Surviving An Ice Storm | Your Mom's House Ep. 844

SPONSORS: - New Customers Bet $5 Get $300 in Bonus Bets If Your Bet Wins. The Crown Is Yours! Sign up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. #DKPartner - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/YMH. - Head to https://FactorMeals.com/ymh50off and use code ymh50off to get 50% off your first Factor box PLUS free breakfast for 1 year. This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Christina P hunker down for the ice storm and break down a clip of man threatening the world while borrowing his mom’s ice. The main mommies also explore the psychology of guys who think owning three coolers counts as wealth. Plus: unfiltered race takes, serial killer interviews that somehow turn philosophical, cringe dad gymnastics, brutal internet injuries, and Christina P confirms another rare double pipe classic. Add in storm prep advice (wine over water), aging body truths, hydration-denying parents, and some more of the internet’s coolest dudes, and you’ve got another classic YMH episode with Tim and Christine. Your Mom’s House Ep. 844 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT), or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in IL. 1 per new customer. Must register new account to receive reward Token. Must select Token BEFORE placing min. $5 bet to receive $300 in Bonus Bets if your bet wins. Min. -500 odds req. Token and Bonus Bets are single-use and non-withdrawable. Token expires 2/1/26. Bonus Bets expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 1/25/26 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:01 - Opening Clip: Connor Got Diamonds 00:16:35 - Deep Diving Connor's Instagram 00:26:31 - Too Old For This Shi 00:32:00 - Charo's Needs Water 00:36:19 - This Guy Is Really Cool 00:43:13 - Clip: Chuck The Gay Man 00:44:33 - YMH EXCLUSIVE: Double Pipe Classic 00:48:18 - Mike The Accountant 00:50:56 - Black Guy Opinion 00:54:02 - RIP Whyte Folkz 00:56:37 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:00:00 - Indiana Serial Killer 01:05:22 - Clip: Laughter Yoga 01:06:32 - Clip: Toilet Paper Donut 01:08:34 - Closing Song - "Touch My Camera" by Bob Dolamite Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:10Tom Segura?

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• 0:52Tom Segura?

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• 1:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, welcome to your mom's house.

• 1:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so upset because there's storm watches happening, Tim, and you're in LA. Do you know that the big snow is coming?

• 1:23Tom Segura?

  I know it's coming, I've seen it on the news, yeah. But everything's set up for you guys, right?

• 1:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody's hoarding food and toilet paper, but I've stocked up on, I bought lots of cinnamon rolls for the kids and wine, that's all I have in the house.

• 1:37Tom Segura?

  The kids love wine.

• 1:40Tom Segura?

  The kids love wine.

• 1:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it. All they need is cinnamon rolls and alcohol. And then, secondly-

• 1:48Tom Segura?

  They don't need water.

• 1:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  They don't need water. Secondly, I'm so fucking stoked that you're not here. I have a cold sore.

• 1:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Here's the thing, though. I used Christina P.'s liquid lipstick to cover up my cold sore. So if you have a cold sore-

• 2:05Tom Segura?

  When your cold sore comes back, do you close your eyes and you remember which penis it was from your past that gave it to you? Do you go like, "That dirty rotten penis"?

• 2:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I might, yeah. I feel like the dirtiest, like when you have a cold sore, you feel like the dirtiest, filthiest whore that ever lived, and I hate myself.

• 2:26Tom Segura?

  Right, so do you remember the one, or who gave it to you?

• 2:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I do. I think I know which dick it was. I think I do. Very young, was very young. But then I got mono, and I'm not sure who I got that from. Like, I mean, do you remember every STD you've ever gotten?

• 2:39Tom Segura?

  Well, you're probably getting passed around, yeah. It's kind of tough when you're like, "Well, I had a train run on me last night." I don't know, one of them, I guess. It's more like a city you name, right?

• 2:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you ever even had a cold sore?

• 2:51Tom Segura?

  You're like Stockton.

• 2:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stockton. I don't even think you have. If you don't remember, then you haven't, because they're so traumatic and you hate yourself so much when you have them.

• 3:01Tom Segura?

  You're right. I have not.

• 3:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're so embarrassing. But like I said, my Christina P. liquid lipstick covers cold sores up the best. So if you want to cover up that dirty whore cold sore, buy my lipstick now. And time for Valentine's Day.

• 3:14Tom Segura?

  That's true, man.

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Cuts You Up is made specifically for camouflaging herpes cold sores on your face. Get it now. Order now, time for Valentine's.

• 3:24Tom Segura?

  It's a great message, dude. It's a great message. We should talk about this winter weather coming up, but I think-

• 3:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 3:33Tom Segura?

  There's a lot to go over, but-

• 3:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know. I just got so excited to see you.

• 3:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just so you are to see me. I can see it's mutual, the feeling.

• 3:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the first time I've talked to him in like a week. Since we last did the show, literally so busy. I talked to him for five minutes. This is the longest I've seen you. And you're like, "Brrr." I'm so, did you see that relationship?

• 3:59Tom Segura?

  Everything, everything, everything happens for a reason.

• 4:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, go do your fucking thing.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  To every fucking person out there, don't ever fucking play with me again. I'm telling you right now, don't ever fucking play with me. Cause I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right the fuck now, don't ever fucking play with my shit again. Cause if you ever fucking come in and think you fucking know something, I'm gonna show you what the fuck is up.

• 4:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah dude.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Come on, bring it in Connor, show them what it is. Right the fuck here, guess what the fuck that is? That's my fucking diamonds, baby. That's 3K right there. If I ever fucking need the money, or if I ever need to come of the fuck up, I'll go use every fucking asset.

• 4:38Tom Segura?

  Who is Randy? Fuck you Connor.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

• 4:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mom Segura. Hit it.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 5:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:29Tom Segura?

  There's

• 5:32Tom Segura?

  so much going on in this video.

• 5:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm not sure I understand.

• 5:37Tom Segura?

  You shouldn't, but I mean, first of all, there's the message. He's like, bring that shit, no one ever fuck with me. And then he calls out Connor. And then he's like, I got my fucking diamonds here. And then there's like, is this room, is he eight feet tall, or is this room five foot 10? It's, it's like, there's coolers and paint and an electric fireplace and

• 6:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the good one.

• 6:02Tom Segura?

  It also kinda looks like a, um, like a gay porn's about to start, right? Like the, the quality of the angle and, and his build, it looks like he's probably tried things. Like it's all there and then you're like, okay, I don't know what's going on. And then the second part.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  And guess what?

• 6:21Tom Segura?

  What?

• 6:23Speaker 02

  My mother fucking knows it. Because of this. That's real fucking diamonds, motherfucker.

• 6:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  What's up? If I ever fucking need my money, I'm gonna go right to my mother and take that bitch right off her neck. And she gonna give it to me. I'll tell you right now, that's why I know my mother and I are good. Because she gave me this fucking piece right here. Back. I asked for it. Mom, I need the fucking cash. Would you give me that? Boom. Took that bitch right off. Come on. Tell me right now. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna shark the fucking world. You get the fuck out of my face. Don't you fucking ever come to play. And I'm gonna go give that back right to her. I'm gonna go put that fucking 3K right back on her neck. Watch. Fucking watch.

• 7:03Tom Segura?

  I'm so, I'm so baffled because I also wanna know, what did Connor say? Did Connor say like, there's no way you could steal some shit from your mom? Or, or like, you don't have any money? Or there's no way you could, you could pay for something? Like, it feels like he felt threatened or challenged about like his, either what he has or his access to money or his relationship with his mom? I don't know.

• 7:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It sounds to me, I agree. What's the debate here? And it feels like it's a mom flex. I feel like he's flexing about

• 7:36Tom Segura?

  On his brother, maybe?

• 7:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  The quality of his relationship with his mother. He's like, dude, I fucking was like, I need $300. Give me your necklace. Or $3,000.

• 7:45Tom Segura?

  Then he was

• 7:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't get it.

• 7:47Tom Segura?

  Like, like anyone would be impressed with that necklace.

• 7:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 7:53Tom Segura?

  Okay? Like, that is not a necklace that you go, oh, Jesus. But he showed it to him. He was like, look at this fucking shit. Then he was like, I snagged that. At first, I thought he robbed his mom.

• 8:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Tom Segura?

  And then in the end, he's like, I'm gonna go give it right back to her. But I was like, yo, let me hold that. She was like, cool.

• 8:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I don't, I mean, like, here, it deserves a second.

• 8:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, my mommy trusts me? Is that what this is?

• 8:16Tom Segura?

  You know what? Let's all watch this again. One, one more time.

• 8:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  If anybody has any ideas.

• 8:23Tom Segura?

  There's so much here.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  To every fucking person out there, don't ever fucking play with me again. I'm telling you right now, don't ever fucking play with me.

• 8:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not a dude, no one's playing with you, homie.

• 8:32Tom Segura?

  First of all, it's to everyone, everyone out there, don't ever fuck with me.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right the fuck now, don't ever fucking play with my shit again. Cause if you ever fucking come in and think you fucking know something, I'm gonna show you what the fuck is up.

• 8:47Tom Segura?

  That was awesome. That was like.

• 8:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 8:50Tom Segura?

  That was a real explosive message. If you were doing a monologue, I'd be like, that part was great. He was like, I'll show you what the fuck is up. Like, yeah, I've been watching a lot of casting tapes.

• 8:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was gonna say.

• 8:59Tom Segura?

  So.

• 9:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It does, it feels like, um, yeah, like an action movie.

• 9:04Tom Segura?

  Really authentically him.

• 9:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So right now, though, all the only thing we know so far from this copy is everybody out there, don't ever think you could fuck with me. And if you do think you could fuck with me, I'll show everybody what's up. So I have no idea where we're going with it.

• 9:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Also, Tom.

• 9:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Might I also add?

• 9:22Tom Segura?

  Underground bunker.

• 9:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's also showing you, like you pointed out, all the items that he has. Those are all his items.

• 9:30Tom Segura?

  I have a certificate from a college. I have a lamp that I could take outside. I have paint. I have a cooler. I have a smaller cooler. I have a third cooler.

• 9:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ross painting.

• 9:41Tom Segura?

  I have a bunch of cold drinks. Ross painting.

• 9:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lantern.

• 9:47Tom Segura?

  Christmas tree. I have a thing that looks like a fireplace, but is just decorative. I have, yeah, there's all kinds of shit and all this shit is mine. He's letting you know my.

• 9:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's showing you.

• 9:56Tom Segura?

  And that's really what everybody wants to do in this world is go, this shit is mine.

• 9:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  This shit, not everybody. I don't. I'm the opposite. I wanna be like, don't look at my stuff because you're going to like it and steal it from me. I have the communist mentality.

• 10:09Tom Segura?

  A version of, I have my shit, you know?

• 10:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have stuff. Don't look at my stuff, please.

• 10:14Tom Segura?

  Don't look at my stuff, yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Come on, bring it in, Connor. Show them what it is.

• 10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Connor.

• 10:18Tom Segura?

  So then, maybe Connor was like, I don't believe you have any shit. I don't believe you have any coolers and I don't believe you have any lamps. And I don't believe you have any paintings. And then he's like, bring it in, fucker. Check this out.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Right the fuck here. That's what the fuck that is.

• 10:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  That's my fucking diamonds, baby. That's 3K right there.

• 10:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Connor was like, you don't have $3,000 in diamonds?

• 10:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's like, yes, I do, dude. My mommy gave it to me.

• 10:48Tom Segura?

  And you don't, you don't have diamonds.

• 10:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Tom Segura?

  Cause he's like, those are my diamonds. Which is, it's like, when you say I have diamonds, it usually implies you have like loose diamonds, right?

• 10:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 11:00Tom Segura?

  If you have a diamond bracelet, you wouldn't say I have diamonds. You'd say I have a diamond bracelet, right?

• 11:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 11:05Tom Segura?

  I have diamond earrings. Someone who goes, I have diamonds, you're implying that you have

• 11:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I think he's saying?

• 11:11Tom Segura?

  A bunch of diamonds.

• 11:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's saying that I have a lot of cash assets. He's like, I got liquid assets on deck, bro.

• 11:19Tom Segura?

  I wonder what Connor said to him. Did Connor go like?

• 11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have cash.

• 11:23Tom Segura?

  How the fuck are you gonna pay for this? How are you gonna pay for this motorcycle? Right? Like, it's fucking, it's $2,800.

• 11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  He wants definitely.

• 11:32Tom Segura?

  $2,800?

• 11:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's definitely this guy's want. It's a dirt bike?

• 11:36Tom Segura?

  Like a dirt bike.

• 11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  A jet ski. It's something so stupid, for sure. It's not rent.

• 11:41Tom Segura?

  For sure. No fuck, no, it's not rent.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  If I ever fucking need the money, or if I ever need to come of the fuck up, I'll go use every fucking asset. And guess what?

• 11:52Tom Segura?

  Look at all my shit here. Look at my room of assets. Look at this shit.

• 11:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what he's saying.

• 11:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:58Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:41Speaker 02

  My motherfucking knows it.

• 14:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  My motherfucking knows it.

• 14:44Tom Segura?

  My motherfucking knows it.

• 14:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  His mommy knows.

• 14:46Tom Segura?

  My mother, my mother knows it.

• 14:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  That's real fucking diamonds, motherfucker.

• 14:53Tom Segura?

  Real diamonds. I mean, I can't even make out that that is diamonds. Like he's holding that up. If he had said nothing, I'd be like, I see you have a silver pendant? I don't understand.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  So if I ever fucking need my money, I'm gonna go right to my mother and take that bitch right off her neck.

• 15:08Tom Segura?

  Well, this is part of the messaging that I'm just confusing. Because at first you're like, oh, my mom gave me that. And then he's like, if I ever need money, I will steal this right off of my mom's neck. So does his mom wear that every day?

• 15:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think the flex.

• 15:22Tom Segura?

  And then he was like.

• 15:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  The flex is like.

• 15:25Tom Segura?

  His mom's willing to give it to him.

• 15:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He doesn't have to, he's not gonna rob his mom. But his mommy loves him so much that his mommy will give him the necklace. Like, my mommy loves me so much, bro. She give me $3,000 of diamonds, honey.

• 15:41Tom Segura?

  I could see our youngest doing a video like this.

• 15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is all kids? God, don't even.

• 15:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, our kid being like, you don't think I could fucking do?

• 15:53Tom Segura?

  If I need shit, I'll come, I'll steal it off of my mom.

• 15:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, don't even.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  And she gonna give it to me.

• 16:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's gonna give it to me.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  That's why I know.

• 16:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but he just said I'd take that shit off of her neck. And now he's like, she'll give it to me. He's just fired up.

• 16:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's trying to be like, bitch, she just loves me so much. My mommy just gives me what I want.

• 16:13Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm. I wish he said mommy instead of.

• 16:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what this sounds like. This sounds like a toddler flex.

• 16:20Tom Segura?

  I was talking to my mommy last night.

• 16:23Tom Segura?

  And I was like, mommy, I need that fucking diamond necklace you fucking wear. My mommy said, yeah, come get this shit.

• 16:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's his argument. That's literally.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Because she gave me this fucking piece right here. Back.

• 16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  My mother and I are good.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  I asked for it, mom. I need the fucking cash. Would you give me that? Boom. Took that bitch right off. Come on. Tell me right now. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna shark the fucking world. Get the fuck out of my face. Don't you fucking ever come and play. And I'm gonna go get that back right too. I'm gonna go put that fucking 3K right back on her neck. Watch. Fucking watch.

• 16:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm lost.

• 16:57Tom Segura?

  So then the flex.

• 16:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm lost.

• 16:59Tom Segura?

  Then the flex becomes that I can get this, but I am, I'm not gonna do that to my mother. I'm gonna give it back to her. But if I need it, she will give it to me.

• 17:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 17:10Tom Segura?

  So he's like, I'm a good son. I'm not, I'm not keeping it. But I'm just showing you that I have, I can get it from her if I need it.

• 17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 17:17Tom Segura?

  You don't think I'm, you don't think I'm gonna be on a dirt bike soon? Watch. Yeah. Where did you find this video, dude? Where did you guys find this? Please tell me.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  I thought this was one you sent in. Did you not send this in?

• 17:31Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I send a lot in.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  I think you sent this in, yeah.

• 17:37Tom Segura?

  So this is, can somebody see, is this guy, is it from his account? Or is it from like a?

• 17:42Speaker 05

  No, that's from his account. It's from his Instagram page. Yeah, it's really wild.

• 17:47Tom Segura?

  Let's going, let's, yeah, go ahead.

• 17:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you my theory, Connor Pearson? Hold on. Being earth oriented, as I ride my smoothest line, I have yet to write my greatest lines to be continued. I don't know what the fuck that means. I think-

• 18:01Tom Segura?

  I don't know, but, oh, he's a gamer. He's like, you don't think I have a fucking new PS5 VR2 headset, motherfucker?

• 18:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What the fuck? Maggie Brown.

• 18:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, boy.

• 18:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please say, oh, this is, this is, okay. Now the picture's clear.

• 18:16Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 18:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think, can I tell you my theory with Connor?

• 18:19Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's gaming all the time.

• 18:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, I thought he was a tweaker and maybe like he'd stolen money from his mom before, but now she trusts him again.

• 18:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, there it is. You can see it up close now. Scroll up a little bit. Right up, right above Psalm 23, there's a diamond, that's a diamond.

• 18:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the diamond necklace.

• 18:37Tom Segura?

  Let's see.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  You need to contact me immediately. I call on you to come back. Bring my diamonds back home now.

• 18:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, the diamonds.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  You will understand.

• 18:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He'll understand.

• 18:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:51Tom Segura?

  Wait a minute. His name is Connor?

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  I thought he called out Connor. I think he was like hyping himself up. Like, fuck you, Connor.

• 19:03Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean, now I'm...

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  Did he challenge himself to get the diamonds?

• 19:10Tom Segura?

  I don't understand.

• 19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's that writing behind his head there? Did he make his posters? What is going on? Once we're quoting the Bible, that's-

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Right comment, smoke.

• 19:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smoke, check yourself before you comment again.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  That was not the right comment.

• 19:28Tom Segura?

  There are a lot of dark angels.

• 19:30Tom Segura?

  What's not the right comment?

• 19:31Speaker 02

  To everyone.

• 19:33Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Of my friends in that, friends in that area.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  You're done.

• 19:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, he just lost a bunch of friends, dude. He was like, no longer.

• 19:49Tom Segura?

  There's that diamond necklace.

• 19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Next time someone wanna add some dumb shit, just so you know.

• 19:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  What does she know?

• 20:00Speaker 02

  I can go to the FBI.

• 20:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can go to the FBI.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  I can go to DEA.

• 20:05Tom Segura?

  DEA?

• 20:06Speaker 02

  I can go to everyone and swipe everybody out from under the table.

• 20:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn, dude.

• 20:11Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't do that.

• 20:13Tom Segura?

  Guys with that kinda access are dangerous.

• 20:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he is dangerous, and he's doing his shirtless to show you that he's physically dangerous.

• 20:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's physically fit, too, yeah.

• 20:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's these notes?

• 20:22Tom Segura?

  These notes are something.

• 20:25Tom Segura?

  These notes are something.

• 20:28Tom Segura?

  Hmm, and who's the woman? This is interesting. This is a new character?

• 20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh-oh, uh-oh.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  Just go somewhere else.

• 20:33Tom Segura?

  Is that mom?

• 20:34Speaker 06

  This is my kitchen. I can, I have every right to be here. You don't wanna be here, then you go somewhere.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  You're screaming, you're yelling, you're, you're, you're making them, just to knock, you just came in screaming and yelling.

• 20:46Speaker 06

  Because my gas and electric doubled because of you.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  I'm sorry that you feel that way.

• 20:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 20:51Speaker 06

  It's not that I feel that way, it's a fact, and I'll be bringing it up in court.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Thank you, Mom. Just, can you just leave me alone? I'm just trying to have some cup of coffee and relax.

• 21:01Speaker 06

  Go ahead and go somewhere else, then. Go in your room.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Mom, can we have a heart-to-heart talk?

• 21:09Speaker 06

  Mom, mom.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Can we have a heart-to-heart talk?

• 21:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's me with your kids.

• 21:13Speaker 06

  About what?

• 21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  I think you should go get tested for dementia.

• 21:18Speaker 06

  I think you should get tested for mental health issues.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  I will, if you can get.

• 21:22Speaker 06

  A lot of people are saying that, Connor.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Mom, I will if you can get tested, too.

• 21:28Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  You'll go get tested to go get dementia?

• 21:31Speaker 06

  If you get tested for mental health.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  That's fine.

• 21:34Speaker 06

  Alright.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  That's fine. But you gotta get tested for me, and Katrina's gotta be here.

• 21:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Katrina.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Katrina, I gotta have a conversation with my own sister without you being there. Is that okay with you? You gotta, you have to agree to that.

• 21:49Speaker 06

  Hi, baby.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Nah, I just wanna make sure.

• 21:52Speaker 06

  Two more weeks, Connor. Woo-hoo. Two more weeks.

• 21:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it makes sense.

• 21:58Tom Segura?

  This has got so much, I love, by the way, that the top comment on this is invested in this since the start.

• 22:07Tom Segura?

  People are following. That is such.

• 22:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is great.

• 22:11Tom Segura?

  This is such a great find.

• 22:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  No babe, this is a premise for a sitcom. This is brilliant. Like the, the single mom.

• 22:17Tom Segura?

  So this guy, I, yeah, single mom with an adult child who, by the way, I think we all understand that if.

• 22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  We get it.

• 22:28Tom Segura?

  If they get tested, one of them's gonna come up positive. And I think we know which one it is.

• 22:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  We know, it's not Katrina the dog.

• 22:34Tom Segura?

  And it ain't mom. Wow.

• 22:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, now it makes sense. So it says, bro, bro is avoiding.

• 22:40Tom Segura?

  And he posted that.

• 22:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, bro is avoiding financial responsibility of why the utility's gone up. Yes, you may want coffee, but at the end of the day, we all have consequences of our actions. So he's not paying his bills. Hence the video of like, I can afford this.

• 22:55Tom Segura?

  Well, you can't pay bills, you can't pay bills if you don't have income. Yeah, somebody basically was like, you're broke. That's what it is. Someone was like, you're broke. He's like, I'm broke. I just fucking got this diamond necklace from my mom's neck. And I can sell it if I want to. Yeah.

• 23:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  To pay her back for the utilities on her house.

• 23:12Tom Segura?

  And this room is definitely a collection of his assets. It is definitely what's going on.

• 23:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  The way he's positioned, the cooler, he's definitely into that dirt bike. I think we're, he might be a lake guy though. Cause he has, I see the beer cooler and.

• 23:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, fishing.

• 23:27Tom Segura?

  There's, there's three coolers there babe. There's three.

• 23:32Tom Segura?

  I also love that she goes, my utilities have doubled since he's lived here. He goes, I'm sorry you feel that way. And she's like, I don't feel that way. It's a fact.

• 23:47Tom Segura?

  I'm sorry you feel like your bills have gone up since I've come around.

• 23:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's the YouTube page like?

• 23:53Tom Segura?

  Oh man.

• 23:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my.

• 23:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's definitely.

• 23:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Connor.

• 23:58Tom Segura?

  Holy, oh, it's maybe reposting all those same things?

• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Connor.

• 24:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, those are like a lot of the same videos. Well, there's more though. Fuck. Wait, scroll up a, oh fuck, scroll up a little bit. I saw more. I got a PSP with Star Wars Battlefront 2. Yeah, so he's like posting about his games, I think?

• 24:25Tom Segura?

  Is that what he's doing?

• 24:25Speaker 03

  What's that, uh, everyone is racist clip?

• 24:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:30Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 24:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now we're cooking.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Hey, fuck out of here, you little baby ass bitch. I'm gonna say something right now. I support only white businesses, bitch. Because if you only, if black people and Mexicans and every other fucking race can support just their racist business, right? Fuck, fuck out of here, I ain't fucking shopping with you guys. Fuck out of here, I ain't shopping with that shit. So, America's gotta come to the reality that if you're a black owned business supporting just black people, fuck out of here. If you're a Mexican owned business and you support just Mexicans, fuck out of here. I don't give a fuck about you guys because you guys are racist. I know because I grew up around fucking black people, okay? Everyone's fucking racist. Get that through your fucking mind.

• 25:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so confused. Is it me or did the argument completely flip flop? Like at first he was like, the races should just deal with the races. And then at the end he's like, the races should buy it from all the races? I'm not sure.

• 25:31Tom Segura?

  No.

• 25:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's the argument?

• 25:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he was, he's pretty much saying that he, he doesn't support the idea that some, um, usually minorities who are struggling to get a business going, go, support your own, you know, like how?

• 25:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:47Tom Segura?

  They go, if you're black, like, go to black owned businesses, or like, if you're Korean, support Korean businesses. He's like, I don't fuck with that shit, so I'm gonna support white owned businesses only, yeah. Yeah.

• 25:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Connor is just, and he's got more shit behind him in that video. Did you notice how the shit increased?

• 26:05Tom Segura?

  I liked that he had a flag hanging. Yeah, it was cool.

• 26:08Speaker 06

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• 26:53Speaker 06

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• 27:32Tom Segura?

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• 28:13Tom Segura?

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• 28:33Tom Segura?

  By the way, speaking of races, let me tell you something. Any? Any, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What's up? I was so impressed that I have to do this remote setup and this guy off his dome can be like, mm, go look for this button, like to set this stuff up. Like, it's really impressive. I really appreciate that. I don't think that has anything to do with my race. No, I was just gonna say that you're like a wizard clown. Like, you're just like, Oh, great. Just unbelievable, high level. Yeah. Yeah. Really nice of you, Tom. I'm really glad you said that. I was just really impressed. I was just saying that I was impressed with you. Yeah, I appreciate that, Tom.

• 29:20Tom Segura?

  Thanks, boss.

• 29:24Tom Segura?

  Boss of the company I work for. I was really just impressed, dude.

• 29:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know that he just turned 35?

• 29:32Tom Segura?

  No, no, 40. Fuck, man.

• 29:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're lying.

• 29:35Tom Segura?

  No.

• 29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I can't believe anything. Did you really turn 40?

• 29:38Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you kidding?

• 29:40Tom Segura?

  Solo. Big 4-0.

• 29:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he lying?

• 29:42Speaker 05

  He's 40.

• 29:42Tom Segura?

  Solo.

• 29:43Speaker 05

  Black don't crack.

• 29:44Tom Segura?

  You're 40? Big 4-0, baby. You look great. You look great.

• 29:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You look great.

• 29:47Tom Segura?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way. Now, as black people, they never.

• 29:51Tom Segura?

  Do you remember that, like, there was like a couple month period where you were like, guess what I did? I ate real food.

• 30:00Tom Segura?

  You're like, I feel so good. Yeah. Having, yeah. Horrible time. Horrible time.

• 30:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  So are you?

• 30:07Tom Segura?

  You're not on that anymore, are you? Hell no. Sludge life.

• 30:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  How often are you eating and what are you eating?

• 30:13Tom Segura?

  Uh, I'm eating, I mean, usually once a day and probably the most unhealthy thing you could possibly think of, I'm probably eating that.

• 30:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chick-fil-A.

• 30:21Tom Segura?

  Pizza.

• 30:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pizza, In-N-Out, wings. Perfect. No, now is the time to really ramp that behavior up. When you turn 40, stop exercising, start eating garbage, because it only gets better from here.

• 30:36Tom Segura?

  I was gonna say, it only gets easier. The, um,

• 30:41Tom Segura?

  the, the older you get, shit just works better. Yeah.

• 30:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't have to do anything.

• 30:47Tom Segura?

  So much easier. I mean, you know, you always hear about, uh, People were eating healthy their whole life and they still like fifty and shit. There is. But then you hear that person. Yeah, you hear the person that was smoking one cig a day for fucking a hundred and eighty years and they're still alive and that's gonna be me. It is true.

• 31:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, he does.

• 31:05Tom Segura?

  Don't stop. Just don't stop. That's the key.

• 31:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  He does smoke cigarettes, too.

• 31:10Tom Segura?

  They always say that doesn't matter. Um, there's a, there's.

• 31:16Tom Segura?

  There's videos of like these people that are over a hundred and they always do like a news, local news article, you know? Like a visit from the news station and they'll be like, what's your secret? And the person will be like, I ate ice cream.

• 31:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:29Tom Segura?

  I ate ice cream every day. Yeah. And you're like, okay. So it is somebody who's like an anomaly.

• 31:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  There, there is no, here's, the secret is genetics. That's the secret. That's the big secret. I don't, I just think, like when I, I've had my cancer doctors tell me, like, there are people, like you just said, they don't smoke a day in their life and they die of lung cancer. And then there's.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  Well, I will say this, like the, one of the best longevity experts in the world is Peter Attia.

• 31:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:56Tom Segura?

  He said, the biggest indicator of your, like, uh, presumed longevity, your mortality, um, on earth is not your, um, uh, if you're a smoker, not your blood work. It's your VO2 max and your, yeah.

• 32:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's VO2 max?

• 32:20Tom Segura?

  VO2 max is like your body's capacity to intake oxygen and process. So it's really a, it's an indicator of your cardiovascular, your cardio level. So somebody, if you're, if you can run, you know, six, seven minute mile, your VO2 max is probably pretty high. Uh, you can do it yourself without getting the mask. You can do a thing called a Cooper test, which is you run on a flat surface for 12 miles. You, you take how long that is, you convert it, you can see, you can Google the chart. You could find out what your VO2 max is. That and like grip strength are greatest indicators of how long you'll live. I bet you ENNYS is actually pretty good. I don't know how your cardio is. You think you can run, can you run pretty fast or no?

• 33:04Speaker 06

  I mean, I can run fast, but not for long. Definitely not for long.

• 33:07Tom Segura?

  That's the whole thing, though. How long can you run fast for? Can you run, can, how fast can you run a mile, you think?

• 33:12Speaker 06

  I mean, I haven't ran a mile since high school. I don't know. I'd have to train. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

• 33:18Tom Segura?

  I bet, but I bet your grip strength is good.

• 33:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's for sure. That one's good.

• 33:23Tom Segura?

  I would just say, keep fucking smoking, man.

• 33:25Speaker 06

  It's what you gotta do.

• 33:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dial it up.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  Just keep the path. As soon as you change, it's, you know, it's like getting a new engine in a car. Everything else fucks up, you know? Just keep doing what you're doing.

• 33:33Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 33:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  My dad is a cockroach. Your mother is a cockroach. And these people have done nothing good for their health their entire lives. And they're, and now in their 80s, totally fine, totally alive.

• 33:46Tom Segura?

  My mom's, my mom makes up her ailments. She's like, it's all, I'm declining now. I'm scared to walk. Like, you're scared to walk? She's like, my legs. I'm scared they will give out. And I'm like, uh huh. Okay.

• 34:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  We didn't even talk about, did we talk about how I went to the ER with her like two weeks ago?

• 34:08Tom Segura?

  No, no.

• 34:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  She, well, you called me. You're like, I think my mom's having a stroke. Get over there. And I was like.

• 34:15Tom Segura?

  They called me. I'm in LA. And then I was like, I go, there was a lady at the house, like helping my mom out. And then she puts her on the phone. My mom was like, I tell me I am, I'm okay. And I go, you don't sound okay. She's like, it would pass in a moment. I'm like, mom, what are you talking about? I go, just call 911. She was like, no, it will pass. It will pass. And then like hangs up. I'm like, okay, so I call back and the lady's like, what should I do? I go, call 911. Like, what is going on? This makes no sense.

• 34:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just do it, dude.

• 34:51Tom Segura?

  And so she did. And then I called you and you're like, yes, I'll run over there.

• 34:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. So I'm over there and you know, the lady that's taking care of your mom is so frantic. I don't even think I told you that. Like she was in like, whenever there's an emergency, Latin ladies can't hold it down. I feel like they go into full like, just stop, stop panicking. Just fucking get your shit together. Let's go, dude. Yeah. And then we went to the hospital and then they thought she was having a heart attack at first. And then he's like, mm, I think she's just dehydrated. I'm like, what?

• 35:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then we get to the hospital. Four hours later, they're like, your mom's dehydrated. Great. Thank you for that.

• 35:32Tom Segura?

  I didn't tell you what the follow up was when I talked to her about it. I was like, so what does that tell you? I go, what does that tell you? All this was because you're dehydrated? She was, but the thing is, Tommy, I hate water.

• 35:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:46Tom Segura?

  And I go, could you get like a liquid IV pack and flavor your water? She's like, that's a great idea. And of course, I'm sure she's never done it, but yeah.

• 35:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, or I even, I was like, Crystal Light? Do you remember that from the eighties? You could put that in your tang?

• 36:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anything?

• 36:06Tom Segura?

  They were both like that, by the way, too. My dad, my fucking dad, rest in peace.

• 36:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:12Tom Segura?

  Was like, hey, I hate water. I just, I don't like it how it tastes. I'm like, it's not supposed to have a fucking taste. It's water. He's like, yeah, I don't, I don't like it. And he would do this. He would do this. I would go, bro, you have to drink some more water. So I'd give him one of these and he'd go.

• 36:32Tom Segura?

  And then he put it down. And then like, half an hour later, I go, you need to drink water. He goes, I did. I go, you had a sip. You're supposed to drink like fucking six of those a day. And he was like, when I was in high school and growing up all the time, he would come home from work. And he would always go on a run. We lived in Florida. So it'd be fucking 95 degrees outside. He'd go on a run, come back, you know, soaking wet, walk in like in his soaking t-shirt, open the fridge, grab a diet coke.

• 37:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:06Tom Segura?

  And that would be his, how he would replenish from the run.

• 37:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Diet Coke. And when he would come to visit us, I would stock the house with caffeine free diet cokes.

• 37:18Tom Segura?

  Cause if you didn't.

• 37:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  To hear about it. Any Diet Cokes?

• 37:23Tom Segura?

  Thoughtful of you guys. Couldn't go get some Diet Cokes? Okay.

• 37:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Yeah, my father never drinks water. I don't think I've ever seen him drink a glass of water or eat a salad in his entire life. So live, he drinks Fresca. That's all he'll drink is Fresca. I'm like, how do you find Fresca?

• 37:45Tom Segura?

  Four hours of tennis. He's like, let me get a Fresca.

• 37:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or alcohol, beer. What are you talking about? Beer. Like, how did your dad do Vietnam? Like, he's in the jungle.

• 37:56Tom Segura?

  Coke out here? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. That's great. It's a great point, because wouldn't they just be like perpetually dehydrated?

• 38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  They're in the jungle. And you're terrified, so you're sweating more. You have bullets flying over your head. Hey, guys, stay hydrated. You guys got Diet Coke?

• 38:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Totally.

• 38:19Tom Segura?

  Crazy. Totally.

• 38:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:22Tom Segura?

  Here, let's, uh, switch this up.

• 38:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is.

• 38:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit.

• 38:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Had to video this one, huh? Oh, oh.

• 38:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  911, dude.

• 38:46Tom Segura?

  That was his upload.

• 38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just that?

• 38:50Tom Segura?

  That was it. That was his video. Ah.

• 38:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  God.

• 38:56Tom Segura?

  Hold on. Uh, okay, so this is Patrick Dunsberry. He stands five foot five. He's in his 60s.

• 39:06Tom Segura?

  This is Patrick Hockingpelugi. He also uploads videos of himself arguing with people in the comments, but never references or tags the person he's responding to.

• 39:23Tom Segura?

  It says, "Why? No reason why he does this." "He does have a drinking problem." "He was arrested two years ago for public intoxication." Can we go to his page real quick?

• 39:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, oh my god.

• 39:43Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's a cool account. That's a cool account title. That's his profile name. Can you scroll up to the top?

• 39:51Tom Segura?

  "Hey, hit me up on Instagram. I'm P80233721, gmail.com underscore KOTV underscore..."

• 40:02Tom Segura?

  "Get me a follow."

• 40:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  "Youth college, four years from Music Guitar Institute of Technology in Hollywood. For four years, done the rest. Look where it's got me now."

• 40:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. Fucking Hollywood.

• 40:17Tom Segura?

  Let's see some of these videos, man. I'm kind of interested. I mean, the first one was really cool.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Can't find a guitar pick.

• 40:23Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  But I guess we don't really need one of those, do we?

• 40:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 40:27Tom Segura?

  No, you can play guitar without a pick.

• 40:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. It's not even plugged in.

• 40:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 40:52Tom Segura?

  Okay, let's go to the next one.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Here, get up here, goddammit. Get up, get up, come on. Ah, ah, ah, ah, I mean, over here, come on. Come on, I'd rather be hot.

• 41:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know what that apartment smells like.

• 41:07Tom Segura?

  What do you think it smells like?

• 41:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That dog.

• 41:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You don't think it smells like the trash bag hanging off the wall?

• 41:16Speaker 02

  My little sister.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  Let's go to the next one. Let's see what else he's got.

• 41:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Swagrit.

• 41:26Tom Segura?

  He's got a joint. That's a joint. That's cool.

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good for him.

• 41:28Tom Segura?

  I'm done with that, dude.

• 41:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the best part of his day. Oh.

• 41:32Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 41:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 41:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do, do, do, do. Yeah.

• 41:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck, yeah, bro.

• 41:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, bro.

• 41:44Tom Segura?

  Let's see if we get him. Can you find him? Maybe, yeah, maybe talking there. Let's see what he's, who he's. Oh, no sound.

• 41:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Perfect.

• 41:56Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. The mattress in the back of my bed. It's not a headboard. It's for women I've been with. Wouldn't get black eyes me bouncing them off that thing. That's for the women's, women's comfort, man. They still get fucked nuts.

• 42:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:13Tom Segura?

  You know, there's no knots in the back of their hair.

• 42:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:16Tom Segura?

  We've been screwing them all night.

• 42:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:19Tom Segura?

  Put that mattress in the back instead of a headboard or backboard.

• 42:25Tom Segura?

  For the women's comfort. So they don't get fucking black eyes or bruised foreheads. Me bouncing them off this son of a bitch. Oh, yeah. That's pretty, that's pretty thoughtful. So he's saying that there's a mattress where the headboard would be and it's for your protection. So if you were with him, for instance, Christina, if you were with him, you wouldn't, your head and your face would get protection.

• 42:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I went from amused to violently, I feel so ill.

• 42:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh, could you imagine him?

• 42:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what's sad? What's really making me genuinely sad is that because...

• 43:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 43:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  The, like, Gen X, we're the last generation to be clueless about technology. So we're gonna lose this valuable art in the next

• 43:21Tom Segura?

  Of these guys.

• 43:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Generation. Yeah, like, this is it. It sucks. I'm so bummed.

• 43:27Tom Segura?

  That sound was awesome.

• 43:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a millennial's not gonna do that when they're

• 43:32Tom Segura?

  No.

• 43:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sixty. They're gonna know.

• 43:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  We should be saving these. These are treasures.

• 43:43Tom Segura?

  He posted that. He posted.

• 43:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Where is that?

• 43:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pause. Upload.

• 43:58Tom Segura?

  Upload, share that.

• 44:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's with the?

• 44:01Tom Segura?

  Don't, don't forget to follow me.

• 44:05Tom Segura?

  P eight oh, two, three, three, seven, two, one, gmail dot com, underscore, K O T, underscore, V, F V R.

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  He has two dogs in that apartment, like big dogs. He's like, one is Scandinavian.

• 44:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  My two dogs, the German police dog and a Scandinavian bear dog, the Norwegian Scandinavian bear dog were fixing to go serve some papers to the bitch. Trying to steal my house. My dog's got my back. No one else does.

• 44:33Tom Segura?

  He should link up with the first guy with the basement and the diamond necklace. Cause they could live together.

• 44:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. Oh shit.

• 44:42Tom Segura?

  They could support white owned businesses together, you know?

• 44:49Tom Segura?

  With all their income.

• 44:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, there needs to be, there needs to just be a social media platform for cool guys, just cool.

• 44:56Tom Segura?

  Is that a, is that a drawing? Do we have a drawing up there? If you scroll up to a little bit? Is that something he drew? All of us, oh, all of us have this coming recipe. Okay.

• 45:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's on the wall. I think he drew that on his wall, babe.

• 45:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, it's a reminder. Everybody needs a reminder.

• 45:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  With a BIC, like pens.

• 45:15Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Hello. My name is Chuck Groves and I'm a homosexual.

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 45:22Speaker 03

  I'm ready to start a living as an openly gay man. I'm looking to meet other gay guys for friendship and dating.

• 45:30Tom Segura?

  Cool. That's also that generation. You know? He's like, hello.

• 45:39Tom Segura?

  Just putting this message out there. That's good, man.

• 45:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But gay guys are so cool, like automatically. Oh, by the way, I posted a clip of us last week, me saying that I'm into gay man porn. And I just took an unofficial poll of the women to see if they think I'm vile and disgusting, or if they too like it. Cause we've been, I, I've heard that chicks dig it. So let's see.

• 46:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Out of 500, this is crazy. Out of like 500 responses, it's 51% to 49%, 49% saying, "No, you gross. You're gross." Isn't that crazy? It's pretty polarizing. This is like divisive topic, you know?

• 46:20Tom Segura?

  What's the percentages?

• 46:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay porn. Yes, 51%. 49% is, "No, you gross idiot." Can you believe that?

• 46:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I mean, that means that a significant amount are with you, though. That's a lot.

• 46:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is like an election. This is how tight elections are. This is really crazy. Yeah, man. Also, I have some big YMH news. This is Chips in a Bowl. This is Cats Eating Kibble. This is a big deal.

• 46:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I posted it on my TikTok, like, right after it happened. January 16th, 2026, at 6:14 PM, I had a double pipe classic.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  This is a YMH exclusive.

• 47:17Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 47:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was euphoric in this video. Just watch them.

• 47:20Tom Segura?

  You should be. Everybody is when that happens.

• 47:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead, solo play. Just really quick. It's very important. Hi, I want you to know that today, January 16th, this is 2026, at exactly 6:14 PM, I, Christina P., had a double pipe classic. Now, if you're a fan of Your Mom's House, you know what that is. It's when you burp and fart at the same time. There's Biscuit. If you're not a fan of Your Mom's House, well, now you know. And it's very rare. It hasn't happened to me in several years. And, you know, when it happens, it kind of sneaks up on you and you're like, "Oh, my God, did I just burp and fart at the same time?" And, like, you have to register it. And it's just so special. And I wanted to share that with the world. Say goodbye, Biscuit.

• 48:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shh, just let me post this really quick. There's always a kid next to me, like, "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

• 48:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Do you remember like so that because I think when this happens, everyone's like, well, what'd you just eat? What did you? How did you live that day? Yeah.

• 48:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I did have a lot of I had. Oh, I know what I had. Mendocino Farms. I had the Quinnow avocado salad. And it was in the evening and I bent over to get a bottle of wine out of the fridge. And I beefed and I burped like it went beef and then burp overlaid. And you know, when you like, you go, oh, my God, like it occurs to you, the chain of events and you're like, no, no, no, that is a double pipe. Classic. Like even though one started first, the beef, but then the burp overlaid it. And I was like, this counts. Right? It counts.

• 48:58Tom Segura?

  We gotta get you on. We gotta get you on Huberman because I feel like this could be like something that he'd want to share with people too.

• 49:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think so?

• 49:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, I'll text him.

• 49:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's an, he's an, and a Tia.

• 49:11Tom Segura?

  Well, they both would be interested, but I think Andrew would be like, you know, let me, let me kind of tell people how, what their protocol should be to get.

• 49:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Their proto.

• 49:20Tom Segura?

  That's really cool. Yeah.

• 49:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  When's the last time you had one? Do you even remember?

• 49:24Tom Segura?

  No, it's been a long time. It's been a while. Yeah.

• 49:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, but like I said, like, it's really important to stay conscious and stay aware because you can have one and it doesn't even register. You know, like I could have easily just let that pass me by.

• 49:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. If your mind is kind of like drifting off, yeah, you don't even put it together.

• 49:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You have to be vigilant about your double pipe classic vigilant. Yeah. Anyway. Oh, boy.

• 49:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. How many are we gonna do?

• 49:58Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 50:02Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 50:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. I can't believe you're gonna miss the big storm. Storm dad would love the storm.

• 50:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, should I really stock up on things? Do you think it's gonna be that?

• 50:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, wine and stuff, yeah.

• 50:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cinnabons.

• 50:19Tom Segura?

  Cinnabons, it's really important.

• 50:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Listen to me. Listen to me, bro. Let me see your phone. No, let me see your phone. Look at this guy.

• 50:28Tom Segura?

  This is Mike the accountant.

• 50:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know, I know.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  This nigga will fuck you up. He's on my team. All this nigga been doing his whole life is carrying brick, concrete. He's an internal and external, um, carpenter. Dude, this guy's grip is ten times stronger than yours and mine. He on my team.

• 50:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  What team is that?

• 50:54Tom Segura?

  I bet. Sounds like it's, uh, I got the free pass team. I don't know. Pretty wild, right? Yeah.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  This nigga will fuck you up.

• 51:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's so sweet.

• 51:06Tom Segura?

  I need an extension on my taxes. This is the guy to call.

• 51:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just throws that out.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  In about a week, I've got about six and a half pounds to lose before then.

• 51:18Tom Segura?

  Wow. How are you gonna lose six and a half pounds?

• 51:20Speaker 02

  I'm about eight or nine percent body fat right now.

• 51:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eight or?

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Some people say, oh, that's what, four or five?

• 51:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  So beast.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  And some of you guys that say that you're like ten percent body fat, no, you're not. I've looked at you. You're like seventeen, eighteen, twenty percent. You're not even close to under ten percent. This is about eight or nine percent body fat, okay?

• 51:40Tom Segura?

  Hey, man, you haven't gotten back to me on my refund last, since last year. I filed with you. Could you stop posting these videos and actually let me know what's going on?

• 51:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  From his closet. Hey, Tom, how's your fat percentage reduction going?

• 51:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, it's not, it's not great, man. It's not great. I don't know what it is, but it's not great.

• 52:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You wanted to get down to four percent, right?

• 52:05Tom Segura?

  I thought, I thought two to three would be ideal.

• 52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Alright.

• 52:10Tom Segura?

  I'm just eating too much, man.

• 52:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, no, I'm, I'm losing my mind.

• 52:14Tom Segura?

  I did notice a crazy thing. Can you go to his page? Can you guys go to his page real quick? Cause I saw this scrolling this week. I thought this was nuts. Keep going.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't believe he just throws, I'm still shocked at the N-bomb throwdown. Like, he just was like, this guy. That's wild, dude. And if he did that to you in the street, and he's like, this guy's grip, and then he dropped that on you, like, what do you even do? What do you say? Do you correct somebody?

• 52:42Speaker 06

  I'd say, thanks, nigga.

• 52:45Speaker 06

  Appreciate it.

• 52:47Tom Segura?

  Scroll to the top again. Earlier this week, he archives a lot, I think. Always, yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 06

  Just like a black guy.

• 52:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that a black guy in the white? What is this? Why do they do this?

• 53:00Speaker 06

  Can't explain it, but I have the urge, and I can't explain it, but it's just something we do. I don't know.

• 53:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  To, like, hide from the public what you were?

• 53:08Speaker 06

  No, it's like, you're, uh, fuck, you're like, curating.

• 53:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 53:14Speaker 06

  It's like, it's specifically what I want you to see right now. And sometimes it's nothing. That's a real black move. If you just archive everything and you have a blank page for no reason, very black thing to do.

• 53:24Tom Segura?

  That's a black thing, you think?

• 53:25Speaker 06

  It's a very black thing to do. Name me one white guy that's done it.

• 53:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I don't, I don't know.

• 53:30Speaker 06

  Unless it's consistently like that, like, for it to just randomly be zero, like, posts, but before they had a whole wall of shit, it doesn't make sense. Why would you do it? And I can't explain, but I've done it before, too.

• 53:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can't explain black.

• 53:44Tom Segura?

  I like that you're like, ah, there are even some black mysteries to me.

• 53:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 06

  Yeah. You know, you know what it probably is? It's my white side.

• 53:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:54Speaker 06

  It's my white side, doesn't understand it.

• 53:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 53:57Speaker 06

  I live in a constant.

• 53:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a great point. Let's go back to this guy in a minute, but may I just interject one thing? I would love to know your black opinion on Jaden Smith lately?

• 54:09Speaker 06

  Jaden Smith?

• 54:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's been the, they, they made him the designer for, um, what's the red bottoms shoes? Louboutins?

• 54:17Tom Segura?

  Louboutins.

• 54:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm curious to see what the black opinion is on him, because, like, okay, his collection is really, it's inspired by the color red, so he spray painted himself red, and then he made, like, red boots with fur on them, and red, red, red, red, red. I don't know, like, do, do black people think he's cool, or do we not like this?

• 54:42Tom Segura?

  Uh, I mean.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  I think, um, yeah, it does look like a clown shoe. God damn it.

• 54:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and I like his other stuff, actually. Like, I think some of the stuff that he did was quite good. But I don't, I don't think the fur, it's hard to wear.

• 54:56Tom Segura?

  That's a baseball cap? That's a cap.

• 54:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean.

• 55:02Tom Segura?

  Any, please buy that hat.

• 55:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's ten thousand dollars. Done.

• 55:06Tom Segura?

  Okay, don't buy that hat.

• 55:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  So expensive, no way.

• 55:10Tom Segura?

  I don't like it that much.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel bad for the kid, you know?

• 55:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me too.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  I feel bad. He's just a kid. We were all this fucking stupid at some point, but we didn't have.

• 55:18Tom Segura?

  How old is this kid?

• 55:21Speaker 03

  Too, not old enough.

• 55:21Tom Segura?

  How old's Jaden now?

• 55:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gotta be like twenty-eight by now? Twenty-seven.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  Twenty-seven.

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's a cutie pie.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  He's still a kid, you know?

• 55:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 55:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 03

  It sucks that this much attention is on him at all, but... Because, yeah, what twenty-seven-year-old is gonna be, I don't know, making fucking super sick moves that everyone would agree with? It's like, you're crazy. You're still retarded.

• 55:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm surprised, like, is the black community, like, clowning him right now? Or like, are we?

• 55:47Speaker 03

  Don't say that word.

• 55:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry. Is the black community, like, making fun of him? Or are we, like, having mercy? That's what I'm really curious about. If you could get back to me, just talk to all the blacks who know, and then...

• 55:58Tom Segura?

  I feel like this is...

• 55:59Speaker 03

  I'll consult the blacks.

• 56:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me know.

• 56:04Tom Segura?

  Okay, speaking of, um, black guys, we got, should give a shout out. Rest in peace. This was unexpected, and it is quite sad that, um, white folks passed away.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  You a liar? I ain't telling no shit!

• 56:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Hey, man, y'all know what going on. Yeah, whole lot of white folk shit, man, you dig?

• 56:26Tom Segura?

  He died. Really sad. He died, um, a few days ago. Motorcycle accident.

• 56:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, you dropped something. You dropped something. Yo, man. Don't you talk to white folk like that.

• 56:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a light, what a light.

• 56:55Tom Segura?

  What a, he was a good time. Here's two black people hanging out.

• 57:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, Vicky.

• 57:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what a treasure.

• 57:08Tom Segura?

  Rest in peace.

• 57:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what a light.

• 57:11Tom Segura?

  Another cool guy gone. That's really sad. Yeah.

• 57:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's too bad.

• 57:16Tom Segura?

  Oh, well.

• 57:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wonder how.

• 57:18Tom Segura?

  Motorcycles, man, they're just so dangerous, bro.

• 57:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and it should have been his health that killed him. So you look at a guy like him and you're like, he's gonna die any minute. And then it's like.

• 57:26Tom Segura?

  I don't think that was really far off, but yeah.

• 57:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gone, but never forgotten.

• 57:35Tom Segura?

  Look at that list.

• 57:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know if Madhav belongs on there.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  Well, he passed away.

• 57:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's right. That's right.

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, look at those guys.

• 57:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Unc Shine?

• 57:49Tom Segura?

  It's crazy, that list is crazy.

• 57:54Tom Segura?

  That is hard rock. Nick, next to Larry King, next to Herc, Kevin Samuels, Leo, OJ, the succulent Chinese meal, the Irish drunk, Ten Benadryl.

• 58:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Kalani guy is dead? I didn't realize that.

• 58:12Tom Segura?

  I thought we heard that he was dead and then that that was false.

• 58:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait a minute.

• 58:15Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 58:15Speaker 05

  We've heard mixed reports, but I would believe it.

• 58:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. No, not the Kalani guy.

• 58:23Tom Segura?

  How would you not believe that? What part of you would doubt that?

• 58:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just of all these cockroaches, I mean, that guy can outlive them all. He's a drunk, they'd live forever.

• 58:35Tom Segura?

  They do fucking live.

• 58:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn it.

• 58:37Tom Segura?

  They keep living and they never fucking stop living.

• 58:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. God only takes the good ones.

• 58:42Tom Segura?

  Here's some funny stuff for you. I got some LOLs after this sad moment.

• 58:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 58:47Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here we go.

• 59:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dog.

• 59:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck. Nah, uh. Wait, dude? That was just a basketball?

• 59:15Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 59:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whatever. What's that shit called? Fucking basketball thing?

• 59:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was a hoop. It looks like it was a basketball thing.

• 59:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  She just fell down on that?

• 59:25Tom Segura?

  It looks like it's in the Philippines, maybe?

• 59:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's why.

• 59:29Tom Segura?

  She put a lot of weight on that. They're not built to be like, hey, stand on this.

• 59:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's 90 pounds. She's tiny.

• 59:35Tom Segura?

  But she was bouncing. I mean, no, it should have not done that, for sure.

• 59:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all rusty and shitty.

• 59:42Tom Segura?

  But she definitely fucked with it, yeah.

• 59:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn, dude.

• 59:46Tom Segura?

  That one was, uh, that was pretty scary. I was pretty horrified by that.

• 59:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  She seems okay. Oh, fuck, her gun's broken.

• 1:00:01Tom Segura?

  That was unbelievable. That guy used to do that in college, you know, for sure. That's a dad who was like, oh, yeah, you don't know I could do gymnastics, you know?

• 1:00:12Tom Segura?

  I mean, look, he knows what he's doing.

• 1:00:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he can do it. He's got the muscle memory.

• 1:00:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But his body can't. Dude, this is like, you just can't do stuff when you're old. I can't play tennis anymore. My body's all fucked up. Broken ankle.

• 1:00:25Tom Segura?

  Fuck.

• 1:00:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can't do shit.

• 1:00:26Tom Segura?

  Those noises were great, though. Shout out to the dad just for those noises.

• 1:00:33Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:00:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, dude? What the fuck was that?

• 1:00:41Tom Segura?

  He got up and walked away from that. No, that was a dumpster. He landed on like a metal dumpster, dude.

• 1:00:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn it, dude! That should have split his body in half.

• 1:00:54Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:00:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 1:00:55Tom Segura?

  Jesus.

• 1:00:59Tom Segura?

  Holy shit, that fucking hurt.

• 1:01:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ripped him in half, like Plato.

• 1:01:03Tom Segura?

  It really should have.

• 1:01:06Tom Segura?

  What is this?

• 1:01:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a watermelon.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my, I didn't know you could do that.

• 1:01:15Tom Segura?

  You know that, well, you can, you can, you can throw anything on someone's head. But um, that clearly was, can I break this over your head? And he was like, yeah, go for it.

• 1:01:27Tom Segura?

  Can I break this on your head? Yeah, yeah, break it on my head.

• 1:01:31Tom Segura?

  Just knocked out cold. Holy shit, man.

• 1:01:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you use it racist?

• 1:01:37Tom Segura?

  Fuck.

• 1:01:39Speaker 06

  Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. I see what you're doing.

• 1:01:42Tom Segura?

  I mean, the question was racist.

• 1:01:45Speaker 06

  That's crazy.

• 1:01:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I saw it. I was like, oh no, is this clip racist?

• 1:01:49Speaker 06

  That's crazy. You know he gave that man 20 bucks, too? He's like, give me 20 bucks, you let me smash this shit on here? He's like, okay.

• 1:01:57Speaker 06

  Alright, I'm good for it.

• 1:01:59Tom Segura?

  And he got a concussion out of it. Fucking crazy.

• 1:02:03Speaker 06

  That is nuts.

• 1:02:05Tom Segura?

  Well, we got a fun one for you here. Something I think you'll enjoy.

• 1:02:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:02:09Tom Segura?

  You ready?

• 1:02:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm ready.

• 1:02:10Tom Segura?

  This guy is um, this guy is locked up in Indiana, okay? And they did an interview with him in Indiana, in prison.

• 1:02:22Speaker 06

  The first woman you killed was Karen Hadella, 40, 40 year old woman, who you had never met. Why did you kill her?

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  Just felt like it. I don't know. I mean, I didn't have to have her either.

• 1:02:35Speaker 06

  And then you killed somebody who was a friend of your family, your mother's friend.

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:41Speaker 06

  Christine Wittis.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  She caught me uh, cutting up another one, so, and then she told me she was gonna call the police.

• 1:02:51Speaker 06

  How did you kill her?

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  Strangled her.

• 1:02:58Speaker 06

  Just trying to discover whether there's any part of your mind, any part of your...

• 1:03:04Speaker 05

  I use the word loosely, humanity, which says that this is appalling.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't believe I got any of that.

• 1:03:15Speaker 03

  Humanity.

• 1:03:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or teeth.

• 1:03:18Speaker 05

  You have no humanity?

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  I don't think I do.

• 1:03:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  The chuckle is really what nails it.

• 1:03:25Tom Segura?

  The chuckle is good, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:27Speaker 05

  You have no remorse at all about any of the people you murdered?

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  It just don't, don't seem to affect me.

• 1:03:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  I mean, I could kill a person and just go out to dinner. I don't care.

• 1:03:43Tom Segura?

  He's got a little giggle again.

• 1:03:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  In a way, is this not the most liberating way to be? Where you're just like, oh, whatever. This is what Buddhists have been trying to get you to your whole lifetime is to be detached.

• 1:03:56Tom Segura?

  What an interesting take on this. Yeah. What an interesting take.

• 1:04:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just like.

• 1:04:01Tom Segura?

  Is this something the Buddhists would celebrate?

• 1:04:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not attached. He's totally detached.

• 1:04:06Tom Segura?

  He's like, I could do that and go to dinner.

• 1:04:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go on.

• 1:04:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Speaker 03

  The only time I ever got any kind of feeling about it at all was the rush I got when I was doing it.

• 1:04:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that feels nice.

• 1:04:21Speaker 05

  You got an adrenaline rush from killing people?

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  I guess it was more than that, too. I mean,

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  I got a kick out of cutting them up. I mean.

• 1:04:31Speaker 05

  You get a kick out of cutting them up?

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. It seemed like after the first one, it just got good to me, you know?

• 1:04:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  At first, though, I was kind of nervous about it, but then after the first one, it was like.

• 1:04:45Tom Segura?

  You know what? He went from becoming an amateur to a professional. I understand that.

• 1:04:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  10,000 hours, that's what it takes.

• 1:04:52Tom Segura?

  Remember the first time you played tennis?

• 1:04:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:04:54Tom Segura?

  And you're like, meh. And then all of a sudden, you learn to turn over the racket, right? You turn it over, let the momentum take. You're like, hey, this is fun. It's not that different, you know?

• 1:05:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, you just, you have to let yourself enjoy it, too. This thing, you know what I mean? Like, he's so free. I don't think I'll ever be this free from my emotions.

• 1:05:17Tom Segura?

  I don't think you'll ever be this free. Most of us will never be this free.

• 1:05:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm kind of jealous.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  It wasn't just women. I mean, there was men, too. I just didn't find none of them. I didn't tell them about none of them.

• 1:05:28Tom Segura?

  He's like, I killed men, too.

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  So you killed the greatest?

• 1:05:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  A greater number of people than the police know.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  They might have a tenth of it. I'll put it that way.

• 1:05:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you may have killed twenty-nine, thirty people?

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Yep.

• 1:05:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you prepared now to tell the authorities where those bodies are buried?

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:05:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. You never will. Stupid?

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  Mm-mm.

• 1:05:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:05:56Speaker 03

  I'm not going back, going through all that court stuff.

• 1:05:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  It's not gonna do it.

• 1:06:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, court sucks.

• 1:06:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Too much red tape? Any sense of remorse?

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  Done a lot of bad shit. I'm right where I belong. Believe me, they don't want me out.

• 1:06:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 1:06:15Tom Segura?

  Well, I just thought that'd be a fun thing to...

• 1:06:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  The chuckle is really cool.

• 1:06:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, it's really interesting, though, that it is always this type of guy you're getting when there's serial killers. Like, there's only one personality type, one physical makeup. They all look like him. What is this, white guys? This is a white guy thing.

• 1:06:39Tom Segura?

  It is a white guy thing. It is a white guy thing.

• 1:06:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, a dorky friendly white guy thing.

• 1:06:45Tom Segura?

  I don't know how friendly he is, but they're usually from, you know,

• 1:06:51Tom Segura?

  a certain socioeconomic background.

• 1:06:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:53Tom Segura?

  There's usually some neglect. They're usually, yeah, have some abuse in their background, and there's a... There's this antisocial thing that starts pretty young with them. Yeah.

• 1:07:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  But only white guys feel entitled enough to cut up other people. Maybe is that what this is?

• 1:07:10Tom Segura?

  Well, here's the thing. This is why you gotta support white-owned businesses. Okay, because these are the kinds of guys that feel like you didn't support their business. And then, it's kind of one way to get you back. That's why.

• 1:07:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  White privilege.

• 1:07:26Tom Segura?

  Well, that was so dark. Let's... This is something that'll make you smile.

• 1:07:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate those fucking assholes.

• 1:07:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is laughter yoga.

• 1:07:43Tom Segura?

  So whose laugh do you like more? Whose laugh do you like more? Do you like?

• 1:07:50Tom Segura?

  Or do you like?

• 1:07:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a serial killer all day. Cause a serial killer is real. This is like when you, this is like when you go to an alt comedy show and you hear those people that are laughing extra hard and loud to show you that they're smart enough to get the joke that's not actually funny, but that's smart, you know?

• 1:08:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, this is fake. I hate that.

• 1:08:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck you, you fucking nerd.

• 1:08:18Tom Segura?

  Fucking nerd.

• 1:08:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate these dorks, dude.

• 1:08:21Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking assholes. How dare they try to make themselves happy without alcohol or drugs or?

• 1:08:27Tom Segura?

  This would make me very, this would, this might turn me into a serial killer. If you took me to laughter yoga, I might leave there and just kill somebody. This amuses me.

• 1:08:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hated that.

• 1:08:37Tom Segura?

  Look at this, look at this. Okay, we should do this to my mom. Okay? He shaped the toilet paper.

• 1:08:47Tom Segura?

  Covered it with the Nestle's.

• 1:08:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Papa.

• 1:08:50Tom Segura?

  Très plein chacal. Ah, c'est cochon. Eh.

• 1:09:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this so much.

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  Le mot du testic.

• 1:09:11Tom Segura?

  Should we do that to Charo?

• 1:09:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd love to. You should do it, but set it up at Chichabomba so that they give it to her there. Oh my god.

• 1:09:19Tom Segura?

  And they're like, this is fish from the oven.

• 1:09:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate Tommy. I told me it tastes like paper.

• 1:09:27Tom Segura?

  Drink your water.

• 1:09:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, all right.

• 1:09:34Tom Segura?

  I gotta get going, Gene.

• 1:09:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, what are you gonna do today? What do you got?

• 1:09:38Tom Segura?

  Uh, this is our final official prep day. So there's a bunch of shit to do. And then I have rehear- I got rehearsal over the weekend.

• 1:09:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:09:49Tom Segura?

  And then we start Monday morning.

• 1:09:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang, homie. Okay. Very excited, very amazed. We're gonna batten down the hatches. Is that the way you- I don't even know what that- batten down. Is that how you say it? I feel like I've never said that out loud.

• 1:10:03Tom Segura?

  Sin ton, the chin chaw.

• 1:10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ting tong, ting tong. We're gonna do that. And we're gonna batten down the hatches.

• 1:10:09Tom Segura?

  You nailed it. Yeah.

• 1:10:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Secure our ships, huh? Whatever.

• 1:10:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're gonna hopefully survive this storm. I'll let you know if we're alive by the end of the weekend.

• 1:10:20Tom Segura?

  Well, make sure you stop and don't get water. Don't get like toilet paper. Donut get like canned goods. Get wine, get some donuts, get, yeah, cinnamon rolls, get some tequila. Yeah. Or osos we have at the house, so don't worry about that.

• 1:10:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yes, we do, we do. All right. I love you, Jeans. Good luck.

• 1:10:36Tom Segura?

  All right, love you. See you, guys.

• 1:10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bye.

• 1:10:39Tom Segura?

  Ciao, ciao.

• 1:10:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Late late.

• 1:11:50Speaker 06

  That's my period.

• 1:12:19Speaker 06

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