#148 - Gianmarco Soresi

Gianmarco Soresi joins the pod to discuss his new special THIEF OF JOY (out now on Youtube), having an aggressively Italian name, how the name Luigi has changed forever, emulating Daniel Day-Lewis as a young actor, doing standup in other countries, his dad being a ladies' man and businessman, and much more. Gianmarco and Stav help callers including a divorced man grappling with the ethics of being a passport bro, and a guy considering skipping his friend's bachelor party to avoid an unhinged guy who will be in attendance. Watch Gianmarco Soresi's new special THIEF OF JOY on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB9eWtzTOq0 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on social media: https://www.instagram.com/gianmarcosoresi/ https://www.tiktok.com/@gianmarcosoresi https://www.facebook.com/gianmarcosoresi/ https://www.snapchat.com/@gianmarcosoresi Visit Cornbread Hemp at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/stavvy and use code STAVVY for 30% off your first order. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hoppa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavvis World 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We have on the couch John Marco Saresi.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 1:06Stavros Halkias?

  How we doing, buddy?

• 1:07Speaker 03

  I'm good, I'm good. I went to Santorini this, this summer.

• 1:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:11Speaker 03

  So seeing these blues is a nice reminder.

• 1:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it takes you back.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14Stavros Halkias?

  How was your trip?

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Oh, it was astounding.

• 1:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16Speaker 03

  Because it, it must be legally, you can only paint your house certain colors.

• 1:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21Speaker 03

  And I'm sure, as an American, like, I'd be like, "How, I wanna paint mine pink."

• 1:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26Speaker 03

  But then you see it and you go like, "Okay."

• 1:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it's nice to have some community standards.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:30Stavros Halkias?

  As long as it's not some bullshit. Like, here, it's like, in, you know, Ohio, they're like, "Oh, sorry. The trim has to be red and the outside has to be tan."

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, just like, well, you know, uh, home, homeowners associations.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:44Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, uh, sexless people with just a little pow- everyone wants power. In Santorini, it's like, "Look, we gotta make this shit look good, so..."

• 1:52Speaker 03

  I think it's part of the greater whole, every, every, it's like, every house has to look exactly like this. Santorini is like, "We're trying to create a picture here."

• 1:58Stavros Halkias?

  And it looks good.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Be a part of that picture.

• 2:00Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful. Uh, yeah, you went, uh, I'm guessing with your girlfriend or what was?

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Yes, I did shows in Athens and then Santorini was the vacation.

• 2:07Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 2:07Speaker 03

  And it was, I mean, it was the food. No, I'd never been to Greece.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's the best, dude.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  It's the best.

• 2:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's, I'm so spoiled of, we're, we're all European boys, we all went on European trips, Eldis. Uh, I went on, I was working, Eldis, my tour manager and producer.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 2:23Stavros Halkias?

  Happened to go on a three week vacation the exact time I was working. He, I didn't, uh, no, I had no tour manager, I had no nothing. He was on the continent enjoying himself while I was.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was working too.

• 2:36Stavros Halkias?

  Funding the operation.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  You see through a window, he's on the beach.

• 2:42Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, to his credit, he sent three emails while I was fucking figuring out all my own travel. Finding openers.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  A lot of work to make sure those shows run smoothly, even especially when you're not there.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  It's more nerve wracking.

• 2:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, I'm sure you were fucking, I'm sure you were biting your nails. Oh, I hope the shows are going well.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  I was torn up inside.

• 3:05Stavros Halkias?

  You weren't fucking overdosing on Iberico Jambon, you motherfucker. Anyway, we all got, so, uh, we're, we're all freshly, freshly from Europe, but I'm so spoiled where it's like, cause my family, I, I grew up going to Greece and, you know, we went, we took like four, four or five big trips when I was a kid. And I can't, even though I love traveling, I love seeing other cultures, there is no better place to vacation than Greece. That is my full, like, I, I'll never get off that, I'll never get off that. I went for two da, I had two and a half days between shows and I was like, I'm just going to Greece.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  The food was astounding. We went, we went to Rome after and, and you go, it's, it's, it's good. It's all, it's a lot of just bread, bread, everything's bread. And then in, in Greece, it was like the fish.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, the salad. I eat vegetables. You know how hard it is to get me to eat a vegetable? I'll eat boiled greens in Greece, dude. They're good, Jorta.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  I also like, I had just gone, I was like in Amsterdam and Berlin and multiple times. I was just talking on my phone regular and I was talking to my girlfriend, I was like, Amsterdam is amazing. And someone's like, shh, you're talking too loud. Reese was the first time I was like, ah, my people.

• 4:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Like, I'm a little Italian.

• 4:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  And I don't know what's real and what's fake.

• 4:19Stavros Halkias?

  The name certainly, this, this, this happens with names, like, people are so dumb, they, they like, if you're labeled to think, like, Robert De Niro is like, one eighth Italian.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  Really?

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  He's mostly German or something. He's like, it's like Chris DiStefano, same thing, like, he's fucking German. But, yeah, you, you have an aggressively Italian name. And that's, I'm guessing, from your father?

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Uh, yes, uh, but I think my mom had an Italian babysitter, so she's Jewish.

• 4:42Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Her last name was Roth Krug.

• 4:45Stavros Halkias?

  Roth Krug.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Let's, let's pass that up.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  Hit both sides of the Jewish naming conventions.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Well, it was, we, we were in, um, my girlfriend and I, and she was raised Jewish, very Jewish, Chabad.

• 4:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  And, uh, we were, we passed this wall in Rome of, uh, you know, when, when Mussolini and Hitler started collabing or whatever. They had like a wall of all the, all the, the Jews that were taken, uh, to.

• 5:10Stavros Halkias?

  Like a memorial wall?

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I always, we always talked about if we had a kid, I feel like even if my kid's less Italian than me, I loved having an Italian name.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  And she was, and so I was like, I want my kid to have an Italian name. And she always said, like, I'm okay with that, but I'd want it to be like, an authentically Jewish Italian name.

• 5:27Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  And we never knew, you know, there's not that many Italian Jews, what are the authentic names?

• 5:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell, yeah.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  And then we, we looked at the wall, and I was like, this is a, this is a baby names book.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Just a bunch of tragically slain guys.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  Oh, honor thy, honor thy, these, these are, these are real Italian Jews.

• 5:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are the names? Do we have some good ones?

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Uh, a girl, Julia, with G I.

• 5:50Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  And then a, a boy, cause they, uh, Dacau.

• 5:53Stavros Halkias?

  Dacau.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  It's a joke, cause it was there.

• 5:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's the place, yeah. Oh, interesting.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  No, I like, I, I mean, Luigi, my great grandpa was Luigi.

• 6:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  His real name was Luigi, but now it's, now it's stuck.

• 6:07Stavros Halkias?

  A statement, you think?

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, if I named my kid Luigi, that'd be awesome.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  It would be cool. You could name him maybe Mario.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, that's why I didn't love Luigi before because of the Mario connotation. And now, I'm sure Nintendo had meetings of like, what do we do with this?

• 6:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting, yeah. There's a, there's a, there's a Mario Party game where Luigi snipes Bowser. Luigi fucking, and just a bunch of coins go to Koopas with fucking cancer. A bunch of Koopas with fucking sling, arm slings get to go to hospital.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  If he goes to the haunted house and all the ghosts are insurance CEOs.

• 6:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Luigi's mansion gets a little re-spin. He's ghost busting fucking CEOs.

• 6:55Stavros Halkias?

  I like that.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Uh, I know that they certainly had to have a meeting of like, what do we do? People are gonna associate this.

• 7:01Stavros Halkias?

  The brand is strong enough, though, I think, at this point.

• 7:04Speaker 03

  And I don't, I mean-

• 7:05Stavros Halkias?

  To withstand, now another guy does it? Two Luigi's kill CEOs? Now we're, now there's problems.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  And Luigi's gotta die somehow.

• 7:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He needs another brother.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  But I was, when I was in Europe, you know, you'd mentioned Luigi, got a big applause. I don't know what it's like in Asia, though. We'll see. I'm gonna be in Japan. We'll see how Luigi plays there.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Are you actually going to Japan to do shows?

• 7:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm gonna do an Asia run next year.

• 7:27Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  India, too.

• 7:29Stavros Halkias?

  India?

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Singapore, where I gotta submit a transcript.

• 7:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I don't wanna do that. I'm not doing that bullshit.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  I'm just more curious.

• 7:35Stavros Halkias?

  I get that.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Well, I did, well, I did-

• 7:36Stavros Halkias?

  Japan, though, I did like, I did like very low level, like, bar shows, essentially.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:42Stavros Halkias?

  And it was just weird. It just felt weird.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  And I'll do that. I'll do a gig for the weirdness.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  But I went to, uh, to Istanbul. And this is like one, like, my mom and my former stepdad both called separately, divorced, and was like, "Are you, you're going to Istanbul?" And I was like, "Oh, let me Google." But I don't, you know, I'm an idiot. So I'm like, "Oh." Both parents.

• 8:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:01Speaker 03

  And, uh, it was beautiful, it was amazing. And I asked the guy, though, I said, like, he said, he said, "You can say whatever you want." And then, then he said, "Just, you know, for the second show, there's gonna be a Muslim called a prayer." And it's gonna last a while.

• 8:12Stavros Halkias?

  In the middle of the show?

• 8:13Speaker 03

  They do five a day.

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. What time is this, like, seven, eight?

• 8:17Speaker 03

  This probably, probably like nine, nine, nine to ten, nine thirty, I would think.

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  So they do five a day, 5:00 AM? And they space it out evenly? How does it work?

• 8:26Speaker 03

  I would imagine evenly, but I don't know.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  Every five hours or so, or four, four and something?

• 8:30Speaker 03

  Something like that.

• 8:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  And I said to the guy, I said it like, oh, so can I make, can I make jokes like during the Muslim part? He's like, say whatever you want. And I'm like, looking at him like, I can say whatever I want. Cause it's 10 minutes long. The guy's singing and it's reading names. I mean,

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane that you'd have to do the show.

• 8:52Speaker 03

  It was so much fun. I mean, it was so much fun.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  Like, say whatever you want, just no Dimitri Martin style drawings.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 8:58Stavros Halkias?

  No PowerPoints.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  I thought Dimitri Martin would like draw more.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Dimitri, no.

• 9:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, Dimitri, no.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Do the lollipop bit. Not the Mohammed bit right now.

• 9:11Stavros Halkias?

  A Greek guy getting killed in Turkey for drawing Mohammed. He would become our hero. I would be on there being like, you have no idea what you've done, Turkey. We're coming for you.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  But then I wrote the, the manager, I was, cause I was gonna post the video and he said, he said, don't post that video. So you can say whatever you want.

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  You can say whatever you want.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  But you post a video.

• 9:31Stavros Halkias?

  Kind of a don't ask, don't tell. It's the way you can be gay in Turkey. You can make fun of the call to prayer.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  Do it on your own time. Just don't let us see it.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  Don't film yourself.

• 9:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, don't film yourself.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  But you're meeting, it's funny, cause you meet these comics, and I hope this isn't cruel, but they're a year, they've been, they've gone to jail for a joke and they're a year in comedy.

• 9:48Stavros Halkias?

  Open micers who are heroes.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  That's the thing.

• 9:50Stavros Halkias?

  And they're bad.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  And you hear the joke and you go, I got a couple notes too.

• 9:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I could imprison some open micers, I would do it too for other reasons.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  But, but yeah.

• 10:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's crazy to be like, to be punished for like a,

• 10:06Speaker 03

  To be Lenny Bruce.

• 10:07Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  Six months in.

• 10:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's kind of beautiful. Cause you go like, I go like, when people go, wow, you're so brave to say that joke in, in, uh, in Texas. I go, no, they're brave.

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  They're not even good at this yet.

• 10:21Stavros Halkias?

  And they're bad.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's true. I mean, going to Europe, you do see the different stages that standup comedy is at. Um, like it's kind of like you said, you did Athens. I feel like they just learned what standup comedy. It was in Greece three years ago. Cause I couldn't explain to my family, like my family had no concept of it for like, you know.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Really? You couldn't point to the Parthenon and go, it's like that.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  I would tell them I was an actor.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 10:45Stavros Halkias?

  It was like a one man play. They could get that, but or a monologist or whatever.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  I watched in South Korea, cause like they came back from COVID pretty quick with live stand up. And so, you know, I was like, maybe.

• 10:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  They, they had their first.

• 10:58Stavros Halkias?

  South Korea to do stand up?

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Their first Netflix comedy special they put up and it was some guy who was on, they have something that's like South Korea SNL and he did his first special. And I watched it with subtitles and you're like, oh, this is the beginning. Stand up has been going on in America since so long ago.

• 11:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  This is the beginning. It's like one of the punchlines, I swear was like. Women are different. Women are different. I was like, okay, that's, that's the first step.

• 11:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  And then from there, you, you do more nuanced misogyny.

• 11:28Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  This misogyny is not as nuanced as ours.

• 11:31Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  But it takes time.

• 11:32Stavros Halkias?

  It takes time. And yeah, you look, you even watch, you watch a, like, you'll hear like Ellen DeGeneres had a legendary Tonight Show. And you watch it and you're like, what?

• 11:42Speaker 03

  The good phone call to God. That's a good one though.

• 11:44Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, she's got some bangers. I just mean like.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  No, I know what you mean.

• 11:47Stavros Halkias?

  Like you listen, you watch even people you think are great and you watch a Tonight Show from the seventies and you're like. There were some, there were three great jokes in five minutes.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:57Stavros Halkias?

  And there's a lot of just setting it up and there's, it's just like, it's like watching tape from the NBA in the sixties.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  I read that thing. I read that book. Uh, it's, I'm dying up here. And they talked about Jay Leno. They're like, when Jay walked in a room.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Foul balls. I remember that joke.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Shit. And then you go to the Tonight Show and it's like. Baseball's goofy.

• 12:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. He was like, there's some joke about like, um, an umpire was like having a cream for. Jokic and it, and the punchline was like foul balls. And that was like, one of his like, people fucking knew that joke, dude. Say foul balls, fucking idiot, not umpire.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Foul balls.

• 12:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, anyway.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, that must have felt risque and I'm sure.

• 12:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  Barely got past the censors.

• 12:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Anyway, I read, I know this because I read his autobiography as a child. That's the kind of stand up kid I was, yeah, I loved stand up as a kid. Like, I was fascinated by it.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Was it a good autobiography?

• 12:54Stavros Halkias?

  Not really, no. I mean, but it was good for being 11.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  What did he talk about, though? Like, did he talk about the tough times and the?

• 13:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Tough gigs?

• 13:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, you know, working mob clubs, but also his childhood and like, yeah, it is fascinating. I mean, these guys would open for like singers, like they would, like famous singers for a while in the 70s. It was like, oh, get a stand up guy to like, just kind of warm the crowd up.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  The Playboy Club Circuit?

• 13:17Stavros Halkias?

  That kind of stuff.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Can you imagine? You would have rocked.

• 13:18Stavros Halkias?

  I would have loved that.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  The Playboy Club Circuit.

• 13:20Stavros Halkias?

  I would have loved to do that.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  And then there's, I did.

• 13:23Stavros Halkias?

  But they also sound like horrific gigs.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Horrific, but great stories. That's why I go to some of these countries where I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to Singapore to like, do this. I want a story.

• 13:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  And the more, the more fans you get, the less, the more the, it was a great show.

• 13:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  I walked on and everyone cheered and I did absolutely nothing.

• 13:42Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it's cool to, to ha, it's also cool to like, have a shitty show again.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:47Stavros Halkias?

  Like especially like, you know, we're a very coddled generation where like, when you get an online fanbase, we, people are like, it's an easy room, kind of prematurely, like, you used to have to be a stand up. You used to be like a, working for like a decade at the highest levels.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:04Stavros Halkias?

  To get the kind of buy in that we get that we don't deserve.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:07Stavros Halkias?

  And so sometimes I'm like, I like doing shows unannounced, uh, cause it's like, I'm not actually famous. I'm famous to my fans.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  But if I go, if I, if you, if I go to the cellar and they're like, we have a special guest. They're like, oh, Chappelle's here, Ray Romo, you know what I mean? And they're like, and I come on and people are like, literally like, who the fuck is this guy?

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:27Stavros Halkias?

  I miss that feeling of like, oh yeah, there's just some fat idiot that you would get when you were doing open mics or like shitty bar shows. Like, to me, that is the beauty of stand up, but I could see getting that in like, you know, Italy where they don't really know what stand up is. You're at least getting a, you're at least not getting, even though they might love you, there's a fucking language barrier.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, you just learn something new. Like if it's Italy, I'm like, I'd learn how to be physical in a better, like, from an artistic way. I'm like, this makes you stronger.

• 14:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  I just think, I think about political, the reason I ever get so preachy is I go to San Antonio and I swear, if only my audience was voting, Jill Stein would have had a shot. And it's like, it's like so, so ooh, my, my brave Charlie Kirk joke, it's like, everyone in this crowd, we're, we're on the same page.

• 15:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, I know. I'm, I loved, that's why I loved, I do love going to the mothership because before I did my special, I was doing anti Elon jokes. And people were like, there'd be guys being like, about, cause I'm making fun of Elon, where it's like, I go to my shows, people are like, yeah. He's a piece of shit, but it's like, it's fun. And I do like that the mothership gives us a conservative, like, they give you like a chance, they give you the, the mirror opposite of Brooklyn. And that is good. That is good to go there and be like, to say shit that like, cause my favorite special of all time is probably Elephant in the Room. And Patrice O'Neal says things that are legitimately insanely misogynistic.

• 15:51Stavros Halkias?

  And it's just, and I'm laughing because I'm not, because I agree, because it's fucking funny. And it's like, that's the whole point. When people over.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  They go, they go, they go, he walks the room a lot of ti- it's, and I go, that's the different era. If I walked the room twice at the Cellar, it'd be like, hey, we're gonna take a break from spots here for a little, you're walking the room.

• 16:11Stavros Halkias?

  We're looking, yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  And it's like, the environment so dictates the kind of comedy that can come out of it. And Patrice is like, it was a different ti- I, you hear those old stories and you go like, oh, I would have never worked again if I missed that one spot.

• 16:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's, I, I, I mean, I definitely think it did hurt his career, him being that way, you know?

• 16:29Speaker 03

  But it made great, great art.

• 16:31Stavros Halkias?

  But it's like, yeah, it's nice to get people that literally don't agree with you to laugh. That's the job. In fact, that's maybe the platonic ideal of the job, but I still, I, I don't know about fucking, to me, I like that you're, that you're willing to go, cause to me, going and doing stand up in Asia seems like a wasted, like, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

• 16:50Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll get there soon enough. This is, this is the last round. This is the last round of this. Yeah. But, but yeah, I think I don't, I don't get that, I don't get that kind of challenge with audiences anymore. I, I do miss it. There was like one corporate show I did a long time ago and like on the way I was doing research and I was like, oh, this is. I don't know what kind of union this is.

• 17:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  But there, there, it opened, I got the playbill and opened with the National Anthem.

• 17:16Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  Auctioning off rifles of all stripes. And I was the feature.

• 17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  And it was clean. Everyone was old. It was just like cowboys.

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  And then, and then this said, I swear to God, it said, the stand up tonight is brought to us by our sponsors ExxonMobil.

• 17:30Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yes, dude.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  And so like, my mom happened to be with me, she drove me to this gig in Santa Barbara.

• 17:35Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  And I'm like, I'm like.

• 17:37Stavros Halkias?

  Are you, are you, do you grow up there? Where'd you grow up?

• 17:39Speaker 03

  No, she, Maryland, D.

• 17:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, cuz I saw the, I saw the area code.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  And I was like, ah, here we go.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  She moved to LA after the second divorce.

• 17:45Stavros Halkias?

  I love it.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I'm with her and I'm like, you know, she's the only person I talked to, I'm like, I wanna do a joke. And she's like, she's like, don't, don't do a joke. And I'm like, I'm gonna do it now.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  I needed my mom to tell me, don't do it.

• 17:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  And it was like, there was a big banner that said ExxonMobil. And I had some joke about the Titanic, the new Titanic. And I said, the iceberg's got a lot smaller thanks to my sponsor ExxonMobil. And it was, but it was like this moment where, the other swear, it was like, huh. Ah, laughter and then booing. And I was like, I was like, oh, I felt, I felt like a badass.

• 18:16Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally, totally.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  And I can't, now in any room I do, it'd be like, fuck ExxonMobil.

• 18:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they, I do, I will say, those guys, sometimes when you do jokes to people like that, they're like, yeah, we, we are destroying the world. It's awesome.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:30Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I do kind of appreciate them for being like, yeah.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's cool. Thank you. We like that we make you mad. You know what I mean? That is, and as, again, as an audience, societally, big problem. As an audience, pretty good.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Great show.

• 18:42Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty good.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Thanks for coming.

• 18:43Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh, my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com

• 19:19Speaker 03

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• 19:30Speaker 00

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• 19:54Stavros Halkias?

  I do love, I mean, I do wanna, the second divorce, I mean, your family sounds insane, just cobbling things from bits and pieces.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, a lot of.

• 20:03Stavros Halkias?

  Just like how many divorces, how many sets of stepparents, but also just girlfriend, a never ending swinging door of girlfriends on your dad's behalf, which is fat. So how much like, where was your, your parents are, were they the fir-, were they the first marriage of each one?

• 20:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think my, my dad was like, I believe 33, mom 25.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, nice.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  And my dad is, was like, just stunning.

• 20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, really?

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Just, just a extremely, a real, and, and, and just like a ladies, I mean, his dad cheated, he, he was a cheater, but just really good looking in a way that was always over, you know, just, he'd flirt with women and they'd flirt back.

• 20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, constantly.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Um, he'd, he'd say to the way to, uh, send my card over there and then she'd, she'd come to the table.

• 20:51Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking, I mean, that's a different universe.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  It is, it is.

• 20:55Stavros Halkias?

  All right, Peter, so I just saw, like, you probably saw it too, that anecdote that was floating around about Robert Redford.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  My god.

• 21:01Stavros Halkias?

  Where he wanted to play the, um, it was.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  Mike Nichols in The Graduate.

• 21:06Stavros Halkias?

  It was The Graduate. He wanted to play Dustin Hoffman's part and he was like, I just don't think you play a loser. He was like, like, when's the last time you even struck out with a woman? And he was like, what do you mean?

• 21:15Speaker 03

  He said, he's like, you know, when you strike out with a woman and he's like, what do you mean?

• 21:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  What does that mean, the concept of striking out?

• 21:20Stavros Halkias?

  And he wasn't lying, like, he wasn't joking. He never tried to fuck anyone and it didn't work. And you're like, wow, that? I can't even imagine.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  And thank God they do that, because right now, like on Broadway shows, they'll do The Music Man with like Hugh Jackman. And The Music Man, he's supposed to convince the town to come along and seduce Marion. And then they cast fucking Hugh Jackman in it. And I'm like, he could have walked in and be like, you wanna fuck? Hugh Jackman.

• 21:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right, there was no.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  Right behind the, the, the books, please. And so it's nice that there was a time where like, it's like, yeah, not everyone has to be, in fact, them being hot negates the story.

• 21:59Stavros Halkias?

  You lost the part for being too hot. Whereas now it's like, the, like, you know, every, like, the classic Johnny, like Johnny Depp plays a bald guy. They put a, they put Johnny Depp in a bald cap, or they put, you know, someone in a fat suit. It's like, come on, man. What do we got here?

• 22:17Speaker 03

  The fat suits are. And then they make the video, it took eight hours to put this on, and you listen to him, he's, it was really, it was really tough being fat.

• 22:25Stavros Halkias?

  And Colin Farrell, I love. Incredible actor.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 22:29Stavros Halkias?

  Miami Vice, the remake, holds a special place in my heart.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  By the way, they used to be able to play a disabled person. And that's how they got The Rocks off. Now you can't do that anymore. Costumes, one of the last transformations they can get away with.

• 22:43Stavros Halkias?

  You're so right.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Is, is very bad.

• 22:44Stavros Halkias?

  Down syndrome's off the table. Have like, had like, uh, radio, all that's gone. So like, alright.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Daniel Day Lewis's next, next piece is gonna be like, the actor who played what's eating Gilbert Grape. And that'll be his, his next movie.

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  He is back.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  With his son.

• 23:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good dad. That's a good dad right there.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  I love, I love Daniel Day Lewis. I, I wanted to be him for a long.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  I did, you fucked up. I, I was in an acting company. And you, you picked a, a real life person to be, and this was an intense, this was all we were doing. And the goal was like, you'd inhabit that character in real life. You know, not for your whole life, for six months.

• 23:25Stavros Halkias?

  As an acting exercise?

• 23:26Speaker 03

  As an acting exercise.

• 23:27Stavros Halkias?

  And you picked Daniel Day Lewis?

• 23:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  I picked a role that he played.

• 23:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  I picked a, a real life person that he portrayed in nineteen eighty-eight in a movie called My Left Foot.

• 23:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, isn't that, he's like.

• 23:38Speaker 03

  He has cerebral palsy. He's an Irish poet who had like, could only really operate his left foot.

• 23:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  And, and this was like, this was before comedy, this was deathly serious. No one at any point was like. You shouldn't do that. It really like everyone.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, they're like.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  When I did the exercise, the teacher, who was tough, gave me a standing ovation. And said, if you keep working like this, there's nothing you can't do. And, and.

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  We got, I got a wheelchair off of Craigslist. I, I like studied.

• 24:07Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  And, and you had to take it in public. So it wasn't just class. So there was, there was one time that my girlfriend at the time, who by the way.

• 24:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're in a fucking wheelchair? You're making your girlfriend push you around on a wheelchair?

• 24:19Speaker 03

  And by the way, she's also, she's doing Audrey Hepburn as her person.

• 24:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  And so she's not necessarily saying, hi, I'm Audrey Hepburn, but she is in a character of her own.

• 24:28Stavros Halkias?

  I can't believe this.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  And we went out, we went out to.

• 24:32Stavros Halkias?

  I've got an invalid. It's quick. Pick my pearls up with your foot. Oh, that's crazy.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  I would do the impression too, but I'm curious. But then, so, so we went, we went to pay. It was so it was like me and her and then two other actors were all like, they're not, the other two are just doing like normal people, like a famous ballet dancer, but he's dressed like a normal person.

• 24:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  Mine requires a lot more props.

• 24:57Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  And then when they go to pay, we're using my credit card. There was like a brief time where our faces were on credit cards. Do you remember?

• 25:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  And so in this picture.

• 25:07Stavros Halkias?

  You're just smiling normal and you're like.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  And, and I was like, I was like, they're gonna, they're gonna bust me. I don't, I didn't even know what they do.

• 25:15Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  I think luckily, the thing is, I don't know if I was doing an amazing job because I was so scared.

• 25:19Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Or no one had the courage to say, excuse me, sir. Are you pretending to have cerebral palsy right now?

• 25:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the thing. It's like, what do you gain from this other than, who other than an insane, you're not trying to get the fucking discount.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Of course, of course. But it's, but acting is so stupid to justify it at any given moment.

• 25:37Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  I'm doing this so when I do it on stage, it's believable. And no one's cast me as the role either.

• 25:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  I picked it myself.

• 25:44Stavros Halkias?

  This was the one I wanted to do.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  I'm still doing Meisner exercises. No script even.

• 25:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Just a physical adjustment, we call it.

• 25:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God. Dude, that's, that is fucking insane that they, that, that's not considered a complete waste of time. Like so much of that, like.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  I believe, I think we undermine good acting in general. And I think we're suffering the. It's, acting is weird.

• 26:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Some people just have a lot of talent, but it can take a lot of training. I still believe, I was not a good actor.

• 26:15Stavros Halkias?

  That, walking around in a wheel, making your girlfriend push you around in a fucking wheelchair.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  But did you see my left foot?

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  He did it for six months, and they say that when there was a wire, he could have stood up, but he said, you know, he said no, and people were like rolling their eyes.

• 26:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  And I go, show me a performance like that. Show me someone who-

• 26:34Stavros Halkias?

  You can earn that.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can earn that.

• 26:36Stavros Halkias?

  He's earned it.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Sure, but you gotta, you, what, you start with one wheel?

• 26:39Stavros Halkias?

  LeBron gets to fuck, LeBron has, LeBron spends a million dollars on his body because he's LeBron.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 26:44Stavros Halkias?

  If I'm playing pickup, I don't get to be in a hyperbaric chamber and get a masseuse. You know what I mean? Like, I don't get to do that. I don't, I don't get a nurse around the clock. I have to fucking work up to that kind of shit. You were some fucking guy in a fucking class. You didn't need to get pushed around in a wheelchair. You could have limped. How about we start with a limp, John Margot? Before we fucking break.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  I know, I can do that. Just some cane work.

• 27:07Stavros Halkias?

  How about a cane?

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Basic cane work.

• 27:10Stavros Halkias?

  I, because I know what you mean.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  It's like Doctor House. No, I know. I know. You're right.

• 27:14Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I don't even think, at the extreme levels, I can see that because, you know, I'm, I like, I like movies, so I want to act a little bit, and I think, like, I think if you're a performer, you can be 80% good at acting. And like, being in some stuff, and I've been lucky, I just got to work with like insanely actual good actors, right?

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:37Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and, and I'm like, oh, because I definitely had that thing of like, acting's bullshit, who fucking cares?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  And then you see people who are like, that good at it, and you're like, I cannot ruin a scene, right? Like, I can naturally just, if everyone else is crushing it, I won't stick out like a sore thumb, but like, it's the kind of thing where, with everything, where you're like, to get to that next level, and at every percentage, it gets a little harder, right? To get from 80 to 85 is harder, to get, and then when you're in like 95, to get those half percentage points.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:10Stavros Halkias?

  To be Daniel D. Lewis, I believe that it's like six months or whatever, but there is a lot, and you know it. So many fucking drama kids.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 28:18Stavros Halkias?

  Pretend it's like they are, they are operating at that level where it's like, come on, guys.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  But I, I just think there's, there's a general like, it's like, is the way Seinfeld would always talk about acting. It was like, acting, what is acting? And I was like, you're the worst actor I've ever seen in my entire life.

• 28:32Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking crazy how bad he is.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Like how bad?

• 28:35Stavros Halkias?

  He's smiling. He smiles at like half the scenes he's in and everyone else is so good. Yeah. That's the funniest part of that. The, on the like, whatever, A three watch of Seinfeld that I've done, it's now all I watch is Jerry.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  But he's also, he's, but like same with Roseanne, he's surrounded by fucking geniuses.

• 28:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, killers.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  Surrounded. And I think that's like, that was the old model that worked.

• 28:57Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Roseanne couldn't, couldn't act for shit.

• 29:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Laurie Metcalf and uh,

• 29:02Stavros Halkias?

  John Goodman.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  John Goodman are two of like the great actors of our time.

• 29:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. I love, so what, how old were you at when you started being a little theater kid?

• 29:11Speaker 03

  From, from the beginning. I, I remember like, my parents were divorced, but I would dance in the living room. And, and so I would like separately with the mom and with my dad. Why are you laughing? Cause I said it again?

• 29:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. Dancing in the living room's hilarious.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. But this is how early the impulse was where my dad would play disco. They both were like in the disco era. And they'd put on It's Raining Men.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  And I would, I would just be dancing and I said to them, we need to get our living room onto a stage.

• 29:42Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  So this can be witnessed.

• 29:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  So there, there is a deep.

• 29:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, from the jump.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  To be witnessed, that it's not enough to have joy on your own. Like you have to witness me having the joy for it to fully activate.

• 29:54Stavros Halkias?

  Now, were your parent, like, your dad, would, do, do they, are either of them like actor-y people?

• 30:00Speaker 03

  No, mom, mom, not at all. My dad, no, biz, business guy.

• 30:04Stavros Halkias?

  Business guy. Sales?

• 30:06Speaker 03

  He like owned his own company, did, I mean, he's a, like now he has, he has thirty different companies, that kind of guy. Like one, he used to do oil spill cleanups, which used to be a big money making thing. And he was, he was rich. He retired in his forties. We had a Ferrari.

• 30:21Stavros Halkias?

  Focused on getting pussy.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:22Stavros Halkias?

  Where in, where in Maryland did you grow up?

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Potomac.

• 30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Which is a, a rich, terrible, awful, boring.

• 30:29Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever's over there.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  No one in Potomac would allow their wives to be on that show. So that real, people joke that it's, it's Real Housewives of Baltimore.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Is what you're watching.

• 30:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never saw that one. I never saw that season.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  But boring, boring, people with money.

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's insane. It's, it's like the richest. Uh, yeah, cause like I had friends who grew up in that, like of the rich DC Maryland suburbs. That's the richest one.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:55Stavros Halkias?

  But so your dad was off that and that was off like his oil spill.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Oil spill cleanup and then he put it all into stocks and like he the the dot com bubble bursting. Definitely hit him hard.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  And he got back into like just he basically had machinery around. So scrap metal recycling is like the main thrust of it. Um, but then he's always trying to get into new companies, a cannabis thing for a second. And then now with like with chat GPT, it's allowed him to.

• 31:23Stavros Halkias?

  Crypto guy too, or no?

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Uh, no, thank God. Thank God the things he's not. He's not political. Thank God. But I was in, I was eating dinner with him. A, a very attractive woman walked in and he said, you think she'd be a good model for bad bitch purses?

• 31:38Stavros Halkias?

  Bad bitch purses?

• 31:39Speaker 03

  And I go, I go, okay, let's start at the beginning.

• 31:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  And you know, it's like it was an Etsy store and it's, you know, it's, it's, it's the same purse that if I made merch purses, you'd buy it off that with a tag.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  And I'm, you know, pleading with him, please don't go up to this woman.

• 31:53Stavros Halkias?

  Alibaba or whatever. He gets like a thousand of them. Yeah.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  Yes. And he could, and he could be rich now and now he's not because he got a thousand purses off Alibaba. And then he still thinks with that mind of when he, he's still for seventy one, he's a good looking guy.

• 32:08Stavros Halkias?

  But he's seventy one.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  But, but I'm like, you cannot approach that woman. Back in the day, she'd say, a model?

• 32:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Please let's, let's go over to your place and talk it over.

• 32:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  And he still has that. And I go, please don't talk to her.

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  It's weird that, I mean, he's got like what a hot blonde woman goes through in her forties.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 32:24Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad is going through it in his seventies.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  You're right. You're right. Guys, guys get to go a little longer.

• 32:30Stavros Halkias?

  It's way longer.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  Unfortunately, it, it times right with the maybe dementia and it's just a killer cocktail of social discomfort.

• 32:36Stavros Halkias?

  Is he so, is he single now?

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Uh, he's dating someone.

• 32:40Stavros Halkias?

  He's dating.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  He's dating someone.

• 32:42Stavros Halkias?

  One of, like, those guys, if they were smart, they would see the end coming and lock down like a forty-five-year-old.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  And be like, alright, had a good run, I'm gonna end my, I'm gonna still go out on top, but you go, sometimes you, you hang on too long.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  I think, I just also think, I think some guys are a cheater at heart, even if it's not, like, I bet, even if it's not, like, sleeping with other women, it's, it's online.

• 33:08Stavros Halkias?

  Attention.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Flirting and, and whatever, and some guys just, they got that dog in them, and you, when you see it with your fa, you go like, I don't think it's ever going away. It's like, it's part of you. I, I wish you lived in a different time where, where people were, did have, the husband did cheat and it was known, but it was part of the overall agreement. And he made the money, and that's, we all agree.

• 33:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  And instead, it's just.

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, your parents twenty years earlier, textbook, great stuff.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean, if they're.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  Non-ethical, non-monogamy.

• 33:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, non-ethical, non-monogamy. What, what this fucking society was built on, you whores. Understand? You want it all? God, dude, now, now look at us. Everyone's, everyone's cheating out in the open and it's all gone and the society's gone to shit.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  Anybody who was cheating, I imagine with social media, it's just impossible to even re-enter that. There's just too much, because I think part of the whole thing is like, you keep things quiet.

• 34:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  You, you do what you do, but you keep things quiet, and that's impossible.

• 34:07Stavros Halkias?

  You could take five exits on a highway, and no one knows who you are.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:12Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's the.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  That's how they had a fa, you said they had a family in Florida. It's like, yeah, once I got on that plane.

• 34:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, plane, dude, forget it.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:20Stavros Halkias?

  Now, it's like, everyone's connect, yeah, it ruined cheating. Globalization ruined cheating. Interesting, so, eh, were you, do you ever have any, were you a cheater ever? Did you have any of that?

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Uh, no, not, not like, not like that at all. You know, went to a summer camp and had a girlfriend and called her and said, hey, can we be open? You know, musical theater summer camp, you know, but, but always like, I think, I, I think I'm very much like, if I am lying to someone, I feel so not close to them. That it negates the why a relationship would be there to begin with.

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  You were just, yeah.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  If I have a partner, like, I need to, I need to, like. Love them and feel loved.

• 34:57Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  And if I'm lying, there's a block where I don't even, I can't even get that like existential love.

• 35:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Though, I think the like worst, worst I ever did was like once I was like, it was an acting, it was an acting program and I had a girlfriend. And like there were two other women over and we were all flirt, it was acting, we're all flirting.

• 35:14Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, your method.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:16Stavros Halkias?

  You picked that week a guy who gets his dick sucked by two girls.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:19Stavros Halkias?

  What am I supposed to do?

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:21Stavros Halkias?

  Fail the class?

• 35:23Speaker 03

  And it's, it's me and it's three other women and it was just, it's just, you know, where sometimes it feels like something must have, the smell must have changed in the air. Cause you feel like sex is on the table now.

• 35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:33Speaker 03

  And like in that heat of that moment, in a, in a room with my girlfriend, I was like, instead of being like, hey, I'd love to discuss like that, I was like, please.

• 35:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Please can we do this?

• 35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  And that was, I think to me like that was the words, like me being like, please, please can we do this?

• 35:47Stavros Halkias?

  Pressing her into fucking.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Please can we do this right now? And it was like, it was like, yeah, okay. But then, you know, after being like, you clearly were doing that as a kindness.

• 35:56Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  And.

• 35:57Stavros Halkias?

  It's pretty kind.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's a big kindness.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  It's a big kindness.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  I'll do whatever you want for a while.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:04Stavros Halkias?

  You get a couple really big birthdays after this. Christmas, don't buy me anything, I got you on this one.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  But to me again, like that wasn't, it was not a cheating thing, it was, I was asking like, can we please, please do this together?

• 36:18Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Both of us.

• 36:19Stavros Halkias?

  Both of us equally want this. I wanna bond us, I mean, you do though, I, I think we just talked about this on an episode before we left or, I don't remember what it was, but you kinda are proving my thesis of like, straight guy in a gay zone, best guy to be. Cause you might've been one of, there's probably, you know, however many women in every class you're in. And every guy but you and one other guy are gay probably?

• 36:45Speaker 03

  And, and a lot of them, it's so funny, the women that, maybe they went for the other guy or we just competed to try to get this woman's affections and they're all gay now.

• 36:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the women are gay now?

• 36:55Speaker 03

  No, no, the guys, the guys, I mean, and, and as soon as I wanna go to them and be like.

• 36:59Stavros Halkias?

  So even the ones that were straight in high school?

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Yes, a lot.

• 37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  I mean, a lot.

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  And I wanna go up to them and be like, you couldn't have given me a fuck. And break in high school. You were gay. You were competing that hard? You didn't even want the pussy?

• 37:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  That's nuts.

• 37:10Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing drives me crazier than when I hear stories of friends who are gay now and they're like, I didn't even know who I was. I was having sex with women in high school. And I was like, you were fucking getting pussy? I would have killed El- we, I've known Elders my whole life. I would have shot Elders in a non-lethal place to get pussy. It was all I wanted. And these guys are like, it was so hard for me.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  And they're thinking about you while they're fucking.

• 37:35Stavros Halkias?

  This tit is sort of like a weird shaped cock.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  This could be Star Wars.

• 37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck dude.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  No, a lot of, I mean, in high school at least, in college, I ended up having like a girlfriend pretty right away. But in, in high school, those summer camps, and I don't know if it's different now. I imagine people come out sooner now.

• 37:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, now.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  These camps were, were, were a lot of kids did come out. I've seen kids come out in an acting class or they, you know, you'd, you'd hear or.

• 38:06Stavros Halkias?

  Save up that bullet. When you're not doing well in acting, you gotta gain some points with the teacher.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:10Stavros Halkias?

  Come out. Come out at an opportune time.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  It's true. And there were women who experienced their first love and he was gay. And couldn't help but internalize it.

• 38:22Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  In a way that you certainly didn't, even if, even if you didn't believe in that, that's how it worked.

• 38:27Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  You just, you just took it that way. And I, I remember like one where it was like, she was devastated by it.

• 38:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  Something about it fucked her up.

• 38:35Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  And then they both went to the summer camp and he was fucking his roommate. And, and they were, they were the kind of twins, they were the kind where they look identical too.

• 38:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I love that style of gay guy.

• 38:45Speaker 03

  So it's like, he left me for him.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Brothers or no? Oh no, you're sucking each other off.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  So I could have done, it was still, it was like a little bit chaotic.

• 38:54Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  I could have.

• 38:55Stavros Halkias?

  Still.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:56Stavros Halkias?

  You could have done better, but listen, you did great.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 38:59Stavros Halkias?

  I always think that. I'm like, yeah, send a, like either your kid is gay and he's having a great time at theater camp, or he's one of the straight ones and he gets to fuck the girls.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  But there was one, I remember one guy.

• 39:10Stavros Halkias?

  Dance even cheerleading. I'm talking, go gay or not even just theater. Like let him do real gay shit.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  The fear that they, the question is, do people fear that their kid? I think they think, even if my kid's gay, I want him to repress it.

• 39:24Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  And if I, if I give him any kind of space where he thinks it's okay.

• 39:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  But, but I guess there are some people who do think like you catch it, or you just like.

• 39:31Stavros Halkias?

  I mean.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  But, but that's when you wonder, it's such an old trope of like, all homophobic people are secretly gay. I do think there's gotta be a chunk, because their philosophy is like, if you go near it, then you'll do it. And I feel that way because.

• 39:46Stavros Halkias?

  I think there's a chunk. I also think probably, I, I just do think, most of them are just hateful.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right?

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 39:55Stavros Halkias?

  There's definitely the gay, there's clearly, I think, I think why it's so apparent, is because the loudest homophobes are the secretly gay ones. But the silent majority that just hate gays, just by default.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Are the theater kids.

• 40:10Stavros Halkias?

  But exactly, they're theater kids.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  They should have been.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they can't, that's why, that's why some, some, uh, really conservative churches have some great parades.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:17Stavros Halkias?

  That closeted gay guy's putting all his energy into some floats, you know what I mean? Like, they're, they're giving pastors, like, they're giving.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  The outfits, the caps, the hats.

• 40:26Stavros Halkias?

  The outfits, all this shit.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  I just remember, I, I went, I had a friend who was like a soccer guy in college, and I went out with him once, and we were with his soccer friends, and we were going out to this club, and one of the guys, they were all dressed up to go out, and we're at this guy's place, so he went to shower, and he came out to get dressed, and we were pre-gaming. And he came out of the shower, in his bedroom, and we're all dressed, and he's fully naked.

• 40:46Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  And he's standing with one foot like on a stool or something.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:49Speaker 03

  And I was sitting there, and I was like, I've been to six musical theater camps.

• 40:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  This is the most homoerotic thing I've ever been involved with. And I, I just think about all the ways where like, with athletics, there's these spaces to be men and touchy, and it's, you know, when I think of Greece or Italy, like.

• 41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  There's just touching and.

• 41:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's wildly just kind of homoerotic, yes.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  And I think just the, I think the, those guys, they fear. They're all really close. If anyone is in that space that will go further, I'm sure some of them would, some of them wouldn't.

• 41:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  But even if the idea was out in the open, suddenly this thing is gay. I'm there as the gay representative.

• 41:30Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Oh, this is gay.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  You guys are being gay.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  This is, he's, go put on, your shorts are right at the dresser.

• 41:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  You're getting something from your dick being out. We're all.

• 41:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, I know. I mean, there were, my football team in high school, they would be, they would bully, they bullied a gay guy in a way where I was like, you guys kinda like tried to fuck him. Like they, like they pulled their dicks or they did, they would do weird shit. They'd be like, look how gay we are. We're showering naked together. I was like, you are showering naked together.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:02Stavros Halkias?

  Like you're.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  I'm jerking him off.

• 42:04Stavros Halkias?

  Being gay.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  I'm swallowing his gum.

• 42:06Stavros Halkias?

  And like, and they were, I, I think they're both straight, like even to this day.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:11Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe one, but one is definitely straight as hell. And I do, I was just like, I was like, you guys can't, like, what happened is they like asked, they, in a bathroom, shut the door and it was with a gay kid and they were like, let's see your dick. And it's like, that's gay, dude. You tried to see a gay guy's dick.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Compared your gay dick to my straight dick. I bet I can get mine longer than your gay dick.

• 42:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it was fucking crazy. It's like, you shouldn't bully a gay guy, but it's like, like, that is crazy.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  I imagine there's a lot more bisexual men.

• 42:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  I think maybe it's that as opposed to like closeted, it's just like feelings and there's simply no room in any capacity for them to exercise that feeling, whether, whether they want a boyfriend or whether they just wanna.

• 42:56Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's a good point. There's prob, it's probably not that everyone's closeted. It's that like, there's a lot of guys that like, maybe would have just like jerked a guy off once. And that, that, that was like, that fear was like coursing through them. And then when, then when they're in all these like gay locker rooms and shit, it's like, I, you know, they have to be, act all macho to be like, I would never even think that.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? For me, those were brutal, cause it's like everyone's dick was so big.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  I never had a space. I never had a space.

• 43:25Stavros Halkias?

  It was fucking crazy, dude. I was in Baltimore City Public Schools playing football, dude. These kids had some wild hammers on them. And I was like, I would ve, I was very specific.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  I never had to be naked in those locker rooms. And, and I, and I don't know if that's better or worse. Would you be naked on film?

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  My dick is just does not photograph well. You know what I mean? I need to get fluffed. I need to lose some weight. It's really truly about how little my dick is. Cause I don't care. Obviously, I don't care about being, if my dick was bigger dude, I think I would be naked all the time.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 43:58Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? But I just have a.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  And by the way, that's giving a false impression to the public that everyone's got big dicks. It's like, no, only the big dick.

• 44:03Stavros Halkias?

  Only the big dick guys are the ones who are willing to show cock.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:06Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I like, I have friends who wouldn't be naked and like, I know their dicks are big, like actors or whatever. And I was like, and then I was like, I don't remember what happened. It was like, we were swimming or something. He posted like a weird picture where he didn't realize, like this, guys with huge dicks don't even know. Like, he wasn't even trying to show their, his dick, but he posted like some kind of picture on his Instagram. And I was like, bro, nice dick, bro. My shit was like peeking and he was like embarrassed. He wasn't trying to show his dick off. He's like a shy guy. And I was like, you're like a handsome guy with a big ass dick. Why won't you like flop your shit out more?

• 44:39Speaker 03

  It's for the best. If you had a big dick, can you imagine how many naked pictures you'd be putting out? I mean, it'd be.

• 44:43Stavros Halkias?

  I do think I probably, if shit, I think I probably would have done like just only fans or something like that if my dick was big.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:52Stavros Halkias?

  I think I'd show my cock off. I would have at minimum done like a very artsy shoot where my dick is out.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 44:58Stavros Halkias?

  Without question.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:59Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, if only my dick was bigger.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  I, I, I got naked in that acting class once, not in character.

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  But I always go like.

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Practicing.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  I, whenever I see nudity on stage, I always, I, it's something about me. I go like, wow, good for you.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  Well, there's something about that kind of nudity that's almost asexual. Like those, those act, like, the thing is those, like, acting zones and theater kids in general, it gets to a point that it's so over the top that it's not sexual anymore.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 45:27Stavros Halkias?

  Like even that weird foursome you had, probably wasn't that erotic. You know what I mean? Like, it's, it's just like, all those kids are so weirdly touchy feely. Like, I, I remember I went to a sixth grade.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  It was pretty erotic and amazing.

• 45:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, was it good?

• 45:39Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 45:40Stavros Halkias?

  Was it good for real?

• 45:41Speaker 03

  No, it, what it really was, was more of one, one ended up going like, no, that's all right.

• 45:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  And.

• 45:47Stavros Halkias?

  Still, that's, when you start with three.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's why I started with four. I was like, there's no way I'm.

• 45:52Stavros Halkias?

  We can lose a couple. We plan to lose at least one. This is fine. We're still on track.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  It was, it was more, it was more like, uh, two, twosomes back to back.

• 46:03Stavros Halkias?

  Uh huh.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  So to speak.

• 46:04Stavros Halkias?

  Uh huh. Yes, yes.

• 46:05Speaker 03

  And it was like.

• 46:06Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:07Stavros Halkias?

  Not bad, still.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Now, listen.

• 46:09Stavros Halkias?

  But you know, okay, I take that back. It's not that it's not erotic. It's that it's so performative. It becomes asexual.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  Yes, I know what you mean.

• 46:15Stavros Halkias?

  This isn't about fucking someone.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is about being seen fucking.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:21Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Where it's like, and even that nudity, it's like, sometimes it's, and people, there is some kind of like intimacy, but it's like, that's why it is impressive when intimacy is done actually, and it feels real.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 46:32Stavros Halkias?

  In a movie or in something because like, it's like, those people will do whatever to make a scene work.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 46:38Stavros Halkias?

  But it doesn't feel, sometimes it just does not feel real at all.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:42Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and yeah, it's like, I'm sure you just saw a bunch of your classmates nude in a way that's just not even that horny.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  But there's times you'd be kissing, like in a scene, and, and I go, I'm cheating.

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Like, like there's, there's, there's this idea, like, oh, there's a perfect one, like, uh, uh, Rachel is the Superman. They're like, people were trying to spread her with that Rachel Brosnahan, the Superman guy. Where, and, and they, they showed one where like, they were doing a scene and she kissed him, they yelled cut, and she did another kiss like right after. And, and people were like, she did a kiss after the cut. And it's like, it's like, no, they're acting.

• 47:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  But then the other part, I'm like, I'm like, so the difference between cheating and not cheating is, hey, I couldn't have cheated. We filmed the whole thing.

• 47:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  We filmed the whole thing.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 47:27Stavros Halkias?

  Surely no, no one ever fucks their co-stars. Well, the thing about, the, the reason that's not cheating is because like, that guy just seems like such a nice nerd.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, it's that, it's, it's not cheating in the normal sense. I, my theory is all acting is che, is sanctioned cheating. And I understand why.

• 47:43Stavros Halkias?

  Being in an open relationship.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's kind of being poly.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:46Stavros Halkias?

  Acting as being poly.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  Of course. Except like, who decides who I get to fuck? A casting director.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  I go to the cast, I go, I need this part.

• 47:55Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, please. That is very interesting, yeah. I, what was your first, like, uh, what was your, do you remember the first? Even if you're a little ass kid, the first moment where you were like, I'm a fucking star?

• 48:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, uh, uh, Princess and the P.

• 48:10Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  I believe I was kindergarten or first grade.

• 48:12Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, hell yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  I was the prince and I had to tell the princess, I love you at the end or hug her or something. And then very popular at the time, I turned to the audience and I went, eh, and it got a pop. And it got a pop.

• 48:27Stavros Halkias?

  You had to let them know, I believe in cooties. Even though I, look, I'm doing my job as an actor, but.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  It got a big pop.

• 48:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that must have felt electric.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  And I should have known that's when I was a comedian. I think I thought I was, it took me later twenties to be like, oh, I'm a comedian. Yeah. I wanna, I wanna say this bullshit a little.

• 48:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. What about the first, what about like, is there one where you really wanted a part and you got, you didn't get it? Do you remember the first, that first one where you're like, fuck? Or is there one, does one stick out to you?

• 48:59Speaker 03

  Middle school and college were, I mean, middle school and high school were good to make. And then you go to college and you go, I mean, I got cast.

• 49:06Stavros Halkias?

  The big leagues.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Senior year of college, I was cast as Marine's dad in Rent. And I was like, I'm a senior in college. I'm about to go to the real world and I got Marine's dad.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  My song is a voicemail I leave on a machine. I go, well, Joanne, we're off. We tried you at the office.

• 49:24Stavros Halkias?

  You're not even on stage. Like, yeah, just do it from backstage, John Marco.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  And, uh, yeah, that was, that was brutal.

• 49:32Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  That was brutal.

• 49:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  So it was middle school and high school, like it was, I look back and I go, I'm chasing that feeling I had.

• 49:41Stavros Halkias?

  It is, like, as someone who loves both, the, I, I think of acting and art, I mean, even stand up sometimes, but acting in particular, I think of it as sports a lot. And like, cause the way you're describing is textbook, small town, you're the fucking quarterback. And then you get to college and sometimes it doesn't happen till college, sometimes it happens like in the, sometimes it's, might be even more brutal for the guys who are college stars and just can't, they're right underneath where they need to be to be actual Broadway guys or whatever. That might be the worst. Cause it's like, at least you had time to rejigger and be like, ah, I'm good, but I'm not whatever, like. That is like, I do like to think of it as that because sometimes it's, it's, it's competitive. It's like.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  I think it was like for me specifically, it was like singing, like I thought I could sing and I hit a wall.

• 50:30Stavros Halkias?

  Too, wasn't just regular.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, music, I went to college for musical theater. So I was really in a musical theater and I, and I was obsessive about singing. And I thought like, it was one of those things where I was like, I'm going to be able to sing as well as Pavarotti. I don't even like opera. And, but like I wanted, I was just, I was going to be the greatest.

• 50:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  Deep down.

• 50:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  And I feel like, you know, with basketball, let's say you're, I don't know a lot of, but if you're five foot six, at some point you, you're confronted with.

• 50:53Stavros Halkias?

  Vocally.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Maybe my body.

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  It's like voices inside. So you don't find out till later. You're training, you're training, you go, I don't think.

• 50:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  Whatever's in here can compete competitively.

• 51:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  And it's not until you see like the greatest in the country, you go, I can't even.

• 51:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  Book a non-union tour.

• 51:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Well, that's what's even crazier about acting, acting is like, it's nothing you can ever see. It's like almost.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  You have to fuck around and be mediocre. I mean, editing can be great.

• 51:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 51:20Speaker 03

  There's all sorts of avenues for the, the mildly talented or you're really good at farce.

• 51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  And you can't do drama. I watched, it was, uh, the Gary Shandling documentary, and this is where he talked to Seinfeld. He was like, acting's nothing. And Gary, like, really wanted to be a great actor and it was later in life.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  And I think like, what I would.

• 51:38Stavros Halkias?

  He was good. I mean, he was a good actor.

• 51:40Speaker 03

  But he was fine, but he wanted to be Daniel Day Lewis. And what you wanted to say to like this 50 year old, it'd be like, you don't have it.

• 51:46Stavros Halkias?

  It would have happened.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  You don't have it and, and that's painful. And this is like a new pain. I confronted that pain when I was 21.

• 51:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  And I had more life in front of me.

• 51:55Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  And, uh, that's the thing.

• 51:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I love it. I mean, I love coming from it from no success ever because everything's a win.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:05Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it's like.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 52:07Stavros Halkias?

  Everything is, it's nice. I feel like I'll peak in my, you know, late 40s physically.

• 52:15Stavros Halkias?

  Fat bald, five, seven guy.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  Oh, for sure.

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  Born to be 43, 48.

• 52:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, like, that's what I'm going to be fucking, and even like comedy has just been like, you know, I do think probably as a little kid, because I, I definitely had like a moment where I, I think I felt that. Like, I didn't wanna be a theater, I don't wanna admit I was a theater kid.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 52:37Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I, I mean, obviously, look how my life has turned out.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 52:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, like, but I did-

• 52:40Speaker 03

  At least you admit it.

• 52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  There's, there's, there's some, there's some comedians who I feel like, not to overgeneralize, but like, in the sphere of which you started.

• 52:50Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  That wanna give off like, an aura of cool at all times. And I go like, a clown is inherently-

• 52:57Stavros Halkias?

  Philosophically, I think that the whole point is you can't be cool.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  You have to be, and even if you're cool, or people like you, whatever, obviously, like, we have fans, whatever.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  You're a cool clown.

• 53:07Stavros Halkias?

  But yes, exactly, you're a cool loser.

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're a guy whose whole thing is like, I take losses, and I make them interesting and fun, and like, I guess some guys can be cultural commentator, like, they can see it from a cultural commentary point, but I think that's, I'm not interested in that. And even, even like, I mean, I love Carlin, I love, you know, like, there are, but even-

• 53:28Speaker 03

  He got, he got pretty, towards the end, he didn't wanna be, he was mad, he was more angry than anything.

• 53:33Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, but at least he, like, he has great stuff where he's commenting on things.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:38Stavros Halkias?

  And, but it's, I think that's really hard to do, and I also don't find it that interesting. And I do think, anyone who's a personal comic, it's like, it's really, you're a type of performer, and you're a, but, you know, I had a moment where I was like, I'm actually a fucking cool jock. Like, that was definitely-

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  I remember being in like, 7th grade, and being like, acting's gay, I'm fucking cool and straight. So, I'm gonna, I'm gonna play sport, meanwhile, I'm 5'7", fat as shit, you know what I mean? Um, and I'm playing soccer, or whatever, um, and then football in high school for a little bit, but, um, it just, I, I just do remember having that moment.

• 54:11Speaker 03

  When did you realize, when did you go like, oh, I'm not going to the NFL? And by the way, in a way, you did.

• 54:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did, for, that is very funny, I got more access to the NFL this way than I ever would have. There was, I think I still thought I could play, like, I didn't think I was gonna go to the NFL, but I was like, maybe I could play like, low level college.

• 54:30Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 54:31Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and like, but it was just like, I don't know. I think what happened is I just got, I got too fat for football. Do you understand how hard that is to do? I got so fat, I started working at a telemarketing place that was next- To a Wendy's between my sophomore and junior years and when I came back, my coach like, what the fuck? And I'm a lineman. I'm the fat guy in football and I was too fat to do that. And then I think, and then I just got bored and

• 54:57Speaker 03

  The ref was like, you can only have 10 if you're gonna

• 54:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. He's like, how many kids are in that uniform? Um, but anyway, whatever. We have to help some people. We didn't get into your weird family. We gotta, you gotta come back. We gotta get more into it. Um, but what do we, Elders, what do, what do you have for us here, little buddy?

• 55:16Speaker 04

  Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them. Plus, time management tools. And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 55:45Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc.

• 56:12Speaker 05

  Hey, stop. First time caller, long time listener. Really love the show. Love to see what you're doing. Just needed some advice, man. So, I am 34 years old. I'm single. I was married, uh, young from like, you know, real early before 20 to 25. And then I also had a girlfriend, a long-term girlfriend for about seven years. But I recently been single. And within the last couple of years of being single, I've made several trips to Colombia.

• 56:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  Now, what my question is, is should I continue on this path?

• 56:54Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 56:55Speaker 05

  Being an American guy. It's kind of a, you know, seedy way to live your life.

• 57:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 57:03Speaker 05

  You know, going over to these, you know, less fortunate countries and, and dating there. Or should I try to date American women? Um, I'm tired of having more trouble mentally getting along with girls from US. And I don't want to be, you know, dipping my toes in both. Where like, all right, I'm talking to some girls in US. Or all right, I'm talking to some girls in Colombia. I feel like the two types of lives are not kangaroo and I'm having issues. Some of them are overlapping where I'm like budgeting out, like, do I go on a date with a girl from the States here? Or do I go on a trip back to Colombia?

• 57:45Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus Christ.

• 57:45Speaker 05

  Give me some advice. Thanks so much.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking nuts.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  I, I'm not, so, so this is the thing guys do if they're single and they have the means to go travel?

• 57:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, they'll, they're, it's, they're called, they're called passport bros.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 57:59Stavros Halkias?

  And they'll go, sometimes it'll just be dating, but a lot of times these are countries that have like a huge sex industry. And they'll just like, you know, Colombia, I think it can go either way. Guys, if you got a friend who's going to fucking Thailand every year, that's a big, that's a big problem.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. But are they, are they just hiring a sex worker or are they like, is it more?

• 58:19Stavros Halkias?

  It depends. This guy, cause I have, I actually know, I have, I know a friend from college that, uh, that has had no, he's, he's, he's loving Colombia. And he's, he's got no moral quandaries there. Um, and it's, you know, it's like. Now, you, I mean, look.

• 58:37Speaker 03

  What's your no, no, no? Cause in my mind innocently, I'm going, oh, you meet someone there and they like you?

• 58:43Stavros Halkias?

  My no, no, no is like, it's kinda like, uh, why do companies open, why do companies open up factories in these places? Cause you can underpay people. You don't have to treat them well. You know what I mean?

• 58:52Speaker 03

  Uh huh, sure.

• 58:53Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, what, why are you there? Are you there because you're just trying to use these women to get a sexual thrill? Because it's, he's doing the math and he's like, I take a bitch to the Cheesecake Factory in Bethesda. I'm fucking out 200 bucks. There's an Uber, there's drinks. I get a fu, I get a, I get on a flight to Colombia.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:14Stavros Halkias?

  I'm in, I'm in Medellin for 90 bucks. I, the, the, I, I rent a fucking, uh, five-star hotel room for 200 bucks.

• 59:22Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 59:23Stavros Halkias?

  And dinner's $40. I come out $60 on top, like.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:27Stavros Halkias?

  My no, no, no is that you have, you have reduced dating.

• 59:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 59:32Stavros Halkias?

  To a purely financial, and not just financial, but it's like, you have power over these women. Cause let's face it, probably they're trying to come to America. You know what I mean? Or like, and, and maybe if it's, maybe even if it's not that cynical, like, you still are, you have power over them. Cause you just have more mon, you just like, you're in an incon, what's incongruous is the relationship you have with these women in Colombia. Not going back and forth between America and Colombia. And it's like, look, if you like Colombia, if you realize, look, I, my, my dollar, my sexual dollar goes further here.

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:09Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Sometimes people move where there's a better cost of living, right? But if you're gonna do that, find someone, treat her like a human being and actually try and date.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  Especially cause he's, he was, he was married for four, long-term relationship, pretty soon after that. This is someone who wants a relationship. And if the way you're gonna find that relationship is with this chaotic kind of sex-first, money-saving way.

• 1:00:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  You're not gonna get that long-term, using your term, purchase.

• 1:00:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  That, that you're gonna love.

• 1:00:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, that's, that is the problem is that it feels just so transactional to me.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  But dude, I mean, not, not devil's advocate, just that, you know, someone here could date someone with less money than them and have that power. I mean, that exists as part of the thing.

• 1:00:53Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent. I just, and, but what, all I'm saying is like. Decide what you want to do here.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Stavros Halkias?

  If he is, like, the thing is, he didn't go to Columbia, because he's like, I've always wanted to see Columbia and fall in love with a girl. He was like, there's hot pussy for free over there. I'm gonna check it out. He wasn't like, I wanted to go fucking hike.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  It's not because they like you more there. It's not about you. It's just you changed the environment.

• 1:01:20Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. And. They do like him more there.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, but they might like his, his wallet.

• 1:01:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Or just other things. But it's like, if you had struggle here and it's easy there, move there. Move there.

• 1:01:32Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  But the back and forth thing, certainly.

• 1:01:34Stavros Halkias?

  I, that's what I mean is like, I'm not even like, look, you want to fucking move there or you want to just go to a different country and you fuck. It like, I like.

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  Or go there and say you're Colombian, see if they like you for who you are.

• 1:01:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  Poor local.

• 1:01:47Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, I love that.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  And then if they like you.

• 1:01:49Stavros Halkias?

  Get the guy who did Druski's white face, do brown face. Live your life as a fucking Colombian for three months, see how much pussy.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  And then maybe you'll miss those American gals real quick.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I guess that's my, my, what gives me the no, no, no is just like, you're doing it because it's e, like, you're just, you took that trip for that reason in particular. And the fact that he like, goes back and forth, it's like, you know, I even know, I have a friend who moved to Columbia because he liked Columbia. And it's like, I'm sure this wasn't a negative in his pros and cons list for moving to Columbia. But he's lives there and he puts money in the commu, you know what I just like?

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just like, decide what you want to do. And look, I'm not, you know, if you me, if you marry someone from a different country, that's, that's fine. But like, going, going to a place where you're like, I can sexually exploit the women here.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. The way you're saying like, there was Colombian women and, and women here. It's like you've now divided women and.

• 1:02:47Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  They're all women. And until you look at them as one thing.

• 1:02:51Stavros Halkias?

  As a human being, you're like, exactly, as human beings you want to be in a relationship with. And you know, and this comes from someone who has no problems with somebody being like, I'll hire sex. I'm going on vacation, I'll hire sex work, I'll have a good time. I have no issue with that. I'm just, you're kind of kidding yourself. You're kind of in this no man's land where it's like. Is it no strings fun? Is it actually dating? I don't think you're doing, you're not doing either one of those.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  And you might come under the illusion that it's dating, but it's actually, you're going, this sex worker's treating me a lot better than this bitch on the third date.

• 1:03:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right. So that's, I would say, if you're trying to actually date someone, either take it like, either like actually, and you like Columbia as a place and you like these people, fine, go there if you want to make it a serious part of your life. Or just like stick, or if you've been using it as a vice, which I assume you have been, as a little like crutch, where you're like, I didn't get pussy here, fucking skyscanner.com immediately, like, stop doing that. You know what I mean? But you have to pick one, you have to pick one side, brother. That's what I would tell you. And even if you were using it as like a fun little escape, probably stop. You could do, you get divorced, you need a little, how Stella got her, you need a little,

• 1:04:07Stavros Halkias?

  eat, pray, love if your guy is just like going somewhere with cheap, beautiful hookers. It's like, like, yeah, uh, stop.

• 1:04:16Speaker 03

  Eat pussy, no love.

• 1:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  Eat pussy, no love.

• 1:04:21Stavros Halkias?

  But even if you're doing that, it's probably time to stop. You've got, you can't, you're over your divorce, whatever, so be honest with yourself about what's happening here and, and you know, figure it out.

• 1:04:33Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, Columbia, huh? Now you said there's shows to do in foreign countries. Have you ever checked out Columbia?

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  No, I gotta.

• 1:04:39Stavros Halkias?

  I'll just get, uh, get Magic Mike on the phone. My agent, super, super agent, Magic Mike Criscolo.

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  I don't like, he's a great.

• 1:04:47Stavros Halkias?

  Good guy.

• 1:04:49Speaker 06

  Hey, Savvy baby, I have a bit of a question for you. So my best friend since middle school, she's been dating her boyfriend for about a year now, and they recently found out that he may be the father to a one-year-old. So a bit more context, we're all 21. This lady, he hooked up with her two weeks before he got together with my best friend. Um, he's been telling her that it was a party, they were both drunk, he didn't use a condom, but he busted on her back. I don't think that exonerates him, but it makes him feel better.

• 1:05:17Stavros Halkias?

  Babe, please, I pulled out and painted her shit.

• 1:05:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome to use the term busted on her back in a paternity argument with your current girlfriend.

• 1:05:32Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know how this happened. How could this have happened? I nutted on her cheeks.

• 1:05:38Speaker 06

  But it makes him feel better. But the only reason this is coming up now is because there's been a guy claiming the baby as his own, but he recently found out that the baby mama doesn't actually know who the real father is and she was keeping it a secret from him. So he blew the fuck up out of that relationship.

• 1:05:54Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:05:54Speaker 06

  And so it's between three guys, uh, that the baby daddy could be. Because she fucked three guys wrong in the same week and my best friend's boyfriend.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  I busted on Merrill's back.

• 1:06:05Stavros Halkias?

  Pierce Brosnan's like, "Oh, I swear she swallowed it."

• 1:06:11Stavros Halkias?

  We'd had so much ozo.

• 1:06:13Speaker 06

  Relationship. And so it's between three guys, uh, that the baby daddy could be because she fucked three guys wrong in the same week and my best friend's boyfriend being included. Now, this isn't some sort of moral dilemma question, like what's the right thing to do? Because I don't give a fuck. This isn't, that has nothing to do with me. I only know the gory shit that my best friend tells me.

• 1:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Speaker 06

  But our friend group is split because she's requesting that they all get paternity tests. And one of the guys did get a, the guy who was claiming the child as his own did get a paternity test and it came back negative. So now they're down to a fifty fifty shot.

• 1:06:48Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck. I'd like to use my lifeline, Regis. Dun dun dun dun. Fuck. You're really hoping it eliminates the... Fuck, I was between those two already. This doesn't help me.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  I'd like to phone a friend. You saw, I busted on her back. I told you that. Right when I left? That's what I said.

• 1:07:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:07:11Speaker 06

  Shot. But our friend group is split on what they should do. I'm on team fuck that because they're barely making it as is and throw on a, you know... Uh, child support on top of that, they would be fucked.

• 1:07:25Stavros Halkias?

  Respect to you.

• 1:07:26Speaker 06

  We have a bunch of other friends saying, no, the moral right thing to do is for that child to have a baby.

• 1:07:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's what they sound like when they say it too. I love this woman. This is Machiavelli right here.

• 1:07:36Speaker 06

  I'm just curious what you would do, what you, what your thoughts are. Um, in a little more funny context, the baby has blonde hair, blue eyes, and that is what my best friend's boyfriend has, and the other guy has black hair, brown eyes, which I know the recessive gene bullshit. But I'm just curious what your guys' take is on it. Love you. And I'm also a Patreon subscriber, so do with that as you wish.

• 1:07:57Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. This is a great call. And by the way, this is what I'm talking about. Our goal for the show is to eventually become the new generation Maury Povich.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:05Stavros Halkias?

  I would kill to reveal this live. If, if you got, it's probably too late.

• 1:08:12Speaker 03

  Did you bust on my back the first time?

• 1:08:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  There was a second time?

• 1:08:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I would love to ask him that.

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  He busted thrice.

• 1:08:19Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to ask him after the lie detector, did you bust on her back? To see if he's even lying about that. Uh, this is incredible. I, I wish we could fucking take, I wish we could do, reveal this.

• 1:08:31Speaker 03

  Bring him in.

• 1:08:32Stavros Halkias?

  I would love it.

• 1:08:33Speaker 07

  We should start just planning this as a, as a little series.

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I wanna do this so bad. Like, I've never wanted anything more.

• 1:08:40Speaker 03

  You wanna do it, you wanna do it, but like, so you're here.

• 1:08:43Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  And you're gonna-

• 1:08:45Stavros Halkias?

  I would get a soundstage.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  No, no, sure, sure. It wasn't, it wasn't the production cost I was concerned about.

• 1:08:50Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  So, so then you're gonna be there and this new couple, or this guy's gonna find out if this child, who's, either way, the child has lost.

• 1:09:02Stavros Halkias?

  That child's toast. Unfortunately, yes.

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

  And, and you're, and your job is to make it light and fun, and you're witnessing a, a-

• 1:09:12Stavros Halkias?

  Someone's life get ruined.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  Deep human moment.

• 1:09:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  You don't think there's a part where they go, oh, this show, I don't know if this should, this is how we should be handling it?

• 1:09:20Stavros Halkias?

  Look, man, it's powerful.

• 1:09:22Speaker 03

  You show the kid, you wanna see how mommy meant daddy? We have a tape of it.

• 1:09:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, look, these are all consenting adults. I think it's a, it would be a powerful moment. Um, I think it's more about exposing this humanity.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  Today's theme is, you're busted.

• 1:09:42Stavros Halkias?

  Look, look, some of the power, I don't, my canvas is not the stage. I'm not in a wheelchair pretending to have cerebral palsy. I'm on a soundstage saying which piece, which white trash person is a father? That's, and then watching their faces as they have the realization. That's a beautiful moment, and I'm also tipping my cap to the greats, Maury Povich. Some of the best television that's ever been.

• 1:10:05Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:10:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's ever been created. And, you know, I'll admit, I've never for even one second considered the moral implications until you brought them to me. John Marco, but ultimately, I feel like.

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  Is the kid there?

• 1:10:18Stavros Halkias?

  Kid's a baby, you know what I mean? Kids in the back, kids in the back, we show, we show them. Cause, cause you gotta compare, you put the baby picture and you put the picture of the two dads and you compare.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  And the audience goes.

• 1:10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, exactly, exactly. And then one, maybe one of them gets up, he's like, look, look, Maury, he's got his eyes, you know that? I mean, these are classic beats.

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 1:10:40Stavros Halkias?

  If you want a good time, go to YouTube and just check out some of You Are Not The Fathers.

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  He died recently, right?

• 1:10:45Stavros Halkias?

  No, he retired.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  He retired. I definitely watched some clips when he retired.

• 1:10:48Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what breaks my heart? My brother's bachelor party. He retired two weeks before it. I was gonna get us tickets, cause it's in Connecticut.

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:10:57Stavros Halkias?

  I was gonna get us.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  That would be so cool.

• 1:11:00Stavros Halkias?

  Tickets to go see Maury live, and it was two, he retired two weeks before my brother's bachelor party. We ended up going to a Nets game and to WWE SmackDown. It's still pretty fun. Now, to the question here. I mean, you are so in the wrong, it's crazy. I respect you. This is a real, she's got like a very ra- real politique. Uh, look at this. This is, this is Machiavelli. This is like, look. We don't, where, at where we're at now, they don't have, they don't have to look after this child. If they take this test, there's a 50/50 chance they have to look after this child.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  Is the bustee asking for the test to be done?

• 1:11:43Stavros Halkias?

  I think so.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  Okay, she's asking, you didn't wear a condom. I'm sorry, I mean, first, there's, there's no way you're, if you are the father, if you are so confident, you busted on her back.

• 1:11:57Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  You can't be the father. What do you have to worry about?

• 1:12:00Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I don't know that that's true, unfortunately. A little precum could do, could do the trick.

• 1:12:05Speaker 03

  Oh, a little precum, sure.

• 1:12:07Stavros Halkias?

  How, you know, how quickly, how, did you get the whole nut on her back, you know? How, how far up the vertebrae did you shoot? Was it close to, did you go cheeks? Did some of it drip down? I'm not a gynecologist. I can't tell you things.

• 1:12:20Speaker 03

  You know Dexter does the splatter scene out of the blood?

• 1:12:24Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  So how are you standing? How big's your dick?

• 1:12:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we do, uh, that's, that'll be our little twist on our memorial. This is we do the, the jizz, the jizz reconstruction, the jizz splatter.

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  And then you bring out the thing and then you turn on the black light and that's the big like.

• 1:12:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  Oh my, the back, you hit the back, you hit the knee, you hit the ear. This is chaos, sir.

• 1:12:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, your fucking shot wasn't as strong as you thought it was. It was more of a dribble.

• 1:12:49Speaker 03

  Um, you gotta, you gotta get the.

• 1:12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, what are you talking about here? I love that she, now, I love, I'm charmed by our caller. I think you're a great storyteller. You kept us wrapped. I love that you, as a performer, sort of, uh, a different, a weaker, a weaker panel would be swayed by sort of your, um, your, your hints at who's the good guy and who's the bad guy.

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  The recessive gene, but fuck that.

• 1:13:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:17Speaker 03

  That's why the first bust was so, cause it, it didn't, it came like, oh wow, you speak like this too.

• 1:13:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  It was real nice.

• 1:13:23Stavros Halkias?

  But let's be honest, the guy.

• 1:13:26Speaker 03

  Your friends, by the way, can break, like, they've been dating a year.

• 1:13:29Stavros Halkias?

  This isn't your friend's problem.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is his problem.

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  There is a such thing as moral, what's morally right.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  She doesn't give a fuck.

• 1:13:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she doesn't, but why don't, this is interesting, cause you started saying you don't give a fuck, but you clearly actually do. You really give a fuck about your friend. Your friend's economic situation and basically her boyfriend having to pay child support would really ruin that.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  And you mentioned the hair and the blue eyes because you know.

• 1:13:56Stavros Halkias?

  You know in your heart.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  You know in your heart.

• 1:13:58Speaker 07

  I'm a little confused like what the, cause she said one of the guys is like, kind of has assumed the, he's assuming the kid is his.

• 1:14:06Stavros Halkias?

  There was three guy, the first guy, he would be the guy that when he, it didn't, it wasn't him and Maury, he would start crying, right? That's who he is. Um, he was, he thought it was his kid the whole time. He probably didn't know she fucked two other guys that week. He's probably like thrilled to be a dad. Of course God is, doesn't exist and he's a piece of shit. So it's not his kid, right? That's the easiest thing. It could have been his kid. No harm, no foul. Everybody goes on with their life. No.

• 1:14:34Speaker 03

  God exists, you got, he's got to answer a lot of this stuff. He's like, yeah, I'm a, I'm a trickster.

• 1:14:40Stavros Halkias?

  So it's not his kid. He's out, right?

• 1:14:42Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:14:42Stavros Halkias?

  He already took the, the test. He's out.

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  People will say like, God is a dramatist, God is a mechanic. God is, is a Maury fan.

• 1:14:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yes, absolutely. God knows what we need to make good TV and that's these kinds of fucking.

• 1:14:56Speaker 03

  So we got these other two guys.

• 1:14:58Stavros Halkias?

  And two guys and she wants to, there's two guys left and basically she wants them to take the tests. Look dude, your friend probably had a kid. It sucks.

• 1:15:08Speaker 03

  Friend's boyfriend again.

• 1:15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Friend's boyfriend again. And that's the other thing. I'm not clear on how, why you're so invested here.

• 1:15:14Speaker 03

  You don't want your friend to be with a guy who's not willing to do this test.

• 1:15:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right. What, I mean.

• 1:15:19Speaker 03

  Because of what happens when your friend gets.

• 1:15:21Stavros Halkias?

  You assume that because they're together, he would be with her. You don't know that. This guy like, and also it's like, you really don't fucking matter here. Your girlfriend only kind of, or does. But you're like, really it's about this woman, really it's about this kid, right? So you want this kid to not have a dad? So your friend?

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  People think morality matters in a case by case basis, but it's more if someone lacks morality, it will come to bite you in the ass later.

• 1:15:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:15:51Speaker 03

  If you surround yourself with not immoral people.

• 1:15:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's a really good point.

• 1:15:53Speaker 03

  This might be convenient, but someday that lack of character will hurt your friend.

• 1:15:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great way to look at it. That's absolutely true. It's like, yeah, even if you get away with this, that's just how this guy behaves. That's also how your friend wants him to behave? That's how you, maybe you guys, maybe the three of you are pieces of shit. This is the other thing that I'm coming up with. As much as I like you and you are very fun, the way you told this.

• 1:16:16Speaker 03

  You're just worried about your friend and I get it. It's, it's clouding your judgment in this moment.

• 1:16:20Stavros Halkias?

  But it's wrong. It's wrong. You should take the test. Like, you know, there's definitely been times in my life where I've been staring straight into the ceiling and being like, why did I do that? What if I get a call in four weeks, you know?

• 1:16:33Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:34Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I have been, I've dodged those bullets, but I've been like, if it happened to me, my life's changed forever, but I have a kid now. You know what I mean? Like, and you know, luckily I don't behave that way anymore. I have more, I certainly have more to lose these days. I was busting all willy nilly where there really wasn't much to come after me for. But now it's like, you know, you just gotta, you have to take responsibility. As Mari would say, put a cap on it.

• 1:17:01Speaker 03

  I don't know how you dealt with that anxiety. It was, oh, I'm a condom, I'm a condom guy.

• 1:17:05Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:17:06Speaker 03

  And only once, like this woman, she was fucking me, she took the condom off and then went back on.

• 1:17:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  And, and I.

• 1:17:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough to argue against.

• 1:17:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:13Stavros Halkias?

  In the moment.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  I, I go like.

• 1:17:14Stavros Halkias?

  If I had seven more days to think it over, I think I would have made a different decision.

• 1:17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Also to go from condom to no condom, it's just like, wow, you hit the nos button on this shit. Um, we're cruising now.

• 1:17:27Speaker 03

  I need to call some friends and be like, is this a good idea?

• 1:17:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 03

  But it looks like I had one second and I said.

• 1:17:32Stavros Halkias?

  You have one second.

• 1:17:33Speaker 03

  I didn't tell.

• 1:17:33Stavros Halkias?

  The most genetically awesome feeling you can have. Millions of years of evolution are like, this is what you're born to do.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  You're gonna beat that in a Marriott hotel room at two in the morning? Are you out of your mind?

• 1:17:48Speaker 03

  And the anxiety I felt, I, I was watching her, she, she lived in Europe and I would watch her Instagram stories, like, I was waiting, honestly, and then she was at a party drinking. I was like, okay, I think safe or I didn't even.

• 1:17:58Stavros Halkias?

  Or, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, I mean, it's, I've made some really, really horrible decisions in my life and they've kept me up and so far, I haven't paid for them, but it will.

• 1:18:12Stavros Halkias?

  But you know, that could all change at any moment.

• 1:18:15Speaker 03

  That's how the more, that's how it should end in a just world.

• 1:18:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, true.

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  You test them and they say, we did, we ran one more test.

• 1:18:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:21Speaker 03

  It's your time.

• 1:18:22Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, yeah, that is how I would pay for it.

• 1:18:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:25Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what? That's fine. Sacrifice me on the altar of you are not the father content. That's, those are the higher ideals I care about. That's what I'm willing to give my life for. We've had some great questions. What else we got, Eldis?

• 1:18:40Speaker 04

  Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them. Plus, time management tools.

• 1:18:49Speaker 04

  And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences.

• 1:18:57Speaker 04

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app at participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc.

• 1:19:36Speaker 03

  Hey, Stavi and a teen guest. So my buddy has a bachelor party that we're planning. And we're gonna go to Tampa because he says he wants to gamble and go to Full News Strip Club.

• 1:19:46Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:19:47Speaker 03

  But he's inviting this guy, like we can call him Mark. And I met Mark in high school. He transferred in my sophomore year because he had been public school his whole life. And he knows all the friends in the friend group because they grew up in the same neighborhood together. And like in high school, I never liked him. He just gave off that super annoying like homeschool conservative Christian energy. And he's done like a lot of dumb shit. Like in high school, he worked with my brother's now wife, uh girlfriend at the time. And was texting her saying we should fuck. Um, we ended up having to live together in college because we needed a fourth roommate. And he would accuse us of just like fucking with his stuff, drugging him. Like he was scared all the girls that we were hanging out with.

• 1:20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no.

• 1:20:30Speaker 03

  And then I remember after college, him and I got in a fight over social media because I reposted something about a school shooting. And he tried to claim that the shooter was a liberal and that it was all lies by the liberal media.

• 1:20:41Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds awesome.

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  Like this absolute piece of shit. And then last year, our other friend had a bachelor party at his parents' beach house. And he was there. First thing that he did when he walked in is shows everyone the gun that he brought.

• 1:20:54Stavros Halkias?

  Gun?

• 1:20:55Speaker 03

  And then one night.

• 1:20:57Stavros Halkias?

  He brought a gun to a fucking bachelor party? Oh man.

• 1:21:02Speaker 03

  The gun that he brought. And then one night, we were playing a poker game. And we all decided that we were done playing. So he goes, oh yeah, well, what you guys don't know is I've been hiding chips this whole time. And lifts up a fucking napkin to show a bunch of chips that he claimed he won. And we're all just like, dude, like shut the fuck up. Everyone keep your money since he's doing this. Well, he went into a full spaz when we said we're not gonna pay him. And he like went outside, started throwing shit around.

• 1:21:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hiding chips? This guy's, why does he keep getting invites?

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  Went into a full spaz when we said we're not gonna pay him. And he like went outside, started throwing shit around. And then he like came back inside, we're all sitting on the couch, and he just sits there and stares at us like he wants to fight us.

• 1:21:47Stavros Halkias?

  And he's got a gun.

• 1:21:48Speaker 03

  So after that, everyone in the friend group was in agreement, like he's not gonna be invited. Um, my friend is now saying that he learned in church that he should forgive him and going to invite him. And I'm like, dude, you you have any idea how dumb it is to say, I learned that God would want me to forgive him so we can go gamble and go to full news clips together? So basically, I'm stuck and I don't know if I wanna spend all this money to go on this trip. If this guy is just gonna be there, gonna ruin it. So.

• 1:22:20Speaker 05

  Any advice on what I should do? Uh, thank you.

• 1:22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. I mean, this is nuts. This is, how does this guy keep getting invites to stuff? This is classic like-

• 1:22:30Speaker 03

  He likes him though. There's no, listen, you, you don't go to church and, and go, "Oh, I should forgive all people." He likes this guy. Your friend likes this guy for some reason.

• 1:22:38Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that is what it comes down to, is that like, if you're like, if you and other friends have been like, "We hate this guy." "He's not coming to anything else." And this guy's like, "It's my bachelor party and I want him there." And you're right, the God shit is so stupid.

• 1:22:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, just don't buy, I just don't, I just think it's like, we should, he's saying like, "God said we should forgive, so you guys should be cool."

• 1:22:57Stavros Halkias?

  Right. And look dude, unfortunately, I mean, we get this call a lot, but it's like, there are times in your life where people drop off, right? There's like, this guy, I get, I know, I have friends like this from college, where it was just like, but when you're 19 and you're just getting fucked up, or even when you're like 20 and you have your first off-campus house and it's like, "Oh yeah, there's a guy, he brought a gun to my..." When you're a kid, you're like, "It wasn't annoying when he brought a gun to my house?"

• 1:23:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Stavros Halkias?

  Like, as a kid, you're like, "That was stupid." And you just, you didn't go back playing GameCube. If somebody brought a gun to my house now, I'd be like, "I'm ca- leave or I'm calling the police." You know what I mean? Like, who I didn't like anyway. I mean, if it was a cool guy with a cool gun, maybe it's different, but, um, but, like, it's taken longer for your friend group to fracture? And maybe they're younger, maybe they're, they're, they're generally, it sounds like from a conservative place. Maybe you're getting married younger. He never said how old he was. He sounded kinda young. To us, to us godless, uh, east coast liberals, bachelor parties happen when you're 37, but for you, they're probably happening when you're 24, right?

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  That's so true.

• 1:24:03Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, so, um, wait, like, this just might be your friend group splintering. You know, like, cause you have to decide. I mean, and I'll be honest with you, this guy fucking sucks. I wouldn't want to go to a bachelor party where this guy is there.

• 1:24:20Speaker 03

  No way.

• 1:24:21Stavros Halkias?

  And so I would be like, alright, man. Hey, you want this guy, you're like, I'd still probably go to the wedding because the wedding's different.

• 1:24:27Speaker 03

  For sure.

• 1:24:27Stavros Halkias?

  But I'd be like, I'm not spending, especially.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  It's about the spending. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of sacrifice. I think if you love this friend and he goes, this is my boy, you have to confront if you really love this friend too. Bachelor parties are important. I had like a friend where I went to the bachelor party. It was like a little early in the friendship and the fact that I went, I think solidified.

• 1:24:47Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 1:24:47Speaker 03

  Becoming really good friends.

• 1:24:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. That can happen.

• 1:24:50Speaker 03

  But if you're spending money, I think part of being adult is making clear what you don't want to do. And maybe your friend needs to learn that too. Maybe he likes this guy, but he brings a lot of pain to people. It's like, you gotta hang out with this guy separately.

• 1:25:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. I mean, there's definitely times in my life where if Eldis got married at certain ages, I would have been like, you're bringing this fucking guy, Eldis. You know what I mean? And I think probably at that age, what I would have done was just make it everyone's problem that I was annoyed. Like, I would have been part of the problem too, you know?

• 1:25:20Speaker 03

  But if he likes that guy, it's probably a reflection off the person he is too.

• 1:25:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, anyone who's like, this guy is coming, is probably an idiot. Your friend is a fucking piece of shit also, probably.

• 1:25:31Speaker 03

  He's like, we're gonna pick up the poker game right where we left off.

• 1:25:35Stavros Halkias?

  He was like, the guy, he had a smart strategy of hiding chips. You have to.

• 1:25:38Speaker 03

  We're gonna give everyone a napkin.

• 1:25:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, okay, but yeah, to level the playing field, everyone gets a napkin.

• 1:25:45Speaker 03

  I a million percent, time, life is short, I'm not going on this party.

• 1:25:50Stavros Halkias?

  And you hate him.

• 1:25:51Speaker 03

  You hate him.

• 1:25:51Stavros Halkias?

  I've never, I, this is, you could just tell from his story, you hate this guy, you don't want to go to this thing.

• 1:25:56Speaker 03

  Especially in today's political climate, if he had that problem with that shooting thing back then, that's all the goddamn conversation is gonna be about right now.

• 1:26:02Stavros Halkias?

  Can you imagine?

• 1:26:03Speaker 03

  You wanna talk about Jimmy Kimmel for the next three months?

• 1:26:06Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's doing fucking pushups and looking at a fucking picture of Charlie Kirk right now. He's in his garage doing assisted dips, being like, they have no idea what they've unleashed. Yeah, I don't, you can't fucking, this is crazy, dude.

• 1:26:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, unless you can enjoy the chaos of being around this person. But I agree, if they have a gun, that makes the chaos less enjoyable.

• 1:26:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, in this, I didn't even think about the political climate.

• 1:26:30Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:26:30Stavros Halkias?

  A guy like this now might be number one worst guy to be around.

• 1:26:37Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think you can do it, man. I don't know. But look, at the end of the day, it's your decision. But again, the spending, if I'm spending like a grand to be, to like, and it's like time off.

• 1:26:47Speaker 03

  Time off.

• 1:26:47Stavros Halkias?

  Weekend, like, I mean, how close are you, how close is this guy, how close is your friend, like, but?

• 1:26:53Speaker 03

  Don't, don't let, this is my problem with the religion stuff is, ask your friend, why do you want, why do you want this guy to come? This, God says to forgive. I go, okay.

• 1:27:03Stavros Halkias?

  I forgave him. I don't like him as a guy.

• 1:27:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:05Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, I don't, I'm not mad at him. I just don't want to see him anymore.

• 1:27:08Speaker 03

  Forgive and invite him to the bachelor party. That's not part of the tenet.

• 1:27:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 1:27:12Speaker 03

  Forgiveness is not the same as like welcoming in.

• 1:27:14Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, he's not back in. That's a, that's a great point. Forgiveness means like, a lot of times forgiveness is for yourself.

• 1:27:20Speaker 03

  Forgiveness is he still gets to go to the fucking wedding.

• 1:27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. The guy, that guy's gonna skip the wedding. He's like, no, I'm good. Just wanna go to the strip club. Which it does sound pretty, I mean, it sounds like a pretty good.

• 1:27:29Speaker 03

  He's gonna wear a Charlie Kirk t-shirt to the wedding.

• 1:27:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Damn dude, gambling in his full nude strip club. We gotta get that going. We never went to a strip club on tour.

• 1:27:39Speaker 03

  We did not.

• 1:27:39Stavros Halkias?

  We, where did, we're only thinking about it, Portland?

• 1:27:42Speaker 03

  That's where we went. We went to a vegan strip club in Portland on my podcast tour.

• 1:27:46Stavros Halkias?

  If we had, if we had another night in Portland, I think we probably would have gone. Oh, wait.

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  Probably Portland. I think it did get batted around in a couple cities.

• 1:27:54Stavros Halkias?

  I think I had some other stuff going on, actually, now that I think about it, in Portland, but, uh, but we only had one, yeah, we, we gotta hit it up next. I mean.

• 1:28:02Speaker 03

  It's stressful. My girlfriend, she goes, go to strip clubs. And I'm like, I, I'm like, I swear you don't know what's going on in here.

• 1:28:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:10Speaker 03

  I swear, there's no way.

• 1:28:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:12Speaker 03

  I'm sitting here, I'm like, if you were here, we'd have a long conversation after.

• 1:28:16Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. What's the, who, uh, we, we, were you touring with, what was the crew?

• 1:28:19Speaker 03

  Russell, uh, Russell, and then my, my producer, who, we've known each other a long time, but she's a woman, and we're sitting at this, this strip club, and the woman like flips over, and it's like pussy right in my face. And like, I'm like, I'm like, I know Tova, Tova does not know what this is what it is. And I'm doing like one of these.

• 1:28:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:36Speaker 03

  And, and, and my producer, my employee is here. And I'm like, I don't know the rules.

• 1:28:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:41Speaker 03

  I am HR right now, too.

• 1:28:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's the beauty of, uh, the now, the downsides of hiring your stupid friends is that they go on vacation while you're also in Europe, but the upli- upsides are no one's suing you for, for HR. This is a very old school type of organization here at Stavi Baby Enterprises.

• 1:29:00Speaker 03

  The, the Lizzo, Lizzo, that was, that was the thing.

• 1:29:02Stavros Halkias?

  I made Eldis eat a banana out of a guy's ass. I made JP eat a banana out of Eldis's ass.

• 1:29:07Speaker 03

  And it wasn't even at a club, it was like onstage.

• 1:29:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck. All right, you got something fun for us to go out on here, Big Eld? And by the way, did we even say at any point, do you have a special out?

• 1:29:18Speaker 03

  I have a special out on YouTube, Thief of Joy. It's on my YouTube for free.

• 1:29:22Stavros Halkias?

  We should have said that. Go see, I think maybe we did, we'll put something in the beginning. Uh, go see, yeah, watch it, pause this now, go watch this. In fact, go back in time when this episode started.

• 1:29:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:32Stavros Halkias?

  Watch the special then, tell your friends about it. Um, yeah, go, go, go watch, uh, John Marco's special Thief of Joy. We'll, we'll link it and everything on his YouTube right now.

• 1:29:42Speaker 03

  Thanks, brother.

• 1:29:43Speaker 07

  Here's a little silly one.

• 1:29:47Speaker 05

  Hey, Stav and Eldis, big fan of the show, hello guests. I have a quick etiquette question. Tonight, I was out walking my dog and I ran into this woman who had another dog. Uh, and, all right, we're kind of getting to know each other. And, um, I noticed that her nipple was hanging out of her tank top. Now, uh, I, uh, acknowledged that after we talked for like a minute or two. Hey, uh, just so you know, uh, you might want to fix the top. And she kind of looked at it and fixed it. And anyway, it was kind of weird. I'm wondering if I did the right thing by acknowledging it.

• 1:30:26Speaker 05

  If I should have just said nothing, um, I thought before I said anything to her and uh, I kind of let it hang for a second, um, because I felt awkward bringing it up. But anyway, uh, would love to hear your thoughts and uh, take care.

• 1:30:43Stavros Halkias?

  This is very funny.

• 1:30:44Speaker 03

  This is a really, this is a really good etiquette question.

• 1:30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:48Speaker 03

  Because there's one scenario, you don't say anything and she gets home later goes, that fucking creep.

• 1:30:54Stavros Halkias?

  That creep.

• 1:30:54Speaker 03

  Just let my nipple hang out there.

• 1:30:55Stavros Halkias?

  And in her, and in her head, she's like imagining all the times you were looking at her tit. You know, even if you weren't that much, it's gonna look, seem like you were.

• 1:31:02Speaker 03

  I think you have, I think you did the right thing. There's no good scenario. I did an, I did this acting camp once and there was a teacher showing his headstands. And he had a tear in his yoga pants, right where like his asshole was.

• 1:31:16Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:31:16Speaker 03

  And all of us saw it and we're all sitting there and we didn't say anything. Come to class the next day, he goes, I was very disappointed in you guys yesterday. The class immediately right after you notified me that there was a tear in my pants and not a single one of you mentioned it. And it taught me a lesson that you take, do the uncomfortable thing.

• 1:31:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:36Speaker 03

  You're, you're in a bad scenario.

• 1:31:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, unfortunately, yes. The, the, the true answer here is, the quicker you notice, the, the time between noticing and telling, you want it as short as possible.

• 1:31:50Speaker 03

  So tell, but what if it's right away? Okay. So I'm walking a dog, you're the guy, I'm the girl. Oh, what kind of dog is that?

• 1:31:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, uh, it's a, you might wanna fix your top. Hey, sorry, that'd be rude or anything, but you might wanna fix your top, like, that's, that's ideal.

• 1:32:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:32:04Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you're not making it weird at all. It's a pure, but now no one had, no one's like that. You'd have to be a machine to see a titty. First of all, you're like, nice. There's a part of you that's just like sick, right? You have to get rid of that, shake that off.

• 1:32:15Speaker 03

  Take the time to memorize.

• 1:32:16Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? You have to be like, no, no, no, not nice, not nice. We're in a weird, cause usually when you're seeing a tit, it's always cool.

• 1:32:22Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:32:23Stavros Halkias?

  So your brain is like, well, cool.

• 1:32:24Speaker 03

  Oh, a why, a, a random, oh my god.

• 1:32:26Stavros Halkias?

  We're looking at a woman's tit is out, I'm probably gonna, I mean, they're at a strip club, I'm gonna fuck this lady. Something cool is about to happen, right?

• 1:32:31Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 1:32:33Stavros Halkias?

  You're in a random time where it's, cause, or you see a titty you don't wanna see and it's not cool. It's an old lady.

• 1:32:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:40Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? You're at the, you're at a fucking, uh, public pool and an old lady's tits slip out, whatever.

• 1:32:45Speaker 03

  You're gonna need to help her put it back in.

• 1:32:46Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna, yeah, yeah, exactly. You're gonna like, yeah, you're helping care for your grandmother, you know, like.

• 1:32:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:52Stavros Halkias?

  There's a, very rarely do you see a cool titty. In a way that you're not allowed to look at it, right? It's basically this scenario and I guess breastfeeding. Those are, those are the two that are like, you have to be like, no, no, it's not cool.

• 1:33:05Speaker 03

  But there is a point where if you've waited too long, you need to act like you just saw it.

• 1:33:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:33:11Speaker 03

  Because if there's even a momentary thought that you've grappled with the question for a minute.

• 1:33:17Stavros Halkias?

  You can't at the end of it be like, oh, and by the way.

• 1:33:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:33:20Stavros Halkias?

  You might wanna check your, you know what I mean, don't make, you don't wanna do that, right?

• 1:33:24Speaker 03

  I would, I would be talking, talking, if I notice it, I'm grappling, oh my god, I wanna look.

• 1:33:28Stavros Halkias?

  This is where the acting classes come in. You gotta look shocked here.

• 1:33:32Speaker 03

  I need a wheelchair.

• 1:33:34Speaker 03

  And then I go, oh, um.

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you gotta really sell it.

• 1:33:46Speaker 03

  I would do it.

• 1:33:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, I think the, the absolute best case scenario is like completely nonchalantly, as if you're like your fly's down, you're like, oh, your tits out. Not tit out, but like, oh, fix, fix your top, I think you handled it really good.

• 1:34:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think, yeah, don't do, oh, is it nips out day?

• 1:34:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-oh.

• 1:34:04Speaker 03

  I had no idea.

• 1:34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't get, didn't get the memo, oh, fucking bitch. Uh, don't do that. You did a pretty good job. The reality is you wanna do it as quick as possible, but it's hard.

• 1:34:14Speaker 03

  As well, I fear that you said in a way where you're like, also, just so you know, in a way that, that made it clear that you've, you've been sitting with it for a bit.

• 1:34:21Stavros Halkias?

  And look, you could be like, this is a little awkward, but you might wanna fix your top, because it is a little awkward.

• 1:34:26Speaker 03

  It is.

• 1:34:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's not your fault her tit is out. You were just trying to be a fucking good, you're, this guy sounds pretty innocent here. He's just kinda making small talk with another dog. I'm not a dog guy, but dog people love talking about their dogs to each other.

• 1:34:39Speaker 03

  Of course, because they can't talk to their dog about it.

• 1:34:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Right.

• 1:34:44Speaker 03

  They have so many private stories that they experience so alone, they need to get it off their chest.

• 1:34:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, so yeah, dude, you did the right thing, but in general, I think with things like this, the quicker you're about it and the more, and again, you can acknowledge it's a little weird, it's fine, because it is a little weird, but it's not your fault. It's your fault if you make it fucking weird, if you're like. Mmm, nice. Oh, and by the way, sweetheart. That titty's been peeking at me this whole conversation.

• 1:35:09Speaker 03

  I'm trying to think if my dick was out and like if someone told me three minutes into the conversation, like how I'd feel, I'd be like, oh my god.

• 1:35:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if one of your nuts is coming out of your shorts?

• 1:35:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:35:18Stavros Halkias?

  You are eligible, you're one of the few men who's eligible to show cock by accident. You do like a nice short, short.

• 1:35:23Speaker 03

  It's true. It's true. We have to check the pictures sometimes. I'm like, oh my god. They asked that for Tonight Show. He was like, just make sure you're wearing underwear that doesn't. I was like, don't worry.

• 1:35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 1:35:32Speaker 03

  Don't worry. That'd be insane.

• 1:35:36Stavros Halkias?

  That would be so funny, to show cock on the Tonight Show.

• 1:35:39Speaker 03

  I think guys that wear short shorts, that's how you know, like, they're probably, it's average.

• 1:35:43Stavros Halkias?

  They're okay to show cock.

• 1:35:45Speaker 03

  No, no, I think the opposite. They're like, they're feeling safe.

• 1:35:48Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 1:35:49Speaker 03

  They're feeling fine. They're not concerned.

• 1:35:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, true, true, true. Yeah, it is funny to think about a guy who's had to worry about his dick coming out of his shorts.

• 1:35:55Speaker 03

  We're both wearing these shorts.

• 1:35:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:56Speaker 03

  You ever see someone on the show wearing pants? You know they're packing.

• 1:35:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, with the exception of Elders who was wearing pants, but his dick is little.

• 1:36:02Speaker 03

  I'm with that.

• 1:36:04Stavros Halkias?

  I'd like to say Elders' dick is little, for the record.

• 1:36:08Speaker 03

  By the way, your dick's been out this whole time.

• 1:36:11Speaker 03

  Oh, I know.

• 1:36:13Stavros Halkias?

  He's been slow stroking his shit this whole time. But yeah, you did the right thing, man.

• 1:36:19Speaker 03

  You did the right thing. It's awkward. If she likes you, it'll be a funny moment.

• 1:36:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:24Speaker 03

  And if she thinks you're ugly, she's just gonna think you're a creep at this time.

• 1:36:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, there's actually no, it's true. The reality is, are you ugly? Because if you are, you handled it wrong. If you're hot, you handled it great.

• 1:36:34Speaker 03

  You should have never said anything, walked the other way. Because if you're ugly, she thinks that you somehow did it.

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's how it's going, HR meme? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the HR meme, absolutely. Alright, well, good luck, little buddy. John Marco, thanks for doing the show, brother.

• 1:36:49Speaker 03

  Thanks for having me, brother.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yep. Guys, go watch the special. I'm sure you're touring, whatever, go see him live. See us live.

• 1:36:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, Podcast the Downside.

• 1:36:57Stavros Halkias?

  Podcast the Downside, absolutely. Yeah, and thanks, guys. We'll talk to you next week. Bye bye.

• 1:37:03Speaker 03

  Peace.

• 1:37:19Speaker 03

  Oh, look. You just got added to a meeting. About coordinating another meeting. To prepare for the pre-meeting. Ahead of the follow-up meeting. Which will, of course, require a recap meeting. And then, another meeting. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.

• 1:37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's. With millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee. A Carnival Cruise Vacation. Gift cards from DoorDash. And Best Buy. Feel the play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag.

• 1:38:03Speaker 07

  No purchase necessary. 50 U.S. and D.C. Age 18+. See PlayatMcD.com for rules and PlayatMcD.com/amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2. Chance card game ends November 8. Game ends November 22, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.