna be at the Hard Rock.

• 55:06Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 55:06Fortune Feimster?

  On Wednesday night. Uh, Columbus, Ohio, Greensboro, North Carolina, Roanoke, Baltimore, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, uh, and Vegas are coming up and tons more cities just got added.

• 55:20Tig Notaro?

  Well, I also want to mention that, uh, the documentary that I produced, Come See Me in the Good Light, about, uh, Andrea Gibson and Meg Faley, two incredible poets. It's gonna be hitting the, and has already started, hitting the, um, festival circuit. And so really check that out because this movie is not to be missed. It will be available further down the line this year on a, a streamer, but I'll announce that later. But for sure, go see this in a theater if you can. It is so powerful. And as far as stand-up, I'm gonna be, um, June 14th, I'll be in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. August 23rd, P-Town.

• 56:04Tig Notaro?

  And then go to Tignotaro.com, um, for my, all of my dates, uh, and local shows in Los Angeles at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. Come on out.

• 56:15Mae Martin?

  I am April 25th at Largo in LA and I think announcing some new music shows coming up. Um, so check out maymartinmusic.com and there's cool, I've got very cool merch on there as well and you can, you can buy my vinyl album, which really helps.

• 56:31Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 56:32Mae Martin?

  Or listen to it on Spotify. The album's called I'm a TV and that's it.

• 56:38Tig Notaro?

  Great.

• 56:39Mae Martin?

  Can I ask real quick, how did you come up with I Am a TV? Well, my friend recently asked me, does it stand for I'm a transvestite? And I was like, nope, but.

• 56:48Tig Notaro?

  Who asked you that?

• 56:49Mae Martin?

  My friend.

• 56:50Tig Notaro?

  Um.

• 56:52Mae Martin?

  I don't, I don't know. It's a lyric in one of the songs and it's like, I guess in my head it was about like how we all are so full of like other people's projections and, and static electricity and all the noise of our culture and.

• 57:06Fortune Feimster?

  If you, anyway, whatever. Titles are hard.

• 57:08Tig Notaro?

  And that's why you wear your hat now with the...

• 57:11Fortune Feimster?

  The tinfoil hat.

• 57:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. You're no fool. You need to get a tinfoil Phantom of the Opera face, too.

• 57:18Fortune Feimster?

  There's a lot I gotta get.

• 57:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 57:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay, Fortune, we have your headshot and resume. We will be in touch.

• 57:31Fortune Feimster?

  Let me know if I get the part. Happy birthday to you. I can also be Marilyn Monroe in the Phantom.

• 57:39Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna get May going.

• 57:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 57:42Tig Notaro?

  Uh, well, please, uh, share this episode or an episode that you like with your friends and loved ones and help us build the handsome community. You guys are awesome. Thank you for listening.

• 57:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and, um, thank you to everyone who came to our live shows.

• 57:57Tig Notaro?

  Yes, off the charts.

• 57:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. Incredible.

• 58:01Tig Notaro?

  Off the charts.

• 58:03Fortune Feimster?

  That was, uh, such a cool thing to get to do.

• 58:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Hopefully, we'll have some more of those live shows coming up and some streamers and, um...

• 58:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and I believe that the link for the Austin show is still up right now. You can still get it, um, until this, uh, it's available until this weekend. So if you missed our live show in Austin, uh, so fun, so funny. Buy the link, um, it'll be...

• 58:28Tig Notaro?

  Talk about a good investment.

• 58:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. It lasts a week. You can go to our Instagram page or our, um, and it'll have the link, um, to, to get that and you'll have it through the weekend.

• 58:40Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 58:40Fortune Feimster?

  So that remains.

• 58:42Tig Notaro?

  Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media, at HandsomePod.

• 59:01Mae Martin?

  What a podcast!

• 59:08Mae Martin?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 59:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 59:39Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 59:41Speaker 05

  And Hannah Simone.

• 59:42Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:00:16Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.