Bonus #197 - Enter the Cheeks Zone Vol. 4 w/ JP McDade [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Stavvy Baby Enterprises consigliere and metaphysical guru Mr. Cheeks plucks us from the shiny new studio to the transcendental realm known as the Cheeks Zone. Serving as guide to Stav, JP "Jimmy the Mac Man" McDade and Eldy, the Cheeksman guides an inward-looking conversation covering topics like protein-based movie theaters, Colin Firth, the Stavvy cinematic universe, and much more. Mr. Cheeks, JP and Stav help callers including a guy whose friend is trying to hook up with his sister despite owing him $4,000, and a guy fresh out of a breakup who wants to get his mojo back by throwing out a hail mary to an old friend who’s now a dominatrix. Watch Stav’s special Uncle Stav out now on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 Check out Mr. Cheeks's beautiful creative direction at stavvy.biz and Stav's accounts Follow JP McDade on social media: https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade https://www.instagram.com/mcdadebaby ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Stav's new special Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  Hi, Starbros. First time caller, long time listener. I need some advice on my friend, or my former friend. I was friends with this guy for, throughout high school. We became best friends, and then I ended up letting him borrow $4,000, him and his wife. I ended up letting them borrow $4,000. He ended up ghosting me, and we haven't talked since. But now, earlier this year, he sent me a message through Instagram. He wants to meet up, he wants to catch up and everything. And through text messages, I found that him and his wife got a divorce. So, we were trying to catch up a bit, but because of my schedule, I'm not able to see

• 1:44Speaker 02

  him in person. So, I'm just, I just want to take things slowly mainly.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  Slowly?

• 1:50Speaker 02

  But the weird part is now that he's starting to message my sister.

• 1:55Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:56Speaker 02

  And honestly, I don't really like that. I know him and his wife got a divorce, so it makes, kind of tells me that maybe he's trying to hit on my sister.

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  My sister told me, she sent me that message. He didn't say much, he just said, "Hey." But like, what makes it weird too is that he's trying to follow her spam account, and he's just trying to like-

• 2:17Stavros Halkias?

  Why don't you care that he has $4,000 of his money? Keep going, sorry.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Because, I mean, yeah, he knew her, but they weren't like friends like that, friends to conversate with her. I'm thinking about confronting him about it. I kind of thought that I didn't really want to make up with him, to be honest. I think he's trying to just like enter my life without like having to pay me back. I think it's bullshit.

• 2:44Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  But you tell me what you think, Starbros. Should I confront this guy? Or should I just drop it, let it slide, just never talk to him again? I think you should.

• 2:51Stavros Halkias?

  Confront him about trying to fuck your sister or owing you $4,000?

• 2:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, which thing?

• 2:55Stavros Halkias?

  The fuck are you talking about?

• 2:57Speaker 04

  Or just like contacting you pretending like he doesn't owe you $4,000?

• 3:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude. You've already fucked up a little bit here by not being like, "Hey, man, nice to hear from you. Do you have my money? Hey, I've been, oh, it's nice to hear from you." I mean, you kind of ignored me when I tried to get the $4,000 I owed you. Do you have that?

• 3:15Speaker 04

  I mean, it feels like a, oh, wasn't that cra- that was crazy back there, wasn't it?

• 3:20Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally. Which I, I kind of respect trying, like trying to be like, "Phew."

• 3:26Speaker 04

  Bygone for bygone.

• 3:27Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, how you doing? Oh, man, got a divorce. Anyway, dude, sorry, I've been so busy with my divorce. Anyway, what's going on with you and what's your sister up to?

• 3:34Speaker 05

  She took $2,000 from me in my divorce.

• 3:36Speaker 04

  He's got like a new hair transplant and shit.

• 3:40Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, you gotta immediately lay down the fucking law and be like, "Hey, man, good to hear from you. Where's my fucking money?"

• 3:46Speaker 04

  You ghosted me after I gave you four fucking thousand dollars.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  This is what we call a Cleaver problem.

• 3:50Stavros Halkias?

  This is, dude. You don't need to use magic, you just fucking, I would chop his nuts off if I were you. And that's coming from Pussy, Pussy Yes Fucker Jones.

• 4:01Speaker 05

  It sounds like you don't have a whole lot of paperwork involved in this loan situation, which is unfortunate, because this is a, this is time for small claims court, legal action type stuff. You gotta get your money.

• 4:11Stavros Halkias?

  I think you just fucking, you're just like, "Hey, man, you owe me mu-" like, "Hey, I'm happy to hear from you, but we have to address the fact that you owe me $4,000."

• 4:20Speaker 05

  Also, that is not your friend.

• 4:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, it could be. Could be a real piece of shit. How old are these? He doesn't say how old he is.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  I mean, it's sound, I mean, everything he said about this guy sounds like it's either get your money or he's not worth your time as a friend. Like, he doesn't seem like a good friend in any way.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Especially if it bothers, if it bothers you that he said hello to your sister, it's not a guy you like.

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually a great point. Like, if you're actually friends with someone, him dating your sister would be sick. If you respect him, and you're like, they could get, like, in a perfect world, being in-laws with your boys.

• 4:56Speaker 04

  But even dating, it's like, you, you, he only had to say, "Hey."

• 5:00Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  It's like, if you, if you said, "Hey," it might as well be weird, but I wouldn't be like mad.

• 5:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  You know?

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  I think he thinks he's trying to fuck his sister.

• 5:08Speaker 04

  Yes, he definitely, he definitely-

• 5:09Speaker 05

  Or, it's a very funny maneuver of putting out feelers through the sister of like, "Hey, is your brother like mad about the four grand that I never paid him back?"

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Or is he like, "I've always, actually, I want to, now that I'm divorced, I want to fuck his sister who I've always wanted to fuck, but I, but it's gonna suck. I better make things okay with him."

• 5:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a great, that's interesting.

• 5:28Speaker 04

  So then I can do this.

• 5:29Stavros Halkias?

  And you're looking, that's why you have-

• 5:30Speaker 04

  Which feels more selfish, which feels more in line with kind of how this guy seems to operate.

• 5:34Stavros Halkias?

  And that's why you have the vision, the x-ray vision of the cheek zone.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Um, yeah, dude.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  I sense it.

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  If this guy owes you, you have to, you have to be like, "Hey, man, great to hear from you, but I need my money back." And it's like, if you don't have it all, I get that, pay me 200 bucks, you know, every other week or something.

• 5:51Speaker 04

  I've owed friends money, and the way that we stayed friends was I paid them as much as I could once a month.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  And it took forever to pay them back. It was only 500 bucks.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  But it was like 20 bucks a month for a, like, it was just some small thing to just be like, "I know that I owe you this."

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  And I'm, and I'm trying.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  And it's like, not even that, I feel like he's saying like, "Hey, I don't have your $4,000, and also I want your sister's pussy."

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:19Speaker 05

  I'm willing to fuck your sister as payment.

• 6:21Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right. I'll give your sister $4,000 worth of dick. In the cheek zone, that would be punishable by death.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah. But death is awesome in the cheeks. We do have to be careful.

• 6:33Speaker 05

  Wait, you can-

• 6:34Speaker 04

  A lot of things are inverted here.

• 6:35Stavros Halkias?

  That is so fucking-

• 6:36Speaker 05

  And you can repay debts by fucking.

• 6:38Stavros Halkias?

  Well, here's the thing, you're right, it's not punishable by death, it's punishable by, we hit you with a big club and you turn into a baby again. But you, but you're conscious, and you remember going through your mom's pussy, and you relive that for a thousand years.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, you have the memory of every, like, life you've ever lived.

• 6:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm saying you only relive going out of your mom's pussy for a thousand years.

• 6:59Speaker 05

  You feel, you feel great suffering and pain, but you don't have the vocabulary to express it.

• 7:02Stavros Halkias?

  Right, but in your, but you have a human, a man's mind.

• 7:05Speaker 04

  I think, what would be greater torture than, of just someone never being able to die, they just get so old and looking decrepit, and their bodies falling apart-

• 7:14Speaker 05

  They just approach zero.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  That would be so torture.

• 7:17Speaker 05

  Assummate.

• 7:17Speaker 04

  After a thousand years?

• 7:19Speaker 05

  The sun burns out.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  And you're aging.

• 7:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, maybe every thousand years, as an old, really old man, you still go through your mother's pussy.

• 7:24Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 7:25Stavros Halkias?

  Because I feel like that should be part of the punishment. Consciously going through your mother's pussy seems so fucking annoying.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  That's what Benjamin Button should have been about.

• 7:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's how it should have ended. He crawls back into his mom's pussy.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  But you, or when he's born, he's an old guy who knows what's going on.

• 7:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, true. I think that, I think it's a short story or a book, and in the short story, he just is an old man, there's no, he's a baby that looks old?

• 7:48Speaker 05

  At the very end, it's one sperm cell and one egg. They separate, the zygotes separate.

• 7:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:54Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. And at the movie theater, you could eat the jizz, the little one jizz.

• 7:59Speaker 06

  That would be good for the protein theater.

• 8:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly, Eldis.

• 8:03Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 8:04Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly right, man.

• 8:06Speaker 06

  That's the movie we need to think about.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  You're gonna be our head chef.

• 8:09Stavros Halkias?

  All right, we'll have to find it from a universe where Colin Firth has Brad Pitt's career.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Okay, that's an interesting one.

• 8:15Stavros Halkias?

  But that'll be easy, that exists. Oh, in that universe, he fucks Angelina Jolie, but he's not abusive, and they're all happy together.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  That's nice.

• 8:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's so awesome.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  Colin Firth is a good guy.

• 8:24Stavros Halkias?

  He's a good guy.

• 8:25Speaker 06

  Can we revisit the idea where Colin Firth stretches that cure in that Lee's pussy in the one of the movies?

• 8:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, I don't, I think we've moved past that.

• 8:32Speaker 04

  He's in Gentleman, he's in The League of, what is it?

• 8:36Stavros Halkias?

  Extraordinary Gentlemen?

• 8:37Speaker 04

  Not The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, he's in the one-

• 8:39Speaker 05

  On Gentlemanly Warfare.

• 8:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you know what he's in?

• 8:42Speaker 05

  Oh, he's in The Gentleman.

• 8:43Stavros Halkias?

  The-

• 8:43Speaker 05

  The Umbrella Academy.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:45Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  Not Umbrella Academy.

• 8:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's the one with Taron Egerton.

• 8:48Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  I think it's The Gentleman.

• 8:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, man.

• 8:50Speaker 05

  The name of the crew that he-

• 8:51Speaker 04

  No, it's like-

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's, it's so awesome, they're, it's like the most perfect plane movie of all time.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  It was like a really-

• 9:01Stavros Halkias?

  What's that called, Eldis? What are you fucking doing?

• 9:04Speaker 04

  He's texting his wife probably about his dog.

• 9:06Stavros Halkias?

  Pussy? What are you doing, man? You've only been podcasting all day, why are you texting your wife?

• 9:09Speaker 06

  I was actually texting Kyla.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  Anyway-

• 9:15Speaker 06

  Wait, what are you guys saying?

• 9:16Speaker 04

  This movie with Colin Firth and Taron Egerton-

• 9:18Stavros Halkias?

  What was the movie that Colin Firth and Taron Egerton were in, where it's kind of like, like a James Bond type shit?

• 9:22Speaker 05

  The League of-

• 9:23Speaker 04

  It's like League Gentlemen, like-

• 9:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's Gentleman something, they're tailors-

• 9:27Speaker 06

  Kingsman, the Kingsman.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  That movie was really good, like, I had a lot of fun with that movie, and then at the very end, it's like, there's this really weird joke.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  Where he fucks someone's ass or something?

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Well, he's like, he's letting people, he's like rescuing people from prison, and this, this like hot, like cougar, whoever is like, "Let me out." And he's like, I, he says something like, "I will if you let me fuck you in the ass." Like, it's crazy.

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

  It ends on an ass fuck joke.

• 9:50Speaker 04

  It's so out of nowhere, and you're like, he's, he's asking for sex to let the, free this woman out of jail that he's-

• 9:57Stavros Halkias?

  That is strange.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  Just met, it was like, so, it really ruined the mood.

• 10:01Speaker 05

  Surely, madam, as soon as you show me a pussy and also a hoe. Roll credit.

• 10:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's really good, that's really good. So, yeah, we'll show that, we'll show the Kingsman at the high-protein movie theater, and Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but Colin Firth has Brad Pitt's career.

• 10:15Speaker 05

  But in the Kingsman, instead of very finely tailored tweed suits, they're all wearing like weight vests, like, like 40-pound weight vests.

• 10:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, right, because they're, yeah, because they're getting jacked. That's fucking awesome, yeah. That's awesome and true.

• 10:35Speaker 01

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