MBMBaM 762: Mozzarella Stickz, Never Eaten

We’re here to give you that kick you need to roll out of bed and grab a steaming box of hot wet egg. But if a kick doesn’t work, maybe some spicy stolen salsa or getting stepped on by Joseph Gordon Levitt will do the trick Suggested talking points: The New New Monkees, Joseph Gordon Leverage, Fish Love Pokemon Cards, What Do You Think Verbatim Means? Center for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has gossip, it's rippen into a precious friendship.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:15Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, vroom, vroom, McElroy.

• 1:20Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, Built Ford Tough here, and my secret is I'm always angry.

• 1:28Travis McElroy?

  Oh, is that true?

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:30Travis McElroy?

  I've never gotten that far. I would say you're always anxious.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  Um, that's how it presents. No, it, the secret is I'm always angry and it's how I get Hulk Strong, and I've been missing seeing my green boy up on the big silver screen. Um, I gotta say, today's Supes ain't doing it for me, and I need to see stronger people up there, uh, killing, uh, their enemies, and it just sucks that that hasn't happened in like years.

• 1:57Travis McElroy?

  Uh, well, they're back. All your Marvel heroes are back.

• 2:00Travis McElroy?

  What the fuck?

• 2:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude, they're back in a big way. We're doing it again.

• 2:05Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I'm confused, Justin. There's no new Avengers movies.

• 2:08Griffin McElroy?

  I'm looking at the list of movies on Rotten Tomatoes right now. We've got Death of a Unicorn.

• 2:15Travis McElroy?

  Is that it?

• 2:15Griffin McElroy?

  That's made up. I don't think that one's it.

• 2:19Travis McElroy?

  The, no, the movie in question is Thunderbolts.

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:24Travis McElroy?

  And I want to talk about this because I have not been paying attention like a lot, like a sane person. I've been focused on things other than the status of Marvel movies.

• 2:32Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 2:33Travis McElroy?

  I do want to talk about it. So the movie.

• 2:35Griffin McElroy?

  Heard it's good, heard it's good. Irrelevant.

• 2:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I actually, I set up reverse notifications so that I wouldn't get notifications on any Marvel properties except Moon Knight Season Two.

• 2:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's it.

• 2:48Travis McElroy?

  It's been a ghost town.

• 2:49Griffin McElroy?

  I got, I fucking, I've seen clips, I've seen clips that seem good and all the comments are like, damn, they did my favorite character from Marvel, Bill Dinkley, so right in this one. And it's like, who are you talking, it's my favorite Marvel guy.

• 3:03Travis McElroy?

  I'm postal investigator Bill Dinkley.

• 3:06Griffin McElroy?

  It's my fucking favorite Marvel guy, Huge Crimson. Who are you talking about? What are you talking about?

• 3:14Travis McElroy?

  Huge Crimson? That's his regular name though. That's not his superhero name. That's the crazy thing.

• 3:20Griffin McElroy?

  There's 10 Marvel guys and I already learned them and most of them died. And I was like, I've done with that part of my life. I've moved, I don't need to know who all the Avengers are again. Surprise. It's a whole new batch, whole new, whole new brood.

• 3:36Travis McElroy?

  So listen, the movie is called Thunderbolts asterisk, right? Thunderbolts asterisk.

• 3:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Cause they use performance enhancing drugs to kill the bad guys in this one.

• 3:47Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 3:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, actually that's, I, that's a super soldier serum, right?

• 3:51Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know who any of these people are, any of these people.

• 3:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, nobody knows any of these characters or anything.

• 3:55Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes they'll throw, usually they'll throw a guy in there like Joker and you'll be like, well, I at least know who Jo, the rest of the suicides go, I don't know who the fuck these guys are, but I know Joker, so I can feel comfortable here.

• 4:05Travis McElroy?

  Justin, is the asterisk down at the bottom of the poster, does it say Thunderbolts asterisk? And then at the bottom asterisk, we have Avengers at home. It's Thunderbolts. We don't need, we don't need to buy Avengers. We have Avengers at home.

• 4:18Travis McElroy?

  No, they changed it.

• 4:21Travis McElroy?

  They changed it, the name of it. They changed the name of the movie, kind of. The stars of the movie have, I would, here, hold on, let me show you the guy, the very exciting picture of this because I feel like this, the thrill of this is gonna like, jump across.

• 4:36Griffin McElroy?

  Is it gonna get me back in the movies again?

• 4:38Travis McElroy?

  I think it's gonna get you very excited. So, it's, the thing that they did was, they ripped off the title and actually, the asterisk is asterisk, the new Avengers. It's-

• 4:49Griffin McElroy?

  That's so cool.

• 4:51Travis McElroy?

  That's what they, it's like they, it's about asterisk the whole time. Look at Sebastian Stan.

• 4:55Travis McElroy?

  He can't believe it.

• 4:56Travis McElroy?

  Can you fucking believe this shit? I'm an Avenger!

• 5:00Travis McElroy?

  What, what this is telling me is right now Sebastian Stan, seeing that thing ripped off, is the first he's hearing about this.

• 5:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, they should do this every time they reboot some shit. They should do this where the guys in the movie, like fuck up the old thing first and make it, and make it a big surprise.

• 5:18Travis McElroy?

  I just wanna say a few things. One, I'm glad Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn's kid is getting another bite at the apple. Let's keep, let's get as many chances as we can for everybody. David Harbour, I feel like you have enough apples, and maybe you should share the apples around. You've got a lot of great apples going.

• 5:34Griffin McElroy?

  Who else could possibly play huge Crimson, Justin, if not Dave Harbour?

• 5:38Travis McElroy?

  But Justin, I'm glad you made, uh, the point that I've been kind of so boxing on for a while now, which is celebrities' kids have it so rough out there.

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  And I like when people give them a lot of chances to make it big.

• 5:51Travis McElroy?

  When, when, when his, uh, uh, beloved cult AMC show got cancelled, I'm really glad that, uh, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell's son Wyatt got another-

• 6:03Griffin McElroy?

  Russell Hawn? I think his name's Russell Hawn.

• 6:05Travis McElroy?

  Is his name. So Marvel had to come out and people were like, understandably, after this event where the cast took a picture in front of this new poster that, Marvel had to come out and be like- That's not the name of the movie still. It's still called Thunderbolts. And everyone's like, well. Are you sure? Because it seems like you changed it. And Marvel's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's a joke. It's just a joke for the movie.

• 6:31Travis McElroy?

  Oh, did the stars know that?

• 6:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and it is a new Avengers movie. And that's what they're saying. Not a new. New Avengers movie, but uh.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  New Avengers.

• 6:41Travis McElroy?

  New Avengers.

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  Movie, yeah. Movie, yeah, for sure.

• 6:44Travis McElroy?

  But it's called Thunderbolt Star. Really?

• 6:47Griffin McElroy?

  Thunderbolt Star. Which one is Iron? Which one's Iron Man?

• 6:50Travis McElroy?

  The more I look at this picture, the more it looks like Sebastian Stan is asking me to get him out of there.

• 6:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he wants to be rescued.

• 6:58Griffin McElroy?

  I've heard it's good. I've heard, I have heard it's good.

• 7:01Travis McElroy?

  I think he's saying right now, I was in real Avengers movies.

• 7:04Griffin McElroy?

  I was, now that's a good point. He was, he's the Joker in this one. He was, I see Sebastian Stan. I'm like, I know him. Bucky Boy with the magic arm. I know him. For sure. The rest of these guys can hang.

• 7:15Travis McElroy?

  With the arm power by love.

• 7:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, fuck yeah.

• 7:18Travis McElroy?

  Get him out of there.

• 7:20Griffin McElroy?

  I'm, I've heard it's good. I'm glad for people who saw it and, and really.

• 7:23Travis McElroy?

  I wanna see it.

• 7:25Griffin McElroy?

  I wanna see it too. I don't really have time to go to the movies anymore. It's just, I grew up with these things, man. I grew up in this world, these comic movies. Movies and comics and all that nerd shit. And yeah, I, when these guys come out and make such a big splash. Yeah, like, I don't know who these guys are.

• 7:40Travis McElroy?

  Okay, that's Lil Crimson. What happened?

• 7:42Travis McElroy?

  Now we're talking. Now we've got the juice.

• 7:45Griffin McElroy?

  Is that the Rizler?

• 7:46Travis McElroy?

  That's the Rizler. Yeah, baby. That's the Rizler with the Thunderbolt Star, Stars.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  The Thunderbolt Star Stars and the Rizler. And Julia Louise Dreyfus said about this, no offense to that child, but I did not know who he was.

• 8:01Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 8:02Travis McElroy?

  That is a quote.

• 8:02Griffin McElroy?

  Julia Louise Dreyfus doesn't know the Rizler. That's, that's, that's really good stuff.

• 8:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, she does not know who the Rizler is, and that is a relief. I think for me, I don't want her to know about anybody I know about.

• 8:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I wanna know that the media I consume exists in my sphere. And that Julia Louise Dreyfus doesn't even know that it exists.

• 8:24Griffin McElroy?

  Who is there?

• 8:24Travis McElroy?

  This is the second time I've heard you put a hard S on that woman's name. And we're gonna need to pump the brakes.

• 8:30Travis McElroy?

  Sorry.

• 8:30Travis McElroy?

  Julia Louise Dreyfus.

• 8:32Travis McElroy?

  No, no.

• 8:33Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 8:33Travis McElroy?

  No, sir.

• 8:34Travis McElroy?

  Julia's.

• 8:35Travis McElroy?

  Louise.

• 8:37Travis McElroy?

  Dreyfus.

• 8:38Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Yes, yes. And the Ri.

• 8:42Travis McElroy?

  Zeller, the Riz-ler.

• 8:44Travis McElroy?

  The Twizzler.

• 8:46Travis McElroy?

  See?

• 8:47Travis McElroy?

  I don't.

• 8:48Griffin McElroy?

  Who's the guy in the green shirt? Cause he's not there. He's barely there. If they are gonna want us to talk about Avengers again, they're gonna need to come up with more stuff for us to talk about. I don't think it's fair that you can just say, you guys like those Avengers movies? We sure did. Here's the, here's the new ones. I don't think that's fair because we don't know these guys' whole deals and what are we supposed to do jokes on?

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  It's really hard to, to do this. I think if you look at the Monkees.

• 9:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  The band, the Monkees, like 30 years after, they tried to get a thing going called the new Monkees. And the problem with that is they said upfront, this is the new Monkees. What they should do is have a band that goes for a while. What if Blur 2, like Blur with song two had come out and they've been very popular.

• 9:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:32Travis McElroy?

  And then a year in, they were like, that's the new Monkees. We got you.

• 9:35Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, you guys like our shit? You like the sound of Blur? Guess what you've been liking? The new Monkees.

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  The new, new Monkees.

• 9:43Griffin McElroy?

  So look into that. Oh, is that what Arctic Monkeys is?

• 9:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Arctic Monkeys would have been the better pull, Travis. You're right. Thank you.

• 9:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, the sirens going off here, which means it's time to do our first question of the episode. Wait, why is there a siren going off? It's a tornado siren that goes off on the first Wednesday of every month at noon. We can set these record times for whenever we want, and yet we do manage to always get it right in siren time, I'm realizing. It lets us know it's time to move on to the first question. You're right. You're right.

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  Growing up, my friend's mom woke her up every morning with a good morning song. I always thought it was really sweet and a nice tradition. I recently had a baby of my own and would like to find a song to sing him to wake him up. I don't want to use my friend's song because I can't really remember the words. The words I do remember are pretty dorky. What is a cool song I could sing to my cool baby to wake him up each morning? That's your new mom in OKC.

• 10:33Travis McElroy?

  I got a good morning song.

• 10:35Griffin McElroy?

  I do too, but let's hear yours first because you made the sound first.

• 10:38Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Mine, I learned at camp when I was young and it goes way up in the sky. The big birdies fly. Way down in the nest, the little birds rest. The sun starts to rise, the dew goes away. Good morning, good morning, the little birds say.

• 10:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's way too long for a wake up song. By the time you finish that, I'm downstairs like brewing a cup. Already, you took way too long with it.

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  Point of it, it's a little bit annoying or a lot of it depending on the receiver, I guess. And it's just spurned them out of bed.

• 11:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't need that.

• 11:14Travis McElroy?

  And forward into the day. You don't need that. You just spring out of bed every morning?

• 11:18Griffin McElroy?

  I'm thinking about a wake up song for myself as a 38 year old adult gentleman.

• 11:25Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Not what the question, but yeah.

• 11:28Griffin McElroy?

  Well, but I, I have to connect with it on this level. You understand Travis before I can get into the mind of a baby. You understand that, right?

• 11:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, I forgot.

• 11:36Griffin McElroy?

  Before I can enter the mind of the baby, I have to first really-

• 11:38Travis McElroy?

  Enter the baby space.

• 11:40Griffin McElroy?

  You have to ground it with your own personal experience.

• 11:43Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 11:43Griffin McElroy?

  I want to get hit with, um, first of the month by, um, Bone Thugs and Harmony. With the wake up, wake up, wake up. It's the first of the month. Now, here's my deal. They're gonna change the lyrics based on what day it actually is.

• 11:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. That's helpful.

• 12:01Griffin McElroy?

  And if we can get the day's temperature included in the lyrics of the song.

• 12:05Travis McElroy?

  So right now it's 72, yo. Later on, it's gonna be 80. Better bust out the shorts.

• 12:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Travis McElroy?

  He's gonna wear his short shorts. That would be amazing, actually. That's really good, Justin. If we could get Bone Thugs on this, that'd be incredible. How many days got last? It's just three days left. Three days left until May.

• 12:26Griffin McElroy?

  I would want it to be more, I'm waking up first thing in the morning. I don't need to solve a math puzzle. I need like a, it's a, it's, it's May 7th. Like I need them to be pretty.

• 12:33Travis McElroy?

  It would also be useful if I could then, you know, if I had the time, it's a weekend, that they could go into some of the like news highlights.

• 12:40Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 12:41Travis McElroy?

  Headlines.

• 12:42Griffin McElroy?

  What you missed this weekend. I wouldn't, it's reached a point now where I wouldn't, I don't know if I'm gonna hire Bone Thugs in Harmony for this. Probably can't afford that. I would love a sort of personalized, um, calendar, I suppose, a digital construct of some sort.

• 12:58Travis McElroy?

  With, with additional widgets that I can add in later if I want it.

• 13:01Griffin McElroy?

  I guess I'm saying I want to create an AI construct, but only of Bone Thugs in Harmony, not to like, do any other, uh, like, it, it all above board.

• 13:10Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, you jumped right over the idea of paying them to do it. I, I think it would be pricey, but worth it. Let's pay artists for their work. Reach out to Bone Thugs, see if you can get them.

• 13:22Griffin McElroy?

  They would get a cut.

• 13:23Travis McElroy?

  They're not gonna work with us, cuz I, a few minutes ago conflated first of the month with Crossroads, and I don't think they're gonna work, wanna work with us. I think that they're gonna find someone who knows their catalog.

• 13:32Travis McElroy?

  Charles, y'all. That's how you remember appointments coming up.

• 13:35Griffin McElroy?

  At 7:00 PM, at Guido's.

• 13:40Travis McElroy?

  You're meeting his new girlfriend. Make sure to bring some flowers.

• 13:44Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys have an alarm? Do you have an alarm in the morning? What, what, what wakes you up?

• 13:49Travis McElroy?

  I have an alarm set at 6:40, 6:45, and 6:48, cuz I don't trust myself one bit.

• 13:55Travis McElroy?

  What is it? Just a siren? What do you got?

• 13:57Travis McElroy?

  No, it's a gentle, uh, ringing and dangling, you know?

• 14:02Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I usually, I either wake up with the day or from a gentle rustling from my lovely wife. A gentle rustle.

• 14:11Travis McElroy?

  And then you go, oh God, the kids are two hours late to school. Gotta go.

• 14:15Griffin McElroy?

  No, I sit there as she does, a parody version of Bone Thugs in Harmony's first of the month to me, to tell me all about the news and weather and the time and date. It's so helpful.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  I, my alarm clock caresses me to sleep. It starts off very dim, and it slowly kisses me awake with a soft tingling of nature. And then at 6:40, Sydney's rips in with a

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  And it's like, oh, but I was just being correct. So I have conditioned myself to be awakened by the gentlest caress of nature. So I'm fully ideally in the shower before her sort of cacophony kicks up.

• 14:53Griffin McElroy?

  We bought one of those sun lamp alarm clock things. I think we've talked about this on the show before, but I guess just as an update for this particular appliance, it stopped waking me up. And so Rachel would have to come into the bedroom to wake me up with this gigantic LED light bulb inches from my face, just blasting me with its, its false UV rays. Uh, and it, it was a largely ineffective tool. Also, my dreams are just brighter. Thanks, you stupid light bulb.

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  I got one of those, uh, I got, uh, you know, continue to get the marketing emails for, from the, uh, the lamp company or the clock company that I got this alarm clock from, and they recently sent an email that said, um, uh, hey, if you, if you don't buy one of these for, by the end of the week, cause the tariffs are gonna be $400.

• 15:43Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 15:43Travis McElroy?

  And listen, it's all rough, uh, uh, across the board, but it really did make it very, in that moment, very personal. And I thought, wow, that sounds, no, no, no, not, it's just, I real identified that, that sounds like an extremely challenging situation.

• 16:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:01Travis McElroy?

  Cause that's hundred, hundreds of dollars for the, I mean, I know it's bad for you, but like, wow, you guys have really got it tough, huh? $400 for this. Woof. Now, it's tough.

• 16:11Griffin McElroy?

  I don't love light waking me up. Is there any way that one of these sun lamps can produce the heat of the sun? Not obviously full bore, like, I'm not trying to be disintegrated.

• 16:23Travis McElroy?

  Kind of that revs up.

• 16:24Griffin McElroy?

  It wouldn't start there. I think it would serve you up a lot of different, lot of different options. Yeah. I think it would start you with a gentle caress of sun's light coming. And then like, if that don't work, some light bird noises. And then if that don't work, the birds get like shitty about it. And then if that don't work, it starts to get pretty hot. Because now you're being blasted by heat rays.

• 16:43Travis McElroy?

  And the birds start screaming like they're burning.

• 16:45Griffin McElroy?

  Let me make a bad smell. Make the alarm clock make a stinky bad smell that wake you up. That would be cool.

• 16:51Travis McElroy?

  Is there a way to do an implant in my brain to wake me up that tells my brain that my bladder is really full?

• 16:57Travis McElroy?

  Cause like that wakes me up in the middle of the night. So you know it would work in the morning.

• 17:01Griffin McElroy?

  For sure.

• 17:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Maybe you could wake up at like three something and pound a bunch of water and just like really put on the boat for however long it takes to rip through you.

• 17:11Travis McElroy?

  How with lucid dreaming, how hard would I have to work to get myself a dream butler? Who just, uh, excuse me, Mr. McRoy. It's time to wake up now. And he comes in and he gets me up. So he, oh, and gives me the kick. I need Joseph Gordon-Levitt to give me the kick.

• 17:27Griffin McElroy?

  I actually have a lot of dreams about Joseph Gordon-Levitt kicking me and stepping on me and.

• 17:36Griffin McElroy?

  That's it. Oh.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  Go on.

• 17:38Griffin McElroy?

  Finish your drink. Justin took a big sip.

• 17:40Travis McElroy?

  He's giving you time.

• 17:41Travis McElroy?

  Tell me more. I'm giving you space.

• 17:43Griffin McElroy?

  I have a lot of.

• 17:44Travis McElroy?

  The floor is yours.

• 17:46Griffin McElroy?

  It's brick era. T H G L and he's just stepping.

• 17:50Travis McElroy?

  I'm breaking your smushing slowly.

• 17:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:55Travis McElroy?

  He crushed your balls.

• 17:55Griffin McElroy?

  So what do you guys think? What do you think it means?

• 17:58Travis McElroy?

  Are you asking me how many PSI Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be able to kick your balls with?

• 18:02Griffin McElroy?

  What kind of PSI, what kind of downward for, what kind of downward force will this wave apply to my body?

• 18:08Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying that I think he could be a professional NFL kicker if he set his mind to it.

• 18:13Travis McElroy?

  My kids to stop watching these fucking TikToks. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's foot smushing every day.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  I know. He squishes a bunch of Play-Doh and it shoots up between his toes.

• 18:24Travis McElroy?

  They keep calling me over like, dad, you gotta watch this. But it's like, they're all the same, guys. I don't get the appeal.

• 18:31Travis McElroy?

  He's got a lot of Joseph Gordon leverage. So that helps.

• 18:35Griffin McElroy?

  But it's close enough to the physical force that is being applied. I, I will absolutely.

• 18:39Travis McElroy?

  What do we think about Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

• 18:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's good too. That's good too. We're definitely trending in the right direction with this bit. Uh, he does step on my balls sometimes, but he always makes it sound like it was an accident.

• 18:53Travis McElroy?

  You fucking wrestled momentum back from me. I tried to create to something new. You're like, wait, wait, wait. One more thing I need to have recorded.

• 19:03Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I'm already. How come every time Griffin tries to open up to us about his dreams or Joseph Gordon-Levitt accidentally stepped on us as well sometimes? That you're like, we need to move on.

• 19:10Griffin McElroy?

  It doesn't happen every, it doesn't happen every dream.

• 19:13Travis McElroy?

  Okay. I'll tell you why Trav. Hi, it's Justin McRoy. Griffin's oldest, oldest brother.

• 19:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:20Travis McElroy?

  Griffin is in a constant struggle with his own personal brand. There's two Griffin McRoy's. There's the Griffin McRoy that'll do it for the vine.

• 19:27Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 19:28Travis McElroy?

  And then there's the Griffin McRoy that is a human being, a day to day life that expresses to me on a daily basis, how regretfully is that he has corrupted his brand with, with so many, not kinks that he just does not personally share. It's not a kink, shame.

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  It's that he can't have normal conversations anymore, but.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  And which, which of those two Griffins wins, Justin?

• 19:50Travis McElroy?

  Well, I don't know. It's probably the Griffin that interrupts me from making a transition to the next question. So he could say one more great thing about Joseph Gordon Levitt, a real human crushing his balls.

• 20:02Travis McElroy?

  Accidentally sometimes.

• 20:04Griffin McElroy?

  Stop it. It's, first of all, this is not a real person. It's Joseph Gordon Levitt in my dream mind. Second of all, second of all, he only steps on my balls sometimes. Some dreams he doesn't do it at all. And whenever he does, he apologizes like it's a big accident.

• 20:19Travis McElroy?

  So we know this is the Griffin he feeds. This is the Griffin he feeds clearly because this is still the Griffin that's here with us now. You know what I mean?

• 20:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Travis McElroy?

  I tried to talk, I psychically reach the sane, responsible Griffins, like doesn't want to be accountable.

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  What happens in the dreams where he doesn't accidentally step on your balls? And is it an accident? Can you gauge it?

• 20:39Travis McElroy?

  He doesn't wake up on time and his kids are late to school.

• 20:43Griffin McElroy?

  How do I wake up? Well, it depends on what kind of treatment I get from JGL in my dream. It depends. Some days I'm timely. I'm downstairs pronto, lunch is packed and then Rachel wakes up and it's like, JGL stepped on your balls again. I'm like, yeah, man, 5:15 in the fucking morning.

• 21:02Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it's not a regular time?

• 21:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yow, ouch. I yell. That wakes Rachel up too.

• 21:09Travis McElroy?

  How can I save a man who will not save himself?

• 21:12Griffin McElroy?

  It's the tension between the two juice. That's the, that's the palette of which I'm in.

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  It's the gray. It's the gray in between. It's where the lines blur. That's where the real truth lies.

• 21:24Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 21:25Travis McElroy?

  Madness, brilliance.

• 21:27Travis McElroy?

  I hope Joseph Gordon Levitt never listens to the show.

• 21:30Travis McElroy?

  Again.

• 21:30Griffin McElroy?

  He won't. Um, I think Van Halen's jump.

• 21:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:35Griffin McElroy?

  Would be good. Maybe not.

• 21:37Travis McElroy?

  Or walking on sunshine.

• 21:40Travis McElroy?

  Or Pitbull's I Feel Good. Pitbull is a good choice.

• 21:44Griffin McElroy?

  Not for a baby.

• 21:45Travis McElroy?

  Not for a baby. Get too excited.

• 21:47Griffin McElroy?

  A baby can't handle, there's babies that can't handle their shit most of the time. They won't know what to do with the energy. They cannot handle all the rhythms.

• 21:55Travis McElroy?

  With the Kids Bop version of I Feel Good and work your way up to the Pitbull version?

• 21:59Travis McElroy?

  Kids can't handle all the rhythms of the world in one, in one man. Like, he, he's in touch with all the dances, all the parties.

• 22:06Travis McElroy?

  He is, he's Mr. Worldwide.

• 22:08Travis McElroy?

  He's Mr. Worldwide. Kids can't handle that. They barely can handle their own room, you know?

• 22:12Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  They're not ready for the whole world. Start with Rafi.

• 22:16Travis McElroy?

  Rafi's version of I Feel Good? I don't, I have never heard that one.

• 22:19Griffin McElroy?

  Rafi won't challenge children with a, with a heavy reggaeton beat, uh, in a way that Pitbull will occasionally slide in there.

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  Uh, he will challenge Pitbull though. I'd love to see that creator clash. You know what I mean? Pitbull V Rafi. No holds barred.

• 22:34Griffin McElroy?

  I think we all know who comes out on top of that one.

• 22:36Travis McElroy?

  I'm a fifth grade teacher and every year my students go to a team building event in the woods for a fifth grade graduation. The adults are not allowed to help the kids with tasks they've been given because the idea is to develop independence. However, one of the tasks is to build a fire and another is to catch a fish. They're not giving a fishing pole or matches for this, but they're given one fishing hook and a piece of string. Is there no way my students can light a fire or catch a fish with these materials? And I really want to catch a fish this year. How can I sneakily help my kids without ruining the independence part of the activities? That's from dreaming of fish in the fifth grade.

• 23:07Griffin McElroy?

  You, you added a question, you added a question where there was not one. They, they didn't say, is there no way my stu-, they said definitively, there is no way my students can light a fire.

• 23:15Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, thank you for clarifying, Griffin. Yeah.

• 23:17Travis McElroy?

  Do fifth grade classes need team building exercises?

• 23:21Griffin McElroy?

  This isn't team building. It is independence building, which is quite the opposite thing, Travis.

• 23:25Travis McElroy?

  It says, go to a team building event in the woods.

• 23:28Griffin McElroy?

  About building independence. So that doesn't mean.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  So I think the overall event is team building. This one aspect is team destroying. Yeah, they're all, they're competing against each other. Yeah.

• 23:38Griffin McElroy?

  If you catch a fish, you are not allowed to feed it to anyone else. That is your fish to, to clean and prepare.

• 23:43Travis McElroy?

  Give a man a fish and you'll be summarily dismissed from the competition.

• 23:46Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:48Griffin McElroy?

  Fishing is one of those things that I wish I could do and never would, even if I could. It would be cool to know how to do that stuff. And I think everyone probably thinks that, but it wouldn't cause me to go out to Bodies of Water to try to get all the fishing.

• 24:02Travis McElroy?

  My children have often expressed interest in fishing, and so I've started to, I've laid out for them the actual steps involved. And I would say especially on the, you have to put a worm on a hook. And then when you catch the fish, remove the hook from the fish's mouth and they bounced off it properly.

• 24:21Travis McElroy?

  I think I would enjoy teaching my kids to fish. I don't think I would enjoy having another parent teach me how to fish first in order to do that.

• 24:34Griffin McElroy?

  And when you say another parent, we should be explicitly clear that we are not talking about our own father.

• 24:39Travis McElroy?

  No, he's tried.

• 24:40Griffin McElroy?

  Someone else's parent, not ours.

• 24:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, so I need, I don't, but see, to learn from another parent in this specific activity, it's gonna be me and another adult

• 24:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:53Travis McElroy?

  in a boat, alone, making conversation. Sorry, that's gonna be a super hard pass for me. I don't think I'll ever learn to fish.

• 25:00Travis McElroy?

  I'm picturing someone out on their lake, out in their boat. They look up, here comes another boat. It's Justin by himself with his iPhone, watching YouTube videos on how to fish as he tries to set it up. And I think that actually might be worse to be caught doing that.

• 25:16Griffin McElroy?

  You and the other parent in two different boats, you can absolutely boat away whenever you need to.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  I think that your best bet is to help your kids to master the bow and arrow. Because I have seen a lot of movies and if you can master the bow and arrow, you're hunting, you're grappling,

• 25:38Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 25:39Travis McElroy?

  you're retrieving,

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:41Travis McElroy?

  you're winning the heart of Maid Marian.

• 25:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you're winning the Hunger Games.

• 25:45Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know that that is a facet of this.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  Resting all of.

• 25:49Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I'm sorry, Griffin.

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  Queen City, is that right? Is that where Green Arrow is?

• 25:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I think so. Griffin, in this independent study where the children are put out in the woods without supplies and they have to catch and eat their own food, you don't get a little bit of Hunger Games vibe from that?

• 26:06Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, it'd be Hungry Games and not games so much as school. It's Hungry School, the sequel to Hunger Games.

• 26:12Travis McElroy?

  Do you, do you think that there was a moment where the teachers had to tell the, the parents of these fifth graders, they'll be going in the woods, um, and they'll have to start a fire themselves. And the parents were like, that seems wildly irresponsible. They're 11 years old. And the teachers said, oh, don't worry. We don't give them matches or anything. They would have to start it themselves. And there's no way they're going to be able to do that. So don't you worry about it.

• 26:35Griffin McElroy?

  Don't worry. They can't get burnt. They won't make fire. They can't make fire unless.

• 26:42Travis McElroy?

  Unless.

• 26:43Griffin McElroy?

  Unless? Wow. You guys really, really, really left me hanging on that one.

• 26:47Travis McElroy?

  No, I said it. I said it.

• 26:49Griffin McElroy?

  That pause, that pause, that pause was nine months pregnant. That was a big one.

• 26:54Travis McElroy?

  Unless.

• 26:56Griffin McElroy?

  Dead drops. You gotta set up some dead drops ahead of time. What is gonna be in these dead drops? One, turkey jerky. Just to keep them, just to help get them across the finish line. Two, a cell phone with some sort of fish delivery service maybe on it.

• 27:17Griffin McElroy?

  Three, Pokemon cards. These are so the kids will want to find the dead drops in the first place.

• 27:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yes. And they could also be a rudimentary currency of the new society that they will develop.

• 27:29Travis McElroy?

  You could soak the Pokemon cards in lighter fluid to help them build fires.

• 27:33Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Travis. Yes. Unless it's good Pokemon cards. But every pack of Pokemon cards does come with, I would say, eight to nine kindling cards. You don't need the one with the code that lets you unlock it in the digital version of the Pokemon cards.

• 27:48Travis McElroy?

  And the energy cards are perfect for kindling.

• 27:50Travis McElroy?

  If you burn a foil one, the smoke is poison.

• 27:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's true. It'll fuck you up. Yeah. But like, it's a, it might be a good.

• 27:58Travis McElroy?

  Hologram is poison.

• 27:59Griffin McElroy?

  Might be a good type of breathable poison, but not for an 11 year old. They're not ready for that.

• 28:03Travis McElroy?

  Poison type, though. You burn those, no problem.

• 28:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Travis McElroy?

  You could use a foil card as, uh, like bait, as like, as like a, a fly. You know, it's got all the shiny on it. Fish love Pokemon cards.

• 28:16Travis McElroy?

  Are kids solving puzzles to find, like, I don't want to just give this stuff to them. So to find the dead drops, are they doing something more practical? Like coding challenges, like they're learning some.

• 28:27Griffin McElroy?

  A book report about Johnny Tremaine.

• 28:29Travis McElroy?

  Something like that, like real school stuff, like real school stuff. And then they. I don't want it to be a gimme. You want it to be something they work for, right? You can't just throw a butt. I will say this too. I'm, I'm thinking about it.

• 28:44Travis McElroy?

  Leaving a bunch of matches out, it has a whole risk reward thing there, right? Cause you also don't want, you don't want to ruin the game, but you also don't want to be the guy who like just left a bunch of matches and shit out for kids to find, right? That's frowned upon.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  How long do they have to survive this challenge?

• 29:01Travis McElroy?

  I don't think survival is on the live. I don't think those are the stakes.

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  This is what I say. If this is a four hour experience, cool. Four day experience? Ah, they. There's an element.

• 29:12Griffin McElroy?

  I also love, I feel like with most groups of fifth graders, you could give them the whole damn fishing rod and a whole tackle box of shit and a lot of kindling and some flint and steel like Minecraft. And actually I take it back, kids would be able to do that for one part pretty good, but like give them all the supplies they need. They're still not touching the fish. They're still not lighting a fire. Grownups can't do that shit on Survivor and they spent a long time there.

• 29:37Travis McElroy?

  And they knew they were going to be on Survivor.

• 29:38Griffin McElroy?

  They knew they were going to be there.

• 29:39Travis McElroy?

  Also.

• 29:40Griffin McElroy?

  Give them the whole rod.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  You're not going to get in trouble. Who cares? Have fun. Help the kids. They'll appreciate it.

• 29:45Griffin McElroy?

  What are they going to do? Fire you? Yeah. I kept my kids alive. I think that is actually a good teacher thing.

• 29:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. This is, this whole thing's insane. This whole thing, guys, we're shutting it down. It starts with me.

• 29:58Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, can we take a, a brief break? Yeah.

• 30:01Travis McElroy?

  I'll be all right with you guys.

• 30:02Travis McElroy?

  Let's get in the zone. Money zone.

• 30:04Griffin McElroy?

  I couldn't possibly do another moment of comedy.

• 30:18Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna, guys, it's the money zone and I know that in the past, um, maybe I've rambled a bit and got off topic. So I'm going to try to focus up and I'm going to do this, this ad right down, right down the middle.

• 30:30Griffin McElroy?

  Down the middle.

• 30:31Travis McElroy?

  A perfect strike.

• 30:32Travis McElroy?

  I love that trap. Thank you.

• 30:33Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think there's a lot of demand for that?

• 30:36Travis McElroy?

  Just to really nail this one to get it in one?

• 30:39Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, I'm just saying from our listening audience. Have you been hearing a lot from them lately like that we've been getting too silly and they?

• 30:45Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I don't do the show for them. I do it to get the respect of my brothers and I know that you guys don't respect the silliness that I bring.

• 30:52Griffin McElroy?

  I do absolutely. I do absolutely respect the silliness that you bring.

• 30:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  Oh, oh, this is really awkward because I was shifting a lot of gears and stuff in my head.

• 31:03Griffin McElroy?

  You've prepared. Show us, I guess, what you have for us.

• 31:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, what do you got?

• 31:06Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace.

• 31:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:08Travis McElroy?

  Good. You like.

• 31:10Griffin McElroy?

  So we're gonna stop you right there and just do some quick notes.

• 31:13Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 31:13Griffin McElroy?

  Um, why did you get so monosyllabic? I guess.

• 31:17Travis McElroy?

  I was trying, I was trying to avoid any, um, like possible off ramps for myself. Cause I know like I do a lot of like language, kind of, uh, jazz. And so I was trying to.

• 31:29Travis McElroy?

  Always experimenting. Yeah.

• 31:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I was trying to avoid any possible free association. And just focus on.

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so like, I'm sorry we interrupted.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  Okay, thank you. Squarespace, good. You like it? It help you? Yes. Very good. Build website? You have idea website? Yes. Squarespace? Opportunities to offer services and get paid in one place? Yes. Get paid on time? Professional. On brand invoice? Yes. Online payments? Yes. Plus streamline workflow? Yes.

• 32:07Griffin McElroy?

  You like this.

• 32:08Travis McElroy?

  Built in appointment scheduling? Good. Email marketing tools? You need it.

• 32:12Griffin McElroy?

  Say you like this more.

• 32:14Travis McElroy?

  Okay, you like this. Squarespace? Complete library professionally designed and.

• 32:19Travis McElroy?

  He wanted to.

• 32:20Travis McElroy?

  Website? He wanted to. Award winning website templates? You like this. With options for everyday use and category? Indeed. Intuitive drag and drop editing? Yes, sir. Styling options? Beautiful.

• 32:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it said take, take weird gender direction halfway through.

• 32:38Travis McElroy?

  Visual design effects? Unrivaled. Experience required? None. You like this.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  You want to?

• 32:48Travis McElroy?

  Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER. She saved 10% off your first purchase of website or domain. You like this?

• 32:59Griffin McElroy?

  How hard are you guys kicking yourselves? We did not suggest System of a Down's Chop Suey as a great baby wake.

• 33:04Travis McElroy?

  Ah, damn, that's good. Yeah, that would've been really good.

• 33:07Griffin McElroy?

  That would've been a good one.

• 33:08Travis McElroy?

  You know what else would be good is if you took a second and looked at your financial situation and said, "Hey, self, let's, let's get, let's get serious. Let's get real." Can we be serious now? Can we be serious now? It, it can be hard to know where to start getting your finances in order. I think Rocket Money is a really good way of doing it. The first thing that Rocket Money is gonna do is help you save a lot of money on subscriptions that you might've forgotten about. Justin, quick question? Would people like that? Yeah, they like it. Okay, it's just you didn't clarify.

• 33:41Griffin McElroy?

  You haven't said it like even a little bit.

• 33:43Travis McElroy?

  Yes, okay, thank you. Yes, Travis, really good point. They like it. And if you like it. You like it?

• 33:50Griffin McElroy?

  You like, say, you like it.

• 33:53Travis McElroy?

  You like it? Then Rocket Money is blasting off right now with the biggest savings of.

• 33:58Griffin McElroy?

  It says in the copy not to say blasting off. It says they don't like that joke.

• 34:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:03Griffin McElroy?

  They say there's no reason for it. They say they just don't like that joke in the ad copy. They say, "Don't save."

• 34:08Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, I'm looking with this, I'll be honest, extensive ad copy. And I'm not.

• 34:14Griffin McElroy?

  It says.

• 34:14Travis McElroy?

  I see some things, I see some things that they have asked me here to read verbatim, but I, as a professional, am about to blend those so seamlessly. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Like, it'll just be sort of a. You like this.

• 34:32Griffin McElroy?

  Rocket Money. Say you like this a lot, and it says, "Don't make any blast off jokes or references." We don't like those, they're not funny. I don't know why they're so specific.

• 34:41Travis McElroy?

  What do you think verbatim means? It means every time you interrupt me, I have to start over. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

• 34:56Travis McElroy?

  Sounds like people like it.

• 34:58Travis McElroy?

  Cancel your, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

• 35:05Travis McElroy?

  Indeed.

• 35:05Travis McElroy?

  Download the Rocket.

• 35:06Travis McElroy?

  I'll, I got this, I got this for you, Justin. I'll do the color commentary. You keep going.

• 35:10Travis McElroy?

  Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my brother, my brother and me in the survey so they know that I, Justin McElroy, sent you.

• 35:17Travis McElroy?

  You like this.

• 35:20Travis McElroy?

  Don't wait, don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show.

• 35:27Travis McElroy?

  I like this.

• 35:30Speaker 06

  Who's ready for some science?

• 35:34Speaker 06

  With sources and nuance.

• 35:37Speaker 07

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 35:42Speaker 07

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  On Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.

• 35:50Speaker 07

  From quantum physics to the history of swearing.

• 35:52Speaker 06

  As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.

• 35:55Speaker 07

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 35:57Speaker 06

  Me, Caroline Roper. Dr. Ella Hubber.

• 36:00Speaker 07

  And Tom Lum.

• 36:01Speaker 06

  So join us next time where we will learn about Everything.

• 36:09Speaker 08

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now?

• 36:12Speaker 07

  Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG. Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 36:18Speaker 08

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 36:20Speaker 07

  I'm Jason Schreier. And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 36:25Speaker 08

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 36:28Speaker 07

  Like driving or cooking or playing video games.

• 36:33Speaker 08

  On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 36:36Speaker 07

  And breaking news out of the video game industry. And we also talk about other stuff besides games. So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click. Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 36:56Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch squad. But I want to munch squad.

• 37:05Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad. It is a podcast in the podcast profile and the latest and greatest in brand eating.

• 37:11Travis McElroy?

  It's the only kind of eating I know.

• 37:13Travis McElroy?

  We got a couple of different.

• 37:13Griffin McElroy?

  You got into the riff you laid down at the beginning of this segment was fucking sick, Juice.

• 37:17Travis McElroy?

  Thanks. I've been thinking about doing more riffs.

• 37:20Griffin McElroy?

  It felt like a, like a jazzy sort of like cowboy bebop fight scene.

• 37:24Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:26Travis McElroy?

  They said that, um, the one thing that AI can't do is riffs. So I've been trying to come up with more riffs because it seems like one area that's going to be pretty safe from the revolution is like riffs. So I'm trying to come up with more riffs.

• 37:41Travis McElroy?

  It's a good way to fight them. Literally. It's a good weapon. If you riff at an AI, they can't handle it.

• 37:47Griffin McElroy?

  Small acts.

• 37:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I have a, I have a short story for you and then a longer story. The first short story is just like.

• 37:56Travis McElroy?

  Baby shoes never worn.

• 37:58Travis McElroy?

  I mean, no, Travis, even sadder than that. Wetzel's Pretzels.

• 38:02Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, but way to go Travis to shave off some of the cruff from Hemingway's Six World Clunker. You know, getting it down to a tight four.

• 38:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, just put it, I can do it too. Baby died.

• 38:19Travis McElroy?

  You want a real sad story?

• 38:20Travis McElroy?

  When you're paying by the letter.

• 38:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I want to post my, I want to print my short story in the newspaper. Okay.

• 38:28Travis McElroy?

  His story was three times longer than it needed to be. Wetzel's Pretzels debuts mozzarella sticks, never eaten. Sorry.

• 38:40Travis McElroy?

  Wetzel's Pretzels debuts mozzarella sticks with a Z for a limited time fake fuck. Wetzel's Pretzels is turning up the heat with its debut of, uh, latest limited time menu item, mozzarella sticks. Now the fact there's a Z at the end, I feel like they.

• 38:55Travis McElroy?

  At the end, okay. You said with a Z and I was like, I'm pretty sure that's how mozzarella is.

• 39:00Griffin McElroy?

  And pretzels.

• 39:01Travis McElroy?

  Uh, crisp. And then it says here, this new menu item, mozzarella sticks. Crispy, cheesy, portable, and perfect for summer snacking. This craveable twist is a new category for the pretzel powerhouse and is available starting at $7.99 at Wetzel's locations. Travis, let's find out together because there's another paragraph about mozzarella sticks.

• 39:29Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying for $8 of mozzarella sticks, there better be 16 mozzarella sticks.

• 39:34Travis McElroy?

  Let me paint you a picture. Crafted with fresh hand-rolled dough and filled with melty mozzarella cheese. These savory bites are topped with Italian breadcrumbs and baked to golden perfection. Served in a five-piece snack cup, pairing perfectly with a side of pizza sauce.

• 39:50Travis McElroy?

  Five?

• 39:52Travis McElroy?

  Or a creamy ranch dip. This snack is ideal for dipping and snacking on the go.

• 39:57Griffin McElroy?

  Why did they have to clarify that? I get why this is this amazing summertime treat. Nothing scratches that itch for me from being hot and sweaty outside than filling my body with this gooey white cheese. But why did they have to specify that it's portable? Because I've never, I don't know that God has made, God or man has made a mozzarella stick so big I couldn't get it, I couldn't commute with it. Like I couldn't get around.

• 40:23Travis McElroy?

  A lot of the Wetzel's pretzels menu, you have to have a knife and fork and sit down with a napkin. And this is finally one that's a little bit more, uh, grab and go.

• 40:32Griffin McElroy?

  I like the idea.

• 40:33Travis McElroy?

  This is the problem. Nobody wants to sit down and have a sit-down mozzarella stick feast with their family anymore. He saw go-go lifestyle. When I was a kid, mom used to put out a plate of giant mozzarella sticks and it was the whole night for us, you know? And then the whole day bowel movement the next day.

• 40:51Travis McElroy?

  You know, it's, uh, I have another quote here for you. If you, if you, if you think that this company could not talk more about an invention that my 10-year-old makes with string cheese and crushed up Cheetos and the air fryer, you're wrong.

• 41:04Griffin McElroy?

  Dang, what a, what a, what a child.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  "We're always looking for new ways to delight our guests. And the introduction of our new mozzarella sticks is a fun and delicious addition to our snack lineup," says Peyton Geyser.

• 41:16Travis McElroy?

  They were originally called thunder sticks with an asterisk at the end.

• 41:22Travis McElroy?

  We took everything people love about mozzarella sticks and gave it the Wetzel's spin with our fresh pretzel dough. It's a match made in snack heaven. Now, Griffin, guess if the temperature is getting to you, it says here, "Guess compare the mozzarella sticks with Wetzel's refreshing frozen lemonade for the ultimate salty meets sweet combo, an ideal duo for warm weather hangouts, midday snack breaks, or post-shopping pick-me-ups."

• 41:53Griffin McElroy?

  There's so many places I could effortlessly slot mozzarella sticks into my day with little to no negative effect on said day. They really do pick me up after I shop because after I shop, you guys know me, I'm a real dairy queen.

• 42:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, your mozzarella levels are dangerously low.

• 42:15Griffin McElroy?

  They get my moats reserves really hit E and I need to, I do need a pick-me-up sometimes and that comes in the form of five handy-dandy portable mozzarella sticks from a pretzel company.

• 42:26Travis McElroy?

  That roughly is $1.40 each.

• 42:29Griffin McElroy?

  An amazing exchange rate.

• 42:30Travis McElroy?

  What about, what a value. I have one other really actually very impactful story, emotional. I'm going to try to share it with you guys. It's not emotional. Actually, I don't know why I said that.

• 42:46Griffin McElroy?

  Well, we'll be the judge.

• 42:47Travis McElroy?

  Can you hear this?

• 42:50Speaker 09

  Good morning, Ryan. I got everything from your rider here, your newspaper with all references to birds, redacted, fresh air from your hometown, a left-handed cane, for some reason, your jigsaw puzzle, one piece from completion, and of course, your scrambled eggs.

• 43:03Speaker 10

  Oh, gosh. Nobody makes my eggs like you, Brendan.

• 43:08Speaker 09

  Actually, these are from Tim Hortons. I know how much you like them.

• 43:10Speaker 10

  Love them.

• 43:11Speaker 09

  Yeah. So I gave them your extremely specific recipe. So now you can go get them yourself anytime you want.

• 43:17Speaker 10

  Oh, did you?

• 43:20Speaker 10

  Two freshly cracked eggs, expertly scrambled with crispy hash browns, sausage crumble, creamy chipotle sauce, cooked over freshly harvested organic lava.

• 43:29Speaker 09

  They skipped the lava part, but yeah.

• 43:31Speaker 10

  Wow. Doesn't affect the taste at all.

• 43:33Speaker 09

  I'm so glad.

• 43:35Speaker 10

  Will Tim Hortons be sculpting my wig chillers?

• 43:37Speaker 09

  Nope. That'll still be me.

• 43:40Speaker 10

  I think that's gonna melt.

• 43:44Speaker 10

  From my rider to Tim's menu, try my new scrambled eggs loaded breakfast box.

• 43:50Travis McElroy?

  What's going on?

• 43:51Griffin McElroy?

  The takeaway here is that Ryan Reynolds-

• 43:53Travis McElroy?

  What's going on over there, huh?

• 43:55Griffin McElroy?

  Ryan Reynolds has his own scrambled egg secrets. That's cool. They're just like us.

• 43:59Travis McElroy?

  Fiction of this, in the fiction of this, Ryan Reynolds, who's just like us, has a special, special scrambled egg secret recipe that only his assistant knows how to make, but now his assistant taught it to, there are cereals with less contrived stories in this box of mess.

• 44:15Travis McElroy?

  I also recognize that I'm no Ryan Reynolds. I think this will come as no surprise to anyone. But if someone pitched to me, I have an idea for a commercial and the premise is that you're a complete asshole. You're like, you're just a real insufferable dick. I don't think I'd be like, yeah, man, that sounds right. That sounds like a perfect way to sell scrambled eggs.

• 44:35Travis McElroy?

  Kind of build his brand around that though, huh? Kind of build his brand around being a bit of a scamp.

• 44:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And recent news events might have forced his hand a little bit to lean into, lean into that a little bit. And that makes sense to me. This hot, wet box from Tim would fuck me up fam. If I tried to eat this thing with its Chipotle mayo drizzling on top.

• 44:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, not since, and this is a, not since Tim Biebs.

• 45:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yep.

• 45:04Travis McElroy?

  Which is a crossover of Justin Bieber and Tim. And now, okay, so I want to ask you guys one other thing about this.

• 45:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Travis McElroy?

  Dunkin' Donuts.

• 45:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  The most like notable like spokespeople that Dunkin' Donuts has had over recent history. It's been half like a Matt Damon.

• 45:20Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 45:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And this is Tim Biebs with one of, I will say, the very few triple A movie stars we have left.

• 45:29Griffin McElroy?

  What does that mean?

• 45:31Travis McElroy?

  I mean, he's an A-lister. There's not a lot of A-listers left.

• 45:34Griffin McElroy?

  There's like a million, billion, billion-

• 45:36Travis McElroy?

  Not people who can open a movie. You can't open a movie?

• 45:41Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know. Is he in the new Avengers?

• 45:44Travis McElroy?

  He's in Deadpool.

• 45:44Travis McElroy?

  What do you mean, open a movie?

• 45:46Travis McElroy?

  Just like you're not gonna open a movie on some of these, like, you can open a movie on a Ryan Reynolds. People come out to see a Ryan Reynolds movie, is what I'm saying.

• 45:53Griffin McElroy?

  People come out to see lots of, people come out to see a Michael B. Jordan movie a lot.

• 45:57Travis McElroy?

  I would go out to see a John Cena movie, an Idris Elba movie. Idris Elba and John Cena movie.

• 46:04Travis McElroy?

  But if you gotta get both of them, it's not an A-list, hm?

• 46:08Travis McElroy?

  No, that's an A-plus list, Justin.

• 46:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's just two A's.

• 46:11Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry, guys, listen.

• 46:12Travis McElroy?

  Sebastian Stan, David Harbour. These, oh, okay.

• 46:17Travis McElroy?

  The Rizler?

• 46:18Travis McElroy?

  The Rizler.

• 46:19Travis McElroy?

  The Rizler is in it.

• 46:20Travis McElroy?

  You're Julia's Louise Dreyfuss.

• 46:22Travis McElroy?

  No, that's what I'm saying. What? Why are you doing this? Guess what I'm getting at? It's like, why? Like, if I came to Ryan Reynolds and they were like, I know it was fun being Deadpool, making a million bajillion dollars, but would you like to sell a box of eggs to people? And he's like, why? And they're like, I don't know, just to prove you can? I really, I don't know. I don't know why he wants to sell big boxes of eggs.

• 46:44Travis McElroy?

  Well, he gets 78% of every box sold.

• 46:48Griffin McElroy?

  Well, and he makes the eggs.

• 46:50Travis McElroy?

  Not the money, to make it clear, not the money. If you buy a box of these eggs, you only get 22% of the eggs in the box. And the other 78% of the eggs get shipped directly to him.

• 47:01Griffin McElroy?

  And he makes the eggs.

• 47:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And they gotta go some, he's not gonna let his eggs just spoil.

• 47:07Travis McElroy?

  No, when he's sitting on his, when he's sitting on his roost, producing his eggs.

• 47:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:11Travis McElroy?

  He needs those to go somewhere.

• 47:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I just don't know why he's doing this specifically, you know what I mean? Like, maybe fucking loves eggs. It's a passion project. Maybe they came up with the recipe first, and they're like, okay. This is crazy. It's a big box of eggs, guys, what are we doing? We made a box of eggs with hash browns on top and chipotle sauce. It's crazy. How are we gonna get people to think this is an okay thing? Then one guy in the back raises his hands like, we could tell Ryan Reynolds came up with it. It's Ryan Reynolds' idea, not ours.

• 47:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:43Travis McElroy?

  It's like, every pitch cannot be you blaming Ryan Reynolds or something, Doug.

• 47:47Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry, Justin, but maybe you weren't paying attention. The recipe came from Ryan Reynolds' assistant to them. He showed up and said, hey, I'm sick of making eggs for my insufferable asshole boss. I need you to start making them, not just for him, but for everyone.

• 48:05Griffin McElroy?

  For everyone. And does Ryan seem pissed about, it seemed like Ryan was pissed about that for like a second, but then they didn't like want to explore that particular emotional avenue of the, of the commercial.

• 48:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, there's a lot of unexplored territory in there. I hope they make it a whole cinematic universe. Yeah, well Duncan already beat them to it, so I don't actually think that they can do another donut place with a cinematic universe within it, because there is a Duncan verse with, has all the employees from Duncan in it. I just don't, I don't know, you can get Ryan's box of eggs for, I don't know, eighty dollars Canadian, I don't know the exchange rate or whatever, but catch it, catch it now.

• 48:45Travis McElroy?

  How about another question? Here's one for you, Trav. My girlfriend got a new job recently and her boss is hosting a pool party, which will be a great opportunity to get to know everyone. At this party, there's going to be a salsa contest for a hundred dollars and a chili pepper trophy that says salsa queen to whoever makes the best one, yes. My dad makes a mean salsa, which I believe would have a shot at winning. Can my girlfriend submit my dad's salsa as her own? If it wins, does she have to split the hundred dollars with him? Should we keep the contest a secret so we can keep all the earnings? That's from Pepper Poppers in Peoria.

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  Who?

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  It's a lot of ethics, a lot of ethics in this question. Is it?

• 49:23Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know that there's a lot of ethics.

• 49:25Travis McElroy?

  I think there's just the one ethic. There's just the one. Really? Can you steal your dad's salsa? Well, it's not stealing. Well, let's talk about that for a second. What if you steal the salsa? And you take it as your own? Uh huh. First of all, that's a lie. It's fabrication. Secondly, uh, what if he doesn't win? What if it loses? What if it doesn't even place?

• 49:46Griffin McElroy?

  And you ever come back and say?

• 49:47Travis McElroy?

  Last place. Yeah, what's in the last place? Everyone hated your dirt salsa.

• 49:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And then you say, actually, my girlfriend's dad made it. And then.

• 49:55Travis McElroy?

  Not even me at all. I was trying to trick you. Now you're embarrassed.

• 49:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Griffin McElroy?

  Um, and your boss, your boss now is so sick and you've done this, you've done this and now you're gonna have nicknames at the office like salsa diarrhea monster or they'll probably come up with something better than that.

• 50:13Travis McElroy?

  No need, no need to. You got it in one. Why keep, you know?

• 50:18Travis McElroy?

  If you put it in quotes of like my, my partner's dad's salsa in quotes, like that's what you call it. Right? And then when they're like, oh, this made me sick. And you're like, yeah, like I told you.

• 50:29Travis McElroy?

  I think the quotes, quotes around my partner's dad's salsa, I would be suspect. I'm not sure I'd consume that. The quotation marks are, and I'd have to check the font on that too.

• 50:40Travis McElroy?

  We've already got the solution, an asterisk.

• 50:43Griffin McElroy?

  No, we have a solution from another call back in the show.

• 50:47Travis McElroy?

  Just put an asterisk on it.

• 50:49Griffin McElroy?

  We cite every food stuff that is ever eaten or bought or sold. I want to go to the farmer's market and go to a booth that says my girlfriend's dad's salsa. So I know exactly, I want to go, I want Tim Hortons to now be called, uh, Ryan Reynolds's eggs store. And now I know exactly what I'm getting, which is his recipe.

• 51:09Travis McElroy?

  Are you saying that you'll be able to buy my girlfriend's dad's salsa at Ryan Reynolds's egg box store?

• 51:15Griffin McElroy?

  I think you roll up and your boss, it's like Jennifer's own and she has her salsa that she made. I think it's cool to put, have to put your name on a thing so that people know exactly where it came from. And I don't think that should get you disqualified because you, are you gonna be penalized just because your girlfriend's dad makes salsa better than you? I don't think that's fair.

• 51:35Travis McElroy?

  It also would be nice to take your dad a chili pepper trophy if you want and be like, dad, you're the salsa queen.

• 51:40Travis McElroy?

  I wish they didn't cash prize, but yeah. A hundred dollars doesn't mean anything to most dads. Most dads are just gonna sniff, they won't even sniff, but a chili pepper shaped trophy?

• 51:51Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, they'll lose their fucking minds for that.

• 51:53Travis McElroy?

  I'm getting pretty excited thinking about winning a trophy right now. I would, hey guys?

• 51:57Travis McElroy?

  I'd love to win a trophy right now, especially something I assume I'm already good at. The idea of it, of someone being like, I'm, no, I'm saying that if I was the dad and I'm like, this is my special salsa recipe. And now it's his award winning salsa recipe? That's better than any hundreds of dollars.

• 52:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you can put dad's award winning salsa recipe on your food truck that you're gonna have to buy.

• 52:22Travis McElroy?

  With a hundred dollars.

• 52:24Griffin McElroy?

  What if you call it Ryan Reynolds's award winning salsa?

• 52:29Travis McElroy?

  Is Ryan Reynolds in quotes?

• 52:31Griffin McElroy?

  And eggs.

• 52:32Travis McElroy?

  And eggs.

• 52:34Griffin McElroy?

  Eggs.

• 52:35Travis McElroy?

  Egg based salsa.

• 52:37Griffin McElroy?

  Deadpool and Wolverines.

• 52:42Griffin McElroy?

  Deadpool and Wolverines salsa and eggs.

• 52:45Travis McElroy?

  Brought to you by Ryan Reynolds.

• 52:47Griffin McElroy?

  And Tim Hortons.

• 52:48Travis McElroy?

  And Tim Hortons.

• 52:51Travis McElroy?

  A new Avengers production.

• 52:53Griffin McElroy?

  We got Hugh made the salsa, Ryan produced the eggs. It's a two hander, this breakfast meal.

• 53:00Travis McElroy?

  David Harbour hand delivered it.

• 53:04Travis McElroy?

  Wolverine chopped it up with his fun claws and put some onions in there. It's a whole breakfast.

• 53:09Travis McElroy?

  Ryan Reynolds screwed up all the peppers and spit them in to give them that special flavor.

• 53:15Travis McElroy?

  And Wyatt Russell messed up at first, but Goldie and Kurt were there to help him pick up the pieces and move on. Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast where we've unnecessarily dragged people we will never meet for yet again, no real discernible reason.

• 53:32Travis McElroy?

  Or if you don't like them, we did it on purpose.

• 53:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I want to say again, I've heard good things about the Thunderbolts movie. I've heard really good things.

• 53:43Travis McElroy?

  I'm a big fan of David Harbour. I, I, I, or I'm not, if you guys don't like him, I'm not.

• 53:48Griffin McElroy?

  We've couched this more than enough. Hey, we got some tour dates coming up.

• 53:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:54Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, there's the ones you already know about Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, we're coming to you, we're doing my bin bin, we're doing Taz. But we've also got some new dates to announce in California and Texas and Georgia and Utah. All tickets go on sale this Friday, May 16th at 10 a.m. local time. Uh, all our Taz shows are going to be Taz versus, except the Anaheim Taz show, which will be. The next installment in the Adventure Zone Dadlands, GM'd by Brennan Lee Mulligan. Cannot wait for that shit.

• 54:22Travis McElroy?

  Very exciting.

• 54:23Griffin McElroy?

  All tickets and stuff you can find at this link, bit.ly/macaroytours. Come out and see us and have a grand old time.

• 54:31Travis McElroy?

  We also got new merch for May. We've got the Play-Doh's Rave 1,000-piece puzzle. And I know what you're thinking, that's a lot of pieces, but every one of them's worth it. It's a little-

• 54:42Griffin McElroy?

  More than, more than 3,000.

• 54:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And that's done by Danielle "My Joe" Burach. You can find at MyJoeBurach art on Instagram. That's B-U-R-C-H. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So check that out at macaroymerch.com.

• 55:00Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks also to Montane for the use for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." We love this song so much and we're so happy and grateful to be able to use it.

• 55:08Travis McElroy?

  Vroom, vroom. Let's get faster than fear.

• 55:12Griffin McElroy?

  Juice, you wanna do this one?

• 55:14Travis McElroy?

  At my sister's wedding this year, I will be faster than my fear of the Cupid Shuffle because I messed it up once in middle school. My name is Justin McElroy.

• 55:21Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 55:23Travis McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother Me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips.

• 56:00Speaker 08

  Maximum Fun.

• 56:01Speaker 07

  A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.