We Were Trapped! | Your Mom's House Ep. 843

SPONSORS: - Go to http://helixsleep.com/YMH for 27% Off Sitewide. - Plans start at $15/month at http://MintMobile.com/MOM. - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/ymh This week on Your Mom’s House, Tim joins the show through the magic of the internet as the main mommies dive headfirst into Bad Thoughts production, introducing the boys to The Terminator movies, and some Arnold impressions. Things escalate quickly with a wild opening clip of a very public call out of something very private, followed by a call to action for any and all "throat goats". Tom and Christina also unpack the Trapped in the Caribbean chaos, which included a TMZ story hotel horror stories, steel drums, and a week of no YMH episode. They also deep dive into Mike Fedele’s extremely online lifestyle of boats, flexing, humping, and Gen-Z failures. Also in this episode Safety Larry’s situational-awareness book, threats from a nude man in shoes, pet safety clips, stranger danger, eye pokes, Mantak Chia energy, pot debates, hippie hatred, garbage-dump parenting, mafia waste management history, body-disposal hypotheticals, and kids talking trash. Buckle up, jeans, we're fuggen BACK! Your Mom’s House Ep. 843 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:32 - Showing The Boys Terminator 00:09:59 - Opening Clip: Digging In Yo Shit 00:17:18 - Clip: Calling All Throat Goats 00:20:42 - Stranded In Paradise 00:30:04 - Mike Fedele 00:37:22 - More Safety Tips With Larry 00:44:34 - Clip: Stranger Danger 00:45:38 - Clip: Grab Those Testicles 00:47:37 - Will Blunderfield + Mantak Chia 00:50:17 - Pot Discourse 00:55:18 - Field Trip At The Dump 01:04:13 - Clip: Trash Talking White Kid 01:06:43 - Closing Song - "Daddio's Patio (Feat. Cutter Tha Killer Klown) by Celador Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Tom Segura?

  Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker, or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day-induced stress. As the industry leader, Cigars International enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up, that's it. With Cigars International's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to

• 0:53Tom Segura?

  stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of the year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more, or visit cigarsinternational.com/ymh and the discount applies automatically. Some exclusions apply.

• 1:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm sorry. Which camera? Oh, that's me. Is that me? Hi. Hi, welcome to Your Mom's House. I was just reading my favorite book, Sexual Situational Awareness and Safe Family Travel Strategies. Through the magic, the magic of technology, I am here with my co-host, Tim Segura. He is coming from LA, everybody. Tim.

• 1:40Tom Segura?

  Thank you.

• 1:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  We miss you. What are you doing?

• 1:44Tom Segura?

  I'm just chilling, dog. You know, just wanted a little Pacific air, you know what I mean?

• 1:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pacific air.

• 1:51Tom Segura?

  I'm on the west coast, best coast where they pack toast, and I decided to just come out here, get a little fresh air, and that's what I'm doing.

• 2:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  We miss you.

• 2:01Tom Segura?

  So, we're in prep. We are in prep on season two of Bad Thoughts. It is so crazy, so crazy, how much goes into it. Because, I mean, I know I did it last year too, but I think there's this thing where... There was so much mystery, you know, of like, what do you do? That you're kind of, the days fly by differently. And this year, we're doing it in LA. And now it's just like you just see all the tasks that have to be done. And you're like, holy shit. It's just so, it's so much, you know, from like costume meetings, art department meetings, effect, uh, special effects meetings, casting sessions, you know, writer sessions,

• 2:46Tom Segura?

  like on and on and on and on. And it's just a lot of work and we're, we start production in a few days. So we start shooting this season soon and it's gonna be, it's a lot. But I mean, that being said, I am very excited to do it. Very excited.

• 3:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's your favorite thing in the whole world, I think, making this show.

• 3:05Tom Segura?

  It's so goddamn fun. I, I can't believe they let us do it. It's one of those things, you know? Like every time we, we, um, we hand in scripts, we kind of are like, all right, let's see what they say. And then we have these meetings where they're like, loved it.

• 3:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 3:24Tom Segura?

  Really? I was like, yeah, it's great. And I'm like, cool. Yeah, they, they've been so supportive. I mean, they've given us notes, but not the kind of notes that you think. It's never really about, this is too, there's one, I guess I'll talk about it more when it comes out, where somebody in our staff was like, this is a, like, I think it's a crime to even say this. Like, this is a really horrible thing to say. I think we should.

• 3:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like you could get persecuted?

• 3:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're like, this is, I, I'll be able to explain it more, but they're like, you can't say this, you can't do this. And I was like, that's the fun of the show though. The show is say the worst thing and do the worst thing. So we should lean into it. And they were like, okay. And then we talked to the network and they were like, yeah, great.

• 4:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome.

• 4:11Tom Segura?

  They're like, it's great. So it's fun. It's fun. It is lonely out here.

• 4:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  We love you.

• 4:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, I miss, you know, miss you guys, miss the fam, miss, miss all of it. But thankfully it's so much work that you kind of just get distracted by that, you know?

• 4:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we know, we know. And the kids and I miss you so much.

• 4:35Tom Segura?

  I know, I'm coming home tomorrow.

• 4:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  For how long?

• 4:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  How long can you stay?

• 4:40Tom Segura?

  Couple of days.

• 4:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, thank God. Well, just so you know what you're getting into, I started showing the boys the Terminator movies. And the first one, they lost their minds, especially that part.

• 4:54Tom Segura?

  Terminator.

• 4:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. Because first of all, Julian now is officially seven years old and he's like, "I don't want to watch any PG bullshit. I don't want any G movies."

• 5:04Tom Segura?

  Always that. He's like, "You treat me like I'm a fucking kid." "You gave me pajamas with dogs and rockets on them. It's like I'm for a fucking baby." I'm like, "Okay." The pajamas.

• 5:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. He's also made it so that I have to throw out all the clothes that have baby things on them like that. And he only wears suits. Like last night, your mom and Jane came over for dinner and he put on a velvet suit to just sit in our house and eat dinner. That's where he's at.

• 5:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  So they love the Terminator. The first one, they loved it when Schwarzenegger was digging his robot eye out, like where it's beady red for the first time you see it. And they were like, "Oh, shit." I'm like, "Now, we're at T2. Julian laughs maniacally when Arnold kills people." Like, it's not meant to be funny, but your son is like-

• 5:57Tom Segura?

  So humorous, no?

• 5:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not supposed to be. And then he loves when he's in the first movie when Schwarzenegger says, "Fuck you asshole." He really liked that. He's been saying that around the house a lot.

• 6:10Tom Segura?

  Well, he said it on the phone yesterday to me, so I was kind of like, huh. That's an interesting way to greet your dad. He goes, "Fuck you asshole." And I was like, "What?" And he was like, "We're watching the Terminator." I was like, "Oh, okay."

• 6:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I like how they're, to me, they're like, "How do you do the accent so well?" I'm like, "50, dude. Been listening to Schwartzy talk my whole life. He's the best."

• 6:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we all have.

• 6:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:32Tom Segura?

  He has one of those accents where I remember the, like, being young and hearing impressionists do it and you're like, "Whoa."

• 6:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Tom Segura?

  And the older you get- Everybody can do it.

• 6:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody.

• 6:44Tom Segura?

  Like, every adult can do his accent.

• 6:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll be back. And those lines are so iconic. The kids even know them. I guess they have them in their video games or something. People are still using.

• 6:57Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's a totally iconic line. And then if you watch that Arnold documentary, you learn that that he misspoke when he said that.

• 7:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 7:05Tom Segura?

  So the script, yeah, the script said something else. The script said like, "I will be back," or, you know, some version of that. So he said, "I'll be back," and then cut and he's like, "Oh, sorry," to James Cameron, like, "I misspoke." And James Cameron said, "No, say it, say it like that again. Say, 'I'll be back again.'" And Arnold was like, "No, no, no, I can do it. I'll do it as it was in the script." And James Cameron goes, "How about you worry about muscles and I'll worry about what to say?"

• 7:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope you get like that on your set of Bad Thoughts with your actors.

• 7:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the original line.

• 7:46Tom Segura?

  So yeah, scripted as, "I'll come back."

• 7:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing. "I'll be back." And that became iconic. And his face, and he even looks like a robot, and his body is just ridiculous. The kids love it when they land naked. When the Terminators land naked, they think that's the coolest thing ever. It's so good.

• 8:04Tom Segura?

  Well, he, man, that, that physique, you know, that was seven-time Mr. Olympia.

• 8:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 8:10Tom Segura?

  Like, there's, that's, that's the, the benchmark of like, the perfect male physique. It's crazy.

• 8:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, um, and then I tell them, I'm like, "Yeah, that guy was born in nowhere, Austria, and then he becomes a bodybuilder, and then he becomes Mr. Olympia World or whatever, moves to LA, and then he becomes a movie star, arguably like, one of the most famous of all time, and then he becomes the governor of California." And they were like, "Whaaat?" I'm like, "It's crazy."

• 8:42Tom Segura?

  He's an amazing guy. I remember too that you, you know, my dad was a competitive Olympic lifter, and when you're a kid...

• 8:51Tom Segura?

  I think you're more visual, right? You're like, the aesthetic is what's crazy. So all we had was like weightlifting trophies all over the house and weights and photos of weight, my dad in weightlifting competitions. And I remember being little and you're so mesmerized by Arnold. And I was like, why don't you look like him? Like if you lift all these weights?

• 9:14Tom Segura?

  He was like, what? I go, geez, look at him. Looks amazing. Why don't you look like that? He's a body vault-er. Okay, those guys are gay.

• 9:24Tom Segura?

  I'm an Olympic lifter. I was like, what? I didn't understand it. I was like, just try to look like that, dude. That's fucking awesome.

• 9:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was always mad that my dad had an accent, but the shitty Hungarian one, not the cool Austrian one that Arnold had. My dad kinda sounds like him, but I'm never the good European. I'm always the dirty kind, you know?

• 9:48Tom Segura?

  Same dude.

• 9:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same dude.

• 9:51Tom Segura?

  Same, bro.

• 9:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  What kind of Latin did you want to be?

• 9:55Tom Segura?

  No, you just wanted to be like something, you always want to be something sexier, you know?

• 10:01Tom Segura?

  Like, we're from Peru. And you're like, Peru?

• 10:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who the fuck is Peru?

• 10:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, be like either Argentine or like Italian, or Spain. Spain would have been cool because it's European. Yeah, I was always like, oh, Peru.

• 10:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Llamas and cocaine.

• 10:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  What else?

• 10:22Tom Segura?

  Fucking Machu Picchu.

• 10:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Machu Picchu?

• 10:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who cares? At least you have that. One of the, what is it? One of the seven, eight wonders of the world is Machu Picchu. What Hungarians have? The vatsutsa, the danube, Dracula. We don't even have Dracula. Dracula's in Romania.

• 10:38Tom Segura?

  Strict immigration laws. Yeah.

• 10:42Tom Segura?

  Hungos have that.

• 10:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, we claim the, um, the old empire. That's what they talk about all the time.

• 10:47Tom Segura?

  Alright. Used to be the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

• 10:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Turks buttfucked us.

• 10:55Tom Segura?

  You wanna, wanna start the show? How about an opener?

• 10:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can't believe we can do this.

• 10:59Tom Segura?

  Here we go. Hee hee. Heeeere. Here you go.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  If I'm digging in your shit deep, and you can't take it, don't grab a pillow and hide your face. Nah, I wanna see it. Yeah, I wanna see your face taking this pipe. Don't hide it. I don't like secrets.

• 11:22Tom Segura?

  Who is Randy?

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Don't bring anyone's mother to this.

• 11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Secrets.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  Your mama the fuck is sad!

• 11:29Speaker 04

  Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  And Christina Perdiz.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna pick up my drums again.

• 12:16Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm saying? So... I don't like secrets. This guy. I gotta tell you, this is... This is one of the few that made me uncomfortable.

• 12:28Tom Segura?

  God.

• 12:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he doesn't like secrets.

• 12:30Tom Segura?

  He's got the terrible angle. Terrible angle. He's in his car. I feel like his voice is deep, but he's doing that thing where you shift it to go deeper. Like you can make it deeper.

• 12:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude.

• 12:39Tom Segura?

  But then like, is this supposed to be a public message? Like this is your message to the world? Cause it feels like it's intended for someone. Like, I don't know that this needs to be in the public forum.

• 12:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he says he doesn't like secrets. He doesn't like secrets, and I believe him because he's telling us his deepest stuff from his car.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I wanna see your face taking this pipe.

• 13:03Tom Segura?

  Ugh.

• 13:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 13:05Tom Segura?

  I want to see your face taking this pipe.

• 13:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, who is this for?

• 13:08Tom Segura?

  Oh, man.

• 13:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is for one-

• 13:17Tom Segura?

  It's crazy.

• 13:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is for one other, this is for one lady, right? It's for a lady?

• 13:22Tom Segura?

  Like, of course it's for a lady.

• 13:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of cour- you say that. It could be for a man.

• 13:28Tom Segura?

  No, this is for a lady. No, this guy's not, he's not, come on. Don't disrespect him like that. What?

• 13:35Tom Segura?

  No, no, it's not for me. I, I was waiting for the question, no.

• 13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's take a second to talk about sleep because Helix has completely changed the mattress game. I used to wake up several times a night, whether it was from back pain, being too hot, or feeling Tom make even the slightest movement. It was total nightmare. So much so that it got to the point where I was waking up more tired than I was when I went to bed. So thankfully, I took the Helix Sleep Quiz and got matched with a perfect mattress for me specifically. It's not some one size fits all garbage. They take into account how you sleep, in what position, and your temperature preferences. They have it down to a science so much that they ran a study and found 82% of people

• 14:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  saw an increase in their deep sleep on a Helix mattress. With their 120-night sleep trial, so you can actually test it out. And Helix even brings it right to your door with free shipping. Go to helix.com/ymh for 27% off site-wide. That's helixsleep.com/ymh for 27% off site-wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout, so they know we sent ya. Helix.com/ymh.

• 14:54Tom Segura?

  Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day-induced stress. As the industry leader, Cigars International enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it. With Cigars International's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably

• 15:39Tom Segura?

  the best time of the year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more, or visit cigarsinternational.com/ymh and the discount applies automatically. Some exclusions apply.

• 15:55Tom Segura?

  But would you also, would you agree that this is not for, he's putting this for ladies? Yes, I hope so.

• 16:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you know?

• 16:02Tom Segura?

  I just, you know, a man can pray. I hope so.

• 16:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have to tell you that since we've been watching these clips, I have been now turned on by gay men having sex with each other. And in my heart, I'm...

• 16:17Tom Segura?

  Fucking Christ. What are you talking about?

• 16:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm out now. It's a YMH exclusive. I've never enjoyed it in my whole life, but since we've been playing all these gay porn clips, I'm into it. Like, I feel something.

• 16:32Tom Segura?

  You know, that's like a very, that's a very... No, this is a big thing that a lot of straight women say, claim that they watch gay porn. This is a known thing.

• 16:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I know. And I had a friend who did, and I would make fun of her for years and years and years. And now, I don't know what it is. I've changed.

• 16:53Tom Segura?

  You're watching it?

• 16:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 16:55Tom Segura?

  You're watching gay porn?

• 16:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I mean, just here at work, but not at home.

• 16:59Tom Segura?

  Just at my job.

• 17:03Tom Segura?

  Okay. No, I've asked, I've asked too. I'm like, what are you talking about? How could you? And they're like, oh, they're better looking. They have better physiques. And it's just, and it's just, it's all men. So they, they, they get off on it, I guess.

• 17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now I get it. And I, I used to like watching girls make out more because I maybe was more of a lesbian. But now I'm a gay man and I think I love.

• 17:27Tom Segura?

  What the fuck?

• 17:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:29Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 17:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is that?

• 17:31Tom Segura?

  Well, sexuality is, sexuality is fluid. We know this. This has been, this is well known. Sexuality is fluid.

• 17:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, what am I if I'm a straight lady that likes gay porn? Is there a, what am I?

• 17:43Tom Segura?

  You're a gay man. Yeah.

• 17:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay man now?

• 17:46Tom Segura?

  You've always been a gay man. You're a handsome gay man.

• 17:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like it. I'd love to be a handsome gay man. They figured life out. They're fantastic. Anyway, I'm hoping this is for a gentleman because I'd like to see the next video.

• 18:03Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 18:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That follows this. You know what I mean?

• 18:05Tom Segura?

  I got another brother. We've got something to say.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  Calling all throat goats, calling all throat goats.

• 18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  This fucking guy.

• 18:11Speaker 05

  You know the ones.

• 18:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just farted.

• 18:16Speaker 05

  Coughing and wheezing, spitting. Yeah. If you're a throat goat, if you could eat it, if you're a professional expert eater, I think I might have $200 for you.

• 18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  $200?

• 18:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I mean, you know what I like about this? This guy's officially one of the coolest guys I feel like we've ever, I don't think he gets his credit for his level of cool.

• 18:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 18:39Tom Segura?

  But see, some of these cool guys, they'll be like, you liked it and fuck. And they're give out their number and you're like, huh. At least he has the self-respect to say, and I got some money for you.

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  He's not just being like, do you want to blow me, this spectacular specimen that I am? He's like, are you good at it? I might have $200 for you. He's willing to pony up.

• 19:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is ponying.

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  As he should.

• 19:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it looks, it looks as though he has money because is that his sauna? Is he laying in?

• 19:12Tom Segura?

  Are those his Oakleys? Yeah. It's fucking rad. Is that his sauna?

• 19:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is he sitting in? It looks like.

• 19:22Tom Segura?

  That's a, I think that's the headboard of a 1987 style bed.

• 19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  $200 for the throat goat, but if she is the throat goat, I think it's worth more than 200. If she's the greatest of all time.

• 19:37Tom Segura?

  And this is what the marketplace is all about. It's about supply and demand. It's about making an offer, negotiating. That might be his opening offer, you know?

• 19:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 19:46Tom Segura?

  She can be like, I'm the greatest. Not 200 is not going to do it.

• 19:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  The greatest. Wasn't there a girl in music videos that was known for being that? The video vixen.

• 19:56Tom Segura?

  There's a few ladies that have, have, yeah, yeah. There's some ladies that claim that they're the best, you know? But 200 is not going to motivate them. I'll tell you that.

• 20:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  A video vixen is a woman featured prominently in hip hop and R and B videos. Their appeal, ability to attract attention, often da, da, da. Oh, this is it. This is it. It was a book. Oh, her name was Corinne Stephens. Confessions of a video vixen, which detailed exploitation, abuse and the industry's dark side. She's ahead of her time.

• 20:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  She was like, I'll tell you some shit. You want to talk some shit?

• 20:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Call me.

• 20:30Tom Segura?

  I bet some horrible things happened to her though.

• 20:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Horrible things. Well, I hope she at least made money off the book. Poor woman. Well, she's cute. That is a wild thing though, to be like, I'm the greatest blowjob giver of all time.

• 20:44Tom Segura?

  I don't know if you want that to be your legacy, you know? I don't think that's a claim you want to put out there. You can keep that between you and whoever you're with.

• 20:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 20:53Tom Segura?

  You don't need it to be like your identity, you know?

• 20:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's her identity. She's like, I, I want you to know first and foremost, before you know anything else about me, I can suck dicks really well.

• 21:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 21:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a wild thing to lead with.

• 21:09Tom Segura?

  We should also address the fact that, you know, we were abroad during the holidays. We were overseas.

• 21:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ting tong, ting tong.

• 21:17Tom Segura?

  And when we, we were, we were actually the.

• 21:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Locked up abroad?

• 21:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we were in the Caribbean. We were out there doing our thing and stuff like that.

• 21:30Speaker 06

  No, I'm saying.

• 21:31Tom Segura?

  And enjoying ourselves. And we made a video. This is pretty interesting. We made a video because if you guys recall when this happened, when we were over the holidays, when we were on vacation, is when the United States went into Venezuela and they were like, we want your oil. I mean, you're a bad guy. And they took Maduro out, and he and his wife. And this operation led to airspace being shut down. So what ended up happening is we were going to be home and to record a podcast episode. And we ended up getting stuck because the airspace kept getting shut down. While we were doing that, our lovely staff was like,

• 22:15Tom Segura?

  hey, could you just record a video so that we can post it about why there's no podcast this week? Right? And we recorded it. It was just to be like, hey, this is why there's no podcast. And then somehow, after we did that, like, I get messages from people, hey, you're on TMZ. I'm like, what? I started getting texts from people in high school, people I went to high school with, who I haven't spoken to in years. They're like, you OK? I'm like, what are you talking about?

• 22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Our agent was like, hey, I saw you guys on TMZ. You guys are still there?

• 22:47Tom Segura?

  And I think some people thought that we were just informing the world of our whereabouts. I was like, this is just for our podcast audience, dude. Like, we're just saying why there's no episode this week. So anyway, anyway, we got stuck there. And people are like, oh, boo hoo, which I made a mockery of in the video. I realized nobody's gonna be like, I feel so bad for you. What sucked wasn't being stuck. In the Caribbean, what sucked is that they would go, all right, you can leave now. Like the, your, your flight's gonna take off in a couple hours. So you get all your shit, grab your luggage, get a vehicle, grab your kids, go to the airport. You go to the airport and they're like, guess what?

• 23:33Tom Segura?

  You're not leaving. And you're like, why? And like, cause the airspace got shut down again. You're like, oh, cool. So you get all your stuff, load in a car, go to a hotel, check into that hotel. You know, do the whole thing again. You get a phone call, guess what? They're, a plane got the rights to come in and they said, you guys can be on that flight. So you're gonna leave in about two hours. You're like, all right. So you grab all your shit, go back to the airport and they're like, just kidding, you can't. And you're like, all right. That was the part that sucked. It wasn't being in the Caribbean.

• 24:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also to your credit, to be fair, I don't think you understand the level when Tom says, we grabbed all our stuff. Tom would go down to the desk of whatever. You know, we were staying near the airport. So these are not like, these weren't like luxury suites, you know? And he's like, can I, can I have the luggage cart? And the guy was like, I don't know, man. I might need it later. Like their voices.

• 24:26Tom Segura?

  Island time is a real thing, dude. Island time is, dude, the first one, the craziest one, the one that made me fucking lose my mind, was we get to a hotel, they were price gouging, right? Which I was expecting because they knew that there was now a high need for rooms. So they're like, oh, this hundred dollar a night hotel? It's eighteen hundred dollars. And you're like, what the fuck? So we get to this hotel and most hotels have a three or four P M. You know, check in time. So we had a four P M guaranteed check in. All right. So we get there at two and the guy's, well, the room's not ready. I'm like, I know. So four o'clock? He's like, yeah, four o'clock. I was like, okay.

• 25:09Tom Segura?

  So we go, we have lunch and then we're just trying to like, just, you know, give the kids something to do. Now it's like three forty-five. So I go, I'm gonna go check on the room. So I go to the front desk and this time it's a lady. And I go, hey, I'm just checking on my room. And she's like, yes, now ready. And I go, but it'll be ready in fifteen minutes. And she was like, what? I go, well, four o'clock. She's like, no. I go, but it's a guaranteed four o'clock check in. She goes, yeah, it's not. And I go, well, when, when will it be ready then? Like 4:30? She's like, I don't know. I go, that's not.

• 25:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 25:43Tom Segura?

  That's not like a, that's not like a real answer.

• 25:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:46Tom Segura?

  Like, can you give me a window? And she goes, I don't feel comfortable giving you a window. And I go, why? She goes, because it's in the queue to get cleaned, but it's not, they haven't gotten to it. I go, so, but like 4:45 it'll be ready. And she was like, I don't know. I go, that's crazy. What do you mean? Like, you have to have some idea of when it's already been paid for. And she goes, I just don't feel comfortable. And then she would just look at me like. And I'm like, you have to, you have to say something. You have to take, you have to say 5 o'clock. And she was like, I don't know. And as I'm like getting ready to go like, this is crazy. A guy in the lobby starts playing the steel drums. So.

• 26:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're like, oh.

• 26:28Tom Segura?

  Then it like, it snaps you out of you like, oh, this is a, this is a comedy right now that I'm in.

• 26:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is silly. It's silly.

• 26:35Tom Segura?

  I'll go, okay, I'll just, I'll walk away.

• 26:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, too, and like our, all our bags are being held. So like, you know, you go to the gift shop, you buy bathing suits for your kids. Like just throw them in the pool for a couple of hours in this place. And then, yeah, it's all, it was, it was an adventure. I have to say our little guys held, held up really well. It's really stressful for like, small kids to be.

• 26:59Tom Segura?

  I think that's the thing. If it was just the two of us.

• 27:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, who cares?

• 27:02Tom Segura?

  Totally different thing.

• 27:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 27:04Tom Segura?

  It's just with, with kids, you're just kind of like, what the fuck? Cause they keep going like, when are we going home? And you're like, I actually don't know.

• 27:13Tom Segura?

  And you just try to throw some at them to distract them.

• 27:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. They don't have chicken nuggets? Like, no, dude, I don't know. Where are we? We're nowhere. They don't got shit here, homie. But I think it's a good lesson, right? To teach them resilience and, you know, we got stuck in London during the Heathrow fires, the, the two boys and me last spring. And, you know, they were troopers too. We, we hung out. We had to fly home all fucked up too. And they just, you just throw them an iPad and some snacks. Thankfully, they're at the age now where iPad and candy goes a long way. You just, here's some Roblox, dude. Yeah, fine. Shut the fuck up, shut up. Cause they will not stop talking, dude. Like, they just talk.

• 27:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I feel like we're at this stage of parenthood where it's just listening to motherfuckers talk all day.

• 28:03Tom Segura?

  Remember when like, when you have babies, you're like, I can't wait till this guy talks. All I want is to hear what this guy has to say.

• 28:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 28:12Tom Segura?

  Say some words, express yourself.

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:14Tom Segura?

  Fast forward seven, 10 years and you're like, will you shut the fuck up ever? Do you ever stop talking?

• 28:20Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 29:04Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 29:45Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 30:31Tom Segura?

  You know what I've been doing a deep dive on? I've been like so, so this is just a reminder of who the guy is because you have seen him before. Okay, this is him.

• 30:41Speaker 07

  I'm Mike Fideli from Fideli and Associates. We're here in South Beach to provide income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems.

• 30:53Tom Segura?

  So this guy, I was like, I remember seeing this and I was like, this is kind of a crazy marketing tool, like a human doll inside of a Rolls Royce. And he's, he's talking about tax issues and you're like, all right, it's kind of, it's kind of a character. And then I've seen like so much more, he's really opened up.

• 31:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 31:13Tom Segura?

  Like his, his life on IG, you get to know him better. Like this is also him.

• 31:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, DR, yeah.

• 31:30Tom Segura?

  But again, this is his accountant page. He's like, I'm, do you have IRS trouble?

• 31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, can I tell you, I'm so, I'm so silly. I didn't notice that was him.

• 31:42Tom Segura?

  That's him. He's got a great head of hair. He really does.

• 31:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, are you kidding me?

• 31:46Tom Segura?

  It was just slicked back in the first one.

• 31:55Tom Segura?

  And he's also, again, he's a professional, but he's letting you know, I'm in DR, my package is about to fall off, too many big asses to satisfy. And you're like, hey, that's my guy. That's the guy who got me an extension on my taxes this year.

• 32:11Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean? Like it's, then he's like.

• 32:16Speaker 07

  Like I'm looking at my arms right now and I'm like, I haven't lifted in three months. I don't want arms this big.

• 32:24Tom Segura?

  He's doing a humble brag here. Also, the room is chaos. This room is chaos.

• 32:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what's he got going? Lot of supplements?

• 32:32Tom Segura?

  Lot of vitamins and supplements, sunglasses, there's shit, just shit everywhere. I mean, also, to be fair, Mike, my room, same. I have a lot of stuff out, too. It's hard to keep organized. Maybe if I was like, hey, you should come see me about some of your financial issues, I would probably, you know, move things around, but still.

• 32:51Speaker 07

  Because I'm running the Miami hip marathon. I want small arms right now. You get it? I don't want big.

• 32:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, the burden of my muscular arms. As I run.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's too hot. He's got too many fat asses to satisfy in DR. This guy's got problems.

• 33:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, man. You got any tax trouble? How am I gonna?

• 33:15Speaker 07

  I mean, I don't know what to do. I haven't done a push up. I haven't done a chin ups. I haven't done anything. I haven't lifted a weight in three months.

• 33:24Tom Segura?

  This video is just about the fact that my arms look great and I haven't done anything to make them look great.

• 33:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  He hasn't done a chin ups in a month, but he's so swole. I love that. Good for him.

• 33:34Speaker 07

  Z's on my Instagram ask me, how do you think these Gen Z spend their time? Well, I can tell you they're wasting it every day.

• 33:41Tom Segura?

  And so then he also does this kind of like, but I'm saying, what I like about Mike is that he's, he's showing you everything. He's giving you his full life.

• 33:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's well-rounded. Yeah. And I think this is the trend on Instagram now. Like, I follow other attorneys, actually, who show you like a day in the life of, of an immigration lawyer and what they, you know, the fitness routine. But it's nice that he's honest and he's not showing you the facade. Like, he's like, no, no, no, I go to DR, I dry hump fat ass chicks, I'm running the thing, my arms are too swole. Like, I, I love it. I wish more people would be this transparent.

• 34:19Tom Segura?

  He, he deals with, sometimes he gets haters in his comments and some of his posts. He just goes like, what's your body fat percentage? He just shits on them like that.

• 34:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's great.

• 34:29Tom Segura?

  He did a post recently where he challenged, he challenged people to try to beat him. I think it was like in 5K or something. And he offered them $10,000 if you could beat him. I was like, that, you know, people are gonna, someone's gonna lock into that.

• 34:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody's gonna take him up on that, yeah. But I prefer, I prefer this to the guy that pretends to be normal and then behind closed doors, right? Like, you know what you get. This kind of guy you get.

• 34:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this is the guy you getting, yeah.

• 34:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 34:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  He does look great.

• 35:01Tom Segura?

  Looks great, he's 62.

• 35:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Geez.

• 35:05Tom Segura?

  Scroll down. Hold on, there's gonna be one where it looks like he's wearing like a, scroll down.

• 35:13Tom Segura?

  He's holding cash, he's got like a oversized shirt on.

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  Little more.

• 35:21Speaker 08

  He's always archived stuff. Yeah, it might be gone.

• 35:25Tom Segura?

  You know, he probably took that down because he was like, shit, 10 grand's a lot to give away.

• 35:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:37Tom Segura?

  Look at that hair, dude, look at that hair.

• 35:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a lot of-

• 35:39Tom Segura?

  Fucking crazy.

• 35:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  10 grand to beat him, wow.

• 35:42Tom Segura?

  Look at the one underneath that, though. The one underneath that's got like a, look at that hair, bro.

• 35:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Incredible, incredible. Yeah, you should bring this style back for sure.

• 35:52Tom Segura?

  Ask my accountant, man. You talking about Mike, my accountant?

• 35:57Tom Segura?

  This guy got me $30,000 back this year.

• 35:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at him.

• 36:00Tom Segura?

  That's great.

• 36:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at that pony. Oh, wow.

• 36:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he looks fantastic.

• 36:05Tom Segura?

  He shows you everything, man.

• 36:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's got a great life, he's got bitches, he's got muscles, he's doing it.

• 36:10Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, dark beard. I like you better without the beard. Yeah, or a gray beard, yeah. There you go.

• 36:18Tom Segura?

  You like him clean shaven?

• 36:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:20Tom Segura?

  Ooh, that's a, look at that, that was real sexy.

• 36:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a nice one, yeah. Oh.

• 36:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at that tiger, dude, what does that fucking look like? Diamond Panther.

• 36:29Tom Segura?

  Fucking cool, right?

• 36:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, he's got a diamond panther, bro.

• 36:33Tom Segura?

  It's fucking badass, that's so Miami. He's such a Miami guy.

• 36:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Really cool.

• 36:39Speaker 09

  I have a question.

• 36:40Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 36:41Speaker 09

  What's the difference between a 1099 and a W2?

• 36:45Speaker 07

  Great question. Glad you asked. Difference is, W2 is for an employee, 1099 is for an independent contractor. And the great thing about 1099 is, you can take expenses against that that you can't take if you're just an employee, W2 employee for a company.

• 37:01Speaker 09

  Okay.

• 37:01Speaker 07

  You can take like travel, cellphone.

• 37:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:04Speaker 07

  Home office deduction, rent.

• 37:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, you know what else you could deduct?

• 37:08Speaker 07

  You could deduct the, um, the boat that you chartered and the women that you hired to make this video.

• 37:14Tom Segura?

  Those would be examples of something you could deduct.

• 37:17Speaker 09

  I know.

• 37:18Tom Segura?

  So that's pretty cool. Yeah. I love him.

• 37:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like Mike.

• 37:22Tom Segura?

  I love this guy.

• 37:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do too. I feel like he grew up the, the, the son of immigrants. You know what I mean? Like, I think he's got a lot more swag and flavor and his mother was like, "You must go and become tax attorney is good money." And he's like, "All right, mom." But his heart.

• 37:37Tom Segura?

  All right, I'll do it.

• 37:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is like a reggae guy. Like, he should be like an A and R guy or something, right?

• 37:43Tom Segura?

  It feels like, I mean, he loves the party, obviously.

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. This guy was meant to be like a promoter or something, yeah.

• 37:49Tom Segura?

  Um, you were reading a safety protocol book when we started.

• 37:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Situational awareness.

• 37:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, there's tons of good stuff.

• 38:01Tom Segura?

  There's a lot of good stuff there.

• 38:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all really valuable. Uh, let me find, uh, okay, so if you want to go to dinner out with your family.

• 38:11Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 38:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  When choosing a restaurant, take a moment to assess its, its basic safety and security measures. Look for visible surveillance cameras. This is when you're just going to a restaurant with your kids. Sprinkler systems.

• 38:24Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 38:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Emergency exits and fire extinguishers.

• 38:30Tom Segura?

  Right, that could also be an improvised weapon. I remember that from a previous video.

• 38:36Speaker 10

  As I've mentioned before, I started working in the elevator industry back in the mid to late 80s. And one of the buildings we had on service was the Galleria. And in 1991, we had gotten a call that there was an accident. We responded to the call, and later on, we found out this is what had happened.

• 38:57Tom Segura?

  Ah, Jesus.

• 38:57Speaker 10

  Now, this is clearly a horrible tragic accident. But it is a reminder that when you go into a building with your family and with children that are adventurous, and they're always looking and climbing, you have to do your best to check the windows, the doors, the safety rails, anything else that could be a hazard. Please, don't make an assumption that everything is fine. You have to give it a visual inspection yourself.

• 39:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's great, because in his book, Lesson Three, Protective Strategies for Safe Family Travel, developing a warrior mindset, that's number one. You got to adopt a proactive approach. You got to anticipate potential threats.

• 39:43Tom Segura?

  When I travel with family, I like to think of combat. Like, that's how I go into a vacation mode thing. I think of, yeah, I think of, you know, Afghanistan, Iraq, like, places where there's like hostility. And I go, that's how we're going to approach this vacation.

• 40:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  And so does he. Rolling threat assessment. You always want to be on high alert. Tactical positioning. You got to place yourself in locations that maximize your safety and visibility.

• 40:13Tom Segura?

  He has one here. Check this out. This is another one.

• 40:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get this, guys.

• 40:17Tom Segura?

  You got to get that book.

• 40:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got to get it.

• 40:20Speaker 10

  Remember this video from a few weeks ago? I just wanted to revisit it again, because it's a great explanation of pre-event indicators. You can see this guy blades his body, makes a fist, and tees off and hits this guy. In my book, I cover about 40 different pre-event indicators, all that will help you see the signs before it happens. Remember, always give yourself enough time and distance to try and make a safe decision.

• 40:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so I've never heard the term, "pre-event indicators." He's got 40 pre-event indicators.

• 40:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct. Uh, number five is predatory movement patterns, right? Like this guy's making a predatory movement pattern, frantic pacing.

• 41:02Tom Segura?

  It looks like a guy walking, but I got it. Also, is he wearing underwear?

• 41:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you on alert?

• 41:08Tom Segura?

  Okay. Is that a nude man just wearing shoes? Cause that would definitely be a pre-event indicator. If it was just a guy in a t-shirt, I'd be like, this guy's about to do some shit. He's got shoes and a t-shirt on.

• 41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, fidgeting?

• 41:19Tom Segura?

  This guy with his dick out, walking towards me is alarming.

• 41:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Uh, fidgeting often serves as an unconscious outlet for nervous energy and can signal that an individual is experiencing stress or mentally preparing for potential conflict. See, fidgeting, frantic pacing, predatory movement, lack of underwear, panting, or increased breathing. All this stuff you can get in Situational Awareness by Lawrence Betz. Check this out. Prepared?

• 41:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, man.

• 41:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not paranoid. This is really valuable stuff, guys. Yeah.

• 41:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's pretty good stuff, Ben.

• 41:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, hold on, hold on. Here's a good one, guys. Uh, I don't know if you've seen this. It's just kind of a warning gang, colors or clothing too. You wanna take a quick glance at that?

• 42:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a good pre-event indicator that your day's about to go sideways, right? If you see someone like that.

• 42:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. Wearing X's. X. Like Malcolm, maybe?

• 42:24Tom Segura?

  Could be. All those clowns love him.

• 42:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love him.

• 42:27Tom Segura?

  So, this is, um, another one. Just this, this applies to you, I think, more than anyone. You should probably pay attention here.

• 42:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure. Okay.

• 42:34Speaker 10

  Hey, everybody. We all love our pets. Take a look at these videos.

• 43:01Speaker 10

  You can see animals are true gifts. And it's up to us to help take care of them. So a few things when you have pets, I'm sure you're aware of it, but pet theft. There's over 2 million pets that are stolen every year.

• 43:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus Christ.

• 43:15Speaker 10

  We love our pets. Do what you can do to help protect them. If you're taking your pets out and about as a service animal, maybe, really be aware of escalator safety. I would prefer to see you take them on an elevator. And if you do take them on an elevator, make sure you're always holding the leash. Back when I was an elevator mechanic, I had gotten a couple of calls where the dog had gone into the elevator and the leash was on the ground. And because the leash was so low.

• 43:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get it.

• 43:48Speaker 10

  The safety never picked up the leash. So the doors had closed, the elevator with the dog in the elevator, the elevator would go up, but the leash would be outside.

• 43:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get it. I got it.

• 43:58Speaker 10

  Everything was operating correctly. It's just that thin leash was not high enough to reopen the doors. So if you're taking your dog out and about, keep the leash up. You don't want to lose your pet. Be well, be safe, take care of your pets.

• 44:12Tom Segura?

  That's a nice image to go on with the day with. Thanks, Larry.

• 44:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Explosions.

• 44:18Tom Segura?

  I actually never once in my life thought of a dog's leash getting caught in an elevator.

• 44:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's happened twice.

• 44:26Tom Segura?

  But now it's there.

• 44:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's happened twice. Wow. I didn't, I think our pets are too stupid to do anything of any value. Like our cats aren't going to help us out when the gas stove stuff is going to happen.

• 44:39Tom Segura?

  If the gas is going or an intruder, no, they're going to take off.

• 44:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are just German Shepherds specifically, trained Apple Smart Dogs.

• 44:48Tom Segura?

  That's pretty wild.

• 44:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's wild, dude. Wow.

• 44:52Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  The leash and the escalator, I get, man, those are dangerous. Even kids can get caught under the escalator, you know? They get pulled in or something. Oh, my God.

• 45:01Tom Segura?

  Danger, man. Danger.

• 45:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Danger's everywhere, Tom.

• 45:04Tom Segura?

  Danger is fucking everywhere, dude.

• 45:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I hate just going about my life pretending like it's not constantly there. So it's good to have him to remind us that we're constantly in danger like that.

• 45:16Tom Segura?

  We're in danger at all times.

• 45:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  All the time.

• 45:19Tom Segura?

  At all times.

• 45:20Speaker 11

  You sure are cute, kid. You know, I'm a professional photographer.

• 45:26Speaker 11

  Come on, hop in the car. I'll take your picture.

• 45:28Speaker 12

  If someone wants to take your picture, say no and tell your parents.

• 45:33Speaker 08

  You tell anybody about our little secret? I'll kill your dog.

• 45:39Speaker 12

  Children should never be asked to keep special secrets from their parents.

• 45:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Remember this shit?

• 45:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you remember this from your childhood?

• 45:46Tom Segura?

  Of course. Yeah.

• 45:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good.

• 45:48Tom Segura?

  Stranger danger.

• 45:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I'm gonna show this to our kids ASAP. That first guy.

• 45:53Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you which one they'll love.

• 45:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That guy sounded like Kirk Fox. Did you know he was the first one?

• 46:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Kirk could play that role 100%.

• 46:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's this voice like?

• 46:06Speaker 12

  This is to grab the testicles. All right, you have to have power if you grab the testicles to grab and squeeze and poke. Those are opening the fingers. The tiger's claw I showed you before was clawed to the eyes. Finger pokes, thumb pokes and pushes. You squeeze hard and pull out. Squeeze and pull. Pubic bone, bladder area. Thank you, Paul. Go right to that target. The body center, 360. Speed.

• 46:38Tom Segura?

  You should really catch up on some of these.

• 46:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 46:41Tom Segura?

  You really should.

• 46:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is all accurate and still relevant. Stranger danger, all this stuff.

• 46:48Tom Segura?

  Stranger danger is relevant. Pet theft is relevant. Grab testicles, poke out eyes. It's all relevant. And then when you're done with that, you realize you're back on your taxes. You give Mike a call. It all ties together.

• 47:02Tom Segura?

  This is exactly why we do this show, to inform the audience.

• 47:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know, I've been watching these videos on TikTok where these stupid kids go with, they do like a hidden camera thing on the playground. And this guy's like, hey, I got some puppies in my van. You want to come see the puppies? And these dumb fucking kids are like, yeah, okay, I want to see puppies. And the mother is like, oh, yeah, because you're not showing them. Stranger danger, you're not giving them clear examples of predatory behavior. I would never go with some fool in a van, right?

• 47:31Tom Segura?

  You really should be showing those to your, these things to your kids. I'm serious.

• 47:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm serious too, with the act amounts. Absolutely.

• 47:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Hey kid, if you tell anybody about a secret, I'll kill your dog. That was in a commercial.

• 47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was like during the A-Team, fucking Saturday, or during Saturday morning cartoons. And there was one.

• 47:53Tom Segura?

  They're gonna kill Fluffy?

• 47:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, dude. They didn't fuck around, or Mr. T would tell you what's up too.

• 48:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  He'd tell you. He'd fucking tell you, dude.

• 48:04Tom Segura?

  Guess, guess who got together?

• 48:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who?

• 48:07Tom Segura?

  To, one, cool guy that we've literally spent time with, and one that we've, he's sort of been our white whale, that we've just never been able to. They actually got together.

• 48:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 48:21Speaker 13

  I have a beautiful penis. I am so powerful that energy's moving through me right now.

• 48:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, Montacchia and Will got together. Really crazy.

• 48:37Speaker 14

  Rop, rop, rop.

• 48:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you imagine the penis power?

• 48:42Tom Segura?

  Sharpening their swords.

• 48:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  In that room?

• 48:44Tom Segura?

  Oh my god. I still think you're crazy if you wouldn't let Montac make love to you once. Like imagine the skill set this guy has. You don't think it's like otherworldly?

• 48:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You always say this.

• 48:59Speaker 14

  Rostock, and you get badina, badina like an egg. You put an egg in your vagina.

• 49:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I got it, thanks.

• 49:07Speaker 14

  You squeeze, and the man.

• 49:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop!

• 49:10Speaker 14

  His stroke, he pulled the testicle down.

• 49:13Tom Segura?

  Down, down. So he had complete control. Yeah.

• 49:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think?

• 49:19Tom Segura?

  You're not aroused.

• 49:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not at all. Okay. I'd rather do the gay guys. Do you think Will was like, I finally met the one other guy that gets it? Like, he gets me. He gets it.

• 49:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  He gets.

• 49:33Tom Segura?

  There's nothing that Will talks about that Montag wouldn't be like, yeah, of course. And except for maybe jerking off into his own mouth. I don't know if Montag does that.

• 49:43Tom Segura?

  I think he crosses a couple of lines, but.

• 49:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't know that. We just haven't seen those videos yet.

• 49:49Tom Segura?

  This is true. I don't know this.

• 49:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I think Montag sees that as very powerful energy. That's why you conserve it, the rap, rap, rap. And when it's out of you, that thing's potent. It's concentrated.

• 50:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man, I would give anything to be a fly on the wall at those two talking. And do you think Montag knows all of Will's work? Like, those are two masters that should come together.

• 50:26Tom Segura?

  I don't think Montag consumes any social media. That's definitely somebody, him, somebody's running that, all that stuff for him, for sure.

• 50:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's too bad.

• 50:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, those two together, that's electric. I would pay money just to be in the same room and feel that energy.

• 50:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's miraculous. Wow.

• 50:45Tom Segura?

  I have to bring something to your attention, though. While I was out, you did a podcast and one of the clips went viral.

• 50:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm hmm. We both agree on is that we both don't like pot.

• 50:56Speaker 15

  I got tired of having to tell bartenders that worked for me, you can't walk outside during your shift and smoke fucking pot in front of the bar. Do you understand I'd yell at you if I saw you drinking right now?

• 51:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 51:08Speaker 15

  Friends going, oh, we gotta drive to the mall. Let me just take a quick hit. Fuck you, dude. You're driving me. It bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, hold on, let me take a quick shot.

• 51:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 51:21Speaker 15

  This is a big argument that me and my ex-girlfriend.

• 51:24Tom Segura?

  Man, it got people fired the fuck up.

• 51:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fired up, mad at Joe for hating pot. I gotta double down with Joe and say that I agree with him. I, I hate pot, not so much for societal reasons, but I have tried so hard. To get into pot personally and I just get paranoid and fat and sad and angry.

• 51:44Tom Segura?

  You guys are dorks is you guys are dorks and you guys are wrong. You guys are lame.

• 51:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's right. You're impaired. It still impairs you. Do you want your driver?

• 51:54Tom Segura?

  You're not impaired. You're enlightened and there's a difference. There's a difference between being impaired and enlightened. Okay?

• 51:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You wouldn't mind your, your Uber driver taking a bomb ride?

• 52:04Tom Segura?

  I wouldn't mind our kid's bus driver taking a couple of hits because I know he's going to be in the zone and that's what it's all about. Getting in the zone. Okay. I like being in the zone. Now I'm not

• 52:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:15Tom Segura?

  A hardcore consumer, but I do like, I do like it. I like a little bit. I like it in the evenings. I like it to wind down. I like opening up my third eye and my fourth one.

• 52:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And your brown eye.

• 52:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah. They're both good.

• 52:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think.

• 52:35Tom Segura?

  Squares, man.

• 52:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I'm a square too. I agree with Joe on this one. Like I don't like people. Well, here's the thing and then the loser potheads will say, Well, but you drive better when you're high. You actually go slower and it's like.

• 52:48Tom Segura?

  Here's the thing you have to, you have to make a distinction though. Jesus. You have to make a distinction about, Are you talking about stoned out of like mouth hanging open blitzed? Are you talking about just like a little bit here and there, which to a lot of people it, it like it takes down their anxiety. It does help them focus. Yeah. I mean, it has different effects on different people.

• 53:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And, and some people who are really hyperactive, it mellows them out and.

• 53:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it does. Yeah.

• 53:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It causes disconnection, I think with people around you too. Or connection, but mostly disconnection. I don't know. I don't, I never liked it culturally. I don't like.

• 53:31Tom Segura?

  We're not all booze bags like you.

• 53:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love alcohol. Now let's talk about something good alcohol. I don't like, um, I don't like pothead music. I don't like the Grateful Dead. Sorry. I don't like their art. I don't like their glow in the dark posters.

• 53:45Tom Segura?

  Any more disrespectful Bob Weir just died. Could you just like actually?

• 53:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like your lava lamps. I don't like your stupid beanbag chairs. I don't like futons. I don't like any, here's the thing, if they could make pot culture cooler, maybe I'd be on board. Like, can we put some dark colors in the vibe? Like if Peter Murphy were a pothead.

• 54:10Tom Segura?

  You're just saying, basically, can pot be goth and then I'll like it?

• 54:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  A thousand times, yes. If Robert Smith were a pothead, I'd be like, cool. But they're not, because nobody I like is a major pothead. Anthony Bourdain, heroin. It's glamorous. It's better. Alcohol, alcohol is better. Alcohol's for grownups. Pot is for teenagers.

• 54:31Tom Segura?

  I mean, I like alcohol too, but I do like, I just, I'm saying, for me, I like my, I'm still 10 milli tom. I still in, I still enjoy it. That's how I wind down. I feel, I told you that I feel much better in social situations when I do that. I told you that.

• 54:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm the opposite. For me, my body chemistry, it flips me out. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I can't do it. I can't do it. I wish I, I wish I could be.

• 55:00Tom Segura?

  Maybe it's just you're taking too strong of a dose, though.

• 55:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, that's, I don't know. And then my brain is fried the next day. Alcohol, I like alcohol. It's the grownups. It's more socially sanctioned. It's glamorous. You've got cool names for the drinks, not stupid names. You know, pot is named dumb things like White Lightning or White Widow or Fashion Purple Haze or some fucking gay shit. It's a bad culture. It needs a rebrand. It needs, Gwyneth Paltrow.

• 55:32Tom Segura?

  Why don't you take a lead on that? Why don't you rebrand it?

• 55:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd destroy that industry so fast.

• 55:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd make it so uncool. I wanted to tell you specifically something because I drove for the school field trip, for the first grade field trip to the garbage dump.

• 55:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I don't trust other people driving my children around when they're really little like that. So I drove Julian's first grade class to the garbage dump. And it's so smelly too. Yeah. My jacket reeks. Everything smells like trash now, but.

• 56:11Tom Segura?

  Wait, tell him, say, what did our first graders say when you were on your way there?

• 56:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, I don't want to go to the fucking dump. What a stupid field trip. This is a shitty field trip.

• 56:24Tom Segura?

  Like, who wants to go see garbage? It is kind of funny. It's a funny thing to say.

• 56:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's really funny. He gets it. He's like, garbage. But I wanted to see garbage because I'm interested. I've been talking about trash collectors forever on YMH. The FedEx drivers, the UPS drivers and trash collectors. Those are my interests, right? So I finally, I'm looking at this big pile of trash and I'm watching the machines sort it and I get my hands on the employee who's been there the longest. And I was like, all right, dude, tell me everything. First of all, how many bodies do you find a year in the trash? And he goes, no, we don't find full bodies. We find an arm here, a leg here.

• 57:07Tom Segura?

  Professionals.

• 57:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And he goes.

• 57:09Tom Segura?

  Professionals do it.

• 57:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. And he goes, never the head. For some reason, we don't get the heads. They always cut off the limbs and put them in the trash. And he goes, well, you know, the mafia started the garbage business. And I was like, oh yeah, waste management. He's like, that's the way they got rid of bodies early. And I was like, oh my God, I never put that together. Like duh, that's the best way to get rid of it.

• 57:30Tom Segura?

  You gotta chop them up.

• 57:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta chop them up. And so he goes, yeah, so we'll find an arm here and then like the leg will be somewhere else up north or something. And then he's like, it's a real hassle though, because the cops get involved and they come down, we had to shut everything down. And deal with that. So I thought you'd like that. And then I was asking him like, what time did the garbage men start work? He said 4 a.m. They're out collecting the trash. I know. And then I asked him, well, why do they do it? He's like, I'm telling you, all the men on the trucks, they love their jobs. They got big smiles on their faces. They love their jobs.

• 58:04Tom Segura?

  I believe it.

• 58:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do too. And I'm like, well, what do they love? What is it? He goes, well, personally, he's like, my mother was in the waste management business for 27 years. My stepdad was in this, like, my family is from this business. And he's like, they give you a lot of time off. Apparently it pays well and you get to have like a life outside of your job. So that makes perfect sense to me. And they've also liked to, you know, he gave me this thing like, oh, we're helping the community. Yeah, right. Which I agree with too. But I thought that was pretty fascinating. Like, who really fucking cares? You know, I think that was just him trying to like, oh, this stupid first grade mom is like, I gotta tell her that we give a fuck about trash or whatever. I'm like, okay.

• 58:45Tom Segura?

  You know, there was this, um, there was this hit crew in New York. Uh, they were Brooklyn based and this guy had this method. So they kept, had, they would always contract him to do their, their kills. Cause he would take, he would kill somebody and then he would take them and string them up over a bathtub with their feet in the air. And he knew where to make this incision where he would bleed them out. Cause the thing is like, there's so much blood, bleed them out in the tub. And so there was no blood left in the body and then he would chop them up.

• 59:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brilliant.

• 59:16Tom Segura?

  Like, yeah.

• 59:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brilliant. And then that's one of the things he told me at the trash collection site. They don't accept fluids of any kind.

• 59:24Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 59:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lighter fluids, flammable things like that. And I was like, that's crazy.

• 59:30Tom Segura?

  That's a real hazard. Yeah.

• 59:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't know that. You know how stupid I am? I probably just throw that shit right in the trash and be like, oh, I don't care. Like I throw everything in the trash, don't you?

• 59:39Tom Segura?

  I think most people, I think a lot of people do. Yeah.

• 59:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so too.

• 59:43Tom Segura?

  But you're supposed to dispose of things that are like toxic or dangerous in a different way. Yeah.

• 59:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what he said. I'm like, well, what should I do if I have like a bottle of lighter?

• 59:53Tom Segura?

  A bunch of lighter fluids. Yeah.

• 59:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's like, well, you should call the fire department and have them come like, there's nobody doing that, dude. Everybody's throwing that shit right in the trash.

• 1:00:04Tom Segura?

  In the trash. Of course they are.

• 1:00:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dog.

• 1:00:06Tom Segura?

  But what they do is they go, I don't want it in my trash. They'll take it to somebody else's trash.

• 1:00:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's exactly.

• 1:00:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I go, how many dead animals you find in here? I'm sure people just throw their

• 1:00:17Tom Segura?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:00:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dogs and cats in there. He's like, oh, we see a few of those, too. I'm like, oh, but the human stuff I thought was pretty cool.

• 1:00:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's, that means, you know, and when you're seeing parts, that's a pro job. That's not an accident, man.

• 1:00:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  That's a professional job. Yeah.

• 1:00:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  So here's what we've decided to do, you and me. You drain, you hang the body upside down on, in the tub, but the body's heavy. How was he able to lift the body?

• 1:00:43Tom Segura?

  Well, I think he came up with a system for doing that.

• 1:00:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a pulley, you would use a pulley.

• 1:00:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:00:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like the Dutch, they pulley things up.

• 1:00:53Tom Segura?

  It's one of those bathrooms where you go into and you go, why do you have a pulley system above your bathtub?

• 1:01:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, I do, I work out. It's just a workout thing I'm doing. I just do it, I do it and then I shower. And so I like to, I get sweaty and then I jump in the shower.

• 1:01:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's my total.

• 1:01:08Tom Segura?

  That's weird.

• 1:01:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, can you saw through bone pretty easily, you think? Like, could I just buy?

• 1:01:15Tom Segura?

  I don't think it's easy. No.

• 1:01:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, right?

• 1:01:18Tom Segura?

  I think, no, for sure it's not easy. I mean, hands, like, just like grinding through it. I mean, you could do it, but probably takes a lot. Sure, if you get something electric powered, it makes it a lot easier. Cut off hands, arms, you know, you probably do what, like, at the knee? Yeah, you want it to be like just the torso and the limb. The legs you want to cut into two. And then for ID, you know, you want to obviously take all the teeth out. That's a pain in the ass. You got to get like a, you know, a tool to rip each and every one of the teeth out. And then if you really want people to not figure out who it was, you want to, you know, do something to the fingertips. So you want to have fingerprints. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, man.

• 1:02:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's such, that's the hardest way. I would just buy a, like, for instance, in the interview with a vampire TV show I was watching, Tom? Are you listening to me? They had their own crematorium. They just bought.

• 1:02:13Tom Segura?

  Well, that's the best.

• 1:02:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And it was in New Orleans and you just have it like in the backyard and then you just incinerate the bodies. And I could be like, it's my family business.

• 1:02:24Tom Segura?

  I don't know what businesses, off the top of my head, need some type of incinerator. But if you were to able to develop a viable business that uses an incinerator and then you could double it for like just dumping bodies into, that's the best.

• 1:02:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the best.

• 1:02:40Tom Segura?

  That's what I would encourage someone to do.

• 1:02:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's like when you do ceramics and you're like, I have to fire this bowl. Like, you don't have a ceramics kiln at your house. You go and you go to like the nearest arts and crafts center and you go, can I fire my ceramic bowl in your kiln? Like, that's what you're kind of saying.

• 1:02:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly. So what I'm saying is develop a system where you're like, I make vases and glass sculptures. That's why I have all this stuff.

• 1:03:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  They need to be fired. Wait, bring it back to that screen you were talking about. I saw the distinction between wet bone. How hard is it?

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  Farms, I saw farms there. Some farms use an incinerator. That's cool. You could do that. Be like, I'm, you know, I grow corn.

• 1:03:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Josh Googled, how hard is it to cut through bone? Because you need to specialize.

• 1:03:33Tom Segura?

  AI says, cutting through bone can be challenging. It's a real challenge. Do your best. What were the businesses that you had up there? Because this is really where we want people to focus. Hospitals, vet clinics.

• 1:03:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:53Tom Segura?

  Farms, ranches and zoos, military bases. I think the most accessible thing for somebody who's looking to do something like this is a farm.

• 1:04:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was gonna say.

• 1:04:04Tom Segura?

  You can get a farm or a ranch. That's, that's at least, you can't be like, I'm opening a municipal building. I'm starting my own pharmaceutical company. You know, but you can get a farm.

• 1:04:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, or, yeah, dude, like, you open a fucking ranch out here in Texas. You just drive 20 minutes outside of Austin. It's got nothing but land.

• 1:04:23Tom Segura?

  What's up with the incinerator? And you're like, I have a bunch of crops that go bad. You gotta do something with them. And they're like, oh, okay.

• 1:04:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cows drop dead all the time. You gotta do that.

• 1:04:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what are we supposed to do, man? You gotta incinerate them.

• 1:04:39Tom Segura?

  How long do you think it is until our youngest child starts doing shit like this?

• 1:04:45Speaker 06

  Rondell, I'm outside today. Where are you at, pussy? You pussy ass bitch, you ain't shit. Fuck you, Rondell. Fuck you. Come fight me, pussy. I'll come beat your ass, you motherfucker. You ain't shit.

• 1:04:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Good. Tell him what's up.

• 1:05:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  585 Bud.

• 1:05:04Tom Segura?

  He's got the low angle in the car.

• 1:05:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:07Tom Segura?

  Fucking pussy.

• 1:05:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:09Tom Segura?

  Fucking come outside, bitch.

• 1:05:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Where did you grow up? This is normal for me in the 818 growing up. This is not too crazy.

• 1:05:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:05:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  The junior high school I went to, kids were saying crazy shit in junior high. Junior high is the wildest. Don't you feel like that's the peak craziness?

• 1:05:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I saw a lot of crazy shit in middle school.

• 1:05:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then my high school kind of tapers out.

• 1:05:33Tom Segura?

  Well, it depends. There's kids that definitely ramp it up in high school. But yeah, I know what you're saying. In middle school, you don't know what these emotions are. You're just like, you're just full of feelings. You don't know, you know what I mean? You kind of learn as you get a little older how to deal with things. Yeah.

• 1:05:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you ever make a video like this to some guy?

• 1:05:55Tom Segura?

  No, hell no. But we didn't have that. We weren't, you know.

• 1:05:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I know you had a-

• 1:05:58Tom Segura?

  I'm sure I would have.

• 1:05:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like you had a camcorder, though. Didn't you record yourself like lip syncing?

• 1:06:04Tom Segura?

  I had a camcorder. Yes, yes. Yeah, all that stuff. Horrifying.

• 1:06:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  So embarrassing. Oh my god.

• 1:06:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would fucking kill myself if I could see those little ass now.

• 1:06:16Tom Segura?

  It's so embarrassing. It's making me nervous right now.

• 1:06:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know. It's just funny. Just thinking about it.

• 1:06:23Tom Segura?

  Nothing worse. Yeah, but if I were a kid now, that would be so much worse. So much worse.

• 1:06:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my fucking god, dude.

• 1:06:33Tom Segura?

  Um, all right, pardog. I've got to-

• 1:06:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you.

• 1:06:37Tom Segura?

  I've got to get ready and I've got to go in the office.

• 1:06:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta go saw some bones. Gotta dispose of some buds.

• 1:06:44Tom Segura?

  Gotta make an offer on a ranch.

• 1:06:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, sweetie, I love you.

• 1:06:50Tom Segura?

  All right, love you. Thank you, guys, for watching and listening. Thank you for dealing with our new remote setup. But we'll try to do it as much as we can, man. It's very fun. Peace, God.

• 1:07:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love you.

• 1:07:04Tom Segura?

  Allah.

• 1:07:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Allah.

• 1:07:07Tom Segura?

  Allah.

• 1:07:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Next, for me. We have the right producer on this track. It's a slap, right, Penny?

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  I didn't realize that was him either.

• 1:08:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:08:17Tom Segura?

  Wow, so that's not

• 1:08:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:08:19Tom Segura?

  a coincidence that I triggered. You really like to put his raps out there?

• 1:08:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you know, when you're an artist and you do it for just the love of the game, nothing can stop you.

• 1:08:33Speaker 16

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