Elle Fanning Returns

Actress Elle Fanning feels ecstatic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Elle sits down with Conan once more to discuss fake radio call-in shows, behind the scenes stories from the upcoming Bob Dylan biopic A Complete Unknown, and the vital importance of good manners. Later, Conan issues a very specific staff review for producer Jeff Ross. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Start your morning with the $6 Mcgriddle's Extra Value Meal. Featuring your choice of a sausage, egg and cheese Mcgriddle's or bacon, egg and cheese Mcgriddle's. Plus crispy hash browns and a small premium roast coffee. Sweet, savory, crispy, and caffeinated. It's everything your morning ordered, all for just $6. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing at participating McDonald's.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  What do I gift my mom and nieces?

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Walmart has top brands you know. Like Ninja, Disney, Lego.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Oh, Dad loves music.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  Sonos can bring his songs to life. What sound that hits just right.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  And my coffee obsessed bestie.

• 0:41Speaker 02

  They love he brews coffee right for morning's extra price.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  All those great brands at Walmart? Who knew?

• 0:47Speaker 02

  We knew, now you do too.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  Shop gifts no love at Walmart.

• 0:56Speaker 03

  Hi, my name is Elle Fanning and I feel

• 1:03Speaker 03

  ecstatic about being Coated O'Brien's friend.

• 1:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I'll take it.

• 1:28Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Joined as always by Sonam Assessian. Hello. And just put a little pep into it next time. And Matt Gourley, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm good. Hey, I want to bring up something that was a direct quote from you just now. Okay. You just said, "In this room, when I see a Hallmark movie, I watch it." I did. We weren't on mic. I didn't know that that would come back to haunt me. Well, so you're prepared to admit that and you're good? I will not only admit it, I will encourage others to do it as well. And I'll say, many people say that our nation is divided. That, you know, we've lost our way. I think nothing would unify this country more than everybody watching Hallmark movies.

• 2:12Conan O'Brien?

  I just enjoy the pattern. You know, you could say that there are certain tenants of drama that were set up by the Greeks, and it's never really changed since then. I love that Hallmark has a certain formula. They follow it every single time with chilling regularity.

• 2:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:30Conan O'Brien?

  And they've also come up with something that I think is revolutionary. When we think of story, we think of conflict. Conflict is the center of story, right? It's the, what is the conflict? What is the problem? Any scene, someone comes into a room, there's a problem here. How does the person get the thing that the other person's trying to keep them from getting? That's how all good drama story works. Hallmark, I've watched these things, there's hardly ever a conflict. They're conflict-free, yet they exist, they're extremely popular, and it somehow works. But attractive single person meets other attractive single person. Yeah. Oh, they, one lives in Los Angeles and the other lives up in the mountains of Utah. But in a fairly affluent community.

• 3:15Conan O'Brien?

  And they can get to each other within a 40-minute flight or something, hour and 40-minute flight. And there isn't really, they meet each other, she always immediately has to dislike him. But for not a good reason.

• 3:28Speaker 05

  It's never a good reason.

• 3:30Conan O'Brien?

  There's never a good reason. And then it's a reason that can quickly be removed, so it's really not a conflict. It's a conflict the way like, I'd like to come over there, but there's a small tissue in the way.

• 3:39Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 3:39Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I mean? Well, there's usually some big-city ex-boyfriend that they've got to kind of like get out from under, but barely. I don't know, though, I've seen ones where it really is just, I've gone back and looked for the conflict and haven't found it.

• 3:54Speaker 05

  Do you think you could write a Hallmark movie?

• 3:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I do.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  Do you think you should?

• 3:59Conan O'Brien?

  I think I should. That's a better question. I think it would be a good use of my time.

• 4:03Speaker 05

  I really want you to write a Hallmark movie.

• 4:05Conan O'Brien?

  Do you think you could star in a Hallmark movie? Didn't somebody, I thought, did somebody make a Hallmark? Oh, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. Yeah, Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig did one, and it's brilliant because, so it's been done. If they hadn't done it, I would do it, and, but I, it wouldn't be that funny. What would your situ, if you're the star of a Hallmark movie, what's your situation? Who are you meeting, where are you going, who are you leaving? Um, well, geez, okay, wow, this is a lot. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. Well, um, let's see, uh, I am a guy, a very good-looking, this is the part I play. Oh, come on, there's prosthetics. Get off my ass. And light, with prosthetics and, and, and lighting and CGI, they could do all kinds of shit to my face.

• 4:48Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 4:48Conan O'Brien?

  So, anyway, I'm a guy who, uh, has built an inn. I have, I have an inn, and it's up, and, and I'm very rugged, and I sort of look like the Bronny Paper Towel guy.

• 4:59Speaker 05

  Wait, you're playing a rugged guy? You're playing the rugged archetype?

• 5:02Conan O'Brien?

  I said CGI.

• 5:03Speaker 05

  No, I, I'm not sa, uh, look. I think you're an academic. You're teaching at a university, and you're like a frazzled professor. I think that's more your scene.

• 5:14Conan O'Brien?

  All right.

• 5:15Speaker 05

  But you're handsome, and you don't need CGI, stop being mean to yourself.

• 5:20Conan O'Brien?

  I appreciate the notes, because that helped me. Sometimes I see myself differently than other people do, and I, I do see myself as a woodsman, uh, as someone. A woodsman, not even an outdoorsman, you have the specific trait of a woodsman. No, no, I, I, I swear to God, did you know that I sued Bronny? You did? I sued the Bronny Paper Towel people, because I said, "You totally ripped me off." Because it was around the time I was doing the tourist sonor, remember when I had the red beard? And I sued them, and I said, "You totally ripped me off," and judge threw it out. And he's, he did a picture, he had a side-by-side picture of me in, uh, in boxers, and the drawing of the Bronny guy. And apparently, they just threw it out immediately. And I tried to take it to the Supreme Court, yeah. Uh, I, I, I have to interject here because...

• 6:03Conan O'Brien?

  This is, by the way, I just want to introduce, this is Aaron Blair, we call him Blay. That's right. And, uh, several major celebrities have told you to shut the fuck up. That's right. The biggest. That's right. Harrison Ford and Tom Hanks have both, yeah. And shut the fuck up, actually. Yeah, okay, and so, let's hear it. Well, I just wanted to say, I am a huge fan of Hallmark movies and Lifetime movies. And every Monday, I, I watch a movie with, like, on Twitch with, with some people. And I think you would be really interested in a series by Viveka A. Fox that's on Lifetime called The Wrong X. So like, The Wrong Man. Okay. The Wrong Tutor. Right. The Wrong Stepmother. Is every episode different? Every episode is different, but they're all kind of the same. And I think you would be perfect for, and I want to start a campaign for you to be in one of these movies.

• 6:47Conan O'Brien?

  I would do it. I would do that. There's always a moment, and you want conflict? Oh, there's conflict. Okay, okay. There's always someone in a hoodie peeking around a tree. Oh, I could be a guy in a hoodie. Exactly. And I, you are a guy in a hoodie right now. I'm wearing a hoodie now. And at the end. And many times, many times, I've peeked around a tree at people. And at the end, she always says the title of the movie. So she's like, told you he was the wrong man. Yeah. Told you it was the wrong tutor. And I think you would be perfect for this, and I want to start a campaign. Okay, I'm okay with that, and I want to play this part. Uh, and, and, and money doesn't matter, you know? I'll make sure that, I mean, as long as they, you know, you know. What? I'm not sure that these movies have a huge budget. I'm just gonna put it out there.

• 7:28Conan O'Brien?

  But they're fantastic, and there's like, I think there's, I think I've seen, I think I've seen 19 of them. I'm not even kidding. Okay, Blay, first of all, first of all, you know that when someone says money doesn't matter, it means it all depends on the money. But second of all, I'm willing to do it, but I think we should explore, because I, I do take constructive criticism. And I do think I'd probably be a frazzled academic. Yes. But one of those things where when I take my glasses off, the woman realizes, uh, he's, you know, he cleans up okay. But should, should it be that you are in a current relationship with a kind of mean, snobby academic? And you go to a rural area and suddenly you meet this, let's say, like, Woodsman. A nature guide, a woman who's like, does-

• 8:08Speaker 01

  White water rafting and breaks you out of your shell and you don't know what to do and you frolic and she finds the real you.

• 8:13Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, first of all, I'm petrified.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:15Conan O'Brien?

  And then you leave her and go back to the. No, no, I, I, I have, I, I work at a small New England college.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 8:22Conan O'Brien?

  What do you teach?

• 8:23Speaker 01

  History.

• 8:23Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  History.

• 8:24Conan O'Brien?

  I just only, my one subject is Grover Cleveland.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 8:28Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a professor of Grover. Yeah, I'm a professor of Grover Clevelandology and.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  It has to be liberal arts. It has to be.

• 8:35Conan O'Brien?

  No, it doesn't have to.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  Cause you're sensitive.

• 8:37Conan O'Brien?

  Give me something.

• 8:37Speaker 05

  This is your archetype.

• 8:38Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay.

• 8:39Speaker 05

  You're a sensitive man.

• 8:40Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? She's right.

• 8:41Speaker 05

  I've seen, you guys think this is a game for me. This is real life.

• 8:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. I'm a sensitive guy. I teach like Emily Dickinson. I teach poetry.

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 8:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, so, and I, and I have a very safe but frigid relationship with this other woman who works there.

• 8:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:57Conan O'Brien?

  She's controlling. She's controlling and she's always saying things like, hmm, maybe this weekend we'll go and look at that antique shop. And it's always very. Sounds pretty good.

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  How long, how soon she can be single?

• 9:10Speaker 05

  No, she wants to go teach at a big city, like Ivy League university and you're like, this is my home. This is where I, I love teaching.

• 9:18Conan O'Brien?

  Just go, Sona, go.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  Emily Dickinson here.

• 9:19Conan O'Brien?

  Preach.

• 9:20Speaker 05

  Then you're like, okay, I need to go find myself. So you go on this white water rafting trip, which is so outside of your comfort zone.

• 9:28Conan O'Brien?

  And it's, and then I get to do my trademark Conan physical comedy where I'm, I'm like, wow, wow. And my, my, my glasses are getting knocked off and, and my book goes in the water.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 9:39Conan O'Brien?

  Symbolically. And she keeps saying, um, dude, just chill. Just go with the flow. The whole trick of white water rafting is just, is letting loose.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  And then you guys kind of get marooned on a little forest island and you have to like, kind of spend the night and make a fire together and stuff like that.

• 9:56Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm, of course, I'm inept, right?

• 9:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm sorry.

• 9:59Conan O'Brien?

  I am. No, it's okay.

• 10:00Speaker 05

  But that's okay.

• 10:01Conan O'Brien?

  It's okay, but then there's one point where she's kind of fed up with me and I look up at the stars and from memory, I recite this beautiful like Walt Whitman poem. Whoa. And she sees me in a different way. And then we go into a tent and this is the part that's going to depart a little from Hallmark.

• 10:18Conan O'Brien?

  We fuck.

• 10:20Conan O'Brien?

  Like animals. We go at it and at first, the camera's outside the tent and you just see silhouettes. But then the camera pushes into the tent. Oh, no. And it's two naked animals. And I'm just a machine, a machine. And then you cut, you have all the cutaways, animals going, "Caw, caw." Owls heads spinning around and deer running away and salmon swimming the wrong direction.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Like a mama owl puts its wings over the baby owl's ears.

• 10:52Conan O'Brien?

  And then you, you come to the, the sun is coming up and you go back to the tent, still going.

• 10:58Speaker 05

  You're still doing it.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  It's like eight hours later. And then I pause to rehydrate and then, but anyway.

• 11:04Speaker 05

  But what's the conflict?

• 11:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, the conflict is then, um, I, I have, no, no. I, I lose myself, but that terrifies me.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 11:15Conan O'Brien?

  So I go rushing back to the New England college where Enid Crud. Professor Enid Crud with, with three D's. C R U D D D awaits. And she's like, "You said you'd be three days and you were four. Well, on our calendar, it says we're gonna move up to second base. We've been going out for years and we have never done it."

• 11:39Speaker 05

  You haven't even done second base?

• 11:40Conan O'Brien?

  With Enid Crud and yet I'm away one night with this whitewater rafting woman and, "God damn it." I just went to, Jesus Christ.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  What's the name of the movie?

• 11:53Conan O'Brien?

  Hold on a second. Whitewater, uh, hold it, rafting, uh, fuck, we gotta think of this.

• 12:00Speaker 05

  Rapid Love.

• 12:01Conan O'Brien?

  Rapid Love. Jesus, Sona, why are you wasting your time with us? I know. Why are you wasting your time with us?

• 12:10Speaker 05

  I know, I know. That's what I ask myself every single day. Why do I even do this?

• 12:16Conan O'Brien?

  Well, a lot of times you're saying it out loud. During the podcast, why am I here? Why am I wasting my time? Rapid Love.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  We have to get this made and I'm gonna get on this, cause I love Vivica A. Fox. I'd work with her any day. You would be fantastic in one of these wrong movies. Okay. I'm gonna start the campaign. But, um, this is great. We got a lot of business sorted out. Yeah. All right, let's get to it. My guest today, uh, she's one of my all-time favorites. She's a talented actress. And saying talented actress does not even come close.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  No, I love her.

• 12:45Conan O'Brien?

  I think she's a phenomenon. She starred in the Hulu series The Great, which is one of my favorite shows. Now you can see her in the new movie, A Complete Unknown. This is the Bob Dylan biopic with Timothy Chalamet. And everyone's waiting to see it. It's gonna be in theaters Christmas Day.

• 13:06Conan O'Brien?

  Elle Fanning, welcome.

• 13:11Conan O'Brien?

  I'm ecstatic you're here because, am I not, right?

• 13:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:14Conan O'Brien?

  The last, the last time you were here, you left and all of us were just bathed in golden light. Yeah. Because you're, you're just, you've got a great energy.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 13:24Conan O'Brien?

  You've got like the nicest, kindest and, and like super funny game. And then I came home and my wife was like, well, you're in a good mood. And I said, I was with Elle Fanning having a conversation. And I'm as happy as I've ever been. And then she started to cry.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  And then you haven't seen me for how long? That was a long time.

• 13:43Conan O'Brien?

  And I haven't seen my wife since that night. Pretty much ended it, thanks to you.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  I'm so sorry.

• 13:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  So sorry.

• 13:52Conan O'Brien?

  I've never been that happy again. No, I'm so happy that you're here.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  We get it today.

• 13:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  But I feel the same.

• 13:59Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, thank you so much for being here. And, uh, we were just, I mean, we, I mean, and the second you came in, before we could even start recording, you started talking about this, uh, call-in show that you were obsessed with for a while when you were in school. And how they caught cheaters on it. And we just found out that it was a lie.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Yep, yeah.

• 14:18Conan O'Brien?

  It was a lie.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  I'm devastated. I can't believe that that's a lie.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  I know.

• 14:21Conan O'Brien?

  It's sad that these cheaters.

• 14:22Speaker 06

  are fake and that they're not real.

• 14:25Conan O'Brien?

  Well, what was the show? Just say what it was. It was.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Ryan's Roses.

• 14:28Conan O'Brien?

  Ryan's Roses.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Yes, which I think they still do.

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  And you used to listen to it when you were going to school?

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Yes, in the mornings, going to school in the mornings. And my grandmother listens, she actually tuned in. This is, it was on the top of my mind because she said that she listened to it the other day and she hadn't listened to it in forever. And we would listen to it together. And now I'm like, I have to go break the news to her.

• 14:47Conan O'Brien?

  You don't have to tell your grandmother. No, don't tell her.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  I won't tell her. She's always skeptical of things being fake, though, actually.

• 14:55Speaker 06

  But this isn't like Santa Claus. This is good news that this is fake.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:58Conan O'Brien?

  Well, explain quickly what it is.

• 15:00Speaker 06

  Well, you, you know it better than I do because I, yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Well, but yeah, Ryan's Roses, it's basically.

• 15:05Conan O'Brien?

  It's Ryan Seacrest.

• 15:06Speaker 03

  Ryan Seacrest on Kiss FM. And it's a call in show where if a partner suspects, um, you know, that they're being cheated on. Someone from Ryan's team will call that person and say, we have, we're a free florist company and we're giving out free flowers today. And would you like to give flowers to anyone? Meanwhile, they're being secretly recorded. Their partner's on the other line, listening in. They don't know that. And then sometimes they'll send flowers to the person that they're cheating with.

• 15:34Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, God.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  And then they catch them and then like their partner comes on and is like, you.

• 15:39Conan O'Brien?

  But that sounds horrific. But then, uh, but then Sona, you come out with a bombshell.

• 15:43Speaker 05

  That was, it's, they were all actors. That they.

• 15:46Conan O'Brien?

  It's fake.

• 15:46Speaker 05

  It's fake. It's, the whole thing is fake.

• 15:48Conan O'Brien?

  And I would, when I was just hearing it for the first time, I thought it would kind of have to be fake because you're destroying. Well, you're destroying lives.

• 15:55Speaker 05

  No, we all believed it, though. You should hear it. They were really good.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  They were.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're really believable.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  And then they would even cut out, like they'd be like, oh, we lost them.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  You know, like, oh, they, they hung up. They, they realized they were recording and they're gone. Well, soup, that's right. And it's like, oh, we can't, we're trying to call them. We can't get them back.

• 16:12Speaker 06

  I just texted a deep source within Ryan's Roses.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  You did?

• 16:15Speaker 06

  And I asked this person if it was fake. And hopefully by the time this interview is over, we'll have at least their denial, if not admission.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 16:22Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, this is good.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  If he responds and he's like, who is this?

• 16:26Speaker 06

  I'll say, this is Ryan.

• 16:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 06

  It's what we've been doing. Maybe he doesn't know.

• 16:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 16:30Speaker 06

  He could be Nixon, innocent.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  Oh, well.

• 16:35Conan O'Brien?

  I said this too when I-

• 16:36Speaker 03

  You could do it on this, but do it for real.

• 16:38Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah. That could be a new segment on the hero.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, Conan's chocolates. Coco's chocolates!

• 16:44Conan O'Brien?

  Coco's chocolates! Coco Coco! Hey, Conan here, from Team Coco, and, uh, well, I send free chocolates to people. Who should I send them to? Uh, is that your wife? It isn't. Is that how it goes?

• 16:57Speaker 05

  No. It's not. It's, he has another person, she calls the guy, or girl, and she'll be like, "Hey, you've been selected for, uh, to send a free bouquet of roses to anybody you want. Who do you want to send them to?"

• 17:10Conan O'Brien?

  So it's, it's like you've been punked, you know, but you've been caught cheating.

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:14Conan O'Brien?

  Here's the thing, I'm terrified of pranks. When people say, "Oh, let's play a prank, and we're gonna play a prank on someone." People have assumed because I'm in comedy, that I would love a prank. I hate a prank, because I always think someone's gonna get hurt.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:27Conan O'Brien?

  Their feelings are gonna get hurt, or they're gonna be physically hurt, like, oh, it's really funny, they're gonna open the box, and this thing's gonna spring out, and I immediately go to it's gonna detach a cornea, someone's gonna get hurt.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, 'cause you hear those things, and then it's like, oh, it was all just for, you know-

• 17:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  A laugh, and then it's like, they're dead.

• 17:44Conan O'Brien?

  They're dead. Wait a minute!

• 17:48Speaker 03

  No, I wasn't allowed-

• 17:49Conan O'Brien?

  What is- I, I don't think you should be pulling pranks, Elle.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  My fault.

• 17:54Conan O'Brien?

  Elle's pranks are always like, "Yeah, and then it's a bomb." No, no, Elle, Elle. "Yeah, but it's funny, 'cause who would expect a bomb?" Elle?

• 18:02Speaker 03

  But no. No, we weren't really allowed, like, my sister and I, like, pranking, we weren't a pranking household.

• 18:07Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's too dangerous.

• 18:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what my mom was like, like, "No, no, no pranks."

• 18:11Conan O'Brien?

  You know what, let's talk about your childhood, because you grew up in Conyers, Georgia.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:16Conan O'Brien?

  And it blew my mind, because I realize today, that that is the birthplace of Mr. Jack McBrayer, who plays, uh, Kenneth the Page. Yeah, Kenneth the Page around 30 Rock.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  Is from Conyers, Georgia.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, but I know him. He-

• 18:29Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah, you know him real well.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Wait, no, I know, wait, I think it is.

• 18:35Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, this is a terrible day for Jack McBrayer.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  No, but I do.

• 18:38Conan O'Brien?

  Jack Mcwho?

• 18:39Speaker 03

  No, I actually.

• 18:40Conan O'Brien?

  From 31? Who played Kenneth, a he?

• 18:45Speaker 03

  I really do. I think he knows my aunt really well, and I think they went to sc-

• 18:50Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's so funny. He is a guy who would bother your aunt.

• 18:53Speaker 03

  I, wait, let, let me make sure that I'm thinking-

• 18:56Conan O'Brien?

  Excuse me.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, totally, and I've actually hung out with him a lot enough times.

• 19:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yay! I just wanna-

• 19:03Speaker 03

  Cause he does know my aunt.

• 19:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. You don't know him, you don't know him from all of his film work. He's in Wreck-It Ralph.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  He's just not someone that I think, like, you know, like-

• 19:12Conan O'Brien?

  No, hey, trust me.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Jack McBrayer, like, oh.

• 19:14Conan O'Brien?

  I know him real well and I never think of him.

• 19:18Conan O'Brien?

  I've spent a whole day with him and haven't-

• 19:19Speaker 03

  He's exactly from there, so it's a small, small town, cause I do know him.

• 19:22Conan O'Brien?

  But I, I constantly give him shit all the time about everything and I'm, and when, whenever we're, like, I had lunch with him not that long ago, right near his apartment. Uh, and we, I just love to, if we get on an elevator, I'll go, "Now, don't be scared about this technology. I know you don't have elevators in Conyers, Georgia."

• 19:40Speaker 03

  And he has such a thick accent.

• 19:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, oh my god, he sounds like a donkey, and, uh-

• 19:45Speaker 03

  Oh my god!

• 19:46Conan O'Brien?

  He does, he's like, "Eeeehaw, eeeehaw, eeeehaw."

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 19:50Conan O'Brien?

  Um, anyway.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Jack is just getting offended left and right.

• 19:54Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, no, we have this relationship where I've been doing nothing, uh, but abuse this man-

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:59Conan O'Brien?

  For like 20 some odd years. I've never had a real conversation with him in my life. But anyway, um-

• 20:05Speaker 03

  But he's the only other person you know that's from there?

• 20:07Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yeah, Conyers, Georgia. And, uh, yeah, oh, what you got there?

• 20:11Speaker 06

  I have an update, and from this person I will not name.

• 20:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, that's okay.

• 20:15Speaker 06

  I asked, "Is Ryan's Roses fake?" It is, right? And the person said, "Depends on who is asking and what they would want to use this information for."

• 20:23Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we have our answer then. We have our answer. We have our answer. Okay, well-

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Like, cut that bit out.

• 20:28Conan O'Brien?

  No!

• 20:28Speaker 03

  No, right?

• 20:29Conan O'Brien?

  Why? Why cut it out?

• 20:31Speaker 06

  I'll see what, they're continuing to text and I don't wanna-

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Is this the biggest secret in the world?

• 20:34Speaker 06

  I don't wanna jeopardize their standing, you know, this is a friend.

• 20:37Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, okay, sure, yeah, well, you're the one that introduced this whole-

• 20:41Speaker 03

  I know.

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you introduced this and now it's part of the podcast and, and, uh, you're a terrible person.

• 20:48Speaker 06

  I did not introduce this.

• 20:51Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you said, "I'll contact the guy." Oh, anyway, any mention of Conyers, Georgia has to come out, too. And also, any mention of Al Fanning.

• 20:57Speaker 06

  Also, I never said it was a guy.

• 20:58Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, good cover.

• 21:05Speaker 00

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• 21:30Speaker 01

  What do I gift my mom and nieces?

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Walmart has top brands you know, like Ninja, Disney, Lego.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Oh, Dad loves music.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Sonos can bring his songs to life. What sound that hits just right.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  And my coffee obsessed bestie?

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Delaney Brews Coffee, right for mornings extra bright.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  All those great brands at Walmart? Who knew?

• 21:54Speaker 02

  We knew, now you do too.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  Shop gifts no love at Walmart.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, but having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm. It's like getting a granola bar with a candle in it when you wanted a three-layer birthday cake. You wouldn't settle for just any dessert on your birthday. So don't settle for just any insurance. When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 22:29Speaker 06

  Where were we? Let's see.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Kanye's George.

• 22:33Speaker 06

  We're back after having an off-mic discussion.

• 22:35Conan O'Brien?

  Sure. Yeah, we had a quick off-mic discussion because someone here got us into legal jeopardy. Matt Gourley.

• 22:44Speaker 06

  That was my superlative in high school, "most legally dubious."

• 22:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. I did something very recently where there was a child actor on set and I was playing a Santa Claus. And there was a quick break and this woman came on the set, grabbed the child and took the child into another room and started teaching her algebra really quickly.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:07Conan O'Brien?

  Like in between the shots. Literally, you know, like a cosine and then... You know, remember, negative numbers and then, "We gotta get back on set." And I thought, "Negative numbers, negative numbers." But that's what it was like, right?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  It really was, yeah, totally. Because I, I mean, I went to a regular school from, um, 4th grade on.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  And, and graduated, uh, senior year, whatever. But, um, when I would work, I would like go and I'd had a studio teacher that would teach me things. And it would be like, you'd be doing these, like, really intense scenes, like, be like crying and then going down to like a basement where they like set up a little, you know, picnic table and two chairs and you're there and having to do your schoolwork.

• 23:51Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  And then I, also because the school that I went to was pretty hard, like, I had to keep up with the schoolwork or like I couldn't do.

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's good.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Which, I mean, I think was very important, but then I would be like staying up to like 3 a.m., like getting stuff done and like writing papers and like, I think now I'm like, "How did I do that?"

• 24:10Conan O'Brien?

  No, but you think about.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Like, I had the energy to do that when I was little and now when I'm doing a project, I'm like so exhausted at the end of the day, but it used to be that I would go home and have all this like work to do and.

• 24:21Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Book reports. I'm like, "How did I find the time?"

• 24:24Conan O'Brien?

  But it's just so funny for me to think of, uh, you know, an actor at your level who's doing this intense work. Even as a, even as a kid, you're doing this intense work and then quickly take a break and you gotta go make a papier-mache dinosaur.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's kinda nice. There's actually, yeah, there's something about it that is nice because you can, you switch in and out of it and it's, I don't know, not that, I'm not the type of actor anyways that really stays in it in between. Like, I need to go do something else or, you know.

• 24:54Conan O'Brien?

  Right, right.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  But, um, go to crafty and like laugh and relax and like, I don't really stay totally in it. But I think because when I was a kid, I was so used to switching in and out of it.

• 25:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  That that's what I'm programmed to do and it helps.

• 25:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's making me think now, wouldn't it be amazing if it was required of everyone, not just kids, but anyone during in-between scenes had to learn stuff? So I'm just thinking of like.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  And then you'd be quizzed on it later.

• 25:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but I'm thinking of like Al Pacino in Scarface, you know, and he's just doing this over the top. Say hello to my little friend and then they're cut. And he's in the next room and they're like, now remember, uh, the Kansas Nebraska Act in 1950. He's like, he's like, oh, yeah, I got it. I think I got it. So, okay, so.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  That's a great skit, actually.

• 25:36Conan O'Brien?

  Everything north of the, everything north of the 50 degree latitude had to be, okay, those are, had to be, okay, a free state, but anything below, okay, and back on set. Say hello to my little.

• 25:48Conan O'Brien?

  I think everyone has to do that from now on.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  I like that.

• 25:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's hard for me to believe that you've never, you've never done a scene or you've never acted in a scene with your sister. Like you guys haven't done that yet.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  It's crazy. We've done, I think the closest thing was an animated, we were in My Neighbor Totoro when they did the America, the English dubbing, like version of that. And I was four, Dakota was eight, I guess. And we played sisters in that, but it was voiceover.

• 26:16Conan O'Brien?

  It's not the same.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  Not the same at all. No, no.

• 26:18Conan O'Brien?

  Are you guys looking for something?

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. And we have a production company that we're producing projects together.

• 26:24Conan O'Brien?

  Is it Llewellyn?

• 26:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, Llewellyn Pictures.

• 26:26Conan O'Brien?

  Did Llewellyn do The Great? Did you guys, were you a producer on The Great?

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 26:31Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, that's so, that is good for you.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, really cool. And Llewellyn is our, she was our family dog. She's passed away, but yeah, that's, we're honoring her, but she, yeah, we have this. We're, you know, always looking at projects and we had a couple of projects that were like, oh, it's almost gonna work out that we were gonna do together. And there are still some ideas, cause we have to make it happen. It's like, it's crazy that.

• 26:55Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I'm gonna do?

• 26:56Speaker 03

  We're always looking for it.

• 26:57Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna write the script.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Great.

• 26:59Conan O'Brien?

  And, and yeah, no, no, it's good. And I've never, listen, first of all, never written a movie script, but I got it.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  And you'll be the third sister.

• 27:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'll be the third. Yeah, I'll look like, I'll look like the Wendy's girl.

• 27:13Speaker 06

  Dude, Chekhov's Three Sisters.

• 27:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I love? It'll, yeah, it'll be you two and people will be like, this is great. This is fantastic, Ben. Ding dong, yahoo.

• 27:24Conan O'Brien?

  Me in a big red wig. Totally like checking out, looking into the camera lens. Doing all the things you're not supposed to do. Totally unbelievable. Wearing heels, six foot eight. Well, sisters.

• 27:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I think that's very cool. You guys both have, uh, cause I know fashion. You know, fashion's very important to you.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 27:47Conan O'Brien?

  And, and you seem like a very artistic type. I know you cook. I know you like to express yourself in different ways and you like fashion. You like to take risks. I do not take fashion risks.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  You are wearing a cashmere hoodie under a blazer.

• 28:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, basically.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  That is a risk.

• 28:05Conan O'Brien?

  It's called the Larry David. I think this is what he. Well, that's a risk.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's like, it's a good color combo.

• 28:11Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  It's dark green with a navy.

• 28:13Conan O'Brien?

  I'm doing a benefit. I'm doing a charitable thing tonight. So I'm usually dressed down for the podcast, but because I'm doing this charity thing tonight, I, I need to be dressed up a little bit. So this is me, uh, I would say, but I don't take fashion risks. I mean, I don't, what I'm saying is I know that you'll really go for it sometimes.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:32Conan O'Brien?

  Which is cool. I don't think I have the guts to do that.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  I mean, I think, I always like, growing up, I was kind of allowed to like, put my outfits together and wear what I wanted to. I did a lot of like thrifting and vintage shopping and stuff like that. So. And then it's like, I don't know, acting, it also comes with this whole other area. That's like this red carpet side, which is like, you know, which is weird. Cause it's like, not everyone likes to do that. Just because you're in movies, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to like, get your picture taken all the time.

• 29:01Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  But I think, um, I don't know, for me, maybe I was like, I do like this.

• 29:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  I do, I do like the red carpet kind of artistic expression and getting to, it's like another character, you know?

• 29:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  And keeping up with those things.

• 29:14Conan O'Brien?

  It is so unfair. We'll be going someplace and we'll be seen and my wife will be in the closet for an hour. And she'll keep coming out and trying different things. And I just go in and put on a suit.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  I know.

• 29:27Conan O'Brien?

  And, and, you know, and, and when my, I just put on a suit and people, and everything is just like, yep, check, you're fine. And my wife will come in, she'll come out, she's in a beekeeper's outfit. Then she goes back in, she comes out, she's, you know, she's wearing like a, you know, a lion costume.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  It's a fashion montage every time.

• 29:43Conan O'Brien?

  Fur pants with like armored, Flemish armored top. You know, she's trying all this crazy stuff. But I feel like it's so much, the pressure is so much different.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, there is, there is. And there are some days you're just like, oh gosh, like you have to think so much about that stuff. But then, I don't know, other times it's, it's very fun. But it's interesting with like, with movie like this, where like certain press tours and stuff, you know that it's gonna be, oh, you know, what clothes you wear and like, that's a part of promoting films now.

• 30:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Like literally what clothes you wear.

• 30:19Conan O'Brien?

  Well, let's talk about this because-

• 30:20Speaker 03

  And especially like Timothy Chalamet, he's a fashionista himself.

• 30:23Conan O'Brien?

  He is quite the fashionista. I just, uh, I just was past the television the other day and a commercial play, it was a, a men's cologne ad that he's in.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  For Chanel.

• 30:34Conan O'Brien?

  For Chanel and he's like falling through the air wearing, and I just thought, yup.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  That should have been me.

• 30:40Conan O'Brien?

  They are never coming to me.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 30:44Conan O'Brien?

  Look, if we can't get Timmy Chalamet, we've got Conan O'Brien on the line.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Martin Scorsese directed that ad.

• 30:53Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really?

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:54Conan O'Brien?

  Well, uh, let's get into it because, uh, a complete unknown, highly anticipated biopic about Bob Dylan. And you are in this movie and you are playing, it's interesting, you're playing kind of a composite character?

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Yes, I mean, she, I play in the film, her name is, um, Sylvie Russo, but she's based on Suze Vertolo.

• 31:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Who was, um, Bob Dylan's girlfriend.

• 31:23Conan O'Brien?

  And she's on the cover.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Exact.

• 31:25Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, I know, uh, the iconic, one of the most iconic covers ever is for the freewheeling Bob Dylan where he's walking down the street in Greenwich Village.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 31:34Conan O'Brien?

  He's with a woman who's like sort of holding his arm and snuggling up against him and that was his girlfriend at the time.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Yes, and that's her.

• 31:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and so that's who you're playing-

• 31:43Speaker 03

  That is, and it's really, honestly, it's really true to their relationship. Um, it's just her name is different.

• 31:49Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  That's the only thing. And I think it was actually out of a request from- Bob Dylan himself, because everyone else's name is what their name was.

• 31:59Conan O'Brien?

  Except for Timmy, who plays Dob Dylan.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yes.

• 32:04Conan O'Brien?

  He's a folks singer, but everything's a little off.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 32:08Conan O'Brien?

  He sings "Glowin' in the Wind."

• 32:12Speaker 06

  Stand, lady, stand.

• 32:13Conan O'Brien?

  Stand, lady, stand. Stand, lady, stand. Do not sit down, you must stand. Stand, lady, stand.

• 32:22Conan O'Brien?

  Well, first of all, I am so excited to see this film. And I would think, because also I'm fascinated with that period. We're talking 1961, 6061, around that era, in the Village. And I've always thought, clearly, there are times in American, not just American history, in any, in all world history, there are times where there's a moment that happens in a city that's organic, it happens in a place, it happened in Seattle in the late 80s, early 90s with Grunge, it happened in Liverpool in the late 50s and 60s. Something was going on in the Village in the 50s, stuff is percolating.

• 33:03Conan O'Brien?

  And Bob Dylan makes his way there from Hibbing's, Minnesota.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 33:08Conan O'Brien?

  And changes everything. And so, I mean, and you guys are incredible actors. I'm, I'm, cannot wait to see this movie.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was so amazing to see. And I, yeah, because it's, it takes place from like 61 to 1965, basically ending when he was at the Newport Folk Festival and goes electric for the first time.

• 33:31Conan O'Brien?

  And gets.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  It changes the course.

• 33:33Conan O'Brien?

  And gets booed.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Music forever, yes. And I think he was, well, he was called Judas.

• 33:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 33:39Speaker 03

  At that festival.

• 33:40Conan O'Brien?

  What happened?

• 33:40Speaker 03

  I don't know if it was at that one, I don't, I know in our movie it is, because we play. You know, we try to stay true, of course, to what happened. But then, at the same time, it is a film and James Mangold, who directed the movie, he wanted to take liberties as well because it is a movie. And also, Bob Dylan himself, as a figure, he is so mysterious and he himself likes to play with what's true or not. You know, we don't necessarily know all the truths with him.

• 34:05Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, I am, I have no time for people that sit and watch a biopic and say, "Hold on a second, that happened in October."

• 34:12Speaker 03

  I know.

• 34:13Conan O'Brien?

  What they described in the film, it's November because they just had, you know, I think.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  And there are those people.

• 34:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, there are those people, but the point of a film like this, an endeavor like this, in my opinion, is to capture the spirit and the energy of what was happening and transport you. It is not a visit to the IRS where you have all of your documents ready. So the stuff that happens in entertainment that is so out there and so explicit and so crazy and you realize that Bob Dylan basically just plugged in his guitar and played electric

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:49Conan O'Brien?

  at a folk festival and someone in the crowd shouts, "Judas!"

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 34:53Conan O'Brien?

  Because, because, I mean, it's so preposterous now and so laughable, but there are these famous stories of he's playing and Pete Seeger's backstage with an axe trying to cut the electricity cable.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  So they say.

• 35:10Conan O'Brien?

  So they say. Again, so they say, but you think about, "Oh, Pete, rap hasn't shown up yet."

• 35:18Speaker 03

  I know.

• 35:19Conan O'Brien?

  Like funk, rap, I mean, there's all this stuff that's gonna blow your mind. You know, like, he's still playing folk with an electric guitar.

• 35:27Speaker 03

  Exactly. And it just takes that kind of one person to be daring enough to change, you know, and step outside of the box.

• 35:36Conan O'Brien?

  He risked, I mean, he risked, he disappointed his core fanbase, which you're never supposed to do.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Right.

• 35:42Conan O'Brien?

  I've done it many times. I think I'm very brave.

• 35:45Conan O'Brien?

  But.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  I think I'm very brave.

• 35:48Conan O'Brien?

  And if that can be the pull quote from this interview. What did Elle say about the movie? Well, Conan kept talking over her and he kept shouting, "I'm very brave."

• 35:59Speaker 06

  And don't sell yourself short. You've disappointed all of us as well.

• 36:02Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I was calling, listen, you are my core fan base.

• 36:05Speaker 06

  Oh, no.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  You're the core.

• 36:07Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, man.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  We are gonna host the Oscars.

• 36:10Conan O'Brien?

  I know, yeah, I know.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  That's insane.

• 36:12Conan O'Brien?

  I know, but they'll, I said I-

• 36:15Speaker 03

  That's exciting.

• 36:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's exciting, but I think they'll, after this interview, they'll revoke it. They'll say, "Conan, did you shout 'I'm brave' at Elle Fanning?"

• 36:25Conan O'Brien?

  But, but I would think Elle, I mean, I'm, uh, I was born in 63, so this is ancient history to me because I, I wasn't connected to it in any way. But for you, this might as well be 1861, you know, it's, it's such a long time ago. But the style of that time is so iconic.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Oh, completely.

• 36:47Conan O'Brien?

  And, I mean, not, not just the music, but getting to, I would just think from a art production standpoint, like, I mean, I really wanna see the movie and I'm looking forward to the performances and the story, but I'm also looking forward to the cars,

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:01Conan O'Brien?

  the guitars, the, the clothing.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:05Conan O'Brien?

  The look of things.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's really shot with like such authenticity. I mean, we shot in New York and also New Jersey, because obviously a lot of those iconic New York streets now are very modernized, so.

• 37:16Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  We, we actually took like in Hoboken, kind of created like Cafe Wa and the West Village, you know, over there. Ariane Phillips did our costumes and she's just absolutely incredible. I think Timmy had like 70 outfit changes, because it really goes from him like starting Robert Zimmerman to Bob Dylan, like, in, we, you see him as someone from Minnesota who like literally just got off the bus and seeing New York for the first time. So there's such an evolution that he takes in the film. And I was a huge, I, I, it, I, saying this, it's like, oh gosh, I hear how I sound, but it honestly is true, but I was a huge Bob Dylan fan because-

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Cameron Crowe, I did We Bought a Zoo with him when I was 13. I think that's what I came on your show for the first time. But he introduced me to Bob Dylan. And I became like a Bob Dylan nut. And I wasn't allowed to have posters on my room, but I had a cork board. And on the cork board, I had Bob Dylan up there. And I would write every day. And I have, I have to find photos of this something. But in middle school, I would write Bob Dylan on my hand, right here, in cursive, every day.

• 38:28Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Like weird. Although I don't know, that was, I don't know why I also did that. I think I was like, I'm cool, you know, I like Bob Dylan. And in middle school, I was like, you don't know who he is, you know? And I'm like, I do, but I did that and I, I really did. So I feel like I manifested like getting this part. It's kind of wild.

• 38:46Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you manifested it.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:48Conan O'Brien?

  You manifested it.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  And the kids in school were like, what is that? Who is that? I'm like, you don't know.

• 38:54Conan O'Brien?

  Wow. You sounded like an awful kid.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  I was just more like, oh, you know.

• 39:03Conan O'Brien?

  I love that. You don't know, do you? Well, I wrote his name on my hand and you couldn't possibly know.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 39:11Conan O'Brien?

  What kind of kid were you? Well, bye bye now.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:16Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yeah, I, uh, I.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  No, but I was very excited about doing this. I was like, what? And they came to me, I was like freaking out.

• 39:24Conan O'Brien?

  People have dream boards where they're supposed to, right? You're supposed to.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  Vision boards.

• 39:26Conan O'Brien?

  Vision boards where you're supposed to. Your hand was your vision board.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 39:29Conan O'Brien?

  You were just manifesting things.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Totally, totally. I mean, I, you know, they, I know this, the movie they'd been trying to do for a while and with the strike and COVID. And like Timothy's been training for it for like five years now. So he, he sang everything live. He did the guitar live and it was really kind of amazing, like hearing him for the first time. Like it was extraordinary and we were in.

• 39:54Conan O'Brien?

  It's so funny, when you said he'd been training really hard, I thought he went the Marvel route. And so he shows up as this completely jacked and he just misunderstood. Bob Dylan just all roided up.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 40:06Conan O'Brien?

  V-shaped torso.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:09Conan O'Brien?

  I'm all set to go. I put on a hundred and I put on a hundred and fifty pounds of muscle.

• 40:13Speaker 06

  Well, now we need to do your algebra. Come on.

• 40:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:17Conan O'Brien?

  So what, uh, so I didn't realize, I didn't realize he did all of his own.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  He did.

• 40:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, all of his own singing. I was in like an auditorium for the first time and hearing him sing. I think it was Hard Rain's Gonna Fall. He was singing that and all the background artists like in the auditorium were like, that's not him. Like he's lip syncing. I was like, yes, it is. I like tapped him. I was like, I know it is. I know it's him.

• 40:40Conan O'Brien?

  You're always a know-it-all in all your stories.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. I'm like, this is terrible.

• 40:44Conan O'Brien?

  I happen to know it is. And I've written it is on my hand.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  Like the most annoying person. Like, well, it actually is.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 40:56Conan O'Brien?

  We should have you get, we should have you just pop into the podcast every now and then and go, uh, uh, it is. And I haven't, was that Al Fanning who just popped through that little window?

• 41:06Speaker 06

  Well, you have Conan O'Brien written on your hand currently.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  I'll start, I'll start. I don't know what that'll manifest, but you know.

• 41:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, you don't want to know.

• 41:17Conan O'Brien?

  Being on the podcast a ninth time. Um, that's so cool. I'm looking forward to, uh, I'm really looking forward to seeing it. And you know, one of the things that fascinates me about Bob Dylan and always has is he was a shapeshifter. Probably still is a shapeshifter. Totally made shit up left and right.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:33Conan O'Brien?

  So there's this famous introduction, a couple of years before the incident where he plugged in. There's this famous incident where, where Bob Dylan's introduced by Pete Seeger at Folk Festival. And Pete Seeger says, you know, he tried to run away from home nine different times, but was caught and returned. And then finally he like jumped a train and came here and camped out with hobos and here he is tonight. And he had, and they, everyone believed that. It later turned out to be his like, parents were like, well, good luck. Here's a, here's some money and don't forget to write. Here's a cellphone.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:08Conan O'Brien?

  Here's a credit, you know, whatever. He had made it up.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, he said he worked or that he like worked at a carnival.

• 42:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  And yeah.

• 42:15Conan O'Brien?

  He said whatever.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  Part of the traveling circus, which I don't know if that's true. I don't.

• 42:18Conan O'Brien?

  But I guess, I think it's part of an American tradition where William Faulkner completely made up his past. Ernest Hemingway made up stuff. Great artists invent themselves. I believe that. And they come up with all these stories and I, I think Faulkner had everyone convinced that he had flown in the Royal Air Force in World War I. It's like, nope, completely untrue. You know, he was like tending a furnace, you know, somewhere in like Tennessee or something. But, but it's part of the creative process in a weird way. Sometimes you hear it and you think, oh, you're, that's, that's a sociopath. But no, that was his, that was part of his process was inventing himself.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, definitely. And I think even like through his, I mean, obviously his songs and he's like one of the greatest writers, I think, that we have. I mean, and it is interesting, like thinking about, he didn't want to kind of deal with the fuss of people judging him for his past.

• 43:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  You know, like he just was like, this is my work. I want you to judge at face value.

• 43:19Conan O'Brien?

  I thought it was hilarious when he won, he won the Nobel Prize. And I just love that he was annoyed.

• 43:28Conan O'Brien?

  I don't want to go. Where do I have to go to get it? You know, just like annoyed by it all.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 43:33Conan O'Brien?

  Which would not be anyone else's reaction to winning the Nobel Prize.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  Exactly. Didn't want the fuss.

• 43:39Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  I know, I never, I haven't met him. I was told.

• 43:42Conan O'Brien?

  I thought you did meet Bob Dylan.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  No, I did not. I was, I was told, Timothy hasn't met him either. Jim has met him, James Mangold. But we have not met him. I was told that I was going to have a rehearsal with Jim and Bob Dylan. And I got this email and I was like, oh my God. I was like, this is amazing. Like I have to pick out what I'm going to wear. I have like, I, what am I going to say to him? What am I going to ask? I'm like so excited. And I walk in the next day and it's Jim and Timmy.

• 44:12Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  I was like, oh, what?

• 44:15Conan O'Brien?

  Boo.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  I know.

• 44:17Conan O'Brien?

  Who wants to meet Timothy Chalamet?

• 44:20Speaker 03

  I know. I was like, no. I thought it was Bob Dylan. We were laughing over that. Was he in character the whole time or something? No, I think it's just like, sometimes they do that on set.

• 44:29Conan O'Brien?

  He's just being whimsical, yeah.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  Well, there's, you know, and, and, you know, an assistant had like written it down, Bob Dylan. It was like, both names, like Bob Dylan, all caps, bold in bold. So maybe I should have realized.

• 44:44Conan O'Brien?

  I've met him briefly. I've told you.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  You have?

• 44:46Conan O'Brien?

  I've told it before, but just because you're here and it lines up perfectly, I can do it really quickly. Backstage at a concert with my good friend and guitarist Jimmy Vivino in this sort of backstage area. And then I'm pushed, like literally pushed into a room and there's a bunch of people there. And then suddenly I'm, because of the way people are moving in the room, suddenly I'm sort of spit out at the front of the room. And there is Bob Dylan staring at me and I'm right in front of him. And he's got the little tiny pencil mustache that he had during that phase where he's wearing the string ties.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:16Conan O'Brien?

  And the little pencil mustache. And he looks at me and he goes, hey, I know you from the TV.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 45:22Conan O'Brien?

  And then just then I get interrupted by somebody who literally drags me out of my one conversation I'm gonna have with Bob Dylan. And Bob Dylan like skitters away.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 45:33Conan O'Brien?

  And that person was Al Gore.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 45:37Conan O'Brien?

  And I've always been pissed at Al Gore ever since because literally he went, hey, I know. He said, I know you from the TV. And I'm about to go like, oh, my God, Bob Dylan. And I'm just about to speak to him and he's looking at me when I hear, Conan, Conan, it's me, Al Gore.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 45:53Conan O'Brien?

  Global warming's a reality.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 45:55Conan O'Brien?

  It's an inconvenient truth. The earth is warming by three degrees every fifth, you know? And, and I see Bob Dylan shrug and kind of walk away. Did you know that?

• 46:05Speaker 03

  And that was it. But he knows you.

• 46:07Conan O'Brien?

  He knows me from the TV. He didn't know my name. And it wasn't the TV, it was the TV accent on the TV. I gotta get to Chalamet and tell him that's how you pronounce TV.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. You should have told him. I, I saw him at, um, a concert right before. Um, we went at the Kings Road Theater in New, in New York. Um, and I saw him and I actually, so sad. I had eaten a bad turkey sandwich. And I was like in the mid, like the concert, I'd never seen Bob Dylan live before and I'm like, I knew I was doing the movie and Timothy was there and or there and I just was like, oh no, I'm going to throw up. And so it was, I had to leave like halfway through I, and actually I, so I ran out of the stadium and it's like a beautiful theater, like really kind of grand and gold. It's like, it's really pretty.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Run out, right next to the concession stand, like in the lobby and I, I can't make it to the bathroom, just puke. Turkey sandwich all in the carpet.

• 47:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my god.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  And then I know, I was like, oh gosh, and I had, I had to leave and I went to the bathroom and then when I came back, they had like a sad little like cone over my throw up, you know, like avoid this area. I was like, no, I have to get back to the concert.

• 47:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's terrible.

• 47:22Speaker 03

  I must see, I know, so darn.

• 47:24Conan O'Brien?

  What was the turkey sandwich? It was not Bob?

• 47:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. It was a turkey sandwich.

• 47:28Conan O'Brien?

  Um, well, I don't even, I think you met Timmy Chalamet, but you don't even know it.

• 47:33Speaker 05

  I met him right before he blew up. I went and had ice cream with him.

• 47:36Conan O'Brien?

  We had.

• 47:37Speaker 05

  We went to ice cream after.

• 47:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 06

  What was that like? Was he, what was he like?

• 47:41Speaker 05

  He was cool. I mean, he was like a young kid. I mean, you know, he, he was taught, he was, he at that point had already been in Inter- was Interstellar the one with Matthew McConaughey?

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 47:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was in that movie already. But he had a small part in it. And you know, I think everyone was like, you're gonna, you're gonna do great. You'll be great. And then Call Me By Your Name came out.

• 47:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you sat him down, I think, and said, I, you know, look, you should try comedy. Because acting's not your thing and, and, and you'll, you know, try comedy and maybe you could be like half a Conan O'Brien one day. Remember when you said that?

• 48:13Speaker 05

  I did, I did. I was like, I don't know, comedy seems like it would be a better fit for you than drama.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  And he's like, I'm gonna show these two people.

• 48:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 06

  You made him.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, we did him. It's because of us.

• 48:24Conan O'Brien?

  You know, have you ever noticed?

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Your villain origin story. Yeah.

• 48:28Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what he has written on his hand? Conan is wrong.

• 48:32Speaker 06

  Well, I have that on my hand as well.

• 48:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've seen it. Yours is a little, yours is, is fucking wrong.

• 48:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think we all do. I think all five of us have something.

• 48:43Conan O'Brien?

  You know what's so nice? I was, I was reading different interviews with you in preparation for chatting with you today. And you said something really interesting to me, which that you learned. You've learned different things from different people. You say that a big part of your education was working with Sofia Coppola. Like, so you've, you know, your education continued long after your, your formal education.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 49:02Conan O'Brien?

  And I really believe in that. I really believe we learned so much. But you said that you learned manners.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:08Conan O'Brien?

  From working with Kirsten Dunst and Nicole Kidman. You were working with them and you learned manners. And I thought, nobody talks about manners. And now I'm gonna sound like an old man. But I promise you, I think it is a magic power.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:23Conan O'Brien?

  It's a magical thing to be well-mannered.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:26Conan O'Brien?

  And you are exceptionally well-mannered. You're just a, you're, you're a very kind person. And I, I, I don't think people understand the superpower that that is. Do you know what I mean?

• 49:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, totally.

• 49:40Conan O'Brien?

  And no one, and no one talks about it a lot.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:42Conan O'Brien?

  They don't talk about, it's all about, well, you know, obviously you gotta have talent, but you also have to like, you gotta be tactical and you gotta do this and that. Like, how about, I swear to God.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Just being nice.

• 49:51Conan O'Brien?

  Being, being well-mannered, being well-mannered. And, and it's a, it's, and I understand it's, maybe it's, I've always heard it's part of a southern thing. Like, Jack is insanely well-mannered. So anytime Jack McBrayer comes to my house, two days later, I get a note.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:09Conan O'Brien?

  Sir, it was an honor, you know.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  Feeling that's not what it says.

• 50:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, no. He doesn't say it was an honor, but he does, he does write. He says, "It was lovely, it was an honor hanging out with your wife." Everyone like, everyone likes lies. People tolerate me, but, but no, it's just like, that's such a nice thing.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's true. I mean, I think like.

• 50:31Conan O'Brien?

  You must have learned a lot.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Just growing up, you know, from, I didn't go to like acting class or anything. So it's just like being on set and around different personalities and different people and picking up on, you know, what people do. And I mean, honestly, it's like my mom.

• 50:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Like, you know, she would be on set with me or my grandmother. And I would have, you know, write a note, get rap gifts. For everyone, like, I've just always done that. Even like, small things about, like, putting, at the end of the day, like, your costume, like, making sure that it's like hung up, that you hang it up at, in, in the trailer.

• 51:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Because then you hear, because you hear people say, like, they just throw, and they're like, "Thank you so much for just hanging it up." It's like, well, it takes like, a second to do that, you know, like, it's, and, I don't know.

• 51:14Conan O'Brien?

  Also, sometimes it makes you realize how other people are behaving.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  Right.

• 51:18Conan O'Brien?

  I've had situations where, I don't know, I'm doing something and I'll, uh, I don't know, it'll be like a Sirius XM record in New York or something, and I'm headed out, and I'll pass the person at, like, the front thing, and I'll say, "I'm gonna get coffee, do you want any?" And they go, "What?

• 51:33Conan O'Brien?

  What?" And I'm thinking, "I'm not giving you a kidney."

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Right.

• 51:37Conan O'Brien?

  I'm saying, "I'm getting a coffee, would you like one too?" And you realize, oh, it's such little things like that.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  I know, it just makes you feel better to, I don't know, to be, to be kind. I mean, it sounds so cliche and easy, but I don't, in this business, it's like, there's a lot of not-nice people.

• 51:53Conan O'Brien?

  Why'd you look at me? And by the way, I, that's a made-up story about getting the coffee.

• 51:58Speaker 03

  I was like, "Did you really get coffee for that?"

• 52:00Conan O'Brien?

  No, I think you took the coffee from that person. I took, I took the security, I took her coffee, and I said, "Thanks for the Java, now go get your own."

• 52:10Speaker 03

  But you are known, you actually are known as like, the nicest and the best.

• 52:15Conan O'Brien?

  Well, that's very sweet.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  You are.

• 52:17Conan O'Brien?

  But, but.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  Everyone says it, and everyone thinks it.

• 52:19Conan O'Brien?

  "Sona, you've seen the real me."

• 52:21Speaker 03

  I have seen the real you.

• 52:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I have, I have, it's coming out in a tell-all.

• 52:28Conan O'Brien?

  You already wrote it.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  The real Conan O'Brien.

• 52:30Conan O'Brien?

  You wrote a book.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did, I know, that's right, I did.

• 52:32Conan O'Brien?

  She wrote a New York Times bestseller called "World's Worst Assistant," where she basically put it all out there, but it's basically the two of us acting like.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  It's good to have a little edge.

• 52:39Conan O'Brien?

  We're, mostly, mostly you read the book, and it's a hilarious book, but you mostly just read the book and think, "Both of these people are idiots who shouldn't be allowed to do anything."

• 52:49Speaker 03

  I think I started writing it thinking it would be a takedown of you, but it was really just an indictment on me, and how bad I was as your assistant. But having, being your assistant, I will say, there's a difference you can see between people who will.

• 53:01Speaker 05

  dismiss you and people who actually talk to you.

• 53:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 53:04Speaker 05

  I got that a lot.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Right.

• 53:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, and it makes a really big difference.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:08Conan O'Brien?

  What do you mean?

• 53:09Speaker 03

  Just remembering people's names.

• 53:11Speaker 05

  You know, people, yeah.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Like on set, you do meet a lot of people. It's like.

• 53:14Speaker 05

  Assistants, like people can sometimes just be very rude to assistants because they're trying to get to you. And there's a lot of people who.

• 53:21Conan O'Brien?

  I had a really.

• 53:21Speaker 05

  Will actually talk to you.

• 53:23Conan O'Brien?

  I had a really interesting thing happen to me. I've never forgotten it, which is I was working on The Simpsons. I was a writer producer there. This is before I got the talk show and I'm probably, I don't know, 26. I used to just wear like a T-shirt and kind of that, you know, that red James Dean, a kind of iconic jacket with the flip up collar. I had one of those. So I'm wearing like, that's just how I'm dressed and I'm wearing sneakers. And I remembered I was gonna go meet my friend Suzanne Daniels, who was a big exec over on the Fox lot. I remember for some reason I had a package in my hand that was just my package. And I walked into this office and I said, um, yeah, I'm here for Suzanne Daniels.

• 54:05Conan O'Brien?

  And this person behind the desk went, yeah, just put that down. Just leave it there. And I went, well, actually, and they went, uh, just put it down. Okay. Like, because I'm the delivery guy.

• 54:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:15Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I kept trying to stall and the person was just, just looking through me like I didn't exist.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 54:20Conan O'Brien?

  And then, of course, Suzanne saw me and went, Conan, hey. And this person, she was like, have you met Conan? He's a writer producer at The Simpsons and da, da, da. And he's gonna have a late night show in a year and a half, even though nobody knows that yet. And.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  She just knew?

• 54:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. Apparently, he is a delivery boy. Yeah. But anyway, I just saw in a moment.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  And then he's like, oh.

• 54:39Conan O'Brien?

  I saw status completely shift arbitrarily.

• 54:43Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 54:44Conan O'Brien?

  Because why does that make a difference?

• 54:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:46Conan O'Brien?

  And, um, yeah.

• 54:48Speaker 05

  Completely.

• 54:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that executive was Jeff Ross.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 54:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he was terrible to me.

• 54:53Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 54:54Conan O'Brien?

  When he was assistant. No, that doesn't make any sense.

• 54:55Speaker 05

  You made it. I know. It's, you really messed it up.

• 55:00Conan O'Brien?

  Fix that up. Yeah, I got it wrong. Uh, but, um, anyway.

• 55:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, you know who the assistant was?

• 55:07Speaker 05

  Who?

• 55:08Conan O'Brien?

  It was a very, very young Timothy Chalamet.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. Bring it in around.

• 55:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I remember. He was a fetus. Uh huh. It was like, there was a fetus, a really good looking fetus. Yeah. Wearing, uh, like some kind of exotic cologne.

• 55:25Conan O'Brien?

  He said, "Just leave the package there." And I said, "Why do you have an umbilical cord? Just leave the fi-- just leave it there."

• 55:32Speaker 06

  And cue the rap, like, "Here we go."

• 55:35Conan O'Brien?

  I got us out. Hey, Elle, uh, everyone's gonna see this movie, uh, and, um, I'm just, it's a complete unknown. Uh, it's you, uh, Timothy Chalamet and--

• 55:47Speaker 03

  Edward Norton.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  Edward Norton and--

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Monica Barbara.

• 55:50Conan O'Brien?

  I can't wait to see it, but also, anytime you wanna come in and just sit down and talk about anything, you're one of my favorite people.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Ah, I feel the same. I wanna pop in now. I wanna like, 'cause The Office is, it was, this is really nice with the kitchen and everything.

• 56:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 56:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:06Conan O'Brien?

  Just don't go in there, that's our kitchen.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  Like, I've already had, like, pockets full of snacks.

• 56:12Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, I'll need you to empty your coat before you leave. Snacks don't grow on trees. No, Conan, they're nuts. They literally grow on trees. You are an absolute delight and I, as you know, I'm a massive fan of The Great and, uh, and watching you in that role, walk this crazy tightrope of being near-death experiences, being assaulted, but being, but then being hilariously funny in the next scene. I don't know how you do it. It's one of the best performances I've seen in a show ever, and it's one of my favorite shows. And then you just have this insane career and you're a delight. You're a delightful person. So, come back anytime.

• 56:51Speaker 03

  I will.

• 56:51Conan O'Brien?

  And thanks for being here and sharing your energy with us, 'cause these guys are sucking my life out of me.

• 57:03Speaker 02

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• 58:09Speaker 06

  We thought we might initiate a series of staff reviews here at the Team Coco facilities. We're going to start with your producer, longtime producer, Jeff Ross.

• 58:18Conan O'Brien?

  Jeff Ross, not to be confused with the roast master general, Jeff Ross, the comedian. Jeff Ross has been my producer. We really started in late night together. What is it, 31 years ago, Jeff?

• 58:29Speaker 06

  93, April of 93.

• 58:31Conan O'Brien?

  We met in April of 93, so someone do the math.

• 58:33Speaker 06

  I don't want to.

• 58:34Conan O'Brien?

  I think it's been.

• 58:35Speaker 06

  I don't feel like it. You gonna go to the calculator?

• 58:37Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's been 57 years.

• 58:38Speaker 06

  I don't care enough.

• 58:39Conan O'Brien?

  Anywho, you get the point. We've been together side by side on this crazy adventure through show business. And what we're doing, Jeff, is thinking that maybe we just review people, talk to them about their work.

• 58:51Speaker 06

  It's not gonna go well.

• 58:52Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's going to go well. Of course, it's going to go well. Jeff, you've been with me at the helm of this ship for a long time. We've been through, we've been through highs, we've been through lows, we've been through highs again, and then some more lows, then lots of lows, then a quick high, then years and years. No, it's been great. It's been great. We've had a great ride, but I think it's time for a brief catch-up.

• 59:15Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 59:16Conan O'Brien?

  Lately on your performance here at the show. Jeff, I'm just gonna come out and say, in all the time I've known you, you've worn glasses. Okay?

• 59:24Speaker 06

  This is where you're going.

• 59:27Conan O'Brien?

  You've worn glasses the whole time I've known you. Very recently, you had a surgical procedure which you needed to have. This was not elective. It was a surgical procedure that you needed to have on your eyes. And while they were doing that surgery, they were like, hey, we can correct your vision at the same time. That's the way it works. That's the way it works. So they corrected your vision. And I didn't, you didn't, first of all, talk to any of us about this. You went ahead and had this surgery, which you had to have, which you had to have, hold on.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  Why would he talk?

• 59:53Conan O'Brien?

  Because I talked to Jeff about all the surgeries I have. That's true. We've talked to each other about our, our various surgeries. Yeah, when I was circumcised and then I went back and had it put back on.

• 1:00:02Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:00:02Conan O'Brien?

  And then I was circumcised and then had it put back on again. I tried to talk him out of it both times.

• 1:00:06Speaker 05

  You had it and you were just like, put it back?

• 1:00:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I wanted it back.

• 1:00:09Speaker 05

  You got to keep it?

• 1:00:10Conan O'Brien?

  They couldn't, well. I was holding it for a while. Here's the thing, I don't, Jeff had it for a while in his wallet. The way high school kids keep a condom in their wallet. People were like, Jeff, you've got a condom in your wallet. He's like, no, no, it's condom for a kid.

• 1:00:24Conan O'Brien?

  But thank you for keeping it. You're supposed to moisturize it, but he didn't. So anyway.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  So wait, it's back on there, just like an old dry pig ear?

• 1:00:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well. We went back and forth two times because I kept changing my mind. Now it's back on and I'm not convinced it's mine, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, that's not why we're having this review. Okay. The focus should not be on the crazy surgeries that I've had. Butchering my, my, my member. Maybe they should be. But Jeff. Yes. You had this, you had this thing and you come in and suddenly you're not wearing glasses because you don't need to anymore. Because you have now 2020 vision. But I need readers. You need readers, but most of the time you're walking around the office. I just went on, we shot a travel show together in a foreign land. We've, we travel the world together and you're not wearing glasses. And you're, he's Jeff, you will agree, a very good looking man.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:01:15Conan O'Brien?

  You're a good looking guy. Thank you, everybody. You, you are, you're, you're a good looking man. I think you're right. Your, your whole, listen, the whole time I've been with Jeff, people, women always nudge me like, that Jeff Ross is a good looking guy. And I'm like, hey, what am I, chopped liver over here? But Jeff.

• 1:01:28Speaker 05

  Make it about you.

• 1:01:29Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 1:01:29Speaker 05

  What? I said, make it, you, you make it about you?

• 1:01:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I was born on Make It About You mountain.

• 1:01:36Conan O'Brien?

  So Jeff isn't wearing glasses now and he comes in and you walk around, you don't have glasses on. And I can't get used to it. And I'm not the only one. A couple of us, Eduardo, feel free to weigh in. Weird. It's weird. I can't get used to it. And here's the thing. I can't get used to it and you'll get to talk in just a second. Wait a minute, I'm not even sure that's true. I might just keep talking.

• 1:01:55Speaker 06

  This is a great staff review.

• 1:01:58Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of us are having trouble adjusting. And the thing is, it's our problem because you've had a certain look for a long time. But, and then suddenly it changed and you look great, but I'm not used to it. What are we gonna do, Jeff? Let me say two things. First of all, I'm not used to it either because still I wake up in the morning and I reach over to the bedside table. Actually, it's on my left and to reach for my glasses and they're not there. And sometimes at night when I brush my teeth and I wash my face, I reach for my glasses and they're not there. What I might do, I'm considering is what you did, which is get like progressive, nothing up top and readers at the bottom. Yeah, yeah. I'm considering that.

• 1:02:39Conan O'Brien?

  I don't mind wearing glasses and I just decided, yeah, I did the progressive thing. So my eyes without glasses are fine. But I don't like putting glasses on and off all the time. Yeah, this is a pain. And so I just wear glasses so that when I can pick up a book and read and...

• 1:02:56Speaker 05

  I have, I'm sorry, I have a question. This is a staff review?

• 1:02:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:03:01Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, let me get back to the review part of it.

• 1:03:03Speaker 06

  Could I just do a segment of reviewing the staff reviews? Cause I have a couple of notes.

• 1:03:07Conan O'Brien?

  Hold it. But listen.

• 1:03:08Speaker 05

  But please, let's talk more about your progressive lenses.

• 1:03:11Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I didn't put it on that. That was, that was Jeff who made the executive producer decision. You asked me a question and I answered it. To, no. Here's what I'm saying. I want you to immediately, this is a staff review. I want you to immediately start wearing glasses. I want you to wear them all the time. No, those are at the end of your nose. Now you look like Grandma Moses. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I want you, and if not, I'm gonna go do- Do what you did. No, no. Cause I do that, I do that a lot anyway. Let's not get onto progressives again, cause that's a, Sona's told us that's a bad topic. I had a thought.

• 1:03:44Speaker 06

  Go back to your foreskin.

• 1:03:45Conan O'Brien?

  No, no. That's a separate episode. That's from my staff review.

• 1:03:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's a different kind of staff review.

• 1:03:50Conan O'Brien?

  By the way, I could get it again. Yeah. So, listen, Jeff, I had an idea, which is that you get a tattoo of glasses.

• 1:03:56Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:03:57Conan O'Brien?

  On your eyes. You get glasses drawn on as if you fell asleep at a, at a fraternity. And instead of a penis on your cheek, it's just some really nice glasses, Tom Ford glasses. Only if we can go back to New Zealand to that place where the guy with the crazy tattoos on his arm, and he does it. Okay. You like that guy. You like the tattoos.

• 1:04:17Speaker 06

  What's that?

• 1:04:18Conan O'Brien?

  I like to keep it secret where we're going, but Jeff, I guess, likes to just blab it out there in New Zealand.

• 1:04:23Speaker 05

  A secret, cause everybody knew you were there.

• 1:04:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's true. Didn't you do something in a stadium full of people?

• 1:04:28Conan O'Brien?

  You know what I forget? All I heard the whole time was, in, in the van was, Blake, how's socials doing? How's socials doing?

• 1:04:36Speaker 06

  Staff review, staff review.

• 1:04:38Conan O'Brien?

  Well, listen.

• 1:04:39Speaker 05

  I like the idea of no glasses.

• 1:04:41Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I just have to get used to it, but I want, I like things, I'm at a stage in my life, I'm no spring chicken, where I like things to be the same. And so, the other thought of, that I had, was get Jeff two monocles, and he puts one in each eye. And you walk around with two monocles.

• 1:04:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know Colonel Clank had one, you get two. I remember. And you were, and then when you're, and then when you're in a meeting with me and you're surprised by something, like, Conan stole that much from the budget? Your eyes widen and they both fall out. That would be funny. One at a time, maybe. Yeah, one and then the other.

• 1:05:12Speaker 06

  Well, when something's quizzical or skeptical, one falls out.

• 1:05:15Conan O'Brien?

  One falls out, yeah, but you mentioned to keep the other. Anyway, these are just ideas you should think about. I appreciate that. And it's weird for me, too. Would you like to maybe quickly review me, since you and I, you're the only person that can, the only one that has the authority, how am I doing, Jeff? You're doing great. We're still working. Wow. We're still going. We're still going.

• 1:05:32Speaker 05

  You don't have any notes? I have a few notes.

• 1:05:34Conan O'Brien?

  We can feed you a few notes.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  You don't have notes?

• 1:05:36Conan O'Brien?

  I've been riding this gravy train for 31 years. Okay? If you think I'm gonna start giving notes. Jeff is, Jeff's sitting on top of the caboose of the gravy train.

• 1:05:49Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Jeff, other than the glasses, and get that shit straightened away. I will. Uh, A plus all the way. I like it. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you.

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:05:57Conan O'Brien?

  And I thought this was pretty painless.

• 1:05:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:59Conan O'Brien?

  Totally painless.

• 1:06:00Speaker 06

  All right. Foreskin on the table.

• 1:06:01Speaker 05

  Oh, come on.

• 1:06:06Speaker 06

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Afshian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:06:26Speaker 06

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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• 1:07:22Speaker 00

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