MBMBaM 782: A Net Full of Screaming Butterflies

Introducing TravNation points, which can be exchanged for prizes! You earn points by doing things like slyly learning to ride a unicycle, dressing up a concrete goose, and gushin’ up those lanternflies. Sorry, there are not enough hacky sacks to go around, those are first come, first served. Suggested talking points: Two Ears and One Mouth, You Miss All the Pigs You Don't Buy, Living Cheesily, Words That are CGI'd In Border Angels: https://www.borderangels.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:11Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, from from Wolf Wolf McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation?

• 1:22Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.

• 1:26Travis McElroy?

  This, this week, I, uh, it's, it's always fun whenever there's something religious happening on TikTok. Oh, yeah. Because I get to become, I get to become my wife's designated Protestant.

• 1:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  Uh, and she was, as she was really caught up in what she called rapture talk. I don't know if anybody else did, but apparently a bunch of people, not a bunch, I don't know, some number of people thought the rapture was gonna happen.

• 1:51Griffin McElroy?

  You guys heard of, can you do, can you, can you Lino it? Like, can you put a little Lino stink on it?

• 1:56Travis McElroy?

  You guys heard about this? Have you guys, uh, you guys heard of this? This people thought the rapture was gonna happen last week.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  That's not bad.

• 2:02Travis McElroy?

  It feels like every day someone thinks the rapture's gonna happen.

• 2:05Griffin McElroy?

  This was a big one, dude. This was a big one. And a lot of people, like Justin said, and I'm not gonna name names or say if I'm one of them, were pretty fucking stoked and are honestly feeling

• 2:16Travis McElroy?

  Really?

• 2:16Griffin McElroy?

  pretty disappointed. Some of, some of people...

• 2:20Griffin McElroy?

  Some of people went to Wendy's and bought 30 hamburgers and ate 30 hamburgers because they thought they were gonna leave their stupid body behind and shoot up into heaven and ascend.

• 2:29Travis McElroy?

  So wait, wait, Griffin, I'm confused by this logic. Was it to fuel the transition? Was it to punish your body? Was it like, this doesn't mean anything?

• 2:37Griffin McElroy?

  No fuel needed. The, from what I understood, again, from, from Christ Talk was that he was gonna handle most of the heavy lifting with the ascension. I wouldn't need to like squeeze like, I kegels so hard that my soul shoots up and out and.

• 2:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so Griffin, I know that you were not following this incident, this, this, this like sort of ongoing conversation. So I would like to ask you before I bias you with sort of like the conversation.

• 3:05Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 3:06Travis McElroy?

  And I want to send jokes out of the room for a second.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, please.

• 3:08Travis McElroy?

  From your.

• 3:09Griffin McElroy?

  If so, I did not eat 30 hamburgers. Thank you. Thank you for clarifying.

• 3:14Travis McElroy?

  Okay, we can go back, we can go back to jokes now. We just need to check in on Griffin's constitution. Based on the upbringing that you received in the church at Hilon Baptist Church, HBC.

• 3:27Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  What did you think was going to hapshen, happen in the rapture? What was your, what is it like?

• 3:37Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I mean.

• 3:38Travis McElroy?

  Sending jokes out of the room for a second.

• 3:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean, rapture wasn't hit particularly hard at Young Sunday School. Um, I will say Mr. Kirk Cameron did, I think, sort of popularize the idea for, for a lot of us. From what I understood, it would just be a kind of like, I would disappear and you guys would be, well, you guys would be left behind.

• 4:00Travis McElroy?

  Why would you assume that?

• 4:03Travis McElroy?

  I got baptized. Mom and dad taught him. I got baptized twice, Griffin.

• 4:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Travis McElroy?

  If anyone's going up, it's this guy.

• 4:10Griffin McElroy?

  It's not a number, it's not a quanti, the fact that you got baptized twice actually kinda cheapens it a little bit.

• 4:16Travis McElroy?

  I like the attention.

• 4:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:17Travis McElroy?

  I recently told my wife that I read the book Left Behind and she look at me like a moon man. And it's like, hey, at my church, that is as close to sci-fi as you got at the library, man. That was thrilling.

• 4:28Griffin McElroy?

  That was a romp. That was almost.

• 4:29Travis McElroy?

  That was a romp.

• 4:30Griffin McElroy?

  And Kirk Cameron made it from Growing Pains secular much? So like, uh.

• 4:37Travis McElroy?

  What's wrong with watching? He was somebody the kids already loved.

• 4:40Travis McElroy?

  We love growing pains so much.

• 4:43Griffin McElroy?

  So I would disappear and you guys be left behind and you'd have to, there'd be like a chip that would be implanted in your hand.

• 4:49Travis McElroy?

  Or a barcode.

• 4:51Griffin McElroy?

  Or a barcode and you guys would be pretty bummed out, but I, I don't, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be there. I guess I'd be in heaven and kicking it, but it didn't happen.

• 5:00Travis McElroy?

  Well, and after a while, I think we get kind of general admission tickets to heaven. After I think like seven years, it's like, yeah, you guys, you tried your best.

• 5:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but the scene will be so played at that point. Like you guys are gonna get up there and you'll be like, Griffin, you're back. I said, we're so happy to see you. It's all worth the wait. And I'll be like, yeah, man. And you'll be like, let's go to the heaven rave. I'll be like, ah, man, like I've done that like a thousand times. Like the scene is played dudes, you missed it.

• 5:30Travis McElroy?

  The distinction that you're drawing, the, the thing that you're, you're describing is close to my understanding of what the, the biblical prediction of the rapture is.

• 5:38Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 5:38Travis McElroy?

  And the thing that is, I, I think that, that has most been codified in this sort of like mass psychogenic event that's happening. You know, the people are thinking there, the, the, there's been, it's pretty much settled that people are gonna be floating.

• 5:52Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 5:52Travis McElroy?

  Sands clothes.

• 5:54Griffin McElroy?

  Huh.

• 5:55Travis McElroy?

  The clothes drop.

• 5:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:57Travis McElroy?

  And so there were several people sort of watching from their balconies to see if people started floating up. And there was a lot of warnings to like, make sure, this is, this is the one that I thought was, make sure you weren't indoors.

• 6:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:10Travis McElroy?

  Because.

• 6:11Griffin McElroy?

  That would cause.

• 6:13Travis McElroy?

  Cause you, cause it would start, well, you would just hit the sea. I didn't know if it was like a fizzy lifting drinks kind of deal where you're like, you hit the ceiling and be like, whoa, Charlie, we can't. And you have to like float your way to the door or if you just like rocket right the fuck through the.

• 6:25Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you can get through the ceiling, but Jesus gotta give you an extra like hard tug to get it. And it doesn't hurt.

• 6:32Travis McElroy?

  It doesn't.

• 6:32Griffin McElroy?

  So much as it feels weird.

• 6:34Travis McElroy?

  Embarrassing too.

• 6:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's when the clothes pop off.

• 6:37Travis McElroy?

  The clothes popping off is the other thing I want to talk about because if, okay, I'm getting pulled up.

• 6:44Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  Awesome. Love it. Love it. So stoked to get pulled up.

• 6:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:49Travis McElroy?

  So that I, a little surprised.

• 6:51Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 6:53Travis McElroy?

  Considering for so.

• 6:54Griffin McElroy?

  Certain promises were made when we were children that we were not expecting.

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I did not think we're still good, man.

• 7:00Griffin McElroy?

  Cause we've done a lot of stuff since.

• 7:03Travis McElroy?

  It's like finding an old subway punch card and you're like, surely this is expired. And then you take it in and somebody's like, no, it's like, we'll still accept that.

• 7:11Griffin McElroy?

  We will honor this.

• 7:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's like putting six G I Joe UPCs on the counter of a Speedway and they hand you a Sergeant Slaughter figure. It's like, well, I never thought, anyway.

• 7:22Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, Pepsi points are real?

• 7:25Travis McElroy?

  Pepsi, I did get the Harrier jet. I went, if I went up and my clothes were on the ground.

• 7:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:34Travis McElroy?

  Am I just instantly okay with that? And if so, am I still myself?

• 7:39Griffin McElroy?

  That's a great question.

• 7:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, my drip is part of me.

• 7:42Griffin McElroy?

  You're true.

• 7:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely part of your brand. The drip behind.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  The amount of time it would take me to get over the fact that my phone was in my jeans as I'm like floating up. I'm not saying I would never get over it, but I'm saying there was a period of time where I think, yeah, no, I'm glad I'm, I'm, I got in. I got grandfathered in, I assume, but my phone.

• 8:03Travis McElroy?

  If there's not a little poof of purple dust where Travis's hair was, I will be furious because like that should not be permitted.

• 8:11Griffin McElroy?

  Does that count? What about my glasses?

• 8:14Travis McElroy?

  If the drip is left behind, you know what I mean? Like, I don't, do I?

• 8:17Griffin McElroy?

  Kind of cool, kind of cool for the, for the tribulation force getting to run around and pick up all that drip.

• 8:22Travis McElroy?

  All that loot.

• 8:23Griffin McElroy?

  All that fucking loot.

• 8:25Travis McElroy?

  I wanna know.

• 8:26Griffin McElroy?

  If you wanna dress like a Protestant. Fair point. If I wanna know how I get pulled up so hard my clothes come off. Cause my shirt's not gonna go up through the top, right? The only thing I can think is that I sort of goes ass up and the, and it does it so like face down, ass up. And all the clothes shoot downwards.

• 8:49Travis McElroy?

  It could be like a banana peel, like you see in a cartoon, a monkey squeeze the banana real hard, the banana pops out of the top.

• 8:55Griffin McElroy?

  But my shirt's not gonna go down me, you know what I mean?

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  Your shirt would split open like a banana peel as you explode out of the top like a. Well, then it's not the drip is not pre for the people who who are left behind. That's true. I didn't even think about that. If you are instantly copied in your drip and you just have a special drip.

• 9:14Griffin McElroy?

  But it's that one forever. Uh, I'm like a little bit of forewarning. What if I'm in my, what if I'm in my athleisure wear? I don't want anyone to see me like that.

• 9:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Or if I've been doing a hard day's labor. No, I've, I've never done a hard day's labor in my life. Let's not be.

• 9:31Travis McElroy?

  Uh, this is an advice show. You send us your questions. You know, we never mentioned this. MBMBAM at maximumfund.org.

• 9:38Griffin McElroy?

  How do we continue to get questions?

• 9:39Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how we keep, we, we literally never tell people how to do that anymore. That's how you do it. It's not like magic.

• 9:46Griffin McElroy?

  Make them real. Make them, because we haven't done that in a while.

• 9:50Travis McElroy?

  What makes a good question?

• 9:52Griffin McElroy?

  Good question is.

• 9:54Travis McElroy?

  Where are you telling me that's a, are you, were you saying that was a good question that I asked you or what makes a good?

• 10:01Griffin McElroy?

  I don't want to confuse people. The, what you said was great, but it's not a great example of a question for the show. Do you know what I mean?

• 10:08Travis McElroy?

  As the person who's almost exclusively sorted the questions for the last 15 years, I'd love to hear you guys talk about what makes a good question.

• 10:17Griffin McElroy?

  Weird energy.

• 10:18Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no. Because I've been selecting them for 15 years and I have no idea. But you heard the confrontational tone.

• 10:24Griffin McElroy?

  It had a confrontational tone.

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  I have a hard time saying it since here. I don't know what to tell you. Two ears and one mouth. A lot of people forget that. I don't understand what that means.

• 10:34Travis McElroy?

  One brain, two. Three eyes.

• 10:37Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa. So I don't know.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  Eleven senses.

• 10:40Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Unique, not about office or dating. We don't, we're out of that. We're so far out, guys. And real.

• 10:50Travis McElroy?

  Dogs.

• 10:51Griffin McElroy?

  Not a funny story that happened to you one time. I like those, but they aren't very rich for us to, to discuss.

• 10:58Travis McElroy?

  How do I trick someone into something is also like.

• 11:01Griffin McElroy?

  Not my favorite. I don't like to do tricks anymore. Our trick days are behind us. I recently got a unicycle. I never rode.

• 11:09Travis McElroy?

  Fucking start.

• 11:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I've never rode a unicycle before. I'm trying to keep it a secret from my friends. So someday while we're hanging out, I can just hop on the unicycle out of nowhere and be a pro at it. Sure. That is.

• 11:23Travis McElroy?

  Okay, we'll come back to it, but that's the only thought that's ever motivated anyone in any hobby ever. Yeah. Okay, the problem is, it's extremely hard to learn to unicycle in a tiny dorm room, and my friends live right next door. Hmm. Dear brothers, how can I secretly learn to unicycle? That's from Sneaky Cyclist in Lincoln, Nebraska. There is an additional problem here, where if you want to suddenly do it out of nowhere, you're going to have to camouflage the unicycle in such a way, because it's not like you can hide it in your pocket and break it. You're walking up to wherever your friend group is with a unicycle. The only way I can think to do that is to buy two unicycles and kind of tie them together when you store them, so that they look like, well, a pretty fucked up bike, honestly.

• 12:07Travis McElroy?

  No, you would have a bicycle and have, like, the back and front ends. Yeah. So that they would kind of stick on to the unicycle, and then, oh no, my bike broke. I'll just try this. That's the prestige. Before, before you decide that you're gonna do it, try to think through the best version of it working, right? I feel like in the best version of it working, somehow you've planted a unicycle. You're like, oh, sweet, unicycle. And then you hop on it and you're like, whoa, I got it. And then your friends are like, amazed. Yeah. And then what? No, the first- And then your friends are like, no, seriously. And then you're like, haha, I've been learning it in secret for months. Yeah. No, you can't. Just for this.

• 12:52Travis McElroy?

  No, you're cooler. There's a step that you missed, and it's part of the hustle, right? Sorry, I don't know how to get off. Yeah, it's one wheel, you can just kind of- Somebody catch me! Just stretch your legs out. When, okay, first of all, Justin, that presupposes that they have spent all this time learning to ride a unicycle in private, but never learned to dismount the unicycle in private? That's the hardest part. Was it Travis? He's doing jokes. That part was a joke! Okay. God! Here's the first part of the hustle that you mean. When, whatever the unicycle deployment is, the first, you're like, I've always wanted to try unicycling, and it goes poorly the first time. Yeah.

• 13:36Travis McElroy?

  And then you say, let me try one more time. And now suddenly, it's like, whoa, you're a natural.

• 13:43Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 13:44Travis McElroy?

  Right. And then it's like, I guess I just, God decided, you're like, this, this person is destined to unicycle. Everything about them is designed to be a natural at this. I feel like unicycle.

• 14:01Travis McElroy?

  Can you guys think of any other means of conveyance that communicates so much about the convey?

• 14:08Griffin McElroy?

  Penny farthing.

• 14:10Travis McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 14:11Griffin McElroy?

  Big penny farthing, but if I see somebody on a unicycle and I see somebody on a penny farthing and they're about to fight.

• 14:18Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 14:18Griffin McElroy?

  They're about to have their own twisted metal style battle.

• 14:21Travis McElroy?

  But wait, okay, now hold on. If you see someone on a penny farthing.

• 14:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  They could be time traveler, insane museum guy. Could be one of three things, right?

• 14:34Griffin McElroy?

  All three. Three insane statues from a museum that came to life. Yeah, for sure.

• 14:38Travis McElroy?

  If you're on a unicycle.

• 14:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  There's one kind of guy, you know what I mean? It's just the one kind of person on a unicycle.

• 14:45Griffin McElroy?

  They do make electric unicycles now that balance themselves out and you look like a fucking Mega Man enemy when you do ride one of those around.

• 14:54Travis McElroy?

  This is how we do.

• 14:55Griffin McElroy?

  They do not make electric penny farthings as far as I know.

• 14:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:59Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think they're OSHA compliant. You have to be so unnecessarily high up on those things.

• 15:04Travis McElroy?

  I have seen people on unicycles and I would equate this too with like the one wheel like hoverboard things.

• 15:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 15:11Travis McElroy?

  Where there is, we talk about the practicing of the skill, but not the practicing of the extreme look of nonchalance one must have to ride them as if like, yeah, I'm bored doing that.

• 15:24Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, and it's so easy to do that.

• 15:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:27Griffin McElroy?

  So easy to do that on a unicycle because it requires so little of your body to function. You can really, top half just, huh, whatever. If I, don't do, don't have some big reveal. Just do it around town until one of your friends sees you and you be like, oh yeah, I unicycle, I'm quite proficient. That's a chill reveal, not making a big flashy show of it. That's how you really get down in your fucking friends' brains. That's how you get in.

• 15:53Travis McElroy?

  Have you guys ever seen somebody on one of those one wheel hoverboards go in full speed, just going like, whoa, yay?

• 16:01Griffin McElroy?

  I saw somebody drop off their kid who was on an electric scooter at Henry's school and then he was like, bye, bye, son. And then fucking zooted out of there on his single, single wheel electric skateboard. And I thought that's, that you should be the principal. You should get to be the principal when you're that cool at being, being a parent. Another question.

• 16:25Travis McElroy?

  I want to become one of those ladies with a bunch of cool art in her yard, like kinetic sculptures made out of forks and wine bottle sun catchers. Is there a graceful way to make the transition from boring lawn to art yard? Should I rip the Band-Aid and just put out a bunch of pieces overnight? Or should I start gradually with one weird sculpture in the lawn? That's from Artless in Massachusetts.

• 16:46Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 16:48Travis McElroy?

  I want this.

• 16:49Griffin McElroy?

  I want this too. Everyone kind of, everyone kind of wants this when you walk past a yard and it's got like a bunch of art and pretty stained glass creations and also like a bunch of wildflowers that just like butterflies are on. And you're like, how do you fucking, how do you do that, Ms. Honey? How do you have that Ms. Honey ass yard? That's crazy.

• 17:05Travis McElroy?

  I did like a chaos, you know, wildflower portion on my front yard. And the secret that they don't tell you, Griffin, is there's a solid like month and a half where it's just bare dirt looks like shit.

• 17:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:19Travis McElroy?

  Right? Where it's just like.

• 17:19Griffin McElroy?

  Who's got the time?

• 17:20Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that guy gave up on that part of the yard.

• 17:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's what the art is for. You put the art there and it's like a placeholder for this, for this stuff. But.

• 17:27Travis McElroy?

  Is the idea that if you put the art in, you can't mow there anymore. So then it becomes a wild.

• 17:32Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I didn't think about that.

• 17:34Travis McElroy?

  I don't know. It's, that's the arts problem. And then eventually the yard swallows up the art as when we are all raptured, eventually nature will reclaim all the art.

• 17:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, as it will.

• 17:46Travis McElroy?

  I don't think nature would want all of the art. I've seen some where I don't think nature will want. Justin, list off five pieces of art that you think nature wouldn't want.

• 17:55Griffin McElroy?

  Um, um, Dungeon Crawler Carl.

• 17:58Travis McElroy?

  Hey, fuck off. How dare you, sir. That was targeted? That was targeted and you know it. It was just the first thing that sprang a mind, Travis.

• 18:08Travis McElroy?

  Nature would love that book series.

• 18:10Griffin McElroy?

  I'm, I mean, I have a-

• 18:12Travis McElroy?

  I think nature abords a vacuum, so.

• 18:14Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. I, um, I have a, a bad idea.

• 18:17Travis McElroy?

  Oh, good, yeah.

• 18:18Griffin McElroy?

  It's gonna be hard to do, but if you, um, just start showing up to the house with like, uh, a friend who's wearing like, tiny little glasses and a black turtleneck and you say like, oh, this is, oh, this? This is Damien. Damien's gonna start living here now. And have Damien be sort of like, very quiet and reserved, but clearly like, a artistic, beautiful mind. And then when the stuff starts showing up in the yard, you can really slow roll it. No one's gonna think like, have you lost the plot? Why are you putting so much shit in your yard? You can be like, oh, that's Damien. He's needs, he says he eats the, the art and he needs to be around it to, to live.

• 18:56Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Griffin, as you're describing Damien, there's a 50/50 chance he turns out to also be a serial killer.

• 19:03Griffin McElroy?

  No, he's not. In this, imagine, why would you even introduce that in this fun-

• 19:07Travis McElroy?

  You just said he needs to eat the art.

• 19:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but not really, like, eat it, like, experience it. And Damien needs that.

• 19:16Travis McElroy?

  Is maybe a better word.

• 19:17Griffin McElroy?

  Consume is better.

• 19:18Travis McElroy?

  Translation.

• 19:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I got it, I got it.

• 19:19Travis McElroy?

  From demon tongue.

• 19:21Griffin McElroy?

  I did mix him up. Um, but Damien loves art and he needs it, or he, he'll die. He gets sick without it. And you tell that to your neighbors and then no one's gonna ask any questions. It's all Damien.

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  You start practical, right? That's why bird baths people love, right? Birds do not need to take a bath. They don't, they're fine. You know that. I've never seen a bird looking around for a bird bath.

• 19:43Griffin McElroy?

  Never been around a bird and been like, that bird stinks.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  Big bird, probably. Big bird probably gets one. There's no way. How dare you?

• 19:52Griffin McElroy?

  Not the big bird, but big birds in general probably get like a.

• 19:56Travis McElroy?

  And the big bird, he gets funky. Uh, I, I, uh, well, you put it out there, but you pretend it's practical, right? Like, oh, this, I have to for the birds.

• 20:06Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  And then you put out, maybe wind chimes is another one, like, well, I love the sound. And then you put out eight and then it's like, too late. I mean, I know this isn't practical at this point, but I've already put so many out, no one could judge. That's how you ease into it. In their heads, they're like, well, I guess they had some reason for it. They put out the one bird bath. And that was very well grounded in bird hygiene. I like the idea of sneaking out at like 2 a.m. When the neighborhood's asleep and just putting up like 30 different like recycled glass bottle arts. And like, there's a, is a statue of a rooster, right? And then waking up in the morning and be like, yep. This is how I've always imagined it. Yep. No, or you come out the next morning and you're like, what the fuck? These fucking kids.

• 20:51Travis McElroy?

  Ah, you know what? I'm not even gonna take it down this time. That'll show them. Yeah. And then, and then you just gotta make sure enough neighbors see that little skit. Do it every 15 minutes as they leave for work. Exactly.

• 21:05Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, maybe you have a neighborhood like Facebook group and you say like, come out at noon. I'm gonna do my skit. Hey, everyone, it's noon. Everyone, I've got a skit. Uh, Marcy, Marcy down the street has a groceries skit that she's been working on. She's excited about.

• 21:22Travis McElroy?

  If you have a Facebook group, then you don't need the skit. Then you could put a post of the Facebook group that is like, announcement.

• 21:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Travis McElroy?

  To local jerks. Or fully. Stop putting all this stuff in my yard. You could do a fully filmed, like YouTube short.

• 21:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:36Travis McElroy?

  Like that you post in there of you coming out and chasing the kids off. And then maybe from the kids' perspective is they're like, I think they seen it less than they're mad at me now, but they seem like someone who wants art in their yard. This is a service we're providing. And then it cuts back to you and now you're doing an unboxing video. And this has been your kind of slow transition into you. I'm an art yard person and. I want to do unboxing videos.

• 22:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. The wind chimes would be the only thing for me. I do think there should be a government mandated limit on how many wind chimes you, because now that's, you can, the art in your yard, it looks cool and I'm glad it's there and it looks great. And a set of wind chimes blowing in the breeze? Lovely. Eight, eight wind chimes is Justin conjured up. Too many wind chimes. Don't want to be inside my house, watching America's Next Dancer and hearing a clanging and clanging of a pipe organ falling down a set of windy stairs.

• 22:35Travis McElroy?

  I don't know if this is pervasive in other cultures, but I know here in the US, I have been trained by movies and TV shows that the sound of a whim chime heralds some terrible oncoming supernatural force.

• 22:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:53Travis McElroy?

  I've never heard a wind chime and thought.

• 22:55Griffin McElroy?

  You're in a spooky mood today, man.

• 22:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's very like October is just around the corner, I guess, but Travis is already. Well, I live in a constant state of fear.

• 23:02Griffin McElroy?

  It's great that you're saying that while your own little face is poking up from the bottom of the screen.

• 23:06Travis McElroy?

  Travis, can you like look to the, look to your left?

• 23:09Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, it just, it works better if it's just your head. That's good shit, man.

• 23:13Travis McElroy?

  Can you get one bigger you to take a picture of that and then wear a t-shirt?

• 23:18Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome.

• 23:19Travis McElroy?

  Don't act like I wouldn't do that. You know me.

• 23:22Griffin McElroy?

  You definitely would. You definitely would.

• 23:24Travis McElroy?

  I wish that this show was just three knees on it. That's interesting, Travis.

• 23:27Griffin McElroy?

  Where do you get yard art, except for I guess like world, world market or whatever?

• 23:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Epcot.

• 23:34Griffin McElroy?

  Epcot, you get yard art?

• 23:35Travis McElroy?

  It's just at Epcot. Yeah. You gotta go, that's how you get authentic stuff. Cause you could get things at Walmart or Target that look like they're from another country.

• 23:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:43Travis McElroy?

  Or you could go to Epcot, uh, the World Pavilion and get stuff that's actually from other countries.

• 23:49Griffin McElroy?

  Damn.

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  And I think that's where the wind, most wind chimes I do feel like come from.

• 23:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:55Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:56Griffin McElroy?

  One time Rachel and I went to Fredericksburg, Texas to for a romantic getaway. And on our way there, we went to like a art store and there was a place that had mosaic tile pigs. And I was like, those fucking rule. And but I was like, I can't buy that. That's not me. I don't have an art yard. And so we went on the trip and did this beautiful hiking, went to a couple of wineries. It was very lovely. But the whole time, you know, I was thinking about was the mosaic pig that I didn't buy. And so on the way back to Austin, I did make sure we made a pit stop so I could buy the mosaic pig. And his leg broke off very quickly and he died.

• 24:34Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no. Let that be a lesson to you all. You miss 100% of the pigs you don't buy.

• 24:40Griffin McElroy?

  If you see a cool yard art thing, do not fucking hesitate to grab it. Because there's no guarantee it's going to come back into your life again. You can be who you want to be.

• 24:48Travis McElroy?

  I feel like Portuguese are a good conduit to this, too. I know people love. What do the Portuguese have to do with this, Justin? Sorry, Travis. That's an incredible turn of phrase, like genuinely impressed. Not in a funny way, but in like a.

• 25:04Griffin McElroy?

  Impressive.

• 25:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, thank you. Like an Oscar Wilde level wit kind of thing.

• 25:09Griffin McElroy?

  I was trying to tell if it was like, if it was like offensive, but it was like, these two words kind of sound the same.

• 25:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. No, but people here love the concrete geese.

• 25:19Griffin McElroy?

  People love.

• 25:19Travis McElroy?

  And I feel like maybe that's a good entry point because if you put one out, it's like charming. And then they could just replicate overnight. There's 30, you know, and it's. Now, you do run the risk. And we get questions like this all the time where if you start having an art yard, your family and friends are going to be like, great, every present for the rest of their life sorted. Here's another windmill. Here's a thing of bottles hanging down.

• 25:45Griffin McElroy?

  What I think sucks is that all yard art kind of subscribes to like a few different things, which is like functional bird furniture. Or, you know, a mosaic sort of tile thing, sturdy pieces, wind chimes, what have you. And they don't do like all kinds of art. Like what if, what if your decoration style is just like, like busts of your favorite comic book and anime characters?

• 26:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Why isn't, why don't we get big ones of those for the front yard?

• 26:17Travis McElroy?

  Yes, please.

• 26:18Griffin McElroy?

  And weather resistant.

• 26:19Travis McElroy?

  Do you think there's like a Captain America lawn? Decor you could go with? Yes, please.

• 26:25Griffin McElroy?

  Probably.

• 26:26Travis McElroy?

  That might send a message you're not ready for. Go with Deadpool. I think Deadpool.

• 26:31Griffin McElroy?

  Deadpool sends a great message.

• 26:32Travis McElroy?

  Captain America, but he's holding the shield upside down. It's full of water and who's in the shield? It's birds. They're taking grabs. That's amazing. Can I tell you a birdbath of Captain America shield? I would buy that right. Hold on, let's say, let me see your captain. I'm about to get rich. Kiss this podcast shit goodbye, guys.

• 26:51Griffin McElroy?

  Dude.

• 26:52Travis McElroy?

  Captain America, bird, shield, bird. I would also love a Thor lightning rod to put on top of my house where he's holding the hammer up. And like lightning strikes that instead of my house would be great.

• 27:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Naruto.

• 27:08Travis McElroy?

  I was trying to Google it. I actually typed it in chat GPT and I was making it.

• 27:12Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 27:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they're making them now. Turns out AI was a mistake.

• 27:18Travis McElroy?

  Ah.

• 27:19Griffin McElroy?

  Ah.

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  Let's go to money zone.

• 27:23Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 27:34Travis McElroy?

  Tick tock, zock tock, clock.

• 27:36Griffin McElroy?

  What? That's cool, man.

• 27:38Travis McElroy?

  Tick tock, zock tock, a clock.

• 27:40Griffin McElroy?

  Nice.

• 27:40Travis McElroy?

  That's my. I was just thinking like we should do another jingle. We haven't done a jingle. I think zock tock is proving themselves worthy.

• 27:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:49Travis McElroy?

  I have a little, but there is in this case, this, I will say, Trav, in this case, there is a zock tock sound that they play. Watch this. I am gonna play it right now.

• 28:00Griffin McElroy?

  That was, how did you?

• 28:01Travis McElroy?

  It seems like.

• 28:01Griffin McElroy?

  How did you fucking do that, dude?

• 28:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude, I do it with my tongue, like this.

• 28:07Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 28:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. You know, uh, if you, if you need a doctor, that can be really overwhelming. I have a doctor at my house and I still have trouble finding her sometimes. So when I can't find my wife, I turn to zock.

• 28:21Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes there's 30 to 40 wives in my house and I can't tell which one is a licensed physician. Yeah. That I am married to. So when I have to find a doctor who I'm also married to, Zocdoc, no, Zocdoc. Wait, no, Zocdoc doesn't do that. Zocdoc doesn't do that. What they do is they help you find the right physician for whatever you got going on. You need to see somebody, you want to change providers, you're in a new area that's so overwhelming to find the right physician for you. I still struggle with it. And like I said, I'm married to a doctor and I still have to deal with this, but Zocdoc makes it really, really easy. They got doctors for everything these days. You guys hear about this? Doctors for everything. It's not just like somebody with a black bag that shows up at your house and says like, yeah,

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  doing good, Mr. McRae, and they gives you a lollipop. I had to get an appointment with the sleep doctor because I got a big tongue makes you sleep bad. That's the thing you got to go to doctors for. Do you guys even know that? You're not gonna, listen, if you have something that embarrassing going on, you want a doctor who's discreet. Yeah. And professional. Yeah. And will probably tell you what you want to hear. And you can search by those filters, I bet, on Zocdoc. I don't know all the different filters they have, but like, this is the way to find a physician with Zocdoc. I filled out, I filled out my whole zoo crew here in DC. Yep. With zocdoc.com. It's a free app and website. Search and compare high quality, in-network doctors across every specialty and click to instantly book an appointment. Stop putting off those doctor's

• 29:45Travis McElroy?

  appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash mybrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash mybrother. Zoc dot, dot, com. Oh, dude. Slash my brother. At the one yard line. I was so, I was about to call him out the hell out of you. I just said it slow. The first one, I saw you kind of stumble like a gymnast on the balance beam. One more word and I will make the Sonic logo at you again, Travis. I will play, I will play the Zocdoc sound with my mouth. That's our new no-no can is the Zocdoc Sonic logo.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 31:08Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.

• 31:13Speaker 05

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

• 31:37Speaker 05

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 31:44Speaker 05

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  Yes, that sounded really bad. Like, I don't really like to hear that.

• 31:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  Clean. Ooh, that's kind of like a, like Hammerons.

• 32:02Griffin McElroy?

  A fuzz pedal, yeah.

• 32:05Travis McElroy?

  I want a munch squad!

• 32:09Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch squad!

• 32:15Travis McElroy?

  Munch Squad, it's a podcast within a podcast, profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. You know, we don't talk about White Castle enough, even though it holds a distinction in many historians' eyes as one of the first fast food restaurants. Dad talks about it a lot. A template that we almost follow. So you, one could argue that as goes White Castle, so goes the world. And I...

• 32:35Griffin McElroy?

  Could one? Could, I don't know how one would even start that argument.

• 32:39Travis McElroy?

  One could. But should one?

• 32:40Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 32:41Travis McElroy?

  Must one. White Castle rolls out pumpkin latte cheesecake on a stick.

• 32:49Travis McElroy?

  Triple cheese tots and BBQ pulled pork slider. But not altogether, right?

• 32:55Griffin McElroy?

  Not at the same time, certainly. There's no combo meal.

• 32:59Travis McElroy?

  This is the first sentence of this press release and I'm. It has been a busy month at White Castle.

• 33:05Griffin McElroy?

  Good. Thanks for the update.

• 33:07Travis McElroy?

  I like it. I like it. I like a fucking, I like a press release for a fast food place that sounds like a Tales from Lake Wobegon. Like, great. Old Derek is then making the fries again.

• 33:21Travis McElroy?

  The iconic family owned fast food business has expanded its menu with three brand new limited time only additions and launched the newest iteration of its customer loyalty program. Craver Nation Rewards.

• 33:36Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 33:37Travis McElroy?

  Huh. So good, man. Craver Nation is good. If you guys haven't said Craver Nation out loud.

• 33:44Griffin McElroy?

  Is awesome.

• 33:44Travis McElroy?

  Craver Nation.

• 33:45Griffin McElroy?

  It's very phonetically.

• 33:47Travis McElroy?

  Giving me, I didn't know I could do rewards for Trav Nation people. And now I'm getting rewards. I could set up like a Pepsi Point style thing where when you buy Travis products.

• 33:58Griffin McElroy?

  To distribute for that though, because if you don't have enough hacky sacks, I would advise you to get them.

• 34:02Travis McElroy?

  I got a, I got a hacky sack wholesaler here in town that I can.

• 34:05Griffin McElroy?

  Great.

• 34:06Travis McElroy?

  Work with. Here's a subhead. Whole latte cheese. What? That's the major point. Whole latte cheese.

• 34:14Griffin McElroy?

  Whole latte cheese?

• 34:15Travis McElroy?

  Whole latte cheese. Pumpkin spice season has officially jumped the mug and landed on a stick.

• 34:22Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy. You guys can't say that it skipped the mug. It's clearly not true.

• 34:27Travis McElroy?

  The mug and landed on a stick. Are they going for jump the shark? I don't know, man. Because it's not like, you're not, you went, jump the shark isn't like, yeah, it was in the shark and it jumped out.

• 34:41Griffin McElroy?

  And also that sentence is saying.

• 34:42Travis McElroy?

  They, Starbucks didn't do it.

• 34:44Griffin McElroy?

  This year, so it's on a stick now here at White Castle.

• 34:48Travis McElroy?

  A whole latte cheese. I mean, like, here's, here's what I will say. If I cannot derive meaning from this sentence, no human being can.

• 34:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:57Travis McElroy?

  I'm a professional.

• 34:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:59Travis McElroy?

  I do this for a living. I don't know what they're saying. Riding the wave of America's pumpkin spice obsession.

• 35:06Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 35:07Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 35:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Whoa, it's 2006.

• 35:12Travis McElroy?

  Yo. Whoa. This crusty ass wave is riding a car. Whoa.

• 35:21Travis McElroy?

  Riding the wave. Riding the wave of America's pumpkin spice obsession. White Castle is rolling out the brand new pumpkin latte cheesecake dessert on a stick.

• 35:35Griffin McElroy?

  I'm glad they had to specify it is a dessert and not part of the secunde course.

• 35:42Travis McElroy?

  Or a der.

• 35:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:43Travis McElroy?

  Sound like amushabush. There's also so many words in it. Like, it couldn't just be pumpkin spice cheesecake on a stick. They were like, that doesn't convey the full depth of flavor.

• 35:52Griffin McElroy?

  Got to get, got to let them know how sweet it is.

• 35:54Travis McElroy?

  Make sure they know that it's dessert on a stick and not just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, otherwise they'd be surprised when it's on a stick.

• 36:01Travis McElroy?

  Uh, it is a bold twist on fall's most talked about flavor. Rich creamy cheesecake is blended with the cozy warmth of pumpkin spice and the bold kick of coffee. Then finished with a graham cracker crust for just the right touch of sweetness.

• 36:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's not finished yet. I know it's not finished yet. There is another step. Another thing's going in there.

• 36:21Travis McElroy?

  And it is a stick. White Castle, I'm sorry to break it to you. I don't think you guys made up pumpkin spice cheesecake. I don't think this is a bold, as bold and new and innovation as you think.

• 36:32Griffin McElroy?

  It's on a stick though, man.

• 36:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, but I don't think that that's a bold new innovation. Triple cheese tots are another cheese based addition to the menu. Huh. Infused. Yeah, this is the same lunatic that just wrote the earlier stuff about jumping the mug? And now they're back in control. I guess the, I don't know. The triple cheese tots are another cheese based addition to the menu infused with bits of cheddar, Colby Jack and mozzarella cheese. The triple cheese tots up the ante on the deliciousness of the classic tater tots.

• 37:03Griffin McElroy?

  I don't historically think of tater tots as being an infusable material.

• 37:09Travis McElroy?

  I also. I would argue that once one has put triple cheese in there, are they even tots anymore? I do love the. Something new. The imagery of like a James Bond high class poker game where someone has been like tater tots. And James Bond like, I'll up the ante triple cheese.

• 37:28Griffin McElroy?

  I'll see your tots and raise.

• 37:32Travis McElroy?

  Mr. Bond, I didn't know you like to live so cheesily. It is Travis. It is like you wonder about right. The like writing is not, does not happen in a vacuum. What is, why are we using poker metaphors here? What is, what is being like, what stakes are we, are we playing with? I didn't know there were other tot based businesses that are now going to feel called out by like, they've done it. God damn it. I thought we all agreed. Single cheese. To welcome both of these crave worthy treats to the menu, said Jamie Richardson, vice president at White Castle. The new pumpkin latte cheesecake dessert on a stick is the perfect treat for autumn. Blending the coziness of a pumpkin spice latte with the luscious texture of classic cheesecake.

• 38:16Travis McElroy?

  The triple cheese tots are proof that three cheeses are better than one. They're the ultimate cheesy. There was no, there was no, wait, there was no bridge between those two.

• 38:26Griffin McElroy?

  Missing a participle. There was a hanging participle, a hanging chat on that sentence that was fucking bewildering.

• 38:33Travis McElroy?

  Guys, this is unedited. Can I also point out that they have now described the pumpkin spice latte cheesecake several times without addressing the on a stick part. They're really cloaking that. The stick. Yeah, it's a creamy blend of fall favorite on a stick and you're really going to love it. It's on a stick. Yeah, it's work like words don't work this way, but it feels like on a stick has been CGI'd in somehow. Like they got it in post. Yeah, on a stick wasn't able to make it to family photo day. So we photoshopped on a stick over dad's shoulder. Accepting the award for. Normal container this evening will be on a stick.

• 39:17Griffin McElroy?

  If they ever.

• 39:18Travis McElroy?

  Hi, what a wow. It's so wild to be here. I didn't expect.

• 39:21Griffin McElroy?

  I wish they had the courage of their convictions to put out a commercial of just what it looks like when a human being eats one of these things. Cause I bet you do look like some sort of runaway like dog man experiment. Just slobbing, slopping, slopping cheesecake off of, off the cob.

• 39:38Travis McElroy?

  I'm just picturing, imagine you have a friend over at your home and you're like, hey, do you want a piece of cheesecake? And they're like, yeah, I'd love that. And you started to hand him a fork and they're like, no, I've got it. And they pull a tongue depressor out of their pocket and jam it into the ass of the cheesecake and just start going to town. I would worry about them.

• 39:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Never leave home without it.

• 39:58Travis McElroy?

  Um, oh, we do have, you guys want to see, I, I have a photo here if you'd like to see, uh, just to demonstrate exactly what we're dealing with. Hold on.

• 40:10Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay. So it's like not, uh, so it's not corn dog shaped. They haven't rolled it into like an easier. So it is just a, a sort of wedge of cheesecake that's, that does have, Travis got it in one. It does look like a tongue depressor shoved.

• 40:25Travis McElroy?

  A tongue depressor.

• 40:26Griffin McElroy?

  The wide end, the rounded end.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  The ass. Yeah. It's a tongue depressor. How do I, I guess the eating of it in my car is made easier by that, but am I meant to drive away from the drive through, holding it up?

• 40:43Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you. There's, yeah, there's no getting this thing home. There's no box. Justin, sign up for the newsletter.

• 40:51Travis McElroy?

  You have to open your mouth and they just pop it in.

• 40:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Thank you. Take it to go. The release continues talking about the BBQ pulled pork slider.

• 41:02Griffin McElroy?

  I forgot about him.

• 41:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 41:03Griffin McElroy?

  He's the most norm, the most mid of all these.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  It's a, they're smoked with all natural hickory wood and blended with just the right amount of specially seasoned sweet BBQ sauce. The BBQ pulled pork slider is everything Cravers love about White Castle, including one of a kind flavor, high quality ingredients and unbeatable value. All in one handheld masterpiece. So barbecue is a one of. One of a kind flavor. I can't get that anywhere else. The sweet, smoky and savory profile is a celebration of flavor that brings something entirely new to the castle while staying true to what we do best, satisfying the crave.

• 41:46Griffin McElroy?

  And I don't know if you heard Travis, they put just the right amount of sauce on it.

• 41:49Travis McElroy?

  That's good. I do appreciate that. By the way, that is also what we do best. Satisfy the crave. I would love to visit like a city I'm not familiar with. I'm hanging out with like my friend Todd. And I'm like, Todd, I've got such a craving for barbecue. What's the best barbecue in town? And he's like, oh man, White Castle. If you want barbecue, there's no place like White Castle.

• 42:13Griffin McElroy?

  We haven't had it yet. It might, I, I always reserve, except for the cheesecake on a stick. I'm gonna say pretty authoritatively, I'm not interested in that eating experience. The barbecue might be lit. I don't know.

• 42:24Travis McElroy?

  There's extra cheesy tater tots. I'm not looking forward to that bathroom experience afterwards.

• 42:28Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 42:29Travis McElroy?

  Um, Travis, I never do this, but I'm actually would like to bring you in as a, a special reporter. I'm just gonna text you the rest of this press release because it's gonna start to feel made up. I feel like if I do, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get through it and I'm already feeling pretty. Uh, yeah, I need you to, I need you, I'm just gonna, I need you to describe this to Griffins. Griffins is gonna think I'm fucking with it. And you're texting it to me on my cellular device? It's on Slack. It's on Slack. Slack to T, baby.

• 43:00Travis McElroy?

  Craver Nation Rewards. We go now live to Travis McElroy, special correspondent. I'm just, Travis, go ahead. Yeah, I'm excited for this opportunity. Craver Nation Rewards members rack up on flavor and savings. White Castle recently announced the start of season two of its Craver Nation Rewards program. The loyalty experience that turns saving money into a game. Craver Nation Rewards debuted in 2024 with overwhelming success, growing active members by 25% and doubling loyalty transactions in its first year. Now with season two, cravers everywhere are invited, invited to quote, level up your cravings.

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  As they embark on a new journey filled with fresh quests, richer perks and more exclusive offers. I mean.

• 43:54Travis McElroy?

  Finally, guys, you know what's happening? White Castle's getting fucking real about the fact that it takes place in a castle. If this is gonna be the LARPing Food place, I'm in.

• 44:04Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 44:05Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Craver Nation Rewards has already transformed the way we connect with our Cravers by turning every order into an adventure, Richardson said. With season two, the journey gets even more exciting. More quests, more rewards, and more ways to celebrate the Crave. Now, this is capitalized. This is capital C, which makes me think that there is maybe a powerful wizard at play here or a curse.

• 44:33Griffin McElroy?

  I'm trying to honestly decide if I walked into a White Castle and the expected customer service experience was the Yarle or whatever being like, "Dovakine, the Crave has, the Crave dragon has appeared in the mountain to the east." And you want the new Cheesy Tots and the thing on a stick, the cheesecake on a stick? Yeah, absolutely, got you. Uh, quest, quest complete.

• 45:00Travis McElroy?

  Here's 50 Crave Coins.

• 45:03Griffin McElroy?

  Here's 50 Crave Coins.

• 45:05Travis McElroy?

  You guys are already getting amped, huh?

• 45:06Griffin McElroy?

  I'm getting fucking stoked.

• 45:07Travis McElroy?

  I'm getting pretty amped, too.

• 45:09Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know that I wanna have that. I don't wanna interface with another human being in that way, but I wanna have the option available to me.

• 45:15Travis McElroy?

  Joining Craver Nation Rewards is free and easy. Simply download the official White Castle app, sign up, and then join the instant welcome offer of $5 off your first mobile order. To celebrate the launch, Cravers who order between now and September 30th will score 50 bonus points.

• 45:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so it's all in-app. So this is more of an AR kind of quest and journey. I throw on the, I throw on the Meta, the Meta Raybands, which looks so fucking cool, by the way. We haven't talked about those. God damn, those things look so cool and you know they're doing cool stuff while riding them. And it makes the White Castle look like a real magic fantasy castle and the person at the register look like a dragon? That sounds cool, White Castle. Make that. Make that. Couldn't be too hard.

• 46:04Travis McElroy?

  Here's another question. Oh, please. I take frequent walks around my neighborhood. Recently, I got in the habit of taking pictures with my phone of plants and animals for the website iNaturalist, a citizen science platform. It's really cool and fun. This isn't an ad, by the way. I started to worry that you might think it's an ad, listener, but it's not an ad. We also, that wasn't an ad for White Castle either. We're not, yeah, to be clear. We have never been paid for all the free promotion we've given. Yeah. But I've run into a problem, which is that things I want to take pics of are often either fully within a stranger's yard or in such a position that it could look like I was taking a picture of a random person's house, like with birds on power lines. How do I take pictures of these plants and animals without making it look like I'm taking

• 46:49Travis McElroy?

  pictures of my neighbor's houses without getting weird looks or questions about what I'm doing? I've missed out on so many sweet butterfly and bird shots. That's from Juking Judgment in Georgia.

• 47:00Griffin McElroy?

  I rarely do this.

• 47:02Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 47:03Griffin McElroy?

  Because I know it's not the best energy to bring to the show, but you can't.

• 47:07Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 47:07Griffin McElroy?

  There's no way to cloak this action, this behavior, that will not intensify the danger of, of getting caught. There is no amount of subtlety you could employ, because if I see you outside my house taking a picture with your phone, my hackles go up. If I see you outside of my house discreetly, like you're checking your watch, but you're taking a picture of my phone, that's bad news bears. That's way, way, way worse.

• 47:34Travis McElroy?

  I agree, Griffin. To look discreet is naughty. More suspicious. This is why what you must do is the opposite of cloaking it. You need, I'm saying maybe one of these maneuvers, like you see where you're like holding up your finger, framing the shot.

• 47:52Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 47:53Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you have like a DSLR camera with a zoom. You're wearing a safari helmet.

• 47:59Travis McElroy?

  All bad ideas.

• 48:00Griffin McElroy?

  The safari helmet, the safari helmet fucks. That's the one good. Of the things you had, that's the one that fucks. Because if I see a stranger outside my house taking pictures of my house, no good. If I see, but they're wearing a safari helmet, I'm like.

• 48:14Griffin McElroy?

  They're on a, they're on their own. Maybe they're doing a White Castle quest. Like, I don't know what their journey, what their journey is, but I can't be ill intent.

• 48:20Travis McElroy?

  If you're taking a picture of a little bug on a leaf, get down on its level. If I look outside and someone's laying on the ground taking a picture of a flower with a bug on it, I'm not worried they're taking pictures of me.

• 48:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm not a bug on a leaf.

• 48:33Griffin McElroy?

  Better or worse, let me get a gut check from you too. Better or worse, they walk up, knock on the door. Someone knocks on your door, rings the doorbell, you answer it. And you say, yeah, can I help you? And I realize this is already a fantasy story because I don't know if you would answer it. But you've answered it and you're like, can I help you? And they're like, I saw this really cool bug on a leaf out in your yard. May I please go snap it? Is that better or worse than them just doing it discreetly outside?

• 48:56Travis McElroy?

  Um, okay, so I'm thinking about it for, if I'm a homeowner.

• 49:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:01Travis McElroy?

  I think my genuine reaction in my, I mean, like, obviously what I'm gonna say is.

• 49:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:06Travis McElroy?

  Oh, absolutely. You know, knock yourself out. In my head, I'm gonna think, what the hell is wrong with you? Oh, I think, why did you ask? That's so weird. Just take a picture.

• 49:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Would it be better, would it be, would it be better if they did it and came up, knocked on the door, you answered it? Again, you wouldn't, but assuming you answered it and they're like, hi. I just took a picture of a cool bug on a leaf in your yard and I'm really sorry. And then they walk away. Then you're not having to give them sort of permission. Um, they're just informing you like, and not robbing. Yeah. And that can feel good, too.

• 49:38Travis McElroy?

  Would a sign help? If they were holding up a sign that said, nature photographer, while they took pictures of things?

• 49:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:45Travis McElroy?

  Oh, oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. What if you, if you have more than one thing? That's a hobbyist, right? So the, the one, you're taking pictures on your phone.

• 49:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 49:58Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Do you have a notebook?

• 50:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 50:01Travis McElroy?

  Do you have binoculars? These are all fake, wait, Justin, these are still all private. No, no, no, this is all really good stuff, Travis.

• 50:08Griffin McElroy?

  Sunscreen, a little line of sunscreen on the nose.

• 50:11Travis McElroy?

  Sunscreen right here, right? Water bottle, big water bottle.

• 50:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 50:16Travis McElroy?

  Okay, maybe a safari helmet. What about the backpack that's a water thing?

• 50:21Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Yes.

• 50:23Travis McElroy?

  That's somebody who's gonna be outside for so long, they can't be doing anything bad with the pictures. What about a butterfly, a butterfly net?

• 50:29Griffin McElroy?

  Butterfly net's good, we're pushing it. The safari helmet has turned on me a little bit because it feels a little costumey. Now it's gone back around to, oh, this is a fucking ruse to take pictures of my house discreetly. The other shit is like, oh, well, they might just need the butterfly net for their, for their bug.

• 50:43Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how big I would need, I don't know how small I would need the butterfly. I think a butterfly net.

• 50:50Travis McElroy?

  I think the butterfly net, the size of it. The problem is, if it's big enough to catch a butterfly comfortably, at 20 yards, that might be a man net. Yeah, it might be like the child catcher in Babes into our Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Yeah. I'm not sure, it's like, it's like a big sack over your, over your bag, you know what I mean? Full of screaming butterflies. Right.

• 51:15Travis McElroy?

  No, honey, don't go outside, the lepidopterist is here.

• 51:20Travis McElroy?

  This is why they gotta start selling those cranking cameras again. You're the cranking guys, that, that, you're not being discreet, you're being very ob, it's too, all photography is so discreet. Ooh, what if the, like, the drape over the back that we loved in the old garagatide, daguerreotype days? You hold up the flash thing where you got a big stick. I want them to bring that back because I don't know when I'm at a big fancy thing like the launching of the Titanic without a big flashbulb going off.

• 51:53Griffin McElroy?

  When to smile, I know that, it's so embarrassing.

• 51:55Travis McElroy?

  Do you think at this point, by the way, I was, I was thinking about it as I accidentally activated my flash. Is that the point of the flash anymore is just to have something to turn off? Just like that, do you think we are using, do you think that when the flash has been triggered in the past five years? Is more often been, uh, the cause of someone saying, ah, fuck, damn it, shit.

• 52:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

• 52:19Griffin McElroy?

  Bug net's cool. Bug net might be the move, dude. I would love to have a bug net with me. You guys don't have them spotted lanternflies yet, do you? Cause we got them like a plague over here.

• 52:30Travis McElroy?

  I think they're coming.

• 52:31Griffin McElroy?

  Supposed to kill them, cause they, otherwise they eat all the trees. They're like invasive. So you're supposed to gush them when you see them. But here's the problem, gang. They make a big hakuna matata style gooey mess when you gush them.

• 52:42Travis McElroy?

  Ah, gross.

• 52:44Griffin McElroy?

  There is a, there is a, I don't wanna, like, I understand it's my duty as an, as an American citizen. I mean, I live in DC, so it's like, kinda up in the air whether or not I am or not. But I don't wanna get my shoes all like hakuna matata.

• 52:57Travis McElroy?

  I don't blame you. You need bug squishing shoes.

• 52:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. That's what Crocs are for, baby.

• 53:01Griffin McElroy?

  Or a, or a, or a salt gun. I do have, I do have the salt blaster. And that's effective, but that's not a cool look either.

• 53:09Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, not a salt gun.

• 53:11Griffin McElroy?

  A gun for salt on bugs.

• 53:21Travis McElroy?

  A gun for assault on bugs.

• 53:23Griffin McElroy?

  Salt, sodium chloride.

• 53:27Travis McElroy?

  There we go.

• 53:28Griffin McElroy?

  Table, granular.

• 53:30Travis McElroy?

  And Portuguese sounds like Portuguese. Is, I don't know if that was clear.

• 53:34Griffin McElroy?

  Pump blast, no more bug. Can't bring in public.

• 53:38Travis McElroy?

  Can I do salt? Does salt get them?

• 53:41Griffin McElroy?

  Salt gets anything, dude. Man alive, this thing is a, it is an effective tool. It's one, it's so good, it makes me feel pretty guilty anytime I do have to employ it to keep my family safe.

• 53:52Travis McElroy?

  I wish it was that easy to get stink bugs. I'm about to have to start fighting with the stink bugs, cause they hate it when it gets cold.

• 53:58Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, man.

• 53:59Travis McElroy?

  Live with me. And the only trap that really works for stink bugs is you gotta make, uh, basically a pool for them. And then you have to get lights on the pool. That's just special. Like, you have to specially dramatically light the pool. And then you gotta, then you gotta hope that these guys go into this pool and they just don't leave.

• 54:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy.

• 54:17Travis McElroy?

  That's how you gotta get them. And in the morning, you dump that out.

• 54:20Griffin McElroy?

  I just let them hang out. It becomes a fun game where my kids.

• 54:23Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I don't fight them anymore. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't wanna do it anymore. They, they live, they're, it's fine. They can hang until they find a better place.

• 54:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Thank you so much. Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast. Do you want to come see us live? You can. Okay. For you, it's an option if you're someone who can get to Salt Lake City on October 17th, or to San Diego on October 18th and 19th.

• 54:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, oh, the Adventure Zone show we're doing is going to be a very special. It's our 50th Taz live show. So we'll be doing a Balance live show for the first time in a long time with special guest Erica Ishii, and Griffin's gonna GM it. It's gonna be a wild, wild time. Tickets for all those shows are available now. You can go to bit.ly/macroitours for all the information and ticket links. Also, Champions Grove is coming back for year three. We're doing it in Memorial Day weekend of 2026. Tickets are going on sale the first week of November. Those tickets will be packages for two to four people to attend.

• 55:32Travis McElroy?

  All the information is at championsgrove.com, or you can follow Champions Grove on Instagram for all the information. And there's a new season of mine and Teresa's Great British Bake Off watch-along discussion podcast Bake On. This is a wild season so far.

• 55:49Griffin McElroy?

  Pretty wild, man.

• 55:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you can find Bake On wherever podcasts are found.

• 55:53Griffin McElroy?

  We got some new merch. It's gonna be up in the merch store on Wednesday at the start of the new month. There's a Taz hunger beanie that looks so rad. And 10% of all our merch proceeds in the month of October will be donated to Border Angels, whose services include educational programs, water drops in the desert, day laborer outreach, Familias reunitus, immigration bond fund program, and shelter aid support in Tijuana to help migrants and asylum seekers in need. So all that stuff is gonna be over at macroimerch.com.

• 56:24Travis McElroy?

  Are we grateful to Montane? Let me check. Yes. Yes, we are grateful to Montane.

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  Why? But why? Be specific.

• 56:32Travis McElroy?

  For the use of our theme song, "My Life is Better With You."

• 56:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, that's exactly right. Yeah. I'm super duper duper grateful to Montane. I've seen a lot of videos of Montane just like tearing shit up on stage. And I want to go to that. That seems fun.

• 56:45Travis McElroy?

  Be fun. I've got the fear here.

• 56:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, please.

• 56:48Travis McElroy?

  Tell me the fear. This year, I will be faster than my fear of misidentifying birds in front of the cool older birders. They are not better than me. It's good. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me, Kiss Your Dad.

• 57:04Speaker 06

  Square on the lips.

• 57:37Speaker 06

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.