Giggling about tinned fish, tracking farts, and Tampa

The tinned fish movement has finally crossed our desks and Paige takes an unexpected stand for the Hannahs of the world. Special thanks to Gatorade Lower Sugar for supporting this episode! #GatoradePartner

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, remember when I told you how excited I was about Lululemon dropping their fall collection on September 8? Well, the collection is finally here and I just got my hands on a few pieces and let's just say these will be in my rotation on repeat. I got the Groove Yoga Bra and the High Rise Matching Short. They're so buttery soft. They have laser cut pocket openings for optional and removable cups, which I love that because sometimes I don't want to have a bra insert when I'm working out, but sometimes I do. Performance never compromises style at Lululemon. I love their vintage-inspired styles and everything comes in such an assortment of colors. So if you don't want to stick to black, which is my traditional go-to, you can explore other colors. Like, I love a burgundy workout set. New styles from Lululemon's fall collection are here.

• 0:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Popular colors go fast, so be on the lookout for those drops. And if something doesn't work out for you, free returns always. That's lululemon.com, lululemon.com.

• 0:55Hannah Berner?

  This episode is sponsored by Cars.com. I feel like your car says a lot about you. It's transportation, storage, and honestly, kind of a personality test. Maybe you need something for weekend road trips, something you can actually parallel park in the city, or just enough trunk space for an emergency outfit and backup shoes. Personally, I like options and I'm very specific. So this is where Cars.com comes in. Cars.com has the tools that make your car shopping way less overwhelming. With more than 200 advanced search filters, you can narrow things down based on what actually matters to you. Deal badges help show how fairly a vehicle is priced, so you can browse with more confidence and fewer chaotic tabs open, which I think we can all appreciate. Start your search with Cars.com. Where to next?

• 1:38Hannah Berner?

  I was thinking about how women have so many little things we have to do when we're getting home that you have to be aware of.

• 1:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, so many people have my location.

• 1:47Hannah Berner?

  And you have to share your ETA, you have to check the route, you have to text everyone I'm home.

• 1:51Paige DeSorbo?

  And if your friend, like, doesn't text you, "Oh, you got home," you're calling the FBI.

• 1:56Hannah Berner?

  Yep. Yep. And we joke about it because it's so normal to us, but you're constantly paying attention. And even when you're exhausted and just want to get home, your brain still has to be on. You're like, is this guy going the right route? Am I in the right place? Who's around me? What's happening?

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's truly no clocking out of your safety.

• 2:12Hannah Berner?

  And that's why riding in a Waymo feels different. It's an autonomous ride with an empty driver's seat. So, once you get in, you have this private space that's actually just yours.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  And you know, I love alone time and I truly feel like it's such a luxury in a Waymo.

• 2:25Hannah Berner?

  Especially after being social. Like, I love everyone, but like...

• 2:28Speaker 02

  Please, nobody speak to me.

• 2:29Hannah Berner?

  Like, give me 20 minutes. I want music, the right temperature. There's no compromising. And you can customize the ride, put on your own music, answer texts you ignored all night, stare out the window. You actually have a minute where you're not thinking about everyone else.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  And that's the thing. It's not even necessarily about doing something. Sometimes it's just, you want to sit there and not speak.

• 2:49Hannah Berner?

  And put your guard down for a second and feel safe.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Which truly, women deserve.

• 2:55Hannah Berner?

  We deserve to disassociate safely for 20 minutes.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, put that on a t-shirt, for real.

• 3:01Hannah Berner?

  And obviously, safety is a huge part of why that feeling matters. Knowing Waymo's safer, there's something refreshing in having that space where you can just be yourself and let Waymo handle the driving.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  And we spend enough of our lives being on.

• 3:13Hannah Berner?

  Exactly.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  We don't need to be on in the car.

• 3:16Hannah Berner?

  Getting around shouldn't require so much mental energy. And if this sounds like your ideal way to get around too, download the Waymo app and use code GIGLY to get 20% off your next two rides. You can check out the full terms in the app.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  We love a discount.

• 3:29Hannah Berner?

  And if Waymo isn't in your city yet, head to waymo.com/gigly to sign up and help bring Waymo to you.

• 3:47Paige DeSorbo?

  I mean, the day just got away from me.

• 3:50Hannah Berner?

  Hello, my gregarious gigglers. I'm stressed. Because Paige is coming to my apartment after this. And I've had a, I was gonna say a day, I've had a year. And I think what's gonna have to happen is you can't come in, I have to like do some like quick, because I'm afraid you're gonna get like upset, like it's gonna ruin your day when you see the state. I had leftovers last night. When my parents are gone, I know I'm an adult, but I live like-

• 4:20Paige DeSorbo?

  You've lived alone for over 10 years.

• 4:22Hannah Berner?

  And Dez is not around, I'm like Jimmy Neutron. Like I'm like sleepover time, I'm peeing in the shower, like I don't give a fuck. And then I was like, oh my god, Paige is coming.

• 4:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Is that something Jimmy Neutron did?

• 4:34Hannah Berner?

  There's like a movie where all the parents like disappeared and the kids went crazy and that's just how I live my life. Like you don't have to put plates back into the sink if you don't want to.

• 4:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Like here's a perfect description of how you and I are different. Yesterday, my glam showed up to my apartment and I had like a little plate of pastries. And Mitchell literally said, is that real life or were you like taking a picture of something? And I was like, honey, that's real life, grab a pastry.

• 5:03Hannah Berner?

  When my glam came in yesterday, which, let's talk about our glam, I'm like, you might get bitten by something.

• 5:09Paige DeSorbo?

  You're like, if you have an allergic reaction, we don't know what it's from, but you might have one. It could be anything in here.

• 5:16Hannah Berner?

  Also, I woke up and like my back was kind of hurting, like something on my back was hurting. So I was like touching my spine and a part of my spine was like sore. And I was like, did I break my spine? And then I realized, I just have a massive pimple, which Paige loves, like how happy she is. She loves a pimple, just on my spine.

• 5:38Paige DeSorbo?

  I have to see it.

• 5:39Hannah Berner?

  I have to show you guys. But I thought, I thought I was paralyzed for, I was like, I'm gonna be paralyzed.

• 5:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, that's a good one. Oh, that's a good one.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Like, my back is perfect.

• 5:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I could get in there.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  But like, it hurts. Like, what's your strategy? How are we appro- like, you can't just go in. You have to like-

• 5:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I have to assess the area and see if there's even like a head that could be popped.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  I don't think there is. You need to heat compress it first.

• 6:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  I'm so scared.

• 6:07Paige DeSorbo?

  I love surgery, though.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Are you gonna like, take a needle and like-

• 6:09Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I have like, all tools for it.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  So you have to dig in?

• 6:12Paige DeSorbo?

  That is honestly, I think, one of like, my highlights of ever like, dating a man. Is like, when you get to the, when you get to the point where you're like, "Let me pop that pimple for you." That's when like, true love comes in. Like, I love-

• 6:28Speaker 02

  You have that with me, you don't need a man.

• 6:30Paige DeSorbo?

  I had a boyfriend that had like, shoulder acne. That's my fucking dream!

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Well, you could go hard on the shoulder. For some reason, it doesn't hurt as bad.

• 6:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Oh, god.

• 6:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Anyhow.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Anyhow, how are you all?

• 6:41Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm good.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  You were in Brooklyn this morning.

• 6:47Paige DeSorbo?

  I was in Brooklyn this morning. Oh, this was what I wanted to say. Because now I'm like, not in a coma from doing SAG Awards anymore. Because I was talking about how like, I didn't need my beta blockers as much as I thought I was going to do, going to need. Let me just set the scene for like, in the morning. In the morning, any day like that, that I'm gonna be nervous and I know I'm gonna take a beta blocker, I can't drink any coffee because I'll just like, freak out. I had hot water with lemon. And then the only thing I could consume was half a banana.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Oh, your body shut down?

• 7:20Paige DeSorbo?

  No, my body was like, no, I can't take, nothing in, nothing out.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  I'm the exact opposite. I'm like, put it all in and then it's all coming out!

• 7:27Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, my body's like, no, no, closed right now. You think you're gonna have a simple syrup? Get out of here!

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Simple syrup is a risk on a non-

• 7:36Paige DeSorbo?

  Get out of here.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 7:37Paige DeSorbo?

  So that's what I had before. Then I take my beta blocker.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Then I do what I have to do.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Oh, you took beta blocker in the morning?

• 7:44Paige DeSorbo?

  I took a beta blocker thirty minutes before I had to be out there.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 7:50Paige DeSorbo?

  I do the whole thing. I go to the awards. I'm sitting at the award show. I'm probably sitting there for like- A little over an hour, maybe like an hour and a half, I'm sitting there. It truly felt like someone came up behind me, took a baseball bat and just like hit me in the head. Like I got an instant headache, but I think it was my adrenaline like starting to come down. I literally turned to my assistant and I'm like, we have to go immediately or I'm gonna like literally pass out at the table. We get in the car, we go back to the hotel. At this point, it's like seven thirty. We walk into my hotel room because she has to take. My jewelry was so fucking expensive. I actually can't believe they didn't send a person.

• 8:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Usually if it's over a certain amount of money, they'll send a human being that watches the jewelry. But they were like, have at it.

• 8:41Hannah Berner?

  Remember when someone, you lost your pink, your pinky ring? And you were freaking out and I was like, I can't deal with this right now.

• 8:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my god, I forgot I lost my pinky ring.

• 8:48Hannah Berner?

  Your pinky's so little that nothing would stay.

• 8:50Paige DeSorbo?

  I had over one point five million dollars of jewelry on me at SAG.

• 8:55Hannah Berner?

  See, I would have said no. I would have been like, no, thank you.

• 8:59Paige DeSorbo?

  I was just expecting like, oh, I'm gonna give it back immediately after this. Like they're gonna send a person. They didn't send a person. So we walk into my hotel room. I, she unzips my dress because she's like also giving my dress back. I'm taking the jewelry off and I'm like, hmm, hold on a second, I'll be right back. I walk into the bathroom, projectile vomit.

• 9:20Hannah Berner?

  You love vomiting. That's like, that's your go-to. You're like.

• 9:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I come back out and I'm like, and now the day is over. I have completed my task. My body is also understanding that the day is over.

• 9:36Hannah Berner?

  That was your bow. Your pirouette.

• 9:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Literally into the bowl. And you want to know the worst part? I was like, wow. Today was a good day. Like, today was a good day anxiety-wise.

• 9:49Hannah Berner?

  I'm laughing because I do the same thing, but through the other hole. Yeah, which, which, when I explained that to you, you stopped seeing me as gross and started seeing me as just like human.

• 10:00Paige DeSorbo?

  I started seeing you.

• 10:01Hannah Berner?

  But I want people to understand, when you see all these celebrities like glitzed out, it's all Lent. It's all borrowed and like the second they get off the carpet.

• 10:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, I don't know why I thought you were talking about like Lent, like actual Lent. It's like, you're half Jewish.

• 10:17Hannah Berner?

  Wait, so what?

• 10:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Why do you care about Lent?

• 10:18Hannah Berner?

  What happened with the jewels?

• 10:20Paige DeSorbo?

  We gave them back.

• 10:21Hannah Berner?

  But like she had to hold them for a certain amount of time?

• 10:23Paige DeSorbo?

  She just had to hold them till the next morning. Someone came and got them the next morning before we got on our flight.

• 10:27Hannah Berner?

  This reminds me, last time we were in LA doing interviews, I had a necklace that, no one told me how much it was, thank God. But I couldn't get it off. Cause you know when some of these clasps are like insane, like getting into Fort Knox? And I went to college, couldn't figure it out. Also, my nails were long and I FaceTimed my stylist at like 2:30 AM. Thank God she doesn't sleep.

• 10:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 10:52Hannah Berner?

  And I was like, I'm about to get on a plane at 6:00 AM with this on my neck if we can't get this off. And she was like, that cannot happen. And I'm like, okay, well.

• 11:00Paige DeSorbo?

  There's like a picture of Jane Fonda where she like went to an award show. And then there's a picture of her the next morning in her kitchen in the same dress. And she's like, I couldn't get the zipper off.

• 11:09Paige DeSorbo?

  And like, there's so many things in my life that I'm like, this happened, also happened in Jane Fonda? And I don't know why, but like I'm obsessed with her.

• 11:15Hannah Berner?

  Jane Fonda's so iconic. If you don't know about her, like learn.

• 11:18Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you should actually watch her documentary. It's really good.

• 11:21Hannah Berner?

  I did.

• 11:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, you did?

• 11:22Hannah Berner?

  I have to re-watch. My, that's my thing with fashion though, like it's so uncomfortable. And I, I've recently somehow ended up in a bunch of jumpsuits.

• 11:35Hannah Berner?

  I don't know what I did in a past life. First of all, they don't fit my long torso. My labia is literally fighting for its life. And then obviously you know I like to pee slash poop.

• 11:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Hannah Berner?

  Like, I don't even know what's gonna happen, but I'm like, I need to be in the bathroom.

• 11:48Paige DeSorbo?

  And in this, you're like.

• 11:49Hannah Berner?

  And my, everyone's like, you don't just take the jumpsuit off. You have to like take your microphone off. You have to, it's a whole thing.

• 11:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 11:55Hannah Berner?

  So anyway, this is not relatable, but I'm just saying, every girl relates to a jumpsuit pee situation.

• 12:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Is relatable. That I can't believe we didn't talk about, but honestly, I think I saw it after we had like recorded last week. Did you freaking see the Tampa airport?

• 12:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Banning Crocs and pajama pants.

• 12:17Hannah Berner?

  Which isn't a funny bit.

• 12:18Paige DeSorbo?

  I thought it was a bit, and me, who is like such a Croc hater.

• 12:22Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 12:23Paige DeSorbo?

  I was like, let the girls wear their choice of shoes.

• 12:26Hannah Berner?

  You're like, just because it's not for me, doesn't mean I need to ban other people's rights.

• 12:30Paige DeSorbo?

  And America, literally take note.

• 12:34Hannah Berner?

  You don't approve of something, doesn't mean it's not right for other people.

• 12:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Just because I don't want to do it, doesn't mean I'm gonna take it away from you.

• 12:43Hannah Berner?

  Um, okay, first of all, I have so many thoughts on this. This makes me now want to walk into the Tampa airport with no flight, just wearing pajamas, marry my Daphne.

• 12:53Paige DeSorbo?

  I might try a Daphne photo shoot in the Tampa airport. That was my first thought. I was like, what great marketing.

• 12:59Hannah Berner?

  With my Crocs, and then I'm gonna throw gibbets all over the airport.

• 13:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Here's the thing that I found offensive. The over, the overarching message was please stop showing up, I think, like, looking disheveled, or like...

• 13:16Hannah Berner?

  Which is my brand, but continue.

• 13:18Paige DeSorbo?

  But my thing is, from a legal stand, but also Florida does whatever the fuck they want, I feel like.

• 13:23Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Paige DeSorbo?

  From a legal standpoint, because we are lawyers.

• 13:27Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 13:27Paige DeSorbo?

  How are you differentiating what's a pajama pant and what's not? And also, it just felt very pointed at women.

• 13:37Hannah Berner?

  Yes!

• 13:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Did it not? It came off like, hey, girls, stop.

• 13:40Hannah Berner?

  It's came off like, girls, wear a fucking power suit to the airport.

• 13:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Now.

• 13:45Hannah Berner?

  I'm gonna show up with a gown.

• 13:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Uh, not that I've ever, like, been in the situation where I've, like, had to sit next to a man on a plane, and I felt like he was, like, wearing something weird. But there's definitely times where I've seen men at the airport, and I'm like, well, those sweatpants are not appropriate. Like, they're too tight, like, did you put underwear on, you fucking freak? Like, so if we're not addressing the men's penises in their pants, don't tell me what kind of pant or shoe I can or cannot wear.

• 14:16Hannah Berner?

  Well, this is my issue. If, if I'm, if you invite me to your house, and you say, Hannah, I'd prefer you to not show up in your pajamas and Crocs, I can respect that and say, it's your house, and it's your party.

• 14:28Paige DeSorbo?

  If someone ever said that, that would also be insane.

• 14:32Hannah Berner?

  No, but also, like, it's your house.

• 14:34Paige DeSorbo?

  There's a dress code.

• 14:35Hannah Berner?

  It's a private event of you, and I want my friend to have a good event. However...

• 14:42Hannah Berner?

  As someone who flies for a living.

• 14:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 14:44Hannah Berner?

  First of all, I don't know where I'm landing. I don't know where I am. How are you think people like are like, oh, I'm flying to Tampa and I have to now prepare a dress code for when I land in Tampa? I don't know where I land and I'm always wearing something comfortable.

• 14:56Paige DeSorbo?

  You problem.

• 14:57Hannah Berner?

  As in, am I when I'm on tour, am I about to be like, oh, shoot, the Tampa airport, I have to change my outfit for the Tampa airport.

• 15:04Paige DeSorbo?

  As someone who owns a pajama brand, I felt very singled out.

• 15:07Hannah Berner?

  Also, if you wear jeans to the airport, like you don't travel a lot.

• 15:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 15:11Hannah Berner?

  You're like, you're a maskist.

• 15:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Also, let's just say men's jeans are very different than women's jeans.

• 15:16Hannah Berner?

  Really?

• 15:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Men's jeans, I feel like are soft, a little bit softer, because they're not, it's not like, we're not, we don't care about their shape.

• 15:22Hannah Berner?

  They're not hugging anything.

• 15:24Paige DeSorbo?

  So I think that when men are in jeans at the airport or even like a chino pant, it's very different. But I've definitely seen men in like full sweats.

• 15:32Hannah Berner?

  Also, you see these mothers with like four children who are about to get on a flight at 6 a.m. She doesn't have to dress all her children. I want those kids in their comfortable pajamas.

• 15:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 15:42Hannah Berner?

  So she can just get them out of bed and put them on the plane. You're making mothers like dress children in fucking, what, like, like office wear?

• 15:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. That would be adorable.

• 15:52Hannah Berner?

  That would be adorable.

• 15:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Imagine you brought your baby on a plane, she just had a headset on.

• 15:56Hannah Berner?

  You definitely.

• 15:57Paige DeSorbo?

  She's working custom.

• 15:58Hannah Berner?

  She's just like, sorry, I have to take this. Um, no, Tampa's gonna get sued. That's crazy.

• 16:03Paige DeSorbo?

  It was just, I just thought it was so crazy.

• 16:05Hannah Berner?

  Also, who in the, in the meeting was like, I have a really good idea?

• 16:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Also, you're dealing with Florida, like that's gonna backfire. All the Cookie Monster pajama girls from high school are gonna band together.

• 16:16Hannah Berner?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, they're gonna like, they're somewhere getting their nails done together and they're coming for you.

• 16:22Hannah Berner?

  You know what makes me uncomfortable when you go to an airport and men are wearing cowboy boots? Why are you in full drag at the airport?

• 16:28Paige DeSorbo?

  With a mini heel. That's a heel.

• 16:29Hannah Berner?

  A fucking heel and then a hat. So then I'm there with.

• 16:33Paige DeSorbo?

  I can't see.

• 16:33Hannah Berner?

  You can't see anything. You're wearing your hat. Why are you in full?

• 16:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Can't even see the gate numbers because your hat is so big.

• 16:39Hannah Berner?

  Literally.

• 16:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Here's my question. What were they doing with the Crocs that they had to be banned? Like, were they taking them off and throwing them? Like what? They can go sport mode. I can't see that there was ever a problem with people wearing Crocs.

• 16:53Hannah Berner?

  The one thing with Crocs is because they're rubber, sometimes against the like flooring, it would like, I would like squeak.

• 17:02Hannah Berner?

  But not really. I would like, I would like trip a little sometimes.

• 17:04Paige DeSorbo?

  You're like our legit infield reporter.

• 17:07Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, as someone who's been on the ground and tried it out. However, I am one of those people in the morning, I don't wanna wear like tie shoes in the morning. I want Velcro or slip it on.

• 17:18Paige DeSorbo?

  No, we've seen.

• 17:19Hannah Berner?

  That's why I love Crocs.

• 17:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 17:21Hannah Berner?

  What if you're, I'm on a comedy tour and I brought one comfy outfit and Crocs to travel in? What are they gonna say? You can't do your show tonight because you showed up in Crocs?

• 17:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, that's my question. How are you differentiating what's a pajama pant and what's like a sweat pant?

• 17:35Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, what are you, and what are you telling people they have to go back to where they came from?

• 17:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, the only situation I could see is like, if someone tried to get on a flight and they were dressed like extremely inappropriate and provocatively. Like, then may, okay. But I feel like there's even been stories where girls are like in leggings and people have been like, you can't get on this flight or something. Honestly, you should be worried about the drunk men that get on these goddamn flights a little bit more than what the girls are wearing. There's so many flights where I can't believe people have even been allowed to get on the plane.

• 18:09Hannah Berner?

  I was with my mom flying from Toronto and she looked at me and she was like, you know, people are drinking right now. And, and it was 9 a.m. and I was like, I go, you know, I think some people get flight anxiety. And she goes, no, I think they're just,

• 18:23Hannah Berner?

  I think they're just having fun being hammered. And this was a Monday.

• 18:27Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, I didn't realize that until I was like well into my twenties that people get like hammered on flights.

• 18:36Hannah Berner?

  Well, I had my experience when I was sitting with a woman who was blackout on a flight.

• 18:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 18:42Hannah Berner?

  Who I, I haven't reached out to. And every now and then I'm afraid she's gonna come out of nowhere and be like, why haven't you texted me?

• 18:50Paige DeSorbo?

  One time I was dating a guy and in my defense, I didn't know he was a drug addict because he was like a good one.

• 18:55Hannah Berner?

  We've all been there. No, sometimes you do it subtly.

• 18:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I did. I had no idea.

• 19:00Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, yep, mhm, same.

• 19:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Until. We got on a flight one time and while we're whilst on the flight, I was like falling asleep like I'm coherent, but my eyes are closed. Like if anyone's around, I'm asleep. And I heard him talking to the people next to us and he was just lying, just like lying about everything. And it was on that trip that I realized that he had not gone to bed from the night before and he was in fact a drug addict. And he got so hammered on the flight. I actually feel like security got involved at some point, but I like stayed asleep.

• 19:37Hannah Berner?

  Wait, that is so you to like, someone's getting arrested and you're just closing your eyes.

• 19:44Paige DeSorbo?

  I straight up narglupsy.

• 19:45Hannah Berner?

  You wake up, you're like, where is he?

• 19:46Paige DeSorbo?

  What happened?

• 19:48Hannah Berner?

  Someone's like, does anyone know this man? And you're like, let him pipe for yourself. Um, I do think traveling with your significant other is important. You learn a lot.

• 19:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 19:58Hannah Berner?

  You learn a lot.

• 19:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I think it's really important. I've never had like, well, one time someone tried to leave me in Paris. Honestly, I digress.

• 20:06Hannah Berner?

  That sounds like iconic though. Someone left you in Paris. They could have left you in Atlantic City.

• 20:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 20:15Hannah Berner?

  I have a quick PSA for the gigglers. I found the ultimate hack, Gatorade Lower Sugar. No artificial flavors, sweeteners or colors, and it has 75% less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular Gatorade. It's the biggest life hack ever. I'm a Gatorade girly. I've been drinking it my whole life. And some would argue I don't always need more sugar in my life, so this is perfect and it's great for when you're sweaty. Paige, have you ever sweat before?

• 20:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, I'm so glad we're bringing this to the forefront and I hope my mother is listening to this because all growing up, my brother got to drink Gatorade all the time. And I'd be like, Mom, can I have Gatorade? And she'd be like, you don't play sports. And now in my adult life, I actually do play extreme sports because I've flown to Fiji, worn suede, sweat so badly that I literally dropped to the ground.

• 21:05Hannah Berner?

  Also, I've been to one of your fittings. You try on 40 to 50 outfits in record time.

• 21:11Paige DeSorbo?

  That's an extreme sport.

• 21:13Hannah Berner?

  Extreme sport.

• 21:14Paige DeSorbo?

  There's always Gatorade in my refrigerator because you never know. I go on a brisk walk. I'm like, I need to, I need electrolytes. I need to hydrate. I need something more than water.

• 21:23Hannah Berner?

  And I used to, you know, be running around the tennis court, but now I'm running my mouth doing stand up. And that's why I always have Gatorade Lower Sugar in my green room to prepare because. This is Sports Podcast. We are athletes.

• 21:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I won't sweat through my clothes, but like it's happening where you'll just like you'll full on sweat through. It's almost like a badge of honor.

• 21:45Hannah Berner?

  Oh, yeah. And did you know that Gatorade lower sugar actually hydrates better than water? And we know that because we're women in STEM.

• 21:53Paige DeSorbo?

  And my favorite flavor, this is the lemonade. If you know anything about me, one of my favorite phrases is let's get a lemonade. Like in the summer, I'm like, what if we got like an icy lemonade? And so I always grab a lemonade flavor.

• 22:08Hannah Berner?

  I think that a classic flavor, when you think about Gatorade, what do you think of? Gatorade fruit punch. Nothing hits the tongue quite like it. And you immediately think of like at recess with your friends, having the best time.

• 22:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Some people say the colors and some people say the flavors. And that's just like a Gatorade thing, you know?

• 22:30Hannah Berner?

  In the comments, which girl are you? Do you call Gatorade by the color or the real name? Or its government name?

• 22:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I bet the gigglers are very split because I'm a color girly and I feel like you're a flavor.

• 22:41Hannah Berner?

  I'm a government name because I don't mess around when it comes to my Gatorade.

• 22:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Like you put their first and last name in your contacts.

• 22:50Hannah Berner?

  I also love Rainberry and I got the big lemonade.

• 22:54Paige DeSorbo?

  It's really good.

• 22:55Hannah Berner?

  I'm about to have a hydrating day with lower sugar.

• 22:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Whether you're sweating through a workout set or your Daphne pajamas, you're an athlete. Act accordingly and rehydrate with Gatorade lower sugar. It's giving 75% less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular Gatorade. You'll be looking and feeling like your best, most hydrated self.

• 23:14Hannah Berner?

  Guys are wearing ballet flats now. Well, Harry Styles and some other guys who are more fashion forward, but like they're wearing ballet flats.

• 23:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you see Rosalía got asked a question? What's her favorite thing about men? And she said that they're gay.

• 23:27Hannah Berner?

  Rosalía's a giggler.

• 23:28Paige DeSorbo?

  That's my president.

• 23:31Hannah Berner?

  That's my religion.

• 23:33Paige DeSorbo?

  That was so real.

• 23:35Hannah Berner?

  I love Rosalía. You know, she's my style icon.

• 23:38Paige DeSorbo?

  What brand? I want to know who's responsible for this. And when you say ballet flat, like,

• 23:45Hannah Berner?

  like Harry Styles is wearing like a bell bottom with a ballet flat.

• 23:50Paige DeSorbo?

  With like a tabby?

• 23:52Hannah Berner?

  Not a tabby, which by the way, I need to get in on those tabbies.

• 23:55Paige DeSorbo?

  I can't believe you haven't.

• 23:56Hannah Berner?

  It just hasn't. I don't, I feel like, cause I'm scared.

• 24:00Paige DeSorbo?

  It's so you.

• 24:01Hannah Berner?

  Cause I also don't underst- a tabby for you guys don't just, don't know, it's when you look like a hoof.

• 24:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 24:07Hannah Berner?

  Do you have to get a special sock for that? The admin is actually stressing me out.

• 24:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Honey, I don't know. I've never looked into a tabby.

• 24:13Hannah Berner?

  Honey.

• 24:14Paige DeSorbo?

  They, my assistant wears them all the time, but, but that's her style. That's like her vibe. Like they do look cute, but I just like, in the back of my head, I have my mom being like, just because it's expensive, doesn't mean it looks good.

• 24:27Hannah Berner?

  Oh, that's why I haven't done it. Cause I think they're expensive.

• 24:29Paige DeSorbo?

  They're expensive.

• 24:30Hannah Berner?

  And I'm like, I'm not paying more for less of a shoe. You cut the shoe in half.

• 24:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like.

• 24:35Hannah Berner?

  On the top.

• 24:36Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm really upset about the men wearing ballet flats, though. Can we have anything? We can't have a single thing. We can't even go on hot girl walks anymore. They like wanna go on walks.

• 24:45Hannah Berner?

  Men are going on walks?

• 24:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, they're going on walks together. Who knows?

• 24:48Hannah Berner?

  I thought, that, that was.

• 24:49Paige DeSorbo?

  They've already taken us down. Like, I don't know what else.

• 24:52Hannah Berner?

  That's what golf is. Just men walking and like hitting bad shots and then telling each other it was a good enough shot.

• 24:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Now they're like walking around and talking. The last thing we need is them talking to each other.

• 25:01Hannah Berner?

  Chris, are you guys talking?

• 25:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Have any of your friends asked you to go on a walk?

• 25:05Speaker 03

  No, I go on walks sometimes though.

• 25:07Paige DeSorbo?

  By yourself?

• 25:07Hannah Berner?

  Alone?

• 25:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that's good. No, but I think that's better than them getting together and walking.

• 25:12Hannah Berner?

  True, but I also don't like when a guy's alone. I'm like, where are you going? And what are you planning?

• 25:17Paige DeSorbo?

  What are you up to?

• 25:19Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 25:20Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't like when they get together like that.

• 25:22Hannah Berner?

  When there's two, I don't mind, cause I feel like they're, they're like obsessed with each other. Like they're gay.

• 25:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, they offset each other.

• 25:27Hannah Berner?

  But when there's three.

• 25:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Three or more, you got a problem.

• 25:29Hannah Berner?

  You got a problem, cause one of them is doing something.

• 25:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Three or more, something illegal is happening.

• 25:33Hannah Berner?

  Also, I talk about this in my standup, but do you know like in your college and in your twenties, when you'd go over to a guy's apartment, why are there always seventeen dudes playing FIFA? Like, when, and that's the worst, like.

• 25:48Paige DeSorbo?

  I think it's them being nervous. It's them needing emotional support without ever saying like, hey, I need like, I'm nervous. Like this girl's coming over. It's more like.

• 25:58Hannah Berner?

  And then in front of them.

• 25:59Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm gonna have this girl come over. And it's also performing for them. Like, look how much this girl likes me.

• 26:03Hannah Berner?

  I'm about to dick down this girl. Like, but then I'm like, this isn't a fucking performance. Like, I came here to, I don't even know if, I don't even know what to do. Like, I don't even know why I'm here. And suddenly I'm having to like. Walk into your bedroom and do a fucking walk of shame before I even did anything. Also, I'm giving you a bad handjob. Like, this isn't gonna be a thing.

• 26:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Can I just say, because like I'm no better than a man, I thrived in those situations.

• 26:27Hannah Berner?

  What would you do?

• 26:27Paige DeSorbo?

  I loved them. They were like my, that, that was like my college experience. Cause I was like, guess what? Also, I'm funny, but you didn't see that one coming.

• 26:37Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, I just, it was like, tell me who all's gonna be there before I show up. Um, also, cause in your head, you're like, this is gonna be so romantic. Like, he's gonna be waiting for me with candles.

• 26:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 26:49Hannah Berner?

  And a glass of wine. And then you walk in and it's just eight guys being like, are you Sarah? And you're like, no, that's not my name. That's not my name. And then I'm like, oh yeah, you, like, I know what, I know that guy. I've seen him on Facebook. You're fucking a rat. You, I don't like you.

• 27:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you have any guy college friends? Like now in your thirties?

• 27:10Hannah Berner?

  Well, my college experience, cause it was in Wisconsin, like everyone lives in Chicago, or they were like four in on the tennis teams. But I keep in touch with a lot of them, like virtually.

• 27:19Paige DeSorbo?

  I couldn't name one of them. Maybe I could name one of them.

• 27:22Hannah Berner?

  We were like close with the tennis guys.

• 27:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I've never formed a real friendship with a man. Like, I,

• 27:32Paige DeSorbo?

  that's actually untrue. I have, I have friendships with, I would say I have friendships with like two men. That I really have a legitimate friendship with, but I'm not even talking to them. And if anything, I'm now, I'm talking to their wives.

• 27:47Hannah Berner?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 27:49Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, like I'm not.

• 27:50Hannah Berner?

  I do have to say, I thrive with the audience too. Now that I'm looking back, I think girls, when you walk in and you see those men and you get scared, cause you're like, what are they planning? Am I gonna be kidnapped right now? Instead, you take control. This isn't a time for them to diminish you or whatever.

• 28:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, they're actually way more nervous.

• 28:06Hannah Berner?

  They're so nervous, that's why they need to be together. I, I remember.

• 28:10Paige DeSorbo?

  It's kind of like a spider. Like, it's scared of you, you're not scared of it.

• 28:15Hannah Berner?

  I remember when I started to become powerful, cause the male athletes were scary and they were like the shit on campus. Like, they were literally celebrities. Like, when they're walking to school, like everyone's like, there's the quarterback, whatever. And the women's teams were training with the men's teams. And I remember, I had, I got hit by a car. I digress. And I.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  That is the epitome of Giggly Squad. You're telling a story, but like you add in a sentence.

• 28:47Hannah Berner?

  Say the most traumatic thing you've ever heard.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  We'll actually get back to that.

• 28:50Hannah Berner?

  But there was a lot of times where you'd have to just walk in front of like the entire football team or the entire hockey team.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  When you got hit by a car, did you fall to the ground?

• 28:57Hannah Berner?

  I was chucked up in the air, landed on my back with a backpack. Apparently saved my life and I was just like lying there and then stayed there because it was quite nice to just lie there for a second. Oh, you think it's funny? He was funny, you almost lost me. Giggly Squad wouldn't have been a thing.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  In my head, I'm picturing it like grazing you and you being like, oh.

• 29:14Hannah Berner?

  It was like, dang.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  That's terrifying.

• 29:18Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, so anyway, back to me. I, no, I did, there's a thing called box jumps where you had to jump onto a box. And the whole men's hockey team was like on bikes. And I was like, for whatever reason, alone, scared, doing box jumps.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Box jumping.

• 29:34Hannah Berner?

  And I jumped and just like rammed into.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Nothing to see here, just jumping on my boxes.

• 29:39Hannah Berner?

  Just let me jump on my box. I jumped and like, I was trying to show off and of course, like I hit my shin and started bleeding. I fell, it was like a whole thing, but this is what.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  How hard were these boxes?

• 29:49Hannah Berner?

  Oh my God, they're like hard boxes, yeah. But, and then there was this one time where like I started dating this football guy. And I was walking through the gym and like four of his friends were there and I guess I was like, they knew I started seeing him. They were like Hannah, but they didn't know I was crying because I just found out about a family member who was sick. So I had to be like.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  So many parts to this story.

• 30:14Hannah Berner?

  But then, this was my like, this was my moment where I think it shaped who I am as a person and why I love comedy now. And making fun of men.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Really getting to the crux of it and your entire personality.

• 30:25Hannah Berner?

  You never have to be embarrassed in front of men. You were in control. I'd been hit by a car, I was maimed. I was down for the count and I think me and this football guy were like now not talking that much. They put you in this little pool.

• 30:40Hannah Berner?

  As rehab where you run on a treadmill that's in a pool.

• 30:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Honestly, I should get that for Kitty.

• 30:46Hannah Berner?

  So all, so your, so your weight is like lifted, so you put so much weight on it. So I'm at this little pool in my, I guess I'm wearing like shorts and a sports bra. And like, this is intimate and I'm also like probably crying and all the football guys are lined up on bikes, like right, watching me do this. So it's like so annoying. And one of them is like my fucking ex-situationship and I'm like, cool, amazing. So I get out and I'm just like soaking wet.

• 31:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, you're like, hi, this is me.

• 31:15Hannah Berner?

  Barely wearing any clothes.

• 31:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Hannah Berner?

  Like eyes probably swollen from crying. And I'm walking by and he decides to say something.

• 31:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Like?

• 31:24Hannah Berner?

  Like something like looking good or something like that. And I just look at him, I say, don't be a creep. And everyone starts dying laughing like, ooh. And I remember like feeling so powerful and being like, as long as I'm funnier than them, they could never get to me. Like you tried to make me feel awkward in front of all you guys, you'd be fucking awkward.

• 31:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Been giving you a compliment.

• 31:44Hannah Berner?

  I don't care. I don't care. No, but also don't, don't fucking.

• 31:49Paige DeSorbo?

  How dare me?

• 31:50Hannah Berner?

  Don't, don't fucking sexualize me. I'm a female athlete trying to recover from a car accident. And you're trying in front of your boys, show off that you're like, yeah, nice ass.

• 32:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 32:00Hannah Berner?

  No, you're a fucking creep, you're losers, and I don't want your affection.

• 32:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Or attention.

• 32:06Hannah Berner?

  Or attention.

• 32:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Fuck you and the Tampa airport.

• 32:09Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, literally fuck the Tampa airport, which I think I have to fly in soon. What if my face is just like, they just tackle me the second I get there?

• 32:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Immediately banned.

• 32:18Hannah Berner?

  They go, she's been promoting Crocs.

• 32:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Never did I think ever that I would be single-handedly standing up for the Croc community. I was like, hey, I may not agree with them, but they have the right to express themselves the way they see fit.

• 32:36Hannah Berner?

  Cause they're different, doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong.

• 32:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Exactly. Just because they're different and I don't like it, doesn't mean they need to change.

• 32:44Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 32:45Paige DeSorbo?

  And that accepting of all people.

• 32:48Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 32:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Whether or not they were Crocs.

• 32:50Hannah Berner?

  A hundred percent. And that's the policy we stand on.

• 32:55Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, autumn in New York is the season where we can finally start dressing again. Every single thing is an excuse to put on a look. Going to work? Outfit. Leading a meeting? Outfit. Getting drinks with your friends? Obviously outfit. And as we all know, every great outfit starts from the feet up. That is why I'm currently obsessed with alleys from Sam Edelman. They're a ballet flat, but a little something extra for fall. A contrasting velvet cap toe, I have them in this gorgeous azure blue, which is like a dusty muted blue that somehow goes with everything, even Daphne's eyes. They're so cute, and I'm already envisioning my next outfit. Straight leg jeans, an oversized blazer, and a little shoulder bag. Very, I just threw this on, when we all know I absolutely did not. And Hannah is loving hers too.

• 33:39Paige DeSorbo?

  She has the Michaela, which is Sam Edelman's take on a Mary Jane. And this season, it comes in the chicest leopard. So gorge, so easy, and exactly the kind of shoe that makes an otherwise basic outfit look like you actually tried. And there's so much more coming from Sam Edelman this fall beyond these two. Like the new Teigan and Tallulah pumps, plus ready-to-wear handbags, fragrances, and even a new men's collection. So basically, you can make sure both you and your man are looking good for date night. Because we're not doing all that getting dressed just to let him show up in a t-shirt. Head to samedelman.com and get 15% off with code GIGGLY15. This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel and Afegato.

• 34:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day. I have one of these moments, oh, I don't know, every day around 2 o'clock. Whether that's making a pick-me-up coffee, or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's Salted Caramel and Afegato Creme Bars available now. I absolutely love a treat-yourself moment in the middle of the day, and this is a classic Hershey's Milk Chocolate layered with a Salted Caramel or Afegato Creme filling. So it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate.

• 35:02Paige DeSorbo?

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• 35:47Paige DeSorbo?

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• 36:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Giggly Squad, as we know, is a sports podcast, but it's also a mental health podcast. And if you've ever had intrusive thoughts, you're not alone. For millions of people, it's not just anxiety. That's OCD, and most of them have no idea. Real OCD is persistent, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character, along with mental or physical behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief. And these thoughts can feel very real, which makes them so upsetting. OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. It needs ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy, proven to be the most effective treatment. NoCD is the world's leading provider of OCD treatment, covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. Licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy

• 37:09Paige DeSorbo?

  in live, face-to-face, virtual sessions with support between sessions so you're never facing OCD alone. If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NoCD can help. Book a free 15-minute call to get started at learn.noCD.com/giggly.

• 37:26Hannah Berner?

  Anyway, have you been eating tin fish?

• 37:32Hannah Berner?

  We don't even try to have segues anymore.

• 37:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm so fucking happy you brought up this tin fish.

• 37:40Hannah Berner?

  Oh my god, tell.

• 37:41Paige DeSorbo?

  I haven't eaten it, but their packaging is adorable.

• 37:46Hannah Berner?

  Well, you're thinking of Fishwife, very cute.

• 37:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Their marketing is so cute, but what is it? Why is everyone obsessed with it? What kind of fish is that? All kinds?

• 37:54Hannah Berner?

  Good question. So apparently, this could be completely wrong, but like in Portugal and in Italy and Spain, they have these cans of like smoked fish. That they like sardines and they also have like octopus, they have all kinds of fish. So my brother calls me and my brother's like, I'm obsessed with tin fish. And I'm like, tell me why?

• 38:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Sounds like a great like band name or like really cool men's brand. Like, oh my god, like tin fish.

• 38:25Hannah Berner?

  Tin fish, yeah, it sounds like a rapper.

• 38:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 38:28Hannah Berner?

  A DJ, DJ Tin Fish.

• 38:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, Tin Fish and 50 Cent did like a song together.

• 38:36Hannah Berner?

  Tin Fish Remix.

• 38:38Paige DeSorbo?

  They did a DJ Tin Fish.

• 38:40Hannah Berner?

  I miss when they used to yell the producer in the beginning of songs.

• 38:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Why are we not giving him credit anymore?

• 38:44Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 38:46Paige DeSorbo?

  What happened to DJ Mustard? I've been wondering for years what happened to Mustard.

• 38:51Hannah Berner?

  A can of young cheesy, um, let's take it easy. Yeah, I want to know who's producing it. It was like the Walt Disney would be like in the beginning, in the production company. Let us know, give credit where credit is due. Also, do you remember when every pop star used to just have a random rapper for 30 seconds at the end of the song?

• 39:10Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know why immediately popping into my head is Paul Wall. And, um, what is Hulk Hogan's daughter, Brooke Hogan?

• 39:18Hannah Berner?

  That song is so good. One of my favorite songs ever. Saying nothing, everybody talking.

• 39:24Paige DeSorbo?

  I really thought that like.

• 39:25Hannah Berner?

  He's around.

• 39:26Paige DeSorbo?

  But not in the rap capacity?

• 39:28Hannah Berner?

  Well, he's not singing opera.

• 39:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Right, but like he had two ma- two or three major songs. And then one day he was just like, adios. And we never saw him again, like you didn't know.

• 39:40Hannah Berner?

  He's with Jack Harlow somewhere.

• 39:41Paige DeSorbo?

  That like the last time you listened to one of his songs was really going to be the last time you ever saw him.

• 39:46Speaker 02

  And I hate to get emotional, but.

• 39:48Hannah Berner?

  But also, I hate, we haven't looked it up. He's probably been like making a lot of music and it just hasn't crossed our desks.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Chris, do me a favor and look up.

• 39:56Hannah Berner?

  Chris, are you texting during the pod?

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Paul Wall's big bibliography. What's he doing?

• 40:01Hannah Berner?

  What's he up to?

• 40:02Speaker 03

  I got you.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  I'm Googling exactly that. Not a lot to work with here.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  I feel like he almost might have gotten out of the industry because something happened to him.

• 40:13Hannah Berner?

  Or maybe he just did well and was like, I've said what I need to say.

• 40:18Hannah Berner?

  I've made all the rhymes I can make.

• 40:21Hannah Berner?

  He's performing this weekend.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  We're at.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  I'm so proud of him.

• 40:25Hannah Berner?

  I think he's from Houston.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Wait, I'm so proud of him.

• 40:29Hannah Berner?

  Performing at the State Fair of West Virginia. He's at the State Fair of West Virginia. Get Glaze's glow support.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  He's got a custom jewelry business, too.

• 40:35Hannah Berner?

  He's a custom jewelry business for grills?

• 40:37Speaker 02

  I really didn't see him as the state fair circuit.

• 40:40Hannah Berner?

  He goes, he does bracelets now.

• 40:43Hannah Berner?

  Anyway, so tin fish.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:45Hannah Berner?

  What's great about it, and I don't work for tin fish, by the way. But my brother told me that like the minerals and vitamins are incredible. And my mom, who was a dietitian, always told me like, at the end of the day, it's best to like actually eat your minerals and vitamins, like.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Rather than like taking a vitamin?

• 41:03Hannah Berner?

  Taking a vitamin or like just fucking eat a vegetable.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  Eat a whole, whole food.

• 41:09Hannah Berner?

  So these fish have incredible vitamins and minerals and the oils with it are really, really healthy for you, for your skin.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  You're just opening it, taking it, eating it, or you're putting it on?

• 41:19Hannah Berner?

  Great question. So you could put it like as part of a charcuterie plate. You could, it's a great like healthy lunch to just like open one up. They have salmon, all this stuff. They have ones that are really spicy.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Wait, Kitty was loves this.

• 41:33Hannah Berner?

  Kitty, oh my God, tin fish for the cats.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  We need a tin fish collab.

• 41:39Hannah Berner?

  We need to do tin fish for cats. Um, wait Kitty was, and it like really cute decorated. Yeah, true.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  I think they've invented it.

• 41:48Hannah Berner?

  They invented it.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  And it's cat food.

• 41:52Paige DeSorbo?

  We're like, don't put that in the pod because let's ruminate on that one. And it's literally just fancy feast food. It's like, yep, nope, the scientists have cracked it.

• 42:01Hannah Berner?

  Let's call it fancy your feast.

• 42:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Fancy your, fancy your feast.

• 42:05Hannah Berner?

  But you also can put it in a stew. You could put it, you could put it in a pasta. Actually, I haven't, I haven't eaten it.

• 42:14Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't want to ever put it in a pasta.

• 42:16Hannah Berner?

  So this is the thing, my brother's been obsessed with it and trying it.

• 42:19Paige DeSorbo?

  What's his favorite fish?

• 42:21Hannah Berner?

  He's been trying everything.

• 42:22Paige DeSorbo?

  He's been trying all the tins.

• 42:23Hannah Berner?

  But Lois, my daughter, hates the smell of it. So she keeps going, pew daddy, it smells, it smells. So Lois hates the tin fish movement, but, but Daniel is like.

• 42:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I would hate it too, I think, if I were Lois.

• 42:40Hannah Berner?

  It's really, it can be really strong smelling.

• 42:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you have to refrigerate it?

• 42:45Hannah Berner?

  I think if there's an apocalypse, all the tin fish girlies are gonna survive.

• 42:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Or it, I was gonna say, is it like tuna where it's like you can keep it in the cabinet?

• 42:52Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, you don't have to put it in the fridge. Also, I should triple check that before I like give all the girls E. coli. Everyone's like, I listened to Giggly Squad and I got E. coli from an octopus.

• 43:06Hannah Berner?

  So double check that, but I do think if you are into like sushi or you're into like fish, you like tin fish.

• 43:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Are you gonna try it? Cause I don't know if I'm gonna.

• 43:17Hannah Berner?

  So I went to this restaurant, I think it's called.

• 43:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Tin Fish?

• 43:20Hannah Berner?

  In LA, it's called like Fish Wife or something. I've talked about it before on the pod and you can get this whole like tinned fish charcuterie spread. And you could put it on bread. So if you want to explore new palettes, you can try it out.

• 43:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Does your mom eat it?

• 43:36Hannah Berner?

  You will do anything my mom does.

• 43:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I just like, I look up to her.

• 43:39Hannah Berner?

  She's very, she's very fit and healthy.

• 43:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, she's so healthy.

• 43:43Hannah Berner?

  Um, I have to double check. I'll ask her. I don't want to speak for her.

• 43:46Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Hannah Berner?

  And her ways.

• 43:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Please don't speak on her name.

• 43:50Hannah Berner?

  This also could be totally made up because it's from the internet and I actually can't trust anything I'm seeing on the internet lately. Like it's becoming really chaotic.

• 43:58Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I'm a 65 year old woman. I'm like, is that AI?

• 44:02Hannah Berner?

  Well, now things that are in AI, I'm like, that's AI. And people are like, no, that's the world right now. And I'm like, that has to be AI. Apparently they, they invented an underwear that's like a fart tracker. For people to see like how your body is processing foods and stuff. For people to be like, do you have IBS, whatever? How, this again, could be totally false, but-

• 44:23Paige DeSorbo?

  We have no funding for women's health. You hit menopause and they literally say, why don't you just kill yourself? But yet, they're tracking farts? No, we've truly lost it as a society.

• 44:40Hannah Berner?

  They definitely just use men for the study. How many farts do you think the average person is farting based on this study?

• 44:46Paige DeSorbo?

  In a day?

• 44:47Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 44:47Paige DeSorbo?

  In a 24 hour period?

• 44:49Hannah Berner?

  And they said it's higher than any like previous reports that people told. Like people said like, oh, I fart this amount. What's the actual amount?

• 44:58Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, I would say that people are farting like five times a day.

• 45:03Hannah Berner?

  Thirty-two.

• 45:04Paige DeSorbo?

  I am not farting thirty-two times a day.

• 45:06Hannah Berner?

  And the second I saw that number, if that's true, I was like, Paige is holding in thirty-two farts a day?

• 45:11Paige DeSorbo?

  More. I'm probably holding in weeks.

• 45:16Hannah Berner?

  I've, I, I, I definitely fart thirty-two times a day.

• 45:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Thirty-two?

• 45:21Hannah Berner?

  Not like big ones, but I feel like every now and then there's just a little air comes out.

• 45:26Paige DeSorbo?

  You're farting once in a, like more than once an hour?

• 45:29Hannah Berner?

  I think there's some hours that are particularly hotter than other hours. Like I have some quiet hours, but then I have some crazy hours.

• 45:38Paige DeSorbo?

  We're doing quiet hours here.

• 45:39Hannah Berner?

  Some fi- firework hours and then should be quiet. I mean, also then when you're sleeping.

• 45:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, and what is it? Is it underwear that you're wearing and it's tracking it?

• 45:49Hannah Berner?

  It's tracking it.

• 45:49Paige DeSorbo?

  That seems like radiation. Uh, there's something about it. I'm not loving that.

• 45:53Hannah Berner?

  Hydrogen.

• 45:53Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like I'd get a UTI.

• 45:56Hannah Berner?

  Oh, for sure.

• 45:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Something is not saying wrong.

• 45:58Hannah Berner?

  Are you wearing cotton underwear for your UTIs?

• 46:02Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:03Hannah Berner?

  Every now and then I get a message.

• 46:05Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I'm still UTI free.

• 46:07Hannah Berner?

  Oh, my God.

• 46:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Hannah Berner?

  Us Weekly. Where's that?

• 46:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Where are you guys? Where are you?

• 46:13Hannah Berner?

  You, you, you embarrass a woman and then when she solves the problem, you still make it seem like everyone, she's out to die.

• 46:20Paige DeSorbo?

  They're on to the next thing.

• 46:21Hannah Berner?

  They're on to next thing.

• 46:22Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I'm, I don't want to jinx it, but yeah, I should have gotten in one in February.

• 46:26Hannah Berner?

  The problem with press is they love a good headline.

• 46:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 46:29Hannah Berner?

  But then they don't check if it's true and then they don't like give an update when things have evolved. So people just remember the horrible thing and they're never like, but?

• 46:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  She's taken care of her health and she's in a better place now.

• 46:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Thank you for taking a stand.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  What are you up to this weekend?

• 46:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my god, we never ask each other that question.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  That was so weird.

• 46:51Paige DeSorbo?

  What is a weekend when you're over thirty-one?

• 46:53Speaker 02

  You could say thirty.

• 46:54Paige DeSorbo?

  You can still dabble. No, because thirty, you can still dabble.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  But you can say thirty-two, you're thirty-two.

• 46:58Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm thirty-three. Well, if you're thirty-four.

• 47:01Speaker 02

  That's my age.

• 47:03Paige DeSorbo?

  A woman never says her age. I love being thirty-three, though. What am I doing this weekend? Literally nothing.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm in Indian Wells.

• 47:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  I wish you could come. You'd have fun for like two hours.

• 47:17Paige DeSorbo?

  What is Indian Wells?

• 47:18Speaker 02

  So it's, you know, there's the grand slams? There's four grand slams.

• 47:23Paige DeSorbo?

  For what?

• 47:24Speaker 02

  For tennis.

• 47:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  You're like, what's your name? What planet are we on?

• 47:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, sometimes you're talking about March Madness. There's just so many things.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  There's a lot of sports. You're very overwhelmed. There's a lot of sports been thrown at you in the last couple of months.

• 47:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you see Tom Brady called Logan Paul a bitch?

• 47:39Speaker 02

  The men are fighting.

• 47:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Why am I on Tom Brady TikTok? I don't know.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  It's giving Real Housewives.

• 47:43Paige DeSorbo?

  It's literally giving Real Housewives.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Calling a man a bitch is really funny. Let's call more men bitches.

• 47:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, I do. I think I hit my quota. I'm Ben's calling them bitches.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  I love that. I never call men bitches.

• 47:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you want to know one of, um...

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Because it's also kind of calling them like a mean girl, calling a guy a bitch, which is so funny.

• 48:04Paige DeSorbo?

  One of my favorite insults to one of my boyfriends, because it would like really piss them off, was I would call him one of his friend's names because he like low-key would like beef with this, like he would beef with this friend.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  So he'd be like, that friend was right?

• 48:20Paige DeSorbo?

  No, and I would just be like, okay, you know who you're acting like?

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 48:24Paige DeSorbo?

  And so like if we'd get into a fight, I'd be like, oh, yeah, okay. And then like say the name and he'd be like, that's not, that's not what I'm acting like. And I'm like, seems like you are. And then like say his name again.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  Once you know a man's triggers.

• 48:37Paige DeSorbo?

  You have to get niche with it.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. You can't generalize. Every guy is a new opportunity to find out.

• 48:43Paige DeSorbo?

  If I did a nickel for every time I called the guy a loser, I'd be like, oh, god.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  You love that line.

• 48:46Paige DeSorbo?

  I love that.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  That just comes out with...

• 48:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, it gets them really upset. They really don't like being called losers.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  No, when I first heard you call a guy that, I was like, that was iconic.

• 48:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I say it deep. Like I could say the whole sentence.

• 49:00Hannah Berner?

  You make the word fifteen minutes. You go, you're a loser.

• 49:05Paige DeSorbo?

  You're a loser.

• 49:06Hannah Berner?

  Loser.

• 49:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 49:08Hannah Berner?

  Loser. That's like me saying, shut the fuck up.

• 49:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 49:12Hannah Berner?

  All the girls should now go on Instagram. Go on TikTok and be like, practice calling a guy a loser.

• 49:18Paige DeSorbo?

  You know who I actually got calling a guy a loser from?

• 49:22Hannah Berner?

  Who? Let's give credit where credit is due.

• 49:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Kourtney Kardashian.

• 49:24Hannah Berner?

  Oh, she called Scott a loser?

• 49:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Years and years and years ago, like literally like the first couple of seasons. This could have even been like the first like Take Miami season.

• 49:33Hannah Berner?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:34Paige DeSorbo?

  I distinctly remember her calling him a loser and him getting like really upset by it. But to give credit where credit is due, because I guess that's the theme of this episode. He was an amazing reality TV cast member for that show. Like, obviously that show would have still like been on, but there were a couple of seasons where like, that was the Scott show.

• 49:56Hannah Berner?

  He was the perfect in-between to kind of be like the voice of like what everyone was thinking. Do you think him and Kourtney would have stayed together if they weren't on a reality show?

• 50:06Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because I think ultimately Kourtney, no, I think ultimately Scott had too much of like an addiction.

• 50:13Hannah Berner?

  True.

• 50:14Paige DeSorbo?

  To like going out and drinking and that like, you can get just so beaten down with that just so much until one day you're like, you've actually exhausted me to the point of like, I can't even be around you. I'm so tired. Here's what we don't talk about enough as women. Thinning hair is common and there's something you can actually do about it. Hers gives you access to prescription hair regrowth treatment personalized to you and delivered right to your door. Are you ever looking at photos and part of your hair looks wider than it used to? Or you notice in the mirror, your hair just looking different? And then the shower drain, there's so much hair. Hers is built around the science of hair regrowth. Getting started is simple.

• 50:55Paige DeSorbo?

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• 51:38Paige DeSorbo?

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• 51:42Hannah Berner?

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• 51:56Paige DeSorbo?

  That's why I'm obsessed with Stars and Honey. They basically looked at protein bars and said, hmm, why are we choosing between something that supports our goals and something we actually want to eat? Each bar has 15 grams of protein and only four grams of sugar, but the flavors are giving dessert, honey. Iced lemon cookie, mint chocolate chip, red velvet peanut butter mousse? Hello? Who even knew peanut butter could be a mousse?

• 52:21Hannah Berner?

  Because the best habits are the ones you can actually stick to. And consistency is a lot easier when your better for you snack is actually something you crave. Their standard is literally would you still want to eat it if it weren't a protein bar? And that's the energy I need.

• 52:35Paige DeSorbo?

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• 53:18Paige DeSorbo?

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• 54:03Paige DeSorbo?

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• 54:13Hannah Berner?

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• 54:56Hannah Berner?

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• 55:09Hannah Berner?

  Are you gonna bring the bob back?

• 55:10Speaker 02

  No.

• 55:12Hannah Berner?

  Because I just keep getting all these notifications being like, the Italian bob is in.

• 55:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Who's a bob right now? Who's bobbing around?

• 55:19Hannah Berner?

  Your assistant.

• 55:21Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh yeah, my assistant has a bob. Taylor has a bob.

• 55:24Hannah Berner?

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I bobbed for so long.

• 55:27Hannah Berner?

  You just feel like the, well, you would never go back to that exact bob.

• 55:32Paige DeSorbo?

  I mean, in my lifetime again, will I have a bob? Totally.

• 55:35Hannah Berner?

  Wait, do you know people try to say that like, I hate you because I was telling you to shave your head? And I'm like, sorry, sorry for having a vision.

• 55:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Me making other accounts and commenting, being clearly Hannah has an alpha page. That was me.

• 55:52Hannah Berner?

  If I had your facial structure, I would enjoy having short hair, but I can't pull it off.

• 55:58Paige DeSorbo?

  You believe in me so much.

• 56:01Hannah Berner?

  You're, I see so much for you.

• 56:04Paige DeSorbo?

  And you think I am like truly one of the most gorgeous people ever on the planet, like any alpha, you're like Paige could wear that. Like I literally am your real life, like Barbie doll that sometimes you play with when you're into like clothes and stuff. And then other times you're like.

• 56:20Hannah Berner?

  What if I just?

• 56:23Paige DeSorbo?

  Rip her whole head off.

• 56:24Hannah Berner?

  Oh, you got mad at me recently because I, I love sending Paige vintage clothes to buy. And every now and then, you don't respond, or you'll respond, okay, cute, which like makes my day. And then sometimes you'll get angry and be like, why would you ever send me this?

• 56:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, because sometimes I think you're fucking with me. I'm like, clearly, you couldn't have looked down on your phone, saw this article of clothing and thought, cute. Because if you did, you need your eyes checked.

• 56:49Hannah Berner?

  You, there are, you can pull off a lot of things and you also can set a trend.

• 56:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Thank you.

• 56:55Hannah Berner?

  Like even you wearing all the emerald jewelry, I feel like that, are people doing that?

• 57:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Wearing emerald jewelry?

• 57:02Hannah Berner?

  Like green jewelry?

• 57:04Paige DeSorbo?

  No, but like green, I didn't like invent.

• 57:06Hannah Berner?

  I know, but I could see girls wearing green jewelry, being like, oh, it looked regal.

• 57:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 57:11Hannah Berner?

  So anyway, I just, I, I'm, I'm still sending you stuff. Like, are you okay that I send you stuff?

• 57:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, no, I like it because you want to know what? When you send me stuff of things I should buy, in my head, I go, oh, she's relaxing. Good. She needs to relax right now. She's just like online shopping. So it's like, I know that you're in a state of relaxation.

• 57:30Hannah Berner?

  Shopping online and not buying anything and then sending it to your friends to see if they'd like it.

• 57:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 57:36Hannah Berner?

  Is a form of therapy. It's like sending memes, but like less mind work.

• 57:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. And like sometimes I have to stay true to myself and be like, get this off my goddamn screen.

• 57:45Hannah Berner?

  True, you don't want your algorithm to, if I fuck up your algorithm. You just start getting tabbies.

• 57:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Getting ads for like horrible clothes. I mean, this is Hannah. Hannah literally did this to my algorithm.

• 57:55Hannah Berner?

  But also, I, all of my friends have different love languages and like, I feel like me sending you a light pink Chanel ballet flat.

• 58:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 58:05Hannah Berner?

  Is a form of love. Like, if I could just get you a smile.

• 58:08Paige DeSorbo?

  See, I get you.

• 58:08Hannah Berner?

  And if you bought something, cause I sent it to you, then like.

• 58:11Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like I have.

• 58:13Hannah Berner?

  You have. I mean, but I've sent you a lot.

• 58:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, in the ratio of things sent to bought, not great, but I have bought things.

• 58:21Hannah Berner?

  Paige is a different size than me, so when I'm vintage shopping, I'll be like, that's really cute. Oh no, it's not my size.

• 58:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 58:27Hannah Berner?

  It's Paige's size though, would she like it? And I love feeling like I found something for you.

• 58:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Well, because also you don't like to splurge.

• 58:35Hannah Berner?

  No, I hate a splurge.

• 58:36Paige DeSorbo?

  That's my middle name.

• 58:37Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, I'm like, if I'm not gonna enjoy it, someone else should.

• 58:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 58:40Hannah Berner?

  But that's like you with food. If you're like, I'm not gonna finish this, Hannah should.

• 58:45Paige DeSorbo?

  That's exact, that is exactly it.

• 58:48Hannah Berner?

  You go, I've had enough, this is too much for me, but Hannah will actually treat this how it's supposed to be treated. Also, our silhouettes are so different. I can't buy, if it says mini dress, I can't buy it, cause my butt will be out. And then I'm the one who's inappropriate getting kicked off a plane.

• 59:09Paige DeSorbo?

  Right.

• 59:12Hannah Berner?

  Ma'am, we can see your butt crack. And this is, like, it's the right size for me, but cause I have a big butt, it doesn't, some of these dresses are insane. Like, when you put it on, it's short for you. Imagine if you had your butt pad on.

• 59:27Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, and I love something mini, like if one in doubt, I'm shortening.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  Yes, I've never shortened anything in my life.

• 59:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Honestly, the only thing my tailor ever does is just shorten things for me. Like make it more mini, well, because I love a knee high boot.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  I'll try on clothes and they'll be like, your midriff showing, first of all, don't say midriff to me. Like, just say my belly button's out, but it's not my fault, it's because of my torso. And then they're like, can you not show your stomach? And I'm like, can you get me a full shirt?

• 59:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Now, if Tampa came out and said.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  No midriff?

• 1:00:00Paige DeSorbo?

  No midriff?

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  I'm like, what are we in fucking public school gym?

• 1:00:04Paige DeSorbo?

  I'd actually be more understanding than no pajama pants. Because that's an area of your body that, yeah, you don't, that you wouldn't show your midriff in like a business professional setting.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  But like, what if I like accidentally go to like grab a magazine and my midriff comes out? I love how we're fighting about the midriff rule that isn't made in the Tampa airport. I'm like, well, what if my midriff?

• 1:00:30Paige DeSorbo?

  No, we're literally being Karens on TikToks. We're like, oh, really? You said that? But what about? Have you ever thought of this? It's like, okay, well, I wasn't talking about that.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  I don't want to see a man's butt crack. Why aren't there rules about that? Because I've seen, I've seen more male butt cracks than any person should ever see.

• 1:00:47Paige DeSorbo?

  If you really, yeah, I really feel like if you really want to see like the state of where the country is at, you just have to take like a flight from Florida to New York.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  I thought you were gonna say you just have to look at a man's butt crack.

• 1:00:58Paige DeSorbo?

  No, because like I, there's just no men anymore on the planes. Like the amount of times I've taken my bag off the overhead bin, I'm like, it's insane.

• 1:01:09Paige DeSorbo?

  But they can wear pajama pants? They're already not doing anything. Why do they also need to be comfy?

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Also pajama pants, it's lounge ready to wear, like.

• 1:01:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, just like, I'm really like legally, I'm wondering how they even got the okay to put out that.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Should we take them to small claims court? Like, we don't have anything else to do.

• 1:01:29Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't want to go to court in Florida. I feel like court in Florida is like, did you do it? Okay, like, I don't know. It just feels weird down there.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  When you're getting your hair washed at a salon, do you keep your eyes open or closed?

• 1:01:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Depends who's washing it.

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  Oh, like if you don't trust them?

• 1:01:48Paige DeSorbo?

  No, like if I know them and we're talking, like I'm gonna keep my eyes open, but like. If it's like a new girl and she's really getting in there and I'm really feeling it, like I'm closing my eyes.

• 1:01:59Hannah Berner?

  I feel like even if I'm talking, I'm closing my eyes.

• 1:02:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you wanna know something, though? I haven't been to a salon in years. Because Mitchell just like does my hair literally in my living room now. So like, I don't get a...

• 1:02:11Hannah Berner?

  Salons are a vulnerable place.

• 1:02:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I don't get...

• 1:02:15Hannah Berner?

  Going to a salon, you first of all, you show up and they make you look like a white rat.

• 1:02:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Is it that you spill your guts at a salon?

• 1:02:23Hannah Berner?

  Oh, well, cuz you're so vulnerable, like you're an open wound. You've never looked uglier in that mirror cuz you look like a wet rat.

• 1:02:30Paige DeSorbo?

  And the only place to look is at yourself.

• 1:02:33Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, and then they're doing crazy stuff with the clips to your hair. And then they're like, do you wanna take a photo? And you're like, no, like I've never looked worse. And then a lot of the time, the haircut happens and you're just like, and this is, I'm gonna hate myself for the next three weeks. Thank you, I'm gonna, thank you, I'm gonna pay you now.

• 1:02:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I haven't gone and sat in a salon in a while. But you know what I used to do? This is like so girly of me, and I wonder if you ever did this. When my mom, when I was younger and my mom had to go get her hair done, I would be like hyped. Like, fuck yeah, we're gonna be there for like four hours. I'm gonna look at all these magazines and all these pictures. She's absolutely gonna get me a goddamn snack. Then I'm gonna snack on that, and then I'm gonna walk around the salon. Like, I loved salon days.

• 1:03:20Hannah Berner?

  Paige, I have the most insane story of me visiting my mom at the salon.

• 1:03:26Paige DeSorbo?

  And literally probably getting kicked out.

• 1:03:27Hannah Berner?

  So my nana... Okay, you don't say what I... My nana was going to this guy since like the seventies or eighties. So then, and his name's Lance.

• 1:03:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Of course.

• 1:03:37Hannah Berner?

  In Tribeca.

• 1:03:38Paige DeSorbo?

  What else would his name be?

• 1:03:39Hannah Berner?

  What else would his name be? In Tribeca. So then it was like a thing, like my mom now goes to Lance. And she was like, Hannah, I'm gonna bring you to Lance. And it was like this like big deal. And I wasn't getting my haircut.

• 1:03:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Cut to, it's Lance Bass.

• 1:03:52Paige DeSorbo?

  It's right before NSYNC.

• 1:03:53Hannah Berner?

  But I walk in and like, it's the most gorgeous, cool salon and I think it's so cool because my nana goes here and everyone knows. So she's a local celebrity. Oh, your nana's granddaughter. I must have been. I was young. It'd be hilarious if I was seventeen, but I was like seven or six or five. I don't know. Well, all I remember is apparently I just started rolling around. Like I was like running around, rolling around and I got hair all over me.

• 1:04:22Paige DeSorbo?

  You had no respect for what was taking place in that room.

• 1:04:25Hannah Berner?

  I started freaking out because I got so itchy because I was rolling around. And my mom was like, I'm so sorry. She was really bad at ADHD. And then I was like, Mom, we have to leave. And then they were like trying to like wipe me. I caused a stir.

• 1:04:40Paige DeSorbo?

  I couldn't imagine. I literally, this is one of the reasons I wish that like I knew you when I was little. Because I would see girls like you, like out in the wild or like doing something. And I like would always remember like looking at my mom like, are you getting a load of this girl? Like, and I never did anything like outlandish.

• 1:04:59Hannah Berner?

  Why did I think it would be fun to like literally be a Roomba?

• 1:05:06Hannah Berner?

  And then it was such a horrible experience and I was like, I don't ever want to go back to the salon. That was so scary. I almost died.

• 1:05:12Paige DeSorbo?

  I would sit silently.

• 1:05:14Hannah Berner?

  I think I had gum on me at one point.

• 1:05:15Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm sure. Like my mom would be like under the thing and I would just sit right next to her and like watch her.

• 1:05:20Hannah Berner?

  I think my mom was like, stay here and read a magazine. And after two minutes I was like, I'm fucking like doing parkour.

• 1:05:28Paige DeSorbo?

  You can't lay out.

• 1:05:31Hannah Berner?

  Also, that's where my demons find me. The second I'm still, under the sun.

• 1:05:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I feel like over the summer, like we were like, well, we're gonna like lay out and then like you're down for like literally two seconds and you're like. And also like you're not, you can't like, like I could lay out for hours.

• 1:05:50Hannah Berner?

  I love a walk. That's my prime. Because it's not too much exertion of energy, but I'm also not still where like. Everything from my past comes to the limelight.

• 1:06:02Paige DeSorbo?

  See, I'm timing it. I'm like a rotisserie trick and I'm like, and we're switching, and we're shifting, we're turning.

• 1:06:07Hannah Berner?

  You could, like, what's the longest you could lay out for?

• 1:06:11Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my god. When I was in high school and like, it was like the summer and no one had any responsibilities except like being in high school, I would get out there at like 10 a.m.

• 1:06:21Hannah Berner?

  It was a full-time job.

• 1:06:22Paige DeSorbo?

  And I'm not coming back in till like 4. I'm tracking the UV. Yeah, no, I was like, that was my job. That was my job.

• 1:06:30Hannah Berner?

  Apparently there's a new thing out. It's like a sticker. I don't know if this will be like good or bad, but you put the sticker on and when the sticker evaporates, it means you have to reapply.

• 1:06:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Wow.

• 1:06:40Hannah Berner?

  Based on like the UV. Women in STEM, for sure.

• 1:06:43Paige DeSorbo?

  No, I, I do take sunscreen seriously, though.

• 1:06:47Hannah Berner?

  After the fact.

• 1:06:49Hannah Berner?

  They're like, it's called too late.

• 1:06:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Once I'm the perfect shade, I really take it seriously. Once I've set my base, I'm all about the SPF. Absolutely.

• 1:06:58Hannah Berner?

  My final note is just a PSA. Stop texting people, what are you do, where are you tomorrow? Are you in New York? What are you doing tomorrow?

• 1:07:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, I ask one time.

• 1:07:13Hannah Berner?

  No, but it's like, am I gonna be held hostage?

• 1:07:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Don't ask me to, if I'm available before you've even said what you want me for.

• 1:07:21Hannah Berner?

  Are you, are you subpoenaing me for something? Also, how do you spell subpoena?

• 1:07:26Paige DeSorbo?

  You and I are really on this word subpoena. Hannah and I, every other text, we're like, imagine if our texts ever got subpoenaed.

• 1:07:32Hannah Berner?

  I tried to spell subpoena. It's literally impossible. Subpoena is like, someone is fucking with everyone.

• 1:07:39Paige DeSorbo?

  I always think, I keep thinking about like the Blake Lively, like, whole thing. It's like, okay, there's so many stray friends that are like, are you fucking kidding? Like, I feel like I would be the adjacent friend that like I then became the story, cause it's like her texts were so unhinged. Like now, we don't even care about this lawsuit. It's more about page the server's unhinged insane text messages. Like, I really, I say all the time, I'm like, if you ever get subpoenaed, please delete my number.

• 1:08:08Hannah Berner?

  Every now and then, they'd probably be like, that was funny.

• 1:08:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, the girls would be like, and where's the lie? Where is the goddamn lie? But that would be scary.

• 1:08:17Hannah Berner?

  I still love a funny gif.

• 1:08:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, that's every voice note, too.

• 1:08:21Hannah Berner?

  I love a good gif, a good voice note.

• 1:08:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Voice note makes me feel really safe.

• 1:08:25Hannah Berner?

  Paige goes, yesterday, she goes, can I say something crazy to you?

• 1:08:30Hannah Berner?

  I'm loving it. I'm like, it's 10:00 PM. I'm like, yeah, I'm looking through my gifs. I find one of a chihuahua being like, like a funny chihuahua. And then she tells me something so serious and dark. And it was like that FaceTiming where like your friend calls you and you're like making a funny face and they're crying. I literally goes, I'm so sorry. I didn't read the second text yet. I was sending a gif. And you just started, I sent her a chihuahua getting excited. And then she was like, I don't know if this life is right for me.

• 1:08:57Hannah Berner?

  She's like, I'm questioning my purpose on this planet. And I was like, okay, disregard the gif.

• 1:09:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, that was so funny. I know, that actually made me die laughing in my bed last night.

• 1:09:09Hannah Berner?

  Anyway, thank you guys for giggling with us. We love you so, so much. Um, we're late for our next thing. Actually, we're late. Um, we love you. Talk soon.

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• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Having lots of choices sounds like it would be great. Who doesn't want more flavors of ice cream? It turns out, the answer is us. Too many choices can make us anxious, overwhelmed. I'm Shankar Vedantam, host of the Hidden Brain Podcast and YouTube channel. Each week, Hidden Brain brings you fascinating, science-backed insights about human behavior. So the next time you have to choose, choose Hidden Brain on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or hiddenbrain.org.