Our Jeans Are High & Tactical | Your Mom's House Ep. 840

SPONSORS: - Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/YMH. Promo Code YMH - Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse - Go to https://Helixsleep.com/YMH for 20% Off Sitewide. - Use code YMH at https://monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. Check your six, mommy! In this absolutely unhinged episode of Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina suit up in tactical vests and announce a bold new YMH initiative: total-life preparedness. From flashlight stances to 10-second doorway scans, the leaders of the Mommy Militia learn how to navigate a world full of lurking threats, fire, danger, and of course… clowns. Shout out to Jason Fabus for the amazing sax intro (IG: @jasonfabus). Tom and Christina show off an impressive array of emergency gear (machetes, trauma shears, MRE pizza with 5,000 calories, brass knuckles, and a foldable murder-credit-card), before the two dive into more safety guy Larry Betz safety lessons, some prime examples of black romance, horny James Joyce letters, trench foot, some horrible or hilarious clips, some TikTok's, and then addressing the loss of a truly stacked inspiration. Stay safe. Stay ready. And never walk into a Chili’s without scanning the exits first. Your Mom’s House Ep. 840 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:12 - Farts & Safety 00:06:44 - Opening Clip: Restaurant Scan 00:16:40 - Clip: Safety Shaun 00:18:59 - More Safety Tips & The Perfect Neighbor 00:30:54 - Clip: Misgendered Meltdown 00:35:11 - Clip: Talk To The Butt 00:37:08 - James Joyce Love Letters 00:41:31 - Clip: Big Gay Clowns 00:43:59 - Madonna 00:47:03 - Clip: Headbutt Self Defense 00:48:46 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:54:15 - Clip: Isolation Year 00:57:41 - RIP Mary Magdalene 00:59:16 - Clip: Pastor's Cool Advice For Women 01:04:38 - Fedsmoker Jr 01:09:05 - TikToks 01:19:38 - Final Safety Tips 01:22:01 - Closing Song - "She Got Tits" by Joseph and John Juarez Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:12Tom Segura?

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• 0:54Tom Segura?

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• 1:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, the fart mic, what are you doing?

• 1:17Tom Segura?

  It's on your thing.

• 1:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you gotta fart? Come on dude, be a team player. What are you fucking doing?

• 1:25Tom Segura?

  Look at how you're doing this.

• 1:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you doing? You gotta do it. If you're gonna do it, do it right.

• 1:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, it's been so, so long and you finally are back.

• 1:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so happy I had that on my vest.

• 1:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Perfect timing.

• 1:46Tom Segura?

  It's important. Welcome to your mom's house. You got a little sneak peek what happens behind the scenes before we record. It should be no surprise to anybody that we're shifting the focus of not only this show, but everything that comes out of this studio into preparedness, safety, knowing how to navigate any situation. Anything could happen at any time. So as always, you know, you know, if you, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. If you're prepared, you're not paranoid. If you're just always considering that anything could happen at any moment, at any situation,

• 2:27Tom Segura?

  you, you really are going to move through life in a much more calm and settled state. Whoa. Double flashlights.

• 2:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look how fast that was.

• 2:37Tom Segura?

  That was really quick.

• 2:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boom.

• 2:39Tom Segura?

  And that's a really good point is that you don't, you don't want to be like a lay person.

• 2:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 2:45Tom Segura?

  Who goes, you know.

• 2:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 2:47Tom Segura?

  Should I think? No. Law enforcement. You go overhead, right? And you can move and then boom, you can just put your weapon right over.

• 2:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, walk me through that though. So why is this like an inferior way? Is this just because it's like?

• 3:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not in control.

• 3:03Tom Segura?

  You're a newbie.

• 3:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Up here is I'm in control of the light source.

• 3:07Tom Segura?

  I control. The source is coming from above. You can see, you can scan.

• 3:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 3:12Tom Segura?

  You have more ability to move about with this hand, right? But this guy gets in the way over here. I don't know what I'm, I can't see anything.

• 3:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking idiot. And also you're going to be doing eight to 10 second scans. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. That's a long time.

• 3:33Tom Segura?

  Not long enough in my opinion, but yeah, that's how you scan, I would say from to five yards out and then you reset and you'd, you'd go further, maybe 20 yards out and you do another 10 second scan. And that's for any room you walk into or anytime you leave a building, a home, a residence, a store, an airport, you step outside, you want to do those two scans.

• 3:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I did that scan. I parked here near the studio and then even though it's just in front of the front door, I stopped, I scanned, I scanned, I scanned, and then I walked out.

• 4:08Tom Segura?

  You don't know if there's a bunch of clowns hanging around that aren't normally there.

• 4:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of clowns.

• 4:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  This neighborhood, you don't know where they're coming from.

• 4:16Tom Segura?

  It's definitely something to be thinking about. So as you can see, um, we have a bunch of suggestions of, um, of equipment that every listener and viewer of this podcast should buy immediately.

• 4:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  For the holidays, definitely.

• 4:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I would gift this to probably everybody in your family and certainly the friends you care about. Um, but it's just basically a way to navigate life. You realize how many of us, myself included, were just going through life willingly. Oh, everything's fine. There's never danger anywhere.

• 4:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 4:49Tom Segura?

  And then, you know, you walk outside, fucking clown car pulls up and now you're, you're in a situation.

• 4:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now you're aware. You may have to drive away from a gas station with the pump still in your, in your gas tank.

• 5:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, which is fine.

• 5:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is, which is fine because then you can also live on one of these.

• 5:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an MRE. I got 365 of these.

• 5:10Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 5:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Times two.

• 5:11Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 5:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've stocked your trunk and my trunk full of these. So God forbid you need to pull over. There's a tornado.

• 5:18Tom Segura?

  It's a meal ready to eat. And that's pizza, which I'm sure is fantastic. That is a fantastic piece of pizza. Uh, the Department of Defense makes those and we used our connections to get, um, a couple hundred of them. But I would say, you know, imagine you're out, you go, oh, I'm just going, I'm just going to the movies. And then a situation that you're not expecting takes place.

• 5:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:43Tom Segura?

  You leave the movies, you know, clowns started rioting and then now all the restaurants are closed.

• 5:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 5:52Tom Segura?

  Uh, all the windows have been bashed out of every grocery store, restaurant.

• 5:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  All the water's been stolen. The clowns take water, beer.

• 6:00Tom Segura?

  Then what happens? Well, now you're like, I don't have any food. Like what, how am I going to eat for the next year? MREs.

• 6:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Best thing about MREs, not only are they flavorful, calorically dense.

• 6:11Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 6:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  This one right here, the pizza slice, you're talking 5,000 calories.

• 6:15Tom Segura?

  5,000?

• 6:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  At least.

• 6:16Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I eat one of these a day and also it backs you up. You don't have to stop what you're doing to make a bowel movement. That's why I love these so much.

• 6:25Tom Segura?

  One thing nobody actually brought up in any of this is trench foot, which is something that happens when you have too much moisture in your boots.

• 6:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 6:34Tom Segura?

  And your socks get all wet and then all of a sudden, you know, you got a real situation. So we'll put some links into our description for socks that we believe are higher quality and of course, how to resolve trench foot once it's taken over.

• 6:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's such a good point, Tom. Not enough people discuss that, you know, especially because we are in Texas climate. It is moist, it is humidity and such. You should be prepared for any climate at any time.

• 6:59Tom Segura?

  Let's say you're walking down the highway. Let's say you're starting in Dallas and you're like, I'm gonna walk to Houston today.

• 7:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 7:05Tom Segura?

  You don't think your feet could use a sock change?

• 7:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No kidding.

• 7:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Also, I've been training our children to drive. Our four-year-old son Julian could drive already.

• 7:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I don't trust these AI robot cars, okay? They're trying to rob you of your own license, your own agency.

• 7:23Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 7:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I only do gas-powered cars and I teach our children how to drive in case they need to get to safety.

• 7:29Tom Segura?

  We're gonna cover it all today, but it's, um, it's a, it's an episode about safety and preparedness and, um, I think it's the right way to go into the new year.

• 7:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Absolutely. Safe and secure. I got my trauma shares.

• 7:41Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah. Let's go. Let's get into this.

• 7:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's get safe.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  So you're out on town with your friends and you're going into a new environment. Once again, you're gonna perform the 10-second rule. You're gonna go into the new environment, scan, see for the best spot to sit and the best exits, alternative exits. So let's go inside and see what we have.

• 8:03Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah, dude.

• 8:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't think about the exits.

• 8:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, bro.

• 8:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what that theme song needs?

• 8:09Tom Segura?

  Yep. What's it need?

• 8:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  A saxophone. Yep.

• 8:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smooth. Listen to that.

• 8:39Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 8:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is some smooth sax.

• 8:42Tom Segura?

  That's really great.

• 8:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, it was, it was like hotter, right?

• 8:45Tom Segura?

  Why are we smiling? Why are we having it? Like, this is a serious fucking topic.

• 8:50Tom Segura?

  When you walk into a restaurant,

• 8:53Tom Segura?

  any restaurant, ever.

• 8:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:55Tom Segura?

  You scan the room, you look for exits.

• 8:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yup.

• 8:58Tom Segura?

  You, you need to know where people are, what's happening in that room. Don't think about what you're gonna eat, your friend that's joining you for a meal. "Oh, I hope this is a good place to eat." Fuck that. It's safety fucking first.

• 9:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  So when I did my scan, I noticed I have a fire extinguisher over here. Fire extinguisher is great for an improvised weapon if you need something, and it's also helpful if you need to put out a fire. So I know where it is, I can access it quickly, and then it's also close to an exit. So if I need to exit, I have an exit here, and an exit down the end of the hall.

• 9:28Tom Segura?

  What level of anxiety do you think he enters every day with? Do you think he wakes up and he's like, "Is somebody in the home?" Like, that's the first thought?

• 9:39Tom Segura?

  "Is there someone in the bathroom? I have to pee, I just woke up." Check the shower, open the closets, look under the bed, and then 30 minutes later, he's like, "Oh, yeah, I have to pee."

• 9:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Also, I didn't realize you could use a fire extinguisher as a-

• 9:53Tom Segura?

  As an improvised weapon? Oh yeah, I knew that.

• 9:57Tom Segura?

  That's what I usually think of when I see fire extinguishers. I'm like, "Great, I can bash someone's fucking head with that if I need to." Some clown walks in here and talks shit to me, I'm gonna smash his fucking face in.

• 10:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 10:12Tom Segura?

  He's, he's-

• 10:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm surprised he leaves the house without his tactical vest on.

• 10:16Tom Segura?

  I don't understand how, and I cannot believe that he doesn't, like, non-stop talk about concealed carry permits. I cannot believe that.

• 10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's in Arizona.

• 10:26Tom Segura?

  I mean, still, it's just like, I cannot believe he's not talking about ankle holsters, like, you know what I mean? Like, carry six magazines on you at all times, like, it, to me, it would be, I'm like, "When is that coming? When are we talking about shooting?"

• 10:41Speaker 03

  Now, once I'm outside, I have to make a decision. Is it safer to go to the parking lot and go to my car? Or is it safer to go to another area? It really depends on the scenario. If there's a fire or a situation over there, I'm not gonna wanna go through it. I'm gonna look for an alternative exit, which is that way.

• 10:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  So, to me, this restaurant gives me a lot of options. It's safe, it's secure, it's monitored, and I have options to get in and out of. So, good job. This is a great place to come with your family and friends. Be well, be safe.

• 11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, there's a fire on your left. You wanna go to the right. That's what I learned.

• 11:15Tom Segura?

  First of all, that was such a great observation on your part.

• 11:20Tom Segura?

  I have often thought, "What if I leave a place and there's a fire over there? Do I go towards it? Or do I go the other way?" But he laid it out clear for me.

• 11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now you know.

• 11:30Tom Segura?

  This is why you need shit like this. Also, if we can't get him, can we get his videographer? Because he's bringing this motherfucker everywhere.

• 11:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I do like about his attire?

• 11:40Tom Segura?

  Here's another thing I wanna ask, though.

• 11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pockets on the pants. You need a lot of pockets.

• 11:43Tom Segura?

  What if there's a fire to your right, but there's six clowns to your left?

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no!

• 11:48Tom Segura?

  Then which way do you go?

• 11:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where do you go?

• 11:50Tom Segura?

  Because those are both very dangerous situations.

• 11:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very dangerous. Goddamn, I might take the fire.

• 11:54Tom Segura?

  You wanna be in a clown fight? Or do you wanna be engulfed in flames?

• 12:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he'd rather take the flames. I think he's afraid of clowns, but yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 12:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's, um...

• 12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, also, too, I like that safety dictates just every decision he makes. He's like, "You're done eating your tacos. Is there a fire on here?

• 12:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is there a tornado or a hurricane? Or are there clowns around? That will dictate what I do next as a human, where my day goes."

• 12:25Tom Segura?

  One of the things I'm having trouble grasping is how much of your thoughts and energy is going into preparedness? Because I feel like...

• 12:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not enough.

• 12:35Tom Segura?

  You're walking in and you're like, I'm scanning the room. Where are the exits? Is there a fire extinguisher? Are there people coming in? What is potentially dangerous here? You eat and then you're like, I'm going back into the fucking combat zone. Like, are you just on a high alert 24/7? I think that's kind of how he lives, right?

• 12:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's in a combat zone.

• 12:54Tom Segura?

  All the time. Stay fucking ready.

• 12:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  This guy, in his mind, he's in the Helmand Province in Afghanistan. There's Taliban everywhere.

• 13:03Tom Segura?

  Now, this is illegal in a lot of states, but I highly recommend getting some brass knuckles.

• 13:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 13:10Tom Segura?

  You know? One of these right here. Keep it on you at all times. Lie to law enforcement if they ask you if you have them.

• 13:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 13:17Tom Segura?

  And if you're having trouble dealing with that, here is, it's like a, it's like the, it's the thickness of a credit card, but it's actually, it folds and then it's a, it's a blade.

• 13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's brilliant.

• 13:30Tom Segura?

  Brilliant. And I highly recommend every listener to get one of these.

• 13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That one in your back pocket.

• 13:34Tom Segura?

  You keep it in your wallet, just like you would a card. And then it's like, pretend you're a bad guy. Ready?

• 13:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 13:39Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get over here, man.

• 13:41Tom Segura?

  Hold on.

• 13:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you in the face.

• 13:48Tom Segura?

  One second.

• 13:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, you'd better fight me now. I'm gonna get you. I'm a clown. Coming to clown on you. You better get your knife.

• 14:00Tom Segura?

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• 14:43Tom Segura?

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• 15:12Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 15:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  descriptions, and even edit product photos. You can handle orders and expand to new markets all from the same dashboard. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/moms house. Go to Shopify.com/moms house. That's Shopify.com/moms house. Here you're first this new year with Shopify on your side. Here I am. There you go. There you go. Perfect.

• 16:30Tom Segura?

  I don't fuck around.

• 16:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. That was awesome. That was awesome.

• 16:36Tom Segura?

  Just shit like that, you know?

• 16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's a good one.

• 16:40Tom Segura?

  It's good to carry your wallet.

• 16:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  The thing is though, Tim, as we've learned wearing these vests, the key is accessibility. You gotta get to the-

• 16:47Tom Segura?

  You gotta have it. Well, that's why these, these tactical vests are fantastic. Also, I'll say this comforting, kind of feels like-

• 16:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a hug.

• 16:53Tom Segura?

  Like a thunder shirt.

• 16:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like for animals when they get scared.

• 16:56Tom Segura?

  When they get scared, it feels nice.

• 16:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is, does feel snug.

• 16:59Tom Segura?

  And then you don't have to, oh, where, is it in my bag? Just have it all accessible, you know?

• 17:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what this reminds me of too? Oh, there you go. Get it? Flash it. Very nice. Huh?

• 17:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I would do too is put my passport here.

• 17:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  On my neck, all my identification, everything I need for the day here. Right here.

• 17:19Tom Segura?

  That's a great idea.

• 17:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I don't have to fumble.

• 17:20Tom Segura?

  Can you board a flight with one of these? I think you can.

• 17:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you should.

• 17:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you should try. Hold on, I need my trauma shears.

• 17:27Tom Segura?

  Trauma shears are, are mandatory.

• 17:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  A must.

• 17:31Tom Segura?

  And, um, yeah.

• 17:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  And maybe you can even just cut your food up with this. You know, the Asians like to cut food with scissors.

• 17:37Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 17:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just easier.

• 17:39Tom Segura?

  It is easier.

• 17:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could cut your steak.

• 17:42Tom Segura?

  Sean, who I travel with, he was the one that first brought up-

• 17:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trauma shears.

• 17:47Tom Segura?

  Trauma shears.

• 17:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, I feel like his are better because his fold.

• 17:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he got better ones. Yours are not very good.

• 17:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  These are not good.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  Here's Sean.

• 17:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  So, safety check today. We're about to make our drive to the next city. You always want to make sure that all your friends are in the car. So you always want them to sound off. Tom? Here. Kirk? Check. There we go, we're a bus. All right? We'll make sure you have your knife with you.

• 18:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  Just in case you run into some trouble. There we go. And, of course, trauma shears.

• 18:23Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 18:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's-

• 18:24Speaker 04

  Stay safe out there.

• 18:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  They fold.

• 18:25Tom Segura?

  Thank you.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  Thank you. You're welcome. Stay safe.

• 18:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can I tell you what I didn't like there is that he didn't have good technique with the switchblade.

• 18:33Tom Segura?

  Exactly.

• 18:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you gotta practice.

• 18:35Tom Segura?

  And then these right here.

• 18:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Show me, practice.

• 18:37Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm not an expert in these, but this is the kind that you can, you know, you can-

• 18:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really get some stuff done.

• 18:42Tom Segura?

  If you, you have to get, you have to practice, right? But be able to, I'm not, I feel like I'm gonna hurt myself if I do that.

• 18:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like West Side Story. It's like the, the Jets.

• 18:51Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 18:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Puerto Rican kids.

• 18:53Tom Segura?

  The greasers in the, yeah.

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  They were good with those.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 18:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta watch.

• 18:56Tom Segura?

  The spics in the mix, yep.

• 18:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  West Side Story.

• 18:58Tom Segura?

  That's a great one.

• 18:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 19:00Tom Segura?

  Um, this right here is, I don't even know what this is. Oh, it has, it has a blade. And then this here, which can break a window if you get stuck in a car, you know?

• 19:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, I wanted one of those. Yeah.

• 19:12Tom Segura?

  Um, it's, it's really, oh, and then this here, so you can, you can again.

• 19:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a carabiner. Is that what that's called?

• 19:19Tom Segura?

  You can, um.

• 19:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Put that on your bike.

• 19:21Tom Segura?

  Exactly. Right here. Add this to the vest.

• 19:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:24Tom Segura?

  Which is really smart. And keep, um, keep everything, you know? Yeah.

• 19:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. Again, easy to get to.

• 19:32Tom Segura?

  Easy. Yeah. Right there. Anytime I need it, I just.

• 19:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:36Tom Segura?

  Pretend you're a bad guy.

• 19:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get over here, you.

• 19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 19:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go, Tom.

• 19:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get back at me.

• 19:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I got caught in an elevator once and I wish I would have had these tools.

• 19:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I don't know how to close this.

• 19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you put the M R E on your body? Cause I do feel like I'm hungry a lot.

• 19:56Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, of course you can.

• 19:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I want to walk around with snacks.

• 19:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's great, man. Um, let's see, uh.

• 20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna machete there.

• 20:04Tom Segura?

  Our guy, I think he has some more stuff out there for us.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Hey, everybody. Just like we use the Cooper color code and the Oda loop to help scan our environment and make safer decisions.

• 20:14Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:14Speaker 03

  The bad guy is always watching as well. The bad guy is looking at the way you walk, the way you dress, the way you talk and eye contact. So if you walk around with purpose, head up, scanning your environment, you're not a prime target. Bad guys use something called the hostile planning cycle. I go into the hostile planning cycle in great detail in my book, situational awareness and safe family travel strategies. Link in my bio. And go to the prepared university. There you get your copy of my book. Be well, be safe.

• 20:43Tom Segura?

  He's not wrong.

• 20:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 20:44Tom Segura?

  And by the way, you see how that's like a blousy oversized shirt?

• 20:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 20:47Tom Segura?

  Fantastic for keeping weapons on your waistband without them being like notable.

• 20:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can strap them around your stomach. Yeah.

• 20:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That's a really good note. He didn't mention it there, but it's something I've observed.

• 20:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. Family safety. We gotta get our kids tactical vests too.

• 21:01Tom Segura?

  Also, why get a pen that you can only write with? Where this one also has, see on the other side, this is like a weapon.

• 21:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:09Tom Segura?

  Again, you could break a window, you could pop someone in the face with it.

• 21:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stabby stabbies.

• 21:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, waiter mouth off at you.

• 21:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:17Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 21:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let them have it.

• 21:18Tom Segura?

  Fuck up. Yeah.

• 21:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I see you got your mace there too.

• 21:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course. You always want to carry this with you.

• 21:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Defense spray.

• 21:24Tom Segura?

  Again, this is another great Christmas idea.

• 21:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, are you kidding me? If I got that in my stocking, I know you cared about me as a lady.

• 21:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You want me to be safe.

• 21:34Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:35Tom Segura?

  Um, yeah, there's just, there's so many things. Let's, uh, see here, we got it, here we go.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Hey, everybody, Larry here from Prepare Not Paranoid. I want you guys to take a look at this video of a bunch of clowns in Virginia.

• 22:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 22:02Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  So, as you can see, this whole thing was caught on videotape.

• 22:06Tom Segura?

  I believe that was Halloween.

• 22:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, right? I don't think they just showed up in...

• 22:11Tom Segura?

  I don't know, it felt like Halloween.

• 22:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  July, dressed like that.

• 22:14Tom Segura?

  Maybe. I mean, they, yeah.

• 22:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 22:16Speaker 03

  Clearly, cameras are not a deterrent. They're great to record what's happening, and a camera could help give you some time to implement your safety plan, but a camera's not gonna stop a bad guy from doing bad stuff.

• 22:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  So, you wanna make your home a hard target and get into habits to protect you and your family. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, we're gonna be covering things to make your home a hard target.

• 22:39Tom Segura?

  That's a really cool thing.

• 22:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what, then? Cause cameras, yeah, I agree, they're kinda useless.

• 22:44Tom Segura?

  Well, those guys were all masked up, so they didn't care.

• 22:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doesn't help.

• 22:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  A bunch of clowns in Virginia.

• 22:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe if you could have something that just automatically sprayed bullets when somebody came to your front porch. Ding dong, spray bullets.

• 22:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, right away.

• 22:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 22:59Tom Segura?

  And then, ask questions later.

• 23:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ask questions later.

• 23:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah. We were watching that documentary last night.

• 23:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn it, dude.

• 23:05Tom Segura?

  The Perfect Neighbor. Did you guys watch that?

• 23:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god.

• 23:08Tom Segura?

  No.

• 23:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so sad.

• 23:10Tom Segura?

  I don't think so. What was the plot? So, it's, it's really well done. It's mostly, um, body cam footage from police officers.

• 23:20Tom Segura?

  And who have basically they they they got called over and over and over to the same residence.

• 23:27Speaker 05

  By this old white lady, right? I did see this one. This one's good. I saw it. Yeah, it was very sad.

• 23:31Tom Segura?

  It's very sad, but very well done.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  Very well done.

• 23:34Tom Segura?

  It's very well done. It's um, but she did exactly that. It was knocking on her door and she just

• 23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sprayed.

• 23:40Tom Segura?

  Shot through the door. Yeah. She was like, I think I felt scared.

• 23:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I felt scared.

• 23:45Tom Segura?

  And then they're like, how long did that take between knocking and this happened? She was like, oh, 10 minutes, 20? And they're like, actually, we have the call log. It was less than two minutes. She's like, felt like longer.

• 23:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And then I heard her switch her tone. At first she was like, I was so scared. I didn't know what happened. And then this motherfucker came rolling up to my house.

• 24:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like she is cookie. Cookie for Cocoa Puffs.

• 24:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  She dead?

• 24:08Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I didn't. I haven't finished it.

• 24:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I haven't finished it yet either. I

• 24:12Tom Segura?

  But it was, it was really, it's a really well done documentary.

• 24:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It sucks because I, I really liked the neighborhood that those kids lived in. It seemed like a really

• 24:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, everyone's having

• 24:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fun.

• 24:22Tom Segura?

  Everyone was having a good existence.

• 24:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 24:26Tom Segura?

  In this neighborhood, except for one person.

• 24:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  This fucking clown.

• 24:30Tom Segura?

  Who just ruined it for everybody.

• 24:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  She really did. I fucking hate her so much.

• 24:36Tom Segura?

  One time the cops, they're like, what's going on? She's like, kids are out there and they're screaming and running around. They're like, like playing in the field. And they're like, she's like, yeah, so distracting. They're like, yeah, you live

• 24:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just move.

• 24:48Tom Segura?

  Somewhere where there are kids.

• 24:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a whole neighborhood and it, it's like an ideal neighborhood for kids. It's all kids the same age, playing, having fun. I mean, I wish our neighborhood was more like that, but you know, oh, it was so sad. It was so sad.

• 25:04Tom Segura?

  It was really sad.

• 25:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What could, what could they have done to prevent that though? Because she wasn't doing anything illegal necessarily. No, she rammed her truck into that fence.

• 25:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they didn't like

• 25:15Tom Segura?

  Well, you can tell a few things, I think, about her watching this. One, I do think psychologically, this is like a hyper

• 25:26Tom Segura?

  Um anxious person internally, you know, like you can tell that there's psychologically that I think her panic stuff is probably there's some root cause of that.

• 25:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:39Tom Segura?

  That she is um is somebody who actually just doesn't do well with, I don't think she probably it's not the first time she's had neighbors. I bet you if you went back in time.

• 25:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:49Tom Segura?

  She would have issues.

• 25:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:51Tom Segura?

  Years and years and then, you know, she worked from home. That's because she can't work in an office.

• 25:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No one wants to be with her.

• 25:56Tom Segura?

  You can't be around this person.

• 25:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what? This is true because I've had, yeah, this is how my mom was like, no matter where she was, she would find enemies.

• 26:03Tom Segura?

  This is.

• 26:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a personality.

• 26:05Tom Segura?

  This is the trait um you often find though in true textbook psychopaths.

• 26:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:13Tom Segura?

  Because they want to engage and provoke and win. It's always about like getting one up on somebody, you know?

• 26:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And there's always an enemy. There's always a perceived enemy, a battle to be fought and.

• 26:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 26:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  With these kids.

• 26:27Tom Segura?

  And it's every little thing becomes that battle, you know? The things in my yard, the noise over here.

• 26:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, my mom was like that.

• 26:34Tom Segura?

  Like they're always like and you're just trying to like provoke and win that battle and then you move to the next battle. They're never like satisfied.

• 26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and yeah, they're all interchangeable enemies.

• 26:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Invisible people that are fucking with me.

• 26:47Tom Segura?

  I believe true antisocial personality disorder with this one.

• 26:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure. Gosh, at the least. God, it sucks.

• 26:56Tom Segura?

  They got one point, they go, do you uh use the N word? And she was like, no. They're like, ever? She's like, I mean, it may have slipped out. And he goes, in what context did it slip out? She's like, I don't know. They were there or something and they talked. So then it slipped out. Slip out.

• 27:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Crazy. And she called the kids retards.

• 27:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is really funny to hear the kids be like, she called us retards.

• 27:20Tom Segura?

  Those were such good kids, by the way.

• 27:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 27:22Tom Segura?

  They were such good kids.

• 27:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, it just crushes me.

• 27:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it was, it was, it's a very sad thing, but it's a, it's a fascinating documentary. Um, but you know, again, safety first.

• 27:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  The holidays are here, which means it's getting colder, days are getting shorter, and you're probably getting busier. Whether you're inside prepping to host everyone and their mom, or you're out shopping for them, getting good sleep is the key to staying healthy this holiday season. Don't forget to gift yourself a great night's rest with a new Helix. We sleep on a Helix mattress, and what I love is that it really adheres to whatever it is your needs are, unlike any other mattress. If you're a side sleeper, they got the side sleeper mattress. From night sweats to back pain to motion transfer, say goodbye to the sleep issues that keep you up at night. Helix's sleep quiz will take your personal needs and preferences into consideration

• 28:21Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 28:53Tom Segura?

  This time of year can be challenging to stay on budget between all the traveling, gift giving, and entertaining. Don't make the mistake of losing sight of your finances so much that you have to choose which family members you love enough to risk your rent money for. If you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season, you need to be using Monarch. Rated Wall Street Journal's best budgeting app of 2025, Monarch is the all in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your phone or laptop. And right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year. That is a great deal to get your finances under control.

• 29:36Tom Segura?

  Finally have a place that helps you organize and stay on track with your financial goals. I really believe. That getting your finances under control is the key to getting your life under control. Say goodbye to the guessing, hiding in arguments that start with, I didn't know we spent that much. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks. Use the code Y M H at monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at monarch.com with the code Y M H. So another thing you're going to want to get are tactical gloves, you know?

• 30:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, what are those for?

• 30:14Tom Segura?

  Well.

• 30:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've never seen those.

• 30:16Tom Segura?

  Let's say you're in a situation where you might need to get your hands dirty, you know? Do you want them dirty?

• 30:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 30:22Tom Segura?

  No.

• 30:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gosh, no.

• 30:23Tom Segura?

  You don't.

• 30:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or with chemicals on them, what if you get bomb chemicals on them?

• 30:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like TSA, you know, and they, they put on their gloves before they, they look through your shampoo bottles.

• 30:33Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 30:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not carrying nitroglycerin on a plane.

• 30:36Tom Segura?

  I would go through the airport like this, too. This is a good look for flying.

• 30:41Tom Segura?

  If you're a single guy and you're going out on a date, this is a perfect way to show up on a date.

• 30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel safe.

• 30:49Tom Segura?

  You feel safe.

• 30:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like it that you're ready for any.

• 30:51Tom Segura?

  And your date might be like, hey, what's up with the vest? What's up with the gloves? Why do you have so much rope? Why do you have this improvised shovel? And you go, well, you know what? I don't know where this date's gonna go. You make, you make it a joke. But the thing is, you don't know what that woman's like.

• 31:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 31:09Tom Segura?

  You don't know if you're gonna have to, I don't know, bash her over the head with your brass knuckles and then dig a hole, drag her body and bury it.

• 31:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true. You don't know if she's.

• 31:20Tom Segura?

  These are the things that happen.

• 31:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  If she's gonna provoke you or say something to humiliate you.

• 31:25Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 31:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta show her what's up.

• 31:27Tom Segura?

  You do have to show people what's up. You have to constantly remind people what's up. And you have to be ready for them trying to show you what's up, you know?

• 31:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is a good way to go through life.

• 31:36Tom Segura?

  It's a great way to go. I feel relaxed. Yeah. I feel just, I feel just as relaxed as Larry, considering every possible threat of every moment.

• 31:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you something? I think I was Larry before I started therapy.

• 31:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like 28 year old Christina.

• 31:52Tom Segura?

  Kind of Larry-ish.

• 31:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kind of, kind of close to Larry.

• 31:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Had a little PTSD from my childhood.

• 31:56Tom Segura?

  Check out these clowns.

• 32:02Speaker 06

  Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Oh, myself! Hey, please, I just got skinned on. God! That was my friend, Shane, my friend, and he hit, he didn't like it, he didn't stop it. He hit, hit! Your daughters are she, her! And it's Luna, not the dead man that you keep calling. You're calling... I got it, man. It's... Scurf!

• 32:26Tom Segura?

  This is wild.

• 32:30Tom Segura?

  I feel like this is, actually represents academia today. I can't imagine what it's like to teach in Portland.

• 32:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Although, yeah, this definitely has Portland vibes all over it.

• 32:40Tom Segura?

  Strong vibes.

• 32:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That one, that's no Texas vibes.

• 32:42Tom Segura?

  Nah.

• 32:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Portland strictly.

• 32:44Tom Segura?

  That ain't down here.

• 32:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-mm.

• 32:46Tom Segura?

  Mm-mm.

• 32:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-mm. Well, I mean, you know, what are you gonna do? How hard is it just to call someone by their right pronouns?

• 32:52Tom Segura?

  It's not that hard.

• 32:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You let those pronouns change every day. You just gotta fucking ask. God, dummy.

• 32:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, just, I mean, I don't see the big deal.

• 32:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't see the big deal.

• 32:59Tom Segura?

  Like, he's, he is, this guy's, he is being, he's, he's being kind of a dick.

• 33:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kind of a knucklehead.

• 33:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he is.

• 33:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's antagonizing.

• 33:07Tom Segura?

  It's, it's putting on a show for everything, but it's, I mean, he's, look what he's doing. He's like...

• 33:12Speaker 06

  It's a scurf! Is this a friend, is this a friend of mine right here? Is this a scurf right here? Oh, he's a man! He's a man! He's more of a man than you are! He's more of a man than you are! You are, listen, do you actually believe?

• 33:30Tom Segura?

  So, is he their actual professor? Do you know that? Does anyone know? It looks like, it says he's a political candidate father in a long-running custody battle over their twins, okay?

• 33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, geez.

• 33:43Tom Segura?

  Born a boy, oh, so one of his children is a, a boy now identifying as Luna. Jeff opposes medical transition while his ex-wife supports it. She moved to California where trans refuge laws protect the child, was ultimately awarded full custody. And he was speaking against gender-affirming treatments at the Uni-, at the University of North Texas.

• 34:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  No!

• 34:04Tom Segura?

  That's where this is, yes.

• 34:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh! I take that back. I'm, I'm just shocked.

• 34:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, then he, he purposely did this, you know?

• 34:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's just being a jerk face.

• 34:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, how do you, but how do you argue with this? You're like, "I'm a boy." "No, you're not." "I'm a boy." "No, you're not." Like, the argument's kinda...

• 34:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just feel like, yeah, okay.

• 34:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course. I'd be like, "Yeah, whatever."

• 34:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whatever.

• 34:28Tom Segura?

  Whatever you want. I wouldn't want to get into a debate about that.

• 34:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, no, because like.

• 34:32Tom Segura?

  Also, you're not even looking at where the exits are.

• 34:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure. You're definitely not safe on this one.

• 34:37Tom Segura?

  No.

• 34:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  But also like, I wouldn't even want to be talking to those kids. You know what I mean? Like, I'd want to be getting out of there as soon as possible. I'd be like, okay, whatever you say.

• 34:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He, also, him trying to give this, his point of view to these students, it's like, why? What do you think's gonna happen here, man?

• 34:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 34:56Tom Segura?

  Seems like a really fucking stupid waste of his time.

• 35:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you noticed too, the they thems are always that, that shape? The very blobular, they're all, they all, that's, that's the prototype of the they them. The squishy blobby body. Right?

• 35:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like a thing.

• 35:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've only known, I've known one they them, who I actually very much like.

• 35:25Tom Segura?

  The barista?

• 35:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 35:27Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 35:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, yeah, well, yeah, we'll say that for the sake of, they're on sabbatical now from their job.

• 35:33Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 35:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they were thin and like, fit, you know? That's very rare. I usually see this, the shape of they them.

• 35:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Squishy.

• 35:43Tom Segura?

  Squishy.

• 35:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kind of the doughy squish.

• 35:46Tom Segura?

  So you go, I'm a they them, and this one's like, you're not squishy enough.

• 35:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cuz I, oh, well, I get, but I guess that fits in with they them. You want to be ambiguous.

• 35:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's kind of ambiguous, yeah.

• 35:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're like, are you?

• 35:58Tom Segura?

  And that's what they want. Are you, I'm nothing. I'm they them.

• 36:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:02Tom Segura?

  Don't try to put me in a category.

• 36:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it makes sense now.

• 36:07Tom Segura?

  It does make sense.

• 36:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Let people be what they want to fucking be, man. Who cares? How does that affect you? Let's talk about important stuff.

• 36:16Speaker 07

  I'm tired of all this damn talking and texting, nigga. Eat this ass.

• 36:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:22Speaker 07

  Talk to this asshole.

• 36:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 07

  That's what you can do. The fuck?

• 36:29Tom Segura?

  She's over the talking and texting.

• 36:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like you guys would get along really well.

• 36:33Tom Segura?

  I think I would get along with her real well, yeah.

• 36:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, are we my soulmates? Are we soulmates?

• 36:38Tom Segura?

  Let's stop all this fucking banter.

• 36:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what guy is not putting out? Isn't that all they dream about is a girl like that?

• 36:45Tom Segura?

  Fucking get to it, man. Yeah.

• 36:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but what guy is delaying the butt eating? I feel like that's all you guys want to do.

• 36:51Tom Segura?

  Well, I'll tell you who commented on it. Fancy chef.

• 36:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Y'all say this.

• 36:59Tom Segura?

  Y'all all say this.

• 37:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Y'all say this.

• 37:00Tom Segura?

  And then he writes, wash it. Fire and then red flags and eye emojis.

• 37:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  So he's just saying you should wash it first and then I'll come over and.

• 37:12Tom Segura?

  And eat that ass.

• 37:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And eat that ass, yeah.

• 37:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Pretty cool, right?

• 37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is cool.

• 37:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's pretty. I feel like her, but I don't think she looks smelly. I think she's probably.

• 37:23Tom Segura?

  No, I don't think she looks smelly at all. Yeah. She looks, she looks like a nice lady.

• 37:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah. She's, this is, but this is, I think this is specific to someone, you know? It's seen as, it's broadcast as like a general thing, but she's commenting because she's tired of one person.

• 37:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's, there's one guy in particular.

• 37:40Tom Segura?

  And then, uh, whatever. She's like, what the fuck? Just come over and eat my butthole, dude. Talk to this asshole, man. Yeah. Somebody's dilly-dallying around with her.

• 37:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Toying with her emotions.

• 37:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's like, what are you fucking doing, man?

• 37:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. God, I never felt it that way before. I can't imagine the frustration of it. You're just, you just want a guy to come over and eat your butt? And, and this guy keeps toying with your feelings?

• 38:03Tom Segura?

  It's just crazy, right?

• 38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just get over here.

• 38:06Tom Segura?

  Do you know the great?

• 38:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wash it. Can I pee first?

• 38:10Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm distracted.

• 38:11Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 38:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me go whiz.

• 38:13Tom Segura?

  I know I'm gonna get a lot of shit about this, but thankfully Tanner came in and showed me that I held it wrong.

• 38:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 38:18Tom Segura?

  Should've been like this. I had it the other way.

• 38:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't even know that.

• 38:21Tom Segura?

  And he also said you don't want to strike someone, you want to drag down on them.

• 38:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right?

• 38:24Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 38:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 38:25Tom Segura?

  So thanks for that tip. Um, also didn't know that on the side of this, um, you know, shovel that collapses, you have like a straight edge here and you have like a saw on this side.

• 38:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 38:38Tom Segura?

  So if someone's being real chatty, you know?

• 38:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Multi-purpose. I like that.

• 38:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, pretty cool.

• 38:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really good to have.

• 38:44Tom Segura?

  This is for a tourniquet, you know, if there's like a serious wound

• 38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:48Tom Segura?

  that could happen right after dinner.

• 38:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:51Tom Segura?

  Keep that on you. Of course, we have a machete. This is something you can keep in your trunk or on your person, you know, something you just, you can, you can strap this to your belt loop and you just have a machete on you at all times.

• 39:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could have used that when, when I fell down the stairs.

• 39:10Tom Segura?

  Oh, that would have been great.

• 39:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish you would have come down in your tactical vest with all these tools on there.

• 39:15Tom Segura?

  Well, I could have, um, I could have just taken your foot off and you wouldn't have had to deal with the.

• 39:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rehab.

• 39:20Tom Segura?

  The rehab, yeah.

• 39:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was quite a, quite a pain in the ass.

• 39:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's fucking great.

• 39:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:26Tom Segura?

  I know you like, uh, literature and you studied philosophy and you like some of these older writers. Um, were you a fan of, uh, James Joyce?

• 39:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  So boring.

• 39:36Tom Segura?

  Now you're so boring.

• 39:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I tried reading it, but I'm, I'm familiar with, with it. Yeah.

• 39:41Tom Segura?

  I don't know if you're familiar with this.

• 39:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 39:43Tom Segura?

  Here you go.

• 39:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 07

  Going to read you a letter James Joyce, the Irish writer, wrote to his then mistress or girlfriend or partner, Nora. My sweet little horish Nora.

• 39:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 39:55Speaker 07

  I'm delighted to see that you do like being fucked ass ways. Yes. Now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. At every fuck I gave you, your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips. And if I gave you a bigger, stronger fuck, dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an ass full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you. Big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a room full of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise, not like the wet windy fart, which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty, like what a bald girl would let off in a school dormitory at night.

• 40:38Speaker 07

  Good night, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird.

• 40:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this.

• 40:42Speaker 07

  Dirtier, dirtier.

• 40:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this.

• 40:44Speaker 07

  Jim.

• 40:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's wrong. No, this is, this is literature. Now I would have gotten into James Joyce.

• 40:51Tom Segura?

  If the book was like that.

• 40:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  If this was the book.

• 40:53Tom Segura?

  Same.

• 40:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dubliners is fucking boring.

• 40:57Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 40:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  This I could read all day. And why aren't you writing me letters like this?

• 41:01Tom Segura?

  Well, I remember, I remember, uh, the like 40 years ago when I met you.

• 41:08Tom Segura?

  Bukowski.

• 41:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bukowski and then The Story of the Eye by George Bataille.

• 41:14Tom Segura?

  That's right, both of those.

• 41:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is very vulgar too about orifices and shoving eyeballs into my asshole and jizz and cum and da da da da. Uh, Story of the Eye.

• 41:25Tom Segura?

  Story of the Eye.

• 41:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  By George Bataille. And Bukowski too, filthy.

• 41:29Tom Segura?

  Filthy.

• 41:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wonderful things.

• 41:30Tom Segura?

  This is good, I like this.

• 41:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like it too.

• 41:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like James Joyce, I didn't realize I was a fan.

• 41:36Tom Segura?

  That was pretty cool.

• 41:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's really into butt sexing, I didn't.

• 41:38Tom Segura?

  He likes farts, yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 07

  My dirty little fuckbird.

• 41:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's rad. Why don't you call me your dirty little fuckbird?

• 41:45Tom Segura?

  I mean, we can add it.

• 41:46Speaker 07

  Dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside.

• 41:49Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 41:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Could you imagine just being appreciated this much? I just, I love that he has, he has to take pen to paper.

• 41:57Tom Segura?

  Because he's so taken.

• 41:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so juiced up about this chick's farts and her ass.

• 42:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is so romantic.

• 42:04Tom Segura?

  Fart while they're fucking, that's also pretty gnarly.

• 42:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he recalls it.

• 42:10Tom Segura?

  Every thrust, another fart came out of you, long windy ones and yeah, he was really into it.

• 42:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I really like this guy.

• 42:17Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 42:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Irish, wow.

• 42:19Tom Segura?

  Somebody should release The James Joyce Letters as a book, it'll be a bestseller, we'll pump it.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll pump it for sure, because I've read like, what is it, Albert Einstein's letters, boring. Not, a lot of these guys, boring. Let's see some fun stuff.

• 42:34Tom Segura?

  Check out these clowns.

• 42:37Tom Segura?

  I know you don't want to speak to me after what I said, but, you know, I've been doing some thinking and we can work things out.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  Maybe, I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm sorry.

• 42:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aww.

• 42:54Speaker 00

  You know, I've been doing some thinking too.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  You're the best thing in my world.

• 43:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aww.

• 43:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:07Tom Segura?

  I like that they didn't hold for the, like, for the plane flying overhead. A lot of times on set, if you have a plane or a helicopter, you hold.

• 43:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold for sound. You say, "Hold for sound."

• 43:19Tom Segura?

  And they were just like, just...

• 43:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep her...

• 43:22Tom Segura?

  It's okay.

• 43:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's okay. I love you.

• 43:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you. I love you too, baby. I love you. You still my man. I love you.

• 43:33Tom Segura?

  That was kinda beautiful.

• 43:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was so beautiful.

• 43:36Tom Segura?

  Annie, what'd you think?

• 43:40Speaker 05

  Man, I'm fucking, I'm tired of coming here, man. I'm just, I'm getting tired, more tired every day. I don't have thoughts.

• 43:49Tom Segura?

  Did you dissociate during that or something?

• 43:50Speaker 05

  Probably.

• 43:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Something like that. Yeah, I don't know. It kinda looks like niggas I know.

• 43:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right?

• 43:56Speaker 05

  I don't love that.

• 43:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know these two?

• 43:58Speaker 05

  Nah, I hope not.

• 44:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dear.

• 44:01Tom Segura?

  What's that guy's name on the left?

• 44:02Speaker 05

  I don't know. I don't wanna know.

• 44:04Tom Segura?

  They're fucking jacked.

• 44:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you know what's nice? His earring matches his nipple ring.

• 44:08Tom Segura?

  That is fucking hot. I mean, cool. That's cool.

• 44:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also, they're having sex on the hard stairs.

• 44:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  They are so into each other that they have to do it on the concrete.

• 44:19Tom Segura?

  On stairs.

• 44:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  They can't even do it on the cushion where the guy was.

• 44:22Tom Segura?

  Incredible.

• 44:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so hot. Right, Annie? Don't you think that's romantic?

• 44:25Speaker 05

  Man, with the right Annie, fucking... Fuck outta here with this shit, man.

• 44:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Black Twitter will hear!

• 44:33Speaker 05

  Black Twitter's gonna hear all of this.

• 44:36Tom Segura?

  About all the abuse I've been put through.

• 44:39Speaker 05

  This is unacceptable. If only we had HR. They would be getting a call.

• 44:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I didn't realize, and I'm not into gay male porn, I think I might be into black gay male porn.

• 44:53Tom Segura?

  Oh, wow.

• 44:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I might be into this because it's so different. It's so foreign to me. I never see men, black men, expressing love this way.

• 45:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I just read this letter that Tupac wrote to Madonna this morning. Just let me eat you. And he was so tender and sensitive. You know what's so funny? He wrote in the letter, he goes, "You know, as a black man, it's not acceptable for me to show love to an older white woman." That's what he said. I was like, you fucking dick.

• 45:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  An older, older. How much older could she have been back then in the nineties? You know, thirty five and he's twenty five or something.

• 45:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  An older white woman.

• 45:33Tom Segura?

  Maybe.

• 45:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Goddamn dude, you just fucking ruined this whole fantasy for me. I'm imagining he's writing me a letter.

• 45:39Tom Segura?

  Really? Because you're an older white woman.

• 45:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm an older white lady.

• 45:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tupac, I mean, that would have been.

• 45:43Tom Segura?

  That would have been such a.

• 45:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he was so pretty.

• 45:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's a good looking guy.

• 45:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he was so arty and stuff.

• 45:48Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 45:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Tom Segura?

  So you have that fantasy, the Tupac fantasy?

• 45:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That he would write me a letter from jail. Yeah. Because he wrote Madonna a letter from jail.

• 45:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Saying, explaining like why their relationship didn't work out.

• 45:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of it was societal. He's like, look, I don't know. I don't know how to treat an older white lady, basically.

• 46:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm a thug and I'm, you know, I'm, I'm no good.

• 46:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm no good.

• 46:08Tom Segura?

  So this can't work.

• 46:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm sorry, but if you want to come visit me in jail, come visit me in this and that. But you know what's interesting is that he called her Madonna in the letter. And I'm like, is that like?

• 46:18Tom Segura?

  That's her real name.

• 46:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for real?

• 46:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you sure?

• 46:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Madonna, I just thought maybe.

• 46:24Tom Segura?

  I remember that.

• 46:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It would be weird to call somebody by their stage name.

• 46:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think that is her real, I think that's her real name.

• 46:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Madonna Chaconi, will you look up?

• 46:30Tom Segura?

  Isn't it?

• 46:32Tom Segura?

  Am I wrong?

• 46:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know what's her birth name.

• 46:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it is.

• 46:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Madonna.

• 46:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, that's wild to name your kid that.

• 46:37Tom Segura?

  Madonna.

• 46:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Madonna Louise Chaconi.

• 46:40Tom Segura?

  Chaconi.

• 46:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Madonna.

• 46:42Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Madonna. I mean, that's basically naming your kid the Virgin Mary.

• 46:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, basically.

• 46:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Virgin Mary.

• 46:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wonder she is like, has this complex. Yeah, like she's a star.

• 46:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you name a kid that? God damn dude.

• 46:56Tom Segura?

  People today too, if you're in your twenties or even thirties, you do not understand how famous this woman was.

• 47:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 47:05Tom Segura?

  Like the peak of her fame was like, it was, you, I mean, it was, it was everywhere. Like you could not. Get away from the presence of Madonna's impact in that time, like the eighties, late eighties, I would say is like the peak.

• 47:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  Maybe like eighties into the early nineties, right?

• 47:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, she's huge for decades.

• 47:26Tom Segura?

  But that era was like really dominant.

• 47:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and I just rewatched desperately seeking Susan while I had AIDS this last two weeks or so, and she's so charismatic.

• 47:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she was.

• 47:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  She really captured the the generation.

• 47:39Tom Segura?

  And she was, this was at a time too where, you know, you turn MTV was was the internet.

• 47:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:45Tom Segura?

  So every time you turn on MTV, you were joining like 50 million people watching it. And it was a lot of times it was just Madonna.

• 47:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Crazy.

• 47:52Tom Segura?

  She dominated that channel.

• 47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I wanted to be her. That this was my role model.

• 47:56Tom Segura?

  Every girl did.

• 47:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's who I wanted to be right there, fucking far right corner.

• 48:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Top row Madonna.

• 48:02Tom Segura?

  Top row.

• 48:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's so rad. I still want to be her. Look at that.

• 48:06Tom Segura?

  All right, we're getting sidetracked.

• 48:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just Madonna talk Madonna and Tupac?

• 48:10Tom Segura?

  We got to get back to fucking preparedness and safety.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  So he's pinned me into a scenario. I can't get out. He's doing the tough guy thing. His arms are out. I'm using the top back part of my head.

• 48:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  And this is a hard area. You can slam this pretty hard. You can follow those punches.

• 48:29Tom Segura?

  Duck out.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Just chase him, even if he's pinning you.

• 48:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Comment ready to start trading.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  This may be the only tool that you have, and then you use the wall to bounce back off.

• 48:39Tom Segura?

  Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I like that he's demoing his head on a helmet.

• 48:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Tom Segura?

  This guy has banged that thing a lot of times.

• 48:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comment ready to start trading now. Ready.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  Ready.

• 48:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm ready.

• 48:52Tom Segura?

  I'm ready too, bro. I'm fucking ready. I love this shit, man.

• 48:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it too. He got to bounce off the wall. That's tough to do when a guy is coming at.

• 49:02Tom Segura?

  Canteen.

• 49:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Heck, yeah, dude.

• 49:03Tom Segura?

  This should be on you all times too.

• 49:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah.

• 49:05Tom Segura?

  24 seven.

• 49:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:07Tom Segura?

  Water. That's honestly, I should have mentioned this first.

• 49:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 49:11Tom Segura?

  This should always be on you.

• 49:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't have water for 72 hours. You die, bro.

• 49:14Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 49:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Food is one thing. How long can you go starvation?

• 49:17Tom Segura?

  Months.

• 49:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Months, but water?

• 49:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah. No, not long.

• 49:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not a joke.

• 49:23Tom Segura?

  You should think about it. You should really think about it.

• 49:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should be thinking about it every day, every minute, every hour, every week, every time.

• 49:30Tom Segura?

  Think about threats.

• 49:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  All times.

• 49:32Tom Segura?

  Think about being able to see in darkness.

• 49:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 49:35Tom Segura?

  Think about improvised weapons, you know, tripod, right? Keys, bottle of booze, what, anything around you, you can make a weapon. And then think about water a lot, too.

• 49:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can make that into a bomb if you wanted.

• 49:49Tom Segura?

  Hundred percent.

• 49:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Molotov cocktail.

• 49:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Here we go. Let's, um, let's see some funny stuff.

• 50:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  What just happened? Did he just break his ankle?

• 50:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he just stumbled and broke.

• 50:19Tom Segura?

  That was so fast, bro.

• 50:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause, cause it was his weight that broke his ankle.

• 50:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it was. Yeah. Yeah. He's so drunk and he's really drunk. He's hammered, yeah.

• 50:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's good.

• 50:30Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. Yeah.

• 50:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I gotta say, when I broke my ankle, I didn't know it was broken at first either. I wanted to get up.

• 50:37Tom Segura?

  Oof.

• 50:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't know. You don't always know.

• 50:39Tom Segura?

  That's crazy that he stepped on it again.

• 50:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:42Tom Segura?

  Shit. Ah, man.

• 50:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's terrible, Tom.

• 50:46Tom Segura?

  That was terrible.

• 51:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You jerks.

• 51:01Tom Segura?

  That was great. That was, if you're listening, it's a, it's a, looks like it's like a pro level cycling race.

• 51:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Tom Segura?

  And after a turn, a guy crashed and then a whole bunch of bikes crashed into him. And then you can hear people screaming.

• 51:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tour de France. You have to imagine that this happens a lot in the bicycling, in the cycling world.

• 51:21Tom Segura?

  I would think it happens fairly often, yeah.

• 51:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, you've trained for this. Like, you should be looking for this. Again, if they were safety minded.

• 51:29Tom Segura?

  I know. That's a great point. He should have turned the corner and then.

• 51:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't scan.

• 51:35Tom Segura?

  Scan.

• 51:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Obviously.

• 51:36Tom Segura?

  He went into it just too fast.

• 51:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred percent.

• 51:39Tom Segura?

  Yep. Good point.

• 51:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn dude.

• 51:43Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 51:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's always. Aquí por ejemplo. Oh yeah.

• 51:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got electrocuted.

• 51:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got electrocuted.

• 51:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. He went to grab that, I guess it was like an electrical wire in there, right?

• 52:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and then you got electrocuted. You should have someone else touch things for you, Tom. Especially as a celebrity, like you're very important.

• 52:08Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You shouldn't be touching anything.

• 52:10Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Until you have someone, an assistant, do it for you. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, see if you had one of those, you would have been okay.

• 52:17Tom Segura?

  You're seeing so many reasons why Larry's on point.

• 52:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:21Tom Segura?

  A lot of things that happened here wouldn't happen if they had bought Larry's book.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Absolutely.

• 52:26Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 52:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Absolutely.

• 52:27Tom Segura?

  Grabbing an electrical wire. I mean, come on, without rubber gloves, what are you, out of your mind?

• 52:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you stupid.

• 52:33Tom Segura?

  Yep. He lost consciousness for a brief moment, this guy.

• 52:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, who would even expect that that would be electric, though? Would you even in a million years think that would be electric?

• 52:47Tom Segura?

  That was a good scream. Yeah, here it is.

• 52:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That shocked the hell out, like he literally, there was no reason to think.

• 53:01Tom Segura?

  No, no. Yeah, I would have grabbed him.

• 53:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why would they electrify plastic grapes anyway?

• 53:07Tom Segura?

  I don't have no idea what's happening here. Yeah, I have no idea.

• 53:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just one of, you know, nature's safety hazards.

• 53:13Tom Segura?

  It's always everywhere. That's the thing. That's the thing I'm trying to get to.

• 53:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:17Tom Segura?

  You know what you're better off doing? Just never leaving the house.

• 53:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, that's, that's preferred.

• 53:23Tom Segura?

  And make it a hard target.

• 53:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:25Tom Segura?

  So that people don't try to break in.

• 53:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 53:27Tom Segura?

  But then you don't have to worry about any shit happening, because you're just home.

• 53:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's what I try to do.

• 53:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Minimize risk at all times.

• 53:34Tom Segura?

  At all times.

• 53:37Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 53:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Timing's off. I could have told you that already.

• 53:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he jumped way too late. He jumped way too late.

• 53:49Tom Segura?

  That, they didn't do him a lot of favors on the speed of the truck either.

• 53:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course dude.

• 53:53Tom Segura?

  You know, you could have gone five miles and I think that, that's, holy shit.

• 54:02Tom Segura?

  That was crazy.

• 54:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't anticipate the motion. He, he jumped after the truck was already past him.

• 54:07Tom Segura?

  I mean, yeah, he didn't.

• 54:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, we've all done this. You gotta, one, okay. Jump now!

• 54:12Tom Segura?

  Jump!

• 54:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now! Come on, guys.

• 54:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  This fool hasn't seen the A-Team. You haven't watched fucking MacGyver growing up?

• 54:22Tom Segura?

  He landed on his tailbone.

• 54:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He sucks. He doesn't-

• 54:24Tom Segura?

  He's so fucked.

• 54:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is wrong with you dude? The timing.

• 54:28Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 54:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Idiot. Fucking idiot. Yeah, he needed his ropes.

• 54:34Tom Segura?

  This would have-

• 54:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That would have helped a lot.

• 54:36Tom Segura?

  God damn it.

• 54:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tailbone cover. Fucking dummy.

• 54:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 54:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Best.

• 54:44Tom Segura?

  So ridiculous, man. So fucking crazy.

• 54:50Tom Segura?

  We are one week away from, uh, Teacher, uh, coming out on Netflix. It's my new special. It premieres Christmas Eve, December 24th, on Netflix.

• 55:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, I was laughing.

• 55:05Tom Segura?

  Please, put it in your queue, put a reminder in, call the fam, watch it with the family and friends, and I thank you very much.

• 55:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very excited.

• 55:14Tom Segura?

  Very excited.

• 55:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't wait to see it come out. It's so cute.

• 55:17Tom Segura?

  I'm very excited.

• 55:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so pretty.

• 55:18Tom Segura?

  Should be a very fun thing. Um, you know who has the right idea? Like, I can't believe that I just said it and now it's in my, to my video bank here. Is, uh, about not, you know, you're not gonna be in danger if you stay home.

• 55:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:33Speaker 07

  My name is Skip. I'm 49 years old and I'm starting something today that scares me a little. On January 10th, I'm locking myself into this room for an entire year.

• 55:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great.

• 55:44Speaker 07

  365 days. I won't leave. I'm going to livestream 24/7.

• 55:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 55:50Speaker 07

  I'm doing this because I'm tired of the, being the version of myself that avoids hard things.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  I want to get control back. One goal is simple. By the end of the year, I want to do one perfect pull up. The pull up is the proof, but the real goal is rebuilding who I am from the ground up. This is day minus 70. I'm starting the preparation now. If you want to follow the, in the process, stick around.

• 56:22Tom Segura?

  I have a feeling the people that are in his life are not into this idea. Like the people in the photo frames.

• 56:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, his children.

• 56:31Tom Segura?

  They're not like, cool idea, man. You know, you don't have to lock yourself in a room for a year to, to achieve your pull up goal, right? I mean, this is.

• 56:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's funny because that's the only goal that he lists is to do one pull up. Well, you can do that and leave the house.

• 56:49Tom Segura?

  You can, you can. Now you're going to be in way more danger, obviously, all the time, but the, the isolation for a year, I don't know if you'll leave a better person. You know, there's a lot of studies about people who are in isolation that it doesn't usually go, it was the best thing that ever happened to them. It's usually, this is what psychologically broke this person.

• 57:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, that, that's how they punish prisoners is solitary confinement.

• 57:17Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 57:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, yeah, you, you know, you want to create yourself in relation to others, in relation to the world, being in the world, safety first, obviously.

• 57:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, be very safe.

• 57:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does he, does he tell you what his other goals are?

• 57:32Tom Segura?

  Just right now, it's a pull up, yeah. He, he wants to break habits, rebuild, and I think this is, this is his approach to doing it.

• 57:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  So his greatest fear is to not leave the house, to face himself? Is that what it is?

• 57:47Tom Segura?

  I think he feels stuck in life and he goes, how do I get out of this rut? I'm going to do something dramatic.

• 57:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And stay inside.

• 57:53Tom Segura?

  Stay in a room for a year.

• 57:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, look, you're definitely gonna have a nervous breakdown.

• 57:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So he's right about that.

• 58:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's gonna reset some things for sure.

• 58:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He will definitely start to break down emotionally.

• 58:05Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 58:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very soon. Like, remember that show Alone, the, the nature show?

• 58:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's always what broke those people was being in social isolation.

• 58:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And diarrhea. You usually get diarrhea.

• 58:16Tom Segura?

  You get both, yes.

• 58:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eating sea otters.

• 58:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nonstop for, uh, uh, seven months or so.

• 58:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, but yeah, he'll start crying in a week.

• 58:25Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you ever, you know, cause I used to wanna do a silent retreat when I was in college? And then I was like, I think I would go crazy within like, right? I mean, really think about it. How long can you stay silent?

• 58:37Tom Segura?

  I don't know, but I think this is gonna really go poorly for this guy.

• 58:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we livestream? I'd love to sign up.

• 58:42Tom Segura?

  He hasn't, he, yeah, he starts next, well, he starts in like a month.

• 58:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay. Well, let's, let's keep track of him.

• 58:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Over the year.

• 58:49Tom Segura?

  What is this breaking news?

• 58:52Speaker 07

  Mary Magdalene, who is the model and, uh, influencer that we based Tina off of, has passed away.

• 58:59Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 59:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:00Tom Segura?

  Can you pull that up?

• 59:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 59:03Tom Segura?

  No.

• 59:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thirty-three?

• 59:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, no.

• 59:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, she was gorgeous.

• 59:09Tom Segura?

  And says the surgery addicted social media star known as Mary Magdalene has been found dead in Thailand. Thirty-three year old, whose real name was Denise Yvonne Jarvis Congora, died after falling from the ninth floor balcony of a high rise on Tuesday. Daily News, Daily Mail has reviewed information released by the police that verifies her identity and independently confirmed the death with a source. The Mexican Canadian model's body was discovered by hotel staff in the parking area.

• 59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, damn. Jeez.

• 59:41Tom Segura?

  Shit, that sucks, bro.

• 59:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that reminds me of Tina so much.

• 59:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Yeah, she was a huge influence on us.

• 59:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she really.

• 59:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 59:51Tom Segura?

  She went wild with that.

• 59:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm hmm.

• 59:54Tom Segura?

  Wow. Fucking A, man. Yeah, he might come out of his one year looking like that. You never know.

• 1:00:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope so.

• 1:00:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I don't think he'll last.

• 1:00:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think he'll last either. Well, plastic surgery, gosh, that's very painful. She really went for it, though.

• 1:00:10Tom Segura?

  Look at her, how she was before all that.

• 1:00:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:00:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, rest in peace, lady.

• 1:00:15Tom Segura?

  Damn. Yep. Rest in peace, Denise.

• 1:00:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yikes.

• 1:00:21Tom Segura?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 1:00:24Tom Segura?

  Um, you have some friends.

• 1:00:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:27Tom Segura?

  That are single ladies.

• 1:00:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep, all the single ladies.

• 1:00:31Tom Segura?

  Have you ever thought of giving a suggestion? That might help them not be single?

• 1:00:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, like what?

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  Here's the advice for young, single women who want to be married and feel as though they're being passed over. Lose twenty to thirty pounds.

• 1:00:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duh.

• 1:00:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:55Speaker 00

  I'm a young woman, I'm a Christian, I love the Lord, I'm not a boss babe. And you might be thinking like, why? Why am I being passed over?

• 1:01:05Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:01:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:06Speaker 00

  There could be a lot of reasons. But one common one is, um.

• 1:01:11Tom Segura?

  Drop some LBs.

• 1:01:12Speaker 00

  You could perhaps need to maybe be intentional over the next three to six months.

• 1:01:19Tom Segura?

  I love the soft language.

• 1:01:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  To strive to lose twenty to thirty pounds.

• 1:01:24Tom Segura?

  Twenty to thirty, yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  I I'm actually willing to be criticized publicly in order to tell women the truth. So that they might live more God pleasing, satisfying, fulfilled lives.

• 1:01:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's doing us a favor.

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  That's the opposite of misogyny.

• 1:01:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 00

  That's actually loving women. It's actually loving women.

• 1:01:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he loves me.

• 1:01:45Tom Segura?

  It's the same message, I will say, it is really the same message that, uh, Kevin Samuels was spitting.

• 1:01:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, but but but Kevin Samuels was.

• 1:01:54Tom Segura?

  Was direct.

• 1:01:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Direct and open about it. And he's, you know, he's doing his whole, I'm just like a loving Christian guy.

• 1:02:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just gotta tell you as Christians.

• 1:02:02Tom Segura?

  This is really, uh, a soft way of getting in there.

• 1:02:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's it's how you be an asshole in today's world. People are so afraid of being assholes, so they have to go, I I sort of, I kind of feel like I sort of died. This is why I love fifty cent and this whole P Diddy fifty cent thing going on is that if he's old school, he's like, go fuck you, fuck your mother. And it's so respected.

• 1:02:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so respected because he's just, it's just out.

• 1:02:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  This guy is still trying to be a nice guy, just still like me, like me. It's like, shut the fuck up.

• 1:02:34Tom Segura?

  Shut up, bro.

• 1:02:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just just call chicks fat, like people have been doing for forever.

• 1:02:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everyone calls chicks fat.

• 1:02:40Tom Segura?

  Well, that was like, that was the great thing about Kevin that I always miss.

• 1:02:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:44Tom Segura?

  Is he'd be like, what do you weigh? How tall are you? What's your job? Kind of baggage you have?

• 1:02:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, how many kids?

• 1:02:52Tom Segura?

  No one wants to, you ain't shit.

• 1:02:55Tom Segura?

  Next caller. Yeah.

• 1:02:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, is he married? He's married.

• 1:02:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  So who's he telling it to?

• 1:03:01Tom Segura?

  He's telling the young Christian women of America. This was only to Christians, though. This didn't apply to you.

• 1:03:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no.

• 1:03:09Tom Segura?

  Man, this trauma shears look great. I like the way they're resting up on your throat.

• 1:03:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks. I like to keep them right there.

• 1:03:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just in case.

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  As a reminder, if you're ever gonna be like, where are my trauma shears?

• 1:03:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, I feel them.

• 1:03:21Tom Segura?

  I feel them.

• 1:03:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like touching my skin all the time.

• 1:03:24Tom Segura?

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:03:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks.

• 1:03:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I mean, this, by the way, this goes both ways. You could make this message to young, single men, too.

• 1:03:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  To not be fat?

• 1:03:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, lose 20, 30 pounds.

• 1:03:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but it's never that. It's always just be richer, be more successful.

• 1:03:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, get your shit together, work-wise.

• 1:03:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because the whole thing is like, guys like looks, women like money. Isn't that the big trope?

• 1:03:43Tom Segura?

  I mean, yeah, yes.

• 1:03:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 1:03:45Tom Segura?

  But I think it applies to both, right?

• 1:03:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:48Tom Segura?

  If you're single and you're like, what's going on? I don't know, have you looked in the mirror?

• 1:03:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:52Tom Segura?

  Have you thought about getting a facelift or a nose job?

• 1:03:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and it's so easy to be hot these days.

• 1:03:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can just like pay for it.

• 1:03:58Tom Segura?

  Everything's available.

• 1:04:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, just go get plastic surgery.

• 1:04:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Fuck, man.

• 1:04:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Now that I've done it, like, it's so awesome. I want to do everything now.

• 1:04:08Tom Segura?

  Do it, go to where Tina was. That lady looked great. Yeah.

• 1:04:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think the butt lifts look good. Like Madonna's butt doesn't look good.

• 1:04:17Tom Segura?

  You don't think so?

• 1:04:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think you can do, like, the peck, the muscular implants don't look real to me, and they don't look good yet. Like, I don't think that that looks crazy.

• 1:04:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, those look insane, yeah.

• 1:04:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  She didn't need it.

• 1:04:33Tom Segura?

  God, she's done so much to herself.

• 1:04:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's too much, you can't do too much.

• 1:04:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Why would you do that, dude?

• 1:04:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, dude.

• 1:04:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, maybe she's, look, I don't have a big ass either, but that's kind of what, you know, you gotta work with it.

• 1:04:49Tom Segura?

  The Lord gave you.

• 1:04:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  The framework is, you know, she's petite.

• 1:04:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  She can't have a big ass. That's how it goes.

• 1:04:54Tom Segura?

  That is how it goes. You just do more squats.

• 1:04:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. She was in such good shape for so long.

• 1:05:00Tom Segura?

  Really? Yeah. And then also, if you get too crazy world famous.

• 1:05:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Tom Segura?

  This kind of happens to you. I think this happens to the women who get crazy, crazy famous.

• 1:05:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Cause you want to stay forever young and forever relevant.

• 1:05:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  As a young person. And it's just not possible. It is possible, I think, you can age. Just do it. You just can't do the same things you were doing when you're 60, 70.

• 1:05:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta, you gotta change your style a little bit.

• 1:05:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can't insist on being 20.

• 1:05:30Tom Segura?

  Cause you're not.

• 1:05:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It doesn't work anymore.

• 1:05:31Tom Segura?

  Right. It's so true.

• 1:05:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Just age. It's okay to age. There's nothing wrong with aging.

• 1:05:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just be 70 year old Madonna or whatever.

• 1:05:40Tom Segura?

  Oh, we got some, yeah, of course. We have, um, we got some young Herc. You know Herc Jr.?

• 1:05:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course I know Herc Jr.

• 1:05:47Tom Segura?

  Where's my guy? Um, where is he? There we go. Yeah. You fucking retard. Here's, um, the spirit of Herc.

• 1:05:56Speaker 07

  Name and serial number? Name and serial number? Chief Barista, why she refuse to identify yourself to me? Look at your fucking gray hair, you old fucking lady. Look at your hair, old lady. Chief Barista, why she refuse to identify herself to me? Why she have to leave the unit running?

• 1:06:12Tom Segura?

  And again, uh, he's always on the move, which was a real Herc trait.

• 1:06:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Tom Segura?

  You're always in different cities, you know?

• 1:06:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:06:18Tom Segura?

  Where is this? Do you know where this is?

• 1:06:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That might be Miami.

• 1:06:23Tom Segura?

  That was gonna say, those colors, right?

• 1:06:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's in Miami a lot, yeah.

• 1:06:26Tom Segura?

  That's fucking awesome, dude. Here we go. Yep, that's Miami there.

• 1:06:36Speaker 07

  What is your name and serial number?

• 1:06:38Tom Segura?

  Huh?

• 1:06:38Speaker 07

  What is your name and serial number?

• 1:06:40Tom Segura?

  My name is Serial Number?

• 1:06:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:42Tom Segura?

  You asking for my badge, huh?

• 1:06:43Speaker 07

  Your serial- Number.

• 1:06:47Speaker 07

  Division?

• 1:06:50Speaker 07

  Brooklyn Division? No, what division in the city of Miami?

• 1:06:54Tom Segura?

  The Special Operations Section. These guys are always like, is there something? I have to say, he always engages like, really like, usually like willing police officers who are like, do you have like an emergency? They're like, I'm sorry, what?

• 1:07:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because he comes in hot. He comes in.

• 1:07:12Tom Segura?

  Always comes in hot, which is the trait of meth. You come in hot, dude.

• 1:07:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's your serial number?

• 1:07:19Tom Segura?

  You don't lead with, excuse me.

• 1:07:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:07:21Tom Segura?

  Fucking as soon as that window comes out, name and serial number.

• 1:07:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, hi, how are you?

• 1:07:29Tom Segura?

  No, none of that shit.

• 1:07:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just straight into it.

• 1:07:33Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 1:07:34Speaker 07

  Are you a certified police officer in the state of Florida?

• 1:07:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duh.

• 1:07:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think it's interesting that you can take the, the unit home and you can live counties over. That's pretty, uh, interesting.

• 1:07:45Speaker 07

  Yeah, they should, uh.

• 1:07:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the right, that's the right.

• 1:07:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, he just, he was like, oh, this guy's out of his fucking mind. Yeah.

• 1:07:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Out of all the police we've seen, that's the normal response you should be having, which is, okay, buddy, enough of this.

• 1:08:01Tom Segura?

  And sometimes they're like, why are you doing this? Like, they're so, they're so, I love when they're just like, I'm just sitting in my car. He's like, yeah, you're fucking running the car, wasting gas. They're like, what?

• 1:08:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this is Miami, where it's home of the locos.

• 1:08:18Tom Segura?

  Oh, so many locos down here.

• 1:08:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Twenty-four seven loco, loco show.

• 1:08:22Tom Segura?

  For sure.

• 1:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  So he's just like, oh, this is another fucking dummy.

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  You should shave and don't support this business. This business is tied to Scientology. Don't support this business right here.

• 1:08:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Then look open.

• 1:08:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Tom Segura?

  You don't have to worry about that.

• 1:08:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I think, I think we did. Yeah. Good.

• 1:08:50Tom Segura?

  Fucking A, man.

• 1:08:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:52Tom Segura?

  He's doing his thing.

• 1:08:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stuff like that. Shave your face. I thought his facial hair looked fine. I thought it looked good.

• 1:08:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, he has a, okay. Oh, yeah. He's a Sigma Chi audits.

• 1:09:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:03Tom Segura?

  Real name is Keem James. He is a political science major at UCLA? What?

• 1:09:12Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. And the reason he harasses the Sigma Chis, he believes they are affiliated with the Illuminati.

• 1:09:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:09:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duh. Everybody knows that.

• 1:09:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:23Tom Segura?

  I like that it says, he is known amongst fraternities as the guy who harasses people. Yep, that's pretty accurate.

• 1:09:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Illuminati. I guess he want, you know what it is? He wants to be a part of their group and then they're not letting him in, right? I think he just wants to be a Sigma Chi.

• 1:09:37Tom Segura?

  Everybody wants to be part of something.

• 1:09:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, and there, and then he's, you know, he's just doesn't know how to make friends.

• 1:09:43Tom Segura?

  He doesn't. He really doesn't.

• 1:09:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's jealous. Jealous of all the fun they're having.

• 1:09:48Tom Segura?

  Yep. Well, you know, if you can't join a group, I would say just be prepared on how to handle them. Just think of, yeah, every possible scenario.

• 1:09:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm. Look left, look right.

• 1:10:01Tom Segura?

  Look left and look right.

• 1:10:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look for the fire. Move to this other direction.

• 1:10:04Tom Segura?

  Look over here. If you see a fire, walk away from it.

• 1:10:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Away.

• 1:10:07Tom Segura?

  Shit like that.

• 1:10:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. Stuff like that. Smart.

• 1:10:10Tom Segura?

  Here's some of your talks.

• 1:10:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:10:12Speaker 06

  Hello. If you're gonna say shit on Facebook Marketplace, either reply to me, don't leave me on read, and shit like that.

• 1:10:24Tom Segura?

  Okay, that's, um...

• 1:10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:10:26Tom Segura?

  Thank you. Thanks for that.

• 1:10:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, if you're gonna put your stuff on Facebook Marketplace, don't leave her on read.

• 1:10:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Reply, dude.

• 1:10:34Tom Segura?

  And this is just out there for people?

• 1:10:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, yeah. Do you know how to use Facebook Marketplace?

• 1:10:37Tom Segura?

  I haven't used it.

• 1:10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So then this could have been for you.

• 1:10:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You stopped it.

• 1:10:41Tom Segura?

  That is true. I'll save this one, but I'll watch it later.

• 1:10:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, watch it later.

• 1:10:44Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:10:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Take notes.

• 1:10:45Speaker 00

  Thank you for following me on here, but I don't want to have long conversations on chat rooms.

• 1:10:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  At the moment, okay? Thank you, bye. He doesn't want to have long conversations on chat rooms. He doesn't want to, why you keep asking him for it?

• 1:11:04Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:11:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:11:05Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, how are people gonna know he doesn't want to have the long conversations in the chat rooms unless he puts a video up?

• 1:11:12Tom Segura?

  It's a good point. It's a good point.

• 1:11:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isla Vanel?

• 1:11:15Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:11:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isla Vanel, can you meet your party at the customer service desk?

• 1:11:23Speaker 00

  You had to say it more than once, or you think she heard that?

• 1:11:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope she heard. Isla, what's your name?

• 1:11:27Speaker 00

  Uh, last name Vanel, first name is Isla.

• 1:11:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isla Vanel?

• 1:11:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Attention shoppers, Isla Vanel, can you please meet your party at the service desk? Isla Vanel, can you please meet your party at the service desk?

• 1:11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:11:46Speaker 00

  I was wondering if you can call for my sister to meet me back up here real quick.

• 1:11:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's her name?

• 1:11:49Speaker 00

  Uh, last name is Vanel, and her first name is Isla.

• 1:11:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isla Vanel?

• 1:11:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Tom Segura?

  Paige Isla Vanel, good electronic.

• 1:12:06Tom Segura?

  He's got a rub and tug shirt on. Here we go.

• 1:12:16Tom Segura?

  This is very good.

• 1:12:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so good.

• 1:12:19Tom Segura?

  That's great, guys.

• 1:12:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such a classic menace formula.

• 1:12:22Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:12:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just timeless, it's good fun, every time.

• 1:12:25Tom Segura?

  It's always good.

• 1:12:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's always good.

• 1:12:26Tom Segura?

  And you should keep this up.

• 1:12:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, forever.

• 1:12:28Tom Segura?

  And if you're a kid, go to your local store and do this. This is good fun. It's good for everyone.

• 1:12:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've been pushing "Never Give Up" on my stories, and I hope you guys buy her CD, because she's got CDs for sale for the holidays, too.

• 1:12:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never give up.

• 1:13:02Tom Segura?

  It's really nice of you.

• 1:13:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 1:13:04Speaker 04

  If you guys like to craft, then you better hurry up because this is about to be flying off the shelves. The Forever Roll by Sean. 555 feet of shit paper. I mean, this is never mind technology like AI or evolving into the bidet. This is doubling down, like wiping to the butt bleeds. We got a kickstand in the stardust, stainless steel. This is, if you're a janitor, you gotta get excited for this. I'm talking, I gotta get this to the teachers, faculty room, because they go through it like nothing. This is, I'm gonna crap.

• 1:13:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude.

• 1:13:39Tom Segura?

  500 feet.

• 1:13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  They should only be making forever rolls.

• 1:13:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why would you buy anything inferior to a forever roll?

• 1:13:46Tom Segura?

  Because that's big toilet paper, the corporations.

• 1:13:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:13:50Tom Segura?

  They give you a little bit, a couple shit tickets, and then you're out. I need more, of course.

• 1:13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, keep you on the line.

• 1:13:55Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 1:13:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep you coming back.

• 1:13:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're like drug dealers.

• 1:13:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 1:13:59Tom Segura?

  They, this is like a hidden thing. No one knows about this.

• 1:14:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I never heard about this until now.

• 1:14:03Tom Segura?

  So this guy, yeah, thanks for putting that out there, man.

• 1:14:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit.

• 1:14:07Speaker 06

  Kate, can you please come and open the gate? I can't because I have a date. What do you mean you have a date? Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, I'm happy for you that you have a date. Don't forget to make him wait, otherwise he won't appreciate. Go out and celebrate and also have a debate, because it's nice to have a debate on a date.

• 1:14:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  She does rhymes for any name, any name she can do.

• 1:14:35Tom Segura?

  I was so surprised how upsetting that was to me.

• 1:14:39Tom Segura?

  I, it really bothered me.

• 1:14:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:14:41Tom Segura?

  All of it.

• 1:14:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on, it's fun.

• 1:14:43Tom Segura?

  It really bothered me.

• 1:14:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  She can do this for any name, like I said, Tom, Tom, you're the wrong.

• 1:14:48Tom Segura?

  Her expression bothers me too.

• 1:14:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's fun, Tom.

• 1:14:51Tom Segura?

  Nah.

• 1:14:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just fun.

• 1:14:53Speaker 06

  Hey, I had to change to my sweater because it be getting cold as fuck out here, serio.

• 1:14:58Tom Segura?

  That's a good one. That's a nice, quick one.

• 1:15:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's amazing. She's always my hero.

• 1:15:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You have to be like, brrr, cess with me. Yeah.

• 1:15:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  My favorite.

• 1:15:10Tom Segura?

  Monday morning moan. Whoa. Oh my God, plenty to moan about.

• 1:15:15Speaker 07

  Hashtag afraid to fart. Oh my god. Do you ever have a bad stomach? Oh, I've got a really bad stomach today. Yeah, we had a bit of a mix up last night at dinner and we made potato salad. And there were three varieties of potato salad. There's only three of us. I don't like raw onion. Like, I do not like it. I fucking hate raw onion. My whole body hates it. You'll read about it in the book, Why It's So Bad. Why it creates such a negative trigger in my body. The book is called Afraid to Fart and the Fine Art of Following Through. If you've ever been afraid to fart, you need to read the book.

• 1:15:55Tom Segura?

  Do we not order that book?

• 1:15:57Speaker 07

  So, last night we made potato salad and we chopped up some onion for one of my friends, really finely. She likes it very fine. And then we chopped up a rough bit of onion and I help, because I quite like chopping things, because I'm still quite good at chopping things. When I know what I'm doing with the knife and the board and everything. I've stopped chopping the ends off my fingers. I've got used to the blindness over the last couple of years.

• 1:16:19Tom Segura?

  She's blind?

• 1:16:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sounds like it, yeah.

• 1:16:22Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do like her eyes, though. I think they're a really cool defining feature on her face. I find her face very interesting. I like watching her talk and I like her. And I agree, onions are rough.

• 1:16:33Speaker 07

  I'm a great chopper. I'm a triple Virgo. I think I've said that a few times.

• 1:16:37Tom Segura?

  What is that?

• 1:16:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's you three Virgos.

• 1:16:40Speaker 07

  God. So this raw onion was on two plates. I put the potato salad on top and mixed it and I had my potato salad.

• 1:16:48Tom Segura?

  That's, um, thank you for that. Jesus Christ.

• 1:16:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't want to hear the potato salad saga?

• 1:16:55Tom Segura?

  It is a good story.

• 1:16:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, she chopped it. She can still chop. And they gave her the farts and then there's three different types of potato salad. I don't know if you caught that.

• 1:17:03Tom Segura?

  I caught that and?

• 1:17:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  The one she had with the onions gave her gas and...

• 1:17:08Tom Segura?

  Because she didn't know she was eating the one with onions? Is that what happened?

• 1:17:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. So finely chopped and...

• 1:17:12Tom Segura?

  I don't know. You need a six-minute fucking video to get to that.

• 1:17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got to write a book about it, too.

• 1:17:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's so good. It's so funny. All the kids are like, ew.

• 1:17:44Tom Segura?

  You have to show that to the boys.

• 1:17:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:17:46Tom Segura?

  They're gonna lose their fucking minds.

• 1:17:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  So there's like, I don't know if this is true, but they're like, In-N-Out had to stop doing number 67 because kids were doing this stuff, which is so funny.

• 1:17:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, makes sense. Well, that guy had fun with it. That's nice.

• 1:17:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:57Tom Segura?

  I really, and I'm really thinking about the onion story.

• 1:18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I think it would have the same effect on you.

• 1:18:04Tom Segura?

  The onions?

• 1:18:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't onions affect your farting?

• 1:18:06Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even tell you that I solved the fart mystery.

• 1:18:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, tell us. This is a huge YMH exclusive. What are you doing? Why didn't you bury the leak? You wait until the end of the episode?

• 1:18:20Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:18:23Tom Segura?

  So I have been farting fucking wild, right? Like so, so, so crazy.

• 1:18:33Tom Segura?

  And it coincided with my following this meal plan, which has me eating, just following these macros, eating 200 grams of protein a day, which is not that crazy, but you have to like stay on it, right? And I was starting my day with yogurt, which I used to do, I haven't done in a while, and protein powder, whey protein. Those are both dairy products.

• 1:19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:19:02Tom Segura?

  And I think I've always been lactose intolerant.

• 1:19:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:19:06Tom Segura?

  And not really realized it. And then I remembered that that GI doc I talked to was like, you should just take lactate before you have any dairy. She's like, that's what I recommend to people. I do it, my family does it. Started doing that, and guess what?

• 1:19:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:19:21Tom Segura?

  The farts just kind of went away.

• 1:19:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is crazy.

• 1:19:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you're just telling me you've been lactose intolerant this whole time?

• 1:19:27Tom Segura?

  I think so, yeah. Yeah. She also said that 70% of the population is some level of lactose intolerant.

• 1:19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:35Tom Segura?

  Seventy.

• 1:19:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Every time I eat yogurt, I hate it. It feels bad.

• 1:19:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Every time I eat dairy, it feels bad.

• 1:19:41Tom Segura?

  Pretty crazy.

• 1:19:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not supposed to eat curdled cow's milk.

• 1:19:43Tom Segura?

  Nah, it's just...

• 1:19:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Curdled animal milk.

• 1:19:46Tom Segura?

  It's really not...

• 1:19:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, why the fuck are we doing that in the first place?

• 1:19:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why are we drinking cow's milk?

• 1:19:51Tom Segura?

  It's crazy.

• 1:19:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so weird.

• 1:19:53Speaker 00

  Dude, you know what actually just rips, dude, is like when you're vacuuming and you just hit that one spot, dude?

• 1:20:02Speaker 00

  Like you're just on the carpet and it just starts crackling, dude. Like what, what is that? And it just smells good? This is your sign of vanquish and vacuuming today, dude. It's Sunday. Let's get our castle ready.

• 1:20:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Crockled, dude?

• 1:20:16Tom Segura?

  Dude, he's so right, though.

• 1:20:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It rips.

• 1:20:18Tom Segura?

  Everybody knows that feeling.

• 1:20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It smells so good.

• 1:20:21Tom Segura?

  That shit does rip.

• 1:20:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:22Tom Segura?

  When you're... And you go, and it just starts to pop. You're like, this is tight. Yeah.

• 1:20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the smell, it's like the, it's like the burnt dusty smell.

• 1:20:29Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:20:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's so good.

• 1:20:31Tom Segura?

  It's fucking so good.

• 1:20:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I felt this so hard.

• 1:20:34Tom Segura?

  One of those things that I don't think I've ever heard someone articulate.

• 1:20:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:20:37Tom Segura?

  And as soon as they did, you're like, yeah, dude.

• 1:20:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, dude.

• 1:20:39Tom Segura?

  That shit is dope.

• 1:20:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking rips.

• 1:20:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Fucking rips hard.

• 1:20:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just rips, vanquish some vacuuming.

• 1:20:47Tom Segura?

  You're going into the last week before Christmas. It's one of the most dangerous times of the year.

• 1:20:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:20:52Tom Segura?

  So I just want to leave everybody, um, knowing that, you know, the Amazon package thieves are out there.

• 1:20:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:21:00Tom Segura?

  Um, the pickpocketers are out there. There's basically clowns in every direction.

• 1:21:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Car break-ins.

• 1:21:05Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:21:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hide your shopping bags in your trunk. Lock it up.

• 1:21:09Tom Segura?

  And stay ready. Stay ready. Um, of course, I didn't point out the travel first aid kit. You need that, handcuffs. All these things you can pretty much get away with, uh, if you get pulled over by the police. Um, some of them might give you a hard time, but, you know, just ask for their name and serial number. You probably get out of it.

• 1:21:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:21:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I just want everybody out there to just, you know, remember, stay vigilant.

• 1:21:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stay alert.

• 1:21:36Tom Segura?

  Stay alert.

• 1:21:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never relax.

• 1:21:38Tom Segura?

  And I think this is actually what I would call like a day one purchase. If I was gonna say, how do you stay prepared? This is what I would get day one, and then I would just add to it. You know, obviously, we're gonna talk about night vision goggles coming up. We're gonna talk about weapons, explosives.

• 1:21:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I didn't see a compass in here either. How do you even know where north is? And this is ridiculous.

• 1:22:01Tom Segura?

  This is a great point. Yeah, we didn't, we didn't, we didn't get everything we should have gotten, which is, you know, I blame the guys, but um, there's a, there's a lot of stuff that I think is, is, you know, if you want, unless, unless you just go, oh, I want to die today. You know, then don't get any of this stuff. But if you want to live, I would, I would go in this direction. I would follow Larry, Prepared Not Paranoid, and get his book. And hopefully, we'll be talking to him soon about how to up our game about staying ready.

• 1:22:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  If he feels safe enough to talk to us.

• 1:22:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, we'll be very secure the day he comes in here, extremely. I'll bring in extra security that day. Yeah. But anyway, hopefully, you're listening or watching in a safe environment, maybe a panic room or something of that nature. Lock yourself in a closet, but um, you know, stay prepared, stay vigilant, and uh, scan every room from left to right and avoid fires. And that's, that's kind of it for today, but thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Anything else, Gene?

• 1:23:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stay safe, stay safe.

• 1:23:04Tom Segura?

  Stay safe. We'll see you next time. Good job. All right, here we go.

• 1:23:13Speaker 07

  She's got tits. And she knows how to use them. Try it out, try it out, try it out. She takes shits. And she knows when to do some.

• 1:23:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:23:27Speaker 07

  Try it out, try it out, try it out. She has tits. She takes shits. She has tits. She takes shits. She's got tits. And she knows how to use them.

• 1:23:43Speaker 07

  She takes shits. Oh, man. And she knows when to do some. Oh, my God. She has tits. She takes shits. She has tits. She takes shits. Oh, shit. Okay, okay.

• 1:24:03Speaker 07

  Oh, shit. Okay, okay.

• 1:24:06Speaker 07

  That's how we do it. She has tits. She takes shits. She has tits. She takes shits. Oh, man.

• 1:24:18Speaker 07

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