Is It Gay To Drink Matcha? | Your Mom's House Ep. 839

SPONSORS: - Shop SKIMS Mens at https://SKIMS.com. #skimspartner - Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/YMH. Promo Code YMH - Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Christina P are firing on all cylinders as chaos reigns from start to finish. Christine boldly reclaims her glasses identity (sparking a surprisingly heated household debate), questionable gift choices come under scrutiny, and the internet once again proves it was the greatest mistake. From rage-filled rants about fake followers and bots, to disturbingly confident accountants, fetish podcasters breaking down their very specific preferences, and viral videos featuring hornets, skateboarding trauma, and shower-time courting rituals, this episode will make you cry m, my baby! Tim and Christine also check out more content from their new favorite survivalist, chime in on a Italian man's scam with his dead mother, and go off about people walking among us who aren't as sane as they seem. Add in fart economics, tactical vests for children, holiday gifting advice, and a deep dive into what really makes something “gay,” and you’ve got a classic YMH rollercoaster. Buckle up, Mommy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 839 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:58 - Opening Clip: Fireside Chat 00:07:19 - Clowning Around A Pazsitzky Effect 00:17:00 - Prepared Not Paranoid 00:28:40 - Lipstick Plug 00:30:16 - Bitches Love A Strong Jawline 00:34:39 - Clip: Fart Fetish Confession 00:39:20 - Clip: Domino's Fart Pizza 00:43:18 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:49:34 - MMA Domination 00:51:43 - Hitler Won An Election 00:58:19 - Italian Mom Scam + Plain Clothes Psycho 01:05:38 - Meghan Markle's Salmonella Thanksgiving 01:08:35 - Crack Is Whack 01:14:40 - A Really Cool Story 01:19:38 - TikToks 01:33:49 - Closing Song - "SooWoo" by Josh Del Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:11Speaker 00

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• 0:41Tom Segura?

  Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. I'm Tom, she's Christine. How are you today?

• 0:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm feeling great, Tom, because I feel like I've reclaimed myself today.

• 0:54Tom Segura?

  Oh, really?

• 0:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you doing?

• 0:56Tom Segura?

  Cleaning my glasses.

• 0:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your glasses. Funny, because, you know, I've had these glasses for like a decade. And it's like my signature look. And then you came into the glasses scene later. And you chose very similar.

• 1:10Tom Segura?

  No. All this is nonsense. This is you're making this up.

• 1:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  So then I thought, you know what? I'll let Tim have the glasses shine for a while. I will retreat from wearing mine. And now I realize I love these so much. I can't, I can't let my fear of your disapproval govern the glasses I wear.

• 1:29Tom Segura?

  This is just bananas. You did not start those.

• 1:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But we look.

• 1:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry, I didn't start these?

• 1:37Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Between the, in our world.

• 1:39Tom Segura?

  In our world, I had them first. Yeah.

• 1:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wrong.

• 1:45Tom Segura?

  No, you're wrong.

• 1:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I had glasses.

• 1:47Tom Segura?

  Wrong.

• 1:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had glasses before you, and I chose these frames before.

• 1:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But now people are gonna think we're like twinsies. And that's on you.

• 1:56Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had them first. You can take them off now.

• 1:59Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Choose another.

• 2:00Tom Segura?

  You don't have a good memory. I remember that about you.

• 2:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 2:02Tom Segura?

  I remember.

• 2:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys, you've been here, Josh Zolo, a long time. Who wore glasses first? These particular frames? Can't remember. No, look it up. Look in the vaults.

• 2:12Tom Segura?

  No, he's right.

• 2:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want someone to research it. Yeah, he is fucking right.

• 2:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he can't remember. That's right.

• 2:20Tom Segura?

  That's real right.

• 2:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Silly.

• 2:21Tom Segura?

  Yep. Well.

• 2:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm back.

• 2:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you're back.

• 2:27Tom Segura?

  It's just absolutely ridiculous.

• 2:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:30Tom Segura?

  I see me in glasses everywhere.

• 2:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's because I stopped wearing them because I felt like we were twinsies. And it felt super gay and lame and retarded and I didn't want to be all...

• 2:37Tom Segura?

  Okay, enough. Enough. Thanks for the shirt you got me yesterday.

• 2:43Tom Segura?

  Just so you know, I did, I had a thoughtful gift. I gave you a framed photo.

• 2:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  That was really nice.

• 2:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:51Tom Segura?

  And you're like, oh, cool. And then you go, hey, I got you something. And I go, oh, cool. It's a shirt. And I go, great. And then you walk in with a, a yellow shirt. And I was like, that's kind of interesting. And then I open it up and you know what it says on it?

• 3:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Retard.

• 3:07Tom Segura?

  In huge black letters. Yeah.

• 3:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, you should look up the company. Fucking retarded. I should give them a shout out because they're doing really bold designs.

• 3:15Tom Segura?

  Bold. It's a bold design?

• 3:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a, it's a yellow shirt with the black word retard on it.

• 3:20Tom Segura?

  That's a bold design.

• 3:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I found them on Instagram and they do, they say a lot of other things that are...

• 3:24Speaker 03

  You use the R-word.

• 3:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I really liked it. You don't like your gift?

• 3:29Tom Segura?

  No, it was really neat. When am I supposed to wear that?

• 3:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  To the gym?

• 3:33Tom Segura?

  Retard?

• 3:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  To the HEB?

• 3:36Tom Segura?

  Just, hey, I'm a retard. That's your idea?

• 3:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you're traveling?

• 3:39Speaker 03

  The R-word.

• 3:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not? Jog in the neighborhood with it and see what happens.

• 3:44Tom Segura?

  Uh, I know what'll happen. I'll get an email.

• 3:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this a, it's not, I didn't create it. It's an actual company. I'll look it up.

• 3:54Tom Segura?

  Swing for the retarded, is that what that says?

• 3:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 3:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I swear. Are you retarded? It's a company. It's on Instagram. I found them.

• 4:03Tom Segura?

  Alright.

• 4:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is real funny.

• 4:06Tom Segura?

  That is funny.

• 4:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you please wear jogging once? What do you think, you know, like that guy?

• 4:12Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who you have the story about?

• 4:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  A guy like that would be really stoked.

• 4:18Tom Segura?

  He might be like, ooh.

• 4:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 4:22Tom Segura?

  It's a bold design you have on.

• 4:27Tom Segura?

  Well, this guy, this guy's bold. Let's open the show with this guy.

• 4:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  You're fucking retarded. Fuck you, you retarded fat motherfucking retarded fucks. I don't got any money. I got fire, I got beer, and I got some joints.

• 4:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hell yeah, dude.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  You're not getting my friendship if you're gonna be a fucking fake ass motherfucker.

• 4:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Ah, listen up. Alright. I lost a lot of followers, but you're probably fake ass motherfucking robots that everyone keeps talking about.

• 5:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  I'm a hot bitch that has, I'm a hot ass chick showing her boobies and shit, showing her fucking half her body. L.

• 5:13Tom Segura?

  Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mothering to this. He's got a point. Don't run with the fucking state! He's got a point.

• 5:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  So silly.

• 5:19Speaker 05

  Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

• 5:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah.

• 5:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  Fuck you, you retarded, fat, motherfucking retarded fucks!

• 6:11Tom Segura?

  Cool, right?

• 6:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's not wrong. Everything he's, he's like, they got weed?

• 6:16Tom Segura?

  He got fire, got some beers.

• 6:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I got a fucking hat, I got some, like, what else do you need?

• 6:20Tom Segura?

  You don't need anything else.

• 6:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't want fake ass friends, you don't need them.

• 6:23Tom Segura?

  He thought, he made it clear. I don't care.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  She has five followers, zero posts, and it's nude. So yeah, and then they follow me? You want me to follow that shit?

• 6:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:35Speaker 04

  How about get some motherfuckers that have, uh, eighteen million followers?

• 6:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 04

  And then send me the fucking hot chicks. I'm like, the hot chicks are bullshit. They're all fake fucking bullshit, man. So you can go fuck a goat's asshole. Actually, go fuck a dead goat's ass.

• 6:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  And follow down the fucking farmer's road and fuck it. Fuck you, you fucking scamming motherfuckers. Fuck you.

• 7:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, what I feel is that he just learned the internet.

• 7:13Tom Segura?

  He learned about bots, he learned about, you know, he also, I have to say though, you know, he's like, these, uh, these ho accounts, fuck those.

• 7:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's real upset, cause he, but I understand that. He's like, you tricked me.

• 7:25Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought you were into me. You're not into me.

• 7:28Tom Segura?

  You're fake robots.

• 7:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fake lady.

• 7:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get the anger.

• 7:32Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna sit here with my fire, my joints, my beer.

• 7:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Goddamn dude, he's cool, yeah. I'd kick it with him.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  You're fucking retarded.

• 7:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:42Tom Segura?

  You like that?

• 7:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do.

• 7:45Tom Segura?

  You can get him a shirt.

• 7:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure, dude.

• 7:47Tom Segura?

  I'm sure he'd like that.

• 7:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure. Listen, can I, I need to address this before I loses, gets out of my mind.

• 7:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had a Pajitski effect right before we started rolling today.

• 7:56Tom Segura?

  Oh, my goodness, yeah.

• 7:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, timing is of the essence. You wanna?

• 7:59Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 8:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we gotta address.

• 8:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah. What's up?

• 8:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought, do I gotta get a sound effect?

• 8:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, you get a sound, okay, sorry.

• 8:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cat's eating kibble. Yeah dude, it's just that big.

• 8:14Tom Segura?

  It's a big deal. What is it?

• 8:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, are you there?

• 8:17Speaker 06

  Yo.

• 8:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 8:19Tom Segura?

  Annie!

• 8:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where is he?

• 8:20Tom Segura?

  Annie's got a, he's got a clown nose on.

• 8:24Speaker 06

  What?

• 8:25Speaker 05

  Stop it!

• 8:26Tom Segura?

  Annie!

• 8:27Speaker 05

  You did not show up with a clown nose!

• 8:29Tom Segura?

  Aren't you wearing a clown nose?

• 8:31Speaker 06

  It's just an accessory. Fucking right. I like the style of my shit.

• 8:34Tom Segura?

  Jesus, man.

• 8:35Speaker 06

  It matches my hat. What are you talking about?

• 8:39Tom Segura?

  You're a real clown, you know that?

• 8:41Speaker 06

  Not cool, man.

• 8:42Tom Segura?

  You're clowning around.

• 8:44Speaker 06

  Not cool.

• 8:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Car full of clowns.

• 8:46Tom Segura?

  Pulled up in your clown car today?

• 8:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Loud music clowns.

• 8:49Speaker 06

  Unbelievable.

• 8:50Tom Segura?

  Playing their clown tunes.

• 8:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Talking in movie clowns.

• 8:54Speaker 06

  We're getting so close. So close.

• 8:58Tom Segura?

  Pull your clown pants up!

• 9:00Speaker 06

  I can see the letters forming in my eye right now.

• 9:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, C-L-O-W-N!

• 9:06Speaker 06

  I think there's some more forming in there.

• 9:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 9:08Speaker 06

  I think so.

• 9:09Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 9:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, if you see a clown car roll up, you can always just pull away from the gas station.

• 9:15Tom Segura?

  Drive away.

• 9:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  With the pump still in your gas tank.

• 9:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can. It'll cost you, but you can.

• 9:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  How much to replace the...

• 9:24Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 9:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gotta be so shit.

• 9:26Tom Segura?

  When Chevron says, "Hey, I know you got scared when that clown car pulled up, but you did some massive damage to this gas station."

• 9:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gotta be for, okay, but, sorry.

• 9:38Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, what's your effect, man?

• 9:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, so like, I'm a little under the weather today, so I brought some throat coat and some, which is disgusting, I know.

• 9:46Tom Segura?

  It's a disgusting name.

• 9:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a disgusting name, and it should really...

• 9:48Tom Segura?

  It feels like it's jizz, yeah.

• 9:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they know better. They know what they're doing.

• 9:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we're gonna coat your throat.

• 9:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Throat comb.

• 9:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So it was either throat coat or immune zoom.

• 9:57Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen to me. Are you listening?

• 9:59Tom Segura?

  I'm listening.

• 9:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I came here, I did the cup, and then I go, shit, now it's Sophie's choice. Do I want better immunity, or do I want my throat coated?

• 10:08Tom Segura?

  Uh-huh.

• 10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  For this performance. But then I had a fucking thought, bro. I was like, why can't I have both? Why can't I have?

• 10:16Tom Segura?

  It's not Sophie's Choice.

• 10:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. It's not binary. It is not Pepsi or Coke. I can have both things in my cup at one.

• 10:25Tom Segura?

  And that's what you've done?

• 10:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:27Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 10:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you thought that?

• 10:29Tom Segura?

  I, well.

• 10:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you mixed flavors?

• 10:31Tom Segura?

  In tea, I don't think I have.

• 10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can do that.

• 10:33Tom Segura?

  You can do that.

• 10:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can make chamomile orange.

• 10:36Tom Segura?

  Hmm.

• 10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mixed berry green tea.

• 10:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can do whatever the fuck you want, dude.

• 10:40Tom Segura?

  You can do that with juices too. You could take an orange juice and put grapefruit juice in it together. You don't have to select one. You can mix them. Listen up. I've tried every pair of men's run-of-the-mill underwear on the market. Christina swears by Skims, so I had to give them a shot when their men's line dropped. I tried the men's three-inch cotton boxer brief, and there's no sagging, bunching, or rolling up on the thighs. Long gone are the days of awkward adjustments. They're exactly what I need to feel secure downstairs on days when I'm traveling and constantly on the move. Trust me, it's time to toss your boxers from college and give your top drawer a refresh. Your lady, dude, or non-binary significant other will thank you.

• 11:20Tom Segura?

  The vote is unanimous. All the guys in the office are wearing these, and they love them. Shop the best underwear for men and women at skims.com. Let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select Our Show, Your Mom's House, in the dropdown menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts this season, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.

• 11:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  The holidays are here, and I am breaking the cycle, the cycle of telling myself I'll be thoughtful and shop in advance this year, to then forget, of course, panic, and have to buy a gift card at the last minute. This is why I love Aura Frames. This is the easy solution to all your gifting problems. You can get it for grandma, for aunts, for uncles, for the cousin you haven't seen who lives in Canada for five years. Maybe I've done that. This year, I skipped the present, induced panic, and stocked up on Aura Frames. You can preload it with pictures before it even ships and keep adding all year long, all from your phone. Plus, it comes in an actual gift box with no price tag,

• 12:30Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 13:07Tom Segura?

  That's a real good one.

• 13:10Tom Segura?

  One spray of cologne here, different one here.

• 13:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's crazy.

• 13:13Tom Segura?

  Crazy. Make people go, "What's going on?"

• 13:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What scent is that? It's a couple.

• 13:17Tom Segura?

  Who is this person?

• 13:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I blended them. But I'm being serious.

• 13:21Tom Segura?

  No, I know.

• 13:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you ever put two different flavors of tea?

• 13:24Tom Segura?

  I've never thought, I've always thought, pick a tea. And then you got two going. That's wild.

• 13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's some communist shit.

• 13:30Tom Segura?

  Now, you singled him out.

• 13:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, because, Annie, I feel he and I treat ourselves similarly in that we don't have any sense of self-love or care.

• 13:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, we don't deserve nice things.

• 13:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you ever conceived of this? Have you ever thought of that?

• 13:45Speaker 06

  Uh, no, I think even now, I feel like this is a lot. Like, do I need all this?

• 13:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:52Speaker 06

  We just...

• 13:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a lot. Do I deserve two flavors?

• 13:55Tom Segura?

  I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like your position would be that tea is gay.

• 14:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's gay. I'm a woman.

• 14:03Speaker 06

  No, man, tea.

• 14:04Tom Segura?

  Tea's okay.

• 14:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you know why? Because like, Shaolin monks drink tea, and they're tough as fuck.

• 14:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Real men drink tea.

• 14:11Tom Segura?

  I mean, I don't disagree. I just, I thought Annie might be like, hell, no, I ain't drinking no tea.

• 14:16Speaker 06

  I mean, matcha is gay.

• 14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's gay as fuck.

• 14:18Tom Segura?

  Oh, matcha's gay?

• 14:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck matcha.

• 14:20Speaker 06

  But tea, just yeah, just regular tea.

• 14:22Tom Segura?

  I like matcha.

• 14:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is matcha? What is this?

• 14:25Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's made from leaves and everything too, right?

• 14:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just a tea that they've marketed to us instead of coffee, which I'm a coffee person.

• 14:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, matcha is a finely ground powder made from shade grown green tea leaves that are steamed, dried and stone ground.

• 14:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Poser.

• 14:40Tom Segura?

  What? Why?

• 14:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's pretending to be as good as coffee and nothing is as good as coffee.

• 14:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but it's still good.

• 14:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not good.

• 14:46Tom Segura?

  You've never had it and liked it?

• 14:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've had it and I've been like, this tastes like poser ass coffee.

• 14:50Tom Segura?

  Wow. I've always liked it.

• 14:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he backed me up.

• 14:54Speaker 06

  I mean, I already told you, man.

• 14:55Tom Segura?

  Why is it, why is it that, that matcha is that?

• 14:58Speaker 06

  It's just, it's just going out of your way.

• 15:00Tom Segura?

  AI said, no, matcha is not gay. It's a tea that anyone can enjoy.

• 15:08Tom Segura?

  That's a real answer. The idea that it has a particular association with the LGBTQ plus community likely stems from anecdotal observations and its popularity within certain social circles. I've, I've never heard that it is gay.

• 15:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, AI is not there yet. It's getting smarter.

• 15:27Tom Segura?

  It's getting there. Yeah. Is matcha truly a gender neutral beverage? What is going on?

• 15:36Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 15:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it feels gay. But why does it feel gay?

• 15:39Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Cause it's a straw.

• 15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's all green and gay. Yeah. Yeah, you're sucking on your mom's tits, your matcha tits.

• 15:47Tom Segura?

  I mean, I don't know.

• 15:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, but what about boba? I feel like is that?

• 15:51Tom Segura?

  Boba?

• 15:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 06

  I don't know what that is. No, boba's just Asian.

• 15:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  See? But then where's the line between Asian and gay?

• 15:58Tom Segura?

  Well, I don't think so.

• 15:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause this is, this is green tea. This is Asian too.

• 16:02Tom Segura?

  It's not Asian.

• 16:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Green tea? This is made of green tea leaves?

• 16:05Tom Segura?

  Matcha, isn't that like Argentine or something?

• 16:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it Indian?

• 16:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is matcha gay? Is matcha Indian?

• 16:15Tom Segura?

  Oh, you're right.

• 16:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, China, China, China.

• 16:17Tom Segura?

  Okay, so it's also Asian.

• 16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So like, what's gay Asian stuff and what's not gay Asian stuff, you know?

• 16:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, but I think that, uh, what was the other one that you said? What was the Asian one?

• 16:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boba.

• 16:28Tom Segura?

  Where is matcha most popular? Ask, answer me.

• 16:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I feel like Boba is for like Japanese girls, like little Asian girls like it.

• 16:36Speaker 06

  Hollywood hasn't taken over Boba yet, is basically what's going on.

• 16:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's still Asian.

• 16:40Speaker 06

  But Hollywood took over matcha.

• 16:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it. That's the distinction.

• 16:43Tom Segura?

  So the Japanese are really into matcha?

• 16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then when Heidi Klum drinks it, it becomes lame. Or when Gwyneth Paltrow starts, it's lame.

• 16:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, if you have Asian in you, you can have matcha, that's fine.

• 16:54Tom Segura?

  Deeper dive?

• 16:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree, Annie. I think your assessment is correct.

• 16:58Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you're Asian, it doesn't make you gay to drink matcha, but if you're white, particularly a white woman, and you're drinking matcha, you're gay.

• 17:05Speaker 06

  Super gay.

• 17:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you're a white man drinking matcha?

• 17:07Speaker 06

  If you're gay, for sure.

• 17:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gay, Tom. You're officially gay.

• 17:11Tom Segura?

  I mean, I haven't had it in a while, but I feel like I wanna try it and see if I feel gay when I drink it.

• 17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think about your, your pool dad? When you drink your matcha?

• 17:21Tom Segura?

  We haven't heard anything, have we?

• 17:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Silence. He's playing hard to get.

• 17:27Tom Segura?

  Is he?

• 17:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:29Tom Segura?

  Well, I'll tell you what'll make, put me in a, this'll put me in a better mood. Hold on, here we go.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  Hey everybody, how you doing? Loudly here from Prepare Not Paranoid, wanna give you three garage safety tips.

• 17:44Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  Number one, make sure the release cord is short, so they can't come in there with a coat hanger and pull it and release the door, and then open up the door manually. That's number one.

• 17:55Tom Segura?

  Okay, alright. That's good.

• 17:58Speaker 05

  But two, many garage door openers have a lockout feature on the opener. You lock that out, it prevents the key fobs that you leave in your car from opening the garage door.

• 18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 18:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, cause somebody could break into your car, hit the key fob in the car, all of a sudden garage is open, and you got a home invasion.

• 18:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Done.

• 18:18Tom Segura?

  Easy, easy, regular thing that happens. Okay?

• 18:23Speaker 05

  Number three?

• 18:23Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 18:24Speaker 05

  Make sure you have a good lock and use it.

• 18:27Tom Segura?

  Use your lock.

• 18:28Speaker 05

  You wanna put a bolt lock in on here, that will help prevent people coming in. What happens is, once a bad guy gets into your garage, closes the garage door, they have all day to work on this lock, and your neighbors won't see.

• 18:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  So be well, be safe, lock.

• 18:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  People out. Okay.

• 18:45Tom Segura?

  Also, the insight of lock the door, some stuff people don't even think about.

• 18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  My mother was so mentally ill about this particular thing.

• 18:53Tom Segura?

  This in particular?

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Literally the garage door to the home. She put a sign on there, lock the door.

• 18:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So that you had to lock it every time because she was just as paranoid. She was also schizophrenic.

• 19:04Tom Segura?

  This is prepared, not paranoid.

• 19:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I have a few questions.

• 19:07Tom Segura?

  Your mom was paranoid, not prepared.

• 19:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And schizo.

• 19:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. What are your questions?

• 19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. So if you disable the fobs.

• 19:14Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Then what's the point of having them?

• 19:17Tom Segura?

  No, you're not disabling the fobs. You're already in the garage. You're hitting that lock feature so that the fob doesn't work while you're already in your house.

• 19:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what if you forget to unlock it and you leave and then?

• 19:28Tom Segura?

  That's a real issue. That's a problem.

• 19:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I would. I'd be like, oh, I forgot that I locked the fucking fobs.

• 19:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah. And then you're sitting in your driveway like, I can't get out of my car. There's bad guys everywhere. Then you just drive away. You don't go home.

• 19:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drive, drive away.

• 19:41Tom Segura?

  You just never go home again.

• 19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep driving. Don't go. And then he mentions that you need to have a cord that's not too long.

• 19:48Tom Segura?

  For the, yeah, the, yeah.

• 19:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what does he mean? Because they can use a hanger.

• 19:52Tom Segura?

  I think he, a hanger could pull a longer cord, you know?

• 19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  How? Like, how are they getting the hanger?

• 19:57Speaker 06

  Stick the hanger through the top of the door and then hook it around that.

• 20:01Tom Segura?

  That cable and pull it.

• 20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clowns know all the tricks.

• 20:03Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 20:05Speaker 06

  Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

• 20:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that too mean?

• 20:10Tom Segura?

  That one gave me, that one gave me pause.

• 20:12Speaker 06

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 20:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Speaker 06

  I can't fucking believe where I work. This is my job.

• 20:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that too mean? Sorry.

• 20:23Tom Segura?

  No.

• 20:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no. Should we cut that out?

• 20:24Tom Segura?

  No.

• 20:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel terrible now.

• 20:25Speaker 06

  You're gonna be sorry.

• 20:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  My hands are sweating now. I feel like I did something bad.

• 20:31Tom Segura?

  You're fine. You're fine.

• 20:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you do it bad?

• 20:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, here we go.

• 20:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 20:39Tom Segura?

  The overly overmatched first line of offense. Just watch a few YouTube videos and would be crooks can learn to pop the emergency release with a coat hanger in just a few seconds.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Phoenix police told us this is an age old burglar's trick. They've been seeing it going back 20 plus years, but there's an equally low cost way to fight back. All you do is you take a standard zip tie and just wrap it around where it connects. A quick how to.

• 21:04Speaker 07

  You just string it through the holes in the emergency release. Cinch it up nice and tight. Now, this cord can't be pulled. By the way, you might also want to shorten this or remove it altogether.

• 21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, why not just remove the cord?

• 21:16Tom Segura?

  You mean just get a pair of scissors?

• 21:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just, I'm not gonna figure out.

• 21:20Tom Segura?

  Take your trauma shears and just trim that up?

• 21:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Put on your night vision goggles, get in there in the dark.

• 21:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rip out the string.

• 21:28Tom Segura?

  Well, so now we know your garage is a vulnerable entry point. All right.

• 21:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's volatile.

• 21:34Tom Segura?

  Yes, situational awareness here, buddy. Thank you for this tip. Let's move on to the next one.

• 21:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lock the doors.

• 21:40Speaker 05

  Take a look at some of these videos. Not every bad situation is going to be somebody trying to hurt you.

• 21:45Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  Sometimes it's just you not paying attention.

• 21:47Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck.

• 21:49Speaker 05

  And here are some classic videos to be a reminder. Stay off your phone and be aware of your surroundings.

• 21:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 21:56Speaker 05

  Be well, be safe.

• 21:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a, that's a hot tip.

• 21:59Tom Segura?

  That is, yeah, I mean, we all have been distracted by our phones.

• 22:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:04Tom Segura?

  And there's people walking into, you know, open door, like, yeah, walking in the street.

• 22:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  In judoic titties, sometimes those sidewalks are just wide open.

• 22:12Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you the craziest thing about where you don't want to be on your phone is walking near that bike path.

• 22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where in New York?

• 22:19Tom Segura?

  In New York. The cyclists come by fucking 30 miles an hour and they don't give a fuck. They will knock your ass out. It's crazy. You're opening a door to get out of a car in New York and the cyclists come by lying by. You really don't want to be on your phone and I think you should do a new video about that.

• 22:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and also I think there's so many scraps of safety he's leaving on the table. For instance, I-

• 22:42Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's not done.

• 22:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 22:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, he's not done, but please go ahead.

• 22:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate seeing people wearing inappropriate footwear in public. For instance, if you're in an airport and you're traveling.

• 22:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should be wearing closed toe shoes.

• 22:59Tom Segura?

  Should be wearing slippers or flip flops.

• 23:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause like-

• 23:02Tom Segura?

  And your pajamas.

• 23:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  We for sure your pajamas. But you, what if you have to run? If you gotta hit the deck.

• 23:09Tom Segura?

  He would definitely agree with you. Yeah. You don't want to be wearing your clown shoes when you're at the airport.

• 23:17Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 24:20Speaker 00

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• 24:51Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 24:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clowns do.

• 24:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, lace them up.

• 25:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, loose, loose Timberlands. You don't want...

• 25:04Tom Segura?

  What?

• 25:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the style.

• 25:09Tom Segura?

  There's different types. Yeah, loosen up.

• 25:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Loosen up the boots. I know you get out of TSA and they're all loose. You gotta tie them up.

• 25:14Tom Segura?

  Tie them back up.

• 25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't want to leave them.

• 25:16Tom Segura?

  You could have to run at any moment. Yeah.

• 25:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's the truth. If you're at an airport, yeah, that's a high-risk area. I'm sure Sean could have some instructions.

• 25:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. He would wear combat boots.

• 25:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's got a steel toe. You can't get through security.

• 25:34Tom Segura?

  He's ready. He's ready for anything at any time. Here we go. Hey, everybody. Larry here from Prepare Not Paranoid. Want to give you a few tips when you're exiting.

• 25:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Being a store this holiday season.

• 25:44Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 25:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you come out, if you're not familiar with the environment, take two to three seconds to scan, see if you see anything that stands out. No shit. Check in with your instincts to see if anything is going on.

• 25:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. If it's an environment you're unfamiliar with, take about eight to 10 seconds and give a little bit slower scan. When you scan your environment, scan from right to left. Give it a good scan, take your time, and then scan from three to five yards and 20 to 25 yards.

• 26:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna puke.

• 26:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  How will I gauge these distances?

• 26:18Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 26:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a bald eagle?

• 26:20Tom Segura?

  So remember, and also not left to right. Right to left.

• 26:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, let's do it.

• 26:25Tom Segura?

  Alright, I did my five yard scan.

• 26:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you know you're doing five?

• 26:28Tom Segura?

  I know what five yards is. And now I reset and I go to 25 yards.

• 26:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. But are you spending eight to 10 seconds?

• 26:36Tom Segura?

  No, that was too fast. That was way too fast.

• 26:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Count it out. Let's do it.

• 26:39Tom Segura?

  One, two, three, four, five.

• 26:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which distance are we doing?

• 26:46Tom Segura?

  Seven, eight.

• 26:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  How far are you looking?

• 26:50Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm looking as far as I can in this room, but I did five yards first, so I'm doing my second scan now, which would be further out.

• 26:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Be like, Tom, can you get in the car? You're like, I'm doing my safety scans.

• 27:00Tom Segura?

  Shut the fuck up. This is not a familiar environment.

• 27:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's good advice.

• 27:08Tom Segura?

  That is good advice.

• 27:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  How crazy would you be if you really started doing this?

• 27:11Tom Segura?

  I mean, you should.

• 27:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Losing your mind. Hey, everybody, it's fall. It's gonna be getting darker earlier. Yeah. And I think everybody should have access to a good flashlight at all times. Please, don't rely on your phone. If you have to get your phone flashlight on, you're gonna look down, hit the code, and then turn the flashlight on. It's not a great flashlight. You're distracted while turning it on.

• 27:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get a good flashlight, keep it readily available.

• 27:36Tom Segura?

  All the time.

• 27:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like a surefire.

• 27:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I just, I like it. I like this one.

• 27:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have a tailcap activation. Tailcap activation. So if I need to open up a car door.

• 27:47Speaker 06

  Open up a door, move my child, carry groceries. I still have one hand free.

• 27:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Free.

• 27:54Speaker 06

  Okay, to access all the positions that I need. So do yourself a favor.

• 27:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do yourself a favor.

• 28:00Speaker 06

  I have a whole section on flashlights in the prepared university. Be well.

• 28:04Tom Segura?

  Prepared university.

• 28:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck yeah. Is he in accredited university? Also, I'm thinking, I see, I see a little flaw here.

• 28:12Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 28:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's telling me that to get my phone out and use that light is taking too long. But what about rummaging through my purse? What about rummaging through my pockets to find my flashlight?

• 28:23Tom Segura?

  Well, that's the thing.

• 28:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I should have it around my neck. I should have a lanyard.

• 28:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you wear a lanyard with a flashlight.

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Tom Segura?

  Or you have it on a belt strap. You clip it on your belt. So you always know where it is. It's in the same place every time. That was a great point that you made, and that's the answer.

• 28:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is still not fully safe.

• 28:38Tom Segura?

  You don't put it in your purse like a fucking child.

• 28:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  An idiot.

• 28:42Tom Segura?

  You keep it like accessible at all times. Boom, like that, boom.

• 28:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who needs light right here?

• 28:47Tom Segura?

  The tactical vest is for. That's why we're wearing the tactical vest.

• 28:50Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 28:50Tom Segura?

  What are you thinking?

• 28:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I have to put on, hold on, just to, just to re.

• 28:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  If I want to go to the grocery store with the children, I have to put on a tactical vest.

• 28:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  With what's in there.

• 29:01Tom Segura?

  Well, you'll have pepper spray, you'll have a stun gun, you'll have a flashlight, you'll have night vision goggles.

• 29:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Obviously.

• 29:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's getting darker early.

• 29:09Tom Segura?

  You know, you'll have maybe like a pellet gun with like some, like those shock bags and then, you know, probably a couple knives. Yeah. And then you're like, all right, I'm ready to go out.

• 29:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think in Texas, you can carry all that shit on your person.

• 29:24Tom Segura?

  I'm sure it's not a problem. I wouldn't even ask her check. I would just do it. And, you know, ask for forgiveness, not permission.

• 29:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. They'd be like, oh, who cares?

• 29:32Tom Segura?

  Well, she was protecting herself. She's fucking dangerous, man. You're an A D B.

• 29:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  A D B.

• 29:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, alright.

• 29:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you know who would love this as our children though? If we got them those vests with all that shit on it?

• 29:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Our boys would love trauma shears flashlight. We should get them tactical vests for Christmas.

• 29:51Tom Segura?

  They would fucking wear it every day.

• 29:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Every day?

• 29:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you should get your boys. Why and your girls? Why be sexist?

• 29:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what you can get your girls this holiday season? My new liquid lipstick. This is the new shade I'm wearing. It's called Cuts You Up. And then I also have my brand new whimsy kiss. Uh, my shimmer gloss. This I'm wearing right now. It's Radiance Bomb in the color Stardust. Cause why not? Why not shine and shimmer and gleam and sparkle for this holiday season? All available at christinap.com. Try it out. These are high quality products. I make this in Italy. It's, it is so luxurious and so amaze. And it, it's so much better than the dog shit makeup that I've been wearing for the last, uh, you know, my whole life. So I made my own and it's way better.

• 30:34Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 30:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 30:35Tom Segura?

  Quick plug, uh, my new special teacher comes out, uh, Christmas Eve on Netflix. So set your reminders. Please watch, please enjoy.

• 30:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wear your tactical vest while you're watching and in case somebody chokes.

• 30:48Tom Segura?

  Well, you could be in your house watching teacher and then all of a sudden, you know, somebody crashes through the window. So you need to have everything readily available.

• 30:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a earthquake.

• 30:57Tom Segura?

  Also a reminder, check out the pop up location of the new Italian bakery, Chicho Bomba here in Austin, Texas at 111 Congress. That's the Fairground Food Hall below the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Austin. Uh, thank you guys very much for your support, uh, of it. It's been fantastic. So moving on to a nice transition here, let's go to see what this guy's up to.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  Face is not withdrawn. It's not like sunken in, but your jawline is stronger. Like your jawline is stronger and you know, a bitch is like that. They like, they like a nigga with a strong, strong jawline, man.

• 31:34Speaker 05

  Hey, bro. I'm looking at this and like, damn.

• 31:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, casual. Yeah.

• 31:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  Yo, Mr. Kane, you can't see yourself, man. Like, hey, bro, that picture of you. Boy, you, you, you, you, you a machine on that motherfucking nigga.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's me at a, so I'm like 144 this morning. In that picture you said.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  To me this morning, I'm 140 in that picture.

• 31:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So he's an accountant.

• 32:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 32:02Tom Segura?

  In Miami.

• 32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 32:04Tom Segura?

  But he's got, I guess. Anybody think, is that cool to say?

• 32:08Speaker 06

  Uh, I mean, it's not, but I'm not fucking with this nigga. Uh, he looks dangerous and scary. Uh, I feel like he does meth for breakfast and he'll like kill you if you have a problem with it. So I'm just be like, you know, you could say that.

• 32:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. This is him.

• 32:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Mike Fideli from Fideli and Associates.

• 32:25Tom Segura?

  You see what I'm saying?

• 32:26Speaker 04

  We're here in South Beach to provide income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems. If you do, DM me and we'll get you out of all your problems.

• 32:39Tom Segura?

  There you go. That's that guy.

• 32:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's traumatized.

• 32:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's him right there.

• 32:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  He pinned this to the top of his page. Oh, wow.

• 32:46Tom Segura?

  Wow. What were the comments like? Were they approval or? I see salt, but I heard pepper.

• 32:53Tom Segura?

  I don't approve this message. Yeah. Yep.

• 32:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 32:59Tom Segura?

  Why'd it come off so smooth, though?

• 33:01Speaker 06

  You see what I'm saying?

• 33:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, why does it come? I'm not, I'm.

• 33:04Speaker 06

  You don't fuck with a white man that says that confidently.

• 33:07Tom Segura?

  Confidently.

• 33:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:08Speaker 06

  That's a mistake.

• 33:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he did. There's no hesitation.

• 33:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, see, and I wonder, this is a very important philosophical problem, though.

• 33:15Tom Segura?

  Hmm.

• 33:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it ever acceptable in your friendship with a black person, as a white person, to drop the N-bombs?

• 33:21Tom Segura?

  I mean, I think that's a case by case. Clearly, he, I think his friend is black and had no problem with him saying that, you know?

• 33:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I'd be afraid of hurting some feelings.

• 33:30Tom Segura?

  Well, I know, but I'm saying that like, that friend seemed to have some.

• 33:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Seemed to be seamless. Or was he terrified of him, like, and he's saying?

• 33:37Tom Segura?

  Maybe, maybe it's a combination of the two. I wouldn't lead with it if you have a new friend.

• 33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no.

• 33:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Pretty cool.

• 33:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  This guy is so cool.

• 33:49Tom Segura?

  He is doing some wild shit. I can see his peaky right there.

• 33:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah, he's showing you.

• 33:54Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 33:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boca sheik. Doctor laying it down. Yeah, he is something else.

• 34:01Tom Segura?

  He is. Can you imagine? Like, that's my accountant. Like, you're just scrolling. That's the guy that got me out of my tax trouble.

• 34:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. That is the guy you want to get you out of your tax trouble. This is the guy you hired to get you out of tax trouble.

• 34:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 34:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  It really is. He knows all the tricks, all the angles.

• 34:16Tom Segura?

  He definitely knows. He's a confident accountant. Look at that look in his profile pic. He's giving you blue steel right there.

• 34:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's fine. He's an alpha male.

• 34:24Tom Segura?

  He's got a great head of hair. Incredible head of hair.

• 34:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:27Tom Segura?

  Have you ever, I saw one, if you scroll, where he was, um, scroll a little more, he was brushing his hair and it was unbelievable. The hair this guy had. I mean, seriously.

• 34:40Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Oh, maybe, oh, he archives a lot. But yeah, he's always with chicks.

• 34:44Speaker 06

  He looks like a black guy.

• 34:46Tom Segura?

  Huh?

• 34:46Speaker 06

  Just like a black guy.

• 34:47Tom Segura?

  Oh, there's his hair right there, though.

• 34:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, look at that hair.

• 34:49Tom Segura?

  That's older shot, I think.

• 34:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  He looks great. He's a good-looking guy.

• 34:54Tom Segura?

  He's got great hair.

• 34:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's done it all. Wow. He's in great shape. He knows what he's talking about. Good jawline.

• 34:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, look at that hair, man. Hair's incredible. Look at that hair.

• 35:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's handsome. He's got it.

• 35:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's awesome. Oh, wow. I wonder why he cut it, because I feel like that's a really good look for him. It really sets him apart from the herd.

• 35:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially in Miami. Like, you meet this guy and you're like, whoa.

• 35:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't look like every other guy in Miami.

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  Mm-mm. No, it's a real unique look. Yeah.

• 35:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like, I wonder why he switched that up.

• 35:24Tom Segura?

  It's fucking incredible.

• 35:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It looks awesome.

• 35:26Tom Segura?

  Keep going, Mike. Keep doing your thing. Look like Jesus right there.

• 35:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. He looks rad. Look at those eyes. He looks like a beautiful wolf.

• 35:34Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 35:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 35:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Intense eyes, hungry eyes, Dirty Dancing.

• 35:38Tom Segura?

  That's pretty cool.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  Me, personally, I'm into receiving and it's generally, or I would say always in my case, tied with, like, domination. They're inseparable for me. I mean, it takes many forms, I guess. Uh, I mean, I enjoy the, the face-sitting aspect, so like, the closeness of that, which can be clothed, nude. I don't really have a specific preference, as dumb as it might sound. I mean, I, I kind of prefer, um, at least in fantasy, the more, uh, potent smells. So I guess, you know, things that, that created gas that was, uh, smelly or, or really, um, tied into the more torturous aspects of, of enjoying this.

• 36:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he likes the torture of the bad smell.

• 36:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, I make, but that makes sense, the way he explained that.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  Fantasy for me is not enjoying it. Like, obviously, I enjoy it because it is turning me on. But the fantasy is to be tormentous or being tortured. I mean, the strong scent is, is definitely like what I most reach for. I think it's also the hardest to obtain. The sound is also a factor for me, just because the sound is illustrative of how dominating it is.

• 36:46Tom Segura?

  He likes smelly farts.

• 36:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like if I could just adopt his attitude, our marriage would be so much hornier. Because your farts are diabolical.

• 36:58Tom Segura?

  No.

• 36:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And especially lately.

• 37:00Tom Segura?

  Lately. Yeah.

• 37:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're stinky, they're loud, they're disrespectful. I don't feel like you see me as a woman. I don't think you respect me.

• 37:09Tom Segura?

  That's pretty, that's hurtful.

• 37:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's true.

• 37:13Tom Segura?

  No. No, I just, I'm living life and I've, I have been ingesting more protein. And I think there's a, there's an effect on the way out. Is that's what you're referring to?

• 37:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's like all hours of the night, like you'll rip.

• 37:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, at night, it really is interesting, isn't it?

• 37:31Tom Segura?

  Isn't it something? How at night it really comes alive?

• 37:38Tom Segura?

  Because yesterday, those were notable.

• 37:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are, let's walk through them.

• 37:42Tom Segura?

  Okay. They're, they're come, they have like, there's like a whole story told when they happen now. Because they go.

• 37:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. But the first one was in the bathroom. You were standing by your mirror.

• 37:57Tom Segura?

  I mean, I was in the bathroom, I was at my sink.

• 37:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  But my closet's right there. So I was trying to get dressed, I think, for bedtime?

• 38:04Tom Segura?

  Something like that, yeah.

• 38:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it was like, long rips, rips. But you wanted to pull me closer to you.

• 38:11Tom Segura?

  No, I, I mean, it was unfortunate, the logistics of the whole thing.

• 38:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You pulled me towards you to enjoy it. And that's so fucking rude. I think you did.

• 38:19Tom Segura?

  I don't believe that's true. I remember you walked by.

• 38:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I want to walk away and then you grabbed me.

• 38:23Tom Segura?

  No, you went into your closet and you shut the door, you left this much open. And you were like, no, and you shook, you shook your head, you were like, no. Yeah.

• 38:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just, I think there's a level of disrespect, like, like there's this unacceptable level of fart. And then that was unacceptable.

• 38:40Tom Segura?

  It was pretty intense. I'll give you that.

• 38:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It tipped into like, come on.

• 38:43Tom Segura?

  It was unexpected also.

• 38:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think it is with you. I think you're lying.

• 38:47Tom Segura?

  I didn't know what was gonna happen. Well, this, by the way, this guy's name is Raj and he hosts a podcast called The Fart Fetish Podcast to normalize that within the kink community. He claims from a young age, can't pinpoint the exact moment, but he likes to believe it derives from a combination of his parents being open door poopers.

• 39:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:05Tom Segura?

  His family growing up not shy to fart in public or around the house. He also believes it came from his parents being too neglectful.

• 39:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 39:12Tom Segura?

  Uh, he has to pay for fart sessions. Um, he favors a more potent smell when it comes to this.

• 39:19Tom Segura?

  But it's all out there. I, it's wild, right? There he is.

• 39:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Raj, good for you, you know, but I'm sure there's a.

• 39:25Tom Segura?

  Celebrating three years.

• 39:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a lot of guys out there that want this.

• 39:28Tom Segura?

  And 36 episodes. He does an episode a month. I wonder what his parents think of the Fart Fetish Podcast.

• 39:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, also as somebody that's a fart enthusiast, you'd think he'd wanna talk more about it.

• 39:41Tom Segura?

  I know, more than once a month.

• 39:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like if it makes your D hard, why not?

• 39:44Tom Segura?

  Talk about it every day.

• 39:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Every day.

• 39:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, at least once a week, you know?

• 39:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause there's topics I can talk about, you know, all day.

• 39:51Tom Segura?

  Are they fart related?

• 39:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  UFOs, yeah.

• 39:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you really like UFOs.

• 39:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love the UFO topic.

• 39:58Tom Segura?

  You've really been taken by UAPs.

• 40:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the age of disclosure too.

• 40:05Tom Segura?

  I know, I know. Are you gonna watch that doc?

• 40:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but I already know it's a, it's bullshit. It's propaganda.

• 40:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man's trying to spread disinformation. I know what's really happening here. Okay?

• 40:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Interdimensional beings, connected to our consciousness, trying to raise us, elevate us. It's not nefarious.

• 40:22Tom Segura?

  Okay. All right. There she is.

• 40:26Tom Segura?

  Cheese.

• 40:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. Hey.

• 40:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I see what she's saying.

• 40:34Tom Segura?

  Oof.

• 40:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pizza. Pizza.

• 40:38Tom Segura?

  Eddie, what did you think of that?

• 40:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pizza.

• 40:41Speaker 06

  I just love it. It's great content that people put out these days.

• 40:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pizza.

• 40:47Speaker 06

  It's always something.

• 40:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  But there's never.

• 40:49Tom Segura?

  That's a whole lane.

• 40:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But there's no whole piece of bacon on a pizza. It's usually cut up into pieces. This is not accurate.

• 40:55Tom Segura?

  What would you do if you saw your pizza delivery person pulling out a slice and farting on it?

• 41:02Tom Segura?

  What would you say to them?

• 41:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, it's an interesting topic.

• 41:05Tom Segura?

  She was like, there you go. She just gave it back.

• 41:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I might be like, dude, did you just fart on my pizza? Like, I may have to confront. Cause I'm not gonna eat it.

• 41:13Tom Segura?

  No.

• 41:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or would you eat it?

• 41:15Tom Segura?

  No.

• 41:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, hold on.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  Oof.

• 41:23Tom Segura?

  Jesus.

• 41:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of beef.

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pizza.

• 41:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Oof.

• 41:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, but what if you're really, really hungry? Like, you're starving?

• 41:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, fuck, she's finally here.

• 41:36Tom Segura?

  And she's farting on my pizza right now?

• 41:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I might eat it.

• 41:40Tom Segura?

  You might eat it?

• 41:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I might take the bacon off, but then eat the rest.

• 41:43Tom Segura?

  Or just at least find that piece. Like, is this the one you farted on? Throw that?

• 41:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Be like, which one did you fart on?

• 41:49Tom Segura?

  And I'm calling your manager, by the way.

• 41:53Tom Segura?

  That's not okay. It's not okay.

• 41:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'd rat them out. I wouldn't call their manager.

• 41:58Tom Segura?

  She farted on your food?

• 42:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then think of the benefit of that. You could make this person deliver food to people you dislike.

• 42:05Tom Segura?

  Oh, and fart on their food? But they do it to everyone. They'll be like, yeah, I always do that. I fart on everyone's food.

• 42:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, be like, well, can you put a little extra stank on this pizza for this neighbor? You know what I mean? Like, can you wipe your butt with the pizza on this delivery? Like, you can make them go farther than what they're capable of right now.

• 42:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I'm looking to stretch this person's talents and abilities. Why limit yourself to just farting on a piece of bacon? You can go big with this.

• 42:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, this could be a legitimate service for fart fetish people. Like a fart dumbass delivery?

• 42:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, hire, it's like Uber Eats. Right?

• 42:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. Now you're thinking like an entrepreneur.

• 42:44Tom Segura?

  And then you go, will you pick up my food and fart on it and then bring it?

• 42:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chichabumba.

• 42:49Tom Segura?

  Hmm, no. Let's not, let's not pollute that. Thank you.

• 42:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  But how much, okay, but, but you hear me? Hold on. Can I talk to you for a second?

• 42:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, you're talking. Go ahead.

• 42:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, let's say you're a fart enthusiast, like this gentleman.

• 43:01Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, God, I would fucking love it if this chick showed up and farted on my pizza. How much do you think a dude would pay for that?

• 43:09Tom Segura?

  Well, someone like the guy, I think he would definitely double and triple the amount.

• 43:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, that's a great business. Double, triple. I, I, I'd say $500 for that one delivery.

• 43:19Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 43:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And think how much more money you would make as an Uber Eats driver or whatever.

• 43:24Tom Segura?

  Well, maybe you could do a thing where you just sign up for a legit business like Uber Eats or DoorDash. And then in your profile, you go like, you want me to add any seasoning?

• 43:35Tom Segura?

  And then you just let them know that you'll do it.

• 43:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:37Tom Segura?

  If you tip right.

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And then gay guys could have throat coat.

• 43:41Tom Segura?

  Ah.

• 43:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, they could deliver with throat coat on there.

• 43:44Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? You don't think some dudes would love that?

• 43:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm sure.

• 43:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay dudes love jazz.

• 43:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they do.

• 43:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 43:51Tom Segura?

  It's like their favorite thing.

• 43:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is. They love it so much.

• 43:55Tom Segura?

  Whisper.

• 43:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Weird. I don't want, if they're listening, I want them to hear it.

• 43:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, they didn't hear that. No one heard it.

• 43:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, right?

• 44:00Tom Segura?

  No. Gay guys love jazz.

• 44:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't let them know.

• 44:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think they do.

• 44:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 44:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's crazy.

• 44:08Tom Segura?

  It's a really good idea for a new business. If you're an entrepreneur and you're thinking, what, what's the market not providing?

• 44:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Exactly. We're seeing gaps in the space here.

• 44:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we found them.

• 44:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold space for me, Tom.

• 44:20Tom Segura?

  I'm holding space. Here we go. All right, I'm filming.

• 44:25Tom Segura?

  That's a good throw.

• 44:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh!

• 44:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Second.

• 44:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was into the throwing.

• 44:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He threw a rock at a hornet's nest.

• 44:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stupid!

• 44:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah. And then they, they got him back.

• 44:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, dude.

• 44:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't mess with hornets, bro. That guy's stupid.

• 44:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I think he should have been ready to run quicker.

• 44:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 44:53Tom Segura?

  That was the issue.

• 44:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, I would have thrown that first rock and then taken it.

• 44:56Tom Segura?

  All right, I'm filming.

• 44:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, don't wait, dude. Run.

• 44:59Tom Segura?

  That's a good throw.

• 45:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You dipshit.

• 45:02Tom Segura?

  And right there, you should be just booking it.

• 45:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Booking it, yeah, dude. Second.

• 45:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Idiot.

• 45:09Tom Segura?

  That's a great scream.

• 45:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, you deserve that. Why would you want to fuck up some hornets, dude?

• 45:14Tom Segura?

  I know, it's just that it's out there in nature. It's not like in the front of your house, right?

• 45:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I don't like it when they build stuff on our house.

• 45:19Tom Segura?

  But that's different.

• 45:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Then you're like, get out of here, dude.

• 45:21Tom Segura?

  He's by a stream.

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's where they're supposed to build, dummy.

• 45:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's rude as shit. Good.

• 45:26Tom Segura?

  That was very rude.

• 45:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hope he died. Hope he went into anaphylactic shock.

• 45:30Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 45:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hope he's allergic to all...

• 45:32Tom Segura?

  No, he's okay. Jesus. That was really hateful.

• 45:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm just... Hornet writes.

• 45:38Tom Segura?

  Hornet writes.

• 45:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody's defending them and their needs.

• 45:41Tom Segura?

  What do you think of this one?

• 45:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 45:44Tom Segura?

  No, no, no.

• 45:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  He survived?

• 45:54Tom Segura?

  Wow, look, he's right now. You see that moment?

• 45:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:57Tom Segura?

  I've had that moment.

• 45:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course.

• 45:58Tom Segura?

  Where you just stop and you're like, I'm fucking stupid now.

• 46:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could have lost all my life.

• 46:05Tom Segura?

  I shouldn't be doing this.

• 46:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was... Can I see it again?

• 46:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, he just escaped death narrowly. Wow.

• 46:14Tom Segura?

  Well, I don't know about death, but it could have been real ugly.

• 46:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at that. Oh, it gets caught in his shirt. You know what he needs? Trauma shares. Oh.

• 46:28Tom Segura?

  That's so relatable. You're like, phew.

• 46:32Tom Segura?

  God.

• 46:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, that thing could have done the death roll.

• 46:34Tom Segura?

  It could have really done... It could have been real gnarly, yeah.

• 46:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cut his circulation.

• 46:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Could have been gross. Yeah. He got lucky.

• 46:43Tom Segura?

  He got lucky, man. That was, uh...

• 46:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was terrible, baby.

• 46:46Tom Segura?

  That was one of the more sobering ones that I just really empathized with him.

• 46:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like a near-death experience. That was terrible.

• 46:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't like that. No! No!

• 47:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  The rolling around is what gets me.

• 47:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did he, did he chop his nuts?

• 47:08Tom Segura?

  I mean, he landed on a steel beam.

• 47:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but that's his fault.

• 47:14Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's totally his fault, but you still are like, oh. I mean, all that force from like coming from up high.

• 47:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me see it again.

• 47:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, boy.

• 47:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I looked away at the pivotal moment.

• 47:26Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's right on the nuts, too.

• 47:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's testicular trauma. Yeah. He might, he might be going to the hospital, dude. That is fucking so gnarly.

• 47:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, dude, I mean-

• 47:42Tom Segura?

  Cause when they get grazed, it affects you.

• 47:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  He should have known better.

• 47:46Tom Segura?

  Full body weight.

• 47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he should have, come on.

• 47:49Tom Segura?

  I know, it was fucking stupid, of course.

• 47:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  This one was.

• 47:51Tom Segura?

  He knows. He fucking knows, dude.

• 47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe he liked it.

• 47:54Tom Segura?

  He didn't like it.

• 47:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe like the fart fetish guy.

• 47:56Tom Segura?

  I don't think he did. I think he's actually very, very disappointed in himself right now.

• 48:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or he's in heaven. He's in ecstasy right now.

• 48:04Tom Segura?

  Right now, he's just rolling around, "I'm about to come." Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. I think he's not having a good day.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  His shoes flew off, dude. That's how fucking traumatic that was.

• 48:23Tom Segura?

  I think he tore some ligaments. Yeah, I think that was real bad. Is that board broken? Yeah, the board's broken, too. Fuck.

• 48:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  God bless the skateboarder.

• 48:35Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 48:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause he just-

• 48:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  What babe, what's the injury? He did the splits?

• 48:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what does that tear? Like your groin?

• 48:45Tom Segura?

  He could have torn his groin easily, yeah. It's really fucking gnarly.

• 48:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your hips? Like, did he like fuck up his hips?

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's, there's no need telling what, what he did. He did some damage, dude. He fucked himself up. That sucked. Everyone's laughing, too. We got a smile on that guy. He's like, haha.

• 49:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, skaters are brutal.

• 49:03Tom Segura?

  Recording him. He's like, that was great, man.

• 49:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why skaters are the best.

• 49:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're like, fucking pussy, get up.

• 49:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  Hey ladies, if you like a guy who likes to have fun in the shower, I'm your man.

• 49:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, next.

• 49:22Tom Segura?

  What do you mean next? You don't like to have fun in the shower?

• 49:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do. I love fun in the shower.

• 49:28Tom Segura?

  That's what he just said. Do you like to have fun in the shower? I'm your man.

• 49:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I don't like, I don't wanna do it with him.

• 49:34Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 49:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wanna have fun in the shower with you.

• 49:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, with me?

• 49:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, do you like fun in the shower?

• 49:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I feel like I'm not your man. I feel like that's your...

• 49:45Tom Segura?

  I like that he had the volume full blast.

• 49:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Full blast.

• 49:47Tom Segura?

  That's the way to do it.

• 49:49Speaker 05

  Hey ladies, if you like a guy who likes to have fun in the shower, I'm your man.

• 49:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a comedy.

• 49:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's watching some sitcom or something stupid.

• 49:59Tom Segura?

  Real loud.

• 50:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, my only advice would just be turn the volume down on the TV.

• 50:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure, cuz everything else was fine.

• 50:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  The angle was horrible, the white, the white walls are depressing.

• 50:11Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's that, why is his nose so red? I'm surprised he didn't go, "Forgive me, I have a cold right now." Like, you know, when people do that, like, we know, we can tell.

• 50:20Tom Segura?

  Well, apparently, he puts out videos like this a lot.

• 50:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:23Tom Segura?

  To ladies.

• 50:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Show me a hand gesture to me.

• 50:28Tom Segura?

  To ladies, like you.

• 50:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  To ladies. And I'm just supposed to scoop it?

• 50:32Tom Segura?

  I'm your man.

• 50:35Tom Segura?

  I like it. I really like it. This is the kinda shit you love, right here.

• 50:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go.

• 50:47Tom Segura?

  My Skyler Renee has returned. Skyler Renee returns.

• 50:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could do this in a second.

• 50:52Tom Segura?

  You like this?

• 50:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would love to train just to get this fit to beat the shit out of dudes.

• 50:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think this would be awesome. I love this.

• 51:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 51:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm all in.

• 51:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you let me do this?

• 51:10Tom Segura?

  You like ball kicks, though. I'm Astrodominant, and I'm about to kick his...

• 51:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this guy.

• 51:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this fucking guy.

• 51:23Tom Segura?

  No?

• 51:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Morrissey, big fat Morrissey here. I don't like him.

• 51:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's too pathetic. So, so there's, here's the thing with me.

• 51:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 51:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  The guy can't be super pathetic. He has to be able to fight back.

• 51:38Tom Segura?

  That guy, that guy could fight back.

• 51:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but in my, in the visual domain, he, he, it's not appealing.

• 51:44Tom Segura?

  So you want it to be a more fit guy?

• 51:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like the other one before?

• 51:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could be like, okay, this is, this is somebody that there's a little danger here.

• 51:51Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's what you want? Oh, I thought it was just to be like, just to be...

• 51:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Abusive and brutal.

• 51:55Tom Segura?

  But it's got, it can't be to a frail guy.

• 51:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on. You know, in comedy, you, you don't want to punch down.

• 52:00Tom Segura?

  Hmm, sometimes.

• 52:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I mean, I feel like it's too easy if it's like a frail pussy guy. It's gotta be somebody that's a challenge.

• 52:08Tom Segura?

  That's interesting. I know, cause you always, always tell me that you like the ball. You're like, I could always do a ball kicking thing. But you don't want it to be a pathetic guy.

• 52:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct. Cause then it, what's the fun? It's like...

• 52:17Tom Segura?

  They're all the same guy.

• 52:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you're kidding? Morrissey is the same guy? Just different haircuts and stuff. Oh, that's boring.

• 52:25Tom Segura?

  Well, there's not a lot of guys that are like, yeah, I'll do this video. They found one.

• 52:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just don't like them when they're so frail and pathetic.

• 52:35Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 52:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause what's the fun?

• 52:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a five-year-old could kick the nuts.

• 52:39Tom Segura?

  I get it. I didn't realize this. It's an interesting...

• 52:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm just now thinking about it, you know?

• 52:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Mm-hmm.

• 52:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I haven't thought about it.

• 52:46Tom Segura?

  Um, we got it. Like, where's the ones from yet?

• 52:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I piss real quick? I'm sorry. I've really gotta whiz hard. Cause I drank the two bags of tea.

• 52:54Tom Segura?

  And we're back.

• 52:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we're back.

• 52:56Tom Segura?

  How was your pee?

• 52:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was powerful. How was yours?

• 52:58Tom Segura?

  It was pretty good. Yeah, I went ahead and did it too. Let me ask you something.

• 53:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, go ahead. What do you think about Hitler?

• 53:04Tom Segura?

  Well, I got some news for you. Adolf Hitler won a local election in Namibia.

• 53:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 53:09Tom Segura?

  Adolf Hitler Yonona, a 59-year-old local politician in northern Namibia, just won reelection for his seat as councillor of Omponja constituency for a fifth consecutive term.

• 53:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 53:23Tom Segura?

  Although his name echoes that of the Nazi dictator, he has long stressed that he has no ideological or personal ties to that legacy. His father reportedly gave him the name without understanding its historical weight. Ahead of this election, he formally removed Hitler from his official documents and now just goes by Adolf Unona.

• 53:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well.

• 53:42Tom Segura?

  Fifth reelection. So people are like, I love this guy.

• 53:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's the one for me.

• 53:46Tom Segura?

  I like it.

• 53:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I like his name, to be honest. Hitler. Oh my God.

• 53:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, if you're gonna take out the Hitler, why not change the Adolf? You know, I've changed my name legally.

• 53:58Tom Segura?

  I love that the dad was like, wait, what's this all about?

• 54:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I never heard of this.

• 54:02Tom Segura?

  There's a problem with this guy's name? I always liked it. It has a nice ring to it.

• 54:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, full disclosure.

• 54:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're out here in Western Europe doing our thing. Maybe they didn't hear about it over there.

• 54:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, in Africa? You don't think it reached that far?

• 54:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe not, dude. I don't know. He's like, big fan.

• 54:19Tom Segura?

  It's just a smooth name.

• 54:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause it's illegal to name your child that here.

• 54:24Tom Segura?

  Here, isn't it illegal?

• 54:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so, isn't it? I would say it's illegal.

• 54:28Tom Segura?

  I don't know that it's illegal.

• 54:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  In Germany, it for sure is. They outlawed that after, you know, who came and ruined stuff. Yeah.

• 54:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's see.

• 54:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not allowed to in Germany.

• 54:40Tom Segura?

  You cannot name a child Adolf Hitler in Germany. It's German law is protected by it. What about in the US?

• 54:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, why can't?

• 54:47Tom Segura?

  I think you can.

• 54:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what about my rights?

• 54:52Tom Segura?

  Let's see. It is not universally illegal to name your child Hitler in the United States. Uh, some states may reject it based on prohibitions against offensive or derogatory names. Uh, Germany and New Zealand have explicitly banned the name.

• 55:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean.

• 55:07Tom Segura?

  So, interesting. State by state, I guess it goes by here.

• 55:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Texas is probably a no Hitler zone.

• 55:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's what it says, actually. Example, a Texas official might reject the name due to prohibitions against offensive names. What if you're like, what's offensive about it?

• 55:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 55:23Tom Segura?

  My favorite Namibian counselor is named Adolf Hitler.

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. What if it's not about the original?

• 55:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what about this guy? I'm a big fan.

• 55:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a huge fan. I bet California will let you.

• 55:33Tom Segura?

  Fifth reelection.

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think New York, California, you can name your kid Hitler?

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  I wonder.

• 55:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's look. Which states allow you to name your child Adolf Hitler?

• 55:44Tom Segura?

  Louisiana?

• 55:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're like, we'll pay you to do it.

• 55:48Tom Segura?

  What states can you name?

• 55:52Tom Segura?

  Name your kid Hitler.

• 55:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's two bags of different flavors.

• 55:57Tom Segura?

  Um, it is likely, it is likely illegal to name your child Adolf Hitler, but there are no federal laws banning it. Let's see.

• 56:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right.

• 56:05Tom Segura?

  Some states have banned it. Texas is one such state. Um, yeah, there's not a list. Hey, here's the thing. Why don't you try it? If you're about to have a kid, you know, give it a shot. See what they tell you. See if you get away with it. It's a really cool experiment to run.

• 56:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody's doing it right now. You're right.

• 56:21Tom Segura?

  You think so?

• 56:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  In Alabama, a baby was born.

• 56:23Tom Segura?

  And they were like Hitler.

• 56:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. Like that guy on the podcast where he was like, you know, who I'd wanna hang out with?

• 56:29Tom Segura?

  He's a kick of beer. You know, he was fucking told to burn all the trans books and shit. He wasn't a bad guy. I'd like to fish with him. Yeah.

• 56:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's people that feel that way.

• 56:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that wasn't New York. I'll tell you that.

• 56:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  New Surrey Bob.

• 56:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah. New Jersey couple loses custody of their son named Adolf Hitler. That's interesting. The New Jersey parents who gave their children Nazi inspired names, including Adolf Hitler, lost custody after a state appeals court ruled that a history of domestic violence puts the children at risk of abuse and neglect. Court documents show the oldest child frequently threatens to kill people. And the mother once slipped a note to a neighbor saying she was terrified of her husband because he said he would kill her. Adolf Hitler Campbell, four, and his two younger sisters, Jocelyn Aryan Nation Campbell and Hanslyn Himler Jeannie Campbell

• 57:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 57:21Tom Segura?

  will remain in the care of the Division of Family. Jesus. Their parents, Heath and Deborah, both unemployed and disabled, were abused as children. Neither has received adequate treatment for their serious psychological conditions. I mean, you know, what I hate about this is it's really, it's really tarnishing the Hitler name.

• 57:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 57:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Himler.

• 57:41Tom Segura?

  And Himler. And the Aryan Nation. They gave her the name Aryan Nation.

• 57:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which, if you didn't know what it meant.

• 57:50Tom Segura?

  Also, she didn't, they didn't do, they, they did a, a name that sounds like Hans Himler. It's Hanslyn Himler.

• 57:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, let's see. Hanslyn. So maybe it's a girl?

• 58:00Tom Segura?

  Right. But like, his name was Hans Himler.

• 58:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they feminized it.

• 58:04Tom Segura?

  They feminized it to be like, it's not the same thing.

• 58:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hanslyn Himler Jeannie Campbell. So that's the.

• 58:10Tom Segura?

  I think I'd go by Jeannie.

• 58:14Tom Segura?

  I think as Jocelyn, I might drop my middle name. But poor, uh, poor Adolf has no hope. Jesus.

• 58:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Adolf Hitler Campbell.

• 58:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn, man.

• 58:26Tom Segura?

  Your parents are just fucking wild.

• 58:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

• 58:31Tom Segura?

  Well, there you go. The Jersey lets it fly.

• 58:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:34Tom Segura?

  They did it in New Jersey. If you're a Jersey native, name your kid whatever you want.

• 58:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Congratulations. You're free.

• 58:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Three-year-old Hitler can't get name on a cake. Oh, this guy's the same guy. Yeah. They make the news a lot. They make the news a lot. Yeah. Oh, it's actually him there. There's Heath on the left. Deborah on the right. And there's Adolf. There's baby Adolf in the middle. Fucking sweet. He's like, well, I can't get a cake?

• 59:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Babe, do you ever think about? Just like how the completely mentally insane parade around?

• 59:12Tom Segura?

  All the time?

• 59:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  As one of us. Like that, if I saw this photo, I'd be like, oh, what a nice little.

• 59:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I just was watching that the other day, um, scrolling. It was a woman on the street interviewing a guy, like, she was like, what are you up to today? Like one of those street interviews? And he was completely mentally ill, but well-presenting. And you go, oh, that's everywhere. Like, he went on a insane rant where you could tell that, like, she was scared, anyone listening would have been scared. And he was buttoned down, collared shirt, like, just well-presenting and was unhinged. Just somebody put a microphone in his face.

• 59:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn, dude.

• 59:50Tom Segura?

  It was real crazy. It was really crazy.

• 59:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  They just walk among us, these people.

• 59:55Tom Segura?

  Hitler, he walks among us too. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty cool. Here's a fun one. I don't know if you know about this story. An Italian man dressed up as his dead mother in order to claim her pension.

• 1:00:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very cool.

• 1:00:09Tom Segura?

  This is an Italian man from Borgo. Fifty-six-year-old former nurse is under fraud and investigation for concealing a corpse after allegedly dressing up as his, look at him right here. That's him on the right, dressing up like mom.

• 1:00:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  He looks just like her. I think he did a great job.

• 1:00:27Tom Segura?

  He did. He's lucky that his mom had that hair.

• 1:00:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and that face. She didn't have much work done.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  He wore a wig, makeup, clothes, jewelry, even used a cane. When visiting the local registry to renew her ID, the charade collapsed when a clerk at the registry office noticed physical inconsistencies. And became suspicious. Authorities say that the scam netted roughly 53,000 euro per year, combining the pension and the income from his family's properties. Now he's facing charges that include fraud, false identity, document.

• 1:00:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stop. But don't you think if you're a man and you go through the trouble to dress up like your mother, go down to the office, pull the heist, give him the money.

• 1:01:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who cares?

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  They'll send him to jail.

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  That is, that is kind of silly. Oh, you found it. This is the one I was talking about.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  I'm confused because, you know, like, we're supposed to believe in the ministry, right? So is the, is the church and state supposed to be separate? I'm confused because I never went to school. Right? Is a confused person get a resolution? I don't understand. You see, when you go like that, right, you have a cross, two sticks, right? And that's how I felt when I was in Waterloo. Because when I walked in Waterloo and smiled at people, they treated me like a vampire. They used the cross. And they went like this by not smiling at me.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  In Toronto, hey, hi, guys. You know me, Steve Spiro's easygoing. Those who know me, I'm a nobody. You understand? And you can't kill a person with no body. So why am I afraid? I'm not afraid. I'm afraid of the boogeyman. Who's the boogeyman? You figure it out. I'm getting out of here. I'm going back to Waterloo where the vampires hang out. And I'm gonna wear my sunglasses that night. You know why? Because women show their tits, half-short skirts, and then they feel violated when I look at them.

• 1:02:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Why? Because I have sunglasses on and I'm weird. I'm from Humber Side. I'm sorry if I made a fool of Humber Side, but all those people who called me a sleepwalker.

• 1:02:51Speaker 07

  I woke up. Now I'm going back to sleep because I'm gonna be committed in an isolation room. Because I'm gonna go back to the ministry and allow them to perceive me as I am. A fuck up.

• 1:03:05Speaker 07

  Goodbye.

• 1:03:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good day, sir.

• 1:03:07Speaker 07

  Hey, Toronto the good. Look at, look at this square. It was a shithole when I worked here. Now it looks like New York Manhattan.

• 1:03:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Speaker 07

  Where are the bums? There's no bums here. Toronto doesn't have bums. But Waterloo, they're creating bums. They created me. Why?

• 1:03:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a vampire.

• 1:03:25Speaker 07

  I don't know.

• 1:03:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  They treat him like a vampire.

• 1:03:26Speaker 07

  Maybe it's the church. Talk to the pope, he knows everything. I had it. I'm gonna die. How can you die when you're dead?

• 1:03:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom.

• 1:03:36Tom Segura?

  So, but you get it. Like, but look what I mean, though. Like, if you saw him.

• 1:03:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, just be honest with me.

• 1:03:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this what I sound like when I talk about aliens?

• 1:03:45Tom Segura?

  I mean, you know, parallel.

• 1:03:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, but how did he get dressed? Like, who?

• 1:03:51Tom Segura?

  That's what I'm saying, though.

• 1:03:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got him out the door?

• 1:03:53Tom Segura?

  That's my point.

• 1:03:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  How does he look normal?

• 1:03:56Tom Segura?

  And how many out there are similar?

• 1:04:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my, he just didn't take his meds. I have a feeling he just was off his meds.

• 1:04:04Tom Segura?

  You think so?

• 1:04:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he went psychotic. But if you take your meds.

• 1:04:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can walk among us, but if you stop.

• 1:04:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Can't skip your meds.

• 1:04:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, dude. That's, that's probably what happened. He's like, I feel good, I don't need to take them. Oh shit.

• 1:04:20Speaker 07

  I'm not gonna raise my voice.

• 1:04:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, don't.

• 1:04:23Speaker 07

  Because I'm committed.

• 1:04:25Speaker 07

  I'm gonna be crucified, right?

• 1:04:31Speaker 07

  I'm not gonna raise my voice.

• 1:04:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's like, what?

• 1:04:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she went through a lot of emotions, you could tell.

• 1:04:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  And she surrendered at the end. She was like, this guy's safe.

• 1:04:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, people starting to know, look at the ladies over there noticing him. They're like, um.

• 1:04:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is going on with them?

• 1:04:44Tom Segura?

  Also, it's like, all those buttons are gone now.

• 1:04:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought about that too. He doesn't know how to sew them back.

• 1:04:50Tom Segura?

  No way. He's gotta walk around like that now.

• 1:04:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it was such a strong choice.

• 1:04:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Wow.

• 1:04:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, don't ruin the shirt.

• 1:04:59Tom Segura?

  Don't ruin your shirt, man. That was a nice shirt.

• 1:05:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cuz you're right. Now he's gotta go home on the subway.

• 1:05:03Tom Segura?

  Ah, open shirt.

• 1:05:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Be treated like a vampire.

• 1:05:05Tom Segura?

  Also, he said there's no bums in Toronto. I would very much disagree.

• 1:05:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 1:05:09Tom Segura?

  There's no bums in Toronto?

• 1:05:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you been recently, like?

• 1:05:13Tom Segura?

  I mean, I was there, yeah, earlier in the year.

• 1:05:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What was the bumsich?

• 1:05:17Tom Segura?

  No, it's just it's a major city. It has bums like anywhere else, yeah.

• 1:05:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, Toronto is where I saw that topless woman with her fucking flapjacks out.

• 1:05:26Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:05:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dog.

• 1:05:28Tom Segura?

  Wait, you're talking about the big titty swingers?

• 1:05:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Tom Segura?

  That was Manhattan.

• 1:05:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was in New York, but she didn't, she had a shirt on. I'm talking about, I was in Toronto in a car.

• 1:05:36Tom Segura?

  Tits out?

• 1:05:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  And she was just walking with a handbag on and her, her chachis hanging.

• 1:05:43Tom Segura?

  Hanging out.

• 1:05:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right out. And I go to the driver, I go, is this, am I seeing this, right? He goes, yeah, you're allowed to do that in Toronto. There's no laws against it. It's protected if you're a native person or something, you can be topless.

• 1:05:54Tom Segura?

  It sounds very progressive, which is very Canadian.

• 1:05:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:58Tom Segura?

  It's like, you know, why can't I? That guy's got his tits out.

• 1:06:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which like, I don't think is a big deal.

• 1:06:04Tom Segura?

  I've never thought it was a big deal.

• 1:06:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I don't wanna show my chachis.

• 1:06:08Tom Segura?

  But you should have the right to.

• 1:06:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. I don't think anyone's gonna be like, oh my god.

• 1:06:12Tom Segura?

  I mean, it should be fine.

• 1:06:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, men or women.

• 1:06:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it would make walking much easier.

• 1:06:17Tom Segura?

  How all this stemmed though, like, you're like, oh, this, and then he was like, women wearing their clothes and they're mad cuz I'm looking. It always goes back to like, a guy being like, some chick rejected me.

• 1:06:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  And God.

• 1:06:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  God has forsaken me.

• 1:06:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Some women are the devil.

• 1:06:33Tom Segura?

  Women are wearing short shorts and I look and they get mad.

• 1:06:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, everything stems to that. That's the religion. We're always afraid of women making us horny and stuff.

• 1:06:43Tom Segura?

  Women, one of your favorites was, uh, in the, in the news not long ago, Meghan Markle.

• 1:06:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:49Tom Segura?

  She faced online criticism after posting a Thanksgiving cooking video in which she prepared a raw turkey while wearing rings and bracelets. In the clip, she's seen seasoning the turkey, rubbing it with spices and lemon zest to the tune of Bob Dylan's Turkey Chase. Captioning it with, "Let the game begin." Social media users wasted no time mocking her the hygiene. Many dubbed her the salmonella Sussex, criticizing her for not removing jewelry while handling raw poultry.

• 1:07:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, who has, I leave my rings on when I do poultry. I don't think that's a big sin. I just, you know what I think is a bigger crime? Are like, these banal, basic captions? "Let the game begin." Like, that to me is more of a spiritual crime. Oh, God.

• 1:07:39Speaker 05

  Just a screenshot because it was a story.

• 1:07:41Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:07:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just don't understand why.

• 1:07:45Tom Segura?

  Is there more there?

• 1:07:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, explain to me the joys of conformity. Like, why does everyone have to show how basic bitch they are? It's like a basic bitch contest, right? Like, look how I'm doing the thing everyone else is doing.

• 1:08:01Tom Segura?

  Hmm. I don't know.

• 1:08:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's nothing fun. I mean, that one's reaching. I wouldn't call her.

• 1:08:09Tom Segura?

  I feel like for, for this, her whole thing is she's trying to build a brand. Like, her brand that she's-

• 1:08:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Normal chick brand?

• 1:08:15Tom Segura?

  She's trying, it seems like she's trying to be the, like, the house-

• 1:08:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:08:19Tom Segura?

  The domestic queen, right? Like, the, um, the old Martha Stewart kind of lane of like, "Here's how I do my garden. Here's how I prep the kitchen. Here's how I do, oh, this is, oh, there you go."

• 1:08:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but she's not the expert. That, that, this is the big problem.

• 1:08:32Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:08:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that there's, there's nothing special she's giving.

• 1:08:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no knowledge, new knowledge.

• 1:08:38Tom Segura?

  I don't know enough about prepping poultry.

• 1:08:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ay yi yi.

• 1:08:42Tom Segura?

  What are you supposed, I guess, just have no jewelry on? That's what they're saying?

• 1:08:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what, I guess. You should wear gloves. I don't think in a perfect world, but like, I cook with my rings on. Big deal. I wash them with soap and water.

• 1:08:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are you gonna do? They, they, I think, look, as much as I dislike this woman's personality, I think this one's a little-

• 1:09:01Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 1:09:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, she's a little phony baloney. Yeah.

• 1:09:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's doing those, like- One of my favorite things to do in the holidays is celebrate with family.

• 1:09:12Tom Segura?

  And the voice.

• 1:09:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  What better way, yeah, yeah. What better way to celebrate the family than with a family turkey?

• 1:09:17Tom Segura?

  I go out to my guard and then I have to go to meetings and it's like, what are we doing? What's the order gonna be? Are we stocking enough items? It's really exhausting.

• 1:09:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is so tiring being an entrepreneur and a full-time mother. You know, like that kind of, like, you're not. We know you're not, babe.

• 1:09:34Tom Segura?

  You have a staff.

• 1:09:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're fine. But let's not pretend.

• 1:09:38Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you who doesn't have a staff. This guy.

• 1:09:40Speaker 05

  But I don't just do crack. I don't just do crack. You do PCP. You goddamn right.

• 1:09:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, PCP.

• 1:09:46Speaker 05

  You goddamn right. And don't fuck with me when I'm on it. Cause you will get fucked up.

• 1:09:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:52Speaker 05

  Why? Cause you can't feel shit. That's right. That's why I like it. Because it gets you fucked up for real. Crack is bullshit. It's a hit or miss. It might be good, it might not be good. PCP get you fucked up every single motherfucking time. And I only hit the shit about five times. I don't set that smoke no whole cigarette. I don't get stuck in all that bullshit. Animal, please. I don't want to hear any more.

• 1:10:14Tom Segura?

  Animal.

• 1:10:15Speaker 05

  You never do. That's why you hung up.

• 1:10:17Tom Segura?

  Animal.

• 1:10:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I've always.

• 1:10:19Tom Segura?

  If your nickname is Animal within family.

• 1:10:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing. Animal, shut up. Here's the deal.

• 1:10:24Tom Segura?

  Animal, I don't want to hear that shit.

• 1:10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've always wondered the difference between PCP and crack.

• 1:10:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, he just kind of laid it out for you.

• 1:10:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I never knew that. Have you ever done PCP?

• 1:10:34Tom Segura?

  No. No.

• 1:10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can, can we get PCP anymore?

• 1:10:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you can get it.

• 1:10:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is it?

• 1:10:41Tom Segura?

  PCP, that's angel dust. That's like.

• 1:10:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:44Tom Segura?

  That's when you see like a guy fighting 13 guys. Ah, I love PCP. Can you imagine running into this clown after he's fucking smoked five fucking hits?

• 1:10:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 1:10:54Tom Segura?

  Of PCP?

• 1:10:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like what? Where is it from? What is it? A plant?

• 1:10:58Tom Segura?

  It's a hallucinogen and, um, disassociative anesthetic, right?

• 1:11:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That sounds awesome.

• 1:11:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, I'm on his team with this. I think PCP sounds fucking. Way good.

• 1:11:11Tom Segura?

  Dude, PCP, that's that literally when you see like one guy and 20 cops. That's PCP, yeah.

• 1:11:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was bigger in the 80s. I remember there would always be news stories in LA about a guy high on PCP, like lifting cars, fighting cops.

• 1:11:25Tom Segura?

  That's, that's what it is, dude. So here is, users often experience a feeling of being detached from their body and surroundings. False sense of strength or disability.

• 1:11:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Check, check, sounds good.

• 1:11:34Tom Segura?

  Anxiety, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, disordered thinking can lead to bizarre, aggressive, violent behavior. Physical symptoms include body numbness, slurred speech, loss of coordination, dizziness, increased heart rate and blood pressure, sweating, and rapid involuntary eye movements. Animal is on it. He knows.

• 1:11:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I like the first two things. You get, you get super strong.

• 1:12:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You get a little chaotic.

• 1:12:01Tom Segura?

  You think you're super strong.

• 1:12:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's cool.

• 1:12:03Tom Segura?

  That's what happens. People are like, I am the Hulk. Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:12:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do bodybuilders work out on PCP?

• 1:12:11Tom Segura?

  Fuck no. No way, dude.

• 1:12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think they should.

• 1:12:13Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:12:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what's it for then?

• 1:12:15Tom Segura?

  I mean, people lose their goddamn minds on this. It's like a super hallucinogen. Yeah.

• 1:12:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  So in order, in addition to the Uber Eats.

• 1:12:23Tom Segura?

  Guys named Animal. Yeah.

• 1:12:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  We need to open a gym where we give them PCP.

• 1:12:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You'll just have weights thrown through the walls. And probably just dead bodies everywhere. It's real crazy, man. Yeah.

• 1:12:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, the PCP gym would be so fucking rad.

• 1:12:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah. It would be cool.

• 1:12:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just open your heart and your arms to me.

• 1:12:44Tom Segura?

  To me. Smoke some, smoke some dust.

• 1:12:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, hold on, but what does crack do?

• 1:12:49Tom Segura?

  You wanna get wet? That's what it's called. They dip it. They dip the cigarettes. You wanna get wet?

• 1:12:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what does crack make you feel? Cause that's cocaine and rock.

• 1:13:00Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's a super high. It's supposed to be like a very intense, short high, which is like the real problem is that it, it goes away.

• 1:13:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like five minutes.

• 1:13:07Tom Segura?

  People's mind gets altered forever and they just wanna get back on that high.

• 1:13:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it makes you paranoid as shit, too. It's not like.

• 1:13:15Tom Segura?

  It's not good.

• 1:13:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no super strength.

• 1:13:18Tom Segura?

  There's no super strength. You're just high as fuck.

• 1:13:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you please look up what crack does to you?

• 1:13:23Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 1:13:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd like to know the difference specifically.

• 1:13:28Tom Segura?

  Crack. Um, it's cooked cocaine.

• 1:13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  What does it make you feel like? Uh, last for 15 minutes.

• 1:13:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  The effects, okay. Blood pressure, your blood, blood pressure goes up, your heart raises. You may lose your inhibitions about doing things like spending lots of money or stuff they don't really need, on stuff they don't really need. They may start to feel angry or paranoid. So it sounds like your inhibitions completely go.

• 1:13:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which could be awesome.

• 1:13:58Tom Segura?

  Fucking great dude, yeah. Um, you get a huge dose of dopamine, makes you feel good.

• 1:14:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  When?

• 1:14:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  So the only thing that sucks is you're gonna lose your money and you get paranoid.

• 1:14:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Tom Segura?

  Emphoric, intense pleasure, yeah, sudden confidence, burst of energy and alertness. Sounds like a good way to start the day.

• 1:14:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:21Tom Segura?

  Hyper focused, talkativeness, agitation, restlessness. Yeah, the main, the main high usually lasts five to 10 minutes. Followed by a sharp drop.

• 1:14:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the problem with crack.

• 1:14:31Tom Segura?

  And that's why you gotta get a lot of it. If you're gonna start smoking crack, don't just buy one rock.

• 1:14:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, buy a whole bag.

• 1:14:37Tom Segura?

  Buy a lot of crack.

• 1:14:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's think about how many rocks you'd want. If it's five to 10, 10 being on the longer end. Dude, for one hour, that's six rocks.

• 1:14:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so I would get like 40, 50 rocks to start.

• 1:14:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  At least.

• 1:14:50Tom Segura?

  So you can like hole up for a couple of days, you know?

• 1:14:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you eating when you're high on this shit? Probably not. You're not sleeping, you're not eating.

• 1:15:00Tom Segura?

  Look at AI, didn't like to give you.

• 1:15:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, they won't tell you?

• 1:15:05Tom Segura?

  Crack information, yeah.

• 1:15:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 1:15:07Tom Segura?

  What's the price of a crack rock?

• 1:15:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, come on.

• 1:15:09Tom Segura?

  I can't help you with that.

• 1:15:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's cheap. I'm gonna, I'm gonna venture to guess that a crack rock is cheap.

• 1:15:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think so too.

• 1:15:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right? Cocaine is not.

• 1:15:18Tom Segura?

  No, but it's cooked down for crack. So maybe what, 10, 20 bucks or something for like a rock?

• 1:15:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  For a fun night? Let's do the math on the, how much to have a fun night on?

• 1:15:28Tom Segura?

  25 a gram? A gram?

• 1:15:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  How many rocks are we buying? 60?

• 1:15:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you gotta have your money ready. Don't get into crack if you're broke.

• 1:15:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:15:39Tom Segura?

  Get a good job, save up your money, buy a bunch of crack and then have fun. That's what I would do.

• 1:15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree. That's the problem is that poor people like drugs. You should be a rich person.

• 1:15:50Tom Segura?

  There you go. And then you'll keep your money. You won't, you won't go broke.

• 1:15:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Duh.

• 1:15:53Tom Segura?

  Duh. You want to hear a nice story before we wrap up?

• 1:15:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always.

• 1:15:58Tom Segura?

  I have a cool story to share with you. Alright, here we go.

• 1:16:01Speaker 06

  My wife's sister Hudson passed.

• 1:16:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  My wife's sister.

• 1:16:04Speaker 06

  About eight months ago. Leonard.

• 1:16:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  My wife's sister.

• 1:16:08Speaker 06

  And she, uh, you know, talked to me the other day. And she said she haven't had sex since, uh, Leonard died.

• 1:16:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I know where this is headed.

• 1:16:18Speaker 06

  And asked me, "No, can I come over? And help her out, you know? Cause she said she still have needs. And she don't wanna, you know, mess with nobody she don't know."

• 1:16:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Right?

• 1:16:34Speaker 06

  I know she never had anything to do with me before. But she say she feel comfortable.

• 1:16:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:41Speaker 06

  Cause she feel like she know me.

• 1:16:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:43Speaker 06

  So I told her I had to talk to my wife and see what she said about that, cause I don't wanna get caught up in that, you know, that's my wife, she my wife's sister.

• 1:16:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 1:16:50Speaker 06

  So I talked to my wife. And she's so crazy about her sister, you know, she'd do anything for her damn sister, so.

• 1:16:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:57Speaker 06

  I kinda figured she gonna say yeah anyway, cause

• 1:17:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Speaker 06

  Cause her sister, you know, they real tight.

• 1:17:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're sisters, yeah.

• 1:17:03Speaker 06

  And so, but she told me, said, "Once I go over there, you know, just, you know, take it easy with her."

• 1:17:08Tom Segura?

  Take it easy with her.

• 1:17:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, she did give me a hint.

• 1:17:10Speaker 06

  Don't be hanging around the house and then just go over there, do what you gotta do. And bring your black ass back home.

• 1:17:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:17:15Speaker 06

  So, and don't be, you know, turning her out, making her fall in love with you, just give her a little something. Just hold her over. Till she, till she, "I'll call you again."

• 1:17:26Tom Segura?

  What a lucky lady.

• 1:17:27Speaker 06

  Now, I want you to know that every time I look around, you gotta find an excuse to go over there. I said, "No, you don't like that, that's your sister, I respect you, you know?"

• 1:17:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:35Speaker 06

  I'm just, you know, coming to you, she came to me, asked me to help her out.

• 1:17:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:38Speaker 06

  She haven't had sex in eight months. Cause I, if I miss eight days, I might be goddamn dead. Uh, may have to charge a little something though, you know.

• 1:17:48Tom Segura?

  Charger.

• 1:17:49Speaker 06

  That's a service, you know, I'm going to there.

• 1:17:52Tom Segura?

  He's got a charger.

• 1:17:52Speaker 06

  Service.

• 1:17:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:53Speaker 06

  So I may have to charge a little something.

• 1:17:55Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:17:56Speaker 06

  So I think I'm a good price I can charge him.

• 1:17:59Tom Segura?

  I wonder.

• 1:17:59Speaker 06

  Maybe three hundred dollars, I guess.

• 1:18:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stop.

• 1:18:02Speaker 06

  A little too cheap though, but.

• 1:18:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Three hundred dollars.

• 1:18:05Speaker 06

  And I don't think we have a Robin though.

• 1:18:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:08Speaker 06

  I think three hundred dollars a fair price.

• 1:18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, I'm done with this guy.

• 1:18:11Speaker 06

  For my service.

• 1:18:12Tom Segura?

  For my service. What do you think?

• 1:18:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want to see a picture of the whole crew.

• 1:18:17Tom Segura?

  You do?

• 1:18:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think it's attractive.

• 1:18:19Tom Segura?

  You don't think that this is enough of a, of a peek into the group we're talking about?

• 1:18:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, we've always stressed the importance of teeth on this show.

• 1:18:28Tom Segura?

  Dental.

• 1:18:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  If there's not one thing we learned from Your Mom's House is fix your goddamn teeth, bro.

• 1:18:33Tom Segura?

  Maybe take those, uh, payments you're gonna be getting.

• 1:18:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:37Tom Segura?

  For your service and, um, get your toothies kind of realigned.

• 1:18:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro.

• 1:18:44Tom Segura?

  They're all over the place.

• 1:18:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  At the least, cleaning your glasses.

• 1:18:47Tom Segura?

  Ate a grenade, it's crazy.

• 1:18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did, just like a cartoon.

• 1:18:52Tom Segura?

  They're fucking insane, yeah.

• 1:18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:18:54Tom Segura?

  My wife's sister, husband, laying in the past way back a year ago.

• 1:18:58Tom Segura?

  Said to my wife, you know, she crazy about it, she has no other thing to do.

• 1:19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's just such a mess.

• 1:19:03Tom Segura?

  He is a mess.

• 1:19:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That I don't believe that any woman.

• 1:19:05Tom Segura?

  I wonder if the wife loves that he, um, shared this with the world.

• 1:19:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's so.

• 1:19:10Tom Segura?

  If she did grant him this, that, that he's, she's like, you fucking had to put that on social media?

• 1:19:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so stoked and there's no way the wife was like, sure, go fuck my sister.

• 1:19:22Tom Segura?

  She love her sister, you know what I'm saying? Anything about her sister, she's like, don't be, don't turn around, make her fall in love with you, you know?

• 1:19:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, please. Yeah, a woman said that.

• 1:19:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, don't, don't, don't be doing what you normally do and have her fall in love with you.

• 1:19:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, you big stud.

• 1:19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sweet looking ladies, man.

• 1:19:41Tom Segura?

  This guy acting like he's fucking Idris Elba, whatever.

• 1:19:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. So hot. Tim.

• 1:19:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  If your brother needed it, may I?

• 1:19:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, fuck yeah. I mean, he's sad. Just get like 300 bucks.

• 1:19:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  300 bucks?

• 1:19:53Tom Segura?

  I like that he was like, that's cheap for what I'm doing.

• 1:19:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  For what he's doing.

• 1:19:57Tom Segura?

  Like, my going rate, 700, but I'm gonna do it for my sister-in-law.

• 1:20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, you can only see his.

• 1:20:03Tom Segura?

  My wife says the husband passed away.

• 1:20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  His chins. What does his body look like? There's no way he can even get up out of the chair.

• 1:20:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's in the lazy boy. He's leaning back. He has no teeth. He can't fuck.

• 1:20:13Tom Segura?

  Shirt, yeah.

• 1:20:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  He can't fuck. There's no way this guy's fucking.

• 1:20:16Tom Segura?

  I bet you he can fuck. I bet you he would. He would show. He'd be like, why don't you man come in?

• 1:20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I, in all sincerity, though, can a man this out of shape fuck?

• 1:20:25Tom Segura?

  Well, to some degree, yeah. I don't think it's gonna be top tier exemplary.

• 1:20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 1:20:31Tom Segura?

  No. I think it's gonna be something else.

• 1:20:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like winded.

• 1:20:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, laying down on his back.

• 1:20:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh. He's like Bill Cosby.

• 1:20:41Tom Segura?

  It's gnarly. Yeah. All right. Here's some of your TikToks.

• 1:20:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck yeah, dog.

• 1:20:49Speaker 04

  Hey, fuck that shit. Man, but I'm tired now. Fuck this shit. Way soda all over me. Man, you acting like a motherfucking, this motherfucking break it, Tamey. Taste this soda.

• 1:21:04Speaker 04

  Why the fuck you keep doing shit like that to me? I was testing my brakes, man.

• 1:21:15Tom Segura?

  I've seen this account.

• 1:21:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:21:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 1:21:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know you like it when old guys get mad.

• 1:21:19Tom Segura?

  Oh, this guy. This guy tortures him all day. That's all he does. It's great.

• 1:21:25Speaker 05

  Fucking bad news, everybody. Fucking, I guess Cassie's sick of my shit, dude. I came home, she fucking put all my stuff on the fucking yard. Fucking says I gotta fucking leave, so.

• 1:21:40Speaker 05

  I don't know, someone could fuck, come pick me up, give me a fucking ride, take my shit to their fucking pad and fucking just store it for a fucking couple of weeks till I get my.

• 1:21:46Speaker 06

  My fucking shit back in fucking order. Like fucking, you know, I'll pay you in rent and fucking records. There's fucking punker shit in there and fucking stereo shit, fucking guitars.

• 1:21:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got.

• 1:21:59Speaker 06

  Fucking just, you know, fucking hit me up, dude. Fucking trade my drum set or fucking.

• 1:22:03Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:22:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, as I say, he's got a lot of drums.

• 1:22:06Tom Segura?

  Got a lot of vocabulary too. It's really interesting.

• 1:22:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drums and a cacti.

• 1:22:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  So.

• 1:22:12Tom Segura?

  Cassie's sick of his shit.

• 1:22:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, of course, his stuff takes up too much space.

• 1:22:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cactuses and drum kits. Like, come on.

• 1:22:20Tom Segura?

  Bad fucking news, fucking. I like that he's putting it out to his followers. Somebody come pick up my shit.

• 1:22:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody.

• 1:22:26Tom Segura?

  Store it. I'll pay you in, he's, I'll pay you rent or like in vinyl.

• 1:22:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's cool. I'd do it for some good records. I would. I'd store his shit.

• 1:22:34Tom Segura?

  I think he probably likes the same shit you like.

• 1:22:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he does.

• 1:22:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I'm kinda now I'm curious. Like, can I hit him up for those records?

• 1:22:40Tom Segura?

  Hey, man, you still need that storage?

• 1:22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, is Cassie still getting you down, bro?

• 1:22:44Tom Segura?

  Bro, fucking what you do, man? Cassie's on the head.

• 1:22:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll, I'll store that bin of gray shit. Give me that record, bro.

• 1:22:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, dog.

• 1:22:52Speaker 06

  I wish Sam's Club sold bed sheets in bulk. Cause I keep squirting through mine and it's starting to feel like I'm sleeping on a goddamn flipping slide.

• 1:23:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  A flipping slide?

• 1:23:08Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:23:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? Oh, that doesn't turn you on? Tell him you don't wanna fuck her? That doesn't make you excited?

• 1:23:14Tom Segura?

  She's talking about shitting. She's shitting.

• 1:23:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, I'm just talking about her puss.

• 1:23:17Tom Segura?

  No, she's squirting out of her asshole.

• 1:23:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, like a flipping slide.

• 1:23:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Tom Segura?

  No, she's kinda hot. I'll give it to you. She is pretty hot.

• 1:23:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't you think it's hot that she has no teeth?

• 1:23:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I like it. Yeah.

• 1:23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  She could really give you, you know, what?

• 1:23:32Tom Segura?

  You can say it. Yeah.

• 1:23:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mouth kisses on your pee pee.

• 1:23:35Tom Segura?

  Be nice. Yeah. Good morning, sweetheart.

• 1:23:41Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:23:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate hearing a smile, don't you?

• 1:23:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was.

• 1:23:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hearing it?

• 1:23:46Tom Segura?

  Interesting camera work.

• 1:23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. He's always doing that.

• 1:23:49Tom Segura?

  He's taking you down to the angle he wants to see you at. That's kinda nice.

• 1:23:53Tom Segura?

  Good morning, sweetheart. If you have to poo. Do not hold it in. I said what I said. You say it again.

• 1:24:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, sage advice. But you know, you do have to tell children that because our sons will go.

• 1:24:09Tom Segura?

  You think this is for children?

• 1:24:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just for anybody who needs it, Tom.

• 1:24:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you gotta poop, go sit down and poop. Don't hold it in.

• 1:24:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But a lot of people do. I know you. I gotta take a dump. And then I go, okay, we'll go. No, I'm gonna wait. Let's drive around Santa Barbara. Remember that? You drove around for forty-five minutes.

• 1:24:27Tom Segura?

  I know. Well, I always wanted to show you something. Yeah.

• 1:24:33Speaker 05

  Douchey sounding cringe words. I don't even know what episode this is. First one for today. Remember before we start, it's the sound of the word, not what it's actually describing that usually pisses me off.

• 1:24:47Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:24:47Speaker 05

  Number one for today, jot. Like when you jot something down. Fucking hate that.

• 1:24:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I hate jot.

• 1:24:56Speaker 05

  Impromptu.

• 1:24:57Tom Segura?

  I think our youngest son's gonna be doing videos like this pretty soon.

• 1:25:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get everything he's saying. I feel everything he's saying.

• 1:25:07Tom Segura?

  He doesn't like these sounds.

• 1:25:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's so many words I don't like. I don't like moist.

• 1:25:11Tom Segura?

  Everyone has that.

• 1:25:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's disgusting.

• 1:25:13Tom Segura?

  I've never had a problem with moist.

• 1:25:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh, even you saying it's terrible.

• 1:25:17Tom Segura?

  I think that's so bizarre.

• 1:25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like the word yurt.

• 1:25:21Tom Segura?

  Yurt.

• 1:25:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  A yurt is disgusting.

• 1:25:24Tom Segura?

  Who uses yurt?

• 1:25:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's it's in folklore. It's in stories. Native Americans. You don't read Native American literature. Nearly as much as you should. There's your fucking yurt.

• 1:25:35Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:25:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um.

• 1:25:39Speaker 05

  For today.

• 1:25:42Speaker 05

  Impromptu.

• 1:25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate that word.

• 1:25:45Tom Segura?

  You do too?

• 1:25:46Speaker 05

  Number three for today is hot cocoa.

• 1:25:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah.

• 1:25:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:53Speaker 05

  I don't know if I'm gonna get through this. Just call it fucking hot chocolate, man. It's, just stop with the.

• 1:26:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know.

• 1:26:01Tom Segura?

  This dude is like on the verge of a heart attack.

• 1:26:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this is how I feel too when I hear. Can I tell you what I really hate?

• 1:26:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  What I really hate?

• 1:26:07Tom Segura?

  Tell me.

• 1:26:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  When people call it their tummy. I have tummy troubles.

• 1:26:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're like, tummy? Well, there's a few organs. There's a stomach, there's your intestines, there's your uterus, there's all kinds. What are your tummy? You're tummy?

• 1:26:22Tom Segura?

  It's very juvenile.

• 1:26:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'm having tummy troubles. Like, just, can't you just call it what it is?

• 1:26:28Tom Segura?

  You infantilizing the phrase, right?

• 1:26:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, because I don't understand what your ailment is. Are you shitting?

• 1:26:33Tom Segura?

  But it's also like a, for a child.

• 1:26:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is for a child.

• 1:26:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you shitting? Are you bleeding?

• 1:26:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or does your stomach hurt? Those are three different ailments.

• 1:26:40Tom Segura?

  I have a tummy.

• 1:26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  My tummy.

• 1:26:42Tom Segura?

  I have a tummy ache.

• 1:26:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck you.

• 1:26:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck your tummy.

• 1:26:45Speaker 05

  Our fourth one is non-negotiable.

• 1:26:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I hate that one. I like that one.

• 1:26:52Speaker 05

  And last for today.

• 1:26:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:54Speaker 05

  The worst. Fashionista.

• 1:26:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah.

• 1:26:58Speaker 05

  That is, is that fashion police?

• 1:27:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate that too.

• 1:27:02Speaker 05

  Or somebody who dresses fashionably?

• 1:27:06Tom Segura?

  I like that he's aggravated.

• 1:27:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:08Tom Segura?

  It's very endearing.

• 1:27:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And yeah, I've said this before. I hate impactful. I think that's a dumb fucking word.

• 1:27:13Tom Segura?

  I always thought that was weird of you.

• 1:27:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate impactful.

• 1:27:16Tom Segura?

  I thought that's very weird of you.

• 1:27:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 1:27:19Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:27:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 1:27:20Tom Segura?

  That's so bizarre. Such a crazy.

• 1:27:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a new made up word. I don't like new words.

• 1:27:25Speaker 05

  Excuse me.

• 1:27:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:27:26Speaker 05

  Do I need an excuse? Is that the frame I want to set? Excuse me? I need an excuse? I'm sorry?

• 1:27:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry?

• 1:27:36Speaker 05

  You're apologizing for talking? You need to apologize? I'm sorry to bother you? You're framing yourself as a bother? Excuse me, I'm sorry. Sorry to bother you.

• 1:27:51Speaker 05

  But I was wondering if I could ask a question. Don't ask to ask.

• 1:27:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's right. He's right, dude.

• 1:27:59Speaker 05

  So all that is wrong. That is the wrong way to frame yourself as a high valued male. When you meet another person.

• 1:28:08Tom Segura?

  Where's that hat come into play? Like, is that part of this too? I'm sorry to bother you, but I bought this hat. Would you tell me if you like it?

• 1:28:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Russian Svetlana hat.

• 1:28:17Tom Segura?

  That is an insane fucking hat, bro.

• 1:28:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  The hat is, but that's his-

• 1:28:20Tom Segura?

  But he's all about that. He's like, wear the thing that someone goes, the fuck is up with that?

• 1:28:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, peacocking. I think he, it's like his flair. He's like chicks dig flair and he's not wrong.

• 1:28:29Tom Segura?

  He's not wrong because it is a conversation starter, right?

• 1:28:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a conversation starter and it shows, oh, this guy's got confidence.

• 1:28:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a weird confidence signal. Cause like, oh, he doesn't care. He paints his nails black. He must be really self-confident.

• 1:28:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he didn't give a fuck about shit.

• 1:28:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't give a fuck about shit, bro.

• 1:28:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a good point. Good point. Good to see you, mystery.

• 1:28:48Speaker 05

  I really did love you, you know?

• 1:28:53Speaker 05

  I still do.

• 1:28:57Speaker 05

  I dare to say I loved you more than anyone else has.

• 1:29:01Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:29:02Speaker 05

  Or ever will.

• 1:29:04Tom Segura?

  I think what makes me most uncomfortable is that he looks like me.

• 1:29:08Tom Segura?

  I saw the exact same shit.

• 1:29:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh my god.

• 1:29:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  A little. You're way more masculine. He's more feminine looking.

• 1:29:16Tom Segura?

  Well, he's rubbing himself. Well, that's kind of strange.

• 1:29:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he talking to a girl or a boy?

• 1:29:20Tom Segura?

  We don't know. We don't want to know.

• 1:29:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn.

• 1:29:24Tom Segura?

  But that stare into the camera, I think that's the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable. When I see the, the cringe videos, it's the one where they're like.

• 1:29:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I stopped.

• 1:29:37Tom Segura?

  And they either, I know, it's so, it's so off putting.

• 1:29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you know what's even more off putting is the filter that he used to make his eyelashes. Sparkle on these? That's a, that's an eye filter. That's what chicks do. That's a, that's a glamour filter. I hate it.

• 1:29:52Tom Segura?

  Do you think he's, he's going through it right now? That's why he posted this? Like he's going through?

• 1:29:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, this is a good question because I always wonder, when I'm really going through something, the last place I want to be is online. I'll go dark.

• 1:30:04Tom Segura?

  What happens is though, some people do, I need some input. I need a, some type of validation.

• 1:30:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  So then those people can put the camera on themselves when they're crying or they're emotional.

• 1:30:14Tom Segura?

  We're all, yeah, it's pretty split. Half the population goes, I would rather die than do something like this. And then other ones are like, oh, this is what I love to do when I'm feeling it, when I'm going through it. Yeah.

• 1:30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Cause some people aren't embarrassed about publicly going through it.

• 1:30:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't, but this is like horny. So like,

• 1:30:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's, there's a, yeah.

• 1:30:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I think horny going through it is more cringey than like depr- yeah. I don't, cause he's also putting it out there for the other women who are like,

• 1:30:43Tom Segura?

  You're assuming it's women.

• 1:30:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or other people who are like, she dumped you or he dumped you. I would gladly take their place.

• 1:30:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what this is really about.

• 1:30:52Tom Segura?

  Can't believe someone left you.

• 1:30:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so hot. He's fishing for,

• 1:30:57Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:30:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  The good feelings.

• 1:30:58Tom Segura?

  Putting it out there. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. You're sitting in the police transport van after a protest? Shut the fuck up. In a holding cell with your comrades? Shut the fuck up. Cop knocks on your door? Shut the fuck up. Texting on an unsecured device? Shut the fuck up. Pulled over by the cops after a protest? Shut the fuck up. Cop just asking about your day? Shut the fuck up. Feds call your mom? Tell your mother to shut the fuck up. Now, repeat after me. When the cops come calling, what do you do? Shut the fuck up! I mean, he is so right. This is the best, this should be,

• 1:31:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:31:39Tom Segura?

  Played on the news. This should be on television all the time.

• 1:31:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:31:43Tom Segura?

  This is exactly right. This is good advice. If you're listening right now, it's funny, but it is true.

• 1:31:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's true. Cause we, I mean, you have a bit about it on the first 48. It's like, nobody goes, I want to speak to my lawyer.

• 1:31:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is the first fucking thing you should say and don't talk to them.

• 1:31:57Tom Segura?

  Don't talk to the cops, dude.

• 1:31:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  They'll use it against you.

• 1:31:59Tom Segura?

  Never.

• 1:32:01Tom Segura?

  Even if you're like, "I didn't do anything," shut up.

• 1:32:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up?

• 1:32:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they'll fucking twist it, or I don't know.

• 1:32:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you just gotta-

• 1:32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, I've never been in jail.

• 1:32:08Tom Segura?

  You gotta keep your fucking mouth shut.

• 1:32:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Day in my life, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:32:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Every clown knows that, right? They always know to shut the fuck up.

• 1:32:18Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 1:32:22Tom Segura?

  Why are you shaking your head?

• 1:32:23Speaker 06

  Getting so close.

• 1:32:24Tom Segura?

  I'm not, no, it's getting-

• 1:32:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Close to what?

• 1:32:26Tom Segura?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:32:27Speaker 06

  I see the letters in your head.

• 1:32:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, stop!

• 1:32:29Speaker 06

  I see it.

• 1:32:30Tom Segura?

  Oh, stop!

• 1:32:30Speaker 06

  And I know which one's coming first.

• 1:32:31Tom Segura?

  Oh, j-

• 1:32:32Speaker 06

  There's a big one.

• 1:32:33Tom Segura?

  No!

• 1:32:33Speaker 06

  Right in the front of your mind, I see it.

• 1:32:35Tom Segura?

  You're out of your mind! You're out of your mind!

• 1:32:38Speaker 06

  I saw when we were starting ads yesterday.

• 1:32:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, stop!

• 1:32:40Speaker 06

  You're getting all smiley, cause you're thinking of it, I know what you're thinking of. You're spelling it out.

• 1:32:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god!

• 1:32:47Tom Segura?

  You're crazy. I love the no's, though. That is a very, very nice touch today.

• 1:32:51Speaker 06

  You know what? I bet you do.

• 1:32:52Tom Segura?

  Yep. I love clowns!

• 1:32:54Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:32:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love clowns too. I love clowns. I love all peoples.

• 1:32:57Tom Segura?

  I've never had a problem with clowns.

• 1:32:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never had a problem with clowns.

• 1:32:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Different colored clowns, clowns of all sizes, of all religions, clowns of all creeds.

• 1:33:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Tom Segura?

  All the clowns in the world, pull up your pants, tie your tims, stop being a clown.

• 1:33:20Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 1:33:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:33:21Tom Segura?

  That's a specific look to these clowns.

• 1:33:25Tom Segura?

  That's just-

• 1:33:26Speaker 06

  Crazy thing is, he just typed "clowns."

• 1:33:27Tom Segura?

  Did you just typed in "clowns"?

• 1:33:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it was listening to us?

• 1:33:31Tom Segura?

  Why are these clowns so one type of clown?

• 1:33:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like that.

• 1:33:37Speaker 06

  Shout out to Google.

• 1:33:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, how does, how does Google know that?

• 1:33:43Tom Segura?

  That we are talking about clowns?

• 1:33:47Tom Segura?

  Huh.

• 1:33:52Tom Segura?

  That's really interesting.

• 1:33:55Tom Segura?

  Well, um-

• 1:33:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this was great.

• 1:34:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a great, great time.

• 1:34:02Tom Segura?

  That was really fun.

• 1:34:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  We learned about safety.

• 1:34:04Tom Segura?

  Safety is real important. The garage, locking your garage, disabling the fobs.

• 1:34:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or just taking that piece of rope off. Just take the string off.

• 1:34:12Tom Segura?

  Take the string off. Keep a flashlight on you at all times. You don't want to fumble through your phone looking for, "Oh, where's the flashlight button?"

• 1:34:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wear a vest. Wear a vest.

• 1:34:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Scan a room and a parking lot for right to left between eight to 10 seconds from five yards and then go to 25 yards. Get a feel for the area.

• 1:34:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get a feel.

• 1:34:33Tom Segura?

  Get, be safe out there.

• 1:34:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Slow go. Let it rip. Let it go.

• 1:34:38Tom Segura?

  Let it go, man.

• 1:34:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you farting?

• 1:34:39Tom Segura?

  No, I was just adjusting, moving in my chair. But this was a lot of fun. We will see you clowns next week. Take care and, um, uh, turn your music down for Christ's sake. We'll see you next week.

• 1:35:46Speaker 00

  You say that I'm a false blood.

• 1:35:49Speaker 00

  Kenny, take it away.

• 1:36:02Speaker 00

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