‘Home Alone 2: Lost in New York’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt rack up the room service bill at The Plaza Hotel as they rewatch the 1992 comedy ‘Home Alone 2: Lost In New York,’ starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, and Daniel Stern. Producer: Craig Horlbeck Video Producer: Jack Sanders Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What's happening? It's Todd McShay and I'm back with a new home and a new show at The Ringer and Spotify. The McShay Show. It's a video and audio podcast coming to you year round with all my NFL draft information, big boards, mock drafts and player movement. Plus, I'll be chatting with some of my best friends in football, including some of your favorite football analysts. During the week, we'll have episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays that'll include discussions about my player rankings, who's rising, who's falling, and who your NFL team should be keeping an eye on. Plus, we'll be reacting each week to the college football playoff polls and giving you previews and picks for each Saturday slate. In addition, I'll have episodes on Saturday nights with my immediate reaction to the full

• 0:44Speaker 00

  day in college football every week. So if you love the college game, the NFL, the draft, or all of it like me, make sure to like, follow, subscribe, and get ready for The McShay Show on The Ringer, Spotify, and wherever you watch or listen to podcasts.

• 1:00Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures Wild Horse 9. John Malkovich and Sam Rockwell, I like those guys, star in the sharp-witted comedy thriller from Academy Award winner Martin McDonagh. Writer-director of The Banshees of Inisherin and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, set in the 1970s, filmed on location on Easter Island. Malkovich and Rockwell play CIA agents Chris and Lee, who are caught in a dangerous game of secrets and survival. Also starring Steve Buscemi, another one of my guys. Parker Posey and Tom Waits. Wild Horse 9 is being hailed by critics as a revitalizing shot of pure entertainment and easily one of the best films of the year. Don't miss Wild Horse 9, only in theaters Friday.

• 1:44Bill Simmons?

  Get tickets now.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Tremfya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremfya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremfya, proper training is required. Tremfya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis, serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections, or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremfya today.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more, or visit tremfyaradio.com.

• 2:46Bill Simmons?

  The Rewatchables is brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network, where normally Kyle Brand is on his Zoom. And this week, he is here in LA. He was here for football stuff. We realized that we hadn't even been in the same room together, looking at each other, since like 2008, February, helmet catch?

• 3:04Speaker 03

  The night before the helmet catch at a Super Bowl party.

• 3:07Bill Simmons?

  Is that why the Pats lost?

• 3:08Speaker 03

  Exactly why, yes. We drank tequila and talked about the real world.

• 3:11Bill Simmons?

  I just peppered you with real world questions.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Nonstop.

• 3:13Bill Simmons?

  And from that point on, we've only talked on the phone and Zooms, and we've done a bunch of pods together.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:19Bill Simmons?

  And now you're here, and now we're talking about what I think is one of the great Christmas movies of all time.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  I love this movie, Bill. I'm ready.

• 3:26Bill Simmons?

  Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is next.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  Tell me you love me. I love you.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Home Alone Two.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  Your drawers. Don't flash these babies around here. There could be girls on this floor.

• 3:55Speaker 05

  Rated PG, now playing in theaters everywhere.

• 4:05Bill Simmons?

  All right, so you send me a list every once in a while. I'm like, hey, we gotta do rewatchable soon. Just send me a couple, some eighties, some nineties. And this was your number one Christmas movie you wanted to do.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:17Bill Simmons?

  Let's, let's have the first discussion. Let's get it out of the way.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 4:20Bill Simmons?

  Home Alone is a Christmas movie for you?

• 4:23Speaker 03

  It is, yes. And I know this is a point of contention for you because I listen to the pod. I watch it at Christmas time. I don't watch it any other time of year. So that to me is a Christmas.

• 4:30Bill Simmons?

  Does it need Christmas to exist?

• 4:33Speaker 03

  No, it could be, it could be a Fourth of July movie when they go to Paris for Fourth of July or for a vacation.

• 4:37Bill Simmons?

  Spring break.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, why not? Sure.

• 4:39Bill Simmons?

  That's my case. This, Home Alone Two, colon, lost in New York, Christmas movie.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  What, what's the difference? Because it needs Christmas?

• 4:46Bill Simmons?

  It really needs Christmas. It gets New York in Christmas. It captures New York at the most fun time to go to the city.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:53Bill Simmons?

  Um, it makes me nostalgic. It makes me want to go to New York for the holidays. There's a giant tree. There's an F A O. Schwartz, which is doctored as another toy store, but um, no, it's very New Yorky, very Christmasy and uh, makes me nostalgic. And I'm in the camp. I like this movie more than the original.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Is that true?

• 5:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Because I think that group is growing.

• 5:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  I've seen these people online and it's almost unprecedented, but I'm starting to ready to come over for it. Like get into it. Why, I love Home Alone. You love Home Alone. But the ammunition for the sequel being better is, is what? What, what do you point to? Because I'm not, I'm not over there yet.

• 5:27Bill Simmons?

  Thirty plus years of seeing both, um, the effect that it had on my kids as we went through the stages of watching the Home Alones with the kids. Home Alone One is great, great premise.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:38Bill Simmons?

  Home Alone Two, really hard to pull off a sequel where there's no way this situation would ever happen again, which we're talking about, but it just feels like a better, smarter um, redo of the first movie, which normally I would be against, but in this case. I don't know.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  I think.

• 5:55Bill Simmons?

  I just like it more.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  My headline for the movie is really good sequel. And like, when do you say that? Like, when do you say a really good? That's 5% of sequels are really good. You're watching them 30 years later. And what's fun about it, and maybe makes it better than the first. I love how this movie is so unapologetic. Like, we're doing the same thing, dude, and we don't care what you think. And I know a lot of people like, it's the same movie. Like, yep, we got a cool kid. We got an asshole family. We got some idiot criminals, and you're gonna pay and you're gonna come see it again. And I absolutely love it. I think if you're making the case for why is it better? The most pivotal part of the sequel, really the only thing they changed up on, the only thing they took a risk on is the whole Tim Curry performance. Because there's nobody in that first movie. There's no Tim Curry hotel staff, everything. I think he's great in the movie.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  And I think if you're saying why is it better? Tim Curry is fantastic here.

• 6:45Bill Simmons?

  Also, he's protecting his house in the first one.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:49Bill Simmons?

  In the second one, he's basically American Psycho.

• 6:53Bill Simmons?

  He's luring these adults.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  I know.

• 6:55Bill Simmons?

  And just like torturing them for not like five minutes. It's a 20 minute scene. So my guy, William Goldman, he wrote a New York Magazine essay in 1992 about the holiday season of the movies where he would ask different people in the industry, what do you think? What do you hear about this movie?

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:11Bill Simmons?

  And a couple of the anonymous people he asked about Home Alone 2, one of the guys said, sequels have changed. You used to know rule of thumb that the second one would do a third less, but now look at the diehards in Lethal Weapons. Sequels can do more, but they've got to be exactly like the original. When they go to a sequel, people want comfort.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 7:32Bill Simmons?

  I think that's a good way to describe it because most of the time this doesn't work. But if I'm going to a thing like this, I just want them to run Home Alone back with a different situation.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  It feels like when you go to a concert and you're like, can you just play the hits? I'm here, I'm nostalgic. When the lead singer says, this one's off our new album. Ah, shit, I'll go get a beer. They played the hits. This is pop music. Like, we're not rea- this is not The Godfather. This is a little kid who beats the shit out of criminals at Christmas time. It's great. They just do it again, and they don't try to make it different. And I love that they didn't.

• 8:02Bill Simmons?

  Two years later.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:04Bill Simmons?

  We're starting, I'm grabbing a category from later for right now. The Butch's Girlfriend Award for weak link in the film. Because to buy this movie doll, you have to buy the premise

• 8:15Bill Simmons?

  that this kid's parents, who have already taken off and gone to Paris without him two years ago and left him alone in his house, would somehow leave again without finding that he was not with them.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Yes, and get all the way to baggage in the next airport before they even realized he was gone.

• 8:32Bill Simmons?

  It's a big stretch.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  You have to go into this movie like with a mentality. Are you gonna sit here and be like, this would never happen, this would never happen? Or are you just gonna let go? Like, I can't watch this movie with my wife. Because she constantly says it would never happen. And then the same person always says during the scenes at the end with Harry and Marv, they're like, "Oh, they'd be dead. Oh, that would have killed them." My wife says that every time they get hit. So I'm like, honey, can we just enjoy the pop music? I know they would never forget him. It's ludicrous. But I accept that they do, and I have some theories on it.

• 8:59Bill Simmons?

  Wait, so your wife, so my wife loves this movie, but gets really mad at the mom. And specifically the scene near the end, when she goes to talk to the cop and, and she's like, "I know Kevin, he's fine." It's like, your kid's 10. He's in New York City.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  No, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin's fine.

• 9:16Bill Simmons?

  He's a survivor.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  Yes, that's right. He's smart. He's very independent. And you're like, you are walking through Times Square with flyers, past crackheads, and people like jerking off in the alleys, and you're looking for your son.

• 9:26Bill Simmons?

  Kevin's four foot two.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  No, he's done. He's dead. And I, and the cops are, alright.

• 9:31Bill Simmons?

  And she's not that sad, like, my wife, when we were in the Olympics, my wife lost my son for like four minutes in a giant park in London, and still talks about it like once a week, as being the most terrifying moment of her life. This mom is just, it's like she lost her luggage and she's just in baggage claim like, "Hey, do you think it's like a big blue suitcase?"

• 9:51Speaker 03

  It's a Samsonite, yeah, can you send it to me? It is your son, or you got lost again, and she doesn't have nearly enough to panic. But you have to let that go, or this movie will torment you. You have to.

• 10:02Bill Simmons?

  Or could they have written in one scene? Where maybe it's just her and her husband and she's like, I'm the worst mom ever. And she's like, no, you're not, honey. This, we have so many kids. Like something to acknowledge what a terrible parent you are. They just, they don't, they won't have it in this movie.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  There's, there's one scene that I think is critical and it's, it's the parents who are in the police office talking to the Miami cop. And they try some gallows humor where they're like, oddly enough, we've never lost our luggage. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And like the cop doesn't think it's funny.

• 10:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  I feel like he's reaching for the panic button under the table and he's calling it in. But that is the only scene where they try to wink at the audience and say, we know this is stupid, but we're gonna have Catherine O'Hara be charming and try to laugh through it. But they probably need a little more. It's, it's insane.

• 10:42Bill Simmons?

  Like the bad version of this movie is Kevin's on a cargo plane headed to South America, never to be seen again, given a new identity.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:51Bill Simmons?

  Kevin's mom, I don't think she takes off without seeing him.

• 10:56Bill Simmons?

  Kevin on the airplane, not seeing anybody that he's related to, even at age 10, I feel like that would make you nervous at some point. You're on the plane for a while before it takes off.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  No screens, no seat back screens. This guy's gonna sit there. The flight from Chicago to New York is a good two hours. He has no magazine. He has no nothing. And he's like, where, I'm traveling with nine people. I don't see any of them.

• 11:15Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he's gonna, not gonna go to the bathroom and look around.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Now we're getting all worked up again.

• 11:18Bill Simmons?

  Well, no, I, I, this is the weak link of the film.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:21Bill Simmons?

  But then here's the other part that kills me. They're in Florida and they're checking in. They don't have Kevin. They know they don't have Kevin. And they're like, well, let's see, let's see what our hotel room's like. Aren't they on a flight back to, like, somebody's on a flight back to Chicago.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Cause last year they were in France. So like in Florida, like this is nothing. We were across the Atlantic last year eating shrimp and now it's no big deal. I, the one that drives me crazy, that, I hate this so much. The oversleeping gag is so stupid and so pathetic.

• 11:50Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Nine people in a house, when they finally wake up, there's beaming sunlight into their bedroom. That's not how people sleep. It doesn't make any sense. You're going on a, on inter, a flight the next day with all these kids. You're up every hour looking at the clock.

• 12:04Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  And it's like, one alarm clock got unplugged. There's nine other people in the house. That drives me crazy too, before they even get to the airport.

• 12:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, the uncle would have been up at like five in the morning.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, Uncle Frank would be having like an Irish coffee probably, like in, like and be like, let's go, let's go. So the beaming sunlight, they just sleep right through it as adults. Doesn't happen.

• 12:22Bill Simmons?

  With all of that said.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Yes, and there's more.

• 12:24Bill Simmons?

  You just have to have to shove all that over the side.

• 12:28Bill Simmons?

  I asked you for a list of most unrealistic, I can't believe this happened again, movies. I only had three, other than Home Alone 2, but how many did you have?

• 12:37Speaker 03

  I had about four, I had four.

• 12:39Bill Simmons?

  Alright, so we probably both had Die Hard 2?

• 12:42Speaker 03

  Have to have Die Hard 2. He even has the line.

• 12:44Bill Simmons?

  Can't believe he's in another terrorist situation.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he winks at the camera, and McClain's like, how's the same shit happen to the same guy twice? Like, he's staring at the camera, we get it. So that's, I think that's the clubhouse leader. What else you got?

• 12:55Bill Simmons?

  Speed 2 Cruise Control?

• 12:56Speaker 03

  Great, I don't have it. Great, on the cruise ship. Sandra Bullock, again.

• 13:00Bill Simmons?

  Sandra Bullock, who in Speed, Speed 1, just on a bus, one of the most brutal terrorist attacks of the mid 90s in LA, and somehow survives, and meets Keanu Reeves, and it seems like they're gonna be together. And now this happens again with a different guy on a yacht.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  She's on a bus with a bomb on it, and then she's on a yacht with terrorists.

• 13:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  And it's Willem Dafoe now, but Jason Patrick's there, because Keanu didn't want to do it. That's a great one. That might be even better.

• 13:24Bill Simmons?

  What did, what did you have? Because I have one more good one.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  There's a scene, there's a scene in Jaws 2, where Brody is like talking to the town, and he's like,

• 13:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  I'm telling you, don't have this boat race. And like, oh, Brody, you're paranoid. That's not gonna happen. It's like dun dun dun dun. And then the Jaws just shows up. I have that.

• 13:43Bill Simmons?

  I always loved, that, this is one of my favorite recurring themes in rewatchables. The guy who is the hero, he's saved everybody, but nobody breathed in the first time. And the situation happens again, and people are like, get the fuck out of here, Brody.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Sunshine in the dog's ass, Brody, we get it. Um, I got, I wonder, alright, so this one's good. The Taken franchise.

• 14:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  Alright, the daughter gets taken.

• 14:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  And then second one, the wife gets taken.

• 14:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  I haven't seen the third, but I think, like, his dog, or his bike, and then eventually, like, his wifi password gets taken. Like, do you think it's just keep getting taken from him? That's a terrible one, too. What else you got?

• 14:18Bill Simmons?

  I have the best one. Weekend at Bernie's two.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Let's go. With the voodoo curse. I love this movie. Great.

• 14:26Bill Simmons?

  Weekend at Bernie's two was already pushing it.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:29Bill Simmons?

  Just for how long the guy was dead with like just how people decompose. He'd been dead for a couple of days.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  No ring and mortis.

• 14:35Bill Simmons?

  It's gonna be a little gamey.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:37Bill Simmons?

  So this is just from Wikipedia. Weekend at Bernie's two tells the story of Larry and Richard.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 14:42Bill Simmons?

  Once again, ending up with their late boss's corpse, which is targeted by a voodoo queen hired by mobsters who want to find the two million that Bernie embezzled. That was the plot. This movie was reviled.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 14:53Bill Simmons?

  Like it was so hated that I actually think it's a rewatchables candidate for 2025.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Weekend at Bernie's two.

• 14:59Bill Simmons?

  Weekend at Bernie's two is just skip one.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Have you guys done Bernie's?

• 15:01Bill Simmons?

  Rest it to now.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  That would be an unprecedented move to go right to the sequel. Unbelievable.

• 15:05Bill Simmons?

  It's like four years later too, where it wasn't even, it wasn't like they were capitalizing on the success.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:11Bill Simmons?

  It's just a pure money grab.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  Does it have Silverman and McCarthy in it too?

• 15:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it sure does. He should have made a documentary about that, how desperate he was to make a sequel.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:19Bill Simmons?

  So, yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  I have one other one. I'll, I'll.

• 15:22Bill Simmons?

  Let's hear it.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  I'll put it in the headlines. The Kansas City Chiefs. It happened again. It happens every single time. They're down late. They're gonna lose. Oh my God, this is finally the week they lose. No, the other team makes a stupid mistake and they win on a last second field goal. It happened again, the Chiefs, 2024.

• 15:36Bill Simmons?

  That's a great one. We're recording this the day after they won on a 31 yard field goal that hit the upright and went through, which I feel like when it hits the upright, one in five chance at that point. Usually bounces back sideways. No.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Third string kicker too.

• 15:51Bill Simmons?

  Um. All right, one more parents question before we get to Macaulay Culkin.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure.

• 15:56Bill Simmons?

  Eh, I can save it actually. I'll, I'll put it in a different spot.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  The best or worst?

• 16:00Bill Simmons?

  Well.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Where we going?

• 16:01Bill Simmons?

  Culkin 92.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 16:04Bill Simmons?

  Biggest child star of the 90s. I'm gonna give him that.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  Massive star.

• 16:06Bill Simmons?

  I'm not saying he's the biggest child star ever.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 16:11Bill Simmons?

  But I think for the decade, he's the guy.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  And how long one was 90? Like he, he just, he just got in there? Yeah. So definitely massive. He, I, I mean, I feel like Macaulay Culkin, it sounds ridiculous. He was an icon. He was, he really, really mattered. It was a big deal.

• 16:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, cuz I saw what he made for the movie. He, uh. For the sequel, he made 4.5 million.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  That's a lot.

• 16:32Bill Simmons?

  Plus 5% of the gross.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  That's massive.

• 16:34Bill Simmons?

  And I'm like, that's like one of those late 2010s Brady's contracts.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:39Bill Simmons?

  Where it's like, how come you just don't have half the salary cap of the Patriots? You're the entire team. Culkin, like, you could have told me he got 100 billion dollars for the movie. I'd be like, ah. Probably still got shortchanged.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Probably earned it.

• 16:50Bill Simmons?

  Who's going to see Home Alone 2 if he's not in it? We found out with Home Alone 3 and beyond when he was in it.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  No, total leverage. I don't know if the information's out there. Like, I wonder what Pesci made on the movie, because Pesci was huge at the time. And I wonder if he made more, because you can make the movie without Pesci, but you can't make it without Rack.

• 17:05Bill Simmons?

  He's the only one you have to have.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:08Bill Simmons?

  Some weird research stuff with this. Like, I think it was becoming sad with Culkin.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 17:14Bill Simmons?

  He was so big. By age 8, Home Alone is one of the biggest kids' movies of all time, if not maybe the biggest non-animated kids' movie we had in the last 35 years.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  Unbelievable box office phenomenon. Number one for weeks and weeks and weeks.

• 17:27Bill Simmons?

  Hosting SNL. It's like, what's next for him?

• 17:29Speaker 03

  The Michael Jackson piece was huge. He's in Michael Jackson's videos. He's having sleepovers, literally like, Michael Jackson's the biggest star in the world. He's hanging out with his kid. Culkin was massive.

• 17:38Bill Simmons?

  He does My Girl, and he dies at the end, spoiler alert, and it's like, you guys killed Macaulay Culkin in a movie? How'd he do that? After Home Alone 2, he does The Good Son, which is one of the five best movies of the 1990s.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  So.

• 17:51Bill Simmons?

  Pulp Fiction 1, Good Son 2, Shawshank 3.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  Goodfellas. I took in some Good Son this week. I've had some time. I'm here in LA without my family. I cannot believe the end of that movie. I'd seen it, but years, I can't believe what happens.

• 18:04Bill Simmons?

  I can't believe.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  That cliff scene is crazy.

• 18:06Bill Simmons?

  I can't, it's crazy.

• 18:08Speaker 03

  That woman, she drops him. What?

• 18:10Bill Simmons?

  It's been on the rewatchables list for four years.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Good Son?

• 18:13Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah. But what's funny about The Good Son, where he plays like basically Damien Omen, he's like an evil kid, like there's something wrong with him.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:20Bill Simmons?

  I'm not positive he's any different in Home Alone Two.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 18:23Bill Simmons?

  It's the same performance. He's just, nobody's, he's not actually trying to kill somebody, although you could argue if you're just dropping bricks on somebody's head from three stories and

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:32Bill Simmons?

  Creating this deviant, um, psycho, psycho booby trap pit of hell for these two bumbling guys. Maybe that was as bad, I don't know.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  Well, the joke is, you know, he's, he's Jigsaw and he's just, he's completely fucked up psychologically and likes torturing and hunting those men.

• 18:47Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  That's another reason like, why they couldn't do another one with, with, with Marv and Harry and Macaulay. Like, what would the torture have been in the third movie? There was no place to go. It was already the sadistic, sick destruction, like he can't, hey, guys, I'm gonna cut your dicks off. Are you ready? Like, there was, there was nowhere to go with the abuse that they were taking.

• 19:07Bill Simmons?

  No, it really would have been just Saw, Saw One.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:10Bill Simmons?

  He's just the guy putting them in a cellar together where they have to saw something off to survive.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Wanna play a game, guys? I'm on my tricycle, here's barbed wire, like that, I don't wanna see that.

• 19:19Bill Simmons?

  Was Home Alone Two worse than Saw or was it about the same? Would you have them together?

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Carrie always saws his leg off at the end, so it was pretty tough, but Stern on that electrical faucet thing until he's a skeleton was rough, too. They really pushed it.

• 19:33Bill Simmons?

  They really did.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  But I like it still, I don't care if you don't.

• 19:35Bill Simmons?

  Stern's memory of, Stern wrote a book, do you know this, called Home and Away?

• 19:41Speaker 03

  I don't know that Daniel Stern wrote a book.

• 19:41Bill Simmons?

  Home and Alone, something like that. He wrote an autobiography like two years ago and he had some, uh, he had some Colkin stuff in it.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Is that true?

• 19:49Bill Simmons?

  He was a sweet kid, but had lived a very different life than my kids. He didn't know how to play tag or throw the ball around.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Tag's a very easy game to learn.

• 19:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  You just touch the person and they're it.

• 20:00Bill Simmons?

  That's, well, the fact that he put that in the book made me think like, did this, was this kid just in a trailer from age four?

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:06Bill Simmons?

  Never playing with anyone other than Michael Jackson. Um, then he wrote, we realized he had formed a friendship with Michael Jackson because when we picked him up, his hotel room was stacked. Literally from wall to wall and ceiling to floor with toys. Every conceivable toy, as if someone went through Toys R Us, took one of each and dropped them in his room, all gift from Michael Jackson. It made us all feel really bad for Mac.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:27Bill Simmons?

  My kids had experienced a taste of the distortions fame can bring, but seeing what Mac's life was like put things in a different perspective.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  I'm cringing as you read that.

• 20:35Bill Simmons?

  It's pretty tough.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  It makes me uncomfortable.

• 20:36Bill Simmons?

  This was before we were kind of self-aware about a child actor star, like putting in checks and balances.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:43Bill Simmons?

  Because you could see this going sideways. The weird thing is, he dates Mila Kunis in his late teens and they dated for like five years.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:50Bill Simmons?

  Um, and it seems like there could have been a good actor, like adulthood thing for him, but instead his brother took it.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:58Bill Simmons?

  Kieran, who's in this movie.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you were thinking the onset stuff. It's like, your little brother's there. That's your buddy. You're not buddy with Jacko. Like, your buddy's with Kieran. You're gonna go do your homework together and play with toys. Look, Macaulay has spent like the last 15 years swearing to anyone who listened that nothing weird happened with Michael Jackson. He says it over and over again. He's like, yeah, we had sleepovers and stuff, but nothing happened, nothing happened. And he's said in a million platforms. So, I don't know. Maybe nothing did, but I mean, aren't Pesci and Stern, when he's, Michael Jackson has shown up to visit the kid and giving him toys and stuff, isn't Chris Columbus, what the fuck is Michael Jackson doing here? It's weird. I'm triggered by it completely, but maybe it's because it's 30 years later.

• 21:33Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I just, we're both parents. I just, the concept of an adult coming over to hang out with your nine-year-old son would just raise my flag right away.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  It's unbelievable.

• 21:44Bill Simmons?

  My son's nine. I barely want to hang out with him. No, we want to play. We want to play tag. Let's have a water balloon fight.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Sleepover. Like, what?

• 21:52Bill Simmons?

  I'm nine too.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  No, you're not, Michael.

• 21:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you're definitely not. You're a grown man.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Macaulay is also the godparents of Michael's kids. Like, I read that. So, there's all sorts of connective stuff there. But Macaulay, look, Macaulay's married with kids right now. Like, I think he's doing all right.

• 22:04Bill Simmons?

  It turned out better for him because when, you know, I'm slightly older than you, but my generation watching these TV child actors, like it was always going bad. And I think now that we're in the 21st century with like the young Sheldon-type guys. It feels like it's a little better. There's more awareness of

• 22:23Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 22:23Bill Simmons?

  playing it safer with some of these people.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Look, Chris Columbus, okay, so he says, I would have done some things different with Macaulay. Next decade later, he starts directing the Harry Potter movies. He's got these three little kids that he's basically gonna raise. And he talked really effusively about, I did things different, I learned some lessons. And like, I think it has changed a lot because, you know, when I was a little kid, it was like, the Different Strokes cast, and it was just like a disaster. From start to finish. But I think, listen, just recently, Macaulay went viral for posting like a Joe Burrow picture, because people say Joe Burrow looks like him. It's like, that was showing like humor and like, it was good to see him. I think he's doing okay, considering what he's gone through.

• 22:57Bill Simmons?

  I can't imagine being that famous when you're like eight years old.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:00Bill Simmons?

  How do you even process that? When your brain can't process anything and you have no idea who you are at that point? Pretty strange.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Very strange.

• 23:08Bill Simmons?

  There was this Cestanel sketch, I remember in the early 90s when Susan Day hosted.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 23:12Bill Simmons?

  I think it was Susan Day. Where it was all the child actor criminals, and they were all getting together for to plan some heist, and there was an undercover cop.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  I like the sketch.

• 23:22Bill Simmons?

  Bonaducci. But that's, that was the mentality in the early 90s when Home Alone was happening. And I think everybody who saw these movies doing well was like, oh man, this guy in 10 years, it's gonna be a disaster. You just were so used to it going badly. It seems like it's gone okay for him.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  The contrast too is that his co-star and the good son Elijah Wood is looked at as like, the gold standard of a child star who grew up, and it seems to completely have his act together, has been very successful. So I think Macaulay got crapped on a lot because there was some dicey stuff. And he's talked about abuse and all that with his parents, and it's just not good, but I think he's doing alright. I'm happy for the guy. Like, we all grew up Macaulay in one way or another. Like, if something bad were to happen to him, I'd be crestfallen. I think he's doing alright.

• 24:01Bill Simmons?

  I think I got off the train with Getting Even with Dad with Ted Danson.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  I never saw the movie, I'm aware of it.

• 24:06Bill Simmons?

  Done.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  Is this just bad? Richie Rich for me.

• 24:09Bill Simmons?

  Great supporting cast in this movie. That includes Joe Pesci, who is having a fucking heater in 1992. He's dropping My Cousin Vinny, Home Alone 2, and Lethal Weapon 2, all in one year.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  That's a year.

• 24:23Bill Simmons?

  And that's like, action, kids, comedy, that's about as good as, and coming off Goodfellas, that's almost like, I can't even think of anybody who had four different types of movies like that in a two year span.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  No, I mean, everybody looks at Carrie's 94, he did Dumb and Dumber, he did The Mask, and he did, I don't know what the other one was, but he's like three bangers in 94, but the pesky diversity, where he's in basically a kids movie.

• 24:51Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  And then he's Tommy, like stabbing Billy Blanks death, you know what I mean? Like, he did it all. He was, I mean, he was a top five movie star in the world at the time when he made this movie, and he's running around chasing after Kevin. It's nuts.

• 25:03Bill Simmons?

  It's also funny to watch this thinking of him as Tommy in Goodfellas, as he's reacting to some of the situations.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Bing bang pow!

• 25:12Bill Simmons?

  And then Daniel Stern.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:14Bill Simmons?

  Who was in both City Slickers and the two Home Alone movies, and is like, kind of shockingly good in this movie. He's.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Fantastic.

• 25:20Bill Simmons?

  Really over the top funny, like not overacting, just really good.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  The recasting for that part is, he has Michael Richards' energy, like the physical comedy and the electrocution.

• 25:29Bill Simmons?

  Good call.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  He's basically Kramer.

• 25:30Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  And he's really, really good. Before Kramer was massive, he's great in that part.

• 25:35Bill Simmons?

  Tim Curry, you mentioned.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Excellent.

• 25:36Bill Simmons?

  John Heard, Catherine O'Hara, and then Rob Schneider, it's the bellhop.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  As.

• 25:41Bill Simmons?

  Pretty solid cast.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Yes. Do you think Rob Schneider wanted to work at the Plaza just because he heard Donald Trump owned it, and he just wanted to be close to him?

• 25:49Bill Simmons?

  He didn't know that yet.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  He knew, this is gonna pay off for me down the road.

• 25:53Bill Simmons?

  He knew 30 years later it was gonna happen.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  He's really good in this movie.

• 25:55Bill Simmons?

  Strong cast. And also, one of the big things with this movie, one of the biggest and best New York City movies. There's been a million movies filmed in New York City. I don't know if there's a lot of movies that use all of the city the way this one does. It plays all the hits. We're in all the different parts. You even get to see the World Trade, the original World Trade Center, a couple times, and you get to see the Plaza, which I think is probably one of the most iconic New York hotels, Central Park. We just go, we move around the city during the holiday season in a way that. I don't know how many movies have done it.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  No, he's uptown in the brownstone too for the final acts.

• 26:36Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Times Square, all that stuff. It's a great, great Manhattan movie and it makes you want to go there on Christmas and stand in front of the Christmas tree.

• 26:43Bill Simmons?

  Totally.

• 26:43Speaker 03

  And they know what they're doing there. Like that stuff is contagious. I love this as a New York movie.

• 26:47Bill Simmons?

  Early 2009, my daughter was like between three and a half and four. We went to New York City for the weekend. Because she loved the Home Alone movies and we went, we stayed at the Plaza Hotel. And we went to the toy store and we, it just felt like this is something we should do, right? This is now the movie's coming to life, but the Plaza, which was always like a pretty famous New York kind of destination place. But I think this, these, this movie really hammered it home in a different way. Like I, to me, it's the Home Alone Two Hotel now.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  I, yeah, and listen, we do the, the, the Benihana Award, like it's the Plaza, like the scene stealing location.

• 27:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  And they really shot it there. That, not only the lobby, that actual suite is shot and that's not a set. That's really in the Plaza. There's one spoiler, my, cause my wife and I stayed there once too and we were talking about, we'd seen Home Alone Two a bunch of times and we're like, hey, where's the pool? And they're like, oh, there's no pool here. That's not, that wasn't in the Plaza. That's in Chicago. So the Plaza does not have a pool. That's the one thing they bullshit, but we were ready for the pool. No pool.

• 27:45Bill Simmons?

  Jesus.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:46Bill Simmons?

  Directed by Chris Columbus, written by John Hughes.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:49Bill Simmons?

  Still on a all time heater. Twenty eight million dollar budget, made three hundred and fifty nine million. The third highest grossing film released in nineteen ninety two, behind two movies. Can you name them?

• 27:59Speaker 03

  I think I know one.

• 28:00Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  I think, I think one of them was Aladdin.

• 28:02Bill Simmons?

  Yes.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  With Robin Williams. And is, I don't know what the other one was, but I think it came out like maybe the same weekend or right next to it. What is it?

• 28:09Bill Simmons?

  The Bodyguard.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Oh, massive. Massive banger.

• 28:12Bill Simmons?

  Costa and Whitney.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  Massive. They beat Kevin McCallister. Man, Costa.

• 28:17Bill Simmons?

  Costa, Whitney, Kevin McCallister and Aladdin. That was our big four for nineteen ninety two. Roger Ebert.

• 28:27Bill Simmons?

  Two stars.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Unoriginal?

• 28:29Bill Simmons?

  I get it.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Unoriginal. It's fine. I respect it.

• 28:32Bill Simmons?

  I think he got upset about the violence.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  People did.

• 28:36Bill Simmons?

  Cartoon violence is only funny in cartoons. Most of the live action attempts to duplicate an animation have failed. Because when flesh and blood figures hit the pavement, we can almost hear the bones crunch, and it isn't funny. Hard disagree, Raj.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  You ever see somebody get stapled in the nuts, Raj? It's hilarious. That doesn't have to be a cartoon. It's funny.

• 28:55Bill Simmons?

  Which totally violent excessive part wasn't funny, Raj?

• 28:58Speaker 03

  I liked them all.

• 28:59Bill Simmons?

  Let's go one by one.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  You got the compu box?

• 29:03Bill Simmons?

  I do have it later.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Let's go.

• 29:05Bill Simmons?

  Today's most rewatchable scene brought to you by Paramount Plus. This holiday season, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to watch every Mission Impossible on Paramount Plus. I was actually watching some Mission Impossible this weekend. Cruise just looks so young.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  I know.

• 29:19Bill Simmons?

  He looks like, almost like Top Gun Cruise. Like, you forget how long? This is like a three decade franchise now. Catch up on the greatest action franchise of all time starring the one, the only Tom Cruise, now streaming on Paramount Plus. Most rewatchable scene. I was gonna start with the family losing Kevin. The whole thing where he gets separated and then they lose him in the airport and they realize he's not there culminating in the, Kevin!

• 29:46Speaker 04

  Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  What?

• 30:04Bill Simmons?

  Is there, is there anything you would have before that?

• 30:07Speaker 03

  No, I mean unless we did the final act, the Saw movie. Like, as, as, is the, are you talking chronologically?

• 30:14Bill Simmons?

  I'm just saying before that scene.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, that's, that's where it gets cooking because I actually really, really hate the scene at the children's concert where Buzz like bullies him. It makes no sense. All the parents start laughing at the little kid and...

• 30:26Bill Simmons?

  I had that in What's A Stage The Worst. Nobody would ever laugh at kids at a concert, ever.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Why did they think that scene made sense? And what he's doing to him isn't even funny?

• 30:33Bill Simmons?

  It's an easy cut.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  Terrible.

• 30:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  But no, that's the first one.

• 30:37Bill Simmons?

  Kevin's first minutes in, uh, first few minutes in New York City? When he buys fireworks in Chinatown.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Awesome.

• 30:45Bill Simmons?

  This is like, you're just preaching to the choir for the age range of four to 10. It's probably when the, I wrote down, it's the little kid equivalent of going to a strip joint.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  It's true.

• 30:54Bill Simmons?

  Just being like, yeah, I'm gonna go buy some fireworks, then I'm gonna set them off.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  It's the last vestige before it gets sexualized.

• 31:00Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  After, a little older, you're gonna buy a Playboy.

• 31:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  And then like a penthouse, and then a hustler, and then you're just going to a strip joint.

• 31:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 31:06Speaker 03

  So he buys fireworks.

• 31:07Bill Simmons?

  Fireworks, I'm gonna, I'm gonna set them off and they're gonna make noise.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  Fucking awesome.

• 31:12Bill Simmons?

  Kevin gets a free limo and pizza and coke for NYC limo ride?

• 31:16Speaker 03

  Limo's got a TV bill. I mean, that, that blows your mind, isn't it, back then?

• 31:19Bill Simmons?

  There's a lot of jealousy if you're a kid. And of course, I saw this as an adult, so I don't even know why I would totally know this, but you're just living vicariously through all these things that would be like, that'd be amazing, if you're nine years old.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  It was like, when we used to watch Silver Spoons, or if you watched Richie Rich, like, this guy has awesome stuff. Um, it was the same deal. Pizza, limo, like Kevin was just killing it. Like, picture me rolling, like, he was a total badass.

• 31:43Bill Simmons?

  Silver Spoons.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:45Bill Simmons?

  I talked to, I had Bateman on the podcast once, was really talking about it, because he was Schroder's buddy in that show.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:50Bill Simmons?

  And I think he thought I was being like semi-ironic, or, and I, I was like, no, I genuinely love Silver Spoons.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  He doesn't know you then.

• 31:57Bill Simmons?

  I think he was surprised.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  I know, you're definitely sincere.

• 32:00Bill Simmons?

  And then he was in, that's, what was it called? That It's Your Move?

• 32:05Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 32:05Bill Simmons?

  Bateman for one year.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a show? He, I knew he was in The Valley, The Hogan Family.

• 32:08Bill Simmons?

  They spun him off from Silver Spoons into It's Your Move.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Same character?

• 32:12Bill Simmons?

  It was basically, it was young Bateman.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:14Bill Simmons?

  He's the, the son of a divorced, like, it's a mom, it's just him and his mom, single mom.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Great.

• 32:21Bill Simmons?

  And there's some neighbor that likes her, and the whole show is just him trying to foil the neighbor. It was a terrible idea for sitcom, I loved it, I watched every episode.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  The neighbor has to be Ted McGinley, right? I don't know who.

• 32:31Bill Simmons?

  I ca, it was, I can't remember who it was, but it was, it was somebody like, like that.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  What was it called again?

• 32:36Bill Simmons?

  It's Your Move?

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Did you talk to Bateman about It's Your Move?

• 32:39Bill Simmons?

  He was just stunned that I remembered it and loved it. But I really did, I, I really, I always liked him as a kid actor. And then it eventually led to The Hogan Family, which I did not watch.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Because I've heard that Bateman is, is not real interested in talking about Teen Wolf 2, like, it's not his favorite topic.

• 32:54Bill Simmons?

  No.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  No. But, I mean, it's not a good movie, who cares?

• 32:56Bill Simmons?

  It's not. Maybe as he gets older.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  I would think so.

• 32:59Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. I don't know if that, there's been a lot of Smartless episodes about it. Next episode, or next, uh, ca- next scene. Kevin gets chased by the Wet Bandits. Pulls the pearls on the sidewalk trick.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  By the Sticky Bandits.

• 33:14Bill Simmons?

  Oh, they're now the Sticky Bandits, my bad.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Rebranded. The Pearls, the old pearls on the sidewalk.

• 33:19Bill Simmons?

  And then, uh, and then fans off everybody at the hotel with the videotape, which she's just the best at.

• 33:24Speaker 05

  Terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We are looking for a young man.

• 33:30Speaker 06

  All right. I believe you. But my tummy can't don't. Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. On your knees?

• 33:43Bill Simmons?

  Like, nobody, has any sports analyst worked the telestrator better than Kevin McAllister works the videotape?

• 33:49Speaker 03

  Mike Fratello was great. He was the czar of the telestrator.

• 33:51Bill Simmons?

  True.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  Mike Fratello.

• 33:53Bill Simmons?

  Pause, pause, perfect lines, able to fast forward over other dialogue.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  The fact that he, there was always, listen, if you've never had a remote control on the VHS tape or whatever it was, there's always this weird lag. It's like trying to pump like $10 perfectly of gasoline. It's very hard to hit.

• 34:08Bill Simmons?

  Never happening.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  And he nails it.

• 34:10Bill Simmons?

  He's crushing it. Also a hotel VCR.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  No, come on.

• 34:14Bill Simmons?

  There's no way.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:16Bill Simmons?

  Next rewatchable scene I have. Wisdom from the pigeon lady, which I then wrote in parentheses, one of the worst scenes of the 1990s.

• 34:25Speaker 07

  I wasn't always like this, you know?

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Oh, what were you like before?

• 34:30Speaker 07

  I had a job. I had a home. I had a family.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  Did you have any kids?

• 34:37Speaker 07

  No. Oh, I wanted them. But the man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. And whenever the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it.

• 34:54Bill Simmons?

  This scene.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 34:56Bill Simmons?

  From a rewatchable movie standpoint, is mesmerizing. Where he's like a 10 year old kid, he's lost, he doesn't know where his parents are. Here's crazy pigeon lady covered in pigeon shit. And she just has a heart to heart with him and she's like, I had a man and he left me. My heart was broken. When your heart's broken, sometimes you land here. And it's like, you're insane? Why are you, why are you talking to a little kid about this? Uh, I love it.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  I have it written down, first ballot Hall of Fame pee break scene. Like, I would much rather watch Ron Burgundy play the flute than listen to this shit covered old woman in Carnegie Hall say she got her heart broken. Like, there's a lot of takes about that in, in what we have, like, weak link of the movie, like, all of that. I, I, I don't understand anything that's going on there. And listen.

• 35:45Bill Simmons?

  Is she teaching him about the holiday spirit, deep down? Is that what they're going for? I'm trying to understand, like, what they're going for with pigeon lady.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  This is what they're going for. Shoes always has to have heart. You can't just have fun all the time. Like, in The Breakfast Club, we're gonna get high and cry about our parents. It's not just all fun. My problem with it, though, is this movie already has that component with the old man at the toy store and him saving the kid's money that's going to the hospital, he waves at this sick kid. There's already a lot of heart.

• 36:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we already have Roy Wally.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Right, we got Roy Wally, we have the, the wistful scenes with his mom. I don't know what the bird lady is doing here. And they, yes, she resolves the sticky bandits at the end, they could've come up with something else for that. That scene is unbelievably boring and so long. She's still talking about her love and her heart get broken. Like, I have a million questions about that scene. What? Carnegie Hall does not let vagrants just go up in an attic and chill. What is that?

• 36:35Bill Simmons?

  She has a studio apartment at Carnegie Hall.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  And we got harps and pianos and like.

• 36:38Bill Simmons?

  Just lean over, watch the concert, Kevin.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  I get to see the finest music ever, are you paying them? Like, it is the most renowned concert venue in the United States. And this homeless woman, literally covered in shit, gets to come and go how she wants and bring kids. What's she doing up there with that kid? It does, it makes me so angry, that scene, it's terrible from start to finish.

• 36:57Bill Simmons?

  It would be like if it was a sports movie and, and she's just like climbing in a Lambo.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:02Bill Simmons?

  With somebody like, hey, it's 78 football today.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  They let me stay up by the headlights. Yes, you can see Favre, come on with me, buddy.

• 37:09Bill Simmons?

  I'm in the owner's suite, covered in shit.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  And they're just like, that's fine, that's just the bird lady, it makes no sense, at all. Terrible scene.

• 37:15Bill Simmons?

  I have it as rewatchable, cause it's so bad. I watch it trying to figure out what's actually happening and why they thought this was a good idea and why they didn't edit it.

• 37:25Bill Simmons?

  Next one, Kevin sets up all his traps.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:28Bill Simmons?

  That whole, the setting up montage scene where he's basically like, this is gonna be a mer- he's Patrick Bateman in 15 years. He's gonna absolutely kill people, carve them up in a bathtub.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, and bathe in their blood.

• 37:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, and put them away.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  It's, it, it has the great energy, cuz it's, it's like the suit up scenes that we like in something like Commando.

• 37:47Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Just strapping on weapons, and I got rocket launchers and guns and grenades, and like Kevin's just getting ready to kick the shit out of these two idiots.

• 37:54Bill Simmons?

  He's got nail guns.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't, Roger Ebert doesn't like that, it's awesome.

• 37:58Bill Simmons?

  Kevin annihilates the two crooks for 15 solid minutes, which includes, he drops four bricks on them from a three-story height.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:06Bill Simmons?

  Nail gun through the door multiple times, including right in Daniel Stern's face, almost takes out his eye.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:11Bill Simmons?

  Slippery goo in the ladder, so Pesci falls 20 feet. Bag of plumber tools falls on Pesci's head. Slippery goo in the fall, floor, so Stern falls backwards. Electrocutes the sink, which I think is just a murder.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:25Bill Simmons?

  I don't think Stern survives that under any circumstance, like, he's dead.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Dead. Corpse.

• 38:30Bill Simmons?

  Sets Pesci's head on fire, and then he goes to put it out in the toilet, and the toilet explodes.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:37Bill Simmons?

  Another murder. I think they're both dead at that point.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  I think their toilet is like filled with kerosene or something, and his face is in it. So he'd be at least like wildly disfigured.

• 38:44Bill Simmons?

  He's at least like a paraplegic.

• 38:45Speaker 03

  Yes. See, now we're doing the thing that my wife does. He'd be dead, he'd be dead, but this is what you do with this movie.

• 38:50Bill Simmons?

  They're both dead at this point. He hits Marv with a 100-pound bag of sand from distance. Hits both of them with that giant metal, I don't know, is it a metal stick, whatever that thing is?

• 38:59Speaker 03

  I think that'd be like lead pipe thing that comes down, yes, yes, that one's devastating.

• 39:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that one you're not waking up from. Hits them with the giant tool chest that presses them against the wall. Kerosene rope trick that he sets on fire. And they fall, I don't know, 40 feet, and then 25 to 30 pink cans laying on top of them.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 39:18Bill Simmons?

  And then he taunts them with stuff like, nice night for a neck injury. He's basically Yvonne Tez Perfect. Just taking up wide receivers.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  Antonio Brown over the middle, the crown of the helmet, a brutal moment. My question to you about that whole compu box you did, do you have a favorite? One of those that like when you're watching, you're like, oh, fuck, yes. Like, what's your favorite?

• 39:36Bill Simmons?

  I do. Um, I really like the kerosene rope trick. I just like how they set it up. It's like, what's that smell? The guys are so stupid.

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Was that aftershave?

• 39:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. And then it puts you in a what do you do mode?

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Nothing. You weren't aftershave?

• 39:49Bill Simmons?

  It's not aftershave, that's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it. Now, why would anybody soak a rope in kerosene?

• 40:02Speaker 04

  Merry Christmas.

• 40:04Bill Simmons?

  Go up! Uh, you just dropped.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  Go up, go up! He starts saying go up and they can't get up the rope.

• 40:10Bill Simmons?

  What was your favorite?

• 40:12Speaker 03

  I think it's that lead pipe thing that hits both of them.

• 40:14Bill Simmons?

  Oh, cause he fakes them out with the swinging pants.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  And Harry and Marv think they're smart. It hits both of them and then they fall down through the hole in the floor all the way to the basement. And then he cuts it and it lands on him like Macho Man off the top rope, like a finisher move.

• 40:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  That's the one where I laugh out loud, that that lead pipe thing, whatever it is.

• 40:33Bill Simmons?

  Last one I had was the mom realizing she knows where Kevin is. Um, and I wrote down, she's reprehensibly calm. No wonder he's a psycho. She goes to see him. No embrace, they kind of, they kind of like, they're kind of like, oh, I, I knew I'd find you. Yeah, here I am. It's like, I don't know.

• 40:59Speaker 04

  Merry Christmas, Mom.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  Merry Christmas, sweetheart.

• 41:07Speaker 04

  Thank you. Let's go. How'd you know I was here? Well, I know you and Christmas trees. And this is the biggest one around. We should have somebody else. They're at the hotel. They didn't like palm trees either.

• 41:20Bill Simmons?

  My wife would have been way more excited to see her son that she'd been separated from by multiple states. And was passing flyers out?

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. I had some thoughts on this later, and I think there's a reason that Kevin is not excited to see her.

• 41:33Bill Simmons?

  Oh, great. Oh, great. I can't wait. So what's your most rewatchable scene?

• 41:39Speaker 03

  It gave me the chaos. It gave me the chaos in the apartments, the destruction. That's why. That's how they marketed this movie, too. They sold it like Kevin's gonna beat him up some more. Come on, folks. And it worked.

• 41:49Bill Simmons?

  Today's the most rewatchable scene brought to by Paramount Plus. This holiday season, make your mission to watch every Mission Impossible on Paramount Plus. Every dangerous secret, every heart pounding chase, every impossible jaw dropping stunt. Now streaming on Paramount Plus. Okay.

• 42:05Bill Simmons?

  What's the most 1992 thing about this movie?

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Okay, you got some?

• 42:09Bill Simmons?

  Clock radios?

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Great.

• 42:12Bill Simmons?

  Paper boarding passes that could, if you knocked the flight attendant over, it would cause mass chaos and you could get on a plane. That's not happening anymore.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  And Harry rips up Kevin's paper ticket and Kevin's like, oh, my God, how am I gonna get on the flight? My ticket's ripped off.

• 42:25Bill Simmons?

  Now we have, now we have putting your iPhone to check in and they're going, you gotta turn your light up higher. It's not, no, you gotta just push it while seven people are pissed off.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  I hate putting my phone on that thing because then I'm gonna put it next to my face.

• 42:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  It's sick. You gotta put it closer. I don't want to.

• 42:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I don't wanna, do you mind if I don't touch? We, most 1992 things about this movie, the original World Trade Center.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:50Bill Simmons?

  Which apparently they cut out of the movie for like 15 years on the rebroadcast, which I can't believe. And then by 2018, they were like, what are we doing? I was very surprised they did that.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  It's sobering. It's the fact that he's up there and it's like this symbol of New York and.

• 43:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  And the thing.

• 43:05Bill Simmons?

  But I like it now because that was such a big part of the city. I don't like like erasing history. 1992. That was one of the biggest landmarks the city had and it should be in the movie.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  I also have it for Great Shot Gordo coming up. They do this incredible, I guess it's a helicopter set. I didn't have drones back then.

• 43:20Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Kevin and they pull back like, wow, look how cool New York is.

• 43:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  It's an awesome moment. It really is.

• 43:26Bill Simmons?

  1992, a benevolent Trump cameo?

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a good call.

• 43:30Bill Simmons?

  Rob Schneider as a hotel bellhop?

• 43:34Bill Simmons?

  Although maybe things would circle around where in 2024, he might be playing the hotel bellhop again.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  Or he might be an actual hotel bellhop.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  Kev, the Kevmeister. That was him. Kicking ass, eating cookies, giving the fruit stripe. They made a whole career out of that.

• 43:52Bill Simmons?

  I had that one too, tipping somebody with a fruit stripe. Do they still make fruit stripe?

• 43:56Speaker 03

  I think they do. And.

• 43:57Bill Simmons?

  You think they do?

• 43:58Speaker 03

  I haven't seen it. It's a giraffe logo. My take on fruit stripe, and I don't think they're a sponsor. Fastest flavor losing gum on the market. You get like nine chews and it's gone. Is fruit stripe still with us? I hope. I grew up with it.

• 44:12Bill Simmons?

  One of the searches is fruit stripe discontinued, question mark.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. So people care about the brand. I think it's because of this movie.

• 44:19Bill Simmons?

  Well, the winner for 1992 thing, unless you have any more you want to throw in.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  I'll submit one.

• 44:23Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  When Kevin's rolling in the limo and he's eating a pizza, he is drinking a Coca-Cola classic.

• 44:30Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I didn't notice that. Oh, man. I like Coca-Cola classic.

• 44:35Speaker 03

  It's great. So they changed the formula to compete with Pepsi. And then people are like, what the fuck? This new formula sucks. Well, we'll give you Coca-Cola classic, which is the old formula. To the young people that must be nuts, but they used to have a can of Coke and it would say classic on it. It just, it just brought me back watching it.

• 44:50Bill Simmons?

  Honestly, it would be like if we just completely changed the rewatchables and had different categories and it was just a completely different podcast. People are like, what the fuck?

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, bring back rewatchables classic.

• 45:00Bill Simmons?

  All right, rewatchables classic is here now. With the old categories.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Remember when the NBA changed the ball for like five minutes?

• 45:07Bill Simmons?

  Right. Everybody got so mad.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  What is this? And Shaq was so pissed. He's like, this ball's terrible.

• 45:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  And then they went to Spalding classic and they brought it back and they haven't changed it since.

• 45:16Bill Simmons?

  Well, the winner of this category is the Talk Boy.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's talk about the Talk Boy though. This is perfect.

• 45:20Bill Simmons?

  So it was designed as a prop for the film by Tiger Electronics with an eye on the 1992 holiday season. And boy, did it work because it was the best selling toy of 1992, the Talk Boy.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Banger.

• 45:32Bill Simmons?

  I.

• 45:33Speaker 03

  It's basically a tape recorder? Yeah, I think it's just like having like a reporter's tape recorder, but it has that little kind of protrusion on it, which I think maybe gets some distance or something. I know this, here's another 1992 thing. They also decided to sell a pink and orange colored Talk Girl. Cause they were selling it to, it was the Talk Boy and the Talk Girl, it's a real thing. And that's how they used to do it back then. It was like, oh, the girls' toys, the boys' toys. There was a Talk Girl. How about that?

• 45:59Bill Simmons?

  Don't remember Talk Girl.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  It was, I had sisters.

• 46:02Bill Simmons?

  Well, they also had video games based on Home Alone 2 made by Sega Genesis, Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, and personal computers. That was a runner up for most 1992 thing about the movie. That was kind of the the big quartet along with computers.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  It's a ton of video games. There's a guy out there called the Angry Video Game Nerd, who plays old video games online. And he got Macaulay to show up and play Home Alone games with him like a couple of years ago.

• 46:27Bill Simmons?

  Really?

• 46:27Speaker 03

  And it's, it's, it's

• 46:28Bill Simmons?

  What was the Home Alone game? I definitely did not play that one.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  It was one of those games

• 46:32Bill Simmons?

  He's just in New York, like trying to drop stuff on people?

• 46:34Speaker 03

  No, I remember mostly using the house from the first movie. And it's just awful. It's nothing like the movie. It's just, they're not even trying to make a game. They're just putting Kevin McCallister's face and sell it. Like, I got suckered into buying so many of those bad video game movies. There's awful. The Rambo video game was terrible. The Friday the 13th game is legendarily bad. E.T. is iconic. Like, they usually suck if they're, you know how they say they can't make video game movies, like it's hard to make? They can't make movie video games either. It goes both ways.

• 46:59Bill Simmons?

  I can't think of any good ones.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  I don't know. I mean, there's, listen, we can go deep.

• 47:04Bill Simmons?

  I'm just saying from 80s, 90s, I can't remember anyone based on a movie or a TV show that I was super excited to play. The best one that was based on something was the WWF game with, when you were a tag team. I don't know if you ever played that one?

• 47:16Speaker 03

  I played all of those.

• 47:17Bill Simmons?

  The tag team was like Big Boss Man, and you can team him up with Andre the Giant. Those were amazing.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  But your point, like, do you ever remember me like, oh, I love this Predator Home video game? Or this Terminator Home video game? Arcade games, sure, some of them, but they didn't really do it that much. And so they got some things like Aladdin and Lion King, but those were like Disney products.

• 47:35Bill Simmons?

  The 48 Hours video game would have been great, where Jack Cates was just saying inappropriate racial comments to Reggie Hammond.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  So good.

• 47:42Bill Simmons?

  And then Reggie Hammond would punch him. Um, what's aged the best?

• 47:47Bill Simmons?

  The Plaza Hotel.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Fantastic.

• 47:50Bill Simmons?

  Huge, basically an advertisement for how cool the Plaza Hotel is. And I don't even know, I haven't stayed there since I went with my daughter. I have no idea where it stands in 2024.

• 48:00Speaker 03

  We were probably five years ago. It was classy, super classy.

• 48:03Bill Simmons?

  That's the thing. And it's like the kind of place you have tea on the first floor. And there's like five, seven year old aunts.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:11Bill Simmons?

  Having tea and somebody's putting little, little nip in one of them.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, definitely a little flask. Growing up in Chicago, I looked at Plaza as the Plaza as the symbol of wealth in New York City. I also looked at Trump.

• 48:21Bill Simmons?

  Where's it in Chicago?

• 48:21Speaker 03

  No, I mean, I would.

• 48:23Bill Simmons?

  No, but where's the Plaza in Chicago? Is it?

• 48:24Speaker 03

  No, there isn't one. It's just like, I, when I would look at New York, I'd be like, wow, the Plaza is what New York wealth is all about. From my Chicago perspective.

• 48:31Bill Simmons?

  But I thought you said they had the pool and the.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  So it's the pool. I think it's in like a Four Seasons or something.

• 48:35Bill Simmons?

  Oh, it's not even a Plaza.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  No.

• 48:37Bill Simmons?

  So there's only one Plaza in New York. That's it.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  That's the one. That's also makes it special.

• 48:42Bill Simmons?

  Well, the one, what's the one in Chicago that you have? The old school hotel?

• 48:45Speaker 03

  There's a couple of them.

• 48:46Bill Simmons?

  Um, now we're side, now we're side barring.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  We're deep in the Chicago Hotel.

• 48:50Bill Simmons?

  There's that one. It's like that old one near where MJ used to live.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 48:54Bill Simmons?

  I'm blanking on it.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know what it is either. I think my sister got me. Oh, the Drake.

• 48:58Bill Simmons?

  The Drake.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, the Drake Hotel.

• 48:59Bill Simmons?

  The Drake is the Plaza for Chicago.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  They referenced the Drake Hotel in Mission Impossible 1.

• 49:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  We were just talking about that movie.

• 49:05Bill Simmons?

  What's it? It's the best. F A O. Schwartz is Duncan's toy chest.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 49:09Bill Simmons?

  They just basically flipped it over.

• 49:12Bill Simmons?

  I have a bunch. What do you, give me your best before.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Quick ones. I love that just everybody's back for the sequel. That ages well.

• 49:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  There's not a.

• 49:18Bill Simmons?

  They only changed one sibling. One of the, one of them was a new one.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  You don't give a shit about.

• 49:21Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  But there's not a George McFly recast in Back to the Future 2 where like, we couldn't get Crispin or we couldn't get Uncle Frank even like, everyone's there. I like that in a sequel. It's a full set.

• 49:30Bill Simmons?

  The dad's not different.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  No, it's, it's, it's our same dad, same everybody, and that's just like, same movie, dude. It works. I think that's a big part of it, too.

• 49:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  What else you got?

• 49:40Bill Simmons?

  The fear of losing your kid in an airport. It's funny to watch this when you're younger. I think even through your mid twenties before you have kids, you kind of still watch movies from the kid's perspective, even though you're grown up.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 49:51Bill Simmons?

  But then when you become a parent, you watch it from the parent's perspective. And to hustle through an airport, being late for a flight with eight family members, it would be like my idea of hell. I'd be so nervous we're gonna not have a bag, somebody like you're just scrambling around. So I'm not defending the McAllisters because they lost Kevin twice in a three year span, but I'm just saying I understand it.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  You're so afraid of it, you would never do it. You would never get there late. You would never be running because you're so scared to get there early.

• 50:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  When my kid is looking through snacks at the Hudson News in the airport and I can't see him for a second, I start to panic.

• 50:24Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  It's the protective instincts kick in, like everyone's an asshole at the airport. Everyone's in a hurry. They don't care. You don't lose your kid in the airport. If you do, terrified.

• 50:33Bill Simmons?

  Tim Curry, the perfect creepy hotel boss?

• 50:36Speaker 03

  That blend of him from the grinch shot into Tim Curry's smile. What's your relationship with Tim Curry? Like, like, what's your favorite?

• 50:42Bill Simmons?

  Always has made me uneasy. I've never liked him. Yeah.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  That's what that's his deal. So like, I'm a big Clue guy. Like, he's awesome in Clue. Legend with Tom Cruise, he plays the villain. Like, I just, I love all of that stuff. So, and I, I think he is so good in this movie. And if Tim Curry doesn't work in this movie, he loses your interest.

• 50:59Bill Simmons?

  Using the talk by talking in slow motion to get a hotel room, just ingenious by Kevin. So the phone call.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  Whoa, hi, this is Mr. McAllister. Credit card, you got it. The lady's like, is this Mr. Jame Gump checking into the hotel? Do you have a room for a great big fat person? By the way, the lady who's taking that reservation is Chris Columbus's wife. Pretty cool. That lady worked for the hotel. Yeah, she's in the movie. Pretty cool.

• 51:25Bill Simmons?

  How about Karen Culkin as the little brother?

• 51:27Speaker 03

  Let's do it. I mean, definitely. I think he's top of the list age.

• 51:30Bill Simmons?

  Just waiting for him to drop Roman lines?

• 51:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. He's now, he's, he used to be the guy who pissed the bed. Now he's sending dick pics to mature women across the Waystar Royco conference table. The best scene in that series by far. Sends it to his dad instead, mistakenly.

• 51:44Bill Simmons?

  It's so funny to see him as a little kid and think he's gonna go on to play one of the most depraved characters in the history of HBO.

• 51:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:50Bill Simmons?

  It's like Roman Reign at a B.C.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  Fuller, easy on the Pepsi. Fuller, easy on the dick pics.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  I love Fuller.

• 52:01Bill Simmons?

  Two more. No CGI for the pigeon attack. They actually use pigeons.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  Pretty cool.

• 52:05Bill Simmons?

  Now they would just like fake it. John Williams is the score. Great stuff.

• 52:14Speaker 03

  And I mean, Williams, how about this? He just casually does this and then he's just right on a Jurassic Park next project like,

• 52:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  What a legend.

• 52:20Bill Simmons?

  They're like, hey, John Williams, do you have anything?

• 52:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got some.

• 52:23Bill Simmons?

  For Home Alone, it's gonna make about 400 million. It's like, hold on, let me go in my garage.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  Let me think something out.

• 52:26Bill Simmons?

  Let me, uh.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Candles in the window.

• 52:29Bill Simmons?

  Christmas theme, right?

• 52:30Speaker 03

  No problem. I got you.

• 52:32Bill Simmons?

  Kevin's room service bill. So this was what was on it. Two chocolate cakes, six chocolate mousses with, with, uh, chocolate vanilla and strawberry ice cream topped with M&Ms. Chocolate sprinkles, cherries, nuts, marshmallows, caramel syrup, chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, whipped cream, bananas, six custard flans, a pastry cart, eight strawberry tarts and 36 chocolate covered strawberries. Again, he's American Psycho.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a crazy, crazy word.

• 52:57Bill Simmons?

  For one person, that's insane.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, you can't consume that much in a few days. A couple of years after that, he's

• 53:05Bill Simmons?

  He becomes a diabetic?

• 53:08Speaker 03

  He has to go right to the hospital. He's like, give me three scoops. I'm not driving. Oh, you're driving to the hospital, Kevin. You definitely are.

• 53:14Bill Simmons?

  Home Alone 3, Kevin's out of insulin. I, there's just no way you could eat that much as a 10-year-old when you're four feet and live to tell that.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  I think it's also like an F you to his parents. I think this is like, I'm gonna run up the bill.

• 53:26Bill Simmons?

  Oh, interesting.

• 53:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. He's, and so he's being like, screw you, I'm gonna be the highest bill possible because you guys ditch me again? Yes. Hmm.

• 53:35Bill Simmons?

  Craig, what's the most you could spend on room service?

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Nowadays, I feel like you can, one person? I mean, dude, you get Uber Eats for one person. It's like $65. So it's easy now. That was Craig's lunch. Chicken cacciatore for $65. It's true. Room service, under a hundred dollars for one person. A sandwich, like a salad and like a glass of wine, forget about it. It's, it's a hundred dollars.

• 53:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  It's nuts.

• 53:59Bill Simmons?

  And then it's like they do the thing where it's the service charge is in there, but does that mean the person who brought this, it's not a tip for him?

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Okay, so.

• 54:05Bill Simmons?

  It is a tip?

• 54:06Speaker 03

  You, I think the idea is you're not supposed to tip.

• 54:08Bill Simmons?

  I always tip.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  I'm so worried about not tipping that I also tip, but then I feel like a sap. I feel like I was just taken advantage of.

• 54:14Bill Simmons?

  Man, I'll tell you.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  Have you guys ever seen the bellhop do the Rob? Snyder finger thing to you?

• 54:18Bill Simmons?

  The.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Oh, they're like, what do you got? Yeah, rubbing the fingers together like it's time for pay. Have you? No. Does that really happen or is that only in movies?

• 54:26Bill Simmons?

  Those people get out, they, they get out fast in hotels.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  They don't do the thing, they say three times, anything else I can do for you? Anything else?

• 54:34Bill Simmons?

  It's a movie trip.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  To your liking? That's, that's what they're saying.

• 54:37Bill Simmons?

  Movie trip.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 54:39Bill Simmons?

  The Fortune three clap award for most giftable moment has to be her screaming Kevin, right?

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, the mom.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, yeah, I think so.

• 54:47Bill Simmons?

  Great shot, Gordo award, you had it. The, uh, the, that drone shot was really cool, whatever they did. Dennis thieves, Benihana award, scene stealing location, I could give you New York City? I could give you Duncan's toy chest? I could just give you the Plaza.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  The Plaza.

• 55:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Did I take some of the magic out when I told you there's no pool at the Plaza? I feel like I ruined it for you a little bit.

• 55:06Bill Simmons?

  It was fine.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  It's like there is no basement in the Alamo.

• 55:09Bill Simmons?

  Well, if I'm staying at the Plaza, why am I like, hold on, I got, I brought my trunks.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:14Bill Simmons?

  I'm there to like use New York City. I'm right in the middle of everything.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  It's right next to Central Park.

• 55:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  It'd be a little weird to swim and the pool would probably be small.

• 55:20Bill Simmons?

  You're right.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:22Bill Simmons?

  Big Kahuna Burger award, best use of food or drink has to be the, uh, the room service order. What's age the worst? You mentioned this, a clock radio accident causing ten people in the house to be late.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 55:34Bill Simmons?

  Ridiculous. What else you have? I have a bunch.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Um, when the family goes down to Florida, they stay in this crappy motel. Um, hotels or motels that advertise adult movies on the sign. You don't see that anymore. Does that exist? Like a porn movie is basically is what they're saying.

• 55:50Bill Simmons?

  You know, the only thing that's left is HBO. You'll see that, like there's some LA hotels where you'll see like free HBO.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:57Bill Simmons?

  It's still on there. That's the only thing I've seen.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Craig, let me ask you, do you, do you know what the term spectrovision is? Does that mean anything to you? No. Okay, so spectrovision, which they used to nickname spanktravision, was you could be in a hotel and you would, you would order porn movies on the TV. Spanktravision, I remember.

• 56:12Bill Simmons?

  Skinamax.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, Spanx Division walks the Skinamax could run or vice versa. But the phrase bill would always be movie titles do not appear on the bill.

• 56:20Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Because it'd be like horny sorority girls, twelve ninety, it would just say movie. They don't do that much anymore.

• 56:26Bill Simmons?

  Well, so then you'd pay the movie and you'd have your room service bill. And the normal pay per views were like nine ninety nine, but the Spanx Division was like twenty four ninety nine.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  They were so expensive. Buy it.

• 56:37Bill Simmons?

  So you're checking out and they know it's like, oh, you got the twenty four ninety nine.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  And yeah, like I remember staying in a hotel with my dad. He was asleep and I, I, and he's like, did you order a movie last night? I'm like, no. So I think one of my friends did it. We're on vacation in a hotel. One of your friends. They just don't do porn in hotels like that anymore. So I got that. I should say it's the worst.

• 56:55Bill Simmons?

  Well, that was a big, that was a big ball bust, like, uh, guys thing. If you were in somebody's hotel room.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  Order it.

• 57:01Bill Simmons?

  Order it when they're in the bathroom.

• 57:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you'd order ones that were, let's just say were unflattering types of porn that would reflect poorly on them.

• 57:08Bill Simmons?

  And then the guy after, like, why didn't you tell me? I would have watched it.

• 57:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, fine. If I'm gonna pay for it, I might as well watch it. So porn in hotels.

• 57:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 57:14Speaker 03

  And then I just generally have Uncle Frank. I mean, much has been said about Uncle Frank. But like, where do you start? Like Uncle Frank definitely hits children, like to this day.

• 57:23Bill Simmons?

  He's a menace.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  Everything bad.

• 57:24Bill Simmons?

  Uncle Chan, Uncle Frank is being taken out of the house in handcuffs because he has stuff on his computer.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Oh, really? Phil just took it to a ten. I'm like, he's kind of a jerk. Phil's like, he watches children's porn. Oh, my God. But you know what? You might be right. Do you know the deleted scene? There's an infamous deleted scene with Uncle Frank.

• 57:41Bill Simmons?

  What?

• 57:42Speaker 03

  It's in the house before they leave, home on two, before they leave for the trip and Kevin's bitching or something and Uncle Frank sits him down. And I'm not making this up. You're gonna think I'm joking. He pulls Kevin's pants down and laughs and walks away. So Kevin's left there in his underwear and we're like, dude, that, I think that's assault. Like you can't do that to a kid. Not your own kid. He pulls his pants down just to fuck with him and laughs and walk away. So Frank is, I mean, Frank, I think is crazier than Kevin.

• 58:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  Gotta be.

• 58:04Bill Simmons?

  Well, he's also like totally nonplussed that he's showering and Kevin's like pulling a prank on him.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  He does have an all time line though. Well, Kevin, it's second hand line. Kevin goes, Uncle Frank says if I walk in there and see him naked, I won't grow up, feel like a real man. Awesome. What a great line.

• 58:19Bill Simmons?

  That does sound like something a family member would say.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  Awesome. That, see, uncle, my uncle said that to me. I think that'd be funny.

• 58:25Bill Simmons?

  More would say it's the worst. The head of the hotel just waltzing into a room and watching someone shower in a bathroom. A little weird. Although it's Tim Curry, so you expect it.

• 58:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:34Bill Simmons?

  Um.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  I got a fun one.

• 58:37Bill Simmons?

  Well, oh, go ahead.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  All right, so can we talk about the Joe Pesci swearing in this movie?

• 58:42Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 58:42Speaker 03

  So he's coming off Goodfellas, where every other word is F-bomb, and it's, "Why you little chuppa, chuppa, chuppa, chuppa, chuppa?" He does that nonstop. He does this swearing where he's not saying anything, because it's a kid's movie.

• 58:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  So to watch Pesci, who is like the Michelangelo of movie swearing, have to go through these scenes where he's getting his nuts crushed and he's not allowed to swear, always seems so strange to me.

• 59:05Bill Simmons?

  It almost seems like they've, they've put him in TBS.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:09Bill Simmons?

  With dubbing or editing ahead of time.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Yes, but before he even does it.

• 59:13Bill Simmons?

  You just want him to scream, "How the fuck am I funny?"

• 59:16Speaker 03

  I know, right?

• 59:17Bill Simmons?

  "Why am I funny? How the fuck am I funny?" A little kid that loves weird 1930s gangster movies.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, very strange. Why is he watching that movie?

• 59:26Bill Simmons?

  Didn't know anyone at any point who's like, "Hey, Tommy's coming over, like to play with your son. He loves 1930s gangster movies."

• 59:35Speaker 03

  What? He should be watching Rescue Rangers.

• 59:37Bill Simmons?

  The original Scarface?

• 59:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 59:39Bill Simmons?

  Pretty strange.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  It is strange.

• 59:41Bill Simmons?

  And then Michael Jackson visited Macaulay Culkin on the set. I'm just, without comment, gonna say that's aged the worst.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

• 59:48Bill Simmons?

  Ruffalo Han Rubenek Partridge Overacting Award.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  They knew, and they let it happen.

• 59:54Bill Simmons?

  Don't you call me lady. I come in here, I give these things to you.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  Give me all your guts! Give me all your guts! I treated you like a son. You fucking stabbed me in the heart. Fuck you!

• 1:00:06Bill Simmons?

  Who would you give it to?

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  There's a guy in this movie who has a very small part, who makes me laugh every single Christmas when I watch it. And when Kevin's trying to run on the plane, and the boarding passes get knocked down, and the lady's picking him up, the supervisor comes over, and this guy just goes, "Boredom, but make sure he finds his family." And that guy puts every ounce of his being in that line, like that's his eight-mile moment. He is so excited about that line, so boredom guy.

• 1:00:29Bill Simmons?

  That VHS is getting sent out to 100 agents.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  This is not my reel. I'm Home Alone 2, I'm with Macaulay, I share a scene together. I'm gonna be a fucking movie star, because of the words boredom. And he is so over the top and so stupid. I got boredom guy, which is two words.

• 1:00:43Bill Simmons?

  I like it. It's better than any of my candidates.

• 1:00:45Speaker 03

  What do you got?

• 1:00:46Bill Simmons?

  What was your, what was your reel? What was like the number one thing on your reel?

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  Well, my acting reel or my sports media reel?

• 1:00:51Bill Simmons?

  Acting reel.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  Just Days of Our Lives scenes.

• 1:00:54Bill Simmons?

  Like making yourself cry in a hospital because you had cancer.

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  I lost my leg. My character lost a leg in a landmine. Yes, I'm not making it up.

• 1:01:01Bill Simmons?

  Your character lost a leg in a landmine?

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  Character was a soldier. Was at war. I became the first amputee character in daytime TV history.

• 1:01:07Bill Simmons?

  Days of Our Lives?

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Days of Our Lives, yeah, three and a half years.

• 1:01:10Bill Simmons?

  Wait, for three and a half years you didn't have a leg?

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  No, for like two years I didn't have a leg.

• 1:01:15Bill Simmons?

  So you had to like pretend you didn't have a leg for multiple scenes?

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  I had a prosthesis and I would like limp. And then the craziest thing is Paul McCartney's wife at the time was a real life amputee from landmines. And I came in, I did a scene with Heather Mills McCartney in Days of Our Lives where we're like crying about how we don't have a leg. That really happened in my life. That was the thing.

• 1:01:31Bill Simmons?

  Was that, was that your number one real thing?

• 1:01:33Speaker 03

  Probably was, yeah, probably was, yes.

• 1:01:35Bill Simmons?

  Was there a better title for this movie? I would have gone with Home Alone Two: How Terrible Were These Parents?, question mark?

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  Hmm, yeah, that would be, I don't know if it would have been better.

• 1:01:44Bill Simmons?

  Home Alone Two: More Child Negligence?

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  Home Alone Two: Protective Services.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  That's Home Alone Three. You can't lose them three times.

• 1:01:53Bill Simmons?

  Can you dig it? A word for most memorable quote, it's just Kevin again. Uh, Kevin.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  I also do like, suck brick kid. I say that sometimes when we play basketball and volleyball, it's fun.

• 1:02:04Bill Simmons?

  Let's take a break and then we'll do the hottest take. This episode is brought to by Ethos. As a parent, life insurance feels like a no brainer and just gives me peace of mind. Knowing my family will be taken care of and Ethos makes getting it fast and easy. Apply online in minutes. Get up to three million in coverage with no medical exam, just a few simple health questions. Take 10 minutes to get covered today with life insurance through Ethos. Get your free quote at ethos.com/rewatch. That is E T H O S dot com slash rewatch. Application times may vary, rates may vary. This episode is brought to you by Viori. All right, let's talk about a category we appreciate. Clothes that stay in the rotation. Viori earned that spot.

• 1:02:49Bill Simmons?

  Their core shorts are good for workouts, travel day, weekend, whatever. And the Strato Tech T ridiculously soft. It's the kind of gear you keep reaching for because it's comfortable while still looking put together. Get 20% off your first purchase at viori.com/rewatchables and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply, visit the website for full terms and conditions. All right, the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award. What do you got?

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  All right, so I actually have two. The first one, I think we learn in the second movie, and I think Kevin learns. Kevin wants to be alone. I think Kevin is wanting to be apart from his family, and by the time the movie is over, I think he's actually pissed off when she finds him at Rockefeller Center. I think he orchestrates it at the airport. I think that thing with the batteries is all bullshit that he set up ahead of time. At no point in this movie does he try to find his parents, does he talk to anybody about his parents. First movie, he goes to Santa Claus and says, can you please bring my family back? This movie, he doesn't do any of that, and he's like-

• 1:03:51Bill Simmons?

  He's pumped.

• 1:03:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. This is a high IQ, independent child who doesn't belong in a conventional family structure. He's got a sick-ass apartment, eats whatever he wants, he's got friends he hangs out with, he's got a fucking pool. And I think when she shows up at the end, she's like, Kevin, he's, ah, fuck. It's like when your parents come home and you had a babysitter, like, the party's over. I think he doesn't want to be with his fam- and his family sucks as well, and they set that up in the first act of the movie. I think he wants to be alone and is totally bummed out when he's not.

• 1:04:19Bill Simmons?

  I don't think you're wrong. I think the internet comes about five years later, and Kevin doesn't have another relationship with another human being.

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  Mm-mm. No, it's just-

• 1:04:27Bill Simmons?

  He's right, his early message boards, probably at that point, he's 14.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:04:31Bill Simmons?

  When, uh, when, like, the first wave, he definitely has AOL in, like, 95. Yeah, he's-

• 1:04:37Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:04:37Bill Simmons?

  He's probably in, goes to college for computer programming.

• 1:04:41Speaker 03

  Also kind of a freak, like, he likes torturing people. I think he's into cybersex and all that type of stuff.

• 1:04:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he probably gets into some dark places, the dark web, by the time he's 19, 20. Yeah, I like that one.

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  My second take, this is just simple.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  I think Harry and Marv are lovers.

• 1:04:57Bill Simmons?

  Really?

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  I do. They've been in prison together multiple times.

• 1:05:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  I don't really know why they're together.

• 1:05:02Bill Simmons?

  The wet bandits and then the sticky bandits.

• 1:05:04Speaker 03

  Wet and stickies?

• 1:05:05Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's a little weird.

• 1:05:06Speaker 03

  They talk about when this is over, we're gonna go abroad together. The first time we see Harry, he's in a policeman's uniform, which I think he owns and, like, uses in his personal life. And I don't know why else Harry is with Marv. Marv's bringing nothing to the table. It's not like he's the computer hacker or, like, the muscle. I think that they're in a relationship. And the only fly in the ointment is that in this movie, that Marv, like, gets kinda horny about the blonde lady on the sidewalk, but I think he's, like, fresh out of prison and just looking to, like, screw anything, and I think Harry doesn't like it when he flirts with the blonde woman. So I think Harry and Marv are, like, are lovers and, like, they're head over heels for each other. That's, that's, that's what we do. They're going to Mexico together after this.

• 1:05:40Bill Simmons?

  That's a great hottest take. I.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  What do you got?

• 1:05:43Bill Simmons?

  I, that's where, I mean, you really went for it because I was like ashamed to mine because it's probably too over the top, but now I feel great.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  No, let's go. Come on, Bill.

• 1:05:50Bill Simmons?

  I think this is a movie about a little kid fighting off the dangers of child trafficking.

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  Hmm. Do this. Let's go.

• 1:05:56Bill Simmons?

  From, from the get go, this kid is just in peril and in danger and everybody is coming after him at all times and everybody is some sort of avatar for be careful if you're a little kid.

• 1:06:07Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 1:06:09Bill Simmons?

  Heading to when the pigeon lady saves Kevin, it's in the exact same spot as the climactic scene in Cruising. Without Pacino.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  I know either Cruising or Nell was gonna come up. Which one first is the same spot?

• 1:06:23Bill Simmons?

  It seems like the same spot. I was, I was looking at it. It was like, there was the bench.

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:28Bill Simmons?

  There was like the little hill. There was a little bridge. I was like, what are they trying to tell us?

• 1:06:32Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:06:33Bill Simmons?

  That's all I got.

• 1:06:34Speaker 03

  And Kevin has a cry for help.

• 1:06:35Bill Simmons?

  The hottest take.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  That's right. We listen to the episodes sometimes. Sometimes it's just an interesting take. It's a fun take. It's supposed to be a ridiculous take. You don't really believe.

• 1:06:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I know. Hottest take. It's like.

• 1:06:45Speaker 03

  Trafficking, gay lovers.

• 1:06:47Bill Simmons?

  Talk myself into believing this, but yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 03

  That's how you do it. Good job, Bill.

• 1:06:50Bill Simmons?

  Casting whatevs. Great job by you. So only a couple. Chris Columbus wanted Gene Wilder to play the role of Mr. Duncan, the toy store guy.

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  Beneath him.

• 1:07:01Bill Simmons?

  He, he turned it down.

• 1:07:02Speaker 03

  Too small of a part.

• 1:07:03Bill Simmons?

  So they got Roy Wally.

• 1:07:05Speaker 03

  Damn right. They got Roy Wally.

• 1:07:07Bill Simmons?

  And then there's a legitimate Ally Sheedy cameo for keeping our Brat Pack roots.

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. So this is a cameo, right? Like.

• 1:07:13Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  It's, it's, she's winking at the camera. It's not like just a small part that Ally Sheedy took.

• 1:07:17Bill Simmons?

  No, because she's still pretty big and this is 1922. Yeah, she's a real actress.

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  Be like, holy shit. They got Ally Sheedy. It's like, like The Rock showing up or something like.

• 1:07:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, like, no.

• 1:07:26Speaker 03

  It's an odd part. Like she just.

• 1:07:27Bill Simmons?

  But I think it's a John Hughes. Yeah, she was in a couple of John Hughes movies.

• 1:07:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's good to see her. I think she's wearing a wig too. That blonde hair. I don't know if that's hers.

• 1:07:35Bill Simmons?

  Best that guy word is clearly Eddie Bracken, who plays Mr. Duncan, who was also Roy Wally in Wally World and was in pretty much every Hughes movie.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Bill Simmons?

  In some way.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  He was also, in the movie Rookie of the Year, he owns the Cubs. That movie directed by Marv, so there's some.

• 1:07:52Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  There, yeah, and he's in it as well.

• 1:07:53Bill Simmons?

  Do you know his name was Eddie Bracken?

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:07:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Speaker 03

  But that's, I gather he was like massive, like in the 50s, 60s, 40s like that. I've not seen those films. I'm not Kevin McCall, so I don't watch old black and white movies.

• 1:08:04Bill Simmons?

  Diane Waiters award, pigeon lady's in it too much. Schneider is a candidate. Buzz.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:08:11Bill Simmons?

  Um, Roy Wally, I don't know.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  Curry probably in it too much. How about my guy, how about? How about Johnny in the movie? In the, in the old movie, the black and white movie. Ralph Foodie is his name.

• 1:08:23Bill Simmons?

  Oh, that guy, that's good. I like that.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  D Y. You've been smooching with everybody. Like, that guy's kind of iconic part of Home Alone.

• 1:08:30Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he's like James Cagney. You're right.

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  You know how we said you gotta have Macaulay and then Pesci? I think you gotta have that guy, too.

• 1:08:35Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  It's a big part of Home Alone.

• 1:08:37Bill Simmons?

  It's a great call.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Ralph Foodie, F O O D Y.

• 1:08:41Bill Simmons?

  Recasting couch director city. Um.

• 1:08:47Bill Simmons?

  I've never been a Buzz guy.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Talk about Buzz, yeah, go ahead. He's annoying.

• 1:08:52Bill Simmons?

  I don't know, just now, it's, it's too stereotypical, annoying brother. I don't like, nobody would be named Buzz in real life that we would take seriously. You just hear, you see the haircut, you just know he's gonna be a dick. It's just too easy.

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, Buzz is the name of a spaceman in Pixar movies. It's, it's, I, I, in the first movie, I kinda like Buzz, cuz he's like. He has that, the shelves where he has a tarantula and he has a Playboy and he has money and like. Buzz is definitely gonna have like weed and stuff and pills up there eventually. Buzz is gonna party hard, like Buzz is gonna burn out. But the opening scene of the movie too.

• 1:09:23Bill Simmons?

  Buzz knows a couple of Kennedys.

• 1:09:24Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, like he knows them all.

• 1:09:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he's one of the cousins of the scapegoats.

• 1:09:27Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, and Buzz just keeps falling upward in life cuz he has people. Uh, but yeah, he doesn't do much for me.

• 1:09:34Bill Simmons?

  Craig, do you know any, anybody named Buzz who turned out to be a good guy? Aldrin?

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, he did, that's a pretty big one.

• 1:09:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Didn't know him personally. He's like 90, right?

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  Good friends with Stanley Kubrick, as far as I understand, right?

• 1:09:45Bill Simmons?

  So Buzz Aldrin was our last Buzz.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Buzz Aldrin will punch you in the face if you say he didn't land on the moon. He did it, it's on camera, it's an amazing video. Um, yeah, Buzz Aldrin, Buzz Lightyear.

• 1:09:56Bill Simmons?

  Fictional character.

• 1:09:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then Buzz Cuts and Buzz, Buzz Saw from the Running Man, our guy, but not a lot of those.

• 1:10:02Bill Simmons?

  Should I throw Buzz on the, on the list for?

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  My first born.

• 1:10:05Bill Simmons?

  Buzz Horlbeck?

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. Not even a nickname, the real name. Put it on. Buzz Horlbeck kinda plays.

• 1:10:12Bill Simmons?

  Buzz Horlbeck sounds like a tight end in the Saints.

• 1:10:14Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 1:10:14Bill Simmons?

  Taysom Hill's out, Buzz Horlbeck, start him this week.

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  Pull him off waivers, Buzz Horlbeck always gets red zone targets. Yeah. Taysom Hill likes throwing to him when he's in. Buzz Horlbeck, number eighty-three.

• 1:10:24Bill Simmons?

  Quietly four touchdowns in his last five games.

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  So where did Buzz Horlbeck go to college? Where'd he play college ball?

• 1:10:29Bill Simmons?

  North Carolina State.

• 1:10:30Speaker 03

  North.

• 1:10:32Speaker 03

  Why? Why? Just that's the first one that popped in?

• 1:10:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 1:10:36Bill Simmons?

  It's big. Free time all ACC. Yeah, Craig, you did it.

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  NC State.

• 1:10:41Bill Simmons?

  Uh, Romo Collinsworth or someone else for the director's commentary?

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  What do you got?

• 1:10:49Bill Simmons?

  I got Mike Breen.

• 1:10:51Speaker 03

  Oh, you got Mike Breen?

• 1:10:52Bill Simmons?

  Here's Kevin with another brick bang!

• 1:10:58Bill Simmons?

  That's all I got.

• 1:10:58Speaker 03

  I was gonna, I was gonna do Scott Hanson.

• 1:11:01Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 1:11:01Speaker 03

  But I think after Ohio State, Michigan.

• 1:11:05Bill Simmons?

  Oh, Gus?

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  I think it has to be Gus. And I, and I, I think it's, um.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  Kevin McCallister, young fella, ha ha! Suck the whole rope in kerosene! Lights a match! Ah! It's all four stories! McCallister, the hero! Oh, how does he do that for four quarters?

• 1:11:29Bill Simmons?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  Lights a match! Ah, I love you, Gus. Awesome. That's so good.

• 1:11:34Bill Simmons?

  Great stuff.

• 1:11:35Speaker 03

  That, I mean, Gus.

• 1:11:36Bill Simmons?

  You really went for it.

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  I feel like Gus's apex.

• 1:11:38Bill Simmons?

  I haven't seen you go to a place like that since you were with Heather Mills McCartney.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  I went to a deep place.

• 1:11:43Bill Simmons?

  That might have to go in your reel.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  It's incredible. It's kinda disrespectful that I was pretending I lost a leg and she actually lost a leg.

• 1:11:49Bill Simmons?

  Well, that's why you're an actor. That's why they call it acting.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:11:52Bill Simmons?

  Half-assed internet research. Hughes finished writing this film by February nineteen ninety-one after signing a six-picture deal with Twenty Century Fox. Which, it's starting to go a little sideways for him. That's when we got, what was the female Home Alone one? Curly Sue?

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  Oh, uh, yeah, Curly Sue.

• 1:12:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  John Belushi or John Belushi.

• 1:12:10Bill Simmons?

  Went a little sideways. So, Lenny McCallister, Kevin's older sister, was previously portrayed by Angela Gothel's in the first film, replaced by Maureen Elizabeth Shay, if you're keeping score at home.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  Got her.

• 1:12:26Bill Simmons?

  The show Kevin's watching in the first scene is a fictional game show called Ding Dong Dong. It was taped on the set of an actual game show called 100,000 Fortune Hunt Illinois hosted by Bob Eubanks.

• 1:12:38Speaker 03

  Love Bob Eubanks.

• 1:12:38Bill Simmons?

  The one, the only Bob Eubanks.

• 1:12:41Bill Simmons?

  So Donald Trump would only let them shoot in the plaza if he had a cameo.

• 1:12:48Bill Simmons?

  Plus a fee for the film production. So they agreed to give him the cameo and then they were gonna cut it out, but then they actually kinda liked it.

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  The cameo worked well.

• 1:12:55Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, the cameo saw it.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  It's weird, like if you're just a young person, you know Trump only as a politician, like back then he was known as just like the rich guy. Like the rich guy and the guy who would like went through rough marriages and stuff. That was his whole reputation.

• 1:13:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I don't know who that is now.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  The rich guy? I mean, you know, Bezos, like he's on yachts and stuff.

• 1:13:14Bill Simmons?

  But he was like, Trump's thing was like, we didn't even know how much money he had, but he was, he was kind of 80s excess personified, but going through divorces. There was always women. It always seemed like he might go bankrupt, like he was playing Monopoly and just like buying houses as soon as he could.

• 1:13:28Speaker 03

  And he owned every building in New York and we just didn't have as much access to him. But again, as a kid in Chicago, I was like, wow, Donald Trump's the richest man ever. Like I was, that's what he stood for and that's why he's in the movie.

• 1:13:37Bill Simmons?

  So apparently Pesci suffered burns to his head while filming the scene when Harry's hat got set on fire. So that's the thing that happened.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  Do you think Pesci like enjoyed this experience making this movie?

• 1:13:47Bill Simmons?

  I think they just overpaid him.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Okay. And he's like, I gotta take this money, I do the sequel.

• 1:13:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think Pesci was smart enough to know like, I'm having a little run right now.

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:56Bill Simmons?

  I get, I'm gonna make my Lethal Weapon 2 money. I'm gonna make my Home Alone 2 money. I'll make my cousin Vinny. All of this is leading toward me making With Honors with Brendan Fraser and, uh, and my run will be over by like 96.

• 1:14:09Speaker 03

  If he had that, that's the foresight because he might've been like, how, I mean, what am I? Am I gonna be Tom Cruise? Like I'm, I'm this little short guy who beats people up. He has this charming anecdote that he told in an interview where he says, children come up to me and they say, they know me from the movie and they want me to come and rob their house so they can beat me up. And I still get that to this day. And I was like, oh, that's a charming little story that he has kids that know him from Home Alone.

• 1:14:31Bill Simmons?

  Do you think he's ever been assaulted by a little kid?

• 1:14:33Speaker 03

  Cause they think they have the right to do it?

• 1:14:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Little kid just runs in, punches him in the balls with a hockey stick.

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  Right to the face at the airport. He says he liked it.

• 1:14:42Bill Simmons?

  Lot of promotional partners in this movie, including American Airlines, Coca-Cola, Jack in the Box, Hardee's, Roy Rogers Restaurants. This was right as they were really starting to figure out how to grab extra money with the movie.

• 1:14:54Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:14:54Bill Simmons?

  So, the pigeon attack, apparently they covered them with real bird seeds and those were 300 real pigeons. And at one point, one of them got into Daniel Stern's mouth and it just sounded horrible. I don't think they paid those guys enough.

• 1:15:07Speaker 03

  That's disgusting.

• 1:15:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's disgusting.

• 1:15:08Speaker 03

  I don't like birds. I'm not into that at all.

• 1:15:11Bill Simmons?

  They spent a lot of money on an artificial snow and then New York had a blizzard. So they didn't need the snow.

• 1:15:16Speaker 03

  I love when that happens.

• 1:15:18Bill Simmons?

  House was 51 West 95th. That was Uncle Rob and Aunt Georgette's house that's being renovated.

• 1:15:24Speaker 03

  It's a great looking place.

• 1:15:25Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if you know that neighborhood at all.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  Well, again, the prodigious wealth of the McAllisters. I mean, like, they have this incredible brownstone that they're doing a full gut.

• 1:15:32Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:15:32Speaker 03

  The price of that. And then obviously, people have said a lot of things about the McAllister house.

• 1:15:36Bill Simmons?

  But they're staying at a motel with, like, free porn.

• 1:15:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, what is that? And they're all flying to France in the first one. They're riding first class to France. That is really expensive, but they're at a shitty motel. And then Uncle Frank's like, "It wasn't like this on our honeymoon." I think the joke is Uncle Frank set up that hotel and he's a scumbag or something.

• 1:15:51Bill Simmons?

  Entertainment Weekly had a real medical doctor checking out the effects of hair and marth injuries and said, "At best, brain damage. At worst, at worst, death."

• 1:16:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:16:01Bill Simmons?

  That was where they landed on that. I like that they needed to actually assign a story to figure that out.

• 1:16:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. Look at this movie.

• 1:16:07Bill Simmons?

  Like, four bricks from a four-story drop, you're dying.

• 1:16:10Speaker 03

  It's the same people who are like, "You know, Batman's equipment really wouldn't work like that." We know, dude. It's a movie. We understand. We don't need an expert. It bothers me.

• 1:16:19Bill Simmons?

  That's why we have a nitpicks category in the rewatchables.

• 1:16:22Speaker 03

  Damn right.

• 1:16:22Bill Simmons?

  We like to, like to tweak it.

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  Let's tweak it.

• 1:16:26Bill Simmons?

  But I wouldn't assign a story to find out.

• 1:16:29Speaker 03

  Pay an expert?

• 1:16:30Bill Simmons?

  Apex Mountain Culkin?

• 1:16:32Speaker 03

  I think it is.

• 1:16:33Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think it is too, cuz now he's had three hits in a row and we're heading toward Good Son. And this movie made almost four hundred million dollars.

• 1:16:41Speaker 03

  And it sucks too cuz Apex Mountain means you're the highest you're ever gonna get, but it's gonna go down.

• 1:16:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  It did go down quickly. Sucks.

• 1:16:47Bill Simmons?

  For everybody but Sly Stallone.

• 1:16:49Speaker 03

  Right. Exactly right.

• 1:16:51Bill Simmons?

  His Apex Mountain was just Mount Everest and he's still up there.

• 1:16:55Speaker 03

  Still up there to this day.

• 1:16:56Bill Simmons?

  I can't believe he never came down. Uh, Pigeon Ladies, Apex Mountain?

• 1:17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you could also, uh, homeless characters, like I, I.

• 1:17:04Bill Simmons?

  Benevolent Christmas homeless characters?

• 1:17:06Speaker 03

  Yes. Homeless characters who are not a criminal, a drug addict, or mentally ill, I guess. He, he really hit the lottery with that one.

• 1:17:12Bill Simmons?

  New York City has a holiday movie location?

• 1:17:16Speaker 03

  For me, it is, yeah. And for me, it is in the last thirty years. Chicago's got some.

• 1:17:20Bill Simmons?

  I'm sure we're forgetting some important holiday.

• 1:17:24Speaker 03

  You know, Miracle on Thirty Fourth Street is an iconic Christmas movie and they related with Dylan McDermott a few years ago, but I like this better. This is massive.

• 1:17:32Bill Simmons?

  Catherine O'Hara?

• 1:17:34Speaker 03

  That's a good one because she just, she blew up with Schitt's Creek in terms of like the, the fanhood and everyone that showed.

• 1:17:41Bill Simmons?

  Well, she also had a whole, the, uh, Christopher Guest movies, which is my favorite stuff that she's done.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, Waiting for Guffman is unbelievable. I love that.

• 1:17:49Bill Simmons?

  What's the one, is it Best in Show or Waiting for Guffman? Best in Show and when she, uh, she just has a history with like every guy?

• 1:17:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's like.

• 1:17:56Bill Simmons?

  And the guy's like, the guy's like slowly figuring out and people are flirting with her. They're like, I remember that time in Tulsa.

• 1:18:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:04Bill Simmons?

  I love that movie. John Heard? Lot of possibilities for him. He's in Big.

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:18:10Bill Simmons?

  Great Sopranos run for him, but I think he became, it's right around here because he became like, oh, John Heard.

• 1:18:16Speaker 03

  Home Alone Dad.

• 1:18:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:17Speaker 03

  And he's such a dopey character. Like, he must not be that proud of it. It's a stupid role. I like him in Big.

• 1:18:24Bill Simmons?

  I don't get it. I don't get it.

• 1:18:25Speaker 03

  It's great, great in Big.

• 1:18:27Bill Simmons?

  The Plaza?

• 1:18:29Speaker 03

  I don't know the history of it. I'm sure presidents have stayed there. I'm sure FDR stayed there. Like, I don't know, like.

• 1:18:34Bill Simmons?

  From a pop culture standpoint.

• 1:18:35Speaker 03

  Herbert Hoover, that's what they say in the movie.

• 1:18:37Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:37Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right. Okay. Hoover, I don't know. Is that first class president?

• 1:18:40Bill Simmons?

  I would say for the plaza of the pop culture standpoint, yes.

• 1:18:43Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 1:18:44Bill Simmons?

  Losing your kids in a movie?

• 1:18:47Speaker 03

  This or Taken. Taken's pretty big.

• 1:18:51Bill Simmons?

  This made more money than Taken.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  This is a bigger movie than Taken.

• 1:18:53Bill Simmons?

  Soaking a rope in kerosene? Definitely. Daniel Stern, I'm gonna say yes. Pesci, 92.

• 1:19:02Speaker 03

  Stern, yeah. Stern was great at the time. I loved him in Wonder Years. Great career, but this is it.

• 1:19:07Bill Simmons?

  Pesci.

• 1:19:10Bill Simmons?

  We listed what his 92 was. It's pretty unbelievable. Coming off Goodfellas.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:14Bill Simmons?

  Then these three movies all in the same year.

• 1:19:16Speaker 03

  Dude, I gotta tell you.

• 1:19:17Bill Simmons?

  Sky's the limit.

• 1:19:17Speaker 03

  I, I, I, I watched the Tales from the Crypt episode that Pesci was in this week in preparation for this. It's batshit. Joey Pants is in it.

• 1:19:25Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 1:19:25Speaker 03

  Paulie from Rocky is in it and Pesci gets sawed in half by two twins and then they have sex with half of his body. It's right in this run. It's like 1993, 92. He did a Tales from Crypt episode. Michael Caine does the music. Like, it is a crazy episode. I watched the whole thing. I love Tales from the Crypt. But that run you're talking about is, this is in that too. He decided to just do it. I don't know why. It's so weird.

• 1:19:47Bill Simmons?

  You know what Tales from the Crypt is, Craig? I don't. Yeah. See, Craig missed out on a lot of great HBO content just by being too young.

• 1:19:54Speaker 03

  That's on my HBO Rush more. And that's a top.

• 1:19:56Bill Simmons?

  You don't know Hitchhiker, right? No. The Hitchhiker, another one.

• 1:20:01Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:01Bill Simmons?

  You remember The Hitchhiker?

• 1:20:02Speaker 03

  I know The Hitchhiker, yes.

• 1:20:03Bill Simmons?

  My buddy Jeff, one of my best friends, my best friend from high school, um, who was really excited about Yacht Rock. And he's like, Yacht Rock did well. Do you think you could get him to bring back The Hitchhiker?

• 1:20:14Speaker 03

  As long as they bring on, bring back Dream On. Dream On is on my Rush more as well.

• 1:20:18Bill Simmons?

  We were trying to figure The Hitchhiker, just like, I guess the premise would be he landed, he's just in Malibu now.

• 1:20:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:24Bill Simmons?

  It's like he stopped hitchhiking, but now he's something, one last job ropes him back into one more hitchhike.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like you guys with Running Scared, like they're in Key West, they're just retired. Like, what do we do now?

• 1:20:34Bill Simmons?

  Just kind of breaks the thumb out once in a while.

• 1:20:37Speaker 03

  For good times' sake.

• 1:20:38Bill Simmons?

  Uh, one last one for Apex Bound. Brenda Fricker. This is right before she's in So I Married an Ex Murder as the mom, where she's just like the horny Mike Myers mom, and she's great in that movie. So it's right around here for her.

• 1:20:50Speaker 03

  Pregnant man gives birth. That's a fact. Mom, I find it interesting you refer to the Weekly World News as the paper.

• 1:20:55Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:20:56Speaker 03

  Um, I love her. She's Academy Award winner. My Left Foot. She's in this movie. She won an Oscar.

• 1:21:01Bill Simmons?

  That's gotta be her apex moment. I forgot she won the Oscar for that.

• 1:21:04Speaker 03

  She won an Oscar for Daniel Day-Lewis movie.

• 1:21:05Bill Simmons?

  So that's her apex moment. FBO Schwartz, would you have?

• 1:21:10Speaker 03

  No. Piano scene in Big. The piano.

• 1:21:12Bill Simmons?

  Great point. What else do you have, anything?

• 1:21:14Speaker 03

  All right. So I got one. This is fun. Is this Apex Mountain for pizza in movies? So when he comes out and he says, Mr. McAllister, a cheese pizza just for you. He opens it. There's this beautiful plume of steam and he gets in, plume of steam and he gets in and he eats it. Here's what else I got. Back to the Future 2 Pizza, where it's tiny and they make it big.

• 1:21:32Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:21:34Speaker 03

  Wayne's World Pizza, where contractor, no, I will not bow to any sponsor. And they like the commercial thing. There's a big scene in Iron Man where Tony Stark is eating pizza. But I'll tell you my favorite.

• 1:21:44Bill Simmons?

  And I like the Tony Stark pizza. I think we talked about that when we did Iron Man, like how, how, how good the pizza looked.

• 1:21:51Speaker 03

  I think the idea is, I haven't seen that movie in a while, that they brought it from New York on the private jet to Malibu. So they're having New York pizza in Malibu. And like, you want a slice so fucking bad. But my pizza, Mount Rushmore. Bill, are you a Loverboy guy? Loverboy guy with Patrick Dempsey? I mean, who am I asking? If you don't know Loverboy, there's a pizza delivery guy who turns into a gigolo and the women order extra anchovies and that means they want to sleep with the pizza boy. And the phrase of the movie, like the catch line, it's fantastic. His customers always come first. They don't make them like that anymore.

• 1:22:19Bill Simmons?

  The eighties.

• 1:22:20Speaker 03

  God damn it. I missed that stuff. Loverboy, that's my, but I think Kevin McAllister's pizza is on the Rushmore, but not Apex.

• 1:22:27Bill Simmons?

  I always think about if they just had a movie and they pretended it was coming out in 2024. They filmed the trailer for Loverboy, just what people's reactions would be if they're watching football on a Sunday, like, wait, what's going on?

• 1:22:39Speaker 03

  They fucked the pizza guy.

• 1:22:40Bill Simmons?

  It's a teenager.

• 1:22:41Speaker 03

  It's awesome.

• 1:22:41Bill Simmons?

  Pizza boy who fucks grown women?

• 1:22:44Speaker 03

  And he's barely 18, but they love it.

• 1:22:46Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I wish you would prep me for the pizza thing. I would have spent like three hours thinking about this. Maybe next time I'll have more.

• 1:22:52Speaker 03

  Along Came Paulie, not a bad scene. Hoffman with pizza.

• 1:22:54Bill Simmons?

  Right, we talked about that.

• 1:22:56Speaker 03

  It's a good one. Oh, they're eating the pizza. Drinking the grease. Yeah.

• 1:23:00Bill Simmons?

  I really think for pizza and movies, it has to be like the old school, thin, cheesy, kinda saucy, oil spilling off it, eating on a plate, you have to turn it over, that's what I'm looking for.

• 1:23:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, the New York style slice, like that's what Kevin has in it. Look, the pizza in Home Alone 1 is good, that buzz has to barf up, but I just, I want that pizza so bad.

• 1:23:21Bill Simmons?

  You know what's funny, there's never been a good Chicago deep dish pizza movie scene. Cause even if it's delicious, it's just so gross to eat as you're eating it. Nobody's like, oh yeah, I got my knife and I'm just cutting through.

• 1:23:33Speaker 03

  It's not for television or for movies.

• 1:23:34Bill Simmons?

  It's really not.

• 1:23:36Speaker 03

  That cheese pull initially, but then it turns into a slop.

• 1:23:38Bill Simmons?

  People, their cheese is dripping on their chin.

• 1:23:40Speaker 03

  It's my favorite food.

• 1:23:41Bill Simmons?

  No actress is eating that.

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's like, I'm not gonna sit down and eat that, I look terrible.

• 1:23:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:45Speaker 03

  Charlize Theron isn't sitting down and eating the deep dish pizza. I have one other one, and I should have prepped you for this too, but it's fun. All right, Apex Mountain, fake movies in real movies. So you got Angels with Dirty Souls, and now you got Angels, even Filthier Souls or whatever. I got a list, all right. Logjamming in The Big Lebowski, great porn movie. Which one's Logjam, all right. Angels Live in My Town with our guy Dirk, obviously.

• 1:24:12Bill Simmons?

  Amazing.

• 1:24:12Speaker 03

  Simple Jack.

• 1:24:13Bill Simmons?

  You are Dirk Diggler.

• 1:24:14Speaker 03

  Yes, wow, Simple Jack hasn't aged well. Remember when Scream 2 came out and they made a movie that was like it, but it was called Stab? That was their plan, Scream 2.

• 1:24:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  And then the last Terrence and Philip asses of fire in the South Park movie. Which one jumps out to you? That's just my list.

• 1:24:29Bill Simmons?

  Is this all movies or can I do TV too?

• 1:24:31Speaker 03

  Of course, yeah.

• 1:24:31Bill Simmons?

  Cause Cleaver on The Sopranos was great.

• 1:24:33Speaker 03

  Oh, great, Smelt the Sante.

• 1:24:35Bill Simmons?

  Cleaver.

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  That's a great one.

• 1:24:37Bill Simmons?

  Baldwin.

• 1:24:38Speaker 03

  Oh, that's so good.

• 1:24:39Bill Simmons?

  I always thought I absolutely would have rented Cleaver if they had just said fuck it and made the whole movie. And then, I guess that's not a movie, but the end of, um... Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

• 1:24:50Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:51Bill Simmons?

  The CSI, whatever.

• 1:24:52Speaker 03

  Crime scene, scene of the crime.

• 1:24:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. The sunglasses coming off. I always really admired how they did those.

• 1:24:58Speaker 03

  You have friends at HBO. Can't, can't we make the Cleaver movie? Like, that would be an incredible, like.

• 1:25:02Bill Simmons?

  That's what David Chase should have done instead of making the Sopranos prequel. He should have been like, hey, have this idea. Finally have an idea for Cleaver.

• 1:25:10Speaker 03

  That's great. If you got Moltisanti in it somehow, that'd be so good.

• 1:25:14Bill Simmons?

  And then Carmelo was like, Tony, you don't think it's a problem? Christopher made this movie about somebody who wanted to kill his uncle mob boss because he slept with his fiance? You're telling me this isn't about you and Adriana?

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  So good. I miss that show, man.

• 1:25:28Bill Simmons?

  Let's, uh, we'll take a break and then we'll wrap it up. This episode is brought to you by Trivia. Sweeteners are like movies. The best ones don't leave an aftertaste. That's why Trivia Allolos Plus Stevia Sweetener and Monk Fruit Sweetener is a smooth, balanced tri-blend that delivers sugar-like sweetness with zero calories per serving and no aftertaste. If you're looking for a better way to enjoy sweetness with zero calories per serving, you really need to try Trivia Allolos Plus Stevia Sweetener and Monk Fruit Sweetener. Available online and nationwide at Kroger, Target, and your favorite local grocery retailer. This episode is brought to you by Boar's Head. You know what I love about football season? It's the football, but also the football watching food.

• 1:26:13Bill Simmons?

  And nothing hits like a Boar's Head sandwich when I'm watching a game. Really, any game day sandwich better with Boar's Head. Philly cheesesteak, layer up buttery slider rolls with Boar's Head London Broil Roast Beef, American White Cheese, and picante provolone. Delicious. Then add roasted onions, peppers, and Boar's Head pub-style horseradish sauce. I love horseradish. And you've got the ultimate game day cheesesteak. They've also got a whole lineup of premium meats, cheeses, hummus and dips, condiments and more to serve up on game day. Head to your local Boar's Head deli counter to shop now. For game day sandwich inspiration and more, visit boar'shead.com. Boar's Head, committed to craft since 1905. Home stretch here. Cruiser Hanks. So I guess this would be for the dad character?

• 1:26:57Bill Simmons?

  Or maybe because there's no adult lead in the movie? Maybe everyone's in play, every male, so it could be Tim Curry, it could be anybody. Well. Oh, it could be one of the crooks. Yeah.

• 1:27:08Speaker 03

  Listen, I don't want to break the rules here. I say Cruz and Hanks for the Sticky Bandits. It's the two of them.

• 1:27:15Bill Simmons?

  So, so we get a tie? Can we do that?

• 1:27:17Speaker 03

  They're Harry and Marv.

• 1:27:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:18Speaker 03

  Can we do that? I fuck up the whole scoring system. Well, they each get a point then, so it'll be fine. No, I hate this. Schrager and I called this breaking the segment a good morning football when it's like, name an AFC East player that you love and it's like, well, I'm actually gonna go with an NFC. Shut up, just don't break the segment. I will say, um, it's gotta be Hanks for the physical comedy. He'd be better in that than Cruz if he's gonna be one of the Bandits.

• 1:27:38Bill Simmons?

  So Hanks as Marv?

• 1:27:40Speaker 03

  I think Hanks was Marv, yeah.

• 1:27:42Bill Simmons?

  What would you rather see? Cruz as one of the Bandits or Hanks? Would you want, wanna see Cruz just getting hit by bricks and stuff?

• 1:27:49Speaker 03

  Well, I think Cruz.

• 1:27:49Bill Simmons?

  Hanks would do a better job.

• 1:27:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. I think Cruz isn't nearly tall enough for the Pesci role, so I think he'd have to go to Stern. This is mean. I love Tom Cruise. Why am I making dumb jokes about his height? Why am I, I love Tom Cruise. Uh, I think Hanks. I, I think, yeah, he's, he's doing the, the Michael Riss.

• 1:28:05Bill Simmons?

  Hanks wins.

• 1:28:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, Hanks.

• 1:28:06Bill Simmons?

  What's the score now, Craig?

• 1:28:08Speaker 03

  1915, Hanks.

• 1:28:09Bill Simmons?

  Wow, Hanks.

• 1:28:10Speaker 03

  Okay. It's competitive.

• 1:28:12Bill Simmons?

  So, Racehorse, Rock Bay and Wrestle are a fantasy team name. We can go Wet Bandits, Sticky Bandits, Angels With Even Filthier Souls, or Duncan's Toy Chest, which by the way, all could have been titles for porn movies.

• 1:28:26Speaker 03

  So many porn movies.

• 1:28:27Bill Simmons?

  Which goes back to my child trafficking hottest take.

• 1:28:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:28:30Bill Simmons?

  Why is all of this stuff in this so porny?

• 1:28:33Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:28:33Bill Simmons?

  Joe Francis-y?

• 1:28:34Speaker 03

  It's some.

• 1:28:35Bill Simmons?

  Joe Francis's Wet Bandits.

• 1:28:37Speaker 03

  Wet Bandits Gone Wild. South Beach.

• 1:28:40Bill Simmons?

  Angels With Even Filthier Souls.

• 1:28:43Speaker 03

  Disgusting.

• 1:28:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Duncan's Toy Chest? Come on.

• 1:28:47Speaker 03

  You're right.

• 1:28:48Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:48Speaker 03

  That sounds gross.

• 1:28:49Bill Simmons?

  Four of those in this movie.

• 1:28:50Speaker 03

  At some point, Bill, we're gonna arrive on a topic that's gonna be the shaving Ryan's privates award for the, what would the porn name be of this movie?

• 1:28:58Bill Simmons?

  You know, I think I. I had this in one of the testings and I didn't think enough movies would have it, but maybe that should be added.

• 1:29:03Speaker 03

  Like, I think, and we did Meet the Parents, like, I think that Greg has to, like, have sex with the parents and it's called Meet the Parents, but it's M-E-A-T, the parents. You know what I mean? Like cliffhanger would have been like cliffbanger. And it's so easy. They're just all right there. The shaving Riven's privates award for what would the porn name be of this movie?

• 1:29:22Bill Simmons?

  Forrest Hump?

• 1:29:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, bone alone or like something like that.

• 1:29:26Bill Simmons?

  My buddy Jacko and I used to do this all the time.

• 1:29:28Speaker 03

  It's so fun.

• 1:29:29Bill Simmons?

  Cause we, there was this whole era where the porn would come out after the successful movie. And they would tweak the title and it was always made us laugh.

• 1:29:36Speaker 03

  So good.

• 1:29:37Bill Simmons?

  We thought it was so good every time.

• 1:29:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:40Bill Simmons?

  Now we just have 10 minute clips for porn.

• 1:29:43Speaker 03

  I remember they did a Hamilton porn spoof and it was about, yeah. It was about the pounding fathers and I was, I love that stuff. It's so stupid, but I cracked, not founding, pounding. Get it?

• 1:29:54Bill Simmons?

  Picking nits.

• 1:29:55Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:29:55Bill Simmons?

  We mentioned the whole audience from the Christmas cryer would not be laughing at a little kid.

• 1:29:59Speaker 03

  Hate it.

• 1:30:00Bill Simmons?

  The wet now sticky bandits escaped during a prison riot. These guys are imbeciles. Could you trust them to escape from anything?

• 1:30:07Speaker 03

  No. And also they take a fish truck to New York. Aren't they in Illinois? Like that's a picking net.

• 1:30:12Bill Simmons?

  What kind of prison riots happening in the, you know, outskirts of Illinois?

• 1:30:16Speaker 03

  It's not federal prison. They're in prison for burglary. It's kind of a low end prison, I think.

• 1:30:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:20Speaker 03

  I don't get it.

• 1:30:22Bill Simmons?

  Kevin can see New York city from the airport after he lands. He looks out the window and it's like the airport's right, the city's right there.

• 1:30:28Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 1:30:29Bill Simmons?

  So is he at LaGuardia? Where is it?

• 1:30:31Speaker 03

  He might be in Newark. I'm not really sure. I, I don't.

• 1:30:34Bill Simmons?

  I've never been to an airport in the New York area where you could just immediately see the airport. That, or see the city that perfectly.

• 1:30:41Speaker 03

  Well, also when you get off a plane, aren't you just ready to get the fuck out of there? Who goes and looks out the window for a second when you get off the plane? I just go.

• 1:30:48Bill Simmons?

  I always feel like the people have to have the cigarette are the saddest people on the earth.

• 1:30:52Speaker 03

  There's that chamber they go in, right? That glass in area?

• 1:30:55Bill Simmons?

  The cancer chamber.

• 1:30:56Speaker 03

  If you're going in there.

• 1:30:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, if you're going in there, just reevaluate everything.

• 1:30:59Speaker 03

  It's right next to where we take the dogs to shit.

• 1:31:01Bill Simmons?

  Right. Or maybe it's the same place.

• 1:31:03Speaker 03

  It might be, it might be.

• 1:31:05Bill Simmons?

  The pigeon lady's explanation for becoming the pigeon lady was because she doesn't want to trust anyone again.

• 1:31:12Bill Simmons?

  My nitpick for this was you're a crazy pigeon lady covered in pigeon shit? Maybe that's the reason you're fucking mentally imbalanced?

• 1:31:17Speaker 03

  I was on that as well. You said you haven't talked to someone in two years. So you're not exactly have a full dance card. She's, I just, I got a lot of offers. I just didn't want to break anybody's heart. You're not breaking anybody's heart. They're not coming for you.

• 1:31:28Bill Simmons?

  You have 300 pigeons around you. Uh, nitpick, New York city at night. Too clean, too empty. It's just never looked this good ever at any point. Too safe.

• 1:31:39Speaker 03

  There's the one scene where they scare Kevin and like there's prostitutes and the captain's like, "Hey, I'm too much better than here, kid." There's like a five second scene where it's scary and the rest of the time it's like Disneyland.

• 1:31:50Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:50Speaker 03

  It's the happiest place on earth.

• 1:31:52Bill Simmons?

  He's in an abandoned building. There's no rats.

• 1:31:54Speaker 03

  Or people.

• 1:31:55Bill Simmons?

  It's just, yeah, no, no, anybody. It's just great. No shit in the floor, nothing. What do you have?

• 1:32:02Speaker 03

  When they, the, the Tim Curry character and the staff go in and he does the, the thing with the movie. It doesn't, you wouldn't think that that's a real person firing a machine gun. It's a hotel TV with a crappy little seventeen inch Zenith.

• 1:32:14Bill Simmons?

  It sounds like.

• 1:32:15Speaker 03

  And yeah, he's like, "Get back in your rooms. There's a crazed guest with a gun." He wouldn't, it didn't, it wouldn't work like that at all. It's not like you have this massive sci-fi system set up. In the first movie, he lights off firecrackers in the pot, so it sounds like a gun. So I, that one just drives me nuts. I don't like that. You wouldn't think that.

• 1:32:30Bill Simmons?

  I have a couple more of that.

• 1:32:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:32:31Bill Simmons?

  I agree with you.

• 1:32:32Speaker 03

  We've talked about a lot of mine.

• 1:32:35Bill Simmons?

  Duncan's toy chest. No night security guard.

• 1:32:37Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 1:32:37Bill Simmons?

  Nothing.

• 1:32:38Speaker 03

  No cameras, nothing.

• 1:32:38Bill Simmons?

  Person there, no alarm.

• 1:32:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:40Bill Simmons?

  Just, they just keep all this cash in cash register. Not one person just with a flashlight walking around, making sure.

• 1:32:47Speaker 03

  You did like a night watchman in those movies, right? Who walks around with the flash, like twirling his keys. You need some of that.

• 1:32:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, maybe they should have, the bandage should have like knocked the guy out, made him seem more evil. Where did Kevin get all his props? Like he's got like a nail gun. He just says, "Props are too good."

• 1:33:02Speaker 03

  I think it's under construction and they, they, the guys are on a break for Christmas Eve and he's just walks in there and he's like, "Holy shit, I found a treasure chest. Look at all this stuff. I can really kill them now."

• 1:33:11Bill Simmons?

  My two biggest ones. Kevin lowers himself down a five story rope.

• 1:33:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 1:33:18Bill Simmons?

  For, at night in a dark building, um, with no safety harness, anything. And I wouldn't call him like Bo Jackson when you're watching him run around and stuff. You're not watching Culkin going, "Hmm, I wonder what sport he's gonna pick as an adult."

• 1:33:32Speaker 03

  That kid's got talent.

• 1:33:33Bill Simmons?

  He's, he's just kinda lumbering around.

• 1:33:34Speaker 03

  Remember when Jerry Maguire sees Ray throw the baseball at you and he's like, "Whoa."

• 1:33:38Bill Simmons?

  Throw it like this.

• 1:33:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's not a good throw.

• 1:33:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I just, they, they kinda gloss over how crazy that is.

• 1:33:44Speaker 03

  Chris, remember the presidential fitness test in gym class in elementary school? We did the sit and reach and the rope. That shit was hard. I couldn't do that pegboard. It's fucking hard. Kevin just all of a sudden like turns into Ethan Hunt. He's going down and over. He's a ten year old. Come on, no one's doing that.

• 1:33:58Bill Simmons?

  Fourth grade.

• 1:33:58Speaker 03

  Breaking both his legs.

• 1:34:00Bill Simmons?

  Here's my big one. So Kevin finds his family. They drop all these presents off at the tree.

• 1:34:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:34:08Bill Simmons?

  Right? And they're opening it the next day. He's having a nice little family moment. And then he's like, "Oh, I should give that ornament to pigeon lady."

• 1:34:18Bill Simmons?

  "You're not gonna invite her back to the house to spend Christmas with your family?" Granted, she's covered in pigeon shit, but maybe that's a nicer gesture than just like, "Here's an ornament. I'll never forget you." Like, "How about bringing her up? How about trying to domesticate her? How about giving her like a nice meal in one of the presents?"

• 1:34:35Speaker 03

  Shower. Hot shower.

• 1:34:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. "Hey, wanna shower in our fucking penthouse?"

• 1:34:40Speaker 06

  She should have been, it would have been funny if she was like, "These are doves. I'm a pigeon person."

• 1:34:46Speaker 03

  Were you stupid? She's like, "Doves, do you idiot? Did you keep the receipts?

• 1:34:52Speaker 03

  You can return it if you want." Now they would look at that as like a statement on class and wealth and everything. She's standing there. This is a vagrant homeless person covered in shit. He comes down from the Plaza Hotel.

• 1:35:04Bill Simmons?

  Penthouse.

• 1:35:04Speaker 03

  Penthouse Suites. And he comes.

• 1:35:06Bill Simmons?

  Could have brought her a cheeseburger.

• 1:35:08Speaker 03

  Anything. If she's like.

• 1:35:09Bill Simmons?

  Cheese plate?

• 1:35:10Speaker 03

  A Christmas ornament. "Give me a thousand dollars, you little shit. I just saved your life."

• 1:35:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:14Speaker 03

  They were gonna shoot you.

• 1:35:15Bill Simmons?

  Saved his life.

• 1:35:16Speaker 03

  I have this sound unanswerable. When she brings him up to the Carnegie Hall, like her little thing up there.

• 1:35:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:22Speaker 03

  How long does she wait before she strangles him and takes all his money and credit card? Like, she's gonna kill that kid. She's a homeless person. She just finally, her ship just came in. She found a spoiled, rich, little white kid. She's gonna get everything he's made of. And Kevin isn't even, there is a whole.

• 1:35:36Bill Simmons?

  She's like, "I can't believe you fell for my pigeon lady gimmick."

• 1:35:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:35:39Bill Simmons?

  "I finally got him at Carnegie."

• 1:35:41Speaker 03

  Bullshit about pigeons and warmth. "I'm here to kill you and take your money." There's a Kristen Wiig SNL sketch where at that very moment, when Kevin goes back to see her at the end, and he's like, "Oh, I brought all this pizza." And she's like, "Oh, great. My stomach is rumbling." He's like, "I thought it'd be good for the birds." And he just feeds it all to the birds and gives her none of it. So they're on the same thing. He shows none.

• 1:36:00Bill Simmons?

  Is that, that's an actual sketch?

• 1:36:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:01Bill Simmons?

  I didn't see that one.

• 1:36:02Speaker 03

  I think it's Kristen Wiig who might have been hosting, because it was only a few years ago. But like, she is starving to death. Like, she's probably having to like, perform sex. Sacks for food and like it's a terrible deal for her. It's freezing. And Kevin gives her a Christmas ornament. She doesn't have a tree.

• 1:36:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, where's she gonna hang it?

• 1:36:18Speaker 03

  Didn't have a Christmas tree. She's, she's taking a shit under the bridge. Like she's homeless.

• 1:36:22Bill Simmons?

  Come on, John Hughes.

• 1:36:23Speaker 03

  Come on. And by the way, if I'm her, I'm like, hey, I saw that other John Hughes movie where at the end Dell Griffiths comes to come home and have Thanksgiving with Neil Page. He brings him to his house, that homeless guy. How come I don't get to go up there and take a bath for a little and go for a swim?

• 1:36:33Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I can't get like, can I be invited to brunch?

• 1:36:36Speaker 03

  No, we'll be friends forever though.

• 1:36:37Bill Simmons?

  I've never had X Benedict. Sequel, prequel, prestige, TV, all black cast are untouchable. Uh, definitely a sequel because they made five more.

• 1:36:45Speaker 03

  Haven't seen any of them.

• 1:36:46Bill Simmons?

  Neither.

• 1:36:47Speaker 03

  Never seen one second of them.

• 1:36:47Bill Simmons?

  My train got off at Home Alone 2. I'm a C- Culkin season tickets out.

• 1:36:51Speaker 03

  Goodbye. I don't acknowledge that franchise without Culkin. That's my guy.

• 1:36:55Bill Simmons?

  Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Sid Goldberg, Sam Jackson, JT Welsh, Nell, Byron Mayo, Harley Mays, evil African Ramon Raymond, Long Legs, or Philip Baker Hall?

• 1:37:06Speaker 03

  Just want to tell you that I've really enjoyed the Long Legs from UNCR and I recently saw the movie. And I, I didn't see it until like a couple of weeks ago and it just, it's an amazing movie.

• 1:37:14Bill Simmons?

  Thank you.

• 1:37:14Speaker 03

  Uh, and I like when you guys do the Long Legs, so I'm gonna leave that be. I, I look at, there's a gangster in this movie. And he's the old black and white guy. And I think it's easy. It's a. You were smooching with my brother, motherfucker. Sam Jackson with the machine gun. Or Sam Jackson adopting the old like gangster dialect. And being like, you ever read the Bible, baby? I got this passage memorized. Ezekiel 25 17, baby. The path of the right. I want Sam Jackson and Angels with Filthy Souls.

• 1:37:45Bill Simmons?

  1930s pulp fiction.

• 1:37:47Speaker 03

  Sam Jackson, yes.

• 1:37:48Bill Simmons?

  Marcell- not Marcellus, what was it? Jules.

• 1:37:50Speaker 03

  Jules, Jules Field.

• 1:37:51Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 1:37:52Speaker 03

  That's my guy. Smooching with my brother.

• 1:37:54Bill Simmons?

  I just wanted to see Nell in Central Park.

• 1:37:56Speaker 03

  Let's go. She belongs in Central Park.

• 1:37:58Bill Simmons?

  To the pigeon lady. She points over, have you met Nell? And Nell's like.

• 1:38:05Speaker 03

  Nell, would you like a Christmas ornament? I have nothing to do with it.

• 1:38:12Bill Simmons?

  Just want to ask her who gets it.

• 1:38:15Speaker 03

  What do you got?

• 1:38:18Speaker 03

  John Williams? I mean, like, he just-

• 1:38:19Bill Simmons?

  John Williams?

• 1:38:20Speaker 03

  He has a whole case of those.

• 1:38:21Bill Simmons?

  No, John Williams.

• 1:38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fine. He wakes up and gets Oscars.

• 1:38:24Bill Simmons?

  Probably an answerable questions. Are these the worst non-violent, non-molesting, non-child-trafficking parents in the history of movies?

• 1:38:33Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:38:34Bill Simmons?

  It's way up there.

• 1:38:35Speaker 03

  Even before they lose him again-

• 1:38:37Bill Simmons?

  Great Santini, maybe?

• 1:38:38Speaker 03

  Santini's a- if Santini plays basketball with him and stuff, like, there's some supportive moments, even though it ends kind of bad.

• 1:38:43Bill Simmons?

  They're also afraid of him.

• 1:38:45Speaker 03

  Yes. Very afraid of him. I don't think Kevin's afraid of his dad. I think his dad's just an idiot.

• 1:38:49Bill Simmons?

  De Niro in, uh, what's that movie?

• 1:38:51Speaker 03

  This Boy's Life?

• 1:38:52Bill Simmons?

  This Boy's Life?

• 1:38:53Speaker 03

  Not good.

• 1:38:53Bill Simmons?

  There's been some bad parents, so probably no.

• 1:38:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably not.

• 1:38:57Bill Simmons?

  The Sticky Bandits, just really bad CTE, right?

• 1:39:02Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:39:03Bill Simmons?

  Like Jeremy Shap's doing the E- the E60.

• 1:39:07Speaker 03

  It's definitely-

• 1:39:08Bill Simmons?

  Thing where he's with Marv. Marv doesn't know his name anymore.

• 1:39:11Speaker 03

  I think Tom Rinaldi has a very moving report on Marv and what's became of him in the jail, and he doesn't recognize Harry anymore, and Harry's still in love with him. But no, I think definite, definitely definite. Tom Rinaldi just brings the house down, wins the Emmy for the report.

• 1:39:23Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:39:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:39:24Bill Simmons?

  Best double feature choice Home Alone one?

• 1:39:28Speaker 03

  Um, I- I would zag hard and cleanse the palate and watch The Good Son, just because I watched it a few days ago. I still can't believe that fucking movie.

• 1:39:34Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I like this. Go Home Alone 2, right to The Good Son. That sounds great. I might do that tonight.

• 1:39:39Speaker 03

  Do it. Do it. Do it. He runs up back to the Plaza, and he comes down, and he starts trying to kill Elijah Wood.

• 1:39:45Bill Simmons?

  Well, in the research, I forgot to mention this. The dad, who is really determined to have the kid have a career, would only agree to Home Alone 2 if they let him do The Good Son, because he wanted him to zag against, uh, the stereotype.

• 1:39:57Speaker 03

  He didn't want to be cast as a cute kid. Like, he was doing pretty well. I think the slogan for The Good Son is like, "Evil has many faces," and it's just this picture of Kevin McCallister, ready to murder you.

• 1:40:06Bill Simmons?

  I almost did this as my hottest take, but it's not even a hot take. The Good Son is my favorite Macaulay Culkin movie.

• 1:40:13Speaker 03

  You like it better than The Home Alone movies?

• 1:40:15Bill Simmons?

  I do.

• 1:40:15Speaker 03

  I can tell.

• 1:40:16Bill Simmons?

  I love The Good Son.

• 1:40:17Speaker 03

  Your whole body language changed. You lit up.

• 1:40:20Bill Simmons?

  The Good Son, I enjoy so much that I almost, who I decide to do the podcast with, I really want to put a lot of thought into it. It has to be somebody who likes the movie as much as I like it. The scene at the end is one of the craziest scenes of the last 40 years.

• 1:40:35Speaker 03

  So we have this right. She's, the woman is holding two sons, the good son and the bad son off the cliff.

• 1:40:41Bill Simmons?

  Her adopted kid who's living with them, or her actual flesh and blood. And drops the flesh and blood.

• 1:40:47Speaker 03

  She drops her actual son to save this kid.

• 1:40:50Bill Simmons?

  And he falls to his death on the rocks.

• 1:40:51Speaker 03

  And you see it drop and it's really dramatic. I had not seen that movie in a long time.

• 1:40:56Bill Simmons?

  Is insane.

• 1:40:57Speaker 03

  I forgot that she did that. You can't have that in a movie. That's terrible.

• 1:41:01Bill Simmons?

  He starts. He starts like a 40 car accident with like fatalities.

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  Yes. Doesn't he drown someone too and he has a rubber ducky that he keeps?

• 1:41:09Bill Simmons?

  It's an amazing movie.

• 1:41:10Speaker 03

  He falls down there.

• 1:41:11Bill Simmons?

  Seen The Good Son, Craig?

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  Craig, it's unbelievable.

• 1:41:14Bill Simmons?

  It's one of the best movies in the 90s. I have not seen The Good Son, no. It's one of the best bad movies in the 90s, I should say.

• 1:41:19Speaker 03

  When, in the opening scene of Cliffhanger, when she falls into the rocks, like, and it's like, no, that's how Macaulay falls in that movie. It's really bad. I was shocked when I watched that, but you love it. Good Son.

• 1:41:31Bill Simmons?

  I did. You didn't enjoy?

• 1:41:33Speaker 03

  Oh, I enjoyed it, shut up. I just, it took me, I thought, I think I convinced myself.

• 1:41:37Bill Simmons?

  Cool outdoor stuff?

• 1:41:39Speaker 03

  The director of that movie, I have this right, I think he directed Sleeping With The Enemy too. I think it's the same guy.

• 1:41:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:41:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:45Bill Simmons?

  Great run for that guy.

• 1:41:46Speaker 03

  Same kind of tone, right? Yeah, pretty cool.

• 1:41:49Bill Simmons?

  Andy Reid's won an award, What Happened The Next Day? Kevin's parents lose custody. Just, I don't think there's any way they don't. I think Kevin has to move to, with, like, his uncle, not that uncle from the movie, but.

• 1:42:01Speaker 03

  Not Uncle Frank.

• 1:42:02Bill Simmons?

  Somebody else's.

• 1:42:03Speaker 03

  They do the Britney Spears, like, the conservatorship or something, like, legal action has to happen. An emancipation, anything, you can't contain a family.

• 1:42:11Bill Simmons?

  What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie?

• 1:42:14Speaker 03

  You think this is weird, but I always laugh when Marv is getting electrocuted and he turns into a skeleton with a wig on. I want that skeleton.

• 1:42:21Bill Simmons?

  Just have it in the house?

• 1:42:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do it for Halloween. I put it on the front porch and it'd be sitting there like a Halloween decoration. Then I have it somewhere in the basement and I'm like, that's the actual Marv getting electrocuted. I always love that, that quick shot of him as a skeleton. That's what I take. Well, you're not taking the talk boy, are you?

• 1:42:35Bill Simmons?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:42:36Speaker 03

  You're taking the talk boy.

• 1:42:37Bill Simmons?

  The original talk boy?

• 1:42:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:38Bill Simmons?

  That's probably like a $400,000 piece.

• 1:42:41Speaker 03

  It's probably in the Smithsonian.

• 1:42:42Bill Simmons?

  When you go on those websites you go on. Yeah, they definitely go for like 300 grand.

• 1:42:46Speaker 03

  Macaulay's actual talk boy.

• 1:42:47Bill Simmons?

  The actual talk boy that he used in the movie, that's like $300,000.

• 1:42:50Speaker 03

  True. It's kinda cool.

• 1:42:53Bill Simmons?

  Coach Finstock Award, Best Life Lesson.

• 1:42:57Bill Simmons?

  I wrote down, it's better to be with someone else than be by yourself. But you feel like the opposite.

• 1:43:04Bill Simmons?

  So that might actually not be the life lesson.

• 1:43:06Speaker 03

  No, I think he wants to get away. I think the life lesson is, hey, kids, run away. It's awesome. It's so fun. You'll have the time of your life.

• 1:43:12Bill Simmons?

  If you hate your family?

• 1:43:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, just run away.

• 1:43:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, just get a credit card and go.

• 1:43:15Speaker 03

  Fine, take your dad's credit card and run away. Kevin walks into the toy store and he starts going, "This is my best Christmas ever." Like, he is so happy away from that McAllister house. So kids, don't like your family? Just run away.

• 1:43:27Bill Simmons?

  Pizza, pizza, coke, fireworks.

• 1:43:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's awesome.

• 1:43:30Bill Simmons?

  Chocolate, ice cream sundaes.

• 1:43:32Speaker 03

  Gets to beat the shit out of some idiots who are trying to hurt him. He saves some kids. He's got some weird friends, the toy store guy and the homeless lady, but like, he's so happy. Go for a swim, eat some chocolates, great.

• 1:43:41Bill Simmons?

  And then you'll be accused 12 years later for a bunch of hooker murders.

• 1:43:45Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:43:45Bill Simmons?

  Across the country.

• 1:43:46Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:43:47Bill Simmons?

  So they've all been tied to Kevin McAllister. A talk boy was seen in two of the scenes of the crimes.

• 1:43:53Speaker 03

  I was worried about McAllister with the United Healthcare guy. I'm like, is that him in New York? Is he back in New York again? Was it Kevin?

• 1:43:58Bill Simmons?

  Home Alone, back in New York. Craig, what'd you think?

• 1:44:03Speaker 03

  I love Home Alone, obviously seen it a million times. Seen this maybe, I don't know, four or five times. It's been a long time.

• 1:44:09Bill Simmons?

  I'm nervous. Yeah, I don't like your tone, Craig. I don't like how we're starting.

• 1:44:12Speaker 03

  Look, it's a fun movie. I think where I land is like, if this was the original, it would have been just as big as the classic and would have been considered, basically looked at the same way. But the first one to me is some- Much better. This one, it just has too much sequelitis, to be honest. It's the same bits, less nuanced, everything's turned out to 11. It's just too sweet. It's like a Ben and Jerry's cake batter. That's like the fourth brick to the head. I know that stuff is silly and you can be like, you have to look past that, but I think it goes a little bit too far where it's like, not funny anymore.

• 1:44:44Speaker 03

  There's just so many bits that come back. It's like, you have to do the mom screaming Kevin, you have to do that. Maybe him at the counter doing the, I don't think so. But like, him putting together the shower curtain puppet in literally 10 seconds, the head on fire, the ice cream, the, the, the movie quotes. They should have just come up with new bits. These are talented. This is Columbus and Hughes. Like, come up with new bits. That's a pretty good take.

• 1:45:08Bill Simmons?

  Really hurtful.

• 1:45:09Speaker 03

  But, I, I like it. I like the same. Play the hits. It's that you don't, you don't go to a foreigner concert and play, come up with some new songs. No, just play the same shit over and over.

• 1:45:17Bill Simmons?

  That's why I read that Goldman quote at the top. It's about, sequels are about comfort.

• 1:45:21Speaker 03

  Tony Soprano once said-

• 1:45:22Bill Simmons?

  I'm back with the characters.

• 1:45:23Speaker 03

  Tony Soprano once said the lowest form of conversation is remember when. And I do think that is what this movie is a little bit. Wow, Craig came in. You like that? That's good.

• 1:45:32Bill Simmons?

  Having Raj here.

• 1:45:33Speaker 03

  Damn, look at Craig. I look, they could have-

• 1:45:36Bill Simmons?

  Two stars from Raj.

• 1:45:37Speaker 03

  They could have kept the same vibe. It could have been like the same movie, just do different jokes. I don't know why they do the same jokes.

• 1:45:41Bill Simmons?

  See, you don't care about the New York City pieces of this.

• 1:45:43Speaker 03

  No, the New York's great. The New York's great. It's more Christmasy probably even than the first one, just because of the New York vibe. That's all beautiful. I just wish it wasn't this, literally the same jokes for two hours.

• 1:45:52Bill Simmons?

  I'll be interested 12 years from now when little Buzz Horbeck is watching one and two. Which one he likes more?

• 1:46:00Speaker 03

  Sure. He's a three star recruit and he, and people are getting on the radar.

• 1:46:03Bill Simmons?

  He's already on Snoop Dogg's youth football team.

• 1:46:05Speaker 03

  Absolutely. He should be on the Snoop team. We're looking out for Buzz Horbeck. I know people in the league.

• 1:46:09Bill Simmons?

  Buzz Horbeck's gonna be amazing. At least name your dog. Do you have a dog yet?

• 1:46:13Speaker 03

  No. You will.

• 1:46:14Bill Simmons?

  At least do the dog, Buzz. Kyle Brandt, what do you got to plug, anything?

• 1:46:18Speaker 03

  Um, I'm also doing anything with HBO. I did a children's show, Human vs. Hamsters, competition show, me and Sarah Sherman from Saturday Night Live. We hosted it.

• 1:46:26Bill Simmons?

  What?

• 1:46:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a stream on Max right now. Yeah, for real. It's a show for like little kids. It's a competition show. It's she and I. We shot it last spring in Canada. And it's like the same people who make Ninja Warrior and stuff, but it's like goofy people racing against hamsters in giant mazes. It sounds insane and ridiculous, but my kids are addicted to it. It's really good.

• 1:46:45Bill Simmons?

  Do you have to pretend you're missing a leg, or you get to use both of your legs?

• 1:46:48Speaker 03

  They let me do both legs, but I offered to do it. I can do the limp. It's like I can do an accent, I can do the limp. They said, no, we don't want that for this project. Let's keep it clean. I didn't do it.

• 1:46:57Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 1:46:57Speaker 03

  That's pretty cool. Yeah, Sarah Sherman was amazing. She's blown up.

• 1:46:59Bill Simmons?

  Sarah Sherman is funny, yeah.

• 1:47:00Speaker 03

  Amazing. So cool to work with. Loved her.

• 1:47:02Bill Simmons?

  Great.

• 1:47:02Speaker 03

  Thanks, man.

• 1:47:03Bill Simmons?

  And football?

• 1:47:04Speaker 03

  Good Morning Football, CBS NFL Today, 10 Takes Podcast, all that. I don't plug all the stuff here. I come here to do Home Alone 2. I did just plug it, but thank you for asking. Good Morning Football with Strags and Akbar and Jamie.

• 1:47:15Bill Simmons?

  This podcast was produced by Craig Horlbeck.

• 1:47:16Speaker 03

  Sure was.

• 1:47:17Bill Simmons?

  Gahal, Jack, thank you. Uh, we'll be back one more in, uh, in 2024.

• 1:47:24Speaker 03

  Let's do it.

• 1:47:24Bill Simmons?

  And that's it. Uh, we'll see if the Chiefs are still undefeated at that point.

• 1:47:27Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:47:28Bill Simmons?

  Who knows?

• 1:47:29Speaker 03

  Who knows?

• 1:47:29Bill Simmons?

  They're not undefeated.

• 1:47:30Speaker 03

  They're not undefeated. One loss.

• 1:47:32Bill Simmons?

  I mean, one loss defeated.

• 1:47:34Speaker 03

  That and those poetic Tony Soprano quotes you come to work with. That's the man right there.

• 1:47:37Bill Simmons?

  Thanks, Craig. Kyle, good to see you.

• 1:47:38Speaker 03

  You too, bud.