[REDACTED] Is In The Epstein Files?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 848

SPONSORS: Go to https://Quince.com/mom for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Switch now at https://MINTMOBILE.com/mom. Head to https://factormeals.com/ymh50off and use code ymh50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to https://Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Check out the world premiere of "Manhood" at SXSW this March https://Schedule.sxsw.com/2026/films/... For more information on "Manhood" and Outerboro Films visit https://Outerboro.tv Tom Segura joins Christina P via Zoom this week and the mommies waste no time getting completely stupid. This episode has it all: the absolutely unhinged viral Nicole Curtis “fart n-word” clip, a fresh dose of Safety Larry doing what Safety Larry does best, and Fancy Chef stepping into the pizza review game like a true culinary king, and a revelation about a certain comedian being in the Epstein files that that us laughing our shirts off. Plus the mommies get horrible or hilarious, shame some TikTards, and update each other on their respective periods. Keep featherin’ it, follow proto, and enjoy the slop. Your Mom’s House Ep. 848 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:11 - Tom's Cute Face 00:07:03 - Hamster Funeral 00:16:04 - Opening Clip: Fart N-Word 00:27:38 - Period Update 00:28:52 - [Redacted] Is In The Epstein Files 00:30:52 - Safety Larry 00:44:34 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:49:21 - Dick Doc + Heated Rivalry 00:51:18 - Fancy Chef Pizza Review 00:55:08 - Clip: My White Stuff 00:56:07 - TikToks 01:03:59 - Wrap Up 01:04:34 - Closing Song - "Cucumber" by Ramsay McQueen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Tom Segura?

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• 0:53Tom Segura?

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• 1:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, look at that face!

• 1:14Tom Segura?

  Yes ma'am!

• 1:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  How you doing, Fart N Word?

• 1:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope we were rolling. Um, how great is Fart N Word? I can't stop watching it. I've been watching it.

• 1:29Tom Segura?

  There's so many people that haven't seen it, you know?

• 1:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  We have to share.

• 1:35Tom Segura?

  I think they're probably just going like, "Well, I have it. If you want me to share it, I will."

• 1:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, your face looks great.

• 1:45Tom Segura?

  Does it?

• 1:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your face looks great. You got great... Look at that pretty mouth. I never get to see that.

• 1:55Tom Segura?

  I know, it's so strange to me.

• 1:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have like such a pretty face.

• 1:59Tom Segura?

  You think I'm a pretty lady?

• 2:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I don't. How much of a storm do you think you're gonna cause on the interwebs for not having a beard right now? Do you feel like it's all people are talking about? Is it bigger...

• 2:10Tom Segura?

  Well, in our world...

• 2:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it bigger than Fart N Word?

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  It's not bigger than Fart N Word. No.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 2:20Tom Segura?

  I don't. What is what?

• 2:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't know fart N?

• 2:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, no, let's not even, hold on, buddy.

• 2:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what? No, I don't.

• 2:27Tom Segura?

  Let's save it. Yeah. Don't give it away.

• 2:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is so great. Okay. Okay.

• 2:34Tom Segura?

  It's a great. Question is a great lost look on your face. Can you like, can I learn about this too?

• 2:45Tom Segura?

  Hey, I got, I got, I got a question.

• 2:50Tom Segura?

  Before we go any further, could you give me some insight into what fart Edward is?

• 2:58Speaker 02

  I just feel like I might be behind on this one.

• 3:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You are, and I've been dying to talk to you about it.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  Oh, lovely.

• 3:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta weigh in.

• 3:05Tom Segura?

  And it's gotta, it's gotta enter the lexicon for sure. I hope it does on a national level, but at least in the office, you know?

• 3:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do we have it as an ISO? As a drop?

• 3:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, I, I got you. I got you.

• 3:23Tom Segura?

  We're rolling, right?

• 3:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're in.

• 3:27Tom Segura?

  Okay, good.

• 3:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, what's wrong with your face?

• 3:29Tom Segura?

  Well, what's wrong with my face is the same thing that was wrong with my face last time this happened, which is that I am shooting bad thoughts. Season two at the moment, and there's always a point when they go, hey, for this character, you can't have a beard, and it changes everything.

• 3:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  They them.

• 3:46Tom Segura?

  So, yeah. I'm beardless. It is stunning to my. Thanks. Every time I walk by a mirror, I go, oh, Jesus Christ. And I forget all day that you just forget. And then, yeah, then you're reminded of it.

• 4:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, that's fun.

• 4:02Tom Segura?

  But, you know, people have been nice in person. I'm sure the internet will be different, but in-person people are nice. Yeah.

• 4:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, can I, I, I'd like to plug my two stand-up dates while I have the audience enraptured with me.

• 4:15Tom Segura?

  Please.

• 4:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  April 24th. Uh, and 25th, I'm gonna be in Irving, Texas, which is really just another word for Dallas. And then Comedy Vex, yes, it does. Comedy and Prayer, May 4th, is that May 14 through 16? Denver Comedy Vex. And then I had to move my Chicago to September. Get your tickets now, ChristinaP.com. They're moving fast. It's really exciting. You guys are gonna get to hear.

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  Comedy Works is just the best, dude.

• 4:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It.

• 4:42Tom Segura?

  And I'm happy for you. You're going, you're going back. You're back on the road, dude.

• 4:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Comedy Works, yes, it does.

• 4:47Tom Segura?

  Comedy and Prayer.

• 4:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm happy for me too, because I'm bored. It's time to go out and tell fart jokes to the public, you know? You all right?

• 4:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I spilled. I didn't have a beard, so it just spilled all over my face. I used to just let it sit in my beard and then I lick my beard, but that time it spilled.

• 5:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you feel the lack of smells around your mouth and nose now?

• 5:10Tom Segura?

  Yes. Yeah. And this really, you know what this really makes me think about more? Is getting the hair around my asshole lasered off.

• 5:22Tom Segura?

  Cause all, every day, here's what happens every day. I take a shit and it's like shitting on the top of your head. Imagine if you shit out of the top of your head and then somebody gave you some tissue paper and was like, just clean it up.

• 5:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:38Tom Segura?

  You wonder why I'm in the bathroom for 25 minutes? It's because I'm cleaning up the hair on the top of your head.

• 5:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but then everybody's like, oh, Christina, why don't you lick Tom's boat hole? Why don't you put your fingers in there? Well, maybe it's because of that.

• 5:52Tom Segura?

  Fair, fair point.

• 5:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So do you think you really will? I think you should.

• 5:57Tom Segura?

  I want to do the laser. I want to laser around the hole.

• 6:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what are you? You're almost 50. You've got 10 good years left of your life before you drop dead. I think you should do it. You should enjoy the last decade of your life, hairless and smooth and clean.

• 6:13Tom Segura?

  I'm sorry, how much time?

• 6:16Tom Segura?

  Is left?

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you're a man. You guys die early.

• 6:20Tom Segura?

  I'm forty six.

• 6:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're not.

• 6:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You are? That's it? Okay, whatever. How's LA? Tell me about it.

• 6:30Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean, all I know is what the set is like. I wake up at four thirty on most days.

• 6:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:38Tom Segura?

  It's been so fun. Doing the show is fun. It's nonstop. Every day is like a new movie, basically, because it's a whole new story, obviously, a whole new script, usually a whole new character, and a completely different look. And it's it's so much fun. I mean, I have so much fun doing it. But yeah, it's it's a lot of work. And then usually you finish that and you're doing, you know, either costume fittings, or casting sessions, or producer sessions, or edit sessions. It's it's just nonstop. But thank God, it's it's fun.

• 7:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're a multi-hyphenate. You know what I'm saying?

• 7:12Tom Segura?

  I'm a choreographer. You know, man, I make music videos.

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 7:16Tom Segura?

  I'm dancing. I'm an artist. I'm a photographer. You know what I'm saying? I do real estate. Trying to get a place to live.

• 7:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Awesome.

• 7:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I do it all, baby.

• 7:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, the boys are loving your costume changes you keep sending over every night.

• 7:28Tom Segura?

  It's fun to send it to them. Did they like the reptile dealer?

• 7:35Tom Segura?

  Like, do you like him?

• 7:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, because they they couldn't even listen to him because they were so enthralled with the one prior that you sent over.

• 7:42Tom Segura?

  Ah, I got it.

• 7:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're so into that that one. So it's a whole thing.

• 7:46Tom Segura?

  Well, that one is kind of the hit of the whole thing so far.

• 7:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gonna be its own thing.

• 7:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know. People are into it. Yeah, other than that, I can't tell you much. I mean, I'm going to a rehearsal right after this.

• 8:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. Well, I've got there's a lot going on in this in your home. You want to hear about it? Or you want to do the intro first?

• 8:08Tom Segura?

  Sure, please.

• 8:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which one?

• 8:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, tell me. Oh, yeah, let's do it.

• 8:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's do the we have done the opening.

• 8:12Tom Segura?

  No, you should tell me this.

• 8:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so so just so you know.

• 8:14Tom Segura?

  You should tell me.

• 8:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  We we had a hamster.

• 8:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you done?

• 8:24Tom Segura?

  This house, that gives me a lot of allergies.

• 8:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, we had a hamster death finally in the house. I mean, everybody was like, hamsters don't live that long. I'm like, ours do forever.

• 8:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 8:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. So Sweetie, Sweetie, here's the truth of it. If you want to know what a horrible human being I am, and one day our kids are gonna watch this, it'll be fine. So Sweetie just woke up kinda sickly, you know?

• 8:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, you know, and then, and then of course I was like, should I take this thing to the vet? And I was like, no, they're just gonna be like, yeah, it's dying. And then I'm spending $500 and two hours of my life to find out that this thing is dying.

• 9:01Tom Segura?

  How does it, how does it wake up sickly? I don't understand.

• 9:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  The hamster just doesn't move. It's still not eating, not doing its stupid hamster life. So you know what I did? I, I hid the hamster in the basement and then I faked Sweetie's death.

• 9:19Tom Segura?

  Wait a minute.

• 9:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we have a whole funeral. The hamster's not even dead yet. It's dying, but it's not dead yet. But I didn't want it to be actively dying and the kids being like, take it to the vet, take it to the, put it in the hospital, you know? You know, that's how they do it. So I faked her death.

• 9:34Tom Segura?

  I'm sorry. I'm learning about this in real time. So right now, the hamster that the children believe is dead is alive?

• 9:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's actively dying in our basement, hidden away from them.

• 9:48Tom Segura?

  What do you mean hidden where?

• 9:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  In the basement.

• 9:51Tom Segura?

  It's in a drawer?

• 9:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's in a closet that they're, they don't go into. Yes, and it's dying.

• 9:56Tom Segura?

  Is somebody checking on it?

• 9:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but I can't kill it and you're not here. So you can't kill it. I can't give it a humane.

• 10:04Tom Segura?

  I don't wanna kill it.

• 10:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's gonna die. It's on its last leg. What am I supposed to do?

• 10:09Tom Segura?

  But can't you give it to, can't you give it to somebody that comes to the house and be like, hey, can you take this out of here?

• 10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, that's why I need you at home. Cause I did not think that thought.

• 10:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Hungarian in me is like, "Just put it in the closet, let it die." Like, remember that time the raccoon died in my attic? What?

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Why don't you text somebody that's at the house or coming to the house?

• 10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  And say, "Hey, can you do me a favor and take this out of the house?"

• 10:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  The dying hamster?

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know.

• 10:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like hamster hospice?

• 10:45Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 10:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wanted to give Sweetie a nice death in her own cage, is the thing. I wanted to just let her...

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Well, they can take the cage. I'm saying, take everything out of the house.

• 10:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Okay, but listen.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  And then they can...

• 10:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  They can kill it, yeah, and flush it down the toilet.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  No, they can either... No, no, no, no. They can adopt and/or take care of the hamster moving forward. There are people that come to the house that would be willing to do that.

• 11:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I honestly just wanted to bang its head against the sidewalk.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  But isn't that what you're supposed to do when they're dying? You just hammer it? And then you throw it in the fucking trash?

• 11:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what we do.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are ya? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian Do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. Youtube.com/IanFidanceComedy. Every other Tuesday, produced by YMH. I gotta rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot toot! I'll see you out there. How long you been working here?

• 12:16Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:28Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I was like, well, let's bury it. I mean, I was gonna kill it, like snap its neck and then just put it in the ground. Then, but then someone said they're like, yeah, but then animals are gonna dig it up. And then you're gonna re traumatize your kids.

• 15:13Tom Segura?

  Okay, hit up Claude.

• 15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. She'll take it and I know. So, so in the meantime, I had a tombstone, but like made for the hamster. It's in a heart and flowers. So because of the boys came home from school and I was like, sweetie is no longer with us. And the weeping and the wailing, I mean, it was like really emotional for, for one of our boys. And then we're gonna have a funeral on Saturday. Your mom and your sister are coming over and we're gonna give sweetie a proper send off. Yeah. Oh, so in the meantime, so, so Ellis has been nagging for a chameleon. And I go, well, when, when one of the hammies die, you can get a chameleon. So guess what? We got a chameleon.

• 16:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so rad.

• 16:02Tom Segura?

  Great.

• 16:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a panther chameleon. It's so, it changes colors, dude. It's so chill. It's got creepy little, we're obsessed with this thing. And we don't neglect it nearly as much as we neglect the hamsters. So now we have one hamster, two cats, a chameleon. I think that's it for now.

• 16:17Tom Segura?

  You should try to do a, maybe like a private gig for PETA next year. I think that would be a cool move. I think they would love to have you. God. All right, let's open the show.

• 16:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, my dad, I just want to tell this story real quick. My dad, when we had a, a possum die in our attic, it just died. And he, he glued the door shut to the attic. And then let the animal rot in the middle of summer.

• 16:43Tom Segura?

  Decompose in there?

• 16:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Decompose. It smells so bad. And we didn't even have an AC unit. We just had a swamp cooler.

• 16:48Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 16:51Tom Segura?

  Didn't the smell bother him?

• 16:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  The whole house reeked for the whole summer.

• 16:55Tom Segura?

  Of course it did.

• 16:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was disgusting. Flies, you could hear it.

• 16:58Tom Segura?

  He was like, "I don't want to do that."

• 16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's how I feel about the fucking hamster, though. Now I get it. Now I should, that's what I should have done to Sweetie. If I can throw her in the basement and seal it up.

• 17:06Tom Segura?

  Let's, okay, let's change. Here we go. And here you go.

• 17:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 17:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I need to pay attention.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Bye. It's my last one.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Oh, farting. What the fuck is that that I just said? Nick, you got it, you got it. Can you kill that?

• 17:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck my life.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  Who is Randy?

• 17:35Speaker 05

  Don't bring anyone loving to this. It's so good. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

• 17:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mom, beggar.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 18:28Tom Segura?

  Do you get it now, Annie?

• 18:31Speaker 02

  Uh, oh, yeah, I get it. Yeah, you guys were calling each other fart N-words. And I was just like, "Hey, what's that? Why are we, why are we saying that?"

• 18:39Tom Segura?

  Why are we saying that?

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Oh, happy to be caught up. Happy to be back. Oh. Cool, you have a little button. Great.

• 18:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't take it.

• 18:53Tom Segura?

  But do you get, do you get?

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Do I get?

• 18:56Tom Segura?

  Why that's somebody's, no, no, why that's somebody's go-to expression when they're like frustrated?

• 19:03Speaker 02

  No.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  No. No.

• 19:09Tom Segura?

  See, see, that's, that's, that's your black side. Because most white people are like, I get it.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Not cool, man. Not cool, man. The clown shit was bad enough.

• 19:26Tom Segura?

  Have a go to, no, they have a go to expression when they're frustrated sometimes.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  I hear what you're saying. I understand.

• 19:35Tom Segura?

  It's a series of words sometimes that you go like, you, you hear someone say it and you're like, I get it. You just stubbed your toe, you know, I can get it.

• 19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, don't you feel like Annie, and I, you know, the N word is unacceptable most of the time. However, when you put fart in front of it, it's kind of silly and fun, right?

• 19:54Speaker 02

  You're saying that you have said fart N word?

• 19:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I, I'm not that creative, unfortunately. I feel like-

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Just N word. Okay.

• 20:07Tom Segura?

  It makes a lot of sense.

• 20:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  But like, she had it right on deck.

• 20:11Tom Segura?

  But that's the cool thing about this clip being out there is that it is a peek into like, that is her go to-

• 20:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, it is.

• 20:19Tom Segura?

  Thing, you know?

• 20:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's like, oh my gosh, can you get rid of that?

• 20:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but that's what she does instead of like, Jesus Christ, you know? That's what she goes to.

• 20:30Tom Segura?

  And, um-

• 20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so funny.

• 20:32Tom Segura?

  Let's see, I, uh, what's her name? That is Nicole Curtis. She was filming a show where she helps families who are overwhelmed with home renovations. She'd be crane. She became frustrated with the task. Uh, once the video became public, she was immediately pulled off the air and the show was canceled.

• 20:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wrong move, y'all. You know, I think I like Nicole now. I didn't like her. I didn't know who she was. And now I'm like, all right, Nicole, I'm listening. I want to hear more. I mean, if the whole show is her coming up with these creative racial slurs, I feel like it could quadruple the ratings.

• 21:06Tom Segura?

  I will say, I personally, I mean, I spent a lot of time growing up in Florida. I went to college in North Carolina. I heard a lot of variations. I have never heard fart N word, ever.

• 21:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Neither have I.

• 21:19Tom Segura?

  Not once.

• 21:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me neither. Yeah, that is so creative.

• 21:22Tom Segura?

  I was around rednecks and I had never heard that said.

• 21:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, does she get-

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Really cool button down.

• 21:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does she get-

• 21:33Speaker 02

  That's really cool.

• 21:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does she get any sort of pass because of its creativity, or are we straight?

• 21:39Speaker 02

  I mean, look, she could say it. She could say it if she wants. I think that she didn't want to say it. So that's, you know, it's unfortunate for her.

• 21:46Tom Segura?

  She, well, to be, to be fair, she can say it and then her show was canceled. So, yeah, like, yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Anyone can say it, you just have to deal with the consequences. And she-

• 21:58Tom Segura?

  That's how it goes.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  You know?

• 22:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean-

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Maybe we could put her on our fucking network, right?

• 22:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we could, but it's not the same as it being like an HGTV show.

• 22:07Tom Segura?

  Would that be the name of her podcast?

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Fart Nicole?

• 22:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, Fart Nicole is a great podcast name.

• 22:16Tom Segura?

  I hope at least, at the very least, I hope a rapper uses that-

• 22:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god.

• 22:22Tom Segura?

  In a song.

• 22:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That would be the best part of all of this.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  That would be a really cool producer tag. Like, at the opening of every song, it's like, fart nigga.

• 22:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  That'd be pretty sick.

• 22:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, also, how much does the staff or whoever hate her that they leaked that?

• 22:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody fucking hates Nicole. Nicole's a bitch.

• 22:45Tom Segura?

  That's a really good point.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  But it seemed like-

• 22:47Tom Segura?

  That's a good point.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  But it seemed like she, she asked if they could kill, like, you know, cut that, and they said no. So was that live or something?

• 22:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 22:53Tom Segura?

  No, that's, that's from the raw-

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 22:56Tom Segura?

  Camera footage.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  But I thought it got canceled after that. So it got leaked immediately after that?

• 23:01Tom Segura?

  No, I'm just saying, whenever this was recorded, you know, this was in the raw footage, somebody dug this up and leaked this footage. An editor or a producer, yeah.

• 23:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they just, someone doesn't like Nicole.

• 23:14Tom Segura?

  Someone doesn't like-

• 23:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nicole pissed someone off.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, she must have said it a couple more times.

• 23:18Tom Segura?

  Like, there's, there's been, there's, um, accounts, stories from people from The Apprentice days that said that Trump said it many times while filming The Apprentice.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  No way.

• 23:31Tom Segura?

  But, yeah.

• 23:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish somebody would leak those.

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  Well, that was, that was the whole thing, but apparently those are super locked down because that guy, the, the show creator, he's a really famous guy, created, he created that show and a bunch of other, I think he's an Australian guy.

• 23:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a brilliant guy.

• 23:48Tom Segura?

  He's a huge, huge fan of his and has, I think, shut that possibility down. But that was, there was a lot of reports of that. It was really, it was talked about more in the 2016 campaign.

• 24:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang.

• 24:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish we could get that. Well, I can do it.

• 24:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, that's just how it goes. Sometimes you just go, oops, you know? Dagnavit, sometimes you just use an expression.

• 24:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Play it again, Tom.

• 24:15Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 24:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  The F, just a drop.

• 24:18Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  Fart.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Cool.

• 24:21Tom Segura?

  She, she did start with, she didn't know where she was gonna go. I thought she was gonna say fuck.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Oh, that's what happened.

• 24:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fart.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  That's what happened. She was gonna say fuck nigga. And then she changed the word, but not the second word.

• 24:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Her, her next, her next expression was, also showed tremendous self-awareness because it was.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Fuck my life.

• 24:47Tom Segura?

  She knows, you know? She knows.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Fuck my life.

• 24:55Tom Segura?

  Oh, Nicole.

• 24:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see the other guy, but I wanna see the other guy's expression when he, when she says it. Can we play the clip again?

• 25:01Tom Segura?

  I don't think he does much.

• 25:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He doesn't care. I think he's like, yeah, well, we all know that one around her.

• 25:05Tom Segura?

  He's actually not.

• 25:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe Nicole drops it a lot, you know, and they're so used to her saying it.

• 25:12Tom Segura?

  Cause she says it right there. See, he's not even on camera.

• 25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um.

• 25:16Tom Segura?

  And then, what the fuck is that that I just said? You know? Like, she knows that.

• 25:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, her life is so.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  What the fuck is that that I just said? And Nick, you got it, you got it, can you kill that?

• 25:27Tom Segura?

  No, I'm doing 35 minutes. What does he say?

• 25:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  What'd he say? Nah, 35 minutes.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Fart. What the fuck is that that I just said? And Nick, you got it, you got it, can you kill that?

• 25:41Tom Segura?

  No, I'm doing 35 minutes.

• 25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  We've only got five minutes. I'm not doing it.

• 25:47Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 25:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Something like, "We've only got five minutes. I'm not doing it." Wow. So Nick doesn't like her. Nick is like, "Fuck you."

• 25:57Tom Segura?

  Well, he's like, "We're rolling. We gotta, we gotta fucking, we're making a show here." "Fart on whatever you want. We gotta keep doing this."

• 26:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Fart N-word. Wow. That's a good one to come out of you like that.

• 26:10Tom Segura?

  That just happened.

• 26:12Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 26:56Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  and it is absolutely fabulous. The price is right. Stop paying way more than you should for wireless. Mint exists to eradicate paying luxury prices for average, at best, coverage."

• 27:53Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 28:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Additional terms apply. See mintmobile.com. Tom, how's your period?

• 28:43Tom Segura?

  My period?

• 28:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:44Tom Segura?

  Are you having a period right now?

• 28:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. How about you?

• 28:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah, but it's, you know, it's not heavy.

• 28:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, tell me about your flow.

• 28:51Tom Segura?

  No. It's just pretty light. I don't know. I guess I'm hormonally going through something.

• 28:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you using pads or tampons today?

• 29:00Tom Segura?

  Tampon.

• 29:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm. Which size?

• 29:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Medium.

• 29:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which, what kind of applicator?

• 29:09Tom Segura?

  It's called Extreme.

• 29:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  How did you put it in?

• 29:16Tom Segura?

  I just spread it. I spread them and I just shove it in there.

• 29:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you put one leg up on the toilet or?

• 29:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, no, I put the tampon on the ground and I squat down on it.

• 29:30Tom Segura?

  And then I, I do a lot of Kegel stuff, so I'm able to just, it just feels like a, you know?

• 29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 29:36Tom Segura?

  Did you grab that sweater from a shelter?

• 29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know you're gonna hate it. I, every time I wear this, you hate it. It's my favorite homeless shelter sweater. I love it. And the strings are everywhere and it gets caught on stuff. I love it. Yeah, feeling kinda, you know.

• 29:53Tom Segura?

  Do you wanna know something? There's a, um, I don't know if you saw that Will Arnett, you know, he's the actor.

• 30:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, yes.

• 30:01Tom Segura?

  He's also one of the hosts of the Smartless Podcast.

• 30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 30:04Tom Segura?

  But it's a wildly popular podcast and Will told two things. He said they had a female guest on who asked after they recorded to not release the episode. And they, they said, okay, and I don't know who that is. Then he said, there was a huge asshole comedian who came on. And after 10 minutes, they were like, thanks a lot. And they just ended it because the guy was such an asshole.

• 30:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it Bert?

• 30:35Tom Segura?

  It's Bert.

• 30:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I knew it.

• 30:39Tom Segura?

  God, that would be so great if it was him.

• 30:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  So the person, the male was such a jerk.

• 30:43Tom Segura?

  He's in the Epstein files. Did you know that?

• 30:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bert Kreischer?

• 30:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I did know that, yeah. I did know that.

• 30:51Tom Segura?

  No, I'm being for real. Yeah. No, I'm for real.

• 30:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I've.

• 30:55Tom Segura?

  No, you, you, okay, any or Niana.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Yo.

• 31:01Tom Segura?

  Pull up the search. You know how you can search the files?

• 31:04Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 31:05Tom Segura?

  Pull up the search and type in his name. Look.

• 31:14Tom Segura?

  I told you, I told you.

• 31:21Tom Segura?

  All right, hold on now. See?

• 31:25Tom Segura?

  I told you.

• 31:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I knew it. I fucking knew it.

• 31:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah. All right, audience.

• 31:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Epstein's a big comedy fan.

• 31:31Tom Segura?

  You guys know what to do. It's been confirmed. Bert is in the Epstein files.

• 31:39Tom Segura?

  Take it upon yourself to run with that.

• 31:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:47Tom Segura?

  I thought it was really cool. It's really fun. It's my screensaver on my phone.

• 31:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tim, can I do one thing with you? I've been saving these for you. All the guests that we've had since you've not been here. I haven't touched any safety videos on purpose.

• 32:04Tom Segura?

  Oh, you want to see them?

• 32:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I enjoy them with you pacifically so much more.

• 32:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Let's get into it. Great idea. Ready? Here we go. What's up, Larry? Prepare not paranoid. Let's get into it.

• 32:19Speaker 06

  Let's get into it. If you made the decision to get a firearm for self-defense and you want to start getting some training, the first place to start would be at a flat range. Learn how the firearm operates first. Learn the safeties, get your grip, get your stance, your sights, the universal four safety rules and review them. Once you feel comfortable on the flat range, you should go to the next level and that would be going to an outdoor range where there's a lot less around you, where you have about 180 degrees. And for that, you're going to need a little bit more equipment. You're going to need a battle belt where you'll have your holster and your magazine pouches. There you could start working on malfunctions and reloads. Once you become proficient with the battle belt, then I would

• 33:04Speaker 06

  recommend training with how you plan on carrying the gun. So if you plan on carrying an appendix, start working from there.

• 33:13Speaker 06

  Then start looking for specialty training, things like moving in and around the structure, low light training, and in and around the vehicle. In and around the vehicle is also challenging because to access your firearm, you are going to be flagging yourself. As you can see from this video, this was a class I had done last year of shooting in and around the vehicle. Take a look at that video.

• 33:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's flagging yourself?

• 33:49Tom Segura?

  Great.

• 33:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You gotta learn to shoot around your car.

• 33:52Tom Segura?

  I believe he's talking about the, the, the barrel's gonna be pointed at yourself as, as you, if you draw from the, I call it, I call it the appendix position here. So if it's basically in your front waistline, when you draw the weapon, you're crossing over your body.

• 34:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 34:10Tom Segura?

  You have to be aware of that. He is talking about a pretty advanced level of gun, like, most people are like, oh, you're interested in having a weapon, getting a weapon? Like, yeah, get some firearm safety training and go to a range. He took it from flat range to outdoor range to where you'll carry it and then getting in a vehicle and basically, basically preparing for war. So, yeah, I mean, Larry always thinks 12 steps ahead, which is great.

• 34:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, as a civilian, how can I find a program that will teach me car guns, car gun work too? You know, it's.

• 34:48Tom Segura?

  I think, living in Texas, it's pretty accessible. I think you're gonna have a real easy time.

• 34:55Tom Segura?

  Real easy time.

• 34:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  This, you know what? The boys will have so much fun doing this. You gotta get our kids into car gun safety.

• 35:01Tom Segura?

  You guys ready to go to a, a range where you get out of a car and shoot through the window? They'll be like, fuck, yeah.

• 35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  How many people do you think actually go through this level of training? It's pretty.

• 35:13Tom Segura?

  I don't think it's much. Yeah, it's not many. Not a lot of people.

• 35:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and we never went through this much.

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  I know some, I know some real gun nuts and I don't think they've done the car facing the targets thing. I don't think that's happened to them.

• 35:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus Christ.

• 35:28Tom Segura?

  Larry is ready for anything.

• 35:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, listen, I'm gonna point out a flaw here in Larry's scenario. I mean, this is all good and well if you're in Afghanistan, shooting car work things, but I need like the city. What about rolling up to a gas station? Clowns everywhere, that kind of scenario. This is like

• 35:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  a rural scenario.

• 35:51Tom Segura?

  That is true. I think for your training, though, you wanna start rural before you get into city training. You wanna start with less. So it's a good step one, but it's a really great point that you made.

• 36:03Speaker 06

  So one of the reasons in self-defense, we like to talk about distancing and situational awareness is if you allow somebody to get really, really close to you.

• 36:11Tom Segura?

  Like this board of wood?

• 36:12Speaker 06

  You never know what that person has on them and what they're capable of doing. So something like this.

• 36:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 36:21Speaker 06

  Could happen really fast. So always be aware of your distancing and what that person's body language is showing. Be well, be safe, be aware.

• 36:30Tom Segura?

  That's an insane fucking video to put out. That is a crazy video. He was just like, you never know what could happen. And then he just stabs a fucking piece of wood where a person's eye would be. And he goes, just be aware of what could happen.

• 36:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like also, I'm gonna venture to guess that some fool stabs you. You guys are drunk. You know what I'm saying? Like you're drunk, you're out, it's late Friday night, and some fool's got like a knife in his pocket and then he, that drunk people do that stuff. Like, come on, bro.

• 37:05Tom Segura?

  Well, most of these videos, yeah, could just be like, hey, don't stay out too late. Don't go to bad neighborhoods. Take care. That could be 95% of his videos.

• 37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You're not gonna get-

• 37:19Tom Segura?

  I would love a camera, a video, I would love a video of, that just follows Larry and just shows him how he operates in the world.

• 37:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:30Tom Segura?

  Because I bet it, his head is on a swivel just 24/7. I bet he is just so ready. And I wonder how many weapons are on him at most times.

• 37:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  His adrenal glands are shot. The guy is one live wire of a nervous system.

• 37:47Tom Segura?

  Dude, he pulled that thing out and was ready to go. Look at this.

• 37:51Speaker 06

  And what they're capable of doing. So something like this.

• 37:57Tom Segura?

  Something like that could easily happen.

• 38:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh huh.

• 38:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just stabbed a guy in the eye.

• 38:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he sure did.

• 38:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pretty high stabbing, too, because I would do an underhand shiv, wouldn't you? As a, like that.

• 38:11Tom Segura?

  It's really tough to hit the eyeball.

• 38:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah, that's.

• 38:14Tom Segura?

  You're probably, most people are gonna miss.

• 38:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, if you've, you've stabbed people, do you go overhand or do you go under? Quick, just a quick shiv and then out.

• 38:25Tom Segura?

  I mean, yeah.

• 38:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:26Tom Segura?

  For the, for the gut, it's good to go under.

• 38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, quick.

• 38:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't want to get caught. You don't have time to put the knife.

• 38:32Tom Segura?

  If you can hold the knife like this with the blade facing outward here, you know, you can, you can do one of these motions.

• 38:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm hmm.

• 38:40Tom Segura?

  This is a really good motion because you can cut somebody this way.

• 38:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm hmm.

• 38:44Tom Segura?

  And come back and stab him. You know what I mean?

• 38:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know what you mean. I know, I know what you're saying.

• 38:48Tom Segura?

  Slice him and then stab.

• 38:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Slice him and dice him. Yeah, I got you. Maybe because as a woman.

• 38:53Tom Segura?

  Practice. Slice, stab, see?

• 38:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stabs, slice. But, but that, that, I agree with you, yes, as a man, but as a woman, I have to be sneaky. I have to imply, I have to apply stealth. You understand? That, that, but you could grab my arm, bro, and now you're stopping the stabbing. I gotta go, just quick like that, and then I'm gone, dude. I'm gone like a fucking hamster in the night, bro. You didn't even see my shit. Like a dead hamster in the yard.

• 39:21Tom Segura?

  It's still one of the most.

• 39:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want to put it in a fucking bag and just beat it against the sidewalk until it's dead. I hate these fucking hamsters. It's the biggest regret is that I bought fucking dumbass hamsters.

• 39:32Tom Segura?

  Could you send that text, please, to have somebody remove?

• 39:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but don't get a hamster.

• 39:38Speaker 06

  I want you to think about your home security for a second. When we're looking at home security, I want you to think of it in layers. The first layer is going to be your primary outer ring, which is going to be things like your neighborhood.

• 39:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:50Speaker 06

  What's going on on the streets and so forth. The secondary outer ring will be your perimeter, and those will be things like your fences, your property line, any type of, of tree or foliage that you might have.

• 40:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Foliage.

• 40:03Speaker 06

  The next, the middle ring will be your doors, windows.

• 40:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doors.

• 40:08Speaker 06

  Garages. And then the final ring will be the interior ring, and that's if somebody gets inside. Do you have a safe area, a safe room, a secure room, those type of things. First thing I want to discuss is going to be the outermost ring. And that's where you're going to use something called open source intelligence. Things like crime mapping, police blogs, Nextdoor, and any other app that could give you information on local crime.

• 40:36Tom Segura?

  How exhausting would it be to have Larry as a neighbor? Like, just as a neighbor? Can you imagine the amount of posts he would send to the group? Like, to the neighborhood?

• 40:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, the Nextdoor app guy? There's always one neighbor that is on Nextdoor all the time. It's Larry. Larry's posting nonstop on there. "I noticed the guy putting his trash cans out at 4:00 a.m. Who's doing that?"

• 41:00Tom Segura?

  He would be like, he would be so on top of like, you know, "We're exposed to start at 7:00 a.m. in the neighborhood. I noticed somebody pulled up at 6:58. I sent a message to the construction company. "One more time, and, you know, we're gonna sue them." "Is that your kid, by the way? I saw a kid going for a walk. I've never seen this kid before." "I interrogated him. He's in my garage right now, but I'll let him go if you can confirm that's your kid."

• 41:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Also, too, a lot of Amazon packages that he'll put inside your property line for you. "I noticed these were outside. I brought them in for you." You're like, "You don't need to do that. Don't touch my stuff."

• 41:45Tom Segura?

  And then probably, no offense, but probably some pretty thinly veiled racism, too.

• 41:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think so?

• 41:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:53Tom Segura?

  I think so. He's like, "Just putting everybody on alert that I saw saw some clowns walking around yesterday. Not sure who they were or why they're here." And everyone's like, "Oh, that's my family, actually." And he's like, "Oh, okay, just making sure. Can you confirm their IDs for me?" Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of that, a lot.

• 42:15Speaker 06

  I'm in your area. Now, the one that's really important... To pay attention to is something called Watchdog. Watchdog lists all sexual predators and where they live.

• 42:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great.

• 42:27Speaker 06

  And that's a map that if you open up, might be very, very shocking who lives very close to you. You have children, you're gonna really wanna pay attention to who's in your neighborhood. Make sure what these people look like and where they are.

• 42:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm on it.

• 42:41Speaker 06

  Be well, be safe, and be aware of what's going on in your neighborhood to keep you and your family safer.

• 42:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, that should be a fun one.

• 42:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I tell you, I like to look on the Megan's Law website. Put your address in there, make sure no creepers are living near where you live.

• 42:55Tom Segura?

  Family Watchdog. Yeah, he really got excited by being able to have graphics and sounds, you could tell. He was like, you know what, go ahead and add six of those. We're stepping up production over here.

• 43:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  The chime was too much. It was too loud.

• 43:13Tom Segura?

  But I think a lot of people should check out Family Watchdog. That could be a fun thing if you're winding down from the week and you wanna just have a real cool, um, learning experience to what your neighborhood's like is go to Family Watchdog and see, see who your neighbors are.

• 43:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that stuff.

• 43:32Tom Segura?

  It will be kind of alarming. You know what I remember?

• 43:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 43:34Tom Segura?

  One that we lived in the, um,

• 43:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rampart.

• 43:37Tom Segura?

  Rampart Division.

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:38Tom Segura?

  There was that website then, and it was like Christmas tree. It was like, and it was all the predators in here. So many.

• 43:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. You put in your address when you live in a shady neighborhood and it's all lit up. You'll just see like these little squares. Yeah, like that. And Tom and I would play this fun game where we'd guess the person's offenses based on

• 43:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  their mugshot. Most of the time it was lewd and lascivious acts with a minor. Uh, I tell you, a lot of these, cause I do love these crime maps, a lot of it is aggravated assault, which happens on like late Friday night. Like I said, like drunk people, robberies from cars in Austin, a lot of that. Okay, click on one. Let's go see some mugshots. Ooh, hold on, hold on. Look at him. I think this guy, I think burglary. What do you think?

• 44:25Tom Segura?

  That's not burglary, face. No.

• 44:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's 47, babe. That's your age.

• 44:31Tom Segura?

  That's indecency with a child, decent exposure, yeah. Yep.

• 44:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so good. Is this near us? Is this our?

• 44:41Tom Segura?

  Very.

• 44:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, great. Shit.

• 44:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no. Oh, Austin. All right, click on a different color.

• 44:54Tom Segura?

  There's gonna be people, by the way, oof, yeah. There are gonna be people that use this site that are gonna find next door neighbors.

• 45:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure.

• 45:03Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 45:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Computer.

• 45:05Tom Segura?

  Solicitation of a, aid of solicitation of a minor.

• 45:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's smiling in his mugshot, which is kinda rare. Don't really see that on the show a lot.

• 45:13Tom Segura?

  That's like, you know how it goes.

• 45:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  She said she was 18.

• 45:18Tom Segura?

  Sometimes it just happens.

• 45:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good night, Irene.

• 45:26Tom Segura?

  Oh, Chuck.

• 45:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 45:27Tom Segura?

  Yep, all right. Well, you guys can have fun with your own neighborhood search and, uh, thank you Larry for that great pointer.

• 45:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Family watchdog.

• 45:36Tom Segura?

  Family watchdog, man. Here, let's have a giggle. That was so depressing.

• 45:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn, yeah.

• 45:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh-oh, I know where this is going. A little Margot Tenenbaum.

• 45:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah!

• 45:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah!

• 45:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa!

• 45:59Tom Segura?

  His friend laughing is great.

• 46:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa!

• 46:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was great.

• 46:06Tom Segura?

  That was, that was rough, man.

• 46:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:09Tom Segura?

  This soundbite says foreign pain. Ah!

• 46:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah! Those are some foreign sandals, for sure.

• 46:22Tom Segura?

  Those were, yeah, those are definitely foreign sandals. And those were foreign screams. Those appropriately labeled, yeah.

• 46:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Foreign screams. Hold it right there.

• 46:33Tom Segura?

  Okay, little.

• 46:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Holy shit.

• 46:42Tom Segura?

  Fart N-word, that was.

• 46:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. She didn't say fart N-word and she fell through the floor.

• 46:47Tom Segura?

  I know, that's crazy. Well, she wasn't as frustrated. She was just, you know, hurt.

• 46:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, she fell through the floor, bro.

• 46:55Tom Segura?

  That was crazy.

• 46:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's like my worst fear. I'm always afraid of that. I'm always afraid of that.

• 47:00Tom Segura?

  She was kinda crazy. She knows her way around, you know, like an addict. You can tell the way she knew. And for her to not even consider that her big ass might go through that ceiling is kinda crazy.

• 47:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and like the clip set it up.

• 47:13Tom Segura?

  She wasn't like daintily kind of like, "I don't know." She was like, "Yeah, I'm just working." Like, that's crazy.

• 47:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see again, because they did highlight how fat her ass was before she got in there.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. Hold it right there. Hold it right there. See, she knows what she's like. She knows what she's doing.

• 47:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  She knows she's heavy. She's wearing like...

• 47:34Tom Segura?

  Farting, fuck, yeah.

• 47:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's wearing house slippers too, like not even proper footwear. Damn dude, dumb bitch.

• 47:43Tom Segura?

  That fucking sucked.

• 47:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  She messed up, dude.

• 47:46Tom Segura?

  You ready for this one?

• 47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid. Yeah.

• 48:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah, saw that one coming.

• 48:10Tom Segura?

  He's in pain. That's real panic. That was real panic.

• 48:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you think that the cowboy boot would stop the nail, like that's why you wear them, but...

• 48:19Tom Segura?

  Well, it did sort of stop the nail. Yeah, a little bit.

• 48:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn dude.

• 48:23Tom Segura?

  It stopped it from going all the way through.

• 48:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, man. Yeah. That kinda sucked, bro.

• 48:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, skateboarding. Oh, no.

• 48:50Tom Segura?

  He is out. He landed on his fucking face and head. He fractured his skull and fractured his eye socket. Holy fuck. Oh, this dude is one of the best street skaters of all time.

• 49:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, who is it?

• 49:06Tom Segura?

  Hold, Nyhan, Nyhan Huston, I think is his name?

• 49:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please Google, make sure he's still okay, he's alive.

• 49:13Tom Segura?

  It says he's making a recovery.

• 49:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He landed on his face!

• 49:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you could hear it. You could hear it was like, like on his head. Holy shit. Man, this show just finds the best stuff. God damn.

• 49:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah. What you're going through right now is what a lot of viewers are experiencing.

• 49:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm such a love in my heart for skateboarders. I, you know, it's for the love of the game. These folks, ah, please tell me he's got money and can pay his bills and stuff.

• 49:50Tom Segura?

  A harsh reminder how death-defying skating, massive rails can be. Fractured skull, fractured eye socket. Um, what else does it say? He just went...

• 49:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Taking it one day at a time. God damn dude. Kid, kid. Well, he's holding trophies and stuff. Yeah, shit. Alright. Oh, fuck dude. Fuck. Bro. It's gotta be hard to be...

• 50:14Tom Segura?

  Just from having fun.

• 50:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this kid's parent. Can you imagine? You fucking see this video. It's your baby. I don't think I can do it. I gotta pee babe. I gotta pee. I can't.

• 50:24Tom Segura?

  Oh, you know, it should be worth pointing out, you know, the, um, the Falafel guy? The guy that came in with the dick injections?

• 50:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 50:31Tom Segura?

  There's a documentary coming out. It's gonna be dropping at South by Southwest in Austin, so...

• 50:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 50:36Tom Segura?

  Definitely a doc worth checking out, a doc and a dick. A doc about a doc dick that's gonna be at South by.

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he credits us for-

• 50:44Tom Segura?

  Hopefully you guys-

• 50:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  He credits us for getting the documentary. He's like, after I appeared on Your Mom's House, they approached me about doing this documentary. So, yeah, you're welcome.

• 50:53Tom Segura?

  Well, I remember that after he came to do the podcast, it was mentioned so many times that guy reached out and all these people hit me up. And then that guy and his team came to a show that I was on tour at that time. And they were like, they're like, our phones, you know, rang off the hook. It like, it really created a lot of, of, of business over there. So, very exciting.

• 51:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome.

• 51:18Tom Segura?

  The documentary is very informative and I hope you guys will check it out. It was a lot of fun having him on. I'm sure, um, if you haven't seen that episode, it was really fun. Maybe they can put it in the, the show description so you guys can check it out. And, uh, maybe you can get a injection in your penis.

• 51:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. That's a great idea. Why not?

• 51:35Tom Segura?

  Thanks, bro. Yeah.

• 51:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not?

• 51:38Tom Segura?

  You mentioned that you're into gay stuff, male gay stuff. And a lot of people, I noticed after you said that, pointed out, have you seen Heated Rivalry? The gay hockey show that's out? Cause everybody wants you to watch it now.

• 51:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and I do too. It's just that I haven't had a chance to be away from my children enough to give it a full viewing. Like, I can't even watch Bridgerton with my boys around because it's too horny. So, yeah, give me a minute on that, but I fully, I will, I will.

• 52:05Tom Segura?

  I think the, the fans want you to watch this gay hockey show.

• 52:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Well, let me make a note of it. Maybe I can, you know, get away.

• 52:14Tom Segura?

  Wind down and watch it or something. Yeah.

• 52:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, okay.

• 52:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm on it.

• 52:20Tom Segura?

  So, um, we haven't seen this in a while, but, um, he has really taken off on a lot of social platforms and the audience has expanded for Fancy Chef. And people have pointed out that he's doing, he's just expanding. He's not just cooking for millionaires and billionaires. He's doing restaurant reviews and food reviews and just getting himself involved in so many things.

• 52:46Tom Segura?

  I have not seen this, but I've been told that it's an incredible review. And so I thought we could watch that for a moment.

• 53:00Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 53:02Tom Segura?

  Looks like he's, uh...

• 53:04Speaker 05

  Hey guys.

• 53:04Tom Segura?

  Looks like he's in a New York pizza place.

• 53:07Speaker 05

  I'm gonna do a review for the pizza.

• 53:09Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna do a review for him. He's telling him.

• 53:13Speaker 05

  Do a pizza review.

• 53:14Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna do a pizza review. Cool, man. That's cool.

• 53:18Speaker 05

  Let's see. He recorded that?

• 53:20Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's sitting on the...

• 53:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, right there.

• 53:24Speaker 05

  All right, let me see. I'm gonna let you know right now, though. I am gonna tell the truth. I ain't gonna lie. I'm gonna tell the truth. If it's nasty, where the garbage at? I know what I think. No, me taking nothing that's going in the garbage. If it's nasty, this going straight in the garbage by Suda. Let me see. Hold on.

• 53:43Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 53:44Speaker 05

  First of all, why is this going in half? Is it that good? The bread is... The bread is... Cause that's scary, bro. You're supposed to close it.

• 53:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 05

  Oh, shit! I'm supposed to close it. Ah, what am I thinking about?

• 53:57Tom Segura?

  Okay, so it's not...

• 54:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, good review, fancy. That's a good fancy sound.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  You passed.

• 54:04Tom Segura?

  Oh, he passed the review. And the guy still holds the tray for him.

• 54:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, like he's royalty or something.

• 54:12Speaker 05

  People trying to pay me to get that award. Yo, what is this? I ain't asking for the pop.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  Hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 54:21Tom Segura?

  That is a massive...

• 54:21Speaker 05

  It's different than that.

• 54:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  Let's see. Hey, guys. You wanna eat my pizza?

• 54:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  The paper off of it.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  All right, you ready?

• 54:32Tom Segura?

  Ready?

• 54:32Speaker 05

  One, two...

• 54:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, okay.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  Mmm!

• 54:39Tom Segura?

  Wow, another great review.

• 54:42Speaker 05

  Italiano! The girl. I'll give it to you.

• 54:47Tom Segura?

  Do you think that guy...

• 54:49Speaker 05

  Let me see.

• 54:49Tom Segura?

  Holding the tray...

• 54:52Tom Segura?

  Believes that this is a, like a legit chef in front of him?

• 54:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  The guy's sitting on the pony. No.

• 55:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, do you think, because he's kind of like, I guess I'm holding this for this guy.

• 55:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, because he's nice.

• 55:08Speaker 05

  It's real.

• 55:08Tom Segura?

  It's real.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  Want to do that?

• 55:10Tom Segura?

  Want to do that?

• 55:11Speaker 05

  The cheese ain't coming off? Cheese ain't coming off. It's good, you're good.

• 55:15Tom Segura?

  You did good.

• 55:15Speaker 05

  I'm proud of you. Yeah, wrap it up.

• 55:17Tom Segura?

  Wrap it up.

• 55:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wrap it up. He's like, go.

• 55:21Speaker 05

  That gotta go. It's in his coffin.

• 55:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm, I don't like when he goes, hmm. I don't like that. It's too much.

• 55:29Tom Segura?

  He's still cooking too, by the way. He's still preparing food for people.

• 55:32Speaker 05

  Not too much arugula? Just a little. Do it again, do it again. You're missing the whole. Just a little arugula. Stop. You're missing the whole bread. You're missing the whole bread. No, no, no, you're missing it. You're missing the whole bread. You got the bread. The bread over here, over here, not over here. Okay, up there. I'm trying to put on the chicken. Stop filming. All right, good. Lovely and beautiful.

• 55:55Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 55:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just a little bit of arugula.

• 55:58Tom Segura?

  Blind as fuck.

• 56:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 56:00Tom Segura?

  He's so blind.

• 56:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, put it over here. It's on the bread.

• 56:04Tom Segura?

  He can't see. That guy's like, the fuck are you doing? You're not even putting it on the bread.

• 56:10Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. Oh, I pulled this for you because I knew you'd like this.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  I hate when a female try to suck all that white stuff out of my wiener. Like, that's my white stuff. Give it back.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  Greedy bitch.

• 56:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, it's, I really miss you here, Tom. It's been really rough not having you co-host with me. So glad you're back.

• 56:47Tom Segura?

  I thought you'd like that.

• 56:50Tom Segura?

  You don't like that?

• 56:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 56:59Tom Segura?

  Because he hates when you try to suck it all out of him.

• 57:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I got it. And then the punchline is that he drank his fake cum. Yeah, I got it.

• 57:06Tom Segura?

  It's his stuff. All right. I thought you'd like, nevermind.

• 57:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we do some TikToks? I mean, it's a... Do we have any talks?

• 57:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you got some talks.

• 57:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  ASMR beaver has some ASMR food. It's not a beaver. It's not a beaver.

• 57:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a No, this one's for you. I got this for you.

• 58:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, Tim, just so you know.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  I'm in a playroom here.

• 58:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was trying to explain to you, that was a spiritual cleansing. He wasn't even pushing that hard on her. He was exorcising her emotional demons, you understand?

• 58:12Tom Segura?

  Great, yeah, I got it. Jesus. Fuck me.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  On an adults-only cruise. What are your questions?

• 58:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't you hate it when they call it play? We're gonna play, like, playroom. What's when we do our play?

• 58:31Tom Segura?

  By the way, she is strikingly attractive for the people you usually see in this realm. Because they're usually fucking a bunch of dogs.

• 58:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:41Tom Segura?

  Like some real bottom feeders are in the play world.

• 58:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's, is that they call a honeypot when they attract you in? Like, she's the

• 58:51Tom Segura?

  Maybe.

• 58:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's the bait and then

• 58:52Tom Segura?

  Maybe she works for like the company that puts on the thing. And she's like, hey, and everyone's like, alright, we'll go to this. And then she's like, good to see you, and just dips out the back door.

• 59:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fun pigs.

• 59:04Tom Segura?

  Bye.

• 59:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's our playroom, we play. It's like when you have children and you use that word for what they do. It's like, we're gonna play, adult play, like, ugh.

• 59:14Tom Segura?

  This is the adult play cruise.

• 59:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  So gross.

• 59:19Tom Segura?

  It's gross.

• 59:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's some more stuff for you to get into. Cupping, stretching.

• 59:30Tom Segura?

  I've never seen this level of cupping.

• 59:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  And stretching.

• 59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so intense.

• 59:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd be so annoyed and pissed.

• 59:48Tom Segura?

  I've had like maybe six or eight of these on me before, never like this.

• 59:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's too many cups.

• 59:54Tom Segura?

  Jesus Christ.

• 59:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause the cups are popping off when you stretch the body that much, dummy.

• 59:59Tom Segura?

  Horrifying.

• 1:00:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You do one or the other.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  I wish aftercare was spoken into more, both for tops and bottoms. After something as intense as rope, it's always encouraged to look after and check in with those you tie with. For me, my rope partners are given water, snacks, cuddles, lots of affirmation, and a simple massage and stretching to help them realign their bodies after a sequence. Aftercare depends on each individual, but it shouldn't be taken lightly or brushed aside. After all, you two are two individuals who chose to have a vulnerable moment with each other and deserve to ground yourselves after something so heightened.

• 1:00:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I'm showing my water bottle. Give me your water bottle.

• 1:00:38Tom Segura?

  It's a really good, I finished all my water.

• 1:00:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  This one's for you. This is the cool video I found for you. You found something cool for me. I found something cool for you. Well, there's a whole lane of hot granny talk now. They're just out and it's about time, you know?

• 1:00:57Tom Segura?

  How do you guys in the booth feel about that? Are you guys into that?

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  That's hot.

• 1:01:03Tom Segura?

  You like that?

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was hot.

• 1:01:04Tom Segura?

  Cougar too?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I fuck with that one.

• 1:01:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  See?

• 1:01:07Tom Segura?

  Niana, you like that?

• 1:01:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm good.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why'd you open your heart?

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  I have a friend, I have a friend who's like into older women like that.

• 1:01:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah?

• 1:01:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You do? Wow, you gotta tell me these, I got two names I need to get from you now at the end of this pod.

• 1:01:24Tom Segura?

  He's like, oh yeah. He's like, yeah, you know, I find them attractive. And I'm like, yeah, you're talking about like, you know, someone older than you. He's like, yeah, 70. So I'm like, wait, what?

• 1:01:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:01:35Tom Segura?

  You find a 70 year old attractive?

• 1:01:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, Luis J Gomez on this show was like, he's had sex with 70, 80, wasn't it him, right?

• 1:01:43Tom Segura?

  70?

• 1:01:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh huh. He's like, I like to make them feel good. You know, he's all Puerto Rican about it.

• 1:01:48Tom Segura?

  He's like, oh. Jesus Christ.

• 1:01:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And hey, I'm doing Skank Fest.

• 1:01:52Tom Segura?

  Somehow it's not shocking.

• 1:01:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, I'm doing Skank Fest. What? You did your gay porno thing.

• 1:01:58Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:01:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He convinced me. Well, he, he described it. It sounds like so much fun. And honestly, I had such a good time with Luis. I was like, you know what? If it's, if there's, if it's as fun as he is and his whole vibe, I'm down. So I, I booked a some couple nights at Skank Fest. I'll see you there.

• 1:02:17Tom Segura?

  That's great. Where is it this year? Is it Vegas?

• 1:02:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Vegas, babe. No, it's not. It's, uh, where did he say he? Oh, New Orleans, which I've never been to. So I'm excited to check out.

• 1:02:27Tom Segura?

  You've never been in New Orleans?

• 1:02:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that crazy? You know me though. I love my drinks that I, the silly long drinks and the plastic tubes.

• 1:02:35Tom Segura?

  And you can wear the fucking thing around your neck so that you don't have to carry it and your hands are free. And you can just go like this. And you can just keep talking.

• 1:02:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:44Tom Segura?

  It's great.

• 1:02:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I can show people my, my new tits and get beads and stuff. That's why I'm going.

• 1:02:50Tom Segura?

  It's an open, open container city till you can drink anywhere.

• 1:02:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:02:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 1:02:57Tom Segura?

  Jazz, beignets, booze.

• 1:03:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doesn't love it.

• 1:03:01Tom Segura?

  It's fucking awesome.

• 1:03:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Tom Segura?

  Good for you. When is it? When is, when is the fest?

• 1:03:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Novem, noviembre, noviembre.

• 1:03:10Tom Segura?

  Sounds great.

• 1:03:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm doing it.

• 1:03:12Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 1:03:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  November 13 through 15.

• 1:03:15Tom Segura?

  Perfect. All right. Here we go.

• 1:03:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It should be fun.

• 1:03:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this is what I was gonna show you. So see the stars that's on her upper lip?

• 1:03:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are for your cold sores. You can cover your cold sore now with those stickers.

• 1:03:33Tom Segura?

  Sounds like, it looks like she wants another one. Cause she's, it's not really slowing her down.

• 1:03:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Who would you fuck first? Her or the older lady?

• 1:03:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, the older lady. I don't want more cold sores.

• 1:03:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but what if this cold sore went away?

• 1:03:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, uh, let me think. Wait, can I see the other lady real quick? Let me just get a visual. Here's the thing, though. I don't really like white lady flavor now. I'm gonna go with the her. I like, I need flavor. Yeah, like, white people kind of freak me out. Like, white whites.

• 1:04:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, she's fun, dude. She's fun. She put Tapatio on your shit. Yeah, dude, she's fun. It's a little Cholula on your peener.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  I decided to put some tree sap in my urethra. I wanted to see if I built up a tolerance to her. I absolutely did not. This time it hurt worse than ever.

• 1:04:26Tom Segura?

  That's a great video. That's a great video. That's a hell of a find. I don't know if you can get any better than that. Yeah.

• 1:04:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're welcome. Look, I've been doing this vigilantly in my free time. That's why I don't have time to watch the gay hockey show. I'm curating TikToks all day.

• 1:04:43Tom Segura?

  Actually, if something like this gets to us, I'd rather you be digging through your phone, finding this than watching the gay hockey show. That was amazing.

• 1:04:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:04:54Tom Segura?

  I decided to put tree sap in my urethra to see if I built up a tolerance to it. Turns out, I did not. That's really great. That's great. All right, we gotta wrap it up, Gene. I gotta go. I can't. I got rehearsal.

• 1:05:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, go rehearse then. Go dance. Have fun, Gene.

• 1:05:12Tom Segura?

  Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching, everybody. Thank you to the booth for making this happen.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  You got it, fart nigger.

• 1:05:20Tom Segura?

  Gene.

• 1:05:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  All worth it, just for that. Thank you so much for saying it, Annie.

• 1:05:28Tom Segura?

  Thank you. Please give me that drop as well. And...

• 1:05:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Bye, guys. We love you.

• 1:05:35Tom Segura?

  All right. Bye. Bye, guys. We love you.

• 1:05:45Speaker 05

  Welcome to Mark of His Medical Money. Today it's all about this, the cucumber. Or as they call it in Jamaica, cocumba.

• 1:05:55Speaker 05

  Cocumba.

• 1:05:57Speaker 05

  Vitamin C, a rare, very high number. Silicon, iron, and iron, they're longer. Other vitamins make your bones them stronger. Anticlinics make you look younger. Ninety-five percent water. Kidney proteins are great hydrator. Deuterium's fine, but it's cool regenerator. Your body, good things, don't be a traitor. Every cocumba, cut it in a slice. Put it in a jug of water overnight. You know what you get for a fraction of the price. Energy drink full of electrolyte. Roaring salad is one of the use, sir. As a finish, put a bit of double juice. Another surprise, put a slice on your rise. Take away the dry, this revitalize, oh yes. One thing I have got, cocumba can answer every bad breath.

• 1:06:37Speaker 05

  Cocumba.

• 1:06:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're very handsome. You're my fresh latte.

• 1:06:42Tom Segura?

  Whoa, thank you.

• 1:06:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's going on?

• 1:06:47Tom Segura?

  What's going on? I've been having a cucumber.

• 1:06:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where? Eat cucumber?

• 1:06:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I eat cucumbers and then it makes me look better.

• 1:07:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to thirty-five dollars on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply, see site or store for details.