Mel Robbins: The Mindset Shift Entrepreneurs Need to Avoid Burnout | Productivity | YAPLive

What if the key to unlocking true productivity is letting go of control? Mel Robbins had a mindset shift on her son’s prom night when she found herself fussing over details that didn’t matter. That’s when her daughter grabbed her arm and said, “Let them. Let them run in the rain. Let them eat where they want. Let them.” This moment sparked the creation of her Let Them Theory, a powerful mindset that transforms how we approach control in both business and life. In this episode, Mel shares the pivotal moments that shaped her career and how the Let Them Theory can help entrepreneurs let go of control, take empowered action, and thrive. In this episode, Hala and Mel will discuss: (00:00) Introduction (04:46) How a TEDx Talk Sparked the 5 Second Rule (10:25) Action Over Motivation: The Key to Success (16:19) Leveraging Life's Lessons for Personal Development (26:49) How Thoughtful Actions Drive Business Growth (34:52) Why Your Competitors Should Be Your Allies (38:16) The Let Them Theory: A Powerful Mindset Tool (48:06) Is Control Hardwired in Human Nature? (52:44) The Let Them Theory for Entrepreneurs (56:34) Applying the Let Them Theory in Leadership Mel Robbins is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, award-winning podcast host of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and one of the world’s leading experts in mindset, self-improvement, and behavior change. Recognized as a Forbes 50 Over 50 Honoree and one of USA Today’s Top 5 Mindset Coaches, her books, including The 5 Second Rule and her latest, The Let Them Theory, have been translated into 50 languages and sold millions of copies worldwide. As CEO of 143 Studios, Mel produces award-winning content for top brands like LinkedIn and Audible. Sponsored By: Shopify - Start your $1/month trial at Shopify.com/profiting. Indeed - Get a $75 sponsored job credit to boost your job's visibility at Indeed.com/PROFITING Mercury - Streamline your banking and finances in one place. Learn more at mercury.com/profiting OpenPhone - Get 20% off your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/profiting. Bilt - Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits by going to joinbilt.com/profiting. Airbnb - Find a co-host at airbnb.com/host Boulevard - Get 10% off your first year at joinblvd.com/profiting when you book a demo Resources Mentioned: Mel’s Book, The Let Them Theory: bit.ly/_LetThemTheory Mel’s Book, The 5 Second Rule: bit.ly/_5SecondRule Mel’s Podcast, The Mel Robbins Podcast: bit.ly/TMRP-apple Active Deals - youngandprofiting.com/deals Key YAP Links Reviews - ratethispodcast.com/yap Youtube - youtube.com/c/YoungandProfiting LinkedIn - linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Instagram - instagram.com/yapwithhala/ Social + Podcast Services: yapmedia.com Transcripts - youngandprofiting.com/episodes-new Entrepreneurship, Entrepreneurship Podcast, Business, Business Podcast, Self Improvement, Self-Improvement, Starting a Business, Strategy, Investing, Sales, Selling, Psychology, AI, Artificial Intelligence, Technology, Marketing, Negotiation, Money, Finance, Side Hustle, Startup, Mental Health, Career, Leadership, Health, Growth Mindset, Work-Life Balance, Work Life Balance, Team Building, Manifestation, Time Management, Life Balance, Goal Setting, Goals, Resolutions

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  You're one decision away from a completely different life. And for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it. There's one thing in life you can never control. It's other people. You can't control what they think. You can't control what they do. You can't control the timeline upon which they change, if they change at all.

• 0:15Hala Taha?

  You started your TED Talk 41, first book 49, 50 years old, starting your podcast, 54, starting your production company, right? There's no timeline.

• 0:24Speaker 00

  Life is the greatest teacher. If you're willing to look at life like one giant lesson. And I choose to believe that absolutely everything that has happened is... I believe that success is as much about not quitting as anything else.

• 0:39Hala Taha?

  So let them is all about releasing control.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 0:42Hala Taha?

  Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with?

• 0:45Speaker 00

  You're never going to get rid of the need of trying to control things. It is a survival instinct. Because if you're in control, you feel safe. But the problem is... The let them theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered. It is a simple mindset tool that shows you what is in your control and what is not in your control. And here's how you use it.

• 1:04Hala Taha?

  Yap gang, we've got a special treat for you in store today. I recently had the chance to do a special live in-person interview with none other than Mel Robbins. Mel is somebody who I've looked up to for most of my career. And she's not only a New York Times bestselling author, but she's also the host of the super popular Mel Robbins podcast. Her brand new book, The Let Them Theory, offers a groundbreaking approach to reclaiming your life from the burdens of others' expectations. In this conversation, we're going to uncover some of the pivotal moments that shaped Mel's career. Now, this is the first time that Mel is appearing on the podcast, so I really wanted to spend some time on the lessons that she's learned along the way of her incredible success.

• 1:45Hala Taha?

  We're also going to hear some of her innovative strategies for overcoming adversity and unlocking our true power. So Mel has focused the last decade of her career helping millions of people with their internal struggles and self-improvement. And now she's moving on to helping us deal with our external environments, namely our relationships with her powerful let them theory. We're going to be focusing on the let them theory in the last half of this conversation. And it is so transformative. I can't wait for you guys to hear all about letting them. Please enjoy my conversation with the legendary Mel Robbins. Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast, Mel.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  Well, thank you for inviting me and thank you. I'm so excited to talk to you.

• 2:26Hala Taha?

  I'm so excited. I've been following your work for such a long time. I actually first found out about you in 2017, when you had the five second rule come out. It was such a big hit. And like millions of people, I was listening to it on repeats that entire year. And it actually was a huge inspiration for me to start my podcast in 2018.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 2:46Hala Taha?

  You have personally really impacted me. And I just want to say thank you for everything you've put out in the world, for being so relatable, down to earth, and just sharing what's moved for yourself and your own life to help other people.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Well, I really appreciate you acknowledging the difference that the five second rule and that countdown technique, five, four, three, two, one, move, how it helped you. But I want to say back to you, you have to keep the credit because you did the work.

• 3:15Hala Taha?

  Oh.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  No, I'm serious. Like, it is easy to talk about motivation. It's easy to give people advice. It's easy to tell the person who's spending time with us together today, our stories and the things that worked for us. But knowledge is cheap.

• 3:30Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  And it's free.

• 3:31Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  And if you don't know how to achieve your goals, go to Google, type in, how do I do this? And AI will spit it out and then say, what does a day in the life of somebody who's launching this and successfully in five weeks look like?

• 3:46Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  There's your map.

• 3:47Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  But that's the easy part. The hard part is making yourself do it, particularly on the days when you don't feel like it. And so I want to acknowledge you for the fact that you both grabbed the knowledge and then you put it into action. And that's what makes you different. That is what explains my success. You are listening to this right now and spending time with us because you actually want to achieve big goals. So I know that about the person that is listening and choosing to spend time listening to this. But I'm gonna tell you something. This conversation that you're about to listen to means shit if you don't actually convert it to action.

• 4:23Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  And that's what we're gonna talk about. Tools, but then it's gonna be to you to take the baton and go.

• 4:27Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm. And speaking of that, I was really surprised to find out that when you were first starting out, you did this TED Talk. And you didn't even know it was a TED Talk. TED Talk didn't really even exist at that point. It was like the starting point of TED Talk. You got convinced to do your first speaking event ever.

• 4:45Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 4:45Hala Taha?

  And you thought you blew it.

• 4:47Speaker 00

  Oh, my gosh, yes. I like, I, so, so just to put a little back step on this. This would have been 2011. So we're talking like I'm basically your grandmother now if you think of this being however many years ago, over a decade ago. TED was not a thing.

• 5:01Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  TED was some secret thing that fancy people went to in Seattle. They weren't even online. And so I get asked by a friend if I would give a speech about career change. And she said, "Look, a friend of mine is putting on some event in San Francisco and they're looking for somebody to talk about career change, Mel, and I immediately thought about you." And look, I don't think that's a compliment if I'm the first person that you think of because it means I've bounced from one career to another, which I had. And she said, "Here's the catch. They're offering you two plane tickets and two nights at the St. Regis." And at the time, my husband and I were $800,000 in debt because his pizza restaurant was failing and like complete idiots. We had secured it with our life savings, our house, our credit cards, everything.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  And so when you're that in debt, do you know what? Two tickets and two nights in a hotel sounds like, that sounds like a free vacation.

• 5:53Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  So I said yes, and the only time I had ever given a speech was in class in high school during like a public speaking course. So I said yes so fast, I wasn't even imagining a huge auditorium and that I would have to get up in front of, I don't know, 500 people and talk. And when I stepped on that stage, they do not prepare you, or at least they didn't back then, the way they probably do now.

• 6:21Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 6:21Speaker 00

  It was sort of like, here you go, here's your topic, go. And if you watch my TED Talk, which now is, I don't know, 33 million views.

• 6:30Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:31Speaker 00

  You will notice a minute into that thing, that I have one of those neck rashes that people get when they've had too much to drink and they're like really blotchy, because I was having a complete panic attack.

• 6:43Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  I'm darting around the stage, I'm like talking all over the place, and near the end of the speech, I forgot how to end it. And that was one of the defining moments of my life. And there's a theme about defining moments in my life. I don't know what your defining moments are like, but mine usually involve embarrassment, too much alcohol, bankruptcy, desperation, panic attack. And in that moment when I froze, I couldn't remember what to say, and so I all of a sudden blurted out this thing, the five second rule, which you know, which you follow, which I'm sure the person listening knows, this little motivation hack.

• 7:23Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 7:25Speaker 00

  And I'd never shared it with anybody. And I couldn't think what else to say, and I just went, oh, there's this thing I do. I call it the five second rule. The moment you have an instinct to move, you have to move within five seconds, or your brain will kill your motivation to act.

• 7:40Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 7:41Speaker 00

  I walked off that stage, and I thought that was it. And that was not it. That was the beginning of something extraordinary.

• 7:48Hala Taha?

  Yeah. And so your email was flooded. People were using the five, four, three, two, one to get up, do what they need to do.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 7:57Hala Taha?

  You did not share this fully with the world for three years.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 8:01Hala Taha?

  You felt like you weren't, you know, ready to give advice. Like who would want to listen to you? You felt like you didn't really know the science behind it. So how did you build up the confidence to then put it out to the world and put in the reps, quite frankly?

• 8:14Speaker 00

  It's a great question. And as you're listening to this conversation, whether you're in a car, or you're at the gym, or you're watching us on YouTube, there is something that you want to do in life. Whether it's launching a business, or becoming an influencer, or monetizing social, or building a YouTube following, or publishing books, or maybe it's starting your own podcast. I don't know what that thing is. Maybe you want to become a touring musician. Maybe you want to start a fashion line. There is something in your heart. Maybe you want a Lambo. I don't know. It's, it's your goals. Whatever it is that you want, I'm here to tell you. That you do not need anybody's permission.

• 8:58Speaker 00

  And you do not need to have it all figured out. In fact, you're never going to have it all figured out. And every single day that you talk yourself out of beginning, or taking one step forward is a day that you're keeping yourself locked in a prison of your own making. Because if you know something that you want, how dare you withhold it from yourself?

• 9:26Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  How dare you talk yourself out of it? How dare you sit there and spend more time and energy manufacturing excuses and worrying about what other people think? You get one life.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  And no one is coming to save you. No one is coming to do the work for you. Nobody is going to pick you from obscurity and make you a star. Nobody is going to build the business that you want to build. And while you're sitting there drinking with your buddies bitching about your current job, or you are sitting there telling yourself, I don't know what to do.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  Your whole life is waiting for you. There's literally a door right in front of you. That is waiting for you to reach out and freaking turn the knob and open it. And I'm going to tell you something. My secret to success is very simple. I get out of fucking bed when I don't feel like it.

• 10:15Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 10:15Speaker 00

  End of story.

• 10:16Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  And if the five second rule taught me anything, it's this. You will never, you will never feel ready to do the work. You will never feel like you are capable of achieving what you want. You will never, ever, ever feel like it's your right to say this. And so you have to learn the skill of doing the actions that are aligned with your values, your character and your dreams when you don't feel like it.

• 10:45Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 10:45Speaker 00

  And that's a skill.

• 10:46Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  And every one of us sits around, I used to sit around and wait to be motivated. Motivation is complete and utter garbage because it's never there when you need it. And I even hate all this bullshit out there now about discipline and willpower.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Forget it. You can actually feel lazy and exhausted and unmotivated. And you can still do it.

• 11:08Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  And sitting around waiting for the feeling to strike you, that is a recipe to lead, that, that is a recipe that will lead you to your deathbed. And you'll be one of those people that they study.

• 11:23Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  That say, oh, man, my biggest regret is I didn't let myself be myself. I never went for the things that I wanted to do.

• 11:30Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  I was so worried about what my dad thought or my mom thought or, you know, my friends thought that I never started. And if you don't start now, I'm gonna tell you something. The next excuse is going to, because if you don't start now because you say you're not ready or you're not qualified or whatever, then the next excuse is going to be, well, I should have started then and now I'm too late.

• 11:51Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  And then the next excuse is going to be, well, I'm too old.

• 11:55Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  Or I have kids or I have a mortgage or I have this or I have that or I have people that depend upon me or I've been in this job for 10 years. And so it's all bullshit. It's all, it's all something you manufactured in your own head.

• 12:07Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  And I get fired up about it because it's sad.

• 12:10Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  You don't have to be like this. You don't have to live your life like this. You do not have to let your mother's opinion dictate what you do.

• 12:17Hala Taha?

  Yep. I love what you did because I feel like your book wouldn't have been as big as a success, The Five Second Rule, had you just put it out right away.

• 12:25Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:26Hala Taha?

  Like, you took the steps to do what you needed to be ready to do that. You did free speaking gigs. You spoke all over the world. You became the number one female speaker. You researched. You got the science. And you built up the confidence so that, once you actually put out the book, the world was ready to receive it.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  Well, I think there's also something else that happened, okay? Which is, when everything started to build for me, and again, this goes to the point where the first skill is starting, because you're never gonna get what you want if you don't begin.

• 12:58Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  So you have to actually commit to starting. And there's a very simple way you do it. You just get clear about what you want. And if you don't know what you want, here's how you figure that out. Just say, "I don't want what I have."

• 13:12Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Like, literally, if you don't know what direction to point, just know, "Well, where I am is not it."

• 13:18Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  So I need to take a look at where I am and the way that I go through my day, and I need to reverse it, or do the opposite, or make a change, because that's gonna pivot you in a different direction. And I truly believe that you're one decision away from a completely different life.

• 13:33Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  That doesn't mean you achieve the success that you want with one decision. It means that with one decision, and for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it.

• 13:43Hala Taha?

  Mm.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  Getting out of bed when I was $800,000 in debt. Getting out of bed and going for a run even though I didn't feel like it, and it was snowing, and it's not gonna make a dent in the debt and the fear that I have, but it's gonna make me know that no matter what's going on around me, I can 5-4-3-2-1, still do something that reminds me that I'm still in control in small ways. And so, for me, when the TED Talk took off, I didn't write a business plan.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  I didn't.

• 14:18Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  I, I, I just started having people say, "Hey Mel, will you come speak?"

• 14:24Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 14:24Speaker 00

  And then when I figured out that everybody else was getting paid, first of all, I felt like the world's biggest flipping idiot. And for those of you that are obsessed with influencer culture and affiliate marketing and all this stuff, I guarantee you, you waste probably 10 hours a week just looking at other people who have built what you want to build.

• 14:46Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  And that is also a recipe for disaster. Because you will start to convince yourself that they already took it, that you can't do it. And you're looking at it wrong.

• 14:59Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  There is a formula to everything. And so here I am at this point in my life where I need money. I still need to pay my bills and pay off my debt. People are starting to ask me to speak. I'm realizing everybody else at every one of these conferences that I'm going to, and I'm off in the little side room, you know, doing my thing. Everybody else is getting paid. And so there's always a formula. And it's your inability to wipe away the excuses and stop comparing yourself and stop talking yourself out of it that keeps you from realizing there's a simple formula for everything.

• 15:38Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  In fact, you are so generous because you put out content that provides a roadmap.

• 15:45Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  You tell the stories from your own career and building your business. And in those stories are takeaways. You are literally selling advertising and monetizing brand partnerships for podcasts that the person that's listening to this right now listens to.

• 16:04Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 16:05Speaker 00

  And you share how you do it all the time. And so again, case in point, the problem isn't, "I don't know how to do that." Uh, yes, you do. Because there's people like you that put out content that actually teach people how to do it.

• 16:21Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  And that's a gift. And how sad is it that you know and you see the steps? This was me, by the way. This is why I get so fired up about it.

• 16:30Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Because every day, just like I see, you probably see people like the person who's listening to us right now. Who has in their heart what they want and they are actively working against themselves.

• 16:42Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 16:43Speaker 00

  And there's not a single person on the planet that can take anything from you.

• 16:47Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 16:47Speaker 00

  Nobody can block your path to success. Only you can do that.

• 16:50Hala Taha?

  There's no timeline, right? You started your TED Talk 41, first book 49, 54, starting your production company, 50 years old, starting your podcast, right? There's no timeline. And something that I always talk about on the show is skill stacking. I've seen it with my own career.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 17:07Hala Taha?

  And I feel like the best entrepreneurs, they got a lot of experiences. They did a lot of jobs. They figured out what they're good at, what they hate, what they like. And then they designed their dream career and job. I feel like that's what I did with myself. I literally designed the perfect job for me that I'm so good at. And I feel like you've done the same. I was binging your podcast recently and like, they're just so good.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  What did you learn?

• 17:29Hala Taha?

  I learned about the let them theory. That's what I was like mostly focused on. But what I really learned is that you are so friendly and that you really try to be relatable and down to earth and you make everybody feel really loved. And you've got this like friend approach to what you do on the podcast. So I want to ask you about that.

• 17:48Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 17:48Hala Taha?

  But first I want to ask you about your experiences that you feel like led you to have this amazing career, to be a number one podcaster and author and speaker. What are the experiences that led up to that that people don't realize?

• 18:03Speaker 00

  Everything. Absolutely everything. Life is the greatest teacher. If you're willing to look at life like one giant lesson. And I choose to believe that absolutely everything that has happened to me is divinely ordered for a reason. Absolutely everything. See, I don't learn what I need to learn when I'm successful and I'm soaring and I'm at the top. I learn for whatever reasons when I'm at the bottom of the barrel, or when I am in a hole, or when I am struggling, or when things are really hard. Like I feel like courage and strength and that secret sauce.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  That makes you successful and makes you who you are. Those are the things that happen in the hardest moments of your life. And they also happen in the smallest, quietest moments if you're paying attention. And I'm going to share some examples for this because first things first, as you're spending time with us together today, I want you to think about the fact that if you stand in the present moment and you look backwards, you can see how absolutely every single thing that has happened to you, good or bad, scary or beautiful, like just terrorizing or fantastic. Every single thing has led you to this moment.

• 19:33Speaker 00

  And that you are never starting from scratch. You're always starting from experience because life has tested you, life has taught you, life has prepared you for this exact moment. And I also choose to believe, and this is part of what I believe is my amazing success, is that I choose to believe as I stand in this moment, that just like everything in the past has prepared me for where I am now, that this moment is preparing me for where I am going next.

• 20:11Speaker 00

  And I don't need to know when in the future I'm going to look up and go, oh, my God, it was that particular day in Manhattan, sitting down with you, that I learned X. And that has equipped me for this moment now.

• 20:31Hala Taha?

  Totally.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  And so some of the things that have informed the way that I think about media, the way that I think about my business. Because I'm kind of old school. Like, I really think that my business is about one person. It's about the one person that has hit play and that is taking time to listen to this conversation. And just like when I take a walk with a friend, that my intention is to know that this, that whoever it is that is listening, yes, you right now, as you're driving your car, as you're at the gym, that you are the person I'm talking to, because I am.

• 21:10Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 21:11Speaker 00

  And I also know that everything that I'm about to share with you is relevant for somebody that you care about. And so whether you get a tremendous amount out of this, or you just feel a little bit better, you know, somebody that is going to get something out of this, which means you can use this conversation to strengthen a relationship with somebody.

• 21:31Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  And so I have always approached everything that I do with this sort of, how can I help? And one person. And there's small moments in my life that really inform me. And I'm going to share this story because I think it's really important that you not...

• 21:50Speaker 00

  Like, there's this obsession with virality and monetization and, you know, all of this stuff in business, which is important. And another thing that has really helped me is I 1,000% believe in full ownership of everything that I do. And so I control everything because I believe in what I do. So why on earth would I give somebody else a meaningful stake when I'm the one doing all the work? When I'm the one that created the five-second rule and created the let them theory? And so why would I not keep control of these things? And why would I trust someone else's authority more than my own to be able to market these things?

• 22:31Speaker 00

  And that is, and because I also understand digital media, which unlike a printed book...

• 22:38Speaker 00

  Digital media is gonna live forever.

• 22:40Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Everything that you do on social media, or on your YouTube channel, or all of it, is something you can monetize forever.

• 22:48Hala Taha?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  So just like why Bruce Springsteen doesn't wanna give his catalog of music away, he's gonna sell it and have a library that he owns the rights of. I think about things that I invest my time in now, as what do I actually own? Because that is an asset versus a piece of content that you're singularly monetizing.

• 23:06Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 00

  And so, for me, when I look back on my life, there are defining moments, and they're surprising moments. And I'm gonna take you on a quick kinda highlight tour.

• 23:20Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  Because those defining moments actually explain why I am one of the most intentional people you will ever meet. And I weave it through everything I do in business. So when I was a public defender, my first job, uh, 1994, I graduate from Dartmouth College, then I go to Boston College Law School. My first job was as a public defender for the Legal Aid Society. I represented people here in New York City that had been arrested and accused of crimes, and they could not afford an attorney. And I would meet them after they had been arrested and thrown into a jail cell, and then transported to 100th Center Street, where they would be held in a cage behind a judge,

• 24:05Speaker 00

  and they would be brought into court to be read the charges against them, to be read their constitutional rights, and to be assigned an attorney, and to get a constitutionally mandated bail hearing. And I would meet my clients, because these are people who could not afford representation. They were assigned by the state, because you have a constitutional right to be represented in a court of law by a licensed attorney. And I would walk back behind the judge. And I would meet my client for the very first time in that setting. They were behind bars and I had a little folder that had the complaint from the police. And if they had ever been in trouble before, I had a history of that.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  If they hadn't, there wouldn't be that, and that was it. And so that experience taught me a number of things. First of all, it taught me that no matter the circumstances under which you meet somebody, that I choose to believe in the innate worthiness of human beings. I do. I choose to treat people with dignity. And I choose to see bigger possibilities for everybody. No matter what circumstances I may meet you in. And one of the things that that hit me, like in my heart, is that when we would go out and it was time for my client that I was representing to be

• 25:33Speaker 00

  charged, formally charged, part of that arraignment hearing is a bail hearing.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  And one of the things that the courts consider is obviously the charges against you and the severity of them, your history, some of your life story. But the big one is also ties to the community. I cannot tell you how many times we would walk out into that courtroom in 1994, 95, and 96, and nobody would be there. No one.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  Over and over and over again. And it just killed me that in one of the scariest times in a person's life, no one was there.

• 26:27Speaker 00

  And I have never, ever, ever forgot

• 26:34Speaker 00

  what that felt like.

• 26:37Speaker 00

  And I have made it a mission, my mission, to show up for people. And whether that means that I'm leaving a public bathroom and I take a moment and thank the human being that is cleaning the public bathroom.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  Because that's a job where you feel invisible.

• 26:57Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 00

  Or it is truly apologizing and thanking people for their patience when I'm late. And so that has informed me about how I want to treat people and why it and how I want people to experience me, that I'm the kind of person that actually cares and that sees something bigger for you. No matter where you are, no matter what you've done, no matter what circumstances you face, I believe in the extraordinary possibilities that you have because I understand something. I understand that your past is not your fault. I understand that if you aren't doing well, it's probably, it's not a matter of willpower.

• 27:43Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 00

  It's a matter of skill building. And I also believe that absolutely everybody, if you focus on your mindset, if you focus on your actions, if you focus on how you process your emotions, that absolutely anybody can do better and be better and feel better. And the other thing that that experience taught me is just that it's the simplest things that people remember, and this is a marketing message. Okay? The more complicated you make things, the less likely anybody is going to do it. The more intellectual you are, you know what you're communicating when you're intellectual, that I think I'm smarter than you.

• 28:29Hala Taha?

  Yeah, superiority, yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  Yes, right? And so I'm obsessed with making things simple. And even if we do, and so these are core values, right? About really showing up in a way that people feel seen, that people know that you believe in them, that people know that you are, that you respect their time, that people know that I see the possibility in you because I do see it. This isn't just some bullshit that I say. I actually believe it. And the other thing that has, and so that's one thing. The other thing that really struck me is another moment. So there was this whole thing that happened when I started speaking. That when I first started speaking, I thought, okay, if you're in the speaking business

• 29:11Speaker 00

  and somebody is paying you a ridiculous amount of money to stand on a stage, you better be dressed nicely. And so even though it was like at a time, and so I'm talking probably like 2015, 2014, something like that. I start getting paid, and I'll never forget this. I was at the MGM in Vegas and I was speaking for RE/MAX. And there were like 8,000 people in the audience. And it was one of the biggest speeches that I was ever going to give. And at the time, of course.

• 29:39Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  And so I, at the time, was dressing like a news anchor. So I would wear heels and I'd wear like, you look beautiful today. Normally, I look not so pulled together. But so I would look great on a stage. So I'm in heels, which I never wear, so I can't walk in them very well. And I'm wearing a dress. And what happened is I have terrible ADHD. And I get to Vegas and it turns out when I open up my suitcase at 7:30 in the morning, I have left my high heels in a hotel room in Miami. And what I have in my suitcase are Birkenstocks.

• 30:14Hala Taha?

  Oh, no.

• 30:15Speaker 00

  And these sparkly high tops. That's it. And I have tech check in 20 minutes. Most people would have stress diarrhea. And then just derail the situation. And I'm like, fuck it. Like, okay, I guess we're going with the high tops because I'm not wearing Birkenstocks on this stage. And remember how I said that your life is always teaching you? And it's either in the struggles or it's in these quiet little moments.

• 30:44Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  So I get backstage. And when you're backstage speaking at a big event, it's very dark. And there's like a whole city behind the stage of people in production. And everybody's dressed in all black and there's equipment everywhere and tables everywhere and cables everywhere. And then there's all this tenting that is the back of the stage. And you're kind of walking around and it's hard to see. And normally, especially if it's like 8 o'clock in the morning in Vegas, for crying out loud. And you're speaking at a massive corporate conference for RE/MAX, the client was. And I was going to give a speech about the five second rule. Everyone's tired.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  So I walk back there and they're miking me up for the tech check that we're gonna do before 8,000 people come into the MGM. And one of the older guys, dressed in all black, he's got a graying beard, he turns to me like, "Cool kicks." And it was the first time that anyone backstage, even though I was super nice and friendly and not dramatic at all and not high maintenance, it was the first time anybody had ever commented like that. And that was this small moment that I was like, "Take note." And so then I go up on stage and as I walked on stage, I felt different.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  And that was a small moment that was like, "Take note." And normally, if you're a woman who's presenting, most people, whether it's male, female, they, everybody, when a woman walks on stage, if you're too pretty, if your heels are too high, most people kinda cross their arms and are like, "This bitch thinks she looks better than the rest of us." And there's a distance that happens because you're focused on what you look like and you're focused on presenting yourself in a way that is like, kind of projecting something. Well, God, when I walked on stage in these stupid high tops that are all sparkly and this dress that didn't match and my dumb glasses, people were like, "What is this?"

• 32:53Speaker 00

  And so there was an open arm thing. And so typically, it would take me like five to 10 minutes and a couple laughs to get to that point in a speech that I call, "I'd Have A Cup Of Coffee With Her" moment, which is now somebody's listening and enjoying instead of judging. Take note. And from that moment on, couple things. Number one... In any industry that you're in, being able to be excellent at the thing is the minimum requirement. The minimum requirement. You shouldn't be on a stage if you're not excellent.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  You shouldn't be charging people if you're not excellent. Like, you need to take pride in your performance, which means you need to practice. You need to, like, this is my opinion, I'm gonna let you do whatever you want. But really, don't hang your hat on the fact that you're fantastic at the thing they're paying you to do.

• 33:59Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  You wanna be exceptional? Be fucking fantastic at the things no one pays you to do. What made me an extraordinary force on the corporate circuit, and what has earned me extraordinary amounts of money, is, yes, there is, in my opinion, almost no one better. I don't know of anyone better onstage. And I'm sure there's extraordinary people out there, but I will claim that for myself for sure. Category of one of one when it comes to what I do. But I know for sure there's no one better when it comes to what I do offstage.

• 34:41Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  Because I learned very quickly that it's the little things that you do that make people feel taken care of, that then make people want to work with you, that make people want to hire you. And I'll give you a simple example. When I would land,

• 35:01Speaker 00

  like, when I was doing 115 speeches a year, Starbucks, JP Morgan, Microsoft, like, on and on and on and on, from one event to the other event, to this event, to that event. 30,000 people, 100 people with a CEO retreat, this one. Every time I landed in a new city, I would always text the event planner, not the CEO, not the person that hired me. I would text the event planner, a fun selfie of me getting off the plane. I'm here, thank you, excited to see you. And you know what that did? That immediately made the person who is responsible for tracking me and who is responsible for managing a million things, love me.

• 35:41Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Because I just took one thing off their list and made their job easy.

• 35:47Speaker 00

  And when you do that, guess what people do? They hire you again. They recommend you. And people are obsessed with the people up here when you need to be amazing with the people that serve the people up here. Because those are the folks that have the power.

• 36:03Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  Those are the ones that get everything done. And it is the exact same principle if you want to grow a social media audience.

• 36:10Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 36:10Speaker 00

  It's responding to comments. It's actually tracking your name or your brand and going to their account and responding. That is the exact same thing that I was doing in person in the speaking business.

• 36:24Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 00

  And so those are examples of how there are little things that I'm obsessive about. Like, everybody in my company on a production day actually wears name tags. Because I used to host a daytime talk show. I've been at a bazillion events. It's impossible to remember people's names.

• 36:41Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 00

  And so when you walk into 143 Studios in downtown Boston, you're gonna walk into 25 people. We're gonna stand up and welcome you together. Everybody has a name tag. Why? Because I want you to feel at ease. I want you to feel comfortable. I want the people that work for me to feel seen and recognized.

• 36:59Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  When you're done with the podcast and we walk out, you get a standing ovation. Because we're grateful that you're here.

• 37:05Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  And so every tiny little thing I do is with intention on making a particular type of impact. And so there are stages to this. I mean, first, you gotta get started. Second, you gotta learn how to just keep going. Because the other thing that is a skill is stamina.

• 37:24Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  I believe that success is as much about not quitting.

• 37:29Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  As anything else.

• 37:31Hala Taha?

  Totally.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  As anything else. And you know, it may surprise everybody, it may surprise you to learn that, you know, with this book, The Let Them Theory, this is truly the first time that I've had a major moment.

• 37:45Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 37:45Speaker 00

  In terms of the normal press cycle. I have a lot of friends, because I'm in mastermind groups.

• 37:52Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  And you actually represent and sell ads and do brand partnerships for a lot of my friends. And that's another thing I'm going to tell you that has been a secret to success. And it's that the very people you're competing against should be your closest friends.

• 38:09Hala Taha?

  Yep. It's so true.

• 38:12Speaker 00

  Why do you believe that's true?

• 38:14Hala Taha?

  Because I feel like they'll, you know, when you reach higher levels, people aren't actually that competitive. They're more collaborative. They want to help you and you guys can help each other. And so I felt like working closely with the people that are my competitors is the quickest way to just get ahead.

• 38:31Speaker 00

  That, and I think it's true at any level. We're just so insecure when we're getting started, that we don't think we have anything to offer.

• 38:41Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  And the truth is, your family has no idea what you're doing. Your friends don't understand what you're doing. And the people that you think you're competing with are the only people on the planet that get it.

• 38:54Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  And so the very people that you're distancing yourselves from should be your closest allies.

• 39:02Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 39:02Speaker 00

  Because otherwise, you are going to feel alone.

• 39:04Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 39:05Speaker 00

  Because your family's not in this business, so they don't understand the stress. Your friends don't share the same aspirations, so they don't know what you're going through.

• 39:15Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  But the people at your same level, like, this is your squad.

• 39:20Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  Because they get it.

• 39:22Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 39:22Speaker 00

  And, you know, honestly, that's why I'm so excited about The Let Them Theory and the things that I'm talking about now, because for far too long, for far too long, I would look at people that I admired, like Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes and Jenna Kutcher and Amy Porterfield and Trent Shelton. And I would go, oh, oh, well, you know, they've already done a podcast. I guess I can't do one.

• 39:46Hala Taha?

  Hmm.

• 39:47Speaker 00

  Or they're super successful. They're in competition with me. And what I have learned too late, I'm so happy I understand this and I'm thrilled for you as you're listening to us to really embrace what I'm about to tell you. Success is in limitless supply. Happiness, friendship, all of these things, money, Lamborghinis, they're in limitless supply. No other human being is blocking your way. In fact, they're leading the way.

• 40:20Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 40:21Speaker 00

  And if you have a insecure and jealous and competitive and comparison attitude,

• 40:30Speaker 00

  you will turn other people into the biggest excuse for why you can't do what you need to do.

• 40:37Hala Taha?

  Yes.

• 40:38Speaker 00

  And it is a joke. Because the only person, because there's only one person that can actually block your way, and it's you.

• 40:47Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 00

  And so, learning how to let other people be successful, and let other people be rich, and let other people figure it out, and let them get engaged, and let them have babies, and let them have a million dollars in the bank, and let them do this, and let them do that, you're just letting them lead the way.

• 41:04Hala Taha?

  Totally. Let's move on to the let them theory, because I can't wait to dive into this. So, first leg of your career, you really were all about self-improvement.

• 41:14Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:14Hala Taha?

  Internal improvement.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:15Hala Taha?

  Now, we're focused on external relationships.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 41:19Hala Taha?

  And kind of how to manage relationships. So, you had this post last year, about a year ago, that went massively viral, where you first introduced the topic. What did you say in that post, and why do you think it was such a phenomenon?

• 41:31Speaker 00

  So, I put up a video, gosh, it was like 18 months ago. And I basically was sharing about something I had just stumbled on, because I was being a micromanaging parent at my son's prom. And my middle daughter was home from college, and you know, like when your mom's being like super annoying?

• 41:53Hala Taha?

  Yes.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  And you're like, god damn, you're embarrassed, like, just, geez, mom. I was getting like that. Well, we've all been there, right? And it's just a stupid, and my daughter reaches out and grabs my arm and yanks me towards her and says, "Mom, stop it, like, you're being so annoying, like, let them, let them."

• 42:14Speaker 00

  You know, let them run in the rain, let them eat where they want, let them do this. And she just kept saying, let them, let them, let them. And it was weird, it just like hit me. Like a ton of bricks. Why am I worried about this? Why am I stressing about this? And for the next couple of days, anytime somebody was pissing me off or annoying me, or I saw somebody do something online that made me feel jealous, or you know, somebody did something that made the guilt rise up, I just started saying, let them. You know, standing in line at a store? And there's five people in front of you? Beep, beep, beep.

• 42:57Speaker 00

  There's only one cashier? No one's coming to the other lines? How do you feel in that moment?

• 43:03Hala Taha?

  Stressed.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then what do you do?

• 43:06Hala Taha?

  Puff and puff, maybe say something under your breath.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm. You think you can run the grocery store better than the people running it? Uh-huh. And all along, while that's happening, do you know what's happening? You're actually allowing something to drain your life force.

• 43:22Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 43:23Speaker 00

  And you are wasting time. And you are allowing something that's out of your control to steal your time and energy and blind you to the fact that even in moments where you feel stressed out, or hurt, or you're worried, or you're scared, that there is always something in your control. And what's in your control is never out there, ever. There's one thing in life you can never control, it's other people. You can't control what they think, you can't control what they do, you can't control the timeline upon which they change, if they change at all. You can't control if they're gonna love you, you can't, you cannot control another human being, and yet we try. And it's the greatest source of frustration in your life.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  But if you turn it back, you'll see there's three fingers always pointing back at you when you point at somebody else, because there are three things that are always in your control. You can always control what you think about what's happening. You can always control what you choose to do or not do. And you can always control how you process your emotions.

• 44:31Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  Whether you will let them just run you over. And then you send that text or have you ever crafted one of those emails like single spaced? And it's like super long and you take like 90 minutes, you're like send.

• 44:42Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 44:42Speaker 00

  That never solves anything.

• 44:46Speaker 00

  You always get to choose how you respond. And that's how you take responsibility for your life. And let's talk about responsibility. It's the ability to respond.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  That's what taking responsibility means.

• 44:57Hala Taha?

  You give such a great example about being left out on a girl's trip. I had this happen to me a couple of years ago. My high school best friends, they all went on a beach trip. And I was really hurt. I had a boyfriend that I was really focused on. And so we weren't spending as much time together, but I still considered them my best friends. And I was so hurt and I went about it in the worst way.

• 45:19Speaker 00

  What'd you do?

• 45:20Hala Taha?

  I was a victim. I wrote everybody a text like, what happened?

• 45:24Speaker 00

  What did they say?

• 45:26Hala Taha?

  They were just like, you're always busy. We just, we didn't even think about it. Like, what do you care? We're allowed to make plans. And it made me look like a victim and I took all my power away. So I'd love for you to explain the let them theory of how we can actually use this to make our, like to take back our power.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a great example. And being hurt because you're not included is a sign that you're mentally well. It's what you do with that

• 45:56Speaker 00

  that dictates your experience of life. And like you, all too often, when I have either been left out of something or people didn't even think of me because I haven't been around, because I've been busy building a business. So why would they think of me? Or if it's when I see somebody else succeeding. And then I feel sorry for myself. Right? Feeling those things is normal. It's what you do next that matters. So the let them theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered. I'm so excited for you to implement this. Seriously, like I am a changed human being. I've never felt more peaceful and powerful. So what is the let them theory? It is a simple mindset tool that shows you immediately what is in your control

• 46:42Speaker 00

  and what is not in your control. And here's how you use it. There's two steps. Anytime that you are in a situation where you're starting to feel stressed out, or you're starting to get pissed off, or you're hurt, or you're annoyed, or you're getting clingy, or you're becoming a victim, or you're feeling the rage come up, you're gonna say, "Let them." That's step one. When you say "let them," you detach from what's happening. And you recognize that I can't control this person, what they think, say, or do, or feel, or I can't control what's happening with traffic right now. So I am gonna let them. And when you say "let them," a couple of things happen. First of all, you get this rush of superiority.

• 47:23Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 47:24Speaker 00

  Because it's like you're going, "I see what's happening, and I value my time and energy, and I know I'm not gonna waste it trying to manage this situation, or allowing this person, or this situation to impact me negatively. I'm gonna let them." And so, it's amazing, because you detach. And then the second step is you say "let me." And this is the most powerful part, because this is where you take your power back.

• 47:49Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  When you, when you say "let me," you then remind yourself that there's always something in your control. And what's always in your control are the three things. I can choose what to think about this, I can choose how to respond to this, or not. And I can choose what I'm gonna do with my emotions. And the uses are just endless, because we live in a moment in time where everything feels out of control. And people are stressed out, and people are acting in really inconsiderate and dismissive ways, and people are super emotionally immature. Let them.

• 48:27Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 00

  Because so are you. We all are right now. And when you say "let them," it's not like an "F you." It's really about giving people grace and space, and also putting up a boundary and reminding yourself, it's not your job to make people happy. It's not your job to manage other people's stress. It's not your job to make sure that everybody's expectations are met. It's not your job to run a grocery store. Your job is to focus on taking actions that really align with your values and your priorities. And your job is to think in a way that makes you feel good. I'll give you a quick example. We were in an elevator this morning, and the thing got stuck between the 11th and 12th floor.

• 49:11Speaker 00

  I was in there for 50 minutes.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  And the fire department had to come, but it was a good 15 minutes before anybody came to do anything. And I sat there on the floor of that elevator and I kept saying, let them, let them take a long time, let them figure this out. And let me remind myself that the only thing I can control right now is just like staying calm and sitting on the floor and thinking that this is gonna be okay. Let them. And it worked. And so in your business, let's just take everybody that listens to you, right? I want you to think about that moment where you are posting something on social media. And you go and you pick the reel or you pick the photo, right? And then what do

• 50:00Speaker 00

  you do? Then you're like, oh, should it be that? Should it be this? And then you put a filter on, and then you take the filter off, and then you size it, and then you say, and it's one thing to do this because you have a business strategy, and you're thinking about your business strategy. It's another thing to do this. And then when you start to write the caption, you're like, is this too much? Should I put in emoji? Is that CTA too bad, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you start to question, for who? For who? Before you even post something, what are you doing? You're giving power to what other people are going to think and do in response to what you're about to post. And by the way, you have no control over what they think and do in response. And so instead of managing it, I have a different approach. Let them think something

• 50:44Speaker 00

  negative. Let them unfollow you. Let them judge you. Let them roll your eyes, because I got news for you. You need to use the let me part. Let me remind myself that my social media is for me. My social media is for my business. My social media is my self-expression. It's not for my family or my freaking friends from college, or my brother, or my sister, or my, my social media is for me. Let me express myself. Let me market my business. Let me show up and put this reel out, even though I'm kind of nervous. Feeling nervous about something that you care about is a sign that you care about it. It's not a sign that things aren't gonna go well. And so by saying

• 51:29Speaker 00

  let them, it's extraordinary what's happened in my life.

• 51:34Hala Taha?

  So let them is all about releasing control.

• 51:38Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 51:38Hala Taha?

  Keeping your peace.

• 51:39Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 51:41Hala Taha?

  Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with? Because I think a lot of it comes from a good place. And I also think entrepreneurs are especially controlling.

• 51:50Speaker 00

  Absolutely. So it's going to be a dance because you like, you're never going to get rid of the need of trying to control things. It is a hardwired survival instinct and it kind of makes sense, right? Because if you're in control of what you're thinking and you're in control of your decisions and you're in control of your environment and you're in control of your spending and you're in control of your marketing platform and your strategy that you're doing, then you feel safe. You feel confident. You feel good. Here's the problem. That if you do something that makes me worried or upset, guess what? Now I feel like I'm out of control. And here's where we make the mistake. I then go to try to control you.

• 52:35Speaker 00

  But the problem is you have a hardwired need to be in control of yourself too. And so I go to push against you, which means you're hardwired to push back because you are wired to control what you're doing. And this is one of the biggest things that you're going to learn in reading the let them theory, just using it in your life, is that

• 52:57Speaker 00

  pushing other people and expecting other people to change, trying to motivate other people to change, it actually doesn't create change. It creates resistance to change. There is one thing on this planet you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to control, and that's whether or not another person changes. Because people only change when they're ready to change. And people only are ready to change when they're ready to do the very hard work to change. And this presents another problem. And see, I've been working against the fundamental wiring of human beings for 54 years. It was learning to say let them and let me that taught me how to work with

• 53:40Speaker 00

  the laws of human nature and with brain wire. Let's just talk about how people change.

• 53:46Hala Taha?

  Okay.

• 53:47Speaker 00

  We are hardwired to move toward what's easy. Hardwired. It's why we sit on the couch instead of going to the gym. It's why you sit and watch other people's content instead of posting your own. Because if it were easy to do it, everybody would have a million dollars. And that's why you gotta learn how to take action even when it feels hard. See, nobody gets sober until being drunk is harder than doing the work to change. Because it takes work. And we know this, and yet when we're looking at somebody and we're like, you're not working hard enough. Why aren't you getting better grades? How come you haven't gotten a better job? Why haven't you started this business? We forget that if it were easy, they'd already be doing it.

• 54:31Speaker 00

  And so the let them theory and saying, let them, let them struggle. Let them be unmotivated. Let them judge your choices. Let them be confronted by the fact that you're now super interested in fitness and entrepreneurship. And they're questioning why you don't drink all the time. Let them.

• 54:49Speaker 00

  And then let me remind myself that I get to choose what's a priority for me. And so you will start to learn that the more time you spend expecting other people to change, the more frustrated you're gonna get. And the more that you say, let them, and you learn to let people be who they are. And let them have their questions and let them change on their own timeline. And let them not be interested in the same things that you're interested in. Learn how to love people exactly as they are and exactly as they aren't. The better your relationships are gonna get.

• 55:21Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 55:22Speaker 00

  It's really so simple. And it's beautiful because it creates space where the people in your life get to be who they are.

• 55:32Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 55:33Speaker 00

  And you get to focus on yourself, not like you're out of my life, but as a responsible adult. And the let me part is all about you taking responsibility for acting in a way that you value. So let me talk about another thing that's that happens a lot in business.

• 55:51Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 55:51Speaker 00

  So as you're growing your business, you're gonna start to find conflict.

• 55:55Hala Taha?

  Totally.

• 55:56Speaker 00

  Between what your friends and family want you to do. And what your business partners want you to do. And a lot of people really start to struggle when they feel like business partners are disappointed, that you can't show up at something, or your family or friends are disappointed that you're not around as much. You need to say, let them. Let them be disappointed. And here's why. Isn't it a wonderful thing if your business partner is disappointed that you can't show up for something? Doesn't that mean they want you there?

• 56:27Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 56:28Speaker 00

  I mean, we're so afraid of it, and yet, what's the alternative? I don't want her there. She's like horrible. Same thing with your parents or your friends. If you're not able to show up because you've been just focused on entrepreneur, let them be disappointed. It means they love you and they wish you were there. That doesn't mean you have to change.

• 56:46Hala Taha?

  Can I ask you another question about business? So as I was internalizing the let them theory, I kept thinking about, well, what about if I have like a bad employee?

• 56:54Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm. Let them be bad.

• 56:57Hala Taha?

  Let them get fired?

• 56:59Speaker 00

  Well, here's the thing. First of all, you can't control them. So you need to let them reveal who they are. But then here comes the hard part in business. Let me, let me be honest with myself. Have I actually been clear about my expectations? Probably not. Have I explained what I think the outcome is that is successful? Probably not. Probably not. Am I micromanaging everybody because I don't explain what I want and the outcomes that you can measure success by? And since I have not done that, I constantly question everybody. So I swoop in and I micromanage, which only trains your team that you don't trust them,

• 57:41Speaker 00

  which makes your team feel like they can't make a decision because you're going to come in and override everything anyway, which creates paralysis in your organization. If you have a failing employee, it is usually because you have broken process, or you have unclear communication and expectations, or there is a missing skill set in the seat, and they're in the wrong seat. And unless you, as the leader, take full responsibility for your part, which most entrepreneurs, most entrepreneurs are the shittiest operators on the planet.

• 58:15Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 58:16Speaker 00

  I happen to be one of them. I, like, no, I'm serious. Like, there's... You are in entrepreneurship because entrepreneurship is artistry. It's creation. That is not the same thing as rhythm, systems, and operations, and clear communication. In fact, it's the opposite. And so your energy and your talent will create something. And then you will realize that you've created something and have zero systems and zero like standard business operating principles. You have no like outcomes and key results that you're measuring. And so people don't know what success looks like.

• 58:58Speaker 00

  And if you only measure success based on dollars in the bank or the number of views on a podcast episode, that is something you cannot control. You have to, as the leader, let me take responsibility for my job, which is to actually create an environment where people can succeed. And if people don't have clear outlines of what they own, if they don't have clear outlines of what is going to make them successful, and if they don't have the freedom, let them to execute against that in the way that actually gives them self-expression, they will hate working for you.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  And your business will not do as well as it can. It always comes back to you. And so, yes, let them reveal that they're not doing a good job, but then instead of doing this, they suck. First, say, do I suck?

• 59:49Hala Taha?

  Exactly.

• 59:50Speaker 00

  Because chances are you do. And I definitely do. Like, I, if I am not behind a microphone or creating content or doing business development, which by the way, is a form of creating content and artistry, because everything that I do is about expansion and intention. If I'm not doing one of those three seats, I'm not in the right seat in my business. And I am the problem.

• 1:00:15Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 1:00:15Speaker 00

  The business, my folks that work for me, they're not the problem. I'm the problem. And so I choose, as the leader, that my, my business coach, David Gerbitz, always says, leaders bring the weather. And if you have a stressed out and a kind of panic, emergency type culture, that's because of you.

• 1:00:37Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:00:38Speaker 00

  You bring the rain or you bring the sun. And by the way, your energy and whether or not you take the time to make sure people feel supported and to make sure they know the things are doing right. And to give them the tools and the skills that they need to succeed on the things that aren't going well. If you don't do that, then you're not a good leader.

• 1:00:55Hala Taha?

  Yeah. So at Yap, we've been around for six years now.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  Great.

• 1:00:59Hala Taha?

  Had lots of, you know, growing pains, but now we really do have like an amazing onboarding process, KPIs, all those things. I have managers and a COO that helps me and everything like that. And sometimes there are people that just can't get up to speed.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  Great. Then let them not get up to speed and then let me give very direct feedback quickly. And don't dance around it with the positivity sandwich. The way you have that is directly with respect. You basically say this is not going to be a fun conversation. And I was hoping that things were going to go very differently. And I have very high standards. And this is a 19 word sentence that you're going to steal. That has been researched at Yale and Harvard. It's called the magic sentence, 19 words. I have very high expectations for this team and I believe you can meet them. And that's why I'm going to tell you this feedback. And then you tell them the feedback and you let them. Because what somebody does with that feedback, that's what they control.

• 1:02:00Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:01Speaker 00

  You actually having the courage to deliver feedback. See, I actually think it's cruel to not tell somebody.

• 1:02:08Hala Taha?

  Exactly.

• 1:02:08Speaker 00

  They're not performing.

• 1:02:09Hala Taha?

  They don't grow if you don't.

• 1:02:10Speaker 00

  Well, it's not about them. Do you want to be in an organization where people think you suck?

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  And they talk about you in a conference room? Of course not. So why would you do that to somebody and not address it?

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  People know when they're not thriving. In fact, I personally believe the hardest working person in the company is the one who's not doing well. Because they're in conflict with themselves.

• 1:02:37Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Speaker 00

  And they know it. And you are either the kind of leader who has this bullshit, toxic male kind of mentality of "Oohhhhh", you know, or you take responsibility as a leader to create an environment in which people can thrive.

• 1:02:53Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:53Speaker 00

  And if people are not doing well and they're not meeting expectations, before you start barking about or labeling people, which is toxic behavior on your part, take a moment and ask yourself critically, "Let me ask myself, have I actually explained the outcomes that measure success? Have I actually explained what I expect? Have I actually given somebody all the information that they need in order to succeed? Do I even know what skills are required for this job? Or am I just throwing somebody into the fire and then judging the shit out of them when they can't get the job done? Because if you can't answer those questions for yourself, then you're not the good leader. And no one's going to succeed in that role. And look, there are times where people overestimate their qualifications. And then they get in a seat and they don't have the skills.

• 1:03:38Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Speaker 00

  Let them. Let them. And don't overcompensate. And fix everything and step in and solve the problems. Let people fail because if you don't, you won't see where there's process missing. You won't see where there's a skill level missing. And you won't see where you actually are the issue because you haven't created an environment for people to succeed.

• 1:04:05Hala Taha?

  Yeah. Talk about how letting them actually helps them.

• 1:04:10Speaker 00

  Yes. So first of all, I personally feel, and this goes with people in your life that are struggling too, absolutely anybody can get better. And what's needed is the belief that you can.

• 1:04:25Speaker 00

  And just a simple roadmap of what you need to do. And so at work, what often happens is that people start to feel very discouraged because you know when you're not a person that people go to on the team. You know when things feel off, you know when you're getting passed over, you know when people micromanage you and you know when people don't actually trust your work. And so I personally think that person can still do incredible work in the right environment. And what was the question? I'm sorry, my like.

• 1:04:59Hala Taha?

  How do you, how do you let, why is it beneficial for them?

• 1:05:05Speaker 00

  Because at the end of the day, feeling like somebody believes in your ability to get better creates the space for you to get better. If somebody has a respect for you to say, I'm going to give you this feedback and this isn't going to be a fun conversation, not my favorite thing to talk about, but I'm doing it because I actually have high standards for this team and I believe you can have them. To me, that's you saying, I see you. We both know you're not like meeting the standards here and what else did I say? I think you can meet them. This team is special. Now I'm appealing to your desire to succeed. I'm appealing, I'm appealing to the potential that you know is inside you. I choose to believe that people do well when they can.

• 1:05:49Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 1:05:50Speaker 00

  And if somebody in your team or in your family or in your life isn't doing well, then it's because there's something missing that's making it so they can't. And it's almost never willpower. It's usually something small.

• 1:06:07Hala Taha?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08Speaker 00

  It's usually just clear communication. Or identifying the skill that would be helpful. Or partnering them with somebody so that you create an environment where they can succeed. And people also need to feel enough space and acceptance and dignity so that you feel like the change is your idea.

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  Not that it's getting shoved down your throat.

• 1:06:33Hala Taha?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:06:34Speaker 00

  Because nobody wants to change if they know, if you know, they know that you're gonna say, see, I told you so. And that's a critical part of this, that when you say let them, you're not allowing people to fail, you're actually creating the space for somebody to succeed. But the first step is that you have to give people the space and the honesty to make it their decision. And the other thing that the let them theory is not, is it's not allowing somebody to walk all over you. It's not allowing somebody to treat you poorly because you're already doing that. When you say let them, you detach and you see somebody, probably for the first time, exactly as they are and exactly as they aren't.

• 1:07:17Speaker 00

  And you stop doing something, you stop making excuses and you stop living in the fantasy and the potential. And you actually live in the reality. You know, as I'm going through this kind of phase of just like this next leveling up in my business, I realize it's on me to level up my expectations of myself. It's on me to get clearer in my communication. It's on me to focus on what's truly important and delete everything that's not. Because another huge thing in business is that if everything's important, nothing is. And you cannot allow someone else's emergencies to become your emergency.

• 1:07:54Hala Taha?

  Yep.

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  You cannot allow somebody else's priority to become your priority. Everything that somebody else is asking of you in business is an opportunity.

• 1:08:06Speaker 00

  But you have to get out of reactive mode and get into responding mode. Because it's only in doing that, that you will actually be intentional and focused. And you will truly be strategic about what actually deserves your time and what doesn't. Because not everything in business does.

• 1:08:26Hala Taha?

  Mel, I would, I'd love to talk to you about this forever, but we're running out of time. And I did want to tell everybody that I read The Let Them Theory and I feel like it was so impactful for me. I know that people have it tattooed on their arms. It's been so helpful for so many people around the world. By the time this comes out, your book will be out. So I highly recommend that everybody go get it. So I end my show with two questions that I ask all my guests. First, what is one actionable thing our young and profiteers can do today to become more profitable tomorrow?

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  Let them. Let them. Because all that time and energy and power that you're giving to other people, as soon as you say let them, and then you say let me, you actually take that power back and you start to protect your time and energy. And that's what you need to be profitable and successful.

• 1:09:13Hala Taha?

  And there's so much that we didn't get to cover today, guys. She's got so many great stories, so many great, like, so much research in her book about this. Definitely recommend it. What is your secret to profiting in life? And this can go beyond business and financial.

• 1:09:28Speaker 00

  Saying no.

• 1:09:32Speaker 00

  It's way more important to say no. Because every time you say no, you're actually saying yes to what matters.

• 1:09:37Hala Taha?

  Love that. And where can everybody find you and everything that you do?

• 1:09:41Speaker 00

  You can find me right here, in this conversation, right now. And one of the most important things you can do is take this conversation and send it to somebody that you care deeply about, because you know you feel inspired, you know you got tools. And one of the best things that you can do to build your relationships and connections, which you need in business, and you need for profit, and you need to be successful, is to actually be generous. And so be generous with the information that you just got today, because it will make a difference in somebody else's life.

• 1:10:08Hala Taha?

  I feel like this is just like a masterclass in business and your life stories. So thank you so much for joining us today.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  I'm really proud of you.

• 1:10:14Hala Taha?

  Thank you.

• 1:10:15Speaker 00

  Congratulations for everything that you do and for the lives that you impact and the difference that you're making.

• 1:10:20Hala Taha?

  Thank you.

• 1:10:21Speaker 00

  You're welcome.

• 1:10:21Hala Taha?

  Well, guys, what an incredible conversation with Mel Robbins. I always feel so energized after hearing her speak. Her warmth and relatability shine through in everything that she does. And she's just so good at distilling complex ideas into simple, practical advice. And she reminded us, you just get one life and nobody else is coming to save you. And nobody's going to do the work for you or help you get out of your own way. You are the only one who can do that. But you don't have to just have it all figured out to get started. You just have to commit to starting. And like Mel said, if you can do that, then you might as well be just one decision away from a completely different life. And it's never too late to get started. There's no fixed timeline for this. Mel was in her late 40s before things really took off for her.

• 1:11:05Hala Taha?

  But she got out of bed every single day and made sure that she made things happen. And you can do the same. You have to be realistic, though, and as hard as it is for us entrepreneurs to hear this, the fact is, there are some things we just cannot control. And that starts with other people. You are just wasting your own precious time and energy if you're trying to control what other people think, say, or do. You can't do it. And to help us get out of this habit of trying to just do that, Mel has a simple two-step solution. First, say, "Let them." Detach yourself from the situation and just let that person do what they're doing, even if it's annoying, frustrating, or stupid. Let them do it. Then take back your own power by saying, "Let me." Figure out what you can control.

• 1:11:47Hala Taha?

  And one thing you can always control in a situation is your own reaction to it. All right, gang, thank you so much for choosing to spend your time listening to this conversation. But like Mel said, it's not enough to just listen, learn, and then go back to business as usual. You've got to take these insights and these tools and then turn them into action. So what are you waiting for? Go get started. Make that one small decision that could change the rest of your life. Thanks for tuning in to this Yap Live episode of Young and Profiting Podcast. If Mel Robbins just dropped some serious truth bombs that hit you right in the feels, or if you're walking away with that aha moment energy, then I need you to do something for me right now. Share this episode with somebody who needs to hear Mel's message today, whether it's your

• 1:12:30Hala Taha?

  Friends or family, tag them, text them, slide into their DMs, whatever it takes. We're building something incredible here at Yap and every single share helps us reach another person who might desperately need to hear exactly what we talked about today. And here's some exciting news. Yap Live episodes are now available on Spotify Video. If you're loving these live conversations and all the unfiltered moments that come with them, please drop us a five star review on Spotify. I literally do a happy dance every time I see a new review come in and it genuinely helps us climb the charts so more people can discover these conversations. And if you're not already watching us on YouTube, head over there now. I have almost 60,000 subscribers on YouTube, which is incredible. Thank you guys so much

• 1:13:11Hala Taha?

  for supporting the show. Just search Young and Profiting and you'll find all of our live and in-person episodes waiting for you over there. You guys can also find me getting way too personal on Instagram. If you want a glimpse into my life, it's @yapwithhala or connect with me in a more professional manner on LinkedIn. Just search my name, it's Halataha. And I always read and respond to my messages, so don't be shy and reach out to me on DM. And before I sign off, as always, I've got to give a massive shout out to my incredible Yap team. You guys are absolute rock stars and I honestly don't know how you put up with all my crazy ideas and last minute changes. I love you guys so much. Thank you for all your hard work. Until next time, keep learning and keep on profiting. This is your host, Halataha, AKA The Podcast Princess, signing off.