#652 - Matt McCusker

Matt McCusker is a stand-up comedian, podcaster and writer. He is currently on tour and you can find him weekly on his podcast— “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast”. Matt joins Theo to talk about his ruthless gardening practices, why he’s worried about young men looksmaxxing, and how he thinks he’ll do if he gets drafted. Matt McCusker: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/ Busboys Movie: Get tickets at https://www.busboysmovie.com ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo Good Ranchers: Go to https://GoodRanchers.com and use my code THEO for $100 off your first three orders. Car Shield: Go to http://carshield.com and use code THEO for 20% off. Tecovas: Get 10% off at http://tecovas.com/theo when you sign up for email and texts Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com/ or email them at [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Producer: Halston https://www.instagram.com/halstonrays/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Theo Von?

  It's springtime around here. You know that. Because you can see the bees. The bees are out there. Go see them. They're just beein' bees. And we're running a spring sale. That's what we're doing. In honor of spring, we're beein' on sale. We've got a mix of tees, hoodies, and hats. All 20% off right now. And there's a limited quantity left. On the Year of the Rat Hoodies. This one right here, I wear it, I love it. My favorite type of hoodie. That's the only time, only type we're selling anymore. It's my favorite type. All that and more available at theovonstore.com. I hope everyone is having a good day. And thank you for your support. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.

• 1:15Theo Von?

  He's one half of the Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. He's the shaman. He is. He's on a higher frequency. He operates in a special realm. And he's on the road soon. So if you get a chance, I recommend that you go see him. If you even get to spend time with this guy, it's a smart choice. I'm thankful to be able to do that today. My guest is Mr. Matt McCusker.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 2:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Y'all's crap out of my pockets?

• 2:07Theo Von?

  Oh dude, that's one thing. Bro, how much shit do guys start? And I'm a guy.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:14Theo Von?

  And it's like, the shit we start to have in our pockets. Look at that. Your glasses around the neck.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  I...

• 2:21Theo Von?

  The phone.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Phone, wallet, keys.

• 2:23Theo Von?

  I need an upper, I need a downer, you know?

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, you need the little nicotine.

• 2:27Theo Von?

  Yeah. You got B C powders, you fucking...

• 2:29Speaker 02

  We need pocketbooks, dude. Some guys have already adopted pocketbook technology. We need...

• 2:34Theo Von?

  What do you mean, a pocketbook?

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Guys, the purse, whatever. Pocketbook.

• 2:38Theo Von?

  Oh, that thing?

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yup, yup, yup.

• 2:40Theo Von?

  That fanny pack that people wear around their heart or whatever?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  Their satchel.

• 2:45Theo Von?

  That's a weird one though, like, the fanny pack on the heart? That guy's always like, what's going on here?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I think you, I think you have to like, if you're gonna have one, you have to have a gun in there. Just so you can maintain, you know what I mean?

• 2:56Theo Von?

  But one of those little guns or whatever?

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think a tiny like James Bond. Like a little thirty-eight, little snub.

• 3:05Theo Von?

  Ah, that'd be nice. Hey, good to see you, dude.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Yo, bro, pleasure to see you, man.

• 3:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, congrats on everything, bro.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  Thank you, man.

• 3:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, you guys' podcast is crushing it, and you're on tour right now, too.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yup, yup. Yeah, I gotta, uh, where am I going? I'm going to, uh, uh... I know, I know I have Phoenix. Phoenix is haunting me. I don't know what, what's up with the city of Phoenix. I gotta do the Celebrity Theater, so it's like the little one in the round.

• 3:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  I, I, I hope that's full, otherwise we're gonna have like a semi-circle. It's gonna be, that'd be pretty bad. If I couldn't do the ramp, I could only do like two hundred and seventy degrees.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Just a U. So, yeah, I get to Phoenix and, uh, yeah.

• 3:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, go support that one, guys, in Phoenix.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, and everywhere else. But yeah, man, I've been good, man, just chilling.

• 3:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, pull up Matt Stacey, just so we have him, please?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Yes, thank you.

• 3:49Theo Von?

  Um, oh, there we go.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  St. Paul, there we go. St. Paul.

• 3:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, where you at in this thing right now?

• 3:54Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm towards the end. I'm at the, I'm at the bottom half or the bottom like quarter here.

• 3:57Theo Von?

  Okay, St. Paul, Indianapolis?

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Yup, I got Des Moines. Yeah, yeah, St. Paul, Des Moines, Phoenix, Tucson, Toronto, and Chicago.

• 4:05Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, you got Des Moines, you got... Des Moines is obviously a black guy.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Des Moines.

• 4:11Theo Von?

  Let's just say that, dude. And they, but you don't, but there's not a lot of them there because you expect to see them when you get there.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Des Moines, I think he invented jelly. One guy did peanut butter, he did jelly.

• 4:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, Des Moines, please. Uh, Tucson, bro.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Tucson's huge.

• 4:28Theo Von?

  Great place to get some, uh, um, coral, what's that blue cor- that rock? It's a lot of older women wear the silver and the...

• 4:37Speaker 02

  What?

• 4:38Theo Von?

  Coral.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Is it good for like a magnetic bracelet you're talking about?

• 4:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's a lot of people. A lot of people, a lot of copper and, uh, opal or whatever.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:47Theo Von?

  What's a blue stone? Yeah, it's a lot of that shit out there. A lot of people missing arms.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. It's like the mystical end of Arizona. There's like the...

• 4:55Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Guys with their pants up to here, Marizonians, and there's like, yeah, I got you.

• 4:59Theo Von?

  It's shaman country, dude. You think those would be your vibes over there?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've, I've never been to Tucson yet. Phoenix, I'm telling you, I like Phoenix. It's just, I don't know why. It's always, it's always, there's always cities I have that tickets go great. There's other cities where they're like a slog.

• 5:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Phoenix tradition, just like historically has been a slog.

• 5:15Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  It's okay. I just accept it. It is what it is. It's just Phoenix. That's my Phoenix experience.

• 5:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  So.

• 5:21Theo Von?

  Dang dude, yeah, I think for something like that for me, or like Minneapolis, Puerto Rico.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Puerto Rico.

• 5:26Theo Von?

  It's hard for me to sell tickets in Puerto Rico, I noticed.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Really?

• 5:28Theo Von?

  Yeah. I'm like, PR?

• 5:31Speaker 02

  That kind of surprises me, honestly. I feel like you would rock the PR ticket market.

• 5:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  I, yeah, that's kind of...

• 5:37Theo Von?

  Me too, dude.

• 5:40Theo Von?

  The boletas. Um, yeah, dude, great to see you, bro. What's cracking? What's new right now in your world, man?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Dude, I, I, the only thing I can even, it's boring, but it's just gardening. I've been gardening nonstop. I, I got ahead of it this year. Last year I planted when it was already too hot. Everything got scorched, so... Yeah, I got some blackberries and raspberries I'm waiting on, so.

• 6:00Theo Von?

  Really?

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've been a big, I've been, I've been big on that, man, trying to grow stuff. I got garlic coming, so.

• 6:05Theo Von?

  So, blackberries and garlic, and this is all in your own yard?

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Oh, shoot, that's my garden, yeah. That's, it's been revamped. The hailstorm destroyed my blueberry bushes. Yeah, it's in my, I have a little backyard.

• 6:15Theo Von?

  But you're making the most out of it. Now, can you feed your family here, man?

• 6:19Speaker 02

  No, dude, it's so sad. So that's a blueberry bush. It got destroyed in the hailstorm. That one's coming back to life as well.

• 6:25Theo Von?

  And is there any reward from the, like, doesn't the government subsidize this kind of shit or whatever?

• 6:29Speaker 02

  I should get a, I should get some sort of subsidy. But there, we had a blueberry bush and we had, it produced one, literally one blueberry. The first time I did it, me and my whole family cut it into four. I mean, each had a fourth of the blueberry. We would be dead if I actually had to farm. We would all be dead. I've gotten like five radishes, one blueberry and raspberries were flowing, man. And then just the hailstorm wiped, just completely wiped me out, so.

• 6:53Theo Von?

  And was there stuff you could have done in advance to prepare for that? Cause I mean, and do the, does it feel like the plants look to you for like the leadership? Or you don't feel that at all?

• 7:00Speaker 02

  I am-

• 7:01Theo Von?

  Cause I've never had a garden yet.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. So here's the thing, you can be like that. There's a lot of doting mother type gardeners. I'm a stern father. If you can't pull your own, you die. I need, I need producers. I need people who are gonna adapt to the elements. Like, I'm not gonna baby any of these plants.

• 7:15Theo Von?

  Like Stalin.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, completely. It's, it's a completely totalitarian system. My wife's like, well, bring that one in. I'm like, if it can't handle the sun, it's dead.

• 7:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  I'll get someone who can handle the sun. I'm not out here babying these plants, bro. I got, I have kids. I'm not worried about a plant. I gotta see her cry about a beanstalk. It's dead. Pull it out.

• 7:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Throw it in the compost next, so.

• 7:32Theo Von?

  Woo!

• 7:32Speaker 02

  I run a ruthless garden. It's completely ruthless. I had a rat that just died.

• 7:36Theo Von?

  Did you fuck him?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Dude, he was, that's the thing with gardening. It does kind of connect you to like a real life or death thing. Cause it's like, I don't, you know, I don't wanna kill, I don't wanna kill an animal. But then it starts eating like, you know, starts just munching all your leafy greens and you're like, I'm not about to grow food for a rat. That's bullshit. So then like, I had a guy come out and the guy gave, um, it was like an exterminator. And this stuff he gave it, it's, he's like, dude, this stuff's the real deal. Don't let your dogs get it. Cause my dog had eaten rat poison once. No problem. Survived. And I was like, yeah, he'll be all right. He's like, no, this shit is like fiberglass in it. So when the rat eats the poison, the fiberglass cuts his lungs. And he starts like drowning in his own blood.

• 8:15Theo Von?

  Who created this? Is that Netanyahu?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 8:21Theo Von?

  That's the same stuff they were putting in the Palestinians food that they were giving them. Which is fucking heartbreaking, but.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  That's a fair point, but the um.

• 8:30Theo Von?

  And why are they trying to kill them so hard like?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Dude, I, well, they, they just like, that's their job, man. They're, they're like, cause if they, if they half step it and you still have rats, you're gonna call them all pissed off. So like, the poison messes them up, but the, the fuck like fiberglass or whatever really makes sure they die no matter what. And also rats won't die around the colony. They'll like a dog, they'll run off and find solitude and die. And we got rid of this chair recently. So we, you know, it was like hogging up the space in our backyard. And when we lifted it up, there was a dead rat, one of the dead rats back there. They'd been laying there so long. I picked it up, dude, it's face was gone. It like really like kind of fucked me up. Like, it was yesterday. I picked it up. I had like, you know, two sticks put together. And I was like, this thing's been sitting for a while. Let me peep its face, dude, just avoid where its face was like things ate its face.

• 9:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Just a hole for where its face was. And I was like, damn, that was fucked me up.

• 9:21Theo Von?

  Fuck, you're living in a damn Saw episode over there.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Dude, gardening is crazy.

• 9:26Theo Von?

  Where are you gardening at?

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Just my backyard.

• 9:29Theo Von?

  Transylvania, dude. It just sounds insane, bro.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Gardening is crazy though, cause you get like, you have a little spider allies. I see my spider, my orb weavers in my garden. I kinda, they're like, they're on my team, fighting the bugs, the rats. I'm, I'm trying to fight the rats, but we, we got them, I think, under, under control.

• 9:44Theo Von?

  How did you know that you were having issues with, uh, with the rats?

• 9:48Speaker 02

  I'd see them right in my face, just munching my, I'd like open the door and they'd just be munching my shit.

• 9:53Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, we ball see.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  I'd be like, what the fuck? They are kinda cute though. They're called cotton rats. So they're these big guys and they have these like, so they have these really furry coats. I, I kind of like them, but then they started shitting in my grill and I was like, we're done. Yeah. They, they honestly, I would have tolerated them, but they, they completely over push, overstep their boundaries. There we go. Dude, there he is. That's the exact guy. Imagine one of those guys, no face, hole for a face.

• 10:20Theo Von?

  Zoom in on him.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Look at that little guy, little fat, little hairy guy. Look like gerbils almost.

• 10:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's that little flower bear.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's munching on somebody's fucking herbs right now.

• 10:29Theo Von?

  One of God's little McNuggets, them little thing, boy.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Dude, they are. They're nice.

• 10:33Theo Von?

  Show they're thick, huh?

• 10:34Speaker 02

  They're thick as hell. Thick as hell. They had a burrow underneath my little porch in the back of my garden. And also, people were like, oh, there's dumb cayenne peppers, all this. Dude, I dumped like, I got like four pounds of red pepper flakes. Just laced the whole garden. Dude, that guy was just like, sitting in a bed of it. I'm like, man, get out of here, this bullshit. Give me the fiberglass poison.

• 10:53Theo Von?

  There's always all those tricks, dude. Like, if you, uh, if you'll siphon some piss out of a senior citizen or something and put it out there. Yeah, rub a baby's ass on the fucking stair rails or whatever, nobody will fall down it. Yeah, nobody will get hurt again.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Doesn't work. It doesn't work. The exterminators come, not even the Home Depot. I don't want to, you know, mess up Home Depot.

• 11:11Theo Von?

  No, but let's talk about them. They're not.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  That shit, none of that stuff works. You need a professional exterminator and they have like, like Dr. Evil weapons. That's the only thing that gets them.

• 11:20Theo Von?

  Well, did you get one of those guys who comes and he's tatted and he's like, has all this like AA years of recovery, fucking medallions around his neck and he's fucking...

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Ideally, that's what you want.

• 11:31Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  But this, this guy's pretty chill. He's pretty clean, but he, uh, you can tell he's been around, he's been around the stuff for a while. The other guy I know got bit by a rattlesnake. Literally got bit, he drove himself to the hospital.

• 11:41Theo Von?

  Fuck, yeah. That's boss shit.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Bro, it's crazy. I, I get nothing but love for exterminators. Do you ever have like a horrible infestation of any kind?

• 11:52Theo Von?

  Just these hoes.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  True.

• 11:55Theo Von?

  Basically. So I was just making a meme clip.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Oh, he needs a strong hand for that.

• 12:01Theo Von?

  But no, I never had anything like that. You know, actually, you know what? Bring up some of these exterminators first. I want to see some of these...

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a good call.

• 12:09Theo Von?

  Let's get a gander at some of these, uh, ten, America's top 10 most extreme exterminators, including women.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 12:17Theo Von?

  A lot of these bitches will kill anything they go around.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  There we go. Look at that guy. Look at Extreme.

• 12:22Theo Von?

  Yeah, look at that fucking guy right there. Sandblasting up on him.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're giving this is I need to see the real guys. This is the fucking uh it's like the stock footage.

• 12:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's all Timo shit, man.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, it's none of the exterminators look like these guys. These are male models.

• 12:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, there's Billy the exterminator. There's that guy and he passed away.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Did he really?

• 12:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Hey dude, short shelf life on those guys. I mean, you're you're literally dealing in poison.

• 12:48Theo Von?

  You out there to fucking spraying glyphosate on everything? You're out there fucking.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Those those bug bombs, they what they do is they inhibit um reproductive systems. So like well, like I had fleas and I had to do a bug bomb. The Home Depot was bullshit. So I got the real guy who came out. And uh when I did the first one, I lit it all like, you know, you pull the thing and it's supposed to give you 10 seconds. It just exploded in my face. So I just got drenched in this shit and had to run outside.

• 13:10Theo Von?

  Fourth of July place or where you get that bitch at? Cause they'll put those things in together, dude.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Dude, they they just that you can't reproduce. So it just like scorches bug genitals. And then they just just sit have to watch like the apocalypse. There's there's like colony of them.

• 13:27Theo Von?

  Is this Palantir online? Where are you? I just can't believe you're involved in all this, dude. And your children are what's sleeping inside?

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Well, I came in from like talk talking to the exterminator and I'm like, bro, this rat poison is crazy. I forgot my two daughters were there. And I'm like, yeah, there's little mice and they like watch it play. And I was like, oh, the mouse is back. I'm like, what it does is it it cuts their lungs and they drown in their own blood. My wife's like, chill, dude. I'm like, yeah, my bad.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  My bad, my bad.

• 13:53Theo Von?

  Um, are you part of a group with the gardening or how?

• 13:56Speaker 02

  I'm one wolf. I have thought about joining a group, but I I'm like, you ever when you ever do something like that, it's it's just it's too much human interaction for me. I just I like to like figure it out by myself. Maybe maybe one mentor would be good. A whole group, there's bound to be someone I don't like.

• 14:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be battling. I'm like, no, thank you.

• 14:13Theo Von?

  Some guy trying to get you to buy his soil or some other thing.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Something like that, or just just a just a run of the mill know it all.

• 14:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  You any any adult, any group of just adults together, there's gonna be at least one, if not two, like unbearable guys usually. Like, do you ever do like adult education? There's always one person who's gonna raise your hand, talk for 10 minutes every time. It's just like, bro, shut up, man.

• 14:36Theo Von?

  Or when you go to like that DUI course and there's some guy who's like. You know, like he's never gonna drink and drive again, dude. First of all, one of God's rules is nobody gets just one DWI.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  I know, I know. It's everyone, everyone needs to get one. My, uh, my friend, it was funny, it was a couple of years ago, but he, he had one. I think he was the last one to get one, but his brother had one and his dad had one and they're all at like family Christmas party with extended family. And he like, they're all drinking beer and he like cheers them like, hey, the three, we all have DUIs, guys. And I think his dad was trying to keep his under wraps. He was like, shut the fuck up. He did a DUIs cheers and you know, thought he would go over better, but.

• 15:16Theo Von?

  Dude, there's nothing sadder than a dad getting a DUI on his way home from work and he's been drinking or whatever.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  They get them, man. They, I know a lot of guys who just quietly, you get them and you're like, all right, all right. You got me, you got me. Dude, they drive dry. Yeah.

• 15:29Theo Von?

  Oh, my stepdad got one. My dad would be drunk. He would park his car just like wherever it kind of stopped, like by our gate or whatever. My mom would fucking be out there yelling at this 77 year old man.

• 15:44Theo Von?

  Unconscious in a white fucking LTD that he was not even at a certain point, dude, he wasn't strong enough to get the door back open once he got in. So sometimes he'd get in there and he'd get home from work and we didn't know.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Slumped.

• 15:57Theo Von?

  Leave him out there all night. Yeah. Crazy dude.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Well, dude, that's the thing. They were allowed to drink and drive. Like drinking and driving was like, like my dad is almost 70 and like, when they were in high school, cops would pull you'd be hammered driving a car and they'd be like, come on, man, get the hell, it'd take your beer and be like, get out of here.

• 16:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  You didn't get in trouble for it. So all of a sudden now it's criminalized. Fucking woke bullshit.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  It's pretty bad. It's very dangerous. There we go.

• 16:24Theo Von?

  Who's this guy?

• 16:26Speaker 02

  That's a exterminator.

• 16:27Theo Von?

  And if he has a church behind him, if he means it, who is he?

• 16:31Theo Von?

  It's AI? Well, I think if you just go to YouTube, say you put in like Tucson Extreme Exterminator. If you go to some of those places and just look for some, try to make it by city or whatever you have to do to see if you can come up with some.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's get some organic.

• 16:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, it'd be nice if by the end we had some.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  They have exterminators that really, they keep, they keep themselves hidden.

• 16:49Theo Von?

  Well, I think first of all, I wonder if that's a dying game.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't think so, man. Cause it's like.

• 16:55Theo Von?

  Is it running the family? Cause a lot of times you'd be like, you know, my dad was a fireman, I'm a fireman. And then the third kid is like, I'm not, I'm just fat or whatever.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, true. Yeah, no, that's.

• 17:04Theo Von?

  But there's always that lineage, you know, like I love hot dogs, my dad loved hot dogs. My son loves hot dogs and then you have like gay son.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, who really likes hot dogs.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, the, uh, dude, I think it's just like one of the, it's just one of those gigs. I think it's just like a get out of jail gig and you know, you do it. Especially if you like do it for yourself. That's what a lot of them, it's just like, it's a business you can get into. It's like cleaning. You can run a, you can start a cleaning company pretty easily. It's very low overhead.

• 17:32Theo Von?

  A lot of strippers do it.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's actually, actually a great, yeah, it's a great move.

• 17:36Theo Von?

  It's, it's their gay, it's like a re-entry program into, I've hung out with a lot of strippers and me even made out in their cars sometimes.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  That's awesome.

• 17:43Theo Von?

  And you'll have like a mop handle coming across your shoulder and shit, you know?

• 17:46Speaker 02

  That's where you know they're on the ascension.

• 17:48Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  You see that and you know, this is actually a good sign.

• 17:50Theo Von?

  This, this, this lady's got her act together.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Hop in, there's a nine month old in the car seat. You're like, bad sign. This lady needs a mop.

• 17:57Theo Von?

  He's sleeping on a, a pack of Swiffer replacement, uh, covers.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  I, I tried my hand at stripper dating, wasn't, you know, I might, nothing against them. I just wasn't cut out for, it was, it was a little too rough and tumble for me.

• 18:08Theo Von?

  You have to be a boss. You have to also work late hours. To be a stripper's boyfriend, you are working, they work in late hours. You have to be up when they get home. Dude, my sister had a friend that was a stripper, right?

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:19Theo Von?

  And, um, she would come over to our house and shit and her and my sister are always fighting and stuff. And, uh, and then she stole our vacuum one time, right?

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Trying to break into the industry.

• 18:29Theo Von?

  Melissa, that was her name. Melissa, which isn't even a name.

• 18:33Theo Von?

  Like, what name is it? Velissa?

• 18:37Speaker 02

  That's kind of, that is a crazy name.

• 18:38Theo Von?

  It's crazy dude. And, uh, so she stole our vacuum. Dude, two years later, I'm at like one of these real fancy, uh, parties where they have a woman pop out of the cake or whatever, like, you know, the thing you kind of see on TV, like they actually had a girl pop out of the cake. They had two cakes and two girls pop out of them and like it was a big birthday for this guy and, uh, and they were strippers, right? And one of them was the woman.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 19:04Theo Von?

  It was Verissa. Who had stolen our vacuum dude. And so guys are tipping her and shit and I'm just fucking like.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Waiting.

• 19:12Theo Von?

  I'm just in the back, just like vroom, just making vacuum sounds and shit and fucking locking on her.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  It's fucked up to take someone's vacuum too. That's a, that could really throw a household under quick.

• 19:23Theo Von?

  And me and my sister were on our last limb as neighbors dude. And we lived under this family that was like very heavy boned.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. They're stomping.

• 19:32Theo Von?

  Yes, and they were beating each other. Like I think there was domestic abuse.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Yikes.

• 19:36Theo Von?

  And I would call the police all the time on them. I've called the police, I've always called the police a lot since I was, since I was a child, but.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:41Theo Von?

  Um, I would call the police all the time. And I'd be like, he has a gun. That's what I would say every time.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  That's good, they get right there.

• 19:48Theo Von?

  They're right there.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:49Theo Von?

  If you're like, hey, he's beating this woman, one of his kids, he fucking tied his kid to a tree outside or whatever.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:56Theo Von?

  He just put a bunch of crow food on his kid's shoulders and tied him to a tree outside. Never.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  They don't get, yeah, they're not gonna shoot. Gun is, that's the code, that's the fast pass.

• 20:04Theo Von?

  Cause they want the action dude.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  They do, they love it. And well, they get like cred, if a cop takes a gun off the street, that's something they get like accolades for. Bringing a guy's like just socked his wife in the stomach, no, but your sergeant doesn't like pat you on the back. If you get a gun, that's like a, that's like a cop, like Pac-Man pellet, that like takes you further in your journey.

• 20:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  That's a bad, that's like literally a metric for cops. How many guns you get and all that stuff.

• 20:27Theo Von?

  Were you almost on the force, ever?

• 20:29Speaker 02

  No, my wife was on the cop, so I got to like observe secondhand. I, dude, I thought so hard about becoming a cop, but I, I could, I wasn't able to do it.

• 20:37Theo Von?

  That's right, your wife was a cop, huh?

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was selling weed, so I couldn't become a cop.

• 20:42Theo Von?

  You guys met, dude?

• 20:44Speaker 02

  We met before, yeah, we met before that, but the uh-

• 20:46Theo Von?

  She was a cop when you met her?

• 20:47Speaker 02

  No, she wasn't a cop. She just surprised me one day. I was like, I'm gonna become a police officer and I was like-

• 20:51Theo Von?

  She's a cop now?

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Not, no, no. She did it for like five-

• 20:53Theo Von?

  Was she ever a cop?

• 20:54Speaker 02

  She was for five years in Philadelphia.

• 20:55Theo Von?

  Okay. Fuck, that's being a cop, dude.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, she was, she was on like little foot, she was on foot patrol and everything. She was in like, not the best area for sure in Philly.

• 21:03Theo Von?

  Like north?

• 21:04Speaker 02

  No, she was in south, like Gray's Ferry-ish, so it's like, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty rough.

• 21:09Theo Von?

  Lot of areas there.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. It was like gang, there were some gangs there for sure.

• 21:13Theo Von?

  Ah.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  It was like an old Irish neighborhood of like, pretty, I would say, pretty hardcore white trash, and then it was like, black gangs. You know, it's a brutal, it's not a good mix.

• 21:21Theo Von?

  Mm-mm.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  But the uh, so yeah, and you gotta, cops gotta watch like videos too of like, all the bad stuff that happened. You get an email of like, like a fourteen year old got shot up in a deli last night. It's just lively. It's like the video. It's like, I don't, why do they make them watch that stuff?

• 21:36Theo Von?

  Dude, well, Twitter makes us all watch all that.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, true.

• 21:39Theo Von?

  Dude, I'm not a cop. That's what I'm gonna start fucking replying to some of these Twitter feeds.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Send this to the authorities.

• 21:45Theo Von?

  I wake up in the middle of the night, for some reason, turn on my phone, next thing I've seen, seven people getting massacred outside of some like,

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:51Theo Von?

  um, outside of like a car dealership and uh, outside of Teahuan or something. I'm like, what?

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:56Theo Von?

  What portal of hell did I just take myself to?

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Dude, X is crazy now. I remember like, I remember when it was Twitter, it was like, there's too much censorship, and I'm like, yeah dude, like, let me see the real shit. Now I'm kinda like, let's go, let's censor this heavily again. My, my, I can't even go on X anymore. It's my, I get all like, race baiting, kinda like race war propaganda, where it's like, can you believe the, it's just non-stop.

• 22:20Theo Von?

  Huh.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  You know, you know, you know, you watch it and you're like-

• 22:21Theo Von?

  You get the race war propaganda?

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, I get like, lots of like, uh, I get a lot of like, white supremacy stuff. Yeah, I swear to God, I don't even like, I don't like or share any of it.

• 22:31Theo Von?

  They want you back, they know you have a black wife, they want you back.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  They want me, man. They're trying to break me out of that. But it's just like, yeah, it's, it's, it's rough. I'll be like, watching, trying to scroll next to my wife, and it'll be like, a guy screams the N-word, I'm like, oh, what was that? I'm like, huh, some fucking video. I'm going back to Instagram. It's just a guy screaming the N-word again. I'm like, oh shit. My ex feeds just completely bonkers.

• 22:51Theo Von?

  Dude, Elon should do better than that. He should want better than that for society, I feel like.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:55Theo Von?

  You know, I think there's a lot of smut. It's just trash.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  That's yeah.

• 22:59Theo Von?

  It feels like trash, honestly.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:01Theo Von?

  I think there was a spot where it felt like, I mean, I guess there's still some good video and stuff on there. You'll see like, I'll see like some good political stuff on there. But I do feel like outside of that, it's losing, I feel like it's kind of starting to lose its vibe.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  I think so. It will, it's, then you, when you read the news, it's like, it's now valued at 90 trillion dollars. And like, how, how the, why is this worth so much money now? I don't know. Maybe, maybe, you know, if you do flood it with porn and like violence, it does make a bazillion dollars. So good business wise, you might be crushing it, but I, it's too, I had a, I've stepped off of X.

• 23:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't, I just can't watch it. It's too much.

• 23:41Theo Von?

  It's too much.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm trying to go to bed. Trying to drown myself to sleep.

• 23:44Theo Von?

  I'm trying to have a decent life. Fucking killing animals in my backyard.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Only when necessary.

• 23:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  And what is funny too, like, yeah, you're like trying to like, you know, I want to live in a safe neighborhood. Then you're just watching just people being shot in the face and you're like, why am I doing this? Am I in a safe house? This is crazy.

• 24:02Theo Von?

  Dude, it's, we're at a point for sure. One of the biggest things I'm noticing or for myself that I noticed, we're at a point with, fuck am I talking about? That's insane.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  We might be at a point. Uh, let's see.

• 24:14Theo Von?

  Where like, I have to control what comes into me, man.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:20Theo Von?

  And if I don't, then that's my fucking fault.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's true.

• 24:23Theo Von?

  You know, now the algorithm, the people that make the algorithm should be able to be held liable. If like someone goes and does a crime based on like them feeding them, like the same type of bullshit. Like somebody goes and shoots out of place because they got indoctrinated into some really strong and uh, like sadistic beliefs or something. Because the algorithm fed them that, I think that those people should be held liable.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, or it's tough. Case by case is tough because it's like, well, how do you, it like in court, obviously like the moral thing. Yeah, but like a lawyer, like Facebook's lawyers would just shred that. Be like, oh, he's watching that and this and that. They'll get out of that. But I agree. It's like, I think, didn't they just rule against Facebook now being like,

• 25:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, what was that?

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Thing came against them being like, yo, you guys, kind of like they did with cigarettes where they're like, yeah, dude, this shit's bad. You knew it was bad. You gave it to people. Now you got to fork.

• 25:10Theo Von?

  Here you go. Right here, a jury has ordered Meta and Google to pay $3 million to a 20-year-old woman who alleged that she became addicted to Instagram and YouTube as a child. Fucking damn.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Shit. All right. Everyone else get on that train.

• 25:24Theo Von?

  Jurors found the companies liable for product design features that harmed her mental health. The plaintiff, Kaylee G M, testified that the apps replaced her hobbies and attributed anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia. Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Bro, that they have about 2 billion lawsuits coming about the same, like that's,

• 25:39Theo Von?

  It says it right here. The case is the first of thousands targeting big tech over addiction to reach trial. A bellwether to assess how other claims could be resolved.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Well, this is apparently from what I heard like long ago is a lot of these social media companies had people who designed slot machines consult with them to like how to make their basically interface as addictive as possible. You know, when you like pull down and refresh and like your phone kind of like shakes a little bit, there's that little noise. That's like slot machine technology somehow. Like it's designed to like, you get a little dopamine burst when it goes like bump and you're like, oh yeah, new stuff. And it's like, apparently it's set up like that where it's like, it's purposely designed to be maximally addictive. And they did that on purpose.

• 26:20Theo Von?

  Shit.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's and it's like, that's a thing. It's like cigarettes. They're like, ah, this is bad for you. You know, now they're going to have to pay out. They already have billions and billions of dollars. They're going to have to just fork some of the billions.

• 26:30Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, it's worth it to them.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:33Theo Von?

  To continue to do it. But do you remember the old school dopamine burst? You'd see a bald eagle fly by.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  That's that was the dopamine burst. Yeah, I remember those days.

• 26:42Theo Von?

  Or even if it wasn't and somebody just said it was.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  True.

• 26:46Theo Von?

  You couldn't fucking see when you're a kid, you're staring up into the sky and fucking pointing.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Dude, I do remember being younger before the internet and just like, like it's like summer and I would just be like sitting outside and it's like, I would just be able to kind of like stare off for a while and just like, be like, this is nice. And I, it's like, I have a, I can't even like take a shit now. If I don't have my phone, I'm like, I need to, I need to be scrolling.

• 27:05Theo Von?

  Yeah. When was the last time that we day dreamed, you know?

• 27:07Speaker 02

  I know. It's tough. You, you really do. I have to like, on a plane, I can try to like force myself, but then the whole time I'm like, I can't believe I'm not on my phone. I'm so cool right now. I don't even daydream. I just like pat, pat myself on the back for not looking at my phone.

• 27:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  And then I go, you know what? I'm gonna look at my phone. Everyone's looking at their phone.

• 27:23Theo Von?

  Dude, or if you go to a, it used to be, this is the craziest thing, to think that someone could be in a restaurant by themselves. Like 40 years ago, you could do that. You could be in a restaurant by yourself. Sitting at a table and you wouldn't look insane.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 27:42Theo Von?

  Now, without a phone, like for, now, if you see someone in a restaurant by themselves, just sitting there. Waiting for some people who are probably doing coke to bring them their food, dude. There's fucking no.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Dude, I, I do this. When I go out, when I like, I'm in a different city, I'll go out to dinner by myself. And I'll pride myself and I'll sit there and just like waiting for some congratulations. It never comes. I just stare straight, like you literally don't know what to do with yourself. Cause it is that problem. You're like, I can't stare straight ahead. I'll try to look like, kind of almost like I'm dreamily like.

• 28:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Ah, and it's just nothing there.

• 28:19Theo Von?

  Or I'll rearrange a silverware again, do that shit. Play the shell game with like, uh, fork, knife, napkin, fork, knife, napkin.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Go to the bathroom really slow.

• 28:29Theo Von?

  Chick-fil-A is offering free ice cream to families who agree to put their phones away during their meal.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Bro.

• 28:36Theo Von?

  As part of an effort to encourage more face to face time and less screen use at the table. What are the exact rules with that?

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Who's enforcing? And dude, imagine if you cost your family the Chick-fil-A family meal, just from one glance. That's tough. I would, you were getting in serious trouble.

• 28:54Theo Von?

  You glance out of your phone just to see the bears didn't get it done again. You fucking cost.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Just a retarded guy blows a whistle at you.

• 29:04Theo Von?

  They should have a dude Chuck Fillet is his name. It's just a black, it's a black dude in there. He's a straight chicken cop in there.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  That'd be a good job. He'd be like, boom, got you. Fork, thirty-eight dollars, let's go.

• 29:18Theo Von?

  Chuck Fillet.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Chuck Fillet.

• 29:20Theo Von?

  Strikes again, dude.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a shit, man. That's, that's nice. Chick-fil-A, it's, you know.

• 29:25Theo Von?

  I like that.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  I do too.

• 29:27Theo Von?

  I like that. If they're not on their phone, let me see. The promotion is only offered at select Chick-fil-A locations by individual operators, not a company-wide program.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Twenty sixteen.

• 29:35Theo Von?

  It originated in twenty sixteen from a Georgia operator and has been revived locally at various times. I like that, though.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  I do too.

• 29:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, there was just like, or just driving and thinking about shit.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 29:50Theo Von?

  Dude, your mind had so much time to like, I think that's one reason we're more creative because our mind was able to just fucking create. It was able to like, the RAM wasn't always, you know, your computer sends you that thing. It's like your RAM is almost, you don't even know what your RAM is. You're like, fuck, I better empty the RAM trap.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Clean this out. I need to defragment. I still don't know what that is. Yeah, no, dude, it's, that's really, it's like, you know, because you have sleep, your brain gets the rest, but that like downtime, your brain does do stuff. Like it like kind of organizes things when you just kind of chill out. Because that's, I like when you, so when you're on your phone, you know, when you read something on your phone, you're like, you don't remember any of it. Because as you're reading, you're, when you're on your phone, every button and thing you're moving is like, it's a problem solving part of your brain. So like you're, you're trying to like, you know, you want your memory to be active. So you're like, you know, reading like information's coming. You have so much coming at you, like you're, the part of your memory that can store information along to the short term is like a tiny little bucket in your brain.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  So it only fits so much when you're like hitting buttons and going up and down, this and that. It just gets, just, it's like splashing a ton of water in a tiny bucket. Just everything spills out. Because I never remember anything. I research stuff on my phone all the time. And then I go like, that'll be like. Like how many carbs you need to be in keto? I'll read a whole article on it and like a day later, I'll be like going to tell someone about it. I'm like, I don't know. You need like only a little. I can never retain anything.

• 31:12Theo Von?

  Well, dude, if somebody wants to tell me something these days, I'm like, dude, I can look at information and we all have it now. Like somebody used to have the information, like you had to go down the street. You had to get molested by a guy. Just to figure out how to like, uh, you know, grow bougainvillas in your backyard. You know what I'm saying?

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, it's, it's true. Now I can just take a picture of a plant. It's like, this is the plant you're growing. I do it all the time and I'll be like, is this good? When can I harvest this? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's actually, I do kinda like that, but.

• 31:44Theo Von?

  You'll just take a picture and you'll do what? Put it in a like perplexity or something?

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Like Grok and be like, yeah, how, when can I pull this garlic? But it's, it's not surefire.

• 31:52Theo Von?

  And Grok's like, have you eaten pussy today?

• 31:58Theo Von?

  It's not the same thing.

• 32:01Theo Von?

  As America celebrates its 250th birthday this year, let's remember the people who helped build it. The American ranchers. And one way to do that is I believe by supporting American ranchers. And no one does that better than Good Ranchers. That's where I get my meat and poultry. I have a subscription. At a time where most Americans aren't sure where any of our products are coming from. Good Ranchers is doing things right. They source their cuts from local farms and American ranches. Full stop. I've met these guys and we've talked about how they're one of the only meat companies dedicated to keeping things sourced in the U.S.

• 32:45Theo Von?

  They've got all the cuts of meat. They've got this and that and poultry and thighs and filets and nugget. They've got it and it's good. I'm a subscriber. You can be too. Subscribe now to Good Ranchers and get free meat. Yep. Just use code Theo to get $100 off over your first three orders. Go to goodranchers.com and use code Theo. That's goodranchers.com. American meat delivered. They are the truth. You know, they say anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots. Find your perfect pair with Tacovas. Tacovas crafts quality western boots for everyone.

• 33:31Theo Von?

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• 34:15Theo Von?

  when you sign up for email and texts. That's 10% off at T E C O V A S dot com slash T H E O. tecovas.com/theo. See site for details. Tacovas. Point your toes west.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  I personally am not worried about AI. Like people like it's going to end the world. It's like, I don't, I don't worry. I don't think it is honestly. And if it, the thing is like, if it does, what are you really going to do? Right. A lot of people are doing this like, I'm just not using it because it's like, I just feel like it's such a weird. It's like, it's a computer. Like it's not, you can, you can destroy a computer easily. He'd say, well, it'll like self-build itself. So you can't. It's like, dude, that's, you're just, they're just nerds freaking out. It's not, I don't think it's a real threat whatsoever.

• 35:02Theo Von?

  You know, I started to think it's definitely could be like the Y2K thing. Remember that?

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that.

• 35:08Theo Von?

  Everybody was like forcing their like cousins to admit they were fat or whatever because God wasn't going to want them after midnight or any, like all that shit, you know? Or it was like, don't say you're a fat before midnight.

• 35:22Theo Von?

  Or God won't let you in or whatever. There was like all that kind of like those email chains. Or send this to 10 people that aren't fat. You get those type of email chain. Like what is this shit dude?

• 35:33Theo Von?

  Uh, cause they were trying to catch fat whatever. I think Bush senior was doing that. But um, anyway, that was crazy, bro. Everybody thought Y2K was gonna end it. And then people thought the dot com boom. People bought like, remember a guy bought like shoes.com and he for like, and then he sold it for like 270 million dollars. And we were all buying different dot coms, you know?

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:53Theo Von?

  We're making up crazy dot com names, you know?

• 35:56Speaker 02

  I tried to get a couple.

• 35:57Theo Von?

  Did you?

• 35:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't get anything good, honestly. I don't, I don't remember. I think I sold them off right away or just, they're probably just dead. They expire too, if you don't keep refreshing them. Yeah, I didn't get anything good. I watched this soft white underbelly. This has been cracking me up for like a month. There was a guy who is similar to that lawsuit. He was going on being like, like I had too much internet at a young age and like it had a bad effect on me. And uh, he was like going out and compulsively doing like gay acts, but he was like, I'm not gay. I just got like, you know, it was the internet. The thing that got him into it was gay.com, which just made me laugh so hard just as a young kid just hitting gay.com. Your whole life just over. Change, everything changes from gay.com.

• 36:36Theo Von?

  Hey bud.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Getting caught in fifth grade on gay.com. I would have been done dude. Old, two older brothers catching gay.com. I would have been fried dude.

• 36:43Theo Von?

  Oh, that would have been crazy, huh? Are you going up to your room? You're gonna get on gay.com?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Gay dot, that's a billion dollar hash, or not hashtag hyperlink, whatever people got.

• 36:55Theo Von?

  Gay dot.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Gay.com so good.

• 36:57Theo Von?

  That's still worth money.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  I, for sure.

• 37:00Theo Von?

  Gay.com to send it to your buddy?

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Dude, hilarious. Change, you can change the hyperlink. You can do, there's a way you can do that. Oh man.

• 37:07Theo Von?

  Dude, uh, buffhomos.com was one of my favorite ones. Ari Mann is this comedian and he started a website called buffhomos.com.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Did he really?

• 37:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, see if it's still active or not. I bet he pays.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Buffhomos.com is great. What's he doing with it?

• 37:24Theo Von?

  He didn't want to. Oh, it just goes, oh, it just goes to his website. Which I think he should change that. Maybe not actually.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  All you'd have to do is, if you put like one good buff gay guy.

• 37:38Theo Von?

  Well, he was doing it and his fucking management told him not to do it.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  He couldn't curate buff homos?

• 37:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're like, you know, it's just kinda like, that's what nobody should have a fucking manager.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a billion dollar idea.

• 37:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:52Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 37:53Theo Von?

  If you, if you're not a fucking pussy.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  So his managers had to sit him down and be like, about buffhomos.com?

• 38:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  But then, but then they told him make that his landing page, basically?

• 38:03Theo Von?

  Yeah. A non-buff homo on there?

• 38:08Theo Von?

  And I love Ari, Ari's open for me a bunch over the years.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  He's a man.

• 38:12Theo Von?

  He's a great comedian and he's a great dude.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Clearly business genius too. Buffhomos.com is so good.

• 38:17Theo Von?

  Bro, and he would send me the pictures of buff homos and stuff and it was like, and it was like, he would get his friends that owed him favors, he would give him stage time if they modeled for it. So that was the best part. So you had like, guys like Steve, uh, Steve Fury, just different comedians who were like kinda door guys at the store, but were also growing good comedians, um, like Craig Connet, and he would have them, uh, just modeling fucking like just regular dudes. But when you put them under the banner of buff homos, it's crazy. You put a banner over something, you see a picture of a regular dude with his shit off, you're like, okay, maybe that guy was trying to get in the military or whatever, and they write buff homos above it. You're like, oh, this changes everything.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  I mean, okay, so his manager was probably worried about the fallout of being like, is it true that you tricked young comics into stage time for modeling for buffhomos.com?

• 39:03Theo Von?

  First of all, I think some of them knew what was going on.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  True, uh, for sure.

• 39:08Theo Von?

  They're all buddies, but, uh...

• 39:10Speaker 02

  But it'd be, yeah, that's a good lose, that's a good lose a bet kinda thing. Like you lose the bet. Playing poker for like buff homos of the week.

• 39:17Theo Von?

  I had a website called total creeper.com for a while.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Did you really?

• 39:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, this was a long time ago and I would just find total fucking creepers and just take pictures of them and then put them on that bitch, dude.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I did those early websites on the internet. There was mullet.com. That was great.

• 39:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Mullet.com was good. Uh, there was camel toe.org. People would snap camel toe shots in like grocery store. That one was that. Yeah, that one was a little, that's a little bit of innovation of privacy, obviously, but I remember as a young man being pumped on camel toe.

• 39:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, what was a good one? Uh, oh, there was like that, uh, is there a way to look at total crazy? Is there a way to find that in the like analogs of anything, guys?

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, web archive might have it. No.

• 39:58Theo Von?

  Nah, this wasn't my shit.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  That's Tumblr. That's a UK female.

• 40:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's Tumblr. Do you remember Tumblr? That shit was weird.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Tumblr was crazy, dude. I never got into it personally, but I, I knew a girl who like was, her, her big thing was curating a, a Tumblr of just like lightly pornographic content. It was just like a sex Tumblr. It was crazy.

• 40:18Theo Von?

  Oh dude, there was like one, like girls in panties getting out of cars or whatever. Fuck dude. Something about it, dude. But in panties, not like thong, not trashy fucking, you know?

• 40:29Speaker 02

  No, dude, we, we're, we're rare that we can still, we're JPEG heads. We're one of the last to have beaten it to a, a still image.

• 40:37Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like not a lot of people can say that.

• 40:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  I remember the fucking like, I used to come home from church on Sundays and grab the, the newspaper, pop out the Kohl's catalog, straight to the underwear section, lock the door in the bathroom.

• 40:51Theo Von?

  God.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Forty-five minute sesh.

• 40:53Theo Von?

  Dude, I used to rub some of the, like I would rub like a thing. This is fucking crazy. I should never say this out loud because I'll never have a wife after this, but I would rub like a picture of like if they had a model, like a underwear model. I'd rub it under my arms because sometimes it would kind of smell like a little bit like that.

• 41:11Theo Von?

  Jerk off too.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  You would stank it up?

• 41:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. I would just kind of stank it up. Yeah.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think my mom got it. My mom, that's actually really good.

• 41:21Theo Von?

  You think it's a good idea?

• 41:22Speaker 02

  To stank it up?

• 41:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I never even thought about that.

• 41:25Theo Von?

  Thanks, man. I felt ashamed of it.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  The snake, I think that's actually pretty cool. Now, the problem is you're crossing wires because you're going to catch, like you're going to be out working out one day, catch some of your own funk and be like, hmm, goddamn.

• 41:39Theo Von?

  I better come under there.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Start fucking eating out your armpit.

• 41:44Theo Von?

  Oh, that's insane, dude.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  That's the line.

• 41:46Theo Von?

  No worries, I had a buddy that did that, that we catch him doing it at night.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:50Theo Von?

  Sleepovers.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Really?

• 41:51Theo Von?

  Cause he had like hair under his arm and he would kinda get his, get his tongue around the corner of his bicep, of his pectoral.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Ah, that's fucking weird.

• 41:59Theo Von?

  And get him a little nibble.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Just fucking.

• 42:01Theo Von?

  Get you a little nibble, Danny.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Pretty impressive.

• 42:04Theo Von?

  You nibbling your arm, pussy?

• 42:08Theo Von?

  Huh Ricky? Okay, this was, are there any still on here?

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Total Creepers, sick.

• 42:13Theo Von?

  But yeah, people were supporting, people were sending this shit in, this was good shit.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Sending the Creepers in is awesome.

• 42:18Theo Von?

  My great aunt died and there were two zombie jokers showed up to the burial and said they were friends of hers, but no one knew these two, what you think?

• 42:25Speaker 02

  But that's Total Creepers, that's a really good one.

• 42:28Theo Von?

  It was good, dude.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Damn, 2011. Lamp man.

• 42:33Theo Von?

  This guy and I were at the same full service car wash, he was yelling into his phone about a mortgage. What do you think?

• 42:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, I miss the imagination, bro.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:46Theo Von?

  I miss like seeing a girl smile at you like on a Friday at school.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 42:50Theo Von?

  Or give you some sign of like, maybe she even just like asked you to go throw some trash away for her.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  That would've been awesome, I would've loved to do that.

• 42:59Theo Von?

  Totally. And then you're thinking all week and you're like, fuck, she's thinking about me.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 43:04Theo Von?

  I'm gonna start working out, you start making like, like we would like chisel like weights out of like wood and shit and try to like.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Get pumps.

• 43:10Theo Von?

  Yeah. And we didn't know that it had to weigh a real amount, we were like, oh, it just has to look like weights. And uh, just dumb shit, but then Monday you'd be like, oh, she fucking hates me again. But there was just that couple day period where there was no phone to see that she was having a blast or that she was like, her family was rich or whatever, had a boat or whatever. You just laid at home in your fucking poor bed.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 43:33Theo Von?

  Thinking.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  You just imagine her, yeah, it was actually, I genuinely, I know people say this all the time, but I, I do feel bad for like younger kids. Have you gotten into like the clavicular stuff?

• 43:43Theo Von?

  I see this guy.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  And all that stuff? So he did an interview with Andrew Callahan recently, I watched, and I've watched a lot of his stuff, but there's like this world of guys that are like. You know, looks maxing is like you, your only hope in life is to become as attractive as possible. But now they're doing these things where like injecting a bunch of peptides, these are like young, like, you know, like early twenties. Go on TRT, you're hitting the peptides and you know, the thing that gets like sensationalized is like, you kind of tap your jawbone with a hammer, cause like, it's called like bone hammering or whatever. So you like kind of do micro fractures. Dude, it's crazy. And he, I watched the interview, he said like, oh man, like that's really nothing, but that's all like, yeah, bone smashing.

• 44:22Theo Von?

  Is a dangerous, non-scientific social media trend. Primarily popular on TikTok and within looks maxing subcultures that involves intentionally inflicting blunt force trauma on facial bones to alter their structure. Proponents falsely claim that repeatedly breaking and bruising bones with hammers, bottles, or hard objects will cause them to heal in a more chiseled or masculine shape. If that's the case, everybody in Stockton would be fucking beautiful.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, true. Yeah, true. Everyone's been fucking hit in the face.

• 44:47Theo Von?

  Everybody's been fucking hit by bottles and shit.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, the thing is, is like, you know, a lot of it's just internet stuff, but there is the underlying philosophy where it's like, you know, the die has been cast for you. And if you're not like, you know, super attractive or like, as a, you know, it's like guys are kind of becoming girls now where it's like, I just gotta be prettier. And it's like, there's a, it's called the bone structure hierarchy. Where like, the way your bone structure is, that kind of determines your whole fate as a person. And if you don't ascend, you'll become this like, it's just like sad and very bleak and like this like, uh, I don't know, there's like really nihilistic thing where it's just like, dude, you can just be a dude. You don't have to be like, I need to ascend, I need to ascend so I can mog and blah, blah, blah. It's just, I feel bad. I mean, I think a lot of kids at least joke about it. But I was watching that interview and I'm like, man, this is like a really sad way to live, being like,

• 45:36Speaker 02

  my suborbital is not maximal. It's like, dude, you're a guy, who cares? Just.

• 45:41Theo Von?

  And what is mogging?

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Mogging is like, so you can be, you can be height mogged, you can be frame mogged. If you're like, someone's bigger than you and you stand, if they take a picture with you and they're looking bigger, you've been mogged. If they're taller than you, you've been height mogged, you know, there's, and there's like, you can go any dimension of like whatever you have.

• 45:59Theo Von?

  So cock, somebody could be cock mogging you, somebody could be.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  That's the worst mog. If you get cock mog, dude, that's fucking tough.

• 46:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, cause I'd be hitting mine with a hammer.

• 46:09Theo Von?

  Look at the fucking jawbones on this little cock. Like damn, that thing's small. You're like, yeah, but look at that fucking smile on it.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Which is brutal. Cause I know girls do that. They take pictures together and there's a lot of like very hyper uh, specific comparison where they're like, look at my knees and her. It's like, this is now like younger guys, I think are starting to do that to some degree, becoming very aware and conscious of like, he's taller than me in that photo. It's like, do you find? It's, I don't know. That, that kind of freaks me out. We don't, we can't have both people doing that. There's no, there's no, there's not a, he got frame mogged. That was, he took a picture, that's clavicular. And he got frame mogged because the guy stood next to him was bigger and it was just, that's like, now you descend. You were ascending and now he descended a little bit.

• 46:53Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  It's.

• 46:55Theo Von?

  And this clavicular, I mean, that guy also looks like, he looks like a fucking G and C store.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  So the other guys, so that's the ASU frat guy. The guy in the black is clavicular.

• 47:08Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. So that guy, yeah, it's, that's just, it looks, it looks unnatural, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

• 47:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. Well, that first of all, the guy on the right looks fucking insane, dude. He honestly looks like a fucking good, like kind of a trill lesbian. No cap, bro. No cap, dog. BLM, you know what I'm saying? You're wearing a fucking like bra shirt or whatever? What are you fucking doing? And also, you know, it started all that was Lart, Lart, uh, Lart Jamalo Ball, dude. It was fucking whatever. Uh, that dude wearing that bra or whatever, remember he was shooting that fucking fadeaway or whatever?

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Well, no, was he wearing a bra?

• 47:44Theo Von?

  Yeah. Him and uh, SGA were like, just gooning around after.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  Oh, I, I think, I think I'd.

• 47:52Theo Von?

  Well, dude, this is, this is. What was that?

• 47:54Speaker 02

  I don't know. That was.

• 47:56Theo Von?

  When I was growing up, mixed dudes wasn't fucking, mixed dudes had enough.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  That's what you're talking about. What the fuck is that about?

• 48:01Theo Von?

  No, that's not it. That's crazy.

• 48:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:04Theo Von?

  I'm saying that's crazy.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  That's wild.

• 48:06Theo Von?

  You don't, when do you need just that much of a shirt?

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Yes, take it. Yeah. You don't need it at all.

• 48:10Theo Von?

  Yeah. Like you hit a growth spurt or whatever, dude?

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Dude, the sad thing about like the, you see that guy, that's like a very bizarre frame.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  With all like the peptides and like filters and all this stuff, that's what's garnering all the attention, like especially for women, like your lips have to look all. People are becoming literally artificial beings. And there, it's like dude, it's, it sounds like a really complicated thing. It's just, I think about this all the time. There's this thing called supernormal stimuli, which is like, so you know, it's, it's. It's not as like crazy as it sounds. So like say they did these studies where they had these butterflies and like. The male butterflies that they saw in a female that was a shade of purple, the more purple the butterfly was. That was the more attractive they were and the butterflies would go mate with those butterflies. Scientists made a shade of purple that wasn't able to be produced by the natural butterflies. That was like such a deep purple, the butterflies would just lay on this piece of cloth and just die.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  And I, I feel like that is happening to people in some regard where the people are like, especially women are making themselves into these like. Artificial things and now guys are matching and it's just, I don't know, freaks me out. So you're chasing an aesthetic that's not natural and it's not attainable and they're using all these like scientific methods.

• 49:21Theo Von?

  A lot of women, if women have those lip injections dude, I'm out. There, yeah. If women put on too much lip, like if it's. A little bit I can get, right? But if it's just fucking dumb dude, like your lips look like they've been like, like they've been eaten or whatever.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Yeah dude, no, I'm telling that and there's, there's also a fine line of plastic surgery where it almost all ends in the same exact look. There's like a. Fully constructed face that you're like, oh, it's just like plastic surgery face. I just feel bad because you know, you're obviously insecure, everybody is, and then you do all this work and you're like, oh, my nose looks better, this looks better. And then it's like. And I have this like look that I look like I'm a clone or something.

• 49:58Theo Von?

  Yeah dude, some, it's just too much.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:00Theo Von?

  And then also if a girl puts on so much lip gloss, bro. I'm like, it just like, it's almost like you're saying, it's like, it's too, it's like too much of the purple color, it's like.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  It's too juicy.

• 50:12Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  No one's lips are this juicy, like, and it's, I just feel bad, because, oh, that's, I've seen this for sure. That one is.

• 50:20Theo Von?

  Look what he's wearing.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  That's a rough look.

• 50:22Theo Von?

  He's wearing a fucking jersey bra. He's wearing a jersey bra, look at this.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's.

• 50:28Theo Von?

  I mean, what is going on?

• 50:30Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't know. Having a good time.

• 50:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's a good point, man.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  No, but that's, yeah, I saw that, that's, you know, that's one of those videos, you're like, dang, did I really look like that during that? He's still smiling, that's like a.

• 50:41Theo Von?

  No, and the guy's a boss, dude, too. And honestly, if he's one of the, if, if any of these guys ended up being gay fellows or whatever.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:48Theo Von?

  And being one of the best to ever do it, good for them.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Exactly, gives a shit.

• 50:52Theo Von?

  Gay Jordan?

• 50:53Speaker 02

  Gay Jordan would be nice. Just that light, that slightly lighter lift off the, that'd actually be kind of sick to watch.

• 50:59Theo Von?

  Fly.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Floating.

• 51:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, just floating.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  Through the air.

• 51:02Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  I just, I feel bad for like, you know, because you have, they, they get like preyed upon, because you're on social media and it's just nothing but before and afters, before and afters, before and afters, and you just go after that, and you get like, you can get like permanently disfigured, and it's just, you know, it's just.

• 51:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  It's, I don't know, something strikes me as like evil to do that.

• 51:21Theo Von?

  Well, there's a lot of stuff now, too, where it's like, you know, the peptide, like, all that stuff, a lot of it, there's not a ton of research done on it, we just started fucking hearing about it.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:30Theo Von?

  And everybody started using it.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  I know.

• 51:32Theo Von?

  And there was, dude, I remember, I was with a girl one night, in her car, and I was trying to make out or something, I don't remember, but we were sitting in there talking, and she's like, yeah, I gotta leave in like two hours, go down to Tijuana to get some, uh, Ozempic, it's just cheaper down there.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Really?

• 51:48Theo Von?

  Yeah. Dude, they busted a woman outside of a vineyard vine selling illegal Ozempic.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Oh, bro, they, yeah, that's, because you, you start going to the doctor, and then they, you know, they all start talking to each other, and they, one of them gets it off the internet, yeah, there's, dude, so many of them are doing it, taking the jab. And it is kind, because you do get it, like, you can go to a doctor, but it's like, it's kind of expensive, and all it takes is one of them being like, I got this website, I'll get it, I'll inject you, and then it's like, does this person know what they're doing? Where did they really get that? What is this stuff? And it's I'm I'm so freaked out about putting anything into my body. I like can't do it. I'll take like a new vitamin and I'm like, I feel kinda weird today. I it's that's me. I'm being a bitch, but it's like I really am like.

• 52:25Theo Von?

  But that's Irishness, I think as well.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 52:28Theo Von?

  You guys operate best on beer and stuff like that.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 52:30Theo Von?

  Basic whiskey beer.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Complete basics. Yeah, adding to I've I took the one. It was like a pill form that you just take it for your stomach. And I think it helped. I didn't really notice much, but the needles, man, I'm like, I get just too scared. I have one in my fridge. I can't do it. I'm like, I I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna do it. It's supposed to help you like sleep and burn fat. And I like look at it. I go, nah, I'm not doing that. Just sits there. I'm scared of the needle. I won't do it. I won't do it.

• 52:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, yeah. Save that bitch in case things get crazy. Shoot it into one of your fucking plants.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  True.

• 53:03Theo Von?

  Dude, if you started peptiding your fucking plants, dude. Next thing you know, you have like eleven blackberries in your yard, dude.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  That would be nice. But yeah, we can each have my whole family. We can each have like three apiece. That'd be awesome.

• 53:14Theo Von?

  How good are radishes though? You mentioned radishes.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Radishes, man, they're they grow so easy and they're like, they're good. They can get a little spicy here and there, but like those ones are they were rewarding. Cause like that, this is the thing too, like I tried to grow on carrots. Dude, the carrot greens this big. I pulled the carrot out. I'm not lying. It was this fucking big. So that that kinda hurts. You wait three months. Then you just gotta take it out and throw it on the ground and let it kinda decompose. Radishes just rip, man. You can grow radishes anywhere.

• 53:39Theo Von?

  Those bulb, those under those like uh potatoes, radish, I think those things grow pretty easy. Yeah, there's tubers or whatever they're called.

• 53:46Speaker 02

  I think the potatoes are tuber. Radish, I don't know what the hell, like root vegetables, I guess.

• 53:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, root vegetables.

• 53:49Speaker 02

  They grow pretty good, man.

• 53:51Theo Von?

  My grandma used to have them all in her cellar at the back in the in the day. They'd have a lot of like senior citizens would have them in their cellars and stuff like that. They keep a lot of root vegetables in there. Um, I love radishes though. They're kind of, they've kinda disappeared for a while. You would see them kind of like shaved up like they'd fucking been literally like somebody had terrorized them and put them on like little salads.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  I've seen that, shredded radish, yeah, it's kind of weird. I feel like Mexican food brought them back into my life.

• 54:18Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  Cause I would see them on the tacos and I'd at first I'd be like, what the fuck, I'm not eating. And then I started eating them. I'm like, damn, these things are pretty good, actually.

• 54:24Theo Von?

  You get a fucking spicy radish though, bro, put a little bit of salt on it?

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. They're good. They're good. And there's something, I mean, just pulling it out of the ground, washing it off and eating it. It's just, there's something awesome about that.

• 54:35Theo Von?

  You ever pull one right out and just wash it right there and eat it in the yard?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Uh, I'd have to wash it first. So I usually bring it inside, but I'd like to, I feel like those you got, I've like picked them off. I picked like berries off a bush and eaten them. But the radish, I'd never pulled them out of the dirt and eaten them, no.

• 54:48Theo Von?

  Do that.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  I should, actually. I have left a little bit of dirt on before when washing it and I'm like, it's gotta be minerals and shit in here. I don't believe eating, don't believe all the eating the dirt propaganda. You can eat dirt, for sure.

• 54:59Theo Von?

  I wouldn't have a ton. I mean, it depends on what area.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Just the dust, true. True, true. True. My soil's pretty good. That's the thing too. You gotta like, you gotta like, you know, you gotta build like a whole little colony in your soil, you know, cause if you just dump soil out of a bag, it's not, it's not living.

• 55:13Theo Von?

  How many square feet is your garden?

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Oh, man, not a lot. It's probably like forty total, if, if that. And then I have a little thing outside my fence that gets like full sun all day. That's probably another like, probably have like fifty, sixty square feet total. Small.

• 55:27Theo Von?

  Do you have to water in the morning and evening or how does that work?

• 55:30Speaker 02

  I do in the summer, yeah.

• 55:31Theo Von?

  Do you water pale or use the hose?

• 55:33Speaker 02

  I have the hose. And I have, I have like some sprinklers now. I gotta hook them up. But the, I just kind of water them though, twice a day. Depending, depending on how hot it is. If it's like super hot, that's twice a day. Put some mulch down to keep the roots, keep the roots from getting scorched. So it's just, it's nice, man. Especially like, when you just see a new little bud pop off your plant. It's just such a, I come out in the morning and I'm like, ooh, it's just a nice little treat.

• 55:54Theo Von?

  Yeah. And you're kind of like an orchestra conductor of nature.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is. It's pretty cool. You gotta be patient. You gotta wait. And it's like, like dude, I planted garlics six months ago. I might have some like in three weeks. And it's just like, just like a thing that's like good, that's grow, you know what I mean? That's like, you know, cause otherwise, I've had a lot of times in life where I just have nothing to look forward to. And you're just like, whatever. And every day I'm like, oh, my berries eventually. Two years, I have like things that are gonna take like two years to grow. And I'm like, man, in two years, it's gonna be sick.

• 56:26Theo Von?

  Dude, I don't like that.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  It's, I'm telling you, it's really good for you.

• 56:30Theo Von?

  I've been wondering if there was ever a time when you were with your family and your car broke down. Because I've been there. And I remember my, the car was broke down. And I stood off, I walked off from that thing. I said, I ain't even being with y'all anymore. Just, just didn't even want to be by my family, dang it. Just out of shame. CarShield could have fixed that. CarShield offers month-to-month vehicle protection plans designed to protect drivers from expensive car repair bills. CarShield contracts have low deductibles to prevent stress to your wallet at a critical time. And they partner with certified mechanics and repair shops around the country for when

• 57:15Theo Von?

  you're in a bind. Make a decision your wallet will love with CarShield. Right now, CarShield is offering our listeners 20% off with the code Theo at carshield.com. Visit carshield.com to lock in your 2026 protection today and protect yourself from expensive car repairs. Again, go to carshield.com and use code Theo for 20% off. Is pornography causing a problem in your life? Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping? Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life?

• 57:59Theo Von?

  Well, you're certainly not alone. Watching pornography has become so commonplace today and oftentimes, men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression. Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them. I want to introduce you to my friend Steve. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same.

• 58:40Theo Von?

  Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that. Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at www dot Valor Recovery Coaching dot com, or email them at admin at Valor Recovery Coaching dot com. Thank you.

• 59:20Theo Von?

  Well, you know what, recently I started to get up earlier and do like, just really, just start to take some control over my own life more.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:28Theo Von?

  Like, and it's just helped me so much, man. It's helped me to like, I don't know, everything else just feels like more possible. It's like, oh, I'm caring about what I'm doing here, you know?

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:38Theo Von?

  Like, it hasn't been like, every day has been perfect, but just like, over the past month, it's gotten like, uh, let me see what I'm trying to say. Like, so I'll get up and I'll like, do some yoga, work out, meditate, hit an AA meeting or something, and then I'm like, it's like 10 a.m. and now I'm, but, and the rest of my day is mine, right? Like, I don't have work and shit to do. But I just feel like, uh, like, the more I'm investing in myself or things like that, it's like, it feels good.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Dude, it's, yeah, it's unbelievable, because otherwise, it's like, what is moving your life? And you know, you're just kind of being blown about. I do that all the time, where I'm just kind of like...

• 1:00:16Theo Von?

  You have to make your life mean something.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:00:18Theo Von?

  I think when you're a kid, you come out of this time where you're like, oh, there's all these things that I get to get put into, and there's somebody putting you in a shit, you don't even realize it, like, all this stuff happens, and you're just in, but you, like, we kind of lose that as we get older, you know? I mean, I know work comes along and family comes along, but it's like, yeah, you have to always feel like, oh, life has to make it. No, you have to make it.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, it's like 100% true. That's actually fair. I never thought about that too, because you do get thrown into school, and yeah, you're just like, well, I guess someone will throw me into a job, and then you just kind of just like drift along, and it's like, I... I'll do that for like stretches of time and then like I'll just something will happen where I'm like the what the fuck am I doing and it is a really bad feeling where I'm like what am I doing with myself and then yeah waking up and being like I'm do this at this time I'm gonna work out I'm gonna do this it dude it really does make your life feel so much better it's like even if you get up like a half an hour early

• 1:01:08Theo Von?

  yeah

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  just like just get up and like go for a walk otherwise yeah that's that's a feeling that I get like really free like that'll really like bring me to a bad place when I realize I'm just being blown about

• 1:01:19Theo Von?

  yeah

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  by the whims of whatever forces are around me

• 1:01:23Theo Von?

  especially as time goes on dude I went to your birthday party that was fun dude

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  that was fun that was a fucking complete shock

• 1:01:28Theo Von?

  forty so you had no idea

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  no clue everyone's laughing at me like you didn't even Google the thing like my wife told me she's gonna take me to a an opera and then she did it it was actually to her credit it was a pretty good move she's like we don't we never do anything like that we never get dressed up and I was like alright

• 1:01:44Theo Von?

  it was Boys in the Hood the opera

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  I didn't know I didn't know what the hell it was man I was like I I didn't everyone was laughing at me cause like didn't you Google the opera wasn't even in town that weekend I'm like I didn't look it up I was just showing up man you know and uh

• 1:01:59Theo Von?

  eighty-four percent of life's just showing up

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  yeah man that's and I I really can just be like what like I don't look into things I I realized that night I didn't realize how little I truly like look into things and I'll just like just be like alright I'll just come I don't I don't like researching I was talking to a lot of people that are like I'd have to look at the seat chart I'd have to know where I'm sitting

• 1:02:20Theo Von?

  yeah that's whimsical dude that's like an Irish hello or whatever

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  I really do dude

• 1:02:24Theo Von?

  not know what the fuck is going on

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  no idea what's going on

• 1:02:27Theo Von?

  being there

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  and I just showing up they're like oh this will be cool I was like I'll get to see an opera I've never seen that before just waited until it came and then so I'm like in my head I'm like I'm gonna be in a dark room all night I was like I'm gonna just eat a little weed edible I'll be fine so I'm literally she was like all the tickets we got we get to go meet the opera singers like before and I'm like a meet and greet with the opera singer so I'm like sounds weird but I'm like I'm down to meet them this is kinda cool I'm super gullible and then uh so I'm like kinda stoned and I just like walk into this room being like I remember the last thought I had was like I wonder what opera singers are Like walk in and I saw my mother in law and I was like, what the hell? Why is she here? And then I saw someone I hadn't seen in like three years and I I truly was like, oh, I'm probably having a dream. And I was like, this is not real.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  And I kept looking around and like the noises kind of came back and I was like surprised and I was like, what the fuck? And then I got like angry. I was furious at first.

• 1:03:20Theo Von?

  Everybody telling me that.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  Dude, I stood there and everyone was like 150 people. I'm like kind of high on it. I'm like, this is, I know this is oh, completely overwhelming. Surprise. And then like I'm looking around me like, what the fuck? She made everyone wear tuxedos and shit for this? And I'm just like furious. Furious, sorry. I just felt like, oh no. And then, uh, and then I just kind of like, I like realized what was happening. That I was like frowning at 150 people and I had to like, oh, hey, thank you, everybody. And it took me like an hour and a half to like the shock to wear off. I was, I was fucked up. But you know, eventually I was like.

• 1:03:54Theo Von?

  What was the anger about you think? Kind of, cause I'm telling me that was fascinating. And your wife was great, dude. Like she started like five months in advance. He's like, don't forget Friday or whatever. And I'm like, this Friday? She's like, no, Friday in five and a half months. But she would remind you every month and I was like, fuck. And then once I said, I promise I said, I promise I'll be there. I was like, fuck, I gotta be there. But it ended up being great, though. It was a great night, dude. I got to hang out with Tony. There we are right now. Adam Eget, um, Joe DeRosa. And is that your?

• 1:04:26Speaker 02

  No, Zach.

• 1:04:27Theo Von?

  He works at the, uh.

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was, yeah, he was at the mothership for a while.

• 1:04:30Theo Von?

  Um, but yeah, dude, it was a, it was a good group, though.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  Dude, it was, that was, it was fun. I, I though, I got there.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Was just like, I don't even, I couldn't even place the anger at first. I was just going like, what the fuck? And I was actually kind of looking forward to sitting in a dark room all night, watching the, I was like, this will be crazy. And then it was just like, what I was angry about was like, I don't really like a lot of attention. So then I walked into just like a complete and total, just being like a wash and attention and like surprise. And it just like pissed me off.

• 1:05:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  And then I was like, oh, this is like a party. This is nice. It was, it literally took my brain a second to be like. So at first it wasn't even a party. It's like, you know what I mean? Like my brain was like, these are just people looking at me. Like, why is this happening to me right now? And then it was like, it came in in layers and I'm like, oh, fuck, this is my 40th surprise party. Cause we did something two weeks before that. So I was like, nice. I'm done. So like it like took me, my brain was like lagging for like seconds. And then, you know, I was like, had to walk around and be like, hey, thanks. Hey, thanks. Hey, thanks. You know, blah, blah.

• 1:05:28Theo Von?

  Thanks, Maxing.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  Thanks, Mouse. Thanks, Maxing. I was Maxing. Thanks, Maxing.

• 1:05:33Theo Von?

  Dude, it would be so funny because I'd be talking like a comedian and then there'd be just somebody who was randomly downstairs who was at the thing. And it was a nice event, man. It was like an event.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  Dude, it really was. It was.

• 1:05:44Theo Von?

  And there was like a thing with desserts and there was, I think they even had like a duck or something. They had great food. They had, uh, but then there would be also like just family members or somebody's like, I'm Matt's 11th cousin or whatever, you know? You know, fire department, you know, this fucking, I'm like, what is going on?

• 1:06:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, one of my cousins I know, I heard the next day kind of called you and was like, let's get a photo right now. Uh, yes.

• 1:06:07Theo Von?

  Oh, I don't remember some things, but it was just like, there was a lot of different things. And you would get like, yeah, kind of Irishy looking guys and this and that. And then a fucking, you know, just somebody with Down syndrome who they said was Irish or whatever. And then even just down to a big freckle in a wheelchair, you know? It just like, there was this descent of fucking macuscas that had just been through it all, you know? Some civil war veteran was there, like there was ghosts there.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, people were taken aback because that was only a small faction of my family. So people that I knew would be like, because you would just see various mutations of me where you'd be like, that's gotta be one of his cousins. People were like really laughing about that all night being like, I can literally spot every single one of your family members. You guys all look exactly the same.

• 1:06:49Theo Von?

  Dude, that would be the best if they had done a thing, find Matt's family.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Like a wear swan.

• 1:06:53Theo Von?

  Yes. And you had to like just find like amongst all the people there, you had to get like a signature from those 10 people.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  That's kind of fun, actually. But no, it was, uh, it was cool, man. I, I, you know, I always, I gave it up to Brittany. I was like, man.

• 1:07:04Theo Von?

  It was very sweet of her.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Very nice, very impressive. It was, it was just such a, it was like I said, it was like an event. It was like a massive event. And it's, you know, I'm always kind of like, I don't want to do anything, you know, blah, blah, blah. So that was, it was nice. I was like, I appreciated it, but it was, it was a lot for me to take in.

• 1:07:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's scary. Dude, having a surprise experience is kind of scary.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Especially if that magnitude, man. That was like, that really like, threw me upside down because I'm going like, you know, I don't like, I don't like be, ask people to do anything. You see people wearing tuxes. I'm going, oh, fuck. So then my family hates dressing up. So I'm like, fuck, they made her, they made them do that. And you know, I was just like, but it was cool. It was awesome.

• 1:07:39Theo Von?

  And you can, uh, um, you can, can you still be drafted or not?

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  Oh, for the war?

• 1:07:48Theo Von?

  I think they just bought, yeah, I think the war is a unique term.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, with the military. The conflict, the, uh, yeah, I think it's up to forty two. So if I'm.

• 1:07:59Theo Von?

  What are the requirements?

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  And they keep fucking making the age bigger, dude, dude, yeah.

• 1:08:03Theo Von?

  Forty two, dude, there's the fucking.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  I got two good years in me.

• 1:08:07Theo Von?

  Bro, you could be a Colonel.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  That'd be crazy. I'll, I would, I mean, I went to college, at least I went sergeant, like, I'm not, I'm not going in there as a grunt.

• 1:08:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  But actually, I'd, I'd kind of like to boss up as a grunt.

• 1:08:18Theo Von?

  Gotta be on time. What are some of the, uh, army chants? Do you have to do some of those probably?

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, I don't know what I've been told. Yeah. Forty two is not that old or whatever.

• 1:08:28Theo Von?

  Welcome, America. Army raises enlistment age to forty two.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're pandering to me.

• 1:08:34Theo Von?

  Ease his marijuana restriction, dude, so you can have fucking. Dude, it's just gonna be a bunch of fucking thick trans kids on gummies out there. Here was one of the problems. Did you know that seventy percent of, uh, of young Americans are unfit to serve in the military? They couldn't serve in the military.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've heard that.

• 1:08:53Theo Von?

  Seventy percent.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's no surprise, man. That's, that's, I mean, that's sad.

• 1:08:57Theo Von?

  Blew my mind.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:08:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, when I was a kid, I feel like, I've, like, it felt like seventy percent could serve in the military.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 1:09:05Theo Von?

  You had some kids in wheelchairs or something, you had like some black kids that were still sucking their thumb or something, even though they were like nineteen and shit.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  Still Rocky, yeah.

• 1:09:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, which is cool, but they weren't saying anything, but they weren't retarded. So you gotta pick a path. But then you had like, yeah, one kid that would get sunburn bad, he couldn't go. You had that bee sting kid or whatever, who was always a fucking piece of shit.

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm down for them just doing like battle bots. We're at the point now where.

• 1:09:28Theo Von?

  Yes, what?

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  It is ridiculous to just be like, yeah, we're gonna just send a bunch of eighteen year olds there to shoot each other. So that's like, it's just like, I, I've said this before, it's like embarrassing, like, guys, for real, we're still doing this. Let's do battle bots. Solve it, see what's up, whoever wins, you know, whoever gets-

• 1:09:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's like pink slips.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, your buzzsaw flips my wedge, now you get the whole nukes, and if I'll build a better robot, I'll get the nukes back, so I can destroy the world if I have to, you know, if I wanna get my way.

• 1:09:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, I agree. It's like, what are, to really be using, I don't know, dude, it's just fucking-

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  But there's a trick where it's like, yeah, you know what, you're right, then some guy just blows up your city, and you're like, I'm fucking blowing them up, fuck that. So it's like, you know, I don't think, I think it's escapable.

• 1:10:05Theo Von?

  A major update to Army recruiting regulations this week raises the maximum age a recruit can join to forty-two, and removes a barrier to joining for recruits with a single legal conviction from marijuana or drug paraphernalia possession.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 1:10:16Theo Von?

  The Army's previous limit was thirty-five, though exceptions are occasionally made. The higher age limit brings the Army in line with other services, limit of forty-one in the Navy and forty-two in the Air Force.

• 1:10:26Speaker 02

  Well, that's the weirdest of all, and again, it's, whoa, what the fuck is that?

• 1:10:29Theo Von?

  It's kinda shit, I don't know. I thought that was fucking Doug Stanhope for a second.

• 1:10:34Theo Von?

  On the left.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Well, the, uh, okay.

• 1:10:36Theo Von?

  Secret double life of Kristi Noem's crossdressing husband, Brian. The pouting busty bimbo photos and trove of explicit messages.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:10:46Theo Von?

  He could've, that could've been a costume he was doing.

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean-

• 1:10:49Theo Von?

  Let me see. It's today revealed as a secret crossdresser who dons gigantic fake breasts and pink hot pants to chat with online fetish models.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  Ooh, that's the porn hole going wrong, man.

• 1:11:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  So you need to, you need to shut the laptop. Once you're putting, once you're bimbofying yourself for webcam, is that what happened? He was bimbofying?

• 1:11:07Theo Von?

  It looks like, well, his wife operated at the highest echelons of government, handling matters of national security in a recent role as DHS secretary. Brian, know him, fifty-six, has been dressing up and playing adult and paying adult entertainers to talk dirty. The Daily Mail has reviewed hundreds of messages involving three women from the bimbofication scene, where porn performers transfer themselves into real-life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of saline into their breath.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  Whoa, that's, that was, that's his, that was his boobs, basically, from saline?

• 1:11:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, so he pumped his, was he pumping his own tits full of that shit? God.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  Okay, he had, no, he had balloons, okay.

• 1:11:43Theo Von?

  Oh. Brian, an insurance mogul, could be seen squeezing into a flesh-colored crop top with skin-tight pink shorts.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  Hold on, so those tits were balloons with the nipple, oh, the knots mimic the nipples, I mean, I'll get, I'll at least shout them out on the nipple position, that was-

• 1:11:59Theo Von?

  That's pretty smart.

• 1:12:00Speaker 02

  That was kinda nice. Dang, bro.

• 1:12:04Theo Von?

  What the fuck dude, what the fuck is going on?

• 1:12:06Speaker 02

  Bro, that's nice for balloons, I'll get, whoa, what the fuck? Oh man.

• 1:12:12Theo Von?

  But he has that kinda glossy skin where he's fucking, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  That's a horny guy. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that that's kind of alpha. To be that horny where you have balloon boobs, like a fifth grader.

• 1:12:26Theo Von?

  No, it sounds like what those fucking clavicular kids are gonna be doing.

• 1:12:30Theo Von?

  Putting fucking hacky sacks in their chest and shit.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, that is a...

• 1:12:35Theo Von?

  He sent his secret roster of online acquaintances at least twenty-five thousand dollars via Cash App and PayPal, but when the payments were delayed or failed to materialize, the chats would quickly turn sour.

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  Ooh, I bet I would, if I paid fucking twenty-five thousand dollars, look at my balloon tits and you didn't, uh, you delayed on me, I'd turn sour.

• 1:12:50Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  Oh dude, so they, they kind of like put his stuff out there.

• 1:12:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's a sounding that somebody who spouses at that level has that kind of bad judgment.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. I didn't know this was a thing, dude.

• 1:13:05Theo Von?

  Yeah, I guess it is, dude. Honestly, bro, all this shit makes me wanna cut my own wiener off and just mail it to Africa, dude. I'm not even joking, dude. I've thought about that for years. Cut my wiener off.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Cut it off, be done.

• 1:13:18Theo Von?

  And my nuts off.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:20Theo Von?

  If they want it, or just whatever you want, you can do it, send them both, but...

• 1:13:22Speaker 02

  Keep your nuts, cause that'll keep your tea going and stuff.

• 1:13:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, keep my fucking nuts, huh?

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  Keep your nuts, let your nuts hang.

• 1:13:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Chop off your unit and just keep everything else.

• 1:13:30Theo Von?

  And mail it to Africa. Feed a, feed a person or two.

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  That'd be nice.

• 1:13:34Theo Von?

  They grill that bitch up in a second, dude.

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  Munch that thing.

• 1:13:37Theo Von?

  They get some fucking Tennessee wiener in the mail? They would grill that bitch up.

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  Put mine on a toothpick and serve it at a party with others, but yeah.

• 1:13:46Theo Von?

  I know, dude. They'd be like, glizzy?

• 1:13:50Speaker 02

  No, it's...

• 1:13:51Theo Von?

  Who wants a glizzy?

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  A fresh glizzy.

• 1:13:55Theo Von?

  But that is sad, man. It's like, yeah, it's a, uh... The Uber driver, he's like, "We need a revolution. You're a podcast guy."

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  He was, but you ain't pumped up.

• 1:14:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, no, he's trying to get me to fucking do something. I'm like, dude, I'm fucking trying to go, I'm going to work, dude.

• 1:14:11Speaker 02

  He's probably CIA, honestly.

• 1:14:12Theo Von?

  He could've been a fucking op, he's probably Mossad. But it was just kinda crazy. He's like, "We need a revolution."

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:18Theo Von?

  Cause he's like, "AI's gonna come, it's gonna be all Waymos, we won't have a job," you know?

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  That's true too, yeah. That stuff's coming, man, for sure. That's gonna be weird, I mean, it is gonna be, uh...

• 1:14:27Theo Von?

  But you're not scared of it, though, you said?

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  No, not really. I mean, it's like...

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  I, well, here's the thing. It's like i- i- if I felt like it was coming and it would just like destroy my livelihood, I'd obviously be afraid of that. I don't think it is. And I feel bad if it does, but I feel like maybe, this is me just being hopeful, it will kind of engender some like massive change where people then have to like learn how to, you know, like, do we start just sharing stuff so everyone has what they need? Like, what do you, like, literally, what are you doing that? And then, you know, people go, that's communistic. It's like, yeah, obviously, but it's like, if it wipes out just like nine industries at once, and you have millions and millions of people who could work that just, there's no point for them to do it. It's like, what do you do? Like, what do you do then? And it's like, are they gonna have to just like invent weird, like, almost like fake jobs? Are people gonna get paid just to kind of vibe out? I don't know.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  I'm personally kind of curious to see where it goes. Cause it's like, you're not gonna fight the AI stuff. Everyone's like, we're gonna stop it. It's like, no, you're not. If it, if it saves big corporations money, there, it's coming. They're going to do that. Then it becomes like, what do you do? And I guess like, you know, yeah, it could get, now that I think about it. It's like, well, yeah, maybe the billionaires will like give us some money. I'm like,

• 1:15:36Theo Von?

  Well, they said-

• 1:15:36Speaker 02

  Ah, fuck. You think they will?

• 1:15:38Theo Von?

  Well, that's what they've said, is that they're, that they, people would get some sort of a stipend or some sort of a UBI, universal basic income, or some sort of a token that they could use for things, like for, which is crazy to hear.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:50Theo Von?

  Like Altman said this sort of shit, um-

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  This is a king then. So then we'd have kings. Which, again, if we go back to some like futuristic medieval, like serfs, lords, kings, knights, could be chill. I don't know. Again, I don't know. There's probably people like, fuck you.

• 1:16:04Theo Von?

  Could be chill, though.

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  Could be chill, dude. You get to like wander, I get to just be in my garden, light fires, and just kind of like think about the glory of the king.

• 1:16:11Theo Von?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:16:12Speaker 02

  King Sam Altman. King Altman.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Just cuts my fucking head off.

• 1:16:17Theo Von?

  And then-

• 1:16:19Theo Von?

  He cuts your fucking RAM down?

• 1:16:22Theo Von?

  He cuts your hard drive down to fucking thirty megabytes a month?

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, no more questions about your garden. I'm like, sorry, my lord.

• 1:16:30Theo Von?

  And then that, that thing comes through where you throw the dead people just on it, like if your neighbor dies. Remember back in the like, in the, uh-

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  The wheelbarrow-

• 1:16:38Theo Von?

  The dead cart or whatever, yeah.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I, I think, and this is my, again, this is just-

• 1:16:44Theo Von?

  Oh shit, he had my fucking, uh, ear pods in his pocket. We put him on the fucking dead cart.

• 1:16:48Speaker 02

  This is me being-

• 1:16:49Theo Von?

  Hey, hey! Humanity-

• 1:16:51Speaker 02

  Check his pockets, a fat guy. You got a file on your device? Yeah, I feel like, you know, every society rises and then falls in a terrible cataclysm. That's like, there hasn't been one that's made it out of it yet. So like, maybe, it's like with Covid, there was, Covid was bad, but it also did kind of shake people out of that like, dull, thoughtless malaise that so many people are trapped in, just like a meaningless existence they kind of hate. So I'm hoping the AI shakes the cage enough where people can kind of come out of it, but then we don't all just like fall into like complete chaos and start like killing each other. I think there's a sweet spot, so I'm hoping it kind of shakes it just a little bit. If that makes sense.

• 1:17:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:31Speaker 02

  So that's my hope, but it's like, yeah, then it's like, well, maybe the billionaires will be generous. I'm like, eh.

• 1:17:36Theo Von?

  Well, to me, it feels like they,

• 1:17:39Theo Von?

  they want us poisoned enough, right? It's obvious, there's so much that has poison in it. Our fucking water, fluoride makes people dumb, like if you have fluoride in your water, you're dumber.

• 1:17:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:49Theo Von?

  Which is crazy, dude.

• 1:17:53Theo Von?

  But like, they want us to be dumb enough and like, not have any fucking balls or want to do, and so you just are kind of like in this sort of wheel. And you're comfortable in the wheel. And the amazing thing to me sometimes is how comfortable a lot of us are in the wheel, including myself.

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:10Theo Von?

  You're like, you know what? I could go out there and protest sometimes, or I could do this, or, you know, but, I could just sit here and watch March Madness. You know, just got some new massa chips, I got some fucking good Ranchers Nuggets in the mail.

• 1:18:24Speaker 02

  Massa chips are nice, bro, I love those things.

• 1:18:26Theo Von?

  They're nice. If you eat too many of them, though?

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a fucked up bellyache.

• 1:18:29Theo Von?

  And, and I don't eat them anymore. I like, I had like six bags in a row or whatever. I can't have them anymore.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  No, you eat the whole bag and you're like, I just ate a pound of beef tallow.

• 1:18:38Theo Von?

  Well, it's like having gin when you're a kid or whatever, you can't have it anymore. You know? But it's like that, for me, it just kind of burnt out.

• 1:18:44Speaker 02

  The thing that I'm hopeful about is that like, you know, because if it becomes like, if money becomes a weird thing where it's like there's UBI and like, you do have these like rich billionaire overlords, like money is the thing, if you have enough of it, it kind of like, you know, pumps up your ego to where you're like, yeah, I did it, I'm the man. I've always wondered if we could somehow trick like ultra-rich like billionaire types into being like, no, the real flex is like, Putting like nine million people on like assistance and making like a cool future peaceful village and like getting them to think like, yeah, that would be cool if I did that. You know what I mean?

• 1:19:14Theo Von?

  Yeah, like why wouldn't they do that?

• 1:19:17Speaker 02

  You just have to make up their nerds. Like, so like Zuckerberg, you'd be like, dude, instead of like attacking them, be like, dude, actually Zuckerberg's super jacked and super tough and cool at jujitsu and be like, just like giving the nerds, everyone like, yeah, we love you guys. And maybe they'll just like, you know, use billions of dollars to terraform the earth into like a cool hobbit world. I don't know. Now, now I'm just like, I'm reaching.

• 1:19:36Theo Von?

  Well, you start to wonder, is it an evil autism that's out there?

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, we need to give them the, we need, yeah, exactly. I, I think you could be completely right.

• 1:19:43Theo Von?

  Because, because yeah, to think that you'd have billions of dollars and other people don't have anything is pretty crazy.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's, that's the thing though, because it's like, I think about that all the time and it's like.

• 1:19:53Theo Von?

  White House turns down Elon Musk's offer to pay TSA agents during DHS shutdown.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  Why? That, that thing was like, whoa, yeah, we can't pay the TSA guy. This is, I'm a single issue voter and it's wait times at airports currently. But it's like, dude, just take the TSA out of that, because they're trying to both pass these like big deals where it's like, well, we'll do the TSA, but you have to agree to this. Both are doing it.

• 1:20:14Theo Von?

  There's omnibus bills.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, take TSA out of it. You guys can go, okay, let's fund TSA. Okay, back to arguing about bullshit forever. It's, I, I, that's, it's just, dude, that shit pisses me off.

• 1:20:24Theo Von?

  Yeah. Musk, the CEO of Tesla and owner of social media platform X, uh, said, uh, offered to pay the salaries on Saturday. I would like to offer to pay the salaries of TSA personnel during this funding impasse that is negatively affecting the lives of so many Americans at airports throughout the country. He wrote on that, President Trump said money, he would love it if Musk paid the agents salaries. Uh, I think it's great. Let him do that. The offer of Musk was also warmly received by lawmakers. Um, but then this is, here's the problem is.

• 1:20:49Speaker 02

  No, I ain't paying.

• 1:20:51Theo Von?

  Right? Uh, John Fetterman said the offer was incredibly generous in his response to the post. TSA agents across the country relying on food, pantries, and community donations just to get by. Uh, DHS officials told House lawmakers Wednesday that over four and eight, 480 airport screeners have quit since the beginning of the shutdown and that the agency is expected to lose $1 billion in missed paychecks by the end of this week. Dude, uh, Timothy Mellon, heir of Mellon Banking, shout out Pittsburgh, donated a hundred and thirty million dollars to pay the military during the forty-three day-long government shutdown from October to November. But what's crazy is, is this could be a trap because then you're letting kind of X or, or, uh, Tesla become this privatized, you know, because now you're kind of privatizing airport security.

• 1:21:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:37Theo Von?

  Whether you realize it a little bit or not, you're saying, okay, we'll let him pay these salaries. Then he comes in and says, well, how about this? Why don't I just, why don't Tesla just manage airport security?

• 1:21:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:45Theo Von?

  They could probably do it so much more efficiently.

• 1:21:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:48Theo Von?

  And so that's this, like, I'm not, which I'm not saying would be bad. I'm just saying that's where things get kind of risky. A lot of times, like, offers like that, there's this kind of caveat of, of hopeful business down the line.

• 1:21:59Speaker 02

  Dude, uh, I didn't know this until recently. Public transportation in Chicago and like, I think the late eighteen hundreds, there's all public company, or private companies. So like, you would just own, like, you know, whatever, like, if you're in New York, it was like, but it's Chicago. Like, the L train, that was a guy who owned the L train. Everyone who paid tickets, all the money went to him. And there was another guy who owned, like, the North Side Public, and they all, eventually the city came and was like, guys, give me this. That was like, that was like that for a while. It was, it was like incredibly competitive and corrupt and you had to lobby the government to like pass your thing. You pay people off, then you just collected all the fares personally, didn't like, didn't even go to the city. So, yeah, it's a, that is a tricky thing, though, because they can, you know, then they can start doing their weird, like, credit card, I mean, you don't get great customer service with government agencies anyway.

• 1:22:44Theo Von?

  Dude, have you been to the post office?

• 1:22:46Speaker 02

  The post office is crazy, dude.

• 1:22:47Theo Von?

  I was in there a couple days, there was this, there was like this sister that was working in there. She's fucking fighting with a bird that's in there trying to steal like a fucking thing of tape or whatever. And I'm like, like in the little gift section area, I'm like, there's nobody else in there, dude. Fucking wind going by is just fucking unbelievable. There's an Asian dude, he peeked up out of the back for like a second, the guy with the mustache and the fucking, the catfish looking dude, fucking one of those packaged catfishes. He's just back there, he swims up to the fucking door and peeks around just to make sure he's not, nobody's looking for him. And fucking goes back into the fucking, hiding behind the seven-day certified mail. You'll never see him for a week.

• 1:23:25Speaker 02

  For like forty more years, he's just to hide for forty more.

• 1:23:28Theo Von?

  Dude, it's like, he's like, he saw his own shadow, it's like eleven more months of fucking being on the clock, on the government's dime.

• 1:23:34Speaker 02

  Post office is crazy dude. I used to mail all of our merch. In the beginning, I would mail all of our merch personally. So I started going to the post office with just like boxes of like forty-five, fifty, sixty shirts already wrapped up. And like I got to know the people there pretty well, but it was like at first I would just show up. Before they knew me, they'd be like, "What are you doing to us?" And then they eventually gave me another address where I could just like, drop it off at the like hub and they would just take them like a big thing at once and just throw them in the thing. But it was funny. Yeah, I used to go there and they let me like come towards the back and dump it in.

• 1:24:05Theo Von?

  Fuck yeah, it's kinda cool to see behind the scenes.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  It was cool, but it was just, it's very, it is like chill time. If there's a line at the post office, people are like, "Okay." It's like DMV mentality. You're like, "Yeah, whatever, man."

• 1:24:15Theo Von?

  Don't care. They don't feel lines.

• 1:24:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:24:19Theo Von?

  You only feel lines on one side of the counter. The other side of the counter, they don't feel that line.

• 1:24:22Speaker 02

  No, it's not a restaurant where you're like, "Oh fuck, people are gonna leave." You're just like, "Yeah, fuck it. Go use fucking something else."

• 1:24:28Theo Von?

  Public transit in Chicago shifted from private to public control in the mid-twentieth century. Centered on their creation of the Chicago Transit Authority, the CTA, in the nineteen forties. The Illinois General Assembly passes the Metropolitan Transit Authority Act in nineteen forty-five. When the CTA took over the big private rail and streetcar systems and effectively completed for city service in nineteen eighty-two with the Motor Coach purchase. Yeah. Anyway.

• 1:24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:53Theo Von?

  That's when it happened.

• 1:24:54Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:24:56Theo Von?

  I saw you've been doing some history pods.

• 1:24:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, on my Patreon. I've been doing, I've been getting deep into like the Conquistador era, like the Spaniards going first to, like Yucatan in Mexico to like, you know, when they like, when Cortez kinda took over the Aztecs. And then there was another guy who like navigated the Amazon River like later on and they like, the Bizarros took out the Incan Empire. Those stories are like insane. And that's, I've like, I've talked to, I talked to the author who wrote both the books I was talking about. And we're both agreeing. It's like, dude, that's a movie. I talked to this other guy about this too, where it's like, the fact that there's no movie about that yet is insane because it is like, especially Cortez taking over, the Aztecs. It's the craziest story. Cause everyone's like, "Oh yeah, he showed up and like tricked Montezuma."

• 1:25:44Speaker 02

  Did do that, but it was like, it was like a multi-year effort. They had like brutal battles. It was, it went on like forever. They were like inside Tenet Cheetlin, which was like the city of the Aztecs. Dude, that was like a brutal siege. They barely escaped, had to come back and attack it again. It was absolutely insane.

• 1:26:00Theo Von?

  Were they bad people that they were attacking or they were just people that they wanted their land or it was just like during that colonial times?

• 1:26:06Speaker 02

  It was, it was a little bit of everything. It was definitely during the colonial times. The Spaniards definitely just wanted gold. They were like, yeah, you guys have gold. We're taking this shit.

• 1:26:13Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:14Speaker 02

  Cortez wasn't even supposed to do it. Some, he was, he was sent by another guy Velazquez. He was like, take this flotilla of ships. Cause they're, they were in like, where was it? Like Cuba maybe or somewhere? And they were like, he was like, I want you to scout this Mexico, whatever place. And you know, see if they have any gold or slaves and you know, bring them back to me.

• 1:26:32Theo Von?

  That's crazy dude.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  Dude, so Cortez is like, for sure. He was just took 13 ships and was like, fuck that guy. I'm going on an expedition to con- to conquer. So he just, it was like completely illegal, you know, it was all like fucked up, but he just was like, I'm doing my own thing, like a, like a pirate, basically.

• 1:26:47Theo Von?

  Yeah. It's like when you borrow, like when your dad's like, hey, go fill my car with gas, but you take it to go see your girl?

• 1:26:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, for like the ultimate version. It's like if he gave you his fleet of like trucks and you were like, yo, let's go. Or you know, and it was like, he just rolled up there with three, 300, 400 guys. And they just battled and just battled and like made alliance. That was the thing that helped them. They made so many alliances with different people that hated the Aztecs. And it was like, you know, everyone's like the Spaniards, you know, they, they did some stuff that was obviously horrible, but the problem was in like the Aztec times, it was all kind of like Yucatan Peninsula, Southern Mexico up into like central. And uh, so you would just be in a village and the Aztec chiefs would be like, yo, it's time for taxes, but their taxes were sacrifice victims. So they would come down and be like, give us like 30 people. So you'd be living together and they'd be like, yeah, we're gonna fucking chop you up, chop you up, let's go.

• 1:27:36Speaker 02

  And like they would just snag most of your babes and you'd be like, fuck. So then Cortez comes and you're like, yeah, I'll help you fuck those guys up. So they're all were like kind of against each other. And then like the, the thing that really kind of like, it's fucked up, it would make me laugh. They would befriend the natives there and the natives would be like, oh, you guys seem cool. Want to see something cool that we like? And they would take them to one of these like religious temples. And it would just be like a dog with its head bashed in, like little kids' bones of like, yeah, we fucking chop that dog's head off. And they'd be like, what the fuck? What are you guys doing? What's wrong with you guys? So there was like, You know, and they say the Spaniards exaggerated a lot of the sacrifice, but it was like, it was definitely on the books and like, so they got there and they were like greedily looking for gold, but then they'd be like, these guys are chopping off kids' heads and

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  kicking them down the steps. They're like, fuck these guys. That's kind of how they were thinking.

• 1:28:22Theo Von?

  I see what you're saying.

• 1:28:23Speaker 02

  These guys need Jesus. We're gonna kill them and turn them into slaves and give them Jesus and take their gold and we're doing a good thing. So it was like, it was kind of fucked up all around on it, in my opinion, but like, nobody knew, you know what I mean? Like, they didn't think it was bad, so.

• 1:28:37Theo Von?

  Do you think like, it kind of goes to an overall idea of like, yeah, do you think that like, human existence is like a trial to see of like, good versus evil? Or like, like, I wonder what it is, you know? And, and then, you know, as things start to get weird and stuff, then you start realizing, well, most countries always live under like, some severe oppression.

• 1:28:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:57Theo Von?

  With no hope of like, a lot of freedoms.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:00Theo Von?

  With not even the ability to express themselves in some ways.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  Oh dude, yeah, for sure.

• 1:29:04Theo Von?

  Like, yeah, you start to realize that like, I don't know, it's just, I don't know, I just, yeah, you wonder like, and then you start to think, well, how does this end? Like, does this end? Well, but then if that, if, if, if you had groups at that time, if you had Cortez traveling around and realizing, okay, we believe these are bad people, we need to bring them into some sort of enlightenment of understanding.

• 1:29:26Theo Von?

  Is that the right way? You know, it's just, I don't know.

• 1:29:28Speaker 02

  No, dude, it's, it's really tricky. So they were legally also, they were legally bound, so you'd roll into a village and like, you'd hope they're peaceful, otherwise you're just doing battle.

• 1:29:36Theo Von?

  I think that first 10 minutes has got to be a tough.

• 1:29:38Speaker 02

  Very tough, but luckily for them, they'd roll up, dude, they'd roll up in like, on a horse, which first of all, the Aztecs, they would see, or any of those, the Mayans were there as well, but they would like, they would see a dude in metal on a horse and think this was like some new type of being.

• 1:29:53Theo Von?

  A Tesla.

• 1:29:54Speaker 02

  They never saw, yeah, they never saw someone riding a horse. So they thought the man and the horse became like, one weird creature and they, they were like, what the fuck? And they would just come at you 30 miles an hour with a steel sword and it's like, it was terrifying. And then like cannon fire, that like, helped them out a lot. But yeah, they just thought they were like aliens. They didn't know what the fuck they were. They were like, and then, you know, they like, killed a couple of the Spaniards and they're like, oh, we can kill these guys and they would, you know, munch them. Munch him a little bit, but yeah, it was dude, history's been brutal and it is getting, things do seem to be getting better overall like that dude. That's like rolling into a village. You're like, I'm hungry. I want some gold. Fucking, you know, Cortez wouldn't, he would be like nice enough, but then as soon as people started fucking with him, he would like fucking burn villages down, burn people alive. It's like brutal stuff.

• 1:30:36Theo Von?

  That's a dude, that's a crazy mix. So I'm hungry. I want some gold.

• 1:30:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, they would be starving. They would be walking, walking, walking and be like, fuck, we don't have enough food. And they, you just see a village, you're like, we gotta go munch these guys to shit.

• 1:30:47Theo Von?

  Dude, and bro, you think there was hot babes back then at that time?

• 1:30:51Speaker 02

  For sure. Oh yeah. A hundred percent. I mean, they're.

• 1:30:53Theo Von?

  Think probably healthier babes.

• 1:30:56Speaker 02

  Healthy. I mean, yeah, true. I mean, but here's the thing though. It's like, it's all relative. Cause like, you know, you're, uh, like these guys are all, by the way, like 21, 22. So you're a 22 year old Spanish guy in 1600s or like, you know, late 1500s. There's guys probably like, they're on like legendary no fefs. All of them, they probably weren't like beating off every day to Pornhub.

• 1:31:17Theo Von?

  That's a great.

• 1:31:18Speaker 02

  These guys are, the chamber is fully fucking cocked.

• 1:31:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:21Speaker 02

  So yeah, they were probably like, any, they probably, you know, there's obviously a lot of brutal rape and stuff going on, but like, but yeah, Cortez famously, uh, in one of the battles, they like, the general handed him like, here's a bunch of women, like blah, blah, blah. And the one of them happened to be a former princess from like one of the chieftain or chiefdoms, who then got sold into sex slavery by like, you know, a warring tribe, who then got given to Cortez. So as like, you know, a sex slave, but she happened to be a princess. Malinche who like, was like, honestly, one of the key figures who helped him translate all the languages so that he can move about. Like I don't know if he could have done it without her. It's pretty crazy.

• 1:31:57Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:31:57Speaker 02

  They became, they became, uh, lovers, man. They were like, they were thick as thieves and Cortez had a wife the whole time, living in Cuba. So when his wife, after he finally won, he finally wins over, defeats the Islamic empire, takes it over himself.

• 1:32:10Theo Von?

  That's crazy.

• 1:32:11Speaker 02

  Dude, his, his wife comes over to visit him. Cause she's like, all right, this fucking guy's been gone. I don't know where the hell he is. Been gone for two years. Cortez has a, a child with his new babe who like been through it all with him.

• 1:32:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:22Speaker 02

  And his wife shows up, kind of gives him an earful. Dude, he choked her to death. And he's just, that was just his babe. It was pretty fucking brutal.

• 1:32:30Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:32:30Speaker 02

  It's pretty brutal shit, man.

• 1:32:32Theo Von?

  Dude, that's a crazy love story.

• 1:32:33Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's the bizarrest love triangle.

• 1:32:36Theo Von?

  But dude, if your guy conquers a bunch of shit like that, you gotta chill the first week or something.

• 1:32:40Speaker 02

  Dude, you can't just be coming up.

• 1:32:42Theo Von?

  Yeah. You can't get out the car, mauling off.

• 1:32:45Speaker 02

  He literally, it was like a savage conquest and it was like, you know, he's there with all of his bros and like, he was also, he had made these alliances with these other, uh, like, you know, indigenous factions who like, when they beat the Aztecs finally, they all had a party the night of and they're, the, you know, the Spaniards was like drinking, fucking around. Dude, these like Aztec dudes were like cutting off their enemy's skin and like walking around in it and like, you're just all partying. They had like a brutal fucked up like two day party that they all woke up from and were like, let's say mass right now, that was kinda wild. And then his wife came to visit, mouthed off and he just killed her.

• 1:33:22Theo Von?

  Damn.

• 1:33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's fucked, it's a fucked up story.

• 1:33:25Theo Von?

  It is.

• 1:33:26Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 1:33:26Theo Von?

  But it's kinda, it's, it's the story that we keep living. It's this crazy like, that, you know, you don't know who's supposed to be like, the righteous ones, who's supposed to win, what the whole thing is, who's doing things in the name of the right purpose. You know, you're trying to go off of some moral calculations that you feel like you have, but then we're all like, immoral, we're all like broken people. So it's like, I don't know, man.

• 1:33:52Speaker 02

  No, that, well, that's, that's the thing too. Like I said, I, I try to like, you know, keep like, at least an open mind to like, alright, well, even with Iran, it's like, say they do make a nuclear weapon and then they drop it on whoever. It's like, yeah, maybe they have to stop. I don't know, but it's like.

• 1:34:06Theo Von?

  But they're dropping it, they're not, they're not dropping them bitches.

• 1:34:09Speaker 02

  Or they're just gonna use it to get like a seat at the table. I think that's what people do with nukes. You make them and you're like, alright, can we fucking, we get at the big boy table now and I can fucking get in here. So yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? I have no idea.

• 1:34:18Theo Von?

  That's gotta be crazy. Now, do you also think though?

• 1:34:21Speaker 02

  Sweet feeling.

• 1:34:22Theo Von?

  Do you also think though, you can kinda see how like these fucking mega lords and tech lords and shit, like, um, like,

• 1:34:31Theo Von?

  they start to just sit around and like, they all got in a room like, dude, we're the fucking, we own the world, right?

• 1:34:36Speaker 02

  They have, there's no way they don't, dude.

• 1:34:38Theo Von?

  Right?

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  You're a hundred percent right.

• 1:34:39Theo Von?

  And they be like, well, we should obviously make sure the world stays like this, that we own it. Let's keep everybody fucking dumb, let's keep doing this shit and let's keep bossing out and drinking, uh, kid dick or whatever, until we, we live forever. You know, like, I just feel like there's gotta be, that has to be, like, and then you, because you start to wonder, how could people at a certain level get to that? But they must think, well, if I'm this fortunate, this must, God must want me to, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, cuz if you have been so fortunate and you do have a religious beliefs, and your ego gets involved, I could see how you could end up on that road.

• 1:35:19Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:35:20Theo Von?

  They, God wants me to do things this way. And then you start just fine, whatever you do.

• 1:35:24Speaker 02

  Or, or it's the opposite, and you have no religious convictions at all, and you go like, this is, it's just, you know, it's like the, those people who look at the world where it's like, yeah, strongest person wins, the whole point of life is to be comfortable and like in a dominant position. And then like, there's people who have that, that's like genuinely their philosophy. So like, yeah, I'll just leverage, uh, technology to gain more and more power to my advantage. And it's like, that shit's scary, especially when they get into like, the realistic possibility of becoming biologically immortal. And you're like, fuck dude, like, just wanna grow my radishes, man.

• 1:35:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:57Speaker 02

  It's, it is, it's freaked out, man. It is really freaked out. But it's also like, I don't think there's a lot of peace though. If you, if you're like running some cybertronic fucking war surveillance apparatus, I don't think those guys are chilling. I don't think they feel good.

• 1:36:12Theo Von?

  I think some of them don't feel.

• 1:36:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fucking, that's.

• 1:36:15Theo Von?

  So that's the scary part is they don't have the thing.

• 1:36:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you're actually right about that.

• 1:36:19Theo Von?

  Like, to them, it's all a fucking game. When they die, they just short circuit or, you know what I'm saying? They don't have like, a lot of these people, it feels like, don't have something, um.

• 1:36:29Speaker 02

  No, yeah, you could be right about that.

• 1:36:30Theo Von?

  But yeah, man, I agree. It's like, get back to what can you control, right? So you make a garden, you go on a nice walk, you spend some time with your neighbors, you do things that feel good while you're alive. You know, we didn't create the world, we're just here in it. And, uh, yeah, I don't know.

• 1:36:49Speaker 02

  It's, it's all cyclical too, man. It's like, it'll, it's gonna rise and fall and, you know, it's, again, it's, the problem is, is like, yeah, hopefully this time, this isn't the time where like, everything pops off and we all just get wiped out in a hot flash. It's like, that is, that's scary, but like, what are you, like, what are you gonna like, run into the White House and just get like shot in the face by secret security? It's just like, you have to just chill. It's like, nothing you can really do.

• 1:37:10Theo Von?

  Let me see this. Steven Pinker argues that by most measurable indicators, violence, health, wealth, rights and knowledge, humans are doing better now than in any previous time, even though it feels like things are getting worse. I don't fucking believe that guy.

• 1:37:22Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, it's, it's like, yeah, there's probably less kind of crime and like large scale violence. It's just, you just, it's problem is it's just the information. You get bombarded with just like all this horrible shit.

• 1:37:34Theo Von?

  Right. And I think there's still like, you know, news outlets or it's all, everything is, I believe that this is, it depends on what you mean. If you don't care about existing and like feeling like, uh, you can grow as a human, then maybe so. I thought we were past some of this like old school colonial shit. We're just gonna, you know, you'd think we would get past that.

• 1:37:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:57Theo Von?

  But, um.

• 1:37:59Speaker 02

  No, it's the same thing. They're gonna, they did it with Iraq. They're gonna go, oh, there's like an existential threat. Like, try to think back on since.

• 1:38:06Theo Von?

  But America knows it's not true now. We know it's not true.

• 1:38:08Speaker 02

  That's the problem.

• 1:38:09Theo Von?

  And it's not our, nobody's upset at our soldiers or anything. That is just the people putting them out there in harm's way. And to think about that shit.

• 1:38:16Speaker 02

  Well, it's like, dude, think about a time there hasn't been a giant looming existential threat overhead.

• 1:38:20Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:38:21Speaker 02

  Since like literally the atom bomb. It was like terrorism was the big one and that was like the Iraq war. You know, back in like when I, before that, it was just like Fox News. My parents would watch it and it would just be like crime in the city. It'd be like the inner cities are out of control. They're gonna come kill you.

• 1:38:35Theo Von?

  Always.

• 1:38:35Speaker 02

  And then it was just like terrorists are gonna come fucking kill you.

• 1:38:38Theo Von?

  And then it was Unsolved Mysteries.

• 1:38:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:40Theo Von?

  Remember they threw that there in the middle?

• 1:38:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. Then there was Unsolved Mystery. Unsolved Mysteries was fucking good though. I liked it.

• 1:38:46Theo Von?

  Fuck, it was banging. Maybe you could help solve a mystery. And do we go outside and fucking looking for missing people in our area? We're like, are you Rebecca Owens?

• 1:38:58Speaker 02

  Sadly, I never stepped up to the plate. I was a passive of Unsolved Mysteries. I never even tried. I, I kind of, I feel bad about that.

• 1:39:03Theo Von?

  I used to collect all those one in here on the missing cards and ones that came in the mail. Yeah. And I'd fucking look at those bitches on my way to school.

• 1:39:11Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 1:39:11Theo Von?

  I was all, felt like I was like, cause I always wanted to find somebody that was missing or always wanted to find like a dead body or something.

• 1:39:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. I was just talking to a guy today. He does, uh, for a living. I had him on my show for a living. He goes into bank owned foreclosures and his job is to like assess what bad, how bad of a condition it's in. And he's been multiple times come in just a dead body. And he said, you just gotta like, kinda, you know, you gotta like, give it a, you know, respectful nudge. And then you call, if like, call the cops or whatever, come get it.

• 1:39:38Theo Von?

  You think the first time you nudge, you nudge light, and then after a while, you fucking get a little tough? Like, the fourth and fifth time, you fucking just give it a...

• 1:39:45Speaker 02

  I think you give it two solid, just, mm-mm, like, hard knock. Just two. You gotta make sure. Just give it one, and then just like, in case it's waking up. Then no response, like, yeah, it's a dead person. I'm in the house of the dead person by myself, and I gotta call the cops.

• 1:39:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, they must've had a good exterminator.

• 1:40:04Theo Von?

  Um, there you go, right there, dude. Is that J. Rod the electrician?

• 1:40:11Theo Von?

  Shout out J. Rod the electrician, dude, if you haven't followed that guy's journey, it's the best. Um, but yeah, having a garden, doing things that build your own life up, that give you purpose, right? That's the thing. Let me do something with my kids, let me fucking, uh, look at this dead rat, or, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:40:24Speaker 02

  Let me check out this dead rat's face.

• 1:40:26Theo Von?

  Let me start a history podcast, let me learn about journeys that were before me. You know, just, I think we have to start to create our own senses of purpose, we have to find new ones in our lives.

• 1:40:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, I think that, I totally agree, and it's like, you know, I just, for me, it's just like, I'm weary of the news apparatus, information, whenever I find myself getting angry, you know, it's, again, it's just like, I just have to ask myself, like, am I getting pulled into some weird thing? And I try to just, like, you know, it's, I guess it sounds like a cop-out, but like, stay out of that as much as possible. Like, what can I do? It's like, I'll try to make people laugh if I can, and just make, like, you know, some vaguely entertaining in some fashion stuff, and then...

• 1:41:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:02Speaker 02

  Just try to conduct myself and, like, tend to the stuff around me, because it's like, I don't fucking know what the hell's going on. It's like, I don't, you know, I have no idea. I can, I can surmise and guess, and I, I think I have, you know, idea, but it's like, I don't know. So I try to just be like, look, man, that's, if someone calls me to ask me to help with the situation, I'll try to do what I can, but it's like, it's just, you know, you're almost like, sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels, or just like, I'm getting like, kinda worked over a little bit, to where it's like, man, these guys, they're in my head right now, and I'm, you know, that's, that's like, dangerous, man. Especially when you get, like, collective anger, you can just fucking, you can move that stuff around, and like, people, you can do stuff with it. It's like, I'm always kinda weary, where I'm like, I don't know, man.

• 1:41:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's part of the trap, too. You start to realize, well, this is part of the trap. They want us to be upset.

• 1:41:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:43Theo Von?

  There's a reason why they have all this information that's out there, so much of it is still under control.

• 1:41:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:41:48Theo Von?

  That there's a reason why this little bit in this got leaked, and it's like, yeah. I don't know, being alive is interesting, man. I will say, it gets more and more interesting.

• 1:41:55Speaker 02

  It does. I, I agree. The older you get, I think it does get more and more interesting, for sure. I like, I like getting older. A lot of people are always like, oh man, this sucks. I'm like, bro, I like, I'm excited to be 50, dude. Like, this is gonna be awesome.

• 1:42:06Theo Von?

  You just got 40, man.

• 1:42:07Speaker 02

  I know, I'm gonna be 40. I'm gonna chill and be 40, but it's like, I don't have the, uh, I think it's cool. I don't know. Something about getting older is like, everyone, I guess when you start hurting all over, that probably sucks, but, I kinda, I dig it. I like getting older. Getting gray, I wanna get, I wanna look like old as fuck as fast as possible. It's my goal right now.

• 1:42:23Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:42:24Speaker 02

  I'm trying to age max, yeah.

• 1:42:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's fucking dope, bro.

• 1:42:29Speaker 02

  Uh, this is a die job, by the way. I'm like jet black normally.

• 1:42:31Theo Von?

  Is it really?

• 1:42:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:42:34Speaker 02

  I'm really stressed out.

• 1:42:38Theo Von?

  Well dude, thanks for coming in, uh, and chatting with us, bro.

• 1:42:41Speaker 02

  Dude, for sure. Thanks.

• 1:42:41Theo Von?

  Um, upcoming dates, uh, the Fitzgerald Theater, um, for, uh, Matt McCusker. Uh, Hoyt Sherman plays Des Moines, St. Paul, Phoenix, Tucson. Phoenix and Tucson, man. Uh, you guys gotta show up. Toronto? Oh, the Elgin's a cool spot, dude.

• 1:42:59Speaker 02

  Toronto's been good. I'm happy with Toronto.

• 1:43:00Theo Von?

  And Chicago. Let's go.

• 1:43:02Speaker 02

  That's my, I'm stoked on that.

• 1:43:04Theo Von?

  Um.

• 1:43:05Speaker 02

  Dude, thank you for that.

• 1:43:05Theo Von?

  Yeah dude, thanks for, and I gotta come and do you, you guys a show again when I'm back in town?

• 1:43:09Speaker 02

  Please, please do. That'd be awesome.

• 1:43:10Theo Von?

  Next time it's, uh, we gotta come and do, we did that one last time with La Mer.

• 1:43:14Speaker 02

  It was awesome, dude. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:16Theo Von?

  Blondies or whatever I think it's called?

• 1:43:18Speaker 02

  Blondies was great. That was, I think that might've been an all-time episode for real. It was awesome.

• 1:43:23Theo Von?

  Yeah dude, it's fun when you sit down. So, thank you, bro. I appreciate it. Um, yep. Tell Brittany thanks for inviting me to the party.

• 1:43:29Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:43:30Theo Von?

  It was a good time?

• 1:43:30Speaker 02

  Thanks for coming.

• 1:43:31Theo Von?

  Dude, it was great. I'm glad I got to see you and just be there for you. So many people love you. It's so many, it's so funny. You're like the one guy when you say something like, oh, Matt McCusker, people are like, God. He's a great guy. It's almost like you, you're dead.

• 1:43:44Theo Von?

  But they say that shit about you while you were alive. It is kinda fucked up. Like, God, if he were here right now, we would fucking. Hi dog.

• 1:43:52Speaker 02

  Ah, he was a great guy. It's nice to be getting eulogized, just like, yeah, he was a great guy.

• 1:43:56Theo Von?

  When you get a living eulogies dude, I think you're doing a good job, man. Thanks for all your service to humanity dude, and uh, Matt and Shane's secret podcast, and what's the new history podcast called?

• 1:44:04Speaker 02

  It's just on our Patreon. Yeah, we just, that's just a thing I do on our Patreon. Shane was gone filming, so I had to like, I had to just read books, I had to rely on like, cool books, you know? That was, that was kind of me, but it was, it was like, I can't just make up stuff to talk about.

• 1:44:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:17Speaker 02

  So yeah, I just had the books. Yeah, man.

• 1:44:19Theo Von?

  Thanks, bro. Thank you for everything, dude. Good to see you.

• 1:44:22Speaker 02

  Dude, appreciate it.

• 1:44:22Theo Von?

  DMing you, too.