Caught My Husband Sexting an AI Chatbot

On today’s episode, we hear about: A wife who discovered her husband uses AI for his sexual fantasies A mom angry that her son was slapped by his girlfriend’s mom A man overwhelmed because his pregnant wife refuses to help around the house Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Head to Beam and use code DELONY for an exclusive discount—because better sleep, energy and focus start tonight. Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Keep your home safe and under control. Go to Cove Smart and use code DELONY for up to 80% off your first order. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Go to Dutch Pet and use code DELONY to get $50 off a year of vet care. Go love your pets! Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Working knives for working people. Go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne.  Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  I found out my husband was using a anime chatbot to discuss his sexual fantasies.

• 0:15Dr. John Delony?

  Does it create a character too that talks back to him?

• 0:18Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 0:19Dr. John Delony?

  And that character will do whatever he types in that box?

• 0:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls on your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your marriage, your kids, whatever you've got going on in your life. We've got relationships just hanging on by a thread all over the planet and relationships are what keep us all tethered together. And so, I mean, I'm invested with all I got to helping people reconnect, deepen connections, get stronger again. And I've been doing this for two decades, sitting with hurting people, trying to figure out what do I do now? What's the next right move? So if you want to be on the show, go to johndeloney.com/ask. It's an honor to get to sit with you. It's one of my life's greatest blessings.

• 1:11Dr. John Delony?

  And for everybody who's brave and honest on this show, I'm really grateful. Let's go out to Salt Lake City, Utah, and talk to Morgan. What's up, Morgan? How we doing?

• 1:21Speaker 00

  Hi, Dr. John. Thanks for having me on.

• 1:24Dr. John Delony?

  You got it. It's good to hear from you. What's going on?

• 1:27Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm pretty nervous. Oh, um, so I'll just cut to it, I guess.

• 1:37Dr. John Delony?

  Cannonball, yeah. Tuck those knees in and jump all the way off the high dive. We can do it.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  Okay. Um, so I think it was about two weeks ago.

• 1:51Dr. John Delony?

  Do me a favor, do me a favor.

• 1:55Dr. John Delony?

  Take your hands. I want you to squeeze them together as tight as you can. Make really big, balled up fists. Okay? Three, two, and then let them loose.

• 2:07Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? And then take a huge, deep breath, as deep as you can, all the way in your tummy and in your chest.

• 2:14Dr. John Delony?

  And now, hold it in five, four, three, two, exhale.

• 2:23Dr. John Delony?

  You're safe here, man.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 2:27Dr. John Delony?

  You're good.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Um.

• 2:30Speaker 00

  Okay, so, um.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  I would say about two weeks ago.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  I found out my husband was, um. Using a. Uh, like an AI chatbot. And to, um, discuss his sexual fantasies.

• 2:56Dr. John Delony?

  Hmm.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  And. I mean, he's been kind of working through.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  An addiction to.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  Um, a type of pornography for a while and. Anyway, this was just.

• 3:18Speaker 00

  I don't know. I feel like it was a new level of betrayal.

• 3:23Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  And.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  I don't know. I just.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Needed to talk to somebody about it.

• 3:32Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you for calling.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  Nobody really knows.

• 3:37Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 3:39Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you for calling.

• 3:42Dr. John Delony?

  Um, what you, what did you find?

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Um.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 3:50Dr. John Delony?

  I can hear in your voice that you didn't find him.

• 3:55Dr. John Delony?

  Just texting jet chat GPT back and forth with some.

• 4:01Dr. John Delony?

  Run of the mill sex stuff. It sounds like you walked in on. Or read some things or saw some things. That were pretty troubling.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, um, he.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  Really likes anime and, you know, he, he and I are both. Um, we're both raised. Religiously and. So like generally he. Does his best to steer clear of. Anime that. Is, um, sexual because he knows that he gets triggered, but then. Um, anyway, so it's. It's basically an anime chatbot.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  And it, you know, it's like they're having a conversation and it's supposed to be erotic and.

• 5:01Dr. John Delony?

  Does it create a character too that talks back to him?

• 5:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:04Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And that character will do whatever he types in that box?

• 5:09Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 5:10Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And will cheer him on as he masturbates or as he does what he's gonna do on his side?

• 5:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:17Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 5:23Dr. John Delony?

  I'm sorry.

• 5:28Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 5:32Dr. John Delony?

  And you hear me say this a lot on this show, but I'll tell you directly, you're not crazy to have your heart broken and be disgusted and be weirded out. And to also be looking yourself in the mirror in the morning, wondering, why is a fictitious cartoon robot more appealing than me?

• 5:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:51Dr. John Delony?

  All of it. I'm sorry.

• 5:55Dr. John Delony?

  How long have y'all been together?

• 5:58Speaker 00

  Um, we're coming up on nine years.

• 6:02Dr. John Delony?

  You all got kids?

• 6:04Speaker 00

  We have three kids.

• 6:05Dr. John Delony?

  How old are they?

• 6:07Speaker 00

  We have a six-year-old and a four-year-old and a two-year-old.

• 6:11Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, man. You're a pretty chaotic house, huh?

• 6:16Speaker 00

  Very.

• 6:19Dr. John Delony?

  Do you work? Does he work?

• 6:22Speaker 00

  He works full-time. Um, I just recently started up a side hustle, cause one of our main goals together is trying to buy a house.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  So that we can establish roots.

• 6:40Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And that's a nightmare these days, trying to save up for a house. Good grief, especially in Salt Lake City. Geez.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:46Dr. John Delony?

  Um.

• 6:48Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about the past conversations and experiences he's had with pornography.

• 6:55Speaker 00

  Um, so he, before we even got married, he disclosed to me that he struggled as a teenager um, with masturbation. He didn't really get into pornography till after we were married. And that's one of the things I was very thankful and still am. He's very open with me. Um, he, he's honest with me and he will come to me and tell me when he's looked things up that he shouldn't have, or when he's masturbated, or, um, so I really,

• 7:37Speaker 00

  that was one thing I really appreciate is that he's so open with me about it instead of trying to hide it.

• 7:44Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, there's, there's some, there's some, that's, that can be good, but after 10 years together,

• 7:52Dr. John Delony?

  the constant disclosure without any changes in actions or behavior

• 7:58Dr. John Delony?

  can leave you carrying a ton of, for lack of better words, he, it's like he, he has this thing that violates his

• 8:08Dr. John Delony?

  core values.

• 8:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:10Dr. John Delony?

  And violates the values that you two have established for your marriage. And then he comes to you openly and just has a cinder block and says, well, I did this thing that violates what we agreed on. Here, you carry this. I'm gonna go back.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  Right.

• 8:24Dr. John Delony?

  And then nothing changes. And then a few months later, or a year later, or two weeks later, he pops back up and says, ah, did it again, carry this.

• 8:35Dr. John Delony?

  And it's almost like you're so burdened carrying all this stuff. You're trying to figure out how does this align with a guy who's like provides for the family? Maybe he's a good dad. He's present with these three little kids, whatever. And so you have to say things like, well, at least he's not doing this.

• 8:56Dr. John Delony?

  And at least this isn't happening.

• 8:59Dr. John Delony?

  And it's almost a way that you can excuse all of this insane weight you're carrying.

• 9:09Dr. John Delony?

  So I guess at the beginning of this call, I want you to at least exhale and if you can, close your eyes for two seconds and just imagine yourself dropping all of those bricks and cinder blocks. Set them down.

• 9:27Dr. John Delony?

  And then you have to sit there and look at this guy who says he's one thing, who in some areas of his, of his life acts a certain way. Is he a good dad as he show up?

• 9:36Speaker 00

  He's an amazing dad.

• 9:37Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Is he a good husband outside of the fact that he keeps outsourcing feelings and eroticism and play and fantasies to like pornography and now to escalate, basically a live pornography, right?

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, other, literally other than, other than the pornography and masturbation, he's my best friend and we love hanging out and shooting the breeze and we just, there's, I don't know, we, we're really good together, other than that.

• 10:20Dr. John Delony?

  So let me say this, my best friends in the world don't violate the core value agreements we have with each other. It's not what best friends do.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:36Dr. John Delony?

  So how did this, um, when you discovered this, how'd the conversation go?

• 10:41Speaker 00

  Like, I had no idea that kind of thing existed.

• 10:44Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, it does, yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  And it was, I don't know, a new level of shock, I suppose. And I asked him to stop and I asked him to get help. And he says he doesn't know if he'll stop.

• 11:07Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  And, but he is, I mean, he started therapy two weeks ago, right after I asked him to, so, I don't know. I do know that pornography like that changes your brain chemistry and so I just am hoping to be able to help him get the help he needs to be able to rewire his brain so it's not...

• 11:38Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I wouldn't think of it in that way because that makes it sound like he's forever altered, right? Things are different now, there's an exposure in your marriage now.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:46Dr. John Delony?

  And depending on the stuff he was looking at.

• 11:52Dr. John Delony?

  I'm less worried about, like, brain plasticity is extraordinary. Up and down, like, left and right, all over the place, right? I'm more worried about that you can't unsee some of the things that you saw him asking this sexual being in the form of an AI, like, projection. You can't unsee some of the stuff that you didn't even know was in your husband's head that he wanted to see expressed, that he was sexually excited by.

• 12:20Dr. John Delony?

  It's hard to unsee and unknow that.

• 12:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:25Dr. John Delony?

  It's disturbing, right?

• 12:31Dr. John Delony?

  So, you talked about, like, "I need you to stop, I need you to do these things, I want you to do something that's gonna sound counterintuitive, and I want you to reclaim autonomy in this moment." Because right now, you feel devastated, right?

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:49Dr. John Delony?

  And reclaiming autonomy happens in a couple of ways. It's you taking very serious, a pen and a paper, and being clear, despite the ramifications, clear about what you will and will not tolerate in your home.

• 13:09Dr. John Delony?

  And then it's being very clear about what a path back to trust looks like, because this guy blew trust to smithereens. Not only in pornography, y'all have talked about this a million times, not only in him having, I'm gonna call it a digital affair.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 13:27Dr. John Delony?

  He had an affair.

• 13:30Dr. John Delony?

  And a really seedy, disturbing affair.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:38Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And you creating a path back to what trust may look like, if you have any interest in that. Or if this was the final straw, and when he looked at you and said, "I don't think I wanna quit."

• 13:52Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm hearing words like this, "I love this AI bot."

• 13:57Dr. John Delony?

  "I'm in love with this thing." "This bot doesn't judge me like you do, this bot will do whatever I ask and you won't," etc., however those conversations go.

• 14:10Dr. John Delony?

  And you being able to say, "If we're gonna, I don't wanna be married to you anymore, I'm done with this thing."

• 14:18Dr. John Delony?

  Or you saying, "This is just my husband and he does good in some of these other areas, so I'm just gonna take it." I'd recommend not doing that, but you're free to do that. You're an adult.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:30Dr. John Delony?

  Or, "We're in ash. I'm gonna, here's the path back. If you want me to trust you, if you want to stay married to me, if you want to stay present in the lives of your kids all the time, here's what trust is gonna look like." No more screens. No more phones. We're deleting all the stuff off the, I mean, you're gonna, I mean, he's gonna have to act like a child.

• 14:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:50Dr. John Delony?

  Like a teenager who just got caught. It's y'all going to couples counseling, and there's gonna be some really tough stuff, which is you being curious, not judgmental, you being curious about, "I, I want you to teach me, what is exciting about this?"

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:12Dr. John Delony?

  He's gonna have to do the work to get to the level of shame that he experiences, that it's continually looking for off-ramps, for intimate connection, and all of these not-real ways, and avoiding that with you.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:31Dr. John Delony?

  And you're gonna have to be honest with him about the grief and the fact that the marriage y'all had is over now. Do y'all wanna build a new one? Because you can't unsee what you saw. Do you wanna stay married to this guy?

• 15:44Speaker 00

  I do.

• 15:45Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So you're gonna have to be very clear about what that's, what it's gonna take for that to continue.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:58Dr. John Delony?

  You're carrying a lot of shame on his behalf right now. You're carrying a lot of embarrassment. What if people found out that my husband was looking at this stuff?

• 16:10Dr. John Delony?

  What if people knew my husband was jerking off to this stuff in our family house while the three kids were playing downstairs?

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:19Dr. John Delony?

  And you reclaiming autonomy is refusing to keep secrets. I'm not saying broadcast this, I'm absolutely not saying make a big, long, dramatic Facebook post or anything like, or calling your dad and being like, guess what, I'm not recommending that at all. Please don't do that.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:35Dr. John Delony?

  But I'll also tell you, you have to find people that you trust, whether it's a therapist who's bound through licensure to not, to keep confidentiality. Whether it's two girlfriends that know you and have stood by you through your pregnancies and through your births and through ups and downs, that you could call and say, I'm not okay.

• 17:02Dr. John Delony?

  But you carrying this burden around

• 17:07Dr. John Delony?

  takes your autonomy, you're playing defense in your life and I want you to switch to offense. If you want to fight for your marriage, I want to give you permission to fight for it. Here's what that's going to mean.

• 17:17Dr. John Delony?

  Your husband violated things and blew things up. And so you walking around keeping all of that secret is weighing you down. And it's you saying, I'm not keeping secrets anymore. I'm not going to bleed on the neighborhood, but I'm not keeping secrets anymore. Cause I need to heal from this so that I can see clearly a path for us to stay married, for us to get well together.

• 17:38Dr. John Delony?

  But you're right to be out of your mind disgusted by what you saw. You're right to feel like, I think this is an affair. It is, it's a digital affair. Absolutely 100% bar none. It's an affair. He created a relationship, a sexually intimate relationship with somebody else. That somebody just happens to be AI. And if you, people are listening to this and rolling their eyes, I'm telling you right now, AI is good. In fact, I'll say this. Kind of like a Twinkie is better, tastes better than broccoli. Right?

• 18:17Dr. John Delony?

  It'll kill you, but it tastes better than broccoli. AI can be better than a person. Because AI just says, "You got it." AI just says, "You're amazing." AI doesn't get tired. AI doesn't get frustrated. AI doesn't have normal emotional rhythms like regular humans do. And so, it can be better. Not, not better for you, but it can, it can feel easier. Let me put it that way. It can be easier. Morgan, you're right to say, "I don't know who you are anymore." And he's right to look at you and say, "I went down a rabbit hole. I got curious and then I got over my head and now I'm scared to death."

• 18:58Dr. John Delony?

  The fact that he showed up and said, "I'll go see somebody right away," that's cool. But you're gonna have to be an integral part of the healing. And you gotta be prepared for him saying, "I'm not moving any further. I'm a grown man. I can look at what I want to." And you're gonna have to decide, as a grown woman, as someone who's gonna protect your children, do I want this in my house or not? I'll be with you every step of the way. Morgan, you call me anytime and I'll sit with you. I hate that you're going through this. And everybody listening, this is our future that we are staring at. This, right now. And so, if you haven't had conversations about AI relationships, about interactive

• 19:42Dr. John Delony?

  digital pornography, about anime pornography, by the way, it's already moved to, to not just cartoons, but there are AI people that will do whatever you want. It looks like a person. It looks like a, it talks like a, I mean, it's as real as it can be. They're having those conversations now. Because we have started a Manhattan project on an arms race. I'm building this thing and it is already everywhere. Thanks for the call, my sister. We will be thinking about you, your hurt and your pain. And the violation you feel is very, very real, unlike this digital relationship that

• 20:26Dr. John Delony?

  your husband thinks he has. We come back, a woman asks how to support her son after his girlfriend's parent hit him. Yikes, we'll be right back.

• 20:38Dr. John Delony?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, this time of year can be tough for all of us. So I want you to make sure that you check on your friends, check on your loved ones, and reconnect with people that maybe you haven't talked to in a while. I recently called one of my childhood friends just to say, "Hey, I'm thinking about you. How are you doing?" And we ended up having a great conversation that was hard, but we also laughed a little bit, too. And just like it can take a little bit of courage to send that message, or grab coffee with somebody that you haven't seen in a while, reaching out for therapy, reaching out to somebody who can sit with you and hold space for heavy, hard conversations, that can feel hard, too. But it's worth it. If you want to try therapy, call my friends at BetterHelp.

• 21:21Dr. John Delony?

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• 22:08Dr. John Delony?

  I want to invite you to something really cool that's happening this month. Hallow, the prayer app that I use every day, is teaming up with the Bible app and other Christian organizations all over the world for Global Bible Month. Heading into the holidays, there's no better time to slow down, reconnect with your spiritual life, and bring prayer back into your daily routines. During Global Bible Month, Hallow will offer a 30-day Bible Story Challenge. These are some of the most popular stories in the Bible, read by incredible voices that you already know and love, like Lauren Daigle, Jonathan Rumi, and more. And while you're using Hallow, check out their thousands of prayers and messages. As well as their sleep series that can fill your mind with positive thoughts and stories

• 22:52Dr. John Delony?

  as you drift off to sleep. Join me and millions of others around the world for Global Bible Month on Hallow. Let's dive into Scripture together. Join now and you'll get three months of Hallow for free at hallow.com/daloni. That's Hallow, H-A-L-L-O-W.com/daloni. All right, let's go out to Amy in Houston, Texas. What's up, Amy?

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Hi, how are you, Dr. Deloney?

• 23:22Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good. How are you?

• 23:24Speaker 02

  Very good, thank you.

• 23:25Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome. What's going on?

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Well, um, my son, my 19-year-old son who's in college, he met this new girl and started a relationship. Uh, it seems like the parents are very strict, so when they met him as a friend, they liked him, uh, but apparently they did not approve their daughter to be dating even though she's in college. Um, so when she told them that she's dating my son, they went as far as initially cutting her off to support her financially. Um, and, uh,

• 24:01Dr. John Delony?

  Why don't they like your son?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  I don't know. He's a lovely young man.

• 24:06Dr. John Delony?

  Of course, you say that. You're his mom. Like, what reasons is he telling you that they're saying we're cutting her off?

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Because they didn't want her to be dating.

• 24:17Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, so it's just any guy, your son just happened to be in the wrong, with the wrong person at the wrong time?

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Wrong person, the wrong time. And, uh,

• 24:25Dr. John Delony?

  So her parents are nuts?

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, sounds like it.

• 24:30Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, you don't have to, like, yes, they are, okay. But hey, you know what? They're nuts, but they can do what they want to. If she's on their dime, if she's taking money from them, they get to set the rules, I guess. All right, so, uh, Your son found a girl at college, they started dating, mom and dad went B A N A N A S, cut her, cut, cut her off, and then what happened?

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Cut her off, and she, she's like, you know what, it is what it is, and she was brave, and she was independent, I don't need them, you know, I got full ride scholarship and everything, I make a little bit money for my spending.

• 25:04Dr. John Delony?

  How you like them apples, mom and dad, good for her.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely, but then, uh, that same night when I met her the first time and learned all of this, uh, the parents went to her dorm where, uh, my son had taken her back, um, and, uh, apparently they got into an argument, so she asked my son to be next door while they sorted out their family business, then my son next door heard that she got slapped, the mom slapped her, so he immediately opened the door and stepped out, then the mother slapped my son.

• 25:37Dr. John Delony?

  Ooh, um, where I'm from, which is Houston, like you, we say, oh, hell no.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 25:45Dr. John Delony?

  This other mom hit your kid?

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Correct.

• 25:49Dr. John Delony?

  Whoa, did he call the cops?

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Well, uh, so I guess the, the residential, the hall staff did that.

• 25:56Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, good for them.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  The cops showed up.

• 25:58Dr. John Delony?

  I used to work in housing, I trained them well, good job, right, so they called 5-0, and then what happened?

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Then, uh, then they asked my son if he wanted to press charges, then he declined.

• 26:09Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Um, and then the, so the, the father pulled him aside, talked to him, even though my son says that he's scared of the father, but they talked him down, and then after that, you know, the girlfriend asked him to leave, which he left and came home and told me all about this.

• 26:24Dr. John Delony?

  What, what did the father say to your son?

• 26:25Speaker 02

  You know, I am not sure.

• 26:28Dr. John Delony?

  I would find out, if he, if he pulled him aside and said, hey, my wife is nuts, and that should never have happened, I'm sorry that happened, you're a good kid, I'm gonna, I'm getting her out of here, like, if that happened, that's one, that, that, that gives me some information, doesn't undo what happened, the assault, but it gives me some, a clue.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 26:49Dr. John Delony?

  If he leaned over and said, Oh, you think that's bad, young man? You press charges and I'll find you. Like, right? I wanna, I wanna know what that guy said.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Oh, wha- wha- actually, a good point. So, I don't know if he said any of what you just described, but he did ask my son for his, hi- his driver's license, and my son declined as well. So, I'm not gonna give you my driver's license, because at that moment, my son felt threatened. He was afraid of him. And he didn't want him to come and charge in our house with a gun.

• 27:19Dr. John Delony?

  Yes. All of that, yes. And it's not, he didn't feel threatened. He was threatened, cuz the other adult hit him in the face.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, and we don't do this in our house. We don't grow our kids. We never lay hand in our, on our kids. So, of course, when I heard this, I was furious, because how dare you, whoever you are, lay your hand on my son?

• 27:39Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  But, uh, uh, my son, of course, when he was telling me and my husband about this, he immediately defended the girl, because I think we, it put an image in our head is, our fa- family values don't match. I don't think this is gonna go anywhere.

• 27:55Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I can tell you, it's probably not.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 27:58Dr. John Delony?

  Having worked with college students my whole life, it's probably not.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:03Dr. John Delony?

  And, y'all are right to say, "I don't want you around her, I don't want you around them." They're, like, they're, they're unsafe people. They're neurotic. You don't have one adult hi- okay, the only thing I would say is, uh, like,

• 28:23Dr. John Delony?

  if they walked in and your son was sleeping with their daughter, I would say it's wrong that, that, that she hit him. But I, I could understand. That make sense? It's not right, but I, I could get that. If they walked in and they were sleeping together, and dad grabbed your son by the collar and pulled him out in the hallway and said, "I, I want all this information from you." I would say, you can't do that. It's against the law. You can't put your hands on a kid and demand their license. Who do you think you are? But, I would understand. This doesn't sound like that at all.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 29:01Dr. John Delony?

  So can I, can I tell you this? I, I have, I always had a rule that I always taught parents of college students and high school students.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:09Dr. John Delony?

  And that is if something doesn't smell right, it may not be right.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 29:15Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? So, I know you love your son, sweet, sweet, sweet little son, precious son.

• 29:23Dr. John Delony?

  Of all the crazy interactions I had with college students over 20 years.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:30Dr. John Delony?

  Very, very rarely did something like this happen unprovoked.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 29:36Dr. John Delony?

  I would love for you to circle back and say, alright, son, I've done some thinking and I love you. The story that you're telling me sounds nuts. What really happened?

• 29:48Dr. John Delony?

  And he might say, it is exactly as I told you. And then I'd want you to follow up and be like, I want you to tell me exactly what that father pulled you aside and said.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Hmm, mm-hmm.

• 29:57Dr. John Delony?

  Because here's the deal. If he pulled him aside and said, I want your license because I'm coming for you, boy. Then I'm going to suggest your son go back and press charges, less for this particular moment, but I want it documented. I want them to know, we're not scared of you and we're going to use the legal processes to protect. He's going to use the legal, the legal system to protect himself.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 30:19Dr. John Delony?

  Um, otherwise, this dad, this kind of behavior is not going to stop. It's going to roll unchecked.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:25Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And I did work situations that were outside of the bell curve, that would have ended up on the news without some intervention.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 30:35Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so your son's like, I'm worried this guy's going to be out in the parking lot. He's right.

• 30:41Dr. John Delony?

  He shouldn't be nervous.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:44Dr. John Delony?

  But the school, when you're dealing with adults, and I know it's weird, it's like, he's my precious son, but he's 19. So in the eyes of the, of the university, of the, of the government, he's an adult.

• 30:56Dr. John Delony?

  He has to advocate for himself.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:59Dr. John Delony?

  And that can be a no contact order. That can be the parents not welcome on campus.

• 31:06Dr. John Delony?

  I don't want them on this campus. They assaulted one of our students.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:11Dr. John Delony?

  And the school may say, "We can only do that if there's a criminal record."

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:14Dr. John Delony?

  Because they can punish, they can punish a student, but they can't punish the adults sometime. They can go through a bunch of matters, but you as the parent can reach out to the dean of students. And by the way, I had parents reach out to me over these kind of issues and say, "This is what happened. This is what this other parent told my son. I want them banned from campus. They can't be there."

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Mm, okay.

• 31:35Dr. John Delony?

  And here's the word you use: "safe educational environment."

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Mm.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:43Dr. John Delony?

  "This other adult off-campus hit my son in the face." And they, they give a simple "no trespass."

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 31:54Dr. John Delony?

  And his girlfriend will probably freak out and say, "Don't do that. Please don't," whatever. Or she may say, "Thank God, somebody can do it."

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:02Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way, she can join too and say, "This adult," who happens to be my mother, "but this adult came into my residence hall room and assaulted me also." Um, she can file a no-contact order against her parents, especially since she's on her own financially.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Well, but after this, apparently, you know, um, the parents reached back out to her and, uh, revoked that. So I think they're in speaking terms right now.

• 32:28Dr. John Delony?

  Well, of course they are. They lost their leverage.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:31Dr. John Delony?

  She flexed on them and they backed down, like cowards.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  But now, here, then here's my real question after all of this. Of course, you know, I, I, my husband and I would prefer that they stop going now, but we didn't tell him that. We just told him, "You really need to think about this. Our family values are obviously very different." So I don't know, and he interjects, "Well, it's not her fault." Yes, but you know, imagine the environment where she grew up.

• 33:00Dr. John Delony?

  It doesn't matter. If your son's head over heels, he's head over heels, man.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  He is.

• 33:06Dr. John Delony?

  He's not considering our family val- you're thinking like, "Hey, if y'all get married, "I'm stuck with this other couple for the rest of my life." He's not thinking like that. He's thinking, "Man, she looks pretty in this dress and she's fun to go out with."

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:19Dr. John Delony?

  That's what he's thinking. So trying to rationalize family values in like 10 years down the road, which is where your head's going, a 19-year-old's not gonna get that.

• 33:32Dr. John Delony?

  He's not gonna get that.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  I guess, I guess I can't help thinking, okay, what if one day I have to meet the parents? I don't think I'm gonna have a happy face meeting them.

• 33:40Dr. John Delony?

  You shouldn't.

• 33:42Dr. John Delony?

  And if they ever reach out and wanna meet you, you can write back. It's my understanding that the last time y'all met my son, one of you hit him and the other one of you threatened him.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:52Dr. John Delony?

  So much so that we had to write a no contact order. I'm not interested in meeting right now, thank you.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:02Dr. John Delony?

  I'll also tell you this, if you let your son know that that's gonna be your response if they ever reach out to y'all.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:10Dr. John Delony?

  He may come forward with, well, here's what actually happened. Actually, we were hooking up and they busted us.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:18Dr. John Delony?

  Actually, I thought I heard a slap, I opened the door and I got between her, father and her, and I said this and this, and so he stepped to me.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:29Dr. John Delony?

  Right? There's always another side.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Gotcha.

• 34:38Dr. John Delony?

  And such is having kids in that, in that liminal space between you're recognized as an adult, but you're still a 14-year-old, right? And your front tulle, right? It's just talk. Talking to your kid about 10 years from now, we may have to all have dinner together. He's not gonna hear that. He's over his head, he's in love, yada, yada. Statistically speaking, this isn't gonna work out in a forever relationship. But it might, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I'm gonna focus on keeping my kids safe, teaching my kid how to act when ego's in the way, making sure my kid is telling me the whole truth and nothing but the truth

• 35:20Dr. John Delony?

  about what happened when that other mom and dad rolled up, did really this crazy mom just come out and hit my kid in the face and dad threatened him? Or was there something else going on? That doesn't excuse behavior, but provides a little context, like, alright, I understand it, it's wrong, but I understand it.

• 35:38Dr. John Delony?

  What a mess. What an absolute mess. That would be the next right move.

• 35:45Dr. John Delony?

  And being scared that he's gonna get his heart broken again, here's the truth, Amy, he probably is. He probably is. That's the nature of dating. That's the nature of being in like head over heels. That's the nature of trying to figure out. Let me put it this way, even if they get married, she's gonna break his heart. And he's gonna break hers. That's, that's love. That's connection. That's marriage. That's all of it. It's dating. It's making sure that you don't do anything that would keep him from ever calling back out and calling home. And it sounds like y'all have done an amazing job raising a young man who knows. A, if there's somebody in distress, I'm gonna go get involved. Awesome. And I can call home and check in with my parents. Well done, Amy. But now y'all gotta do the next right hard thing.

• 36:27Dr. John Delony?

  When we come back, a man asks how to handle expecting twins while feeling unsupported by his wife. We'll be right back.

• 36:38Dr. John Delony?

  I'm beyond thrilled to announce that Montana Knife Company has now joined my team. For years, I have used one company for every knife I need. Montana Knife Company. These knives are designed, tested, and built by real hunters and real cooks. My family and I use these knives in the deepest parts of the woods, in back river creeks, and in our kitchen. When you first pick up a Montana Knife Company knife, you can feel their perfection and their quality. They're the sharpest knives you will ever use, right out of the box. They're the easiest knives to sharpen, and they're the toughest knives out there. My grandkids and my great grandkids will fight over who gets these knives long after I'm gone.

• 37:23Dr. John Delony?

  They make incredible holiday gifts, and they always, always sell out before December. Montana Knife Company does limited runs, and so you gotta get them while you can. Give the outdoorsman and the cook in your life knives they'll actually use and pass down someday. Go to montanaknifecompany.com to see what's available right now. That's montanaknifecompany.com.

• 37:48Dr. John Delony?

  Toledo, Ohio. Holy Toledo. Let's go out to Toledo and talk to Cory. What up Cory?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  Hi, how you doing?

• 37:55Dr. John Delony?

  Outstanding, brother. How are you, man?

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Um, I'm super excited.

• 38:01Dr. John Delony?

  Awesome.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  It's uh, it's been a heck of a ride so far.

• 38:06Dr. John Delony?

  Very cool. What's up?

• 38:08Speaker 03

  Um, well, uh, my wife and I, uh, we have one daughter already and we have, we're expecting twins next year.

• 38:18Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  This, it's, it's been such a great, thrilling experience so far. Uh, it's brought me closer to my wife and it's just been this moment, but I cannot help but feel like there's all this weight on me. And I can feel it in my chest.

• 38:39Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about it.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  This, I, I've, I have to say like I've, I have been like the most stressed in my entire life for the last like month. And

• 38:52Dr. John Delony?

  Like stuff going on in the world stressed, financial stress, missing your wife stressed? Like what are you stressed about, man?

• 39:01Speaker 03

  I just feel like the amount of things that I have to do, uh, the amount of projects I'm trying to get done around the house. And the amount of things that I have to do on a, on a daily basis. I, I'm not getting that good of support from my wife.

• 39:19Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me more.

• 39:19Speaker 03

  And

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Um.

• 39:22Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, here's, here's one challenge, okay? Here's one challenge. A, anything you say, I know that you love your wife and I know that she's awesome. Okay? So you don't have to

• 39:33Speaker 03

  She is great, man.

• 39:34Dr. John Delony?

  You don't have to couch that.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  She's wonderful.

• 39:35Dr. John Delony?

  But she can be wonderful and you can still be struggling at the same time. Both can be true. Okay?

• 39:41Dr. John Delony?

  And here's the other thing. When anybody tells me all of these things I quote unquote have to do. I always, my next move is I want people to be very specific. About what is the, what are the things you think you have to do?

• 40:00Dr. John Delony?

  And let's go through some of those. Almost always, there's some very real things. The banister is broken. I gotta get that thing fixed. I can't afford to hire somebody, or I can't, I just haven't made the call. There's those kinds of things. And then other times, it's more existential, bigger, longer term things. Like, I don't have enough money for a college fund yet. And you're already spinning up about kids that aren't even born yet 20 years from now, right? So, let's hone in on.

• 40:26Dr. John Delony?

  What are these things you have to do? And what is the support you wish you were getting that you're not getting? As, in as specific as you can.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Um, I, I got a lot of house projects I need to get done before these twins come.

• 40:40Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about it. Like what?

• 40:41Speaker 03

  Uh, bedrooms, I need to get prepped. I, I bought my own, my own family home.

• 40:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  And it hasn't been updated in like 60 years. And you can imagine like the amount of like painting and like redoing the floors. And it's like, I, I have, I, I, progress is so slow.

• 41:00Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  And I got handrails I, I need to replace. And I've been doing a lot of work and, but it's like, I have such little time. To do that, because I'm actually spending so much of my time doing day to day chores.

• 41:16Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  And I, I've like my. It is, if I feel like if I stop doing any, any of my daily chores. Everything just piles up. Like I, I'm, I'm.

• 41:34Dr. John Delony?

  You're talking about laundry? Like, what are you talking about?

• 41:38Speaker 03

  Me and my wife, we've had a mismatch when it came to doing chores. Uh, somehow this has been an argument that we have never solved. And it's more or less for the fact that I take care of my own laundry. She takes care of her own laundry, but it's like in the last several months, uh, she's had really bad morning sickness. She is nauseous so much of the time. I understand that I'm like, okay, I will take care of everything I can. But I'm at the same time, I'm like, like I'm, I feel like I'm having to do everything.

• 42:17Dr. John Delony?

  No, you, but listen, brother, you keep saying these big words, everything, all of it. Like, are you having to cook meals, clean up meals, change diapers, do all the laundry, vacuum the house? Like, when you say everything.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm, I feel like I'm, I'm doing almost the vast majority of the work.

• 42:36Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  And I'm, I'm.

• 42:38Dr. John Delony?

  And is your wife just laying around? Watching TV?

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:44Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  And I'm, I'm, and I'm like, I'm, I'm, I don't mind like doing some of these things. Like I know I, I do it like I, I do it with like the, the, I know I'm serving my family. And, but like I, I, she's not making things easy for me. And I'm, I've told her that I'm feeling overwhelmed, that I have this long list of stuff that I need to get to. And I, I'm like, uh, and I'm like, I, I'm, I'm like trying to, to get her to participate. And she, she does help and, but it's like, like she, I don't know how to really phrase

• 43:28Speaker 03

  it other than like, she never asks me what I need help with.

• 43:32Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, there it is right there.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  Ever.

• 43:34Dr. John Delony?

  There it is right there.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  She nev-, like, it's like, if she ever asks me to do anything, I'm immediately up. I'm like, I'll, right now, I'll, like, I, like, you know, it's, I, I'm just struggling for the fact that it's like, I, I, I just, I just feel overwhelmed.

• 43:53Dr. John Delony?

  It's, there's, let me throw two things out here and see if, if this resonates. Number one, you're working really hard to see and to know and to celebrate your wife.

• 44:05Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. And she, through her actions, isn't caring to see how exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed her husband is, not interested in knowing how she can love him today, and is not even interested in celebrating this guy. If anything, we're going straight to challenge. Hey, you need to do this. What happened to here? Why not this?

• 44:30Dr. John Delony?

  And chores have become the proxy war in your house. I'm wondering if recognizing that as chaotic as your life is with one kid, knowing that two more are coming, and it's not going to be two times the craziness, it's going to be 100 times the crazy.

• 44:51Dr. John Delony?

  If this is not exposing a core fracture in your marriage, and you're freaking out, and you should be.

• 45:00Dr. John Delony?

  Because the thought of this continuing, this level of you open your eyes and you think, "How can I love and serve her today?" And she opens her eyes and doesn't really care about you at all?

• 45:16Dr. John Delony?

  That gets super magnified with two infants on top of a toddler.

• 45:25Dr. John Delony?

  And I want you to at least exhale with me, and I know it's not as easy as just, it sounds like you've tried to talk about this stuff. I wonder if you all talked about it superficially. "What about this? We gotta get this fixed. I gotta paint this room." You don't even care about that. "Well, I've got morning sickness. You don't even know what it's like to carry two kids," and it's just kind of surface level stuff. But this sounds like a guy who is quietly asking himself, "Do I want to stay in this thing?"

• 45:53Dr. John Delony?

  Because she doesn't care about me.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  It's just this problem has just been looming.

• 46:05Dr. John Delony?

  I know. And this, and then it's saying, congratulations, we're having twins. It just exposes it, shines a bright light on it.

• 46:16Speaker 03

  It's a, and then this has been like the crushing stress. And I'm

• 46:26Dr. John Delony?

  I know, but I

• 46:26Speaker 03

  trying to work hard.

• 46:28Dr. John Delony?

  I know, brother, and you don't have to defend yourself with me. Okay.

• 46:34Dr. John Delony?

  And we don't have to like just pile on your wife. I trust you that she's a good wife. I trust you, she's a good friend. I trust you, she's a good mom and that she's feeling terrible because she's carrying two, she's trying to make two humans right now. I get that too.

• 46:51Dr. John Delony?

  The core deeper issue is you don't feel seen and known in your own, in your own house.

• 47:01Dr. John Delony?

  And here's a good example. My wife had an emergency appendectomy about a month ago, about three weeks ago.

• 47:08Dr. John Delony?

  Two weeks later, she went back to the ER with a completely different abdominal emergency.

• 47:17Dr. John Delony?

  Maybe a week later, I was having to carry a lot around the house. And she was the biggest cheerleader possible.

• 47:29Dr. John Delony?

  So it wasn't about me having to do a bunch of work.

• 47:34Dr. John Delony?

  It wasn't about me having to not do some stuff that I wanted to do or needed to do because I need to take care of my wife, I gotta get my kids to school, those kinds of things. Wasn't that, wasn't staying up all night in, in the emergency room. Wasn't that at all. It was the fact that I know that she saw me and she knew me and she would say regularly, come here and hold my hand. I'm just so grateful for you.

• 47:58Dr. John Delony?

  So it wasn't about the work. It was about, we're on the same team.

• 48:05Dr. John Delony?

  And it happens vice versa. Yesterday, I was out of town speaking at an event, and I knew that she carried it all, the whole thing. Kids, dinner, food, the house, everything. And when I walked in, my immediate thing was to head to her and say, "Dude, thank you."

• 48:22Dr. John Delony?

  So what I'm hearing you say is less about the stress of carrying it all, and it's the stress of carrying it all alone. Here's a couple of things you can do. You can't control her, so you have to exhale and let that go.

• 48:38Dr. John Delony?

  Like, you waking up every day, wanting her to be different than she's gonna be, is a recipe to drive yourself mad.

• 48:49Dr. John Delony?

  What you can choose to do is pull out a piece of paper, or you sound like an Excel spreadsheet kind of guy, and put every house repair job you can think of. Have a vomit fest, put it all down. The little stuff, the bigs, the quarter round to the ceiling, popcorn ceiling I need to scrape off, to the new this, to refinish, all of it, put it all down on a piece of paper.

• 49:14Dr. John Delony?

  And then be very honest, even if you need to get a buddy. Y'all go get a drink and go hang out, and then you get a buddy, and y'all look at this list and say, "If two twins walked in the door today, not ideal, but could they live just fine with these unfinished projects?" And I guarantee you, for 95% of projects, the answer is yes.

• 49:36Dr. John Delony?

  And you make the choice, "Cool, I'm gonna do these after the kids are born. It's not what I wanted, it's not ideal, but I'm making myself insane." Or you sit down and tell your wife, "I can't be married like this anymore. I need you to change, and I'm gonna change." And that doesn't sound like that's gonna be an effective conversation for you and your wife.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  I would never want to say it like that.

• 50:02Dr. John Delony?

  I know, but that's where you're headed, brother. I'm telling you.

• 50:08Dr. John Delony?

  And it gets in this weird dance. She knows you're unhappy with her. And either she doesn't want to, or she doesn't have the tools, or she feels sick because she's carrying two kids. Whatever the thing is, she doesn't know how to come back to you. So she just throws out a verbal, "I appreciate you." And that actually puts gasoline on your fire. Because you start thinking inside, "Why don't you show it? Why don't you just ask me how you can love me today? Why don't..." And then you crank the dance back up. And you get further from her. She feels it. You feel it. Somebody has to stop the dance.

• 50:44Dr. John Delony?

  And the only person you can actually get to stop dancing is you. So I'm gonna send you a couple of things. First thing I'm gonna send you is Building a Non-Anxious Life, the book. I want you to read it. It's sold hundreds and hundreds of thousands of copies. It's helping a lot of people. I want you to use it as a roadmap for you. Your wife probably won't read it. If she will, that'd be awesome. Okay? I'll send you a link to the audiobook too, so you can listen to it while you're doing some of your home projects. Number two, I'm gonna send you a code for my new marriage app. It's called Together. It's in the App Store. If you don't have an Apple device, that's problem number one for you right there. Just kidding. But if you've got an Apple device, I'm gonna send you a code for it, and you can log in and use it. And it gives you one thing a day you can do.

• 51:29Dr. John Delony?

  And for everybody else listening, I kept it super cheap because I know everybody's struggling financially right now. It's $5.99, and you can add your spouse for free. Both of you can use it for six bucks a month. But it gives each of you one thing a day to do for the other person. Because everybody needs to be seen and known and celebrated and challenged, by the way, in that order. But we all want other people to do that for us, and that's the thing you can't... You have to go first. But your wife could get a text every morning that says, "Ask your husband how I can love you today." Go give your husband a 60-second hug. Find one thing that's on his plate and just take it off of his plate. Just go do it.

• 52:11Dr. John Delony?

  Then the last thing I want you guys to do is to get away for a couple, for a couple hours in the morning. And you say, "We're about to have a brand new marriage. We're about to add two more humans to this house. How do you want to feel when I come home every day? What do you want this marriage to look like? Because our old marriage is over, we're gonna build a new one. How do you want this thing to look?

• 52:35Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 52:36Dr. John Delony?

  All right, here's how I would love this to look. I'd love to hear from you. I feel like we're really far apart from each other right now, and I miss my girlfriend. I miss my wife.

• 52:50Dr. John Delony?

  And what I'm finding across the country is people who will wake up every day and decide, "I'm gonna do one thing for this, for my partner." People who will have those harder conversations about how I can love you today, how can I love you today? What's your picture of today look like? People who do that. Chores, take care of themselves, man. People get plugged in. Projects get put off, or they get finished, or whatever. But it's not important, more important than us, that you getting beneath the spinning and the ruminating, and I've got to, I've got to, I've got to, and really being clear about, "Here's what I have to do. There's a huge hole in the floor of the Tyler's new bedroom that'll drop all the way to the first floor. I gotta fix that hole. I don't have to pull the wallpaper off. I'd love to get this done before they come home. It's not gonna happen.

• 53:35Dr. John Delony?

  I'm moving on." On and on and on. You sound overwhelmed, Corey. You gotta find a couple of people you can exhale and put all this stuff out, out of your head, out of your body, onto paper, into real-life conversations. And then ask yourself, "What must be true moving forward?" Thanks for the call, brother. We'll be right back.

• 54:00Dr. John Delony?

  All right, folks, big news. If you've listened to my show ever, you've heard me talk about my struggles with sleep. I'm thrilled to announce that I've joined forces with the makers of the best sleep solution that I've ever found, my new friends at Beam and their amazing nighttime dream powder. I was so impressed after taking Beam's dream powder. I called a few of my neighbors who are former athletes at the professional and Olympic level. They're the first ones who told me about Beam and I was like, hey, is this for real? And they shared similar experiences with me. Beam's nighttime dream powder can dramatically improve your sleep and ultimately change your life. It's made with proven ingredients

• 54:42Dr. John Delony?

  like magnesium, theanine, epigenin, melatonin, reishi, and other compounds that your body actually uses and recognizes. And it's delicious. And here's the kicker. I wake up sharp, not groggy. There's no hangover and I'm able to give my family the time and effort and consideration they need and deserve. Right now, my listeners get early access to Beam's cyber sale up to 50% off with my code deloney. You can snag dream for just $32.50. That breaks down to just over a dollar per night for great sleep. Go to shopbeam.com/deloney and

• 55:21Dr. John Delony?

  use my code deloney. Do not miss this sale. That's shopbeam.com/deloney and use code deloney. All right, Kelly, you said something cool happened. What is it?

• 55:34Speaker 04

  All right, this is from Mariah in Winnipeg and she writes, "It's been a long season of healing around here. My GPS pin started ringing alarm bells six years ago and I began my journey to joy enlisting all of the supports, counseling, your podcast, spiritual advisors, mentors, health and fitness, and somatic release."

• 55:55Dr. John Delony?

  Dang, dude.

• 55:55Speaker 04

  What is somatic release?

• 55:57Dr. John Delony?

  That's what I did. It's body healing. Your body holds trauma in different places, and it's the worst and it's the best.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Oh, alright. So, she said, "You name it. I've added those tools to my toolkit. I was an overstimulated mom haunted by childhood trauma and living in fear of inflicting the same pain on my own kids. I like to say I forgot how to have fun. Fast forward to last night, I had my two oldest kids in fits of belly laughter because I was being spontaneously silly. Thanks for the inspiration to solve for peace. I'm not there yet, but I'm tangibly closer than I was six years ago, and my relationship with my kids is benefiting."

• 56:34Dr. John Delony?

  Amazing, amazing, amazing. I'll take zero credit for that. I'll take 1% just put on the table. Give you all the credit. What was her name?

• 56:42Speaker 04

  Mariah.

• 56:43Dr. John Delony?

  Mariah. Give you all the credit for actually saying, "I'm worth this. My kids are worth this," and taking the next right step. That's amazing, amazing. Therapy, spiritual advice, health and fitness. Man, doing the body work with trauma healing. That's amazing. I'm proud of you. It's awesome. And there's few things on the planet more awesome than being with your kids when they are belly laughing. It's one of the greatest moments in the world. Congratulations. Stay on the path. Love you guys. Bye.