How Kippy Met His Wife! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: DraftKings: One app. Every sport. All 50 states. New DraftKings customers, Sign up with code AYG, spend just five bucks, and get two hundred in total rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. That’s code AYG. In partnership with DraftKings. The Crown Is Yours. Quince: https://quince.com/garbage Promo Code: GARBAGE Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://www. RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: GARBAGE Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER, one eight hundred MY RESET. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as Fifty dollar click-to-claims every seven days for twenty-one days. 1 single-use boost per customer per day, expires at the end of the final select game when offered. Valid for select football transactions on the platform for which it's been issued. Terms at d k n g dot c o slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Limited time offer. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, alright gang, I'm talking about that American garbage special from Are You Garbage? Right here September 13th on our YouTube page.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yes, if you don't already subscribe, please subscribe to our YouTube page. We want to blow this thing up. If you're an audio listener, take a minute, pull up YouTube, subscribe so you get notified. We're gonna be doing a live premiere of it that night. We're gonna be in the chat. Chica chica chica. Get your heaters, get your beers, the boys are throwing a gosh darn party. September 13th, American garbage, our first comedy special.

• 0:29H. Foley?

  Doing, yeah.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 0:57H. Foley?

  Here now Luke, everybody's favorite podcast. It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  Which are just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 1:07H. Foley?

  I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs listening to the night's the lights went out in Georgia.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:16H. Foley?

  Sombre mood today.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 1:18H. Foley?

  You know, I think it's the rain and she's going through a little bit of a breakup.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:24H. Foley?

  Part of her throuple broke off. Earl, do you meet him? Guy's got a hog on him.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  If Earl's, if Earl's in your throuple, yikes. That's a tough throup.

• 1:35H. Foley?

  My co-host coming from across the table, this we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. Give it up for my best pal in the whole wide world, KJ. Kevin. James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  What up gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the frickin' charts. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Those numbers are true to fucking roof gang. We're back.

• 2:11H. Foley?

  And the charts over there at Spotify, fucking Patreon, Army of Garbage, 16,000 strong. We got the new tour, the Army of Garbage tour. And there's something else that we got coming up on our YouTube page. Oh yeah, American garbage.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Heya!

• 2:28H. Foley?

  Our brand new, our debut.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Our debut Are You Garbage special.

• 2:33H. Foley?

  Yeah. That BTS stuff, that rude stuff, talking Are You Garbage? Just me, Kippy, and the great people of Tampa, Florida. Shout out to everybody.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Kicking the door, waving the 4-4, how you doing?

• 2:49H. Foley?

  We're excited about it.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:50H. Foley?

  Um, we love it. We love the fact that it's us and the people that we talk to, the audiences that were at the show. It's like, it's a real 360 kind of thing.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  It's a very, uh, if you've been to a live show, you know how, you know, uh, kind of wild they can get. The stories, the interactions, kind of how, how, how everything unfolds. Um. It really is, and we've, we've, this is like a thing we've said all the time, and if we've probably said it to people individually, I know we have, of like, the stories people share is like cathartic for them because like, if you've been to a live show, it's very welcome to the party. We are trash, you are garbage, we're here to celebrate it.

• 3:30H. Foley?

  Do we ever tell them what we say when, when, when a guest comes in, when a new guest comes in? The garbage is celebrated, the come up is celebrated, the money is celebrated.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  It's all, yeah, it's like, and that is it, like, you know, the, um.

• 3:43H. Foley?

  We're trash.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, you know, the, hey, I was a cop, this is how I lost my job. And people are like, that's what we're fucking getting into, baby. You know, it's like, uh, we, we, I mean, we've had people share about addiction and all that kind. It becomes cathartic, uh, for them and, you know, everybody hearing those stories, they get a big round of applause. Everybody says, thanks for sharing. It's like, it's a fun.

• 4:04H. Foley?

  It's a family.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Community thing.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  Vibe.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Yes, it's not just fucking ba ba da, ba da da. We're fucking, we're out there doing it. Our hands are in the meat, baby. Making the meat the bowl.

• 4:14H. Foley?

  We love you. American garbage is gonna be on our YouTube page September 13th, September 13th. If you're an audio listener, go over to YouTube, subscribe to the channel. We're gonna be doing a, uh, a premiere for it.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Yes, we'll be in the chat, beep boop, ah, boop boop boop, the whole nine yards. Also, like, fucking, you know, this is a very, uh, we've joked around, this is a very bootstrapped thing. Uh, we funded this whole.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  Bootstrapped.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, pull you up by your, yeah, bootstrapping it.

• 4:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Pull your, yeah.

• 4:39H. Foley?

  We produced it.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, we put all of our money behind it. Um, you know, uh, we just want as many people to see it as possible. So please do that thing where you fucking, we'll have videos up and, you know, clips and stuff like that. Share it, put it in the fucking group chat, make it a story, spread the fucking good word of the garbage. Um, we want to be able to keep making this kind of stuff and doing it and, you know, it, it makes sense as the thing continues to grow.

• 5:02H. Foley?

  Producer Luke Dempsey.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Producer Luke Dempsey. Also cam up, you got upgraded.

• 5:06H. Foley?

  Slide cam operator.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  So listen, Luke, Luke is good with these little rinky ding cams we, she, the, you know, these things that we shoot on here. We call in fucking Connor Kelly, Mikey, Justin, we call in the boys, right, for the bigger production. These guys are, they're fucking shooting movies type, you know, high level stuff, TV shows, um. And then Luke got promoted, day of, I think, right?

• 5:34H. Foley?

  Big boy rig.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Big, on a big boy rig, working a cam.

• 5:37H. Foley?

  What were you supposed to be doing?

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Managing you guys.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  I needed management that weekend.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Uh, also, so, so Luke, you'll, you'll see, so Luke, Luke, Luke got called up to the big leagues. I don't, did you get paid as a cat? No, you didn't.

• 5:52H. Foley?

  And you will not. I didn't know you sank all our money in this either, by the way. I'll go for a goddamn bailout at the end of the year.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  You're always.

• 6:00H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  Hand up, you're always looking for a bailout. Uh.

• 6:04H. Foley?

  I don't need one of them golden parachutes.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yes, um, well, also, you know, a little bit of behind, behind the scenes, we have pictures, all this stuff too, we'll, we'll be posting, but, uh.

• 6:13H. Foley?

  Photos?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  We got photos.

• 6:15H. Foley?

  Shee.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Um, just inherently, like, we tried to be a little cool, so, uh, we did it at a club, we, we, we shot five shows at a club and.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  Side switters.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  The green, we're, we're a big team, plus we have the whole crew. I think it was like a 20 per, between our, us and the crew, it was like 20 people. A little lighting people, we flew people down, some from Tampa area, some not, whatever. So, there are a lot of storage, a lot of gear, uh, we, we rented, uh, I was like, you know what? We want a proper space to chill between shows, we're gonna be there. So we, we rented like a, the idea was to rent like a tour bus to park in the, to park in the parking lot so we could hang and chill and like be comfortable.

• 6:57H. Foley?

  And you got us an RV that a crazy woman owns and has sex parties in and about 50 cats.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  She lives in it. That is, so, I didn't know any of that. The picture, I think Diesel helped book it, the pictures looked nice. They did. And it was a nice, it was a nice rig.

• 7:15H. Foley?

  It smelled like meatloaf.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  It was just lived in, heavy, heavy lived in.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  You know when you smell a pouch, a couch pillow and you can tell that there's been a greasy?

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Dude, it was.

• 7:27H. Foley?

  I need to take that over very quickly. I need the, I need to like, I need to like pee around.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, another dirtbag.

• 7:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, I gotta get my grease in there.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Uh, it was tough. It was one of those things where like, you ever like, have you ever like been at a guy's house where he's selling weed? Or just like a real?

• 7:42H. Foley?

  No.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  A real shitty house, like where they're like, they're trying to make it nice and they have like, just those real bullshit fragrance options. There's a hundred different kinds, but it's like the diffuser where you turn the sticks over, that kind of where you're just like, you're really masking, not a great scent.

• 7:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  It's heavy on the chemies. And that's what that was. You're just one, oh, you, it felt like you were just, it felt like you'd gotten a bit. We didn't sleep in there, but it was a feeling of like getting in a bed when someone just got out.

• 8:10H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  It's that. You're like, this is all just too fucking lived in. It was tough.

• 8:16H. Foley?

  A warm bed.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  That's what that place was. It felt like you got, it was like that scene from No Country for Old Men when the glass was still cold, you're like, oh, we just missed them, you know?

• 8:25H. Foley?

  Bells, bells, we just missed them. Milk's still cold.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Um, but, uh, so inherently, even us trying to be cool in it, we fell into, we can't not be trash. Um, but it was.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Like a mobile Airbnb situation.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  That's exactly, that's, that's perfectly, it was a, a mobile Airbnb.

• 8:44H. Foley?

  Ugh.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it had those.

• 8:45H. Foley?

  In Gary, Indiana.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  There was bad, uh, bad sheets and like the bad pillows, like real like shit that you got at Marshall's or whatever.

• 8:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  I always knew that when I Airbnb, I used to Airbnb my place out, I would switch all the, the pillows and blankets and stuff. And then we started using a lot of Airbnbs on the road and I'd show up, I go, I fucking, these are, these are, this is the shit I put out.

• 9:03H. Foley?

  I knew we were, we were in trouble when she's like, I'm not gonna be there to unlock the door until later. I gotta drop my daughter off.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. And she was like, yeah, yeah, she was like strict about stuff, yeah.

• 9:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, don't, don't go in that closet.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was, that's, that's always a fucking.

• 9:17H. Foley?

  Don't open up my drawers. Nine foot dildo in there.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  That was a broom, what'd you use it for?

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, but check it out, gang. It's uh, we're very, very proud of it. I think it's the best thing we've ever, we've ever put together.

• 9:31H. Foley?

  And shout out to the army of garbage.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  And shout out to the motherfucking army of garbage. Also, tickets available now, uh, on sale for most, some of the cities we're coming to. We're working with new agents, so they were, we're figuring out the rollout and they were adding, they were trying to, we'll be adding a lot of shows.

• 9:46H. Foley?

  New Asians?

• 9:47Speaker 01

  New Asians.

• 9:48H. Foley?

  Agents.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Agents.

• 9:50H. Foley?

  Shout out to Asians. Han Dynasty over there on, uh, Third Avenue. Oh my god.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Oh my lant-.

• 9:57H. Foley?

  Finally had Taiwanese food. I had Taiwanese sausage. Delicious. Taste Chinese.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:04H. Foley?

  And the cold chili oil noodles. You're not that big of a Chinese guy.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  We didn't, I mean, I'm fine, I like it, but it's never like my, uh...

• 10:14Speaker 01

  No, not really. I mean, a lot in college, we'd go to Temple Star, shout out T-Star. Uh, mostly because they delivered cigs late, you know, so you had to.

• 10:23H. Foley?

  Chinese restaurants deliver cigs?

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a real Philly thing, I feel. I don't know if they ever do that in New York, like.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Never heard of it before.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  Really? Most places delivered, that's how you got cigs underage. We'd call Munchies, that was in, this place called Munchies, I told you, then they got arrested for like, selling weed and the guy had a bunch of TNT. Which I remember Pat being like, "Why wouldn't you tell us, man? We were in there. I love weed and tea and, and dynamite."

• 10:50Speaker 01

  That's how you call, and then another place, IG's, they, IG's Pizza, it's now defunct, uh, they'd give you cigarettes.

• 10:56H. Foley?

  They're selling coke, right?

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Who?

• 10:58H. Foley?

  Oh no.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Munchies. I mean, I don't know what they were doing. It was a nice family business, I think.

• 11:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  That was the first place I realized I have a stare, I'm, I got, I got a bad face. I got caught staring at this kid and he hit me.

• 11:12H. Foley?

  Staring at him?

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, smugging on my guest. I was looking, he's a real dirtbag. Real, like, salt of the earth trash bag.

• 11:19H. Foley?

  What'd he say to you? "What the fuck you looking at?"

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, fat ass.

• 11:23H. Foley?

  Are you with a fat ass?

• 11:24Speaker 01

  I don't think so, but he was saying.

• 11:26H. Foley?

  Could he have?

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, I mean, I, I for sure, I was eating if I was at IG's Pizza.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  I was eating, dog. Yeah, and he knew my boy's older brother, so he, out of respect, he like came over and dapped my boy up.

• 11:42H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 11:42Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 11:43H. Foley?

  And you're sitting there.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was, yeah, I was.

• 11:46H. Foley?

  You were probably asleep, he didn't realize it. Sleeping with your eyes open.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  That boy's snoring or choking.

• 11:57H. Foley?

  What, what? I'm sorry?

• 12:02Speaker 01

  I look like, I look like Edgar.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  You got an Edgar suit on?

• 12:07H. Foley?

  Dr. Pepper. And pepperoni, more Parmesan cheese, please.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, he hit me with like a, "What the fuck?" He was getting in a white Tercel hatchback.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  And I had never seen anybody in.

• 12:23H. Foley?

  Paint this pic, god, you stink.

• 12:26H. Foley?

  Paint this pic, you're with your boy.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're hanging out, we're hanging out at a shop.

• 12:29H. Foley?

  Are you outside?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're hanging out at a shopping center.

• 12:32H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Out front of IG's Pizza.

• 12:33H. Foley?

  And he rolls over.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  I was probably skateboarding.

• 12:35H. Foley?

  He rolls up, dabs up your boy.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, he, he did the thing in the power where he pulled up, like not in a spot, hopped out, or he might have been, yeah, I don't know.

• 12:43H. Foley?

  Hopped out, rolled up to who? Stutsky?

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Not my boy Liam.

• 12:46H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Dapped up Liam, yeah, he's your brother, whatever, and then he was getting back in the car. I remember really.

• 12:52H. Foley?

  He turns around, looks at you?

• 12:53Speaker 01

  I was intently staring at him because I'd never heard anybody in real life use the phrase "word is bond."

• 13:01Speaker 01

  And I was like, "What? That seems like a lot."

• 13:03H. Foley?

  Was he Action Bronson?

• 13:04Speaker 01

  I know. I remember, I was like, we're all, you know, I get it, rap's hot right now.

• 13:08H. Foley?

  Now, hold on, were you looking at him like, "Whoa"?

• 13:10Speaker 01

  No, it was more like.

• 13:12H. Foley?

  Oh, real, would this kid have fucked you up?

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. This is one of those kids that could like fight at a young age. I don't even know his name. He's one of those bad kids.

• 13:21H. Foley?

  Something I respect about you and me both.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  What?

• 13:23H. Foley?

  Oh, we know we got our ass beat.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  I'd get rolled most of the time. Unfortunately.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  Kick my ass. Were you nuts?

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Fortunately, I'm a dirtbag and think I have to defend my, my honor as a man.

• 13:34H. Foley?

  I don't mind getting beat up.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get beat up. I'll, I'll hold my, I'll, you know, I'll hang. Um.

• 13:41H. Foley?

  Luke's the kind of kid, "I bet I could take him." Bet you couldn't.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  I found out quick.

• 13:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, you did. About to find out quicker.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  What?

• 13:48H. Foley?

  Huh? About to have three feet, two on your legs and one up your ass. I just saw that somewhere.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  You gonna do that?

• 13:54H. Foley?

  No.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  He'll put something else up your ass.

• 13:58H. Foley?

  What?

• 13:58Speaker 01

  You or me?

• 14:00H. Foley?

  Call HR. I'll testify with you.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  I do think we're.

• 14:05H. Foley?

  We got a whale sitting here.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  I do think we're gonna get to a point where you start trying to scam the company. In lawsuits and stuff like that.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  Can I do that and still work here?

• 14:15Speaker 01

  I mean, not really.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  Do we have insurance?

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:18H. Foley?

  We do.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  You have to.

• 14:19H. Foley?

  We have business insurance?

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yes. You have to. In order to get delete, I had to up it. I was.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  I've been shot!

• 14:29H. Foley?

  You're not that good of an actor.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  No, I'm not.

• 14:32H. Foley?

  Good lord, you come out dressed like Shakespeare.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Yes, you can sue the company you currently work for.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  You're the owner of the company, dickhead. You'd be suing yourself.

• 14:42H. Foley?

  Yeah, but that, that insurance pays that. What, they're gonna jack up our premiums?

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:46H. Foley?

  Oh. That's not cool.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Also, you don't think they'd send a fucking insurance inspector after your ass? You're nutso.

• 14:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, I was worried about that. Where the fuck was I?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  I don't know. Nowhere good.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  I was in Brooklyn and there was somebody watching somebody where I was at. Because there was a guy sitting in a car across the street with a camera filming somebody in the restaurant.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:12H. Foley?

  And it had like, you know, uh, my buddy used to do it. He was an insurance investigator. Like, for like medical malpractice and shit like that. He used to catch dudes all the time. They had the neck brace on, the fucking cane. And they're fucking shooting, they're playing a game of horse with their buddies. Busted.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, I don't know anybody that ever did that. Actually, we know, I know one person. Um, moving on. Uh, guys, we got a Gastro and Family episode on our hands.

• 15:38H. Foley?

  Wait, did you finish the story about the guy who was beating your ass?

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Well, that was it. He was.

• 15:41H. Foley?

  You were just sitting there staring at him?

• 15:42Speaker 01

  He yelled, yeah, he hit, he, I was like intrigued by this level of dirtbag-try, the unlaced.

• 15:48H. Foley?

  Dirtbag-try? Hmm.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Baggy black jeans, which in the nineties, or, you know, the, or, late nineties, early two thousands.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  Ark style?

• 15:57Speaker 01

  No, like, tough guy style.

• 16:00H. Foley?

  Not like the older black guy that you see in that certain cut of jeans that you know he will beat your fucking ass?

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's my thing. Anybody still wearing G-Unit clothes? Or Echo. Steer clear. Yikes.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  How did he use "word is bond" in this setting?

• 16:15Speaker 01

  I forget exactly. I remember the dap up and then he was walking back around the car, which is a tough guy move.

• 16:22H. Foley?

  Did he get, what did he?

• 16:23Speaker 01

  The driver's side was on the other side, like he had to like walk around the car, walking around, it was like a white Tercels.

• 16:27H. Foley?

  Did he just get out to say what's up?

• 16:29Speaker 01

  I think so, yeah. Maybe, he might, yeah, maybe he was getting.

• 16:32H. Foley?

  Sold him weed or something?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Pizza or something, I forget. I just remember.

• 16:35H. Foley?

  Well, hold on, that image is a lot different if he's holding a little white bag with a fucking beef patty in it.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  No, no. IG's was not selling beef patties. Um, no, he was leaving, he had empty hands.

• 16:48H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  Uh, and he.

• 16:49H. Foley?

  And he was like, he was reaching into the car, "What the fuck are you looking at?"

• 16:52Speaker 01

  He had the door open and over the top of the car.

• 16:55H. Foley?

  It's like something out of a movie.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  I know. That's why I'll never forget it.

• 16:57H. Foley?

  What'd you say?

• 17:00H. Foley?

  "Nothing, sir."

• 17:02Speaker 01

  "Are you done with that pizza?" Uh, "Yeah, I just, nah, nah, nah." And I think my boy stepped in, was like, "Nah, he's cool." Yeah, pussy.

• 17:10H. Foley?

  I pop up, "No, he's not. Beat his ass."

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Bit of a dick.

• 17:13H. Foley?

  Can I ask your producer a question?

• 17:15Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 17:15H. Foley?

  Luke?

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Henry.

• 17:18H. Foley?

  We'll stink on that and I respect it.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Well, if I'm not your producer.

• 17:22H. Foley?

  You are. What are you talking about? You're my friend.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Word is bond.

• 17:28H. Foley?

  How many times have you said that?

• 17:30Speaker 03

  What? Word is bond?

• 17:31H. Foley?

  Yeah. When you were in high school.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  That's old head. That's old shit.

• 17:34H. Foley?

  Are you sure?

• 17:35Speaker 03

  That's OG.

• 17:36H. Foley?

  When you were in high school, would I have liked the way you spoke to your other friends?

• 17:39Speaker 03

  You would have hated it.

• 17:41H. Foley?

  Can I get a little taste?

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Real bad.

• 17:43H. Foley?

  Really?

• 17:43Speaker 01

  That was the height of fucking Zans and, you know, Trippy Redd or whatever.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  2016 Zandemic, dog.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:50H. Foley?

  2016? Is that when you went to college?

• 17:52Speaker 03

  That's when I, yeah, freshman year.

• 17:54H. Foley?

  Jesus, we were fucking.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Right, don't want me in with your old fucking ass. I was hanging out at IG's, dog.

• 17:59H. Foley?

  There you were, 2016?

• 18:01Speaker 01

  That was 10 years ago. I was 30. I just moved to New York, yeah, I was living in New York.

• 18:06H. Foley?

  Yeah. Yeah, because you were doing well.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  I was doing all right. I was dating my wife.

• 18:10H. Foley?

  Sharing me, were you really? 2016?

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:12H. Foley?

  Good for you.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  I met her in 2014. So, dating my wife, I was traveling internationally for the first time in my life, working some, working, working the circuit in New York a little bit. Luke? Back to you.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  I was doing all right. I had just lost the weight.

• 18:27H. Foley?

  Gang, when you sign up on the old Patreon to hear your question right on the air.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  I had some cool clothes.

• 18:32H. Foley?

  My word is God.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  Word is bond. I had some cool clothes.

• 18:36H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  We were doing okay. I mean, you, no, you weren't, but.

• 18:41H. Foley?

  That was the year I started acting professionally. That's when I got The Gaffigan Show.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, there you go.

• 18:45H. Foley?

  All because of Kevin Ryan.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  How?

• 18:47H. Foley?

  You said I should start acting.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  I did.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  And I spent that year doing short films and all that kind of stuff.

• 18:55H. Foley?

  Word is bond.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  I forgot. So in your, uh, in your, um...

• 19:02H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:04H. Foley?

  In my, in my biography on A and A?

• 19:06Speaker 01

  No, in your, your Academy Award, uh, speech, I wanna be obviously, you know, you know how people go, I wanna, you know, obviously, first and foremost.

• 19:14H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  I don't get that?

• 19:15H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Do I make the list?

• 19:18H. Foley?

  Uh, you gotta thank the producers and all that stuff, people that have worked on the project. If you, if you do what I've been telling you to do.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  And what's that?

• 19:25H. Foley?

  If you get in with me about pitching and producing and all that kinda stuff.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  That was how you were doing?

• 19:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, we could be like fucking Seth Rogen and, uh, what's his name? Adam Greenberg? What's his boy? All you gotta do is-

• 19:36Speaker 01

  So we're two Jewish guys now? I can't swing that. I'm clipped, but I can't swing that.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  I ain't converting Denise. Denise, Denise will never have me.

• 19:46H. Foley?

  We're gonna pass over dinner with some executives spitting it out. The fucker bit. I like a brisket. Much as the next fella.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. You're thanking the devil.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  In your accepted speech. I'd obviously like to thank Lucifer.

• 20:01H. Foley?

  Best deal I ever cut, huh? He meets me at the crossroads.

• 20:08H. Foley?

  I hear you're the resident tough guy around here.

• 20:11H. Foley?

  Anyway.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:12H. Foley?

  Good stuff. Kim, much like about DraftKings.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  The king of the draft.

• 20:16H. Foley?

  Gang, as you know, the DraftKings app is now available in all 50 states. I'm talking about from Texas to California, from Florida to the Everglades, baby.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Yee-haw!

• 20:26H. Foley?

  Which is pretty close, but you know what I'm saying? Everybody all over the country can get in on the action and in on the excitement. So do yourself a favor, get over there, get your bets in. Talk about all month long. DraftKings customers can get a football profit boost.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 20:43H. Foley?

  Football profit boost. I remember the guy in marketing pitching that. Football profit boost. Fantastic. DraftKings, baby.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Yes, uh, as the big man said, DraftKings is giving customers the opportunity to get boosted every football game day. Uh, right now, one app, every sport, all 50 states. New DraftKings customers, sign up with the code AYG. Spend just five bucks and get 200 in total rewards within 21 days. Includes all markets. That's code AYG in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESSET. Connecticut, call 888-789-7777. Visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas.

• 21:25H. Foley?

  Boot Hill.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Bet tax pass through may apply in Illinois. 21+, void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get bonus bets that expire in seven days, or trade with DraftKings predictions to get prediction dollars that expire in one year. Every contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offered void in New York. Non-withdrawable rewards issued as $50. Click to claims every seven days for 21 days. One single-use boost per customer per day. Expires at the end of the final select game when offered. Valid for select football transactions on the platform for which it's been issued. Terms dkng.cooffer.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Limited time offer nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free-to-play sports contest availability varies by state. Limited time offer, baby. Who had the over on how long that was taking me to say that?

• 22:22H. Foley?

  That was like watching Sling Blade read that thing.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Predict that, daddy. Listen, uh, please.

• 22:27H. Foley?

  I gotta be honest with you.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  What?

• 22:29H. Foley?

  They, that, listen, you know, I was staying away from the Phils for a little bit, for a while. I'm in them. Football season is upon us.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Different animal.

• 22:36H. Foley?

  It's my favorite part of the year. First couple of weeks of, uh, college football season, then I got the Irish. There's a big game, North Carolina, TCU, that they're playing over in Dublin. You know I'm a North Carolina man. And just, we got the Irish, we got the Birds.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Listen.

• 22:50H. Foley?

  We got it going on.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  During the game, I like to do, to win, and I like to do, who's gonna score the little touchdowns?

• 22:57H. Foley?

  You love, do you love to text the group with your little, I just put you in here.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  And if, and if-

• 23:02H. Foley?

  If it comes true, it's gonna, you, you, you.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  And it bothers Henry, cuz I'm a gosh darn winner.

• 23:08H. Foley?

  I need a little bit of seed money.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Guys, that's DraftKings app. Do it.

• 23:12H. Foley?

  Have fun. Kim, but guess where I've been?

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Where's that, bud?

• 23:15H. Foley?

  Over there on Quince.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Oh, you mean quince.com?

• 23:18H. Foley?

  Now, you know, the big man's down about 100 and some pounds.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Eight pounds.

• 23:21H. Foley?

  Okay, I'm fitting into different things.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:24H. Foley?

  And I, I'm gonna be over there at the Chunky Monkey store anymore. I go over to Quince, get some new fall fashions. I got some stuff on the way that's gonna blow you-

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 23:35H. Foley?

  Away.

• 23:37H. Foley?

  Shout out to Quince, man. You're looking for some nice stuff. Fall's coming. Upgrade the wardrobe. Don't break the bank. Talking about quality products at a quality price. Quince has it all.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Listen, this is, this is my, this is my dirtbag hack. I-

• 23:51H. Foley?

  Mongolian cashmere sweaters.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  I do it once or twice a, I do it one, and once every two year or two. And this, this year's big for me. We got a lot of dirtbags out there that listening, right? Not a lot of fashion. Some people are fashion forward, some aren't, right? Due to financial restrictions, culture, whatever, you're a blue collar guy, I'm a, I'm a denim guy, I ain't doing all this. Listen, but then you got, hey, I got Thanksgiving coming up. I got Christmas coming up. I got a wedding. I got all these-

• 24:16H. Foley?

  I got a court.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  A court. I got a custody. All these things you got coming up that you need to, you can't be wearing your, you know, your welded jacket too. You need something a little more, go to Quince. They get you lined up. It's easy, it's simple. Boom, you get that sweater that goes with everything. You get a good pair of pants. You get a nice t-shirt. Something to just elevate it so you're not doing, and then just wear that to everything for the year. Next year, try again. That's what I do.

• 24:39H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  And they go, oh, that's a jacket, something, you know what I mean? Uh, Quince focuses on the high-quality wardrobe staples that, uh, made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. The big man said organic cotton and merino wool. Uh, they also make premium pants, fitted tees, polos, breathable, breathable, activewear, whatever you need, they got you covered. I'm a bit, listen, I wear their slacks. I wear a pair of great pants. They look like jeans, but they're light like khakis. It's movable. Boom, moving, shaking. Everything you need. Uh, find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download Quince app for exclusive offers. Or go to quince.com/garbage to get free shipping on your order. 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com/garbage. Do it.

• 25:16H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Um, all right, let's see here. Uh, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, uh, over 16,000 strong the last time I checked. Uh, you will, we'll answer your gar, you get to ask your garbage question. We'll answer it on the air. If you're a fan of the show, you know the mother friggin' deal.

• 25:32H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Um, all right, let's see here. Uh, this one's from Dash. Never had one read. Are you garbage if you take video while you go through the car wash and post it on your socials? That's fucking trash, dude. That's so tr- why? What is it?

• 25:49H. Foley?

  It's awesome!

• 25:49Speaker 01

  About a dirt-

• 25:50H. Foley?

  All the colors?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  A dirtbag's brain that goes, the world needs, I need, I need photographic evidence of this.

• 25:57H. Foley?

  It's awesome in there.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  I don't do it, but every time I'm in there, I go, I should fucking, I'll maybe take a picture and send it to my wife, like, ah, getting clean, like, I do take a picture.

• 26:05H. Foley?

  It gets dark, it gets cooler in there. I wish, that, that should be a nap thing. Whoa.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Sleep in the car.

• 26:12H. Foley?

  Yes, you get a real long car wash, like, like 10 miles long. And you could pull in on your lunch break and you could just sit back and go to sleep while you're getting, while the car's getting washed for 10 miles. The overhead would be brutal.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Ooh, a water pill. That'd be a $5,000 nap.

• 26:32H. Foley?

  Yeah. Did I ever tell you what I used to do with Patty, my mom? So back in the day, they had, uh, they had, the, the vacuum cleaners weren't one thing. They had a body that was like on two wheels, looking like a dog's body. And then it had a hose and it connected to the sweeper, the thing.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  The vacuum.

• 26:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, and it, and it blew warm air out of the back. And Patty would put like some mothballs and some good smelling shit in there, you know, a little potpourri. So it smelled nice and it was a perfect temperature. It wasn't hot, wasn't cold. It was just warm, nice air.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:02H. Foley?

  And you know, the carpets and stuff like that. She would go from room to room and, you know, the vacuum would kinda like stay in one spot and, and she would do the room. I would follow her and lay down with my head right on the end of the vacuum cleaner and I would take little baby naps while she was vacuuming the place.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:19H. Foley?

  Very comforting. Felt like the womb. I've been trying to get back there ever since.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Hanging out at the car wash. Uh-

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Very good question.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I also, another great thing about the car wash I love is, uh, man, I've nev, there's never been more possibilities. My, my imagination never is, is more grandiose than looking at the very beginning of all of the products they sell at a car wash.

• 27:47H. Foley?

  You mean inside?

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Those impulse buys, dude, I go, could I put this on my car?

• 27:52H. Foley?

  I want all of it.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  I want it all. Why?

• 27:55H. Foley?

  Cuz.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Is it the chemicals? Is it the fragrance? I don't know what it is, but I'm going, I, I, in there, I'm a different guy.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  You know my favorite summer job?

• 28:02Speaker 01

  I go, I, what?

• 28:03H. Foley?

  Working at a car wash with Johnny Mitt.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  At the car wash?

• 28:05H. Foley?

  On the main line. His dad's, uh, uh, Stormin' Norman, Johnny Mitt's dad, R.I.P., shout out to the legend. Uh, his buddy Irv.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Irv Gotti, word is bond, doll.

• 28:16H. Foley?

  Irv. He was all, he was one of those dudes, he like made his money somewhere and then opened up a car wash on the main line. Think he was like divorced or whatever. He was awesome, dude. Opened up a car wash, it was, everything was brand new. And we were the first guys to work there. It's a big, it's clean. The only problem was that shit gets all over the driveway, you know, all over the-

• 28:36Speaker 01

  The armor all and shit.

• 28:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  It's, I hated getting an Uber and I got it all armored up. What the fuck are you doing? What are you, fucking Tom and Jerry?

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got yelled at for putting too much armor all on the floor of a golf cart when I worked at the country club. This guy came in around the turn, what the hell? You almost drove me into the-

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Almost bit it on hole nine into the lake.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  Fuckin' Jattie Knoxville.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  That wasn't me, that was the nighttime guy. I'm not the armor, I was me.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  We also could eat off that, John. Uh, yeah. I, I, there's something about, maybe I'm wrong, but it's just maybe the people I've known, anybody, ah, you're a little unsavory if you own a car wash. To me. There's something. It's a two cash biz, it's a two. I, it's, you know, anybody's ever been like, yeah, he invested in car washes. I'm like, you're hiding money. You're cleaning cash. Uh, something's wrong. That and laundromats.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  Breaking Bad really brought that back too.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Was that?

• 29:38Speaker 03

  Cause that's where he started and then he buys it and that's how he cleans his cash.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Maybe that's all.

• 29:42H. Foley?

  That guy was such a dick to him.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Subconsciously that.

• 29:45H. Foley?

  I would've punched that kid right in the fucking face. Man, poor Walt White.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  He won.

• 29:51H. Foley?

  Nah, he ended up dying. Sorry to spoil it for anybody.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Bought the car wash.

• 29:54H. Foley?

  He bought the car wash, yeah. The wife took that energy?

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, she started working for this other guy and banged him.

• 30:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, she was banging that guy out.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:03H. Foley?

  Yeah. I respect that. She was hot.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  She was.

• 30:05H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Shout out Skylar.

• 30:07H. Foley?

  They had a pretty tasty sex life too, Walt and her.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  They'd get into it sometimes.

• 30:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, I remember her jacking him off, fucking.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  I remember that, I didn't even think of that.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  What the shit?

• 30:15H. Foley?

  Yeah. I loved her.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  You would love her. She's like the most hated character on TV.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Why? He was stoop.

• 30:23H. Foley?

  What'd she do?

• 30:23Speaker 01

  She wa, I mean, not.

• 30:24H. Foley?

  Fuck she do?

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Not, not right, she was the most hated.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:29H. Foley?

  Really?

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  She's like King Joffrey level of hate.

• 30:32H. Foley?

  King Joffrey?

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Uh, Game of Thrones. The character is so goo, like the actor portrays the character so well, everyone just hates him in real life.

• 30:40H. Foley?

  Turn this mic off, will you? Game of Thrones.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Our car wash had squirt guns in the lobby that you could squirt your car with.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  What? You rich motherfucker?

• 30:49H. Foley?

  Really? Were they connected?

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, like you could like, you'd have two next to each other and you'd shoot your car as it's going by.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Help clean it.

• 30:57H. Foley?

  Different life up there in Connecticut, huh?

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Splish splash.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  It's also.

• 31:01H. Foley?

  Splish splash was the name of the, it's probably at a water park too.

• 31:06H. Foley?

  Playing chase the pork kids.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  And they had a log balloon too.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Go down shotgun falls. Uh, I'll be in the lazy river, get me when the car's done. Get me when the beamer's done. Uh, that's a good, that's sick.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  It's great for the kids.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:20H. Foley?

  Those little touches.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  I'm trying to think of the name.

• 31:22H. Foley?

  That's the little difference.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  We either did.

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Lower middle class and fucking upper class, man. That's the difference.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Ours was like Car Wash USA or USA Car Wash.

• 31:31H. Foley?

  Strip Club. And Sock Factory.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Shout out to the Sock Factory in Bristol. Uh.

• 31:37H. Foley?

  Go up to your thighs.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  And. I got fishnets on.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  I'm going back to school in fishnets. See if you can find that. Uh, dude, Bucks County Sock Factory. Went there, it was a good time.

• 31:50H. Foley?

  That's been outsourced if I'm not mistaken.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  I don't know, somebody said it was recently still there. My mom took us there and then she took us to a backpack place in New Jersey that I thought. They had like mountain climbing stuff, like a section. I was like, lady, I don't know what you think I'm doing. But it ain't, uh, I'm not fucking rappelling down anything.

• 32:10H. Foley?

  Shoes that fucking cyclists wear?

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Um.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Over in Croydon?

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Croydon?

• 32:17H. Foley?

  Croydon.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  What's it called?

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Uh, Bucks County Sock Factory.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  No shit?

• 32:22H. Foley?

  Right to the point.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  It's just the Sock Factory.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 32:25H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Specializing customized socks.

• 32:28H. Foley?

  Customized?

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Wait, what the fuck?

• 32:29H. Foley?

  You know, you know, we're special socks? One leg shorter than the other?

• 32:37Speaker 01

  I don't know why the fuck she took us. I guess, were times that tough that she's like, I gotta get a grosser socks?

• 32:43H. Foley?

  It was just, we'd do the same thing. We'd go to this fucking shoe place before every school year. And we'd get like meds. Instead of, it'd be some fucking weird, they would, they would fall apart. Like a fucking bad baseball.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 32:59H. Foley?

  Stitching come undone. You'd go to, you'd go, you'd go to fucking stop and your foot would go right through it. Brutal.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  That stinks.

• 33:07H. Foley?

  Ah.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  They also do like socks for everything. Like they have a sock for a bottle. I think they do like golf head covers. Like they just kinda like. Really make socks out of everything.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  I remember the Red Hat Chili Peppers came out with socks on their wieners.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  I could never do that. What?

• 33:21H. Foley?

  Find me an ankler.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  An ankler? Oh, an ankle sock.

• 33:25H. Foley?

  Baby sock.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah.

• 33:31H. Foley?

  Good shit.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  That's, uh, I think it was USA Car Wash, I think the other one was Sparkle, which that was like.

• 33:37H. Foley?

  We have a Sparkle cleaner in our hometown. Been there for like 50 years. It was, there was, he might've bought the shopping center near Town Line in Blue Bow where I grew up. Uh. That shopping center used to have like a. A pharmacy, a deli, blah, blah, blah. And then the Koreans came in, heavy bike. And bought, put a Korean, it was the first time I ever saw a Korean grocery store. And we went in there one day, this is like 19.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Guns drawn.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Safety's off, dog. Lock loaded.

• 34:10H. Foley?

  My dad was having flashbacks. He's in there setting claymores, putting me on point. I'm short time.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  He's trying to order a buffer fish sliced thin?

• 34:22Speaker 01

  I'll do a half a pound of eel sliced thin. I liked. You got any more to delve back?

• 34:29H. Foley?

  You guys got Cooper Sharp over here? Yeah. And now they're the fucking hottest rage, man. You go to an H Mart, snacks for days. Some of that shrimp popcorn? Come on.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Had them with though. They do it so much better.

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Oh, of course. This place, they, they, uh, I'm sure it's, you know, upgraded now, but that lasted forever. Sparkle cleaners, the Korean grocery store and something else.

• 34:55H. Foley?

  They had open tanks at one point with fish in it. That was. Probably the freshest shit you'd ever get in your life.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  I, the first, maybe second, the first.

• 35:06H. Foley?

  You got a shark in there?

• 35:10H. Foley?

  A little shark tail soup? It's fucked up.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  The first, uh, the first one I went into, maybe might've been in like Chinatown. Me and you were like, I want, you, you wanted a candy or something.

• 35:20H. Foley?

  Me?

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, me and you were down in Chinatown running around.

• 35:22H. Foley?

  Here? I never been to Chinatown. What? Something doesn't in Houston, doesn't have a Chinatown. Every city does that, right?

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Um. And we walked in and I, dude, I, there was a, not, you know, not casting dispersions or anything, but there was a, a pungent aroma. That I couldn't get over. I remember you laughing at me. I was like, I was like, and you're dying, you're like, I gotta look. I'm like, I'll meet you outside. I'm about to start smoking in here. Get clear this out a little bit. It's not for me. They're not aromas I was exposed to at a young age.

• 36:00H. Foley?

  It doesn't smell like garlic or fresh bread. Think somebody gassed the joint?

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Why am I scumbag?

• 36:09H. Foley?

  You're just.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  That's rude.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  Do you want reasons?

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Um, all right, let's see here. This is a little, little very, very car heavy episode.

• 36:19H. Foley?

  Love it. You're always very good with that.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 36:22H. Foley?

  Mapping it out.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  I'm making all this stuff up, by the way. Uh, this one's from Big T. No, this one's from T. First time, long time.

• 36:29H. Foley?

  Some T?

• 36:30Speaker 01

  When was the last time you were in a convertible with claw seats? That is a specific.

• 36:35H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Point in time. You probably never have.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  Have you ever had claw, have you seen claw seats?

• 36:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had claws.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  In their beater. Uh.

• 36:47H. Foley?

  The maid's car.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  I, I can tell you, and I don't think it was, it wasn't a full, uh, full convertible. But it was probably a 1990, early 90s. Vinny had a Firebird when he was 16 or seven, 18, something like that.

• 37:04H. Foley?

  So it was a T-top?

• 37:05Speaker 01

  T-top Firebird where the fucking seats went up and you had to get in the back. It was red, that maroon red, had the glove on the front.

• 37:14H. Foley?

  I think it was a goddamn death trap.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  I didn't like going in that.

• 37:18H. Foley?

  Oh, I didn't like being in the backseat with that.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Oh, no. Yeah, I was a fat, and plus Vinny was my road dog. I was in, I was front seat.

• 37:25H. Foley?

  Felt like a Belarusian astronaut.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:27H. Foley?

  You know you're coming back.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Shit. Sitting next to a chimpanzee.

• 37:35H. Foley?

  Sitting next to a chimpanzee on a POW.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  How you doing, Mr. Marbles? Salute ya.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  He gives you the thumbs up. Let's light this candle, Hank.

• 37:49H. Foley?

  That's a one-way trip, baby. That's a suicide mission. They already got the statue out in front of the Kremlin.

• 37:58H. Foley?

  Rocket Money.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Rocket Money.

• 37:59H. Foley?

  See that? That was a rocket. Boom, Rocket Money. Now, hey, everything. Rocket Money, bang. You know what Rocket Money does? Saves your money. Bang. Do yourself a favor, gang. Get over to Rocket Money. Got subscriptions, a bunch of stuff you probably don't know about. Probably the missus don't know about either. Hey, Don, do yourself a favor. Get over to Rocket Money. Get them all straightened out. They look out for you over there. Not to mention a little financial planning.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 38:20H. Foley?

  Rightens the stress, increases the savings. Why not?

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Yes, why not?

• 38:25H. Foley?

  Rocket Money.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Listen, I just, this just came in today. This isn't even part of the plug. I got, uh, they give you, I use all today. I use all, everything the app's got to offer and it keeps me focused and locked in without really having to lock in. It does it for you.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I got an email. August, important transactions. Amazon, 13 Amazon purchases. What's gonna hear about that?

• 38:48H. Foley?

  Holy cow.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Nine times I went to Wawa. That's on me.

• 38:51H. Foley?

  You know what I like? That gives you hard, that gives you the hard data to go after her. 13?

• 38:57Speaker 01

  Go after her.

• 38:57H. Foley?

  You know what I mean? Shake her down.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Uh, five times I was at the pizza place on my block. Listen, that's neither here, that's neither here nor there. This is not about me. This is about the good folks over there at Rocket Money. But listen, it allows you to track everything you need without having to be good at it. It does it for you. It's changed the way I view my personal finances. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. It's doing it for me. Join rocketmoney.com/carbage. That's rocketmoney.com/carbage. One more time, rocketmoney.com/carbage.

• 39:32H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 39:33Speaker 04

  Priceline Negotiator.

• 39:35Speaker 05

  It's me, the.

• 39:36Speaker 04

  Priceline Negotiator.

• 39:38Speaker 05

  We don't need the jingle twice.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  What about a third time?

• 39:41Speaker 05

  Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars.

• 39:48Speaker 04

  Seems like they just started.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Time to read the timeline.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Fine. No one deals more deals than.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Priceline.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  Please stop.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  Priceline.

• 40:01Speaker 05

  Touche.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  Priceline.

• 40:03Speaker 05

  Priceline.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  All right, let's see. This one's from Ed. $10 overdrafter, never have one read. Another car-based question. Is it garbage to leave half a smoked heater on the tire of your car while you run into the store so you can finish it after?

• 40:16H. Foley?

  A tire? I've never heard of that.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  That's very smart, because I don't like, I never really thought of that. I don't like leaving them.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  I did that.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  You did that.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  With joints.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Somebody get my white out. I gotta go in and get a... What was your drink when you were smoking? You're like, I'm gonna get a...

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Arizona was a big one.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Every, every pot head had their drink.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  No, it'd be like those like Razzleberry flavors. Like they had all the new flavors.

• 40:44H. Foley?

  Cans or the glass bottles? Really?

• 40:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:46H. Foley?

  It was glass bot, it was the glass green tea ginger tea.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Lot of people did that.

• 40:51H. Foley?

  Ah, that was the hot shit.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Green tea hit with like weed culture where it was like, eh, it's all from the earth, bro, you know?

• 40:59H. Foley?

  It was green tea and there was ginseng.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  Ginseng.

• 41:01H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Ginseng took the 90s.

• 41:03H. Foley?

  Aver.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  You couldn't get a bowl of cereal without a fucking piggyback at fucking ginseng in there.

• 41:09H. Foley?

  Little Ginkgo Biloba.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  That's another big one, too. I gotta get my Ginkgo. I'm doing a Ginkgo. That and Centrum, or Centrum.

• 41:17H. Foley?

  Centrum.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Centrum.

• 41:18H. Foley?

  Silver.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Centrum Silver took over.

• 41:21H. Foley?

  Centrum for women. I thought if I took that, my tits would fucking...

• 41:24Speaker 01

  Maybe that's a problem.

• 41:25H. Foley?

  Um, do your parents, or...

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Have any money I can borrow?

• 41:29H. Foley?

  No, no, no. My checking account is overdrafted right now, about $35. Um.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  They play hardball over there at Navy Federal.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  They don't want you spending money you don't have?

• 41:43H. Foley?

  Um, it's a newer thing. It's the vegetables all in one. There's two different bottles. One's red, one's green. It's not nature of life, but it's something like that. You get all the vegetables.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 41:56H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 41:58Speaker 01

  No, not really.

• 41:59H. Foley?

  It's a supplement. It's a, as seen on TV supplement.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  I think the, the problem with a lot of those supplements, from what I've heard, is they'll go like, hey, it's got zinc, I mean whatever, all the vitamins and minerals you need.

• 42:14H. Foley?

  It's not methylated, I know.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 42:16H. Foley?

  The body doesn't process it.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  You went too deep with it.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  It's not that at all.

• 42:21H. Foley?

  This guy goes the ways the well once. All of a sudden, he's fucking Laird Hamilton.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  What?

• 42:26H. Foley?

  Shout out to Laird Hamilton.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Uh, where does Bond, um, there's not enough to be, uh, effective. It says, hey, we have zinc, copper, fucking whatever, lead, uranium. But it's not enough to actually do anything, to hit the minimum levels.

• 42:44H. Foley?

  I think the uranium would.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  A little dabble, do you?

• 42:48H. Foley?

  A little dash of that. Punch or pinch.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  There you go. I punch you. I punch you. Do you see that clip going around?

• 42:55H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  That's what it is.

• 42:57H. Foley?

  Coco Van Donnie, what do you taste this Coco Van?

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Um.

• 43:00H. Foley?

  Look like shit.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  What was the question? Oh, this, I, you know what bothered me?

• 43:04H. Foley?

  What?

• 43:04Speaker 01

  I saw this the other night.

• 43:05H. Foley?

  I'm interested here. What bothers you?

• 43:07Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:08H. Foley?

  What really grinds your gears, Kippy Rooney?

• 43:10Speaker 01

  I'm a big, I'm a big heater guy. An authentic heater guy, right? I've been the heater guy when people fake being the heater guy.

• 43:19H. Foley?

  That's the longest I've not smoked in a long time.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, me too. And I'm, you know, listen, if I, coming from a 20-year heater guy, get off the heaters, right?

• 43:28H. Foley?

  I dropped that.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Have your fun when you have your fun.

• 43:30H. Foley?

  I dropped that vape, too.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  I saw.

• 43:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Um, which we're proud of, but...

• 43:34H. Foley?

  Couple of years, all busted my butt. I figured, great, this is all I fucking need.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, Busta. Sorry, was, so you think people trying to help you is breaking your balls, which is crazy? Oh, just me. That's a good narrative to have for the only guy who wants you alive.

• 43:48H. Foley?

  Are you?

• 43:49Speaker 01

  What? If it was up to me, if it was up to them, you'd be done. They'd have you on a fucking, have you on the cross.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Good for the numbers, huh, Luke?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Um, I don't, I don't like to perform, the, the, I've been a cig smoker day in, day out. Pack a day, day in, day out. Listen, if we're at a wedding and you wanna smoke and you come over, come over to my side for the night. You can live in, you can walk in my shoes for the night. You can play, you can play tough guy. I'll let you hang out with me. I'll give you the heater, but you're gonna run back to your smoke-free life. I was in it. I get it.

• 44:25H. Foley?

  I gotta watch my wife can't see.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, only one for me.

• 44:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm gonna smell. She's gonna be breaking my balls. Eh, is she?

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:33H. Foley?

  Listen, both of you stink. Beat it, all right?

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Smoking them out of my eyes and ears.

• 44:38H. Foley?

  She's over there dancing with a bartender, by the way, so I don't think she gives a shit. If your fat ass has a cigarette, fuck outta here. She was giving me the fuck me eyes 20 minutes ago.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  She was ready to give me a jump.

• 44:51H. Foley?

  What's that from?

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Uh, Good Will Hunting. 10 minutes ago, this guy was ready to give me a jump.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Homosexual. The guy's like...

• 44:59H. Foley?

  I love that guy. Paffled.

• 45:02H. Foley?

  What are you talking, good lord? You don't know Rudy's?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  This guy walked, this kid, I was in the East Village.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Late night, kid's walking, he walks out, he's got the cig at the bodega on the ledge.

• 45:18H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  He walks out with like a six-pack of fucking Zima or something, you know what I mean? Fucking...

• 45:24H. Foley?

  Couple of High Nooners?

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, just like, he wanted...

• 45:27H. Foley?

  Blue raspberry High Noons?

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Uh, NYU, you know, he's living in the East Village. If you're living in, if you're buying fucking beers in East Village at a bodega, like, if you're doing that in Brooklyn, or fucking, you know, I respect it a little bit.

• 45:41H. Foley?

  Yonkers.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  He's in like white denim, he's got like a white denim shirt. He's like playing East Village cool guy.

• 45:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  He walks out and he grabs the cig, and I'm just like, you just so wanna, he had had it lit in, I'm a walking...

• 45:56H. Foley?

  Grabs the wrong one. Ew! Some Benson and Edges.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  It's also like, you can't do that with a light cigarette. As a light cigarette smoker. That's gotta be a full-bodied cig.

• 46:08H. Foley?

  To put it on the thing?

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:09H. Foley?

  It's gotta be a port.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's gotta be a Hunter.

• 46:12H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's gotta be a Hunter.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  Because as a smoker, you, listen, you wait the 10 seconds.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It's like, dude, if you're living in the East Village, you can afford the extra cigarette.

• 46:22H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  It's like, just like, but I, you know, I hadn't seen it in a long time. That's why it's stuck in my brain, but the fucking, it's like, you're playing this guy. You're not that guy, pal.

• 46:31H. Foley?

  I was somewhere not long ago at a pretty, you know, somewhat schwanky affair. This guy.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Doubt it.

• 46:39H. Foley?

  Dressed really nice.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Was it me?

• 46:41H. Foley?

  No.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 46:42H. Foley?

  Uh, it was later in the evening. Um, he's like, oh, my cigs. I'm gonna run to the car, grab my cigs. He goes to the car.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Hate this.

• 46:50H. Foley?

  Comes back with like a cloth, like, you know, like a tote, like people, like Luke's friends would carry around.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Like a tote?

• 46:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, it was like a book and an apple in it and whatever.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  So I, in my head, I had, put a book and an apple in there.

• 47:01H. Foley?

  Put a book and an apple, and then one of those bottles that you go and refill your beer at a brewery. What are they called?

• 47:07Speaker 01

  The jug, no, the yard, the...

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Fucking...

• 47:10Speaker 01

  The growler.

• 47:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 47:11Speaker 01

  Oh my god. I almost bought one of them one time.

• 47:14H. Foley?

  Ah, I would fucking leave.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  I was somewhere, it was before they were super corny. It was like, I just learned, and they were like, well, if you buy them, they're like, you can take this beer home with you. And I'm like, that seems like, but like, well, I'm not fucking carrying this mill... Also, it looks like you're in the fucking 1820s. It looks like there should be three X's on it.

• 47:34H. Foley?

  Also, too, you know, it blows my mind, and listen, I'm a scumbag, I'm a dirtball.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Hey, don't.

• 47:39H. Foley?

  Um, uh, people that use the re, the refillable water station at the airport. That's fucking, that's plain water.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  I'm kinda with you. I understand it, but... It's yeah, for a kid, for our generation, for our, as closed-minded, not closed-minded, but like...

• 47:57H. Foley?

  Water fountain. Get a screamer?

• 48:00Speaker 01

  But you're not, wait, then you won't do the fucking...

• 48:01H. Foley?

  No, that's just, it's annoying.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  You think they're better than, I think that.

• 48:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  You weren't, you weren't gonna, you weren't gonna give me that until I said, I also think that. You went...

• 48:12H. Foley?

  No, no, I'm better. I'm way better than me. They probably are better than me.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know. I, we had...

• 48:18H. Foley?

  They're using sustainable, uh, water things.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had one time, it was a guest. We, I was like, oh, you want a bottle of water? And he's like, no, I don't do, I don't do one-time-use plastic.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Why the fuck would you say that?

• 48:31H. Foley?

  Shout out to him.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  No, cut that. I was gonna fucking trash him.

• 48:34H. Foley?

  Oh, go ahead. He can take it?

• 48:37Speaker 01

  No. What? Stop doing it.

• 48:38H. Foley?

  Love you.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Stop.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 48:44H. Foley?

  He's our boy.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  All right, but I'm fucking trying to, how do you not pick it up on this? I'm trying to trash him. This is the vein of the thing. Well, now it's weird. Um...

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it's like, you're not fucking better than, you're not. That, you're just...

• 48:59H. Foley?

  My mail's the same color as yours is, pal.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're taking a stance on a thing I don't really have a stance on, and that kinda bothers me. And I'm wrong for it, but, you know, you're more thoughtful of a person, I get it, but nah, you're not.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  We're wrong, but it's so inconvenient to me to carry around the bottle.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  I feel like I've, I should be shopping at an REI or something. Like, I should have one of those big bag, Hiker backpacks on.

• 49:21H. Foley?

  I can't have anything in my hands.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  No. That's another thing. I don't like carrying stuff.

• 49:26H. Foley?

  No.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  And Nadine hates it.

• 49:28H. Foley?

  Why?

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Cause now it's like, we have so mu- we're not, I'm not just moving as myself anymore. Dude, the other day I walked, this, I, the other day I walked out, I was like, I'm gonna take him to the sto- I was, I was leaving to get a little R and R. I said, "I'm going, I'm gonna do a Target run. I'm outta here." She goes, "Why don't you take him with you?" I said, "What the heck is this?"

• 49:47H. Foley?

  Is this down the suburbs?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:49H. Foley?

  You, okay, hold on. You're a fucking dirtbag.

• 49:53Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 49:54H. Foley?

  Not a Target for a hundred miles. You, okay, what time of day is it?

• 49:58Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 50:00H. Foley?

  Noon? Had you already done shit?

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's-

• 50:03H. Foley?

  You hadn't made plans to do anything? You walked downstairs and said, "Hey, I'm gonna run the Target run."

• 50:07Speaker 01

  No, this was like known, we need, you know, we need diaper dips, we need, you know, some pouches, we need some crunches.

• 50:12H. Foley?

  And that's not, I'll go with you, that's not a whole family trip?

• 50:17H. Foley?

  I would've got my, "We go, yeah, me."

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 50:20H. Foley?

  Yeah. Sorry.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but I, as every parent out there knows, you need a little like, "Hey, I'm gonna drive to the store, it's fifteen minutes, I'll be there for twenty minutes, it's fifteen minutes back." And also, when you introduce, now that he's a little older, it's different. But when you introduce-

• 50:39H. Foley?

  You know, pretty soon, he's gonna be easy to throw in the car.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  He's, he's that now, and it's, I'm just changing that, of going, "Oh, I don't need the stroller, you throw him in the car, he's fucking fine." You give him something from, holy, like, if he starts crying, you can just-

• 50:50H. Foley?

  He still shits his pants, though, right?

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:52H. Foley?

  Alright. You gotta bring that thing, diaper bag.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:57H. Foley?

  No?

• 50:57Speaker 01

  I mean, oh, yeah, diaper bag, but that's in the car, like, if he shits in the sto- it's not, it's also not like, I mean, he's only, I think they only shit like twice a day now.

• 51:05H. Foley?

  He dumps one out-

• 51:05Speaker 01

  It's down from like, eight hours. It used to be like eight times a day.

• 51:07H. Foley?

  He dumps one out in the, he dumps one out in the store, you let it ride till you get out, back to the car, you gotta-

• 51:11Speaker 01

  It depends. Yeah, probably, it, probably do it in the car. I mean, I'm only gonna be in the store for, I mean, if he shit the second I walked in the store?

• 51:18H. Foley?

  God damn it!

• 51:19Speaker 01

  No, not really.

• 51:20H. Foley?

  That's what my dad would've said. "God damn it!"

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Sure, I get, I'm, I'm also still-

• 51:24H. Foley?

  I'm a baby.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  I'm still early. You're smoking. You're leaving your cig out front. Uh... I get that I'm saying this all from a non-jaded, warned, I can see-

• 51:35H. Foley?

  Jaded!

• 51:36Speaker 01

  If you put me in ten years now, and he's eleven, and I'm as tired as I am today, you know, I, I can get how our parents used to be like, "Jesus fucking cr-" you know?

• 51:48H. Foley?

  So she says, "Take him with you."

• 51:49Speaker 01

  She goes, "Why don't you take him with you?" And I go, "Yeah, sure." And I, but I just got, I left. I didn't, I didn't like pack a bag, I, and she was just like-

• 51:57H. Foley?

  Did you take him?

• 51:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but she came home, she's like, "You didn't fucking take anything."

• 52:02H. Foley?

  You, you, hold, hold on a second. You're busting my balls?

• 52:05Speaker 01

  It's not, oh, guy, projecting.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  You know, do you know couples can talk without screaming at each other?

• 52:11Speaker 03

  I've heard.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, she, it was more of like, I find it crazy, like, comical, like, I find it crazy that you're taking him to the store, and you just leave-

• 52:20H. Foley?

  How'd you laugh, like? Like that?

• 52:23Speaker 01

  No, I just, I thought I had a pretty good point.

• 52:25H. Foley?

  Start losing it. "Oh, that's funny!"

• 52:28Speaker 01

  I got a gun to my head.

• 52:31H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 52:32H. Foley?

  I just shit my pants.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  Nuh-uh. That's crazy, dude.

• 52:36Speaker 03

  We have to leave that in because it, we just talked about it.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's staying. The, this is all staying, we're gonna hype, we're gonna fast, we're gonna zzzzzzz, but, put it in, put it in fast pace.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  And the word, "Baaam."

• 52:55H. Foley?

  Cut that, right?

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Nope, that's all-

• 52:58H. Foley?

  Such fucking brats.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  -in there.

• 53:00H. Foley?

  It's that goddamn Zepbound, man, fucking, one minute you're jammed up, next minute-

• 53:04Speaker 01

  It's a rocky road.

• 53:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's crazy. I guess I'm playing on my butthole, too.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Okay, uh, it's a family program.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  Normally, we cut it out.

• 53:16H. Foley?

  Excuse me?

• 53:16Speaker 03

  Normally, we do cut it out when this happens.

• 53:19H. Foley?

  Hey, you know, it happens every three days.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Every four or five.

• 53:21H. Foley?

  I'm sorry, I'm on medication.

• 53:25H. Foley?

  Cause I don't wanna work out.

• 53:28H. Foley?

  Woo! Alright, I apologize.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  All good. Uh, this one's, this is a great name, it took me a second, this is from Holden Two Dicks. Uh...

• 53:37H. Foley?

  Like Holden Caulfield?

• 53:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 53:38H. Foley?

  From A Catcher In The Rye?

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 53:40H. Foley?

  And the catcher in the right.

• 53:43H. Foley?

  Holden Caulfield.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Uh, "Are you garbs if you send your last fifty dollars to Venmo because you're dodging those auto drafts? They can't remember when they hit."

• 53:52H. Foley?

  I just did that.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 53:54H. Foley?

  They can't get it.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  You're, you're moving-

• 53:56H. Foley?

  They can't get it.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Bad. Uh, it's a, that's great, that's a brilliant thing of like,

• 54:03H. Foley?

  That's a third party, bitch!

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Put it in escrow real quick.

• 54:05H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 54:07Speaker 01

  That's great. It's crazy that you're doing that. Um, living-

• 54:11Speaker 03

  Can you be to Venmo you?

• 54:12Speaker 01

  I forgot, remember Luke saved the day the one time? Which I figured out my Venmo, by the way.

• 54:16H. Foley?

  Luke saved the day? I remember, I remember Luke greasing you for fucking Venmo requests, constantly.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, he was coming out of pocket for a lot of expenses.

• 54:24H. Foley?

  Coming out of po- you are out of pocket.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  They're still up there.

• 54:26H. Foley?

  You're out of line.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's been clean, he's, he's-

• 54:29H. Foley?

  They're still up there.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll remind them.

• 54:31H. Foley?

  Your Venmo things aren't private?

• 54:33Speaker 03

  No, they're all private. The requests are still out there.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  You know what's funny? Uh, we have, I, you know, we have people do stuff around the house in the suburbs, you know, the landscaper, we got like a handyman, like, you know-

• 54:45H. Foley?

  Good for you.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  Okay, um...

• 54:49Speaker 03

  Are you looking for a little extra?

• 54:51H. Foley?

  I pick up a little side work, you know, you don't trust me with nothing.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  What can you do?

• 54:55H. Foley?

  A lot of shit.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 54:57H. Foley?

  I could do time.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Where?

• 55:00H. Foley?

  Entertain, entertain the wife and the kid while you're on one of your Target runs.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 55:04H. Foley?

  Ah, enjoy me, huh?

• 55:06Speaker 01

  That's all you got, see, you're leaving. Woman you've known for fif- you've known her as lo- we met the same night, and that's what you open up with.

• 55:12H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  Things could've been a little different.

• 55:15H. Foley?

  Huh, nah, I would've had a shot with her. Classy lady like that, she would've saw through me in two seconds.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:20H. Foley?

  That was all you that night, baby.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  I was able to lie for quite some time.

• 55:23H. Foley?

  Kippy had the hot hand that night, he was down a few pounds.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  I was looking good then, yeah.

• 55:27H. Foley?

  Chatting her up, her and her friends.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  That was the smoothest move I ever had.

• 55:30H. Foley?

  Woo, then out of nowhere, there's the stars, I was meant to be, that was the universe, you know that?

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 55:35H. Foley?

  No way she would've talked to you if you weren't, if you didn't go up on stage. Did you, did you have her number or anything before you got up on stage?

• 55:41Speaker 01

  We had already kissed before I went up on stage.

• 55:43H. Foley?

  You did?

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:45H. Foley?

  You moved that quick? That was an eight o'clock show! No, you didn't.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  It was a matinee.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  No, you didn't.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Yes, we did.

• 55:52H. Foley?

  I know you lied. By the way, shout out to Mojo.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  Mojo Brooks.

• 55:55H. Foley?

  Saw him there tonight. Sweetheart of a guy.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Name drop.

• 56:00H. Foley?

  Name drop a little names.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  You were in the same place, you weren't hanging, call ya-

• 56:03H. Foley?

  No.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  You just so happened to be eating-

• 56:06H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  At a club you weren't working at, and he showed up.

• 56:09H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's all very accurate. Funny, I didn't talk to you that night, but you certainly knew my whereabouts. You know what I had for dinner?

• 56:17Speaker 01

  I don't think it was a salad. Let me check your, turn around, let me check your pants. I don't know, goldfish?

• 56:24H. Foley?

  It was chicken kebabs.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 56:25H. Foley?

  With, uh, vegetables, and instead of rice, I asked for mashed potatoes.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Chocolate?

• 56:31H. Foley?

  I was at the Comedy Cellar. Having dinner with my friend, Ian Fiden.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  Never heard of him.

• 56:36H. Foley?

  Good guy.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. But what were you say, okay?

• 56:38H. Foley?

  Love the food there, it's all of traits, delicious.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Great.

• 56:41H. Foley?

  Home away from home. Um...

• 56:44H. Foley?

  Uh, hold on a second, back this up, you kissed her before you got on stage. We got to the stand that night, this is how Kippy, uh, how Kippy met your mother. Um...

• 56:54Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 56:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, thanks. That was a show, right?

• 57:01Speaker 01

  I'm not hallucinating.

• 57:03H. Foley?

  Neil Patrick Harris is a pussy hound? What are we talking about here? Anyway, um...

• 57:10H. Foley?

  We got to the stand that night.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:12H. Foley?

  It was me, you, macaroni for the eight o'clock show, right? If I, memory serves, we were hanging out.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  We were hanging, we weren't working, yeah, no, we had a-

• 57:20H. Foley?

  I know we weren't working.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  I get it, we don't work at a stand.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, we still don't.

• 57:25H. Foley?

  Oh, we don't.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Um-

• 57:26H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Crazy. It's fine. Shout out to, shout out to Chris Italia. Um...

• 57:31H. Foley?

  Go ahead.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  We were there hanging out, cause that's where you, you have to show face.

• 57:36H. Foley?

  Right, you just have to show face.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  Show face.

• 57:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  And IPAs just hit heavy, and I didn't know they were stronger than regular beers at that time.

• 57:44H. Foley?

  See, I did and didn't tell ya. One of you got fucked up with me.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Well, that doesn't mean I'm not fucking-

• 57:50H. Foley?

  They're not alcoholic, could be in a-

• 57:52Speaker 01

  I remember the week before, I realized that they were different, and I blacked out at a diner, and I came to-

• 57:59H. Foley?

  Yeah, cause you had three Goose Islands.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  No, I had nine, I had nine IPA, nine of like the heavy bike, like nine percenters. It wasn't Goose Islands, it was-

• 58:07H. Foley?

  Those things had fentanyl in it. That Goose Islands, they hit ya hard, and they didn't, but-

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Doing that devil's brew.

• 58:12H. Foley?

  Ooh, you're supposed to drink, that's when I found out, most of those IPAs, you're supposed to drink it, like a, like a chalice of it. Like a schnifter of it. We were doing, we were doing fucking boots, big boys.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Big boys. Yeah, I, I just didn't know. And they were on sale, I think they were trying to peddle. They were like, you know, if a beer, whatever, a beer's ten dollars, these were seven, and I'm like, oh, fucking-

• 58:35H. Foley?

  Trying to get in the marketplace.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Well, I'm a fucking bobblehead Kippy in the corner, dry heaving. Um... But yeah, so we were, we were, we were hanging out there trying to show face, we were kinda in, I think we were doing shows at the sister club at the time.

• 58:49H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  At the standing room, which was out in Long Island City.

• 58:52H. Foley?

  So we were in the family for a minute.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  We were, we were, we were in the fold a little bit, and yeah, eh, dah, eh, dah, eh, dah.

• 58:57H. Foley?

  Quickly went south.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Sure, as most of our professional relationships do.

• 59:02H. Foley?

  Turf Street War that we started.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  Go ahead. So, uh, we... Yeah, so I, we were there hanging.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  We're there hanging?

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:14H. Foley?

  But this was in the evening, this wasn't like six o'clock?

• 59:16Speaker 01

  No, it was like eight o'clock, yeah, so you-

• 59:17H. Foley?

  Eight o'clock, they, cause they were there, they tried to go to the early show.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  She was there, they, she showed up late to the eight o'clock show. Classic my wife, am I right? Uh, she showed up late for the eight o'clock show.

• 59:28H. Foley?

  Pretty adorable.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Classic dumb bro.

• 59:32H. Foley?

  As a guy with no family, and no one loves him, that's pretty adorable.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Hey, I like you, bud. That's close, that's close to love.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Um...

• 59:40H. Foley?

  I'm like Bo the bartender.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  I'm looking for Amanda, hug and kiss.

• 59:48H. Foley?

  Go ahead.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  Um.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  I sh- we, yeah, so we're there hanging.

• 59:54H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Heaters, beers, heaters, beers, that kinda fucking thing. Was it vi- we were like, kinda, so, we were feeling ourselves a little bit. We were newer in the city. Well, I just lost weight. We're like, doing-

• 1:00:06H. Foley?

  You were ju- you were feeling yourself.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, but so, we, we were moving as a cli- the cli- the extended cli was doing pretty well.

• 1:00:13H. Foley?

  I was close to grabbing the third rail.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  Uh, we were, you know, we were moving.

• 1:00:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, we were busy-

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Baby steps, but forward motion-

• 1:00:23H. Foley?

  City comedy, we got a hot show at the standing room.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  We're doing stuff, opening up for someone here and there. Friends are starting to get some like, tonight show set, just like, things were, yeah, MTV stuff, just, you know, whatever, percolating a little bit.

• 1:00:35H. Foley?

  MTV stuff?

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  Well, our friends were.

• 1:00:37H. Foley?

  Yeah. We weren't even allowed on set.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  I'm not saying, I don't know why you're making that. I'm saying the people, like, there's- We're not doing an open mic in fucking northeast Philadelphia. We're hanging out in New York. Our friends are getting out, we're like, okay, there's-

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  Shout out to the comedy cabaret.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  Shout, there's some sort of fucking things happening on the, at least the, for, not for ten years, but you go, I could, I could do that at some point.

• 1:00:59H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Um, and, uh-

• 1:01:04H. Foley?

  She's there with a friend.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  She's there with a friend.

• 1:01:06H. Foley?

  You start yapping to her.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  No, that old drunk lady, who was like a comic, remember she was like an Upper West Side, old Upper West Side lady?

• 1:01:14H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  She was there hanging out.

• 1:01:16H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  And hitting on all the comics. Going, ah, she would did like the six o'clock show or something.

• 1:01:22H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  It was like a bringer show she was on.

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  There was some old bag in there hitting on people?

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26H. Foley?

  What the fuck was that?

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  She had a big fur coat on, being like, oh, honey, or whatever, and I just didn't wanna talk to her.

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  That's right up my alley back then.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  So I didn't wanna talk to her.

• 1:01:34H. Foley?

  I'd have been like, see you fellas later, I gotta see a man about a tie.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Gotta see an old lady about chlamydia. I'll be right back. Uh, I didn't wanna talk to her, and I was sitting next to my wife at the time, at the bar stool, and I hadn't said anything to her.

• 1:01:51H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  So she's like-

• 1:01:52H. Foley?

  You were sweating, though.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Ooh. Gonna finish that?

• 1:01:55H. Foley?

  Hi, you're Kevin? I, I mean, I'm Kevin.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  My move was, uh, the old lady came over to hit on me, and she's like, ay, ay, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, and I just was like, I don't wanna talk, like, she was just bothering everybody. So I said, oh, actually, this is my wife.

• 1:02:09H. Foley?

  No, you didn't.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  The fuck I didn't.

• 1:02:11H. Foley?

  Have you ever told this?

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  I don't know. I, it's crazy you don't know it. I put my arm around, I said, this is actually my wi-

• 1:02:16H. Foley?

  Turn it in again?

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  This is my wife. I, I think I went with Stephanie.

• 1:02:19H. Foley?

  Are you fucking kidding me?

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Swear to God. You don't know this?

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  No!

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  This is crazy, you don't know this.

• 1:02:24H. Foley?

  I took a lot of drugs.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  That's very true. I said, this is my wife Stephanie, and she played along. And she went, hi, blah blah blah, he's a handful. I peel off.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  I go get another beer, or whatever.

• 1:02:38H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Fucking, I'm a wash. I'm, I'm order- I'm ordering bar snacks.

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  Hey, you start getting the shakes, you gotta make a move.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  Anybody wanna go half on the Swedish meatballs? I'm burping.

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  Um-

• 1:02:54H. Foley?

  My wife will take care of the chat. I'll be-

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  My wife. Yeah, so she played along, and this is the coolest I've ever been, for sure, that's ever worked. I've never been able to get this-

• 1:03:05H. Foley?

  So far?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Pretty cool.

• 1:03:06H. Foley?

  By a long shot.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  I've never been able, I've tried to be this cool, and it's-

• 1:03:10H. Foley?

  Miss, I don't know this man.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, she played along.

• 1:03:13H. Foley?

  I'm surprised Chris Hansen didn't turn the corner.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  You wanted to what?

• 1:03:16H. Foley?

  What are you doing here? I'm just getting a beer. I'm in a bar, what?

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  You should try these IPAs.

• 1:03:22H. Foley?

  They're like, three dollars less.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Hey, fuck you up, dude. Blacked out, woke up driving a taxi, admit that.

• 1:03:28H. Foley?

  Couple of these goose shit IPAs.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Fuck your brain up.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I, she played along, so I peel off, so like, ten, I play it cool. I thi- I remember coming back to the brain trust, me, you, and Siobhan, and Reggie-

• 1:03:44H. Foley?

  And then he stepped, Siobhan stepped in at some point with you.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:47H. Foley?

  He wing manned you.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  But I, so I go, uh, I peel back, I look at what she's drinking, maybe she had a beer, so I don't know what she had, and I go, I came up with a beer.

• 1:03:58H. Foley?

  Fucking big hef of icing.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  Ah, fuck.

• 1:04:01H. Foley?

  Hey, he'll do-

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Scraps my shirt, chugs it in my face.

• 1:04:04H. Foley?

  Ziggy zaggy.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  So I come back and go, hey, thanks for that, I owe you a drink.

• 1:04:12H. Foley?

  Did you have the beer there?

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like, saw whatever she was drinking, I may have even-

• 1:04:16H. Foley?

  Fucking roofie Randy over here.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  I didn't even think of that.

• 1:04:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, no shit.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  She eyes are trustworthy, guy.

• 1:04:22H. Foley?

  Smoking.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  It's fizzling, like, like Drano.

• 1:04:28H. Foley?

  That's fucked up.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it's fucked up. We don't laugh at that, that's our, obviously a travesty. Um, but I, uh, yeah, so-

• 1:04:34H. Foley?

  I got roofied once, you know that.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  I probably did it to yourself so you could finger your asshole.

• 1:04:38H. Foley?

  Nah, as a bartender, the day before Thanksgiving.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've told us.

• 1:04:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't know why he did it. He just didn't like me, I guess, I don't know.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:04:45H. Foley?

  Go ahead.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  I'm on his side, if I'm being honest with you.

• 1:04:47H. Foley?

  Shut him up.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  This guy won't-

• 1:04:50H. Foley?

  I'd just gotten there. I had one drink. Go ahead.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, so I went back with the drink, and then, you know, I said, hey, I owe you, thanks for that, and then we started talking. Yeah, and she's, uh, like, she's like, ah, I'm a, I'm a comic, yeah, I'm a comedian, and I remember she, you know, she said, uh, are you on the show tonight? And I said, nah, not tonight.

• 1:05:12H. Foley?

  Not tonight?

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:14H. Foley?

  Or tomorrow. Or tonight after that. Never, actually.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  And she said, oh, I said, nah, not tonight, and she said, why, you're not funny enough? Which I should have taken, and I was like, yeah, there's a lot of politics, and, ah, you gotta hang out, you gotta drink fifty-two beers, blackout, um-

• 1:05:32H. Foley?

  I'm Protestant, they're Catholic, you know how it goes.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  These are Guineas, I'm Irish, they hold it against me. Uh, yeah, so, I don't know, and then we started talking, and that was how we started talking, that's how, yeah.

• 1:05:42H. Foley?

  And then you got on the ten o'clock show.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  I got on the midnight.

• 1:05:45H. Foley?

  Oh!

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  So I'm doing so well, they then go, hey, she, the ten o'clock show comes up.

• 1:05:51H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  And then should they, they come to see them, and they go, we're actually oversold on the ten, so if you wanna push to the midnight, we'll give you two free drinks or whatever.

• 1:06:00H. Foley?

  Who's this, Adele running it?

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  I think Adele, or one of the, yeah, or maybe, uh, Emma, uh, Emily? Emma, Emily? Remember Emily?

• 1:06:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, Colin.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, shut up, Dan.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  It was one of them, one of the girls at the front, um-

• 1:06:11H. Foley?

  Funny how it all connects.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Hey, if you wanna wait, we'll give you two, cause I think they needed to push people-

• 1:06:16H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  To make sure they had a midnight show or whatever, I don't know. And then, uh, they did that, I then ended up still staying, and at that point, now I got a little bit of time, now I got the whole ten o'clock show.

• 1:06:27H. Foley?

  Did I peel it off by then?

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:06:30H. Foley?

  I would have to assume.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 1:06:32H. Foley?

  Just doing the numbers.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably, I don't know. I mean, it's still ten, I mean, it's ten o'clock.

• 1:06:36H. Foley?

  Ten too.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  I don't know, whatever.

• 1:06:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, ten o'clock, yeah, ten, sorry.

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  But, uh, yeah, so then, you know, this, that, the other thing, I, they then go to the midnight show, I kiss her outside.

• 1:06:45H. Foley?

  When? Before, you went out to have a cigarette with her?

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Went out to have a cig.

• 1:06:48H. Foley?

  And then you, who, who started to kiss?

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  I did.

• 1:06:51H. Foley?

  You just moved in?

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52H. Foley?

  How'd you know your breath?

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Oh, I was smoking a heater, it was mid heater, probably, I'm assuming.

• 1:06:57H. Foley?

  Heater and beer breath. And I don't know what we had for dinner, but it either wasn't much, or it was some type of meat product. It was probably meatballs.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Probably a turkey burger or something like that from-

• 1:07:07H. Foley?

  With no bun.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09H. Foley?

  And you have gum or anything?

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Probably not, no.

• 1:07:11H. Foley?

  You haven't flossed in thirty years.

• 1:07:16H. Foley?

  But still, love is love.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  I mean, she's also smoking and drinking.

• 1:07:19H. Foley?

  Sexy kiss, or just like a?

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  No, yeah, like a-

• 1:07:22H. Foley?

  Forehead?

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Gave her an Eskimo kiss, a butterfly kiss, you guys do those? The eyes?

• 1:07:29H. Foley?

  I used to.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:07:30H. Foley?

  I was adored once, too.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, my line was, uh-

• 1:07:35H. Foley?

  Well, you're my wife, so-

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  Legally.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  I don't know if you know, you're familiar with our laws here in this country, but I get to take a crack at you.

• 1:07:45H. Foley?

  It's a binding contract. Okay.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  You smoked my cigarette, you dumb bitch. You're out here teasing me?

• 1:07:52H. Foley?

  It's my property.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Um-

• 1:07:53H. Foley?

  You either call the cops or-

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I think, I had kinda known it was, I was doing pretty good at that point, and I said, she's like, what are you thinking? You, you, you got that smirk, what are you smiling at, or something? My, I hadn't tell you this?

• 1:08:07H. Foley?

  Came in my pants.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  Which means it will last longer later.

• 1:08:12H. Foley?

  You just saved me a cab ride. Good night, little fellow lady.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  I bid you good morrow.

• 1:08:21H. Foley?

  He's so worked up, he came in his pants just by looking at her, you get what I'm saying?

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  I said-

• 1:08:26H. Foley?

  Pussy hound like you, you, you know what I'm talking about.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Coxman.

• 1:08:32H. Foley?

  Coxman is great.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  Always wanted to be called one.

• 1:08:35H. Foley?

  Tommy Pope, Coxman.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38H. Foley?

  I was not.

• 1:08:41H. Foley?

  More of a Dunkaroos man.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  That's where I get that.

• 1:08:46H. Foley?

  Yeah, it doesn't matter.

• 1:08:49H. Foley?

  But you're not even booked on the show, what are you talking about?

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  But that was, so I go-

• 1:08:52H. Foley?

  Loser, I probably had spots, that's what I was getting to.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, spots in your underwear.

• 1:08:58H. Foley?

  If I would, if that would've went through to my jeans, I would've been so mad. These are my light jeans, I gotta go to the airport after this.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  You're jammed up.

• 1:09:05H. Foley?

  I would've been, I would've went to DXL and bought a new pair, that's how much I like these, these light jeans. Feel like Harry Styles in them. I know I don't look like it.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  More like Harry Styles. Ooh, guy's got a bush.

• 1:09:17H. Foley?

  I don't, though.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  Um-

• 1:09:21H. Foley?

  Remember my dad's in the eighties?

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ, um-

• 1:09:25H. Foley?

  Why's that black guy blowing your stomach?

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  A throat? That's, that's the clip. No, so I, I hit her with another cool guy line. She said, what are you thinking about? And I said, our first kiss. Pretty good.

• 1:09:42H. Foley?

  What, were you, were you controlled by aliens that night?

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  I was-

• 1:09:46H. Foley?

  Thinking about our first kiss.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 1:09:48H. Foley?

  And what'd she say?

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:09:50H. Foley?

  When's that gonna happen?

• 1:09:51Speaker 01

  Something, I say, right now.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  I take another drag of ice.

• 1:10:00H. Foley?

  He blowed in her mouth?

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  Ew, I shotgun her a Marlboro Light.

• 1:10:05H. Foley?

  You turn it around?

• 1:10:10H. Foley?

  Is that cheating?

• 1:10:11Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:10:11H. Foley?

  You know when the joint-

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  Blowing a shotgun to somebody?

• 1:10:13H. Foley?

  When they turn the joint around-

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a shotgun, dickhead.

• 1:10:16H. Foley?

  A shotgun is when you take a hit and then blow it in the person's mouth.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  Now, who's, who's right?

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  You're right.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause you can, you probably, you can link, you can link hands and blow a shotty. Or you can do the-

• 1:10:28H. Foley?

  So would that be cheat, would you be cool with that?

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  If my wife fucking got a shotty from another dude?

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, that's not cool in my household. That's cra- first of all, I don't want my wife running around doing shotties with, if my wife asks me for a shotty-

• 1:10:44H. Foley?

  What do you think, Panama Red? You cool with that?

• 1:10:47Speaker 03

  And I'm finding out my girl's a whore?

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's cra- dude, only, dude, only girls with tongue rings can get, can get away with shotties. That's crazy. That's crazy.

• 1:10:58H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  Get in the car now.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  She doesn't wanna shotgun with me.

• 1:11:05H. Foley?

  Is that an immediate?

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  That's like the dad play-

• 1:11:08H. Foley?

  If at your cousin's wedding, you walk out and she's getting shotgun by wanna hit one of the groomsmen.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, what? I'd be like, lady, I've never met you in my life. I should've known when I found you to walk and stay, you know, some kinda-

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  That's, that might be worse than French kissing.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's cra- cause that's like the tea, that's like the, my boys used to do it to each other.

• 1:11:30H. Foley?

  The first time I saw it was in college, and I was like, what the fuck are you guys doing?

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, my boys would do it with blunts.

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  I know, and like, I was so surprised that like, the nineties let that slide.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  Nineties? I'm not, how old is, I'm, it is, it's two thousand?

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  It was like, that was a thing, like, uh, yeah, mid two thou- whatever, but like-

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think would, why would it do, you would, maybe it would get like, too small to then blow a shotty? I don't, I forget why. There's some sort of benefit, I feel.

• 1:11:55H. Foley?

  I just thought it was lame.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I never got it. Um, listen, but we're gonna wrap it up. Well, I love, my love life aside, and the rest is history.

• 1:12:03H. Foley?

  So you caught a kiss before the show?

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then I went up, I, I randomly got put up on the, on the midnight show.

• 1:12:08H. Foley?

  Were you guys done seeing, was it like, hey?

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  No. She said, stay around, stick around till after the show.

• 1:12:13H. Foley?

  Oh, you would've been a loser sticking around through that show if you weren't on it.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, what are you, nuts?

• 1:12:18H. Foley?

  I just kissed this bro.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I go, I literally was like, oh, yeah, I got a couple things, meanwhile, I'm like, fucking welding my ass to the bar seat.

• 1:12:26H. Foley?

  I got a meeting with a producer.

• 1:12:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I gotta fucking, oh, no, there's another hot chick I gotta go talk to.

• 1:12:31H. Foley?

  Look at you. I love you, buddy. And the rest is history, yeah?

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  I love you too, pal.

• 1:12:35H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you to death. American Garbage premieres on our YouTube page September thirteenth. Like I said, if you're an audio listener, do us a favor, go over to YouTube, subscribe, let's blow up the subscribers, let's fucking make this thing big, big, big.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  Huge.

• 1:12:48H. Foley?

  We love you, gang, and we'll see you in three days.

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  Peace!