#198: One Last Last Trip To Vegas - Major Jeff Toczylowski's Letter To Family And Friends

Some people don’t just pass through your life. They leave a mark that stays with you long after they’re gone. Not because of what they did in a single moment, but because of how they lived every day, how they showed up for people, and how they made others feel. From the 2nd Annual Stars and Stripes Classic https://greenberetfoundation.org/stars-and-stripes-classic/, Fran Racioppi https://www.linkedin.com/in/francisracioppijr/ sat down with Pam Patton and Tom Schneider to honor the life of Major Jeff Toczylowski https://majorjefftoz.com/about-jeff/, a Green Beret whose impact on the people around him is still felt nearly two decades later. A letter Jeff left to his family and friends in the event of his death defines the character of a Green Beret; a warrior and a man who cared more about others than himself. Jeff’s last wish…take everyone to Vegas to celebrate his life. Today, his legacy lives on through the annual memorial golf outing https://majorjefftoz.com/golf-tournament/ in his honor, now approaching its 20th year. What started as a way to cope with loss has become something much bigger. A reunion. A celebration. A community built around a single person who continues to be the common thread connecting hundreds of people who gather not to mourn, but to celebrate a life well lived. Join the Green Beret Foundation https://greenberetfoundation.org/event/annual-major-jeffrey-toczylowski-foundation-memorial-golf-outing/ and all of Toz’s family and friends this August 1st, at the Five Ponds Golf Course in Warminster, PA to celebrate his service and support all Green Berets past, present and future. HIGHLIGHTS 0:00 Introduction1:48 Welcome to the Stars & Stripes Classic2:27 Who was MAJ Jeff Toczylowski5:47 The 20th Annual Memorial Golf Tournament8:51 Vegas Time13:19 Honoring Toz’s Legacy QUOTES “He literally lived every day like it was his last…to the fullest.”“He impacted a lot of people.”“It really is like a reunion.”“The celebration of life is really why everybody comes back.”“It changed him forever.”“No matter what’s going on in life, be good to the people around you and live each day to the fullest because today could be it.” The Jedburgh Podcast is brought to you by OneBrief https://www.onebrief.com/; enabling military leaders to make innovative, informed and deliberate decisions faster than ever before. Superhuman command wins wars. Follow the Jedburgh Podcast https://www.instagram.com/jedburghpodcast/ and the Green Beret Foundation https://www.instagram.com/greenberetfoundation/ on social media. Listen on your favorite podcast platform https://pod.link/1558608802, read on our website https://greenberetfoundation.org/the-jedburgh-podcast/, and watch the full video version on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@jedburghpodcast as we show why America must continue to lead from the front, no matter the challenge.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Fran Racioppi?

  Some people don't just pass through your life. They leave a mark that stays with you long after they're gone. Not because of what they did in the single moment, but because of how they lived every day, how they showed up for people, and how they made others feel. From the second annual Stars in Stripes Classic, I sat down with Pam Patton and Tom Schneider to honor the life of Major Jeff Toczylowski, a Green Beret whose impact on the people around him is still felt nearly two decades later. A letter Jeff left to his family and friends in the event of his death defines the character of a Green Beret, a warrior, and a man who cared more about others than himself. Jeff's last wish? Take everyone to Vegas to celebrate his life. And Jeff foot the bill. Today, Jeff's legacy lives on

• 0:47Fran Racioppi?

  during annual memorial golf outing in his honor, now in its 20th year. What started as a way to cope with loss has become something much bigger. A reunion, a celebration, a community built around a single person who continues to be a common thread connecting hundreds of people who gather not to mourn, but to celebrate a life well-lived. Join the Green Beret Foundation and all of Toz's family and friends this August 1st at Five Ponds Golf Course in Mormons, Pennsylvania, to celebrate his service and support all Green Berets past, present, and future. The Jedberg Podcast is brought to you by Wondery, enabling military leaders to make innovative, informed, and deliberate decisions faster than ever before. Superhuman Command wins wars. Follow the Jedberg Podcast

• 1:32Fran Racioppi?

  and the Green Beret Foundation on social media. Listen on your favorite podcast platform, read on our website, and watch the full video version on YouTube as we show you why America must continue to lead from the front, no matter the challenge.

• 1:47Fran Racioppi?

  Pam, Tom, welcome to the Jedberg Podcast.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Thanks for having us.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Thank you for having us.

• 1:52Fran Racioppi?

  So appreciate you taking a few minutes to sit down with us. We're at the second annual Stars in Stripes Classic. We're going to pit our Green Berets against their Navy SEAL brothers, I don't know, rivals, whatever we want to call it.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 2:05Fran Racioppi?

  But that game's about to kick off here in short order. And so we've been here for a few days. And one of the events that's going to happen here before the game starts is we're going to honor your family. We're going to honor your son. We're going to honor your friend Jeff, who served in the Special Forces Regiment. And unfortunately, we lost him in 2005. But I want to start by asking you, who was Jeff?

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Wow. Tom, you might want to take this question. This would be a

• 2:32Speaker 02

  It's a great, yeah.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  It's a great question and uh, and then I can finish the ending of that question for us.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  So I would say the best way to describe Jeff, one, he lived 30 years and he literally lived every day. Like it was his last, to the fullest.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  To the fullest. Like you look back and you go, man, it's almost like he knew that life is going to be short for him because he just, if there was an opportunity for adventure, a party, to meet somebody, to travel somewhere, he did it. I mean, he just, boundless energy. Like I couldn't keep up with them. I think most people couldn't keep up with them, right?

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Running, running with the bulls. I mean, how many people do we know that have done that in Spain?

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Not really interested.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Fishing in, you know, Costa Rica.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  And catching very large things that you would normally never see out of the ocean. So.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was just, he was just always looking for the next, the next good time.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Every day.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's kind of, I mean, he would ask me to do stuff and I'm like, man, I, you want me to drive nine hours? Party all night, not know where we're sleeping yet, and then go the next day again. And I'm like, I, sometimes I would do it, but most of the time like, I can't, I can't hang like that. He just, yeah, he was always looking for a good time and, and he met a lot of people in doing so. So I think that's, you know, we were talking, he impacted a lot of people and it's amazing. We didn't know how many, you don't really know, but when he passed, you realize that with each event, the Vegas trip, the viewing, the funeral, and you just meet so many people. You and your mother have met a tremendous amount of people who, who Jeff had impacted in some way. So for me, it's, you know, it's a little world Jeff and I lived in,

• 4:01Speaker 02

  but when you look at what he did in the countries he went to and the people he, he met, it's amazing. I mean, you keep, right? You keep meeting other people are like, yeah, I met Jeff one time and they remember like this is a story and it's been 20 years and maybe it's been 30 years since the first time they met him.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  And, and what we were talking about on the way here was just that this impact, most of us, when you leave this earth, you want to know that you've made an impact in the surrounding of the people in your world. And he did that 150%. We just didn't know it until after the fact. You know, we knew he was special, but

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Again, he was my brother. He was my only sibling. He was three years younger and there was a period where he was very annoying for me, but as we got older, we got very close and you know, if he had a week off from being in the military and being in Germany, he came to spend it with me. So, yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, to give you an idea, and he drove 22 hours straight. This is the kind of party he did, and it wasn't that I was special, he did this for a lot of different people. He drove 22 hours straight for my birthday. That's who he was. He just drove up, I didn't know he was coming up, just showed up. Happy birthday, like that was it, just that was him, that's the type of stuff he would do, so. Pretty amazing, that's just one story, I mean, you talk to so many people, they'll tell you different stories.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  We'll even talk about, you know, the ex-girlfriends who most times you break up and you move on with life and you may run into each other. There has been several of them that have gone to Arlington with the new boyfriend, potential spouse.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  For approval of his, so that's the impact, I mean, who does that? Most don't.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  I was with one of them.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  This past weekend.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  That's exactly.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, she supports the foundation, donates every year, and it's, it's pretty amazing, so.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, well.

• 5:37Fran Racioppi?

  Tom, you grew up with Jeff.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  I grew up with Jeff and Pam, yeah.

• 5:41Fran Racioppi?

  And you said your son is actually named after him.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  Named after Jeff, yeah.

• 5:45Fran Racioppi?

  And one of the initiatives that you put together to honor him has been, is the Memorial Golf, Golf Outing that you just had a couple of weeks ago. But as you know, and as you mentioned a few minutes ago, these things are hard to maintain. They're hard to sustain over time, and you're gonna hit 19 years this year and 20 years going into next year. Why do you think that's been so successful?

• 6:05Speaker 01

  I think we always said, when it's not fun anymore, we'll stop, but it keeps getting more, more entertaining, and, you know, we just had Jeff's boss, who was part of his early part of military, military police. Um, he's been overseas, he's never been able to attend, he showed up last year, uh, for the first time. He brought his son, who's also in the military, and they said Pam will be back every time, in fact, they set up a grant. They're gonna start doing something for the Greenberry Foundation.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  We're still getting first timers that.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  It's amazing.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, that have wanted to come, so we, we have, we talked years ago, and we said, you know, there's different outings. There's big corporate events that we attend, and, and they're, they're really sponsored by big corporations where we're sponsored by local businesses and families. And it, it really is like a reunion, I mean, people fly in from all over and drive from all over and plan around it, and, and I attribute it to, I mean, everyone says, hey, can't wait till next year, wanna be there, it's. Part of what they do every year and we have it ebbs and flows. One of the questions was, you know, how is it, you know, with attendance? And I said, we ebb and flow every year depending on the year. We're at a heavy vacation time right in August. Um, so that that impacts a lot. It's amazing when the soldiers come in, you know, I think that's a.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  The celebration of life, though, is really why everybody comes back. This is not a day of mourning. It is, it's a day where we do a lot of toasting, which is what his last email had stated. Um, you know, we're raising money for the Green Beret Foundation, so the money's going to a great cause. And, you know, it's just having all of those connections. A lot of the people in the room have never met until the golf outing.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  But the common denominator is Jeff. And so, you know, we do a really great job of just, you know, having really cool prizes, spending, you know, time together. Um, you know, back in the old days when Tom and I were younger, you could do keg stands out on the course. You know, we're older, we get insurance now, those days are over. We don't do it anymore. You know, the kegs on, on, on the cart with the beer girls, we're good with that.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, things have changed.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Things have changed a little bit, but yeah.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  And we had, I mean, if you think about it, 20 years when this started, many of us didn't have kids and now our kids are playing in it. So.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Very true.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  My son and three of Jeff's very good friends from high school, my buddies, our kids play together. It's our third or fourth year playing. They actually won it last year. They got pretty good, good.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  And they have special shirts. So, you know, know that it's them.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  It's a big day for them. So it's personal. So it really is. It's been really personal for a lot of people and the people who help, we have a lot of volunteers that help us out. And when they bring people, they always come and say, we can't wait to come next year with our downing. And I, and I believe they're sincere and say, I think they just enjoy the company of everyone. It's a laid back atmosphere. It rolls along pretty good and you get to hear stories about Jeff and every year you hear something new that you didn't know before, which is pretty amazing. Yeah. It's, and it's special for your mom because she gets to hear these stories and you get to hear them. So, yeah, it's great.

• 8:50Fran Racioppi?

  When faced with a challenge, Green Berets adapt, overcome, and keep moving forward. Now's your chance to stand with them. Join the 1952 Society with a monthly gift of just $19.52 to provide critical medical devices for wounded, ill, and injured Green Berets. Your support fuels their recovery, helping them return to duty or continue serving their communities. A Green Beret's mission never stops. Neither should our support. Join the 1952 Society today and stand with those who stand for us.

• 9:21Fran Racioppi?

  Well, I read his email that he left, which I thought was really spoke to what you talked about here. And the ability to live life to the fullest and just knowing that this, he wanted to be remembered for his outgoing personality, for the ability to connect with others. The fact that he left a trip to Vegas for everybody. I actually had to laugh at, yeah.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  There's a story behind all of it. So after Jeff was killed, um, all right, let's back up before he was killed. When he wrote the email, it was for a very specific reason. He was, uh, that June, he was running in Germany. One of his friends, uh, who was running with him that day fell over and passed, um, massive heart attack, stroke, whatever happened. He was only 40 years old, but he had a family and he had two small kids and there was no wishes. There was no eulogy. There was no, where do I want to be buried? No plans. So Jeff ended up becoming surrogate husband, father, did the eulogy and it put a, it was, it was a really tough time for him. And I remember him thinking, I'm never going to put this, you know, through my family with, with us not knowing what to do.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  It changed him for forever. But I mean, he had the details. I want a bottle of Captain Morgan in my coffin. Like we have all the details and we had everything laid out because he was very specific that way. So this email really was derived from what happened in June, many months prior. And so the email was left with a special forces 10th group, uh, soldier who, and Jeff said, if I don't make it back from this trip, I'm always supposed to be in Iraq for 30 days. I need this email to go out to this 300 list of people with emails. And so that's what happened. So I get the call from that soldier and he read that email to me over the phone. And he said, can we send this out? I said, after I read it to my parents, you can send it out. So that, that's how, you know, a lot of people found out from the email.

• 11:13Fran Racioppi?

  Right.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  And because Jeff was always such a big jokester, um, you know, that's why the beginning it's, you know, this is an Natasha's joke. Because most people would think he's joking around like he always was.

• 11:22Fran Racioppi?

  Literally, they would think he was joking because he joked, that's all he did was.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Right. Everything was always in good humor. So anyhow, so that's what happened. And then of course, as the week of, you know, funerals and everything's happening, everyone's asking me, are you gonna really have this party? No, we're not having a party. I said, absolutely not. Why would we have a party? This is my only sibling. It's the last thing on my mind. But in the midst, we started talking about it, my mother and I. And we're like, you know what? We really should honor him and do this. This is what he wanted. It took us a whole year to plan. And what's funny is, looking back, I can say, he knew it was gonna take a whole year for us to have the details down to every little nook and cranny that we wanted for this celebration. And the fact that we didn't have time for grieving because we were too busy planning, it actually helped.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Um, so I can now, all these years later, and I just was in Vegas this week for work and I went back to the Palms, um, just for some memories, uh, cause it was time. So yeah, good stuff.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  So I've never looked at, but that was probably the kickoff for why the, when you ask like, why do you think it's, you know, it's lasted this long? I think that party was, when you think about it, like it brought all these people who didn't know each other. You, you spend three days with people, having a good time, you get to know everybody. It becomes like family. It's pretty amazing when you look back at all the people that were there that you're still in touch with all the time.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  All the time.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. And that, that brought a lot of people, the viewing brought a lot of people together and then that brought.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  What was crazy is it's two o'clock in the morning in the party. And I meet this reporter. Now we had security at the front of the sweep. This was the celebrity suites that used to be on the E channel. In fact, Paris Hilton was trying to get the sweep our, our weekend. They asked if we could move our party. Absolutely not. We're not moving it. But reality was at 2am, I get this reporter that hits us up. Here he worked for the LA Times. So that's how that article made it into most of the metropolitan cities a week later. Otherwise, it would have been a party and it would have just gone away.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  It would have been no more.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Things that definitely made a big, big impact.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Out there that you look back on, you go, huh, yeah, I guess, you know, just, it's like this, it just keeps snowballing down with more and more.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  And there's no.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  All the stuff that's happened for you guys.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Nobody's gonna go to Vegas ever again and say they've had the best trip ever because that was the trip.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was a great.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  We've had a couple of people ask if we're gonna do like a, an anniversary trip. Um, you know, some people have asked, how much did it, did you really spend a hundred thousand? Close, not the whole amount, but pretty close to it. So, yeah.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  We'd have to figure that out if we're, if we wanna go back and do a suite again, but.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  So what, what does it mean to honor Jeff's legacy today?

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Um, you know, I have, I only had one child when, when my brother was alive. Uh, my two children know of him. They never met him, but we're, we talk about him so regularly. It's like he's still around. Um, so for me, it's about the legacy of, you know, what my children will, you know, they're never going to be cousins. Our closest cousins are going to be Tom's family because they don't have that on either side of the family, actually. So, so for me, it's just about keeping the memory alive. And, you know, for those of us that are living, no matter what's going on in life, be good to the people around you and live each day to the fullest because today could be it. And if you didn't take that opportunity, then you missed out. So I'm reminded of that pretty often, just to not, you know, I was in Vegas all week. I was not coming here on this

• 14:37Speaker 01

  trip because of the amount of time. And I thought, you know what, Pam? You gotta go. And so, yeah, it's being reminded of what he stood for and, uh, making sure that for us as the family, we carry that out.

• 14:49Fran Racioppi?

  Awesome. Well, I look forward to getting in here to this event, seeing you on the field, honoring Jeff's legacy.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 14:55Fran Racioppi?

  Next year for the 20th, I gotta come to the golf tournament.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Uh, we would love to have you.

• 14:59Fran Racioppi?

  Get it on the calendar.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  First Saturday of August. It's always the first Saturday of August.

• 15:05Fran Racioppi?

  That'd be great to see you there. All right. I gotta do a keg stand on the 17th.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  Maybe we'll bring one out just quick.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  We might have to do it for the, for the next coming year.

• 15:13Fran Racioppi?

  The 20th, for sure.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  Thanks for.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

• 15:16Fran Racioppi?

  All right. Thank you. I appreciate it. American Jedbergs went on to form the foundation of the United States Special Forces and the Special Activities Director of the Central Intelligence Agency. Thanks for listening to the Jedburgh Podcast, an official program of the Green Beret Foundation. I'm your creator and host, Fran Richo. Join us next week for a new episode on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Check us out on YouTube for full episodes, highlights, and other long and short form content. If you like what you heard, give us a like and leave a review. Follow the Jedburgh Podcast and the Green Beret Foundation on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, extra threads. Send your comments and inquiries to [email protected]. As former members of Special Operations Forces, the Jedburgh Media Channel and the Green Beret Foundation remain committed to supporting all generations of U.S. Army Special

• 16:01Fran Racioppi?

  Forces and their families. Thanks for joining us on this episode. How you prepare today determines success tomorrow.