7 Scientifically Proven Ways to Know You're in Love

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on Calm Have you been truly in love? Have you loved someone so much they are always included in your plans? Have you been in a situation where you can’t wait to spend more time with the person you love? Being in love is rich, flavorful, and addictive. It changes you and how you see the world. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty narrates the different signs that tell you are falling in love with someone and how to deal with your own feelings. Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 02:02 Are you falling in love? 04:38 Sign #1: You start breathing in time with them 10:18 Sign #2: You generally have a more optimistic view on life 13:58 Sign #3: You have a similar sense of humor 17:46 Sign #4: You feel you can be honest with someone 22:04 Sign #5: You think about your partner when making plans 24:05 Sign #6: You are no longer looking for the flirty validation from someone 26:03 Sign #7: The feeling of aligned values Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

  Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This was a conversation that happened with someone else on the street yesterday. They were saying that they feel that when they open up to others, what they share will one day be used against them. And I thought, how sad is that? That people in this world are experiencing their intimacy turn into a weapon. When you're putting down your shield, someone's using that as a weapon. That's really difficult. That's a really challenging place to be.

• 3:39Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, I just want to start off by saying that it has been incredible to see the downloads, to see the listens just go through the roof because I know so many of you are not just listening to one episode a week, not just listening to two episodes a week, most of you are listening to an episode every single day. And that truly blows my mind because it shows me that we're living in a world that is hungry to grow, hungry to improve, hungry to feel better.

• 4:21Jay Shetty?

  And I'm just blown away on a daily basis, seeing the love that you continue to show me. And I just want you to know that when I'm Planning these sessions, when I'm preparing for them, I'm thinking about each and every one of you and hoping that I can share insights and practical steps to helping you in your work, your relationships and your life. And I just want to thank you. I bumped into so many of you this week. I was in New York, speaking to strangers, speaking to some of you on the streets, whoever I bumped into. And I had such a fulfilling time. And I just want to say how much I deeply appreciate meeting you. And again, I'm going to say this to you.

• 5:03Jay Shetty?

  If you see me on the streets or anywhere, please say hello because it makes my day. And I will give you a massive hug if you tell me you listen to the podcast. So today I'm talking about the seven scientifically proven ways to know you're falling in love. I find this subject matter so deeply fascinating because I believe that love is one of those things that we're addicted to learning more about. So a lot of the studies show that men might experience feelings of love faster than women. Some say almost six weeks earlier, but men are also the ones to say I love you first.

• 5:46Jay Shetty?

  Even though what I find most fascinating is a lot of the times when men have said that, they also fall out of love faster as well. And so men fall into love faster and they fall out of love faster as well. Studies show that women might say I love you more often. And women take a bit longer to fall in love as they are predisposed to being more thoughtful about using those words and about making that decision. So what's really fascinating about love is that we see people use this word. As being appropriate for many different feelings. Someone could just be deeply attracted to you and they call it love.

• 6:32Jay Shetty?

  Some people could just be admirers of you and they call it love. Some people may just be lustful after you and they call it love. And so we've got to be really careful about the way we use the word love. Because the idea of love is in itself so intoxicating that we don't always think about the use of the word. So when I'm telling you today the scientifically proven ways to know you're falling in love. We're talking about the love that I'm defining as a love that's going to last. A love that you're going to invest in. A love that you're willing to put the work into. I think for me, I know that I've met people who could fall in lust with a new person every month.

• 7:16Jay Shetty?

  Right, literally every month they would come to me and say, I'm really into this person, oh, I'm really into this person. I'm really into this person, oh yeah, no, now I'm into this person. And if someone's looking for that quick win, that quick feeling of pleasure, then that can be a really good recipe. But for those of us that want to have long lasting, deep fulfilling relationships with one person. These are the signs that you're falling in love with them. Some of them are going to be ones that you recognize. Some of them are going to be ones that surprise you. So let's get going. The first one that I want to share with you is that this one, I mean, I'm sharing this one with you, but this isn't the easiest one to measure. But I know that all of you are gonna get a heart rate monitor

• 8:00Jay Shetty?

  or a stethoscope out after this, even with your partners, even if you're dating already. This one's brilliant. You've started breathing in time with them. How amazing is that? That when you start falling in love with someone, you start breathing in time with them. So studies show that humans start to emulate another person's body language, but also they're breathing when they're feeling a sense of connectivity. And that holds true for couples that are in love. One scientific report study of twenty-two long-term couples found that when the two were sitting together, even when they weren't touching,

• 8:41Jay Shetty?

  their breath and heart rates naturally fell into time with each other. If one was in pain and they weren't able to touch, the connection was lost. But bringing contact back helped them sync up again. I really find this one interesting because I love when emotions, obviously can be proven through biology. And it's really interesting. So next time you're together, put your hand on each other's heart. See if your hearts are beating at the same rate, at the same pace. If you really want to get a heart monitor out and check as well. And it's a beautiful practice to start breathing together. My wife and I often meditate together. As I've always said, Radhi wakes up a little bit earlier than me, an hour earlier than me.

• 9:26Jay Shetty?

  But Radhi wakes up a little bit earlier than me and she'll be meditating for an hour by the time I get up and start meditating. So maybe we'll get like half an hour to an hour together. And what I find really special about that is we feel so in sync, not just on a values basis, from a breathing basis and perspective, and also aligned at the beginning of the day. And I know that for Radhi, that makes such a big difference to how she feels aligned with me when she knows we're getting that morning time together. This is one of the reasons why couples who emulate and mimic each other's routines also have healthier relationships when couples are waking up at a similar time, when they're sleeping at a similar time. And notice how I say similar, not same, because two people are not the same.

• 10:11Jay Shetty?

  When we demand that our partner goes to sleep at the same time as us or wakes up at the same time as us, that can be really harmful in a relationship. That can actually be quite detrimental in a relationship because for most people, that's just not real. But a similar time is healthy when you get into bed at the same time. But maybe one of you likes to read a little bit before you go to bed. Maybe one of you likes to do a meditation on your own before you go to bed. But getting into bed at the same time, having dinner together every day. There are small routine habits that we can create with our partners where we start to synergize. What's really interesting is that when most people start dating, they spend a lot of time together. So they feel a lot of synergy.

• 10:55Jay Shetty?

  Then when you get married or you move in or you start dating where you are, living together and cohabitating. During that time, we start to see routines become very different. I had one friend who, her boyfriend would wanna play video games all night till four AM. And she'd wanna sleep at ten PM and wake up at seven AM to get on with her day. He'd wanna get into bed at four AM and wake up at eleven AM, right? Because his work was more flexible. Now, I'm not saying either of them are right or wrong, but that naturally causes distance in a relationship. You may think that that's okay, but it won't be sustainable. And so at one point, both of you have to ask what's more important? This relationship or me playing video games till four AM?

• 11:39Jay Shetty?

  Now, I'm sure that you'll choose, uh, FIFA if you choose video games. No, I'm kidding. Uh, I'm hoping that you'll choose your relationship. But it's really fascinating to me that not only are your breaths aligned, when your routines are aligned, when your mealtimes are aligned. This creates a synergy in your relationship. So I want you to think about, what's the one thing you can do every day with your partner that makes you feel connected? Is it that you have breakfast together? Is it that you have dinner together? Is it that you sleep at the same time or wake up at the same time or similar time? What is that one habit a day that you're going to do together? For me and Radhi, it's definitely been having our evening tea, right?

• 12:22Jay Shetty?

  Sometimes I'm really tired from a lot of late events and I wanna sleep in a little bit. Or sometimes she's out for dinner or meeting someone. But we found that having our evening tea together has been a really powerful routine to sync and synergize. If you want a long lasting relationship, what is your synergy habit? What is your synergy routine that you do every single day? Now, notice how I didn't mention watching a show. I'm not going to say that you can't watch a show together, but you discussing the show is more important than you watching the show. So if you are going to watch an episode of your favorite show, discuss it. Take five, 10 minutes at the end of it to have a bit of a reflection about it. If you are going to watch a movie,

• 13:07Jay Shetty?

  conversate about it. It may be the next day, maybe you need time to digest, but have a moment where you're actually communicating with each other. This isn't just about physical proximity. This is about genuine synergy, right? This is not about physical proximity. It's about emotional synergy. Now, the second scientifically proven way to know that you're falling in love is you generally have a more optimistic view on life. You've started to look at the challenges and troubles through a different lens. It's not that you're ignoring tough things, but you're able to see the good in them. You're able to learn from them.

• 13:50Jay Shetty?

  You're able to feel that you're growing as an individual and you're able to expand your worldview. A study of 245 young adult couples published in the Journal of Personality found that being in a relationship made individuals less neurotic and more optimistic. If you've noticed your own attitude changing, you might be gearing up for a long, healthy relationship. Now, I hadn't seen Radhi for a bit because we were both traveling for work and I'm gonna see her in a couple of days and I cannot be more excited. I have to share this with you. I wrote Radhi this note for when she was coming back, but she was coming back while I was away. And the note talks about how, you know, she's the heart of our home. We're fortunate enough to have a beautiful home.

• 14:36Jay Shetty?

  But when she's not in that home, it doesn't have the same light. It doesn't have the same spark. It doesn't have the same feeling. And the world seems like a more beautiful place when Radhi's in that world with me. And we've been together now for nearly 10 years. We've been married for six. The fact that I still feel that way about her makes me really happy. But think about that. Does being with your partner make you feel like the world's a better place? Maybe it's because you have someone to turn to. Maybe it's because you have someone to connect with. Maybe it's because you know that you can rely on having someone there to share your feelings with. I bumped into someone yesterday on the streets of New York. And he was telling me that, well, I was standing up with a sign in New York City that said,

• 15:20Jay Shetty?

  "One in four people you know is struggling with a mental health condition. If you need to talk, I'm here for you." And so many people stopped to talk to me. And one of the gentleman who stopped to talk to me, and he wasn't aware of the podcast, the book, or anything like that, he just stopped because he needed to share his heart. And he said to me that recently he broke up. And the conversation he was having with me, a random person on the street, he didn't identify me as Jay Shetty, he just literally bumped into me on the street, saw the sign. He told me that he usually has that conversation with his ex-girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend. And now he doesn't know who to have it with. And so you can see how the world seems like a quieter, darker, harder place.

• 16:01Jay Shetty?

  Because he no longer has someone to share his deep, vulnerable, open feelings with. So, ask yourself, are you becoming more optimistic around this person? Are you feeling more positive because of them? Are you feeling positive about them? But more importantly, are you also feeling positive about life? I think often we think of love as, "I love them, they are amazing, they are special, they are unique." And I think that that's wonderful, but I think over time, that feeling is difficult for a lot of people to maintain. Especially when we come across challenges in a relationship. But really what you're asking is, has your worldview positively changed by being with them? Do you think you're more open? Do you think you're open to more adventure?

• 16:46Jay Shetty?

  Do you think you're open to trialing new things? Do you think you are saying yes to new opportunities? Is that coming around? Are you someone who is restricting yourself because of this person and limiting yourself? Or are you expanding and extending yourself? So that is the second scientifically proven way to know you're falling in love.

• 17:08Jay Shetty?

  The third one is you have a similar sense of humor. Now, when Radhi and I got together, we banter a lot. And it's like British banter where you almost sound like you're cussing each other. Right? It's almost like you're playing that game like your mama jokes, right? With each other. People get really uncomfortable around us sometimes. Sometimes they see us having this conversation and they're like, is your relationship okay? Are you guys okay? And we just have a very similar sense of humor where we can just dig into each other for fun and banter with each other and we enjoy that. Now, we also like laughing at the same movies, the same jokes, the same stories. Radhi does think I'm funny. Sometimes she'll say I'm not, but overall I believe she thinks I'm funny. Radhi is hilarious, right?

• 17:52Jay Shetty?

  She, I find her ridiculously funny and she thinks that's just because I love her. But I'm, I actually think a lot of people find her funny. And research published in evolutionary psychology found that laughing at another person's jokes was a sign of dating interest in that person. But the best signal of romantic interest was if both people were cracking up together. Laughter shows warmth, so giggling together means you're feeling a mutual connection. So it's a really good idea to go to a comedy club as one of your dates. It's a really good idea to go to a funny movie as one of your early dates

• 18:34Jay Shetty?

  to see if you have the same sense of humor, to see if you have the same values around humor. Now, I have to be honest and say that there are limits to this as well. I'm sitting in this room right now. I'm recording with my man Paul Brazil, who's been my videographer since day one, since I moved to New York. I worked with Raj in London and then when I moved to New York, I've worked with Paul for the last five years. And Paul and me have been to see comedy shows together. We've been to see funny movies together. I think we have a similar sense of humor. He's nodding along, so I think he's, I think he's agreeing. But at the same time, me and Radhi have the same sense of humor. Although there are some limits, I remember taking Radhi to watch a movie

• 19:15Jay Shetty?

  that she found extremely offensive and I found extremely hilarious and could appreciate. And there is a limit to that kind of humor. Maybe it's a bit more bro humor, a bit more dude humor. And Radhi definitely does not appreciate that. So. Again, this is not saying that you have to laugh at the same things all the time or agree on everything all the time, but that you have a similar sense of humour. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout. What do all of these have in common? A lack of perceived control over your time, thoughts and tasks.

• 19:55Jay Shetty?

  But what if I told you fixing all of these problems is as simple as fixing your mindset towards them? I know, not simple at all. Everyone's busy, everyone's stressed, but we could all use more calm in our lives and learning to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice. That's why I've partnered with Calm.com to bring you the Daily J. If you've ever wanted to meditate with me and take back control over your busy mind, join me on the Calm app for the Daily J, a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life, and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer to the life of your dreams.

• 20:40Jay Shetty?

  Meditate with me by going to Calm.com/J to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. That's only $42 for the whole year for daily guided meditations. Experience the Daily J only on Calm.

• 20:56Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com/podcast.

• 21:39Jay Shetty?

  That's Indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favourite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last and it completely shifted the energy of the room.

• 22:21Jay Shetty?

  Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980.

• 23:05Jay Shetty?

  That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. The next scientifically proven way to know you're falling in love is that you feel like you can be honest with someone, like there's no more secret keeping. And it says that intimacy is the biggest factor that sets love apart from the attraction you feel in the early days of dating, says Marissa T. Cohen, PhD, co-founder of the Relationship Lab.

• 23:50Jay Shetty?

  And she says that intimacy involves self-disclosure. So if you feel like you can share your secrets with someone, if you feel like you can be honest with someone, if you feel like you can be transparent with someone, chances are that there's a sign that there's love. Now, this isn't about are you transparent, are you an open book? This is do you feel like you can actually share something with them? And the reason why we don't share things with other people is because we're scared they're gonna be used against us. This was a conversation that happened with someone else on the street yesterday. They were saying that they feel that when they open up to others, what they share will one day be used against them. And I thought, how sad is that?

• 24:34Jay Shetty?

  Like, how heartbreaking is that? That people in this world are experiencing their intimacy turn into a weapon. Imagine your secrets are being turned into weapons. Your emotional outpouring is being turned into a weapon against you. When you're putting down your shield, someone's using that as a weapon. That's really difficult. That's a really challenging place to be. Now, you may say, well, Jay, how do you know? How do you know? Sometimes you feel like you wanna be open and honest with someone. Sometimes you want to open your heart to someone. Sometimes you do trust them, but you never know if they're gonna use it as a weapon.

• 25:13Jay Shetty?

  That's why you wanna wait. Just because you feel like telling someone the truth doesn't mean you're in love. What true love is, when you share your truth, that person honors that truth. They don't use it against you in a fight. They don't manipulate you with it. They don't use it as a form of control or a method of bargaining or negotiating. It's it's used to support you. It's used to help you. It's used to propel you forward and uplift you. And so you don't feel like you need to keep secrets. But really, how they respond to that secret is the sign of love or not. You may be in love because you wanna share it. But whether they're in love with you or not is based on how they respond.

• 25:55Jay Shetty?

  I often say to people that sometimes when you start dating and someone tells you something really open and honest, like maybe they opened up to you and they say, hey, I have a porn addiction. Or maybe they open up to you and say, hey, I used to be an alcoholic. Or maybe they open up to you and say, I'm really struggling with X, Y, Z, or Zed, as I would say. A lot of the times, that can be quite alarming and we can be quite taken aback and caught off guard because we didn't want to know that about them. We almost don't want it to be true. And so we actually retaliate, we actually reflect poorly on them. Because we're like, well, I didn't wanna know that about you, so you can't be that. I don't want you to be that. And we're actually upset by it.

• 26:35Jay Shetty?

  But actually, the fact that they've disclosed that with you is an incredible sign of openness, is an incredible sign of genuineness. Now, I'm not saying you have to stay with that person, or you have to respect the challenge that they have, or help them through it. But don't write someone off because they are honest with you. Don't write someone off because they're honest with you and you don't like their honesty. Because I think a lot of us are like, I wish I was with someone honest, I wish I was with someone transparent. But then when someone is honest or transparent, we're uncomfortable with their honesty and transparency. So if someone is honest and transparent with you, even if you're not comfortable with it, thank them and acknowledge them for doing that.

• 27:14Jay Shetty?

  Because if you react poorly, they're then going to be scared to share that with someone else. So if you react badly to their honesty, they may never feel comfortable to be honest with someone else. Because they'll think every time they're honest with someone, they scare someone away. That's one of the first reasons why we all stop blocking ourselves and boundarying up ourselves from actually telling people how we truly feel. Is because we're scared it's gonna scare them away. So, being honest and transparent. All right, the next scientifically proven way to know you're falling in love is when you're making plans. You think about your partner, you include them.

• 27:54Jay Shetty?

  When, instead of saying, I think this, you start saying, we believe, or we think, or we started doing this. Right? You're not just thinking about what you want, and what you need to do, you're thinking about what you both need. And I remember feeling this way with Ravi when I started to recognize that I wasn't an I anymore, I was a we, I wasn't a me, I was an us. And I started to recognize that my decisions affected both of us. And when I realized that my decisions now affected both of us, they didn't change my decisions.

• 28:29Jay Shetty?

  But they changed how I communicated with them. And I think that's where people go wrong. People think that when you become a we or an us instead of an I and a me, you now have to change your decisions. I would say I didn't change my decisions, but I changed how I communicated and directed those decisions. So if I got a work trip where I had to travel, it's not that I was gonna say no to that trip. I would make Radi aware in advance that, hey, I've got this opportunity. This is why I really wanna take it. I think it would be really great for us if I go and do this, right? And I want you to know so that you can plan something or do whatever you want that weekend when I'll be traveling for work. So notice how you're not just saying, okay, this is right for me, so I'm gonna do it.

• 29:11Jay Shetty?

  Or, oh, my wife's gonna be upset with me if I'm there, so I'm gonna cancel it. It's no, I'm gonna communicate why I think this is good for us, why it's helpful to us. Maybe we wanna invest a bit more in this area this year. Maybe we want to travel this year a bit more and I need to go and do a bit of extra work for that, whatever it may be, right? So you include your partner when you're making decisions and you will have that conversation with them. Again, it's not stopping yourself from making the decision that you want. It's actually including them as part of that conversation. The next scientifically proven way to know you're falling in love

• 29:49Jay Shetty?

  is you are now no longer looking for that flirty validation from someone else, right? It's so easy to keep fishing for compliments, to keep fishing for people to be attracted to you, to keep fishing for that validation. And a lot of us enjoy it. A lot of us enjoy that. We enjoy the casual flirt. We enjoy the attraction of other people. Now, I'm not saying you don't feel appreciated when someone says, hey, you look good today, or that looks good on you. That's awesome, like, that's great. I'm not criticizing that. I'm just saying that you're no longer now trying to impress people. You're no longer trying to get them to say those things. Whereas when you start dating someone, you wanna impress them, right?

• 30:34Jay Shetty?

  That's normal. But now you're not trying to use that same place in other places. Is because you feel a sense of validation from the person you're with. Evidence from FMRI shows that when people who are in love see a photo of their lover, the parts of the brain associated with reward and motivation light up, according to the research published in the Journal of Comparative Neurology. That's a separate part of the brain from what's associated with sex drive. The findings led researchers to the conclusion that when someone is in love, their brain is programmed to focus solely on that person and to put other potential lovers on hold. So just think about that for a second, right?

• 31:17Jay Shetty?

  The part that's associated with sex drive, that's that casual flirt, that's that impressing people, that's that validation. That you may feel consistently, but love is when you're like, well, I don't want to feel that with someone else anymore. And I may feel that with someone else as well today. I may feel attraction, I may feel lust, but I don't want to feel that with them. I may feel it, but I don't want to. I'm not choosing to feel that with this person. I'm not choosing to act on it, right? The last one I want to share with you is ultimately the biggest one. There's a feeling of aligned values. There's a feeling of aligned values. Now, this doesn't mean that you have the same values. It doesn't mean that you agree on each other's values. It means that you respect each other's values.

• 32:02Jay Shetty?

  I think we've wasted a lot of time trying to say, I have to have the same values as the person I'm with. Obviously, that's amazing, but that's rare. You can have aligned values. So a lot of people break up because they say, we don't want the same things, or we're not the same people. And actually, you're going to be struggling really hard to find someone who's the same. Chances are, you're more likely to date someone who's very different to you than you are someone who's the same as you. And the thing you're really looking for is, do I like these differences enough to understand and grow with this person? Or do I not like these differences? It's not about are we more similar or are we more dissimilar? It's do I like the differences? We have things in common, and do I like the things in common? And do I like the things that are different?

• 32:46Jay Shetty?

  Rather than going, okay, no, if we have things in common, then we're for each other. And if we don't, then we're not for each other. It's no, do I like the things we have in common? And can I approach the things we don't have in common in an effective and healthy way? So these are the seven scientifically proven ways to know you're falling in love. I hope you test them with your partners. I hope you test them with someone you're dating. And I hope you think about also when you were wrong about love, or when you didn't find love, or maybe when you said it, or someone said it and it didn't turn out to be that way, which was a sign that you were missing. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you'll pass this on to someone who may need it. I want to thank you for listening today and just try and apply one of the principles from today. That's all just one, and watch how your life changes.

• 33:31Jay Shetty?

  I just want to read a few reviews. This is from Brianna P. Hello, Jay. I absolutely love listening to you and the way you communicate to us listeners and those whom you have relationships with that are interviewed. I wanted to start listening to podcasts and I've always struggled with mental health. I saw the last bit of you on The Ellen Show recently, which is where I heard of this podcast. So I started with listening to you. While I have my other self-healing remedies, your podcast is so inspirational and I've made a daily ritual because listening to you has positively impacted me so much. I'm so grateful that I get to have the opportunity to listen to all you have to say. You truly make an impact on people in the world.

• 34:13Jay Shetty?

  I love the interview you had with Lilly Singh and can't wait to start reading Be a Triangle. Just got it at Target. Once again, thank you for being part of my support system. Brianna P. Brianna, thank you for that wonderful review and I just want to give a big shout out. We're now at over 18,000 reviews. Our goal for 2022 is 20,000 reviews. We've got 2,000 to go. Keep them coming. Thanks for listening to On Purpose. I'll see you soon.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.